There are times when values come in conflict. We want honest children but we also want our kids to be respectful of others, and not do anything to intentionally hurt someone else’s feelings.  We advise our kids to be thankful of a birthday gift and tell the recipient that they liked it, even if they don’t. They tell Grandma that her horrible beef casserole tastes great. In these situations, the value of treating others nicely becomes more important than being sincere. We’ve even made up a name of such deceit, calling them white lies to justify such behavior.

Psychologists call this dishonesty “prosocial lie-telling” and it is very common with both adults and kids. Children begin telling white lies around age three. At that age, they are developmentally sensitive enough to be aware of others’ reactions and tell lies in social situations to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. Younger children have a difficult time with lying, as their words don’t always match their nonverbal behaviors. In one research study, kids who told an experimenter that a bad picture looked fine actually smiled less during the interactions than a control group of kids.

I’m not sure how well we could function if everyone always said how they felt. The values of politeness and respect help us get along with each other.  How do you explain the conflicting values of honesty and politeness to kids?

1. Model the behavior you want. An occasional white lie will have no impact on your child’s ethical development if it is an exception to the way you live your life. Children learn from watching us deal with all of the routine tasks of daily life, and will be most affected by our pattern of behavior, not an isolated lie.
2. Don’t lie to avoid tough situations. These are tests of your ethical principles and your kids are watching what you do. Let your kids know that honesty isn’t always easy, and at times can cause distress to you and them.
3. Label and discuss white lies.  If you’ve observed your child lying in order to be polite, talk about that at the dinner table. Avoid criticizing their behavior (since they learned it from you), but caution them in its use.
4. Honesty within the family. Create a family where honesty trumps politeness. This may be uncomfortable for you and your kids at times, but it sends a strong message about the importance of honesty over politeness.

Now that Winter is finally behind us, and longer days and warmer weather are here, it is a great time to make healthy lifestyle changes. With 1 out of 3 kids now identified as overweight or obese in our country, there is no time like the present to help your child and your entire family adopt healthier lifestyle behaviors. The younger that kids learn healthy lifestyle behaviors, the more likely they are to adopt these healthy habits and make it a part of their own routine.

Adopting healthier lifestyle changes may seem overwhelming at first, but here are some helpful tips to make this doable for you and your family:

1. Set a goal. This should be a short-term, detailed, realistic goal, focusing on a behavior that you can control, and that you and your family are confident that you can complete. For example, instead of having a goal, “We are going to eat healthier,” try a goal of “We will try 2 types of new fruits or vegetables this week.”   Accomplishing one small goal, can increase your motivation to continue to set and reach goals in the future!
2. Change your environment.  If your goal is to eat healthier, then get the junk food out of your house! If the less healthy food options aren’t available at home, it is much harder to make an unhealthy food choice.  Set your family up for success!
3. Model positive behaviors.   Kids learn by observing their parents and other adults in their lives. If you want your kids and your family to be healthier, be a good role model and practice what you preach!  We can’t expect our kids to eat healthier, if we don’t ourselves.
4. Incorporate physical activity into a fun, family activity.    Maybe you can plan going for an after-dinner walk or play catch in the yard. How about trying to find a new park or hiking paths to explore as a family on the weekend?  Making physical activity fun, will make it more likely to be a habit to stick around.
5. Be positive!  Changing lifestyle behaviors, can be difficult. Give your kids (and yourself) positive words of encouragement to keep up your motivation to maintain changes. Notice the positive changes that have come as a result of your effort, and make it a point to verbalize the positive changes to your child.

By: Sarah Highstein, Psy.D

Dr. Sarah Highstein is a pediatric psychologist at Dayton Children’s Hospital where her primary role is within the diabetes team.  She received her doctorate at Nova Southeastern University in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida and completed her fellowship at Mt. Washington Pediatric Hospital in Baltimore, Maryland. Her primary interests encompass working with kids with medical conditions and helping families achieve healthy lifestyle goals.

The blog talks about a recent study published in Pediatrics where findings suggest that parents who “wash off” a fallen pacifier in their own saliva may actually be helping their children avoid developing allergies – particularly eczema and asthma.

According to the blog, scientists think that when parents suck their child’s pacifier to clean it, they may actually transfer some of the harmless bacteria in their mouths to their child. These bacteria may actually stimulate a child’s immune system so it doesn’t overreact to things such as peanuts or pet dander down the road.

One award I will never win is the award for keeping Mary’s pacifier, or more affectionately known as “The B,” all that clean.   These findings support the notion that we may be living in a world that is “too clean” – and if that is the case then my home might be a great place to raise a family!

Once diagnosed with Celiac Disease (CD), Julie contacted me. How does she follow a Gluten Free diet?!

What we did:

• I provided Julie with the Dayton Children’s Newly Diagnosed Celiac booklet from our gastrointestinal clinic dietitian and we went grocery shopping!  We went to several grocery stores, reading ingredient lists and comparing them to the VAST list of items that contain gluten.
• We reviewed foods that Julie enjoyed eating and investigated if they were truly gluten free.  One finding stood out: SOME items that were marketed as “Gluten Free” truly were not – simply for being manufactured in a facility that also manufactured wheat!
• I purchased a helpful text: Libonati, C “Recognizing Celiac Disease”. The easy read helped educate us more about WHAT was happening in her body, WHY she should follow the diet diligently and the COMPLICATIONS of Celiac Disease.

When someone lives with such different diet restrictions, they become the experts. Some of Julie’s, now-expert and helpful, hints to eating Gluten Free:

• Get a separate toaster and stop using family’s toaster
• Get a separate skillet
• Make a list of foods you like.  Investigate these food labels to see if they are truly gluten free.  Contact food companies for any questions on cross-contamination.
• Keep a binder for food labels and information obtained from food companies
• Keep handy a list of gluten containing ingredients for grocery shopping
• Try different gluten free breads.  Freeze the bread in slices.  Use as needed.
• Cook gluten free recipes in bulk.  Freeze serving sizes for meals.
• Gluten free foods now available: Rice Krispies, Chex Cereals (minus the wheat), Betty Crocker Gluten Free cake mixes
• Keep your eye open for Gluten Free options at restaurants and bakeries:
  • Fox’s Pizza in Tipp City offers gluten free pizzas and breadsticks
  • Check out Sinfully Gluten Free in Centerville
  • PF Cheng’s has a vast gluten free menu
  • Cupcakes by Kristy in Tipp City makes gluten free cupcakes on Friday’s
  • More restaurants have a gluten free menu
  • Subscribe to magazine: Gluten Free Living

Since Julie knew that Celiac is an Autoimmune Disorder and there is a history of autoimmune disorders in her family medical tree, she watched for signs in her own family. About one year later, when her son was not growing well, she asked for a CD evaluation and he, too, was diagnosed with CD.   As a result of following the Gluten Free diet, his blood levels drastically improved along with his growth in height.  (Interestingly, Julie’s brother has recently been diagnosed with CD)

Then and now, the challenges of her son eating outside the home, in daycare and at school are present. Some helpful hints when needing to follow a Gluten Free diet outside the home for your child:

• Contact the center/school and review their menu and food preparation method. Talk with the main teacher and create a plan on how to provide foods.
• Breakfast – pack GF cereal daily
• Lunch – Check with the center/cafeteria regarding meats as some may be okay. Confirm that the plain fruit and vegetables are really plain. Pack a sandwich or another kind of meat. Is the facility willing to warm things up for the child? Consider packing similar items for your child to eat (ie:  if pancakes or pizza are on the menu, send the same gluten free item).
• Snack – Provide the gluten free snack
  • Keep a box at school with prepackaged snacks so they are always on hand: Jell-O, pudding, raisins, GF pretzels and fruit snacks
  • Direct the teacher to communicate with you about future parties with special foods so you can try to send a similar gluten free item.
  • If going to a friend’s home:
    • Communicate with the family about your child’s diet.
    • Assist with identifying a plan for your child’s meals at their home.
    • Consider sending gluten free snacks, desserts and food alternatives to make the visit a pleasant one.

For additional information, check out Mary Sharrett’s blog “Is a Gluten-Free Diet Healthy For My Child?”

Recipes created for children with CD

Activities to Zucchini would like to thank Julie for sharing her story of living with Celiac Disease.

Research conducted last year by Commonsensemedia.org gives us some insight into this alternative world. Sixty-eight percent of teens text daily and 51% visit a social media site such as Facebook at least once a day. This is scary to many parents, but not to their children. They experience this electronic world in very positive ways. Teens report that social media sites help them feel less shy (29%), more confident (20%), and sympathetic to others (19%).  Kids 13 to 17 years of age report that such sites have improved their relationships with friends (52%) and family members (37%).  Only five percent of teens report that social media makes them feel more depressed.

We worry about things that we don’t understand and this digital world is foreign and frightening to many parents. Here are the four most common mistakes made by parents in attempting to guide their kids’ electronic lives.

1. Prohibit technology. Some parents take pride in the fact that they won’t allow their kids to text or use social media. That may work fine for some families, but please realize that our job as parents is to prepare teens for a time when we won’t be around. Wouldn’t it be better to learn how to manage this technology under parental guidance rather than let kids figure this out as young adults?
2. No supervision. Most parents go to extraordinary lengths to supervise their teens but think little of buying a smart phone for their child, with 58% of teens now owning such phones. At least for young teens, their access to such technology should come with an expectation that parents can access their texts and Facebook accounts.
3. Ambiguous expectations. I’ve been impressed by those parents who have their kids sign an agreement that clearly specifies parental expectations about the use of technology. This may include limits on when phones can be used, access to texts, and restrictions on visiting certain websites.
4. Over or under reaction to mistakes. Our kids are going to send inappropriate texts, post offensive information on Facebook, or spend excessive time on the internet. Don’t overreact to those situations. I admire those parents who can navigate these issues by implementing reasonable consequences. They avoid the extreme of either dismissing such mistakes as normal, or overreacting and taking away a cell phone for a year.

Our kids love this technology and experience it as mostly positive. Let’s help them learn how to minimize the risks when experiencing the many benefits.

Working in a children’s hospital, I see many kids come in with injuries and illnesses that can cause a lot of physical pain. If you think back to a time when you were injured, you might recall an initial feeling of numbness and shock at what just happened. Then, the pain hit and may have even felt quite unbearable at times. You may have begun to worry about whether you were going to be okay. When you got help and aid for the injury, you began to feel better and your wound started to heal. There may always be a scar or the area may always feel a bit tender and sensitive. Although you might wish you never had the experience, you got through it and feel like a stronger person because of it.

The experience of grief and loss for children is similar to having a physical injury. When a loved one dies, it is natural to feel sadness, pain, and many other emotions. These feelings will come and go throughout the rest of a person’s life. At times, the pain and emotions are strong and intense. At other times, the feelings are more manageable. While the emotional wound of losing someone you love can be deep, there are ways to support a healing process to mend the wound and help children cope with their emotions. A scar will always remain and pain and sadness will resurface at times, but with support, children can find ways to keep living and loving in spite of loss.

Eight tips for supporting children through their grief process:

1. Use concrete words like death, died, and dying. Young children may become confused with other terms such as gone or sleeping.
2. Children may need information repeated over and over again as they are trying to make sense of it all. Be honest and provide information in terms they can understand. Use the opportunity to talk about the family’s faith, spirituality, and beliefs about life and death.
3. Give children choices about their involvement in funerals, rituals, etc. If they choose to participate, spend time before the event talking through what will be happening and answering questions they may have.
4. Encourage children to talk about their thoughts and feelings, but do not force it. Inform them that you are ready to listen when they are ready to talk.
5. It is okay to cry and show emotion in front of children. This will model to your child that his/her feelings are normal and allowed.
6. Make available physical outlets for letting out feelings, such as playing sports, hitting a pillow, or going to the playground. Some children also prefer to express emotions through journaling or artwork.
7. Share memories and encourage others to share memories of the loved one with your child. Give your child something tangible that belonged to the loved one to keep.
8. Find ways to keep the memory of the loved one alive through special activities on anniversary dates, birthdays, and other special occasions. Although death has changed the relationship with the loved one, the bond will always remain.

While it can be helpful to find distraction from painful feelings at times, it is important to remember that children can also find relief from confronting grief-related feelings. Author Earl Grollman stated, “Grief is not a disorder, disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical, and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve.”

Some children find it helpful to work through their journey of grief by attending a grief support group. Such groups provide a place where kids can meet others with similar experiences so they don’t feel so alone and different. They also provide the opportunity to express feelings and memorialize loved ones through grief games, arts and crafts, and other activities.

For more information about children’s grief, visit The National Alliance for Grieving Children at www.childrengrieve.org. Information about a local grief support group, Oak Tree Corner, can be found at www.oaktreecorner.org or by calling (937) 285-0199.

By: Candace Beck, Psy.D.

Dr. Beck psychologist at Dayton Children’s Hospital. She received her degree from Wright State University School of Professional Psychology. She is part of the pain management team at the hospital where she helps children learn behavioral skills for coping with chronic pain. Dr. Beck also has an interest in working with grieving children and fostering their resilience. She completed her doctoral dissertation on the topic of sibling bereavement and is an active volunteer at Oak Tree Corner in Dayton.

Multiple times a day I hear, “Mom, Ethan did this… Aunt, Audrey did that…” and so many times I do not want to take action to solve whatever complaint I am hearing. So we have really been discussing what the differences are between telling and tattling. Here are our definitions:

• Telling – you tell on someone when they are at risk of harming themselves, others, or property.
• Tattling – you are tattling on someone when they do something you do not like and you do not know how else to deal with it. You are tattling when you are just trying to get them into trouble.

Telling is okay and we, being the authority figures, need to know about these instances to keep everyone safe. When it is tattling, we all need to take a break and discuss conflict management and how to resolve our differences. Our game plan now is when the kids come to us tattling, we first ask them, “Are you telling or tattling?”  If they are telling then we need to know who or what is getting hurt. If they cannot answer that part of the question then they get one chance to return to the play area and try to work things out without us getting involved. If we have to get involved then there are consequences; either they lose the toy or game they are playing with, or they all have to separate and play be themselves, or they have to take a moment of time out.

How do you handle disputes at your house?

Since 1998, more than 500 children across the U.S. have died from hyperthermia, when unattended in a vehicle. Sadly, more than half of these reported heat stroke deaths occurred when a distracted caregiver forgot their child was in the car or truck. Other heat stroke fatalities occurred when a child was playing in an unattended vehicle and became trapped, or when a child was intentionally left unattended by an adult “for just a few minutes.”

Heat stroke occurs when the body loses its ability to regulate its own temperature. Body temperature can soar to 106 degrees Fahrenheit (41.1 degrees Celsius) or even higher, leading to brain damage or even death if it isn’t quickly treated. Prompt medical treatment is required to bring the body temperature under control.

Even on a mild day, the temperature inside a car can rise 20 degrees in just 10 minutes. On an 80-degree day, the inside of a closed car can quickly reach 100 degrees in the time it takes to run into the store for an errand. A child can die from heat stroke on a comfortable 72-degree day. A child’s body is not the same as adults – it can heat up five times faster than an adult’s.

What parents can do

For every child who dies after being left alone in a hot car, hundreds more are near misses – those rescued before a fatality. Together we can reduce the number of deaths and near misses by remembering these simple tips:

Remember to ACT:

• Avoid heat stroke-related injury and death by:
• Never leaving your child alone in the car, not even for a minute.
• Consistently locking unattended vehicle doors and trunks so children cannot climb in to play.
• Create reminders and habits that give you and your child’s caregiver added security:
• Establish a plan. When you drop off your child, make a habit of calling or texting all other caregivers, so all of you know where your child is at all times.
• Place a purse, briefcase, gym bag, cell phone or an item that is needed at your next stop in a back seat next to your child.
• Set the alarm on your cell phone or computer calendar as a reminder to drop your child off at childcare.
• Take action if you see an unattended child in a vehicle:
• Dial 911 immediately and follow the instructions provided by emergency personnel – they are trained to determine if a child is in danger.

Finally, tell others about the importance of never leaving their child alone in the car and creating reminders to keep all little ones safe. Together we can prevent these devastating tragedies.

Guest Blogger:

Lisa Schwing, RN, has been the trauma manager at the Soin Pediatric Trauma and Emergency Center for 8 years.  Prior to that, Schwing worked at Dayton Children’s for 7 years as the emergency department resource educator.  She has 17 years of adult emergency department experience; working at St. Elizabeth Medical Center and Miami Valley Hospital emergency departments.  Schwing attended Miami Valley Hospital School of Nursing.   She is actively involved in Safe Kids Greater Dayton, a local organization dedicated to prevention childhood injuries and is a certified child passenger safety technician.

This week we are continuing to educate about the importance of bike helmets by launching a new video on bike helmet safety.  This video shares some key statistics along with some tips on making sure a helmet is properly fitted. We hope you will enjoy and share!

By: Javan Conley (pictured with his son Ethan)

In January of 2010 my son Ethan was admitted to Dayton Children’s in Ohio, where he was diagnosed with an extremely rare virus called Viral Myositis with Rhabdomyolysis. Ethan spent 33 days in the hospital, where he was unable to walk and had to be placed on dialysis. He spent 19 of those days in the pediatric intensive care unit fighting for his life. Thanks to the doctors at Dayton Children’s and our strong faith, Ethan’s body was able to fight off his virus.  His story was so rare that it was featured on the show “Monsters Inside Me” this past October.  Ethan beat all the odds and is a medical miracle.  His CPK levels were almost 700,000, which are the highest levels ever recorded in the world.  The life saving equipment at Dayton Children’s and the wonderful medical staff saved my son’s life.  Speedway has been so generous in creating this campaign to raise money for our local children’s hospital.  I’m asking for you to vote daily for Ethan.  If his entry wins at the end of the month, Speedway will donate $25,000 to Dayton Children’s hospital.

Click HERE to vote!

Once you have clicked on the Battle of the Brave tab, you will be able to browse entries, read more about Ethan, vote and share the contest on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Pinterest and/or via email.  Then, set your phone or calendar to remind you to vote once every day, and ask your friends and family to do the same.  Thanks so much!!