Dave Alpert: I Know Where You're Going with That

I Lied.

Dave Alpert — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 23:30:37 +0000

Yeah. I lied. I made one of those “resolutions”, but where are the frickin’ posts? Restaurant reviews, ramblings about butt cracks, opinionated rants, clever word play, thinly veiled insults… The list goes on and on. But what have I come up with so far: nothing, nada, zilch, efes, the big nunca…

I could come up with a list of bullshit excuses: Oh, my job is so strenuous. Making this acoustic EP is eating all my time. I am afraid of what people will think. I’m too busy sitting in bars listening to bands that I hate. (Well, there is that.) The point is these would be more lies. I lied.

No. Wait a minute. Stop the presses. This IS a blog post! Yay. I told the truth. Yes. A lame ass excuse for a blog post. Potentially a waste of your time to read unless you just like my writing style. And let’s face it. This boy’s got style. But I think it’s time for me to go to K-Mart and get some substance as well. Or maybe I’ll just stick to substances. That usually helps.

Anyway, feel free to provide me with some topics. I’ll write about what you want me to write about rather than what I want to write about. Wait. Never mind. I lied.

New Year’s Resolution: I’m BACK!

Dave Alpert — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 02:08:18 +0000

The past year has been tumultuous in the artistic life of Dave Alpert. There have been moments of inspiration, periods of laziness, I wrote a novella that is now lost in space, my old rock band fizzled out, but I’ve been blessed with other great musicians that want to rock with me and I’ve started an acoustic music project, recording songs I never played with the rock band, old and new. This is one of my favorite musical endeavors ever and the recording features some of my favorite Boston musicians and dear friends—Chris Anzalone, Lou Ulrich, Sean Staples, Eric Royer and Andy Plaisted to name a few. It sounds awesome! Expect to hear some new tracks by spring 2012! But one artistic endeavor has gone painfully neglected: THIS BLOG.

I know that the proof lies in the pudding (or in this case, the writing). But my resolution for the New Year is to start blogging again. I have gained and learned so much from this blog. By writing about the biggest issues and the stupidest topics of the day, I had been able to communicate with so many. And honestly, I feel like I’ve let people down. It sucks hearing, “Why don’t you write that blog anymore?” Well, I’m going to write that blog… more.

So, look forward to more bullshit from Dave Alpert in 2012. In the meantime, take a walk down memory lane. Read about underage drinking, or when I used to get mistaken for Jack Osborne,the epic saga of Boston’s child slaves, Scientology, and a favorite past time, making fun of folk shows.

So, let the nonsense begin! I hope you’ll join me…

Homeland Security in Watertown

Dave Alpert — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 02:26:26 +0000

A few weeks ago, I went to town hall in Watertown to pay the excise tax on my car and get an abatement for the car that I had to junk. First, I went into the Tax Collector’s Office and paid. I was told that I needed to go next door to the Assessor’s Office to get the abatement. When I got there, I found an elderly man and woman chatting and typing away. It was like a scene out of a sit-com–hearing them talk about lunch and town gossip. As they processed the paperwork, I looked around the room. To my delight, this is what I saw:

Apparently, the Assessor’s Office doubles as the Watertown Department of Homeland Security! And, I don’t know what is in that box, but they must be on the trail of some crazy shit. Nice!

Brighton, Do You Smell Gas?

Dave Alpert — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 19:47:33 +0000

Every time I am at the intersection of North Beacon Street and Soldiers Field Road, I ask three questions: What is that smell? What is that murky, smelly puddle of standing water? And the public works department must know about it. In fact, there are orange cones around it. So, why aren’t they doing anything about it?

This has been on-going for at least two years:

My best guess is that it is some kind of sewage leak, although there is also the strong smell of gas in the area. Either way, this is no more than 70 yards from the Charles River. Does anyone know what’s up with this?

Arachnozilla

Dave Alpert — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 22:47:09 +0000

This spider has been living outside the window of our office for the last few months. I think it ate a baby. Unfortunately, we’re moving, and the boss said we can’t take him. Apparently, there aren’t enough cubicles in our new office or enough bugs in the neighborhood. Bye, buddy! Good luck with winter.

Gentrification in Union Square

Dave Alpert — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 13:52:27 +0000

As I was walking through Union Square in Somerville, MA last night, I couldn’t help but notice this portable bathroom–looking far more plush looking than a mere porta-potty. Nice logo bug. Looks like the neighborhood is being taken over by yuppie construction crews. Gentrification.

Unrest on the Streets of Cambridge

Dave Alpert — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 04:25:32 +0000

What happens when you leave your hoodie unattended around Boston rock stars???

Sons of bitches….

Ps: Ulrich… your ass is mine!

Found in Porter Square

Dave Alpert — Sun, 30 May 2010 16:35:26 +0000

Someone snapped a photo of this guy on the train one day and apparently liked it so much he/she framed it and hung it up. I found it abandoned on a wall next to some dresser drawers that had also been left on moving weekend…

Anyone know this guy?

Next Thursday: Dave Alpert w/Dennis Brennan at Atwood’s

Dave Alpert — Wed, 26 May 2010 06:25:06 +0000

Next Thursday (June 3), the band and I have the distinct pleasure of opening for Dennis Brennan at Atwood’s in Cambridge, MA. Rob, Mariana, Chri$ and I hit the stage at 8:30pm, so come early and stay late!

Hope to see you there!

Boston Street Musician Builds Compact Car

Dave Alpert — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 15:53:39 +0000

Some months ago, I met a fellow musician named Dan. He explained that he’d been a street musician in Switzerland, and that he’d just returned to the states after more than two decades. Apparently, his gimmick was that he was a one-man band with a truck that acted as his multi-instrument noisemaker. He described it as a sight to be seen. According to Dan, after years of success, his truck was confiscated by the Swiss government, and without his money machine, he had no choice but to return to the US.

So, I was delighted to spy him on Newbury Street yesterday with, well, a slightly more compact version of his old getup.

Look at that kid. He’s mesmerized. Dan uses pedals and a stick, which he uses to hit both the guitar and percussion instruments. He sings through a headset attached to an on-board PA. And all those stuffed animals dance around to the beat of his kick drum. As for the performance, he puts on a show that makes kids bouncy and gleeful–and moms part with their money. Cool.