Define Yourself - Women Explore the Aging Process

Aging is a journey, not an event. Never say never!

2009-12-02T20:16:00.007-05:00

By: Kelly May

When I was in my early 20s, I was much more concerned about the way I looked. I wore more make-up then and didn’t dare go out without putting effort into it. At that stage of my life, I entertained the idea of cosmetic enhancements for the future. Nothing in particular, but I was definitely open to the possibilities. Why wouldn’t I consider something that would make me look and/or feel better?

In my 30s, I was very sure...about not getting pulled into or swayed by cosmetic enhancement options. My opinion was firm and non-negotiable. Who needs cosmetic surgery? I’m fine the way I am. If people don’t like what they see, that’s their business. Surgery is okay for other people but it’s not for me. Why would I want to look anything but my age? All those thoughts ran through my mind.

Now, my mindset has changed again. I am open to the various cosmetic choices that are available today. I’m all for trying procedures that are non-invasive cosmetic maintenance options. Who knows, in ten years I may be a high esthetic myself!

So, I guess the idea here is to never say never. Never is a very strong word and if there is one thing I have learned, it is that the only constant is change How can I be sure how I’ll feel in another 10 years? I can’t! Aging is not an event, it is a process.

Watch our latest webisode to learn more about how our cast feel about cosmetic choices.

Where We Came From

2009-11-19T11:05:00.001-05:00

By: Kelly May

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his. Oscar Wilde

At some point in every woman’s life, she asks herself, “Am I turning into my mother?” For a lot of us, the answer is yes, even if we don’t want it to be. In most cases, it makes sense. With nature and nurture, our mothers play a big role in shaping who we become as women. Period. There are those of us that embrace growing into our moms and those that fight it every step of the way.

I can clearly remember my mom saying she hoped I had a child just like me. And, so the evolutionary process of turning into my mother began. I gave birth, several times. I then started living my mom’s life. I woke up early in the morning, took care of my kids, went to work, came home, took care of my family and the house and then went to bed. Doing this repeatedly makes a person tired and cranky.

Instantly I started hearing myself saying things I promised I would never say. I just couldn’t help it. I guess those things are forever burned into my brain. They sound just as ridiculous when I say them as when she used to say them. Ridiculous things such as “If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?”

However, I do wish I was more like my mom in some ways. She enjoys cooking and thinks of it as an art. I, on the other hand, dislike cooking and think of it as punishment. I do it because I need to feed my kids but I don’t think of it as a relaxing activity like my mom.

I am happy to have my mom’s genes. She is 62 and doesn’t have any wrinkles on her face. I’m hoping that I follow in her footsteps.

So, the next time you find yourself thinking that your mother is the last person you would want to turn into, ask yourself, “Would it be so bad to be like my mom?”

TURNING 40!

2009-10-23T16:37:00.000-04:00

By: Grace

I’ve been getting a lot of positive energy and uplifting messages from women who are either anxiously awaiting forty, or looking back at it as the best time of their lives. Their honest stories are encouraging and uplifting, but…

That’s only part of the story. All of us aren’t flying headlong into forty, feeling fabulous and embracing getting older. I’m asking women to be real here, so I guess that reality check has to start with me. There are things I DON’T like about turning forty and a few things I thought would be very different. I have a lot of plans and dreams that I hope to fulfill in my fortieth year, and I’m looking forward to taking on those challenges, but the reality, for me at least, is that not everything about turning forty has been fabulous. And part of turning forty for me is being able to admit that. So, here are a few things that I don’t find at all fabulous about my road to forty…

That hair in the middle of my cheek
WTH? Please don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. I’ve seen you in my rearview mirror desperately plucking at your cheek, chin and/or upper lip (what is it about car windows that makes us think there’s some sort of shield blocking us.) And, It’s never apparent in the bathroom mirror, in the privacy of my own bathroom in the morning. No, it, the hair, always decides to rear its long, ugly head while I’m sitting across the table from some perfectly made up, facial hair-less neophyte. That hair in the middle of my cheek…yeah, I could do without that.

Snap, crackle pop
I remember when that was the sound cereal made when you poured milk on it. Now it’s the sound I hear when I am running…ok walking, up the stairs. Granted, it’s my fault, I have not done a great job of keeping in shape, so I’ll take all the blame. Nevertheless, it’s still not a sound, or feeling I enjoy. Which brings me to my next observation…

I’m still struggling with my weight
A more accurate description would be, my weight is still kicking my ass. I suppose this is my issue, my cross to bear, the battle that when I win, and I did say when, I’ll achieve that next level of Zen. Nevertheless, I’m annoyed at myself for still struggling with it after all these years.

Speaking of a cross to bear
I used to have a photographic memory. Yes, it was decades ago, but I had it. I remember taking tests and closing my eyes, seeing a vision of a page in my mind’s eye, scrolling down to the section with the answer and seeing the words clearly. Would you believe me if I told you I had to double check to make sure I spelled the word “bear” properly when I used it above? In fact, I’m still not sure, but the other “bare” means naked right? And this is not that kind of blog. Believe me, caus’ if you ask me the next time you see me, I won’t remember.

Get glasses Alice
If you’re forty or older, you might remember a commercial back in the day when Alice needed glasses and her husband kept telling her “get glasses Alice!” Fast forward a couple of decades and Alice is now me. In fact, I have quite a few additional, very clever “things I don’t like about turning forty” comments I’d like to make, but I can no longer see my keyboard. I know, I know…get glasses Grace.

Inner Conflict

2009-10-17T14:33:00.006-04:00

By: Catharine Fennell

When it comes to the aging process, women almost always feel conflicted. We live in a world of mixed messages and it is natural that our feelings might be mixed as well. But that’s okay! Some days we wake up feeling strong and full of conviction and idealism. ‘Today, I am who I am. I am proud to be 58 and I will wear my wrinkles well!’ Other days we wake up tired, frustrated when we look in the mirror when the face that looks back at us doesn’t reflect the youth and vitality that we feel inside. It is on those days that we think that we could use a little help.

Your mother may have modeled a certain aging philosophy that you aspire to and follow. Or, the opposite.... perhaps you couldn’t be more different than your mothers. Our role as women and the ‘should’s’ that we live with daily and the messages that we send to our daughters and other women around us also play a factor in how we feel and what we choose to do. If I choose to undergo some kind of cosmetic treatment does that make me less of a woman? Less of a feminist? Less principled?

Aging and the way we feel about it is a really personal thing. It’s personal but that doesn’t mean we aren’t influenced by people and the things around us. Society. Younger women who may look a little more perky and fresh. Strong stoic women who age timelessly and beautifully. The double standard. There is nothing wrong with that. It’s reality and it happens to all of us from time to time.

Our choices about what to do or not do about it are our own and shouldn’t be judged by others. Whatever the decision, you can be sure that a lot of thought went into it. So gals, let’s not be so hard on each other!

Where We've Been & Where We're Going

2009-09-29T15:55:00.007-04:00

By Kelly May

We've now released 3 webisodes of forty six from Season 3 and it's still as exciting as it was the day I started. People that know me know that I get bored quickly. I am adverse to doing the same thing every single day. Working on Define Yourself always makes for an interesting work day. So let's recap where we've been and where we're going.

Our production started with the casting process back in March. That was an adventure and a great experience. We met many wonderful women, each with an interesting story and a unique point of view, therefore making it almost impossible to choose. In order to tell the story and have it appeal to the widest audience possible it was critical that we brought together a range of women factoring in age, diversity and overall aging attitude. This made for a difficult selection process. Eventually we arrived at what I can only describe as the perfect, eclectic cast of women.

I had preconceived notions of what our cast members would be like and boy was I wrong. I was and am still surprised daily by each of the women. We are coming close to the end of the production while releasing webisodes from filming that we started back in April. The last series of webisodes that we have filmed were events or treatments that the women experienced as part of the process. Without giving anything away, I think you may be surprised at who did what. You'll have to watch and see.

We have one more major event to shoot and a few smaller things to do and the shooting part of the season will be a wrap. However, that doesn't mean the work is done. There is so much more to putting together a season of Define Youself. For example, we are currently working on putting together a video montage of viewers like you who want to express how they feel about aging. Some want to participate by sending us their own videos and some want to be included in a session where we speak to people on the street. Interested? Click here to let us know.

The next phase of the process is swinging into gear as we focus on communications and marketing of DefineYourself.ca Over the next little while, I'll be working on letting everyone know about our show with daily tweets (visit us at www.twitter.com/define_yourself), regular blog postings and working with our partners to build our audience. I truly believe that women of all ages will both enjoy and benefit from Define Yourself. Not only is the show entertaining, it's also thought provoking. There are so many facets to the aging process making the conversations limitless.

Lastly, we have already had a number of women express interest in being on Season 4. If you are interested in being a cast member on Season 4, please let us know by visiting our subscribe page and checking the cast box to submit your information http://www.defineyourself.ca/subscribe.php

As Season 3 progresses, I look forward to getting to know you better, hearing your thoughts on the show and input for next year.

I hope you enjoy the upcoming webisodes!

Words of Wisdom

2009-09-23T14:55:00.009-04:00

By Elizabeth Grant

Women are always coming up to me and asking how I do it. I’ve been stopped in malls, airports, and walking down the street. Women want to know- how can they look and feel their best at ANY age? While there is no secret formula or fountain of youth, every woman can benefit from a little graceful aging advice.

I don’t stop- and when I say this, I mean that I don’t stop living life as I always have. I’m now in my late eighties, and I haven’t stopped my philanthropy, I haven’t stopped working, I haven’t stop traveling the world, I haven’t stopped learning, and most importantly- I haven’t stopped DREAMING. Life does not stop at 40, 50, 60, or even 70.

My determination and perseverance also keeps me strong and young at heart. I never lose sight of the fact I started my company in the 1950’s when it was very unusual for women to be running businesses. As a younger woman, I faced many obstacles that I had to push through. I suffered skin damage to my face and lost a great deal of confidence for a time. But, I had (and still do!) dreams and goals and I pushed through.

As a woman in my vintage years now, I face different obstacles. My philosophy is the same as it was in my younger years- keep following your dreams and maintain a passion for life in every aspect. I have had amazing achievements at an age when most retire. There is a new breed of women coming about and I am a part of it. Today women are living longer, healthier, and happier lives than ever before- and that is why I wish to inspire you with the knowledge that it is never too late to follow your dreams.

For those of you who wish for a few quick simple tips for feeling and looking more youthful, here is my advice:

Take care of your skin! Moisturize. Follow a skin care regime designed for your skin type.
Stay out of the sun. Always wear sun block.
Drink lots of water. I drink at least 8 glasses a day.
Get your beauty sleep.
Exercise. I still love to dance and I take the time to do it every day.

Just remember- you are as young as you feel. I know I feel youthful and as a result, my vitality radiates from the inside out.

Wishing you all to look and feel your best and your greatest success at any age,

First webisode launches this week

2009-09-14T12:37:00.000-04:00

Launched our first webisode this week! Visit us at http://www.defineyourself.ca/ and meet the cast.

Season three launches September 8th

2009-09-03T13:54:00.002-04:00

I am excited to be announcing the launch of Season Three of the http://www.defineyourself.ca/ award winning, web-based T.V. show, which tells the story of women 40+ and their experience of aging. This year’s cast includes five women ranging in age from 42-63 years and ranging in aging attitudes from the naturalist to the high esthetic. The third season’s stories will be released once weekly over 40 weeks starting next Tuesday September 8th when we will be releasing the meet the cast bios. This week you will find season three cast teasers pre-released online for viewing.

In its second season, Define Yourself won the prestigious Gold Quill award for excellence in electronic communications and programming and this year Define Yourself is expanding its online platform to include new media partners to be announced.
We are very excited about this season's cast and production which has a little something for every woman over 40. Today we also launched our new website designed to streamline the presentation of a full year of webisodes to be released over the course of the year.

You can sign up to receive weekly webisode e-lerts at http://defineyourself.ca/newsite/subscribe.php

It takes a lot to move me

2009-08-10T21:40:00.001-04:00

This year's DefineYourself.ca web t.v. production has been a journey. Carefully selecting women, taking everything into consideration. Not to create a contrived outcome but to truly tell this story in the most honest, authentic way possible. To bring women together who would not necessarily relate or even get along. To take chances and risks with the hope that the whole story would come out. To hope that these women would open themselves up to the process and allow themselves to share their inner most feelings-- vulnerabilities, insecurities, fears and passion. This seasons production has been subtle, somber, inspiring, hilarious and surprising. It has taken twists and turns that none of us would have anticipated. And, it's not yet over.

I have been moved by this season. I am excited because I know that when women watch the first webisode they won't be able to stop watching. This season has a way of really drawing you in. I see some of myself in all of these women. Depending on the day, I relate to and enjoy each of these women differently. But mostly I am grateful to each of these women for opening themselves to this process-- not feeling compelled to present anything other than the plain truth (no matter how un-glamourous that can sometimes be) and in so doing, helping so many women to connect and feel a sense of belonging and 'I am not alone'.

You don't want to miss it. Take my word for it. Be sure to sign up to receive webisode e-lerts for the launch of Season 3 starting early September.

Let's talk about SEX and aging

2009-07-27T16:18:00.001-04:00

By Kelly May

While working on this season of Define Yourself, the topic of aging and sexuality has come up more than once. As women age, many feel less attractive than they did once upon a time. Whether it is getting re-acquainted with your partner and trying to re-ignite a spark or starting over with new relationships, exploring sexuality as we age can be fun and quite frightening.

So let’s get to the juicy part, sex. It seems that women of a "certain age" aren't expected to be as sexual as they once were. Why is that? It's sad that there are women who buy into the stereotype and accept the notion that getting older equates to being less desirable and therefore less sexual. They are missing out on a life filled with sexual possibilities. If a woman chooses to subscribe to that channel, I suppose it's fine but what about those women who want to be desired and who want to enjoy a long lasting, healthy sexual life?

So, yes, dating and sexual experiences with new partners (or old ones) can be daunting. Even daunting enough to take any spark out of it! I understand this, especially since it seems like so many men are now accustomed to dating women half their age. Women who are seemingly confident and not worried about sagging boobs and the after effects of having children ‘the mummy tummy’ and general effects of gravity. Who can compete with that? I say, you can't and why would you want to? As women age, we also gain valuable insight and knowledge of ourselves and our bodies. So if anything, we should be looking for the younger man. The answer is...the smart woman knows that being sexy and desirable is all a state of mind. Confident and self-assured...now that's sexy.

So, get inspired to tap into your sexuality. You might even want to leave the lights on!!

Sign up to receive webisode alert notices for Season 3 (coming in September, 2009) to discover how our cast members feel about aging and sexuality. You may be surprised.

Which 'aging' type are you?

2009-07-17T12:21:00.002-04:00

Do you know what type you are? Has it changed over the years? It has for me. When I was in my late teens and early 20s, I was more more of an Upkeep for Me, leaning towards a High Esthetic attitude. I wouldn't think of leaving the house without hair done, lipstick, eyeliner and a cute little outfit on. What if there was a hot guy at the store? I also thought that as I got older I would consider cosmetic enhancements. (Let's just say I am no Dolly Parton and in fact, have become less and less like Dolly after each of my three children). Skip ahead a decade and things are definitely different. My attitude has changed. Now, at 36, my outlook on my appearance has changed. I WILL leave the house without a stitch of makeup and my hair in a ponytail. I don't consider whom I might bump into when running errands. I will, however, dress up when the occasion warrants dressing up. If I'm at work, I dress appropriately and put on my version of day makeup (concealer, blush and lipstick/gloss). If I'm going out for dinner/drinks in the evening, I might glam it up a little more...add some liner and mascara for the dramatic evening look. I am now a Practical Maintainer. I do what I can when I have the time and I'm open to learning about the newest in cosmetic products and treatments. However, my outward appearance is just not my main concern anymore. I wonder how I'll feel in another decade?

Working with our cast, showed me that I am not alone. Generally, we all go through different stages in life which help shape and mold our view points on everything including aging. If you haven't already, take our Which Type Are You Poll. You may be suprised at the outcome. Watch Season 3 beginning in early September and learn who you identify with the most. It may be one, two or all depending on where you are in your life right now.

A dynamic, surprising cast of women

2009-07-08T13:13:00.001-04:00

Posted by Kelly May, Production Assistant, DefineYourself.ca

The casting process for Define Yourself Season Three was an eye opening experience for me. Being a very opinionated (some might say judgemental) person, I had very set ideas about what I was getting myself into. Specifically, I had pre-conceived notions about the ladies on the opposite ends of the spectrum. I expected our Naturalist to be the stereotypical “crunchy granola, Birkenstock wearing, tree-hugging” woman who shuns anything and everything to do with her physical appearance. At the other end, I expected our High Esthetic to be a self-absorbed, egotistical, narcissistic, high maintenance type, who is plastic from head to toe. I expected to completely disagree with both of them and perhaps even dislike them a little. You see, I am a Practical Maintainer and so are most of my friends, give or take a few who fall on either side of me (Simple is Best or Upkeep for Me). What I didn’t expect was to find both our Naturalist and our High Esthetic to be perfectly lovely people both whom I identify with on different levels. It’s amazing how closed-minded we can be when we choose to stereotype. I guess that is what DefineYourself.ca is all about. Opening our eyes to people who are different than us and understanding their personal choices. you are going to love these women! Stay tuned to meet our cast coming early in September.

Check out our recent Thrive e-newsletter

Life after 40. The view gets better from here.

2009-07-03T14:58:00.002-04:00

By DefineYourself.ca Community Member, Cathy Nave

I can’t believe I’m not 20 anymore, my mind sometimes thinks I am, but my body reminds me of my 40 something years of age. I’m not getting any younger, when I look in the mirror the wrinkles around my eyes and the grey roots under my blonde highlights reveal my age. Thank goodness for Miss Clairol. I’m not obsessed with staying young like Suzanne Somers, but I do believe that our health is something we should take seriously and we need to accept our age and love each stage as we get older.

I’m ok with getting older. In fact I look forward to it. I feel comfortable about whom I’ve become and the choices I’ve made in life, I’m no longer consumed with what others think of me. My self worth has actually taken a positive turn and I’m content with the way my life has turned out, except for a few small things. I know friends who aren’t as happy with the way life has treated them, they’re more apprehensive about getting older and believe they need more time to achieve their goals, they’re feeling the pressure that time is running out and they’re doing anything to stay young, which I endorse if it gives them happiness and makes them feel they are somehow turning back the clock if only for a short time.

What is the secret of aging? It has something to do with aligning our mind and body; at least that’s what “they” say. We can be happy by accepting what we have accomplished thus far in our lives and knowing we can’t change the past but can alter our future. And, understanding that our age is not a deterrent to fulfilling our life’s dreams. With our experience and hopefully with some wisdom under our belts, we know exactly how to go about getting what we want out of the rest of our lives.

Season three coming soon....the aging dialogue continues

2009-04-08T10:51:00.004-04:00

As we approach the launch of our third season for Defineyourself.ca web t.v. with a whole new terrific cast of women, I am contemplating how different we all are in our views on aging yet how we are bound together by so many common threads like wanting our outside to reflect how we feel on the inside. Like wanting to feel good in general. Like never actually feeling our age. Yet what we choose to do or not do on the exterior is what polorizes us as women. The term anti aging is a loaded one. I mean, where does the category start and stop? If you are pro anti-aging does that mean you generally are not a fan of the aging process or that you are physically going to do everything in your power to slow the hands of time and preserve your youth?

I want to dispell one myth which seems to be out there about www.DefineYourself.ca. We are not here to sell something or to shape a biased viewpoint or steer you in a direction. We are not pro anything... except for having women honestly share their stories and views around aging. Women across North America have told us how helpful it is to follow these women and their journeys of self exploration. It is the need we all have to relate and feel a sense of belonging with a group of community of women who are like minded. And, the natural curiosity we have about the unknown or unfamiliar-- something different from the way we see the world.

As we pull together this season I am very excited to tell this story again through the eyes of five dynamic women who you will all come to love.

Anti-Aging with Charla Krupp

2009-01-20T16:13:00.000-05:00

So what is new in the land of the anti-aging? Take a look at http://www.loveantiaging.com, it's a blog based in Spain that looks at different products to help us gracefully age.

Speaking of which, who knows better about anti-aging techniques than our friend, Charla Krupp. Author of the bestselling book, ‘How to Not Look Old’, Charla can currently be seen talking about her tips on anti-aging in a video on YouTube. She really knows her stuff!

To link to what Charla had to say about women and aging in our exclusive interview, click here.

Survive or Thrive the aging process? Sign up for our e-newsletter if you haven’t already.

What does it mean to "Define Yourself"?

2008-12-02T14:17:00.000-05:00

KaZ Brownlee
Creative Producer/Film and Television Consultant
Torfoot Inc.

What does it mean to "Define yourself"? Is that a philosophical, ethical, spiritual, social, emotional, or a general question? Or is it a definition that addresses your clothes, hair, makeup, skin, body, the car you drive, your j-o-b, the company you keep, your children, grandchildren, being childless?

I could go on and on (and given the chance you know I will). Does the definition of YOU address your essence or you superficially?

I don't purport to have ANY answers to these questions for anyone, most of all for myself. BUT I do get glimpses of answers in my daily life.

I think defining yourself encompasses ALL of the above.

Am I REALLY what I wear? Is it an expression of who I am or a costume or mask?
Does my mood affect what I wear or does what I wear affect my mood?

Am I those last, stubborn 10 pounds, those stacked heels, that spiffy little sports car, truck or the station wagon?

You may be saying to yourself, this topic just has me scratching my head, where is she going with this? OR does it give birth to an AHA moment?

Give yourself a little time to let this sink in. I am not looking for you or myself to get into some deep meditation about it but this may spurn you on to do just that at a time in your life when you are searching for some answers. You may feel absolute confidence in who you are and you may be rolling your eyes and saying hey, if I knew who I was would I be reading this now?

For me all of this is an expression of my inner self but they are NOT my inner self. Do you get the difference?

Hey, I loved having a little sports car to ride in with the top down and the wind blowing through my hair and the sun shining down on my head (ok, on my hat because I didn't want a burned scalp), but if it went away tomorrow (and it did, I got pregnant and couldn't get in or out of it anymore!) am I still me? YOU BETCHA!

Maybe I did just define who I am. I just... AM!

Until next time!

5 Biggest Misconceptions About Ethnic Aging

2008-11-21T10:05:00.000-05:00

Krizia from www.myBeautyMatch.com

In an earlier post, I spoke about how ethnicity does play a role in aging. This is very true, some skin behaves and responds differently than others, which is why there are so many products out there for every combination of skin. But there are many stereotypes and misconceptions out there and I want to reveal where these ideas come from.

Many years ago when I was still working in the corporate world, I had dinner with a group of colleagues and ended up chatting with one (Caucasian) colleague who had turned the big 5-0 and who had so many concerns about aging. Her daughter, who at the time was my age, had just had a baby and she was now a grandmother, but she wasn’t sure she was ready to assume the role. I remember trying to comfort her by telling her that she looked amazing and that no one would believe she was over 41! She looked at me with a half smile and said “it’s easy for you to say because you’ll never have any wrinkles or sagging skin because black skin never ages!”

I know from experience that every time I go for a facial, visit a cosmetic dermatologist or interview beauty experts, they often comment on the condition of my skin. I always remind them that it’s not so much my ethnic makeup that allows me to age this well, but it’s the fact that I treat my body like a temple and I’m quite careful with my lifestyle choices.

The truth is that black skin does age and there are many black people walking around with wrinkled and sagging skin because their lifestyle was not conducive to aging well.

On that note, I’d like to sum up by looking at what I see as the 5 most prevalent stereotypes associated with ethnic aging:

1. Blacks never age: Most black women don’t have to deal with fine lines and wrinkles, but they do have to deal with droopiness and skin sagging.

2. East Indian women have no aging concerns: East Indian women deal with a lot of the same skincare issues as black women. Their major concerns deal with skin discolouration, patchiness and blotchiness. In some cases, East Indian women deal with severe dark circles around their eyes.

3. Asians always look so much younger than their age: A lot of people associate aging with body size and since many Asian women tend to be on the petite side, many people view them as “looking younger than their age”. That said, if you look at the face of Asian women you’ll notice that as they age they’ll have to contend with dropping eyelids, under eye puffiness and deep marionette lines around their mouth.

4. It’s inevitable, Caucasians will always look older than their age: A lifetime of excessive sun exposure WILL leave Caucasian skin subject to premature aging, severe discolouration and deep wrinkles. When Caucasian women stay out of the sun they significantly reduce their chances of looking much older than their age.

5. Blacks don’t have to worry about skin cancer or sun burns because they have dark skin: There are incidences of skin cancer among blacks and I know firsthand that black skin DOES burn when exposed too long to hot sun.

The Changing Face of Work for Women

2008-11-18T12:32:00.000-05:00

Dale Brownlee

I am part of the early cohort of Canadian women that worked by choice in noticeable numbers. For us, the first noticeable change was that women’s jobs began to include a broadening range of opportunities that had formerly been closed to most women. In case I paint too rosy a picture, that broadening range of opportunities was horizontal, not vertical!

We got comments like “I think you are selfish to work – you should be having children”, or “It is too bad you HAVE to work.” The famous glass ceiling either did not exist then, or it was made of cement! And there was no shortage of unacceptable comments on our dress and appearance.

Today’s data shows increasing percentages of women in the workplace and in management, and decreasing wage gaps between men and women. And I think that women are now an accepted part of most Canadian workforces. But at the same time women face a huge new challenge that we did not – having to compete not only with men, but also with lots of other women.

Along with that, in the last 5 or so years before I retired, I couldn’t help but notice a disturbing change happening. My generation of women workers were able to depend on each other for support, workplace friendship, a helpful ear. Today’s women are as busy as men focusing on upward mobility. While this is a natural progression, I was distressed to see it accompanied by the formerly male territories of protecting turf, fighting off challengers, and neutralizing the influence of competent (mainly female) colleagues.

Maybe this is a temporary phenomenon and women will be able to return to the true skills of mentoring, supporting and promoting one another. Until that happens however, I have to admit to relief that I am now (happily) retired and out of the range of fire of those I used to consider supporters.

Canada vs the States: Cosmetic enhancements and vision of beauty and aging – the reactions

2008-11-17T15:57:00.000-05:00

KaZ Brownlee
Creative Producer/Film and Television Consultant
Torfoot Inc.

So once I was having work done on my face for a while, I wanted to reflect on others saw me and how their reactions made me feel. First off, in Canada the emphasis on your age doesn't seem to be so crucial. I have never been asked my age by anyone in the biz and I work with fantastically talented and experienced women of all ages. Talent seems to win out more so than a size 2 body and a neatly pressed face.

I have become very proud of my fitness level and the shape I am in because I have worked tirelessly at obtaining it. OK, yes, I am a size 2 but I AM a little gal (5'4") and was always small. I only gained some weight after my later-in-life pregnancy and becoming more sedentary for a few years. I have gotten back into my working weight (I was a dancer, stunt woman, professional water skier and circus artist) and I am training clients now so I like to be a healthy example. However, I digress. 45, 46, 47, started to feel REALLY good to me and now at 49 I look in the mirror and think "You GO girl, the hard work has paid off".

I have become very comfortable in my skin and am not afraid to tell anyone who asks how old I am. Here's the rub...I was talking to a gal pal of mine in LA and the subject of age came up. I told her, 'Ya know, I am going to be 50 in January". And she said "Shut Up!" I said, "...no really, I am going to be 50". She said, "no, really, I mean you should shut up about it."

I guess the deer in headlights look I gave her said it all, so she explained - "When you look too good, you alienate people. They are insecure enough as it is so if you look too good, they just hate you." "Isn't that their problem?" I asked. Well, not if you are trying to work with them or get a project done, she told me.

So here's the dilemma, do I let myself go and not alienate these insecure, dysfunctional 'Hollywood' types or do I give them the one finger salute and carry on??? I think by now you can guess what my decision was. I wish I was a low maintenance gal but, alas, it was not meant to be. I have a friend who has had nary a thing done to her face and she can just slick some Vaseline on her lips, curl her eyelashes and step out into the world looking 30 at 56. Expletive deleted.

www.allthatkaz.com

My secret to looking rested and youthful

2008-11-05T16:30:00.000-05:00

KaZ Brownlee
Creative Producer/Film and Television Consultant
Torfoot Inc.

So I touched on my last post on how I went from maintenance procedures to non-invasive injections. In this post I wanted to go into my experience with injections and how it made me feel. As mentioned before, injections became my new friend and BOY did they work.

Every 6 months or less without fail I was in my doctor's office telling him to "Load me up". Luckily for me, my Vancouver doctor is conservative and would tell me definitively when I did and DID NOT need a booster. I only go to "face" doctors in Vancouver AND if you are conservative - NO ONE KNOWS you are having it done.

I have had my lips injected, my neck, chin, forehead, temples and until now it has been my secret. I don't have that liver lipped, G-Force look on my face. I just look rested and youthful. LA doctors can be scary and although you may go in just for injections, you could end up with a laundry list of procedures from a forehead and eye lift to a boob job. Trust me, it happened to one of my best friends!

www.allthatkaz.com

What drove my attention to my ‘aging face’ at 35

2008-10-30T12:56:00.000-04:00

KaZ Brownlee
Creative Producer/Film and Television Consultant
Torfoot Inc.

Being brought up in the entertainment industry since the age of twelve I would say I have been at a distinct disadvantage from an aging standpoint since the age of thirty-five. That being said, I come from a line of extremely good genes and we all look at least 10 years younger than our chronological age. It was never important to my grandmother or my mother but they never had to be on camera, on stage or shop a project to twenty-somethings at major film and TV studios.

I started really being "interested" in my aging face at about thirty-five. I got chemical peels, glycolic peels, and deep facials. At that point, I felt it was a maintenance issue. But around 40 when I looked in the mirror and a saggier version of me looked back, I opted for injections. My manager and producer had NO idea at the time how old I was and the subject never came up.

I was still commuting between LA and Vancouver, so “don't ask, don't tell” was the motto of the day. Fear was instilled into you that a casting director or someone in a position of power would discover your age and forever pigeon-hole you because, frankly, they have no imagination. If they know you are 40 or 50, regardless if you look like it or not, that’s all they will remember. In my case, my career drove my anti-aging approach- perhaps prematurely.

www.allthatkaz.com

Women lie about their age, but not the way you think!

2008-10-23T09:41:00.001-04:00

According to a recent 'Lie About Your Age' contest and survey conducted by Define Yourself, over 50% of women surveyed admitted to lying about their age and 30% of those shared that they say they are 5-10 years older, not younger! These results were initially surprising but when we dug a little deeper we learned that women enjoyed the positive, disbelieving reaction from others. Ultimately it is not about the age but the feeling of looking good in other people's eyes.

In going into this survey we anticipated that we would learn much about women and the negative reasons why they felt pressured to lie about their age, but what came through loud and clear is that women are more liberated than ever before. As one woman proclaimed 'At age 34, I realized that I looked good for 34 but if I said I was 44, I would look amazing!". Crazy? No. Onto something? Maybe!

The winner of the “Best Lie about Your Age” contest has been announced!

2008-09-15T13:53:00.000-04:00

Krizia from www.myBeautyMatch.com

On August 22, 2008 I had the pleasure of spending a lovely afternoon with four other judges to read the entries from the “Best Lie about Your Age” Contest and crown a victorious winner.

The “Best Lie about Your Age” Contest (the first of its kind) is the brainchild of DefineYourself.ca, a website and community dedicated to women and their feelings about aging.

I laughed and debated with the other judges (Robina, Megan, Fauna, Donna and Ann) about the stories that had been submitted for the contest.

Many of the stories were what you would expect from a contest that asked to depict the best lie story you’ve ever told … but a lot of stories were a real surprise. A number of women (and men) admitted that they had never lied (EVER) about their age (but luckily half of the women surveyed revealed lying about their age). Although noble, these stories didn’t make the cut because the idea was to get an entertaining story about a good lie.

Surprisingly, many entries were about women who had lied about their age to let others believe they were older than their age (30% of women have admitted to adding candles to their birthday cake to “appear” older). I’ve got to admit to have been puzzled by that one until another judge talked about the payback of such a decision. You see if you are 38 and you tell someone that you just celebrated your 48th birthday, the automatic reaction would be along the lines of: “wow, you look incredible for your age”. It’s interesting that someone would get a kick out of being told constantly that they look great for their age because they tacked on an extra 10 years to their biological age.

Some stories, expectedly, were about women who had lied about their age because of the fear of chasing away a younger love interest … those stories were expected … but nevertheless entertaining and in many cases quite hilarious.

In the end after reading numerous submissions and taking time to individually score them there was a very clear winner. We all agreed that the winning entry had all the makings of a great story and the visual factor from the description was priceless.

After reading Cathy Andrew’s (from Toronto) story, it was impossible NOT to crown her the winner.

Cathy’s comical story about being “outed” during an intimate experience with her younger boyfriend was simply too good to be true. Basically, the story unfolds because Cathy had no choice but to confess that she had lied about her age when her hormone patch landed on her fairly freaked out boyfriend. This little unexpected incidence forced her to admit that the patch was in fact a menopausal low-dose hormone patch and NOT a contraceptive patch!

The other top four stories were also quite entertaining and one of them was in a sense quite sad because it’s the story of a woman who had to lie about her age to achieve a life goal that would set the course for the rest of her life (and she was in her 50s).

In the end, Cathy Andrew’s stories really met all of the criterion and the fun factor could not be ignored or denied!

Only a few days left for “Best Lie about Your Age” Contest!

2008-08-18T09:22:00.000-04:00

Krizia from www.myBeautyMatch.com

This is the last week for you to participate in the The Best Lie About Your Age Contest which will run until August 22, 2008.

There have been thousands of people from across the country visiting the DefineYourself.ca site to share their best lie stories and some of the entries are incredibly candid, crafty and quite humorous.

There have been some really interesting findings from the entries and I cannot wait to learn more and share them with you.

In a few days (on Friday, August 22), I will sit down with the panel of Define Yourself judges to determine the best lie story based on our criteria.

The judging panel will include women from seasons 1 and 2 of DefineYourself.ca. For an entire afternoon Robina, Megan, Fauna, Donna, Ann and I will be sitting around a table to discuss, debate, agree and disagree on the many entries that were submitted!

I’m sure there will be a lot to debate about and quite a few hilarious moments and I will report all of the highlights on the site.

Don’t forget, it’s NOT too late to participate. You can still submit a great “lie story” and enter a chance to win $1000 of Medical Spa pampering and rejuvenation!

To participate, simply visit http://www.defineyourself.ca/.

The “Best Lie about Your Age” Contest going strong!

2008-08-05T09:25:00.000-04:00

Krizia from www.myBeautyMatch.com

There have been thousands of people from across the country visiting the DefineYourself.ca site to share their best lie stories. Nothing like a cool contest to grab people’s attention.

It’s quite fascinating how much easier it is to get people to admit to lying about their age in total anonymity as opposed to getting them to admit this on camera.

A few weeks ago, I tagged along with Aimee from DefineYourself.ca to invite Torontonians to share their best lie stories. Most people were quite happy to hear about the contest and they were thrilled at the idea of being able to win $1,000 of MedSpa pampering and rejuvenation, but when it came time to actually getting them to talk on camera … that was a whole different ball game.

The truth is that most people have lied about their age at some point or another for whatever reason, but they don’t necessarily let others know of that publicly.
People lie about their age for a number of reasons:

Vanity
Industry related realities for those working in front of the camera
Ageism in the work place and the fear of being passed over for promotion
Dating a younger partner
Dating after a recent divorce or the break-up of a long term relationship
Body image issues and not feeling happy about the visible signs of aging

The Best Lie About Your Age Contest will run until August 22, 2008. The judging panel consists of women from DefineYourself.ca’s previous season casts and yours truly!

The contest is open to all Canadian men and women and will be judged based on the craftiest and most outrageous story.

To participate, simply visit www.defineyourself.ca to enter!