Dealing with People in a team-based setting is an important part of people working effectively together. Often teams do not consider what strategies and techniques actually help the team and team members grow and become even more effective.

INTERPRETING TEAM MEMBERS AS BEING DIFFICULT PEOPLE

It is interesting that members of some teams can be seen by other members in their team as being very frustrating and difficult people to work with.

This can sometimes come about because these team members are likely to ask two questions that disturb the status quo. Yet asking these questions is not about dealing with difficult people in the team.

No! It can be these two questions that are asked by those people that continue to help the team grow and prosper. These questions are vital to effective team development and yet can cause great conflict, discussion and debate. And those team members asking these two questions can be treated as difficult people in the workplace.

TWO MOST IMPORTANT TEAM QUESTIONS TO ASK

Now, what do you think are the two questions that these team members ask and that the most effective teams should ask themselves? Every six and twelve months the most effective teams revisit these two questions in relation to how they are operating. Then they tweak, change, alter and then adapt what they are doing in response to these questions. Here the two questions…

> The WHY question. Why are we doing it this way? and

> The WHAT question. What if we did it differently?

THE IMPORTANCE OF CONTINUAL IMPROVEMENT AND SUCCESS

Having run and facilitated thousands of workshops on dealing with difficult people and also on team building it is important that people are not misjudged. Asking these two questions will result in discussion and often disagreement but not asking these questions means that teams can stagnant. Ensuring these questions are asked results in continual improvement and ongoing team success.

So make sure if you are part of a team, that the whole team regularly takes the opportunity to ask and revisit these two vital questions.

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Dealing with difficult people does mean changing the way you react to their often frustrating, annoying and distressing habits. You do want to move from just reacting to these people when they ‘push your buttons’ to responding in a calm manner. But before you change the way you react to these difficult people, there is an even more fundamental shift you need to make. It is often the hardest adjustment to make when dealing with people in any setting.

BUT REMEMBER DIFFICULT PEOPLE ARE EVERYWHERE

But remember, you deal with and handle all sorts of people. Whether these people are managers, employees, work colleagues, volunteers, clients, patients, customers, family members and more. So please remember this very powerful concept when dealing with anyone that you come in contact with at work and in your personal life.

NUMBER ONE MINDSET CHANGE YOU NEED

So here is a powerful adjustment you need to make. It has to do with your mindset. This number one mindset change needs to happen before you continue communicating with a difficult person. You have to let go of the NEED TO BE RIGHT. Yes, that is it! You really and truly have to let go of wanting to be right. Why? Because when your thoughts are fixated on the need to be right you then assume and focus on proving that the other person is wrong.

LET IT GO AND FOCUS ON WHAT YOU NEED TO ACHIEVE

Even though a person can be trying, challenging and troublesome once you let go of the need to be right, then you can begin to discover that there are multiple ways to handle situations. Not just one way and only one way. Not just someone being right and another person being wrong.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT ALWAYS GIVING IN

But let’s be clear. This is not about just giving in to the other person’s viewpoint. It does not mean that you cannot be right and correct about something. It really is about putting your focus on how to deal with the conflict itself rather than just digging in your heels to prove that you are absolutely, totally right.

GIVE COMMUNICATION THE OPPORTUNITY TO HAPPEN

Will this mean that dealing with difficult people it will be easy? Of course not, but it does allow the opportunity for communication to improve as your mindset is no longer inflexible and fixated on the need to be right.

MORE IDEAS AND INFORMATION FOR YOU

Did you found this quick blog post interesting? Then make sure to check out our articles, other blog posts and free downloadable book on dealing with difficult people.

Dealing with Difficult People can become more stressful and worrying when that person is facing the prospect of having a serious illness. All of us become more anxious, worried and distressed with the possibility of needing to deal with a very serious health problem.

NOT KNOWING CAN BE WORSE THAN KNOWING FOR MANY PATIENTS
But can having a diagnosis of a serious illness result in less anxiety and stress, than having diagnosis uncertainty in relation to your health?

A recent study has found that for patients actually not knowing or having a possible diagnosis can result in more anxiety and stress than having been diagnosed with a serious illness.

It seems in dealing with people in the medical setting, levels of anxiety are higher where there is diagnosis uncertainty.

WHAT THE RESEARCH SHOWS ABOUT ANXIETY

Dr Eliva Lang and her colleague at the Harvard Medical School in Boston conducted a study involving 214 women with one group waiting to undertake treament for cancer or an unterine fibroid tumor. 

With another group having a breast biopsy and therefore an uncertain diagnosis at that stage. Before undertaking medical treatments and procedures the participants underwent tests measuring their levels of anxiety and also other tests.

THE RESULTS MAKE INTERESTING READING TO CONSIDER

In this research it was identified that those women attending for a breast biopsy and so were uncertain about their diagnosis, then these woman experienced largely higher levels of anxiety and feeling little control over the situation. This was compared to those women who have been diagnosed before and were experiencing treatment for malignant cancer and fibroids. According to Dr Lang, when patients receive a diagnosis despite its negativity and confirmation of a serious illness, these patients did find understanding and some control over their situation and treatment options.

DEALING WITH PEOPLE AND THE LANGUAGE USED

Dr Lang also confirmed that when dealing with people and patient anxiety rather than using words such as “it will only hurt a little bit” words such as “hurt” should be left out of explanations. Rather very clear comfort-based words need to be used that focus on the personal strengths of patients in handling the issues.

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE AND ADVICE

This research also has implications for you in dealing with difficult people who are patients or loved ones who have become patients. Be aware that their anxiety and stress levels will be raised, particularly in situations with an uncertain diagnosis. Be prepared to use truthful, honest and clear language and remind them of their ability to handle whatever diagnosis and circumstances will occur.

MORE IDEAS FOR YOU ON MANAGING DIFFICULT PEOPLE

We have many more ideas for you on dealing with frustrating, upsetting and stressful people in your life. You can read more posts on managing difficult people and even more other articles about the actions of difficult people.

Managing difficult people is hard work for all of us. We have already considered many of the 12 Steps in Preparation and Planning in Managing Difficult People. We have looked more closely at many of these steps in different posts – Steps 1 to 2; Steps 3 to 4; Steps 5 to 6; Steps 7 to 8 and Steps 9 and 10. Now in this blog post we will now be considering the Steps 11 to 12, the final steps in managing difficult people.

STEP 11 AND THE IMPORTANCE OF HAVING EMPATHY

It is important when dealing with difficult people, no matter how very difficult that you understand that you are dealing with a human being. Human beings are not robots and they are complex, and are not just black and white. Everyone has both their weaknesses and areas that are their strengths. So when managing difficult people it is important to have and show empathy to their feelings. The Collins English Dictionary explains that empathy is “the power of understanding and imaginatively entering into another person’s feelings”. This does not mean the you excuse their attitude or behavior but do have empathy in communicating with such difficult people.

STEP 12 AND THE NEED TO PREPARE TO DIG DEEPER THAN THE SURFACE

Managing difficult people requires that you are also prepared to go beyond the tip the iceberg. This means to go below the image people present and the actions that people show on the surface. To go underneath and to try and really understand why a person is behaving in a certain way.

What are the underlying motivations, reasons and feelings that result in how this person behaves towards you and others. When you go deeper you can sometimes understand why a difficult person is like they are. There are no guarantees at all. But always try and see below the surface when working with and managing difficult people.

THE FOUNDATIONS OF YOUR FUTURE SUCCESS

Using and taking on board these 12 steps is the foundation to ensure your success in dealing with difficult people in your personal life and in your working life, managing difficult people.

Managing difficult people is without a doubt, an absolute challenge for all of us. We have previously looked at many of the 12 Steps in Preparation and Planning in Managing Difficult People. We have looked more closely at many of these steps in different posts – Steps 1 to 2; Steps 3 to 4; Steps 5 to 6; and Steps 7 to 8. Now in this blog post we will now be considering the Steps 9 to 10 in managing difficult people.

STEP 9 IN AIMING TO BE OPEN AND HONEST AND NO MUDDY WATERS

Do not get caught up in playing mind games and swimming in muddy water when Dealing with Difficult People. This will claim all your time and energy and divert your focus from actually dealing with people. Decide that your actual aim and goal to be as open and honest as you possibly can and keep the waters clean and clear.

Attempting to be deceptive will seriously damage your reputation with everyone else. Remember a good reputation can take years to develop and minutes to destroy. So don’t get involved in trying to play deceptive games, it is just too exhausting to be dishonest.

Be yourself and be clear, honest and open in all your relationships with people in your personal and working life.

STEP 10 IN ALWAYS BEING RESPECTFUL OF OTHER PEOPLE

Along with your determination to remain honest and open, goes the need to be respectful. Dealing with difficult people always stretches your ability to still be respectful towards these people that you find so frustrating and so annoying. But be aware, abusing other people and being disrepectful only confirms a lack of control on your part. Make sure to strive, no matter how very hard it seems to always be respectful in your communication in dealing with people, particularly those who truly stretch your patience to the limit. This does not mean that you put up with unacceptable behaviour from others. But it does mean that you do not resort to similar unacceptable behaviour as these difficult people.

TWO FINAL STEPS IN MANAGING DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Certainly difficult people do always make it a real challenge to remain honest, open and respectful. But this must be your own personal goal. Now in the next post we’ll consider the final two steps in your 12 steps in preparing and planning for managing difficult people.

Managing difficult people and dealing with difficult people in your life can be a real battle.  In several previous posts we discussed Managing Difficult People Steps 1 to 2;  Steps 3 to 4 and Steps 5 to 6. In this post we will look a little more closely at two further steps in the 12 Steps in planning and preparation for managing difficult people.  Here are the Steps 7 to 8…

STEP 7 IN LOOKING FROM THE OUTSIDE IN ON THE SITUATION

Try and step back and look at the situation from the outside looking in.  Difficult people can drive you to drink, so looking on as if you were an observer can be very helpful.  This will help you see the bigger picture in dealing with difficult people. 

Looking from the outside in allows you to work at seeing a wider perspective in the overall situation.  It also helps to you to detach a bit more emotionally from the situation and relationship with this person.  You can then start to think a bit more clearly about what you are going to do about the situation as if you were separate from the circumstances and able to give unemotional advice.

STEP 8 IN CHOOSING YOUR BATTLES VERY CAREFULLY

Too many of us in managing difficult people go into battle over everything.  This increases your anxiety, stress and frustration.  Decide carefully what issues you need to pursue and what you just need to let go.  Sometimes in dealing with difficult people, you see everything they do in a negative light.  You are then constantly fighting battles with them about everything.

SMALLER ISSUES THAT DID NOT BOTHER YOU

Smaller issues you would otherwise easily let go, now become part of a constant battleground.  Behavior in others that you would ignore, become a focus for you with this particular frustrating person.  So be determined to only choose the most vital and important battles to pursue.  Make sure to choose only a few well defined battles and not react to everything.

FURTHER IDEAS COMING IN HANDLING DIFFICULT PEOPLE

There are more ideas to come. In our next post we will discuss more steps from the 12 steps for you in managing difficult people.

In the two previous posts on managing difficult people and involving the 12 steps in preparation and planning we discussed the first 4 steps in dealing with difficult people like this. You can read other difficult people blog posts.

Now let us consider some further steps for you in managing those difficult people that are in your life either at work or in your personal sphere.  Let us look at Steps 5 and 6.

STEP 5 IN STAYING AS VERY OBJECTIVE AS YOU CAN

Set yourself a goal in managing people that you find difficult, frustrating, anxiety-producing and stressful.  Aim to be as objective as you possibly can.  Work on removing as much subjectivity as you can in handling these people.  The truth is that the more subjective you are, then the more emotional you will be.  Once you do become highly subjective and emotional then you are no longer able to really think or act clearly.  So aim to stay in control of your emotions and remain objective by trying to look at the facts, not your emotional reactions to that person and situation.

STEP 6 IN REMAINING CALM AND PROFESSIONAL

In truth, remaining objective and unemotional is not easy to do.  But part of the process in your planning and preparation in managing difficult people is to stay as calm and collected as possible.  To help you remain objective it really helps if you think of yourself as a cool, calm and collected professional.  Not a cold and heartless one.  But calm and professional in how you handle other people at work and in your personal life.

MORE IDEAS TO COME IN HANDLING DIFFICULT PEOPLE

There are more ideas to come.  In our next post we will discover two more steps from the 12 steps for you in your working and personal life and managing difficult people. If you have comments or thoughts from your own experience in dealing with difficult people then add your comments below.

Managing difficult people and the 12 steps in planning and preparation is something we talked about in the previous difficult people post.  We considered Steps 1 and 2 in the previous post, let’s learn more about Steps 3 and 4.

STEP 3 IN CHANGING YOUR MINDSET ABOUT THESE PEOPLE

We have often discussed the power of your mind in relation to dealing with difficult people. Let’s take this further.

Most often we consider these really difficult people to be a big problem.  They are seen as frustrating, demanding and very stressful.  However, if you decide to change your mindset and outlook, you will change the way you then respond in handling difficult people. 

What if you decide that the difficult people that come into your life are not problems but challenges for you? 

They are there for you to learn some very important lessons and challenge yourself to deal with difficult people now and in the future.

STEP 4 IN CHANGING YOUR RESPONSES TO OTHERS

When you change your mindset, then this automatically changes your responses in dealing with people.  If you look upon it all as a challenge then you will look for new ways to change your responses and behavior to meet these challenges.  Your altered outlook will ensure that you are now searching for more effective strategies in handling difficult people.

MORE IDEAS IN DEALING WITH PEOPLE

In our next post we’ll explore more ideas on the 12 steps for you in your personal and working life and managing difficult people.

Managing difficult people requires both skill and persistence. In reality, managing and supervising people in general also requires many skills and much patience and determination.

MANAGING DIFFICULT PEOPLE AND THE 12 STEPS YOU NEED

In the previous difficult people post we talked about the article on managing difficult people and the importance of preparation and planning. I want to expand a little more on each of the 12 steps from this article.

Let’s start with the first 2 important steps and we’ll examine the other steps in further blog posts.

STEP 1 IN LISTENING WITH BOTH YOUR EYES AND EARS

In previous blog posts we’ve discussed listening with your eyes. Yet many people still do not understand just how important this skill is in handling difficult people. If you were to ask, “what should I concentrate on more – the words someone is saying or their body language?”. The answer is always to focus more on their body language because this makes up over 70% to 80% of how human beings communicate. So listen with your eyes to the body language of the other person. It will tell you so much more about the true meaning behind the words that another person is using. Work on becoming a listener with your eyes.

STEP 2 IN DECIDING TO NOT IGNORE IT ALL

When dealing with conflict, a large number of people hope that it all just goes away. They attempt to use an approach that is based on the idea that if I ignore it, then it will eventually go away. This does not often happen. Most often ignoring the conflict and difficult people in your life makes the situation much worse. Tension, stress, anger and anxiety builds up over time and makes the whole process more intense and eventually boils over. So no matter how much you would like to avoid handling difficult people – don’t. Decide now to no longer ignore conflict situations and develop a plan on how you are going to go about dealing with difficult people. Really ignorance is certainly not bliss in handling difficult people.

MORE IN DEALING WITH PEOPLE

In the next post we’ll explore more of ideas and steps for you in managing difficult people, whether they are found in your personal or working life.

Dealing with difficult people often means trying to work out how difficult someone is going to be for you.

THE DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE QUESTIONS AND IDEAS

In the previous difficult people post we discussed some ideas on the question from Sharon: “How to detect these types of people quickly”.

And Lilian’s question:   “Is there any kind of trick to figure quickly that a difficult person will became a dangerous co-worker? I mean, there are difficult people and people that love to put a rock in your way…but there’s also people with difficulties. 

How to figure quickly the difference and how to deal with each one?  Thanks”.

HERE ARE SOME QUICK TIPS ON PICKING REALLY DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Now there are many ideas you can put into practice but let’s start with 3 quick suggestions to open the window to picking difficult people early…

1. Keep your past experiences in mind.   We can learn much from our past experiences no matter how negative they have been.  If you have dealt with difficult people previously in your life then this can give you  greater insight when you come across someone similar in the future.  So take note of what you have learned from the past to use in the present and future in managing difficult people.

2. Trust your intuition. Be prepared to trust your own feelings and intuition.  When things do not feel right and you cannot explain why but feel this way, then that is your intuition at work.  That strange feeling you have in the pit of your stomach about this other person.  Most often we ignore our gut feelings but many times listening to your own feelings, your intuition can be very important in dealing with people.

3.  Be cautious with others. When you meet new people in any situations, whether this is at work or in your personal life err on the side of caution.  Understand that it always takes time to get to know people.  And remember that people only reveal themselves and remove their masks slowly.  So start with caution when dealing with people and you will learn more safely who these people really are.

MORE IDEAS TO COME ON DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Have you more thoughts and ideas on finding out whether you will find a person difficult.   Whether they will be frustrating, stressful, obnoxious and a real problem to you.  Get ready for even more ideas in future posts on dealing with difficult people.