Day By Day....Does My MS Define Me

Another Day

2013-03-13T09:17:00.001-04:00

We almost finished hanging the kitchen cabinets yesterday. This is really coming together. And it is faster than I expected. We have been here a week and a half and have almost all of the kitchen done. We need a new refrigerator so until I have time to go pick one out we have the last 2 cabinets sitting in the middle of the kitchen. They will go in between the stove and refrigerator. We took 2 of the wall cabinets and put them in the sun room area for a built in shelf unit. I took the doors off the front and will be adding a top to the bottom cabinet later. We plan on building a corner window seat under the windows next to the shelf unit.

We have done a lot of head scratching so far and I am sure will be doing more. We can't figure out why they did some of the things around here but ok to each his own. At one point the previous owners had put the 220 for the dryer and a vent in the sun room. My dad came over last week and disconnected the 220 upstairs. He reconnected the 220 in the basement and looked at the regular outlets to see why they were not working. Wow...they had a fire. They had to have been standing right there when it happened. The wires were absolutely fried on the one outlet for the washing machine. They built a half wall that doesn't even begin to go to the top of the ceiling. That made it difficult to have enough wire to redo the outlet. More head scratching. Another thing to add to the massive remodel list. Build a real wall for the laundry area.

I am keeping one of the corner base cabinets and will be making a tv stand for our bedroom out of it. Some of the extra wall cabinets will be used to make various cupboards and stands throughout the house. I have some other tables I will also be refinishing. I figure with all of the things on my list I will be busy even from the grave LOL.

Busy Beavers

2013-03-12T12:04:00.002-04:00

Wow have we ever been busy. Between moving and watching the grandkids I am completely worn out. We started on the kitchen and dining room this last week. We brought the oak kitchen cabinets from the trailer that we had purchased a few years back. The cabinets here were nice but the kitchen just seemed closed off. With the sunroom on the back it should feel more open. They had the refrigerator right in front of the door from the dining room. That made it feel like you needed to pull your shoulders in to get into the kitchen. So far we have the sink side all installed except for the new counter tops. We will be making butcher block counters. I can not wait. The improvement so far is amazing and it will be just awesome once we get done. I picked my paint colors at Menards the other day. A sage green for the cabinets and a beige for the walls.

We are using all of the materials we can from here. I guess you can call it a "Green" remodel. Not to mention the money it will save us. Which is a double plus. I have been reading up on making a butcher block counter from recycled wood flooring. Someone put hardwood flooring on the bottom half of the basement walls. I thought "what" when my son started taking it down. At first glance it looked like some kind of beadboard panel. Then it hit me. After looking at hardwood flooring at Menards I thought hey we have a ton of it in the basement. We will just cut off the bad parts.

When the previous owners remodeled the kitchen they put linoleum down. Well lets just say oh my. They put a ton of glue and i mean a puddle in some spots then no glue at all in others. The bigger pieces we pulled up I am saving just in case we can use them in other places. I am thinking one place will be the bathroom in the basement.

We pulled the carpet up in the dining room the other night. Woot Woot the hardwood floor is still there. But oh my does it need a ton of work. They started to paint it in one corner then must have changed their minds. Oh my. It was easy enough to pull the carpet up. My granddaugher Sophie helped us. She is grama's big helper. The tack strips along the edge kept "biting" us. She would say "Grama" "Grampa" you be careful don't get booboo's. It was the cutest thing. She is so observant it is amazing sometimes. She watched me take the flat head screw driver with the hammer and tap the tack strip off the floor. I layed them down to go into the other room and heard a tapping noise. When I got back into the dining room she had the screw driver with the hammer just a tapping away. Now she isn't big enough to hold the hammer up and tap the screw driver, so she improvised. She layed the hammer on the floor and using the end of the handle slid the hammer along the floor to hit the screw driver. Dave and I giggled over this one and thinking to ourselves that she wouldn't get too far that way we watched. Well to our surprise we were wrong. I should have known not to underestimate that child. She comes from a long line of strong stubborn women. She managed to get a whole wall of strip off. Woot Woot go girl. My grandson Bryson helped a little too just before taking his nap. He used the power drill to put a screw into a piece of flooring for me. Here is this little guy with a power drill almost as big as he is holding it up and drilling. I laughed and laughed. He did a really good job too. That screw was straighter than mine. LOL.

We have had a lot of fun and laughs while doing this. And it is making me love this house even more. Knowing that as a family we are building our home and putting our own imprints on the history of this place. I can look at that wall and smile knowing that Sophie helped in that small area. And every time I walk into the kitchen I can smile as I walk over that area that Bryson held a power drill for the first time. Who knows.....maybe they will grow up to be a famous decorator or architect.

Our New Home

2013-03-10T12:47:00.001-04:00

Well finally after 16 years in a mobile home I bought my first house. I absolutely LOVE it. I didn't have to move, I could take my time and find a home I loved. Sure the trailer needed work but just normal cosmetic stuff and some subflooring work. But all in all it was a nice little place. That was my first home. That was the place I "saved" my kids. But that is a whole different story all on it's own, better reserved for another time. For whatever reason this home just did not sell. It was on the market for just under a year. I don't really understand why. It isn't the best neighborhood in the city but it isn't the worse either. My mom keeps saying it is because it was meant to be mine, which I think just may be the case.

Now most people want modern and new. Me....I wanted old and antique. I love the old wooden staircases, trim and floors. My boyfriend has the same taste and he agreed so the search began. We have limited income with both of us being disabled so price was obviously top on the list. Dave (my boyfriend) kept saying I don't know....which basically means I have faith in ya babe but this one I gotta see for myself lol.

We had kind of a hard time finding a realtor. Mostly because they wouldn't call back. One actually set up an appointment to look at a house then called a few hours before to say "look I had an unexpected and eventful evening and would have to come back into town to show you the house" HUH. Wow, ok, well we will find another realtor. Sorry to bother you as I scratched my head. We found a realtor that we liked and the search began.

I kept telling Dave that I was going to find us a home cheap that we loved but even I started to doubt that after looking at about 10 houses. I just can't believe how some of the houses are set up. It was important to have wheelchair access to the major rooms in the house for me. God willing I won't go to my chair but in reality I probably will. I wanted the original woodworking that hopefully wouldn't be painted. A basement and garage. The original wooden staircase that hopefully wouldn't be painted. And hardwood floors. Ok so far this list seemed almost impossible.

Most of the older homes were in the not so nice neighborhoods. My dad cracked me up. He kept saying it doesn't matter where you live any more, any where can be bad. Ok dad well the difference is in getting shot or not lol. I would get online every day and search the house listings, call the realtor and off we would go. We had so much fun looking at houses. My parents would meet us and my mom and I would ohhh and ahhh together. She loves the older homes as much if not more than I do. I had this idea in my head and just couldn't shake it. I really wanted what I call the short door going to the attic. That is the little door you walk through that leads out to that cool attic space you can stand up in. That door that leads out to a whole little world all in it's own in your house. We found a house that I really loved, made an offer, they accepted, but the paperwork they sent to us just seemed shady. They wanted the money before closing. Ummm ....no. So that deal fell through. I really became discouraged at that point. But we had only been looking for a few weeks. Patience is a virtue. I kept repeating that to myself. When the right house comes along it will all fall into place. And that proved true.

Now this house listing kept drawing me back. I would go every few days and look at this listing. The pictures were horrible. They didn't show much detail. But something about it kept pulling me back. I mentioned it to Dave and my dad a few times but I really don't know why I didn't put it on the list of houses to look at.

Then another bump in the road. Our realtor called. She lost her license because she didn't have the money to pay her realtor fees. And the search for a realtor begins again. We found Pat Smith. An older woman who was very helpful and just the sweetest thing. So after only 2 months of searching I added this house to the list of houses to look at. We fell in love with this place once we walked through it. It has everything except the garage that I wanted. Plus one thing I didn't have on the list. A dishwasher. Yeah! I forgot to put that on the list. That is a good idea. With my MS I may not be able to wash dishes later. How could I miss that one. Lol.

The house originally started out at a price of 24,000. After a few months they dropped it to 19,900. After several months at that price we came along and walked through. My dad had surgery on his foot and couldn't make it to look at the house with us. We told Pat that we would be getting in touch with her probably the next week to look at this house and another again once dad got back on his feet.

Jump forward a week. We meet my parents and Pat at both houses. Dad gives the go on this house. Picture me doing cartwheels inside my head. Woot Woot. I LOVE this house. Now comes the teeth clenching. They had in just a few days dropped the price to 17,400. Now mind you this house has been on the market for almost a year. Right around 11 months. It was a repo. Banks do not like to hang onto houses. Lets put in a ridiculously low offer maybe they will bite. The worse they can do is say no. So I say ok lets offer 12,000. Dad adds that they also need to fix the window in the back door. Sitting on pins and needles on Friday we send the offer. On Monday they accept! Double Woot Woot. I found the house we love for major cheap. I am on cloud nine.

Ok now Pat also added that the bank turn on the utilities to save us the turn on costs. Doing more cartwheels in my head because this deal is just getting better and better for us. The Lord is watching out for us on this one. Then the phone rings. They turned the gas on and the furnace is broken. A short moment of oh man. Then mom says and by the way the bank is fixing the furnace for you. More cartwheels! Thank you Lord. And more cartwheels.

The day before closing Pat wanted us to meet at the house to do a walk through. We get here and the bank did so many extras for us. Instead of fixing the glass in the back door, they replaced the whole door. They also replaced the faucets in the kitchen and bathroom. They fixed the furnace. And they accepted our crazy low offer.

So I found us a house that we love. It has the original woodwork that has a few paint splatters but that is from them probably using a paint gun and not taping. No big deal with a little work I can get that off. The original wooden staircase with a closet underneath. The short door that leads to that dreamy attic space. We pulled carpet up in the dining room and the hardwood is there! Wooden columns leading into the living room. 10 ft. ceilings. A sunroom on the back off the kitchen seperated by a snack bar. 3 bedrooms. A full basement with a bedroom and living area. The funniest part is the basement. There is a hole in the middle of the floor for a toilet. That just cracked me up. At some point they must have had a flood down there because the bottom of the walls are gone. I wonder if the plumbing maybe cause the problem because the toilet is gone. I don't know but man did we laugh when we saw that hole. So I did get the second bathroom I wanted I just have to build it.

Thank you Lord for all of the blessings and everything you have given us with this house.

Days 5 and 6 of Making a Castle Cake....Finished!!

2012-10-12T20:44:00.001-04:00

Wow has it been a long week. Yesterday was spent baking and frosting with the ganache. I absolutely love that stuff. The way it sets up it is pretty hard to get the edges so that they are not smooth and straight. I used 2 smoothers today to put the fondant on and got such smooth and square edges. It was a breeze. Well until I started putting the decorations on. The edges aren't so square any more lol. But this is a picture of the finished cake.

I think it is pretty cute. Backpack is our favorite lol. For Sophie I made her own special cake. I used a 10" Dora doll and made the skirt of her dress out of a yellow cake. I died layers of the cake batter with food coloring and made her a rainbow cake. She is going to love it.

My next project is going to be homemade spaghetti sauce with meatballs for my Grandson Tristan at the end of this month. His birthday is the 30th so he is having a Halloween themed party this year. The spaghetti is to be "worms" and the sauce "blood" and the meatballs "eyes". I don't think I will ever look at my sauce the same lol.

Day 4 of Making a Castle Cake

2012-10-10T20:25:00.001-04:00

Well today we made the ganache. All I can say is OH MY GOODNESS. The white chocolate is to die for! And easy. Wow was this easy. The recipe is 2 parts chocolate to 1 part heavy whipping cream. Melt both together in 2 min spurts in the microwave until chocolate is almost melted then shorter times until completely melted. Mix well. Let sit overnight to set. I stirred periodically to make sure it was mixing and melting. Oh man is this stuff good. I used Hershey milk and white chips. They are not "greasy" like most chips you buy. I was going to get pictures but Dave's diabetes started acting up. And it really isn't that thrilling just looks like a bowl full of chocolate lol.

Once that was finished I started on the tower roof. I bought sugar cones and wrapped them in a thin layer of pink fondant. Being thin it shows the pattern on the cone and makes the roof look textured. I'm not sure if you can see that in the pictures or not.

I guess you kinda can see the texture on the roof. But again I just wet the edge of the tower and sat the roof on top. You have to really be careful with the water it doesn't take much to totally break the fondant down. But this stuff is cool. My son keeps saying I can't believe you can do all of this with frosting lol. We have been having a great time doing this. But here is a picture of all 6 towers finished.

The towers have been drying since Sunday, so for 3 days now with the paper towel roll and parchment paper still inside. They are drying quite well. I removed the roll and paper before adding the roofs. Now I just hope they don't fall and break or anything. I will probably cry lol. Tareh came in today and went to pick one up just after I made it and it wasn't dry. I think I scared her half to death when I squealed "oh don't touch it"! lol And needless to say I love you guys but the kids are all banned until after the party. I can just see Bryson coming in a grabbing a tower to munch on as he is running through the house.

Day 3 of Making a Castle Cake

2012-10-09T21:40:00.000-04:00

Ok so last night I said we would be doing the towers. Well we had a change of plans. Instead I made Boots, Map and Backpack. I have never molded anything out of clay much less frosting. But I do have to say I believe they turned out very well. I really did not know I had it in me. Backpack is our favorite. Now Backpack carries Map in his side pocket, so I had to be as true to the cartoon as possible. Here is the starting process.

I also made a blue flower with the number 3 in green to display on the cake. Here are a few pictures of the whole process today. All in all after about 5 hours I am done for the day. Considering Boots fell on his head about 100 times today and my eyes are spent, I don't think we did bad at all. I am happy with the results so far.

Now these guys are 100% fondant. It is amazing what you can do with this stuff. I didn't use any sculpting tools. Just the good old fingers and a toothpick. Boots legs are drying and I will add those once we get him sat on the cake. Can you see Map in the side pocket? Too cute. For the eyes I rolled white fondant into a small ball and slightly pushed it down. Then put some blue food coloring on the end of a toothpick and poked at the eye. For Backpacks mouth I used a toothpick and formed a half smile. It was all pretty easy. No cutting of any kind. I just simply rolled in my fingers or hands and smoothed with the warmth of my fingertips. Here are the final pictures of today's work.

Now I have gone back through with a toothpick and cleaned up all of the rough edges. Like around boots chin, and backpack's mouth and eyes. But these pictures give you an idea of what we have. We also made the pink bricks to go around the top edges of the castle but I forgot to ask Dave to take those pictures. We will be doing the ganache and the roof for the towers tomorrow. So far we have been having alot of fun together doing this. My son has also been chiming in. He offered help at one point when my hands were not doing so well. All in all this has been a great learning experience.

Making A Castle Cake For My Grandaughter Sophie's 3rd Birthday

2012-10-08T22:42:00.001-04:00

Ok so I know I started this blog a while ago and I have not kept up with it at all. Now this all begins with my grandson Keegan. My daughter Ashlei bought him a fondant birthday cake. It was Mickey Mouse's Clubhouse. Super cute! And not to mention He LOVED it! Well I casually mentioned to my daughter Tareh "I wonder if I could do something like that". Open mouth insert foot. Guess what I got myself into. So for the last 2 weeks I have been practicing. The first weekend I had my youngest 2 grandkids here. Bryson loves fondant. He was too cute coming out every 2 minutes with his little hand up saying Mo Mo. Sophie is thrilled Grama is making her cake. Every time she comes in and see's cake on the counter she says "grama you makin my cake for my birthday". It is too cute. And she is telling everyone she see's. I have spent countless hours on the web searching recipes and countless hours at home practicing. I am making marshmallow fondant. The recipe is here. After trial and error and under the advise of one of the blogs I read I made some changes. I do not put the whole bag of powdered sugar in. Instead I grease the tar out of my counter and hands. The I put about 1/4 of the bag of powdered sugar onto the counter. Once the marshmallows are melted I pour it on top of the sugar and start kneeding. Boy do my hands get sticky. But not to fear. After adding about a cup of sugar at a time just until the marshmallows no longer just take the sugar and it is like playdough i just rub my hands and it comes off. I tried buttercream frosting. It is really tasty and we have really liked it. But I am thinking Ganache will work better from everything I have read. So devils food cake with white chocolate ganache as the bottom layer. Yellow cake with milk chocolate ganache as the top layer. Ganache is a frosting that hardens quite well and should help with the smoothness and in getting sharp edges. Or so I have read. Well yesterday the journey to the end began. The party is this Saturday the 13th. No turning back now. The biggest task was trying to figure out how to do the towers. We tried swiss cake rolls last weekend. They worked pretty good, they were just too top heavy to really stand up. The grandkids really liked eating them though. So countless more hours on the web searching. I finally found a blog. She used paper towel rolls with waxed paper as her mold. Yeah I think that could work. These are mine on day 1. I wrapped parchment paper around the tubes and then wrapped the fondant around. Securing the seams by wetting one side with a little water on my finder and smoothing it down. Now to let it dry for the next 6 days. The pink braid will be Dora's crown. She wants Dora's princess and for the life of me we could not find a princess doll. So we will make our own.

Well I dragged my son to Hobby Lobby with me. We found a 12" cake pan, the fondant smoother, flower cookie cutters and wooden dowels. On to day 2. I colored the fondant using food coloring. I actually got some pretty colors. I plan on doing Pink roofs for the towers. Green vines with blue and purple rose buds. Pink windows lined in blue. My towers are starting to dry nicely I think I am going to start decorating. I would rather do it while the paper towel roles are still inside to help the towers keep from crumbling. This is my hope any way.

So have never made fondant flowers. Or any flower from frosting. But I really don't think I did half bad. I used a rolling method for the rose buds. Instead of buying a fondant roller for this, I used a piece of Pex piping. That is the blue roller piece to the left. It worked perfectly for this small task. I took a small piece of fondant and rolled it to about 1/8". Then I cut it into strips about 1/2 wide. Then rolled it making sure the first roll is pretty tight to make the center of the rose. Then I layed it on it's side and used a small sharp kitchen knife to cut one end off and make the bud flat to lay against the tower.

Next the other style flowers. They really aren't a specific type just a fun flower. I'm not really sure where I am going to put them. Maybe around the door. These are also going to be blue and purple. Those are the colors that Sophie picked for the flowers. I bought a cookie cutter set at hobby lobby with 3 sizes. I am using the smallest size for these flowers.

Once I got them cut out, I used a toothpick and put lines in the center of each petal. Then I rolled a small ball of purple fondant and dipped it slightly in water. The first flower I did this too I used too much water and ruined the flower. Once the ball is wet I placed it in the center of the flower. Now to shape the flowers instead of buying a fondant shaper I used tin foil. 1 thin piece folded in half then creased down the middle. Once I layed the flower onto the tin foil, I pressed lightly on each side of the flower to lift it. Then I layed it on the table still inside the v'd foil to dry.

I also made them in purple with blue centers. About 10 in each color. They are already starting to harden very well. I am actually having fun at this point. So now onto the towers. I am doing green vines with the rose buds placed along them. Pink windows with a blue edging. They actually turned out really nice. For the vines I just rolled green fondant into a thin line. Then using water on my fingers got the vine wet and placed it onto the tower. Then using my finger and water wet the back of the rose bud and placed it onto the tower. Again being careful not to get them too wet. Here is a picture of just the vine and rose buds.

This is both of the tall towers with the windows added. After the picture I added the blue trim. Also there is a pink heart just under to the side of the window that you can't really see.

Now I took a minute and rolled the blue fondant into a thin line to make her name. I really stink at using any kind of writing gel. So I think this worked out perfectly.

Pretty cute so far. Now we are having fun doing this. My boyfriend is fantastic. He gives me helpful hints also and loves watching the progress. He made the roller for me and is taking the pictures.

Here is the finished product. There will be 6 towers. Hopefully any way. I am praying that when I take the tubes out of the middle on Wednesday to allow them to finish drying that they don't "deflate" or crumble or something. And then when I put the cake together they stand tall. But I think they are too cute.

I plan on using sugar cones covered with pink fondant for the roof of each tower. That is on tomorrow's agenda.

Bryson

2011-08-07T14:09:00.000-04:00

It's been awhile since I have posted. Sorry bubby I am behind in posting your birth. Bubby is what we lovingly call our youngest grandson Bryson. Finally with that familiar look to the sky instead of how much more, I can say Thank you God. And in a good way. Completely. Bryson came into this world in December 2010 with not one single hitch. The first of the four. No problems. A big sigh of relief. Finally something this family can rejoice in with no bad strings attached. Now I have gotten used to the bad strings in our life. But this is certainly a nice change. A welcomed change. Boring but simple. So with that I will exit. Yes finally not a long drawn out story about the birth of one of my grandkids. Not less loved, just less winded. And still the light of Grama's life.

2010-11-29T06:41:00.000-05:00

Today is one of those "bad" days that are coming far to frequently over the last year or so. Today I am praying for strength. About 2 years ago I told my neurologist that I needed something for the pain in my left arm. I was to the point that blowing my brains out was about the only thing I could think of doing. That is when I started the neurotin. What a god send. Well the pain is back. So today I am praying for strength. Just make it a few more weeks until your appointment. That is where the first part of my title comes from. Day by day. But now I am adding hour by hour and minute by minute. Pain is enough to make a person go out of their mind. It can drive someone to their knees without any effort at all. And the funny thing is that we all know that. But do we stop and try to relate with that when someone else is in pain? Do we try to remember how we felt that last time we had pain? This is a vent post for the most part. And maybe a little food for thought so to speak.

Tristan

2010-11-28T08:46:00.000-05:00

Tristan is my oldest Grandson and my first Grandchild. He started the whole competition between my Grandkids to see who could make their entrance into this world the most difficult. They told my daughter Ashlei he was coming out feet first and they would have to do a C-Section. Now mind you this was her biggest fear during the pregnancy. For whatever reason this scared her the most. But like a true trooper she endured and brought that little man into this world. First he was wrapped all in his umbilical cord and they had to untwist him. Just like a hurricane he entered and is still blowing a strong wind. He is the smartest, happiest child I have seen in a long time. At the time I thought his birth story was big, but the other 2 wanted to prove Grama wrong. And they did. Tristan is my little sneak. They moved in across the way from me and he would sneak out and come see Grama. Now mind you I would always tell him that he had to tell Mommy and Daddy. But he would always add something. One time he put his Dad's shoes on and started to head over. Because Grama told him he had to have shoes on. One time he came in just his diaper and shirt. So the next time when I asked did you tell Mommy and Daddy, knowing full well he did not. He simply stated "Well I have pants and shoes on". The light in my life. The oldest. The First. What a reputation to live up to. Not only is he all of that. He is also big brother to a disabled brother. And he does that job well. Protector to the end. I am proud of him in too many ways to even state. He has pulled his little brother along. I truly believe he has helped Keegan come as far as he has. Just by being himself. The loving happy kid he is. And I thank God that his story is now boring. I had the same familiar look to the sky with him. But that has faded some in the memories.

Keegan

2010-11-26T14:44:00.001-05:00

This is my Grandson. Keebug as I like to call him. Keegiebug as everyone else likes to call him. Our family miracle all in himself. Christmas now has an all new meaning to me. It is the day my daughter Ashlei began the hardest journey in her life. Now Ashlei has come by her strength honestly. She has had her demons and battles. Fought, Won and Prevailed. But this journey would bring out true strength. Motherhood defined in it's best term. Helplessness to the fullest extent. As they put my daughter on the gurney to take her to Grand Rapids MI an hour and a half away because Keegan if born would be 3 months early, once again my mind screamed. (a fact I am certain Ashlei has no clue) And once again I looked to the sky and asked "Lord, how much"? At first they thought Ashlei could go ahead with the pregnancy. But within a few hours they determined that was not the case. They were going to have to do an emergency c-section. Here I sit an hour and a half from my daughter as my father and her Husband Matthew raced in the truck to try to get to her on time. Once again in my mind screaming and the all too familiar look to the sky. Keegan was born on December 26th 3 months early. Not only did he have the normal preemie baby obstacles to face but to add to the burden he also had a part in his brain that was bleeding. That is when the waiting began. The unknown once again. His little head began to swell. And that is when a new medical term touched this family. Hydrocephalus. And once again I said "Huh". It is when the brain does not absorb the brain fluid like it is supposed to. So once again the familiar look to the sky. I only got to go to the hospital once to see my grandson. As I stood there looking at him, thinking that is the smallest human I have ever seen, I also beamed with a pride in my life I had never known. He was surviving. He was fighting. He had made strides they did not expect him to make. He was not supposed to learn to suck from a bottle. He had so much scarring in his brain from the bleed he probably would not be able to sit up, walk or be in societies standard "normal". But by god he was sucking on that bottle. Little did I know the pride that was yet to develop. He had a temporary shunt placed in his brain to drain the liquid. And at 11 weeks old, he got to come home!! YEAH!! Much earlier than expected. And the pride grew. Not only for my Grandson but also for my daughter. Here was a young woman who had faced so much in her short life already. But now facing the challenge of motherhood with a disabled baby. Who was facing it strong yet screaming in her mind. But doing it standing tall. Keegan had to go back into the hospital to have the permanent shunt placed in his brain later. The doctors and nurses at the hospital deserve all the praise and gratitude this family could give them. Even more than we are capable of giving. They did a wonderful job with him. But he deserves all the credit. He is now going to be 2 this December 26th. He is standing on his own!! Not yet walking but getting there. I saw him and his brother at my daughter Tareh's house this last weekend. And as I watched my Grandson stand on his own and I clapped while yelling YEAH, I once again beamed. Once again thanked God because we came too close to losing him. I rejoiced in the fact that in God's plan he is giving my Grandson the ability to stand on his own. Which most of us take for granted. The ability to function. Which again most of us take for granted. Yes I have MS. Yes I have strength. But Keegan, you are Grandma's Hero. You are my inspiration to fight. Because even I have no idea what true strength and fight are. Your Grandma is so proud of you.

Sophie

2010-11-26T13:59:00.000-05:00

That would be my Granddaughter. Spitfire, to say the least. I watched her this morning for Tareh and Aaron while they went shopping. As I watch her, I see Tareh all over again. She is so much like her mother in so many ways. Independent to say the least. Strong willed again to say the least. I could go on and on. But then again in this family who would expect any different. She comes from a short line of strong independent women. But a long line of stubbornness. That quality she comes by honestly. She came into this world with the fury equal to that of a hurricane. For whatever unknown reason she was in distress. In fact the nurse screamed over her phone everyone get in here now I am losing this baby. As I stood there watching my daughter go through the hardest thing in her short life she has ever faced my mind screamed. Now I know we are never given more than we can handle. I know God has a plan. He has reason though we may never understand it. But at the same time I look to the sky and ask Lord how much more. Why is it all 3 of my grand kids have to try to outdo each other and make their entry into this world difficult. Tristan and Keegan also have their own stories, which I will tell. I can face anything that happens to me full frontal with strength. But when it comes to my kids it is all a front. I always break down later. You have to be strong for them while quietly hiding the fact that inside your mind you scream. The fact is you can do nothing. Watch and pray, but in reality nothing to actually help them. And now at the same time my granddaughter is involved in this helplessness. The unknown once again. Now a year later I look back and thank God once again for pulling us through. For bringing us here. And for yet again another life lesson. Hold onto the good. Rejoice in it. Even though you forget about all of the good until something bad happens usually. It is the human way. But every single time I see my Granddaughter I also think about how lucky we truly are to have her. We came to close to losing her before we even knew her.

Strength

2010-11-26T12:03:00.000-05:00

That is a word that is used in so many different ways. There are people all around me that say I have an amazing amount of strength. Some, actually a lot of people have said I am cold. That is where my MS has defined me in some ways. I have had to learn how to be strong. Some of my strength came from my family. I had to be strong to survive the favoritism. Some of my strength came from being a single mother to 3. But most of my strength came from my MS. Not knowing day by day how you are going to feel. Even hour by hour. Minute by minute. You have to learn to be strong. To weather the biggest storms. And even after a while you become numb. Not knowing ever what is going to happen to you. Most people do not even think about this. Or appreciate this. You can't appreciate something that you have not experienced. To have a disease that the doctors could tell you what is going to happen. Sometimes I think that would be a blessing. There is so much that is not understood or known about MS. They can tell you that you will have pain. That is about the only thing they can say for sure. But they have no idea which areas it is going to affect. Or even to what extent. The unknown can harden a person to some extent. But at the same token it has also taught me that in life you can not have the good without the bad. The bad makes you appreciate the good so much more. Yesterday on Thanksgiving I thanked God for 2 things. 1 - That after 19 years being diagnosed with MS I am still walking. Barely, but I am. 2 - My family I love you all with all of my soul. We will see what I am thankful for next year. But even though I am strong, my inspiration is now something new. My grandson Keegan. He was born 3 months early. With a bleed in his brain which gave him severe scarring. He was not even supposed to be able to learn to suck from a bottle. He had to have a permanent shunt in his brain to drain the liquid that our brains normally absorb. He was not supposed to be able to walk, move normally or pretty much be "normal" by our standards. But by the grace of god and I believe sheer strength, HE IS DOING IT ALL!! Keebug Grama loves you and I am so incredibly proud of you. You will never know how you have inspired me. To become a better person. To be stronger. And to realize that life throws you curves you just have to find your way around them.

2010-10-05T11:48:00.000-04:00

Where to start? I guess a little background information maybe. I was the ripe old age of 23 years old when the right side of my body went numb. It was by the end of one week, numb and paralyzed. Then the medical term Multiple Schlerosis was first introduced to me. You hear a big phrase like that at a young age and you think "Huh". I was a young mother of 2 beautiful girls. Ages 3 and 1. How do you even comprehend something so big when you are just starting out in life? Well I didn't. Back then they had very few medications to offer. They really didn't know too much about it. And then the numbness went away. I could move the right side of my body again. And I thought well, maybe it was just a one time thing. I felt good. A little tired, and I became tired a little easier. But hey I chased 2 young girls every day. Had I only known what I would be facing. Now at this point, no my MS did not define me. That took time. I guess if I can say one good thing about having MS it is that it has made me stronger. It has taught me so many life lessons. And since there isn't too much good that can be said, I try to hold onto that. Now I am not going to make this blog all about MS. That would get pretty boring. But that kind of explains the title. Because I really believe without MS I would not be who I am today. So lets jump to present day. I have 3 kids. My oldest daughter Ashlei who turned 22 this year. My youngest daughter Tareh who is turning 20 this year. And my son J who will be 18 in Feb of 2011. I have 3 grandchildren with 1 more on the way in December. Wow when you put that all on paper it really tends to make a person feel old LOL. Where have all of the years gone? I am going to try to add something every day. With my MS I just never know how I am going to feel. Please feel free to post as I go. Chit chat or whatever. Well maybe not whatever please I hear enough bickering at home from the kids LOL.