Dating Unwoven

Long Distance Relationship Ideas: 4 Ways to Show You Care

2013-11-22T20:54:00.000-05:00

In many ways, long distance relationships thrive on ideas.

Long distance couples aren't together in person as often as non-distance couples can be, and lacking that physical component can challenge the relationship sometimes.

But fortunately, long distance couples have ideas to share with each other, and sharing those ideas can help close the gap created by physical distance. Sometimes your ideas may be profound -- like hopes and dreams. Other times, sweet gestures of affection that show you care can can do the trick.

In a long distance relationship? Here are ideas for kind gestures to share with your loved one.

1. Send snail mail. We can communicate faster than ever, often caught up in a blur of emails, texts, and video chats. While all that stuff is great for keeping a relationship live and well, there is something special and personal about receiving a hand-written note. Consider writing one to your significant other and sending it their way.

2. Give them something they can keep with them. You may not be there in person, but you can send over a gift that would be easy to carry. Of course, the ideal gift would depend on your partner. They may like a necklace, or a picture, or maybe even a personalized key chain that expresses how you care. In short, something simple and portable.

3. Suggest a date night. Rather than relying on daily catch-ups, try having a "date night." Share a meal via Skype/FaceTime/etc. Follow it with a movie you watch at the same time. In other words, have a leisurely evening together, even if you're far apart.

4. Surprise them with a visit. Not everyone has the cash to pull this off (or the time, if you're really far away), but if you can pull it off without too much duress, consider a surprise visit. Have an idea of your partner's schedule for the weekend before starting your travels, though. You don't want to drop by on a really busy weekend!

Don't let physical space get the best of your long distance relationship. Simple ideas can go a long way in showing you care, which forges an emotional connection that can overcome miles.

Ex has PTSD? Recent breakup? 3 tips on how to heal.

2013-11-21T11:48:00.000-05:00

It's no secret that ending a relationship is difficult, even if it's an amicable split. But if you're fresh from a relationship where your partner suffered from PTSD, the breakup can be downright disorientating.

Here, we're going to talk about healing. Not bitterness, or anguish, or woulda-coulda-shoulda. It's healthy and expected to experience some of those things during a split, but getting stuck there too long can do a number on your well-being.

While some of these tips can apply to any and all breakup woes, others are geared toward partners who may be experiencing indirect effects of being close to someone with post traumatic stress disorder.

Supporting someone with PTSD can sometimes compromise psychological state (especially if the sufferer is not receiving treatment), and breakups are notoriously difficult, but you can heal from all of it. Here are three tips to get you started.

1. Get help.

Of course, the default advice is to reach out to someone who can provide professional help. For many leaving relationships with post traumatic stress sufferers, this is important and critical advice. More often than not, PTSD affects both the sufferer and the care-givers. An honest self assessment about the extent of the impact can help you determine whether you could benefit from more structured care as you move on.

Even if you don't seek face-to-face professional guidance, there are many resources available for better understanding PTSD and its possible effect on you, the care-giver. Some examples are the book Shock Waves and Courage Under Fire. Even though these books are positioned towards individuals and families working through the complications of PTSD, they're still useful resources for unpacking some of the complicated emotions and reactions that may be swirling around your head.

A quick note, though. Don't get too hung up on this stuff. Get educated, yes. Work through it. But also try to recognize when education is slipping into obsessive thinking about the past.

2. Write a letter. Don't send it.

One of the most challenging hurdles for relationships and PTSD is feeling an inability to connect. It affects sufferer and partner alike. In the aftermath of a breakup, this lack of connection can manifest into icy cold silence that haunts the partner.

A gut reaction may be to reach out. Get answers. Tie up loose ends.

In most cases, that won't happen. And it sucks. Chances are, the no contact rule will be your best option.

This is where writing a letter you don't send comes in handy. Scribble down all your feelings. Reflect on your past. Tell them what you want, what would make it all better.

An interesting thing may happen when you go to write your request that you think would solve it all. You may notice the request is not possible, really. That it's a wish for a person who, if you're being honest, isn't there anymore. At least, not for the foreseeable future.

You may then slowly accept that, while your pain is valid, your wishes are unlikely to happen. And that you may gradually accept the relationship's demise.

3. Ground yourself. (In a good way.)

We're not talking punishment here -- we're talking about staying in the moment.

Chances are you've grown accustomed to navigating a world where flashbacks can throw everything off kilter. And now that you're away from the relationship, you may be having flashbacks of your own, trying desperately to make sense of what happened and what went wrong.

Caught up in an episode from the past? Ground yourself in the present.

Near a chair? Touch it. Grab a cup of coffee, perhaps. Maybe you would benefit from focusing on something in front of you. Others prefer to return to a mantra, or perhaps the lyrics of a song they really love.

Whatever brings you back to the present, use it. And stay with it. Allow thoughts of the past to fade.

PTSD is notoriously difficult on relationships, and the aftermath of a breakup where a partner was suffering from post traumatic stress can be similarly demanding. These tips are far from conclusive, but they should be a decent start for developing a new stage in your life that you can celebrate.

Unable to Sleep After a Bad Breakup? 5 Tips to Help You Snooze

2013-08-17T13:27:00.001-04:00

The worst breakups do more than affect your thoughts during the day -- they can leave you unable to sleep at night, too. And restless nights just add to the negative cycle!

If this is happening to you, don't despair. Here are five tips for helping you get to sleep after a breakup.

1. Cut the caffeine

This is pretty standard advice, but at no time is it more important than when you've got a lot on your mind. You can't afford to be amped up from caffeine when you're struggling to sleep. Cut out caffeinated drinks four to six hours before you plan to get shut eye.

2. Get exercise

Again, this advice is pretty standard for those seeking better sleep, but you should take it very seriously in the aftermath of a romantic split. Not only can exercise help you get over the breakup, it forces you to expend energy so you're thoroughly tired at the end of the day.

3. Write down your feelings

Turns out, jotting down emotions can be good for your health. While there is a bit of a divide about how social media plays into this -- does publicizing your emotions have the same benefits, or can be there be backlash? -- most researchers have found that private, expressive writing sessions have physical benefits.

Here's a tip: a few hours before you plan to sleep, write down how you're feeling in a private journal. This can help get toxic emotions off your chest relatively close to when you're going to sleep, but the process won't be so close to bedtime that you'll be wrestling with fresh wounds as you attempt to slip into slumber.

4. Cut yourself some slack

We exist in a society propelled by benchmarks. Often, folks dealing with a broken heart also have the anxiety of wondering: Why am I not over this yet? Shouldn't I be feeling better now?

This anxiety often compounds the stress of heartbreak!

Next time you're unable to sleep, breathe. Stop judging yourself. You're on your own path -- abandon the benchmarks. This isn't a matter that's resolved "quickly" or "slowly." Focus on recovering one day at a time.

In the quiet stillness of your bedtime routine, remind yourself of this fact.

5. Stretch deeply.

Deep stretches -- like what can be found in yin yoga practice (although they're not referred to as stretches) -- can help you work through darker periods of your life. First, by holding a stretch (or asana, if you're doing yoga) for a long time, you're forced into stillness. You're at one with your mind, forced to contend with the thoughts frantically whirling around and, with practice, you learn to acknowledge and then let go of them.

But there are additional physical perks of deep stretches. Stretches trigger tiny tears in muscles, which releases endorphins and often makes the experience pleasant. It also makes muscles feel more relaxed, which can make sleep more easily attainable.

Next time you find yourself unable to sleep after a bad breakup, try out these tips for getting much-needed slumber.

Dealing with a Break-Up: 3 Types of Exercise That Help You Get Over a Painful Split

2013-06-22T16:16:00.000-04:00

One of the most challenging parts of life is dealing with a break-up. Sure, it's tough to get over a split with friends and family, but losing a romantic relationship is especially brutal.

A lot of post-breakup stereotypes tend to involve heartbroken former loves who are crying, venting to friends, and devouring tubs of ice cream. These steps all have their place in the grieving cycle!

Here's another thing that can help you get over the loss of a romantic partnership: exercise! Read on for three types of exercise that can help you deal with a break-up.

1. Yoga

Sure, yoga has a fitness component, but its stress-reduction benefits are probably the most valuable for anyone going through a stressful breakup.

The best part is, anyone can practice it. Find sequences that suit your level and respect your edge.

2. Running

Ever heard of "runner's high?" It's where endorphins flood the brain, usually after a grueling run, which leaves you feeling great (even on days when you wake up feeling bleh).

Next time you're wallowing in post-breakup blues, pop on some running shoes and go for a long run. You'll be in a better mental place for it.

3. Swimming

Beyond the physical benefits, swimming has mental benefits too. There is evidence to suggest that water-based exercise improves mood in men and women.

Relationships end, but your good mood doesn't have to end with them! Exercise is a great way of dealing with a break-up. You'll still have tough days, but establishing a regular exercise routine could make the process easier.

How to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back... When She Hates You!

2013-02-17T15:26:00.000-05:00

You may have liked the freedom of being single at first, but now you're constantly wondering how to get your ex girlfriend back. To make matters worse, you're pretty sure she hates you.

Ouch.

It's never easy to win back an ex girlfriend, but when she hates you too? That's a tough situation.

Here are some tips to help you win her back.

Figure out where you messed up.

OK, she hates you. But why? Figure out which of your actions made her so angry.

(Disclaimer: they should be legitimate reasons. Otherwise you may be trying to get back with a woman who isn't good for you! For example, flirting with other girls all the time? Good reason for her to be angry. Mad about eating your food too slowly? Stay away from her!)

(Second disclaimer: If things ended because you were a jerk, think carefully about whether it's fair to loop her back in.)

Start changing your behavior for real.

Girls can usually tell when you're putting on an act. If you want to change for the better so that you can get your ex girlfriend back, you need to change for real. Do it for you, away from her.

For example, if she grew concerned that you weren't motivated enough to be her partner because you had just been fired from your job and were partying every day, start motivating yourself! Get your actions in order. Become the motivated man she aspired for you to be.

(Disclaimer: you must also want to be that kind of man, but perhaps hadn't in the past out for whatever reason. Don't become someone you're not; be the better version of yourself you aspire to be. If she's good for you, chances are she wants the same thing for you.)

Take your time.

It's usually not idea to hop in and out of relationships, but it's even more rocky if one partner has deep emotional baggage about their partner. Take your time with rekindling your romance! Even if she shows hints that she may want to get back together, resist the urge to dive in. It could backfire.

Don't promote jealousy.

Some men try to flaunt their conquests in front of the woman they want to be with, as though they're trying to say: Look how desirable I am!

For some women, this may work, but think about it: you would only attract the type of woman who wants what she can't have, not what she really wants. To start things on healthier footing, keep jealousy out of the mix. Feel free to date (you're single!), but don't rub it in your ex's face, thinking it will inspire her to run back into your arms. Probably won't work, and will only make things worse.

Know when you're defeated.

She may want nothing to do with you. At least not for a long, long time. If that seems to be the case, don't drag it out. Resist investing loads of emotional energy into a partnership that isn't to be.

Besides, if you keep going after her, you could completely obliterate your chances of getting back with her some time in the distant future.

Relationships are complicated, and ending them is even worse. Sometimes men realize what they had after that person is gone, forcing them to frantically wonder: How can I get my ex girlfriend back?!

A good mentality to have when trying to win an ex back, especially if she seems to hate your guts, if the idea that you're making life improvements for you and if she doesn't return, it will be difficult, but you will be able to find someone else.

The Challenges of Leaving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

2013-02-16T22:35:00.001-05:00

Leaving a person you love (or once loved) is a challenge. For many, moving on is even harder.

But leaving someone with borderline personality disorder? Very difficult!

Sure, some folks out there may get on just fine, many people claim that getting out of a relationship with a person suffering from borderline personality disorder is one of the most challenging things they have had to face.

Here are four challenges that can be unique to leaving someone with borderline personality disorder (otherwise known as BPD).

1. You may still want to help your ex. When someone is suffering, it is natural to want to help. And in the case of someone with BPD, they need assistance. But here's the thing: it can't be from you. And for a couple reasons.

First of all, if your partner hasn't pursued treatment, or not much, they need time (and visits to a psychologist / psychiatrist) to get things in order as an individual. They're not ready for a relationship.

Secondly, if you try anyway, you could get very hurt. Many suffering from borderline -- particularly if they haven't formed strategies for dealing with their symptoms -- can have cycles of being downright nasty and unwittingly manipulative to their loved ones, and for reasons beyond their control. (Not that it justifies it, but it makes things more complicated.) Sometimes you need to know when to protect yourself.

2. You may remember the good times (too much). The early days of relationship with someone with BPD are often idyllic. They seem wonderful. And you? They practically worship you. Even if you questioned their adoration, eventually you went along for the rise.

When the relationship ends, those loving, warm memories of early days can come back to haunt you. They block out the bad stuff, sometimes tempting you to return to a toxic relationship.

3. You might have to contend with the pain of knowing they hate you. People suffering from BPD struggle with intimacy, and often that means splitting a loved one black. In other words, it feels like you're being demonized by someone without really understanding why.

It sucks when someone hates you, but to not get the reasons behind it? To know that you haven't done anything that would qualify you for a circle in hell? It can be brutal!

4. You may struggle to put your finger on the truth. Alright, so truth is relative. It's one of those philosophical quandaries you can discuss for hours on end. But in many cases, you can form some version of the truth (up for review, of course) without tearing your hair out.

Reflecting on a relationship with a borderline doesn't afford that privilege. You don't want to completely dismiss everything about your partner -- it would be reductionist to assume everything they said or did was untrue or shaped by BPD -- but it can be tough to figure out what the heck just happened in your relationship (or your life).

These issues are just the tip of the iceberg. You will likely encounter a laundry list of challenges when leaving someone with borderline personality disorder. However, no matter how challenging it may get, there are plenty of people who have walked this path before you. With perseverance and guidance, you can make it through!

Surviving a Breakup When Your Ex Has Borderline Personality Disorder

2013-02-16T19:24:00.001-05:00

When your partner has borderline personality disorder, the relationship can be a wild ride. Things usually start off great. But often it doesn't take long for the relationship to go sour, especially if your partner isn't getting treatment.

Surviving a breakup is difficult under any circumstance, but when your ex has BPD, it can be a whole different challenge.

Today I'm not going to be talking about what BPD is, how it affects relationships, and treatment options that are available. There's plenty of stuff floating around the Internet that deals with those (important!) topics. And chances are, if you've been involved with someone who has BPD, you've read a bunch of 'em!

Instead, I'm going to write about tips for surviving a breakup when your ex has borderline personality disorder. Some tips apply to most breakups; some are strictly for non-borderlines coming out of a relationship with someone who has the disorder.

1. Eat right, exercise, and get plenty of sleep. I know, I know, totally obvious. But important. And difficult to remember when your mind is spinning! Post notes around your home if you have to, but don't neglect your physical health! If you do, your psychological state will suffer along with your body.

2. Stop rationalizing. It's natural to break a failed relationship down, figure out what went wrong, and devise strategies for improvement that you can use in the future. When your ex has BPD, this tendency is not all that helpful. I'm not saying that relationships with people who have this disorder defy all comprehension, but it can be in a different ballpark than you're useful. (One that a trained member of the psychological community is best suited to navigate with you!)

3. Cut yourself some slack! Another tendency for non-borderlines post-breakup is to beat themselves up, chastising themselves for tiny things that would not summon so much as a blink in the vast majority of healthy relationships. Easier said than done, but if you know in your gut that you were a good partner (not perfect, but good) don't ruthlessly criticize yourself! Think: do you really deserve that kind of self-loathing?!

4. Keep your eyes to the future. Your relationship may have ended, but your life is FAR from over. I know that it is really, really challenging to get excited about the future when grappling with post-breakup depression, but try. Think about hobbies you want to do more. Friends you want to see. Skills you want to learn. Others in your social circle -- family and friends -- who love you. Your future is wide open! It may be scary, but it can also be exciting!

It is not easy to survive a breakup, and many breakups with folks who have borderline personality disorder tend to be pretty rough. But you can get through this!

4 Tips on How to Cope with a Long Distance Relationship

2013-01-29T15:30:00.000-05:00

Relationships are hard. Long distance relationships can be harder.

For many, it's difficult to know how to cope with a long distance relationship that, at times, seems to bring more pain and loneliness than joy.

You see couples out on the town and you want nothing more than your other half to be there. But you know you won't be seeing the one you love for some time -- not for another few weeks, maybe even months.

Unfortunately, there isn't a special recipe for how to cope with a long distance relationship. Each person has different needs, and each long distance couple takes on the challenge in different ways.

However, there are some tips that help most couples cope.

1. Set an end date.

Not knowing when the distance will end is a source of anxiety for even the most level-headed person. Sure, life can make it difficult to pinpoint a date, but you should really try to establish one. After all, the fact you're in a long distance relationship speaks to the fact you're involved with someone you want to hold on to; more most couples, that bond will loosen if you're in different parts of the world for years on end.

2. Establish routines.

Couples fall into routines. When you see someone in person regularly, it may be catching a show you love, or grabbing dinner at your favorite place. Establish routines with your long-distance love, too. Have date nights where you watch a movie together over the phone or simply times each week when you've promised to chat.

3. Remain vocal in your affection.

You have fewer kisses and hugs when you're miles apart. Without words reassuring the other person that they're loved and cherished, it can start to feel lonely being in long distance relationship. Let them know you love them.

4. Fill up your schedule.

It's hard to control how you respond to being alone; you can control how often you're alone, though. If you notice that it's more difficult to cope with your relationship when you're by yourself, dive into other activities. Go out with friends. Take a class. Join a meetup group.

For many people, it's hard to be away from a partner whose company they cherish. You can't find a set formula for how to cope with the loneliness that a long distance relationship can bring. However, most couples benefit from keeping routines, remaining vocal in their love, and staying busy. And better still, it helps if there's an end date on the horizon.

How to Apply the No Contact Rule When You Work Together

2013-01-28T14:20:00.001-05:00

When relationships end, many advise using the no contact rule. It offers a clean break and gives you both time and space to heal.

But what if you are co-workers? How can you successfully apply the no contact rule when you work together?

I'll be honest: it's tricky. And not entirely possible.

Rather than applying the no contact rule in the workplace, you may have to go with a different strategy: the limited contact rule.

Here are tips for applying the limited contact rule, a spin-off of the no contact rule, when you work with your ex.

Prioritize. Take a step back to figure which times, places, and topics will require interaction with you ex. I emphasize require because they should be truly important -- not excuses to talk. Similarly, pinpoint all the little interactions you had around the office that weren't so important and vow to ax them.
Set ground rules. Explain to your ex which communication you're comfortable with and which conversations you plan to avoid in the future. Be clear, calm, and polite. That way, he or she won't be mystified when your interactions with them change.
Limit out-of-office chatter. For many businesses, socializing with coworkers comes with the territory. Don't let this expectation creep up on how you interact with your ex. Avoid lengthy conversations outside of traditional office hours, especially in the early days of the breakup. Cut the conversation short if the topics veer into territory that hasn't made your list of priorities (see the first bullet).
Try to move within the company. This doesn't work as well for smaller companies, but if you have a large employer, actively seek out internal positions that they're hiring for. Of course, don't do anything that will compromise your career, but if you see a vacancy that is a good match, go for it. If you land the position, it could enhance your resume while giving you space from your ex.
Stay civil! No matter what happens, don't start slinging mud. You don't know if your ex will eventually serve as your supervisor, or will be contacted when you're on the hunt for new work. Keep your gaze towards the future and, no matter how bad you feel, don't cave into behavior driven by anger and hurt. It's not worth it.

The no contact rule is great for many couples going through breakups, but it's more difficult to use when you work with your ex. Instead, stick with a limited contact rule shaped by maturity and civility. And if the pain of working together proves to be too much, even months down the road, keep an open for new professional opportunities.

Should I Call My Long Distance Ex?

2013-01-27T14:31:00.001-05:00

You tried a long distance relationship and it didn't work out. Maybe you ended it; maybe your ex did.

Now you're in the rubble of a failed relationship and you're getting the urge to reach out to your former partner. Questions are springing to mind, like: Should I call my long distance ex?

Before you pick up the phone, read on to learn when calling a long distance ex is OK and when it's bad, bad idea.

Good reasons to call your long distance ex

1. You want to get back with them -- If you initiated the breakup and now you're realizing that it was a huge mistake, you need to do some damage control, pronto. Get in touch (if they'll let you) and try to ease back into a friendship with this person. Don't pressure them; don't jump in too fast. You broke up with them, remember? They're still healing.

This advice only applies to good people who made a bad decisions. Serial off-and-on daters who have ended relationships (and got back together) more than they can count on one hand need to step back to deal with their own issues before they bring someone else into their lives.

2. The split was mutual, but you still didn't take it well -- Let's say you had a pretty healthy relationship but the distance was too much. You didn't have enough time or money to see each other with any kind of regularity and your careers seemed to be splitting into polarized directions. You both saw the issues and decided to end it.

In the hurt of losing a relationship that you cherished, even though you knew it was impossible it was to sustain at this time, you started acting out. You may have even been a bit mean. It was out of character and you're embarrassed.

In that case, sure, call them up. Clear the air. Stay on good terms.

Bad reasons to call your long distance ex

1. You're lonely -- Hearing their voice may temporarily ease the loneliness but you will only feel it 100x worse once you've ended the call! Go out with friends instead!

2. You want to get back at them -- Not with them, but at them. Your pain from the breakup is raw, and perhaps you're reflecting on all the messed up stuff they did to you. You want to make them hurt, too.

Don't.

Channel your energy somewhere else. Don't even give them the benefit of knowing you're even thinking about them, negatively or otherwise.

The best revenge is living a full, happy life. Live it!

3. You want to be friends... but you're still in love with them -- It's so difficult to start friendships with someone you once loved, or whom you still love. Any gains you get from their companionship in phone conversations will probably be undermined by the constant reminders that your ex is moving on with their life, probably dating other people.

It'll suck. Don't resume friendship until you're over them.

4. You want to be friends, but they're still in love with you -- Maybe you've moved on and you still quite like having your ex in the picture. You have fun conversations and they know you so well. It's good to have them in your corner.

But if you know they're still in love with you, it's mean to drag their post-breakup healing out, especially if you still flirt a bit. You don't have to go fully no contact, but don't give your ex false hope -- that's not cool.

Recap

Sometimes calling a long distance ex is OK. If breaking up was a terrible idea, you need to get in touch to make it right. Just don't rush into anything. And even if you don't want to get back together, there are some occasions where you may want to clear the air and apologize for any bad, disrespectful behavior on your part.

However, for most people, the answer to Should I call my long distance ex? is No!

4 Signs That a Long Distance Relationship Isn't Working

2013-01-26T14:32:00.002-05:00

Sometimes you don't notice the signs at first. Something just feels off.

But eventually a clear, somber idea creeps into the back of your mind: My long distance relationship isn't working, is it?

It's no secret that long distance relationships are tough. They're not for everyone.

Wanting to hold on, some couples endure months, even years, of misery when they would have been much better off ending it.

What are some signs that a long distance relationship isn't working? How do you know if you should end your long distance relationship?

4 Signs That It's Time to End It

1. You're not happy now -- Forget about the past for a minute. Push those giddy days of falling in love to the side and focus on the here and now. Are you happy? How often has the relationship provided joy in the past week or month? And how often has it brought you down?

I'm not saying you should cut and run when times are tough. Couples hit rough patches. It happens.

What I am saying is that clinging to an unhappy present for the comfort of a once-happy past will probably lead you to a miserable future.

2. You're not invested in the relationship's success -- Being far away from a partner is too much hassle for people who aren't heavily invested in the partnership's success. You both need to want it work.

One of the most damning signs that a long distance relationship isn't working is when one of you has emotionally abandoned it. You may continue to make phone calls and send emails, but if the fire behind why you're sending them is gone, or if your partner feels the same, you have a potentially serious problem.

3. Your life plan changes -- Usually, couples who are apart have a finish line. They plan to be together in the future and they're clear about when that will be, and where. Having a line in the sand can keep the relationship chugging forward even in the most demanding of times.

You should consider ending the long distance relationship if it always seems impossible for you to ever close the distance. In other words, if neither of you will relocate, or if your plans for life shift dramatically, reconsider the merits of your relationship. Sure, you're getting emotional support now, but you could also be sabotaging yourself from meeting a partner who is better for you.

4. Your communication falters -- Communication is key. You can't talk past each other; you have to work together. And never-ending shouting matches can feel all the more painful when you don't have someone there in flesh and blood to interact with; frosty silences are perhaps even worse.

How to know if you should end a long distance relationship often boils down to this simple idea: No communication, no relationship. Period.

The signs that a long distance relationship isn't working can creep up on you at first. You may feel something is off, but you're not fully sure how you can know that you should end your long distance relationship. You love your significant other, after all, and breakups hurt.

Avoiding the issues don't help, though. Slowly the signs will erode everything you've tried to build. By noticing them before they spiral out of control you can work to fix them or, if they can't be mended, you can walk away before too much damage happens.

Your Ex Boyfriend and the No Contact Rule: What You Need to Know

2013-01-24T14:28:00.000-05:00

When relationships end, it hurts.

And when you're not even on speaking terms with your ex boyfriend after a breakup, it can really hurt.

But here's some good news for ladies who are feeling the pain of no contact. Even though the silence hurts, you can get through it.

And sometimes the no contact rule that's killing you right now is actually good for you. (Seriously.)

Here are some things you need to know about your ex boyfriend and the no contact rule after a breakup, like how to make the most of the distance, how long you should wait it out, and whether you'll ever be able to forget him.

What's the no contact rule?

It's a rule based on a simple idea: communication between exes should stop after the breakup. No texts. No emails. No late night phone calls about what went wrong.

Pull the plug. Stop communicating.

Why go no contact?

Unhealthy

Sometimes the reasons are manipulative. By withdrawing communication, one person believes, they can strike back at a person who cared for them. It can be really nasty when a dumper fluctuates between no contact and contact. So, they reach out to you one day, then they vanish for weeks afterwards.

It's like they're saying: I don't want you to move on with your life, but I don't want to be in your life either.

Healthy

The rule shouldn't be used for manipulation. It should be a way to heal.

No contact is about getting emotional distance from a draining, hurtful, broken union. It's a way to clear your head and get over jerks who were never emotionally available.

In other words, it's not about seeking revenge on an ex. It's about you.

What should you when following the no contact rule?

Stay busy! Dive into hobbies that you have always wanted to try, but never gave a chance. Throw yourself into work or school. Learn a new skill. And even though it's probably not a great idea to enter straight into a serious relationship, there's nothing to say you can't go on a few dates and meet new people.

There's a huge world out there that has nothing to do with your ex. Enjoy it!

How long should no contact last?

This is a tricky question and, if I'm being honest, there is no right answer. It depends on so many variables: how long were you dating, why did it end, and how civil do you act towards each other?

Because the thing is, when you make contact with an ex, you can be opening a wound. Months of emotional healing can vanish after one hurtful phone call. (It sucks.)

So you have to consider that when deciding the right time for you. As a rule of thumb, start contact when you're emotionally prepared to cross that bridge.

And please, only make contact if the relationship was fundamentally healthy! If your ex was abusive -- or if you were abusive to your ex -- let that ship sail. It's over. Move on.

Will you ever forget him?

Let's say you have decided never to return to the relationship. It wasn't healthy, and you need out. Or maybe he is with someone new.

In that case, will you ever forget your ex?

Completely? Probably not. But will you move on? Yes!

When you're in love, that person holds such tremendous value that it's inconceivable living a life without them. But after some time, you'll notice something cool happening: You'll start functioning as an individual.

Sure, you may have done before, but not to this extent. You can finally figure out who you are, what you offer, and ways you want to improve yourself.

You'll realize once you get past your breakup: Wait a second! There are other men out there!

You'll get the exciting opportunity to re-learn a new person and to reveal all the awesome layers of you.

Final thoughts

The no contact rule shouldn't be about manipulation. It's not a game.

It should be a way to put distance between you and your ex, which is an important step for all relationships that have come to a close, even more so if you were involved in a toxic partnership.

It's your chance to thrive emotionally away from your ex boyfriend.

It shouldn't be seen as a means of getting back with your ex. Instead, it's a way of coming into your own as an individual so that you're emotionally healthy for your next relationship, whether it is with a former flame or someone new.

7 Books to Buy Your Boyfriend for Christmas

2012-11-10T00:52:00.000-05:00

Buying presents for the holiday season can be a nightmare. What should you buy for your boyfriend when the relationship is still somewhat new and you're still feeling each other out? If he reads from time to time, there are several great book options that make great gifts for the man in your life. Read on to learn 7 books that could make a great Christmas gift for your boyfriend.

1. Fight Club: A Novel
It's gritty, violent, and spawned a cult classic film by the same name.

2. Siddhartha
Perfect for an introspective other half with an interest in Eastern culture.

3. WAR
Composed by one half of the team who made the hit documentary Restrepo, this book dives into the conflict in Afghanistan and the individuals on the front lines in the middle of it.

4. Darkly Dreaming Dexter
The book that spawned the hit TV series.

5. The Mental Floss History of the United States: The (Almost) Complete and (Entirely) Entertaining Story of America
Funny and informative.

6. The Brothers Karamazov
Deep psychological insight and superb storytelling. Bona fide classic of Russian literature.

7.The Daily Show with Jon Stewart Presents America (The Book) Teacher's Edition: A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction
A bit dated, but still a hilarious romp through the history of the US.

Books make great gifts. They can provide an escape or help reveal a reality you hadn't considered before. They're also easy to get, and usually pretty inexpensive to buy. If you're stuck for gift ideas when thinking about your significant other, considering getting him a book. There are plenty of books to buy your boyfriend for Christmas that could inspire him to kick back and unwind with a good read.

How to Maintain a Good Relationship with Your Boyfriend

2012-10-24T21:16:00.000-04:00

Love is in the air. You couldn't be happier. You've finally snagged a great boyfriend and you want it to last. Although your chemistry may be excellent and your conversations come naturally, your bond could always use some maintenance Here are some tips on how to maintain a good relationship with your boyfriend.

Don't take him for granted.

At first, all the sweet things seem just that: sweet. You love the way he shows you he cares. But in time, you may fail to appreciate them, or worse, simply grow to expect them. Bad plan! Appreciate caring gestures. All of 'em.

Maintain your own life.

Strong relationships are usually borne out of two people who have busy, unique lives that are wonderfully intertwined. Once you lose your individuality, or try to make your boyfriend lose his, it's only a matter of time until your relationship goes sour. Maintain your own life in order to maintain a good relationship with your boyfriend.

Watch your finances.

Perhaps you can feel the impact less when you're young and new to the dating scene, but money impacts everyone. Happy relationships are usually financially happy relationships. Keep your finances in order, and encourage your boyfriend to do the same. And if money's tight? Stick to inexpensive and/or free dates until everything's sorted out!

Communicate well, and often.

A good relationship is usually formed out of good communication. Don't let this aspect of your partnership slip!

Read more on how to keep your relationship together: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lastsby Gary Chapman is an insightful book on "love languages," and what it takes to make romance last. (And others agree -- it's rated 4.7 stars on Amazon, with over 1,500+ reviews).

Keeping relationships strong is more of an art than a science. That doesn't mean, however, there are no tips to follow. If you want to maintain a good relationship with your boyfriend, enjoy the time you share while actively taking steps to keep things moving along beautifully.

Why Your Ex Hates You -- The Truth

2012-10-21T15:00:00.000-04:00

Your last relationship didn't end well. A few months have gone by since the break-up and you're hoping you can at least be friends with your former love. But there's a huge problem with that plan -- your ex ignores you, or worse, seems to flat-out hate your guts. So, where's this animosity coming from? Here's the ugly truth about why your ex hates you.

Are you an evil ex? That could explain why your ex hates you.

You caused irreparable harm.

Think back to your relationship. How did you treat your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife? If not very well, you may be underestimating how difficult it is to get over really bad treatment, especially when it came from a partner who was supposed to be a source of love and support. In some cases, the damage may be so deep, things won't ever be fully right.

You won't give them space.

You broke up for a reason. Chances are, they need time away from you to process what happened and to make the next step in their life. Give them their time; if you don't, they could grow to hate you for it.

You lied. A lot.

Deception cuts deep, especially when it's perpetuated by those you love. You may be attempting a new lease on life, but let's face it, your past plays a role in shaping how you're perceived. It'll take time for new (positive) habits to be the new norm. And until your honest routines becoming the new normal, residual habits (that were once damaging) could help explain why your ex still hates you, or at the least ignores you.

You embarrassed them in a big way.

It may have felt good after a squabble to embarrass your ex at work, around respected peers, or their parents, especially in a bold, intensely malicious way. But it didn't feel good to them. These kinds of actions quickly snowball into break-up territory, and if this kind of act brought your former relationship to its knees, chances are your ex won't want to be pals for some time.

Painful relationships take time to heal. Until they do, review the old barbs from your previous romantic union for insight into why your ex hates you. And if you want to stop the hate, if you can, you need to work hard at developing new habits that show you've grown.

How to Find a (Good!) Relationship

2012-10-17T16:38:00.000-04:00

The question comes up a lot: How do I find a good relationship? Wanting a connection transcends life stages -- whether you're in college, getting your life back after divorce, retired, or established in a career. So, what's the trick to solving this common desire?

Here's how to find a relationship (a good one!) and it requires steps that are probably different than you think.

Stop looking!

I know, you're probably thinking: What?! But it's true! The more you focus on finding a suitable partner, the more it will stress you out, which will trickle over into how you interact with someone you find who you do like. That's not to say you should never approach people -- that's my last tip! -- but finding a relationship shouldn't occupy all your mental energy.

Get rid your checklist

Do you have a list of requirements for a partner that's a mile long? It's time to get rid of it. Or, at the least, do some editing. Having standards is excellent, as is knowing what you want. But sometimes great additions to your life emerge out of unsuspecting places. Be open to people who might initially be missing some of your requirements; you never know, they might offer something you'd hadn't even thought to put on your list.

Think about what you offer

If you've been single for longer than you would have liked and you're feeling down, it can be difficult to project the awesome person you are. Before you get down in the dumps, reflect for a minute: what do you offer? What cool things have you done? What went right in your previous relationship?

Dive into personal interests

You've got hobbies, right? Are you connected with all the organizations in your community related to them? Even if you can only commit so much time per week, having your feelers out in communities whose activities you love not only will contribute to your happiness, but will widen your social net to include like-minded people, which can be an effective solution for how to find a good relationship.

Interested in someone? Ask them out!

OK, this sounds obvious, I know. But please think for a moment: how many times have you had interest in someone, only to wait for the perfect time to make your move (which never came!)? Or believed the other person should approaching you? If you're serious about finding a relationship, you have to drop the excuses. Besides, what's the worry? You're probably asking them out for coffee, not marriage! (I hope.) Worst case scenario, they say they're busy, and then on to the next one.

Countless people wonder how to find a good relationship, the fact of the matter is, one solution doesn't fit all. The best thing you can do is invest time in yourself, stay calm, and if you do encounter someone you like, approach 'em!

How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend to Want You Back

2012-10-09T11:36:00.000-04:00

Maybe your boyfriend broke up with you; perhaps you ended the relationship. Now, time has passed and you realize you want your ex back. But you can't just snap your fingers and start things over. You have to get your ex boyfriend to want you back. How can you make that happen?

I won't lie -- getting back together with something can be difficult, sometimes even impossible. But if you can pull it off and your relationship blossoms, it's worth it.

Give him space

Blowing up his phone every few minutes, or burying him in text messages isn't the way to go. Although it may seem strange, sometimes having no contact for a while can give him enough space to decompress.

Reflect on why you broke up

You've given him some space, which can be good for him, but is also good for you. It means you have time to distance yourself from this person and the emotionally-charged world of relationships.

In this neutral state, think back to some of the reasons you broke up. Did you two return to the same conflicts time and time again? Did your ex boyfriend often bring up the same complaints? Were these complaints justified and, if so, are you prepared to fix them?

These are all important issues to reflect on before trying to get back together. If you know which things are broken and why, and if you're prepared to fix them, then you stand a shot. If you want to start up things again without changing any part of your relationship, changes are you'll be exes again in no time.

Develop your friendship again

Successful relationships are often built on strong friendships. An excellent partner is also your best friend. After giving each other some space, ease into communication if your ex is open to it. Cultivate your friendship. Demonstrate to each other that you can be good friends, and in the process reveal all the cool things about each other that sparked the attraction in the first place. If you can't sustain a healthy friendship, your dating life will likely be unhealthy, too.

Stay busy

Don't focus all your energy on restarting your old relationship, though. That could make you come across as desperate, which may lower the chances of rekindling your romance. Stay invigorated and balanced by diving into work, school, clubs, or sports. Active, engaged people usually exude a bright, confident energy that is irresistible.

Be honest

It's been a few weeks, even months, since you broke up. You've given him some space, reflected on what went wrong, and developed independent interests. If you're still interesting in pursuing your romance -- and he seems like he may be open to the idea, too -- it's time to open up about what you want. Let him know how you feel.

Getting your ex boyfriend back can take time and patience. Remember, relationships take time to develop, so don't rush into old dating habits if you want to stand a good chance of keeping your boyfriend around for years to come.

Why You Might Not Want to Get Your Ex Back

2012-09-24T16:34:00.001-04:00

So, you want your ex back?

Getting your ex back can sound good in theory, especially during those first few weeks (even months) after a breakup.

You may want to return to what you had, what you knew -- a return to what you thought was normalcy.

But guess what? It could be a terrible idea!

Here are some signs that you might not want to trying getting back with your former boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife.

They don't want you back

Do you really want to exert a lot of time and energy into securing the affections of someone who doesn't want you anymore? The initial pain of a breakup can pale in comparison to the long, dull ache of vying for the attention of someone who simply isn't interested.

They stifled your individuality

Think back to when you were a couple. How often were you given the chance to explore your passions and interests? Do you think you've developed as an individual throughout your time together? Is your pain coming from the fact that your relationship started to make up the vast majority of your identity?

If you feel like less of an individual now, reconsider any effort to start things up again. Relationships come with sacrifices, but both parties should exercise some selflessness. If that doesn't happen, one person can become a shadow of what they once were, and that's a recipe for unhappy unions.

They have been your ex before

If this wasn't the first time you've broken up, guess what? Something's not right. No matter how much you may care for someone, sometimes relationships don't work out, and the reasons for their failure can be so multiple and complex that it defies absolute explanation.

Don't jump in a destructing cycle of breaking up and getting back together again. The damage will keep getting worse and it could make it difficult to move on to healthier relationships.

Resist the impulse to decide: I want to get back with my ex! Igniting an old romance can be emotionally exhausting and, in the long run, destructive. Before diving back into old dating routines, reflect on why you might not really want to get your ex back.

3 Pick-Up Lines to Pick Up

2012-07-24T16:58:00.001-04:00

It's a scene that makes most women grimace.

A man strolls over to a woman in a crowded bar. He leans his head forward. Smiles. Then he asks, "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

The woman reports no injuries. The man, on the other hand, leaves the exchange with a bruised ego.

Why don't women like these pick-up lines? Why do they shirk from men who produce recycled phrases?

It's because these lines usually come off stiff or, worse case scenario, downright creepy. They're not a good way to pick up women.

There are some things you can say to women that work, though. And they're probably not what you'd expect.

Hi, I'm __________. What's your name?

I know, it seems too easy, doesn't it? No poetry. No allusions to angels. No choirs.

Turns out, the understatement is better than fine. If you're approaching a woman out of the blue, especially in a place like a bar, she can guess your motivations. By keeping the introduction simple and neutral -- in other words, not over-the-top romantic -- it makes the initial exchange low key.

And if she isn't down to talk? No problem. Your casual approach makes it even easier to casually move on.

Make a positive comment about your surroundings.

You're at a movie, an art gallery, or a concert. You see a woman who catches your eye.

When you're close enough, make an off-hand comment about something you're both observing. Keep it upbeat so that her initial impression of you is positive. In some settings this works better than others -- few people want their ear talked off at a movie -- but it's almost always a good way to break the ice with someone.

If they're receptive to you, expect for them to give you an opportunity to hang out more. So, they may linger once the movie is over. Or you may notice them crossing your path during the show more regularly that coincidence usually dictates. And if it comes with occasional eye contact? Congrats, you're in.

Compliment her.

No, I don't mean you should take the opportunity to tell her that you're sure the stars fell from the heavens to collect in her beautiful eyes. Even if you believe that, keep that mum for a while.

Instead, focus on a unique accessory, garment, or something else she's carrying, like a book. It's something she hand selected, so it's an extension of who she is more than what she looks like. Compliments about that stuff tend to go better in the early stages of dating. They're nice to hear, but they're not too forward, either.

One last thing:

More important than what you say is how you say it. If you approach someone confidently, giving off the impression the conversation is a low-pressure, no-big-deal exchange, the woman will probably take it the same way. It will help lower her guard, making it easier to get to the next stage: securing a date.

Dating Tips for Men: Landing a First Date

2012-07-10T16:40:00.001-04:00

For many men, the idea of asking a woman out is nothing short of terrifying. It can make even the bravest men nervous. There is no reason getting a date should be stressful, though.

Here is how to make it happen.

1. Remember that women are not from a different planet. Some men approach women like they are from Venus, while men are from Mars. If you want to improve your dating game, toss that divisive mentality aside. When you talk to a woman, you are not talking to the equivalent of an alien. There may be differences between the two of you, as is the case with any person you talk to you, but there are also bound to be a number of similarities. Focus on what you share, not what separates you.

2. Stop stressing about rejection. Dating is a process. For most people, finding the right person takes hundreds, even thousands, of dates. Incompatibilities arise, life factors force people to take different paths, and feelings change. The sooner you make peace with the fact things might go differently than you originally planned, the better your experience with dating is likely to be.

3. Get on her radar. Some men are suave and lucky enough to approach a woman out of the blue and get a date out of it, but most women would be pretty stunned by someone so forward. If you are interested in a woman who you see fairly regularly, it is better to get on her radar first. Pay her extra attention, but don't get stuck in a faux-boyfriend role, either. Eventually, check her marital status by asking a question about her husband or boyfriend. She'll get what you're hinting at.

4. Learn her interests. If you have paid more attention to her than others, fished out her single status, and she still seems warm to you, chances are she is at least somewhat interested. Now it is time to learn about her interests. You will be able to use this information when you ask her out. You have to be careful not to stay in this stage for too long. The longer you act like a platonic friend, the more likely it is that she will only view you that way.

5. Just do it – ask her out. If the woman you are interested in seems to enjoy your company and is openly available, ask her out. Ask over the phone or, better still, ask her in person. Avoid text messages and e-mail, since most people find them to be impersonal. Keep your question short and simple. Suggest that the two of you do something that you know she would like based on the conversations you held earlier about her interests. Offer a specific time and date. If you leave the question open-ended, you will only have to reinitiate the question sometime in the future.

One of the worst things you can do in the dating game is to anguish over circumstances that are not in your control. With dating, you cannot control another person’s feelings. What you can do, however, is make sure the woman you are attracted to feels comfortable around you and that she is single. If both those things apply, go for it. Ask her out.

Five Signs a Long Distance Relationship Isn’t Right for You

2012-07-06T17:03:00.004-04:00

Long distance relationships get a lot of mixed reviews. Some claim they never work out. Others say that it’s worth enduring miles of separation for someone very special. Most people end up concluding that, at the end of day, it is the people involved who ultimately determine whether it works out or not. Some can handle long distance relationships; others are less suited for them.

Here are five signs a long distance relationship probably isn’t right for you.

You believe long distance relationships never work out.

It’s absolutely essential that both partners have faith in each other and their bond. If you’re the type of person who believes, deep down, that having a partner who’s far away means your relationship is doomed, you should seriously reconsider ever getting involved in long distance romance. Take a moment to reflect on whether you have faith it’ll work. If you honestly believe it won’t due to distance, that belief will likely be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You aren’t a strong verbal communicator.

With many miles in between you and your partner, communication becomes incredibly important. You don’t have the same luxury of nonverbal cues like couples who see each other every day. You’re drawn together by your words more than significant others who often cuddle on a couch in silence while watching TV.

Without strong communication through phone calls, Skype conversations, e-mails, and online messengers, chances are your relationship will struggle. If verbal communication isn’t one of your strengths, you might want to think twice before getting into a relationship with someone who is far away.

You get jealous easily.

A common concern with having a partner who is far away is that the distance makes it easier for him or her to cheat. For that reason, long distance relationships require a lot of trust. If you feel it’s in your nature to be jealous, being with someone long distance could put you through a lot of emotional turmoil.

This is especially true if you don’t have the utmost confidence in the person you’re with. Unless you fully trust him or her, there’s a good chance jealousy will eat away at the relationship quickly.

You are broke.

All the travel that comes with these types of relationships gets expensive, even if you’re only a few cities away. While couples who are close can cut corners if they need to, couples who are far apart usually require more funds to sustain the relationship, even if they’re really frugal about what they decide to do when they’re together.

This is especially true if airfare needs to enter into the picture. If you know that you both don’t have enough disposable income to visit each other regularly, think about whether you want to enter into the hardship of knowing you can rarely see someone you care about a lot.

You aren’t very busy.

If you find that you often rely on your significant other to make up the bulk of your social life, long distance relationships are probably not for you. Many people who do well with long distance partners manage to keep themselves busy; both people have new events to share with their partner, and they’re also occupied enough not to feel very lonely.

Of course, they miss their boyfriend or girlfriend, but they’re socially active enough to enjoy their life even though their significant other isn’t always there in person. On the contrary, a person whose life revolves around contact with his or her partner can eventually develop resentment because distance tends to make the partner less accessible.

It’s up to you to decide whether a special person in your life is valuable enough that you will endure distance to be with him or her and put in the work necessary to maintain the relationship.

However, if it’s in your nature to respond poorly to all the things that come with long distance relationships, you should think carefully before getting into one. Even though you want to be with someone badly, there is a chance it still might not work because you’re not suited to have many miles between you and the one you love.

5 Common Mistakes to Avoid on a First Date

2012-06-28T18:31:00.000-04:00

First dates are a nerve-wracking experience for many people. Some mentally agonize over the date, hoping that everything goes perfectly. Sometimes, people get so caught up in the tiny details of dating that they fail to notice any major mistakes they make. Read on to learn five mistakes many people make on first dates that you should try to avoid.

Picking a bad location

Most people try to pick a great first date location. They might base their decision on how cool the place is, or how romantic it can be. These are all good reasons for selecting a venue, but you should consider really basic criteria, too. For example, consider how stressful traffic might be in that area on a weekend. Think about whether it’ll be too loud there to hold a conversation. Make sure your date can even eat the food there, or take part in the activities.

In short, a good dating location needs to be, first and foremost, a place where conversation can flow, and where stress will be kept to a minimum. If you lose sight of that, you might wind up in a place that seems amazing in theory, but doesn’t work so well in practice.

Talking about yourself too much

When some people get nervous, they talk. In a dating situation where you are likely to be both nervous and trying to impress someone, there is a good chance you’ll feel compelled to talk about yourself a lot. Try to monitor how much you are talking, and how much of the conversation is about you. Ask questions and listen well. Don’t forget that a date is an opportunity for two people to learn more about each other, not a one-sided lecture.

Talking about heavy topics too soon

While some people are fine with diving right into heavy subjects, most people approach certain topics with a bit of reserve. In most cases, it’s best to avoid talking about things like politics and religion early on. That’s not to say you can’t have conversations that are smart; it’s a great idea to share a bit of wit and knowledge about the world. You should try to keep the conversation relatively light, though.

Bringing up exes

The last thing you want is for someone to think you are not over your last relationship. Bringing up stories about your ex, especially if you do it repeatedly, is a surefire way to turn your date off. Keep talk of your exes to a minimum. Better yet, don’t mention them at all. A first date is the start of something new. There’s no need to tarnish a new beginning with somber talk of your romantic past.

Using your phone

Many people use their phone continuously throughout the day. It’s an understandable habit considering that, for a lot of people, their day is a never-ending string of text messages, voice mails, business calls, and e-mails. However, during a date, that habit must stop. It is difficult to establish fact-to-face rapport if someone is always consulting his or her phone. It is also rude. Put the phone away until the date is over.

A great first date could be the beginning of a new positive chapter in your life. It would be a shame to ruin it by committing a few simple, but common, mistakes. Instead of getting entangled in the details of dating locations and activities, focus your energy on being alert, courteous, and fun.

How to Improve Emotional Compatibility in Your Relationship

2012-06-27T21:15:00.000-04:00

Emotions can be difficult to pinpoint. They’re intangible, ever-changing, and highly subjective. They’re also everywhere. Emotions infuse many people’s responses to events, particularly difficult ones. They link one individual to another, in both platonic and romantic relationships. Although emotions are a staple of most people’s lives, though in varying quantities, it can often feel like words fail when trying to convey the most intense of them.

It’s little wonder, then, that emotional problems can be the root of turmoil in many romantic relationships. One partner may be quick to turn to intense emotion in most circumstances, while the other is more inclined to reflect on situations calmly. One may allow an outburst of emotion to catapult him or her to action, while his or her partner would rather engage in mental preparation before doing anything.

As for the relationship itself, it is not uncommon to encounter a couple where one person requires a lot of explicit emotional expression, while his or her significant other requires very little. So, one partner may need long feeling-centered conversations to feel emotional satisfaction. The other may find those kinds of conversations unnecessary and, at times, even annoying. Conflicting needs about these subjective factors can contribute to endless arguments and frustration.

There are a couple ways to get your emotionally compatibility back on track. The simplest and most organic way is probably to bond through shared experiences. Make an effort to spend quality time together, even when your schedules are hectic. If you allow an endless string of outside obligations to prevent you from sharing meaningful time with the person you love, you’re paving the way for a failed relationship. Even the most demanding of schedules should not prohibit you from sneaking away a few minutes for your partner.

Another way is to tackle the issue head on. Start by mutually recognizing the importance of emotional fulfillment. Even people who would characterize themselves as mostly logical have some type of emotional needs. Next, lay out exactly what your needs are. You can even write them down. Then, share them with each other. You may be surprised at how different your perceived needs are. After this insight into your significant other’s mind and heart, take action. Respond to his or her needs, and praise him or her when they do the same for you.

It takes perseverance to improve the dynamics of emotional compatibility in a relationship. Improvements won’t happen overnight. However, there are steps you can take over time, like verbalizing your needs, responding to your partner’s requests, and putting aside time to enjoy each other’s company while confiding in each another. If you do those things, you’ll be well on your way to making your relationship a very emotionally satisfying aspect of your life.

Is a Breakup on the Horizon? 5 Signs He’s Pulling Away

2012-06-26T15:43:00.000-04:00

Without warning, you’re beginning to feel distant from your partner. He used to be loving and attentive, but recently he’s been acting more aloof. Is he just busy, or could he be pulling away from you?

It can be difficult to know for sure, especially if you haven’t known a man very long. However, there are signs many men demonstrate when they’re pulling away from a woman. Here are five signs that he’s probably pulling away from you.

1. Frequency of contact changes dramatically, and without warning. Each man has a different pace and method for communication. Some get in touch a lot, others may not. Some like to hold conversations over the phone regularly, others stick mostly to texting or email. If you have grown accustomed to a communication routine that stops without warning, this could be a bad sign. Men who want to hold on to a woman, but who know they have a rough week of work ahead, are likely to give their partner a heads up that they will be less available in the upcoming days.

2. Conversations feel uneasy or forced. Be careful if your conversations flowed effortlessly not too long ago, but now they seem stilted and forced. This especially holds true if they seem to have lost any warmth they once had. These problems can also happen if your man has a lot on his mind, unrelated to you, but the longer it lasts, the more reason you could have to be concerned.

3. Plans go out the window. Every time you suggest plans for the weekend, he makes an excuse. He never seems keen to offer any plans of his own, either. Even very busy men will make time for a woman they love. If his schedule is so packed that nothing can be arranged, it’s likely he’ll be open about when he anticipates his schedule will be more accommodating, and he’ll probably be very proactive about making plans with you for that time. If your partner is simply not present and not interested, he could very well be pulling away.

4. Talk of future fades. A few weeks ago, he may have been talking about the two of you taking vacations months in the future. Perhaps he was hinting about starting a family. Recently, though, he hasn’t said a word about the months and years ahead. This could mean he’s beginning to have doubts about your role in his future, and the future of your relationship.

5. Mutual friends begin acting strangely. If you have some common friends with your partner, particularly if they are very close with him, pay attention to how they behave around you. It’s likely that he has confided in at least one of them if he’s beginning to question whether he wants to stay in the relationship. Notice if they appear uncomfortable at all when you talk to them. Their body language could indicate to you whether your partner has been divulging relationship concerns to them.

These could all be signs that your partner is starting to pull away. Of course, the only way to know for sure is to talk to him about what’s going on. If you sense something is wrong, let him know. Communication is the only way to fully understand how he feels about your relationship, and what you can do to move forward.

5 Signs Your Ex Doesn’t Want You Back

2012-06-25T17:35:00.001-04:00

Breaking up is difficult, and it’s even worse when you still want to be with your ex. While some couples do manage to rekindle their romance, there is also a chance that your former significant other doesn’t want you back, however hurtful that may feel. Usually, people will exhibit signs that show the relationship is over in their eyes. Before trying to get back a former flame, you need to figure out whether this person would even be open to dating you again.

Your ex probably doesn’t want you back if he or she:

1. Tries to cut off all ties. This is one of the most obvious signs. If you never hear from your ex, not even when you’ve tried to make contact, that person is likely trying to move on from the situation. Some people may be tempted to read into cutting ties as an act that, somehow, is actually a sign your ex is still yearning for you. While there may be odd cases where people’s actions are wildly different from their intentions, you should take the sudden distance for what it is: someone taking steps to be less close to you than she or she once was.

2. Responds to you with less urgency. Think about how reliably your ex got back to you when he or she was your partner. If the time between e-mails, texts, and phone calls is much more drawn out now, you’re getting a clear sign that you’re no longer a priority. You should also consider the methods used to get in touch with you. If lengthy phone conversations were a staple of your past, but now you’re only getting brief texts or e-mails, it’s a sign your ex wants to keep things more impersonal than they once were.

3. Only communicates about professional and financial matters. Sometimes couples who have been together for a long time have many entanglements that don’t just vanish once the relationship is over. They may own property, for example, or perhaps even share a business. In these cases, it makes sense that your ex would reach out promptly and courteously about these matters. However, if your ex stops the conversation once it turns personal, he or she probably doesn’t want you back.

4. Avoids topics related to your past. Some people may be comfortable keeping an ex around as a friend, but chances are they’ll keep the conversations light and platonic. If your ex squirms whenever you try to bring up your prior romantic relationship, or immediately changes the subject, that’s a sign he or she is trying to get beyond that part of the past.

5. Has a new love interest. Rebounding does happen, where forlorn lovers rush into the arms of the first person who shows them affection. However, if your ex is with someone with whom they appear happy, you have to face the facts: you’re not going to get your ex back. That person has moved on; it’s probably best for you to try to do the same.

Moving on from a relationship can be difficult, especially when you’re still into your ex. It’s emotionally draining, though, to remain invested in someone who doesn’t want you back. If your former partner is showing signs that they are moving on, you should try to do the same.