Days Ordained

Time, and A Reflection on Blogging

2020-10-23T08:49:00.003-07:00

Time. It's such a strange reality, isn't it?

Last week I wrote 'May' on Jacob's paper because my perception of time is all scrambled this year.

Then yesterday I ordered a graduation cap and gown, and I ask myself in amazement, "How?"

I wonder what it must be like to stand outside of time... never hurried, never in want, never worn out; without regret over the past, and without anxiety over the future. From this side of eternity, it seems to be an unimaginable peace.

But for now, time just keeps pressing forward, never skipping a beat, never pausing for a breath. Time waits for no one. The world spins unceasingly, hastening around the sun in continuous motion. Another day comes. Another day ends.

I've regularly tried to pause and take in the moment. I've tried to savor and remember, to hold in my heart the substance of various joys and trials. I've tried to number the days God has given me, both in recollection and in anticipation. I've endeavored to see the handiwork of God and to render Him praise, and I've aspired to train myself to have hope and confidence for the future.

This month marks 10 years of blogging for Days Ordained (with nearly 500 posts). In a small way, journaling here has been an avenue for me to pause and remember. The practice of slowing down long enough to gather snippets of moments and to recall the faithfulness of God has been so very good for me. I'm sure, without a doubt, I could produce a long list of ways this blog has been of value for my growth. Yes, truly, the list would be long! So I am grateful, even in light of the fact that this growth hasn't always been pleasant, nor did it arrive by modes that were welcomed. In retrospect, however, I am grateful indeed.

I have been too shy (and perhaps disinterested) to ever make efforts to stand out in the blogosphere, but I am grateful (even tickled!) by the fact that some of you have followed me all these years. In the earlier days, when I was posting more frequently and my readership was highest, I was even too reserved or embarrassed to respond to most comments. On the other hand, I received few comments in comparison to my audience stats, which only left me wondering who exactly was connecting with my words and images. I've always appreciated when people came out of the woodwork!

Increasingly, I am becoming aware of a particular group of women coming here for insight on some particular issues. As my family grows and the original ease of writing here has worn off, I wonder at times if I might be able to write on topics related to womanhood, relationship, and ministry. While part of me wants to believe I have absolutely nothing to offer, the other part remembers that time and experience have been strict tutors.

So what might be next? I don't know, except that I'm not entirely ready to sign off. After 10 years, I still find I desire to journal and post images as a creative outlet. And if this blog serves only as a place where I get to push past the discomfort of exposing myself in some way, I am content with that. I've learned that discomfort is the only way to make quantifiable growth in life, and this blog has been such an avenue. In the end, it is still a place for me, just like it was from the beginning.

Simply, I get to look back and I get to look forward; I get to recount God's faithfulness and then place my expectation on that faithfulness to keep us to the end. I get to remember that time has always been kept safely in his hands.

These images are from last month, but they seemed fitting...

Another day rounds the corner as the sun sets below the horizon, and time slips out of sight once again. And so life goes.

God, give me eyes to see in light of eternity...

~Katherine

Understatements

2020-09-30T10:11:00.000-07:00

Two understatements:

We spend a lot of time together. It's a good thing I like him.

~Katherine

September Trip- 2019

2020-09-29T19:41:00.001-07:00

For a while today a heavy ocean fog swept inland, sending fingerings of white clouds streaming over roofs and palm trees towards us. Michael grabbed his camera and took an opportunity for a study break, while I looked on from my workspace thinking about fall. For a moment it felt a bit fall-ish, even though the temperatures here are only rising this week, while dry SoCal winds are picking up and fires are raging. But for that moment I let the imagined feelings of autumn linger.

Crisp temps, colors, scents, sweaters, apples, lakes and rivers, cool city streets, rain.

Of course, I began to miss my family, my native land, and my mother tongue.

When I uploaded pictures to my computer yesterday, I came across this file from a visit to my sister's one year ago this month. Jacob and I had traveled home for my youngest brother's wedding. I had the distinct pleasure of helping prepare for the ceremony and reception with my sister. Working like this with her was an experience I relished, one I've not had opportunity to experience much with family because of geographical distance.

Jacob, on the other hand, loved being the oldest cousin for once among a small gang of boys.

My camera lay largely packed away because it was a busy week of work and visit, and the fact that Jacob and I lost a full day stranded in Michigan meant the work was extra focused. (It was yet another tale of travel mishaps that no longer surprise me... lightning storm and flooding, missed connection, lost luggage, no vacancies, seedy motel, stolen credit card, little sleep. Still worth it, though, hands down.)

I did capture a few moments anyway. Below, the old airplane tire swing that was ours when I was little.

Obviously, Tante Katherine needed to swing with the boys, too!

I enjoyed catching up with extended family as well, even meeting many new family members, like spouses of cousins. I think the last time we saw each other would have been at my grandmother's funeral, nearly 10 years ago. (Images of that trip HERE.)

It was a simple and beautiful wedding for these two in our town's covered bridge over the Gatineau River. The funny reality is that I met my brother's wife for the first time only after the ceremony! Things like that are definitely not perks to living far away!

(Image not mine)

There was a smaller, more intimate reception for family the following morning. Here is my mom with four girls now. (Left to right: My sister, Melissa; my newest SIL, Dale; my mom, my Maman; my SIL, Melanie; and me)

And the gang of boy cousins... My two older boys were missing, obviously, and now we have a brand new baby boy born this summer. I couldn't decide between the two pictures: the one above was their own pose, and the one below was how they repositioned when someone suggested moving in close. Both show a group of really wonderful guys!

A short hike in the Gatineau Park was a real treat for me. My old stomping ground...

Lookout and, er, old make-out point!

And then, once again and far too soon, homebound. We've long been accustomed to lengthy airport wait times and layovers, but how wonderful it was just to flash a passport at customs instead of a visa with an alien number. I do feel like a real lucky girl to have two homes I love!

It's been nearly three years since Jon and my older boys have flown home, and Covid regulations don't make it very hopeful that we'll get there anytime soon. Nonetheless, a trip back through pictures did me some good today.

And as a bonus, this little blog lives on for another post...

~Katherine

A Small Miscellany of Notes

2020-07-30T00:52:00.003-07:00

July 27

For the first time in months and months, I find myself at a coffee shop with my little books and my computer. I’m seated outside, of course, but it’s a wonderful feeling of renewed normalcy. This area, which is usually bustling with international tourism, is now a quiet place for thinking and writing.

I have always kept a weekly goal of doing something out of the ordinary during the summer break. My kids are rapidly growing out of childhood and into adulthood, so these outings are typically with my younger boys now. (The older two are always welcome but frequently have plans or obligations of their own.) Today I dropped Andrew, Jacob, and a friend off for a time of snorkeling with the leopard sharks. I’m crossing my fingers that they’ll see some cool marine life despite high tide and murkier-than-expected water. They invited me to join, assuring me that having their "momsy" with them was not uncool. I love it so much that they asked! But I also think they shouldn’t have me in tow all the time. Plus, the water is really cold today!

Ah, it’s a peaceful day.

Not for everyone, though. As a society, questions and unknowns linger long. We wait for this situation to blow over, but it seems to just intensify as it is prolonged. Accusations, suspicions, and corruption run rampant. Evil is an undeniable absolute, hiding in plain sight.

Just like the rest, we are waiting for some sort of plan for the coming school year, unsure how to prepare and proceed. Like others, we have disappointments because some desires won’t come to fruition. And we are saddened by what see happening, even recoil at our society’s response.

And yet, curiously, this has been such a peaceful summer for me.

I hear of the sovereignty of God discussed. It’s true that he is ultimately in control, that not a single thing can transpire outside of his will. We do right when we rest in this knowledge. But personally, I don’t feel at peace simply by hearing the word ‘sovereign.’ You see, God could be a righteous bully wielding this sovereignty because it’s his prerogative to do so. He could execute his righteous justice however he pleases. Or he could sovereignly turn his back on us and leave us all to our own doomed devices.

No, for me peace comes with the remembrance that God is good. His goodness towards us is that which is loving and kind, and he promises only good to those who belong to him. Yes, he is fully sovereign in all things and at all times, but his goodness fully permeates his sovereignty. There is nothing to fear when his sovereignty assures that we are in his care— his good, kind, and protective care.

And that changes my perspective all the time.

..>>:<<..

Notebook scribbles: Undated

Beware what you give to unstable friendships.

Beware of self-serving religiosity.

Beware of humble words where humble actions are lacking.

Beware of the arrogant grin, comments from under the breath, and sideway glances.

Beware of lip service.

Beware of duplicitous behavior.

Beware of thinking Proverbs are just interesting sayings.

..>>:<<..

Journals and Discussions: On Aging

Aging is a privilege and a gift. (Just ask any cancer survivor.)

Learn to embrace it.

To the young that mock it, just know that you are aging at the very same pace as all the rest. Also realize that you are nurturing a culture that will only come back to bite you. Mockery illustrates immaturity, even foolishness; it does not glamorize youthfulness.

On the other hand, maturity is a responsibility. Maturity is the reward of long-term, deliberate wisdom acquisition. It is a responsibility not only because it is a hard-earned treasure, but also because it must be passed along. Aging, however, is not synonymous to maturity gained through wisdom. Value the aged, but nurture intimate friendships with the wise.

Also, cognitive knowledge is far different than experiential knowledge. Surround yourself with people who are older than yourself– people who have traveled farther and longer, who have lived with purpose, and (especially) who have come through trials of various kinds. Remember that not every lesson needs to be learned the hard way! We can learn from imitation and practice.

Finally, true wisdom is a close companion of humility.

..>>:<<..

A quote from the back of a notebook: On God's sovereignty and on words

"He speaks and crafts every piece of matter woven into those scenes, and that is why they happen. His speaking is their happening." (source unknown)

I am studying the power of words. Kind words or slander... they are both powerful in their own way.

True words are from God, whereas slander, by it's very definition and history, is from the devil and Satan-like.

Words build up or destroy; they can have the power of life and death.

God's Word is living, active, and eternal; it will not return void; it cuts like a double-edge sword and discerns the intentions of the heart.

The gospel are words of LIFE! Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life.

We came to be, we live, and we die according to God's spoken word.

Words matter.

..>>:<<..

Lessons from Jesus: On relationship and new life

It has been said that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so I've decided to spend more time with Jesus in the Gospels. These are my observations on how He related with the woman at the well, so that I might learn:

Jesus was compassionate; he gave respect and regard to the woman as a created being.

Jesus was grateful to receive refreshment from someone commonly deemed "lesser" and "defiled."

Jesus's motivation was not to condemn and shame, but to set free from the vain pursuits of this life.

Jesus offers relationship, not formalities; he does not demand works for approval.

Jesus shows us it is most loving to share truth than to hide it in fear of offending.

Truth must be shared lovingly.

Jesus demonstrates that relationship with God will nourish and sustain our being far more than mere earthly sustenance. True life is lived in the spiritual realm.

Jesus saves and transforms. Relationship with Christ changes a person; they are a new creation. The changed person, then, will do the will of God because of that change.

The Spirit of God empowers that change, day by day.

Isn't the progression of Jesus's interaction wonderfully fascinating? From the initial moment of contact to His indwelling power, we can learn from him and rejoice because of him!

..>>:<<..

Images: July 15

I was perched on a cliff trying to get close while keeping my gear dry, all paparazzi-like.

My boys assure me it's okay to be paparazzi-like.

Jacob... Always with a flip.

Andrew... Always trying something.

Jacob... Thumbs up.

Andrew... Feet up.

Favorite shot, below.

They jumped till the sun set. Over and over again, they jumped.

~Katherine

Zion Day 3-4

2020-07-16T08:15:00.000-07:00

This trip already seems to have happened ages ago. On the other hand, it feels like our break from school just recently started! Summer is so weird like that. Here's to remembering good days...

The Narrows in Zion National Park

June 2020

We started early and the water was cold, but we were grateful for being able to secure a ride in and beating the crowds. We hiked for over eight hours, numb at times, but beyond thrilled to experience the splendor. We enjoyed it to the very last moment.

On occasion, when the sun hit the canyons just right, we'd find a little sand bar or rock in the sunlight. And though the water was cold, we couldn't resist the emerald green, crystal clear pools in the afternoon light.

My eyes always spot the wild flowers...

Delicate green fern clung to the rock edges. I like this one better in black and white...

Day 4 was our travel day home. We chose to sleep in a bit after far too few hours of sleep on the days prior. We strolled through the shops of St. George, then later made a quick stop in Vagas to drive the Strip and see the fountain display of the Bellagio. Of course we still stopped on occasion for random pictures...

We're loving these summer days around here. Apart from this quick, spontaneous trip with Andrew, we have pretty much been homebound, but we have so much to enjoy right here at our door step. You will find me with a small pack of boys tonight, skipping dinner and jumping from rock ledges into the surf. Well, actually, I may just watch and take pictures. Or maybe just swim. And I'll make them French toast when we get home because they are always hungry.

~Katherine

Zion Day 2

2020-07-07T17:00:00.003-07:00

It appears that early morning drives up the coast with a carload of surfboards, food, and boys will be my ticket to sorting and editing pictures this summer. I get to sit in the car with my books and journals, and with my computer and images, until it warms up and the sun comes through the marine layer. I'm not complaining one little bit about this arrangement.

On the other hand, Blogger has recently changed things up again and this has been a little frustrating. I don't have the time or the interest to figure out coding and html stuff. I can no longer apply my usual workflow and I'm going cross-eyed trying to tweak default image settings. I've figured a few things out, but pictures remain wonky on mobile devices. Had I ever imagined I'd be blogging for as long as I have, I might have chosen a different platform!

But for what ever reason, I'm still persisting in this hobby despite all the impetus to stop.

Zion, Day 2

June 2020

I mentioned previously that Covid-19 closures and limitations challenged our strategic planning skills. With the shuttle buses closed and extremely limited parking in the canyons, few cars make it in each day. So we got up shortly after 3 a.m. (felt an hour earlier because of a time zone change) and lined up for park admittance just before 4 a.m. We couldn't believe how many people had beat us there! The park opened at 6 a.m., and I later discovered it maxed out by 6:08. Needless to say, we were among those who got in.

Do what you gotta do in life!

I've hiked under the stars before, but never in morning twilight. It was absolutely dreamy!

The immensity of the rocks, the depth of the canyons, and the beauty all around were too much for me to capture. The scenery is arresting. It was utterly impossible to look at such splendor and not ascribe majesty and glory to God. For me, natural beauty wells up adoration for the Creator, and such personal peace knowing this creator is my God and Father.

The climb was wonderful. We stopped to explore the crevices some, but we kept our pace knowing that more people would be joining us as the morning progressed. We reached our destination at the exact time the sun crested the mountain across the canyon from us.

Andrew was sitting on the edge of 1070 straight drop. Talk about "arresting" for a mom's heart! I could hardly take the picture!

Yeah, I know I went skydiving this year, but this was freaky! I was so nervous--

Andrew was making fun of me here!

One of the most perfect days I can think of...

We kept on passed the main destination because that's how we like to do things... Go further, see what lies beyond, lose the crowds.

Best hiking partner right here!

I love switchbacks! The more, the better! I wondered if they ever host races here...

Sign me up!

My love of the outdoors has often been misunderstood; it has even been implied with sarcasm that I'm a "nature worshiper." Whatever. I'm in good company among the rocks, waters, plants, and creatures-- It always seems to me that we worship the Lord together.

"Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let the sea resound, and all that is in it. Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them; let all the trees of the forest sing for joy." Ps. 96:11-12

“Worthy are you, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they existed and were created.” Rev. 4:11

"For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse."

Rom. 1:20

~Katherine

Chasing Adventure

2020-07-01T18:27:00.004-07:00

Since the time when my kids were little, I have learned to take an opportunity for adventure and respond to any desire requiring additional energy output. Justification for not doing things will always be present, and it's far too easy for me to conclude that duty ought to override pleasure.

But not this time. If I were not mindful of how fleeting these days are with each of my kids, and how soon my opportunities will change, perhaps I would not take a chance at epic memory making. An unusual summer is making way for unusual opportunity, and one such opportunity was to spontaneously take a trip to Zion National Park.

Andrew was the perfect companion and the only one available, since spontaneous vacation from work weren't possible for Jon and my older teens, and Jacob was still recovering in a knee brace. But really, Andrew was the PERFECT companion in every respect. We had the most perfect time adventuring together. In all likelihood, he will be joining the workforce next summer and won't have the same flexibility for such trips again, so that alone was motivation to just GO!

In the midst of all the Covid-19 closures, and all the resulting limitations, we made our best plans, devised some hardcore adventuring strategies, and took off with confidence that no matter how our plans unfolded, there could only be good times. Truly, closures and limitations provided some significant risk that we would not accomplish what we had set out to do, but we prayed expectantly and watched the kindness of God unfold in the most extravagant ways each and every day. This kindness of God– along with the majestic display of his splendor in creation– was the primary takeaway of our trip.

We packed our food, listened to tunes, drove fast, and stopped when we wanted for pictures as we crossed through four states. We maxed out our time and slept minimally. The following pictures were from our first day (which was mostly travel) and some romping around after official park hours.

No camera could capture the splendor. I urge you to go and see for yourself, if possible!

It felt like Andrew and I shared a brain. Not only were we very aligned on where to go and how to spend our time, we frequently discovered we were both thinking the exact same random thing at the very same time. It was easy to just be; easy to be freely at ease around him.

We wondered what every crevice must look like up close, how deep each cave might go, and how the views must be from every mountaintop. We googled "canyoneering" from the hotel.

Like me, Andrew has discovered the fun (and challenge) of being upside down. Also like me, we think normal poses are overrated. I stood poised by the truck for a moment until that seemed too ordinary.

We pulled over that first evening over and over again, too captivated by the beauty to simply drive through. Then it was back to our room for some re-packing and for the rehearsal of our game plan before a few hours of shut-eye...

I will try to post our second day pictures soon!

~Katherine

Hiking Pictures

2020-06-17T00:17:00.000-07:00

Last night I found these pictures in a draft post, apparently lost in a folder since I uploaded them back in March. These were taken a few days after March's Friday the 13th, the day when all schools were shut down and all other activity was beginning to halt. Our local hiking trails were not yet closed, but this outing would have been one of our last for several weeks to come. It's still such a weird thing to recall. Little did we expect that summer would come under continued strange circumstance.

I've always loved the wild flowers that follow spring showers.

When a boy finds a long plant "whip," he naturally chase his bother with it.

I sorted through my picture files before backing them up last night (something I am not great at doing regularly-- and I've paid for taking the risk in the past). I discovered I have so many pictures of wonderful events and trips from last year that I never shared here. Though it was never my intention for this blog to become a primary source of family documentation, it has turned into something several of us look to in recalling past events. It's always so hard to play catch up; generally I've had to discipline myself to simply march on with the present. We'll see.

And time doesn't stop, does it? I'm doing my best to capitalize on the days granted to us this summer. Andrew and I are getting set to take an epic trip together, and I really should be in bed now....

~Katherine

Who's ready for summer?

2020-06-06T21:30:00.002-07:00

I spent some time cleaning out our bunkhouse this afternoon as a way to bring in summer. We’re hoping for a bunch of sleepovers like summers past, possibly even with cousins this year. Who really knows? All of our summer plans are being made with open hands.

Jacob is my last and only homeschool student; we wrapped up the year a bit early as usual. The two of us celebrated together one day late last month by heading up the coast for some early morning exploration. It didn't bother us one bit that the marine layer loomed heavily over us all day. He's the sweetest guy to hang with.

At this point, all my kids are finally done with academics for the 2019-20 school year. It was an anticlimactic ending to the oddest year ever. But YAY! Welcome summer!

Exploring a new-to-us beach

Clear water and tide pools

His face when I asked him how he felt about school ending...

He looks so much like my youngest brother to me in this shot.

We'll look back one day with the same face when we remember the bandanas for masks and the weird ending to our school year. I hope we will carry with us some fond memories through it all.

In keeping with the year’s theme, another twist of events has reduced our mobility to get out and play: I took Jacob into the orthopedic clinic of our children’s hospital and we left with a knee brace, crutches, and an x-ray image showing the consequences of an active boy outdoing his growing bones.

The beaches are loosening their restrictions bit by bit. My favorite swimwear for the season is ready for hot days coming next week. I’ll have my little buddy with me on the sidelines for a couple weeks, but fortunately swimming is not weight-bearing so he’ll be out riding the waves in no time. Also fortunately for him, this mom is going to be like a drill sergeant with rehab exercises! ;)

~Katherine

Opportunity

2020-05-19T19:37:00.001-07:00

Sunday afternoon musings...

*Images from early May. 6AM beach time is becoming his thing...

It’s Sunday mid-afternoon and I’m parked on a steep incline in a neighborhood overlooking the ocean. I need a break from the sameness of house quarantine for a bit. Maybe it’s more accurate to say I need a break from the constant making of food, cleaning up from food, restricting the over-consumption of food, and then more cooking and cleaning. Typically, the best of all breaks for me is a chance to run or to write.

For the last 10 weeks I have not repeated a single dinner. With the exception of the times Jon grilled burgers for us, or a couple nights when we had enough leftovers, or the occasional take-out, I’ve kept it variable at the table. When stay-at-home orders initially took place, and one quarantine day blended into the next, it felt like the least I could do to interject a bit of change. It was a fun creative exercise for a while, but I’m over it now. I really want the flexibility of falling back on old stand-by dishes now and then.

So much change has come in the way we are experiencing this COVID-19 situation. I find it interesting how we all naturally find ways of stabilizing, kind of like homeostasis of an organism. Though there are so many people and activities we are eager to get back to, there are many ways in which this forced pause on life has been good and restorative. I was happy to discover many unexpected gifts. There is newfound gratefulness for the things we once took for granted, and gratefulness for some things we were spared from; I’m thankful for a plethora of opportunity in the quiet, and new possibilities granted through change. God has paved our way in a multitude of ways and I am sure that, in time, we will see even more of his handiwork.

The crowds and traffic were pretty heavy as I drove down the coast this afternoon. Most people are not following the letter of the law on masks and social distancing, but, for the most part, they are following the spirit of the law. I just love that I live in a place where physical activity is facilitated. It makes me happy to see all the surfers, runners, bikers, skateboarders, walkers, and families strolling. I am right there with them on most days.

In fact, still in my pajamas, I took Andrew to the beach this morning at 6 am. He wanted to body board the barrels before breakfast and video/home/family church. I love this about him. And his quarantine mop head. I love that, too.

Before anyone thinks it's all wonderful here by the coast, though, know that there is a nauseating stench coming up from the sea on some days. Andrew smelled like sewage when I picked him up before breakfast today. The red tide has been particularly bad this year. Several weeks ago, the water looked like there had been a horrid biohazard spill, but at nighttime it sparkled with a magical bioluminescence. The algae bloom responsible for all of this is dying off, and now it reeks.

Of course my mind draws up word pictures when I’m putting in my running miles along the coast. The Light of God (daylight) shines and reveals what we really are on our own (something like biohazard material); once our true nature has been revealed to us and we are made right through his Son, God sends dark trials (night) to sanctify and beautify us (bioluminescence). We could never see what he is producing in us without the dark waves of trial. Oh, yes, and the changes may produce a temporary stench as we die to self. Others may even voice consternation by our changing, but death must always accompany new life.

I hope to be refined through this season. Initially, when the whole world was brought to its knees by a novel virus, I gave over any fear to God. If he wanted me to be among the dead, I asked that my death would influence others for eternity. If he would be pleased, I asked that my dying would be used to bring saving faith to others. Whatever it takes. Yes, I’m a little dramatic like that, but I’m also that confident in a good God who never falters on his promises and whose plans work for good.

Our home has been peaceful as the world spins in a frenzy. I’m grateful for my husband. He is certainly aware of national and international circumstances, but his steadiness and calm have been remarkable. The atmosphere of our home could not be as peaceful if he lacked confidence in God and if he gave in to fear or anger. Perhaps our kids don’t see it yet, but I think this will be a testimony in time to come. These are instructive times, and it is up to us to teach/live what is good. This we know: We will be held in the good and loving hands of our Father today and always. We have a hope as an anchor to the soul, firm and secure.

Truly, we get a good dose of reality during dinnertime conversations with Jon, but the overall atmosphere and take-away is a calm peace. It’s true that we are witnessing sociopolitical changes and crumbling economies; we try to picture what our future will look like (and that of a generation on the cusp of independence). Like it or not, we are each forced to make a choice regarding what we see. Jon leads us to see… opportunity. Change and disruption always unearth opportunity, and we are constantly discussing what those might be.

Beyond that, on the most basic and foundational level, we have all been given a pretty grand opportunity to build up faith and confidence in God. This must be a priority. (Parents, don’t squander it!)

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.”

~Katherine

Tinkering

2020-05-04T10:24:00.000-07:00

Jacob always finds little projects to work on, lockdown or not. These pictures were from a rainy day a few weeks back. Presently he is learning about and building traps. He just demonstrated to me how he could either squash or capture a rabbit (depending on the need). I remember the days when all my kids worked for hours on projects like traps for rabbits and bad guys.

Jacob is one to tinker in the garage nearly every day. He often starts while still in his pajamas–carving, grinding, drilling, banging. He's always dreaming up new ideas and plans, and this lockdown situation has afforded him more time for his projects. If I can, I let him do his history or literature studies on audio, allowing him the freedom to tinker (or to wander). He's currently listening to a +30 hour biography on Andrew Carnegie. Homeschool isn't forever, but for now this sort of freedom is one thing I've been thankful for.

Here he is shaping a scrap of metal into knife blade. He has also been working with wood and leather. Oh yes, and fire.

For those who are kind enough to be concerned about my kids' safety, he was adequately geared up. We try to find a balance between safety and independence around here.

Safety and Independence...

I've tried to keep my opinions to myself about our current quarantine situation. Who really needs my two cents? I think there's far too much opinion floating around, and assumptions posing as conclusions. Everyone seems to be interpreting "data" and "science" based on their personal agenda or desires. Many go looking for reason to be more fearful of potential threat, with their suspicions clouding rationality.

Some want safety (health, predictability, provision, etc.) while others want independence (mobility, choice, free market, etc.). It seems to me that safety and independence seem to be the great dividers, while the great unifier is fear.

People will always fear losing what is deemed most important, and if we're not careful fear will become the motivator and controller of thoughts and actions. It's important to discern what it is we fear, and why. It's important to question where our security lies. It's important to evaluate where and on what/who we place our confidence and hope. We should seek to understand the root of our fear, and be open to discovering some hidden idols. Be OK with the discomfort of honest heart evaluation.

An observation I've made over the last couple months: Fear, greed, pride, and discontentment have been contagions far more dangerous than any virus. These contagions cause us to prize our opinions, ideologies, and idols over living for God and loving others. We should never expect to find security and joy here.

Someday, not so very long from now, we will stand before our Maker. How will our words and actions regarding this current situations stand? Will fear of losing our temporal worldly comforts and privileges justify a single word or action? Are we adorning or reviling God's Word and the gospel we claim?

Listen, we are not entitled to anything regarding safety and independence in this life. We have security and freedom in Christ alone.

Yes, we are privileged to have a particular process in which we can participate with the governance of our affairs, but this is not something God has given to us as a right. We are not entitled to have our way, but if we engage in political endeavors we must do so in honorable ways. Our preferences are not the mission of our lives as believers; don't get too sidetracked in this short life. It is grievous and embarrassing to see Christians stir up fear through gossip and slander of God-appointed leaders in the name of democracy. Likewise, a lack of trust in God's goodness and protective care demonstrates a puny view of God. The world is watching, friends. We are responsible for our behavior.

I may not know much, but this I know to be of greater importance in our present state:

Fear God alone.

Love one another.

Pray for your leaders.

Submit to authority.

Be thankful.

It is all so very clear that these must be our primary focus. Be attentive and wise by leaning in to your Heavenly Father, and know that blessing always follows obedience.

Be careful what you tinker with.

I wasn't intending on dispensing opinion. I've never really wanted to use this place as a platform for broadcasting my position, or for being preachy. I guess I just want more for each of us: peace that endures, trust in the unfailing goodness of God, and hope for an eternal future already made secure. May that consume our attention and open our lips in praise, no matter what threatens our safety or independence. God's purposes override viruses and governing authorities.

~Katherine

Damsel

2020-04-24T14:05:00.000-07:00

Because I enjoy photographing her....

Portraits of a girl.
Capturing beauty.

Olivia 01/2020

Another week in quarantine winds down. Each week seems more and more normal, with a gentle rhythm and peacefulness that I've grown to appreciate.

The temps are on the upswing here, and I hear that vitamins D and C help to build the immune system. It's not that I'm afraid of becoming sick, but I'll take it as an excuse to sit in the sun with some fresh citrus while my boys are inflating a giant golden swan for the pool. The water is a bit chilly for me, but I'm enjoying their enjoyment of our pool while I lessen the funny runner's tan I'm sporting. Welcome, weekend!

Morning meditation~

"Trust in the Lord, and do good;

dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.

Delight yourself in the Lord,

and he will give you the desires of your heart."

My momentary calm has been disrupted by broken tempered glass on the pool deck. Fortunately for me, my boys are old enough to clean their own mess...

~Katherine

Celebrating While Under Quarantine

2020-04-01T11:35:00.003-07:00

We celebrated this girl on Sunday. Shelter-in-place orders have obviously changed our daily routines as well as options available to celebrate a birthday. It would have been her first birthday away from home, but we were able to have her with us for another year since she has recently moved back from university.

These images were taken in January during winter break.

She is a girl of tradition, so despite real disappointment at not ending her semester on campus, she was glad to be with family for her birth date. When I asked her what would please her, she requested some of her favorite homemade meals and we enjoyed an easy-going day. It was definitely characterized by quarantine orders, but I think this will be a year she remembers.

Breakfast of challah French toast with berry sauce and maple syrup was followed by family "church" in the sunroom. Then we went out for a drive through the beach towns; we made a quick stop for ice cream and a short walk. We ended up at the beach, of course, but discovered it to be closed.

Originally, we were planning on a family picnic dinner at the beach, but as closures became more widespread during the week, an alternate plan was needed. When options dwindle, creativity and resourcefulness are essential to mark an occasion and set it apart from the norm. Oddly, this is a challenge I enjoy! My plan became a rooftop dinner where we could watch the sun set over the ocean. I was going to arrange a patchwork of blankets and cushions, and decorate with lanterns and candles. Instead, Jon offered to set up a table and chairs, and he strung some lights for added ambiance; we decided this would be more comfortable.

It was fun to see Olivia's expression as she climbed the ladder to the roof.

She had asked if I could make one of her favorites: Chicken pot pie. I made individual servings, but managed to over-bake the puff pastry a bit. However, bowls still hot from the oven were perfect in the crisp evening air.

Ok, so the boys either weren't overly keen on pictures or they weren't in photogenic mode. I try not to force.

Her cake was a usual request: Chocolate with layers of berries and whipped cream. Under the current lack of grocery store supplies, I was happy for a friend who found flour for me and then delivered it with cream! The evening ended with a board game by the fire place.

So, in short, simple enjoyments marked another year of life. Under the circumstances, I'm glad she has an appreciation for quiet, uncomplicated expressions of celebration.

How time flies! To think of all the change that has transpired since I first held her in my arms, and to realize the immensity of joy that her life produces in mine is beyond my ability to express. She is a precious gift and friend.

~Katherine

No Change of Plan

2020-03-14T23:00:00.003-07:00

Weird week, yes? Everything came to a grinding stop pretty rapidly; each day seems to bring a new plan. Or just no plan. It has been an interesting thing to observe, that’s for sure.

On the upside to all the disappointments of cancelled events, everyone is home together and healthy. That’s pretty much all a mother could dream of in time of national crisis! Now I’ve got to figure out how to make six people breakfast, lunch, and dinner every single day even though the grocery store shelves are pretty much empty. Though I have plenty of food, it’s time to get creative without a few staples. At least we have toilet paper.

As the schedule began to clear, my eventual instinct was to think, “Yay! Now I have more time! Let’s have people over and serve a big Sunday brunch before we watch the sermon together.” But then came the realization of “social distancing.” I went to the store anyway and found no eggs, no bread, no coffee, no breakfast meats, no yogurt, limited fruit and vegetables… I gave up on the Sunday brunch idea, which is probably best for the sake of good citizenship. Irish cut oatmeal could have worked, though, served with all sorts of yummy toppings; or homemade pancakes with maple syrup and a berry sauce made from the frozen berries in my freezer. I had 8 eggs in the fridge this afternoon before Andrew used some and I could have made other baked goods. There’s always a way, including intermittent fasting, which would just eliminate the need for Sunday brunch! That could also help to “flatten the curve” of another sort!

Seriously, though, I’m reminded once again that God is in control of the microscopic. (Did you know some viruses are small enough to infect a single bacterium?) Nothing is independent from his plan, including novel viruses, oil wars, economies, politics… and tp supplies. There really is no change of plan, only a change of my expectations for the month. The plan was alway certain from the very beginning of time. This fallen world and human nature, as scary as they can be, are never an uncertain thing in the hands of God. There is always safety and certainty for those who have responded to his invitation of love.

My kids all have plenty of school work that they can access and must complete in the coming weeks, but I’ve got hiking in mind as well. Wild flowers are sprouting, thanks to recent rain, and I see no reason for allowing cabin fever to strike.

Stay well, friends. And love well…

~Katherine

Hello Spring

2020-03-06T16:21:00.001-08:00

This week has felt like spring. Fragrance of jasmine and orange blossoms have been wafting in through open windows, and bunches of flowers from the yard fill my house. Those who have been home during the day have sat out in the sun on the deck for lunch. I blended fresh orange-pineapple smoothies for breakfast this morning, and I'm finding myself dreaming up summer dinner parties. Before heading out the door, I tied a colorful scarf onto the strap of my bag.

Next week will bring rain, but I expect to find beauty and wonder in that, too.

I've recommitted to giving Jacob more unstructured play time in open spaces like I used to with all the others. I think it's probably normal that the baby of the family loses out on some of their childhood as family affairs shift to that which is relevant to teenagers and young adults. It's my strong belief that all people need open head space: time to decompress, explore, sort through matters of the heart, meditate... to always be OK with one's own company, and to be mentally still long enough that thoughts of God and eternality come in. Constant academic pressures, extra-curricular commitments, expectations, schedules, and ever-present noise and distractions of life need to occasionally give way. I'd say this is critical for everyone's well-being.

My new goal is to break away with him at least once a week. Mostly it will look like a lunch time picnic at the beach nearby, like we did today. It gave good motivation to work hard before, and the refreshment needed to tackle the last writing assignment afterwards. Maybe I'll even be able to reduce my running shoe tan line.

Jacob is at musical theater rehearsals till dinner time now. It's after 4 o'clock and the cuff of my jeans are still wet. Ah, yes. Welcome Friday!

~Katherine

His Faithfulness on Display

2020-03-02T22:17:00.000-08:00

In my small and quiet way, I keep coming back to this journal in an effort to recount the praises of God and rejoice in his salvation (Ps. 9:14). Tonight is no exception.

March 2019

"I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!

Wait for the Lord;

be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!"

Ps. 27: 13-14

"Turn to me and be gracious to me,

for I am lonely and afflicted.

The troubles of my heart are enlarged;

bring me out of my distresses.

Consider my affliction and my trouble,

and forgive all my sins."

Ps. 25:16-18

"My hope is in you."

Ps. 39:7

March 2020

"Oh, how abundant is your goodness,

which you have stored up for those who fear you

and worked for those who take refuge in you...

In the cover of your presence you hide them

from the plots of men;

you store them in your shelter

from the strife of tongues."

Ps. 31:19-20

The words of today's Psalm have run through my mind all evening:

... To be hidden in the cover of God's presence
... To be stored up in His shelter

How kind is our God, how steadfast in his love, and perfect in his provisions! He has put his faithfulness on display in my heart once more.

~Katherine

Resolved to be at Peace

2020-02-26T18:17:00.000-08:00

When the pictures from the sky jump place arrived in my email inbox, this is the image that made me pause and smile the longest. This picture represents a feat I am very proud of, even more than jumping out of a plane in mid-air. (Is it arrogant to express pride, or can it be appropriate to rejoice over personal achievements and progress? I choose the latter because I truly am grateful.)

Let me just reiterate that fear had replaced all interest in jumping after I'd been gifted a ticket to the skydive place.

This moment right here was what I had to consciously and consistently set aside as I anticipated the jump. This moment represented the final and hardest act of resolve. I knew that to scoot my body to the edge of the plane, to sit with legs dangling and body ready to drop, and to do it willingly, would be the single most difficult moment. What came after (falling) was more passive in terms of resolve, and active only in choosing to take in the experience. I didn't allow fear to rule me in the days leading up to our jump, or while preparing on the ground, or during the 20 minute flight up. One single flinch in this resolve and I would have changed my mind in an instant. I'm so thankful I didn't!

Instead, when fear was menacing and threatened to dominate, I was resolute and at peace. I'm proud of jumping, yes, but more so that inner peace conquered over the tyrant of fear.

I'm not naturally a strong person, but when strength of any sort comes, truly, I am humbly grateful. Self-control is both practiced and received as a gift (Gal. 5:22-23). There are so many ways that implementing self-control is needful in my life. Determined self-control or resolve to do difficult things are persistently needed. For instance, resolve...

To take the first steps of a 15 mile run, or to run to the bitter end
To accept an invitation to speak
To let a child grow into independence, to let them risk, or even fail
To accept the unexpected
To attend an event where people who are cold to us are present
To try something new and difficult, to grow
To say hard but needful things
To be a participant and to contribute, to make myself vulnerable; or
To be guarded, to discern, to draw boundaries
To accept not being understood
To break the mold of expectations, to be unashamedly human, to disappoint
To accept my lot (portion), to live open handedly
To remember hardship, to feel and acknowledge, to move on
To let go what cannot be changed
To serve while being treated as a servant, and to continue serving
To love despite cost
To see past this temporal life
To plead for an outcome, then to wholeheartedly trust God

To be at peace in any storm. And to smile.

>:<

We are urged to "be filled with the Spirit" by the very same Spirit of God who commands, "Peace, be still!"

I want it fiercely.

Who cares about a dumb picture and about self-imposed thrills? Who cares about practicing mind games to conquer fear if it's all just selfish and temporal?

I want something deeper.

"The peace that passes understanding will guard your heart in Christ Jesus." That's what I want! How do we find this peace? Because "The Lord is at hand" right here, right now, inviting us into relationship and intimate conversation: "In everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." Then He comforts our anxieties and quiets us with his love. (Phil. 4)

Set your heart resolutely on Christ who said: "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you."
(John 14:27)

~Katherine

Skydiving at Last!

2020-02-25T16:56:00.000-08:00

Choose your favorite quote:

"Any idiot can fly a plane, but it takes a special kind of idiot to jump out of one." -Unknown

"Those who don't jump will never fly." -L. A. Almashat

"If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you." -Unknown

To some, we're that special kind of idiot. I'm certainly not a daredevil (I'm even afraid of heights), but I do enjoy a good thrill. In a sort of curious and dreamy way, I've often wondered what it would be like up there in the sky, free falling and then soaring. Those little orange parachutes looked so fun up against the blue sky. I had mentioned this interest to Jon in sort of a casual, non-committed way.

Then he went and bought tickets for our anniversary.

And I immediately became terrified of jumping. I couldn't fathom doing it anymore. No more curiosity, only fear.

We held on to those tickets for nearly a year and half until they were set to expire. Every time Jon mentioned we should set a time to go, I'd avoid him with a hesitant "uh-hum." When the kids asked I'd respond, "Oh, sometime. I don't know exactly..." and I'd hope Jon would take a hint and sell our tickets instead.

But being averse to wasting money, we set the date just before the tickets expired, and I took on the challenge of ruling my fears. So glad I did. This was a thrill I'm so grateful to have experienced!

13,000 ft.

Countdown to freefall

It's not a feeling easily described. It's a thrilling mix of super-woman and utter helplessness.

I had read that it would all happen so fast, that your mind and body are experiencing too much to process, and that the first jump would be a blur. I didn't want my jump to be wasted like that; I determined to be aware of the moments, mentally present, consciously taking it in. That was my goal, and it was this one objective that helped to suppress and smother fear.

What a relief when that parachute went up!

Without waiting for me to respond, my instructor took us on a "rollercoaster" ride. He asked if I like rollercoaster just as he pulled on the right tether, and immediately we were off. In that same moment I thought, "Shoot! I forgot to tell him I don't want to do that thing!"

This is where the parachute and jumpers are closer to being parallel to the ground rather than perpendicular, and you start spinning in a corkscrew fashion.

Somehow I still smiled for this part.

Now, seeing these pictures, I wonder my a smile doubles as my expression of terror. Is there something totally messed up about me, or have I mastered a facade?!

Stable once more, and taking it all in...

Possibly Jon in the sky to the left. It's hard to tell. We were the first pair of eight to jump and Jon was second, but somehow I was not the first to land.

Our landing field below next to the airstrip.

Olivia and Michael came to watch and took some shots as well. The images above were GoPro shots, while the ones below are Olivia's. I've posted each set in chronological order.

We spent a long time in the wait area watching jumpers roll and prepare their gear.

There's no one else I'd rather jump from a plane with...

We bungee jumped when we were dating and took a paragliding lesson for our 10th anniversary (short solo flights with a radio strapped to the harness).

Getting set up and choosing... to trust a stranger.

Would you do it?

~Katherine

A Weekday Run and SF/20

2020-02-07T10:26:00.000-08:00

It has been said that women speak 20,000 words per day, while men use about 7,000. Although I probably speak fewer than the average, I do feel some pent up verbiage tonight. My husband is away and the two boys that are home don't need to hear from me at the moment, so I'm coming here to unload my words. You've been warned.

After a good half marathon run this past weekend (not a race, just training), I couldn't seem to get back into the right mind frame to run well earlier this week. After two terrible runs that were cut short, I had a new opportunity today during a one-hour time slot while Jacob had an appointment at school. I typically do pace runs on Tuesdays and Thursday along a route close to the school. It's an imposed race against time because I have to make it back to quickly move on to the next thing on the schedule. My running shorts and T weren't making me want to step out into the cold, while the seat heater of my car was much more pleasant. I lingered while returning some messages. Shoot. Fifty minutes left. As I removed my pullover and popped my earbuds in, the dread of running hard loomed heavy. I prayed, "God, help me to run well."

I used to think I shouldn't bother God with unimportant details of life, as if he was too busy with real issues. I used to think it was immature to pray about mundane, silly, unspiritual things. I believed it was almost irreverent.

But I don't live like that now. God is infinite. To set limits on his desire to listen and answer prayer, or to set limits on his genuine care for every single detail of our lives, is to impose human limitations on God. He doesn't have to prioritize attention and energy because there is no scarcity. He isn't restricted in his care. His power and love are endless. To think God is only concerned about the big stuff of life or about issues of a spiritual nature is to disbelieve his infinite nature. This doesn't honor him, especially since he has invited us into relationship with him. I get to receive his love and care even in the particulars of this temporal life, particularly when I acknowledge in greater detail my complete dependence for all things on him. This, I believe, is an act of worship. I can come to him with full conviction that he is able and willing to bless me. It is like taking God up on his invitation to come as a child.

So with my little prayer made, I ran off into the cold. At one point I noticed a long trail of radiator coolant spilled along the shoulder of the boulevard. Memories of a June day in upper state NY rushed into my head. My sister and I had made the trip from my hometown in Quebec where I was spending the last of my single days with my family. She was 17 and I was 19. We traveled to my brother's college friends' home in a no-where town where my wedding dress had been delivered, the one I had bought for a discount in a North Carolina warehouse during my university spring semester in Virginia. I'd given myself one afternoon to find a dress because that was all my life permitted at the time. And since it couldn't be delivered to Canada, my sister and I made the trip in my old, grey Chevy Cavalier with fingers crossed. After a few hours of travel, we stayed for a quick glass of lemonade, packed up my dress in the trunk and began our journey back. I'm not sure where we were (except that it was even less of a no-where town) when coolant began pouring onto the passenger floor from somewhere below the dash. We pulled into the nearest station and discovered more coolant puddled under the car. No cell phones, of course. Somehow I mustered the courage to ask a gruff, blank-faced man for help. He was my only option. He grumbled when he took a look at the situation, but drove off nonetheless to pick up a replacement part. After his fix I handed him my one $20 bill, knowing full well it wasn't enough but having no other option of payment. We were on the road for just a short while before the episode repeated once more. No more coolant meant no long distance drive. I don't remember exactly, but I must have collect-called Jon or my dad from a payphone, and just waited for hours. It was very late when they finally arrived on that muggy summer night. I was happy to see Jon that night, like comfort and safety washed over me when he appeared. And my dad, like always, got the car going again somehow.

It's funny how some green fluid on the road can bring up memories on a random Thursday run.

My running pace quickened as my body and breathing adjusted. I rounded the corner and began a two mile gradual ascent through the business park. My mind continued to recall the small, dilapidated cars my family used to drive. For most of my childhood, our family of six drove in an economical Chevette, one that had been previously owned by multiple owners. One of us kids rode in the hatchback trunk for lack of space. When it became law to ride with seatbelts (and doubling up was prohibited), my dad jimmy rigged an extra one he had taken from the junkyard or somewhere. We didn't use that seatbelt much; it was much easier to just duck when passing a police cruiser. I remember a car that had holes in the floor clear to ground below, thanks to the corrosive nature of winter road salt and carpet worn bare. As a new driver, I remember a wedge of wood and bubble gum in the mechanics below the hood, making it possible for the car to run. There's more I could relate, so many more details of car adventures and roadside waiting. My dad had a way of keeping cars going long past the normal lifespan.

I never really conversed with God as a little girl, or even as a teen. Once in a while I did out of desperation. I didn't really know that God cared. I wanted to love him, but it was hard to muster up love when I didn't feel love in return. I felt too insignificant and incidental. Yet life just kept moving along somehow, rattling, stalling sometimes, broken parts held together by used gum and wood, coolants oozing and temperatures rising. I was a tenderhearted little girl in it all. Why didn't I know God cared? In all the years of going to church, why wasn't that ever impressed on my heart?

My running continued past a field of solar panels. Tender hearts and churches.... Memories of former days subsided and were replaced by anger at church-goers in more recent time. Unresolved anger? Maybe. Righteous anger? Yes.

What does a mama bear's heart feel like when aroused because her offspring were toyed with and their well-being threatened? I think I might have an idea. It is right for me to feel this anger at what church has carelessly communicated to my kids. It will be a tender mercy of God if they choose to take on the label "Christian" despite what those who profess have displayed to them, publicly and privately.

Anger seemed to fuel my run.

Breathe. Run. Breathe. My legs kept moving as my mind settled, because my merciful God listens to my pleas. I know that all of our pains in life and all the failures of people, including our own, may be the very reasons we lift our eyes up out of this earthy mess and onto him. So I settle on hope in God once more. He is a loving Redeemer.

As is usually the case by the end of my running loop, each breath is accompanied by a little moan. I can endure distance more than I can sustain speed; pace runs are hard for me physically and mentally. I feel slow despite my desire to sprint those last 400 meters. It's a most unpleasant portion of the route as I run along a busy boulevard, traffic and transport trucks traveling toward me and whirling wind tunnels of dust and debris. "Help me, God. Help." It's my usual plea from morning till night.

Once I made it to the particular traffic light that marks the end of my route, I stopped my iPod nano. I listened as my time, pace, distance, etc. were read off. Then I heard: "Congratulations! You ran your fastest recorded mile!" Sure enough, I'd run alright. Of the 1650+ miles I've run with this particular device, I had just run my fastest mile.

"See! God does care!" I practically panted it out loud. Immediately I was excited about sharing this happening with my boys. God's love is limitless. Walk in relationship without reservation. Or maybe run...

..>>•<<..

I've had these pictures uploaded in a draft for a long time, but always withheld posting for fear of venting in an unproductive way. My pictures kept bringing reactive sentiments rather than calm response. But tonight, as my husband is away using his gifts and talents, I have a renewed appreciation for him and this life we lead. It's a simple matter of fact that the most worthwhile commitments in life will also find certain difficulties and hidden grief connected. Kingdom work is a prime example. If I'm not careful, I will view the connected hardships as parasites rather than thorns: the former saps energy and health from its host, the latter points to the sufficiency of Christ.

These pictures are from the summer of 2018 when Jon and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. For years and years we had dreamed of going to Europe for this anniversary. We loosely planned for it by saving up air miles, and hoped the different facets of our lives would make allowance for such a trip.

But it could not be. Ministry life made no allowance. (I am happy just to let that point be without explanation tonight.)

So in a sort of last minute fashion, we took a weeklong trip to San Francisco instead.

It's a beautiful city, and we very much enjoyed exploring without four other people in tow! We learned a few tricks about city exploration by taking Airbnb tours from locals. We took a biking tour through all the parks and districts of town, and a Nordic hiking tour of Angel Island. It was wonderfully pleasant; we now have a handful of places that we just love.

We saw many of the typical tourist attractions, but also ventured off the beaten path a ton.

Running the hills and climbing the city stairs were on my must-do list. I didn't know Jon was peering at me through my zoom lens as I came up the street and up the stairs. This is what I like to do, even on vacation!

We each had a day of sickness, unfortunately. On the day Jon was sick, I explored Tiburon. (It looks like this is the only picture I uploaded to this blog draft after returning from our trip, and I don't feel like returning to the archives of picture files for more.)

At the end of Jon's recovery day, we spent the evening in Oakland. Mural shots are always fun!

Beautiful Angel Island

We learned that Nordic hiking is a very fast way to move once you get the hang of it.

When someone thinks a camera "shot" is like a gun shot, they aim the camera like a gun and put the main subject in the bull's eye. Here's a basic photography tip: Don't take gun shots with your camera. Be a little more intentional with your composition and you will have a more pleasing image.

View from the ferry -

We discovered several great shops. We really enjoyed a Valencia gourmet grocery store perfect for picnics; also bakeries, flower shops, and many curiosity and specialty shops. We developed a better sense of the different districts and what each had to offer.

"Je dois avoir des fleurs, toujours et toujours."

Claude Monet

Reality of our life: We are always "followed" on vacation. Ministry needs know few boundaries. If it's not actual pressing interruptions, it's mental distractions that are difficult for Jon to escape. I am accustomed to this, albeit reluctantly at times.

This is another part of this post/memory that I will just have to let be.

Nonetheless, what I love seeing here is evidence of Jon's love for God's people and his commitment to the things that have eternal implications. That I love. I can happily get on board with that endeavor and assist or bear up in the various ways required of me.

Sometimes this simply looks like me taking pictures of window reflections while Jon does more important work. Most times, it's exercising immense patience and understanding. It's a lifestyle few people can relate to, and one that some people harshly misjudge.

Tonight, however, I am also reminded that it is through this work and through the church (local and at large) that many of our most treasured and life-giving relationships have formed. This is not lost on me.

We didn't get one single clear view of the bridge on this trip, but the fog was fantastic too. We spent our last morning driving the foggy cliffs over the city.

Jon called tonight with hardly a voice left to speak. He has been going full throttle for many weeks now on a difficult and sensitive project. The work is coming to a climax this week, which is the reason for his trip away. He left yesterday with chills and body aches; evidently extra water, vitamin C, and NyQuil haven't been curative. But he doesn't stop. He leads despite a killer flu. No sick day luxuries. (I do hope no one else gets sick!!)

I have such tremendous admiration for him.

For our 20th, Jon bought skydiving tickets. It took us a while to actually do it, but finally we took the jump at the close of the year. I hope to post pictures soon.

~Katherine

Simple and Profound (Parenting Advice)

2020-02-03T20:20:00.000-08:00

The best parenting advice for every stage of parenting was somehow lost on me in all the counsel I received and books I read over the years. I wish I had made the connection sooner than these latter years. I regret complicating the joy of nurturing a soul and building relationship with long lists of good (and not-so-good) mandates, rather than dwelling on the foundation given to us by our creator– the designer of our souls, personalities, and complexities.

So what is the BEST parenting advice?

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

Simple and profound. Dwell on these two commandments alone and strive to obey; every other biblical directive fits within these. The latest parenting strategies or religious rule-books for behavior modification miss the mark entirely. Our children are not projects for us to put on display, or people for us to fix, or characters to be molded and carved into images that affirm our pride.

Just as in Jesus's day, the experts and the most educated failed to see the point. We all like to complicate things – maybe add to what we deem too simple, or take away from what we think unnecessary – and we craft a system of our own. We are by nature driven to serve our own desires through our own means. It's a sneaky trap, even to those who desire to please and honor the Lord.

So I must ask myself:
Is my love for the Lord what informs and fuels my love for others?
Is my affection for the Savior true and apparent to my kids, or is it merely lip service?
Do my children think/feel that I view them as lesser-than?
Do they think they must earn my love and approval?
Do I actually view them as "neighbors" and fellow recipients of grace?
Is the theme of our relationship compassionate, tender love that promotes the well-being of another; or is it the domination and subjection of one to the other?
What would my children answer to these?

I am not able to attain to the greatest commandments which were delivered through the law and the prophets, and then succinctly summarized by Jesus. Not even close. But in Christ, with the help of the Holy Spirit, we can attain with increasing measure. And because we inevitably fail, we get to point our children to God the Father who parents us both perfectly, with perfect love and tender regard. He will do for them what we cannot. I have failed many, many times. I certainly don't claim to have mastered anything at all. Daily, I sin in acts of omission and commission; I know it, my children know it, and God knows it. There's no secret there.

But all is not lost. Failure keeps pointing us back to God, who never fails and will never fail us. He is the ultimate Parent.

If you want to please God, and if you want to parent well, then Matthew 22:37-39 is the best place to start. Meditate on it. Let it be your main objective and allow its simple framework to inform your decisions and practices.

It's going to be my guiding principle for parenting as I move forward: With the help of the Spirit, I want to love God with my whole being, and love others the way I love myself (or need/needed to be loved). My humanness can only handle simple with regards to directives, but our hearts need profound. The beauty of the first and second greatest commandments is that they display our need for the Gospel (the ultimate simple and profound), which is equally needed by both parent and child.

Does this parenting advice promise to be easy or to "work" by producing saved kids? Nope. Don't trust anyone or any material that makes any claims of "working" at all.

Because we can't look to your own efforts to save, only to Christ. It's ALL by the GRACE of God.

~Katherine

Getaway Pictures, Pt. 2

2020-01-21T00:10:00.002-08:00

Having Olivia home for nearly one month was wonderful. So very wonderful.

Andrew and I were both grateful to have our full team back together. That's right, we have two "teams" in this family that are based on personality type. They are not exactly Type A vs. Type B (it's probably more complex than that), but our household teams are incredibly distinct and our differences play out in so many ways. Of course one is not better than the other, but each team likes to sarcastically make comparisons. Sometimes it's just a knowing look between team members, other times I'll say to Jon, "Um, he's on your team, so you make sense of it," or he'll roll his eyes and say to me, "That's definitely your team."

My team runs orderly and efficiently, and in my opinion, we just plain make sense! Ha. Though we tend to operate in similar manners, we also like to take on physical challenges together. Over break, Andrew, Olivia, and I picked an ab and back challenge. We had many late night workouts, frequently with our muscles hurting worse because of the uncontrollable laughter.

And for the last several years now, January marks the beginning of a structured running schedule for me in preparation for my spring race. This time around I'm adding speed work in addition to weekly milage increase. My goal is to shave off three minutes (or more!) of my half marathon time. It may seem insignificant but it's an elusive goal I've worked at for nearly 4 years. I'm learning the difference between pace, tempo, and fartlek runs. Unfortunately, I still can't convince anyone else to join me, so I remain the sole runner on this team. That's OK. I'm really quite content competing with myself.

There are currently free weights in the garage and more in the living room. It's so fun to see others motivated in their own way, too.

Well, this post was supposed to be about the family trip we took last month and not about teams or workouts! Santa Barbara used to be our go-to place for quick family refreshments when we lived in the L.A. area, and returning for a few days last month was almost nostalgic. As is typically the case, Jon was doing his best to balance family time and work/study obligations, but a change of scenery is always welcomed.

Olivia has always been a willing subject for pictures, so we took a few quick walks without the guys.

Olivia's roommate is from Santa Barbara. The two girls did not know each other at the beginning of the year, but it was a roommate match made in heaven. She and her two brothers spent an afternoon with us and treated us to a biking tour of the town.

Views from the Santa Barbara courthouse tower

Because normality is overrated...

If you don't understand why I run, then you probably don't understand this either. For your sake I wish you did!

Cutie pie

We noted the same things... flowers and towers and clean white walls against a crisp blue sky.

And just for fun, this is us back in the day riding the Santa Barbara trolly (probably just before making the move away from L.A.). My first visit was when Michael was a new-born, and then many family trips followed. Jon and I spent our 10th anniversary here: we rode horses through the mountains, took on paragliding (solo flight), and first-ever surf lesson. We even spent a Christmas here with Jon's extended family the year Jacob was born.

Tomorrow begins a new semester for everyone, and I sense that we are all prepared to bring it on! Is it a stretch to say that summer is just around the corner?!

~Katherine

Getaway Pictures

2020-01-19T23:51:00.000-08:00

Winter break seems long past already, and I sit here tonight feeling grateful that the first two weeks back at our regular routines are behind us. They were a super-charged two weeks with much to attend to; it's a relief to be sitting on this side of the pressures.

Jon, however, keeps moving forward full throttle. Maybe if rest cannot be afforded, it's not truly needed? No, not true. He tried to lay down this afternoon for a short moment before hitting the road once more, only to take a phone call instead. I don't know how he keeps up the pace. As for me, I'll have the bed to myself and I think I just might sleep-in tomorrow morning because it's a holiday Monday. And as I always do, I'll remember to pray for my husband, asking God to grant wisdom to lead and strength to persevere. Sometimes rest comes in different ways than by sleep. Refreshment can come through relationships and conversations, and on Jon's behalf I am grateful for these provisions even today.

We took a few nights away as a family last month, and I'm posting a few pictures before more weeks of time fly by. We spent our first night in Hollywood. We explored that area at night, then ventured up to Griffith Observatory. The next day we walked through down town before heading over to Malibu. Then we travelled up the coast to our old get-away, Santa Barbara, where we stayed for a couple days and rang in the new year. (Santa Barbara pics will have to be posted another time.)

Not all my kids have clear memories of The Walk of Fame, or the theaters, Hollywood streets, and sights in general, so it was fun to show everyone around once again.

Jon took us to some of his old vendors and contacts. He knows this city pretty well and loves it so much. Some of my kids have a natural comfort in the city, while others, like me, have an appreciation that lasts for a limited time.

We made a late lunch stop in Malibu at the fish place we used to take our family to when they were babies and toddlers. Sometimes we'd get clam chowder and take it to the beach. It was like playing a real-live game of Frogger to get across the PCH, so that part of the memory I don't miss.

It's a terrible picture we took with the camera set on the table, but it's my only group shot from our entire trip. Then the camera kept shooting, and some preferred expressions appeared.

Driving up the coast as the sun set was a lovely way to wrap up the day in L.A. The two of us who take pictures insisted we pull over.

Fire. There's always fire when the opportunity presents.

A few closing thoughts as this day wraps up:

1. People are weird and they do weird things. That's surely something we can all agree on, yes? I witnessed some truly weird stuff again today, and remembered that people can be pretty blind to their weirdness. The most astonishing kind of weird is when people think their behavior is acceptable.

2. Being weird is not the same as being original, creative, and different from the masses.

3. I had a refreshing conversation with a dear friend tonight. To speak candidly and openly about the things of the heart with a trusted friend is a gift, but when those conversations are saturated with encouragement from God's Word, it is life-giving. We talked about Christ and his promises to us, we talked about the goodness of God, and about the results of trials. We shared our contentment in knowing Christ still more as a result of suffering. We noted that although God promises to work all things for the good of those who love him, we are not ensured that our trial will give us some sort of award or happy ending or increased virtue or testimony we can share in this life. He promises good, yes, but we don't set our eyes on looking for that good as though it is the prize. In fact, we may not ever know what that good is on this side of eternity. We can be 100% assured that his promises are true, but we are not always privy to the whole story he has fashioned, nor are we to set our hope on finding some sort of reward as though we are waiting for due payment. No, that is not where our hope resides. We set our hope and our gaze on him alone. The suffering and the trials drive us to him. Perhaps this is the good. Perhaps his promise is fulfilled in our knowing the Lord still more, and in a deepening relationship and love for him. Shouldn't that be more than enough?

~Katherine

Training My Eyes to See

2020-01-06T14:13:00.000-08:00

One of the ways I've recently challenged myself creatively is with low-light photography. I've practiced manipulating my camera settings in order to capture light and shadows in less than ideal conditions, attempting to produce a creative image. One of the things I love about photography as an art is the authenticity of an image, especially when that image captures a reality that the casual eye would likely miss. The photographers I hope to emulate are those who can artistically frame and interpret ordinary moments, rendering the mundane beautiful.

Photographs are true reflections of a reality, and it's been a helpful pursuit for me to intentionally look for beautiful things in ordinary places and in difficult circumstances. Truly, over the last decade this has been an intentional discipline of mine (with and without my camera): to look for beauty, to see God's care in creation, to revel in wonder, to name the graces, to count the blessings... to pause long enough find the good in difficult circumstances and ugly environments. It's not about looking at life through rose-colored glasses, but about seeing what is truly there just as it actually exists right before my eyes. This has helped me grow in gratefulness to God.

I'm not the type of photographer I'd like to be. In fact, I don't consider myself a "photographer" at all, except that I take pictures. I'm an amateur with aspirations to learn still more.

After the rain one evening at the close of December, when the sun was setting and the clouds loomed dark, I set out with my rain coat to find and creatively capture easily over-looked charm and beauty.

Our neighbor's trees

The view from the end of our cross street: ocean fog rising above the setting sun.

Weeds against the darkening sky

Succulents in the ditch

A moody sky and afterglow

Night falling

Who would have guessed the liquor store lights at the bottom of the hill, along with the train stop lights where the drunkards gather, would make such a dazzling backdrop? Dead, dried out weeds suddenly look glamorous. It's reality from a different point of view, and I just needed to intentionally pause long enough to see it.

Want more reality? How about when family plans get foiled due to holiday crowds and we end up here instead and every one's grumpy? Let the heart settle and look once more for detail. Accept that life isn't always happy and fun; remember it's not individual moments that count most, but the summation of many moments. Look also for the big picture of life.

Sometimes, I simply have to take the picture I want to remember, even if the light conditions are less than optimal and the surrounding details are bland. There are many instances when documenting ordinary life is more valuable than a creative or perfectly executed photograph. For instance, here, the evening Jacob challenged Jon to a serious game of chess.

The lack of a willing subject can be a deterrent to learning, so I occasionally step into that awkward role. Taking pictures from above the view finder and into the mirror presented another layer of difficulty to low-light, but no one learns without a good challenge. Embracing challenge has to be a way of life, yes? So does getting over personal embarrassment!

Seeing, noting, and capturing something of my actual surroundings is a fun pursuit, but it doesn't compare to being aware of a greater reality. Spiritual reality is of greater importance than temporal and material reality and it cannot be contained in a frame. I often pray that God would illuminate to me something of his goodness and power towards us. I pray for spiritual discernment, eyes that see his beauty, a heart that would be perceptive to his glory, and lips that render praise. Someday I will see perfectly.

"For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part;

then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known."

1 Cor.13:12

~Katherine

Christmas Snapshots

2020-01-05T18:19:00.000-08:00

Over six weeks have past since my last post, and in that duration of time a whole lot has transpired. It makes picking up this online journal all the more difficult as detailed recounting seems a task much too great.

A short, simplified list would look something like this:

Birthdays celebrated

Extended visit of my mother-in-law

Several visits from Olivia, plus an extended winter break

Holiday meals and traditions shared

College semester completed

Decorations and creativity
Gatherings with groups, and quiet times too

Enduring friendships nurtured, new friendships begun

Tearful good-byes to dear friends and comrades

Culinary triumphs and flops: tons of baking, roasting, and simmering

Family laughs, reminiscing, games, exploration (and irritations too!)

A family getaway

New experiences

Good news from afar

New beginnings, peace, and hope

Especially HOPE, because Christ will never fail us.

The six of us took a leisurely drive and walk on the beach in the afternoon on the 25th. I have failed miserably to take family pictures this year (again), but we did take a few quick shots with my camera timer just as the rain began to fall. Our normal Christmas traditions were tweaked a bit this year, but the result was some fabulous family downtime together. It was one of the sweetest days we can recall.

The last several weeks had me pondering the lunacy that we call the Christmas season, left me praying for sincerity of worship, and longing to apprehend the magnitude and implications of EMMANUEL. I've thought about the many things that have come to pass in a decade of time, and wondered at all the probabilities and possibilities for the next. How I wish I had time and freedom to write more here!

I am so grateful at the culmination of another year but even more eager to forge ahead. Onward. I have no new resolutions except to continue keeping on, pressing ahead in the faith and steadfastness won for me through Christ.

~Katherine

Simple Wonderment

2019-11-20T22:08:00.002-08:00

Cooler temperatures and rain swept in last evening, replacing hot and dry Santa Ana winds. It seems appropriate with the holidays just around the corner. I guess it's time to "winterize" and cozy up. I won't complain!

Just two more days and schools will be out for a week, and we couldn't be more pleased. We've been impatient for change. Michael and I drove up to L.A. the last two weekends - I spent time with Olivia while he caught up with friends. Let me just say that driving through Southern California cities in weekend traffic with a student driver is one of the most terrifying things ever. I'm not sure if my heart is stronger or weaker after about 10 hours of pretending I wasn't near death. But I do what I gotta do for my kids, and now Michael has built up more driving experience and I've provided a way for him to build and maintain some good friendships.

I came across these pictures a few days ago as I waited on Michael in the car, sorting through images in a dark community college parking lot. Several weeks ago on a Sunday afternoon, Michael called from the bottom of the stairs saying we should go see the sunset. We both grabbed our cameras and arrived just as the sun was slipping below the horizon. It was a bit too late for the particular sights we hoped to see and pictures we hoped to take, but I'll take any time chasing beauty with my kids. Truly, it thrills me to no end.

He turned and gave me permission to take his picture, and I went and messed it up. So here's a dark silhouette of my tall guy.

He had a long day of school today - 12 hrs. since he left home this morning. I arrived a couple minutes early at the train stop, and in the dark I could see him step off the train with his vintage camera strapped around his neck. We share a common interest in photography, only his is so much more interesting than mine. While I only use a regular old DSLR, he has begun collecting and experimenting with vintage film cameras. It's cool to hear him describe the things he is learning, and so fun to see him immerse himself into a world of vintage-style images. He tells me about things like WW2 Russian lenses, artistic development processes, photojournalism laws, and the repurposing of antique film. He is learning things I've never even dreamed of learning and I find it fascinating to see how intuitive the science behind photography is to him.

Anyway, since I had a moment to post a few pictures and a few words, I did. I typically feel like I should have more insightful things to write when I come to this space, but I've missed effortless posting of simple pleasures in life. I've recently taken some time to look back over the years of my blog journals; it has been interesting to see how my themes and purposes in writing have changed. It somewhat struck me that I no longer have a carefree ease of finding beauty AND writing about it.

So this post is for the simple purpose of celebrating and remembering the wonderment of my people and the blessings all around. Cheers to that!

~Katherine