She pins up her hair and stands in front of the mirror deciding what to wear.  Her hand immediately goes to her stomach as she turns to check herself out in the mirror.

“Bloated” she thinks and puts on the dress that makes her feel frumpy but hides the gut.

She looks down at herself and then back to the mirror.  The girl staring back at her has confidence in her eyes so why cover that up by dressing down?

Off goes the cover-up and she slips the dress over her body.

It fits her perfectly, hugging her in the right places.  Her hand smooths the fabric over her stomach, which, surprisingly, isn’t sticking out noticeably.

She turns around, focusing on every ‘flaw’ she sees. “What if I get a wedgie? You can see it.”

Then she says “Forget it. I’m wearing this dress. I look good.”

She slips on her flats but eyes her favorite pumps in the suitcase.

“I’ll stand out if I wear the heels” she thinks and then realizes that’s the voice of the girl who used to be.

She isn’t afraid to stand out.

In face, she thrives on it.

Off goes the flats and on goes the pumps.

She stands tall, ready to go.

Walking out the room, she hears someone say “Nice shoes” and she replies with a grin.

“Thanks.”

She walks into the club and ignores her surroundings. She’s ready to dance and have fun tonight.  Anyone looking at her might think that she’s a stuck-up woman but all she really wants is to let loose.

So she does.

If you watch her, you’ll see her with a smile on her face, dancing and making faces at her friend to make her laugh.

Her eyes light up every time she smiles.

And then you see her commanding the attention of 6 guys at once, joking with them and making all of them laugh by making the most ridiculous faces she can make while ‘dancing’.

At the end of the night, she’s smiling from cheek to cheek. Her heels are worn down but her dress is still perfectly in place.

If you saw her that night, you won’t forget her.

The confidence doesn’t lie in the blue dress and pink pumps. It comes from within and she won’t mind sharing her sparkle with you.

You can have a piece of it but you can never take it away.

***
I will have a good recap of my weekend at the beach soon. In the meantime, check out an awesome new project…Who doesn’t love postcards? I know you do so go here now!

www.pqprojectpostcard.com

First of all, if you missed yesterday’s post, check it out here (It’s pretty awesome and positive)

You might not guess it but I’m pretty shy.

…

Stop laughing.

…

OK, seriously, stop.

Let me explain.

I cannot approach people IN PERSON. Online? Sure. I’ll find something in common with them but in a room full of people, it’s usually hard for me to go up to someone and say “Hi, my name is Jordan” because I usually say my ‘real’ name which causes people to do a double-take and go “What?” which makes me even more nervous.

And when I get nervous, I babble. A lot. And I hate babbling, so it’s easier not to approach people but then people think I’m a b*tch because I seem stand-offish.

My life is clearly very complicated.

The thing is, when I do open up and make a connection with someone, even if it’s just for two minutes, it changes my attitude and I seem more approachable and the rest of the event is a breeze.

This kind of attitude makes it difficult for me to make the leap, step out of my comfort zone and go to events where I don’t know anyone, except from Twitter, especially if a group has hung out before.

Last night, I stepped out and stepped into a world of laughter, inspiration and positivity.

If you’ve never been to an nGage event, I encourage you to check them out and attend the next one. I met some amazing people last night, including (finally) Ms. Rasberry AKA Paparazzi, Jaguar Princess, Ms. Parker (and her lovely mom) and of course, C-Natra who finally inducted me into his #TweetPack.  I met a lot of other people and it was interesting to have people go “DCPrincess? Oh yeah, I know you.” (Excuse me?) but I forget the impact of Retweets on Twitter and how social I am on there.
I hope that I was just as social and warm once I finally got over my self-doubt.

(I still haven’t gotten the hang of exchanging business cards or talking about work.)

Stepping out is good for me.  I’m going to keep doing it, even if I find myself drowning in self-doubt because nothing like taking a risk to liven me up.

But y’all better believe me when I say I’m shy. I mean it.

Stop laughing.

So what are YOU going to do to step out of your comfort zone today? This weekend? This week? This month?

I am looking forward to a weekend of being at the beach with one of my best friends and enjoying the sun and being disconnected from the world.

Do one thing that makes you smile and don’t forget to smile at a stranger. Trust me, it’ll be appreciated whether they realize it or not.

Some days, you just wake up with the intention of taking on the day, regardless of that weird dream you had which made you uneasy.

You turn up the music, push your boyfriend out the door and set out to conquer the day.

I’ll be honest.  It hasn’t been me lately but today?

Today is my day.

I am not sure which switch went off in me but I’m finally getting back to my normal self. The “Take No Prisoners, You Can Do Anything” self. The girl who jumps in and asks questions later. The girl who is ready to take the world by the balls.

I may not be at the top of my game lately. I get that. In fact, some people have chosen to identify my behavior as ‘rude’ because I was withdrawn and distanced myself from friends.

A good friend put it best: “It’s not personal, it’s just having to pick up all your pieces before trying to hold them together in front of other people.”

This is me. Finally having picked up some of my pieces enough to feel confident enough to show myself again.

I’ve been working since I was 16 and I’ve always been afraid of not having a job. After I moved out last year, my biggest fear was losing my job and having to move back to my parents’ house.

So when I lost my job, I freaked out but something in me was stirring.

With the help of my amazing boyfriend and the best support group a girl can ask for, I finally realized what it is I want.

I don’t want a full-time office job being someone’s assistant (Unless it’s PR/Communications and I am LEARNING.)

I’ve always wanted an internship but not being your usual college student, I never had the opportunity. To be honest, my parents just didn’t understand.

They still don’t but this is my life.

So I have a new career path. New goals. Renewed DRIVE.

It’s OK to start up small. It’s OK if I don’t have a full-time job as long as I can make ends meet and I am HAPPY.

I have a full-time job building a lifetime of memories.

I have a full-time job going after my dreams.

I have a full-time job kicking ass at everything I do.

The rest?

The rest always falls into place.

***
So, AS I WAS WRITING THIS BLOG, I got a call from one of the internships I applied to this morning.  I can’t give the full details until I meet with her on Tuesday but I got a phone call from an amazing woman who has one of the coolest jobs ever! She told me that I am at the top of her list for internship and if we mesh well on Tuesday, I will be trained by her current interns during that day.

Hello FULL FREAK OUT MODE.

****

Since I lost my job, I wake up everyday wishing I could get away. I feel like I need to just get out of town for a while and recharge.

Find my center.

One of the hardest things has been not having a car and being able to go for a drive or run errands when I feel like it.  The Boy leaves for work at 7-8 am and doesn’t get home until 7-8 pm.  Kind of sucks and it sucks even more since he’s the one with the car. Feeling trapped is an understatement. Of course, I know that DC is a great city to explore and you guys made great suggestions on my last post but between the heat and the need to apply to jobs constantly keeps me away from planning daily trips around the city.

True, I have been dying to visit the museums and enjoy myself in the city and always complain that I have to work but why couldn’t I have lost my job in September when it’s nice and cool? I know, that just sounds wrong but you know what I mean.

Of course, I also haven’t been working out…I mean, this morning was the first time I worked out in a month and I say ‘worked out’ in the loosest sense of the phrase. Slowly though, I’m coming back to life.

Like grocery shopping.  When I open my fridge and am greeted by beer (Mostly the boy’s, I don’t really drink when I’m at home) and milk, with some leftovers, it doesn’t inspire me. So this weekend, the Boy and I went grocery shopping and the fridge is now full of veggies I am excited to use in new recipes. I am not a foodie by any means but I do love cooking. Something as routine as grocery shopping helped me get one more piece of my old self back.

Yesterday, when I went to my parents’, I found my high school yearbook and aimed at finding my center. It reminded me that while I’ve come a long way since then, the friendships have lasted through it all. Two of my best friends are still in my life and reading the things they wrote at the end of our senior year brought tears to my eyes.

Finding my center lies in remembering what matters.

One of my best friends, Jackie, has been feeling the need to get away as well so we’re taking our first road trip (and we’ve been friends for 10 years!) this weekend and hitting the beach for two nights.  I am promising myself to be as disconnected as possible this weekend and enjoy myself, as well as my time with my best friend.

Sorry if this post was a little rambly. I’m trying to do my best to get back to my writing but I’m a little rusty and all over the place.

How was your weekend?

Give me some road trip tunes!!

What is your favorite thing to do on/near the beach? We’ll be staying on the boardwalk in OC, MD.

I’m a kid at heart. I love watching movies like ‘Happy Feet’ and ‘Madagascar’, giggling at stupid jokes and squeeing over the cuteness that are the characters in those movies.

So when I saw a trailer for Despicable Me, I KNEW I had to see it. There was no doubt in my mind.

1) There were the MINIONS.

2) A little girl going “It’s so FLUFFY. I’m gonna DIE”

Obviously I squealed with joy everytime I saw the trailers and really hoped that the movie would NOT disappoint.

Tuesday night, the Boy and I headed over to Chinatown for a 9:30 showing. After we grabbed our dinner (the new Angus Mini-hotdogs. YUMMY), we took our seats and the one of us immediately had to go to the bathroom. *cough*

Enjoying movies like this, I of course also love the previews.

During the previews, there was also an announcement to download the Best Buy Movie App for a special treat during the credits after the movie. The Boy immediately made me download it.

“Do it!”

“OK. Shh.”

“Doooooooo it.”

*glare in the dark*

When you download the app, it tells you to turn your phone on silence, and that it will notify you via vibration when it’s time to use the app and then DIMS THE SCREEN. *win*

So the movie began, and I was immediately in love. The 3-D wasn’t overly in your face, the graphics were awesome and the characters were really well developed.

The minions were the cutest!

It was decided immediately that I am, without a doubt, Agnes. (IT’S SO FLUFFY) and the Boy is a mix between Gru and the Minions. (If you’ve met him, you’ll understand).

While funny and cute, the movie had a heart-warming side to it that wasn’t in your face. “LOOK! A MORAL LESSON! RUB RUB RUB”.

It was tastefully done and they definitely paid attention to the details (minions’ actions in the background, etc).

In the end, I knew that this was a movie I would immediately purchase when it comes out on DVD.

When the credits started rolling, my phone vibrated to let me know that the Minions would come on-screen. I will not ruin the special surprise but what the app does is translate what the Minions are saying on your phone screen! It was worth the download and I’m told that when the movie comes out on DVD, the app will translate throughout the entire movie as opposed to just the credits. As a movie-watcher picky about distractions, I found this to be tastefully done and the dimming of my phone screen was what won me over for this app. I’m looking forward to how they use this in future productions.

After the movie, the Boy and I headed home.  While I was crossing the street and talking about the movie, this following scene happened:
The Boy: Watch out for the car. It’ll hurt more than running into a pole.
Me: That’s why I have a hat on! To protect my head!

When we got home, I immediately went on-line to look for Minion toys and movie posters.  While surfing the posters, I came across one with the Minions that made me squeal because I thought it was in the Minion language.

Me: “It’s in the Minion language!”
The Boy: “Get it!”
Me: “Oh wait, no, that’s Russian.”

Since we saw the movie, we’ve continually laughed about it at random moments. One of those moments led to us having a discussion about what would happen if we could adopt one.

Me: I want a Minion!

The Boy: Find out where we can get one and I will get you one.

Me: But one wouldn’t be as entertaining.

The Boy: Fine, we’ll get two but I have to be able to take one to work a couple of days a week.

Me: But then I’ll only have one left at home. *pout*

The Boy: Alright, we’ll get three.

Me: Sweet!

The Boy: But that’ll be harder to manage. If we have 2, we can watch both of them and know where they are. It’s that third one we have to worry about…you know, the one that the other two will make fun of and shun. That’s the one that’ll disappear and decide to get ‘creative’ and then boom. There goes the kitchen.

Me: *speechless*

The gem of all things Minion came the other night:

The Boy: You know, the Minions are the sperm of short bus riders.

This is why I love this man.

If you haven’t seen Despicable Me yet,  I HIGHLY recommend it!

What are your favorite CGI/animation movies?

Tossing and turning, the night is a blur of nightmares and tension eating up at me. The alarm rings, causing me to jolt up off the bed, reach for it and groan at the same time.  He reaches out to me to calm me down and then hit snooze on his alarm.

My head hits the pillow again, eyes closed, not wanting to face the world. Some days, I stay awake to talk to him as he’s getting ready for work.

Not today.

I fall back asleep, if you can call it sleep, as I wait for him to leave. I feel him going back and forth, getting ready for work.

Sometimes he’ll linger longer because he’s worried about me.

Today is one of those days.

He gives me a kiss on the forehead and leaves.

I doze in and out of sleep for another hour or two and then get up to attack the day.

“I will have a good day” I tell myself.

A bowl of cereal and my laptop accompany me to the same spot on the couch. The dreaded couch.

I check e-mails, open up the saved job listings and work on another e-mail to another job.

A wave of optimism takes over me as I talk to friends.

“I can do this. It will all be OK.”

After an hour of being productive, I decide to take a break. I put my laptop to the side and grab the remote to watch an episode of ‘Supernatural’ on my DVR. (I’m addicted you know).

Within 30 seconds, my DVR reboots. For the next half hour, I battle with the DVR as it refuses to work or constantly reboots.

I can’t even get my DVR to work.

How can I fix my life?

An overwhelming feeling of doom and failure overtake me. The more I try to throw it off my shoulders, the heavier it gets.

I sink deeper into the sofa, into dusk, into my nightmares until he comes home.

Another day wasted.

He holds me close until I drift off to sleep.

Let’s try again tomorrow.

I could tell  you how AMAZING the She & Him concert was last night at the 9:30 club (And I will, another time) but I would like to share with you something that was so unexpected, I am not sure if it’s good or bad that Rebecca was there to witness it first hand.

We get out of the 9:30 Club and make our way to the U Street metro.  On the way, I am naturally talking to Rebecca and texting the Boy to come pick me up when out of NOWHERE (or you know, middle of the sidewalk) comes a pole and hits me in the face.

As in, I WALKED HEADFIRST INTO A POLE.

And I was SOBER.

I kid you not.

I couldn’t stop laughing as I felt the bump grew on my forehead.  Every 2 minutes, Rebecca busted out laughing and kept saying “I cannot believe you just walked into a pole. WHO DOES THAT?”

Well ladies and gents, I do.

I did.

Good news is that the bump that was growing on my forehead was taken care of with ice and anti-inflammatory pills last night. The bruise on my leg is another story…

So yes. THAT happened.

I’ve always been a watcher. I like to observe. I get to know other people’s tendencies and then compare myself.

How can I improve? Why am I different? Is that necessarily a bad thing?

I’ve never thought that I was better than the people around me. I’ve always been the insecure one.

Somewhere in the last year, something changed.

I am observing characteristics in people that are familiar and then I realize that is how I used to be.

Unsure. Wanting to be liked by everyone.

Too cheery, too outgoing, too positive.

Doing everything they can to cover up the uncertainty.

I used to be like that until I learned to embrace.

Embrace who I am and if I need to improve, work on improving instead of wallowing in self-pity or running away from the problems.

And ask my boyfriend. In the last 3 months, I’ve wanted to run away quite often.

Instead, I am embracing.

I embrace my insecurities, own them and make them my own to take the power away from them and others who use them to get to me.

I embrace the fact that not everyone will like me and that is OK.

I embrace my flaws. My imperfections. And then I embrace the positives and figure out how I can make my life better.

The problem with being insecure is that nothing anyone says will get through to you.

You build a wall of self-pity painted with a coat of denial.

So I just watch as my friends go through what they need to before they can take the hammer of empowerment to that wall.

It’s odd. Once in a while, I stop and say “It’s weird not being the insecure one.”

Because no matter how bad it gets, I know that it will always get better, whether it’s in the way I want it to or through a different path.

It always gets better.

***

Psst. Today is the day! Voting starts at 11:00 a.m. ET.

http://apps.facebook.com/zyncmtv/profile.php

Vote for LILU. Let me say that again. LILU. Got it? Goooooooooood.

Sitting upstairs on the corner of 7th & H in Chinatown, I watch the world pass me by.  Sea of people walking to their jobs, followed by a sea of tourists later in the morning. There are others in the Starbucks with me, some studying, some working.  I wonder how many of them are looking for jobs as well.

I made the Boy wake me up and drive me here on his way to work this morning.

“I know myself. I’ll say I’ll go but I’ll end up stuck in the apartment all day.”

Funny thing about unemployment. You  have good days, bad days and the moments in between where you just don’t know what to do with yourself.

All of a sudden you look up and realize it’s 7 p.m., your boyfriend is about to get home and you’re still sitting in the same spot on the couch.

Scary. It’s really scary.

That’s not to say I haven’t been active.

I have about 10 jobs I need to apply to. I should’ve applied three days ago. I feel like a coward because for the first time, I’m actually frightened to apply for a job.  I know my own weaknesses and strengths but I’m feeling intimated.

Last week shook me up more than I realized.

Sure, I started my company and finally started actively looking for freelance jobs as well but who do I think I am?

I went to #SMDay at the Science Club on Wednesday.  There were over 200 people who showed up. 99% of them college graduates who are successful in their field. The field I am trying to break into while struggling to get my life in order.

‘Intimidating’ doesn’t even begin to describe it.

So I’ll keep pushing. I’ll keep applying but I’m scared.

This is the risk I wanted to take but I’m afraid that not only will I struggle but I will fall flat on my face as reality knocks me down.

So many people have faith in me.

Let’s hope that I don’t let myself or any of you down. (Well, except for those rooting for me to fail. I’m OK with letting them down.)

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If you haven’t already, go over to PQ Productions and subscribe to the RSS feed. If you’re curious about the complete idea behind it, read the About page.  Oh and ‘Like’ us on Facebook & LinkedIn please!

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Are you following LiLu on Twitter yet? If you aren’t, you are missing the chance to meet MTV’s first Twitter Jockey before she wins and moves to NY. You better get on that or Edward will be creepily watching you sleep instead of Bella every night.

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For those in the U.S., have a safe and awesome Independence Day weekend!

Oh hai there.
How are you?

I know that I should be blogging more but the fact is, I have been super productive (With a few Supernatural and XBox breaks here and there.)

I am here to tell you about something important.

And awesome.

And SO SO EXCITING.

I have been talking about this for years but last night, I buckled down and finally did it.

First step to my business: Domain name, website and YES.

So…I would love for you to go over there, hit ‘Like’ on Facebook, subscribe to the RSS feed (there’s already a blog up!) and if you’re on LinkedIn, why don’t you find us on there too?!

If you’re looking for me today, I am all over the city but I will be ending up at the Social Media Day @ the Science Club tonight.  See you there!