A regular Dating Tales reader let us know about a recent text message debacle of her own. After just a few short months on Match.com, she met a real cutie. She shared her digits, and he was quick to send her a text saying he looked forward to meeting her. She responded saying the following week worked best. “Maybe dinner or would you rather do drinks?” she asked in a friendly text.

This is when things started to get weird. She says he wasn’t reading her texts and just kept repeating himself. Every day that week he texted to see if she could get together. She responded every second or third text with … “Like I said, I’m busy this week. Let’s get together next week.”

Guess how many times this eager lad text messaged our fellow Dating Tales reader?

1) 10 times

2) 17 times

3) 25 times

4) 39 times

In just four short days he text messaged her 25 times. And of those 25 texts, he asked to see her that night on 12 different occasions.

Unfortunately, our friend had to take her excitement over the cutie, crumple it up, and throw it out the online dating window. She finally said: “Look, you seem like a nice guy, but I can’t see you this week and probably not ever.”

This was his response: “Sorry, I know I get excited. I just want to meet you. What are you doing tonight?”

I’m not kidding. This guy has no limits. Learn from this eager man’s mistakes and don’t ruin your chances for a first date with text messages.

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Hmmm. Me neither.

A friend of mine recently returned from a date, somewhat horrified, because her date admitted to his bathroom problem. The conversation went something like this:

He says: Do you like to run?

She says: No, not really. I’m more of a walker.

He says: Oh, well I love to run. Only problem is the bathroom issue.

She says: The bathroom issue?

He says: Yeah, sometimes I have to throw my pants away after.

She says: Can’t you just duck behind a tree and take care of it?

He says (with a quizzical look on his face): Oh, not that kind.

Obviously, my friend was more than stunned. She was grossed out.

Following their awkward meal, they stood in line and waited in awkward silence to see a movie. When he did finally speak, he chose to make fun of an elderly couple ahead of them in line.

Later, as they sat in his car in front of her apartment, he went in for a kiss, but she turned away. He went in for another kiss and this time when she turned away she managed to hit her face on the glass and his lips ended up somewhere in her hair.

The date finally ended and her mind was more than made up. The next day she sent him an email saying she didn’t feel that “spark” with which he responded: “I should’ve known better than to drop a 50-spot on dinner.”

He must’ve forgotten that he made her pay for the movie tickets. And, why does that even matter? He ate too, right? Maybe if he kept his pooping problem to himself none of it would have mattered.

Creative Commons Image Credit: AnyJazz65

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A – Adorable
B – Bangin’
C – Clever
D – Dashing
E – Exceptional
F – French. Just say any word in French and she (or) will take it as a compliment.

G – Gorgeous
H – Hellllloooooo
I – Icy hot
J – Jumpin’
K – Killer
L – Lovely
M – Magnificent
N – Never better
O – One of a kind
P – Pure beauty (for the gal) Prime (for the guy)
Q – Quirk (be sure to use it in a cute, fun kind of way)
R – Righteous
S – Splendid or Smart
T – Titillating
U – Unbelievable
V – Vivacious
W – Wild
X – This is a dumb letter:)
Y – Yummy
Z – Zoomin’

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1. Laugh at his jokes. Maybe even touch his harm a little as you throw your head back in hysterical laughter. Kidding about the hysterical laughter part, but not about the occasional touch.

2. Make it obvious you’re looking at his bod’. Don’t be pervy about it by scanning him up and down, but rather glance. Unlike women, men enjoy being checked out.

3. Don’t forget that body language can be incredibly effective in telling someone you like them. Remember how his knees say they like you? Yours knees can say that too.

4. Ask a lot of questions. There’s no better way to tell someone you’re interested than by asking lots of questions. Don’t get too personal, but don’t be too vague either. Questions such as “Why did you like the movie?” and “What’s your dream job?” will yield more interesting results than “What’s your favorite movie?” and “What do you do?”

5. Tell him you’re impressed by something he says or does. The best dating compliments will go a long way.

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The simple reason for better vacation sex: Because you are someone else when you are somewhere else, because you are able to leave all your every day garbage behind.

The complicated reason: The part of your brain that is associated with stress is also associated with your orgasm. No joke.

When you are worried, preoccupied, nervous, etc. your sex drive goes into decline. A small sex drive and a stressful weight on your chest means you’re less likely to have an orgasm.

On the other hand, when you are on vacation you manage to leave a lot of that behind you. The vacation version of you is eating good food, soaking up the sunshine, doing your favorite activities, spending time with someone you love, or meeting new people that make your heart go pitter patter. All of these activities make you feel more confident and more energetic.

When you are happy your brain releases dopamine, which is a hormone that leaves you feeling a bit euphoric. Add the dopamine on top of your stress-free mind and body, and you have one rockin’ night of sex.

There are, of course, a few more reasons why vacation sex is better and more frequent. For example, you don’t have to set your alarm or go to work. And then top that off with the fact that you are probably drunk.

Here’s to vacation sex. I hope you get to have some soon.

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2. A hairy gorilla. I mean, really.

3. Chances are high that he will be too much like your ex. You don’t need to relive that whole scenario.

4. Undoubtedly, a bed hog.

5. When you look in his eyes it might seem like you have a lot in common, but he’ll never understand your need for handbags, pedicures, and happy hours.

6. His chest pounding and roaring will be a turn on at times. Doesn‘t everyone like a man in charge? Just beware. Sometimes the bossiness gets old.

7. You’ll hate holding hands. All that walking around on his fists means he’s got crazy calluses. I won’t even get started on his fingernails.

8. Your gorilla boyfriend will be a loner.

9. He rarely smiles. The only way to know a gorilla is happy is when he hands you a piece of grass.

10. When you ask questions he’ll respond with a “ipfh.” Then, you’ll be all like, “what?” And then again he’ll say, “ulf.” In other words, he’s a mumbler.

Tired of only dating gorillas when you know there is a teddy bear out there who you will just adore? Try the Dating Tales online dating profile writing service and have your online profile professionally written. Our clients are finding more people to date on sites such as Match.com and Yahoo! Personals than ever before.

Creative Commons Image Credit: Kjunstorm

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Creative Commons Image Credit: Striatic

Today, in dating news…

Online Dating Goes Old School With Phones

It won’t be the first time major online dating sites incorporate VoIP, but with the latest technology from the company Jajah, it might actually stick around this time.

According to Tech Crunch, Jajah is working with both eHarmony and Match to develop a system that allows online daters to call other users over the Internet. This means that if you meet someone you like, you don’t necessarily have to give out your phone number–all you have to do is connect via Internet (kind of like Skype, except more private).

Dating, Especially in New York, is Recession Proof

According to the New York Times, online dating has not fallen on hard times during this discouraging financial period. Good news for those of you looking to find love online. Looks like the numbers of available bachelors and bachelorettes are up and so are your chances.

Cougars, Cougars Everywhere

We like the cougar phenomenon, and apparently Hollywood likes them too. Read USA Today’s article about all them cougar’s showing up in film, including the recently released movie, Cheri, with Kathy Bates and Michelle Pfeiffer.

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If writing isn’t your strength, then there is no harm in asking for a little help.

There is a caveat here, though. While it is okay to have someone write your profile, the information presented in that profile still needs to represent you fairly. Every paragraph, every sentence, and every piece of a list within your profile needs to be true and should be written to match your personality.

Even with a professional writing service you have to work with the writer to develop something that fits who you are and the person you are looking to date. If your profile doesn’t represent you fairly, then yeah, I guess having your dating profile written by someone else isn’t ethical.

So, if you have someone write your profile, complete their questionnaire truthfully and provide as much insight into who you are as possible. Also, don’t be afraid to ask for revisions. If you don’t like the first draft of what they wrote, then offer suggestions for improvement.

The E-mail Writing Debate

On countless occasions I have been asked to write e-mails or help clients write an e-mail to someone they’ve met online. Unfortunately, I have to draw a line here. While I want to help beyond just the profile writing, I think this is a little too Roxanne. (Remember that movie?)

A writer can help you present the best version of you, but they can’t pretend to be you. Especially by holding conversations either online or off. The person you are introducing yourself to and getting to know, needs to know all thoughts are yours, not concocted by someone else.

I do offer an alternative though. See my previous blog posts about online icebreakers and sample online dating e-mails to get ideas for e-mail topics.

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