Dead White Guys: An Irreverent Guide to Classic Literature

Bow to Me, Your New Short Story Queen

2012-02-06T12:09:00.000-08:00

I have been on an accidental short story kick lately. Meaning, I keep picking up books I know nothing about, not reading the backs, and finding out that I MAY LOOK LIKE A NOVEL, BUT NO, I AM THIS OTHER THING THAT YOU DON'T GENERALLY LIKE.

In Our Time by Ernest Hemingway

I am usually all ERNEST, Light of my life, fire of my loins, etc. This collection of short stories left me more ERNEST, get me a sandwich and hand me the remote control. This was his first published collection of short stories, so it was his major reveal as The Author Who Uses All The Declarative Sentences, [stop]. They're all thematically about World War I, so there's that. Chalk this collection up as Very Important because it was Hemingway's debut-ish, but it wasn't his debut to ME and therefore I am underwhelmed. But I can see how America was a bit LOOK AT YOUR LACK OF SEMI-COLONS, COME INTO MY BOSOM. A good read if you're the kind of person who wants to read all of your favorite authors' works, but otherwise unnecessary.

(three stars out of your mom)

A Curtain of Green and Other Stories by Eudora Welty*

Yes, MOAR THIS! I have a weakness for Southern Lady Writers and Eudora! You are my poppet. A Curtain of Green was her first collection of stories, but it lacks that "author's first work" taste. This woman has that magical ability to be both Very Literary and Very Entertaining (a dual set of talents that so many Serious Authors seem to lack). The tales are unpretentious, hopeful, realistic and totally Southern. Eudora is quoted in the introduction as saying "I haven't a literary life at all...But I do feel that the people and things I love are of a true and human world, and there is no clutter about them...I would not understand a literary life." Essentially, this is a nice (genius) lady, observing the world and writing (geniusly [not a word]) about it. Like, there's J. Franzen on one end of the Pretentious Literary Fiction spectrum, and then there's Eudora Welty and her work on the other end. Which is located on a different planet. Anywoot, I was especially fond of "Why I Live at the P.O.,""A Curtain of Green," and "Clytie."

(five stars out of your mom)

*I'll have you know that the "and Other Stories" bit is very small on my copy, so I didn't see it and therefore didn't know it was short stories.

Modern Pairings- Goes Well With Cheddar

2012-02-02T09:07:00.000-08:00

Modern Pairings is an irregularly scheduled feature wherein I read a modern or soon-to-be-released book that is Like a Classic Thing, and then I tell you- Read this, it is like this classic thing.

I'm Sorry, What is That? A Good American by Alex George, Amy Einhorn Books/Putnam, February 7, 2012

Goes Well With: One Hundred Years of Solitude (sans the magical realism), East of Eden, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

Explain Yourself, Upstart: YOU MUST READ THIS *pokes you.* It is a multi-generational saga concerning the Meisenheimer family, starting with the matriarch and patriarch meeting and falling in love in pre-World War I Europe. Love-type shenanigans ensue and they must FLEE to America, where they end up in Missouri. Cue children having, and their children having children, etc. See also: prizefighting, jazz, German food, family secrets, prohibition. Some parts are the heartbreakingest and other parts are the upliftingest and that combination gets me every time. Jette (the matriarch) reminded me of Ursula from One Hundred Years of Solitude, with her iron will and strange (nonmagical) longevity and having to see her family members off to war. The book has the vista-breaking scope and BIG HISTORICAL EVENTS AND HOW IT AFFECTS THIS FAMILY feel of East of Eden, with a touch of the immigrants-making-it-in-America-and-breaking-their-own-hearts of A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (that is not to say that it is JUST LIKE these books because it is very much It's Own Thing, but there are FLAVORS of these, hence "goes well with cheddar.")

I'm Sorry, What is That? Birds of a Lesser Paradise by Megan Mayhew Bergman, Scribner, March 6, 2012

Goes Well With: A Curtain of Green and Other Stories by Eudora Welty

Explain Yourself, Upstart: So, I am a bad reader of short stories. I rarely feel anything past "meh," with the exceptions being Salinger, Welty and Birds of a Lesser Paradise. There's also this thing where I'm not always pleased with how family and motherhood and relationships are portrayed in modern literature because it's so often HERE'S HOW SCREWED UP PEOPLE ARE SCREWED UP and HERE'S HOW MOTHERS ACTUALLY RESENT THEIR CHILDREN and while yes, those things can be true, I think more often life is HERE'S HOW SCREWED UP PEOPLE MEAN WELL AND LOVE THEIR FAMILIES and Birds of a Lesser Paradise is that (and also Welty is that). Sometimes women have children unexpectedly and it ends up being totes awesome (she says as she holds her unexpected twins [not really, I can't hold them both at once]) and sometimes your relationship with your dad is both I LOVE YOU and also YOU'RE SO FRUSTRATING and these stories are those things. And the writing is beautiful. And, like Welty, they are sometimes Very Southern, which I appreciate. So if both short stories AND contemporary literature gives you the "mehs," try this when it comes out. And then come back here and tell me how you hearted its face.

Sad Bastards: Gertrude Stein

2012-01-29T07:04:00.000-08:00

Sad Bastards is our (not regularly scheduled) feature wherein I tell you Five Things You Should Know About An Author To Sound Smart At Dinner Parties.

Mean muggin'.

I had my first exposure to Gertrude Stein when I tried and failed to read Three Lives. That shiz is boring and awful and boring. And racist. But she lived in Paris! And hung out with Hemingway! And Picasso painted her! She has to be interesting, right? Um. Decide for yourself-

1. Stein met Hemingway, Ezra Pound, Sherwood Anderson, et. al. because she hosted salons in her apartment in Paris and she had lots of neat art. And by neat I mean her collection consisted of works of some of the best artists who ever lived, and the art brought the writers. It was like this: Stein lived with art critic brother--> Stein collected fancy art (Matisse, Picasso, Cezanne, etc.)---> Stein became famous because of her collection ---> smart people started hanging out at her house.

2. During World War I, Stein and her life partner Alice Toklas bought a car that they used to drive supplies to French hospitals to aid the war effort. They called the car "Auntie," after Stein's aunt who "behaved admirably during emergencies."

3. She is said to have invented the phrase "the Lost Generation," and was godmother to Hemingway's son Jack.

4. Stein survived living in the south of France during the Nazi occupation, despite being Jewish and a lesbian. Some historians say she wasn't harmed (and neither was her art collection) because she was a famous American. Others say it was because she was good friends with the anti-Semitic Bernard Fay, a member of the Vichy government who had connections with the Gestapo.

5. In 1934, Stein said this to the New York Times: "I say that Hitler ought to have the peace prize, because he is removing all the elements of contest and of struggle from Germany. By driving out the Jews and the democratic and Left element, he is driving out everything that conduces to activity. That means peace." The statement sounds pretty heavy with irony...but in 1938, Stein quietly lobbied the Nobel committee to award Hitler the Peace Prize. In 1940, she compared Petain (head of the French Vichy government) to George Washington.

(for more about Stein's possible Nazi connections, read this from the Institute for Historical Review)

So basically, the Nazis were all this:

And Gertrude Stein was all: I'm in the South of France! I know famous people! At any rate, she was certainly a complex person. My admittedly brief experience with her writing leads me to believe she's more famous for her odd political beliefs, eccentric personality and her entourage of authors than she is for any personal talent she may have had.

Books About Other Books and People and Stuff and Things

2012-01-24T13:26:00.000-08:00

Along with reading the classics, I also like to read books ABOUT the classics for my nerdiness, it knows no bounds. I recently read two that I thought were interesting, so I'm going to tell you about them. Obviously. Because this is my blog, where I tell you about things.

Melville House, December 16, 2011

Kurt Vonnegut: The Last Interview is actually a series of interviews conducted from the 1970s until his last one, which was conducted in 2007. The interviews were originally published in a variety of places (my favorite being a co-interview he did with Joseph Heller that was published in 1992 in Playboy, the topics including blurbing each other's books, whether young women are sexier than old women, and the soul-sucking nature of divorce).

If you're a Vonnegut fan, I suggest you check this out. It's Vonnegut, unedited and unadorned! It's one-liner tastic! Examples:

Interviewer: What is a twerp in the strictest sense, in the original sense?

Vonnegut: It's a person who inserts a set of false teeth between the cheeks of his ass.

Interviewer: I see.

Vonnegut: I beg your pardon; between the cheeks of his OR HER ass. I'm always offending feminists that way.

And also, this gem:

Vonnegut: I think it can be tremendously refreshing if a creator of literature has something on his mind other than the history of literature so far. Literature should not disappear up its own asshole, so to speak.

It should be noted that as the interviews go on, Vonnegut tends to recycle the same stories and jokes. It makes sense- he was getting along in years, was tired of making up creative answers to the same old questions, and his opinions about humanity hadn't really changed. This collection is SUPES funny and a great look into Vonnegut's thoughts on everyday things AS WELL AS, you know, the atomic bomb and stuff.

Penguin, October 2011

THIS IS THE INTERESTINGEST. However, I don't think it will convince anyone who hasn't read Moby Dick to do so, for the following reasons: 1) If you haven't read a book, assumedly because it's long and hard and maybe boring, would you ever pick up a book that was trying to change your mind? Maybe no. 2) Philbrick spends a lot of time saying things like (I summarize) THIS IS THE LONGEST *butworthit* and MELVILLE WAS MAYBE A LITTLE CRAZY *noitsreallyworthit* and EPIC WORK OF GENIUS *butmaybenotthathard*.

Aside from that, if you HAVE read Moby Dick, I recommend this. If you loved it, it will further articulate why you loved it. If you hated it, it's a well thought-out defense that may provoke your thinky bits. He goes into the symolism (or lack thereof) of the white whale, Melville's mania surrounding the production of the novel (anyone else think Melville sounds a little manic depressive here?), the development of Ahab, etc. He makes a good case for Moby Dick being the Great American Novel, not just because it was written by an American, but because it's subtly about America and American values (the real ones, not the Republican ones [no offense]).

Dubliners by James Joyce

2012-01-17T06:44:00.000-08:00

Hey guys. Hey. Remember that time when a literary genius was all genius-y with his Ulysses and his Finnegan's Wake and his I SPEAK ALL THE LANGUAGES and his HERE ARE THE REFERENCES TO ALL THE BOOKS IN THE WORLD? Remember that guy? Well some zombie killed that guy and used his name to write Dubliners.*

*Dubliners was actually written way before those other two books, so maybe the more accurate scenario would be that the literary genius KILLED the zombie and stole HIS identity, then wrote the smart and interesting things.

The book is a collection of short stories about middle class Irish life in the early 20th century. Super Smart Guys Who Have Careers Invested in Saying Nice Things About James Joyce say the stories concern the "stagnation and paralysis" of aforementioned life BUT THIS IS CODE for: these stories? THEY ARE THE BORINGEST.

A boy skips school with a friend and meets a creepy old man and then decides he doesn't really like his friend. A guy doesn't have an affair with a nice lady he meets and then she dies years later and he's like, huh. Etc, etc, etc. Oh, but with alcohol. I'm probably spoiled by Raymond Carver, who writes short stories that are all "here is this snippet of everyday life ISN'T IT HEARTBREAKING/ FASCINATING" whereas Joyce's collection here is all "here is a snippet of everyday life, fancy some toast?"

On the plus side, this has lit a fire under my hiney to finally go read Ulysses, which I hear is a work of operatic genius THIS BIG. I would like to see the difference.

Anywoot, one star out of your mom for all the yawns.

Modern Pairings- Goes Well With Goat Cheese

2012-01-10T06:32:00.000-08:00

At any given moment, I'm reading three books: a classic, an advanced review copy of a book that hasn't yet come out, and a backlist book. This means that 2/3 of what I read doesn't make it onto the blog. A shame! A travesty! Thus, MODERN PAIRINGS WAS BORN *thunder, lightning.* (In really real land, I got the idea from Kit at Books Are My Boyfriends who was all "Amanda, read this book, it is like Jane Eyre," and I was all "EUREKA! I WILL SAY THINGS LIKE THAT!")

Anywoot, the program is simple: when I read a modern or soon-to-be-released book that is Like a Classic Thing, I will tell you- read this, it is like this classic thing. Round One, commence:

I want to live in this cover. I want to sneak up behind the guy and ask for a smoke and steal the lady's dress.

I'm Sorry, What is That? Rules of Civility by Amor Towles, Viking Adult, July 2011

Goes Well With: The Great Gatsby

Explain Yourself, Upstart: Hokay so. The book is about Katey, a young woman who grew up poor in Brooklyn and has moved to Manhattan to work as a secretary in the 1930's. She goes to jazz clubs with her pretty roommate and in their travels they meet a wealthy, mysterious charmer with a secret past. This leads Katey into the world of the Upper East Side, where she drinks All the Martinis and goes to All the Parties. She navigates the world of her wealthy friends while trying to make it big in publishing. It's like Gatsby, if Nick was a girl and was less of a silly wanker and more of a no-nonsense working class sort. AND DID I MENTION MANHATTAN IN THE '30s? Swoon.

I'm Sorry, What is That? The House at Tyneford by Natasha Solomons, Plume, December 2011

Goes Well With: DOWNTON ABBEY, DOWNTON ABBEY! And also Jane Eyre and Rebecca, or Books Where The Nice Young Lady Goes to the Big Drafty House and There Are Romantic Shenanigans.

Explain Yourself, Upstart: Things that happen are thusly- Wealthy Jewish girl lives in Vienna in late 1930's. Hitler goes about being evil and the girl's parents are all, "To England you go, where you will unfortunately have to be a housemaid but also you won't die, so." The girl goes to England and becomes employed at a large, historic Mansion By The Sea, where the head butler is very We Do Things The Old Fashioned Way and the head housekeeper is all I Sympathize With Your Plight But You Suck at Polishing Silver. AND the owner of the house is a handsome, reserved, dashing older man of 40-ish. There is also a SON who is a rebellious, charming, sexy young man of 21-ish. SHENANIGANS, BEGIN. Then the Nazis come.

Sally forth, reading types.

The House of Mirth by Edith Wharton

2012-01-04T06:31:00.000-08:00

Oh, Edith. How did you keep your friends? Since you were Very Rich and High Society, how is it that you stayed that way after writing so many books about how the Very Rich and High Society were mostly idiots? SKILLZ, YOU HAZ EM.

Hokay so. The House of Mirth! There is no mirth. There is only depression and irritating characters. Wharton tells the tale of Lily Bart, a poor and single woman who is still high on the social ladder because her parents were rich (but eventually lost it all). She's like everyone's pity friend, but they keep her around and give her old dresses and feed her because she's pretty to look at and happily loses at bridge and says nice things. Lily Bart has warm fuzzies for a Mr. Selden, who she can't marry because he's not very rich and she can't live without nice hats, even for love. Lily inadvertently gets herself into a bunch of social scrapes with married men, mostly because she's stupid (or not stupid, Wharton wants you to think she's actually bright and just a victim of her desires- WHICH IS STUPID).

SPOILERS. Eventually, Lily has to get a job, but she's very bad at it because she's too much of a Spesshul Snowflayke for manual labor, and then she gets addicted to sleeping pills and dies. SO.

Wharton's point here is that society creates these helpless women who have no skills and are used to luxury, encourages them to get married, and then when they can't (or won't) get married, leaves them in the cold. So Lily is annoying (and terrible to her only real friend Gerty) because she's useless and silly and shallow and can't make up her mind about what she wants. BUT you're supposed to sympathize with her because SOCIETY made her that way and it's SOCIETY's fault that she dies.

Which is mostly true, but doesn't make spending 350 pages with Lily any less torturous. Well, that's overstating. Mildly irritating. Not fun.

As far as the actual writing goes, I wasn't as impressed as I was with The Age of Innocence. Those are some STRONGLY DRAWN characters. The characters in The House of Mirth (with the exception of the good and nice Gerty) are not well drawn. They all kind of blur together. Half way through the book I still didn't really know who was who (whom?). Everyone has this vague Rich And Snarky And Likes Bridge And Money set of characteristics. ALSO, EDITH, YOU DON'T HAVE TO USE EVERY S.A.T. WORD YOU KNOW. For serious. I did a face-palm every time she used the word "desultory."

Anyway, yeah, I get it. Social criticism except not funny, annoying, vague characters. Nice descriptions, a few insightful passages. Not my favorite.

Two stars out of your mom.

On 2012 Goals and Resolutions

2011-12-29T09:08:00.000-08:00

Here's how I generally handle goal-setting and resolutions: I get super excited about something, usually due to outside influence (hellllooo peer pressure, I haz susceptibility). I set goals! I write them down! I put them places where I can see them! I then proceed to completely ignore aforementioned goals and forget they even exist because in the end, I'm going to do whatever the hell I please.

This is not to say I'm against living (reading, blogging) with intention. Looking back on your year and making sure you're on the path you want? Good idea. Planning ahead to make sure you continue on that path? Also good idea. Micromanaging that planning into I WILL READ X NUMBER OF BOOKS and they will all be by authors who were BORN ON A FULL MOON type stuff...doesn't work for me, though it seems to work for a lot of people. This is why I sign up for a million and seven challenges in December, only to forget they were A Thing come January 2.

So, with these personality foibles in mind, I've decided to set resolutions/goals/whatevers based on things that have actually been bugging me or that persistently have come up in 2011. They are as follows:

1. Figure out what to do with thoughts on contemporary literature. Based on my stats for this year, I actually read about half contemporary literature and half classics. I've just been throwing my reviews of the modern stuff up on Goodreads, but I feel like that's kind of the slacker way out. But I don't know if I have the steam to start a whole new blog in addition to this one. I dunno. *CLUTCHES PEARLS*

2. Read The Iliad. For reals, I'm doing this, starting January 4th. The Classics and the Western Canon Goodreads group is doing a discussion-readalong-thingy. The pace is nice- only two books a week- and the discussion over there is always fascinating. JOIN US. *sloshes Kool-Aid on your head*

3. Be more willing to DNF. I've started to master this in December. Since I started working at a bookstore and have access to all these ARCs, I have abandoned page-number rules and just give up when I start getting bored.

4. Let the haters hate. With an internet presence comes criticism. I'm just going to stop trying to answer all of it. There's a line between having a conversation and feeding the trolls. I think I found it this year, and I'm going to solidify it in cement.

I love this guy.

5. Continue the Summer of Rereading. I spent a lot of this summer revisiting classics that I Say I Love But Don't Actually Remember Anything About (including Anna Karenina, 100 Years of Solitude, The Great Gatsby, etc..). It was one of my favorite reading times of the year. I'm going to do it again.

Have you set reading goals for 2012? I would also like to participate in more events on other blogs, including Dewey's readathon, but I can't plan that far ahead. Tell me your goals so I can steal them.

Airing of Grievances

2011-12-23T09:01:00.000-08:00

It's Festivus, that made-up-on-Seinfeld seasonal celebration that includes perhaps my favorite holiday tradition: the Airing of Grievances. Traditionally (and by that I mean "on the show"), the AofG occurs after Festivus dinner, and consists of telling your family how much they've disappointed you. I, like many other bloggers, am altering this tradition to telling the entire world how much it's disappointed me. My Grievances are many, so abandon all hope Ye who enter here (also, There Be Profanity).

1. Authors Can Be Supremely Bitchy. I begin with my biggest grievance of the year. For the majority of my blogging life, I've associated only with dead authors. Their conversation (in my head) is charming, their faults (in my head) are just quirky foibles. But as I come to associate with more and more living authors through work and social media, I've begun to realize that they put on their Bitch Face with surprising frequency. This isn't really different than any other group of people, but again, my sheltered "dead people only" thing I had going there turned my Mental Image of Writer Folks into something totally inaccurate. My idealized version of authors as Benevolent Bearers of Thoughts and Things is no more. I suppose what I mean by this is, Authors Can Be Human. I hate that. BE MY NAIVE IDOLS, PEOPLE. Stop using your influence for evil! Attached to this is a sub-grievance: People Who Won't Stand Up to Best-Selling Authors Because THEY'RE FAMOUS. Vomit.

**In the previous and upcoming Grievance, I don't mean "bitchy" in the snarky-smart-ass-funny way that I usually mean it. I mean it in the judgmental, catty, malicious sort of way.***

2. Bloggers Can Be Supremely Bitchy. I mean, WOW. The book blogosphere is so much cattier than I ever imagined. Here I was, thinking I had found my people. FOR THE MOST PART YOU ARE ALL MY PEOPLE, but there is a surprising amount of drama up in this hizzy. It's a crazy time to be a book blogger, what with the FATE OF PUBLISHING constantly changing and the Role of the Blogger being up for constant debate- this leads to ALL THE OPINIONS BEING THROWN AROUND. Most of the drama seems to revolve around whether or not bloggers are allowed to make money without having "sold out." This holier-than-thou attitude of WELL I BLOG BECAUSE I LOVE IT and if you make $2 a year you are THE DEVIL AND ALSO DON'T LOVE IT AS MUCH AS I DO just ergh. People are allowed to make a living doing what they love. It's fine. It'll be ok. It doesn't mean you're any less Awesome. This is a big sandbox, people. Can't we all play nice?

3. Bloggers Don't Owe Authors or Publishers Shit, So Leave Me Alone. There's been a lot of kerfuffle this year about bloggers/reviewers (whatever) being big fat meanie-heads who shouldn't publish negative reviews. Except if your book sucks, I'm going to say so. My blog is my blog and my Twitter feed is my Twitter feed, and in my space I'll say whatever the hell I please. I owe MYSELF and my READERS the truth about a book. I don't owe AUTHORS or PUBLISHERS anything. ADDITIONALLY, Mr. Publisher Face, just because bloggers accept ARCs does not mean they suddenly work for you. Imposing deadlines on a hobbyist in the name of more free publicity for yourself is SHITTY CORPORATE ENTITLEMENT and you can GO SUCK A DUCK.

4. Amazon. Amazon is a mega-corporation that doesn't care about readers or books and is intent on destroying small business owners across the country. And they're building a distribution center in my city, so now I have to feel it's icky physical presence while it continues to not pay sales tax in my state. Who need roads/schools/libraries when you have bribe money to burn!

5. Pandora's Indie Christmas Station Only Seems to Know About the Vocal Stylings of She and Him. Whilst I love Zooey, I'm tired of her voice.

6. Candy Canes Suck. Similarly to candy corn. Seasonal candy fail.

7. Anonymous Commenters. Anonymous comments are almost never nice. The cowardice of not even attaching your name to your rude comments is astounding. It's not like I'm going to hunt you down and find you because you disagree with me or call me something stupid. Own your snide remarks.

I think that's all. I feel much better- free to move into the New Year with a more even-keeled outlook. FEEL FREE to Air your own Grievances below. I love a good rant-fest. Let's get it off our chests, guys!

A Lost Lady by Willa Cather

2011-12-19T12:42:00.000-08:00

WILLA. Light of my life, fire of my ll...iterary...ness. You consistently amaze me (except for My Antonia, but we won't talk about that, will we? That's a good lady).

SO (spoilers be a comin'). A Lost Lady is a wee little book wherein a Lady marries a Fella. The Fella is old-but-nice-and-honorable and the Lady SEEMS nice but is actually kind of a cheap, silly strumpet. The Fella experiences some financial ruin and soul-crushing health problems but never seems unhappy with the Lady because of his honorable, valiant, never-ending love, etc, etc.

MEANWHILE, a young boy (from whose point of view most of the story is told) grows to idolize the Lady because she is Rich and Pretty and Nice to the Poor Folk. He catches her in all her strumpetness and ALAS, his idol falls to the ground and he is upset. She continues being strumpety until her husband dies, then she moves to South America and marries another rich old man, the end.

(Psst, the Lady is a symbol for the dying valor of the pioneer West as it succumbs to the grubbing hands of icky, tasteless capitalists.) There were a few moments where I, as a modern middle class fan of democracy and egalitarianism, cringed at Cather's classism. It can be a bit, "the boy was aghast at how the Lady let the village boys actually LOOK HER IN THE FACE and EAT HER FOOD when she invited them to dinner, and at how they used the wrong forks despite the fact that their back story included some bits about starving quietly like good poor folk do." Some of those boys grow up to be vulgar and gross, MUCH LIKE THE WEST IS NOW VULGAR AND GROSS DOES EVERYONE GET MY MESSAGE OKAY GOOD.

Aside from the not-so-subtle preachiness of it, I enjoyed this thoroughly. Cather is a master of simple language used to convey the most heartbreaking of things (a literary Thing which is among my favorite literary Things). She lets scenes speak for themselves. She's a master of Show, Don't Tell. If you do read this, don't be surprised if you become a little obsessed with the Fella (the old one with the money and health problems). He's actually the hero here.

Four stars out of your mom

Head desk

2011-12-14T09:31:00.000-08:00

Beware, folks. Here be profanity.

HOKAY SO. Here's the timeline. Amazon offered customers an (up to) $5 incentive to go into their local stores and use their price scanning app, then walk out of that store and buy the product on their website. It didn't include books, but indie booksellers were still pretty upset about it as a business tactic. Richard Russo then published this article in the New York Times, outlining how Amazon was *basically* being a bully toward small businesses, local indie bookstores included. Farhad Manjoo (a technology columnist, say what?) then published this article for Slate entitled "Don't Support Your Local Bookstore" as a rebuttal. It is Manjoo's article I'm about to get all ranty about. I don't promise to be coherent.

FIRST OF ALL let's just talk about how Slate is an AMAZON AFFILIATE. Making money from a company and then publishing a journalistic piece about how AWESOME that company is is SKEEZY and GROSS. Manjoo himself has also written other articles wherein he worships at the altar of Amazon (this one and this one, both of which are about how Amazon's tax dodging is unethical but you should shop there anyway because CHEATING IS THE AMERICAN WAY!). The whole thing is just such an icky ethics violation, I just. I CAN'T EVEN.

SECOND OF ALL, the article says that, when compared to Amazon, shopping in a local bookstore presents "a frustrating consumer experience" because of their small inventory and because humans are the ones recommending books to you. Despite the fact that most indies will order you pretty much whatever book you want ever in life. Despite the fact that Amazon KEEPS TRYING to make me read Jane Austen fanfiction wherein any human bookseller who talks to me for five f*cking seconds knows that I hate that shit.

But maybe that's the problem. Manjoo's big beef with indie bookstores is their "inefficiency." You have to leave your house. You may even have to TALK to a PERSON. PARTICIPATE in your COMMUNITY. Who gives two shits about the human element of the issue (like small businesses in your neighborhood closing and your neighbors losing their jobs) when EFFICIENCY is at stake? And then there's the economic factor- books at bookstores are sold AT LIST PRICE. THE HORROR. Of course, Manjoo calls this a "huge markup" despite the fact that there's nothing...marked up. And of course, he never talks about the other economic factors involved- like how putting your local retailers out of business hurts your town. Or how Amazon bullies the publishing industry because Big Business Can Do Whatever the F*ck It Wants, Thanks.

And THEN there's this crap about how local bookstores aren't an authentic local cultural experience. This is where I really start thinking he's never actually BEEN to a local bookstore. He then admits that local independent bookstores are essential to building a literary community, but dismisses this as an unimportant point. I just. Ergh.

Look- as ranty as I'm being right now, I don't think Amazon is the devil. I treat them like an online WalMart- I fundamentally disagree with their business practices and their effect on the economy, but hey. Sometimes you need something at 3 a.m. and what are you gonna do? Amazon has its place. Indie bookstores have a place. But PRETENDING that Amazon is SUPERIOR to independent bookstores because (as Ron Hogan put it) "they don't have EVERYTHING and they sell at sticker price!" when IN REALITY you're just writing an ad for a corporate sponsor...it's a crazy, crazy low. Slate's unethical, cringe-inducing link-baiting has lost them a reader.

Craps I Hearted and Hated in 2011

2011-12-13T10:12:00.000-08:00

Everyone with access to any medium through which they can share an opinion has posted a Best of 2011 list (including Oprah's defunct book club?), and I am NOTHING IF NOT A JOINER, so. First, I give you a breakdown of what I read this year in percentages (idea stolen from this BookRiot post).

Classics, F*ck Yeah! 33%

Books for Which I Was Late to the Party That I Loved- 27%

Mysteries With Death and the Killing and the Hey Hey- 11%

Books for Which I Was Late to the Party That I Hated With the Passion of a Thousand Fiery Suns- 10%

What the Cool Kids Were Reading (new releases)- 10%

Memoirs/Biographies of People With Lady Parts- 9 percent.

Does that add up to 100%? I hope so because I'm not going back to check.

My Super-Faves of 2011: A Visit From the Goon Squad, The Giver, One Hundred Years of Solitude and Anna Karenina. Three of them were re-reads (everything but the Egan). This is a bit sad-making. I've started to wonder if I go into reading with a kind of "I know already that this isn't as awesome as Anna Karenina, therefore I know already that it won't be getting five stars from me." I must watch out for this. STOP BEING SUCH A SNOB, AMANDA.

Books I Wanted to Commit Violence After Reading Because They Were So Very, Very Bad: Tess of the I CAN'T EVEN FINISH THE NAME WITHOUT GETTING SCREAMY, The Friday Night Knitting Club (that'll teach me to take book recs from family members), Uglies (God, what was I thinking), The Other Boleyn Girl, and Doctor Zhivago. Most of these bad things happened when I ventured outside of my literary comfort zone and into genres I KNOW I don't enjoy because of hype. Hype machine, you are a lying liar.

Books I Didn't Finish: The Thirteenth Tale, Mr. Peanut, and The Egg and Other Stories. Not for me, not for me, very very very bad.

Other Things of Note: I had twins. That's probably worth noting. INSERT BABY PICTURES

Rhett will cut you.

Atticus will also cut you.

WHAT else. I became a weekly contributor to BookRiot, which features bookish commentary that's actually funny and interesting (most of which is written by other bloggers I love, so.). I started working part-time at Fountain Bookstore, a great indie in Richmond COME SEE ME KTHANKS. This is so I can get out of the house and away from those babies (I mean, I heart their squishy faces and toes, but I would like to talk to adults). So yeah. It's been a ka-rayzee anum. A sincere thank you to everyone who has accompanied me by reading this bliggidy-blog.

What was your reading year like? If you've done your own year in review post, put the link in the comments- I'd love to check it out.

The Heroine's Bookshelf by Erin Blakemore; Or, REREAD ALL THE THINGS

2011-12-09T17:40:00.000-08:00

Yeah, ok. I liked this.

Each chapter takes on a characteristic of a modern day heroine, and then shows how a famous author and the beloved classic heroine she wrote embody those characteristics. So the chapter about compassion talks about Harper Lee and Scout; the chapter about a fighting spirit concerns Margaret Mitchell and Scarlett O'Hara, etc. I found the biographical information about the authors to be the most interesting parts- I was astounded to discover that Lucy Maud Montgomery committed suicide, that Charlotte Bronte wrote love letters to a married man (actually, I already knew this but I don't like to read about it because it makes me sad for her), that Louisa May Alcott was a cranky sell-out, and that Laura Ingalls Wilder's daughter plagiarized her work to write her own books. I tend to idolize authors I love (and I love all those authors), so I sometimes forget that they were just people, with their own normal-people struggles, and that they didn't always react in the perfect way I want them to. BE MY AUTHORIAL PUPPETS, BRONTES. Sigh.

The bits about the characters and how they exhibit those traits...meh. I mean, it's not badly written or anything. But I am a literary ISLAND. I come to my own conclusions about characters and then I STICK MY FINGERS IN MY EARS in regards to other people's opinions of those characters.

She didn't say anything I really disagree with, but I don't want to be led there (well, she did say one thing I disagree with- she says that Melanie, while a saint, isn't really a "heroine" when compared to Scarlett. I must point out that anyone badass enough to be willing to stab a Yankee soldier with a rusty sword IN her pajamas whilst BLEEDING AFTER CHILDBIRTH is sufficiently heroic. And she wasn't a bitch, so.)

Anywoot, this is a nice, snuggly book that will make you want to reread All The Things, but not in a REREAD THEM OR YOU SUCK way. In a friendly, DIDN'T YOU HEART THIS way.

*I dunno if this matters, but FridayReads did a promo giveaway of this book a few weeks ago. I am an unpaid FridayReads intern. People seemed excited about the giveaway, so I got a copy of the book myself, from a bookstore, out of curiosity.

Three stars out of your mom

Leave it to Psmith by P.G. Wodehouse, A Review

2011-12-07T14:05:00.000-08:00

I mean, I guess it's funny? Ugh. I'm torn.

Ok, so. Psmith is a sort of English dandy who leaves the fish business and sets out to make his fortune. He turns into a good-hearted con man of sorts (at least in this book). There's a manor. Jewels. Several unrelated characters who all end up knowing each other in funny little ways. Psmith meets a nice, feisty lady who helps him pull his con because it's for a good cause. Obstacles appear and Psmith steps over them debonairely (not a word).

He marries the girl. Jewels stolen and good deed done. Everyone's happy. Psmith is funny-ish in that he always has a semi-sarcastic-but-totally-serious response to the most outlandish of events. It's like watching a stuffy sitcom complete with awful laugh track. SHOULD HAVE BEEN MY JAM but was decidedly more my BUTTERED TOAST, in that is was fine but not awesome, so.

Maybe I should try the Jeeves books? Tell me, people. I thought this was silly.

Two stars out of your mom.

Belated Readathon Wrap-Up With TIny Reviews (Tinyviews?)

2011-12-04T06:26:00.000-08:00

Oh Readathon, you=productivity. I got through six books, which is a personal best *fist pump.* I gave up the ghost at about 10:30 p.m., at which point even the enticement of snacks couldn't make me keep my eyes open. Sleep, you are a dirty temptress.

Hokay, so. I don't remember everything about all the books I read so these tiny reviews will have to suffice.

Howl by Allen Ginsberg: Even! Walt! Whitman! Didn't! Use! This! Many! Exclamation! Points! Also! Your! Hipster! Ennui! Makes! Me! Stabby!

The Snows of Kilimanjaro and Other Stories by Ernest Hemingway: I mean, ok. I'm fine with Hemingway's Manly Manliness in novels, when I'm dealing with one cast of characters. HOWEVER with short stories it's like LOOK AT THESE MEN and the LOOK AT THESE MEN OVER HERE and then OH THESE ARE ALSO MEN because they KILL THINGS. They're written just fine, but ugh. Yes, lions are mighty and killing them makes you feel mighty but that minor female character over there is right when she says that you are silly, so.

Tortilla Flat by John Steinbeck: Harold and Kumar take California.

Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke: Some parts of this are beautiful and very helpful (especially the bit about how to use irony properly without being a soulless ass). But there are other bits where Rilke is all LITERARY CRITICISM IS THE DEATH OF BEAUTY here let me critique this poem for you. Um?

The Waste Land and Other Poems: I have no idea what's going on.

Three Act Tragedy by Agatha Christie: Hercule Poirot (who is, of course, my entire motivation for reading these books) doesn't appear until over halfway through! I feel cheated. And PLEASE Agatha, stop introducing two dozen characters in the first two pages. I have no idea who anyone is ever ever.

Huzzah! I am off to eat the rest of my snacks and probably nap.

Hour 13

2011-12-03T16:58:00.000-08:00

Alas, no pictures, for I am a hot mess and my snacks are sundry and many. I am grazing.

Reading: Tortilla Flat by John Steinbeck. I was going to pause the Tinybeck for it is all WINE and DRUNKEN PASSING OUT and OH that's really it. But I am not an easy DNFer, so. I am still in the Tinybeck

Books Read: same as last time, thankee.
Pages Read: 684
Snacks: Chipolte for dinner. I'm about to have a nice cup of Irish breakfast tea, and then CHOCOLATE ECLAIR CAKE I am excited.

It is VERY possible that this will be my last update for the night. If so, I will do a wrap-up post in the morning when I wake up. I mean I'm very much still reading but my husband is watching college football on the computer and he huffs when I keep taking it. If I do not return until tomorrow, I AM STILL WITH YOU IN PAGES.

Hour Eleventy

2011-12-03T15:04:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm off the floor. So there's that. I've moved on to a Steinbeck novel(la?) because hey, who doesn't love California! Or something!

Reading: Tortilla Flat by John Steinbeck (my first Tinybeck!)

Books read: Three Act Tragedy

The Snows of Kilimanjaro

Letters of a Young Poet

The Wasteland and Other Poems

Pages read: 610

Snacks:

Grapes, gouda, roasted red pepper hummus, freeze-dried snap peas, rocky road dark chocolate bars with marshmallows and peanuts

ALSO I am now going to move to updating every TWO hours instead of every SINGLE hour because it takes so much time.

Hour the 10th

2011-12-03T14:00:00.000-08:00

I am a T.S. Eliot mummy in snowflake pajamas.

Reading: The Wasteland and Other Poems and Letters to a Young Poet
Books read: Three Act Tragedy by Agatha Christie
Snows of Kilimanjaro by Ernest Hemingway
Pages read: 541
Snacks: No snacks this hour. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME *off to nom*

Mine co-host!

Hour the 4 p.m.

2011-12-03T13:02:00.000-08:00

Reading: Letters to a Young Poet by Rilke and The Wasteland and Other Poems by T.S. Eliot. I'm alternating one letter and one poem, which keeps me interested enough in each. And let me tell you, Mr. Rilke, I have THOUGHTS about your words, sir. MANY THOUGHTS (to be hashed out in a future review).

Books Read: Three Act Tragedy by Agatha Christie
Snows of Kilimanjaro by Hemingway
Pages Read: 452
Snacks: Grande iced coffee with whole milk. Starbucks, you are the arrow through my Achilles' heel. I cower before your greatness, etc.

I have no picture because I have entered the Lazy Stage, to be exited when caffeine kicks in.

Hour ?....3 p.m.

2011-12-03T12:06:00.000-08:00

This is basically my life. And that is Rhett because I CAN TELL THEM APART *head desk*

After a great birthday lunch at a local soupery (soupdashery?), we are home and back in our snuggly blankets. I'm THISCLOSE to finishing with the Hemingway, which incidentally I am NOT LOVING. Not because it's poorly written but because it's all the things about Hemingway that irk me (badly drawn female characters and wholesale slaughter of fancy animals in the name of manliness) in VERY CONDENSED short story form. But, as I said, I'm almost done and will soon move on to something less...masculine?

Reading: The Snows of Kilimanjaro and Other Stories
Books read: Three Act Tragedy
Pages read: 399
Snacks: Bob the gingerbread cookie. He was my free birthday cookie at Panera. I will consume him momentarily.

Read on!

Hour the 4

2011-12-03T08:04:00.000-08:00

This is my mustache bookmark. Again, commence with the ignoring of the laundry behind me.

Reading: The Snows of Kilimanjaro and Other Stories by Ernest Hemingway

Pages read: 289

Books read: Three Act Tragedy by Agatha Christie

Snacks: AGAIN TRADER JOE'S, I lurve you. I consumed some of their pistachio and white chocolate chip butter cookies. No pictures, for my camera makes food look not appetizing and they ARE ALL THE APPETIZING THINGS.

ALSO I will not be doing a 12 p.m. update because I will be having lunch outside the house (but still inside my pajamas, I have no shame).

My co-host.

Hour C- First Book Down!

2011-12-03T07:03:00.000-08:00

Atticus tried to eat the book just after this picture. (I put Rhett the first time. I can tell my kids apart. Most of the time.)

Reading: EEK. I just finished Three Act Tragedy and haven't picked the next book.
Pages Read: 249
Books finished: Three Act Tragedy
Snacks: YES. This will read like an advertisement for Trader Joe's: their asiago and chedder cheese sticks, red pepper hummus, green olives and those freeze dried snap peas. AND CLEMENTINE SODA I die.

My co-hosts's updates.

Hour Dos

2011-12-03T06:00:00.000-08:00

Please ignore the pile of (clean, I promise) laundry on my table to be folded (by someone else [because it's my birthday])

Reading: Three Act Tragedy by Agatha Christie. Hercule Poirot didn't show up until half way through the book, which is THE LAMEST.

Pages read: 165

Snacks: I haven't gotten off the couch yet.

Don't forget to check in with me lovely co-host Brittney!

Read on!

Hour Numero A

2011-12-03T05:06:00.000-08:00

Pajamas! Blankets! Boooooks and coffee! This has been my first hour.

Reading: Three Act Tragedy by Agatha Christie (at this hour, I couldn't really handle anything more complicated)

Pages Read: 89

Snacks: Coffee and English muffins, which is a nice way of saying...breakfast? This will get more interesting as time progresses.

Brittney is working on her first update now- she is at The Souls of Thought. While you're there, read her thoughts on The Night Circus. She said all the things I wanted to say about it, but couldn't articulate because I was too focused on wanting All The Food In The Book.

Sally forth, readers!

Tonight, We Dine in READATHON!

2011-12-03T03:53:00.000-08:00

Forgive me.

Whose idea was this 7 a.m. start time for I will punch that person in the- oh. Matter of fact, I wouldn't be so cranky were it not for the fact that my twins are in this stage where they flip over in the middle of the night onto their bellies and then are too tired/lazy to flip BACK over so instead they YELL AND YELL and this was my 5 a.m., so. COFFEE, put it in my veins.

Anywoot, welcome to the Belated Readathon! For those who missed the rules, it runs from 7 a.m. your time until 7 a.m. your time tomorrow IF YOU CAN STAND IT which I, sadly, cannot (this is a prediction). So, finish when you're finished.

UPDIDDLES.
Updates are not required, but they are encouraged. Since I've got the biggest horse in the dog cart of this mixed metaphor, I will be updating every hour (with the possible exception of the 1:00 p.m. hour, at which time I will be out eating soup at my local soupery, for LO! It is my birthday). You can update on your blog or on Twitter where we are using the #readathon hashtag. If you do post an update, you can leave the URL in the comments on my updates or just Tweet them out with the hashtag. This way, there can be much reading and visitation (though comments may not happen until tomorrow for I will be too busy READING ALL THE THINGS).

My updates will include how many pages I've read, what I'm currently reading, the state of my snacks and also pictures? Maybe.*

I believe that is all! If you have inquiries or the whatnot, I will be on the Twitter machine! @deadwhiteguys. Good luck and GODSPEED.

*I stole this format from Raych