David Lapedis's Blog

Men and Love

2011-02-10T12:39:00.000-08:00

What does it mean for a man to be loving.

I am not sure we know. We associate love with softness, weakness, etc. "Be strong, toughen up." is the message men hear growing up. Imagine if they didn't. Imagine if men were encouraged to feel, to be open, to express themselves. Similarly, imagine if women weren't told the opposite messages. What if we could all just express our love, our feelings independent of our gender.

Our world used to be full of power-power that dominates. Real power is given, not taken and it is expansive. Change the word power for love in the sentence above and it makes even more sense. Love is given, not taken and it is expansive. The old power that was present in our organizations-government, wall street, and businesses is slowly falling away. It doesn't work, it isn't sustainable. We are ready for a new way to live, to be and to come together.

If we are going to create a better world, we need men to be more loving, more open and vulnerable. Real power comes from that openness, and confidence in what you are being. Authentic and caring men do all right in the world. They change countries, lead businesses

and people always want to be in their presence.

What would it take for the men around you to be more loving?

Tony Porter discusses the "man box" and how we can do things differently in the future.

I also love Joe Ehrman about this. Most men buy into the premise false masculinity. That your manliness is determined by your athletic ability, economic success, and sexual conquest.

Ehrmann says, there should be only two criteria for being a man. “Masculinity, first and foremost, ought to be defined in terms of relationships. It ought to be taught in terms of the capacity to love and to be loved.” For more about him, check out the book, Season of Life, by Jeffrey Marx.

What can one person do? --Everything

2011-01-14T12:53:00.001-08:00

"I am only one, but I am one. I can't do everything, but I can do something. What I can do, I ought to do. And I what I ought to do, By the grace of God I will do."- Canon Farrar

I read that today and was talking with a friend about how each of us could have an impact in the world. There are many problems, what impact could each of us have? I don't believe any one of us has all the answers, but I know that together we do. We do our part each time we show up and ask:

How can I serve?

How can I make things better?

How can I live my truth?

If we honestly want to combat hunger, poverty, climate change and the problems in our society, we need to do something. I believe that starts in the heart of each person and has significant power when we come together. If every person thought about how they could live their truth, how they could serve others in their life (family, work, friends) our world would change.

Yes, there is work to be done and that is why we're alive on this planet.

Majora Carter, Eco entrepeneurs and Hometown Security

2010-12-23T13:31:00.000-08:00

You might have seen Majora's 2006 TED speech about "Greening the Ghetto" and if you saw it, you probably became an instant fan. I watched her talk on local entrepeneurs who are changing our world and thought you might enjoy it. She is a personal hero of mine.

-Reducing recidivism in Chicago

-Reduce water runoff issues in LA by planting trees at schools

-Stopping coal mountain top removal

"We are the key to our own recovery."-Majora Carter

Our Education System:What works

2010-12-14T12:59:00.001-08:00

I have spent these past few weeks talking, reading and conversing about our education system. I'm now more convinced then ever, that we know how to solve our education problems.

We've got broken schools and we aren't preparing children for the world they are encountering when they graduate, that is painfully obvious. That problem needs to be addressed by making education more relevant, more applicable. I believe this happens when teachers are adaptive, inspired and committed to their students. Ask what works, and do that. Whether it is reciting raps to learn timetables or making movies of history lessons, students respond when there is something in it for them.

A lot of children living under or at the poverty line are not prepared to succeed academically. It looks like parenting classes, early childhood education and investment in those children can rectify that problem. The only question is how much will it cost. Geoffrey Canada has developed programs at the Harlem Children's Zone (HCZ) to address this and someone needs to cover this cost.

The model that works at HCZ and KIPP is longer hours of instruction and personalized attention for each student. This means tracking each student, working with them on specific skill areas and devoting resources to their education. It seems to me that there is a consensus among education professionals that we can't dismiss teachers who aren't getting classroom results, that we don't have enough money to devote time to each child, and that different models work better for different communities and populations.

The Cost

If we fail to educate and prepare our children for productive lives where they can contribute to their communities, we lose their potential. If we had the majority of students graduating high school clear about how they are an asset to their community and where they wanted to have an impact in the world, imagine the civic engagement we'd have. We'd have students with plans to resurrect neighborhoods, eradicate social issues and leave a legacy. We lose students for a multitude of reasons and it upsets me that it isn't part of the political discourse. We all benefit when children feel they matter, they can contribute and they are expected to meet high standards of achievement.

If we were committed to developing a generation of leaders to work on our problems and help them realize their potential, we'd be in a much better position. I don't know any answers, I only worked in education for a year, but I know the answers are out there. Maybe we need a collective vision, more experiments in different cities or a federal commitment of money to fund what works.

The kids who don't feel school is relevant, don't have hope for their future. That is someone's responsibility-the parents, the teachers, the community. Something needs to be done.

The main point I am trying to make is that we all lose out if we don't have children who are aware of who they can be. We now have the resources to prepare each child for our world and shame on us if we fail to accomplish that.

Inspiring Ideas/Solutions

Harlem Children's Zone-Has systematic programs to educate parents, a conveyor approach to change the culture of Harlem through charter schools for students from K-12. They also provide after school programs to students who don't attend their schools.

KIPP-A network of charter schools that target underserved children and focus on getting them into college. They are results focused, have long class hours and driven by young enthusiastic school leaders.

Students First-A new organization founded by Michelle Rhee (former DC school chancellor) that aims to transform public education.

Books/Media
Work Hard, Be nice- Inspirational story about The founders of KIPP

Whatever it Takes -A comprehensive look at Geoffrey Canada's schools, the HCZ, and how their programs work. Also mentions a lot of research in the educational field with practical applications.
Waiting for Superman -Movie about the current failings of our education system.

Sustainable Development-Hope for our Environment

2010-11-30T18:47:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I saw Jeffrey Sachs talk at the University of Michigan about Sustainable Development and the future of our world. He painted a very bleak picture of what is going to come. In short, developing countries are growing at a rate of 5-10% a year and he suspects that they and the rest of the world will double their economic output in the next 40 years. To do this in a manner that doesn't do irreparable damage to our climate, we must develop alternative energy sources and become more energy efficient. Every living species is in decline right now and our climate is changing everywhere.

This was interesting, but what bothered me was the fact that he spent more than 1 hr making his case for the status of the world economy and environmental situation and 2 minutes on any proposed ideas on how to fix this. I don't believe any one person knows how to solve the global problems we face, but I am pretty sure that collectively we can develop some solid and possible ideas.

Professor Sachs said it was a political problem, a problem with the media and that corporate money flowed into politics. I believe he's right, but didn't Al Gore state similar problems in "An Inconvenient Truth." I'm sorry, but the political will and power argument may be true, but it isn't getting us anywhere.

We can do a whole lot better. Yes, we need leaders and politicians to give us a vision to work toward. We also need people talking about these issues who are not in the government, who are connected to their neighbors, their community and are connected to a larger vision of what we can accomplish together. We can't legislate our way out of an environmental crisis. We need a vision, hope, and a sense of possibility. The bible says "Without a vision the people will perish." A vision of upcoming disaster is not very inspiring.

Some ideas:

-Use the massive database from environmental orgs. to connect people locally to work on a regional or national issue (think Obama's campaign network)

-Hold monthly days of service for the environment in communities Nationally (if the media isn't raising awareness, we sure can.)

-Have a contest for the most compelling environmental short film and use that video (after it spreads virally) as a call to action

-Broadcast and celebrate positive environmental companies and trends, so we can support them as consumers and citizens

Cool organizations:

350.org

What do you think?

How can individual citizens be mobilized or engaged with solving our environmental crisis?

The Girl Effect

2010-09-23T22:39:00.000-07:00

This can help change the world. Let's get started.

Homeless in the Bay Area, What can we do?

2010-07-29T11:58:00.000-07:00

I have lived here for several years and I’ve always been disturbed that so many people are homeless in the Bay Area. I want to know their stories, how they ended up on the street and what they need? What could really empower them and make their lives better?

For a while, I just thought about it. Then one day, I paused at an intersection in the mission and got caught in a conversation with a man asking for money. After I missed the walking sign, he thanked me for acknowledging him as he told me most people just ignored him. I then understood that I could offer a kind ear for a minute or say hello if I didn’t want to give money to him or the other folks in my neighborhood. And when I knew their faces and some of their names, I wasn’t as troubled, but still, deep down I knew they didn’t have to be in that situation.

Now, it still troubles me walking around seeing so many people asking for money or food. I am not sure how to best help people- I just acknowledge everyone I can and give when I feel I am able.

Still, I know there is more we can do. What does it say about us to let people live in our community while we pass by and are too busy? I am not saying we need to invite them into our living rooms to talk, but would that be so bad? What if each house on a block, took a turn feeding the people in their hood every month or two, would that be so risky? We live the Bay Area where you see wealth juxtaposed with poverty regularly.

The idea that we can just give money to help people, keeps the poor separate from the wealthy. And I don’t have a the solution, but I know that we as a community, as individuals, can do better. It speaks volumes about us in how we respond to the people around us.

“If the misery of our poor is caused not by the laws of nature, but by our institutions, great is our sin.” -Darwin

Getting in Action by Downsizing-The Power of Half

2010-07-24T06:45:00.000-07:00

Hannah Salwen, then a high school junior, simply saw a homeless man in her neighborhood. The juxtaposition of seeing him and watching a Mercedes drive right next to them, prompter her to tell her dad, "If that man" she pointed to the Mercedes – “had a less nice car, that man there” – she pointed to the homeless man – “could have a meal.”

That statement prompted a family discussion and the family to sell their house and move into one half its size. They got the whole family involved in the project. They decided to use the funds from moving to invest in bettering the world-A simple, but noble endeavor.

This family knew they had more to give and they did it, you can read more about them here.

What if we all showed up knowing how we could help others, where we could serve? Imagine what that would be like...Pretty incredible, no?

Everyday Hero: Mailman saves lives

2010-07-18T18:10:00.000-07:00

Keith McVey has had the same postal route for thirty years and he takes care of his residents.He has saved three lives on his route and he's is called an angel, a good Samaritan and you'll see why in this video.

A great man, Manute Bol

2010-06-20T23:22:00.000-07:00

Manute Bol passed away this weekend. He was a tall man who found success in the NBA after discovering basketball at age 18. I remember him when I was into basketball cards, but I never knew how dedicated he was to his country. He gave away almost all that he had to help Sudan. He was a true inspiration.

Charles Barkley, his former teammate, said, "You know, a lot of people feel sorry for him, because he's so tall and awkward. But I'll tell you this -- if everyone in the world was a Manute Bol, it's a world I'd want to live in."

More on Manute-Huffington Post

Nytimes obituary

Hope from the Gulf Of Mexico Oil Spill

2010-06-16T18:46:00.000-07:00

BP, gulf coast, all of it is disconcerting.

However, I look at it this way. It is just feedback from the natural world saying, "Hey, what you are doing isn't working."

I'd love it if we got that message another way, but maybe we aren't open to thinking differently without some event like this.

However, as we see events like this oil spill, violence and other news that makes us think, "Why does the world have to be this way?" We are also going to see amazing things happen in response to them. I know there is beauty in the midst of disaster.

For example, the people donating hair for the Oil Spill and the people putting those mats out to contain the oil. The people rescuing animals; those people are donating their time and energy to make this situation better. These people aren't in the place to gain anything by doing this, they just want to help. I believe we all want to if given the opportunity.

Ft. Myers Volunteers, Matter of Trust.

Mississippi, Matter of Trust.

The world is just changing and giving us feedback. It is important we talk about what's going on, but also give people hope and share stories that make us feel we're in this together.

If you have a story that embodies what is possible in the face of a disaster, especially the oil spill in the Gulf, please let me know.