Dean N. Nixon - Change The Way You See Yourself

ADVERISTY: DON'T YOU KNOW? IT'S POTENTIAL ENERGY!

2012-02-01T16:46:00.000-07:00

It is important for us as human beings to remove the value statement of “Wrong” from the adversity we experience throughout our lives. So many times as I have worked with clients, the fear of being wrong has played a significant role in their ability to take healthy risks, progress, let go and heal. It is critical for us as human beings to change the way we see adversity.

We have grown in our understanding to believe that adversity comes because of something we have done wrong or believe it is some form of cosmic punishment. The reality is adversity is the potential energy that growth needs to occur. Just as a germinating seed will grow within its husk, pushing itself to the point where it eventually bursts through; the strength and energy it now has after working through adversity creates the capacity to then penetrate through the soil under which it finds itself.

Our adversities are no different in that they contain the same energy which will propel us forward. Our understanding and confidence building will increase to prepare us for the journeys that lie ahead. To stifle or avoid it is to deny progression. Avoidance comes through the fear of not wanting to be wrong or feel discomfort. We find ways to avoid through addictions, blame, self-loathing and other forms that keep us numb. The solution comes through embracing adversity and understanding that it is potential energy that promotes growth.

Simply put, here are the steps to moving through adversity:

1. Change the way you see adversity. Adversity is potential energy that promotes growth.

2. Remove the fear of adversity by seeing the value in it. Adversity is needed to progress.

3. Build a tolerance for the discomfort that adversity creates. Let go of the fear of being wrong.

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach

TurningLeaf Wellness Center

YOU WANT ME TO GO WHERE?

2012-01-27T15:27:00.000-07:00

The willingness to commit ourselves to a path that brings both knowledge and growth requires commitment. It is our commitment that opens the doors and guides our feet as we set out on a journey to progress and heal. It is through the commitment to the path that intention is born.

The intention that we carry in our hearts will always guide our focus and give us the ability to see the subtle answers that we normally would miss day to day. As we walk with a hunger in our hearts and an appetite for whatever it is we seek, our senses are more open to finding, consuming and internalizing the steps we need. As we progress through our days, if we commit to ourselves to set healthy boundaries with those we love and do not let fears or insecurities interfere, we will be more alert to the subtleties. We will have the ability to discern how and when to set boundaries even when we find resistance in it.

Commitment is what pushes through the barrier of resistance and allows us to refocus on the intention of keeping relationships healthy. We do not allow discomfort sway us from the ultimate path we are on.

Dean N Nixon
Seminars Director, Life Coach

TurningLeaf Wellness Center

I DIDN'T LOOK LIKE THIS WHEN I STARTED

2012-01-20T08:42:00.001-07:00

Humans have a tendency to be extremely adaptable. This has been proven simply by the ability we have to live and survive in the extremist of conditions. At times I think to myself, “We have no business living in the desert when it’s 125 degrees.” Then I see those who live in Antarctica or the Arctic Circle and not only live but thrive. This is true of all climates.

It is this adaptability that often times becomes our demise. A few weeks back I was pulling oranges from a box. I was intrigued by the fact that round oranges had flat sides where they had pressed next to another orange very tightly in this box. I pondered how the natural shape of this orange had been changed by its need to adapt to the temporary living conditions prior to being consumed. It was then that I realized we are also like these oranges and our natural shaped behaviors, thoughts and feelings can all be shaped by the environment that we allow ourselves to be in.

I have often said that we are easily defined by our 5 closest friends because it’s these 5 closest friends we allow to influence our shape. Take a look and see if you can learn something new about yourself. Are you like the orange?

Dean N Nixon
Seminars Director, Life Coach

TurningLeaf Wellness Center

IT'S NOT ABOUT CHANGE, IT'S ABOUT GROWTH

2012-01-14T10:00:00.000-07:00

What does this mean???

TurningLeaf has founded this motto based upon the understanding that the majority of human social issues come from trying to change who they are, to be of value to somebody else, rather than taking who they are and growing the strengths that are inherently theirs.

Our philosophy is derived from the two ways that people are motivated. Fear or Love. We have learned that fear, as a long term motivator, is a defunct system and that over time, breaks down, creating repetitive unhealthy behaviors. Love or “Value Based” motivation creates long term healthy behaviors, simply by helping people understand why they are doing what they are doing.

Value Based Living increases the understanding and need to continue healthy behaviors.

Currently we implement value based living in all of our services. Specifically, if you have thought about attending our Value Based parenting class but wanted more information, follow the link which will bring you directly to our web page that gives a breakdown of this 8 week course. (Value Based Parenting)

Dean N Nixon
Seminars Director, Life Coach

TurningLeaf Wellness Center

SILENCE

2012-01-09T13:00:00.001-07:00

The restlessness of the day disturbs the stillness of the quiet mind. It is within the silent moments that we can find answers to the struggles we are working through. By increasing the stillness or the quiet moments we will connect to our discernment. Just as the stillness of water reflects our image, the stillness of our minds will reflect the answers we seek.

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center

JUST ONE MORE PIECE OF PIE

2012-01-04T11:36:00.000-07:00

The true demise of New Year’s resolutions isn’t the failure to accomplish them, but the intent by which they were set. Most of the time we feel that the true failure to keep New Year’s resolutions is due to a lack of will power or the inability to stay committed. In truth, the demise is set within the intent of why we chose the resolutions to begin with.

All too often we allow external influences to become our motivation rather than focusing on our own truth, our own needs and focusing on what is healthy for us. For example, getting caught up in the physical self-image that we portray to the world and placing high value on our physical appearance can often times cause us to be self-conscious or insecure about our weight. We plan on losing weight, or working on our figure knowing that we will be attending a high school reunion or playing on the beach in the summer. We work hard until we reach those end dates. Once those end dates have moved on our purpose and resolution has now disappeared. We find our motivation to continue to exercise and eat well starts to become less of a priority.

If, however, we can see the value in the long term health benefits, we can now start to focus more on the value of why we are doing what we are doing as an internal motivation rather than an external. This can be accomplished by focusing on how we feel when we are eating healthy and exercising and focusing on the feel of the success of keeping our agreements with ourselves and commitments that we have made. The New Year’s resolutions that are most often kept come from an internal motivation and resolve to increase one’s value and the ability to see ourselves in a long term healthy way.

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center

2011-12-21T12:30:00.001-07:00

Webisode: WALLS VS BOUNDARIES

For more webisodes featuring Dean Nixon visit:

www.turningleafwellnesscenter.com/multimedia-webisodes.html

IS THAT A PLATE OF COOKIES ON MY PORCH??

2011-12-20T17:37:00.000-07:00

Holidays are a wonderful time of year. It gives us an opportunity to reflect on relationships both past and current while growing closer to one another. The holidays are a great opportunity to put ourselves in a position to serve and to help others... to take care of those that may be in need. This seems to be an easier concept for us to internalize than the challenge of allowing ourselves to be served. We become accustomed to being doers during the holidays. We get caught up in the swiftness of shopping and preparing and our focus becomes directed towards pleasing and making other lives pleasurable during this time. It is important for us to allow ourselves to receive as much as we are given to give others the opportunity to feel the holiday spirit and reap growth that comes from serving those around us. It is my hope that during the holiday seasons that if you find yourselves being taken care of or served by another that you will take the time to reflect on the importance that they have placed on their relationship with you.

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center

WE DON'T NEED NO STINK'N BOUNDARIES!

2011-11-29T11:54:00.001-07:00

I have often been intrigued by the many different scenarios in which parents have a hard time setting boundaries with their children. Parenting is a challenging and rewarding experience and in order to make parenting easier it requires two specific things. Number one is boundaries and number two is consistency with those boundaries.

I have watched through the years as parents have struggled with one or both of these things. Struggling to set boundaries can be due to the guilt of not being a perfect parent. It can also be associated with the desire to be loved or liked by their children thus creating a lose - lose situation. I have also noticed parents who personalize their children’s behaviors and emotions which takes away the clarity as to where boundaries need to be set.

When it comes to consistency, one of the biggest challenges parents have is slowing down enough to give themselves time to follow through and enforce the boundaries that have been established. We are all extremely busy in this world today. At times the last thing we want to do at the end of a busy day is to deal with the contention that comes from enforcing and confronting boundaries that have been set. I have often thought of consistency like a garden of vines. If we are continually pruning and attending to the new challenging growth, it becomes manageable and less stressful. When attended to once a week, twice a month or even monthly, it tends to become overwhelming. The thought of getting caught up becomes immobilizing and overwhelming. It is never too late to call in a gardener and get the help we need to get the vines under control again. Often times when it becomes unbearable and unmanageable, help is the only answer. Oddly enough I have noticed that people are afraid to get help. Embarrassed by the overgrowth and unmanageable vines, they hide their yards from others lamenting and thinking they are the only ones. They begin to bring in the guilt and shame that acts as fertilizer for the vines and enhances their growth even more.

In order for parents to increase their consistency to set and enforce healthy boundaries with their children, it first requires the ability to let go of yesterday and to focus on how we want tomorrow while embracing today as it comes. Second, without guilt and shame, seek help and engage those who have the skillset to help the overwhelmed feelings. Third, SLOW DOWN! Slowing down requires us to prioritize our values and to focus on the things that are important and the things that are real, letting go of the fears of what other people think or might think of the situations that we find ourselves in.

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center

2011-11-04T16:33:00.000-06:00

Webisode: GRATITUDE

For more webisodes featuring Dean Nixon visit:

www.turningleafwellnesscenter.com/multimedia-webisodes.html

2011-10-26T15:34:00.000-06:00

Webisode: ADVERSITY

For more webisodes featuring Dean Nixon visit:

www.turningleafwellnesscenter.com/multimedia-webisodes.html

SWEET AND SOUR... OR AM I JUST BITTER?

2011-10-25T15:11:00.000-06:00

Recently I was asked how to overcome feelings of bitterness toward those who have hurt us in the past. Further, how to combat the desire to seek revenge or to let go of vengeful feelings.

A short time ago I posted a Facebook status that said “Sometimes the sweetest revenge is just letting go and moving on with your life”. It is not always easy to let go of the bitterness and hurt due to the fact that we equate the rejection and ill doing of others to our value as a human being. We tend to interpret others thoughts and feelings as qualifiers as to whether we are good people or not.

As a young boy my mother told me a story of when she was little and how other young boys would try to scare her with spiders on the playground. My mother soon discovered that by not responding to the boys as they presented the spiders to her they became discouraged and would leave her alone. The simple act of my mother not focusing on what scared her gave her the freedom to move on with her life.

We often times become too overly focused on the thoughts, feelings and actions of others. This causes us to become overly attached and unable to move on with our lives. Simply by changing our focus on what is real and what is important we can find the freedom to move forward with our lives. By letting go and moving on we become unresponsive to those who have hurt us or seek to hurt us. Over time, those individuals will soon become either discouraged or disinterested with their actions and stop presenting their spiders to us.

It is not always the actions of others that become frightening to us, it often times can be the obsessive thoughts and false images that WE allow ourselves to obsess over. That said, the solution remains the same. Whatever we give energy to continues to live. Whatever we refrain from giving energy to will soon cease to exist.

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center

YO MAMA!!

2011-09-21T15:46:00.000-06:00

Have you ever thought what it would be like to not smell fresh bread coming from the kitchen? Or to have that gentle soft hand placed on your forehead in the middle of the night when you don’t feel well? How about story time? How important were these things to you when you were a child?

I am speaking to the importance of women and the value they have in our world. It is my opinion that women are the most powerful beings on this earth. I believe this because every young man and women have to come through women to exist in this world and are then raised and conditioned to listen to that sweet voice as council.

I was shocked recently as I was reading a Readers Digest article, which stated that in a 30 year period over 163 million female babies were not born into this world due to the policies of 5 countries. These countries are China, India, Azerbaijan, Georgia and Armenia. I was overwhelmed by this statistic and saddened at the thought of such a powerful resource being discarded. I thought of the powerful women in my life that have shaped me into the man that I am and have given me the opportunity to help other people.

The first of which was my amazing mother, Myrene Nixon. Her continual patience and prodding echo in my mind today. As a child growing up with a severe learning disability and dyslexia, a mantra that my mother engrained upon my mind was “Dean you cannot use this as a crutch”. To this day that is a mantra that continually drives me forward when I so desperately want to just sit down. The second is Mimi Sorensen, my remedial teacher at cottonwood elementary school. She was one of the sweetest, kindest, gentlest women that taught me the value of patience. Third are my sisters who were a big factor in my rearing which taught me humor, belief in myself and to respect women no matter their shape or size. Forth would be Cheryl Farr, one of the cofounders of Sunhawk academy. She had the courage to open my eyes to emotional growth and another way to live. Fifth is Sue Judd, longtime friend, role model and business partner. Sue has exemplified integrity, hard work and compassion. Watching her give of herself freely to fight the battles of addictions in others has left me humbled and amazed. Finally my amazing wife, Andrea, who I have learned the meaning of true love. She has the courage in me when I have lost it, who is my confidant and companion of whom I have the ability and blessing to spend the rest of my eternities with.

As I thought of these women and the impact they have had in my life among the many other unmentioned women that have impacted me, I asked myself what if they had been one of these 163 million. How would my life had been different? Would I have the empathy and compassion and the value system that I now hold? Would I have seen life the same? I challenge all of you to see the power in womanhood and find a way to nurture that flame and help it to become the burning fire that can change our world for the better.

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center

2011-09-15T12:03:00.000-06:00

Webisode: THE SIX AREAS OF HUMANITY

For more webisodes featuring Dean Nixon visit:

www.turningleafwellnesscenter.com/multimedia-webisodes.html

THE PROCESS OF GRATITUDE

2011-09-09T12:35:00.000-06:00

Have you ever noticed that when you are standing in an overwhelming feeling of gratitude, nothing else seems to matter? That feeling of Gratitude serves as an anchor connecting us to the moment we are currently in.

The interesting part to me is the process we go through in order to feel that feeling. There seems to be three significant things which happen. The first is “awareness”. Awareness requires us to be looking outside of our own selfish thoughts and feelings. It allows us to be open and to receive. The second is “surrender”. It is the ability to fully let go of all things small and petty. Allowing ourselves to be totally absorbed into that moment. The third is a “change of focus”. At that moment when that over whelming feeling of gratitude occurs, we are no longer fixated on the past or afraid of the future. We are truly congruent with the moment and have created a feeling of safety and serenity. For that moment we feel absolutely content.

Gratitude is an emotion that is rooted in love and can serve to be a grounding force in helping us to see our value. What are you grateful for?

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center

CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE FOR FREEDOM

2011-08-31T13:11:00.001-06:00

Through the years I have found the key to emotional mastery comes through the ability to set healthy boundaries with our thoughts. I have been intrigued by the obsessive mind and its ability to learn and process, dissect and rationalize through problems. Obsessive minds have brought out brilliant philosophies and concepts which have impacted our world; such as Einstein’s theory of relativity.

Like every gift, however, our mind either becomes a tool or a weapon based upon how we use it. The destructive side of the obsessive mind keeps us stuck in the past or in the future trying to minimize risk and pain. While the whole time it is inflicting a continual stream of unnecessary pain. It is important to understand that our emotions are driven by our thoughts. The task that is simple, yet difficult to master, is to learn to set healthy boundaries with the obsessive mind and teach it, as we would a child, to focus on things that are relevant to us moving forward in life. The inability to manage our emotions can often lead to unhealthy habits, impulsive behavior and poor boundaries with others.

Controlling our thoughts can be as similar to being a child lying on the green grass on a summers day, watching the clouds float by. Often times a cloud would come into view that somehow would not fit within our imagination or reveal any shape or character. So in a childlike way we would simply let that cloud go and focus on clouds that gave us what we needed. Thoughts that enter our mind which often seem uninvited are given energy when we try to resist them. If we simply accept the thought, thank it and then dismiss it, it will help in the process of refocusing back on what is relevant and important.

The mastery of our emotions is our responsibility. Often times we give others power over us by allowing their thoughts and feelings to drive our emotions, rather than simply acknowledging that it is what we are choosing to focus on and it is in our hands to decide.

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center

WHY CAN'T I LET GO?

2011-08-25T07:23:00.002-06:00

Recently I was asked, “What does forgiveness have to do with accountability?” Too many times in our lives we get confused between taking accountability for our lives and forgiving people vs forgiving people and not taking accountability for our lives. To truly forgive means to move past or move beyond the issue or event that we have either created or has been created by others. To take accountability means that we may or may not have been the creator but we are choosing to act rather than be acted upon. I have been asked many times if forgiving people means I have to let them back into my life? Or the opposite; if they have forgiven me, why are things not as they were? This feeling may be a result of others setting and keeping boundaries. We may interpret these boundaries as a person’s lack of forgiveness. It is important to remember that just because we are letting it go or forgiving doesn’t mean that what happened was ok, it just means we are no longer being held back by it. It is critical to maintain, enforce and set boundaries in order to keep ourselves safe. This may come in the form of limiting exposure to those that are unhealthy, limiting our conversations to topics that do not lead to unhealthy discussions and / or removing ourselves from the environments which these events have occurred in. It is our responsibility to keep ourselves safe and take action with accountability in order to move forward.

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center

SHAKE WELL, SEPARATION IS NATURAL

2011-08-10T09:50:00.000-06:00

A few weeks ago while facilitating a seminar; a friend of mine purchased a nutritional juice beverage for me. As I sat and read the label I was struck by one of the suggestions that the product made. It simply said this, “shake well, separation is natural”. As I sat and pondered this statement, it struck my heart deeply as I realized how much of our time is spent grieving over loss. We grieve over the loss of loved ones, time, youth, energy, work, etc. Grief is an appropriate emotion for us to experience. However, it is not appropriate for us to entertain and marinate in for extended periods of time. Grief’s adverse effects on our emotional state contribute to the loss of focus on what is currently happening and it does not allow us to engage in the moments as they arrive. When we extend our grief longer than necessary, we then grieve even more over the time now lost in addition to what we were originally grieving. The mental toll that it takes on us affects our thoughts and beliefs. It takes away our ability to reason with the current information. It brings in past memories and assumptions to dilute what is true. It also causes us to lose focus on what is important. The most significant toll is the loss of gratitude and the inability to see the things we are grateful for rather than lamenting over those that are lost. Please don’t misunderstand, grief is appropriate and applicable when it is used to heal and let go of loss. But, “Separation is natural”. It is not appropriate to marinate or dwell in the past for so long that it means we lose today.

Dean Nixon

Value Based Life Coach

TurningLeaf Wellness Center

TRUE BALANCE

2011-07-26T18:20:00.003-06:00

True balance is one of the hardest things for humans to acquire because of where we chose to put our focus. We tend to become more focused on balance as what we want things to feel like rather than embracing what it is in the moment. An evaluation of which we may be more focused on can be done by looking at which of the two kinds of emotional pain and discomfort is present in our lives (necessary pain or unnecessary pain). Necessary emotional pain and discomfort is what generates growth and emotional coping skills. Unnecessary emotional pain and discomfort is created by our fears and expectations and is where we allow ourselves to draw our personal value from. We fear emotional discomfort because we often perceive it as a sign of weakness, that we are bad or that there is something “wrong” with us or the other who is causing it. With this energy we assume we are out of balance. The reality may simply be that this emotional discomfort is what we need to help us progress and grow to become balanced. True balance is obtained when we learn to stop avoiding issues and problems that are necessary in our lives. It is not achieved by eliminating all emotional discomfort. Embracing our humanity and accepting our short comings, while doing our best to eliminate unnecessary emotional pain, will prove itself to bring true balance.

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center

NEW LOOK, FEEL and CONTENT of TURNINGLEAF BLOGS

2011-07-15T15:23:00.003-06:00

One of the main questions I get over and over is how do I increase the value within myself? The answer is very simple, it’s the ability to invest in one’s self and to find ways to continue to change the way we see ourselves. Many times in our lives we reach out to find answers when we are struggling. But we fail to maintain that nurturing spirit when times are good. Just like the physical body the emotional and mental body needs continual nutrition. We are continually bombarded daily with information that is both helpful and toxic. We have the ability to digest healthy information and material.

For this purpose TurningLeaf has now turned to our blogs as a source of continual nutrition on an emotional and developmental level. The information contained come from professionals in the fields of personal development, emotional growth, parenting, addiction and mental health. We hope our blogs become a source of insight and information and you will continue to refer to them. We are grateful for insight, input or requests for information in the source of feedback along with questions we can address in future posts. This is about you and the needs of your personal development. Visit our "Contact Us" page to send your questions and feedback.

Aside from mine, TurningLeaf hosts 4 other main blogs which can be found on our website or in the right hand column of this or any other TurningLeaf Blog. They include; TurningLeaf Wellness Center (All Areas of Wellness), Richard Y Moody, Ph.D. (Mental Health), Sue Judd, MSS, LSAC (Substance Abuse) and Jamie Lightner, Life Coach (Parenting). Each blog will now have a new post at least weekly with information pertaining to its area of expertise. These posts will link to TurningLeaf’s Facebook Fan page in addition to each individual’s fan page.

It’s not about change, It’s about growth! Watch for future posts and use this tool to keep moving forward!

Dean N Nixon

Seminar Director, Life Coach

TurningLeaf Wellness Center

DO YOU BELIEVE WHAT OTHERS TELL YOU?

2011-05-16T08:59:00.003-06:00

In order to free our minds we must remove our ancestral definitions. The beliefs of others cloud our minds and we become lackadaisical and complacent in our own understanding of what is true. As children we need our parents hands to guide our steps, their mouths to form our words, yet our thoughts remain our own. It is our perception and discernment coupled with meditation and constant prayer that leads to our truth. Ignore those who claim they know the only true way. If there is truly only one way, how can the path accommodate us both. Our path is personal in nature, we must find it through our darkness. Our choices create a path that is as a finger print, unique to our needs and lessons. We believe what we know to be true. I ask, do we know or believe what others tell us is true?

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center

YOU CAN NOT FAIL

2011-01-24T23:45:00.001-07:00

We at times will be required to risk and stretch to prove the growth we have achieved. Just as a butterfly will flap its newly emerging wings, we to must test what we have learned. The fear of failure casts an ominous shadow, it can block out the light of truth, bringing lies and insecurities, blinding us from answers. A simple change of focus will give us strength to risk. When we can see that there is truly no failure, only the results of our choices, we remove the fear from movement. I challenge you to risk today, as you do look for results, then feel the courage grow within you.

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center

LEARNING TO FOCUS

2011-01-17T08:30:00.001-07:00

The distraction of others actions is an attempt to satisfy our own emotional discomfort. This lack of focus on our own issues creates a dependency on the external world, creating a dissatisfaction with the life we have. Learning to focus on our own feeling and controlling our thoughts gives us peace and freedom.

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center

PATIENCE

2011-01-10T16:59:00.001-07:00

To often we do not place full value on the simple growth we achieve. Just as a bucket can be filled by a dripping faucet, our growth can be slow but consistent. It is important that we do not underestimate the power of patience.

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center

THE GOLDEN RULE

2011-01-03T11:33:00.001-07:00

I was told by my mother many time as a child to live "The Golden Rule." She would say, "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." I have since wondered as I listen to people talk about themselves if that is such a good idea. Too many times I hear derogatory statements and self defeating remarks made at times of frustration, even in times that seem to be ideal comments can be demeaning. I hear some say, "I never speak ill of myself," yet I can tell by the way they carry themselves that the words may not be said outward, but they are being said inward. I believe my Mother's council was sound, it's not about how we treat others, it's about how we treat ourselves that will make the most impact. Let's live "The Golden Rule" of "Treat yourself as well as you treat others."

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center