Dave Williams

Arlo chillin in his highchair. Get those feet off the table!

2009-06-17T19:05:00.001+01:00

Arlo in his new activity center.

2009-06-14T18:40:00.001+01:00

Sunny Saturday by the Severn

2009-06-14T01:01:00.001+01:00

Arlo 10/06/2009

2009-06-10T23:29:00.001+01:00

The official Arlo David Williams Album

2009-02-14T14:09:00.002Z

With over 54 photos of Arlo, we figure not everyone will want to see every last one. So in Arlo’s Official Album we have tried to select just a few.

Thanks to everyone who has taken the time and trouble to take photos, tag them and send them via email or on CD. You know who you are. Cheers.

Roses are red, violets are blue, valentine's day is a bloody dear do!

2009-02-11T23:50:00.001Z

Please ignore. Trying to figure out why my Facebook notes were dropping
posts from my blogger RSS feed.

A man's home is his castle?

2009-02-08T16:51:00.000Z

Persimmon homes seem to think so. Each type of house design on the new Hamilton Grange Development in Worcester appears to have been named after an ancient British castle: Lancaster, Manorbier, Newark, Powderham, Richmond and Tretower.

As far as our budget is concerned, many of these designs may as well be actual castles. But, unbelievably we have now exchanged contracts on a brand new little Persimmon castle of our very own! We are due to complete at the end of Feb. It’s so close now, I can almost taste it. But we’ve been here before, and I’m trying to contain my jubilation for a couple more weeks before we get our mitts on that all important bunch of keys.

There is a lot to be said for and against new builds. On the one hand, new builds: tend to be more energy Efficient, have no upward chain, can be customised to suit our requirements and have 10-year warranty against structural problems. On the other hand: less house for the money, fewer fixtures and fittings as well as horror stories about other defects aka snags. That said, we have at least 4 friends who have recently bought older houses, and they all seem up to their ears with: plasterers, plumbers, electricians, carpenters etc. I’m sure it’ll all come good for them in the end, and I’m confident our new-build won’t be completely without it’s problems.

So which design do you think we went for? Do you care? NA me neither. Ultimately, it’s about doing what feels right for one’s family. Staying in the apartment with Emma, Arlo and Eden was never going to work. A month after Arlo’s birth, that’s all too obvious. Known and unknown problems not withstanding, this feels absolutely bob on.

Honeybees Natural Nursery Store, Natural products for you and your family

2009-01-26T15:28:00.002Z

Amongst the sleepless nights, endless feeds and nappy changes, we stumbled across this excellent local supplier of quality baby paraphernalia. A refreshing change from the usual high street suspects, Mother Care et al.

Arlo is now 18 days old. The Bugaboo Bea pushchair is working out well, yours truly has been getting his hands dirty with his share of nappy changes, Arlo’s birth has been registered, and the flow of visitors has finally reduced to a dull roar.

Arlo's first album

2009-01-12T11:07:00.002Z

Thanks Hazel for putting this together, oh and for driving me back from Birmingham in freezing fog!

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=80696&l=5c981&id=761369539

and his name is . ..

2009-01-10T00:56:00.001Z

At 11:58GMT on Thursday our little boy was born by emergency cesarean at the Birmingham Women's hospital. He had been a bit distressed and wrapped up in his cord. He ways 4lb and measures 48 cm in length. So he is being observed on the special care baby unit 2 keep him warm for the first day or 2. Mother and baby are visiting each other regularly and should be reunited in the next few hours. We have named him Arlo David Williams. Arlo means fortified hill. Thanks to everyone for all your messages of support. We hope to eventually catch up with everyone individually. Cheers.

Braille News

2009-01-06T09:36:00.000Z

Vitamin K or not to Vitamin K

2009-01-04T20:33:00.003Z

Just one of a gazillion decisions Emma and I will need to take in the days and decades ahead. It did not take us very long to realise that this parenting lark is a bit of a mine field!

We had a superb xmas and new year thank you very much for asking. Themes included: food and drink, plenty of long walks to work off some of the food and drink, oh and a couple of rounds of Scrabble to make sure our brains didn’t completely seize up. We also made the most of the opportunity to enjoy a few lie-ins in advance of baby feeding and nappy changing at the inevitable 3AM.

Our 2009 promises to be a busy one. Baby should be on his way within the next few days/weeks. On the house front we’re subject to contract … again.

Before any of that though, I’ve got to take care of a xmas tree shitting pine neegles all over the carpet.

Right I’m off to eat Jam Roly-poly and watch Lark Rise to Candleford.

Top of the year to you and your’s.

We wish we lived in a TARDIS

2008-12-11T21:44:00.001Z

Due to difficulties in the property market, Emma and I are still in my flat and won't be moving now until after the baby is born in 2009. This means that in this one bedroom flat we're almost swallowed up by a huge mountain of baby stuff including: clothes, nappies, Moses basket, push chair, car seat, and who nose what else! Seriously, there's hardly any room for a xmas turkey and beer!

Emma and I really truely appreciate everyone's generosity and support. Thank you so much! But we simply have no more space to put everything at the moment. So we're asking people to please please hold off sending baby gear for the time being.

If you want to help, Mothercare vouchers, a contribution to the child trust fund, offers of baby sitting, are all very welcome.

Thank you.

Outnumbered

2008-12-03T22:45:00.001Z

http://www.comedy.org.uk/guide/tv/outnumbered/

Rod Liddle, in The Sunday Times "An exquisitely middle-class, middle-aged
domestic situation comedy set in north London - maybe Crouch End or Tufnell
Park - and starring one of those bloody stand-up comics who now festoons
every network, it really should be hated before it is even seen. Start
liking this sort of programme and you are an ace away from enjoying Terry
and June and having a house that smells faintly of weak tea, Murray Mints
and urine. So, maybe it's just me, but Outnumbered is very funny indeed:
despite its current bout of self-flagellation, the BBC still
knows how to make people laugh."

Parenting books

2008-11-26T22:38:00.001Z

What is it with the phrase "down to earth" in synopses for books on
parenting? The irony being that most things claming to be "down to earth"
usually are anything but.

Two parenting books featured in RNIB new book guide. Looks like they've been
transfered to DAISY from the old RNIB cassette library.

Purves, Libby: How not to be a perfect mother: the crafty mother's guide to
a quiet life. 1986. 6 hrs 28 mins. Order No: 401019. Full of down to earth
tips and hilarious anecdotes, this is the battle manual for the mother in
> the front line.

Stoppard, Miriam: Conception, pregnancy and birth. 2000. 18 hrs 33 mins.
Order No: 401087. Down to earth, clear information on everything from
fertility treatments to preparing older children for the new baby.

Miracle in the Andes by Nando Parrado

2008-10-11T17:51:00.004+01:00

Downloading and listening to unabridged books from Audible on one’s cellphone is a wonderful thing.

I found this account of how a Paraguayan rugby team survived a plane crash in the Andes moving and inspiring.

Blue Radio Worcester

2008-08-22T20:27:00.000+01:00

http://www.myspace.com/blueradioworcester

Hmm, not quite sure just now. Perhaps it'll sound better after I've been to a couple of the Worcester Music Festival events taking place over the Bank Holiday weekend.

Weddings in June

2008-08-12T17:16:00.000+01:00

Two weddings within two weeks, a handful of birthdays, my flat going on the market, my first professional twenty twenty cricket match, Lenny Henry at the Swan Theatre, one or two changes at work - there have been very few dull moments lately!

This post, should you choose to read it, is written by a slightly sleepy man sitting on concourse F at Philadelphia airport. For the past 18 hours I have been traveling to the American Council of the Blind's annual convention being held in Louisville Kentucky this year. So I've found a moment to blog, so better crack on.

Quay Mill, a renovated water mill constructed somewhere near Cambridge in the 18th century, was where my friends Kimberley and Luke tied the knot in mid June. Congratulations to you both! Very many thanks for inviting Emma and I to celebrate a truly wonderful day in such a superb setting with such a legendary bunch of people.

The short ceremony , in which Luke's grandmother reminded us that marriage was about the big things and the little things, was closely followed by a photography fest plus Champaign reception on the hotel lawn. The wedding breakfast featured beef plus a considerable quantity of red wine who's identity escapes me. For the meal I was seated with some of Luke's friends, who now maybe former friends? I miss heard Connor's name and addressed Connor as Cameron for the duration! Doh. I met a man partially responsible for the play.com web site and proceeded to give him a grilling about accessibility not equating to usability yadda yadda yadda. A student of architecture got an ear full on the relative merits of medieval Cathedral design. Oh yes I'm just the bloke you want on your table at a wedding! Luckily: the bride, the groom, the mother of the bride, the father of the groom and the best men all came to my rescue by entertaining and moving everyone with witty and erudite speeches of there own. The cake was cut and the dancing commenced.

Emma and I had traveled across by train from Worcester to Cambridge early on the Friday. Having taken a quick look at the venue online it was clear to us both that Quay Mill was somewhere to be savored. This country hotel successfully blends original architectural features, rustic furnishings, fantastic food, a wondrous whisky bar featuring no fewer than 40 single malts ... Heh I'm not on commission. Needless to say Emma and I enjoyed every moment making full use of all the facilities including several trips to the full size swimming pool, Jacuzzi and sauna.

In all sincerity, Kimberley and Luke's family and friends were: warm, welcoming, friendly, funny ... And bent over backwards ... Steady ... We felt part of the family. Thanks everyone.

Two weeks later it was my sister's big day in more ways than one. Not only was it Catherine's wedding day but she chose to marry on her 30th birthday! Below is something approximating to my Brother of the Bride speech delivered on the day.

"Good afternoon everyone,

You have all helped to make my sister's wedding a magnificent occasion. I could spend the rest of the weekend thanking everyone. However, I am under strict instructions not to. But I will say it to you when I see you. Thank you!

Catherine has kindly invited me to say just a "few" words. A task which some of my harsher critics may liken to throwing a red rag to a bull. Aren't bulls color blind? When I was trying to put this together, I found that there were so many words from which to choose and so little time in which to choose them.

There's the one about baby Catherine. Apparently she used to scream quite a lot keeping her two-year-old brother awake at night. An outrageous family legend has it that her 2-year-old brother used to smack baby Catherine's bottom to try and stop her crying. Just as well Catherine does not scream quite as much these days! You're never too old.. mate…

There's the one about When Catherine was 5 and fell off her bike. Nothing remarkable in a little girl grazing her knees. Not Catherine though, no she was admitted to hospital after the side of her face caught the handle bars which pierced her cheek! Ouch. I think Catherine became slightly more cautious after that. Although it didn't stop her bragging to me about the incident. Secretly I remember being slightly envious and seriously impressed that my little sister could be so brave and make light of so much physical discomfort.

there's all sorts of stories about when we played together as kids. When Catherine and I were children we had a car mat. The image on the mat depicted a small town including: roads, a school, a police station, fire station and houses. For hours on end we would push matchbox cars around on the mat, debate the finer points of interior decor, and pretend that we both had jobs, and our own homes a couple of miles apart. We loved that car mat.

Anything missing from the car mat, such as the odd stage for a rock and pop festival, would undergo an elaborate design before Lego construction commenced. Even then we couldn't really see the colors of the Lego bricks too well, so our constructions would rise from the carpet, indiscriminately using every brick of Lego we could lay our hands on, towering a good 7 or even 8 inches in all their garish multi-color glory!

As is sometimes the case with siblings, collaborating on major construction projects does not always pass without instant. Occasionally their would be miner disputes. Following demolition during the salvage operation, conflicts could potentially arise regarding the respective ownership of the various building materials.

One day some well-meaning soul decided to divide our Lego based on the color of the bricks. Catherine would be allocated all the blue bricks, (about a third) and I was allocated all the red (hmm about two thirds). Doh, yeh that went well. Think I probably owe you a couple of 2 by 4s mate.

In our teens, Catherine and I gained a not completely unfounded reputation for throwing the occasional outrageous party. We were once reprimanded by the local constabulary for having people on our roof and threaten with eviction by our landlord for, and I quote "beer stains on the sealing".

there was the one when Will first came to stay over with Catherine and I in Lancashire. I'm not really sure Will knew what he was getting into, think he got a bit of a shock ... no really. Will attempted to change a bulb in one of our dodgy light fittings and almost electrocuted himself! Not quite the impression either of them were hoping to make.

Will’s commitment to blind county cricket and now an international Blind football career not withstanding, Will has stood by my sister through thick and thin over the past 11 years.

During that time Catherine's academic achievements have included her BA with Honors in English from the University of Central Lancashire. I even got my hair cut for that one!

Catherine has remained fiercely independent, qualifying with her first guide dog Kresta and recently with her second dog Oak.

Catherine's Professional career started in fund-raising with the National Library for the Blind before moving into a student support role with the University of Worcester.

Following a project to raise awareness of disability in Portugal, together Catherine and Will were recipients of the National Millennium Volunteer Awards.

Catherine and Will have taken them selves off to numerous gigs including the Glastonbury festival, holidayed on the Isles of Silly, and last year enjoyed a city break in Paris.

Has anyone got any idea where they're going for their honeymoon? I think it's probably a closely guarded secret, although my money was on Oswaldtwistle.

Now here's the cheesy part mate!

As well as being my sister, for 30 years Catherine has been one of my best friends. Catherine has always been a phone call away, she has literally bandaged me up when I've been bleeding and hugged me when I have been heart broken.

Alcohol makes Catherine giddy, flamboyant and mischievous. But most of the time my sister has tremendous poise. Catherine is: caring, considered, courteous, cautious and compassionate.

Will has not tried to change Catherine to make him happy. Will has expanded Catherine's horizons, introducing her to new music, cinema and ideas. The less said about Dawson's Creek and Friends the better.

In conclusion, I am extremely proud and honored to have Catherine as my sister, and now Will as my brother in law. I have nothing but admiration and respect for their individual and joint achievements, not least of which is their first 11 years together.

Catherine and Will are just as indecisive as each other. As their family and friends we will always be frustrated by the length of time it takes them to make even the tiniest of decisions. However, we can be confident that any decisions they do make, especially the big ones, are absolutely the right ones.

To Catherine and Will!"

So there you have it. I'm all wedded and blogged out for now. Two really tremendous days and two really tremendous couples who I am sure will continue to have many happy years together. Righty I've got a flight to catch.

1-bed flat Worcester

2008-07-22T21:58:00.002+01:00

If you fancy buying my flat, click the link above.

I have expanded to such an extent I have outgrown what has been a wonderful home for 2 and a half years.

Spring-cleaning

2008-04-14T20:43:00.000+01:00

Hello hello!

It was the London Marathon yesterday. Did I run it? Yeh right.

Recently someone reminded me that apparently I still have a blog but had not posted here for a while. Hmmm. What about that. Right, so Dave why don't you tell us about your girlfriend eh? And are you going on holiday this year? What else you been up to? Eh hem.

Yes there is a girlfriend who has been in the process of gradually domesticating yours truly since before xmas. I've been doing a spot of spring cleaning in readiness for the gf moving in next month! Yeh I know. I've cleared out stacks of junk including: hundreds of old floppy disks (MS DOS 5 and Eureka A4 what?), my collection of old battered leather jackets (sniff) and who knows what else. I unearthed an FM transmitter and a crappy little Midland CB rig. Although I have not decided what to do with these last two yet. Suggestions on a digital postcard please. Buried at the bottom of my wardrobe I discovered a couple of boxes of VHS cassettes. In fear of throwing out a home movie of some deceased relative, and realising I haven't owned a VCR for years, I jumped straight on eBay. While everyone else was snagging a good deal on the latest PVR or smart phone, I was bagging myself a 4-head long play Sony VCR for the princely sum of 16GBP!

On the holiday front, as well as a couple of obligatory trips to visit friends and family in Preston, we have booked flights to Israel in September. We spent Easter in Ipswich and Cambridge and will return to Cambridge for a friend's wedding in the middle of June. Speaking of weddings, my sister is tieing the knot at the end of June and yours truly has been asked to prepare a few words. Ho hum.

So what else? Reassured by the return of the Gadget Show and the Apprentice to TV in the UK, ah and the Snooker World Championships are back on BBC Two next week to also help me slumber off of an evening. On my reading list are: James May's 20th Century, The Adventure of English by Melvyn Bragg, Miracle in the Andes by Nando Parrado and Vince Rause, and A History of Modern Britain by Andrew Marr. The album most recently downloaded is Mike Oldfield - Music Of The Spheres.

On Friday we went to see Richard Digance at Huntington Hall in Worcester. I was mildly concerned that we seemed to be the only people under the age of 50! Ah well, Lenny Henry next month and Steve coogan in Oxford later in the year.

Right that's me. Until the next time. All the best.

On the Box

2008-03-03T21:10:00.002Z

Some personal blogs are more occasional than others. Certainly Davewilliams.co.uk has been less frequent of late. Like many floggers, I do not always have the inclination to blog. Either, nothing blogworthy happens, I am too busy, get out of the blogging routine or I just can't be bothered! I'm not going to promise to blog more. If I'm not blogging it is probably because I'm zonked in front of the TV rather than blogging! That said, I have a few minutes to share a couple of TV related bits and pieces.

I was recently prevented from paying my licence fee online as apparently the TV licensing database cannot cope with the fact that some blind people receive correspondence in Braille and the address for the Braille transcription is different from one's home address. Ah well half an hour on the phone later and I'm all set to pick up the remote.

For the record, I am not opposed to the licence fee, although the criteria for who should pay it seems somewhat arbitrary when one considers the volume of BBC content available online free from outside the UK. Moreover, the advent of the very excellent BBC iPlayer allowing one to catch up with programs for the past 7 days would seem to indicate that anyone in the UK with an internet connection (not just a television) would also be liable for the licence fee?

Incidentally, 3 years ago, Geoff Shang, Jeff Haris and I came up with something slightly similar to the iPlayer for ACB Radio. Great to see that the ACB Radio Replay service is still going strong:

ACB Radio Replay.

Anyway, When I inadvertently stumble across a a wrist slittingly depressing episode of BBC One's primetime soap EastEnders, the tacky tastic game show serving warm up for the National Lottery, or yet another episode of the Weakest Link, I am left wondering what the hell the BBC is playing at with our licence payers' money?

That said, generally I am supportive of the licence fee. When one considers the breadth and depth of the BBC's output. It is difficult to imagine any other broadcaster in the world commissioning a comparable range of content. And good on ya BBC for telling those greedy Ausies to stick it when Channel Ten hiked up the price for Neighbours. I'm sure the good folk of Erinsborough will be just fine along side Home and Away, on the UK's Channel Five. Isn't Five owned by RTL now anyway?

Back on the Beeb, lately I have been delighted by the return to our screens by the larger than life character DCI Gene Hunt in the Life on Mars spin-off Ashes to Ashes. Proceeded on Thursdays by the marvellously morose Grantly Budgen in that hopelessly optimistic of all school dramas Waterloo road.

I have recently enjoyed Tropic of Capricorn concluding this past weekend on BBC Two. Following Equator this is Simon Reeve's second televised travel log circumnavigating the globe. He's no Palin but that's probably a good thing is it allows the audience to focus on the place rather than the presenter.

Moving away from the Beeb, if you like your TV travel a bit more gritty then Dave Gorman's America Unchained is well worth a watch. Now available on DVD and being repeated on FilmFour and probably available on 4OD although I've not checked.

Speaking of grit. Channel 4's Shameless is well into it's fifth series and still well worth a giggle. Although for me Shameless has lost some of it's original charm. Frank and the other characters on the Chatsworth Estate have gone a bit preachy, and they are making a bit too much use of fantasy reality sequences which always put me in mind of the movie version of Billy Liar.

Glad to report: Ashes to Ashes, Waterloo Road, Tropic of Capricorn and Shameless are all audio described. Which is more than can be said for any of the films playing at the Worcester Odian! And if the blogs are to be believed AD is coming soon to an iPlayer near you!

Next time on DaveWilliams.co.uk...

Hrrors of Hotpoint,

Nws from the Preston front,

My little sister's getting married!

All the best.

2008 time to domesticate?

2008-01-08T22:28:00.000Z

Happy new year by the way. I am probably the last person to wish you all the best for 2008 so count yourself lucky! Ladies, don't forget, this one's got a 29th Feb in it and well ...

Thanks to everyone who tolerated me over the holidays. I have the best friends in the world and I love you all dearly. That's why I don't let you post comments on my blog! ,)

It was a great xmas for my Kitchen by the way. New curvy kettle, chunky chopping board and sophisticated cylindrical bin all installed nicely. This man now owns oven gloves! No more pulling hot drays from the oven with a tea towel. Oh no sir. I tell ya... It's all going on at Williams towers.

Peter White 13 questions

2008-01-08T22:23:00.000Z

http://www.bbc.co.uk/ouch/closeup/13questions/peter_white.shtml

Ya know after curling my toes through Peter's autobiography "See It My Way" I think I'm thawing to the man after this article. And before anyone starts casting aspersions, that's not because he enjoys a drop of Talisker, because unlike Hyland Park, after loosing the plot, Talisker is struggling to find it again.

2007 is going going ... Almost gone

2007-12-19T22:41:00.000Z

Cold mornings, abysmal Premiership result against Man United, the internet running out of half the gifts I've ordered bringing on pre-xmas tension, have all made this month a bit of a mixed bag. Although December has not been completely without highlights!

A couple of weeks ago I attended a very enjoyable organised whiskey tasting in Kempsey. The climax of the tasting it self being the Laphroaig Quarter Cask - already in my xmas shopping basket. Nothing too extraordinary in that then.

I really enjoy post whisky tasting banter. We got talking about my September experiences on Islay and some of the distilling shenanigans going on at Bruichladdich. The topics of collecting and the Bruichladdich made PC6 came up and I heard someone say that the pub had a bottle of Port Charlotte behind the bar and was selling PC6 by the glass. After laughing my arse off to the point where I had to go and answer a call of nature. Little did I know that I would get back to my seat to find I'd be laughing on the other side of my face.

A glass of the afore mentioned PC6 sat happily smouldering away on the table awaiting my return. In disbelief I confirmed this to be the real deal. The look on my face must have been a picture. Apparently not happy with buying me the one, Jason seeing my reaction decided I would have to have a second glass of PC6 just to be sure I wasn't dreaming.

Ok the Bruichladdich Port Charlotte PC6 is in many ways a tad controversial what with all the ranting and raving and nashing of teeth over the 6 different collectable tins, the 50 quid plus price tag, the 18,000 bottle limited availability, the eh hem Additional Cask Enhancement (Madera finish?), Yeah Bruichladdich has got more expressions than I've had hot dinners, yeah yeah PC7 PC8 PC9 PC10 will all have something to say for themselves in years to come I'm sure. And what about X4, Octomore, Lochindaal etc. But but but, that's then, this is now!

If you like your single mault peaty? And I do! PC6 is a massive bear hug from a huge mother of a peat monster! A bit of sweetness and not medicinal in the slightest. Medicinal is what Laphroaig is for. PC6 is Ilay sitting on your face and telling you that she loves you! And damn it, I've filled those casks and lined up those bottles with my own hands.

Am I going to pay the best part of 60 quid for a single bottle of 6 year old whisky rather than the same money for 3 respectable 10 year olds? Of course I bloody am. And am I going to put it in a cupboard for 10 years and quadruple my money? Not bloody likely. :)

2007 has been an amazing year for me in very many respects. For all sorts of reasons I can't blog everything that has happened to me over the past 12 months. Some of it I am finding difficult to believe. 2008 promises to be even better.

Dolphin xmas dinner on Friday. Saturday with my sister and her bf, think we may even be going to a concert in the Cathedral, (did I mention Pillars of the Earth is brilliant). Sunday off up north for a quiet xmas with my mother. Back to Worcester for a quick pitstop and change of suitcase on the 28th before heading off to see the boy Roberts and new year's festivities in Ipswich.

Wherever or whoever you are, seasons greetings to you and yours.

UK xmas number one

2007-11-27T02:37:00.000Z

Attempts to capture pole position in the UK singles chart at xmas certainly did not start with X Factor in the form of Shayne Ward (2005) or Leona Lewis (2006), or even Girls Aloud (2002) it goes back much further than that.

The business of the UK xmas number one dates back over four decades to those four Liverpool lads: John, Paul, George and Ringo. I Want To Hold Your Hand (1963), I Feel Fine (1964), Day Tripper (1965), Hello Goodbye (1967), were huge "bigger than Jesus" hits for the Beatles in the 60s. Never before or since has a band or artist dominated the top of the xmas charts. Although the Spice Girls came pretty close with three xmas number ones in the late 1990s: 2 Become 1 (1996), Too Much (1997) an Goodbye (1998). This last they obviously didn't really mean as girl power is now back on tour complete with alleged lip-syncing. It's a brave pop picker who would bet against Sporty, Scary, Ginger, Posh and Baby never having another xmas number one.

So the true meaning of xmas number ones? Wizzard, The Pogues, Wham, Queen or Cliff? Absolutely not. I would vehemently dispute the assertion that any of these were either cheerful or uplifting in a xmas way. Some of these including Wizzard weren't even number one at all, never mind at xmas! Despite entering the charts four times, the brilliantly heartbreaking Fairytale of New York about a poverty stricken couple's broken dreams in the Big Apple never made it to number one either. Neither did the cheesy Last xmas which charted twice in which George Michael seems to be lamenting a Yuletide infidelity. Bohemian Rhapsody (1975), the second most over-played song of all time, has bugger all to do with xmas only charted the second time (1991) because the track got a re-release after Freddy Mercury, one of the greatest pop vocal talents of our time, had died.

Cliff keeps plugging away most years bless him. Although of his 3 xmas number ones: I Love You with The Shadows (1960), Saviours' Day (1990), there's only one which ever gets an outing, and that's his most nauseating effort with that choir boy, the oh so saccharin Mistletoe & Wine (1988). Doesn't really bear thinking about.

Anyone who finds the Michael Andrews beautifully simple arrangement of Mad World (2003) depressing really needs to go back and listen to some wrist-slitting favourites from xmas past: Michael Jackson Earth Song (1995) stop the planet I want to get off; East 17 Stay Another Day (1994) I wish you wouldn't; Whitney Houston's Dolly Parton cover used in the film the body guard I Will Always Love You (1992) bet she needed a body guard after releasing that; The Pet Shop Boys Always On My Mind (1987) wish you weren't; The Flying Pickets Only You (1983) why me; Renee & Renato Save Your Love (1982) don't worry I will; and The Human League Don't You Want Me (1981) yet another song from the bloated 80s about rejection.

Depending on your disposition the 60s and 70s had their share of toe-curling or just plain old dismal dirges too. Danny Williams Moon River (1961), Tom Jones The Green Grass Of Home (1966); Rolf Harris Two Little Boys (1969); Mud Lonely This Christmas (1974) and Wings Mull Of Kintyre (1977) all make many people including me loose the will to live. Even Pink Floyd Another Brick In The Wall (1979), from one of the great seminal albums of the time, is hardly a jolly slay bell shaking chrimbo classic either.

In fact if you exclude the acts who along with Cliff have assured there place at the pearly gates by putting out hymns: Johnny Mathis When A Child Is Born (1976), Harry Belafonte (1957) and Boney M (1978) both with Mary's Boy Child there are actually precious few upbeat xmas songs which made it to the top at the crucial time. Slade Merry Xmas Everybody (1973) and Shakin' Stevens Merry Christmas Everyone (1985) are notable exceptions.

So if Bohemian Rhapsody is the second most played song in the whole wide world ever, no prizes for figuring out the first. There is not much one can say about Band Aid that has not already been written. That's not a debate I really want to get into right here. Let's just say it got to number one 3 times (1984), (1989) and (2004) and leave it at that.

On a lighter note if you're a painfully irritating novelty record you're in with a good shout: Scaffold Lily The Pink (1968), Benny Hill Ernie (The Fastest Milkman In The West) (1971), St Winifred's School Choir There's No One Quite Like Grandma (1980), the self-titled Mr Blobby (1993) and Bob The Builder Can We Fix It? (2000).

That's most of them. For the complete list including Elvis and West Life see:
http://www.everyhit.com/christmasnumber1.html

The practice of manipulating the xmas number one in the UK is as old as the singles charts them selves. The massive record making machines: the Beatles, Spice Girls, the Band-Aid franchise, Pop Idol/X Factor only had to press the button at the right time and the top of the pops belongs to them. Just behind this croud have been the novelty acts, kids TV shows and the like, who will be glad to pick up the batton if the usual corporate are having a xmas off.

If you're looking for xmas tunes and you're turning to the UK xmas number one at almost any point in the past 55 years you are inevitably going to be disappointed. The UK xmas number one has never been a rich vane of festive xmas crackers having thumping beats, ripping guitar solos or much else about which to write home. Some tremendous xmas tracks are out there, most of them don't get to number one though. Many of them don't chart at all. It can sometimes be something of a challenge to find the hidden gems when you're getting bombarded with the same old couple dozen tunes going round and round every December. Bring on the Internet.

All that said, for me the UK xmas number one for all it's cynical falts and limitations remains an institution. The record companies, the bands, radio and TV stations, the shops and bookmakers all know it too! I always hope it will be something new and fresh and something I have not heard before. The true meaning of the song which happens to be first place in the UK chart on 25 December has as much to do with Christmas as mince pies, turkey, and Santa! And come the middle of January you will have forgotten all about it until next year.