Deep within my mind (& other useless information)

Wish I could Speak my Mind

2010-10-22T09:13:00.000-07:00

Drama belongs in the courtroom. In a fantastic movie with suspense and thrills and exciting or heavy climaxes. In plays by Shakespeare. In the theatre downtown. In a great fictional novel.

Simplicity is all I crave and ultimately ask for. In life. In love. In fun. In my home.

Yet drama seems to seek me out. When will it learn that I am a no good actress and I plan to just stick to my day job? From this moment on, I crush it in my strong little hands. Ignore those who seek to hurt me. Keep those who claim to just be. Embrace laughter and learning. Keep watching great movies for a dose of the dramas, ones I don't have to deal with personally.

My bathing suit smells like sunshine, and other pointless quirps.

2010-09-19T09:32:00.000-07:00

While putting away clothes today, I found a Roxy rashguard Tee. I smelled it. It was scented like sunshine and beach! Maybe even a hint of Hawaii lingering. I havn't ever washed it afterall. Makes me wish summer came and was still here rather than this stupid cool rainy day. Could be worse, could be snowing. But nonetheless, multi days in a row of clouds makes my vitamin D drop.

Pathetic girl! Control yourself!! and stop being shy! It's strange considering I have the "it doesn't hurt to ask" attitude, the worst that could happen is No and nothing changes. Make friends, go out, throw kick ass parties. I know, I'll join the ski club. Seems thats where all the cool crazy kids are these days (at University anyway)

This, my friends, is procrastination. I should be utilizing my time while the boy is out and the puppy is asleep to tackle some biology reading. Thank god I am going to a procrastination mini class at the U sometime soon. It's not that I am not interested. Maybe just bored.

The best part of working completely alone in the lab is..................playing heavy metal/hard rock/songs that say fuck with no worries of offending people. Few that I work with like my kind of music so it was always putting up with lite 96 or whatever and listening to the same playlist over and over and over. If I hear that Katy Perry California Girls song again, I might throw something (or just turn off the radio, which seems more logical).

Ok Done.

Quote of the day:
"Biding my time, until the time is right" -CT

I like the way I think (and other thoughts on University)

2010-09-09T21:50:00.000-07:00

A university student! At last!
Attended orientation this week. For the purpose of not getting lost (still am in the twisted hallways), learning how to be a student (most questions answered, still have some burning within), make friends (nope), and have fun (seXXXy -a play- was great fun).

In a conversation about intelligence at school, a friend revealed that "Intelligence is no longer a pre-requisite for University". Based on overheard conversations and general observations, this may be true! Granted I was surrounded by clueless (and logic-less) first year students, of whom 80% were under 20 years of age it seemed. But alas! Why is this the case? Regardless of age, life experwaaaaait. Age, life and work experience, and a knowledge of living on ones' own all combine to some form of rite of passage into wisdom. At 28, I hope this is the case. Needless to say, it felt as though I scared away the couple of people who attempted conversations with me on the pure fact that I've been to technical college, that I live on my own, that I am a mom. I hope all fellow students arn't like this next week.

Ah next week. When the population at the school swells to around 25,000. Maybe it is here that I will have luck finding people with heads on their shoulders and actual ambition. Another friend mentioned some of the "kids" are there on daddies dollar and could care less. Although the school is relatively competative to get accecpted into, some students are just doing it for mom and dad. These are the types I must avoid or I will go crazy.

So who am I looking for as potential buddies? I think those with actual interest in psychology, sociology and philosophy. Maybe even Biology/science range students.
I am not saying that people in business school, engineering (then again, they are apparently the funnest group), nurses, graduate, and fine arts are not smart. They just hold a different perspective on life and thinking. Kinda boring in some ways.

So here is to a good year of being academic and studious, meeting new (my kind of people) friends, having a drink or two at the pub, checking out a show and getting involved with the school. I am going to Univeristy to ultimately get a high GPA degree and advance into Medical School. and why? Because I am that good!

Laptops for School???

2010-08-21T20:33:00.000-07:00

This is the line that got me:

"Mikaela, who is entering Grade 8, says it would be a big boost for her schoolwork and save her from carrying heavy binders to class."

Really? That's why they want a laptop? Oh the binders are too heavy. oh. Bullshit I say. Our kids are just hooked and if they have a laptop in school, well on come MSN and Facebook. Are they really typing all their notes and assignments during class. Honestly I would find a class of typers annoying when trying to listen to my teacher. So is it worth it forking over $600 + for your kid to have a laptop in school? No, I'd rather spend the $50 on binders and notebooks for the kids. Uh I mean notebooks with actual paper that is. So suck it up princesses and little men, carry those books or store them in the locker when not needed! That's what I had to do, as did your parents, ect.

Look at it this way, my son, age 11, is bugging me to get him an IPOD Touch. Those things run at around $200. I can't even really afford to get one for myself. And quite honestly, at my age, and the fact I know more songs, I should be the first one getting an IPOD touch.

On the flip side, I agree with computer for students with learning disabilities. My son recieved a Mac laptop. Nice one. But it was primarily for schoolwork as he has difficulties with handwriting. I hear that they now have voice recording laptops that a person with LD can speak into the computer and it will type the story. Great idea! My son thinks faster than he can write/type so this would be an excellent tool for him. Technology does have its benefits.

I burnt my toast again!

2010-02-26T20:15:00.000-08:00

Maybe I did this to myself. Failed to deal with issues before they could emerge and eat me up. I hide behind my face. I hide behind everything I do (and I do more than I should). I create tainted beauty to avoid something. What am I trying to prove? Why do I make mistakes? Act on impulse? Fail to see the light? I lead a life of lonliness yet fail to feel lonely. This is a dark place. and I'm scared. But I just want to be left alone. getting by is what I do best.

My current Playlist:

Hurt- NIN
High and Dry- Radiohead
Mad World- Gary Jules
Danger- Keep away- Slipknot
Something I can never have- NIN
Everyday is exactly the same- NIN
Blackout- Muse
We Never Change- Coldplay
Hate this and I'll Love you- Muse
My Immortal- Evanescence
Simple Kind of Life- No Doubt
Clumsy- OLP
Paranoid Android- Radiohead
Time to Say Goodbye- Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocceli
Comfortably Numb- Pink Floyd
Patience- Guns and Roses
Uninvited- Alanis Morissette
Forget It- Breaking Benjamin
Ruled by Secrecy- Muse
Details in the Fabric- Jason Mraz

some things are meant to be private

2009-12-16T20:04:00.000-08:00

I wonder why people, especially teens, choose to express all their personal thoughts via status updates on facebook? hmmm I mean, I used to always use song quotes as my MSN name, ect but that's different. I don't mind when people indicate that they hate the weather (well a tad repetative, we are all aware of the nastiness outside, Oh Canada!), or that their kid did something cool, or had a bad day or just ate roast beast or whatever. Fine. It's when they break up, fight with, whine to or ask friends/boy>girlfriends why they did whatever it is they did. For everyone to see.....do our teens lack that much interpersonal relationship skills? yes, yes they do. And I blame it on the parents for not teaching their youth the values of a phone call, in person conversation or how to mind their own business (or not share so much of it). Maybe the educators have not clued into the crisis that is the internet and communication. Time to create a new course beyond CALM.

btw wtf is FML? so lame. lol f-fml. rotfl. yea i fail at that stuff. it takes me 10 mins to write a damn text. it's called being punctual and professional and a total nerd.

He's there for your entertainment...

2009-11-24T17:39:00.000-08:00

^^Click Title to see video^^

So yea. I wasn't surprised when I heard/saw this. Adam Lambert is a glamorous, flamboyant and openly gay guy. Wonderful for him. And obviously he is very sexual. As most people in their 20's that I know. There is nothing wrong with strong sexuality. Though crude obvious acts of a blow job was not cool, but apparently ABC knew of that in the act and the rehersal.

Then again, it was a "family" type show (ok the people winning awards on that show are not truely talented, or are dead ^^Yea MJ...I'm talking to you^^, and are just today's flavors of the week. bleh), so he should not have been so graphic. but wait! Did people not notice the scantly dressed girls? Or the S & M component with the guy on the tight leash? or the overly done makeup on the guys? or the shiny outfits? or the humping and grinding? or the strip dancing and....list goes on. The performance was meant to shock and awe the general audience. Pushing boundries is today's extreme thoughts...and why not? Hell I wish I could have had tv like this when I was a teen. I was sexually curious. I found the stuff on late night CBC...yea CBC. Today, turn to any channel at 8 pm and you`ll get suggestive content like sex, nudity, cursing, ect on Family Guy, 2 and half Men, Sex and the City, even spongebob. cripes. This world is just simply sexually suggestive. and its for our entertainment. Even take the shallow content of music today (Lady GaGa, Black Eyed Peas, Britney Spears, Nickelback, and anything else on Vibe or top 40 stations) and really listen to what our kids are exposed to.
Ok so you shield your kids eyes when Adam takes the stage....but do you shield their ears from the music on the radio? I doubt it.

He`s not the first to cross boundries (think Madonna, Ozzy, Bowie) and won`t be the last. yes, it was wrong of him to do those acts, then again, he is here for your entertainment and these days, anything goes! talk to your kids or learn to better censor.

of coming up for air...one molecule at a time

2009-11-19T21:16:00.000-08:00

Slowly emerging from this deep depth. cause that's pretty much what it is.
Looking for a place where we can laugh a little. Play a little. Love some more.
steps forward rather than running back
no, not steps, make it skip or dance ahead. Sing! Sing a Song!

You know, i went and saw the Trans-siberian Orchestra last night with my son, my mom, my sis, my bro and my dad. The laser show was amazing, the fire! the music! the gorgerous guitar player with the long blonde hair (hehe Brad Pitt 1 we called him, which was better suited than his real name..er Angus? yuck), the Fireworks to conclude.....yea defintately paid too little for a show that big esp at 3 hrs long!

Anyway, my mom was smiling. was lusting. was laughing, was singing. and I LOVED seeing her like this! Now to help my dad. He's in a bit of a bi-polar predictiment and although he was enjoying the show, it was a forced smile that emerged. so sad it made me. hopefully he gets what he is needing and becomes his good ol self again. and on that note, hopefully mom keeps up the smiling!!

Blake and I gave a old homeless guy a bag of chips. Told him it was a snack for later. better than change for booze I say. The thing was...he smiled the most genuine thank-ful smile and it warmed me. I hope Blake remembers that smile.

Blood and Tears

2009-11-05T19:32:00.000-08:00

When did I lose major amibition? The ability to smile lots? I can't really remember the last time I laughed til I cried...
this is pathetic! I am supposed to be the optimistic and opportunistic one and here I am being simply paranoid and easily upsetted.
One step from joining the prozac nation. But I won't take that step cause tomorrow is another day closer to my freedom from being a glum. Hey turns out I am still optimistic!

step one: pursue your happiness
step two: don't give up
step three: get accepted into the happiness while accepting and loving yourself
step four: leave all that is negative behind
step five: and never look back

Sunshine and lollipops! Rainbows that never stop! Ok thats just crazy.

Must Have Halloween Soundtrack

2009-10-28T19:20:00.000-07:00

10. It's Almost Halloween: Panic at the Disco- Singing about trick or treating...the first aspect of halloween we get to know as children. CANDY. Then well everything costumes, graveyards, partying as we get older. The song makes me want to break out into dance.

9. The Time Warp: Rocky Horror Picture Show: Let's do the time warp again!!! It's just a jump to the left...Not sure exactly what this has to do with Halloween, but it happens during a strange and very creepy point in the movie. Just before we meet Dr. Frank-N-Furter (The transvestite).

8.Halloween: Dead Kennedy's- Better plan all week Better plan all month Better plan all year!! Time to let loose!

7. Feed My Frankenstien- Alice Cooper Ok so frankenstien is a litte more than a monster...sexually...but this song just kicks it. Think back to Wayne's World. See also, Welcome to My Nightmare, I Love The Dead, Cold Ethyl, Can't Sleep-The Clowns Will Eat Me, and more....

6. Living Dead Girl: Rob Zombie- Zombie is awesome. I mean how to pick a good halloween song by him when you got this, and Dragula, and I'm Your Boogeyman, House of a 1000 Corpses,and SuperBeast, the list goes on. He made great horror movies like House of a 1000 Corpses, Devil's Rejects, Halloween Remake (totally pyschologically scary movie), Halloween 2 and The Haunted World of El Superbeasto. As well as the faux film trailer for the Werewolf Women of the SS. He is everything HALLOWEEN!

5. This is Halloween- Nightmare Before Christmas- One of my all time favorite movies...the opening song gives you a glimpse into Tim Burton and his dark word that is Halloweenish.

4. Braineaters- Misfits- Simple song about simple zombies who eat brains for dinner, for lunch, for breakfast, for brunch....all they want are some rotton guts. Even only once and a while?

3. Vampires Will Never Hurt You- My Chemical Romance: I swear they won't! Just stake them

2. Black Sabbath- Black Sabbath- Eerie and anguished. A must for Halloween. I mean, it is Ozzy afterall.

1. Thriller- Michael Jackson. Can't have a list without this and it is my absolute favorite song for halloween with a kick ass video and dance sequence. I grew up watching the video on Muchmusic every Halloween.

Do you agree with this list? Have other input? I'd love to hear it. What are your must haves for Halloween (or if you are like me, dark songs year round....)

This is the Dark side, don't join the darkside

2009-10-13T20:31:00.000-07:00

I Have Plans!! Evil evil plans of taking over the world and maybe the universe!!! ahahahahahah (evil ones laugh backwards)

ok. No. I'd rather be a Jedi Knight (cause the force is strong within!!) Good shall prevail

"Now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb". Waiiiit...that means I joined the darkside. shit.

mmmm I love Turkey

2009-10-12T09:00:00.000-07:00

Thanksgiving. Christmas. Easter. The only times I indulge in at least one turkey. Everytime it is already cooked for me. All the sides and desserts are often made too. Every year. And I have to travel to eat.
Not this year! I decided to have my immediate family to my home for dinner and it was wonderful! My mom brought and cooked the turkey and her drool-worthy gravy. She mashed the potatoes that I provided. To add a twist, I made a sweet potato mashed with cream cheese side dish. Oh and I got a free pumpkin pie. mmmm.
Made the kids set and clean the table and dishes. Hehe. Isn't that what children 10 and over are for?

So to give thanks to the kids for cleaning and being entertaining. The parental units for bringing the turkey, and raising me with such good values (oh and of course to mom, for letting me live and grow inside her for 9 months back in 82. I am sure I had my first tastes of turkey then too. Only in the form of stolen nutrients from her blood. ha.
I say thanks this year for making tough decisions that altered and improved life for a short time in which I managed to emerge from a dark hole in my mind and realize whats right and wrong. For both my child and my relationship. So thanks Kev for giving me another chance. and to my friends for sticking around til I came back around.

So ya. I am going to have a brunch of bacon, eggs, hashbrowns and toast . Then off to another dinner this afternoon at my aunts. I am so stuffed.

The Ideal Life

2009-09-22T10:18:00.000-07:00

the ideal life today must consist of having a good childhood, followed by good times and some experimentation in high school, graduation, then college/university, meet the love of your life, date for 2 years, have the perfect wedding (by 25), get a dog, then start having babies about 2 years in (before 30), have at least one girl and one boy, become a soccer mom of kids with honors, go back to work (at 30) when they start full time school, kids move out at 18, have their babies in their 20's, you retire in your 60's, travel and die with your husband, whom you've been with for at least 30 years.

What I thought as a teen girl: Get married by 25. Have all babies (2 or 3) by 30. have a good job doing who knows what.

Ok knocked up at 16....change of plans. Still marry by 25. Have another child before son turns 10. Still get a career and be satisfied/

Reality at 27: I must be abnormal. I started off right with the good, well great childhood. Minus the permanent friends. then for whatever reason, i got pregnant at 16. Ok. New hand. Mature fast, enjoy baby, make mistakes, escape fear, realize i need to live out my missed high school years, make more mistakes, but learn to live. Work for a few years. date. Go to college. thought I met the one. Graduate with high GPA. Start work. Work work work, hate working. Become better mom. Wonder if I can ever live with someone of the opposite sex. Make mistakes. End what was the one. go on own again. Doubt I'll ever marry tho the idea is as appealing as it is scary. still only have one child, would like to have more by 30 but hmmm not sure if that'll happen. ok life is not the ideal. I'd rather be different. But at the same time, I envy what looks like the perfect life tho I can never sustain nor be satisfied with that lifestyle. Oh, baby is now 10, and still no siblings. or any cousins. so far from the ideal. I guess this is it. My new ideal.

next up: Ok, get married (or not) by 30. Have another child by 32. Pursue career in medicine. Have husband who is willing to support dream and children. Guess I'll have 2 only children. Thats ok. Maybe another set...a girl and boy! One can dream! life can be what you want it to.

Just a quick note regarding the last one

2009-09-19T19:40:00.000-07:00

I was tired. Burned out. exhausted. slightly depressed and lonely at the time I wrote that. I had been awake for nearly 19 hrs at that point. I hope it didn't offend anyone who were unable to offer nor had any idea of what was going on. I had too much pride to ask for help. I figured I could do it all myself and am now admitting that sometimes I can't. Thank you for understanding and for your amazing friendships on a day to day basis.

Where was everyone?

2009-09-18T22:29:00.000-07:00

Where are my friends? I know I got them. I know most of them are verbally supporting me with the whole Blake in the hospital situation and are concerned and wanting to know how he is. But I am offically feeling so alone. I should have asked for help. Last time, when he was admitted on an urgent basis, I had so many offers to buy me groceries, clean my house, to visit him, ect. But I had my wonderful mom staying with me and taking care of things, so I politely declined.

This time, nothing. Nobody has gone to see him. Well one person, once. and that person in my opinion should have gone many more times. Nobody called him at the hospital (expect my mom when I had to capitalize a email telling her to do so). I am sad. Borderline depressed. Because I am now burning out. Nobody offered to help. Sorry for this. I am just reflecting my latest inner feelings on this topic. And its probably my fault for not telling many people and for thinking I can work full time and deal with this situation by driving to the hospital every nite. Instead I was getting home late, eating fast food, and trying to get sleep (I am living on little sleep rite now). I havn't washed my hair in a few days. the garbage is full, the sink was full of dirty dishes, and I've been living off cereal at home, ect ect.

I could go on. But I won't. I am dead to the world. dead tired and am going to sleep all weekend once I get to my mom's house.

Those Girls

2009-09-08T20:30:00.000-07:00

So yea. I went to my first Bachlorette party. Thought it would be totally fun! Never been to one before. The theme was pirates. Got all dressed up in my piligin gear and invited 2 first mates (or rather a first mate and a hired hand lol). arrive to the party. Hmmm. I know the bride. Her sis. An old party friend and the mother of the bride. The other girls not so much. And low and behold they look at me like I am gonna bite their necks and drain them or something (more on this later). Oh and I brought friends. Friends who have met and partied with the bride in the past. and the invite asked if I was bringing any. I said yes!. No comments. ok. so they look at them and basically made them feel very unwelcome. One girl was being nice. (thanks girl). THe others wouldn't even give me a moment of time. Its like I was judged instantly and poorly. Not even a how are you? Who are you? How do you know the bride? What do you do? What do you like? yup nothing. so much for trying to keep and make friends. shit.

I was hurt! I am tired of girls like that! You know, if you just talked to me, you'd realize I was nice and shy and fun. Not some creepy dark girl. I feel like the girl being shunned by the popular "pretty" snobby girls. Bitches. they look and act like it. (sorry bride if you are reading this). I WAS HURT!!!! I just wanted to have some fun. They did let me dance with or near them, but didn't acknowledge me. So i drank a bit instead. and some guy kept yapping at me and bought me drinks so that at least occupied my last few minutes at the bar. See, my other friends couldn't get into the bar and therefore left. I think I should have gone too but out of respect for the bride, i stayed.

Funny story: He asked if I was a vampire. Thought I was weird but cool. Stood out cause I wasn't like the other girls in the bar. Real? well i figured the other girls seemed pretty fake. Whatever. I'll take free drinks.

Needless to say. Someone thought it strange that I'd get invited to the bachlorette party but not the wedding. I thought about it and found that odd too. That makes me sad.

And its ok to feel hurt. I wish people would stop being so superficial.

Aloha and Mahalo

2009-08-26T21:30:00.001-07:00

Hello and Thank-you!

I finished spending 10 beautiful days in paradise. A time filled with adventure, relaxation and tasty food. I wrote alot. Self reflected in pursuit of figuring out what I am to do and how, and who I am again. But lack of computer did not allow me to share my thoughts on here on a daily basis. So I figured I would copy what I wrote on the plane home.

Aug. 24, 2009 approx 11pm
On the last plane home. Home. Where the buffalo roam...To the place of chaos, greed and disintegration. How sad. I guess we all can't live in the lap of luxury forever. So here we go again. And I still don't know. Will I ever know? What if certain people are just manifesting issues for me? Making me think they exist when really it's just me. Who I am. A girl on the rollercoaster of live surviving the curses of age, tragedy, blessings and ultimately me. It can't be all fun and games.

So I shall just live as best as I can. Take it as it comes, make mistakes, learn lessons, fall in love (or out), raise my boy (and maybe others?) to be a wonderful adult, travel more, get educated beyond what I already have. To Accept and Learn to love myself for I am who I am and so far, that's not bad!

Because I may not write anything in a while...

2009-08-10T20:35:00.000-07:00

TEN things you want to say to TEN different people right now:
1. I’m Sorry
2. Just listen to me!
3. No
4. We should hang out
5. Help me
6. F-off
7. Put a hat on your baby
8. Do you wanna dance?
9. I miss you
10. ;)

NINE things about yourself:
1. I seem to thrive on change
2. I have to listen to music when I study
3. I love alone time.
4. I pretend I’m 16 again when I am around my teenage siblings
5. My dream future career is as a medical doctor
6. I like to try things at least once, just so I can say I Lived!
7. Always busy but secretly envy those who can sit around and play video games and watch movies all day
8. But when I do indulge in the above, I tend to regret “wasted” time.
9. I have 4 tattoo’s and 6 piercing

EIGHT ways to win your heart:
1. Notice me and take a chance
2. Make me laugh
3. Be a gentleman- open doors, take inititive
4. Adore kids…especially my boy
5. cuddling
6. Conversation that never ends
7. See me for who I am and like it
8. Laugh at my silly jokes.

SEVEN things that cross your mind a lot:
1. What if
2. Past memories
3. My son
4. “I am slowly going crazy, 1,2,3,4,5,6 switch”
5. Medical babble
6. daydreams
7. Whats happening tomorrow, in a week, in a month, this summer, ect.

SIX things you do before you fall asleep:
1. Shower or bath
2. Computer crap
3. reading
4. Listen to music usually classical
5. ummmmm
6. "and mmmm

FIVE people you can't live without.( not in order)
1. My Child
2. My mom
3. My sisters
4. Myself
5. My grandma

FOUR things you're wearing right now.
1. DC sweater
2. Black bra
3. Black capris
4. Socks!

THREE songs that fit your life:
1. Sweet Child of Mine- Guns n Roses
2. Fix You- Coldplay
3. Butterflies and Hurricanes- Muse

TWO things you want to do before you die:
1. Become a doctor
2. See grandchildren

ONE confession:
1. I wish real life consisted of spontaneous song and dance in the middle of the street, like in the movies

And the devil himself still thrives...

2009-08-04T21:22:00.000-07:00

If a heart could fall out of the body, then I just crapped mine.
You know, when you are just playing around on facebook, ladidadidah, snooping at pictures, enjoying what little life you have, when you click on a name of a friend and discover she has your most despised person..er..thing..er lousy excuse for breathing piece of shit on her friends list...what are you to do beyond not breathing? Well...start breathing again and phone your mom to warn her! BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK. ok done.

Now what? How long has he been there? At least a month since Last I looked for him. ok, since 3 friends were "mutral" how many times has he looked at your picture. The cute one of your and our son (I mean my son...) and stared and fantasized and hated? maybe he is still as dumb as a doorknob and useless (yea you are...not me! you ass) and has no idea how to work FB. but knows it well enough to privatize his page so I can't snoop (cause i am curious for info).

why do the psycho assholes get to go on? why do they continue to control your life so much that you still have to look behind your shoulder, and still see him sitting at the caf table, working on the building, mopping the floor, only to doublecheck and realize it is not. this was him in the picture. i could never forget that look.

shit. now what?

My life is not wasted....

2009-07-27T17:11:00.001-07:00

According to someone I know, having my son at 16 has wasted my life. Because I had to mature in an instant to care for another being? Because I lost my valuable teen years (16-19) due to raising a toddler? because I lost friends, have a hard time going out and dating can be a challenge? Yea maybe.
But as he put it, it's mostly because I graduated high school with honours, meaning I could have amounted to more like an engineer, lawyer or doctor. And apparently that means that a single young mom is unable to attend university and make something of herself. bullshit I say. I did go to school. College sure, but I am a Pathologist Assistant/medical Lab Tech, making more $$ than most people do. It's not like I am still a waitress picking scraps off the floor. That would have been too easy.

Interesting. Yes I do have a difficult child who sucks my energy like its juice and requires alot of attention and me to alter my lifestyle for the time being. Yes that makes achieving life goals harder. But its not something that will stop me.

I have ambition. I have the brains and mind to succeed. In fact, I will succeed in whatever it is I do and have done. I will tend to my child's needs.

Oh and I am planning to attend University next fall to start pursuing a degree which will hopefully lead into Medicine. So what do you think of that Mr? I hope you see the day I finish this task, then take your words back.

Having a child at 16 did not waste my life or leave me lifeless....if anything, it gave me the desire to succeed and prove to the world that yes! A teen mom can be anything she wants to be if she simply tries!!

yea, I'd Die For you.....

2009-07-23T22:38:00.000-07:00

This song makes me melt. Ultimate romance. Oh and the theme song for the best movie ever!! Robin Hood Prince of Thieves. That's all I have to say. the song and video says all. I'd like to hope that if I ever marry this could be the theme. A medieval wedding....hmmmmm

The Week, in summary

2009-07-18T21:46:00.000-07:00

Woke up, cleaned house in prep for inspection, noticed mold on bathroom wall, had hair straightened by Jodi, loaded car, drove to Olds, shopped at WalMart Supercentre (was in total awe), bought cheap steak and water, drove to Westward Ho, saw my dad, talked a little, read more of my book. Help dad figure out telescope. Not much luck, determined he needs better lens, went to sleep, woke up, went for free pancake breakfast at ho, played with cute dog, took Jake for walk (he almost attacked some kids) waited for mom, mom calls says its gonna rain so never showed, it rained 3x including thunderstorm. suntanned, played in river, explored campground, found washed out un-used sites! watched Star Wars Episode 6, ate steak and marshmallows, watched some scrubs, sleep in, had fight with blake, danced to Michael Jackson tunes, packed up, went to Red Deer, decided to never camp with teens again unless they bring a friend, wished i was still camping, met Matty (he and Jod are so cute together), bought movies at BB, watched Fanboys, decided I am a Fangirl (AKA of the Star Wars, I am no Trekkie), its ok to be a star wars nerd, sleep, tanned in yard, packed up car, went to Edmonton, got mad at sister for being 2 hours late leaving me alone in her in-laws place (i know her friend had a stroke and she was visiting but 2 hrs late?), panicked at edmonton traffic circle, went swimming at Millenium, played games with Jen, Jon and Blake in waves, tried flippers for first time, NO DOUBT! I'm Just a Girl!! wicked show, drank $7.50 ceasar, wished I had more but could not afford it, ate a bun, sleep in semi-strangers at the house my sister was house-sitting (but she was at her own place awkward!!), saw mom, went to galaxyland, forgot camera (dammit!!), rode the Mindbender twice with Jon (his first time), loved it!!, laughed at Jen on smaller coaster cause she was freaked out, went shopping at gigantic West 49 where my beloved dollar theatre used to be, bought blake a hoodie that zipps up over his face, saw Kevin, argued with Blake, cooked fish, ate fish, watched Family Guy Blue Harvest and Role Models (such an inappropriate movie full of jerks, swearing kids and sexual references), slept in cramped hot condo, rode in jen's new ride, packed up, drove to red deer, then to olds (where mom forgot to meet us due to cell phone issues), then to Calgary (total: 4 hrs). Watched Marley and Me and cried, walmart for milk and now typing my life away.

Tomorrow: Blake is off to week long camp!!! Finally a break from chaos for a bit.

Jim Carrey to be a Grandpa

2009-07-09T16:29:00.001-07:00

Allll Riiiighty then.

He would be the coolest grandpa ever! I could just hear him telling stories of the old days now! Could you ever take him seriously?

I bought a car, turned out to be a robot alien. Who Knew?

2009-06-30T21:43:00.000-07:00

It was a glorified commercial for Chevy (please help us in this faltering economy..although the green car was kinda cute. I'd still perfer the Camaro but thats cause of the first movie).

Also a glorified commercial for the ARMY. (but damn, it would be wicked cool to fly a jet one day)

Oh and my impression is that the American's truely feel they are above the rest of the world. in fact they own us all. Because aliens invading and hiding in China (and Ultimately battling it out in EGYPT is a threat on our national security.) They own the air, the water and the land. Someone forgot to send the rest of the world the memo....)

Stupid: They mentioned Obama as the president.

Supider: apparently college is full of drop dead insanely hot chicks who only want get in your pants (they'll even screw education)

I wonder why? The movie was no longer aimed at kids anymore? There was a huge increase in the cursing, slang and sexual inuendo. I was tempted to cover my 10 year old's eyes at one point!

Awesome: 1. Bumblebee kicks serious ass!
2. The massive decepticon was sweeet
3. I really would love to see Egypt and the pryamids now due to the amazing camera work and views.

HOT: Josh Duhamel having a bigger role.

Eye Candy: MEGAN FOX is even hotter in this one. Gotta love the slow mo running scene with explosions in the background.

In conclusion: It seemed to have paid continued homage to the Transformers series. It leaves room for a 3rd movie. The movie was full of action and comedy to keep you hooked from the opening scene. It was fun to watch, made ya think and ultimately fun for typical little boys! I say go see it.

The way you make me feel....

2009-06-29T20:51:00.000-07:00

He may have been strange. odd. it don't matter if you're Black or White. you are weird.

But you can't deny the creativity. the talent. the voice. the moves. the power. his ability to bring the world to their knees. Or better yet, cause the world to stop because of a rumored death. BAM. So fast. so sudden. so shocking. yet was it really that shocking? nah. More like unexpected. At least now.

I look back at jacko the wacko. i mean look at him. look back through the years. He went from a really nice looking young man to a not so bad looking semi-white guy with awesome hair to Whoa! what happened to you? Personality disorder? I think so. and sadly the money to change that man in the mirror.

Lets look past that into the man. I personally don't believe the molestation charges. I don't believe that he was fully an adult. He was eternally a boy. Trapped by stardom and was never taught how to live, to love, to manage wealth. and as a result he crumbled. I believe he was a great dad to his kids. I finally saw a picture of them and maybe they are his. They have some color to them and brown eyes...it is possible afterall!! I really hope his kids will survive this and know what kind of man their dad was...how famous and inspirational he was...that they will carry on his legacy. Its a shame he can't be there for them anymore :(

He was part of my childhood. My mom introduced his music to me when I was a baby. I am an admitted fan. always have been. I always was happy to hear certain songs of his. I remember the first time I saw Thriller. I remember the early 90's phase, even the premiere of Remember the Time. I also remember "Fat" uh by Weird Al. He'll live forever through his music. Our grandkids will know who he was. An icon never dies.

I have not shed a tear. I will not. I will just moonwalk through my kitchen next time. Who will dance on the floor in the round

now I've had my say.