DebChantson: Blog

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

2012-01-24T18:00:00.000-05:00

Some things just don't fit in a single Facebook status update. And since it's relatively tame information for the public sphere, I'm okay with posting it publicly.

Stupid f*cking sushi set

If you see the previous post about the sushi set, I'm still angry about it, but it's a non-issue for Kitchen Stuff Plus and the manufacturer, MSC International. Kitchen Stuff Plus' president never emailed, but as I can see from recent stock updates, it's full swing in-stock, except for the two stores that don't carry it. And it makes sense that I would never seen the offensive item in five years since I would have shopped at those exact two stores while living in Toronto. Well, you've lost my business, Kitchen Stuff Plus. I actually don't even like seeing your sign anymore.

I suppose the consolation is that it's not a well-known or widely popular item, so in proportion to the time it takes to rally people (many who frankly can't be rallied for a North American Asian-only cause), I at least had a go at raising awareness.

Media consumption

With being around so many writers (of books) these days, I'm always a little embarrassed by my lack of a book in hand whereas everyone else is toting one. But then I realized that I consume a LOT of media, because I write/produce for interactive digital media.

So the question is not "what am I reading?" but the list goes:

- What book do you have on the go? N.M. Kelby's White Truffles In Winter

- What e-book do you have on the go? Maya Angelou's Letters To My Daughter

- What iPhone game are you playing? Social Girl (I know, it's like crack)

- What iPad game are you playing? Settlers of Catan (campaigns)

- What audiobook do you have on the go? Mindy Kaling's Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

- What preschool shows did you last watch (that you enjoyed)? Charlie and Lola, I Can Cook, Sid the Science Kid

- What tween shows did you last watch? Suite Life on Deck

- What kids shows did you last watch (that you didn't enjoy)? I'd rather not say publicly

- What shows are you watching in continuous sequence? House of Lies, 2 Broke Girls, New Girl, Glee, Big Bang Theory, Modern Family, The Cosby Show, Portlandia

And while you might think I'm a complete media couch potato ... how many pounds have you recently lost? 7

The Sushi Set

2012-01-03T15:26:00.000-05:00

I normally reserve my ramblings on here for fluffy, funny things, but this is the first public forum where I can just say what I want to in long form.

So here’s the story of The Sushi Set.

While shopping at Canadian retailer Kitchen Stuff Plus, I came across this: Sushi Set by Joie/MSC International.

When I got to the cash register, the Caucasian guy beside me was buying it. And when the credit-debit machines went down, I actually became enraged while staring at the box. Politely, I said, “Please don’t buy that sushi set.” He said, “Why? It’s not cute and funny?”

No, it’s not cute and funny.

I find this item incredibly offensive, and I’m definitely not the only one who thinks so. People rallied with me, emailing me the manufacturer Joie/MSC International. For all intents and purposes, I can believe that the owner is a wonderfully kind man, but for a fact, he does not see the harm in selling this product outside of East Asia. Apparently, it has been on the market for five years without a complaint. Until mine.

There are lots of people who think nothing of an item like this. Four people told me to “lighten up”, “look the other way”, that I can “choose not to take offence.” But in the last few years since moving away from the multicultural and generally ethnically diverse Toronto, I’ve encountered more cultural ignorance and racial stereotyping than I care to remember. That description is polite. I’m tired of being polite. Call it flat out racism that I’ve encountered.

I’m tired of staying quiet so as not to embarrass someone when they talk about the “coloured people” at a dinner party or how I was too polite (and too shocked) to correct someone who called a Vietnamese man a “Chinaman” because I was in her house. I’m not staying quiet anymore.

Call it a personal agenda. I don’t care. But that sushi set was like a last straw. When people ask me if I (or where did I learn to) speak English, assume that I automatically like tofu, or confuse me for an employee of the local Chinese family-owned dollar store (despite my carrying a purse and keys), having that sushi set on a trusted retailer’s shelves doesn’t help to eradicate ignorance. It spreads it.

The Kitchen Stuff Plus president and I had a very lengthy conversation about the item, and while he commendably and thoroughly took my complaint seriously, he is surrounded by people who do not find the sushi set offensive. He still has to decide whether to de-list the item, but he would still have to sell off the remaining stock.

And in a very strange learning experience, which stemmed from the same conversation, East Asians from East Asia actually go for stuff like this. The item actually sells best in the Richmond Hill and Scarborough locations of Kitchen Stuff Plus where Asian populations are highest. And that the item itself sells extremely well in China.

I would argue that in a culturally homogenous society, sure, if it makes you take ownership of an image like this, then fine. Whatever floats your boat. In fact, Italian-owned company Alessi has a whole line of similarly designed products in partnership with the National Palace Museum in Taiwan. Canadian retailer Gabriel Ross sells Alessi items, but is smart enough to put the box on the website images that clearly state Alessi’s partnership with the Taiwanese museum.

So I’m going to clarify why I find this particular sushi set offensive, and why I don’t think it should be sold outside of East Asia, where Asians are not the majority.

1) This sushi set doesn’t even identify with the correct Asian group. For a Chinese figure to be on a product meant for a Japanese food is the first step on a slippery slope to grouping all Asians into one amorphous mass. While there are some similarities, there are very distinct differences in the language, culture, traditions and history of East Asian nationalities.

2) The composition of the figure bowing subserviently, offering chopsticks, with a bamboo hat and slanted eyes is a throwback to stereotypical and derogatory depictions of the 1800s. This kind of image is associated with denigrating names like “Chink” and “Chinaman” that maliciously categorize the Chinese (and/or Asians if used generally) as lower-class citizens, meek and backward. By singling out a racial group with such a portrayal makes them a target of racism. If the argument is that it’s “cute”, then that’s covert racism.

3) The context for where it is sold can heavily define the acceptance of an image. It’s like an advertisement. Consciously or subconsciously, passersby are being told that it’s okay to think of Asians as an amorphous foreign group. When sold by a mainstream retailer that can support and even define popular culture, ultimately, that only perpetuates derogatory stereotypes and ignorance.

There were lots of people who rallied to support me in my stand against having this on the shelves. Lots shared my link, retweeted, and voiced their outrage. Lots wrote me messages of encouragement and thanks for saying something and bringing the issues to the fore. I’ve made friends and reconnected with others. Thank you.

For what it is, it’s a fight to get one offensive product off shelves outside of East Asia. My campaign is not about boycotting the stores or the manufacturer. I am not asking you to spend money or donate to anything. In fact, I am asking you not to buy something and to discourage others as well. If it makes anyone think about cultural stereotypes and how people are portrayed, that’s a bonus. If it makes anyone educate someone else for the better, that’s an even better bonus.

If you want to speak up, please email the manufacturer at info@msc-international.com. Don’t just tell them that you find it offensive. Tell them why because they don’t understand why.

If you find a retailer that sells it (that is not on this list), please voice your concerns. Tell managers, tell customer service, and tell others, especially through social media.

Target (although not sold in stores)

Vat19

Amazon

Ebay

Ballpoint Penss

Shopping Nexus

Just 'cause you feel like ranting on a Saturday morning

2011-06-25T08:30:00.000-04:00

Sometimes, there just aren't enough characters available in a Facebook status or tweet.

Here's what's been happening since September:

I got a job. And then, I got 3 jobs. Simultaneously.

The stop-mo short that I've been working on (and off) for four years got a grant. So since March, I've been shuttling back and forth between here and the center of the Canadian universe, sleep-deprived, cranky, anxiety-ridden are probably a little fatter because of all the takeout I've been eating. Yup, it's at that stage where it's more cost-effective to pay someone to cook for me than to actually cook for myself. Because by the time I factor in the transportation time, cooking time, waiting time ... when I could just be working. I don't know how people regularly eat out every day for almost all three meals. After a while, you get bogged down by the constant decision-making and guilt over choosing the deep-fried Asian food options. Part of you chooses the things you won't make at home, and part of you really just wants ... vegetables.

A colleague heard me coughing and saw me leave the room yesterday. He asked if I was alright. I said that I was fine thanks, and why? Apparently, that is the same cough that his wife had when she had morning sickness. I said, "I'm not pregnant, I'm just getting fat." He wasn't alluding to any sort of weight gain, but I thought I'd point it out as my quickest response, instead of my usual, "I am NOT spawning offspring at the moment."

The thing about blog posts is that people just really hate to hear about the 9-5 grind. In my case, it's been a 7 a.m. - 12:00 a.m. grind. And no one wants to hear about that, because it entails lots of whining, lots of sentences that make no sense at all because of your stupor. And when you take on projects that take more energy than required, you get WICKED cranky. Crankier, in fact, because the project you love only pays you in love and instant gratification when you see your work in all its glory on screen. Until your director cuts it, explains to you that you shouldn't fall in love with a prop, at which point, you pretty well want to throw a tantrum and tell him that it took four hours to make that. Or the giant set that took you pretty much four years and all of last fall to paint ... which comes out lit for night-time. So when you're done exploding in your head, you compromise and say that you'll use it in the credits. Lit for day time. And that solves that.

We are near delivery and on the home stretch. I don't have time to keep writing. I have cost report stuff to do.

Adventure in the 21st century is not like hobbits going to dispose of a ring

2010-09-06T01:01:00.001-04:00

With this being the long weekend, and my birthday coming up soon, hubby and I decided that we would attempt going away for a few days. The parameters were something along the lines of driving distance and relatively cheap.

I sort of got set on the idea of Maine, just because I was kind of digging the idea of seaside and clam chowder, and it's about twice a year that I get to have lobster. Well, now that I can cook them myself, I'm thinking that number will up itself a bit.

Anyway, Hurricane Earl dashed any sort of plans for Maine, and while I could probably do the travel search thing in a heartbeat, for someone else, professionally, on my own, I'm really quite useless when it comes to booking any sort of vacation. Business trips seem to be a different story, because then you have a starting point of reference, like location of the conference, hotels and restaurants in close proximity, things to do according to the given schedule.

When we were planning our honeymoon, I was set on the idea of learning to surf somewhere. I scoured for days, looking at places like Costa Rica, Hawaii ... all for nought, because we ended up going to the Bahamas on the great and fabulous recommendations of two of our best friends. But also, hubby is generally quite good at planning travel stuff, and on other occasions, while I have been searching for days, he finds something in 15 minutes.

This, however, was not the case. For various reasons, hubby was being all defeatist in his travel searching. We have been thoroughly put off bed and breakfasts, and availability of "nice hotels" seemed to be dwindling as the hours went by. Eventually, hubby called it quits on the search and declared that we would just be spontaneous.

Yikes. I really don't enjoy being spontaneous. I like knowing where we're going, I like knowing what to pack, and I like having a plan of action for stuff like nearby restaurants that I'd like to try.

ANYWAY ... we woke up late, and hubby says, "So, let's just get in the car and drive."
Me: "Uhh ... okay. We'll leave in two hours."

So I scurry around the house like some headless chicken on crack, flailing about trying to get snacks and grab things that I think we'll need. I packed spinach dip (to use up the expired-but-still-good sour cream), tortilla chips, water, watermelon (1 pound eaten, 14 to go) and two apples which are sort of nearing their last legs. (Yes, you do sense a theme here.) I scurry around some more, grabbing things that I think we'll need, and what hubby should take but doesn't think he'll need. Then the hallway looks like we are leaving for two weeks of camping.

We get in the car and drive west. Armed with iPhones and a sat nav (GPS), we briefly enjoy the sites of small towns along the way. There's a lovely beach near Turkey Point, there's a majestic lighthouse in Long Point, there's a cute little dock somewhere close by. We stop in Point Stanley, and hubby gets completely turned off of the post-50s bed and breakfast crowd yapping about ponchos.

"We are not staying here," he says gruffly.

So we get on our iPhones and use a combination of the HotelPal, TripAdvisor and Priceline apps to find somewhere close by. I tell him that the closest available and cheapest hotel is the Howard Johnson (Ho Jo) in London at $90 for the night. He later tells me that his experiences with the Ho Jo have never been stellar, and which is why we were rushing off to find a Staybridge Suites in London. We actually really like that brand of hotel - usually the suites come with a kitchenette, and the rooms are quite large.

While hubby drives, I get online to see if the Staybridge Suites have a vacancy. Nope. Determined, hubby plows on to London, where he decides that there has to be something available. We get there, drive through, hubby saying all the while that he's looking for the nice downtown historic part. We drive down what appears to be a main street, find "town", and decide that it looks too much like Hamilton. A LOT like Hamilton. Nevermind.

We keep driving through, and suddenly, London looks like it's finished. There are just houses and side streets, then more and more farm land. Oh, guess we went through it.

Eventually, having this wretched cold and blowing my nose every five minutes, I pass in and out of consciousness as the medication weakly kicks in. When I wake up, we're still in farmland like area, and hey, it looks a lot like 10 minutes from where we actually live.

It starts to rain, and hubby sees a blue provincial sign for two inns. We drive by the one, call and find out that there's no vacancy. Boy, I can imagine a pregnant Mary swearing Joseph up and down on that donkey for not having called ahead.

Somewhere along the way, striking out on GOOD hotel availabilities, I did actually say, "This is what happens when you don't call ahead." I don't think the Bible does justice for Mary in censoring what she probably said.

Eventually, we drove past the Stone Willow Inn. I looked online quickly and found out that they had ONE room left with two queen beds. $150 minus $5 for a CAA discount ... sold. We were tired of roaming around southwestern Ontario.

It turned out to be alright ... no Hilton NYC, but decent enough. The restaurant wasn't really stellar. The beds were alright, they had free wireless. They had a little fridge in the room stocked with bottles of water. Umbrellas in the lobby for guests to use. The toiletries were okay, but there was a big set-in stain of some sort on my bath towel. THAT freaked me out. And I wrote so on my comment card.

So we won't be visiting St. Mary's again. It didn't really help that people were staring us down at the diner where we had breakfast. (And the food was terrible.) Usually, if you're a "foreigner" to the town, people will be friendly and greet you, or kind of stare until you engage them in some sort of conversation. If they keep staring with the frowny face after that, well, then you sort of chalk it up to old-school racism. Surprisingly, living where I do, it happens frequently enough that I'm fairly familiar with the drill.

Our "weekend getaway" wasn't great, but it wasn't disastrous. Hubby agrees that we're relatively done with small town tourism, but that next time, we'll just have to do a proper vacation and go somewhere city-like. And book ahead.

A pretty rad thing ...

2010-09-01T23:27:00.000-04:00

Yup ... life in a small town is just a little more manageable when you hear that the project for which you were the only writer/researcher for seasons 2 and 3 got a GEMINI NOMINATION!!!

Yes indeed, ladies and gentlemen, www.TasteBudsTV.com got a GEMINI NOMINATION for Best Cross-Platform Project - Children's and Youth!!

And even though my name is not on the billing (it's all the producers' names), I am totally riding the coattails even for the nomination. Spent time updating my LinkedIn profile, resume and Facebook status ... because my claim to fame by association on that is being THE writer/researcher for seasons 2 and 3. CONTENT, baby, CONTENT ... is king. So let's be clear now though that I'm not claiming ownership for all things word-related, but at least I can say that there's enough of a contribution there that I'm going to toot this horn until the if/when of a next award.

I know we'd all be jazzed about nominations for the actual show, but the website is (albeit cross-platform because of the brand but) a separate entity, and my absolute FAVOURITE gig in the whole wide world. I love the team, I love how straightforward the tasks were, I love the positive responses I got for my work (which didn't feel like work because it was mostly fun); I love that I got to work from home; and I love how promptly I got paid compared to some other companies that take a MONTH or MORE. (Can you tell that I'm waiting for a cheque?) And I love that I got to speak on a panel. [Thanks again Sasha!]

Worked on the stop-mo short today and had a fabulous day. More on that later.

Coffee Protocol

2010-08-30T11:25:00.002-04:00

Okay, so I'm putting this out there.

I admit that I'm a little petty about etiquette. (Like on the train: when seats are empty, people should sit diagonally from you as opposed to next to you.) But I also think that if there's a standard etiquette-related protocol, people should know about it.

The big thing about this [media] industry is that everyone takes people out for coffee, whether it be for networking, or meetings, or when you're in that awkward stage of just starting your career, and you want to pick someone's brain for their "tips and secrets to making it big."

I've had a few instances now of being invited to coffee for specific industry reasons (by people I didn't really know), and then I have to pay for my own, or in the more unusual case, I'm COMPLETELY left without a beverage. This happened the other day, and then I realized that it happens to me too frequently.

Here's where I think you're in charge of picking up the entire tab for coffee, especially for someone you don't know that well:

you're the one who invited the other person out for a specific reason

you used a phrase somewhere in the initial correspondence (leading to the coffee meeting) such as:

"I'd like to pick your brain about .... xyz"
"I wanted to know what you thought about ..."
"I have this show idea and I wanted to run it by you, seeing how you're a development executive, could you comment?"
"I'm new to the business and am looking for some advice ..."
"I was hoping you could walk me through how to ..."
"I wanted to run something by you ..."
"I have a show idea and wanted to see if you'd like to work on it with me"

you're pitching someone on the idea of working on something for free

It's not the cost of the coffee, it's the principle of protocol. A coffee is a small courtesy for to "repay" someone for their time.

Summer 2010

2010-08-30T10:52:00.000-04:00

Well ... yes, shame on me for having a blog and then failing to update it.

Truth is, there hasn't been a whole lot of interesting stuff to tell you about. I suppose I'm keeping up the blog because it's a nice outlet on which to vent (and write things like "Coffee Protocol", see next entry), and people tell me that it's hilarious. Thank you. I'm steadily losing followers on Twitter, but I'm wondering if maybe that's because I had a bunch of animal rights' lovers. Motorcycle Man has been replaced with "Neighbours-Who-Do-Not-Control-Their-Yappy-Dog", and I tweeted the other day that if it didn't stop, that dog might soon become a muff.

Well now, it's hard to pick up sarcasm in 140 characters sometimes.

So if you really want to know what's been going on, I'll tell you.

The Short

My friend Animal (not his real name but close) and I have been working on the neverending stop-motion short that seems to be taking us years. Lately, we've been getting help from skilled friends who can make tiny prop magic. It's rather inspiring for being able to work on my own shows later on in life, because there's this truly gratifying feeling of working all day toward something that *I* wrote/created. Amazing.

Starcraft 2
Yup ... who knew that I would have nerded out and gone gaga over Starcraft 2? Well ... it's like reliving high school, even though I caught onto the wave a bit late. The game's slightly varying variables somehow really appeal to my organizational sense and need for order. Of course, my desk is in chaos most of the time, but I like that SC2 units have certain jobs and functions. And they do what you tell them to do.

Weight loss
Turns out that Starcraft 2 is a fabulous distraction, pain reliever (I sprained my ankle) and appetite suppressant, which was a great help in the initial weight loss regiment. I went to the doctor for a physical, and while I think that perhaps the nurse may have overestimated my weight, I pretty much freaked out when the doctor told me what my current weight was. YIKES! So I've been using this iPhone/iTouch app called Lose It!, which basically acts like a calorie counter. You log the foods that you eat and the "exercise" that you do, and you have a handy way to see what your calorie budget is for the day. Of course, I've been sort of cheating on this thing by programming in regular type activities for which there actually is a calorie loss count, like cooking, typing, loading/unloading the car, shopping, driving, washing dishes, etc. I suppose the kicker is that I added "playing board games" and while there is no actual moving of physical pieces or picking up anything while playing Starcraft 2, I figure that it raises the heart rate a little, so I think it counts. Plus, you sort of forget about food while in battle sometimes.

My friend Syd thinks that there's no way I could have lost 8 pounds in 2 weeks (since it's too rapid a period), but overall, I'm sticking to the story that I've lost 11 pounds in 4 weeks.

Cooking
As usual, hubby has been enjoying meals around here. While it hasn't been anything too exciting, (I usually save that for Facebook updates), here are some of the things I've tried in the past few weeks:

cornbread muffins
oven "fried" fish
chicken korma (using the VH Sauce)
spaghetti with homemade meatballs (I described it as "spaghetti with homemade meatballs, a thick tomato sauce peppered with fresh tomatoes, sauteed sweet vidalia onions and roasted yellow zucchini; garnished with Parmesan and fresh basil from our front-step 'garden.'"
homemade herb chicken burgers and homemade fries (which even enticed our friend Mike to drive all the way out here for dinner)
Chinese beef stir-fry with rice and Chinese broccoli (hubby went for THIRDS!)

Ah, and the culinary highlight of summer was cooking live lobsters for the first time! Our friends were absolutely delighted, and I was pleasantly surprised that I can get three grocery store lobsters for the price of one in a restaurant.

New laptop ... I miss my old one, but I guess it was time for a change

2010-07-25T12:53:00.001-04:00

So I had to buy a new laptop (the one in the Amazon ad is close, but not quite it) because while working on Taste Buds on the TV side, my old laptop started eating files. Eating files in a really disastrous way. I would be working on files, save them, then not be able to open them again. When it happened the third time, I was just about ready to cry. I was house-sitting that week, and boy, would it have been a way less stressful week had I just been able to use the one laptop and that's it. It was a Friday, so I drove across town to come home, work until 2:30 in the morning to finish what I had to do so it was ready for Monday. But then it wasn't that it had to be ready for Monday, we had actually PLANNED to work that weekend because of late script deliveries and whatever else.

Just a note that next job, I am charging double time for working weekends and evenings past 7 p.m. Even if that just means it's greater incentive not to have my plans cancelled left, right and centre. If you want to be a time vampire, it's going to cost you.

I've been able to get away with just using my desktop, using other people's computers (thank you Sean J and Mark), but unfortunately, unless it's your own computer, it's kind of like driving someone else's car. You're really afraid to do stuff in it, just in case you trash it. On Monday, I had a punch-up room with some hilarious folks (3 of whom I really quite adore from previous gigs), but I'm thinking now that I looked like a boob because I wasn't typing as fast as I normally do, and since there were no delete or home/pg up/pg down/end keys, navigation was a little spotty. That, and the wireless mouse with a delay ... cripes. I must have looked slightly inebriated. Which sucks especially, because I was a little excited after hearing my typing test results (more on that later), that I type at 103 wpm with 99% accuracy. Apparently, the average is about 40.

ANYWAY ... so now I'm all geared up. It's just a matter of getting used to this keyboard, where the shift key is a little too far to the left, and the return is a little too far to the right. I keep hitting the keys adjacent to those, but I think with things like blogging, which help me type straight on, I'll get used to the keyboard soon enough. I miss my old laptop, I really do, but when you're only keeping a half hour of battery power, it's time to go. I miss that keyboard; I miss the functionality of the keyboard, because you could press the blue function key and get certain parts of the keyboard to act like a number pad. I also remember getting used to the shift key, but that's not to say that I can't do the same with this one. Maybe it'll just mean that my pinkies will be a bit stronger than the usual nothing that they are.

I'm also getting used to Office 2010. I was sporting a real dilemma for about 24 hours there, because I couldn't decide whether I wanted one registration ($120) or the full package which comes with 3 ($160). In the end, I thought that there's no way I'd be able to sell off two registrations, and plus, who knows what would happen to those two in the land of Ebay or Kijjiji. I might find myself with some subpoena for piracy that wasn't my fault. So I bought one, which makes me feel a little ripped off, but I didn't have much choice. That's another thing - I totally would have gone Mac for this laptop, but didn't feel like paying $1500 for something that's not going to be my main computer. It might become my main computer until my next writing room so that I get used to the keyboard, but really, I love my Mac too much.

Actually, getting MS Office 2010 was a bit of an adventure in itself. I opened the box for the registration key, then realized that whoops, it was not 2010 pre-intalled on my machine but 2007. Luckily, they let you convert the trial version, but crap, the Canada-based link wasn't available. And then the Microsoft customer service chat representative really wasn't helpful, giving me US (geo-blocked in Canada) links.

Now that MS Office 2010 is installed, I'm slightly intrigued as to what new features it holds, although quite irritated by this Ribbon nonsense. Instead of having shortcuts and drop-down menus so that you have more page space and nice little toolbars, you have tons of options which you're sort of forced to keep on the screen. But like a big nerd, I've been going through the keyboard shortcuts list from the Help Section, and learning what I can to make things easier for myself. Like splitting the screen with Alt+Ctrl+S. Oooooooh. And now I realize what I have to add to my Auto-Correct list in Word. See? Customization. Love it. That's also the difference between Office 2007 and 2010 - you can customize that damn Ribbon too.

I've also been doing quite well at Ribbon Hero. Find it in the Help section. It's not a bad way to learn the program.

Shocking, rocking headlines from the town Post - July 2010

2010-07-10T10:14:00.000-04:00

I've noticed lately that nothing much goes on here. Lots of pictures of sunshine, rainbows and clueless looking babies.

Hubby gets the credit for first making me laugh when looking at the headlines. We get this free paper delivered three times a week, and usually I just take the flyers and recycle the rest. One day, he said, "When are they ever gonna have some real news? Enough with the girl guides and the sunshine and rainbows."

So to give you an idea of what headlines are gripping the town, I'll be posting a few more as they come.

1. Is city hall too white? (July 2010)

The characters around here - Motorcycle Man Theories

2010-07-10T10:07:00.000-04:00

Originally posted July 4, 2010

Over the week, hubby was home because of lieu time from work. We spent a LOT of time together.

And in that time, we theorized why Motorcycle Man has to idle for so long when he goes off.

1. Motorcycle Man has a small penis. The loud vroom vroom sounds make him feel better about himself.
2. Motorcycle Man is also short. Double whammy.
3. Motorcycle Man seems to be avoiding Gramma's nagging whenever he goes off. Already, he puts his iPod earbuds in, then vroom vrooms around for a bit. We're not sure if he actually hears her. Probably not, because he probably doesn't hear our yelling (from inside the house), "Just get on with it already and leave!"
4. It's some kind of mating call.
5. It's some kind of celebratory thing. (Hooray! It's not raining and I don't have to drive the car that says "Gramma"!)
6. Motorcycle Man is poor (because he lives with Gramma) and buys his gas from some shady dude who makes his own brand. Saturday mornings is when it really craps up the bike.

Things hubby is now trained to do - I'm so impressed

2010-07-10T02:20:00.002-04:00

Tile a fireplace
Renovate a bathroom (sink, toilet, wainscotting, painting)
Save "good" takeout containers
Look around for any food that has to be put away before leaving the kitchen

Dinner success: mussels in cream sauce

2010-07-06T09:43:00.000-04:00

Dinner success!

Menu: mussels in a cream sauce with garlic and shallots, fresh French bread and grilled veggies

(bread bought, grilled veggies reheated from previous night)

MUSSELS

Prep:

- peel garlic, get ready to press directly into saucepan

- dice shallots

- measure cream

- measure chicken stock

- scrub mussels, throw out any that are anything other than tightly closed

1. Use a big saucepan, coat bottom with butter

2. Sweat 2 cloves garlic, 2 diced shallots

3. Add 1/4 cup cream, 1/2 cup chicken stock

4. Add pre-scrubbed mussels (2 lbs)

5. Turn up heat, put on lid

6. Watch mussels steam, open and turn orange.

7. Dish up mussels, pour sauce on top.

Recipe based on the basic one and chart of substitutions from How to Cook Everything.

Happy July! Watching paint dry can actually be stressful

2010-07-05T00:07:00.000-04:00

Here are the things I learnt this weekend (and in list form because I love lists):

We should have asked our friend Amine to help us paint, because he loves to paint and has tons of days off to use up
When painting, daylight is better
When painting, a power roller is an excellent tool
When painting, you should wipe up those paint drips, because latex paint can dry in 3D
Curtains scrunch up, so our measurements were just slightly off
Always put painting tape around stuff you don't want to become blue (or the colour you're painting), because then it means you have to sand it down later
Have the vacuum handy when painting, because you can vacuum up the dust on the baseboards before washing them
Flip flops double as an excellent fly swatter (killed 3 today!)

Things I'm Looking For

2010-06-30T13:11:00.002-04:00

A potter for my basil plant that looks like a giant coffee cup. Plain white, no designs, looks sleek and chic for the kitchen. Not girly.
Splatter guard for pans when I've put in too much oil.
Fly swatters.
Cool-looking plungers x 3.
A luxury RV that uses rain water to replenish the water supply, runs on solar power, electricity (from braking) and methane.

Today's (June 30 2010) Globe and Mail Social Studies column says this:

Your powerhouse

“The human body may be a biological powerhouse, but how much of its energy do we flush down the toilet – literally?” Duncan Graham-Rowe writes for Wired magazine (British edition). “According to Virginia Gardiner, 32, an engineer at Imperial College London, it makes more sense to recycle our dark matter than dispose of it. To prove her point she has created a flushless toilet designed to harness this energy.” The LooWatt system produces methane, which is burned for electricity. “Your annual deposits could produce enough energy to light a 60-watt bulb for 10 hours,” she says.

So it's only a matter of time before I have an RV that can run on anything but gasoline.

The characters around here

2010-06-30T02:15:00.000-04:00

Bryan and Elisa, mid-30s, Deb's hubby's best friend and wife. Which makes them couple friends.

While Bryan and Elisa are the best thing to have come from the same small town suburban purgatory which Deb now finds herself in, the ironic thing is that Bryan and Elisa escaped months after Deb and Hubby's initial move-in, and now live in Toronto. In this sitcom, they're the perfect secondary characters, because they truly do "give explanations of the hero, the hero's world, and have scenes where the hero is allowed to express thoughts, desires, goals, plans and values."

Bryan has been Hubby's best friend since age 11, and married Elisa several years ago. Deb and Hubby remember when Bryan was single, and think that Elisa is a perfect match for him. Bryan sometimes provides history, context, and background for Deb, which is immensely helpful in figuring out the World of Hubby.

Of all the characters on the show, Deb and Hubby prefer to travel with Bryan and Elisa the most, which makes for great episodes* since Deb is so admittedly weird. B and E are well-traveled, adventurous, food and wine lovers, university-educated professionals, and good conversationalists, but most of all, easygoing, which is a stark contrast to Deb's uptightness and creative type/professional writer-explained OCD tendencies. Deb appreciates that B and E (E especially) are really supportive of her career and never make her feel bad for her quirks (like frequent visits to the bathroom and late night crankiness). They also act as culinary guinea pigs, and Deb is occasionally unsure if they're just being super polite about ugly food.

* in the case where these characters are used in a sitcom
__________________

In this past weekend's episode:

Deb and Hubby met up with B and E at Bryan's parents' cottage which has been in the family for a number of years. This is Hubby's favourite northern location, and looks forward to visiting whenever invited. This is probably his twelfth time, and Deb's second. Hubby is so excited about visiting the cottage, that last year, he (and Deb) drove 3 hours to the cottage, back 3 hours to attend an inflexible appointment, and 3 hours to drive back to the cottage. (Then 3 hours back home.)

It's a beautiful location, backed by the lake, with two bunkhouses, gorgeous deck and an outdoor hot tub. If push came to shove, the cottage could accommodate 11 with an RV parked in front.

This episode (Season 2, episode 16) is lighthearted with a playful tone. Deb is on a quest to replace a missing earring from a set bought from a beachfront jewelry shop. Hubby debates whether a dog is in their future while he plays with Bryan's family's dogs. Deb reveals a little more detail as to why she hates her 10-minutes-from-farm-land purgatory, and figures out why she loves, not hates, cottage country, since cottage country is quite similar to her town which she despises. Hubby inadvertently gloats about getting one bug bite, while Deb deals with her fear of bug bites (because on her, they flatten out and form shapes like Germany). Deb enjoys the time with B and E, Bryan's parents, uncle and aunt, and tries to figure out the factors which make Bryan's family dynamics an ideal in-law situation.

New Experience: Being a Panelist

2010-06-30T01:07:00.001-04:00

I'd love to put credits in here with actual full names, but because I'd like to avoid Google picking up links to names in my blog (where I tell you all sorts of inside information about being a kooky freelancer), I'm unfortunately only going to use first names.

So I got to be a panelist on Monday night for the very first time!

I must say that the whole experience of being a panelist was quite exciting from start to finish. A few weeks ago, I received a well-timed email from WIFT-T (Women in Film and Television - Toronto). Heather was writing to invite me to be part of a panel that my good friend Sasha was moderating and for which she had recommended me. Sasha is the Supervising Producer at marble, and technically, my boss' boss (?) for the online/interactive side of Taste Buds (that kids' cooking show I've been working on). It was extra exciting because there were members of so many different cool industry organizations in the audience, and I counted six people who I already knew. (I totally remember when I wouldn't have known anybody.)

Basically, my role on the panel was to highlight the differences between writing for TV and writing for online (of the same brand).

Overall, it was a great experience and I had a lot of fun, and if there's a next time, I totally learnt what I should and shouldn't do. Unfortunately, I can't help my voice squeaking at points because when I do any sort of public speaking, my mouth usually goes dry. And then I'm always afraid of drinking the big glass of water in front of me because I'll look like I'm shaking for nervousness, when it's really that I'm more nervous about knocking it over by accident. I know, priorities, really.

Truthfully, I was hoping to be more funny than (just) informative, and luckily, it appears as if I was both. Lots of people came up to me afterward, to ask questions, introduce themselves, and to thank me for being part of the panel. A lady who I might make another professional best friend said that I was eloquent; my friend John said that it was good, and that everyone had the same "huh?" reaction when this one lady asked her question in a rather bitchy way. I had a really nice but brief conversation with Tom the Animation Executive Producer afterwards too!

Tom: You were very good.

Deb: Thanks! You're very funny!

Tom: YOU'RE very funny! You nailed all your jokes.

Deb: Thanks!

I actually pitched him a show when I first got out of school. So in total, I think I've spent about 3.5 minutes ever talking to Tom.

My Facebook status update that night was:

had a good run with tonight's panel. People laughed at my jokes ... hope I did marble proud?

and Sasha wrote back with:

judging by all the creatives in the room hunting you down at the end of the session, i'd say you did good :) you rep'd marble and your sheep 'interstitial' (fussy crowd) well :)

I love my sheep sketch. Check it out at www.tastebudstv.com in the Video/Food Hints section. In fact, while you're there, check out the rest of the site which got me a spot as a panelist!

And guess what? Hubby came to the event too, even though he usually hates these networking things. He had a great time and said he had fun because of the conversations he got to have (because convergent media was actually relevant for him). So I took him out for a sushi dinner afterward. :-) A good night for both of us.

Whoa .... earthquake!

2010-06-23T14:54:00.000-04:00

Here's the dilemma: it's almost an hour after the mini-earthquake, and I still haven't quite gotten back to work. I think it's because part of me is still freaking out that I'm working from home by myself and had no idea what that was. It sort of makes me want to work in an office. Sort of. In an office, other people can assure you that you're not crazy when something like an earthquake happens. Luckily for me, all the social networking outlets (MSN, Facebook, Twitter) did that virtually for me. And boy am I kind of glad I know that it was an earthquake, otherwise I'd be shaking my fists at the neighbours and at places where I thought there were poltergeists.

While there are cons of working at home, such as ...
1) regular interaction with people is usually limited to persons who are 2-dimensional and scripted and/or reading from teleprompters
2) you could die by yourself and nobody will find you until 10 hours later
3) you don't leave the house for days at a time if you don't go running or something, or you know, have kids

... the pros are as follows:

- nobody knows how often you really go to the bathroom (people in one writers' room must know I have a small bladder by now because I was drinking all this water before the wedding to lose weight)

- nobody knows how much you really snack (although I think I also may have given myself away at the last two writers' rooms)

- there is no getting stuck in subway crises, traffic, or having to smell people on public transit every day

- you save a bundle on laundry because you don't sweat into normal clothing unless you wear workout clothing and go straight to working out at the end of your day

- you choose your own hours ... for the most part

- the likelihood of your house getting robbed is significantly lower because you can call 911 while wielding a bat and staring down a robber as s/he is in the process of breaking and entering

- you can take a nap when you feel like it (I always like saying this one because I identify with preschoolers. Yeah ... naps make the world go round.)

- you can like people a whole lot more when you don't see them every day because certain people have gross habits like flossing their teeth in front of you, leaving you souvenirs (both tangible and intangible) in the unisex bathroom, slurping coffee and chewing gum really loudly

Oh hey, I don't have it so bad. And if nobody found me until 10 hours later ... well, you just chalk that up to fate.

Forrest Gump: I just felt like running

2010-06-23T12:16:00.000-04:00

Okay, well, I felt like walking, not running.

After not having left the house in two days, I decided that I needed a little fresh air, and just didn't feel like doing any ab crunches, since I'm a little dubious about the cleanliness of the basement carpet. And I wasn't really keen on vacuuming.

People out here usually say hello when they cross paths while walking, but I just wasn't in the mood, especially when people seem to stare before the opportunity presents itself. Even the cats, raccoons and skunks seem to stare.

So I walked, and walked, and walked ... for 7 kilometres. It was about an hour and half with the scenery consisting of factories, car dealerships, houses, banks, a tiny strip plaza, and giant mansions. I landed up at this little park that has big rocks to sit on that overlooks the lake. Across the way, you see the glimmering, shiny, glamorous lights of ... factories.

The park itself is somewhat idyllic, except for the idiot couple who came along with their annoying laughs. The nice thing about Toronto is that people speak so many different languages, you can tune out what they say. In this case, it was inane drunken chatter. I miss you, diversity.

Exhausted, mosquito-bitten and grumpy, I didn't walk home and I called hubby to come and get me. The nice thing about the iPhone is that you can pinpoint your location and email it.

Commuting - a walk in my shoes

2010-06-22T00:27:00.000-04:00

While the last post was a little more rambly, here is COMMUTING from my point of view.

I tried doing a flow chart just to illustrate what I think about when making the trek to Toronto, but I'm not good at those. So here goes.

Getting to Toronto ...

What time do you have to be there?
What will traffic be like?
Which stop do you have to get off at?
Will the train stop there at that time of day?
Will you be at a convenient enough location to walk to the next destination?
Will the train be convenient when coming home?
Circumstances that equal an automatic decision to drive: uptown, late night return home, running late
Where will you park?
What route will you take?
What will hubby have for dinner if I'm not here to cook?
How many people/friends am I seeing that day?
Can I see more than two?
What kind of shoes do I wear that will be appropriate for walking a short/medium/long distance since I'll be walking quite far away from the car?
What am I taking with me? Is it heavy that I need the car?
Should I stay over at my parents' place?
What am I doing the next day?
Should I schedule things back to back so I cut down on the commuting altogether?

Yeah. Lame.

I used to just hop on the TTC and go. It's not a big deal getting to Toronto, but this is just to show that it's comparably more arduous than when I actually lived there. I used to hate when it took an hour, hour plus, to get anywhere significant, but now it kind of takes an equal amount of time when I'm the car.

On the plus side, I'm becoming a much better driver with so much practice.

This whole post centres around my adventures of commuting

2010-06-22T00:10:00.001-04:00

Wow, I hadn't realized it's been almost a week since my last post. Lots of things have actually been going on. I just skimmed this whole post, and it's a lot of rambling diary-type stuff, so you know, you don't have to read this one.

Okay, well, thanks for reading.

Wednesday
Wednesday was my sister's birthday, so I took her out for lunch. After that, my good friend Nat treated me to the AGO where we walked around and dreamed of having offices with a solarium-like design.

I found a new parking lot that I really like, despite it smelling like pee. It's the type where you put in your credit card and only pay for the time that you're there, rather than worrying about what time you might possibly leave, and then overpaying. If it's one of those lots where you have to predict the time you'll stay, I always overpay for parking, just because I worry about walking too far away and then not making it back in time to prevent a ticket.

So Wednesday night was the first time where I can say that traffic actually caused a good result. I looked up my route home (Google maps app) and saw that it would take me three times as long to get there with traffic. Booooooooooooo. So I called my friend Sasha for a Foodie Call for dinner and luckily, she didn't have plans because I hate eating by myself. I highly recommend the CN rolls at Sushi Time because I think avocado and salmon make the perfect sushi. I really dislike cucumbers. I've tried to get along with them, but we're still on the outs.

After dinner, I took Sasha home and got to my own home in record time. Hooray - that was a very smart choice on my part, and plus, hubby finished the cabbage rolls so there was no more of having to suffer through that.

Friday
I decided to take the train in so I could make my morning meeting at 9:30 a.m. Rather than sitting through traffic, I thought I'd be smart, and luckily, my best friend Cris had the day off, and we went for an Indian lunch buffet at Little India on Queen Street. I'd say it was good, but I still much prefer dinner at Kama on King across from Roy Thompson Hall. MuchMusic was setting up for the MuchMusic Video Awards and you could see the pandemonium of blocking off streets.

Saturday
Hubby and I had a wonderful SaturDATE, to which I'd been looking forward ALL WEEK. He made brunch for us, I packed snacks, then we took the train in. We realized that is the first time that we've ever taken the train together in four years. So we can honestly say that we were glad not to have driven in, since there are multiple streets blocked off with cement blocks and tall fences because of the G20. And that is why I'm playing hermit this week and getting lots of work done on www.TasteBudsTV.com Season 3. Check it out here. Traffic was TERRIBLE, all backed up, streets closed ... hubby said he honestly would have turned around and that would have been the end of the SaturDATE.

The first stop on SaturDATE was the Design Exchange, a centre dedicated to industrial and contemporary design. With $10 admission each, it was about a dollar a minute to see what was perhaps the tiniest exhibits I've ever seen where you had to pay for admission. ANYWAY ... we'll chalk it up to making a donation. But hubby enjoyed it because he likes industrial design, and we'll go see the next exhibit I'm sure.

Next stop on SaturDATE was St. Lawrence Market. Unfortunately, I had allotted about an hour and a half for the Design Exchange, so everything moved up. We bought some lovely Camembert, a hunk of turkey kolbasa and a baguette which, in addition to pear, made wonderful sandwiches for our picnic at Harbourfront. Full and happy, we walked along the lake to watch the boats and peruse the outdoor market. Hubby now knows about the once hourly trains because we missed two and thus killed two hours by walking around and around. But SaturDATE was great overall. The rain started just as we got back to the car, and neither of us were hungry until about 9 p.m. That happens when you have that much cheese. I'm kind of surprised that I didn't have nightmares, but I think mostly happens to me when I eat cheese JUST before going to bed. Weird. Dairy-induced nightmares ... well, I am partially lactose-intolerant.

Sunday
Sunday was spent doing lots of driving. I met up with some friends on the way to see my parents. Short and sweet visit. Also had a lovely time with my parents, sister and brother-in-law since my mom went all out and made ribs, lasagna, and Chinese noodle stir-fry for my sister. My salad was a big hit with my sister and mom wanting the leftovers. Spinach, blueberries, goat cheese, toasted almond slivers and blueberry balsamic vinegar. I ended up leaving late, and unfortunately, the highway was closed down to ONLY the left lane for a big chunk of my drive home. Boooooooooo. Hubby and I both hate it when there are lane closures but nobody's working. At least I saw people with hard hats and trucks. If there hadn't been any, I would have been ultra pissed.

Monday
Land of the Hermit. Yup. Hearing the neighbours' air conditioner every 30 minutes, hearing Motorcycle Man idling.

Popular phrases out here

2010-06-21T12:37:00.001-04:00

Does grammar and cultural awareness die when you hit a certain border?

"Can I help yous?" ("You" is not a word meant to be pluralized.)
"All's I gotta do ...." ('cause all's you need is love? Sigh.)
"You guys' stuff." (You could just simplify and say "your.")
"I fixed it real good." (I fixed it. 'nuff said.)
"I think I like it more better." (You don't need "more" if the word ends with -er.)
"Don't got."
"Ain't."
"Ain't got."
"Them people."
"Chinaman."
Iraq pronounced as "eye-rack"
Iran pronounced as "eye-ran"

I'll keep adding to this list.

The characters around here

2010-06-15T21:00:00.000-04:00

The Hillbilly Porch Dwellers, late 40s-early 50s

At the entrance to the townhouse complex, both houses are home to what Deb and her husband refer to as the "Hillbilly Porch Dwellers." These women are often found sitting on their front porches, chain-smoking and staring down the oncoming traffic, both vehicular and pedestrian. While such neighbours might be useful as a members of the Neighbourhood Watch, "watch" in this case is used simply as a verb and not a noun.

Generally, activities such as reading, use of a laptop, actively watching one's own children playing or meaningful social interaction with others might be considered a good use of time while front porch dwelling. Inactivity renders one as creepy and without better things to do with one's time. Conversation with the Hillbilly Porch Dwellers has been kept to a bare minimum as the staring and chain-smoking often serves as a force field-like perimeter for avoidance.

One might guess that these women (in two separate houses) are perhaps in their early 50s, but could very well be in their late 30s. Smoking has definitely taken its toll on what could perhaps have been beautiful, tooth-filled smiles and facial skin that now bears a striking semblance to raisins.

We will eat out for cabbage rolls from now on

2010-06-15T20:31:00.001-04:00

Cabbage rolls turned out to be a fail. Booooooooooo.

Nearly two hours of my life that I'll never get back for such an unattractive and bland thing to eat. This is where low fat can bite me.

I dunno ... I was pretty jazzed by the sound of the recipe because after all, the recipe comes from a restaurant in New York. But then again, restaurants in New York are a dime a dozen.

Here's the link to this terrible recipe: http://homecooking.about.com/od/turkeyrecipes/r/blturkey3.htm

When I think about it, this recipe required way too many dishes, steps, ingredients and timing issues. Plus, steps required mini steps, like carefully separating and washing cabbage leaves so they didn't rip; and getting the rind of the lemons (I just zested).

PLUS, I learnt that I should wear closed shoes or slippers when cooking, because a sizzling hot piece of onion flew out of the pan on to my foot. Boooooooooooo.

DINNER FAIL. Luckily, we still have some of the delicious apple-pear crumble in the fridge. With whipped cream on top ... mmmmmmm.

On another positive note, I got the deal memo for my next gig and I am SO excited to start work!

The latkes are no more

2010-06-15T00:08:00.000-04:00

I had this genius plan to make turkey stuffed cabbage rolls tonight, but I unfortunately ran out of time while working on dessert. So when I called hubby to ask when he was coming home, he actually answered that it was about a half hour. Then I looked at the recipe and saw 65 minutes but the steps suddenly seemed overwhelmingly onerous (i.e. boil water, blanch cabbage leaves). [I can see somebody saying "wun-russ"?]

So in my haste, I decided that the butternut squash mix was going to become quiche in a hurry. I added two strips of bacon (could have used more), and egg-washed the frozen pastry, then egg washed the top with the rest of the egg, dumping it in. Baked it for about 45 minutes at 400 F and served it with frozen peas.

Tonight's dinner + hubby's lunch tomorrow = 3 meals

$0.20 = peas (I know that the big itself was $1.99)
$0.10 = onion (it was around half from the butternut squash mix)
$0.49 = eggs (there was some in the mix already and then I used 1 more)
$0.00 = butternut squash (rescued from parents' house as it was getting old)
$0.10 = bacon? I dunno ... there was only a little bit
$1.25 = one pie crust (I know this because I make a fabulous beef and vegetable pie and always wait for the pie crusts to go on sale for $2.50 each)

______

$2.14 / 3 = $0.71 per meal

Wow, it's really exhausting keeping this giant grocery database in my head.
Please don't think I calculate every meal that we eat. I only do it if I'm really proud of myself and can actually figure it out. And it's sort of my campaign to prove that you can eat healthily on a tight budget.

Friends of ours came over for dinner this one time, and I calculated it then, only because we usually go out and spend quite a bit with them. It turned out that I'd spent about $16 for the four of us to eat at our house. And then hubby played along and guesstimated (all by himself!) how much we probably would have spent had we ordered the same things at a restaurant.

It's so funny - he's becoming more and more Chinese as the months go by. He knows to save the "good takeout containers."

I was actually quite proud of hubby tonight. I was all in a huff when he got home because of my dinner cooking plans going off schedule (and off the week's menu schedule too). And just when I was about to freak out about how this isn't supposed to be my life for where we live, he became Super Duper Husband.

He:
1) did the dishes
2) set up the laundry
3) cleaned our master bathroom
4) didn't complain at all about having to wait for dinner to be ready
5) walked with me to the library
6) enthusiastically complimented the apple and pear crumble with real whipped cream that I made AND asked for it as a snack with lunch tomorrow
7) gave me cash so I don't have to go to the bank tomorrow
8) answered all my semi-leading questions with the right answers i.e. do you like not having to worry about food and meals? Do you like the surprise of finding out what's for dinner when you get home?

Sigh. Yes, what a keeper.

This is a get-out-of-me-being-mad-at-you-in-future-card, Husband.

The characters around here

2010-06-14T16:56:00.002-04:00

Motorcycle Man, age unknown, 5'3", stocky but not fat

Motorcycle Man lives across the street with an elderly lady who, for various valid reasons, we call "Gramma." Gramma herself seems to be an elusive character, wary of strangers (maybe more so minorities*), venturing outside very little but leaving her garage and front door open quite often. There are a lot of non-business-oriented pickup trucks that come to visit her.** With her magnetized car ribbons, Gramma supports the troops, and to my delight, has now changed the magnetized car ribbon to promote organ donation.

I theorize that Motorcycle Man is either

1a) unemployed, or

1b) works shifts of some sort

since he keeps rather irregular hours.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with Motorcycle Man's motorcycle since he just revved up and took off. What Motorcycle Man likes to do is idle for about 3 minutes or longer every time he goes off. Coming back, it's not as bad as it used to be. Since Motorcycle Man doesn't keep a remote control for the garage door, he has to park in the driveway, open the front door, open the garage door, get on the bike, park the park, open the front door, close the garage door. I can see the process it takes in that.

When he leaves, though, Motorcycle Man likes to rev the engine a few times, stand around while the bike runs for about 5 minutes, sometimes even up to 15, and then if he feels like it, does a couple of laps around the neighbourhood, revs some more, lets the engine run, and goes into the house for something, leaving the bike on.

One day, lawnmowers were out in full force while Motorcycle Man was idling, and we could still hear the bike. Inconsiderate fucker.

Every time it rains, I think it's great, because it means that Motorcycle Man probably has to take the bus, or drive the car that says "GRAMMA."

* A florist once gave me Gramma's poinsettias to deliver to her when she got home from wherever because it was too cold to leave them outside. When she got home, I rang her doorbell, carrying this gigantic flower package, and she took FOREVER to open the door, even when she got right to the window. I don't remember a very audible thank you.

** My friend Jeannette puts it really succinctly when describing these pick up trucks as "the kind that should have a gun rack" because that's an excellent way of describing them.