Deep Thoughts of an Asshole

Rolling Backpacks

2007-03-23T08:01:00.000-07:00

I here by announce a new law banning all Rolling Backpacks. Coming back from Victoria after having some beers on the ferry I just wanted to get the hell out of there. 3 ladies and 1 guy rolling fucking purple backpacks in front of me just fucking out of control. Making annoying little sounds like they are pushing a shopping cart around. The best part is as soon as you get to stairs...They are so fucking lazy they refuse to pick up these stupid fucking things. So when these people are not looking i spit on the back of their rolling backpacks especially if they are trying to pull them down a flight of stairs like some sort of handicapped kid who's elevator is broken. I'm ashamed of a few things I have done in my life like pushing this girl Megan down in grade 4 and breaking her arm.. or the time i grabbed a peacock by the neck in Stanley Park and punched it in the face for biting me... Or the time I made my best friend Allison snort a line of sour cream at a Boston Pizza but this...I have no remorse. These people are the fucking plague, kettle heads swinging these purple backpacks everywhere in malls.. Wtf are you carrying in there anyway....dead bodies?
anyway I'm out, Today is going to be retarded busy... Retarded like people with their Rolling Backpacks that can't go down stairs properly.
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SPAM

2007-03-22T09:26:00.000-07:00

I get so much god dam spam now i don't even know what to do with some of the email accounts i rock out. For now on I'm posting my spam and e-mailing most of it back to these fuckers with their shit scams. If you fall for some of this shit..you should smash your head into a brick wall because it's just retarded....here is the message..my reply is at the bottom.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
TREAT AS URGENTFROM THE DESK OF DR ALHAJIDANCO
AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING UNIT.
FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPT.
BANK OF AFRICA (BOA)OUAGA-BURKINA FASO

DEAR FRIEND,
I Am DR DR ALHAJIDANCOIthe manager in charge of auditing and accounting
unit
foreign remittance depatmet of BANK OF AFRICA (BOA)ouaga-burkina faso
in
west Africa. with due respect and regards I have decided to contact you
on a business transaction that will be very beneficial to both of us at
the end of the transaction,During our investigation and auditing in the
bank, my department came across a very huge sum of money belonging to a
deceased person, a foriegner who died a plane crash and the fund has
been
dormant in his account with the bank without any claim of the fund in our custody either from his family or
relation
before our discovery to this development,Although personally, I kept
this
information secret within myself and partners to enable the whole plans
and idea be profitable and uccessful during the time of execution.The
amount
involved is (USD$10. Million UNTED STATE DOLLARS). Meanwhile all the
whole
arrangement and directives needed to put claim over this fund as the
bonafide
next of kin to the deceased, will be forward to you upon your
acceptance
nformation will be relayed to you as soon as you indicate your interest
and willingness to assist us and also benefit your self to this great
business
portunity.
In fact I could have done this deal alone but because of my position in
this country as a civil servant,we are not allowed to operate a foriegn
account and would eventually raise an eye brow on my side during the
time
of transfer because I work in this bank,This is the actual reason why
it
will require a second party or fellow who will forward claims as the
next
of kin with affidavit of trust of Oath to the bank and also
present a foriegn account where you will need the said money
(USD$10,Million
UNTED STATE DOLLARS)to be transfered into, after due verification and
clarification
to designated bank account.
I will not fail to inform you that this transaction is 100% risk free,
On
smoth conclusion of this transaction, you will be entitled to 30% of
the
total sum as ratification, while 10% will be set aside to take care of
expenses
that may arise during the time of transfer such as telephone bills etc,
while 60% will be for me and my partners. Please you have been adviced
to
keep top secret as we are still in service and intend to retire from
service
after we conclude this deal with you. I will be monitoring the whole
situation
here in the bank until you confirm the money in your account and ask us
to come down to your country for subsequent shearing of the fund
according
to percentages previously indicated and further investment,either in
your
country or any other country you may advice us to invest in.
All other necessary information will be sent to you when I hear from
you.I
suggest you get back to me as soon as possible, stating your wish in
this
deal.
Yours
faithfully,
DR ALHAJIDANCO
TREAT AS URGENTFROM THE DESK OF DR ALHAJIDANCO
AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING UNIT.
FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPT.
BANK OF AFRICA (BOA)OUAGA-BURKINA FASO

-------------------------------------------------

Thanks for the e-mail you asshole Dr. sdjfakdfhhakjdfa or whatever your name is. I can't wait to be a millionare by swindling dead people! What country do you even live in? Last time i checked Africa wasn't a country! Bank of Africa eh ...humm are they going to pay me in sheep or possibly wooden African nickles... or maybe some sweet De beers blood diamonds made from the labour of 2 year of children YES! So this e-mail you sent me is so top secret why the fuck are you sending it to me? You don't know which country I even live in or my fucking name... how do you know I'm not some sorta pig cop? Wait a second this is top secret in fact I got this e-mail about 8 times now you fucking jackass...and if I ever visit Africa you'll be one of the 10 people with computers so Don't think I wouldn't be able to find you with the process of elimination. Your scared to work on this deal alone because of African politicians in the laws in your country? Wtf.. you live in Africa how systematic is your system anyway? I bet your bank looks like a fucking trading post in a desert selling fucking camel piss. But to reply back I'd fucking love to be in on this deal... wooden African coins just get me hard...email me back!

World Series of Poker

2007-03-20T07:49:00.001-07:00

I came back from my trip yesterday and I was having massive trouble falling asleep and because there was no Calgary flames hockey on I watched the next worst thing, POKER. For some reason the sports channels now shove this shit down my fucking throat straight time. Since when is playing cards a sport? I play cards when I'm pissed drunk it's not a sport. This fat fuck Christ Money Maker comes on Sportsnet telling me "winning the world series of poker is like winning any major sporting event."
Who are you trying to shit buddy? Your 300 fucking pounds! How the fuck would you know anything about winning a sporting event except maybe a hot dog eating contest. I'm not saying poker doesn't take some skill but Jesus Christ so does Chess and handjobs and I don't see that on sportsnet! Humm well winning the world cup in front of a billion people? NAWWWW I want to be a real athlete playing POKER ONLINE at pokerstars.com...lick my fucking ringbit Chris money maker. He has that stupid commercial that says PRACTICE over and over.. maybe you should practice going for a walk sometime fatty your a monster. You and your million dollars can eat my ass with a spoon get off my fucking T.V!

Fathers Day

2007-03-16T07:33:00.000-07:00

Dad charged with storing stash of drugs in 6-year-old daughter's jacket pocket

HILLSIDE, N.J. (AP) - Police here say a man charged with drug possession had an unusual place to store his stash: his 6-year-old daughter's jacket pocket. Dennis Riker, 41, raised suspicions Monday morning when he stopped by his daughter's school in Hillside, saying he had left his keys in her jacket.

But the staff at the A.P. Morris School would not let him in because Riker was not the girl's legal guardian. That role belonged to the girl's grandmother.

Police said Riker, unbeknownst to the school, called the woman to ask her to come to the school. Meanwhile, school officials called her, too, but believed someone else answered and impersonated the woman. And then, the actual grandmother arrived, saying she wanted the girl's jacket.

It was all so strange that principal Tracey Wolff called police to the school. An officer checked the coat and found 25 vials of cocaine and a half-ounce rock of crack in the pocket inside.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And the Father of the year award goes too...This guy Dennis Riker you fucking dolt!
"Show and tell today honey? Well don't worry I've got something that will blow those kid's fucking minds!"
Ya good game buddy best stash for blow ever in a 6 year olds pocket! I have more intelligence in my asshole than a 6 year old has in it's whole body. Kids that are 6 pick up shit and put it in their pocket all the time and your throwing your stash in there?
How about your daughter just holds onto it for you until father's day. Surprise DADDY I made you these shitty drawn painting that looking like someone crushed bugs on a piece of paper and this big bag of blow and crack. Then you go to get the stash and your excuse is that you left your fucking car keys in a little girls pocket? Teaching her to drive at age 6? Going to be the next NASCAR champ? How about maybe Dennis you were just trying this shit on? Got so fucking up on crack you threw on a 6 year olds jacket and forgot your shit inside....Worst drug addict ever.
"I've always just molested children...now wearing this jacket I know what it's like to be one!"
If that was Texas I'm sure your daughter would have got the death penalty? Or what that what you were looking for? Didn't clean her room.. send her to school with some crack in her pocket that will shut the bitch up. All you parents out there take note...Next time your son or daughter talks shit.. just throw some blow in their pocket and either they will get a shitty addiction or hey someone will bust them at school and they will end up in jail. I'm sure someone in jail wouldn't mind throwing a yard of cock in your kids. God bless America.
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300

2007-03-15T07:36:00.000-07:00

DUDE I always post about stuff that sucks but today I'm going to be busy as fuck planning another Victoria trip. So I'm telling everyone to see 300 it's the best movie EVER. Now see after seeing it, It made me want to be a spartan go downtown and beat kids in the food court with swords and shields..fucking bad ass. They throw abnormal babies that suck into a pit when they are born! China they have you beat buddy! I hear they smash female melons around there because they don't want to many chicks. Jesus talk about a shitty fucking place to live. I think they need more gays if anything to control the population. Now just imagine if here in Canada we threw shitty babies off cliffs the population would suddenly drop from fucking 32 million to 200 Thousand like our hockey teams wouldn't be way better EH. How would you like to be the guy that gets to throw all the babies off cliffs? Wouldn't that make for good bar conversation picking up chicks..
"Ya I'M A VIRGO TOO!"
"What do you do for a living"
"Well I'm a part time pottery fan but full-time I toss babies off cliffs to their death :)"
Ya that line would bust out good I figure anyway. Hitler had nothing on the Spartans...The Germans wanted a perfect race and still failed winning the war.."pussies". Now I ask all of you go to your wife and tell her your throwing away the kids you have no and making new ones! Then by a sword and kill people that suck and make the world a better place!
SPARRRRTAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Slow Walkers

2007-03-14T07:47:00.000-07:00

A bunch of fucking kettle heads walking with their arms linked in a fucking chain .001 miles an hour. Snails shit faster than these people walk and I hate them all. If you don't have the speed to go out in public and walk in a mall etc stay the fuck indoors like a downs child in Russia. I walked in this stupid giant mall called Metrotown in Burnaby people walking fucking slow everywhere. If i go shopping I know what i want and i go and get it but not these fucks they slow my whole life down. I feel i should kill one of them to get back all the time I lost standing behind them. So anyway I'm upstairs near this starbucks...and no shit there are 5 chinese people in a row walking i swear in front of me just to piss me off. Me being Asian i felt like i had the right to call them chinks. Black people can call each other the "N WORD!" than i can call Chinese people chinks! Oh sweet racism...Anyway "I said move it Chinks!" They turned there head like Franklin the turtle, slow and easy doesn't win the race dip shits just move. They had one look at me and fucking shrugged it off...Another asian who cares they thought.. Well this one has no problem stepping on the back of some ladies shoes....
"OOPS I SAID...some people just walk too slow i guess"...and gave them the ovechiken who goes it.
I want to start a gang like on the Green Street Hooligans that just kick the crap out of people walking slow in front of them wasting their time. As soon as i turn 65 I'm going to kill myself.
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Pet Ware

2007-03-12T07:49:00.000-07:00

It's fucking 18 degrees out and i see ladies walking their fucking dogs in shirts and sweaters. Now you people that dress your dogs up in coats and socks your all fucked in the head and should probably jump off a cliff and kill yourself. Last time i checked....dogs were animals and had fur. They don't need you to evolve them into some sort of fashion show. Imagine what your dog is thinking....
"I'm wearing a fucking purple and pink sweater Jesus Christ lady why don't you just put me down?"
Now they have opened a fucking DOGIE gym by my house. It comes included with a DOG SPA. Yes your dog that's face is about as fucked up as yours can now get a facial and run on treadmills in a tank of water! What gets me is half of the people that take their dogs to these places are fat fucking snobby old cunts. Why don't you stop picking on your dog and try going to the gym yourself you pig. NOPE i want to stay at home knit shitty outfits for my dog and make it go to the dogie gym. The only pleasure i get out of seeing these people is watching how pathetic they look when they have to clean up their dogs shit. I like to stop and chuckle and let them see that I'm laughing at them and their loved one shit all over it's new sweater. They can snicker all they want they are the dip shits sitting with a bag in their hand picking up fucking shit off the sidewalk. Staring at their own dogs asshole just waiting to jump and pick this shit up. I bet after all this dressing up this is the dogs favorite part of the day. If i were that dog I'd be eating twine and plastic straight time for those fucks.

Mom uses her baby as a weapon

2007-03-09T15:51:00.000-08:00

ERIE, Pennsylvania (AP) -- A woman pleaded guilty Tuesday to swinging her 4-week-old son like a bat to hit her boyfriend during a fight, fracturing the infant's skull in the process.

"Chytoria Graham, 27, pleaded guilty to aggravated assault and endangering the welfare of a child under a plea agreement with prosecutors.

By pleading guilty, Graham acknowledged that on October 8 she grabbed her son Jarron by his feet and swung him, hitting her boyfriend and seriously injuring the child.

At Graham's preliminary hearing in December, paramedic Betty Schau, who treated the baby, recalled that Graham was crying and disheveled when medical crews arrived. She testified that Graham told her, "I swung him. I swung him like a bat."

The judge ordered a psychological examination for Graham before her sentencing, set for May 8. The charges carry a minimum of five years in prison because the child was under age 12. Two lesser charges were dropped." -CNN

This women is a fucking pioneer. Next time your in a movie theature or resturant and a baby starts crying and bitching. Pick the fucking thing up and beat it's mother with it. I always thought maybe there could be a sport that included kicking babies through field goals or something of that nature. Your kid's got Feedle alcohol syndrome fuck it! Nothing a few smacks of the melon can't fix. Who will jump old ladies with strollers now they are carrying at least 9 pounds of shit covered baby to swing at you! Babies are a new leathal weapon and I'm going to master tossing the fuckers like a ninja. Ninja baby swinger! Just like Ralpheal the best ninja turtle...I can swing them like nun chucks! Go down to the bar three babies under my arm, 1 for spare of course.. and then BAMO kick the shit out of bouncers with my shit covered babies crying and bitching as a toss them around! Common even if you lost the fight you still covered them in baby shit. It's a win win situation for everyone except the baby.. im sure the tramua will effect it's brain in a way so it's can't remember anyway.
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Airplane Jackoff?

2007-03-08T16:05:00.001-08:00

So this lady put in a complaint on a TWA flight going to seattle that a man that works on TWA ejaculated on her. The man has been suspended without pay until further notice. On top of that an FBI agent is working the case who is a part of the united states terrorism squad. This is one of the most fucked up news stories i have ever heard and i know this shit only happens in the states. I give this guy props of sneakyness..He is sitting beside this chick on the plane and some how whips his dick out without her noticing and blows a load on her. Good show, turn her into a fucking glazed donut when she is sleeping. How the hell don't you notice someone jerking off beside you? Did you think he was just jingling for some change down there or playing Yatzee by himself? I would shit kick someone if they blew their load on me.. she just complained? That's it?
"umm excuse me.. this man has just ejaculated on me."
What the fuck....
Then the guy on the case is a terrorism guy....Like this is a planned attack from the Taliban.
"I've got an idea Hackmed Ajeeze instead of flying planes into buildings ...we just go CRAZY And shoot our LOVE all over the infidels!"
I don't fucking thinks so.. Maybe he has explosive load that will blow the plane up in mid air? Or maybe the dude just wanted to imagine the mile high club in his own little way? How about we just piss everyone off and throw them way off by blowing loads on them...that will confuse the shit out of the FBI. The best part is that they guy didn't even get fired he has been suspended like this has happened before..
"NOW GUYS WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT JERKING OFF ON PASSENGERS?"
"sorrry we forgot ...."
TWA fly the right way and if you are not paying attention to our in flight movie we will surely blow cum all over your face!

7-11

2007-03-06T08:22:00.000-08:00

A week or so back I walked outside the 7-11 on Seymour and Dunsmuir with my buddy Brian. A homeless man asked me for change..now normally i wouldn't tell him to straight fuck off but I'm looking at this fucking guy and he is reading the fucking wallstreet journal. This guy needs change so he can find some fucking food but is intelligent enough to read the wallstreet journal. I know people that have retarded fucking awesome jobs that can't read that stupid paper. Maybe your just fucking lazy as shit guy.
I wonder was he saving all this change to be invested in a portfolio of mutual funds where he could live off the dividends or was he just wondering how the welfare bum pension fund was going these days? I'm thinking of quitting my job as we speak and just begging for money, being a fucking parasite. It's almost like my friend Mike telling me about the weed dealer at the Art Gallery who is a crackhead named ZUES. He is apparently King of the crackheads and when asked to buy weed from him, he was being massaged by 2 girls. Now this is the crack head life! He is apparently the role model for all the other crack heads. Now at least I know if i turn into a crackhead what to shoot for in my ambition. I want to be like Zeus I bet he reads the wallstreet journal every day. I mean come on what life would be like if i could be king of the crackheads....oh soo bitter sweet. I'm choice of girls with no teeth and maybe even some without AIDS! YES! Ah but here i'am a loser posting blogs on the Internet if only my new dream could come true........time for a sweet day dream.

Captured in Ethiopia

2007-03-05T16:23:00.000-08:00

So on yahoo news today I hear the brits are all shitting their pants because they can't find some news reporters or some piss that got lost in Ethiopia? How the shit do you lose someone in Ethiopia. Try looking for the white guy that has had something to eat in the past 7 days! Hey can't play the fucking xylophone on his chest that's probably him. You can build a satelite that can zoom onto a pimple on someones ass but you can't find this dude. Just like they couldn't find a 6'8 OSMA BIN hiding in the mountains. How many guys do they have hiding in the hills really? Shit if no one lives there.. just drop some bombs that will make people shit themselves and come out of hiding. My friends told me that i should come out to eat Ethiopian food with them.
"It's Really cheap and good"
Ya well it's from Ethiopia I didn't expect it to be crazy ass expensive or anything.
I can't imagine what they eat...and how good it could be. I could stay home and drink my own piss and shit and i bet it would be free but I think i'll pass.
"Your side of dirt sir"
"Oh why thank you ...i Can't wait to munch into this shit..I have been looking forward to eating dirt all day!"
Oh Ethiopia your my favorite country of them all! If only your government knew about soilent green.

Hungover Journal

2007-03-02T09:28:00.000-08:00

Today I feel like I have been kicked down a flight of fucking stairs by a fat man. Seriously Scientists/pharmacist are trying to find cures to aids..invented birth control, How about fucking hangovers? Today I sit at work thinking why the fuck did I even go out yesterday....Why all the tequila ...why do I have to work this fucking early? The only thing that cheers me up today is watching the little Filipino cleaning lady that speaks no English mop up somebodys piss in the washroom. I think to myself there are worse things i could be doing in life. I can't imagine what she feels like when she comes to work hungover...If someone told me to clean some piss I'd tell them to go fuck themselves right in the ringbit..but not this lady she is a fucking soldier..we need more people like her and the BEE CLEAN CONTRACTING COMPANY (theres a picture of a bee......). Now for lunch I'll be too hungover to do anything active I'll head to McDonald's. That job also licks hairy nuts and is also full of Filipino women and 13 year old losers. Running around trying to get me fries, squawking at each other in whatever and all for 8 dollars an hour...ha makes me laugh. Good for them I'm proud of them...Somebodys got to make my fries, that are going to make me gag as i force them down my throat. My Brain feels like I beer bonged a Slurpee...then again..maybe I did...i don't remember. One time I was dared to snort a shot of tequila..I only got half way...before gaging. Good thing they reserve real work for talented people in this world or i would be in real trouble...I'm going to sleep.

Rave

2007-03-01T07:42:00.000-08:00

Oh Microsoft you have done it again with your witty new version of Windows media player. NOW my Music can rave twice as hard with flashy backgrounds to my music...Even a log on the fire how exciting! My music is in sync with logs on a fire...oh my so fucking awesome! GAH!
Who fucking started these rave things let alone UNCE music? Someone on Prozac obviously because it sounds like Chinese people talking mixed with a transformers shitting. I guess some girls do it because they are fucked in the head and some guys do it because they can touch girls that are fucked in the head and they are so high on shitty drugs they don't know what's going on. Is it really worth the music? Jam 2000 Chinese kids with bleached bangs into a hall somewhere high on E and let them touch each other for about 15 hours oh SNAP! Anyone one can make this music..I can take my computer and have that windows wizard speech guy say something electronic like and wierd like Destiny!! and then kick my wall over and over and over again.. AAAAH SHIT DJ ZOLTAN!
THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD ZING DESTINY! THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD DESTINY!
No I bet as soon as i post this about 9 people will actually turn this into a fucking song. It will be high on the charts and on the new hackers soundtrack when they make I don't know HACKERS 19 or whatever they are at now. Now we have my tune lets all do some E and rock my techno song hard~!
"Dude man your like my best friend! I know we have only met once but i feel we have a connection dude! We should totally hangout more.. i dont know why we don't hang out all the time...and now im bored of talking to you so i gotta go"

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Cyber Sex

2007-02-27T07:40:00.000-08:00

"I HAVE HAD SEX TWICE! ONCE ON A DOLL AND THE OTHER ON THE INTERNET!"
Uuuuh I'm sure if your reading my blog you probably don't have a real exciting life and this is you? No? Well anyway I just wanted to throw out the idea that you are a sick sick weird fuck :)
I don't see why people would do this basically I think these people are just cheap losers? If you were that hard up to get laid that you would need people to type sexy words at you get a hooker,download porn anything but have people type things at you that's just fucked. It amazes me how geeky people are that they can even type that fast with 1 hand. At least this way nobody can see how ugly you really are! But shit that goes both ways I bet there could be a 600 pound beast on the other end of that Internet connection that smells like gravy,sweat and cat piss just typing her fat little fingers off or better yet guys another guy... unless your actually looking for another guy than it's probably a chick.
"OH boy you should have seen how hot she was typing at me...she is a model from Romania"
....
......
........I think not.
Lesson people if you were going to have cybersex or just chat on the Internet for that fact tell lies that would actually make sense. Hey name is Wayne Gretzky I'm basically the sexiest man alive and every woman wants to sleep with me but on the other hand I have this fetish with talking to fat chicks on the Internet...PS send me a fucking picture. I rather eat my own shit out of a bucket than do this, unless you do this on a public chat like the alamak chat or something. Just talk to a guy and tell him that your totally into small dicks, when he admits to it...just forward it to everyone in the public chat room....for his cyber geek name to be forever ruined. Not only did you get picked on in high school you got picked on the Internet too where you thought you could just get away with playing World of Warcraft and downloading startrek episodes.
Anyway I found this through a buddies website and I thought the guy that writes these is a fucking genius...HE IS BLOOD NINJA THE ULTIMATE CYBER SEXER..check out his stuff!
----------------The Legend of Blood Ninja--------------------

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
-------------------

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.

--------------

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
Sarah19fca: you like that?
Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
Sarah19fca: /ignore
Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.
Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.

---------------

Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?
DirtyKate:OK, but don't tell anybody ;-)
DirtyKate:Who are you?
Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
Bloodninja:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate:Umm...Yes
DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
Bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
**pause**
DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja:You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja:I'm on my way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.
Bloodninja:How did you know?
Bloodninja:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKate:Oooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
Bloodninja:So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate:What the f**k?
DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t
DirtyKate:F**k

------------------

Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
Bloodninja: What like gardening an ****?
MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
MommyMelissa: is that it?
Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
MommyMelissa: ...
Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
MommyMelissa: whatever.

------------------

Partner6: So you're really a 18 yr old girl right?
J-Dogg: Yeah, J for Julie.
Partner6: So whats with the "Dogg"
J-Dogg: Uh, It's cause I'm into the latina gangs and shit. You know, rollin with tha homies and shit.
Partner6: Oh, uh ok thats cool. So you ever seen a gun?
J-Dogg: Yeah like I got 6 guns.
Partner6: Thats cool, so you wanna see my gun?
J-Dogg: hehe, of course baby.
Partner6: I pull off my pants and show you my "gun".
J-Dogg: Ohh, it's so big.
Partner6: Yeah, what you want to do?
J-Dogg: Umm, i guess stroke it or something.
Partner6: It likes that.
J-Dogg: aight.
Partner6: Keep talking to me baby...
J-Dogg: I kiss you on the mouth, hard, but then gently.
Partner6: Mmmm, daddy like.
J-Dogg: I unzip my pants...
Partner6: Yes, show me what you got.
J-Dogg: I pull out my schlong, and rub it on your breasts...
Partner6: WTF?!
J-Dogg: Oh shit, I meant, your schlong! your schlong!
Partner6: I've had it with you queers trying to cyber me, I only fuck women...
J-Dogg: Shit just don't shoot me man, I wasn't serious about the guns I have, I'm unarmed!
Partner6: You dipshit.
J-Dogg: I whimper to myself...
J-Dogg: please don't shoot me Mr.

------------------

J-Dogg: I see you in line at the supermarket. Our eyes meet.
Partner8: Who the fuck are you?
J-Dogg: I mouth the words to you, as if in slow motion:
J-Dogg: Fuck me, Fuck me.
J-Dogg: My wishes are like poetry in your eyes. We want this moment to last forever.
Partner8: OMFG are you trying to cyber me?
J-Dogg: We are like two dancers, for whom the music never stops. I Kiss the top of your hand. You are taken aback by the bulge that forms in your thigh.
Partner8: Is that like cancer?
J-Dogg: If cancer is our love, then I hope you don't have the technology of chemotherapy.
Partner8: Good one romeo.
J-Dogg: You grab the bulge that you feel. you tihink it must be taking over your mind, theres nothing else you can think of. My tubesteak to you is like a beautiful japanese haiku.
The salmon swim at night.
Towards your room.
The snow and the moon.
Partner8: that was never a haiku.
J-Dogg: To your light bulb I am the Thomas Edison of your sex. Withought my light you would be lost in a sea of darkness.
Partner8: That made even less sense than your "haiku"
J-Dogg: So you ready to fuck then?
Partner8: You unbutton my pants, spew your load at the sight of my underwear, and your spent.
J-Dogg: ...
Partner8: ?
J-Dogg: I'm spent.

------------------

Jdogg:Hey
QT-Pie:Hey
Jdogg:whats goin on
QT-Pie:Nothing. Who are you?
Jdogg:Jdogg. Wanna cyber?
QT-Pie:what does that mean?
Jdogg:what are you wearing?
QT-Pie:T-shirt. Jeans.
Jdogg:Garter belt?
QT-Pie:Ummm...no.
Jdogg:Are we gonna cyber or not?
QT-Pie: uh, okay.
Jdogg:Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this.
Jdogg: You're wet already. I can smell your pussy stink from here.
QT-Pie: WHAT?!
Jdogg: I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.
Jdogg:You leave everything to jdogg.
Jdogg:I am completely inside of you. You are my dick puppet. I put on a little play.
QT-Pie:This is weird. I should go.
Jdogg: I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back.
QT-Pie: A stripe?
Jdogg: I need a sandwich.
QT-Pie: You're a freak.
Jdogg: I was great. You loved it.

------------------

Girl: Hi
Boy: hello
Boy: who is this?
Girl: just a someone?
Boy: A someone I know?
Girl: nope
Boy: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
Girl: well sorrrrrry
Girl: I just wanted to chat with you
Boy: why?
Girl: nevermind your an asshole
Boy: Hey wait a minute
Girl: yes?
Boy: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
Girl: paranoid?
Boy: yes
Girl: of what?
Girl: me?
Boy: No. I'm in hiding.
Girl: LOL
Boy: Don't fucking laugh at me!
Boy: This shit is serious!
Girl: What are you hiding from?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: gimme a fucking break
Boy: I'm serious.
Girl: I don't get it
Boy: The cops are after me.
Girl: For what?
Boy: I'm wanted in three states
Girl: For???
Boy: It's kindof embarrasing.
Boy: I had sex with a turkey.
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You are fucking sick.
Boy: Send me your picture.
Girl: why?
Boy: so I know you aren't one of them.
Girl: One of what?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: I'm not a cop i told you
Boy: Then send me your picture.
Girl: hold on
Boy: Hurry up.
Boy: Are you there?
Boy: fuck you, cop!
Girl: Hey sorry
Girl: I had to do something for my mom.
Boy: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
Boy: When really you were notifying the authorities.
Boy: Weren't you!?
Girl: thats not it
Boy: Then what?
Girl: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
Boy: Most cops aren't
Girl: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU DICKHEAD!
Boy: Then send me the picture.
Girl: fine. What's your e-mail?
Boy: Just send it through here.
Girl: alright *PIC*
Girl: Did you get it?
Boy: Hold on. I'm looking.
Girl: That was me back in may
Girl: I've lost weight since then.
Boy: I hope so
Girl: what?!?
Girl: that hurt my feelings.
Boy: Did it?
Girl: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
Boy: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
Girl: yes
Boy: Alright let me find it.
Girl: kks
Boy: Okay here it is. *PIC*
Girl: this isn't you.
Boy: I'll be damned if it ain't!
Girl: You don't look like that.
Boy: How the hell do you know?
Girl: cause your profile has another picture.
Boy: The profile pic is a fake.
Boy: I use it to hide from the cops.
Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
Boy: Not to mention all the groceries.
Girl: Go fuck yourself
Boy: I was going to until I saw that picture
Boy: Now my dick won't get hard for a week.
Girl: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
Girl: You've done nothing but slam me.
Girl: you hurt me.
Boy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
Girl: I thought you were bullshitting me!
Boy: Why would I do that?
Girl: I can't believe that cops are after you
Boy: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
Girl: FUC YOU!!!
Boy: You'd break both of his legs.
Girl: You're a FUCKing asshole.
Girl: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
Girl: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
Boy: Ok. I'm sorry.
Girl: No you aren't
Boy: You're right. I'm not.
Boy: HAARRRRR!
Girl: I'm done with you
Boy: Aww. I'm sorry.
Girl: I'm putting you on ignore
Boy: Wait a sec
Boy: We got off on the wrong foot.
Boy: Wanna start over?
Girl: No
Boy: I'll eat your pussy
Girl: You'll what?
Boy: You heard me.
Boy: I said I'd eat your pussy.
Girl: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
Boy: Do I need a hard-on to eat your pussy?
Girl: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
Boy: Well I'm not like most men.
Boy: I get excited in different ways.
Girl: Like what?
Boy: Do you really wanna know?
Girl: I don't know
Boy: You have to tell me yes or no.
Girl: I'm afraid to
Boy: Why?
Girl: cause
Boy: cause why?
Girl: well lets see
Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
Girl: doesn't that seem strange to you?
Boy: Nope
Girl: well its strange to me
Boy: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
Girl: I didn't say that
Boy: So is that a yes?
Girl: I guess so.
Boy: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
Boy: Are you willing?
Girl: What do you need me to do?
Boy: I need you talk like a pirate.
Girl: ???
Boy: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
Boy: ok?
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You can't be serious
Boy: Oh yes I am!
Boy: It's my fantasy.
Girl: this is retarded
Boy: Do you want it or not?
Girl: Yes I want it.
Boy: Then you'll do it for me?
Girl: sure
Boy: Ok. Here we go.
Boy: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
Boy: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
Boy: I softly begin to tounge your wet pussy.
Boy: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.
Girl: mmmm yeah
Boy: uh oh ...going limp.
Girl: Har
Boy: You gotta do better than that!
Boy: Your picture was really bad.
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
Boy: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your pussy get more moist with every stroke.
Boy: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
Boy: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
Boy: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
Girl: mmmmmm you are good
Boy: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
Boy: going limp
Girl: HARRRRRRR
Boy: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
Boy: You begin to sway back and forth.
Boy: going limp
Girl: this is stupid
Boy: ...still limp
Boy: Do it!
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
Boy: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
Boy: I see shit nuggets hanging from the hair around your asshole.
Girl: WTF?!?!?
Boy: They stink really bad.
Girl: OMG STOP!!!
Boy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
Boy: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
Boy: I ram it up your ass.
Girl: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!
Boy: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
Boy: And turn you into a fucking candy apple...
Boy: I kick you in the face!
Girl: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!
Boy: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
Boy: Your parrot flys away.
Boy: ...going limp again.
Boy: Hello?
Boy: Say it!
Boy: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

AFV or America's Funniest Home Video!

2007-02-26T07:46:00.000-08:00

I was with a friend last night who was trying to convince me that America's funniest home video was hilarious. I don't see it? I think I'm really missing something here. They have been playing the same fucking videos since 1989 when Bob saget ran show. HA HA some fat man gets hit in the nuts with a football or a cat chases its tail...... .....
Then the audience all laughs
"OH BOY THAT WAS SOMETHING! *CHUCKLES* "
Who the fuck goes to watch this show live? Get a life...They watch videos live? Good times...Honey i got free tickets to watch AFV video! YES!
Some kid has a tantrum on Television and he wins a 100k. I think we should have a UFC show you know kind of like American Idol but with children bare knuckle boxing. You can have nerdy kids like that William chung guy or whatever the fuck his name is fighting Tito Ortiz trying to prove he is not a loser anymore..Then bam one dead half retarded Chinese man. Now that would be funny. Sorry for the short post but work is really hectic but here is a video of a Mexican kid trying to cross the border.

Bell Beavers

2007-02-23T07:59:00.000-08:00

I don't mind the Bell Network or Bell Phones but the Bell beavers can lick an old woman's wrinkly rotten cunt. I'd like to kick them down the fucking stairs none of these commercials are even remotely funny. Norm McDonald your alcholic days ended at SNL only to be scooped up by Bell as a fucking Beaver. I remember Dirty work being a fucking hilarious movie now look at you! The only Beaver that gets more tortured is Paris Hilton's in her terrible sex video where she is being a starfish pounded on her cell phone. The Bell Beavers are all over TV and for some reason now they have commercials where they are on some sort of talk show..... uuuh I don't get it?
Why the fuck would we want to see these dip shits on T.V I rather swallow a mouth full of cat shit mixed in with a carney's armpit. THEY ARE ON EVERY FUCKING CANADIAN CHANNEL. Look here I'm in a commercial eating jelly beans! Hahah You think I'm doing a reference to Bell satellite but really I'm just eating jelly beans haha I'm so funny. Want to make me laugh and buy a Bell Cell phone or TV? How about you make a commercial where you get into a sky drive accident and your shoot doesn't open and your screaming for your life just before you smash into the Bell Center in Montreal and kill 15 Montreal Canadian fans before your guts splatter into a million shit Beaver pieces. I'd love to strangle one of you stupid fuckers and make you swallow a Sim card but I can't... I'm at work.....ugh.

Britney Spears

2007-02-21T07:48:00.000-08:00

I love it. Britney Spears has decided she can't be on the same planet as KFED anymore so she is hoping that she gets abducted by aliens by shaving her fat head. I think personally all her hair fell out from the side effects of drinking that rancid pepsi piss. She has checked herself into a mental institution because she is finally comming to the relization she is fucking retarded. Don't worry fans she posted a letter on her website that she will come back bigger than ever. Remember Anna Nichole Smith, I remember her comming back bigger than ever too. She had more chins than a chinese phone book on that bitch until she started humping that 9 billion year old fossil and now look at them .. they are all dead. *huh*
Poor Brit her trailor trash ass is finally falling apart..Box falling out in cars,dropping babies, shaving her head..making out with other chicks on rumors she is a big dyke.
Well Micheal has dropped his baby,Paris showed her lazy fuck show pussy to the world and G.I.J.A.N.E shaved her melon and nothing happened. As for doing all those other chicks I can see how you could get confused with those fruity dudes in all your videos. Don't worry spears when you come back a fat cunt I'll be the first one to make fun of you and laugh when your child gets taken away from you.

Boohoo

2007-02-20T07:38:00.000-08:00

The Olympics is coming to Vancouver! Well the winter Olympics anyway and a bunch of cry baby hippies are protesting and crying about it.
"THE CORPORATIONS ITS ALL ABOUT THE CORPORATIONS! BUILD SOCIAL HOUSING! STOP THE TAX BREAKS FOR THE CORPORATIONS!"
I'm not company man but I'm pretty sure those tax breaks are the one that allow companies to build social housing and make a profit you fucking twit. They threw eggs at people which was pretty funny and are probably the same students that were out in the student tuition protest last week. Every week in Vancouver some artfag is crying about something because they went to some crappy university got an arts degree and now can't figure out how to pay his/her student loan on fucking 10 dollars an hour in a management job at burger king. Ya let's throw eggs then everyone will take you fucking seriously. Anyone who told you fucks to be yourselves gave you totally bad fucking advice. OH some hippies are throwing eggs and crying in the street lets cancel the Olympics and all our plans. Ya I don't fucking think so. I'd like to shit all over these social parasites that think they are so hard done by. Save the whales,Stop trans fat bla blah blaaaah Shut the fuck up! I don't care. Stop wasting my tax dollars and minutes of my time reading the paper. You fucking mooliucks owe me time back in my life. Save your breath about it you'll probably need it for your blow up doll date. I'm a total fucking hick and if it was up to me I'd have my 7mm Magnum down there shooting it in the air saying YEEEHAWWWw but apparently that isn't illegal. If all these fucking fruit baskets had a job then they wouldn't have time to protest because they would all be at work paying those uuuh oh ya taxes! Deport you fuckers!

Japanese Game SHOW!

2007-02-19T07:29:00.000-08:00

In Japan I think they are a step above us in Television no matter what people in California think. The game shows they have are fucking unreal and I didn't know how awesome they were until I actually went and looked for some on the Internet. For those of you that subscribed through e-mail you might actually have to come to this blog for the videos.

In this one you have to recite a tongue twister or a giant fucking machine hits you in the nuts. Now why anyone would go on this show is beyond fucking me. There is a dude that looks like one of the Last Samurai in this video, but he is a total cry baby.

This one is my favorite these dudes sit in a library and play odd man out with some fucking cards. The guy that is the odd man out gets to breath in farts and have his nose hairs plucked. What the fuck were these guys thinking? How do you even win? The funny thing is I know a lot of people that would probably go out and play this.

A guy has to climb into a giant tank of boiling water while some chick shakes her tits. Why can't Alex trebec have anyone shake their tits?

Hahahaha you have feelings.. You think your getting a massage when actually your being thrown out of a building!

Hockey Commercials

2007-02-16T07:39:00.000-08:00

I'm stoked today Is HOCKEY DAY! The Vancouver Canucks Play Martin Havlat and the Homosexual Chicago Blackcocks. Being a CANADIAN EH I fucking love hockey, and I say Eh all the fucking time it's not a myth but I don't say stupid shit like in the states like
"WHAT CAN I DO YOU FOR?"
The one thing that sucks about hockey well sportsnet in particular is the shitty commercials. They have about four commercials that just fucking rotate over and over and over. They make me want to just shoot myself in the nutsack with a blow dart. They have a panago commercials where this fat wop tells me how good Panago pizza is. Now I'm thinking they were going over this whole fresh ideas campaign where some bitch was dancing and fresh vegetables where flying around. Oh YUM! Now it seems they have just thrown that idea out the fucking window and it makes me feel cheated those fucks! Now this fat fucker is telling me to eat pizza with a Jersey Accent. Well all of a sudden I have been eating this shit everyday and you tell me nobody but fat wops with dogs that fetch pizza eat it? You have got to be fist fucking me. Your Ad campaign is about as comforting as a seagull giving a rimjob.
Now the next one well Isn't sportsnet's fault because Don Cherry isn't on Sportsnet. I love the guy to death I think he is just fucking hilarious but dude your rock em sock em ads make me want to eat kitty litter and drink my own piss. No offense Don but your like a 100 years old now and nobody listens to fucking techno. Who decided that Hockey players all listened to fucking techno. Your rock em sock em videos with techno just ruin hockey. I haven't bought a fucking Rock em Sock em since I heard you Rap
"DOUGGGY GILMORE WATCH HIM SCORE...I LOVE THIS GUY"
You should take some tips from the Haida hippies and get them to do your fucking soundtrack.
Now the McDonald's Commercial that takes suck to a whole new level. Some kid goes out into a parking lot with his mom late at night to trade fucking McDonald's hockey cards with Wayne consumer whore Gretzky. Who's fucking mom lets there kid go out into a parking lot at 3am to trade hockey cards with some wierd dude? Your fucked in the head lady think your kid won't be doing smack in 5 years time you got another thing coming. Gretzky what are you a fucking child molester? What the fuck are you doing trading McDonald's cards you own your own fucking hockey team you could buy your McDonald's? Your ad = Gayer than Christmas. Well I just fucking thank god there is no R&B music in this one.
Now for everyone even if you don't watch hockey and your guy you probably hate the Tampon/pregnant commercials. Who the fuck does marketing for this shit. I'm watching hockey and now a tampon commercial way to ruin the fucking mood. I guess the Calgary Flames do kind of remind me of bleeding pussies but this is getting too far. They just stick these ads on the fucking women's network or something. I don't see guys sputting commercials about how their nuts are itchy as fuck and they need some gold bond! Oh my favorite is the one where the chick says you can be a little bit pregnant. How the fuck are your a Little bit pregnant? Nothing a punch in the stomach can't fix. Now it's a little bit dead I guess? I'm sure teenage girls everywhere are saying
"mom mom! Im prego! but don't worry I'm just prego a LITTLE BIT! HURRAY!"
Ya we will see what happens with that you little teen slootay.
I'm not sure about these commercials....I think I should run the T.V stations. It could always be worse I guess I could be watching 45 minutes of fucking TBS commercials.
"ATLANTA BRAVES BASEBALL NEXT ON TBS!"
and the game takes all fucking day because every fucking 2 minutes there is a commercial for saved by the bell and fucking dinner and a movie. Hey you cut out half my fucking movie because you don't like any of the good parts. Violence,sex and swearing that doesn't mean you have to fill them with these commercials the smell like Princess Di's dead cunt .
Anyway I'm getting really worked up as Peter Griffen would say this is
"Really Grinds my Gears"

Valentines Day!

2007-02-14T07:35:00.000-08:00

Hurray for Jesus it's fucking Valentines day! Whoopty fucking DOO! It's not cool like Halloween or new years where you have an excuse to just get pissed. Maybe New years and Valentines should be on the same day that way at Midnight when you make out with everyone pass on aids and you can pass out all these fucking retarded cards that say stupid shit like "BE MINE". Are you a fucking cave man? Be Mine? Who the shit says Be mine? Ladies out there can you imagine a guy coming up to you and saying BEEE MINEEEEE. I bet you would throw your rum and coke in his face and burn his eye balls with cigarettes. All these Hallmark greetings that say stupid shit, I'll love you forever. You're just saying that because you haven't broken up yet. Some people should start to keep those things so when they break up they can call BULLSHIT! This guy in the jewellery store was having a watch engraved that said
"Till the end of time"
Whoa... That is the worst shit I ever heard. You think your pretty clever huh buddy? If someone ever gave me a fucking watch that said something cheesy like that I'd kick them in the neck and make them swallow their own fucking watch. Now everywhere I go at work there are hearts everywhere. Now I'm no doctor but I don't know who decided that drawings of hearts should like like raindrop upside down sets of tits. All the hearts I have seen look like just balls of cartilage,veins and shooting blood everywhere. OH just fucking lovely! Apparently to Valentines day you smokers out there are so fucked because well, your going to die of cancer. I don't even want to go out seeing all these fake hearts. I'm like the Grinch of valentines day one of the guys at work said... Well If you went to Boston Pizza would you want your fucking pizza shaped like a fucking fake heart? I'm trying to eat here, I'm not some sort of fucking sea monster why the hell would i want to eat a heart? Maybe on mothers day they should have pizza's that are in the shapes of tits or angry women shaking their hands in the air because they have jobs that suck more than men's? I don't fucking know..... I'll spend my day sending E-cards so people know how Jewish I really am.
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Guest Post Day

2007-02-13T07:26:00.000-08:00

It's Guest post day... If you want to post your pissed off post email
zoltanwise@yahoo.ca

Internet Chain Questionnaires

For all of you people who didn’t get the memo; only losers seeking attention fill these things out on a weekly basis. You know who you are! The people who fill these damn things out then try to blame it on the people who forward them. Ugh, Amanda sent me this so I’ll fill it out AGAIN. Like it’s a chore for them or something. Who are you fooling? Everyone knows you love it. But someone forgot to tell you that nobody gives a fuck what you are wearing, what your favourite number is, how many times you’ve been kissed since last week, what the last thing you ate was or what the fuck your favourite movie is. So quit taking up room on the Internet and quit it with the useless info about your favourite person……obviously YOURSELF.

Who has time to do this shit? My favourite is when the same effing person keeps filling them out then over time starts coming up with what they consider “witty” answers. For example: When was the last time you have been kissed? The answer “that’s none of your business.” Well HELLO you are the sad excuse of a person taking the time to answer this fucking thing, and now you are suddenly too cool to answer the questions. Shit…. Spend your time on something more constructive from now on like stabbing yourself in the face.

Haida Hippies

2007-02-08T16:29:00.000-08:00

WHOA WHOA WHOA! I have found my new favorite RAP GROUP YOOOO BOOOOY!
The Haida hippies that I was shown on MySpace is the most Hip group around YO!
The are a Rap group straight off the REZ of the Queen Charlottes situated in British Columbia.
"MASSET FOR LIFE. WESTSIDE PORT CLEMENS DAWG!"
There hit song MASTER BAITERS...cleaver. Is about Racial bigots treating them like shit on the dock. My favorite line is -
"fishing is a part of our culture in tradition no dam stories about ass kissin"
The rap about REAL issues that I'm totally into I give these guys 2 thumbs up YO.
You can listen to their music live on their myspace! IT's fucking WACK. Rez Gangstars. They rap that 70% of the people working on the dock are white and the rest Native.. That's racist.. I bet they even have Zero black people working...Racist whiteys. They don't know how hard it is growing up on EI in Skidigate BOYEEE. DJ Juus Haida Joe, Pedestrian X are working on some new beats so they could have some more wack hits on their website which I'm stoked about. I need to hit some of that powdered beaver they rap about.

Check out their hits here

HAIDA HIPPIES

The Canadian Army

2007-02-06T15:36:00.000-08:00

Watching TV I saw the new Ads telling viewers to join the Canadian Military by fighting distress. That's like pitching me to join the some sort of gay pride union. The military in Canada is fucking pathetic. If you join you will be third in charge! We might even let you drive our tank if we get some cash to buy some gas for the fucking thing! You will dropped off in luxurious Afghanistan with forests of pot in a pink camo outfit and a package of smarties to will your enemies from shooting you. Give me a fucking break.
IT'S JUST LIKE CAMPING!
Except some 14 year old asshole is constantly yelling at you, while you spend your days stranded in the desert showering with fucking dudes. Now this might be Clay Aiken's idea of some good fun but not mine. Who needs bombs in the Canadian army when we have hot gift baskets of potpourri and gift certificates to the local McDonald's?
That donkey shit of an army will be in Afghanistan as long is it takes all three golden girls to take a shit, "A FUCKING CENTURY"
Why don't we invest some money in the bomb! Then we don't even need a military we can just drop bombs and countries that suck when they piss us off. Iran has the idea. I got completely lost watching these Canadian Army commercials because the soldiers had guns and camo. The real Canadian army doesn't even have a fucking helicopter to drop there own dudes off in shitty countries like Taiwan. No wonder Americans laugh at us, apparently you can't just drop the gloves and fist fight people in a real war, how will we ever get good at this? I see those nerdy fucking kids that are in cadets. Now I don't know who trains this kids but they are a bunch of pussies. I could kick the shit out of any Cadet in their fruity brae hat. Does anyone cool ever join these things. WE GO CAMPING! AND EARN BADGES!
uuuh isn't that kind of like the boy scouts. Canadians do war like old people fuck.

Yoga

2007-02-02T07:36:00.000-08:00

Trying to get flexible lately and I heard Yoga was a good way to start. So I'm up watching T.V and see this shit come on. Holy Jesus Christ you got to be pretty fruity to do this shit beware. I'm pretty manly with my sexuality I'll give this shit a shot.
OKAY CLEARRRR YOUR MIND
wtf...I guess I can clear my mind, What the fuck for? I thought this chick wanted me to stretch out? I'm just hanging in my shorts here and all these losers are dressed in spandex doing some Buddha ritual deal.
Fuck it..Skip that part.
Then she says some fucked up stuff that just weirded me out. This lady kind of reminded me of the kindergarden teacher from Billy Madison, You know the one that puts glue on her face? Anyway she is lying on the floor motionless, Pah I can do that in my sleep.
Then....
YOUR A CAT POUNCE POUNCE.
Uuuuh..Pounce? Where the hell am I going.
So I'm sitting on my fucking floor pouncing around in my shorts
(what a fucking pansy) I feel like a Russian hockey player.
NOW YOUR A SCCCARED CAT A SCARRREDY CAT ARCH YOUR BACK YOUR SCAAARED.
huh... I'm a scared cat. Well I know if i was your pussy I would sure be scared. I'd call this bitch a crazy troll but that would be a diss on all the other crazy trolls out there. So now I'm a scared cat? This kind of just hurts and makes me look like a fucking dick.
QUICKLY NOW YOUR NOT A CAT YOUR A SWAAAN STRETCH YOUR SWAAAN NECK.
YOUR STRETCHING LOOKING INTO THE SUN.
yaaa I think this chick spent a little too much time in the sun. I guess those fruity looking fag dudes on the LuLu Lemon bags really are fucked in the head because this yoga stuff is basically like going to the playground on acid.
I quit. No Yoga for this dude.