It’s awesome.  I couldn’t have said it better myself.  In fact, I think my friends should all donate their pets to medical science.  It constantly amazes me how passionate people are about animals. We eat them; we keep them as pets; we feed them to other animals; take them from their natural habitat; displace them; hunt them; and we kill them.  Still, people claim to love them. 

Actually, my favorite kind of people are pet owning vegetarians.  “I won’t eat one or kill one, but I’ll make one live in my house, eat from a plastic bowl, and walk around with a collar around its neck.  Awesome.  You are so close to having a point! 

I understand the arguments: we’ve been doing it for ages.  Dogs have been domesticated since 15,000 bc and cats since about 7,500 bc.  They rely on humans. And they “love us”.  Here’s my favorite: “my pet is like a member of the family”.  You see.  I’ll tell you another human tradition that reaches back thousands of years: SLAVERY.  And just because we’ve been doing it since the beginning of time, doesn’t make it right.  Freedom is freedom.  I think that encouraging the breeding of species of animals because they are hardcoded to “not be free” is no excuse.  According to the wikipedia article, “Greek philosophers such as Aristotle accepted the theory of natural slavery, that is, that some men are slaves by nature.”  Sounds pretty much the same to me.

So, what do you say?  Do the world of favor.  Let’s make a commitment to free the world of domesticated animals.  I understand: if you just free them, they’ll die.  So, you might as well free them at the doorstep of an animal research lab.   

FREEDOM!  FREEDOM!  FREEDOM!!!

The title of the book is Collaborative Therapy with Multi-Stressed Families.  Given my skepticism about social workers and therapists, I was delighted by this sight:  Darn. If only I hadn’t been drinking heavily and texting naked pictures of myself, I’d know what to do in this situation.  “Don’t jump!”  AWESOME!  I’m a songwriter; I’m supposed to be drinking on the job.  There are a few professions that don’t lend themselves to this kind of excess, however.  But, hey, I’m no angel.  It’s actually more bizarre to me that people go out to bars to do their homework, correct papers for their 3rd graders, or read at all.  I’m usually too distracted by beer and boobies to get any serious work done–nor would I want to.

But, apparently, I’m in the minority.  As I looked down the bar, all I could see was people reading:

Well… and texting and drinking and looking around (read: beer and boobies).  In fact, the guy on the other side of me was reading as well, but I got tired of clandestine photo snapping, so you’ll have to trust me without the photographic evidence.

Anyway, I couldn’t help but think about the library “concept bar”.  If there are any investors out there, I’d be happy to take on partners and open a bar called The Lending Library.  You’d apply for a library card the first time you visit.  The menu could be in card catalog form.  The wait staff could all dress up like librarians.  So many possibilities.  And given the anecdotal evidence, I am confident it would go over amazingly well in this town.  I’m sitting on a goldmine of an idea my friends!

So, if you’re interested, drop me a line.  We can meet at a bar to: drink heavily, draw up contracts, write a business plan, do internet research, get on a conference call, listen to music, flirt with girls, do the dishes, make friends, spend money, contemplate life, wax philosophical, make fun of people, text our friends, and…  Ah… Multi-tasking in the age of enlightenment.

The caption at the top reads, “Can you spot the coffee made from 3% of the world’s best coffee beans?”  I kept reading it over and over again, and, for the life of me, I still can’t figure out what it is trying to say.  Are they trying to say that their coffee is made from beans in the top 3% in terms of quality?  Are they trying to say that they use 3% of all the world’s coffee beans?  Are they trying to say they pick a random 3% of beans that are considered the best beans?  And, what percentage of all coffee beans are considered “the world’s best coffee beans”? Is it the top 49%?  Am I crazy?  WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS MEAN?

Why is it that almost all restrooms have coat hooks in the stalls?

but they NEVER put them in the wash area…

Inevitably, you either have to throw your coat on a bathroom floor, or, more likely, wash your hands with your coat on.  Why not put a hook near the sink?  It will encourage better hygiene and allow patrons to comfortably wash their hands without getting their sleeves wet.  Just some food for thought.  And while you’re contemplating that…

Come hang out tonight!

DAVE ALPERT
Wednesday, Oct 14, 7:30pm
TOAD
1920 Mass Ave, Cambridge, MA (Porter Sq T)
This is the first of 3 early residency shows.  2 sets of acoustic songs–one solo, the other joined by Rob Sistare on guitar.  21+. NO COVER.  Find out more on davealpert.com or on myspace.

Here’s a shot from Church St and Mass Ave:

That big pink tent on the left is a Dunkin Donuts truck doling out free samples of coffee drinks and then a Nantucket Nectars stand, so between the two, I got a little “juiced up”.  The scene was mainly people selling shit with a few political activists sprinkled in for good measure.  There were some street performers like pogo stick daredevils and stilt-walkers as well. 

Strangely, I ran into a friend at the local coffee shop on Saturday who asked if I was going to Honk!  Not sure, I asked if he was going.  He told me he was torn because last year, when he was broken up with his girlfriend, she ran off and slept with a stilt-walker.  Every time I passed one of them in the crowd, I couldn’t help but wonder if it was the guy.

Honk! bands are self-described as “activist street bands”.  You can read more about them here.  Anyway, here’s one of the Honk! bands I saw:

I think this band is called Minor Mishap Marching Band, but since their uniform is pretty close to that of the band before them called the Yellow Hat Band (in the background), it was a little hard to tell.  This was a “minor mishap”, however.  Both bands were a lot of fun.

Later that night, I stopped into the Burren in Davis Sq to see my buddy Tim play in his Americana Session.  If you’ve never checked it out, they play every Sunday from 7:30-9:30pm in the front room.  It is very laid back, a fun hang–and free.  In any event, this Minor Mishap band member wandered in at one point and sat in with the band:

I heart this town!

Ah, we Americans are such self-haters!

While I digress, allow me to diverge from the story a bit further.  I admit it: I enjoyed Adam Sandler’s You Don’t Mess with the Zohan.  My roommate Chris and I quote the movie all the time.  So, of course when I saw the car, I started humming the cheesy music from the movie and saying, “It’s the Phantom,” in a bad Israeli accent.  For those of you who didn’t see the movie, Zohan’s Palestinian enemy in the movie was “The Phantom” played by John Turtorro.

I  wonder how the Phantom Gourmet would rate Zohan’s favorite Middle Eastern drink, Fizzly Bubblich?  Also, strangely related, in the movie, the Phantom quits being a terrorist and opens a chain of Muchentuchen restaurants. What would the Phantom Gourmet say about his Shwarama?

In any event, if the Phantom Gourmet sees this post, I was wondering if I could borrow the car for a day.  I figure that if I roll up on any valet stand in the city with the phantom-mobile, I could eat pretty well–and for free.  I’d be happy to write reviews, too.  Actually no one would know the difference.  According to the Phantom Gourmet Website:

Boston’s #1 restaurant critic has kept his identity secret since 1993. Known for his purple cape and mask, the P.G. laughs in the smug faces of other critics who ignore restaurants with great food and value, while worshipping celebrity chefs.

You never know.  I may BE the Phantom Gourmet. I’ve been known to laugh in smug faces.  What if I just put a production assistant in that car to throw you all off the scent?  C’mon!  Would the real Phantom Gourmet really drive up in that gaudy car????  Hmmm….. Then again, you really never know!

So, that is why we are particulary looking forward to our show at Club Bohemia on Thursday.  The band is back together and we’re ready to bring it!  Oh, and we are sharing the bill with our good friends in the Wild Sea, the Organ Beats (feat. Noelle LeBlanc of Damone) and Stephen Konrads & Katie Von Slicher.  Doors are at 7:45pm, so come early and see 4 great bands.

Four hours and many Guitar Hero World Tour appearances later…

after

First, a Red Sox game with my buds, Marc and John.  Now this.  What next?!