I�??ve been thinking a lot about adversity, specifically the kind that we women deal with on a daily basis. It�??s status quo for women to deal with the kids, the house, their job, the finances, dinner, clean-up, try to make everyone happy, get everyone organized, and do it all again the next day.

It doesn�??t matter if the problem we�??re dealing with is work related, financial, or due to relationship problems we�??re pretty much the go to for everything and everyone. We�??ve got to assess the situation, deal with it, and fix it somehow.

But if it�??s not a quick fix, then how we perceive with the problem, can color everything else we do. A simple question from a coworker can unleash emotions completely inappropriate for the situation.

For example a co-worker asked me innocently enough, if I was having a bad day, because I didn�??t participate as much as usual in a cross-functional team meeting. Normally when we have these weekly meetings, I�??m pretty vocal in what the needs of my team are and what issues and resolutions should occur to keep the ship running. Well, that day I made one comment in a two-hour long meeting which for me is abnormal and my co-worker noticed.

My reply was �??I�??m not feeling well today, I think I had bad sushi last night�??. He nodded empathetically. And I excused myself. Now, when I got to the bathroom, I really just wanted to scream, but instead forcibly pulled myself together and went for a walk around the office complex to clear my head. It helped me get a handle on the emotions that we�??re triggered by the simple question.

When I�??m frustrated, that I cannot single-handedly resolve a situation, sometimes it overwhelms me to the point of freezing, I�??m thinking and analyzing the problem so deeply that everything else I need to do that day almost recedes into the background and my sole focus is on the problem at hand.

This is not good.

What I have to do is the equivalent of giving myself a firm shake and saying get a grip. I know the problem will be there when I am finished working for the day. My best course of action is to focus on the client work at hand, and immerse myself in it so I don�??t get behind on my projects. This short-term focus tactic works very well to help me plow through the days tasks and to put the problems in a little box until later. I also have several things I do to cope.

It�??s important to develop methods to cope with the problems at hand. Here are a few of my tricks:

1) List it out �?? Make a short list of the �??Things to Get Done�?? (TTGD)
Create two headers on this list, one for �??Business�?? and one for �??Personal�?? write only three items for each header. And limit it to only three items for each category. (I know for myself just doing this helps me to cope, because my TTGD list always resembled a short story rather than a list.)

2) Compartmentalize
Mentally put the problem in a box, �??forget�?? about it for the next couple of hours at least. Take it out of the box for five minutes, think about it for only five minutes, set the alarm on your cell phone, and when it rings box the problem up and leave it for later. Trust me, the problem will be waiting for you later.

3) Read a non-essential book
Reading any fiction or non-essential book, allows you to immerse yourself in another world. This is extremely useful when you need some downtime from your thoughts before sleeping.

4) Go outside for a five minute walk
I find that even just five minutes outside away from my laptop helps clear my head. Don�??t worry about sneakers or workout clothes, this is just a clear your head stroll. Take a break in your day, get up and step away from the computer, and go for a relaxing walk down the street.

5) Talk to a friend
With all the hoopla of a normal day, your blackberry buzzing, new e-mail alerts, and voicemail flashing. Take a couple of minutes out of the chaos and call up your best friend. You might have to play phone tag for a while to get a hold of each other. But ask her about her day, it will take your mind off of your problems and give your friend a minute to vent about hers. After all giving is better than receiving.

What are your thoughts on how to cope with a difficult situation during your workday?

She stared at me, blinked repeatedly, and then gave me a look as if I had snakes streaming out of my head. �??What�??s the matter?�?? I asked. I wondered had I offended her in some unmentionable way?

As it turns out I didn�??t offend her, but instead I confused her. She began to tell me she didn�??t know what services she could offer for freelance work. Now it was my turn to return the stare.

Here was a woman with twenty years of financial and management experience, the response had me speechless. I asked �??Well what do you like to do?�?? She blinked again, and said �??I need to make extra cash�??. I told her I understood her and that while that was the end goal, what type of enjoyable hobbies did she have? What did she enjoying creating or producing as a result of her interests?

She pondered and blinked again and finally after what seemed like a long awkward silence said �??I really love to creating projections, business income projections, and developing business plans.�?? She had developed plans for several businesses in her spare time complete with income and expense projections and determined profitability dependent on area, customers, market conditions, etc.

She also helped several people create and register their corporations. She advised them on how to register trademarks and how to set-up their offices, hiring a bookkeeper, office manager, and other administrative help.

But the thing that really amazed me was this brilliant woman didn�??t think that she could make money by offering these services. I was shocked to say the least. Doesn’t your employer pay you for your services daily? I asked her if she realized that several of the services she mentioned were profitable businesses and that she could offer these freelance through many freelance job sites and by networking.

She stared again and said, �??I never thought I could charge money for my services, I didn�??t think I was professional enough.�?? Excuse me lady, you�??ve worked in the corporate world for twenty odd years, you�??re a licensed professional and you don�??t think you can offer your expertise in exchange for money? Huh? You sell your time for money, every single day at work.

What clicked for me in listening to her wasn�??t that she didn�??t have the goods, but she lacked the confidence to put herself out there, to just go for it and see what happens. She needed to define clearly her client deliverables. Then price out her services competitive to the marketplace. I also recommended she create a profile featuring a professional summary and showcasing her expertise and skills. Post the profile on several freelance and networking sites.

She needed to stretch a little out of her comfort zone and attend at least one networking meeting weekly, to make contacts for potential business. Then additionally publicize her services to her friends, family, and colleagues for any referrals.

She was passionate about the services that she wanted to offer. It was like oxygen for her, she loved rolling up her sleeves and digging into business plans.

If you�??re interested in what you do, and passionate about the goods or services you provide your clients, the money will follow. It will take time and it may not happen overnight, but do what you like, become the best at it, and give it all you�??ve got. If you’re committed to what you do, you will make it successful despite any obstacles.

If you�??ve gotten the raise you earned, then huzzah job well done. If not, don�??t despair there are a lot of reasons why an employer will reject your request even when presented with more than enough evidence to give you the raise you deserve. Assess where you can progress and ask for feedback on areas of improvement and professional development.

Now that you�??ve gotten the raise comes the fun part. You�??ve earned it, and with more money, more problems�?�so to speak. You need to prove that not only your raise was well deserved, but that you can continuously deliver measurable results and successful projects. Your employer pays you to work, every minute you are on the clock. And your employer has the right to expect results from the work you produce.

Don�??t get caught up in the minutia. A lot of organizations are process and procedure oriented and these frameworks have their place in operational structure. Focus your energies on delivering the results that your employer is seeking while working within the structure, but limit the busywork.

Widen your playing boundaries, when you work on a project. Stretch yourself further than your normal workload by adding a new relevant task that you wouldn�??t normally undertake. Don�??t do anything illegal or unethical, but think ahead and take the actions needed to make your project successful. It�??s better to ask forgiveness, than permission. So go on, embrace the responsibility, you�??ve created your success and it was well earned.

The full series:

Introduction: How to make more money, ask for a raise now

Part II: How to make more money

Part III: Thinking your boss will automatically give you the raise you deserve

Part IV: Not talking to your boss about your challenges

Part V: Thinking self-promotion is a bad word

Part VI: More money, more responsibility

Mistake #5 - Thinking self-promotion is a bad word.

A wise man once said, �??If I am not for me, who will be?�?? Indeed, if you don�??t sing your own praises, who will?

I had a number of successful accomplishments, but my problem was I never took the time to broadcast these accomplishments to my bosses.

I saved my company money on a regular basis, I improved efficiencies, and leveraged the technology utilized to increase automated systems and scalability. I mentored my staff and successfully managed time and resource intensive projects.

But, did I say “Hey boss, I just wanted to let you know this month with the efforts of my team and stellar performance by team member X, we accomplished project Z, in half of the time I estimated and still came in under budget.” Nope, I rarely if ever let my bosses know what a good job I did. My bosses did realize that I saved them time and money. However, it would have benefited me greatly to get up on my soapbox for two minutes of my monthly review with my boss and let him know what I accomplished better than average.

How to use it to your advantage:

If you know your job thoroughly, you perform it well, and you’ve made an accomplishment, take a couple of minutes for yourself and broadcast it. That’s right, say it loud and proud. Don’t walk up to your boss and say “Umm, erm, ahhh, hey Stan, do you have a minute to go over the monthly TPS project progress?”

Instead promote yourself with confidence, no one is going to do this for you. Don’t act like you’re bothering your boss, because if you act like you’re a bother chances are he or she will respond as if you are a nuisance.

You are informing him or her of what you are doing well. Use statements when you speak instead of questions. Try a decisive phrase, such as “Stan, I wanted to let you know about the monthly TPS project progress. Is now a good time for you to discuss it?” By saying the sentence like this you’ve eliminated the “uh, umm, am I bothering you mindset” instead you are approaching your boss from a position of assurance and empowerment.

Don�??t ever discount your knowledge and think that what you do is easy or simple. Just because it�??s easy for you doesn�??t necessarily mean it�??s easy for someone else. If its your work tell your boss something about a meaningful detail of the project or task they would not have known. If its your team’s project, sing the praises of your team member who made the accomplishment. This will reinforce you value your team’s contribution and you are a leader who doesn’t feel the need to take all the credit for yourself.

By telling your boss about your accomplishments, you are reinforcing your perceived image as a valued employee. And perception is like it or not, the reality in the workplace. Actively take the time to manage your work image and promote your best contributions.

Next - More money, more responsibility.

Mistake #3 �?? Not talking to your boss about your challenges.

I know that you know your boss isn’t a mind reader, but yet there is some small part in all of us that says “My boss, must know what I’m dealing with?” Well, to quote Meryl Streep’s devilish character in “The Devil Wears Prada” when she ask her scared and panicked assistant Anne Hathaway, “Did you fall down and smack your little head on the pavement?” No? Well good, I didn’t think so.

Your boss doesn’t just focus on what’s going on in your corner of the work world. He or she has numerous other interoffice issues to deal with, a personal life, kids, dealing with their bosses, and much more. And like or not, if you don’t verbalize what your challenges are your boss is not going to pick up this necessary tidbit of information. And if they don’t know they can’t help.

Your boss will rightly assume that everything is okay and the work is getting done. It’s up to you to verbalize the issue and make them aware of your challenges.

My mistake was in thinking that had I told my bosses that I needed some relief and I need another staff member to add to the increased production schedule, that I would look weak to them. As if I couldn’t handle my workload, and they would say in their large windowed offices, “Ah yes, just as we suspected she’s just a girl and can’t handle it! (laughing manically, drinking espressos, and smoking cigars) Off with her head and hire us a big strong man!” Of course that was just my personal neurosis speaking. But legimately we as women sometimes feel if we admit that there is an issue we will be perceived as weak, a pushover, a crybaby, not professional, or the host of other bits of nonsense we tell ourselves daily.

How to use it to your advantage:

Admitting that you need help takes strength. It takes strength for you to admit that you don’t have all the answers. Use your boss as a sounding board and as a mentor to express to him or her your working challenges. Had I gone to my bosses and told them about my issues and offered my thoughts on workable solutions, they would have appreciated me making them aware of the problems I was facing. I should have taken advantage of my bosses experience and approached it as an opportunity for them to mentor me and gain some insight into their professional experiences.

They would have never taken my asking for help as a sign of weakness, it would have showed my maturity and professionalism in approaching them to create workable solution to the problems. It also would have forged a stronger working relationship with them and opened the lines of communication further.

If you’re feeling fed up and worked past the point of no return, schedule a meeting with boss to discuss your challenges. Prepare in advance for this meeting. Create a short list of your issues and your proposed solution to the issues.

Ask your boss, how would they handle the situation? Are there any additional recommendations they would make on how you can adjust your project, time-lines, criteria, expenditures, whatever is in relation to the problem to lessen the stressfulness. Ask them also for constructive criticism, are their areas professionally that you need to work on? Be prepared to take the advice that you’ve asked for and try not to take it personally. Separate yourself the individual from yourself the professional.

Mistake #5 - Thinking that self-promotion is a bad word.

Mistake #2 �?? Thinking that your boss is a mind reader and will give you the raise you deserve.My job responsibilities had essentially doubled over the years and were increasing daily, and I didn�??t even think to ask for more money.  I assumed that my bosses would see my hard work and reward me accordingly.  Big mistake.  I thought surely they must notice that I�??m the first one in and the last one out at night and that must count for something.  Of course, they recognize that the quarterly reporting has doubled over the past year and I�??ve put in place systems to make the reporting more efficient. I even produced all of the additional reporting in the same timeframe as before.  Sure they noticed, and sometimes they even told me what a great job I did. But they weren�??t going to automatically think to translate that into a raise and pay me more, unless I asked for it.  And that�??s what I didn�??t realize.

How to use it to your advantage: 

Your boss is a business owner and/or manager first and foremost.  They look for efficiency and expect to get it from their employees.  If you are doing your job correctly and with minimal issues they are happy.  When an employee proves to be extremely efficient then they are very happy, because they�??ve saved themselves or the company money.  And as business owner myself, when I save money it makes me very happy (kind of tingly inside). 

Don�??t wait around thinking that he or she will reward you accordingly. More often than not your boss is being told by their boss that they need to save more money and do more with less.  Even though they may want to increase your salary significantly they are not going to do it unless you ask for it.  And even then they may avoid it, act indifferent, tell you the company can�??t give you a raise right now (which usually means they won�??t), or in rare circumstances act offended as if you�??ve asked for their firstborn. 

Your job in this situation is to calmly and thoughtfully build your business case and sales pitch as to why your raise is valid and why you deserve more money. Yes, you will be selling your skills and your accomplishments. Selling is a good thing.  You�??ve got to self-promote yourself first and foremost.  No one is going to do that for you. You are the best salesperson you have in your arsenal.  You cheerfully sold your skills and talents when they hired you for the position, you can easily do it again.  

Remember the list of five items you wrote earlier? Use that list to sell your boss on your recent accomplishments and tell him or her that you want to the opportunity to add more accomplishments to the company�??s bottom line. But for you to add additional value you�??ll also need to be compensated accordingly.  Remember, you�??re building a business case, and a case needs evidence. 

Use the salary reports you�??ve put together to show your boss what someone at your level and in the position you are currently working in makes on average. Explain to your boss that you want this opportunity to additionally increase their bottom line.  Explain the reasoning behind the salary number you�??re asking for, if you�??re making $40.00 per hour and you want $50.00 per hour, be prepared to overcome several objections as to why you should be paid that amount and what additional tasks and responsibilities are you prepared to take on to justify the increase. It�??s also important to have a baseline number that you�??re comfortable with accepting.  After all your boss needs to have some power in this negotiation too, you never want your employer to feel they�??ve been backed in a corner, that will ultimately come back to haunt you.  If after negotiating you both agree that you�??re now going to make $45.00 per hour and telecommute one day per week, if you’re happy with this negotiation then you�??ve won.  But be prepared to live up to the increased responsibility and promises you’ve made.

Next Up: Mistake #3 �?? Not talking to your boss about your challenges.

This is what I find pure genius.

Take a look at her boy toy style from the early 80�??s she had big dirty blonde hair, desperately seeking Susan appeal, and trashy aerobic Flashdance style outfits. A lesser artist would have been pigeon holed in that brand look. Yet, the effortless transformation she made to the 1940�??s Dick Tracy vixen look was astounding. And in the following years she made us all want to be an Argentinean first lady like Evita. The beauty of Madonna is she makes it appear effortless. In each instance she branded herself so effectively that any former trace of her old brand image had disappeared from our thoughts completely.

Madonna�??s self branding deserves to be studied, especially if you are looking to brand your company or yourself. Madonna�??s brand encompasses her persona; it�??s her essence. Her brand is what you think of when you hear her name, buy her CD, or look at a picture of her in a tabloid. Think what you will of her, you will never mistake Madonna�??s personal brand identity with one of her logos.

It�??s easy to confuse a brand identity with a logo, these are not the same thing, nor are they exactly interchangeable. Companies are identified by their logo. On the other hand, the brand is the intangible essence; it�??s the personality and perception of what the offerings represent.

Have you thought about how you really want your customer to feel about your brand? Is your brand inspirational? Is it comforting? What instinctive emotion do you want your brand to strike in your customer?

It�??s your brand�??s primary job to make your customer feel a certain way every time they think about your type of offerings. Your customer should identify your brand secondly with your specific goods or services. A great brand will touch your customer on an emotional level first and offer a certain perceived value.

Madonna does this naturally; you never really remember the old identity. She takes every opportunity to effectively convince you that when you look at her latest incarnation this is who she is, it is who she�??s always been.

Did you remember someone else? What the earth mother? No, you�??re completely misguided. She never morphed into any other persona. Its dominatrix this year, earth mother was so last year. She�??s authentic, there�??s no fakery to her brand. Even though at times she has tried to pass off a faux British accent or two, she�??s true to herself. She never explains, she is what she is, and that�??s her authenticity. Your brand should be alive and transparent to your customer. If your customer senses something deceptive or perceives some sort of trickery, your brand could lose its credibility immediately.

Think about what you want your brand�??s perceived value to be. Define what that value represents, and set goals for opportunities to showcase your brand value. Make the time to thoughtfully present your brand�??s character whether it�??s in a client meeting, on your website, or in an advertising campaign. Take every opportunity to display your brand to your ideal audience. And work on keeping your brand fresh and persuasive enough for your audience to be moved to take action.

Mistake #1 �?? Not realizing the value of your contribution.

My crucial mistake was not realizing how valuable I was to my employer. I was running the department, second in line to the vice president, and managing a group of employees. I didn�??t quite grasp the fact that because my job came easy to me, it would not be as easy for someone else to do.

I knew my job inside and out and had a unique knowledge base of growing the department in technology, processes, and staffing. My bosses realized that it wouldn�??t be that easy for them to simply replace me or even for me to share all the knowledge I had accumulated with a successor.

How to use it to your advantage:

Sometimes as women we tend to undervalue our skills. We think that they aren�??t worth as much as someone else�??s, don�??t do this. It�??s dangerous to your financial well being and only assures that you�??ll continue to be underpaid and overworked. Look at what you bring to company and analyze how they benefit from the service you provide.

Because of your contributions does the company make more money; are their services or products superior, and do they have more of a competitive edge? Make a list of five tasks or projects that you�??ve worked on that highlight your strengths and quantify the value. For example, have you saved the company money by doing X? Have you made them more profitable from a result of your actions? Did you develop a system or program that allowed a project to get completely more effectively and with fewer resources? Write them down and don�??t discount your contributions.

Next do some research and take a look at what other companies are paying for that service. Take a gander over at salary.com or indeed.com and research your position and pay rates. Be sure you review what your position currently entails and not just the job description you were originally hired to perform.

Next Up:

Mistake #2 �?? Thinking that your boss will give you the raise you deserve.

Most of us whine to each other about how we aren�??t getting the money that we�??re worth. But right now is where you need to stop and think. Did you accept that salary offer without any negotiation before it was accepted? If you did, don�??t cry in your cappuccino you�??re not alone, we�??ve all been there including me. You need to ask for a raise, but hold on don�??t go rushing into your bosses office just yet.

Several years ago when I worked as a portfolio analyst for a mammoth NYSE brokerage firm I was working a lot. I would go to work at 8am and come home at 10pm, in addition to this the company would send me on cross country business trips about twice a month, to train our partner companies. Needless to say I was burning the candle at both ends. I certainly wasn�??t working smart or efficiently and the worse part about it was I knew that my male colleagues worked less and got paid more than I did.

After one nightmarish quarterly reporting season, I decided enough was enough. I walked over to their biggest competitor and applied for a position. The company made me an offer of a much larger salary and easier work. And here�??s where I made several mistakes. I marched in and told my bosses I was resigning and not realizing it wouldn�??t be a simple okay, so when is your last day? And by the way thanks for your work.

Instead after several rounds negotiations with my bosses I received a 40% increase in salary and a less demanding workload. Mission accomplished right? Wrong. I went about it completely backwards; you see underneath the aggravation I really loved my job. I didn�??t want to leave to work for their competitor because I thought their competitor was wonderful. The problem was I was seriously frustrated, hit a wall, and didn�??t take the time to think out strategically how I could get what I wanted without leaving my current employer. Here�??s where I made several crucial mistakes and how you can turn them to your advantage.

Next up:

Mistake #1 �?? Not realizing the value of your contribution.

Honestly, it was the best thing that happened to me. Although at the time I thought my world was ending. So after analyzing and re-analyzing, I had my major “ah-ha moment”. I decided to offer my expertise and use my hard earned skills to create a resource that would help women holistically achieve their dreams and create the financial success that they wanted. I was already helping friends and family to create successful off line and online businesses, and that’s how Dariea.com was born. At Dariea, I’ll be your coach and your business development guide to help you get what you want in business. You can get what you want, and you can work on it today. That’s right, now. It’s my goal and hope that you’ll think of Dariea.com as your personal muse, providing the inspiration to get you where you want to be in business.

Your Turn

Now tell me about you, I want to know about your business and financial dreams. How do you envision what your success will look like? What are your strengths? Your fears? What are your entrepreneurial dreams? Have you taken the leap in working for yourself? Or are you planning on taking the leap soon? Let me know, drop me a line or leave me a comment. I’m interested in what you have to say.