Darkmaer's Soul

Apple Logic Idea...APPLE DO IT!!!

darkmaer@gmail.com (Jon Hanna) — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 22:10:00 -0500

wow long time...no posts. Thats really because I've been pretty happy for the most part and don't feel the need to post things when i'm happy. I usually write because i'm angry or upset or bothered.

BBBUUUUTTTTT...I just felt i should write this down and maybe send it into Apple.

I have an idea that I think would really take off and I'm sure a lot of one wo/man band artists would really enjoy this idea. Apple has made the "remote" app, along with the keynote remote for there Apple computers. They should expand on this idea by moving into Garageband & Logic Pro/express series. It would be nice to have transport buttons from a distance. I know I am always having to run over to my midi controller or keyboard just to hit the record button then run over to my sound isolation room (aka the closet) to record vocals. wouldn't it be nice to use the wifi capabilities of the iPhone and have these right at the palm of your hand that way when your recording your not wasting time running around, making your work more efficient. On top of that have it to able to switch to different tracks and be able to arm them. Another feature that would be nice is in Logic 9 is the notes feature. you could put the lyrics on your vocal tracks and be allowed to view them right on your iPhone so you can save on paper and it's just really handy to have.

all in all I think apple should really consider doing something like this. Steinberg did something similar to this for there Cubase software. which the app was called Cubase iC which is a free download on the app store, but if apple were to make this i'd most definitely pay of an app like this.

I must have no loved you.

darkmaer@gmail.com (Jon Hanna) — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 06:40:00 -0500

Even though i haven't heard from her but in all honestly i do hope that down the road when she is willing to learn how love is supposed to work that maybe she will get back in touch with me. but i thought i'd share this since i'm assuming in her eyes i prolly never loved her etc etc. i was digging into my stuff yesterday and found something that (despite how much i feel like i've been tossed aside in my eyes) means alot to me. it's something small most people wouldn't care about it. but when i first met her she only wrote down one thing for me (i think i had just put her number into my phone as she gave me that) but i was starting to get into industrial a little more and asked what are some good bands along with getting her myspace address. so she had written all that down on a piece of paper from where she worked. I saved that paper even when we were on not talking terms...why? why else would i hold onto something that to the normal person that didn't care about someone. well it's because i loved that person and she did mean the world to me. in the long run i hope she sees what has happened and hopefully she learns from it and makes someone truly happy....i made that request also to my ex and she I feel did learn alot with us and is now happily married...so i can only hope the same goes for Sarah.

WHAT THE HELL!!!

darkmaer@gmail.com (Jon Hanna) — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 13:24:00 -0500

so i was looking around on Twitter trying to find people i may know and all the sudden i had the idea to look up Katie/Kate (ex suicide girl / and now Gods Girl). shes prolly my favorite (though a little on the messed up side check out her cupcake girls dvd...not for the faint of heart) girl out of both those sites so i do a quick search since i found out her name a long time ago so i do a quick search on google real quick to see if i did remember it correctly...and this photo pops up.

WHY IN ALL THAT IS HOLY IS SHE HANGING OUT WITH THAT DOUCHE BAG!!! I'm very saddened by it.

i think i'm going to go cry in a corner now.

but seriously i really don't care but i never thought i'd see a pair like that hanging out....lucky basterd (and i'm talking about pete not kate...she definately is not lucky IMHO

too funny

darkmaer@gmail.com (Jon Hanna) — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 19:53:00 -0500

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Some actual news to tell everyone about

darkmaer@gmail.com (Jon Hanna) — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 13:57:00 -0500

Well since i'm back on linux i get to discover all the underground apps that don't get much attention becuase well they don't have that big of a support group...i mean who would support something and put money into something that is free...so investers arn't going to get a dime back...but you know what if people actually did that we would have a much better world for it. but anyway of course one of the first things i'm going to do is look for media players granted linux comes with everything to get you started but of course i want something a little more robust and feature filled. well I ran into Songbird which has a simular look like itunes but it's just way better because it's open source. why is open source so cool? well people get to mess with it how ever they want and they can choose to make some really cool features. but right off the bat it's a music slash webbrowser. that right there allows you to have huge strides over most media players. so when you start listening to your collection it gives you everything from artist info, reviews, pics, videos, news. it also allows you to buy concert tickets. plus shoutcast is built in so all the internet radio stations you could want and last.fm is built in as well so you can favorite tracks automatically without going to last.fm. thats just the beginning then they have pluggins since it is open source. you can add stuff that itunes already has for example like coverflow. but one of my favorite thing so far that ive found is you can download a plugin to get lyrics from websites so you can have the lyrics right there when your listening to it instead of having to bring up firefox (oh btw this music player is based off firefox source code). anyway because it is open source it's available for anyone to download on all the really main OS's (windows, OSX, Linux) i say give it a shot :D.

Also i'm pretty excited because i finally got my first book from Easton Press. in case your not aware of who they are they are a self promoting book puplisher and they only make top quility hand crafted leather bound books and because they self promote there able to sell the books alot cheaper then if they went through the common typical ways of paying a whole bunch of middle men to get the products into some stores. so books that would easily go for $100 bucks a pop (my guess would be more then that with the quility of these books) they can sell them really cheap. so i started up there one program called The Hundred Greatest Books Ever Written. which if you could guess they are going to be giving me a 100 books. but it's a long process because obviously nobody unless there rich (were roughly looking at $5000 in books) would be able to afford it all at once. so they do a little subscription plan for you. so i get my first book at just $10 that includes shipping and then each book after that is $45 (that price is garanteed for 2 years...after that the price might go up cause of inflation and the price of matierials). so i'm doing this for a couple of reasons. first and formost i love books and i love leather bound books the most and i'd love to have a small library of my own one day and even more a small leatherbound library. This is going to make my dream come true. Second reason is well i was in SPED classes all my life so i never got to read the classics in school...with this i'll be able to as well as get amazing looking books. and thirdly and surely not lastly. if and when i have kids i want them to experience great classic books and stories they they will be able to fall in love with and make there imagination go to work. but anyway the first book i got which is the only one they actually can offically tell me i'm getting (they give them to me as they are made type of thing so if moby dick is produced right around the time i am supposed to get my newest book thats the one i get...but it could be something else) was huckleberry fin...i fell in love with the book right away the quility is amazing. the best that i've seen no leatherbound book i have comes close to it in quility. anyway i started reading it and all i have to say is that isn't the huck fin i remember when i was a kid...this version (the original) is not for kids at all (which i had no idea). they like to say the nigger work alot in this book. and one of the pics in the book is this witch naked riding a black guy like a horse (umm if you haven't read the story then you prolly wouldn't understand why there is a picture like that) but yeah very shocking from what i was used when i was a kid. but anyway great art in it and great product. if your looking to have a nice library i would definately go and check out these books. you can return the books you don't want and cancel the subscription at anytime. but they also have many more different types of books from every genre and you can buy them individually if you so wish...anyway check it out.

My personal opinion of the 3 best bands to come out of the 80's

darkmaer@gmail.com (Jon Hanna) — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 21:38:00 -0500

Hey i Just thought i'd put a blog about this up because well i've been listening to all 3 quite a bit lately and thought i'd put a blog up and see if anybody has any other opinions or whatever....though i don't think anybody really reads this blog anyway.

The Cure:

New Order:

Depeche mode:

Though i have to say if i had to choose between all 3 i'd def say depeche mode...there style is amazing and without then i wouldn't have assemblage 23 in my life.

but all in all these are my 3 favorite bands to come out of the 80's though there are hundreds of bands from the 80's that i love.

"When I was a young man, I vowed neve...

darkmaer@gmail.com (Jon Hanna) — Sun, 7 Dec 2008 01:08:00 -0500

"When I was a young man, I vowed never to marry until I found the ideal woman. Well, I found her - but, alas, she was waiting for the perfect man."

-Robert Schuman

You don't die of a broken heart. You only wish you did."

-Marilyn Peterson

"All truly wise thoughts have been thought already thousands of times."

-Goethe

"The Prince is never going to come, everybody knows that; and maybe Sleeping Beauty's dead."

-Lestat in Anne Rice's Queen of the Damned

"All men are mad in some way or the other..."

-Abraham Van Helsing in Bram Stoker's Dracula

"Software is like sex; it's better when it's free."

-Linus Torvalds

"Beware the engineers of society, I say, who would make everyone in
all the world equal. Opportunity should be equal, must be equal, but
achievement must remain individual."

-Drizzt Do'Urden in R.A. Salvatore's Streams of Silver

"But love, honest love, requires empathy. It is a sharing - of joy,
of laughter, of tears. Honest love makes one's soul a reflection of the
partner's moods."

-Drizzt Do'Urden in R.A. Salvatore's The Silent Blade

"Loss of empathy might well be the most enduring and deepest-cutting
scar of all, the silent blade of an unseen enemy, tearing at our hearts
and stealing more than our strength. Stealing our will, for what are we
without empathy? What manner of joy might we find in our lives if we
cannot understand the joys and pains of those around us, if we cannot
share in the greater community?"

-Drizzt Do'Urden in R.A. Salvatore's The Silent Blade

"And so I reject all but the most moderate use of such intoxicants,
and while I'll not openly judge those who so indulge, I will pity them
their empty souls."

-Drizzt Do'Urden in R.A. Salvatore's The Spine of the World

I woke, she fled, and day brought back my night.

darkmaer@gmail.com (Jon Hanna) — Tue, 2 Dec 2008 23:52:00 -0500

haven't wrote a blog in quite some time....i should be going to bed along with reading or whatever. anyway lol i'm curious if i'm like the only person in the US who still listens to t.A.T.u. like did anybody know hey actually have 3 albums out now...granted i can't find the 3rd's cd cover anywhere (cause i downloaded via torrent).

anyway so whats going on in my life...Kristen and I are talking again so i'm happy about that. umm my broken laptop is basically torn all apart. thursday i'm going to pick up a soder gun and some soder and get to work on trying to fix it...if i can't fix it oh well i at least tried and it was a learning experience.
also i'm getting paid now by my brother to work on putting products in the website (www.tacticalsubmission.com) since hes making a decent profit now...hes done $12k last time he checked this year....so not bad at all for his first year. so thats going to be my saving money for stuff....computer, spiritual and healing classes...and that will help me in the end ~~I hopefully~~ when i go to school at fullsail...extra $100 or maybe more wants i get used to doing it so much that it's robotic...but he eventually wants me to start answering phone calls too when i can (since i'm hooked to the system via my cell) but were not sure how were going to do that yet...since we are still small we can't pay me like normal he could pay me like $2.00 per call...i think if it's per call though i'd ask for $5 or $10 just for the shear fact you don't know what your going to come across. plus it will be harder for me to answer a question when i'm a couple hundred miles away from the "office" so if they want to know about there order for example...how the fuck will i know unless we find away that we can share the info back and forth via a system where it updates me on orders and stock...thats the only way i can it will work really well...but then i have to be near a computer...which granted there is a high chance of that if i'm not working...but still.

anyway i'm out i just thought i'd give a little update on my life so far.

Should i upgrade?

darkmaer@gmail.com (Jon Hanna) — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 00:33:00 -0500

So debating debating. christmas is around the corner and i always tend to go overboard for myself because well...who else is going to go overboard on me? so I've been hauling around quite a bit...for some reason more when i didn't have a car no clue what thats all about. but i have my blackberry, my ipod, and usually at least one book when i'm heading into work a shirt and a apron is added to that mess. so i'm debating. my brother granted he wants me to eventually start doing more with the business.....i'm doing stuff actually right now tho it's taking me some time to get into it. but it's not sooo important that i have a blackberry like it was before (since i don't think i'll be a main part of the business really) so getting email isn't a must like we thought it was and the main reason i got my blackberry....and don't get me wrong i love my blackberry to death. but it has it's down falls and frankly it's downfalls are cripling for me. the lack of memory is my only gripe i have for the blackberry....which seems to be my major gripe for all phones that i've ever had. it wouldn't be so bad but when you have a phone that is supposed to do what it's suppose to do...i keep bare essential programs on the phone google apps (mail,maps,sync), myspace app, facebook app and my chat program that i actually paid $30 for. then the emails add up.....and it's taxing on the phone so much so that sometimes when a chat comes in i have to wait a good 20sec before it will come up.....it's a pain...so i'm highly thinking of going for the iphone for a couple of reasons.

1. free a hand...i don't need the ipod anymore (give it to my mom)
2. 16gigs built in...no more really do i have enough room. granted my music collection overshadows 16gigs in a major way it's not like i'm going to fill it with shit i really don't listen to since i've learned from my little 8gig ipod that i really don't need my whole music collection with me. just a good veriety to keep me entertained and not bored.
3. they might be slow at getting stuff up and running on the iphone (copy & paste, MMS, etc etc) but the nice thing is there always trying to improve on it and updating it on a regular basis with new features...which is another thing about a touch screen phone...they can add what ever features they want because they arnt limited to what they have.....just add a new button on control.
4. it's apple ;)

now i know i'm going to hate certain things...like typing on the thing...honestly i would prefer a touch sensitive keyboard something i can feel....the i phone you have to be looking at the damn screen to know what your typeing.....unlike my blackberry i can be talking to someone that is in front of me giving them my undivided attention while still typing a txt to someone for example.

i don't know i guess will see how christmas will go and if i get some decent money...some how i'll highly think about it.....cause there is the blackberry bold out now too....but i don't know i feel that blackberry is a little too fragile for me.....like today i dropped it the battery cover fell off and the battery fell out as well. again we shall see.

Detox

darkmaer@gmail.com (Jon Hanna) — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 11:45:00 -0500

So I'm starting my first day of my detox....it's a 2 week period. and i have to drink 10 glasses of 8oz distilled water with 1/2 a lemon (organic preferred) 1-2 tsp of grade-b maple syrup, and 1/10th tsp of ground cayenne pepper. I'm sticking it in a 20oz and doubling the dose. so far it's not too bad. they said to slowly work your way up to 1/10th tsp of the pepper but i didn't even really measure that part i just stuck in half of 1/4th tsp so i figured that would be just fine. and so far the concoction aint sooo bad. but they say once you get past the 3rd day it's alot easier going. but something tells me i'll be doing alot of meditation to keep myself in a good frame of mind until i get over that hump. but i'm really excited for multiple reasons. 1 weight loss, 2 what effects it's going to have on me with spirituality (through either meditation or maybe even visions...because of not eating anything for that length of period) and 3 i want to see if i have any worms inside me (almost guaranteed). and i'm sure when your body is cleaned out i'm sure you notice stuff alot more better like if you have a sex life (i don't) sex i'm sure would be better and what not. your breath will smell alot better due to not having the toxins coming out of your freakin mouth. i don't know there is just so much ups that i might as well give it a shot you know.

so wish me luck i'll need alot of motivation because i love food :D

My Thoughts on Twilight

darkmaer@gmail.com (Jon Hanna) — Wed, 5 Nov 2008 11:50:00 -0500

So last night i just got done with the first book in the Twilight series because well frankly it seemed like all the Harry Potter fans just went to that series. So I was a little curious since I was and am a Harry Potter fan. So i asked a lady who i know what all the hoopla (that has to be one of my favorite words...that i think i might have made up...at least i can't remember if i heard it anywhere before) was about well she just gave me the answer well it's kind of a girly romance type book and i prolly wouldn't like it. so i just said okay and left it alone. now as the movie is getting closer to release it started getting to me again. I'm thinking well if its big enough to make a movie and frankly not just women could make this book as big as it has gotten i'm thinking just about every young person is reading it not just women. so i asked another girl and she just said give it a shot. so i went out and got the first book.

So i started reading it and thinking nothing really special about the book actually i thought it seemed rather like a high school based anime type of thing without the excessive humor or panty shots. But the more i read the book the more funny i thought the "love" of these 2 people had. I also thought it was funny how it corolates (sp?) to people in real life and people needing to feel important. I also thought how interesting it was that this story seemed to have alot of the same things that the Sookie Stackhouse series of books (the series of books that the True Blood series on HBO is based on) have between the vampire and girl in those, so i'm guessing that that series had a huge impact on her making the Twilight series.

But what bothered me the most i guess is when it comes to real life. This book, reading it I understand it i can feel why this is a complicated relationship. But then i look at real life and it blows my mind. People will make this type of a relationship into a reality (so to speak). People need to feel special in some way, so they build drama around there relationship even if they don't have too. THEY WANT a complicated relationship. People never go out with someone who really wants to go out with them, that isn't a challenge and thats no fun, why go out with someone who can just settle in and they can be happy for good or at least for awhile, no we want complication, because it makes us feel like we have something in our lives we have something to bitch about.

Then i looked at there love, there is 2 things that is making this girl "love" this guy. A: hes a vampire, hes mysterious...i understand that to some certain extent but i don't want no mysteries in my relationship and then what appears to be her main source of "love" that was repeated over and over and almost overbearing and frankly started to annoy me through out the book.....hes good looking. thats the only and really only thing i saw clearly about why she "loves" him...i don't know about you but that doesn't scream love but that sounds like lust. so what is based on her "love" is mystery, lust, and danger. but her real drive seems to be only his looks which is sad...i mean they started talking more and more at the end of the book but i really don't see a true connection all i see is people getting to know each other...how in the world can you say love when you don't truly know each other yet?

Then we move onto his love.....i get him the most because i see alot of him in me in the sense of what i'll do for love....i have done alot of the stuff he has done...to a certain extent because when i do find someone i love i'll be by there side no matter what. but where he drops the ball is he is selfish which says he doesn't really love her. again he would be nowhere near this girl if he truly loved her. I don't know how many women who i cared about very much let slip through my hands because frankly it was better for them. because i care for them so much i care more about there happiness then my selfishness.......so his love is flawed if it's even true love but i think it's more true then hers is.

but as far as the book is concerned i liked it enough that i'll continue the series...i just tend to look at things a little different then people......for example the princess diaries movies (not sure if there books) granted i completely understand what she must have been going thru. but that is the law of the land and thats how it works. so there teaching 2 things to little girls. A: it's okay to break the law. B: it's fine if you cheat. now most people would just tell me to shut up and relax but i know how the mind works alot more then i'd prolly like to and thats exactly whats going on....just like with this book. no wonder why people are having a hard time finding love when people are brainwashed into thinking that your supposed to live this fantasy life with the most perfect guy you have ever come across......now i know some women will say well what about men and there idea of a women...big tits and an ass and 105 lbs type of stuff.....well frankly like me and i know most guys that stuff is a bonus if they have some of that shit yay if not oh well. most guys just have to be somewhat physically attracted and thats all they need as far as looks....like if i guy can say a girl is cute thats all he needs then the part that truly matters is the connection.....i don't know how many people in life will deal with the fact that there is nothing there just so they can be with someone who is perfectly physically satisfying to them...even if they just down right hate there personality.

anyway i'm done my ranting because i just hate the way we are getting brainwashed into thinking the idea of what "love" is supposed to be.

huh very interesting

darkmaer@gmail.com (Jon Hanna) — Mon, 3 Nov 2008 15:07:00 -0500

So just browsing around and bored i came across something interesting on wikipedia. One of my favorite ex porn stars grew up in NC which i knew that but didn't know exactly where well it appears to be in Greensboro where i live and according to the wikipedia site since she is no longer doing porn she is apparently doing call girl services here in greensboro......huh wouldn't that be a nice birthday present. lol sadly i think i'd just want to talk to her and be her friend more then anything since she does seem pretty cool. Or it would be cool to bump into either way pretty nifty....okay done with this post i just thought it was pretty cool.

Is Love Enough?

darkmaer@gmail.com (Jon Hanna) — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 15:01:00 -0400

Okay I'm going to try to write this blog as good as the thoughts came to me this morning at work. One of these days they need to come up with something that will record all your thoughts as they come to you...because when i'm inpirational...i don't have time to jot them down and it's not like i can jot them down as quick as my thoughts fly through my head. Anyway...

Is love enough?
A friend of mine and I have been talking here and there about her relationship and she said about finding out that love isn't enough to make a relationship work. This is a women who i can say is a women in every sense of the world, someone who i respect even to some degree look up too, someone who is wise beyond her years. Most of the time i agree with 98% of what she has to say, but this is one of those things that i don't agree on. In this blog i'm going to try to explain myself and maybe even make someone learn a thing or two. This is also a blog that i would love for people to chime in and say how you feel about the subject.

I'm going to start out by asking what is love in it's most purest form? To make it a little easier what is hate in it's purest form.

Love = Creation Hate = Destruction

These are the very basic and pure forms of these 2 emotions. No matter how to you look at it if you love something you are creating something. In the spiritual sense every living thing even this universe was made by a thought and if you put hate into something you can create nothing but chaos (destruction) so there is only 1 way that we came about and that was a thought of love (in spiritual terms...). When you draw or paint a picture, write a book, a sheet of music your putting love into that because you care about that. When you don't it is left unfinished or you don't even bother to start it at all. the thought never even crosses your mind to create anything of that nature.

So how why does this matter in a relationship problem. I mean come on your saying if you have a relationship problem it's because one of them hates the other? Thats just obsersered. Well to my thinking yes it is, though some people would think differently and have been down that path. but what i'm getting at is not so much a couple thing but an individual thing...will get into couples later.

I'll start off with my one and only experience with love. Mind you this is my take on my relationship and only mine. I wanted love all my life. The kind that isn't technically manditory (family) the feeling of a complete stranger getting to know you and caring for you so much that they would do anything (within reason) for you. It's the most powerful feeling that you could ever experience in your life if you ask me. I finally had that in my life...what happened? Looking back in retrospect, why did i want love so bad? well ever since prolly puberty I was depressed constantly. I did stupid things even actually drinking kerosine because well who cares my life doesn't matter, Middle school was my grunge years i wouldn't shower i never had clean clothes, I just didn't care about or love myself and what is the product i was creating? a hollow shell. I was destroying myself & my soul after middle school i went to high school and went into the metal stage of my life this was my i'm going to do this and if you don't like it fuck you stage (though i kept on high gene a little better) but i was still projecting hate because of one thing i hated myself and didn't like who i was. after school i moved around the US met a few people that attempted to try and help me because i think they seen how much i did hate myself. It was so quick and out of nowhere. I was living with my friend and his parents and i was working with my friend as well where i was litterately a bitch there.....worst job. but anyway this girl that brian knew from work wanted to go out the one night but i was the only one with a car and i didn't know her (because i don't talk to no one at work except krystal at the time) well we all went to the mall...cause you know thats cool and stuff. I don't know really how i managed but some how i got to talking to her and we got on the subject of jay and silent bob strikes back. she i think went to see it or rented or something with her gay friend but she didn't get to see it all because the gay friend didn't like all the gay jokes. well me being still who i am today completely oblivious to anything (lol and too the girls that i'm attracted to right away i watch every word i say because i don't want them to get the wrong idea.....yeah i'm a dumb fuck whatcha gonna do) i asked if she actually wanted to see it since i had or my friend had it at the house of course she did......and we watched at the max i'd say 15mins of it the rest of the time we were talking up a storm (this has only happened one other time with another girl where i have had that type of connection). anyway took her home she tried kissing me i turned my head like a queer...nervious and preasure of kissing a girl for the first time YIKES. Anyway a red light should have popped up there.....well actually it did i just didn't care. technically at the time she was going out with someone granted by the next day they were no more but these were what i think was the 2 major flaws in our relationship i was looking for love to i can feel good about myself...but i still to this day know how to love i have no doubt in my mind. I let you know that the smile i have on my face is because of you and that sparkle in my eye is there because of you....and granted i may not be perfect i may get angry but at the end of the day you know that no matter what i love you with all my heart, And i think my ex can vouch for that. anyway back to the subject. and I FEEL i repeat I FEEL that she was looking for a way out, someone new because she was done with her other relationship and granted she was attracted to me before that night she still was looking for a way out I FEEL. so again why did it fail.....i loved her in the end truly and she loved me in the end....i don't feel like she at the time had loved herself and i surely didn't love myself and we were holding each other up with our love for each other so what happens when love and hate colide...polar opposites...nothing happens it just is. day in and day out go to work go home go to work go home....no ambition because we didn't love ourselves at the time. that changed prolly 2 years into the relationship I think my ex said enough is enough it's time to change and do something with my life (she is starting to love herself) so we made plans that well kinda went through. she started going to beauty school then after that it was going to be my turn type of thing.....trading the work horse positions so we can get ahead...that never happened i mean a little bit before she started going to beauty school she had had enough of the fighting and the living paycheck to paycheck and left granted we got back together i have my thoughts on that but it's in the past and what is done is done and on january 1st i forget what year lol i think 05 i called her up (because i didn't have a car at the time otherwise i would have done it to her face to show respect) and said it was done not because i didn't love her i loved her with all my heart but i seen her heart just wasn't in it anymore. I took it hard....mainly because 2 days later she was with someone who she is now married to. but it was a knife to the heart at the time because i still loved her and still would have married her in a heart beat and then to find out how little she loved me that it seemed like not even a second guess. so that was the most painful experiences in my life and for 2 and a half years i struggled which is now why i am so spiritual that i am now. and without this women who i'm trying to prove my point that love is all that you need in this blog i truly don't know if i would have been able to cope as well as i have. since the middle of 2007 i've been able to start to grow to truly love myself and since i've made some changes in my life and a big one is moving away from the town that had all that negetive energy clung to it I'm on top of the world right now and have never been happier in my life. I have goals now i want to better my life because i love myself. frankly sure if someone came along and we hit it off it would be really great i'd love that....but the difference now is i don't NEED that. In fact i have already meantioned it to some people if someone wanted to start dating me or whatever i think i'd prolly have to turn them down...i'm doing what i need to do now to make myself happy if your still around when i come back, sure but not until i create the world i want to live in first.

so my point i'm getting across. in order for you to truly love somebody you need to love yourself. if there is a counter balence one of you is growing and the other is stagnet there is a problem in there love of themself or there love for you. when the love of yourself is givin to the one you love there is only one thing that can come from it creation granted this has to be done on both levels the other one has to love themselves as well and they must share that love that they have for them selves (put it in easier terms...each has to want to share there happiness with each other) the idea also to this is no one will be taking more then the other the ego will not get in the way because you will both be getting love and the love will build...this is best demonstrated at the end of the movie The Celestine Prophecy if you haven't seen it go watch it (sorry i sadly can't find a link...there used to be one). on the other hand you can have someone who loves them selves and is sharing there love and happiness with someone who doesn't love themselves and there just going to be taking taking taking and eventually that love is going to run out and there going to be alone because someone can only share so much love and so much happiness before there is nothing left to give if there not recieving the same in return.

this is the very reason why i think love is all you need and it is enough....i think we need to step back and look at our situation a little better. there will be no future if there is no love for yourself in order for you to want to grow.

and what you end up with is this

Infinite Love by ~doku-no-aru on deviant ART

As David Icke said "infinite love is the only truth, everything else is illusion"

now i'm going to go off on a different subject....maybe someone can help me understand this. I've only been in one serious relationship....why is it that i seem to have such a vast knowledge in the subject where i can talk to someone who has had tons of relationships has had the experience to learn first hand what to do and what not to do and how to make his love life better...and they haven't the slightest clue and can't seem to get there shit together at all....lol i can name one paticular guy. and like this blog these thoughts are just rushed into my head as though someone is just feeding them too me.....and then i get to thinking...maybe someone is. And i mean that by saying they say the wise men are usually silent because they don't have to prove anything to anyone. maybe there wise because they do stay silent and they do gather information from the Infinite consciousness...that is another subject if you don't know what i'm talking about. I mean like at work today these thoughts were coming to me when i was in a light meditative state....this is how i write everything in my life....and it makes me wonder how comes when i attempt to talk about these wonderful fasinating things i can't even get the words out without struggling and they always come out as miscontrued and misunderstood....but when i'm writing it just flows so naturally as if someone is guiding my hands to tell me exactly what i need to write (though puncutation and spelling...thats all me lol).

anyway any thoughts and comments about this blog are greatly appreshated

In love and light
Jon

if you're frightened of dying and holding on, then you'll see devils tearing your life away. but if you've made your pease, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth

darkmaer@gmail.com (Jon Hanna) — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 22:14:00 -0400

sweet so i found well actually i found them awhile ago i just never really checked them out...i found them somehow on wikipedia and just bookmarked them(watched) and i finally sat down and listened to them. kinda sux but so far they only do covers...hopefully it will be like apacolypica(sp?)and they eventually start doing there own music. but the band is called "Gregorian" and there a group of guys that chant...i love chanting and choir in music and i mean LOVE it could prolly suck ass but because it has that in it i become hooked...kinda like why i like some black metal it has that along with orchestra music. but anyway i'll post some videos up on here to check out.

Sweet just found them doing meatloaf

definately different from Amy Lee but it has it's own beauty here is my immortal

hehe and Rammstein

sexy vampire?

darkmaer@gmail.com (Jon Hanna) — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 20:45:00 -0400

So i have guilty pleasures thats for sure. I was on newgrounds (ive been on there lately because i've been quite bored as of late.) and ran across a flash that i hate to admit but i just love good cheesy techno. it gets you moving even if your not really into music at the moment.....i don't know i just love love me some cheesy techno. i guess it reminds me of something i'd here in japan /shrug

but here is the flash...kinda cute

so they do work as advertised

darkmaer@gmail.com (Jon Hanna) — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 10:14:00 -0400

So this paycheck i put down some money even though i really shouldn't have. but i kind of got sick of tired of waking up at 4 in the morning and not really having too much time to get ready for work and i'd actually skip stuff in my routine. the main one was shaving. Well anybody that has known me since around after i worked at starbucks is you have to keep clean shaven or where a "beard net". Which for me anything that rubs my hair on my face even slightly it starts to itch and sorry thats a no go when it's constantly iching for 8hrs. but well i've started getting used to being clean shaven and now it's been bothering me that my beard would come back and what not...so first thing that goes on my mind is just buy a trimmer (my solution always...since i always seem to leave my trimmer at the last place from where i moved), but the problem with the trimmer is well it's got like 10 different attachments and even with all those stupid attachments the things still don't get the job done properly. so i went to work and was going to pick up a electric razor to see how they are and test it out. Well i was going to just get the cheap one but i was actually taking a class on razors at the time and the guy teaching the class really recomonded the middle grade one we had because he apparently had last years model and loves it. the main reason being instead of one circle of combs (the blades are underneath) it has three combs meaning more realesate in less time. So i got it (BTW it's the Norelco 8250XL) took it home did the long as recharging of 12hrs and well how is my initial reaction? It still won't be a actual razor just because of one major factor a razor will cut anything granted it might take you more time to shave when you get that really long beard but it still will shave it. but other then that I love the thing. cause when i first used it i did have my beard kinda creeping out to the point that i better do something or they might start getting on me at work. well because the hairs were so long all it did was pinch and pull...i mean it did cut too just not that great. so since it had a trimmer in the back i figured i'd use that to take care of most of the longer hairs. now my second day of having it and i'm really really enjoying it. it gets as close of a shave as a gillette razor which still boggles my mind how that exactly works...since a gillette you can cut yourself because you are taking a blade across your skin. where these electronic razors granted there still is a blad involved but the only thing that seems to be touching your face is 3 metal disc with slots and holes in them boggles thee mind.
so what do i like most about it...no shaving cream (saves time) no hair everywhere...when i read that there was a hair catcher in the manual i was excited because that was the #1 thing i hated about trimmers i'd get done and the hair wasn't really shaved well and yet there is like a 2 foot diameter of hair everywhere in the bathroom....pain in my ass. now i don't have that which is nice because i can shave anywhere now and not have to worry mainly when you travel car, plane etc etc. and this is the #1 thing i love about it the way it shaves it's easy on the face and if anybody knows me when i first shave my face is bright red and litterally stays like that almost all day...and it's ugly and unattractive....now i can shave and have my skin tone look great with a nice close shave. granted i still will have to concern myself with my dry skin problem but so far it's less of a problem i think because i can do it dry so i'm not putting water on my face that has all kinds of chemicals in it along with shaving cream that has even more chemicals. granted the intruction manual did say you might be irritated for the first couple of weeks (they give you a 21 day challange) but luckly that only seems so far in the neck area which is agitating but for that part i think it is mainly do to my hairs go every which way unlike everywhere else. so oh well hopefully like it said it will cease after a couple of weeks but if not it's a small price to pay for ALOT of convienece

ah...

darkmaer@gmail.com (Jon Hanna) — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 22:14:00 -0400

nice day today. I'm sitting here after i took a shower having a nice little glass of southern comfort.

Was thinking awhile taking a shower and got to thinking why is it that certain people such as myself compared to others do i care so much about being enlightened spiritually where you got others that all they do in life is wait for the next football season, or can't wait to get through the week so they can sit down on that one night and watch there favorite show? Isn't there something that goes through there head and say there has got to be more to this life then meets the eye. Humans today are so preoccupied with everything that goes on in there lives they can't just sit back relax in silence and just think breath. In fact some people are even afraid of doing that. We tend to discover things about us that we didn't know when we do these things. Is it that were so wrapped up in trying to be what the world/society wants us to be that when we silence our selves we do have a different thought process that we should be moving in a different direction that says money and wealth really don't matter?

I'm not really sure why or how i got to be like this really. I mean it wasn't up till like i was prolly i'd say 21 that i was like everybody else. You know the typical guy (well not entirely) looking for nothing but to get laid and give me electronics for presents, really concerned with tv shows, movies...you know just really wrapped up in worldy affairs that makes us blind to what is really going on around us. the only thing i really remember was when my relationship with my ex was starting to fail i picked up a for dummies book on witchcraft...shortly after returned it because something told me that some of those books for dummies are really for dummies...meaning it's for people that just want to play around and not get serious about anything. so i held off for awhile on getting another book but the pull was still there.....infact it should be pointed out that when our family first got the internet in our farm house like back in 95 (or somewhere around there)I got up late at night when everyone was in bed and that was the first thing i looked up (yup even before porn...whats that) was about witchcraft...so i've had a pull for learning anything of the mysteries of the ancient religions since i can remember...i loved the idea of magick, dragons, castles, etc, etc all my life. but something that turned into curiosity turned into a life changing ordeal. i have a complete bookshelf now full of religious writings i mean everything from the ancient of ancient to the newest of new (scientology).

I don't know i guess i just don't really get how people don't care about being apart of that universal consciousness and being one with all reality and being infinitely wise knowing everything....they would rather be kept a slave working day in and day out oblivious slaving away so the things they own, own them.

just my random thoughts for the night

DORK POST!!!!

darkmaer@gmail.com (Jon Hanna) — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 21:49:00 -0400

Umm this post might not be for everybody. It's mainly the people who grew up on video games and had a passion for them...and still do to a certain extent (i enjoy them but i just don't make them my life anymore). For the other people who view this you might get a laugh out of it anyway. These are all done in flash but someone transfered them over to video format for embeding purposes. Most of this stuff and many more can be found over at NEWGROUNDS so check it out if you want more funny dorkie stuff.

EGORAPTER'S WORK

Awesome Fantasy 7 - Watch the best video clips here

ANGRY VIDEO GAME NERDJust for fun...this was my most hated game i ever played

Okay and now for an actual blog post. Nothing much going on in my life at the moment. Just working and trying to keep moving on in this world. I'm really excited about this paycheck though because i finally get to order Jess's birthday present. I just hope she likes it as much as i thought about it...granted if I didn't have to start paying rent so soon at my house the gift would have been way more extravagant. Then again there is always Christmas so add the official last touches that i want to do to it. People are prolly still wondering why it's so important to me to get this stuff for her. Well for one i think she will find it very useful, but the most important thing to me is this is my like 4th life long friend. Not only that but the personal lvl compared to my other life long friends are different. We have the ability to go deeper into life and talk about the shit that really matters in life. Plus who knows where i'd be without her with getting over my ex. She was always there for me for the most part if i needed to talk to...granted she has a life too and problems come up as well.

Trust is very important to me. I don't trust many people and I know who she is she doesn't let many people in her world either so it's nice that both sides of the trust factor is there. especially with my trust factor towards women. I mean i've forgiven my ex but i'm still very very cautious about getting involved with anyone, or just friends. Like i'm trying to be very selective of my friends down here because i'm tired of hanging out (not my true friends mind you) with trash. I want to be surrounded by positive people and not people who lie cheat and steal to get go through there daily lives, and for a good time they drink and do drugs because they have to numb there existence in this world because in reality they think there nothing...there just one pathetic person.

Anyway i think i'm done because i need to get up at 4 again...hopefully my check will be put into my bank by thursday like last time...cause i really don't want to have to give a gas attendant $10 in quarters...but so be it if i must...plus i had to take that change out of my change jar and i really didn't want to have to touch that since that is my personal fund for all my goodies....new computer and spiritual workshops and classes.

and done

Glass and I don't mix

darkmaer@gmail.com (Jon Hanna) — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 21:19:00 -0400

Well life has been great.

So i fucked myself up a little bit...the house we live in is kinda old and of course you have stupid people that tend to paint the windows shut (IN EVERY OLD HOUSE KNOWN TO MAN i believe...since i haven't seen one that wasn't) so my window sticks.....but i opened it today because it was nice out...later that night i went and closed it but of course couldn't...somehow i managed to as the window was going down...i think it was because i was trying to stop it from slamming shut. but with the way the micanics of how i did it i felt like i barely touched the glass but somehow the window completely busted and my hand went through it...luckly it managed to not hurt me too much. i got 2 more bigger cuts on each side of my right wrist and then the back of my elbow is cut up by shards of glass that i don't think any is still stuck in my skin....but anyway yay for me...luckly there is another glass layer on the window...though will definitely need to get the one replaced because i think it will be bad on the heat this winter.

But anyway i was at the used book store the other day and i stopped going there for awhile since i had bought all the books that i could find that i liked...so i waited a few weeks before going back so they could get replenished with something i might like again. and they sure did. I've been looking at this book for awhile now at the book stores but it was always one of those books that i wanted to get but there was always a more important book to get. well not only was this book there but they had a hardcover (along with softback) which if anybody knows me if i can get something in either hardback or leatherbound i get it in those preferred styles. so i got this $25 book for $8....so i was excited. but anyway the book was "The Jesus Mysteries" which is basically a book on astrotheology.

Then some good news for me and i'll be excited when it happens, But Jess has been taking some classes that i've been wanting to learn and so she said she is going to take a long weekend sometime and come down here and teach me a little of what she learned so that will be fun because well someone is actually going to visit me YAY...lol i'm very lonely down here anyway..i'm done for this blog...just thought i'd post this up here since i haven't posted anything in awhile

stuborn like a bull...or shall we say Taurus

darkmaer@gmail.com (Jon Hanna) — Fri, 3 Oct 2008 00:22:00 -0400

lol this video is so freakin accurate it's not even funny

if you want to see who i am watch this video it's great...at least me.

darkmaer@gmail.com (Jon Hanna) — Thu, 2 Oct 2008 06:51:00 -0400

Well I'm gun ho again. I figure this is how I'm going to do it. Because well its all about trying to plan and balance. I started reading the introduction to the Egyptian book of the dead so I don't know how that is going to be structured. But as far as the other books (the bible, quran, bhagavad-gita) is concerned ill be reading those at a rate of prolly 1 to 2 chapters a night. Though it seems to me that the quran and the bhafacad-gita arnt really that big of books. I mean the quran's pages are about as thin as the bibles, but between the commentary and the original arabic writing there really isn't much of the actual english words of the quran per page, and same goes for the bhagavad-gita but the pages are a little thicker for that book so it looks like even less. Plus with that book they have the original text then they have how its wrote in english txt format. Then they show how its all pronounced and what each section means. Then they finally have it in plane english writing that you can read.

But to me out of all of them the Egyptian book of the dead is really nice (at least the version I got) I mean its no leather bound or anything but its actually one of those annoying doesn't fit on the book shelf kind of books (because its so big) but the format is really nice. It has the whole Egyptian scroll in nice full color above and then down below it has the actual english translations. But I love it because the scroll is just so beautiful with the art. But I can't wait to read that too. Since it is 3000BCE (BC for the christians) so now with that I want to see if some stuff leaked over in to the christian faith. Which I know the arc of the covenant did. But apparently so did the ten commandments did too. But I'd like to find other books like that that have to do with the Egyptian faith and theology. Since I think Egyptians had the biggest impact on most faiths.
-----------
Darkmaer Bloodmoon )O(
In Love and Light
"There Is a War going on for your mind, If we are thinking, then we are winning"
>Sent via my BlackBerry

hallowed be thy name

darkmaer@gmail.com (Jon Hanna) — Thu, 2 Oct 2008 00:23:00 -0400

blah I'm starting to get too much onto my plate. and i'm horrable at balancing. well I got the reflexology, work, studying religion, music, and trying to study up on my math basics for my GED...too too much...but i think thats a good thing really. keeps my mind off shit.

tonight at work i had a light come out of it's socket and had the prongs come down on my arm about about 10 feet up.....yeah kinda hurt.

boy balancing....thats prolly one of my most problematic things in my life. I think i might do a spell for that now that i'm thinking about it. i was already planning doing one for the audio engeneering thing...at first i was just going to do one for my GED but they say for example if your wanting money for something that you need don't do a spell for money do a spell for the total outcome...or for example if your needing a bill paid don't make a spell for money make a spell to have that bill already paid for.
one thing that i'm still holding strong too thought is not doing love spells.....since well frankly it's against my beliefs even though i don't think there is anything wrong (at least not that i can see) going a general love spell...to help find someone compatable but if your doing one that is directed toward someone specific. I don't approve since granted i don't consider myself a witch I do hold there law in high regard (an it harm none, do what thou wilt) and if you are directing a spell to someone specific without there knowledge or consent you are breaking that law......because in a sense you are making that person love you against there will......granted i do believe if they don't like you.....chances are there still not going to love you know matter what....unless they are weak minded.

but anyway i'm posting quite a long video of my general beliefs....incase anybody is interested.

you can find it HERE sorry no embed or some reason...douches

here is also a SITE case you want to skim instead of watching a 3 hour movie

yup i'm a Taurus

darkmaer@gmail.com (Jon Hanna) — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 20:54:00 -0400

so i cracked open my astrology book (the only astrology book you'll ever need) just now and installed the cdrom filled out my birth stuff and of course it gave me all the mumbo jumbo which i still don't understand but then they gave me kind of an overview of me....pretty dang accurate though i still don't feel like a leader at all in life

"Your career is characterized by guiding, encouraging,
taking care of others and, by example, teaching
responsibility. At its essence, your work assumes a
parenting role. The public sees you as an authority,
an expert, and powerful leader. Your career may start
small, but with persistence and patience (which you
have about your work even if you don't in other areas),
your work becomes a shaping force in people's lives."

The Wall Street Journal explains the Loudness War.

darkmaer@gmail.com (Jon Hanna) — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 08:36:00 -0400

Originally posted by wiretotheear.com

For years many musicians, producers and music fans have been crying foul about the “Loudness War“. This is when a mastering engineer compresses and limits the dynamic range of a song to make it louder to the point of ruining the music. Many times it’s not the engineer’s fault as he or she is just following directions from the label or the band. It makes some sense you would want your album to be louder than others as it would stand out but when everyone is doing it the end effect is music is simply ruined.
Things have finally boiled over with the release of the new Metallica album Death Magnetic. Apparently it sounds so squashed that even their metal head fans can’t stand it. To add fuel to the fire a version of some of the album tracks appear mastered more tastefully in the newly released Guitar Hero 3 (video game).

“Music released today typically has a dynamic range only a fourth to an eighth as wide as that of the 1990s. That means if you play a newly released CD right after one that’s 15 years old, leaving the volume knob untouched, the new one is likely to sound four to eight times as loud. Many who’ve followed the controversy say “Death Magnetic” has one of the narrowest dynamic ranges ever on an album.” - wsj.com

I’m pleased this is getting attention because I personally can’t stand the smashed sound. It’s fine when it’s part of the artistic endeavor (such as any song by Justice) but other than that I find it seriously unpleasant.
The Wall Street journal has a great interactive graphic online comparing the sound quality of an old and new Metallica track: click here
If your a Metallica fan (I’m not) you can sign a petition to have the album re-mastered: click here
Read the full Wall Street Journal story: click here
Wikipedia’s entry for the Loudness war: click here

sushi and sake...equals YUM

darkmaer@gmail.com (Jon Hanna) — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 00:04:00 -0400

so since i actually got paid this friday I actually was able to purchase stuff....so for my treat i purchased a sake set (sake bottle and 2 sake cups) because i wanted to try warm sake and the easiest way it to get one of these bottles and put some water on the stove and but it on med...just enough to warm but not boil the water..then just put the bottle in the water with the sake in it. i definately like it alot better then normal...it takes the edge off and you can taste the flavor better...but on my break at work i had sushi for my lunch...it was yummy.

last night was fun too. i went out with a few people after work and had a few drinks ( i had 2 pints of lager and a shot of jager) but we had a lady along with us and yeah....we had to carry her out (which was a first for me) most people that i've ever been with know there limit...well not too long ago like a year and a half ago i went over to someones house...but didn't have my car so it was one of those i had to kinda just went along with everything.....but i had an empty stomach when i had drunk (but i really was hungary and wanted something to eat badly) well i started drinking....like i normally do...whoops i fucked up (never drank with an empty stomach before) so yeah i threw up in no time. but yeah last night (or the night before now), i really needed that. since well i haven't actually went out since i got down here, and i had a really good time.