David Lapedis's Blog

Please

2016-07-15T07:24:00.003-07:00

Please stop, please let these waves of violence die down.

Please, let it get better.

My heart breaks hearing about each attack, death, police misconduct, sexual assault and act that brings pain to us. To every one of us.

I'm tired of this.

For we are all connected and the pain of one, is the pain of us all.

And I know that deep in my heart, these acts are a call for help, are products of pain, injustice, systematic inequity and prejudice. But, it is a lot to absorb.

I know this is calling us to come together, to share our pain, our stories, our truth and to heal. To do the deeper work needed in times like this.

The protests are great, but beyond public anger and grief of what we don't want, there is a place for what we can do to pave a way so our children and our children's children don't have to experience this.

Marianne Williamson tells a story:
They might come home and say, "Grandpa (or Mom), My friend today told me there used to be this thing called terrorism, and violence that we used to solve problems. I thought she was crazy. Is that true?"

And then we will smile and say, "Yeah, that used to be the case."

And we may not be physically here or in the room when this happens, but when it does, our souls will smile.

We can be places for reconciliation, healing and love. We can do that with our families, our friends. I feel like I've reinvented my relationships so many times as I grow in awareness and move with what's true in me.

Let us call forth a greater possibility and let us be that now. We don't need to wait for anyone else to live a life based in love and truth and invite others to that. We get to do that....we are that invitation.

I will not look away from the pain in this world, I will feel the emotions that unite me to everything on this planet. Let this be for joy and healing.

Here is a Hebrew blessing I love:

Nation shall not lift up sword against nation.
They shall study war no more.

Transliteration:
Lo yi-sa goi_ el goi che-rev
Lo yil-m'-du_ od mil_-cha-ma
Lo yil-m'-du_ od mil_cha-ma
Lo yi-sa goi che-rev.

Real purpose of business

2015-04-11T13:49:00.000-07:00

The real purpose of business is to make people's live's better, to do something together we couldn't do alone and to express who we really are.

I think we sometimes forget that. That we are here to be something first, then do something. That our work is a statement of who we are and that "who we want to be" can be the guiding factor for our decision making.

Some people may say business is about making money, the bottom line. Yes, operating sustainably is important, however making money at the expense of enjoying this experience as a human being doesn't really work. It works in the short term for balance sheets, but in terms of how we feel at the end of each day, satisfying our potential as human beings, it falls short.

This correlates really well, because the word business-comes from the middle english word-bisig (when means our state of being). Literally, what are we being at work. How do we show up?
How do we respond?

What are we creating internally? In our body, mind, and with our emotions.

Externally we may get a lot of things done and that's important, but it isn't important if we can't enjoy the process.

I'm talking about working from a state of being, not to get to one.

eg. I'm stressed and I won't feel better until I get 3 more clients.

So the whole time you are working, you feel stressed and put more of that into the world and worry about 'being okay' until you hit your goals. Then when you get your goal, do you stop and celebrate? Rest and recharge?

I know I didn't, and I forgot to stop this week and celebrate.

It is almost as if there is this story that we believe that "I can't be okay unless I'm doing something." And if I'm not doing something, then........(insert reason to be afraid here).

What I've found is that when I work/play/live from the state of being I desire, then the whole process is enjoyable. I may not externally go where my logical thinking told me I would, but I actually feel good being alive and that's way more important to me.

Wondering if that resonates for you......

Best Self at Work

2015-03-09T16:45:00.002-07:00

What does it mean to bring your best self to work?

To me, it means bringing the best of who I am to work. All of me.
That means the part of me that is passionate, creative, the part of me that is unsure and the part of me that is disappointed.
This is the whole me, and my best self is the part of me that I am growing to express. It is the vision I hold for who I can be and actively applying my attention to create that at work.

Sometimes there are parts of ourself we leave out of work. What it would be like if we could integrate those parts into our work as well?

I imagine this would help us feel more fulfilled at work and more creative (engaged too). If there is part of me that isn't showing up at work, that is less of me that I can devote to projects, relationships and moving things forward.

What do you think?

What does your best self mean to you?

Retaining and Attracting Talented employees

2015-02-14T10:14:00.000-08:00

You want the best and most talented employees, you want to retain them and grow while moving your organization forward. People are everything.

People are disengaged at work. 70% of American employees are in fact.

When people are disengaged, they leave organizations. They negatively affect company culture, they aren’t effective, it’s a clear indicator something isn’t working.

How do you flip that percentage in your company?

How do you go above and beyond to retain and attract the most talented team?

You want them to stay in your organization and thrive. To increase engagement, you get to give them something other workplaces aren’t. You give them meaning, you give them purpose, you actively tap the immense potential in them to bring their whole self to work. You create a culture based in authenticity, encouraging personal and professional growth. You have authentic and effective employees, who want to come to work, enjoy it and create lasting change in and through your organization.

Let’s talk about ways to do that.

How to make organizations (work) more like life?

2015-01-27T13:40:00.000-08:00

I’m wondering how we can make our work lives more like life naturally. It seems some organizations are structured around having maximum order and efficiency. This makes them more like machines, than human orientated. I feel a desire to see and participate in human-oriented organizations, ones that are organic, natural and mimic our natural way of being.

To do that, they need to operate on trust and a set of basic principles.

What would those be?

In order to do that, it would be healthy to question several of the basic assumptions of work and our economy. The organization and the individuals that make it a living entity would get to demonstrate and hold beliefs that support this way working.

1) There is enough

2) Things naturally work themselves out

3) Each person has deep wisdom within

4) There is something each person has to contribute

5) Love guides decision making

6) Focusing on what is working naturally leads to better solutions

7) True power is shared and distributed

8) There are only opportunities

What other tenets/beliefs would you add to this list?

Can science be Overrated?

2015-01-09T14:07:00.003-08:00

I like science don't get me wrong, but it seems like we almost trust it more than our own experience.

If a study shows that something works in certain conditions, what are the chances that those conditions will happen exactly the same time next situation? I'm all for understanding what things may benefit large populations in studies, but when it comes to making decisions, I trust my intuition.

I've seen people be almost dogmatic about science (I guess people are that way with intuition, too). Every moment is unique, predictions are useful, but they aren't ultimate. I like to think that we are plugged in to a world that knows what it is doing.

I believe we live in a world that is beyond reason (universal intelligence) and where reason has its place.

What helps you make decisions? How do you use your intellect and intuition?

Work: A statement of who you are

2015-01-06T13:09:00.000-08:00

You know what we don’t typically associate with work? Fun, joy.

Somehow we started believing that work is a struggle, that we must do something to make money. That we had to sacrifice who we are in order to get something (money, security).

Maybe, that’s not true. Maybe something else is possible.

Perhaps your work can be a statement of who you are?

Perhaps there is a way to be on fire with life and let your work be that passion. Maybe that is why you are alive, there is something you are here to create, do or be that can only happen with you.

What do you think? What do you believe about work?

Colleagues who aren't comfortable

2014-09-22T17:13:00.000-07:00

What about the people who don’t want to be authentic at work, who don’t want to bring their whole humanity to the workplace?

This is question several people have asked me this week.

What do you think? How would you respond to a colleague/friend/family member who doesn’t feel comfortable with you sharing what’s really going on with you?

My take: There already are plenty of places for people who just want a ‘job’ to work. If someone isn’t comfortable with their feelings, they are just compassionately being invited to a new way of being. If the culture and norms of a community don’t work for someone, I believe they are empowered to speak up about what would work better. Ironically, the tools and practices to help them do that might be the ones they might be afraid of adopting or learning more about. So, in deep compassion and love, there is always consideration for people. When it comes to conscious cultural change, it never hurts to listen and discover what people truly want.

Very curious to hear your thoughts?

2014-09-19T10:26:00.002-07:00

What keeps us from being Authentic at work?

I mean being honest, talking about what going on inside of us. I’m wondering why this is the norm in our workplaces. With our friends and family we can share our emotional lives and what we are experiencing.

What do you think?

My take is that people were told that their emotional experiences, ‘what they are really thinking and feeling’ was not okay to share-at school, at work and sometimes in their families.
1) Perhaps the first step is being aware of our emotions (emotional Intelligence),
2) the second step is having the words and language to speak about them clearly in a non-arguable way, and
3) the third is having the courage to do so in cultures where this is not the norm yet.

Core of our Humanity

2014-09-15T11:51:00.000-07:00

I believe that our businesses and organizations can be places where we can express the core of our humanity-sharing our thoughts, feelings and emotions. Where we don’t downplay what is going on inside of us; we harness that creative energy and use it to create collectively with others.

That would include saying what works for us, what feels right and when we aren’t excited about doing something. This would include conversation, real conversation about how to do things (not doing things because this is the way we’ve always done it) and providing ways for people to determine how they can best contribute in a workplace. In essence, this is the invitation for us to be creative, responsive and present to what is happening in the moment. Right now, so much is changing that if we don’t embrace our humanity at work it seems like we are headed towards being uber-efficient functioning bodies similar to machines. I don’t think that is why we are alive. We are alive for the richness of being human-feeling, thinking, acting and they key to that is feeling, understanding and expressing our emotions.

And I sit here with deep compassion for where we are, I can see why we’ve downplayed our emotions and what we are feeling at work. In the first businesses, they were built on relationships and trust. Imagine the first county store, a tailor, a neighborhood doctor; they existed solely to make people’s lives better through their services. When businesses got bigger-commerce moved to more of a transactional model. So if a business wasn‘t efficient, another business did things in a way that was cheaper or faster which gradually encouraged the more relationship-oriented business to leave the marketplace. So the expression of our humanity pushed out of our work life. However, people adapted and just decided to express their emotional and authentic selves other places-at church, with their family and friends, and made work a place to earn a living. There is nothing wrong with that, just a decision that was accepted by many. So we evolved to expect that at work. However, some companies have a culture where relationships and trust differentiate them; Zappos comes to mind. They truly care about their customers (beyond making money). Any others you know of?

I long to discover the ways we can express, share and use every part of our being to create at work and in life. The wonderful thing is, is that when we express our authentic self; we are using both hemispheres of our brain. Literally, our whole brain is functioning in harmony. That means, that when we aren’t expressing our emotions or what is going on inside of us (we could be unaware of this), we are only using one side of our brain. When this happens, we tend to over-rely on our left hemisphere. This is the part of the brain that is analytical, logical and tries to solve problems. However, if we tune in to what we are thinking, feeling (what is going on in our body) and needing, then we have access to much more information. Using our whole mind allows more information and energy to flow through our mind. This last paragraph is based on interpersonal neurobiology (Sarah Peyton and Daniel Siegel are great resources to learn more about this).

Would love to hear your thoughts, comments and ideas…

Men and Love

2011-02-10T12:39:00.000-08:00

What does it mean for a man to be loving.

I am not sure we know. We associate love with softness, weakness, etc. "Be strong, toughen up." is the message men hear growing up. Imagine if they didn't. Imagine if men were encouraged to feel, to be open, to express themselves. Similarly, imagine if women weren't told the opposite messages. What if we could all just express our love, our feelings independent of our gender.

Our world used to be full of power-power that dominates. Real power is given, not taken and it is expansive. Change the word power for love in the sentence above and it makes even more sense. Love is given, not taken and it is expansive. The old power that was present in our organizations-government, wall street, and businesses is slowly falling away. It doesn't work, it isn't sustainable. We are ready for a new way to live, to be and to come together.

If we are going to create a better world, we need men to be more loving, more open and vulnerable. Real power comes from that openness, and confidence in what you are being. Authentic and caring men do all right in the world. They change countries, lead businesses

and people always want to be in their presence.

What would it take for the men around you to be more loving?

Tony Porter discusses the "man box" and how we can do things differently in the future.

I also love Joe Ehrman about this. Most men buy into the premise false masculinity. That your manliness is determined by your athletic ability, economic success, and sexual conquest.

Ehrmann says, there should be only two criteria for being a man. “Masculinity, first and foremost, ought to be defined in terms of relationships. It ought to be taught in terms of the capacity to love and to be loved.” For more about him, check out the book, Season of Life, by Jeffrey Marx.

What can one person do? --Everything

2011-01-14T12:53:00.001-08:00

"I am only one, but I am one. I can't do everything, but I can do something. What I can do, I ought to do. And I what I ought to do, By the grace of God I will do."- Canon Farrar

I read that today and was talking with a friend about how each of us could have an impact in the world. There are many problems, what impact could each of us have? I don't believe any one of us has all the answers, but I know that together we do. We do our part each time we show up and ask:

How can I serve?

How can I make things better?

How can I live my truth?

If we honestly want to combat hunger, poverty, climate change and the problems in our society, we need to do something. I believe that starts in the heart of each person and has significant power when we come together. If every person thought about how they could live their truth, how they could serve others in their life (family, work, friends) our world would change.

Yes, there is work to be done and that is why we're alive on this planet.

Majora Carter, Eco entrepeneurs and Hometown Security

2010-12-23T13:31:00.000-08:00

You might have seen Majora's 2006 TED speech about "Greening the Ghetto" and if you saw it, you probably became an instant fan. I watched her talk on local entrepeneurs who are changing our world and thought you might enjoy it. She is a personal hero of mine.

-Reducing recidivism in Chicago

-Reduce water runoff issues in LA by planting trees at schools

-Stopping coal mountain top removal

"We are the key to our own recovery."-Majora Carter

Our Education System:What works

2010-12-14T12:59:00.001-08:00

I have spent these past few weeks talking, reading and conversing about our education system. I'm now more convinced then ever, that we know how to solve our education problems.

We've got broken schools and we aren't preparing children for the world they are encountering when they graduate, that is painfully obvious. That problem needs to be addressed by making education more relevant, more applicable. I believe this happens when teachers are adaptive, inspired and committed to their students. Ask what works, and do that. Whether it is reciting raps to learn timetables or making movies of history lessons, students respond when there is something in it for them.

A lot of children living under or at the poverty line are not prepared to succeed academically. It looks like parenting classes, early childhood education and investment in those children can rectify that problem. The only question is how much will it cost. Geoffrey Canada has developed programs at the Harlem Children's Zone (HCZ) to address this and someone needs to cover this cost.

The model that works at HCZ and KIPP is longer hours of instruction and personalized attention for each student. This means tracking each student, working with them on specific skill areas and devoting resources to their education. It seems to me that there is a consensus among education professionals that we can't dismiss teachers who aren't getting classroom results, that we don't have enough money to devote time to each child, and that different models work better for different communities and populations.

The Cost

If we fail to educate and prepare our children for productive lives where they can contribute to their communities, we lose their potential. If we had the majority of students graduating high school clear about how they are an asset to their community and where they wanted to have an impact in the world, imagine the civic engagement we'd have. We'd have students with plans to resurrect neighborhoods, eradicate social issues and leave a legacy. We lose students for a multitude of reasons and it upsets me that it isn't part of the political discourse. We all benefit when children feel they matter, they can contribute and they are expected to meet high standards of achievement.

If we were committed to developing a generation of leaders to work on our problems and help them realize their potential, we'd be in a much better position. I don't know any answers, I only worked in education for a year, but I know the answers are out there. Maybe we need a collective vision, more experiments in different cities or a federal commitment of money to fund what works.

The kids who don't feel school is relevant, don't have hope for their future. That is someone's responsibility-the parents, the teachers, the community. Something needs to be done.

The main point I am trying to make is that we all lose out if we don't have children who are aware of who they can be. We now have the resources to prepare each child for our world and shame on us if we fail to accomplish that.

Inspiring Ideas/Solutions

Harlem Children's Zone-Has systematic programs to educate parents, a conveyor approach to change the culture of Harlem through charter schools for students from K-12. They also provide after school programs to students who don't attend their schools.

KIPP-A network of charter schools that target underserved children and focus on getting them into college. They are results focused, have long class hours and driven by young enthusiastic school leaders.

Students First-A new organization founded by Michelle Rhee (former DC school chancellor) that aims to transform public education.

Books/Media
Work Hard, Be nice- Inspirational story about The founders of KIPP

Whatever it Takes -A comprehensive look at Geoffrey Canada's schools, the HCZ, and how their programs work. Also mentions a lot of research in the educational field with practical applications.
Waiting for Superman -Movie about the current failings of our education system.

Sustainable Development-Hope for our Environment

2010-11-30T18:47:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I saw Jeffrey Sachs talk at the University of Michigan about Sustainable Development and the future of our world. He painted a very bleak picture of what is going to come. In short, developing countries are growing at a rate of 5-10% a year and he suspects that they and the rest of the world will double their economic output in the next 40 years. To do this in a manner that doesn't do irreparable damage to our climate, we must develop alternative energy sources and become more energy efficient. Every living species is in decline right now and our climate is changing everywhere.

This was interesting, but what bothered me was the fact that he spent more than 1 hr making his case for the status of the world economy and environmental situation and 2 minutes on any proposed ideas on how to fix this. I don't believe any one person knows how to solve the global problems we face, but I am pretty sure that collectively we can develop some solid and possible ideas.

Professor Sachs said it was a political problem, a problem with the media and that corporate money flowed into politics. I believe he's right, but didn't Al Gore state similar problems in "An Inconvenient Truth." I'm sorry, but the political will and power argument may be true, but it isn't getting us anywhere.

We can do a whole lot better. Yes, we need leaders and politicians to give us a vision to work toward. We also need people talking about these issues who are not in the government, who are connected to their neighbors, their community and are connected to a larger vision of what we can accomplish together. We can't legislate our way out of an environmental crisis. We need a vision, hope, and a sense of possibility. The bible says "Without a vision the people will perish." A vision of upcoming disaster is not very inspiring.

Some ideas:

-Use the massive database from environmental orgs. to connect people locally to work on a regional or national issue (think Obama's campaign network)

-Hold monthly days of service for the environment in communities Nationally (if the media isn't raising awareness, we sure can.)

-Have a contest for the most compelling environmental short film and use that video (after it spreads virally) as a call to action

-Broadcast and celebrate positive environmental companies and trends, so we can support them as consumers and citizens

Cool organizations:

350.org

What do you think?

How can individual citizens be mobilized or engaged with solving our environmental crisis?

The Girl Effect

2010-09-23T22:39:00.000-07:00

This can help change the world. Let's get started.

Homeless in the Bay Area, What can we do?

2010-07-29T11:58:00.000-07:00

I have lived here for several years and I’ve always been disturbed that so many people are homeless in the Bay Area. I want to know their stories, how they ended up on the street and what they need? What could really empower them and make their lives better?

For a while, I just thought about it. Then one day, I paused at an intersection in the mission and got caught in a conversation with a man asking for money. After I missed the walking sign, he thanked me for acknowledging him as he told me most people just ignored him. I then understood that I could offer a kind ear for a minute or say hello if I didn’t want to give money to him or the other folks in my neighborhood. And when I knew their faces and some of their names, I wasn’t as troubled, but still, deep down I knew they didn’t have to be in that situation.

Now, it still troubles me walking around seeing so many people asking for money or food. I am not sure how to best help people- I just acknowledge everyone I can and give when I feel I am able.

Still, I know there is more we can do. What does it say about us to let people live in our community while we pass by and are too busy? I am not saying we need to invite them into our living rooms to talk, but would that be so bad? What if each house on a block, took a turn feeding the people in their hood every month or two, would that be so risky? We live the Bay Area where you see wealth juxtaposed with poverty regularly.

The idea that we can just give money to help people, keeps the poor separate from the wealthy. And I don’t have a the solution, but I know that we as a community, as individuals, can do better. It speaks volumes about us in how we respond to the people around us.

“If the misery of our poor is caused not by the laws of nature, but by our institutions, great is our sin.” -Darwin

Getting in Action by Downsizing-The Power of Half

2010-07-24T06:45:00.000-07:00

Hannah Salwen, then a high school junior, simply saw a homeless man in her neighborhood. The juxtaposition of seeing him and watching a Mercedes drive right next to them, prompter her to tell her dad, "If that man" she pointed to the Mercedes – “had a less nice car, that man there” – she pointed to the homeless man – “could have a meal.”

That statement prompted a family discussion and the family to sell their house and move into one half its size. They got the whole family involved in the project. They decided to use the funds from moving to invest in bettering the world-A simple, but noble endeavor.

This family knew they had more to give and they did it, you can read more about them here.

What if we all showed up knowing how we could help others, where we could serve? Imagine what that would be like...Pretty incredible, no?

Everyday Hero: Mailman saves lives

2010-07-18T18:10:00.000-07:00

Keith McVey has had the same postal route for thirty years and he takes care of his residents.He has saved three lives on his route and he's is called an angel, a good Samaritan and you'll see why in this video.

A great man, Manute Bol

2010-06-20T23:22:00.000-07:00

Manute Bol passed away this weekend. He was a tall man who found success in the NBA after discovering basketball at age 18. I remember him when I was into basketball cards, but I never knew how dedicated he was to his country. He gave away almost all that he had to help Sudan. He was a true inspiration.

Charles Barkley, his former teammate, said, "You know, a lot of people feel sorry for him, because he's so tall and awkward. But I'll tell you this -- if everyone in the world was a Manute Bol, it's a world I'd want to live in."

More on Manute-Huffington Post

Nytimes obituary

Hope from the Gulf Of Mexico Oil Spill

2010-06-16T18:46:00.000-07:00

BP, gulf coast, all of it is disconcerting.

However, I look at it this way. It is just feedback from the natural world saying, "Hey, what you are doing isn't working."

I'd love it if we got that message another way, but maybe we aren't open to thinking differently without some event like this.

However, as we see events like this oil spill, violence and other news that makes us think, "Why does the world have to be this way?" We are also going to see amazing things happen in response to them. I know there is beauty in the midst of disaster.

For example, the people donating hair for the Oil Spill and the people putting those mats out to contain the oil. The people rescuing animals; those people are donating their time and energy to make this situation better. These people aren't in the place to gain anything by doing this, they just want to help. I believe we all want to if given the opportunity.

Ft. Myers Volunteers, Matter of Trust.

Mississippi, Matter of Trust.

The world is just changing and giving us feedback. It is important we talk about what's going on, but also give people hope and share stories that make us feel we're in this together.

If you have a story that embodies what is possible in the face of a disaster, especially the oil spill in the Gulf, please let me know.