Darren's Life - Part 2

Poor and Happy?

2013-06-26T09:01:00.002-07:00

It's been almost three years since I was playing golf with my manager, Tim Flynn, from Turtle and Hughes in Bridgewater, New Jersey. He had invited me as an up and coming "Inventory Specialist" and another manager out to play a round of golf and lunch in the middle of the work day. It was the first and thus far only time I have ever played golf in a business setting and it was pretty exciting.

Sam Adams' were flowing and we were having a good time. I was guilt ridden though; my marriage had recently fallen apart, my teaching job was being eliminated from the budget, and I had recently discovered that I couldn't have children, I had decided on a change.

As Tim sat there and offered me a promotion to a manager's position, I broke down in a few tears. I was so extremely grateful to him. He had brought me on about half a year earlier because one of his bosses was a family friend of mine and told him to hire me just in the warehouse as a favor to him. This was his way of saying that he brought me on as a favor and now trusted me and respected me enough to offer me a manager's job.

I planned on giving him a month's notice. I was now giving him 3 month's notice. I was moving to Aspen, Colorado for a year to work at a ski resort.

It's been been much longer than I planned. The curse of the Ute has come true for me. Once someone comes to the Roaring Fork Valley, they don't want to leave it. I am writing this from a breakfast place called the Cathedral Cafe in Fayetteville, West Virginia right now. I live in a tent. My first paycheck in over a month was only $112.00 I've spent nearly $1,000 in coming here to start a new job as a raft guide on the New and Gaully rivers. In my phone interview I was promised a quick training class and then I could check out on the river and start work. The quick training class ended yesterday. It started May 20. I planned on being here until October , but the curse has struck and I am going to be heading back in August. It's not only the curse bringing me back, but a half year teaching position at Basalt Middle School. Every time I go back to New Jersey, I visit Tim. He was a good boss and now I consider him a good friend. When I was hired for this upcoming position, the only reference that was mentioned in a conversation with my new employer was Tim. Thank you for that. Teaching ESL was never my favorite subject. I am extremely excited to be heading back to teaching, if only for four months. It will be nice to wear a suit again, as opposed to the bathing suits I wear so often now.

This was not my first time as a raft guide. My first summer in Aspen, my friend Jay hooked me up with a place in Glenwood Springs to be a guide. They charged me over $400 in addition to having us buy a bunch of gear we wouldn't ever use. Furthermore they made new guides show up every day to help and maybe get a trip. If we didn't get trips, we would go home with no pay, even if we had worked setting people up for a few hours. Is that even legal? Here at ACE, it's a bit different. We have free lunches every day on the river, which has turned into about 30 free lunches. We have free dinner most nights if we stay and help clean up. That's turned into a lot of prime rib, pig roasts, oysters, and shrimp. I eat better at a campground in West Virginia than I do in Aspen. Since May 12 when I got here I've paid no rent, no electric, no cable, and no internet bills. I'm certainly not saving any money, but I'm not spending too much either.

The title here though is a question. Am I poor? Yes, that's for sure. Am I happy? I am as happy as I was making more money and living in New Jersey. It's definitely possible to be both. But I am looking forward to going back to Colorado, making more money and having electricity again.

Journal of a Newbie Colorado River Rafting Guide

2011-05-24T22:36:00.000-07:00

Journal of a Newbie White Water Rafting Guide.

5/21

I probably should have practiced putting up tent before getting here at 11:00 a night. After an easy misidentification of my rainfly instead of my tent, I got the whole thing up. Perhaps my neighbor in the The North Face tent can give mine a quick once over tomorrow to see if anything can b any better.

I inflated my pad after not finding it for a while. I thought that I packed a pillow, but alas had to make one out of clothes and my sleeping bag bag.

I was worried that my head lamp might keep people up (good purchase there, man) until the Union Pacific train jus went squealing by. That was loud. Okay, time to sleep. Class is in 8 hours.

Almost forgot, the campground might be right across the river from the train tracks, but the Colorado River is only 100 feet away softly rushing through the night.

Don't Be Lazy.

2010-11-08T18:12:00.000-08:00

Every kid hates taking out the trash or doing the dishes. It's simply not a pleasant task, but in all reality is not that hard. You do it, get it done quickly, and it's over.

The theme of this blog entry is don't be lazy. What's something that you've always wanted to do but have not done yet? For years I've wanted to patent an idea. I've yet to do it, but there are other things that I have wanted to do and have completed.

For the past few months I've been working on my fifth ski chair. It was an arduous task that I almost gave up on, but refused to quit. Yesterday I set a goal to finish the chair no matter what. I worked out it for four hours and completed not only the chair (with a cool new feature!) but my first bench too. Have I mentioned that these were both made from nothing but skis. Here are some pictures.

This is the first bench that I have made. It was first going to be a table, but a request was made for a bench so I made it into a bench.

Below are pictures of my last New Jersey chair. I originally had them as solid chairs with the bottoms connected to the backrests, but they were hard to move. New versions I put hinges on for folding with supports on the back portion.

For this chair I put chains on the armrests to support the backrest and enable folding.

The point of this is that I almost threw this chair out. I wasn't happy with the armrests I first designed. Thus, instead of throwing it all away, I took apart the parts I didn't like, threw away the corrupted skis ( holes, nails) and did a new design and order for making the armrests, I think it turned out well.

Other not being lazy examples:
Checking parts off my to do list before moving. This past weekend- Cafe Wha? in the Village of New York CIty. I have always wanted to go there and finally did.

Completing projects at work that will leave the distribution center a little more organized that I found it.

Playing football every weekend for the past few months. I could never punt a ball before, but after months of practicing during games and half time, I got pretty good. I actually kicked it to the one yard line this past weekend. Pretty cool.

Of course now my goals are for packing the car and driving to Colorado. That will be fun.

What are some things that you've not wanted to do but realized how simple it was? What's something that you've been putting off?

Don't be lazy, do it. In the mean time, anyone know a good patent attorney?

Greetings from the ER!

2010-10-04T13:15:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while you have to clean out your mailbox. I found this one and wanted to share it with you. What follows is an email I sent to some friends and family on July 8, 2001. It's titled "Greetings from the ER!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You're probably thinking, "I know thet ER is the
abbreviation for Emergency Room, but Darren must mean
something else." Let's see.....

So, compared to my last email, this one has a
different taste to it. The theme of this weekend was
I really have fun with my family, and being with some
of my friends literally pains me.

I woke up in a coffin. I could see a light near my
feet and a blue line on the top going the full length
of this thing. "Darren, are you alright? We're going
to run a few more tests now." a voice said all around
me. Where am I?

The weekend began with the arrival of my parents and
grandmothers. Dinner was nice, the whole family was
sitting around the table and I told my Nantucket Saga
(if you haven't heard about it...where've you been?)
and my aunt several times said to my 9 year old
cousin, "don't you ever do this."

The kids and I played together until midnight when it
was time to go. I stopped by the boys at 35 Fanueil
as a few were about to go out. I joined them for a
few beers at midnight, but sadly we couldn't get into
a club due to a 20year old with us, so we ended up in
a smoke filled bar. It reeked and I left early.
Should have just gone home.

Saturday, the family and I have a great time. Whether
you live in Boston or just visit for a weekend, you
really should take a Duck Tour. We did this with a
wonderful tour guide named Penny Wise. Hilarious
guide. If you are unfamilar with Duck Tours, they are
1940s amphibious trucks that ride around Boston and
then drive into the Charles River. Be sure to tell
your friends this before boarding, as I learned one
Italian women thought Penny had gone mad when she
drove into the river!

After the touristy Duck Tour, spend the $6.00 and go
to the top of the Prudential. 50 floors up is a great
few.

From there, the family and I walked around a while and
went back to my uncle's where we had a marvelous
dinner of Salmon, babaganoish, veggies, and dessert of
fresh home made flan with freshly cut fruit. My aunt
is a wonderful chef.

Midnight comes around again and I leave. Like
Cinderella at midnight running away, I run back to 35
Faneil. Why don't I ever just go home!

"Hey."

"Hey." "What's up?" "Hey" are the responses.

" I want to go for a bike ride." says Dave. "Anyone
game?"

"Let's go." I borrowed Dan's bike and since Dave was
putting on a helmet, I borrow Matt's helmet. We ride,
and ride. Bumps come and go. Dave suggests riding
near the water the veers to the right as I go to the
left.
Little do I know, I'm off the bike path now and on the
walking path. Dave and Brian follow and a short
distance. I speed up, glancing at the beautiful calm
Charles river to my left.

My bike comes to a sudden and hard stop! I fly
through the air as the bike flips over. I'm Superman!
I fall, land on my head (good call with the helmet),
land on my face, shoulder, and arms. OWWWW! I'm
Christopher Reeve! The pain in my face and neck is
like a 1,000 bee stings. The guys rush over. Brian is
calm. " Just a scratch, Darren." he says as he reachs
in his pocket, pulls out a cell phone, and dials 911.

Dave's white shirt is off and is folded on my face.
He's on Storrow Drive trying to flag down a police car.
Soon an ambulence arrives and my view of ceilings
begins. I have a view of many ceilings for the next 8
hours. The people at Beth Israel say, "please don't
let him be drunk." "Bike Accident." "Oh, good." (What!?)

I'm on a board and doctors come and go. Catherine, a cute resident, remains throughout the night. I
wonder if she's single. hmmm.. My curiousity stays
there. X-rays reveal not much, but to be safe Cat scans.
Dave and Brian come and go. 5 am Brian has to
go home, Dave comes back with my car. Sees a friend
with a famous alcoholic singer's name and drives this
alcholic home. Dave's still with me as mom, dad, and
(oh great) grandma comes in at 5am. The Cat scan
doesn't reveal much. I fall asleep for a few minutes
and I wake up. I'm in a coffin.

"Darren, this is an MRI, we'll be done in 20 minutes."
I really have to pee, but the rhythm of the machine
is quite soothing, until that is the banging of the
radiation and magnetic fields going through my body
begins. An hour and a half later they pull me out and
bring me downstairs. If you look at the ceilings
long enough constellations form. I saw a man sitting
on a toilet, horses, a cloudy looking
man, and a 50. Man, this morphine is making my legs
heavy.

5 minutes after I fill a pitcher, a doctor comes in.
Darren, you're a free man. Sprains and ugly cuts.
It's 11am, I bid farewell to the rents and go to bed.

Great weekend.

Comments from friends back then:
DARREN- Sorry to hear about your accident...I do hope your feeling
better...shall I bring you food or something.   Are you resting...are you
sore...did you get any stitches...???? One thing is for sure, you should be
writing novels...I was at the edge of my seat the whole time. Please let me
know how you are and if there's anything I can do...

Peace Isabel

Darren,

Thanks for the great email. As if we needed
more reason to think you were the man. Never
bike ride with Brian and Dave--that's like
combining bleach and amonia.

Sean

That was the scariest e-mail I've read in a while. It was
also one of the most well written. Very impressive! If I
had been up there, is there any chance that the sequence of
events that led to your accident would have been different?

Let's talk. I hope you're ok.
Adam

Going verses Want to.

2010-10-01T17:36:00.000-07:00

Over the summer I watched no television, movies and DVDs yes, but no television. Now that I am in transition between my old life and my new one, I have been vegging out like mad. Castle, Grey's, Community, 30 Rock, Entourage (on Demand), and more have been consuming my post work time. It's mostly because I am SOOO TIRED when I get home from work. I am not settled into this routine yet. I can't go to bed at 8pm even though I have an alarm on my phone that tells me to each night. I do go to bed at 10 or so, but getting up at 2:20am to be at work by 3am stinks!! I was late everyday this week, but I stilled pulled in some OT by taking short lunches.

Saturday afternoon football.

I watched some tv this afternoon, but opted to erase the vast majority of my preplanned future recordings, and I am not going to get into any new shows. Lone Star looked interesting but was cancelled after two episodes. The Event looks pretty conspiracy like , but I missed two already and my life i just fine. No new television for me.

What I do have is some books that I want to read. My journal that needs to be written in and some programs that I want to learn to use more. I've installed Rosetta Stone - Italian on my computer as well as a photo program called Pixelmator. If I can get Photoshop that would be really cool, but I am not spending $500 on software. Rosetta Stone was a gift.

The main point of this to get busy living and make sure you are going to to what you say you are going to to.

I stopped saying, "I'm going to..." do something unless a plan is in process. I used to say I'm going to travel the world teaching English. I'm going to open a chicken wings franchise. I'm going to move to Colorado. Only one of those is happening. The others are things that I would like to do. I would like to travel the world. I would like to open a chicken wing franchise, but I am not going to use the verb going until I do it.

Dad and me at Vail in March

I am going to play football tomorrow. I am going to do the Improv Everywhere MP3 experiment tomorrow evening. I'm going to learn a little Italian. I am going to start experimenting with the photo software. (Update: See below.) These are going to happen.

What's something you would like to do? What's something you are going to do?

MP3 Experiment: http://www.improveverywhere.com

Football: http://www.meetup.com/flagfootball-84/

Possible chicken wing franchise: www.wingsover.com

Check it out, my first attempt at the photo editing software. I removed the background!

A reason to change.

2010-09-28T10:27:00.000-07:00

Being 32, recently single, changing jobs, moving states, and losing some married weight is an adventure. This song keeps coming back to me and making me think, and I wanted to share it with you. It's by Hoobastank.:

"The Reason"

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You

and the reason is You [x3]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This song reminds me that I am not the only person to go through a hurtful break-up. As much as I was hurt in the relationship, so was R. This blog, the first entry, has completely caused the demise of what little was left of the relationship. I feel that that is a good thing because it severs the last remaining string in the relationship. I am ready to move on. I'm not quite dating yet, but I am more social.

Have you hurt someone in the past? How so? Did you change? Does the other person know that you changed?

Fulfilling Unrealized Dreams

2010-09-20T18:28:00.000-07:00

I never played in organized football. I don't watch football. I know nothing about football. I joined a flag football team.

This past Saturday I was playing flag football in Roosevelt Park with a my Meetup group (http://www.meetup.com/flagfootball-84/) and no one seemed to want to be Quarterback for our advancement.

I took a shot at it. As you can see in the picture, I tossed the ball, it wasn't intercepted and my teammate caught it, advancing us ten yards. I QBed again and made it another "ten yards." On the third down, I threw the ball to Alex who caught it at the end of the end-zone with only one hand. Way to go Alex! Way to go me! I lived in Boston when the Patriots won the Super Bowl and imagined how cool it would be to be Tom Brady, and for a few minutes, I felt great. Wow, I threw three completions for a touchdown! So Cool!

Of course, then I QBed again and had two interceptions. Brought me back to Earth. I look forward to playing again this weekend.

What successes have you unexpectedly had that brought you some excitement?

Dreams and Lessons

2010-09-17T02:58:00.000-07:00

On my way home from Boy Scout camp twenty years ago, my father and I hit some traffic, so we started chatting about life. He taught me two lessons then that I have used most of my life, but have giving a lot of thought to lately. The second lesson was when passing cars always look at their front left tire just to make sure they aren't about to come into your lane. Pretty useful lesson.

The first lesson was to do anything that you have to do to survive. This came about while talking about not being killed during a genocide, but can be used in day to day living. For the past ten years, like many of you, I have done jobs to pay the bills, pay the rent/mortgage, date money, and a little savings. I haven't yet had a job that I loved.

If you've read below, you know that I will be moving to Colorado in December to pursue a dream of living in that state. I took a job that's pretty simple, but pays okay, has benefits, and housing so it's a good start. It also comes with a free season pass to Aspen and some other mountains, so that's a great benefit. Once the winter is over, I will be looking for a new job. Actually, I will be looking for a new job all winter, but hopefully starting it after winter's over. Anyway, I hope to be happier and emotionally more successful in my new state and mind.

Several of my friends have also decided to pursue their dreams. One made his dream into his job. The other has been in a very successful career for ten years and is now adding to his career a side job just for the enjoyment of it.

In 2005, Matt was a recent UMass graduate who joined the corporate world. Like most people, he hated the corporate world so he decided to save up some money, quit his job, and travel the world for a year. He came back a year and a half later. Once back he completed his MBA (all his friends know this since he signs his emails with MBA after his name), and got back on a plane. He's used his business knowledge to travel the world, write a successful and profitable blog, and make his dream into his job. He seems pretty happy to me. Check out his website at http://www.nomadicmatt.com/.

My other friend, Ben, has been a very successful day trader in New York Ciry since 2001. He recently purchased a nice one bedroom on the upper west side, got married to a beautiful, super smart (she married him), and cultured woman, and is (ahem....hope I'm not the first to reveal this) expecting his first child in a few months. Since I first met him many years ago at UMass (http://www.umass.edu/) he has been extremely fit. For a short period after I graduated, I lived with his family while I was looking for a place of my own. Each day he would do 100 crunches and then go jogging for an hour. He also built his own bike path in the woods near his house. About a year ago, he took classes on the side to be a professional trainer and has passed his exam. Although he is still trading stocks, he's now also a personal trainer who does his workouts in Central Park. Check out his sight at http://www.barefootbenny.com/

Like these two, I will be soon embarking on my own adventure. Hopefully it will bring me as much happiness as their dreams have. A lesson I've learned on my own is that you really have to love what you do, otherwise the days will drag on and before you know it, you'll be too old to care about the dreams.

What lessons have you learned? What dreams have you followed?

For Sale: Tickets to Phantom of the Opera

2010-09-14T13:25:00.000-07:00

Husbands sometimes know what their wives want, but don't get it for them. It could be because they don't like the thing. Not the case here. It could be laziness. Maybe. It could be that the wife has already had this thing multiple times and it usually pre-amped a soon to be break-up. Possibly the case here.

Since my marriage has already ended, I thought, "hey, let me spend a lot of money on a gift she always wanted." Popular opinion among friends and second thoughts here have lead me to believe that this isn't a good idea. Thus, for the same price I paid, I offer:

2 Orchestra seats Row L Seats 109 and 110 to Phantom of the Opera. New York City. Saturday, November 6, 2010. 2pm.

$265

As of 11:00am I am divorced.

2010-09-13T09:43:00.001-07:00

Well, it's official, I'm single again. The text message from her just came in and our separation is over, our divorce is here. I'm not married.

Tears are swelling up in my eyes as I write this. I feel relieved that I don't have the responsibilities of supporting a wife and home. I feel good that I don't have her tribulations to deal with any more. I feel like a complete failure that I was fired from being a husband. I feel as if I let down and broke the heart of the only person to truly love me who wasn't required to by law. I feel so sad.

Like men, women have issues of their own. For her I have removed those issues.

Although I never read any, I assume all of the self-help books say that one must write about their flaws in order to make them better. These are things I did that helped end my marriage. My issues. R. always said I was selfish. I recently spent a lot of time in the garage making Adirondack chairs out of skis. I worked on one for a month. The second for two weeks and the third for a week. Why did I do all of this instead of being at my wife’s side? Perhaps it was my way of coping since I had just recovered from testicular cancer surgery and was coming to terms with the fact that I will never have any natural children of my own. My father taught me to accept the things that I couldn’t change and to move on from there. Some couldn’t understand why I wasn’t in tears and moaning over the never having children that were genetically mine. I was and am terribly sad that I can’t have children. Tears are going down my cheek right now. When I wasn’t doing my own thing, I was supporting her in coping with our loss. She didn’t understand that I was being a man and taking care of her and casting aside my own emotions. I hurt. Of course I hurt, but I was trying, albeit poorly, to support her.

We were often together all weekend, but once in a while I needed a little me time. The one thing I wanted to do, might have lead to the demise of our marriage. I didn’t need to ride the New York City subway in my underwear with 3,000 other people, but I wanted to. I needed to do something for myself. (http://improveverywhere.com/2010/01/18/no-pants-subway-ride-2010/).

I was lonely the whole time. I wished she was with me. I wished I could share this experience with her, but she didn’t come.

(Section removed for her.)

Our marriage has been officially over for an hour and a half now. I’m sad but I don’t regret the whole thing. It wasn’t a waste of six years. I skied Colorado and Vermont with her. I saw Carmina Burana and Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony with her. Her wanting to have a child saved my life. Without her, I wouldn’t have found my tumor. I could be dead or really suffering right now if it wasn’t for her. I witnessed utter kindness towards animals with her and I felt true love from her. R once said to me, “Honey, I think you have ADD, maybe you should get tested.” I didn’t think so, but since we went our own ways I gave it more thought. Now after seeing a counselor and being tested, I am on minor medication to help me get focused. These are things that I wouldn’t have experienced without her. Could I have written all of this without it, I don’t know. But if I can focus more clearly on work and life, then for this, I thank her.

To her: I am so sorry that our marriage did not work. You have meant a lot to me and I thank you for the years we spent together. I wish you nothing but happiness, children, and love in the future. I wish your parents success in their new move and your wonderful dog, G., many years of running and playing with your mother.

As for me, I’m going to pursue some dreams before getting into another relationship.

Goal #1: Move to Colorado for at least a year.

Way to achieve this goal: Get a job- Check- Working this winter at Aspen.

Get a house- Check- Got a shared apartment in Snowmass.

Move there- Soon.