Day Late Critic

Life Aquatic

2005-07-01T10:27:00.000-05:00

What the hell am I watching? What happened Wes? Remember Rushmore? Remember The Royal Tenenbaums? Why are you weird for the sake of being wierd now?

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
2004

Directed by:
Wes Anderson

Cast:

Bill Murray .......Steve Zissou
Owen Wilson......Ned Plimpton
Cate Blanchett....Jane Winslett-Richardson
Anjelica Huston...Eleanor Zissou
Willem Dafoe.......Klaus Daimler

Really can't give you a good review on this stinker. Only watched about 45 minutes and then went to go do the dishes. Yep that's right dishes were more entertaining than this movie. I was so pissed about the failure of this flick. I LOVED The Royal Tenenbaums, Rushmore, hell I even dug Bottle Rocket. But what the hell happened here?

I'll tell ya. Wes only got halfway through his development process. Bear with me. Let's say that this is Anderson's writing routine.

1. Create oddball characters.
2. Insert oddball characters into mundane, yet odd situations.
3. Pepper dialogue and action with surreal moments.
4. Cast charaters against type and bake for 30 min.

Here's what went wrong. They put these oddball characters that are just riddled with potential in a Jacques Cousteauesque setting and they just thudded. No great pull, and ultimately no laughs. You might have remembered me in the matinee of the Royal Tenenbaums when nobody was laughing, pissing my pants and hyperventilating. Come on folks when Pagoda stuck the shiv into Royal I lost it. But there was none of that here. No moments that you caught yourself in.

I would really like someone else's take on this one. Please share. Please tell me if I should watch the rest of the flick.

Who'da thought I'd like Annette?

2005-04-12T18:47:00.000-05:00

An aging actress finally becomes worth all the hype.

Being Julia
2004

Directed by:
István Szabó

Cast:
Annette Bening..................Julia Lambert
Shaun Evans......................Tom Fennel
Jeremy Irons.....................Michael Gosselyn

Okay I didn't want to like this movie. I have only like Annette Bening in one film and that was The Grifters. Yes she has been in good movies (see American Beauty) but she has not done anything for me. That is until now. Ms. Bening finally proved herself to me and the Oscar nomination was deserved.

The movie centers around an aging British actress and her pitfalls. The movie starts off slow enough and does gain speed until about an hour into it. The problem was essentially plat devices older than the theatre itself. However when the film hits its stride it's good.

Bening stumbles at first mostly due to what I call the "lets get used to the American actress using a British accent. Once the disbelief is suspended you're hooked and you are drawn to Bening's larger than life Julia. Iron's Michael is deliciously pompous and as usual captivates you with a mere turn of a phrase. On a side note: I'm itching to see another Reversal of Fortune type performance. Or going in a different direction; I wouldn't mind seeing him play something completely off character.

As said earlier the film's pacing was slow at first due to a tired may December romance. However once it goes south and the claws come out you are mesmerized watching a strong woman take control and demand attention.

I'm going to give this a rent it rating mostly due to the film's subject matter. It's definitely not a flick you'll pull out of your collection to watch time and again. However it is worthy a rental because it is a good watch. Hold tight for the first bit and you'll be rewarded.

The Movie Originality Forgot

2005-04-11T18:40:00.000-05:00

Come on People! I'm not going to ruin the ending but next to Alice in Wonderland this is the most unoriginal.

The Forgotten
2004

Directed by:
Joseph Ruben

Cast:

Julianne Moore........................Telly Paretta
Christopher Kovaleski..............Sam
Anthony Edwards....................Jim Paretta

Julianne, Julianne, Julianne. How the hell did you get caught up in this crap. The movie was alright but damn if I didn't think it might be exceptional with you in it. Yes you did bring life and spirit to a one note flick but come on -- slap your agent and put this piece of shit behind you.

What we have here is a Mother whose memory of her dead son is failing. Those around her claim that she never had a son. Nice mysterious opening, right? Well that's when the screenwriter's left the room and they brought in the not-so-well trained chimps to finish the job.

I'm not going to ruin it for you so don't worry and read on. I merely want to impress upon you not to expect anything clever or "mind bending" as the movie is desperately gunning for.

I will give minor kudos to the effects people for a glimpse of something different. The rest is typical. A good set-up, good cast, but somewhere along the way they just didn't pay attention to the finish (note: alternative endings are only another phrase for "We shot crap that day, so we went back for a reshoot".

In short -- wait for cable. Moore is watchable but the flick is a yawn.

Suck on this Spiderman!

2005-04-06T17:32:00.000-05:00

Tired of the dark over-produced under scripted comic action films? Take a break until X-Men 3 comes out and check out this. It will have you aching for a time when you wondered "How does Superman change outfits so fast?"

Incredibles
2004

Directed by:
Brad Bird

Cast:

Craig T. Nelson.............Bob Parr/Mr. Incredible
Holly Hunter................Helen Parr/Elastigirl
Samuel L. Jackson........Lucius Best/Frozone
Jason Lee......................Buddy Pine/Syndrome

Talk about big shoes to fill. I'm talking about Finding Nemo & Monster's Inc. These are two movies that I adore and will continue to watch over and over again. So the question is does The Incredibles stack up? Yes and No. Is it a great movie? Yes very much so. Is it as good as Pixar has done in the past? No. Unfortunately Pixar has slowed their roll a bit but are still making fantastic movies.

The movie is about a Superhero that must retire and face the mundane suburbia life he is accustomed to. For reasons I will not name Mr. Incredible, with superhero wife and kids in tow, must come out of hiding. What ensued is an exquisite mixture of nostalgia and technology.

As with most Pixar films you love sight of the computer animation real quick. Here it's no small feat since they are now dealing with humans and cities as opposed to fish, oceans, and monsters. Quickly you suspend belief and dive into this world. Something that Shrek's humans never quite pulled off.

The voice casting at first seemed gimmicky. Craig T. Nelson didn't quite fit the look of the character and Samuel L. Jackson had too big of a voice for Frozone. But after a while you quickly lose sight of this. And as always I loooved Holly Hunter.

Overall the film is enjoyable and kids and adults will enjoy a funny foray into the world of superheroes. I think we all needed a quick break from the over-produced action comic movies of late.

I give it 4 out of 5.
definitely worthy of adding to your collection.

Holly for President!

2005-03-31T11:13:00.000-06:00

Did I ever mention my borderline gay crush on Holly Hunter. Well ever since Broadcast News I've adored her and she makes a triumphant return to the control room here.

Little Black Book
2004

Directed by:
Nick Hurran

Cast:

Brittany Murphy.....................Stacy
Holly Hunter...........................Barb
Kathy Bates.............................Kippie Kann
Ron Livingston........................Derek

I want to meet the casting director of this movie. Kathy Bates, Holly Hunter, Carly Simon dear lord how did this happen and no one go see the movie. I can tell you exactly why. Your only as good as your last film and Brittany Murphy's Uptown Girls fell flat on its face. Is it Brittany's fault? No, just check out Spun, Don't Say a Word, Girl, Interrupted and you'll see she's got the chops. Maybe she's just not going to carry a big movie alone. Her best performances were sideline characters. Maybe she just isn't Julia Roberts.

Having said that I believe she did a great job here and successfully incorporated her spritish charm without going overboard (see Uptown Girls). Brittany is Stacy a daytime talk show associate producer who is sent on a quest to learn about her boyfriend through his exs. I'll leave you right there.

Rounding out the cast is Holly Hunter as Barb the ladder climbing AP who is so delicious that at the end you just smile and think this is where Jane Craig ended up! We also have Kathy Bates as a second rate Oprah, Kippie Kann. Though she fit nicely in I believe that she definitely deserved more air time.

There is a moral at the end --- do we care? Not really but at that point it doesn't matter and the last scene of the film makes up for it.

I give this 3 Kippie Kann Kiddie Kups out of 5.
definitely worth a rent.

Can You Here Me Now?

2005-03-30T12:51:00.000-06:00

My Science teacher never taught me the finer points of telephone reconstruction.

Cellular
2004

Directed by:
David R. Ellis

Cast:
Kim Basinger...........................Jessica
Chris Evans.............................Ryan
William H. Macy.....................Mooney
Jessica Biel..............................Chloe

First things first. I didn't want to like this film. I don't like Kim Basinger and come on folks a kidnapped woman makes a random call and the guy stays on the phone with her?!? Well I'm not quite singing a different tune but I sort of in enjoyed the flick.

The scene is set when Kim Basinger's Jessica is kidnapped and locked in an attic. The kidnappers smash an old rotary phone and Jessica proceeds to piece it together and make a call. Enter Ryan, played by newcomer Chris Evans (newcomer in the sense I don't count Not Another Teen Movie as an actual role), who answers the call and has wacky mad capped adventures trying to save her.

Well the plot is thin, but in an action movie there's really no need for silly things like plot progression or character arcs. What we get instead is a decent ride. I actually found myself rooting for the kid.

The cast is rounded out nicely with William H. Macy in is 500th sad sack role to date. I don't know what it is about him though but it works. He adds a sense or respectability and integrity to the film. Though certain scenes in the film are wildly predictable you're still willing to go along with it.

definitely not a keeper but good enough to rent.
I give this 3 Nokia product placements out of 5.

A Little Change Up

2005-03-29T09:47:00.000-06:00

Ratings System Changes

I've decided that the star rating system I currently employ (5 Stars -- 1 Star) is for crap. I end up giving most movies 3 stars even though they may not be equally matched. It's hard for some movies because it's worth watching once but that's it so you don't want to give it 2 stars.

So I've decided on a more accurate (at least for my tastes) system. Outlined below:

Buy It! -- These movies should be added to your collection.

Rent It -- Worth a rental fee or Netflix slot.

Wait for Cable -- If you see it on you local TV listings catch it.

Wait for UPN --If you're hungover on a Sunday and MTV is airing the Real World Marathon catch it on UPN or equally crappy station.

Avoid Like Herpes -- Run out of the video store, flip the channel, and/or schedule an intervention if a friend or loved one suggests watching it.

So we'll see how this one works out. Any suggestions/comments please feel free.

I Shat Huckabees

2005-03-28T12:42:00.000-06:00

Review delayed due to the fact that I fell asleep during it. Will review later in the week. (Note: Said nap took place at noon after sleeping for 8 hours. Not a good indication of the movie's merit)

I Heart Huckabees
2004

Directed by:
David O. Russell

Cast:

Jason Schwartzman............Albert Markovski
Dustin Hoffman..................Bernard
Lily Tomlin.........................Vivian
Jude Law............................Brad Stand
Mark Wahlberg...................Tommy Corn
Naomi Watts.......................Dawn Campbell

(Full Review to follow later this week when well rested and amped up on speedballs and Dr. Pepper)

Bridget and the Wacky Thai Prison

2005-03-23T08:50:00.000-06:00

Alternative titles: Bridget Jones: Why Chunky Girls Can't Have Cute Hair. Bridget Jones: Basically Same as the First or my favorite Bridget Jones: How I Stopped Looking for Love and Learned to Love MY Thai Prison

Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
2004

Directed by:
Beeban Kidron

Cast:

Renée Zellweger..........Bridget Jones
Colin Firth..................Mark Darcy
Hugh Grant................Daniel Cleaver

Let me start by saying that no I haven't read any of the Bridget books. Despite this I did enjoy the first movie. I felt the character were fully fleshed out and played by capable actors working with a good script. Well call this Bridget Jones: Redux because it's the SAME EXACT movie. No really down to the fight between Mark and Daniel it is the exact same.

So to capitalize on the success of Bridget Jones they do a sequel. No problem you've got the books to work off of and you've got a cast that against all odds is agreeing to come back. So why not give them something original to work off of?

We pick up with Bridget 6 weeks into her relationship with Mark Darcy. Predictably things fall apart and Bridget makes an ass out of herself. No problem so far-- entertaining enough -- but they bring back Daniel Cleaver in what I viewed as an improbable encounter and the wackiness ensues.

Zelwegger reprised her role plus a few pounds. I have to admit that this time around she does look chubby, as opposed to the first film's hey look at the extremely thin actress who put on a few. My main beef was with the hairstylist. What chunky girls can't have cute hair? Through the whole film her hair looked like a rag doll's. What's with that? As a girl with a few on her I have to say that that was insulting (Not boycott the movie insulting just WTF?).

Not trying to ruin the film for anyone but watch out for the scenes in the Thai prison. Yes now Thai prisons are funny. Again I said Thai prison. I will again say Thai prison. Who thought that romantic comedies need to include wacky settings such as THAI PRISONS????!!???

The characters and plot are remarkably similar to the first but go ahead and rent this one (don't buy). If you enjoyed the first then you'll at least get a chuckle out of this one.

I give this 3 Thai prisons out of 5.

What Happens When Ghosts Don't Play Nice

2005-03-22T10:00:00.000-06:00

Watch out folks, Buffy is back and she is in a boring crappy movie. Dear God someone get this chick a decent manager.

The Grudge
2004

Directed By:
Takashi Shimizu

Cast:

Sarah Michelle Gellar..........Karen
Jason Behr...........................Doug
Clea DuVall.........................Jennifer
Bill Pullman........................Peter

Crap, Crap, Crap! Avoid seeing this amalgam of all horror movies. Take a freaky premise then drag it out for an hour and a half. End on a scare that is totally non-sensical and you've got The Grudge.

Here's the set-up. Apparently in Japan when someone dies in a fit of rage they will come back and kill anyone who comes to their house. Oh and there's a black cat running around. Oh and next time your sick and you've got the E.T. phone home voice say ahhh and drag it out for two minutes. That was the frightening sounds that the audio wizards came up with for this flick.

The movie is based upon the Japanese original and let's just say something was definitely lost in the translation. It was sorta a who cares thriller without any thrills or scares. Sarah Michelle Gellar looks as though she said "Hey I've spent 7 years looking semi-frightened, give me money and I'll do it for another hour and a half". Buffy, Buffy, Buffy we expected great things from you post-hellmouth and what do you give us Scooby Doo and this drivel?

Not much else to rant about. Avoid this one -- there's really no redeeming qualities or performances. Maybe I'll check out the original. There's gotta be a reason that brought it across the pond.

I give this 2 creepy photo collages out of 5.

Alfie (3)

2005-03-18T13:33:00.000-06:00

Alfie
2004

Directed by:
Charles Shyer

Cast:

Jude Law...............Alfie
Marisa Tomei.........Julie
Omar Epps............Marlon
Nia Long...............Lonette

Yes Chris Rock, Jude Law is in fact in every movie released in 2004. Unfortunately some were not so good. I believe Law's got it in him to be an A-list actor, I just don't know where the breakdown is occurring. Alfie was in essence a decent movie but for some reason it didn't quite hit a home run (didn't do much damage at the box office either).

Law stars as Alfie a chauffeur driver with the ability to bed woman of all makes and models at any moment. The movie is a remake of the 1966 movie of the same name. I must admit that I have not seen the original (might be encouraged to do so now) but just on a hunch I believe that the film played better to the more relaxed sexual sensibilities of the 60's as opposed to current day. Not that I have a problem with man whores but it doesn't come off as cheeky or entertaining as I'm sure it did during the 60's.

Law costars with some fantastic ladies. Great to see Nia Long, it's been a while. Long along with Marisa Tomei, Jane Krakowski, and Sienna Miller give Alfie a run for his money and dazzle on screen. But it's Susan Surandon's older, more confident Liz that puts Alfie in his place. It's great to see Surandon continuing to spit in the face of hollywood's glass ceiling for women.

The film follows Alfie through his struggle with/for women and how these experiences affect his change. Most of the film involves prolonged asides from Alfie and at times gets a bit too long winded. My main bone to pick with the flick is the set designer. Throughout most of the film words are weaved into the background not so subtly. Words like DESIRE, SEARCH, LUST are displayed on building walls, billboards. Ok we get it -- he's searching for something that's missing in him. We get it, he is full of desire. I feel that it was a cheap trick to drive home the subtleties (if that's what you want to call them) of the film.

All in all rent it, good enough for a night on the couch and men and women alike will have a lot of eye candy.

I give this 3 dandy chauffeurs caps out of 5.

Paparazzi (2)

2005-03-18T10:24:00.000-06:00

Paparazzi
2004

Directed by:
Paul Abascal

Cast:

Cole Hauser..............Bo Laramie
Robin Tunney...........Abby Laramie
Dennis Farina...........Detective Burton
Daniel Baldwin.........Wendell Stokes
Tom Sizemore...........Rex Harper

I was really rooting for this film. I was sorta interested in what Cole Hauser could do in a leading role. He's a talented actor who has just chosen scripts poorly. White Oleander, 2 Fast 2 Furious, Hart's War all real stinkers for one reason or another but not as a result of his performances. So I was ready to see what he could do as a lead. Paparazzi just continues his string of good performances in bad movies.

The premise of the movie is what if an actor whose life is dramatically affected by the paparazzi fights back. Sounds good, a story ripped from the headlines as they like to say. Bo Laramie's family is involved in a car accident as the direct result of photographers chasing them. Bo proceeds to even the score.

Decent plot, great actors bad follow through. Robin Tunney proves that she hasn't gone anywhere and does an admirable job with a one not character. Tom Sizemore is evil and callous and usual. Top it off with Dennis Farina as the detective who knows there's more to this than meets the eye and you think you're off to a good start.

Somehow the movie manages to simply string you along. Walking the fine line between revenge and mania Hauser holds together his character's focus but there is really not much beyond the movie's top layer. About half-way through you're done, just waiting for it to play out. I need a bit more here fellas. Give me either more action (I hate saying that but more explosive scenes/dialogue might have saved the flick) or a bit more suspense.

All in all wait for the cable rerun. Not a complete waste of time but definitely not worth the rental.

I give this 2 baseball bats out of 5.

The Notebook (3)

2005-03-17T13:11:00.000-06:00

The Notebook
2004

Directed by:
Nick Cassavetes

Cast:
Gena Rowlands.........Allie Calhoun
James Garner............Duke
Ryan Gosling.............Noah
Rachel McAdams.......Allie

If anyone was wondering --- I'm a girl. So having that information now it should come to no surprise that I enjoyed this movie. I take that back that was incredibly chauvinistic and an insult to the vast library of notable chick flicks. My point is this -- if you're a guy then stay away. Not only will this not be your cup of tea but also your significant other (wife, mother, boyfriend) will be sobbing through most of the film.

I chose to view this film late at night, shutters drawn, with the phone turned off. I needed complete privacy for the utter girly girl manic sobfest that would ensue. Now I'm a strong chick. I didn't cry during Steel Magnolias, I didn't cry when Bambi's mother died (I was 5 and yelled at her 'Get back up!'). It takes either me having a bad day or a movie that really pokes at the heart for me to cry.

The Notebook accomplishes the latter through seemingly typical chick flick bravado but somehow surprises you with the earnest and sincere way in which the story unfolds. First off we have James Garner and Gena Rowlands, two actors that I'm glad to see still working. The pair play elderly residents of a nursing home and Garner's Duke begins to tell Rowlands' Allie a story. The result is a beautiful tale of love lost and love conquered (is there any other way in the movies).

So you have the elderly couple and then you have the young couple Noah and Allie played by Gosling and McAdams. Hey girls if the story is too weepy for you just look at Gosling for a few hours his presence here shows that we've got this generation's Brad Pitt (Sidebar: though not a notable movie check out Murder by Numbers. Gosling's performance shows a glimpse of a strong future though he has not capitalized on it).

McAdams is strong in her role though I'd like to see her try a little meatier of a role next time. This is a step up from Mean Girls but I believe she's got Jodi Foster type range if given a chance.

I won't get into the plot too much. A lot is predictable but after a while you ignore it and just pray it ends the way you want it to. I will say watch for Garner's climatic moment. It really caught me off guard and sent me into a tailspin.

Check this one out but keep in mind what emotions the movie is intending to invoke. If you're in a cynical, sarcastic, sardonic, bitchy mood (try as you may) then the movie will simply seem trite and silly.

I give this 3 letters out of 5.

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (3)

2005-03-17T12:13:00.000-06:00

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow
2004

Directed by:
Kerry Conran

Cast:
Jude Law.....................Sky Captain
Gwenyth Paltrow.........Polly Perkins
Angelina Jolie..............Franky

I tend to veer towards movie that step outside of the mainstream. I loved Memento, really like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and couldn't get enough of Pulp Fiction when it came out. But what all these pictures have in common are exceptional plots, complete character studies and a unique story telling vision. All that Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow has going for it is unique cinematography.

What we have here is a combination of world war pulp, sci-fi, His Girl Friday and George Lucas thrown into a blender. The movie takes its innovations in movie making and turns it into a movie that you have seen a hundred times before in some shape or form.

Jude Law plays 'Sky Captain', the hero/savior of the World combative army (my term, not theirs -- just didn't quite get whether he was in the air force or what) who single handedly saves the day. Along to screw things up is Gwenny Paltrow as Polly Perkins, a newspaper reporter that acts like a pit bull. The interaction between the past lovers (who cares???) is ok. I feel that Law's performance could have pulled through a bit more. It should have been more campy (or was that what they were going for and failed?). He started on that track but everytime we got close to a glimmer of sardonic irony Paltrow comes in to muddle things up.

I've never been a great fan of Paltrow's but I have admired and respected some performances. On the flip side I believe her arrogance and lack of versatility means that she should stay in the Shakespeare in Love, Emma, sorta flicks. Her attempts at comedy have been huge flops, in my opinion, mostly as a result of her inability to seem personable. Shallow Hal, View from the Top all crap because she almost appears to be looking down at her character. In Sky Captain she simply doesn't portray anything but a stereotypical one dimensional reporter character. Layers, Gwennny Layers.

Aside from the Paltrow Albatross the film was sorta fun. Jolie injected the film with a little bit of life playing a bit character. Jolie's interaction with Law had the needed wit, timing and irony needed for the film to be propelled to that level of disbelief.

As for the effects, they were amazing. After a while you do forget that it's all just a green screen. I would say after the first 15 minutes you buy into the whole world. Good job guys, I know it was an incredibly difficult movie to make. I know that you spent months in post-production. I got that. But there is so much more to a movie than effects (see George Lucas). For your next feature come up with plot/characters before the scenery.

I give this 3 robots out of 5.

Shark Tale (2)

2005-03-07T13:06:00.000-06:00

Shark Tale
2004

Directed by:
Bibo Bergeron

Cast:
Will Smith..................Oscar
Robert DeNiro.............Don Lino
Renee Zellweger.........Angie
Jack Black....................Lenny
Angelina Jolie...............Lola

Imagine watching Finding Nemo minus a good script, take away the visual beauty of the computer animation and add every possible movie, pop culture, music reference possible. Add in a who's who list of A list stars and you have this whale of a terd movie.

Crap, crap, crap!

There is very little that is redeeming about this movie. In the ever escalating computer animations war this is a definite defeat for Katzenberg. I felt as though my intelligence was being insulted repeatedly.

Now there are two ways to look at animation films today. Will kids have fun? Will the adults enjoy it? This movie fails miserably on both accounts. It's very easy to pick out the adult moments vs. kid moments (where as Nemo, Monsters are seamless in this area). Shrek 2 dabbled on the grey area of how much adult wink,wink to include but Shark Tale crosses it to the point no one finds it funny. And when I say adult content I don't mean sex, violence, or drugs. In this case I'm referring to De Niro's character as the Shark mob boss, Don Lino. This character along with Peter Faulk and Scorsese are an attempt to get adults to laugh at the connection of Goodfellas meets the sea. Not funny though. All the jokes were one note and visible from space.

I like Will Smith. Had he been sitting next to me while I watched this flick I would have slugged him in the gut. His character was so stereotypical and ANNOYING. Why did their have to be a ghetto fish? Why did every overused street slang appear in this film? Was it entertaining to anyone? Please let me know -- no really I want to hear from someone that believed that this character was in anyway enjoyable (by kids or adults).I laughed once during this entire film. Once. I laughed more at Showgirls. I even felt guilty for the laugh. A cheap shot at gay dolphins. Still kinda funny to me now but come on. If you can remember only one funny moment it means you've watched a real stinker.

In the two days that have followed this disastrous viewing I have conducted an informal poll. I have talked to every person I know that has kids --- all 5 of them. Their kids are ages 3 - 9 years old. I was expecting to hear "oh my kids loved it" and go on thinking that I expect too much from animated films today. What I heard instead:

"We saw it in the theater. My 6 year old wanted to leave after about 20 minutes."
"I rented it for ---- and she fell asleep."
"My Mother bought us a copy. We've watched it once and ---- said 'Mommy that not good'.

Mommy that not good. Pretty much says it all doesn't it. Ahh from the mouths of babes.

I give this 2 pirahnas out of 5.

Saw (3)

2005-03-04T09:12:00.000-06:00

Saw
2004

Directed by:
James Wan

Cast:
Cary Elwes...............Dr. Gordon
Danny Glover...........Det. Tapp
Monica Potter..........Allison Gordon

Ok I heard nothing but scathing reviews of this movie. Everyone (including some commenters on this site) said it was a horrible horror movie. My response is that how many exceptional horror movies are there? Maybe 5, 10 at best. The rest are in the middle. In my opinion horror movies should be held up to a completely different set of standards. Were you scared? Did it keep you scared for a significant length of the movie? Did you hear a noise in the house and look behind you suddenly? (My litmus test is am I afraid to close the medicine cabinet door. In horror movies that's ALWAYS when the bad guy appears).

The answers: yes, yes, yes, and yes (I cracked the cabinet door and timidly grabbed my toothpaste real quick).

As you have probably gotten from reviews or trailers for the movie it is about a serial killer who sets up elaborate devises so that his victims must make a choice and their deaths result from their decisions. Great premise in my opinion -- kinda like a hands off Seven. The killer subjects his victims to these tests/tortures so that they may value and appreciate their lives. Huh, he's the Oprah of serial killings.

Where the movie went wrong was the inclusion of the Detective who is overcome with catching the killer, played pathetically by Danny Glover. What should have been a simple character was given depth as almost an afterthought. By the end of the movie he should have just faded away instead of constantly showing up.

Cary Elwes was ok. Not a stunning portrayal but he played the terror/anger stricken victim aptly enough. Monica Potter played his wife in bit scenes but with far greater emotion and merit. Aside from that, really not much else to say about the acting. Come on it's a horror movie, as long as you made me believe that your were scared you succeeded.

Glover aside, my only major problem with the film is the inclusion of the stereotypical creepy puppet. Really we didn't need him to drive home the scare factor here (which it did help). After seeing the conclusion of the film it becomes even more evident that the puppet was pointless and really didn't give credence to any character or plot devise.

All in all I gotta say you should rent this. But I must suggest having the remote close by. Certain scenes drag beyond their need. Simply zip past them, shave about 10 minutes off the viewing and the film is much better for it.

I give this 3 creepy puppets out of 5.

The Manchurian Candidate (3)

2005-03-03T10:03:00.000-06:00

The Manchurian Candidate
2004

Directed by:
Jonathan Demme

Cast:
Denzel Washington.......Ben Marco
Liev Schreiber..............Raymond Shaw
Meryl Streep.................Eleanor Shaw

What's going on here? Great plot, great cast yet somehow from about ten minutes into the movie I was just waiting for the end. Tell me who did it and why!!!! In a sense I detest these sort of movies. Within ten minutes you're given the set up and you are simply waiting for the mystery to unfold. This can be done in a great way: i.e. Memento, Usual Suspects or it can be done terribly wrong: i.e. I, Robot.

This political thriller centers on the idea of brainwashing, corporate politicking and pure greed of power. Our hero (read -- guy who knows the truth but no one will believe him) is Washington's Marco and is played with dramatic frustration. Washington is a guy will follow and believe to the end but why doesn't anybody else? Dear God I am tired of this plot device. Why must every screenwriter create this sort of hero? Can't we come up with any new character motivations? Is it essential to the plot every damn time? Yes in this case -- with a 'presidential' conspiracy, it can't be as easy as saying 'someone doing something bad' but come on folks give us something better.

The shining stars of the film are Streep and Schrieber. Streep's Eleanor Shaw is a testament to her range (who knew Streep had range) and it was incredibly refreshing to see her cast in a nasty role. Hell even Streep's nasty portrayal is glowingly evil. She plays what could have been a one not character with grace, irony, and the hit of 'whatcha got? I'll eat you for dinner'.

Schrieber has completely left behind the Scream flicks with his turn as Raymond Shaw. Schrieber's steely eyes lift what could have been a one note character to a level of awe. I can't get into too much detail without spoiling the flick but he resonated the appropriate pain, shock, catatonia needed for the audience to buy into this shit.

So in summation --- should you see this flick? Well, maybe. I have to say I'm glad I saw it. If not for Streep's performance alone you need to see Schrieber. In the next few years he has the potential to pick up the roles of a young Gene Hackman. I might be biting these words back later but if he chooses his next steps wisely I will follow him, he's got that much promise.

Check it out. It's definitely not something you'll want to add to your DVD collection or hell even watch again but it is definitely worth a viewing. As for as the rating -- it is based upon the actors and their attempt to salvage this film.

I give it 3 minderasers out of 5.

The Motorcycle Diaries (4 1/2)

2005-03-01T09:06:00.000-06:00

The Motorcycle Diaries
2004

Directed by:
Walter Salles

Cast:
Gael Garcia Bernal........Ernesto Guevara de la Serna
Rodrigo de la Serna.......Alberto Granado

It usually takes me a while to get in the mood for a foreign language film. Usually I feel slightly ADD reading subtitles, watching the action, listening to the actors' cadence etc. However after viewing the very dismal Pauly Shore is Dead I needed a change of pace quick.

This is a beautiful film, set in a beautiful location, acted by beautiful people, and put to beautiful music. The film is based upon the writings of Ernesto 'Che' Guevara and Alberto Granado about a journey they took early in their lives. I do not wish to discuss the politics that came later -- the movie also avoids any controversy and merely depicts the journey that gave one man a call to arms -- so to speak.

The pace and tone of the movie is very ethereal and idealistic in the beginning. The story is peppered with light heartedness that allows the viewer to ease into the material. As the story and journey unfolds you feel as though you are meeting the people as 'Fuser' and Alberto meet them. You are struck with emotion at the instant the characters are -- there is no forcing the point home rather the emotion and passion plays out naturally.

Garcia Bernal plays 'Fuser' (Che)with brevity and passion. The actors holds the man in his eyes and you are able to glimpse where Che's passion arose from. De la Serna plays Rodrigo with swagger, bravado and it bounces off of Che's stoic nature perfectly.

As I began this review saying -- this film is beautiful. Allow yourself to be swept away and you will see the true passion of this film. Again feel what you may towards his beliefs just see this film.

I give this 4 1/2 journeys out of 5.

Pauly Shore is Dead (1)

2005-02-28T09:03:00.000-06:00

Pauly Shore is Dead
2003

Directed by:
Pauly Shore

Cast:
Pauly Shore
100 Cameos by actors who should have known better.

Ok, Pauly Shore fakes his own death in order to be appreciated and revered by the American public. Sounds great, sounds funny, sounds like a self deprecating dark comedy right? Well the story was great, the cameos were very funny, but for some odd reason Pauly Shore decided to direct his own mockfest.

I take Pauly Shore with the same grain of salt that most viewers of Son-in-Law and Bio-Dome do. So I truly thought that this might be a fun satire on the 'rise and fall' of Pauly Shore. What we get instead is a high school film project shot for about 50 bucks it looks like and featuring about 200 guest appearances. Some are funny and some are just plain bizarre.

Another major problem with the flick is the tone. Is it supposed to be a dark comedy? Is it supposed to be utterly depressing? Is it supposed to instill hatred for Pauly Shore? These questions should have been somewhat addressed before this futile attempt at movie making. I was staring at the counter on my DVD at 21 mins begging for this to be a 'live action short', but to no avail.

I don't know what else to say. I was really looking forward to this one and it landed on my front step like a steaming pile of shit. Don't bother -- don't rent, don't see it at a friend's house, don't loose 75 minutes of your life as I have.

I give this 1 dead weasel out of 5.

No Oscar Reviews

2005-02-27T10:10:00.000-06:00

Oscar Failure

I'm Horrible. I have managed for yet another year to not see all the movies nominated for an Oscar. I vow each year to try and see all the nominated movies but somehow I find it excruciatingly difficult.

I just don't like movie theatres. If you find me in a theater I am either their under duress or I'm watching a stage production.

So sorry but their will not be a valid Oscar review from me this year. Instead I choose to rant and rave tomorrow about who 'I think' should have won or lost.

Sorry ---I like my DVD player too much.

Google Goes to the Movies

2005-02-25T14:29:00.000-06:00

Google Movies!

It seems that Google will infact take over the world. They have launched a new comprehensive movie search. Simply type in movie:(your zip code) and with 1-click you will have all the movie showtimes for your area. Sure beats yahoo -- click movies, click showtimes, click blah blah blah. With Google, its ten-times faster. Also there's no annoying ads, just your search results.

You can also search by movie, actor, genre, director, key grip .... whatever. Hell you can search movie:car explosion and get results. Don't believe me ---- try it! Granted there are tons of places to get listings but this is super easy and is clearly laid out (as Google always is).

They also have reviews listed alongside the listings as well as an IMDB link. Google has also added Movie Reviews (not that I read them or anything). They offer a cute disclaimer at the bottom:

"The placement and selection of reviews on this page were determined automatically by a computer program. No movie critics were harmed or even used in the making of this page."

So check it out and watch your back --- Google will take over the world.

Without a Paddle (1 1/2)

2005-02-23T10:17:00.000-06:00

Without a Paddle
2004

Directed by:
Steven Brill

Cast:
Matthew Lillard.......Jerry
Seth Green...............Dan
Dax Shepard.............Tom

What can you say? This movie is what happens when a spider monkey goes through an entire script and scratches through every single joke. What you are left with is a movie that for all intents and purposes should have been funny, but somehow they forgot to add the jokes.

The story is of three 30 year-olds taking stock of their lives after the 'grab life by the balls' friend dies. In order to honor a life long pact the three remaining friends must go in search of buried treasure. This really could have been The Goonies 20 years later, but instead we get a predictable pre-mid-life crisis coming of age. Guess what your life is not that bad -- oh and -- make the most of every moment -- oh and -- conquer your fears -- oh and -- don't be a screw up anymore. You see the lessons coming before the credits end.

As for as direction --- come on we can't expect too much more from the brilliant writer of the Mighty Ducks movies or the stellar director of Mr. Deeds and Little Nicky (not knocking the last two films but they have their place and serve their purpose -- stick with it).

The cast -- poor Lillard, he's trying to go after less annoying characters while possibly dipping his toe in the lead character spot and this failed miserably. Maybe if he added some wackyness here it might have worked. And Seth Green -- come on man I would expect much more from you. Dax Sheppard -- well it's very hard to begin a career on Punk'd then move on to this. Not the best career move. Not sure if the kid can act considering the film called for a one note character -- jury is still out on him.

All in all it was crappy because it had the makings of a decent movie (at best a movie that you would be happy to kill 2 hours watching) and it failed miserably. It failed not because it was a painful comedy (i.e. Anchorman) but rather there were no jokes to speak of.

Don't even bother I give this flick 1 1/2 paddles out of 5.

Friday Night Lights (3 1/2)

2005-02-22T11:30:00.000-06:00

Friday Night Lights
2004

Directed by:
Peter Berg

Cast:
Billy Bob Thornton.........Coach Gaines
Lucas Black................Mike Winchell
Derek Luke................Boobie Miles
Tim McGraw...............Charles Billingsley

This movie is a represents a rare occurrence when I've read the book but have forgotten most of the details to the point that the movie stands alone and is not offered up for comparison. I read the book almost 9 years ago and only remember the ending so if anyone can offer a comparison please do.

Here we have a football movie for the masses. This is a character study and a sociological look at a community, so if the football craziness deters you have no fear. Berg manages to make a beautiful picture that captures to anxiety, futility and pure sensationalism that is West Texas football. Those unfamiliar with this should know in West Texas it goes God, Football, Family and some would dispute the #1 and #2 placements.

Thornton is re-teamed with his Sling Blade co-star (Black) and we see a pairing that should return. Thornton's steely Coach Gaines offers a cold calculating, yet vacant look into the Coach's world. From Black we see the weight of the world on a 17 year-olds shoulders and he plays it with apt grace, anxiety and triumph.

The ending is inconsequential while the story of the 1988 Permian Panthers bid for the State Championship unfolds. Through the journey we're told the story of a town, the legacy of generations and the strength of men.

This is a one-view sorta movie but it definitely is worthy of watching. Berg direction and the editing unfolds the story and is simply beautiful.

I give this 3 1/2 torn ACLs out of 5.

Golden Raspberry Awards

2005-02-16T09:24:00.000-06:00

Razzie Nominations

Sorry I'm a little late on this one but back in January the Razzies were announced.
The 25th Annual Razzies will be held the day before the Oscars at the Ivar Theatre in Hollywood.

Although most stars consider this a dishonor (ie. Ben Affleck) others have reveled in the attention (ie. Tom Green).

Check out the nominations here.

My personal fav is George W. Bush for Worst Actor in Fahrenheit 9/11.

They have also included "The Worst of our First 25 Years" Awards. Included are Keanu Reeves, Kim Bassinger, and Arnold Schwarzenegger. As for movies my favorite comedy is nominated for the 'Worst Drama of our first 25 years'. Also nominated Battlefield Earth, Swept Away, Leonard Part 6 and Xanadu.

And if you feel the urge to become a voting member, you have two days left to vote and it costs $25.

The Award winners will be announced Feb. 26, 2005.

Collateral (3 3/4)

2005-02-15T08:57:00.000-06:00

Collateral
2004

Directed by:
Michael Mann

Cast:
Tom Cruise............Vincent
Jamie Foxx.............Max
Mark Ruffalo..........Fanning

So Cruise is playing a bad guy? Great can't wait to see that movie. As for Collateral Cruise manages to be the good guy playing the bad guy. I'm not saying he's the criminal with a heart of gold in Collateral. Rather we never see pure evil or true hatred in his performance. Actually all we see is a one not hit man. Really Cruise gave a performance of no real note except the much hyped 'bad guy' switch.

Foxx on the other hand proves that he's here to play ball in the dramatic cinema and is erasing his 'Booty Call' stigma one blockbuster performance after another. Where we see one note from Cruise we see multiple layers in Foxx. Is it Oscar worthy? Not quite sure my bet for Best Supporting Actor is still Thomas Hayden Church.

As you may very well know by now this movie centers around a hit man who is picked up a taxi driver and killing ensues. Mann keeps to his dark, tight edit style that he has used in the past (ie: Ali, The Insider, Heat). What results is a good movie that deserves praise for about two seconds and then it will fade away.

I chalk this movie up as a 'see what I can do' film. Cruise wanted to show his more dramatic bad guy style, Foxx wanted to show his dexterity as an actor, and Mann wanted to show his 'see I can make movies that look exactly the same'. I have to say you really should see this flick. Don't buy it, you're really only gonna watch it once --- again think 'The Insider'. Check it out, give the guys involved Kudos, and then go about your day.

I give this 3 3/4 silencers out of 5.