Dead Broke Bourgeoisie

Being about 'That Life'

2012-08-14T02:29:00.002-07:00

I'm a lame.

I don't enjoy going to clubs, and I don't like bodycon dresses and can't afford red bottoms.

Though I can (and have) rock the hell out of a weave, I've been estranged from the track for some time now.

In a world where being a black woman is defined by hair, shoes and handbags, my identity is muted. I'm sitting back on the sidelines watching in confusion.

What do 'we' aspire for ourselves?...and is it so simple that it can be summed up by being tricked off and swagged out?

News broke this past weekend of a domestic dispute involving the recently wedded Basketball Wives cast member Evelyn Lozada and professional football player Chad 'Ochocinco' Johnson. While this post, or as I more accurately refer to them now as diatribes, is loosely influenced by their story, I'm not condoning any action of violence that occurred. Got it?... okay cool, follow me

We all know the girls out there that love to be seen and feel like they might miss something by skipping out on an event (All-Star Weekend, Award show after parties, fight weekends in Vegas/AC, concerts, etc...) you know, the mixxy chicks, get money girls, or the revolting, #teamBadBitch.... we all know some that aspire to take their place at the top. Or at least be able to chill at a table in VIP and "pop bottles"

So here's where things get tricky. The phrase "about That Life" is fairly new, but That Life is about as old as Moses.

The Life or The Game whether it be a woman hustling a man to get money, a man pimping a woman to get money or a man hustling in the streets to get money, that life or the game will always remain the same. The cast of characters is the only thing that's guaranteed to change.

My understanding of this comes from watching too many inappropriate movies and television shows as a kid and being raised by a woman that was always honest and never took to sugar coating.

There was a point in time when lifestyle portrayed in rap videos was alluring to me. My former teenage self was all about the boys with cornrows, chains and tattoos, while in reality there aren't any boys in high school that have this, unless his classroom was on a street corner.

Therein lies a problem, grown men have and can afford to (or at least front to) afford chains, rims (don't judge it was the early 2000s) and can groom themselves to look the part of what the girls like. And it was those grown men that were catching my eye, and unfortunately their grown asses were looking right back, and pursuing. (We can touch on this later...a completely different monster)

My mom always told me the stories of how her neighborhood peers made so much money hustling in the 80s that it was like a movie. And sure, we can watch Paid In Full or New Jack City and fantasize, but the stories I heard was about girls living in North Philly (her breeding ground) with "pockabooks" (how we pronounce it... ) worth thousands of dollars, jewelry, cars money, whatever they wanted, because they lived that life.

Flash forward to me in 2002, my mom saw that I was feeling myself a little bit. The dudes dug me, chicks were hating (...at least thats how I imagined it) and I could have easily transitioned into the game.

I was given a copy of 'The Coldest Winter Ever' by Sister Souljah.

My vantage changed. I asked questions. I wanted to know why Uncle 'So-and-So' was really in jail and why Aunt 'whats-her-face' was so haggered looking (...like I'd really name names)

All outcomes aren't as dramatic as the movies, but that game is real.

Groupies aren't just annoying fan girls. Some are very sophisticated, smart, and low key. They'd never approach anyone to ask for a picture or an autograph, but they know how to be at the right place at the right time.

Knowing all the pitfalls that come with being in the game, the players have to be dedicated and know for sure that it's worth the risk of getting into it.

I'm too sensitive and self-righteous. Money doesn't mean enough to me and fucking for a few ends, a semi-permanent spot in VIP and a nice bag would feel too demeaning.

But if I could take the, 'I love and respect myself too much' logic out of this situation, I'd be trying to secure my hotel and airfare for next year's All-Star weekend right now.

My gripe isn't that life, or the women that live that life. It's the inconsistency that bothers me. Those that talk the talk but get chewed up and spit out in the end are what makes the game so troublesome. Like they didn't know what they were getting into.

How could I ever judge the players of the game, when you see so many that win? Child support checks? Spousal support?... Roll your eyes if you want, but if you have the mentality of someone that feels that don't have much to offer other than a pretty face and a wet ass (as my mother would so eloquently put it) marrying and getting pregnant by a baller and living off the residuals is a win.

That's the point, it's a tough game, but you make it work.

Evelyn talked the best game of all the Basketball Wives, and for a while, it seemed like she was winning the most.

While compelling, and making for entertaining television, her story is no different than other women that find themselves involved in a relationship with a baller. They met (at a club) he swept her off her feet, she got comfortable and accustomed to the lifestyle, he proceeded to show his ass (cheat, lie, disrespect, etc.)

So she left (before or after his money disappeared remains a mystery that I wouldn't blame her either way) and landed a reality show. From there came celebrity and the introduction to another baller. A bigger one, with more money and a higher profile than the previous one.

Yet, this time things were different, she was bringing in her own cash and didn't have the identity as just some trophy.

So her reputation as a bitter and angry hothead was overshadowed by the fact that this new baller put a huge ring on her finger within less than a year of knowing her. While this seemed strange to the rest of us outsiders, it's common practice for these women to be involved with different ballers, that's how reputations are built and commodity is determined. (There's a difference between the Superheads/Kat Stacks and the Evelyns, but the common denominator is there's always a baller out there that's willing to get involved with both types)

With all that Evelyn had gone through in the past, she was prepared for the role as wife and the temptation that her husband-to-be would face.

She even asked that he be honest with her and to use condoms if the temptation became too hard to resist.

Evelyn even gave an interview where she detailed her sex life that in essence meant anything and everything she could do to please and satisfy him (including, bringing other women into their bedroom) she'd do it.

Then Saturday night happened.

Without going too far into detail, a receipt for a box of condoms was found.

So, speaking from the perspective of someone standing on the side watching the game, what's the problem? Is that not how the game is played?

As much as Evelyn had all of us and herself fooled, she in fact in not about that life.

Being the hottest chick with the baddest shoe game can't protect you from the shock of realizing that all of the material things won't keep a man from stepping out. Shit, even Halle Berry got cheated on.

So what is 'That Life' really about?... and can we as women really handle it?

Remember when Steve McNair was murdered by his mistress a couple of years ago? I bet when she realized he was married, she lied to herself saying that she could handle being the other woman, only to realize that he had no plans on leaving his wife for her, she snapped and took his life and her own.

If she was really about that life, that would've never happened.

'That Life' is a front. Let's be real with ourselves.

Every woman likes nice shoes, expensive bags and jewelry, but what any woman would appreciate the most, whether she realizes it or not, is to be respected. Until love and respect holds more value than a monogrammed bag and shoes that have red soles on them, the game will remain strong and the ever changing cast of players in the quest for 'That Life' will continue to entertain us.

Girls like you...

2012-08-10T19:36:00.001-07:00

To preserve my sanity and as a ritual of self-confidence, I make it a point to not compare myself to other women. It's a lofty standard, and my record is nearly pristine,not counting that one time I walked by Kim K at the Grove and nearly disintegrated into an ugly pile unwomanliness.

Reality show superstars aside, I'm standing strong in all that comes with my experiences (good and bad) with my womanhood.

With that said, I'm compelled to examine (vent, purge, rant...whatever you rock with) about a major pet peeve of mine: Girlish Women.

We all know at least one or two...might be you

At any rate, this isn't an attack (actually, it is. Just going to hit you with a soft blow that won't leave bruising) it's a plea for understanding.

Before I get into my bitter [sounding] rant, let me preface this with some facts: You're winning. You look good, have a great social life and at the present moment are likely excelling financially. Odds are in any typical social setting, the men I'm most attracted to approach you before me and the ones that I'm disgusted by stay far away from you and cling to me. And to be totally petty about it, your pictures on Facebook get more likes than mine. Congratulations.

So here's my question: Why are you so fucking annoying? Like seriously, so blood bubbling, skin crawlingly, teeth clinchingly irritating. Why?

I guess my real question is this: What is the appeal of being a doe-eyed, helpless little girl that extends past puberty?

As a confident woman (am I overstating this?) I appreciate a beautiful, charming and dynamic woman. There's strength in sisterhood. *Cue the kum-ba-yah*

But when I'm in the presence of a woman that defaults to the practice of the using the high-pitched baby voice, the squeling giggle, or by far the most revolting, the pouting of the lips, I succumb to a wave of primal anger.

Strong words. I really mean them though. Not to worry babydolls, the primal anger doesn't reach a level of wanting to be violent, that's a level strictly reserved for people that yawn without covering their mouths. (Just know, if you're ever around me and yawn with your mouth wide open, I'm imagining how great it would feel to punch you in the jaw)

But back to the overgrown Shirley Temples...

Help me understand how I can peacefully co-exist in a world with you.

Other than being a perpetual sex kitten, what are the benefits to your act? Is it to garner attention from the opposite sex? Is dumbing down yourself a part of your scheme to find your Mr. Right? Or are for entertainment's sake, Mr. Right-now?

Or how about in business? We all know people that are deemed attractive are more favored in business (to a certain extent), but how far do you think the sing songy voice tone will get you in a corporate environment? Or is your intent to be wifed up before that even matters?

My [brilliant] theory, you may correct me if I'm wrong, is this: you relied on this daddy's little princess routine as a child, and it worked. In fact, it worked well. So well that it became an innate charateristic of your personality.

There's also the other possibility that you may have been neglected. Not given the full love and attention that a young girl should have, and you do this to compensate.

Either way, here's the thing, why can't you turn it off? You know, like a switch. Turn it on when you're stroking the ego of some poor sap that is imagining how lucky he is to be talking to a girl as beautiful as you are.

But for the rest of us, that could give less than a fuck about how perky your boobs are, that you have a cute giggle, and don't find it charming or even remotely amusing that you don't know the difference between a slam dunk and a grand slam (not that you have to, but it's a tired joke), turn it off.

I know, I know.... strong habits are hard to kick. But please give this a shot. It's so worth it.

Not saying you'll need to speak like you memorized Wikipedia, but it will help greatly to not say 'oooh' after you are given previously unknown information. (Bonus point: before you ask any question, think to yourself, 'Self? Can this answer be easily figured out with the help of a little environmental awareness and good old common sense?' If the answer is 'Yes' don't ask the question)

This was helpful, no? This is probably the most dialogue I had with you girls in a while. No worries, I'll limp back to my dark corner, and let you shine

(P.S. Yes, I am looking at your boyfriend. Calm down, he hasn't paid me a bit of attention all night, you might want to check your homegirl though ;-))

Stay winning... for now *evil laugh*

Nasty Gal.

2012-07-06T23:07:00.003-07:00

Meet Sophia Amoruso.

I find inspiration in just about anything, but what she says in this video really hits home

Moment of Brave Insanity

2012-07-06T21:24:00.001-07:00

A mentor of mine suggested that I start recording myself on video as an excercise of confidence and a way to get my emotions out.

A lot can be said about some of the things that I've posted on this blog (some things I don't regret, some that I do) but, I've never dreamed in a million years that I'd record a video of myself and post it on the internet for strangers to see.

Writing honestly is one thing, but doing a video is another level of vulnerability that I never thought that I'd be willing to challenge.

Well... I did it. I'm absolutely certain that I come across as a damn fool, and chances are no one will likely watch this but me, but it's up.

It's me. Crazy, honest and silly.

After I hit this 'Publish' button I'm going to hide in a quiet corner for a while and pretend like this never happened.

Thee Quarter Life Crisis... and Victory

2012-07-03T23:51:00.001-07:00

Hello out there....

It's been months. Seems like the only time I post on this thing is when I'm in the midst of some life altering drama, unemployed or just have a spark of creative and motivating energy. Alas cherubs, I am able to circle the all of the above circle on this one.

Worry not, the doll of all things hot and messy is doing quite well.

I use the words crisis and drama to describe and outsiders perspective of what might be going on with moi.

To the average outsider my life is shaky. I've failed more times than I can count (probably more than I realize, but my delusions of grandeur won't allow me to conceptualize them) I'm isolated from the people that support and love me most (...ironically, the same ones that understand me least) AND I'm DEAD ASS BROKE.

I get bills every month in the mail and laugh. Seriously, Sallie Mae and 'her' notices... Bitch please.

My career... HA! 3 jobs in the time span of a year. The first one I ran out of like Angela Bassett as Tina Turner when she ran across that highway to escape Ike's crazy ass. The second... FAIL The third?... Man listen. At this point in my life, the 'paying your dues' speech means absolutely nothing. I'll spare the details, but let's just say telling your boss that she's inconsistent, a push over and focuses on irrelevant details is the quickest way to find yourself without employment. It probably also didn't help that I announced that I don't drink coffee and didn't give a damn what the rest of the office has to do to get their caffeine fix.

So here I am. Back to square one.

This post isn't a narrative of my insubordination and failure to comply with corporate culture. It's not another rant meant to inspire or declare myself a winner. The truth is, I believe that I'm a winner regardless of any career achievements I receive (...and likely won't) I don't give a damn about office politics and the ever so sickening 'playing of the game'

I'm writing this as my victory speech (permission granted to roll your eyes)

I celebrated my 26th Birthday a couple of days ago. It was a typically quiet and unrecognized birthday, like all the others (pardon me, I'm the type that gets emo and remembers how unpopular I've always been on the social scene...j/k I have friends!...j/k No I don't)

This birthday stands out more so than others because it marks the completion of 25.

25 was a doozy.

25 was hell.

25 was a blessing.

In a span of 12 months I've experienced every emotional high and low one could ever imagine. Giving you the play-by-play of the events of my 25th year would read as drastically dramatic, bi-polar and somewhat unbelievable sappy Lifetime throwaway. (If it ever come to be, may I request that my part is played by Zoe Kravitz? She's the only one that I believe best embodies my sultry-hippy vibe and old soul yet youthful sensibility. If she's not available, I'll accept little KeKe Palmer)

Surviving 25 and still standing (with my hand on my hip and my new grown woman booty poked out) at 26 shows me that all the cliche phrases we've all heard a million times are so true (cue in your Granmammie's voice: This too shall pass baby)

I will go as far to say that 25 was my life defining year, and standing on the back end of it makes me believe that anything is possible.

I've talked to a few of my peers and they confirmed with me that 25 was the 'What the Fuck?' year for them as well. That is if one is lucky. This year has also made it clear for me that not all adults are fortunate enough to experience this grown-ass graduation. 12 months ago if I was referred to as a 'girl' it wouldn't dawn on me. Try it now.... *wishing a MoFo would*

If I had to go back and relive that year, I wouldn't. It was scary. But what it gave me is so invaluable I wouldn't trade it in for any material possession or super power in the world. 25 gave me ME.

It was the year that I had to face myself upfront without any protection, excuses, validation or backup from anyone. The world showed how cruel it could be and made no apologies for it. Just when I thought I was back on pace there was another curve ball thrown my way. Each one hit harder than the previous one.

Life does not slow down. The world will not stop and comfort you. If you're are lucky, someone will show you compassion, but don't mistake that for a pass to fall back. Keep going.

25 also showed me my weaknesses. It put me in so many uncomfortable and compromising positions and didn't relent until it made sure I felt every jab of all the battles that I'd eased away from unscathed in the past. I'll say honestly, some of the decisions I chose made me disappointed in myself.

I learned that the ones that I've trusted and relied on the most are not perfect, and are not always honest. It's cool, neither am I.

Through all the personal growth that I've accomplished at 25, I will finish off with the most enlightening (at least for me)... It's not THEM, It's ME.

Am I the only one that has the hard time with the following phrases?: Adapting, fitting in, adjusting, accepting my station in life, playing the game....

Yes? Okay, cool. Yeah, for 25 years I've wasted time trying to do those things. Guess what? It ain't happening here. In lieu of sounding like an angry, anti-establishment militant black woman, let me explain.

Earlier this year I read something in Sydney Poitier's autobiography that set me off. A phrase that I've heard numerous times, but never really examined until that moment. The statement read something like, working twice as hard as your white peer to get half as much.

Yeah... Fuck that bullshit.

The day that someone shows me who my white peer is, will be the day that I conform to the idea of playing the role of the non-threatening black girl that won't speak her mind for fear that it will come of as too aggressive. That same day I will pretend that I am quite okay with having the same educational background (Private school and college educated) as my white peer but will settle for making sure that same scatterbrained bitch has a hot pot of coffee every morning while she comes into work 25mins late and checks Facebook before opening her work email, all while getting paid more than double my salary.

No.

Well so much for not coming across as an angry black woman huh?

A well meaning acquaintance suggested that I settle into my station in life. That no matter I hard I work and how much I accomplish, I'll never be one of 'THEM.' He said that once I came to that realization, I'd have more of a concrete path to focus on and won't be frustrated with falling short of my lofty aspirations.

That's good advice right?.... The problem is, I was cursed with the lack of simple mentality.

So my realization that it's not THEM, it's ME is a lifesaver.

The game that I realized I'd been trying so hard (...or not so hard) to adapt to and failing miserably at was not my game. It's theirs'.

The same way that Lebron James doesn't compete with Tim Tebow is the same way I could never compete with anyone else.

My game is very different. 25 was my championship season. The parade happened on my 26th birthday.

Happy Holidays!

2011-12-23T11:40:00.000-08:00

What a joyous and festive time for all!

I'm just so so so so HAPPY! Can't you tell?

It's that special time of year when families get together and celebrate the birth of baby Jesus, the festival of lights in Jerusalem, or whatever it is that we Black Americans are supposed to be celebrating for Kwanzaa.

Princess KimmyKin's shows my exact state of emotions during this holiday season. I'm so overwhelmed I could ugly cry.

Take a quick breather from all of your shopping, family time and ugly crying to check out new (free!!!!) music from Lykkie Li, The Weeknd, new videos from Drake, Stalley and Rihanna and a last minute budget friendly shopping guide

DbbLife.com

DBBLife.com

2011-12-19T12:15:00.000-08:00

I have another website. It will follow the premise that I initially aimed for when I created this blog.

You can find it at DBBLife.com

It's still a work in progress, but be sure to check back frequently for more updates.

*Does a bow and twirls to exit stage left*

I'm a Winner BaYBee

2011-12-19T10:56:00.000-08:00

I'm no actress, but if they ever remake this movie without casting me as Tracy Chambers... (I don't know, I thought about how to finish that for a few minutes and couldn't come up with anything) *moving on*

I am Mahogany... I'm also Mitch from 'Paid In Full' whenever the spirit moves me, but I digress.

Mahogany. The story of a young, vulnerable and ambitious dreamer. Who also happens to be a stunningly good looking black woman...me,duh! (If you could see this Noxzema smeared all over my face and the scarf on my head that makes me look like I sit on my knees and scrub floors for a living you'd be tickled too.)

Back to my Mahogany. My darling darling Mahogany... like I stated before, I am no actress. Nor am I a fashion designer, or even aspiring model (can't even lie, there was a time when enough people had me gassed up enough to think that I could go and test the waters, but honey.... let's just say my high fashion desires were crushed when I saw what an actual runway model looks like in person) *cue the Price is Right losing horns*

Yes, I am Mahogany. How else do you explain the goosebumps and desire to break out in interpretive dance every time I hear the theme song?

No one can reenact the scene above with more realness and conviction than me. Have you tried? Don't. The bar I've set is unreachable. Wouldn't want you to hurt yourselves by trying to be this much of a winner.

You all love me.

Mahogany

Buy Mahogany HERE on DVD.

Thank You

2011-12-09T09:48:00.000-08:00

I wrote that post last night from a very vulnerable place. I don't know what possessed me to copy the link on twitter or even send it to Necole Bitchie.

I did. She saw it and retweeted it.

I want to send a sincere thank you to everyone that took the time to read it and send me kind messages of encouragement. It truly means a lot.

I don't know what the future will bring, but I really mean it when I say I've got my head held high.

Much love and positive energy right back to all of you!

Daina

The Diary of a Failure

2011-12-08T20:32:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, December 7, 2011 is a date that will forever be of important significance.

I got fired.

To say that the rug was pulled out from under me is an understatement. The rug was pulled out from under me, I was bashed in the head with a hammer, rolled up in the rug and then thrown into a trash compactor.

After 7 weeks of being a devoted and self-sacrificing employee, I was discarded like a piece of un-recycled garbage.

I know what most people are thinking. To be fired in such a short amount of time must mean that I was the most horrible, trouble making and irresponsible employee one could ever imagine. Not the case.

In fact, it was quite the opposite.

It was only a week ago that I was being praised for my hard work, eagerness and overall great personality from my fellow colleagues and upper management.

Coming in at 6:30 am and leaving after 7pm to make sure no crucial task was left unfinished, working 6 days during Thanksgiving week and making expensive office purchases on my personal debit card only to be told that I'd have to wait until the end of the month to be reimbursed was good enough for a pat on the back and a 'good job' but not enough to keep one.

So, what happened? How could the new office superstar go from being the talk of the company for all of her great contributions to the tainted slab of meat on the chopping block?

If there is one thing that I've learned, it is to never make excuses in business. If you think you're giving it your all, it's not enough. The same hand that was used to pat me on the back was holding the dagger that stabbed me in it.

Now the last thing I want to do is paint a picture of myself as the helpless victim. I take accountability.

I made the rookie mistake of being too nice and over extending myself.

When you say yes to everything and everyone thinks that their projects are more important than the next person's, it's hard to establish a healthy work balance. Especially when there is someone that takes advantage of it.

And when that someone with a heightened sense of self-importance feels like you've let them down, they will flex their power to punish you. I got slaughtered.

So there I was, in No-Where's-Ville, Indiana for a training workshop being told that 'I just don't cut it' and that I'd be flown back home immediately.

"It's just the way the world is. You're a really nice and really smart girl. We appreciate your time, but we think it's better that we separate now."

And with that I was driving myself in a rented mini-van to the airport. Too shocked to cry or feel anything.

I was numb.

To be honest, historically, I've fallen short of being the hardest working and giving the most spirited effort in anything.

In school I fell back on my natural intelligence. Just doing what I had to do to get by. My high school days were clouded by the mentality that I had "IT" and whatever having "IT" meant that I'd get to wherever I needed to be.

That worked for me until I got that college rejection letter from my top school choice, but having "IT" on my side got me accepted to an equally prestigious university. Lucky me.

4 years later, graduating not quite with honors, but with enough work to not be on academic probation, the economy was dead. I watched my hardest working friends not quite getting the jobs offers of their choice and got nervous about my odds. If they are struggling, how am I going to fair in this tough world that my Mom had always warned me about?

So after a year of being home and not seeing any opportunity for my "IT-ness" to thrive, I ran away. Sort of.

I booked a one-way ticket to Los Angeles, without a job a place to live and a small amount of money saved. I was rich in confidence.

An old college friend let me crash at his place for a bit while he was gone, but it was understood that I had to be gone, or leaving by the time he came home from his job that had him gone for the entire summer.

To sum up my first two years in LA in one paragraph would be impossible, but here are some adjectives to help you fill in the major details: Naive,irresponsible,cocky,complacent,embarrassed,uncomfortable, impoverished,humbled,frustrated,fragile,lonely,lost,whoreish,degraded, grief stricken,emotional,inspired, musical,ambitious,determined,educational,surviving and last but not least promising.

Do you pity me? Don't. Are you judging me? Whatever.

What happened to me yesterday was one of the worst feelings that I've ever felt in my life. Not just because I'm on my own with an expensive rent and outrageous student loans to pay, but because this time, after 2 years of my hard knock struggle, I felt like I got it. This was my blessing. I was making the money that would allow me to redeem my financial woes and finally a job that wasn't just a job, but a career.

My past experiences would not allow me to ever take this opportunity for granted, I worked hard, helped with any and everything that I could and for once in my life became a people pleaser. Something that I always rebelled against.

But alas, my best wasn't enough.

So with so much of my life at steak, why am I so happy? Because, I finally had my major failure experience. I'm now apart of an elite club that includes Oprah Winfrey, Warren Buffet, Steve Jobs, Lady Gaga and countless other leaders and world changers. We've FAILED!

If I could work that hard for a job that had nothing to do with my passions and interests, just imagine the damage I could do for something that did?

I'm thrilled.

Nervous, but not worried. I still have "IT' and Faith. Yep, luck is cute, but Faith is serious.
I'm a prayer, during good times and bad, I've learned to count my blessings. I've got a lot.

The only person that knows about what happened is my mother. She's devastated, but supportive. I'm not making any announcements or hosting any pity parties for myself. I didn't make a grand announcement when I got the job. (okay, that's a lie. I kinda did, but I'm sure you would too)
I know there's people that read this occasionally that know me and I'm not embarrassed. It is what it is.
Those who knew complacent, laid-back Daina can stop clutching your pearls and pick up your jaws.

I'm proud of myself. I left with pride and dignity. I could have 'Jerry Maguired' that whole office, but that wouldn't have changed the outcome. It happened.

My reason for posting this is selfish. I don't want to talk to anyone about it, but I need to vent. My hope is somewhere, someone stumbles upon this and it helps with whatever challenging situation that you may be going through. Life is too short to not fight for any and everything that you desire. Not giving the effort to make sure it happens is the greatest crime that you could ever commit against yourself, and anyone that could potentially be inspired by you.

Most people tell their failure stories after they've made their triumphant comeback.
I'm a strange bird, I want to tell my failure story while I'm still deep in the trenches. As you sit back and watch me fiercely and fearlessly maneuver myself out of this quicksand, I hope you take a moment to appreciate the comforts of your life and the challenges/setbacks that will ultimately make it more meaningful.

One of my favorite songs is 'Happy Feelings' by Frankie Beverly and Maze. The lyrics say "I've got myself to remind me of love. My mind and my heart and I believe in above. And these Happy Feelings, I'll spread them all over the world. I wish you Happy Feelings."

P.S. The whoreish adjective... So it wasn't like full blown, outright, all the way whore. Just kinda like a couple of ho-like decisions. Still judging me? Really?!... what the hell ever you damn prudes!

I Have A Confession

2011-10-07T16:46:00.000-07:00

I like Drake.

I know what you're thinking...who cares? Well, that was a big step for me.I fought jumping on the Drake bandwagon for years now.

Blame it on the ex-boyfriend that resembles him and ignites a blood boiling rage anytime I think of him. But it's not Drake's fault that he comes from the same 'Al B. Sure wavy haired' tribe that my former beau is a part of.

No, I will stop rolling my eyes at his painfully charming and articulate interviews. I will stop gritting my teeth when he talks about his close relationship to his mother and I will quit screaming in a fit of terror every time he ruins a perfectly good hook by singing on it (no I won't that's a lie. Miguel needs some burn, hire him the next time you feel compelled to set an R&B mood)

So yes, I like Drake. It feels so good to say... let's be clear though, I'm not on the bandwagon. Baby steps. He's still not completely THERE for me yet. I'm not riding with 'Trust Issues' Drake. Keep em.

But this Drake?... yes please.

Drake ~ Headlines (Official Video) from OctobersVeryOwn on Vimeo.

I Can't Stand This Woman...

2011-10-07T16:27:00.000-07:00

I can't stand how GORGEOUS she is. I can't stand how AMAZING her performances are, and I can't how POWERFUL/ANGELIC her voice is.

More importantly...I can't stand how PERFECT her videos always are.

Check out what Queen Bey is serving us with her newest visual delight, the 'Countdown' video.

*Thought I was a hater for a second didn't cha?* ;-)

Type F(ail) Hair Care Videos

2011-09-27T17:08:00.000-07:00

How to Determine Hair Texture -- powered by typef.com

I was praying that this was a parody series. Done awkwardly and in poor taste, but a joke none the less. I just can't for the life of me figure out how and why this woman was asked to give a demonstration on determining natural hair texture, while wearing a pack and a half of Spanish Wave from her local corner beauty store. Blonde at that!

There are numerous videos like this posed on this Fashion/Beauty site, allegedly founded by Queen Smize herself, Tyra Banks. The most ridiculous of the bunch award definitely goes to Tonya (see above) and Joann, whose videos were so badly attacked and criticized by Youtube viewers the site took them down immediately.

Check out more of these horrendous tutorials (if you can stomach it):

How To Make Black Hair Look Good (yup, that 's what they really said)

How to Make Black Hair Look Good -- powered by typef.com

How To Do Emo Braids (...right. Because braids have feelings too)

How to Do Emo Braids -- powered by typef.com

How To Straighten Naturally Curly Hair (yup, when she bought that matted Spanish Wavy two months ago, it was naturally curly)

How Do I Straighten Naturally Curly Hair? -- powered by typef.com

How To Calm Down Curly Hair (...this one is just...Calm Down?!)

How to Calm Down Curly Hair -- powered by typef.com

How To Two-Strand Twist Natural Hair (...o_0 )

How to Two-Strand Twist Natural Hair -- powered by typef.com

And thee most helpful of them ALL...

How To Air Dry Natural Black Hair

How to Air Dry Black Hair -- powered by typef.com

I implore you to look at this website and view this shenanigans for yourself. Do everyone a favor and comment on how utterly ridiculous these videos are. Let these fools know just how foolish they are.

We let Tyra off the hook for too long with her rachetness. The time is NOW to bring this to a screeching halt.

If anyone had asked me, I would've told y'all that she needed to be checked after this mess.

Better late than never.

New Rihanna- We Found Love

2011-09-22T11:07:00.000-07:00

The World Wide Interwebs are all a-buzz because of the newly released Rihanna track titled 'We Found Love'...

It only took me about a minute to listen and get the gist...Dance music is here to stay.

What's your take? Have you found love with this Rihanna song?

For more info on the sultry Bajan songtress follow her @Rihanna and while you're at it follow yours truly @DeadBrokeBourge

Miguel- Quickie

2011-09-21T13:45:00.000-07:00

Very Sexy song. Sexy Sexy video...

Except for the fact that he looks every bit of 11 years old.

His name is Waris...

2011-09-21T13:34:00.000-07:00

Who me?...

and I want to be his friend.

Photo Courtesy of The Satorialist.com

Is this life?...

2011-09-20T16:50:00.000-07:00

I went hard on J-Lo on my last post, but this...

My anger won't even allow me to comment.

To be fair, and perfectly honest, I'm biased. I'm prejudice against any and every rap/club dance song. I hate it. (There's always an exception...or 2)

I am a strict and very critical fan of Hip-Hop and Rap music. My musical soul is that of an old hustler on a street corner in Harlem. It doesn't have to all be 'Murda Murda, Gunz, Drugs and Bitches' but please for the love of Ghostface God, have a balance of what is being played on mainstream media.

This is not to attack LMFAO (yeah it is, I used their asses as an example because they make my blood boil the most) but I honestly can't take this anymore.

It's not just the Boogie Nights disco rhymers that get thrown shade, it's the Glue Sniffing MCs that spark my fury. Has anyone else seen this?

My instant reaction was...

But who am I? Everyone has the right to like the music they like and choose the artists they support and listen to. I just wish I didn't feel like I was losing braincells listening to it with you.

J-Lo is Gorgeous...

2011-09-20T16:13:00.000-07:00

I wanted to be nice before I gauged your eyes out and made your ears bleed at this awkward fright fest of an over-budgeted, over-hyped waste of time commercial that doubles as a pointless music video for this cacophony of sound they call a song.

So if you're in the market for a Fiat, some fine Tous jewelry or have a hankering for a shot of Crown Royal Black take a gander.(actually, gulp down the whole bottle of Crown. It'll make the pain more bearable)

At least before your eyes explode and sizzle down your cheek bones your last vision will be that of the stunning ~~Mrs. Anthony~~ Miss Lopez. Unfortunately the last thing you'll hear will sound like a wild Moose mating call.

Window Shop Talk: Fall 2011 NY Fashion Week

2011-09-19T20:05:00.000-07:00

Hey there!

Hope everyone had a great weekend and is surviving through week since we've last convened. I know I said I'd have a post up two weekends ago but... don't act like y'all don't already know, I'm about that trife life. (*rolls eyes*)

But it's not ALL bad since last Thursday (9/15) was the last day of Mercedes Benz New York Fashion Week. So in theory, I was just waiting in the wings while events were happening and now that it's over I've decided to step out of the shadows and have my say. Right!

Although we all know nothing on here is in my Dead Broke price range, I can still press my face against the glass and creep.

I am heavily digging Derek Lam's 10 Crosby line.

I'm a simple style girl, give me a pair of wide leg trousers and a blazer and I'm happy. I love the contrasting stripes and the belt on this look. See the entire collection here.

I also spied moments of homage (pronounce it like this... "oooommmhhaaaggee" and leave your bottom lip hanging) being paid to the era of Stepford Sophistication, the 1950s and 60s.

Check out these fancy schmancys as the trotted for Badgley Mischka , Alice + Olivia and Barbara Tfank

She's ready to do some beehive wig snatching

All she needs is a martini glass and a cigarette holder

I'd rock this in a Coupe De Ville

The Billy Reid presentation was another throwback era inspired collection that spoke to my inner hippie indigo soul (huh? Just let it vibe, it sounded deep when I first thought of it.) I love the wrinkled linen effortlessness of it. I hate looking good without trying too hard and this collection has that energy. The Men's looks are pretty noteworthy too, but I only really focused my attention on homeboy's beard, because if you hadn't noticed I've gotta thing for the facial flow.

Speaking of beards, this Michael Kors man candy is working the well groomed trimmed look, but I pray to the high holy heavens that none of my 'Smooth Groove' candidates will think it's acceptable to rock a sarong and birkenstocks.

I dig skirts. I just want to be the only one in my relationship that wears one

I love the drama of this Christian Cota dress... if ever I had the chance to wear something like this, I'd be the living and twirling embodiment of a Diana Ross drag impersonator. The Marchesa collection also had my mind drifting somewhere deep on the Vegas strip in a hazy lounge with 'Upside Down' on constant rotation.

This look is worthy of "20 Million Lire!!!" *shame on you for not getting my Mahogany reference*

I'm surprised at how much I enjoyed the DKNY collection (no shade hear me out.) I'm not into conventional mall brands. Although Nordstrom Rack and Loehmann's get my coins on the regular, I'm not a big fan of following the Macy's crowd and when I think DKNY, I think Macy's (No shade to Macy's either though....aghh, nevermind)

Clean and Classic never hurt nobody

In other mall brands that get the side eye (but not really, because I'm just bitter that I can't afford it)... I love everything about this J. Crew look

I feel it's my life's purpose not to match...ever. It gives my mom such heartache

Jill Stuart came to win. In my opinion, this was one of the best showings of the week...but who am I? I also adore the techincolor spectacle that was the Milly collection.

Newcomer Kelly Wearstler caught my attention with her mod squad meets Jackie O collection

I can't believe that I'm about to say this but, here goes... I absolutely LOVED all that L.A.M.B. had to offer. Yes, this is the same person that just said I don't like the mall wear brands but I also call myself a vegetarian and have the chicken wing spot around the corner on speed dial. Work with me people. This collection is a great mix of prints, color blocking and classic basics. It's a good barometer for what the general fashion scope of Spring/Summer 2012 will be like. I am NOT, I repeat, NOT going to traipse on down to Bloomingdale's and go HAM on the L.A.M.B rack (ughh... I'm sorry, it's late) but I will keep these styled looks in my mental file folder for future trips to my cheap chic boutiques (that's a fancy way of saying Marshall's or TJ Maxx)

Other notable presentations include the always pleasant Erin Fetherston, Jenni Kayne and her snapshot of what I'll probably be wearing when I'm in my sixties (stylin' on all you blue haired birdies, prepare to hate)
Kevork Kiledjian came strong with sexy dresses that gave fever to my flavor with those high slits and sheer cutouts.
I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for Luca Luca and usually pleased with everything that's done there, this year proved to be no different.

I'm sure you've noticed that I've left out most of the major brands and big name designers... you can go anywhere and find the recap of those shows. My favorite thing about Fashion Week is looking at the shows and presentations of the designers that I've never heard of before, and skimming through the well known powerhouses like the Ralphs, Marcs and Michaels.

Tell me, what was your favorite show from NYFW? What trends are you most excited about for Spring 2012?

Now if you'll excuse me, London is already upon us, I must get back to my window peeping.

Are you following us on Twitter?...

2011-09-09T11:20:00.000-07:00

@DeadBrokeBourge...

just a little friendly reminder ;)

Be sure to check back soon for our in-depth New York Fashion Week Analysis and some more great Etsy finds.

And if it tickles your fancy, I'll post a little somethin' somethin' about me (the voice behind the curtain) *evil laugh*

Happy Friday Lovies!

Cheers for Summer

2011-09-03T15:19:00.000-07:00

I'm sure I'm not alone when I say, "Summer is my favorite season!"

Why of course it is; the weather is hot, the mood is sexy and I'm a summer baby (#TeamCancer salute!)

Depending on what part of the earth you're on, Summer 2011 is rapidly winding down. If you are in the US you know that this holiday weekend marks the unofficial end to our summer flow.

So let's have one final boogie before we have to hang up the hot pants

To any and everyone that's reading this, have a fabulous end of summer weekend. Hope you all find some time to shimmy and shake and give Mutha' Summa' the send off she so rightfully deserves.

Treasures from Etsy

2011-09-01T16:09:00.000-07:00

What would we do without Etsy? This website has saved my penniless soul on many occasions. Finding unique handcrafted accessories is what my bourgeois spirit thrives off of. Getting them on the cheap can only be described as a blessing from the high high heavens.

So when I find my little Etsy treasures, I'm compelled to hold them like secrets close to my heart but I won't do you like that.

In my new 'Treasures from Etsy' series, I will share my great finds with you, my fellow DBBers

First up is Los Angeles based ZahavBlue: click on the name below to go directly to their page to see more items and full profile

ZahavBlue - "Zahav Blue was founded in 2005 by a French fashion designer living in California. Made of vividly colored semi-precious stones, gemstones, gold filled, sterling silver, pewter, copper, wrap silk thread and ribbon; her pieces tell tales of poetry, travel and a longing for all things beautiful."

Some of their pieces are on the pricier side, but if you are into spiritually inspired jewelry I think you'll appreciate some of the bracelets and earrings that are in the $30 range.

The 'Prosperity: Good Luck' Bracelet $18

** If any of my readers are fab Etsy sellers or know of any, please contact me in the comments section and I'll be happy to feature you next**

Free Music!

2011-08-31T14:41:00.000-07:00

If any of you are fans of The Dream or just free music in general, here's a link to the singer's free internet album released yesterday as announced on his twitter page ( @MrTeriusNash)

The Dream's Latest Album Cover

The album, titled '1977' has 11 tracks which includes the standout "Wake Me When It's Over"

This latest effort from the self-proclaimed "Love King" also includes guest appearances from (not so) Big Sean, Pharrell Williams and an introduction to his new protege Casha (might this be the same Casha that was on Yung Berg's single "The Business" a few years back? Hmmmm)

To get your free download click the link below:
http://radiokillarecords.com/
Oh, and hurry! Apparently Def Jam records is not feeling Mr. Radio Killa's generosity. He said that they are trying to shut it down...

Mid-Day Dance Break

2011-08-31T12:33:00.000-07:00

...because you all know we need one.

Hope everyone reading this is having a great day. Let's all get down with our bad selves just because it's Wednesday! Do we need any other reason to celebrate?...Nope. Don't think so.

Check back for more posts this evening! :)

Smooth Groove

2011-08-30T23:53:00.000-07:00

I love older men... especially ones with salt & pepper beards. They are my weakness.

My secret code name for attractive bearded older fellas is 'Smooth Groove.'

Damn Boy!...I mean, Sir

Please understand that not all older men that can grow facial hair are worthy of the Smooth Groove title. No. It takes much more than just being an old man with facial hair.

Being a smooth groove doesn't also mean that you have to have a beard (although, a well groomed beard is an advantage in my book)

It's all about the way one carries himself; like a majestic master of the universe. He's well versed in the art that is life because he's lived it. He's mellow and a good listener. He can suggest the perfect wine for dinner and can wear the hell out of a linen shirt.

His taste is refined and his passport is well stamped.

So I raise this glass of light pinot noir while listening to the enchanting sounds of Phyllis Hyman and I salute you Mr. Smooth Groove.