The world is not my home.

Revival of this story coming in 2020!

2019-12-22T06:25:00.001-07:00

When I conceived the idea for this story, I was really excited. Life got between me and the ending I had envisioned, so I wound it down in a rather hurried ending. Now, I have reread it and become inspired so I am going to work on the story I know is buried deep in my head and more importantly in my heart.

I will of course, continue with my Words of Wisdom. Those pages are written early in the mornings because I wake up thinking about things that mostly happened in my day to day life and mostly back when I was growing up in a dog eat dog world.

I hope you will follow "The World Is Not My Home" as a purely fictional effort on my part. You can also sign up to get in sent to your email. Just go to the left column under the followers.

I look forward to entertaining you in a purely fictional rendering

#19 A new day

2019-07-18T05:05:00.001-06:00

I began to rouse myself. I had no idea how long I had been asleep, if sleep was actually what it was, but Rompano standing beside me. I raised myself to his level and was disturbed to see that he looked very sad. I thought of touching him and I could feel his warmth.

“Oh, Rompano, why do you look so sad?” I could not imagine what could make him sad in this world we were in that had no beginning, no end and not even a now.

“ I have learned something. I do not know how I learned it. It just came into my head. I think that is how we learn here. At least I think that is how, otherwise I would not know this.”

He did not move, but I felt his arms holding me. And then he began to speak. “ I am going to be sent back. I am going to be born again into a family in Central Kansas. Imagine that! I know nothing of who they are, or why I am going there. I just know I will be leaving you and that makes me sad. I have learned more. I have learned that some people have been together since the beginning of time. They keep getting thrown together or finding their way to each other. Do you think that could be true of you and I?”

I thought a moment and then smiled. “I think that is possible. The first time I saw you I knew you. You found me here in this place and that is something. I love you like I have loved you forever.”

“And I you.” He laughed. “I do not even know your name. We don’t really need names here, but I want to give you one. I want to call you Infiniti. I do not know if I will remember this when I leave here, but I will know you when I see you. I will look in your eyes and I will see Infiniti. We were meant to be together forever.”

Somehow I knew this was true. I remembered how I had walked into places I had never been and knew where every thing was located. I knew the people on the street that I had never met. I remembered hiking a trail near Beulah and I knew I would find the Mountain Sage near the top. Some people called it dejavu. I remembered the first time I had met my husband. I knew him. I knew we were destined. I turned to face Rompano, but he was gone.

A strange peace came over me. I knew I had work to do if I wanted to reach the shining shores and rest in the arms of my sweet Jesus, but I was ready. As I settled to the softness of my mossy little room with my furry friends beside me I thanked my God for having sent me Rompano. I knew not what lay ahead, but I did know that somewhere I would find him, or he would find me and together we would work to change the world.

#18 A new day

2019-06-30T16:50:00.000-06:00

I awoke to brilliant light filling my mossy little room. I was surprised to see that Rampano was still there. I gazed at the place where he lay and felt full of love like I used to feel back in the real world. I did not know this man, if he was indeed a man, but some how I felt a link and a connection to him that came from deep within. Now even “deep within” I did not understand since there was nothing to have a within with, but I felt a tie to this little Rompano.

As I watched him sleeping I felt myself in another place. I did not recognize my surrounding. The ceiling were high and the trimmings around the ceilings were elegantly carved and painted a brilliant gold. On closer examination I decided they could actually be gold. The floors were marble. It was neither cold nor hot, but rather just a temperature that was completely moderate. I saw people at the end of the long hallway. It seemed to be all men and they were in some sort of uniform.

At that point I became aware that they were English and the the year was 1431. It was the end of the 100 year war with France. I was French and had no idea wht I was doing in an English prison. My roots traced back to French Switzerland. I deduced that it was an English prison, but I was French to the bone! What was going on?

I watched as the contingent of men in their army uniforms came toward my door. I was locked in a small rock cell with only a pallet on the floor. I wore a uniform consisting of a pair of pants that were tied tightly at my waist, a coarse jacket and no more. The men stopped at the door of my cell and one of them unrolled a parchment and began to read:

“Maid of Orleans, you have been found guilty of heresy. You claim to talk with God! By your own words you admitted that this is true. You refuse to dress as a woman, but wear the garb of a man. A jury of your peers has deemed that you shall be immediately taken from this place and burned at the stake until you are dead! So be it.”

With that he turned and stepped aside. 4 men entered my cell and grabbed me by my arms and jerked me outside the cell and propelled me forward. In no time at all I stood before a pyre. It was then I realized I was Joan of Arc, the maid of Orleans. I had fought for

France

since the age of 17. I had lead troops in battle and changed the course of history! I was descended from the Calame and Gagnebien line. I had no time to speak as I was propelled forward and tied to the stake. Quickly a fire was lit and I was consumed.

I felt no pain. I could see my murderers , but I felt no pain. I was floating, floating, and then drifting down. I came to rest beside Rompano. He opened his eyes and smiled. I smiled back. I was safe once more for a while.

The crackling fire was no more. I wanted to tell him where I had been, but as quickly as it had happened it was forgotten, so I just smiled and faded into my mossy little room with Rompano at my side.

#17 Rampano

2019-06-30T06:16:00.004-06:00

I was very happy to see Rampano the next day when I opened my eyes. I was beginning to actually like the man, or whatever he was that passed for a man. I had utmost faith in what he would tell me, but I was very confused at this point.

“Rampano! You told me that I worked in the ovens in Auchwitz! I could not have done that. I came here in 1895 as my Great Grandfather and he died in 1916 and I was born in 1941 and I can not be 2 people at once! How do you explain that?”

“Oh, just cool your jets missy! I made a little mistake. You are not the only one I am tutoring here and I just got you mixed up with a little gal from Berlin. You do have a lot of German blood in your veins.” He shook his head and then continued. “Do you wonder why I am still here and not off at the judgement seat?” He leveled a look at me that let me know that he was expecting an answer.

I had to think about that. He was here to help me so surely he was further advanced in his journey than I was. I had thought he was different than I was. I was a novice at this, or so I thought and I thought he knew things I did not, but maybe that was not the case. Maybe he was searching for answers just as I was. I suddenly seen Rampano in a new light. He was a comrade seeking answers just as I was. I laughed.

“Oh, Rampano! You are just like me, aren’t you? You are not perfect and neither am I! How many times have you been sent back? “ I crossed my arms and waited for an answer.

For the first time since I had met him, he looked sad. My heart stirred for the first time since I had died. I reached out and put my arms around Rampano. I felt a tear fall on the top of my head and I felt a tenderness for this strange little man that I was pretty sure I could not feel being dead, but there it was. Empathy welled in my heart and I patted his shoulder.

“Maybe we can figure this out together.” As we stood in the middle of wherever we were, I felt my mossy little room envelope me, but Rampano was still in my arms as I drifted into nothingness.

#16 Ellis Island

2019-06-25T20:33:00.001-06:00

I had very little time to spend in my mossy little room, but when I was there I was very content. I was surrounded by my animals. This having pets and not having to be responsible for grooming and feeding them was a relief. At some point in time I would travel back in time and learn a lesson from my past. I was still reveling in what had been a wonderful life in the black Forest of Germany when I felt the room began to change and I felt myself propelled back and then forward. I was beginning to get the hang of just stopping and letting it happen. There was no way I could control anything so I had to just go with the flow and learn whatever lesson was on for that day. It was strange that the lessons were not always in chronological order. Actually, they were rarely in order. They just happened. I relaxed and let my mind follow wherever I was going.

I gazed at the high ceiling and then around at the teeming crowds. They were all going in one direction. We came to a barricade and had to stop. A loud voice boomed over a megaphone of some sort that was meant to amplify sound.

"Settle down! I will get to you all in due time. I know you had a rough crossing, but you are here now and if we all work together we will be out of here and you can start your new life."

I stared around and slowly realization came to me. I was in the building on Ellis Island! I had just gotten off the boat from Germany. I held the hand of my son Christoph Adam Haas. I realized then that I was my great grandfather. Christoph would marry Josie Miller and they would be the parents to my mother. It was then that I realized how this worked. Or at least I thought I did. Apparently I was a Haas before I was born and had the memories of my ancestors. But how could that be? Rompano had told me I worked in the ovens when the Jews were killed. Was I a product of other ancestors also? That could not be. But it could be that I was a product of several different lines, but they all began to coverge. Suddenly a voice boomed and a hush fell over the hall of Ellis Island.

"Johann Jakob Haas!" I grasped the hand of my son Christof Adam Haas and began to move forward into my new life. We were propelled forward by the teeming masses. We stopped several times to have our papers marked by some big man who seemed to be in charge of that area and then we were shuffled onward to another grisly looking man who mumbled something and then pushed us onward. Periodically one or another of the families were shunted off and out of sight. I did not know what that reasoning was about, but I was glad that we kept moving forward towards the high, heavy door at the far end of the room.

Finally we reached the doors and there was no one ahead of us. A kindly old man took my paper.

He looked at the children with me and said very solemnly, "Welcome to Amerika Mr. Johann Jakob Haas! We wish you all the best in your future endeavors."

I stepped forward as the heavy oak doors swung open and we stepped out and into our new country! I could feel a tear sliding down my cheek. We were no longer Germans, but we were now Americans. I raised my eyes to heaven and thanked my heavenly father for allowing me to see this beautiful world.

God was indeed good.

#15 The paleolithic era

2019-06-23T20:40:00.001-06:00

I watched as a huge, hairy creature emerged from the cave. I had read about cavemen and the beginning of time, but now I was witnessing it for myself. The creature walked mostly slumped over with his knuckles nearly dragging the ground. The bulk of his body was covered with an animal skin of some sort. Nothing I had ever seen. It looked rather like the hide of a Brontosaurus. Now in all fairness, I have no idea what a Brontosaurus looked like, but that is what came to my mind as I looked at the creature. Behind him was another creature. This one was smaller in stature, but wore the same sort of animal skin. This one carried some sort of small bundle that was made of the same skin. It slowly dawned on me, that what I was seeing was a primitive man with his primitive woman and the bundle was a baby.

I watched in horror as what could only be a saber tooth tiger burst forth from the trees and leapt on the woman. The man made an attempt to club the animal, but it was to no avail. In the melee the baby was dropped and as the tiger tore into the woman the man grabbed the baby and ran back into the safety of the cave.

I stood in mute terror at the sight before. Suddenly I felt or sensed that I was not alone. I turned my head to find Rompano there with me.

“Oh, my God! What is this? Where are we? Who are these people?” I had gone to sleep and now I was totally confused. Was this a dream?

Rompano smiled. “Well, dear girl, this is your past. You will see more of these pictures from past lives and each one will teach you a lesson. I will tell you that one of these people was you. Can you guess which one?”

I stared at him in disbelief. This was ludicrous. He tapped his fingers together to show he was waiting. OK, I would play his silly little game.

“Of course, I am the woman who just got eaten!” Rompano laughed.

“No, you are the baby. Your father will raise you alone. He will teach you to stand straight and tall. You will wear a headband and fashion a bow and arrow. You will tame a horse to ride and you will lead your clan in battle. You will be a fierce warrior and you will be very respected. You will fashion a needle out of bone and use sinew for your thread. You will clothe your people. You will discover how to make fire with a piece of flint and dry seed pods. You will move your people from cave man to Neanderthal.”

“So, am I a woman then?”

“No, you are neither man nor woman. You are what is known as a shaman.”

“And what life lesson am I learning?”

“You are learning to lead. You become a judge, so you are learning to be fair. You are learning patience.”

I looked at Rompano and as I gazed at him, he faded away and I was once more in my room, without having to even think about it. I had the feeling that my life was about to get very interesting.

#14 A look back. rerun

2018-04-21T07:39:00.000-06:00

I awoke to find my mossy little room aglow. I quickly found the source of the ethereal light. Rompano sat a few feet from me and the light was coming from him! I can not describe the color of the light, only that it was the brightest light I had encountered in my room, which now that I thought about it, was always bright. As soon as he saw I was awake, the light dimmed.

"Well, so finally you are awake. I turned the light bright to wake you up. I didn't want to just shake you awake. That is so rude. Guess where we are going today?"

I stared at him with my mind completely blank. I began to have a vision and knew that we were communicating in the way the hereafter let us communicate. I saw a lovely garden. It was beautiful beyond any earthly thing I could imagine. Every kind of tree and shrub. Beautiful flowers. The soil was fertile and everywhere I looked was a different vista. I looked beyond and as far as I could see, the garden extended. And then I noticed there were people in the garden. Across the garden I saw a man who was completely naked picking produce in a beautiful vegetable garden. Carrots, lettuce, tomatoes, and a vegetable I did not recognize. I looked to Rompano for an answer.

"Okra" he said simply." That was one vegetable I had never really cared for so of course I would not recognize it. "The man is Adam. He is picking vegetables for their meal. Eve is over there picking fruit. They do not eat meat here."

I looked where he pointed and saw a lovely woman. She was also naked. Realization hit me! This was the Garden of Eden. This was where it all began! As I watched the woman I knew it was Eve and to my astonishment I realized she was talking to a snake. Oh, my God! I was witnessing The Temptation! For the first time since my death I had a feeling of helplessness. I wanted to run forward and grab the snake and throw it out of the Garden, but I could not move.

"Rompano! Why can't I move! I could throw Satan out of the garden and the world would be perfect again!" He only watched quietly and said not a word.

To my horror I saw Eve reach for the apple. I watched helplessly as she took a bite. I saw her face light up and then watched as she plucked another. She left the tree and went to where Adam waited by the vegetable patch. My feet were frozen to the ground as if I were one of the plants. I looked for Rompano, but I could not see him.

"Look Adam! I picked this from the tree in the center of the Garden. Oh, it is so good! You have to try a bite." Adam was aghast!

"No, Eve! That is the tree knowledge. The knowledge of good and evil. Father said we could not eat of it or we would surely die. Oh, my God! You tasted it didn't you?" Eve smiled a sly smile.

"Yes! And that is why Father said not to eat it. He knew we would then know what he knew, and it is so good. It is sweet and like nothing I have ever tasted. Look at me! I am the same. Nothing has changed. He just wanted to keep it all for himself. Here! Just take one bite and you will see. It hurts nothing, just tastes so good you will not believe it." She held the apple out towards him and smiled innocently.

I watched in horror as Adam took the apple and bit into it. I watched as he looked at Eve's naked body and then at his own. I watched as he ran to the nearest tree and plucked a branch to cover himself and then one for Eve. As I watched they seemed to age before my eyes. Adam's hair turned white as snow and the years began to show on their faces. My mind could barely absorb what I had just seen. I closed my eyes and escaped to my mossy little room where Rompano waited.

"Oh, Rompano! That was horrible! Why couldn't I stop her? Why was I there?"

"You do not exist, so how could you stop them, who also do not exist? You will see many things while you are here. I will take you many places, but you will not be able to change history. I want you to know all this, because while you know it on some level, you have forgotten. What you do need to know is that you were Eve. Every one you meet in these travels, you are. Well, you are not all of them, but you are one of the people. You are in for one big experience and when it is over you will be perfect."

And with that, he was gone. I was glad because I needed to think. I was Eve. I was the beginning. I had brought the knowledge of good and evil into the world. I wanted to change the world and I had, right from the beginning. What else had I done? Did I want to know? It did not seem to make any difference, because Rompano would lead me through my existence and make me face it all.

But for now, sleep was my only escape.

#13 A lesson in the hereafter. Rerun

2018-04-14T08:23:00.000-06:00

I awoke to an empty room. Somehow I knew Sysnyck and Charmin were off somewhere, or just not existing at the time. My first thought was or Rompano and as I thought of him, he appeared. My mind was a whirl of questions. Where had I come from? Where was I going? Where was my God that I had worshiped all my life?

Rompano laughed! “Hey, slow down! I can only answer one question at a time. Let me just give you a brief overview and then we can deal with the questions. Now you know all about the big bang theory? Well that is sort of true, but who do you think made the big bang happen? Go clear back to the Genesis 1 verse 1. What does it say?”

I closed my eyes and recited from memory, “In the beginning was God created the heaven and the earth.”

“Yep! Picked up a little of this and made a round ball and set it in the middle of nothing. Well, actually he made several of those before he got it right. Then he put a big sun right in the middle for those balls to rotate around. Basic history. Then he started making people. He didn’t get that right at first and had to make several prototypes before he made Adam and then Eve out of his rib. And then up popped the devil! The perfect world was to be no more. I always got a kick out of how that worked! Adam was bent on doing what God said and then Eve lured him with that apple. Well, pretty soon it was all out of control and God decided to wipe it all out and start over. So he covered the earth with water and drowned everyone except Noah and his bunch….but you know all that! What you need to know is everyone on this earth today is descended back to that time.”

That boggled my mind! There were a lot of people walking around and to know they were all the same was more than my mind could grasp.

Rompano laughed. “No more history! You know the basics, so just let me tell you how this works. You are here. A lot of your family is here, but some of them have been sent back to try again. Your oldest sister is now 3 years old and is an only child in a mixed race family. The last time around we decided she needed to learn empathy for people who were different from her. Oh, and mothering lessons! She always resented her brother and sisters in her last life and never felt that her mother loved her, so she could never love her own kids. Now she has all her mothers love and maybe she can learn to love more than one person at a time. Or not. But this lady is really trying, so we will see.”

“So, Rompano, let me see if I have this. We keep coming here until we get it right? How many times have I been here? Will I be sent back? What do I need to learn?” Rompano turned to look me full in the face. He smiled a wry smile and then laughed.

“Oh, girl, you have been here lots of times! I do not need to tell you what thought patterns you have had to change. God takes each one of us and works with us over the years to make us perfect. I will tell you , that you used to be a man and at one point you were in charge of the masses in the gas chambers in Germany under Hitler. You were very cruel then, but God saw hope for you. God is so patient with so many. He rarely ever gives up on anyone. He just keeps sending them back until they get it right. Let me show you what you have to look forward to when you are perfect.”

He took my hand and I could actually feel the warmth of him. As we stood there a bright spot appeared in front of me, but not close. It had a soft blue glow and I saw figures clothed in white setting before a throne. The most peaceful feeling came from the tableau before me and I felt love to the bottom of what ever I was. I wanted to be there. I wanted to meet the man on the throne! I wanted to worship him! It had to be God, but I could not make out his face or figure.

“Oh, Rompano, how can I get over there? I want that more than anything ever!” I was overcome with a longing like I had never known. There was not even a depth or width to my sorrow.

“Well, dear, you can, but there is a process. You are not perfect yet. You have to go back and be born again. Now, I know you are thinking one thing, but I am thinking another. Here in the hereafter, being born again means just that. On earth it just means confessing that Jesus is Lord of all, and being ‘born again’ in the light of Christ. Here it means you are going back into the world and learn the lesson you missed the other times you were there. You will be given a new mother or father and you will be born to them in childbirth. You have been there many times before but in a different form. I think this time you are going to be rich! You have managed before to get by with very little and you used it well. The true test will be if you have lots of money and you still remember the poor people. Like Mother Teresa. Remember her? She had nothing, but she still fed the hungry. Money corrupts and with money comes power. Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. I think we will see how that works for you.”

I wanted to ask him when that would happen, but he was gone. I needed to think about this. Born again? Would I have a part in who I was born to? How did this work?

#12 The annual meeting. rerun

2018-04-04T08:32:00.001-06:00

I awoke with a sense of anticipation. Something was different! Sysnyck and Charmin were not with me. That in itself was strange, but not troubling. They had found me on their own and they would be back of that I was sure. I hurried to the opening and to my amazement the area was filled with people none of whom I recognized and yet I somehow felt I knew them all. One thing was sure, we were all in the same place for the same reason. I did not see where they could have come from and as I turned to my mossy little room, I found it was not there! So were all these people living around me and I could not see them? This was indeed strange.

I found a man with whom I felt a complete sense of peace. He was wearing a pair of bib overalls and sporting a full, gray beard and a head of frowzy gray hair. As I approached him he turned and looked me full in the face. I was astounded to see his eyes that were neither hazel nor blue and yet were both hazel and blue. My mothers eyes! The high cheekbones!

"Grandpa Haas?" He smiled and as he smiled I could hear angels sing. What the hell?

"No, my child, but you are close. I am your great grandfather. I brought your grandfather to Ellis Island when he was but a wee lad." My heart sang. 'Wee Lad'. That was Scottish or Irish or something I knew ran through my veins.

My great grandfather. I felt so very safe with this man. I could feel the bond in the bottom of my soul and as I was enveloped in a sense of love like one I had never known I could see and feel the ship landing at the pier at Ellis Island. I could see the long hall teeming with humanity. I could see my grandfather in his bib overalls holding the hand of an older girl I felt to be his sister. An older brother I recognized as Uncle Goll. No, that would be a great uncle. As I watched the rag tag lot of them making their way down the hall, my heart was swollen with love for these people who I did not know, but knew that I would learn of them through the history of our family.

Christoph Adam Haas would someday be my grandfather. I would not remember meeting him, but I would live with his wife who was my grandmother Josie Emma Miller Haas and my Great Grandmother Helen Gagnebein Hatfield. My heart was swollen with love for this family who had traveled so very far to the shores of the United States of America. I stood very close to my Great Grandfather as he reached down and rested his hand on my shoulder. I felt very young and vulnerable at that moment. I was beginning to get the hang of this being whatever age I needed to be at any given time. But the crowd was beginning to swirl and seperate and then come together as I clung to my grandfather.

A hush fell over the crowd as a voice spoke. It was not loud, but everyone seemed to hear it and obey. As a name was called all the members of that family name seemed to be circled by a golden rope that was completely ethereal.

"Johann Jacob Haas of Dettengin, Germany!" My great grandfather straightened with pride. I saw my group being circled with the golden lasso. Mother, Jake, Grandma Haas, Uncle Goll, Josephine, Mary, Dorothy, Aunt Mabel..... I clung to my great grandfather. The reading of the names was soon over and I found myself alone as the reading of another list began.

Delbert Bartholomew, Reuben Bartholomew, Earl Duane Seeger.......I soon knew this was the list for the next 50 years. The ones who had gone before that disappeared and I found myself now standing with my family I had grown up with. This was a smaller group. I somehow knew this list would soon narrow down. The whole process was not taking long and soon I found myself alone. I was apparently the last one to pass in my family.

And then I became "aware". There was no other way to explain it. I knew that this was the supreme beings way of knowing who was here and who was not. I suddenly understood it all. We were all here all the way back to the beginning of time. The judgement would come some time in the future. In the meantime, we all existed on a plain of time that was sort of a holding pattern. This was how it was. We could roam and do what we wanted. We could visit. We could probably even play games if we so choose, but we were here until the judgement day. Maybe there was a place that I could go to find out all this stuff. The thought had no more then occurred to me when a small, light blue cloud appeared to me. To my amazement, it appeared to be a woman, but spoke as a man.

"Welcome! I am Rompano. I am your guide in the hereafter. I will answer all your questions and guide you along the path to your salvation. Are you ready?"

And with that statement, I realized I was in my mossy little room and it was time for my nap.

#11 The Aurora Boreales.rerun

2018-03-25T21:33:00.001-06:00

I did not see Sysnyck and Charmin any where so I concluded that had gone on some sort of outing. For some reason I started think about the Aurora Borealis. I have no idea where that came from, but on a whim I decided I should see it. I had heard talk of it all my life, but being in Kansas and Colorado, I had never encountered it myself. I think it is some sort of magnetic field and I had heard of the slow, dancing lights and how enthralling the sight was, but I had never bothered loading into the car and going North in case it was actually happening. Now that I have all this time on my hands, I think I shall investigate the phenomenon. I stood upright, or at least it seemed upright in my mind and thought about what I knew about the light show that occurred at times. Slowly I felt myself moving and then with a burst of speed that had I actually been alive, would have probably ripped my head off my body, I was transported.

I am here to tell you, I did not have to view the Aurora Borealis from a distance. Oh, no. I was right smack dab in the middle of the light show. I was so close I could not see it, so I pulled back a little ways, and stared at the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. Bands of color swayed before me. Mostly a dark limish green, and then blue, and pink. The colors changed as I watched. There were all shades and all hues. Pale green gave way to a bright blue, which changed into a purple swirling mass. It undulated before me and I swear I could hear the angels singing.

Once I was coming back from Denver and it was dark and cold. As I started down Monument hill the lights picked up what looked like fairy dust in the headlights. I figured it was probably frost in the air that had not fallen yet and my lights caught it. This light show was similar to that. It was nothing tangible, but it was there. I was afraid to close my eyes because I feared the show would stop when I did. I do not know how long I was there nor did I know where I was. The Northern Lights, it was called, so I assumed I was North, but north of where?

I was not cold, but then this afterlife was neither cold, nor hot, nor anything really. I had no idea how long I gazed at the Northern Lights and my only awareness was that I was totally unaware of anything. Time stood still. There had to be more to it than this. I was totally alone as near as I could tell, but that could not be right. I wanted to learn about this place that I now called home. There had to be others here. I had seen mom and Jake. I had talked with Kenny. I had seen the woman pick up her dog, so I knew there was more to it than what I had seen. With that thought in mind, the Aurora Borealis faded from my vision and was no more.

I was in my room. My room. While the afterlife was pleasant enough. I wanted more. I wanted answers. As I drifted on a cloud to sleep, I prayed the prayer I had prayed when I was alive. "Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord , my soul to keep. If I...." I never finished that line, because I had already died before I woke.

#10 Past, Present, or future? rerun

2018-03-19T18:58:00.001-06:00

Once more the thought of a walk intrigued me. The last one had taken me to the Rainbow Bridge. This time I wanted to just see the lay of the land and kind of explore. It was amazing that if I were in the land of the living, I would be faunching at the bit to have lunch with one of my friends, solitude did not seem to bother me at all in this place, what ever it was. It could not be heaven, because there were no angels. And since I had never seen heaven, how did I know it wasn't heaven. Best not to think too much.

Since I had gone forward the last time I decided to go to my right this time. I walked (floated) up a gentle incline and then down the other side. I came upon a house and was surprised to find it was a replica of my house on 5th Street in Hutchinson. Why that place had been bulldozed years ago. The last time I drove out 5th most of the houses were gone. Hmm.

I entered the house and was surprised to find it the same as it had been when I worked at the Red Carpet! Oh! There was that doll house that Gib and I had put together right after I had moved into the house. The first Christmas. No tree, so it must be past Christmas. I peeked in the bedroom and there were the bunk beds. Patty and Dona were asleep all wrapped up in each other. Debbie was on the top bunk and Sam on the other bottom bunk. One was empty. That was because Patty and Dona always slept together. Dona had her piece of one of my slips in her hand and was sucking on her thumb. She sucked her thumb and Patty twisted her own hair. That is how they slept. I could brush Patty's hair and she would fall asleep. Silly little girl.

I realized that I was in the past! If I could stay in the past, I could change the things that had happened! It was surreal to be here and yet not be here. I wanted to touch my babies. But what could I touch them with? I was not real. They were not real and yet they were the exact same as I remembered them. I hurried to the back window. The old black Ford was there. The one with the floor board rusted out on the drivers side. OMG! I realized I was pregnant! Susie was still in my stomach. My heart wrenched as I stood in my past and knew it was all beyond my control. It was overwhelming and I needed the security of my room. In a perfect world I would have still been in Garden City with my husband, but the world is not perfect and I am not in it any more.

I opened the back door and stepped outside. I heard music and knew it was coming from down the street where Crow Bar was located. I turned back to the house, but it was gone. I walked down to the bar, opened the door and went in. There he set with Jake. A blonde haired stranger. Beautiful blue eyes.

"Hey, Louella! over here. I have someone I want you to meet. This is Duane Seeger. He works for the Tree Service man." And my life was never the same. We were married 3 weeks later. Five kids later, a divorce, both remarried, years later and it all was like yesterday. And then I was on the knoll and then in my mossy little room. In my room I did not have to think. I did not have to remember. I could just be.

I knew if I left the room and went forward I come to the Rainbow Bridge. If I went to my right, I went into the past. Which way had I gone to see Bret? I hadn't. I had just thought, so if I wanted to see the future, I thought about them and I was in their present. Where was the future? I am apparently existing on 3 different levels, past, present and future. It was more than my little mind could comprehend, so I did what I do best...I fell asleep.

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#9 The Rainbow Bridge. rerun

2018-03-17T08:15:00.000-06:00

"Come on, kids! Lets go scope this out!" I started for the opening and the furry creatures leapt in anticipation. It was now my conception that time was flying past. I thought I had been here a few days, but a visit to Bret proved me wrong. It had apparently been a few years. Either way I wanted to scope out the lay of the land and see just what heaven or whateverthisplacewas looked like. I stood outside and looked to my right. I wanted to go there and suddenly I was there!

Ahead of me lay the Rainbow Bridge! I had heard of this place, but I did not realize it was an actual bridge. I instinctively knew that on the other side would be a welcoming place. As I watched the animals nearest me began to get excited. Suddenly a little ball of fur began to jump up and down. It was a very cute little champagne colored poodle. Kenny had one like that years ago. Her name was Tammy and that dog was devoted to him. I did not see anyone coming to claim the dog, but I waited. And then I saw a woman who appeared to be searching the Bridge. Sysnyck and Charmin had come to me, but this woman was searching for her pet, it seemed. Suddenly the little ball of fur hurdled itself up in the air, over the side and bolted up the bank on the other side.

The woman watched the dog with a look of bliss on her wrinkled old face. "Oh, Buster! There you are! You little dickens. I have missed you so." She reached down and picked up the little ball of fluff which immediately began to lick her face with puppy kisses that had too long been denied. As she held her puppy to her breast she slowly began to fade away. Instinctively, I knew they were going to their own little mossy room and was very happy for them. And then I noticed another commotion. I watched as a red Dingo separated from the pack and waited expectantly watching in the direction the last person had come.

I suddenly knew! It was my Chile Dog, but I was on the wrong side. I pictured myself on the incoming side and Chile saw me. She bolted forward and I bent to caress her waiting head. She had been a wonderful pet and always so protective. Next came Polly. Polly was the white cattle dog with one black eye.

So now I knew there was an incoming side. How had I missed that? Or was that something that came later. I looked at Sysnyck and Charmin. How had I gotten them with me? Or had they found me? Could animals leave the Rainbow Bridge without an owner? There was sure a lot about this hereafter that I was going to have to learn.

I wondered if we could all fit in my mossy little room, but decided that we could and we would, so I took leave of the Rainbow Bridge and thought about the room. And there we were!

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

#8 What is time? rerun

2018-03-09T08:22:00.000-07:00

I reclined against whatever and enjoyed just being here and being me. I began to wonder about the kids and how they were handling not having me any more. How long had it been? How could I find out? I closed my eyes and thought back to the day I died and the place. I was there! My body was not. The bed was stripped and all my personal belongings were gone. Wait a minute! That was not my bed! The room was no longer purple. And what was that godawfulsound coming from the other room? I recognized it as some sort of classical music. I listened for a moment and decided it was not really that bad. I had always gone the classic country route myself. Hank Williams, Patsy Cline, George Jones, Loretta Lynn, oh and Dolly Parton and Porter Wagoner. I remembered back when Dolly was a brunette and did not have boobs. That was a long time ago! But I had other fish to fry. If this was no longer my home, where were my kids?

Sue was still in Pueblo, I was sure as was Bret. Those were the youngest. Better check on them first. I pictured Bret since he was the baby. I pictured him in Florence, where he lived. That place was empty. When I had last seen him he drove a red car, worked in the marijuana trade, and was going to the Community College to learn welding. I flitted over to Florence and found that house empty. Not at the grow. Not at the college. OK. I needed to think. I had a tie to him so if I thought about him and Amanda and the baby, it should pull me to them. I pictured him as I last saw him. He had just gotten bitten by a scorpion at the grow and he was pretty upset. Baby had been comforting him. I felt air begin to race by my face and I knew I was moving and moving very fast. And suddenly I stopped outside a small house in a country setting. Where was this? Hey, a welding truck in the driveway. The tag showed it was from Kansas. Reno county. Wow! He had gone back to my hometown. I zoomed out and looked back down. Yep. He was in Nickerson, Kansas.

The last time I had seen Nickerson, it was a depressed area with lots of deserted mobile homes. Not so now. It looked like it had made a comeback. So this is where Bret moved. Wonder when he did that. Probably when he got his inheritance from me. I looked around and no one was in the yard. There was a small bike there. That must belong to Jiraiya. I looked for him and saw no signs of anyone anywhere. I judged it to be about supper time, so I peeked in what I thought was the kitchen and there they were. Amanda was putting supper on the table. Bret was leaning against the sink telling her about his day. Jiraiya was at a desk in the corner working on a coloring book. He was doing a really good job. How old was he now? He was just turned 2 when I left. He looked to be about 3 or 4 now. So apparently I have only been dead about a year. Well, all I can say is "Time flies when you are having fun!" Seemed like only yesterday. As I watched the little scene before me, I heard the phone ring. Bret pulled the phone from his pocket, checked the caller ID and said to no one in particular, "It is Aunt Donna. I will call her back." Aunt Donna was my only surviving sister. It was good to know they were in touch. She lived in Hutchinson, Kansas.

As they ate they talked about an upcoming trip they were going to take. Bret seemed to be in charge of the plans. Leave on Saturday, drive to Pueblo, check into their room at the Best Western and sleep. " And the next morning we will go take your folks to breakfast, visit a while and then go see Susie. She is still working at the laundromat." It took a moment for that to sink in. Sue had been Bret's birth mother and my youngest daughter. We had adopted him and as could be expected, life had gotten complicated. They must have made peace after my death. Well, that was good. I would need to look into that more at a future time, but right now I was missing my mossy little room and Sysynck and Charmin, so I closed my eyes and pictured the room.

I could sure get used to this method of travel!

#7 An outing of my own! rerun

2018-03-03T20:51:00.001-07:00

I stretched out my arm and found Sysnyck. The other hand found Charmin. I was amazed at how content I was. I was alone in wherever I was, but I was happy. Was this how it would always be? I thought back to my visit from Mother and my visit from Jake. That had been nice, but was that all there was to this? Just set here, take naps and wait for someone to visit? I wondered, if I left my mossy little room how would I find my way back? Well, how had I found my way here in the first place? I peered through the opening and saw the brightness that awaited me outside. I somehow knew it was time. I thought myself forward and so I moved.

On a whim I moved forward about 10 feet and turned to look at my mossy room. There was nothing there. Nothing. I some how knew it was there, but I just wasn't seeing it. So I turned back and once more moved forward. The air was neither hot nor cold. There was no wind. I drifted slowly forward, or at least what I thought was forward. There was no sun, but the light was brilliant. I stopped and listened and I heard nothing. Was I the only one here? Wait! I found mother because I thought of her. The same with Jake. Sysnyck and Charmin had come from my subconscious. So I stopped.

I closed my eyes and I though of my late husband, Kenny. I saw his brilliant blue eyes and I heard his laughter. And there he was! He was exactly as I remembered him, but without the oxygen. He wore his Levi's and a tee shirt. This one was red. Red had always been my favorite on him. He smiled and then laughed. "It sure took you long enough to get here! I have a bone to pick with you."

"Oh, great. now what? I thought we would at least have a little time to visit. It has been 15 years you know. Don't you wonder what I have been doing?"

He smiled at that. "Silly girl. I peeked in on you from time to time. Kind of surprised me that you never married again. I thought that tall guy from St. Louis was going to get you cornered, but then he died. Too bad. Nice the way he changed his thought process and left you all that money to take care of people with. And you made good use of it. Helped a lot of people."

I smiled. "That was fun. I wish I could have spent my whole life spending money on other people, but you know how that goes."

"Sure do! But here is the deal. Remember when we made our will, and we had DNR's written up and then when I died you could not find mine and you know how that turned into a royal mess. I was really mad when I woke up alive. I had died and it was great and then all at once I was jerked back to earth and had all those tubes and stuff....I was so mad at you that I could have throttled you. You know that don't you?"

"Yes" I said sadly, "but I was so upset that morning that I could not think straight. I did not know that you were already dead. No one told me. I thought they were just asking as a precaution." I stopped and remembered that morning long ago. Then he smiled.

"Well, here is the thing. I think it was the best thing for me. That way I had time to think back on my life and to come to terms with every aspect of it. Some was good, some was bad, but it gave me time to put it all in perspective. And then when I did die for real, it was so much easier. Leaving the earth, the kids, the grandkids was hard, but it was time. By that time letting go was easier."

"I just went to sleep one night and never woke up the next morning. Sure glad nobody found me and stuck me on a machine." I looked at him, but he already knew how I had died. Probably knew it before me!

"Yep. That's the way to do it alright. So what are you going to do all day?" He looked at me quizzically.

"I don't know! I have so many questions. Is it always day? Is it ever night? Does it rain? When will I see people? Do we eat? Where do you live? Will we still be married? Are there angels? Have you seen your mother? Have you seen my mother." I stopped when I realized he was no longer there. I had not seen him leave. He just sort of wasn't there anymore.

I thought about my new home and was surprised to find I was in it and my dog and cat were at my feet. This afterlife is sure taking some getting used to.

#6 A little stroll outside rerun

2018-02-27T20:41:00.002-07:00

I was reluctant to leave my little room. It was my security in a world that was new to me, but I was curious as to what was outside these walls and mother had left the opening so I moved closer to the opening. It was very bright out there! A strange brightness that I had never known before. How can I describe it? Not neon lights. Not bright spotlights. Not bright sunlight. It did not hurt my eyes because it was not one light. It was the same every where I looked and there was no source that the light came from. Just pure light. It was a blinding light, but not a blinding light. I guess I just don't have words to describe it. I stepped through the opening and looked around. There was nothing. No trees, no buildings, no nothing. There was not even a place to stand. I was in a complete void with brilliant light.

I seemed to be completely alone, but I was not lonely. I felt a peace that I had never felt before. Of course I had never been dead before, so this was going to take some getting used to. Why had my mother came to me? Was it to just leave me? This was going to take some figuring and I was at a complete loss. I suddenly thought about my brother, Jake, who had died in a car wreck right after his 29th birthday. He had always been a carefree little fellow and his sudden death had devastated me. I longed to see him. He must be here somewhere. I wish momma had given me a clue before she left me, but she hadn't.

Wait! Charmin and Sysnyck had found me. Momma had found me. Maybe Jake would if I thought about him hard enough. I sure hoped he was here. He had always been a bad boy, but about a month before he died he had started going to church. Had that helped? Oh I sure hoped so.

I closed my eyes tightly and thought about him as I last remembered him in his khaki pants and shirt as he looked when he came home from the Army. Then I remembered him as he was when we were on the Stroh place Before Star kicked him and left a 4 inch scar on his right cheek. Nothing. Then I pictured him in the moonlight as we listened to the Grand Old Opry on WSM on Saturday night. There he was! As Hank Williams sang "Your Cheatin' Heart, will pay some day and crave the love you threw away," I was reunited with my brother who I had not seen in 52 years. He smiled his lopsided grin and I was filled with a joy I had not felt since he had left all those years ago. Many times I had stood at his grave, but I had never felt his presence.

As the song ended I heard his thoughts. "Glad you finally made it. I was beginning to wonder. I know momma saw you. She told me you were here. She said you were looking good. Wanna go fishing? Bull Creek is right over there. We could catch a bullfrog for Josephine!" He laughed when he said that and I suddenly remembered our trip to Bull Creek on the Ailmore place.

Jake and I had gone to Bull Creek just for fun and found a giant bullfrog. He put it in my skirt and told me to run to the house and have Josephine get me a box to keep it in. I ran home and since both hands were holding my skirt and I was afraid of it I started hollering outside the door. Josephine opened the door and demanded to know what was in my skirt. Being the obedient little girl and scared to death of Josephine I opened my skirt to show her. At that precise moment the bull frog leapt into the house. That started the biggest melee ever. Josephine demanded I catch it and get it out of there. It hopped under the bed with me right behind it and Josphine whacking me with the broom. How long that circus went on I do not know, but the bullfrog finally hopped out the door and that was the last I seen of it and I ran down the road to escape Josephine and did not return until mother was there to save me.

We both dissolved in gales of laughter. Then we looked around. Josephine might be here and we sure did not want her to catch us laughing at her. As Hank Williams ended his song and the announcer began introducing a new singer the car faded away as did my brother. Hank Williams had always been my link to the past and even before I died, I still scrounged around and found Hank Williams somewhere. He was timeless.

It was with a very heavy heart that I turned to go back to my mossy little room. Sysnyck met me at the door and soon she and Charmin were both in my lap and I was dozing off for another of my naps. Naps seemed to be the one given here in this place and since time had no meaning, that was a good thing.

#5 My first visitor and what a surprise! rerun

2018-02-25T07:20:00.000-07:00

I awoke with a start to the realization that my room was glowing! "Hello!" I called. And then dissolved in gales of laughter. How was I saying hello when I had no body to do it with? I composed myself, although I still found it funny. That was one thing that I had not lost in the transition. I had been a happy person in life and it looked like I was going to be happy here, although pretty lonely if someone didn't come and show me around. Sysnyck and Charmin were still at my side. I took a deep breathe and stood. The walls of the mossy room looked different some how. Then I realized what had changed. Across from where I stood there was what appeared to be an outline of a door. As I watched the outline became clearer and then to my utter astonishment, it began to dissolve.

A sliver of light came through the opening. Well, not a sliver so much as what appeared to be a group of bright dots. I had hallucinated one time and seen something much the same. That was on top of Wolf Creek Pass and I think it was frost coming out of the air. It was sort of like something Disney used to do when Tinkerbell zipped around the room. I waited for the music, but it never came. The what ever it was appeared to be about 5 feet tall and a foot or so wide. It never touched the floor, but hovered in front of me as if waiting. The dots continued to move, but the mass stayed in one place.

Suddenly my mind was filled with thoughts of my mother. I could feel her presence. I could see her hands. Her hands were much like mine only thinner fingers. I could see her brown hair in the style she wore when she was in high school She had been the prettiest girl there. She was a flapper! I remember the picture. I remembered how my tonsils were always inflamed and we never had money to get them out and she would let me sleep with her. (Finally in the 6th or 7th grade it became a matter of life or death and out they came. Mother traded house cleaning to the doctor and I do not know what happened with the hospital but I got ice cream for my first meal.) I remembered how loved I had felt and as I watched and thought of my mother, the dots began to change!

I gazed into the gray eyes that had been my mothers years ago. Sometimes they were gray, sometimes hazel, and on rare occasions they were blue or green. I reached for her and to my surprise I felt myself wrapped in the same arms that had held me so many years ago. I felt her breathe on my cheek and I was overcome with a completeness that I had not known for years. For the first time in a very long time, I felt like I was home. She softly patted my shoulder and whispered "There, there." I was once more 4 years old and in my mothers arms. Could life get any better than this?

Hey! wait a minute! This is not life, this is death. Get it straight here. She held me out at arms length and smiled.

"We need to talk." Her mouth never moved and I realized I was hearing her mind. "I know you have questions and I am here to answer them. So let's get started. Ask me one question." She folded her arms and waited. Then she added. "Only one for now. What do you want to know most of all? Only one."

So I thought what was most important. And I knew. I also knew that we were talking with our minds and she was hearing all my thoughts swirling, but she waited patiently. Finally, I turned to the wall and then back to her.

"All my life I believed that when I died Jesus or the angels or someone would swoop me up to heaven and I would be judged and either sent down or let into heaven. I have not seen anyone and I can not believe this mossy room is heaven or hell. So what went wrong here? Where are all the saints? Where are those golden streets I am going to walk down on the way to the throne of God?" I stopped and mother smiled at me.

"Well, you are an inquisitive little thing, aren't you? Now let me try and put this as briefly as I can. I have been here 20 years or so and even I have not seen the big guy. It seems like only yesterday that I got here. Judgement day is a long time from now although with the mess the world is in now, it can not come fast enough. But we are here in a place that is safe from the world. You do realize that one of these days, those nuts down there are going to blow the earth clear out of it's orbit and this place will really get busy then!"

"We communicate with our minds and we see with our minds. We do not really exist except in a spirit form. You see me as you remember me and I see you as I remember you. You are just a little girl, but as time goes by you will grow in my eyes. For now, all you need to know is that I am here to guide you. I know you have pets in here. I can not see them, but you can. Just picture them in your mind and then reach out and touch them."

She stopped and I turned to where I had last seen Sysnyck and Charmin. I closed my eyes and pictured them and when I opened my eyes, they were there! I reached down and Sysnyck licked my fingers and Charmin rubbed on my leg! Oh, heaven was going to be nice!

I turned to mother, but she was gone and the door that had been there was still open. My life was just beginning!

#4 Signs of life! rerun

2018-02-24T20:26:00.000-07:00

I must have dozed off because I found myself waking up from something and it almost had to be a nap. I glanced around the little mossy room (for want of a better word) that I was in to discern what might have woke me up, had I indeed been asleep. I did not see anything untoward, but something was different. I had the distinct feeling that I was not alone. A slow examination did not turn up another person. Then it dawned on me! Of course I would not see a person. I was a warm glow so if there were someone else in my space they would, of course, be a warm glow also. With this in mind, I once more inspected my area paying strict attention to detail. It was then that I noticed a small depression across the area from where I stood. Well, it wasn't so much a depression as a sort of shadow, but not a darker shadow. It was much lighter. While I could not see my warm glow self, I judged it to be much smaller than me.

Since I was getting pretty good at the floating now, I slowly drifted until I hovered almost level with the whatever it was on the floor of my mossy room. I reached out with what I thought to be my hand and was overcome with a feeling of having been there and done that before. I looked deep within myself and I felt my Sysncyk. Sysnyck was a dog I had many years ago. She was a little poodle/Chihuahua mix. She had died of kidney failure 25 years before and I had mourned her for years. I knew she was with me at this moment. I knew when I found her that Charmin, the calico cat was beside her. I felt like I was coming home. They had waited all these years to welcome me to this place. I had read the poem about the Rainbow Bridge many times and taken great comfort knowing that my pets would wait there for me. I could see them as clear as day. Somehow I knew that this was all in my mind, because they did not exist in the bodies that they had before and I knew I did not either. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I could see those two little animals in all their glory. This was so damn cool!

I began to get excited thinking about all I would soon behold. It was just a matter of figuring out how to get around in this new world of mine. I lay back against something and I could feel the little bodies settling on either side of me. Some how I knew that it would all be fine. And it seemed right that I find my animals first because they were devoted to me and had waited so patiently all those years. I knew mother was in my future as were my siblings, and grandma and great grandma. And Kenny. And Duane. And Sherman. And no doubt many others that I had forgotten, but I had the rest of eternity to find them. No hurry.

The one I was most anxious to see was the one called Jesus. I needed answers from him. I needed to get this judging thing out in the open so I knew which way I was going. It was the wondering that had me anxious now.

But right now I could feel another nap coming on!

#3 Welcome to the hereafter. rerun

2018-02-22T07:28:00.000-07:00

Slowly I opened my eyes and my first thought was, "That was one helluva ride!" I had no concept of time, nor place. As I looked around I seemed to be in some sort of glen. Now I have no idea what the definition of "glen" is, but it seemed to fit this place. There were very soft bushes everywhere I looked and I stood on a blanket of soft green that appeared to be moss of some sort. I also seemed to be completely alone. This was weird, but not a bad weird. The world I had lived in was always moving and always sounds of some sort. There was no sound at all. Wow! All my life I had suffered from tinnitus and now it was completely silent. No ringing in my ears! This dying stuff might not be so bad at all! At least that problem was gone.

I needed to take stock of my situation. Having never been in this position before, I had no idea what was expected of me. My concept of death, if that was what I was experiencing now, was not this at all. I was supposed to just die and my soul would immediately raise up to heaven and I would meet Jesus and see my mother and be reunited with my brother and sisters and live happily ever after. I was not real sure that dad was going to be there, but that was not my call. At no point had I ever envisioned this little green glen, but here I was. Surely I was not expected to just set here for eternity. Where was that Jesus any way?

I had no concept of time. Was it still my first day? What exactly was expected of me at this time? One thing was for sure, I was at a loss! For the first time in my adult life, I had nothing to do. I had no one to tell me what to do. And from the looks of my surroundings there was not much I could do in this mossy little glen. I could think. But what was I supposed to think about? I had fully expected that upon my death I would be whisked up to the pearly gates with the trumpets heralding my coming. The gates would swing open and the angel guards would look in the book and there would be my name! Louella Beth Bartholomew. Daughter of Christine Josephine Haas. Grand daughter of Josie Emma Haas. Great granddaughter of Helen Gagnebein. I would walk inside. I would approach the throne and all my ancestors would be there to welcome me!

But most important of all, Jesus would open his arms and welcome me. "Come my child. Your labors are over. You are home."

Instead I sat here all alone not knowing what to do. Lou Mercer was at a loss. That was a definite new wrinkle. I had always been the problem solver, the go to person, the leader, and the one who could be counted on in a pinch. Well, one thing for sure, I needed to get my shit together and figure this out.

So I leaned back against something and stretched my legs in front of me. Now you understand, I do not actually have legs or a back to lean with, but this little warm glow that I now am is going to take some getting used to! So bear with me.

There were no signs that anyone had been here before me, but then a warm glow does not leave footprints in the moss. If I were home and watching Jeopardy! this would be a perfect nap. I do not remember the last time I actually stayed awake through that program. It was kind of a joke that at 3:00 every afternoon, I watched Jeopardy! on the little television behind my eyelids! But I must remember, that this position I am now in, is not a laughing matter. I am all alone in this great universe and something is expected of me, and I do not know what it is.

#2 What the hell! (rerun)

2018-02-20T19:27:00.000-07:00

My mind raced back to the night before. I had gone to bed early because I was tired. Icarus was snuggled against my back and Daisy lay on the rug beside the bed. They were looking at me funny. As I watched, Icarus looked at Daisy and they both left the room headed outside. Now something was not right here. How could I watch them if I were asleep? Wait! I was not asleep, but my body was. Oh! crap! Something was sure different here. Slowly the realization came to me. I was dead! I was stone cold dead. Funny, I did not feel dead. Actually felt pretty damn good! My hip didn't hurt at all. I wasn't cold or anything. I just was. That was strange. I had always thought that when the time came I would be whisked away up to heaven or jerked down below, but here I was in my own bedroom looking at myself laying there in the bed like I was asleep.

I am going to look in the mirror and see what I look like! Let me just scoot over here in front of the mirror. Oh, I see I do not scoot, I float. Whoa! I was drunk once and thought I was floating, but I threw up when I tried floating. Oh, wow! This is so cool. I just have to think where I want to be and I am there. I can see this is going to be fun! I finally got my eyes turned in the right direction and there was the mirror. Well, I should have cleaned that sucker when I was alive! Little late now.

Hmmm. No reflection. I must be a vampire. No, wait. I am over there in the bed so I can not be over here. If I look real close I think I can see a warm glow. Oh, this is so cool! My wrinkled up old body is now a warm glow. I can not wait for the kids to see this! Uh oh. I forgot about those kids. They are going to be devastated. I should call them. Where is that phone? Oh, there it is. This floating thing is sure nice.

I can not pick up the phone! How can I call the kids if I have no fingers? And I see I can not talk. Well, I can talk, but no one can hear me. Course there is no one here to hear me anyway. Well, what am I going to do all day if I can not do anything? How long have I been dead any way? Shouldn't I be shooting off to a judgement seat of some kind? This being dead is going to suck if this is the best it has to offer.

I am just going to float on outside and go look for someone to guide me in this "what to do after you are dead" thing. Oh, I can just float on up through the ceiling. Daisy and Icarus on the deck and they do not even see me! But at that moment they both looked my way and then put their little heads down. They sensed me, I think. But I was too busy to give that much more thought. I was floating higher and higher and then in a valley and across a desert and into a forest. I looked down and I could see the ball that was the earth fading behind me and then coming closer. Stars sped by on both sides and I did not even worry about colliding with them. I gave only a little thought to where this journey might end.

Very clearly, my life as I knew it was over and what lay ahead would prove to be the greatest adventure of them all!

#1 Conception of an idea.

2018-02-18T07:26:00.000-07:00

I started this over a year ago and was real happy with it, but only published a few entries and then my life took a turn and I dropped it. Someone called my attention to the fact that I had dropped the ball and so I went back and read what I had published. I liked it.

I know I now have a different audience, and they have no idea what is going on. So I am going to republish the first part of this a day at a time which will refresh the earlier audience and give the newcomers a look at what I worked on before. This time I will try harder to finish it. Bear with me.

So it begins.

#1 Conception of an idea.

This morning I woke up thinking about my death. The cat was here. So was the dog. But what if I were not? I tried to envision what my life after death would be and a scenario played through my mind of what it might possibly be like. I then thought about all the people who have gone before me and what it would be like to see them again. So I have laid some ground work inside my head of what will transpire.

You must first realize that this is a complete work of fiction since I am alive and well here on South Road right where you left me. This is just to let you know when this little link pops up on my facebook page or on the Google site, that my mind has spun out something and you can either read it or not, but I think it will be kind of fun.

That having been said, I am going to publish this and then start my day. I have put my ideas down and very soon you will be treated to my first installment. Just try to remember that I am not really dead and we will go from there.

Lou Mercer

Installment #44 Epilogue

2017-03-23T19:44:00.001-06:00

Installment #44

Epilogue

Jack and Leroy watched as the body was brought out and placed in the back of the ambulance. As the tow truck secured the Jeep, Jack remembered the black Jeep that turned into an obscure road 30 minutes up the road. When he mentioned it to Leroy, he recalled the same black Jeep following them down to the farm. Perhaps Marshall’s keys would be found there. And Ambrose. And Jeffery. And some where in Denver, Jennifer would be thanking her lucky stars that she was born a lesbian and had never even looked at her boss “that way”.

A man in Brattleboro, Vermont was boarding a plane for Stapleton International Airport in Denver, Colorado to assist in looking for his lost son. Or so he thought. When he landed he would find that the lost son had been found and the other son that was found was now completely lost, forever. Knowing that the men would be down from the mountain soon, Meg got the Bunn ready and poured the water through.

Her mind flashed to that morning when she had made coffee. She remembered reaching for the panel that was in the doggie door. She jumped when the door bell rang.

Kevin gave her a hug. “It will take time, mom.” She hurried to the door and was surprised to find Fred there, and it looked like he had trimmed his beard! He held his hat in his hands and smiled timidly at Meg. A simple man, she thought. A very simple man. Like her Tommy. Meg smiled and held the door open wider as he entered and she looked into his very dark eyes; Kevin’s eyes. She realized that he was also freshly showered and carried the scent of the great out doors. The fresh clean scent of…… Irish Spring.

The end....for now.

Installment #43 Marshall

2017-03-16T19:19:00.000-06:00

Installment #43

Marshall

Marshall realized when he pulled into his yard that he did not have a key to his house on his key ring since his keys were God only knew where and would need to enter through the tunnel entrance. Parking near the front door he left the door of the Jeep open. He was not going to be here very long. He was just going to grab Meg and slip back down the mountain before the Johnny laws decided to spread out; start searching the area. And he sure did not want to be standing there with his arms full of Meg Parker when they popped into the yard.

“Oh, gee, look what I found sleeping in my bed!” He quickly reached the edge of the clearing and without a look around, he slid the door over, stepped inside and slid it back into place. No sense tempting fate. He flipped the switch that illuminated the tunnel and was amazed to see Meg standing in the middle of the tunnel being held erect by Fred, the idiot handyman.
“What in the hell are you doing in my tunnel This is my property! Where are you taking that woman?”

Fred stared at the livid man.
“What are you doing with this woman? You are holding her against her will! I ain’t stupid. I dug her out of your root cellar. I am taking her to her home. You have no right doing this. This is just wrong.” A tear slid down Fred’s face and Marshall laughed.

“You damn simpleton! You have meddled where you have no business. How do you think you are going to stop me from what I want? Look at her! She is sound asleep. Are you going to drop her and then what? You under fed little faggot, you are not going to get out of this tunnel. At least not alive. Now I will wait while you put her down very gently over there against the wall and then I am going to very quietly break your f-ing neck. Or I will just break your neck and catch her when she falls. Your choice, simple simon.”

Fred knew there was no way out of this one. He knew that he did not stand a chance in hell against this giant before him. He would do what he could to protect Meg with his last breathe, but he had to put her out of harms way.
“Let me put her down. I don’t want her to get hurt. I will put her right over there and then we will settle this man to man. At least I will try. Momma always said I should do my very best.”
Marshall flushed beet red. “Your momma? What in the hell is wrong with you? Your momma should have told you about the big bad boogie man that lives in the tunnel, you little wooze. Now put her down!”

Fred eased Meg against the wall and let her slide gently to the ground. He bent and kissed her on top of the head and straigtened just in time to see a look of horror on Marshall Purcell’s face. He saw his glass eye pop out and fall to the floor. He saw Marshall turn and move toward the open door. What Marshall had seen was Kevin who had just thrown a huge rock and hit him in the back of the head. What Marshall did not see was the razor sharp Machete raised in the air and propelled though the air with a force that even Freddie Himes, Jr did not know he had in his body. When the downward thrust was finished the jugular vein that had fed the evil mind of Marshall Purcell was completely severed.

Kevin and Fred locked eyes above the now inert body that lay on the floor of the tunnel. Kevin rushed to Meg. He gathered her in his arms and together the three of them skirted past the dead man and hurried to the door. When they were outside Fred closed the door and twisted the lock. He was shaking and sweating. He looked at Kevin and began to cry.

“Oh, man I was so scared! I knew I had to get her out of there when I found her. I knew he was a bad man and then when he caught me, I figured we were both goners. Where did you come from? You are her kid, right? How did you know she was in there? Oh, we got to tell somebody!”

Kevin looked at the sad little man and knew he had to do something with Meg so he could do something with Fred. He located a big boulder nearby and nodded toward it with his head.

“Set down over there, Fred and I will put mom beside you and you hold her while I make a call.”

And Fred, the innocent little child he was, did as he was told. Fred sat and Kevin gently placed Meg beside him.
“Hold her so she doesn’t fall while I call the guys down at the farm.”

Meg was just beginning to stir when the sheriff cars rolled up Storm Lake road and onto the Purcell property. When Jack came out of the tunnel he looked at Kevin and Fred.
“Who swung that machete? It is stuck in his bone and probably not ever gonna come out. Now who goes first? Not Meg. She looks like she is still pretty out of it. That Adavan is some potent shit. Fred, is it? You start. Try to remember everything that happened. How did you find Mrs. Parker? Do you know this guy? Oh, go ahead, just tell it like it happened.”

“Well, I shot me a little deer. Oh, God, now I am going to jail for sure. Damn! Damn!”

Jack laughed. “We will let this one slide, just tell us what happened here.”
“Well, I shot me a little deer and the shot was off a bit so I tracked it over here. Found it right by that tree over there. I looked through the trees and saw this big guy carry a woman into the house and then leave. I kind of thought it looked like the Parker woman but I wasn’t real sure. Well, I trussed up the deer and hung it and slit it’s throat and then field dressed it so it would be good to eat. When I wrapped the sheet around it to keep the flies off I got to thinking that if it was her she might be in trouble. Well, I knew this tunnel was here cause I dug it. I knew that would be the only way I could get in the house, so I went there. The tunnel is different now than it used to be so it took me a while to figure out that he had changed it. I knew she was somewhere in there so I figured it had to be in the root cellar. I found the soft dirt and dug it out and went in and there she was! And it was her! And I knew I had to get her out of there and quick cause he would be back. And he was. Caught us right out there where you found him. Would have been me if this guy had not come along.”

He indicated Kevin. Jack looked at Kevin expectantly.

“Well, I just happened to walk up here and I saw that deer hanging in the tree and it scared hell out of me. Then I climbed a tree and saw that I could see the farm from the top of it. While I was up there I saw the guy get out of the black Jeep and walk around in the yard and then head towards the tree. I figured I was a goner, but he opened a door or something and disappeared inside. I thought that was weirder than weird so I crept a little closer and I picked up a rock just in case. The door did not make a sound and I was damn glad of that! When I peered in there I seen him and Fred and mom. Did not take much to figure out who the bad guy was. When Fred was putting mom down the guy was intent on that and when Fred kissed the top of her head I threw that rock with everything I had and prayed like a demon. But Fred is the real hero here.” He beamed at Fred.

Meg stirred and looked at Fred in bewilderment. A gurney appeared and it was clear Meg was going to be checked out in the back of the ambulance. She was like a little girl as they placed her on the cot and put the oxygen over her nose. The last thing she could remember was reaching to lift up the doggie door.

“Well you two are going to need to undergo a complete debriefing at the house so Leroy will give you a ride down.”
Fred suddenly looked very agitated. “Look, I ain’t done nothing wrong, except that deer. I got that deer and I can’t let that meat go to waste. That would be just wrong! Can I just take it home and cut it up some and stick it in the cooler? Then I could come down there.”

Jack smiled at the rough country man. “Yeah, go ahead. If you leave it hanging there you are going to get in trouble for sure. But come down as quick as you can.” And Fred hurried away into the forest, intent on his job. Meg and Kevin walked down the mountain instead of riding. Meg thought the exercise would do her good. Clear her head. As they neared the farm the dogs caught sight of her and ran to meet them. She laughed as she held the two squirming bodies and caught sight of the calico cat watching them with a haughty air. This was home.

Installment #42 Kevin

2017-03-10T07:01:00.000-07:00

Installment #42

Kevin

Jack quickly caught Kevin up to speed with what he knew, which was not much. Meg was missing. A man she had planned on meeting in Denver was missing. Someone had hacked into her email. That person lived either in Denver or near here. Or both. What did Kevin know? Nothing. He had not even known about the man in Denver. Mom had been a widow for over three years now, so it did not surprise him. Could the man in Denver have done something to Mom?
No. Jeffery Purcell was missing first.
Had Meg seemed different in any way when he last spoke to her?
No, she was always just mom.

Suddenly the door burst open and Leroy and Ferrel hurried across the yard. “Jack! You are not going to believe this! The computer in Denver belongs to a man named Marshall Purcell! Marshall Purcell is Jeffery Purcell’s twin brother. They have been estranged for years. The father is in Brattleboro, Vermont. He has not seen either son in several years. No contact at all with Marshall since before the mother died. Marshall never went back for the funeral. The father remarried and moved to Vermont or moved to Vermont and then remarried, but shortly after the marriage Jeffery wrote him out of his life.”

Jack frowned as he digested this bit of news. “This is just getting worse. Have someone pick up Marshall Purcell and take him in for questioning. He is going to have some explaining to do about hacking Parkers’ computer.” He turned to Kevin. “How does your mom know Marshall Purcell? Who is he?”
Kevin shook his head. “ I have no clue. I never heard her mention him at all. What does he do? Mom never goes to Denver unless it is business. What does this Purcell guy do?”

Ferrel glanced at his notes. “He is a stock broker. Quite successful. Your mom have stock?”
“Yeah, but I bought it through my broker. I keep her portfolio and she does not buy anything any more. We are just kind of riding the sinking ship and hoping it makes a comeback.”

Who in the hell was this guy and why was he spying on his mother? Mom would surely have told him if she were interested in someone. And she would have told him if she had someone playing inside her computer. Well, she would have told him had she known it. Leroy disconnected from his call on the cell phone and turned to face the group. He was very solemn.

“Well, they sent a team to Purcell’s office. He was not there, but Jennifer, the office manager was and she was quite helpful. Seems Purcell left the office on Thursday morning and has not been heard from since. When she went to transfer money from the main account into the payroll account, she found there was nothing to transfer. Seems Marshall Purcell had already transferred it somewhere. She went to his apartment to confront him, but that is gone too. Nothing there. Like he fell off the face of the earth.”

Kevin sat down on the small patch of grass by the back porch. Immediately Daisy and Elvira were in his lap. He laughed as he saw Icarus, Miss Independent cat, watching the dogs. These three animals had the same disposition as Meg, all love and happiness. He stared at the mountain. What secrets did it hold? He and Greg had known something was amiss, but never dreamed it would lead to this. Mom was way to trusting. Meeting a guy on the Internet was absurd. Making plans to meet him in Denver was even more out of character. He watched as the fingerprint guy came out and walked to his van. Jack intercepted him. Kevin watched them with their heads together. Goodbyes were said and Jack approached Kevin.

No good news there. Says a preliminary turned up a lot of prints, but they all seem to be accounted for and he does not have much hope.”

Somehow Kevin was not surprised by this. He suddenly felt like he was smothering. “Jack, I am going for a short walk. Probably up the mountain a ways. I need to call California and the reception here is not the best.”
Jack nodded. “ I hear you buddy. Here is my cell phone number if you need me or see anything unusual just give me a jingle.” Kevin slipped the card into his cell phone case, nodded at the dogs to stay and headed north, up the mountain in the direction Meg had refused to go just a week earlier. The dogs watched him go a ways and then settled down in the grass and the cat lay in the grass twitching her tail and contemplating a nap.

Instalmment # 41 Marshall

2017-03-09T06:39:00.000-07:00

Installment #41
Marshall

Marshall bounced out of the dirt road and almost broadsided the sheriff car. He immediately applied brakes and then relaxed as he noticed it was not this county sheriff. Might have been a stroke of luck there. But he had immediately seen that he was going to follow this guy for a while and as much as every fiber of his being longed to hold his darling Meg, he was not going to wind up with the sheriff going through his vehicle and delaying his return.
Ah, she was sleeping so peacefully when he left her. And he knew she would wait for him. All of his life he had yearned for a woman just like her. One who would understand him. One who would listen when he told her what his mother made him do. The secrets he had kept for all these years. The evil that lived in the home where he grew up. The father and brother that never knew that while they were at work or school or at the basketball game that he was home sucking on Mother’s tits and screwing her brains out.
She knew it was wrong and she did not care. “Marshall, come here. Dad and Jeffery went to the movies and will not be home for hours. Come in here and talk to me. Feel my skin! Feel how soft it is. Do you know what keeps a woman’s skin soft? This.” She reached down and laid her hand inside his crotch. “ This keeps me alive and vibrant. Your father does not understand. Slam, bam, thank you, ma’am.”
As she spoke her hands worked his zipper and soon his jeans were around his knees. Her open mouth encircled him and her black eyes watched his face. Marshall jerked the wheel just in time to avoid a very bumpy ride down the side of a very steep cliff.
Damn! Hope those guys up ahead were not watching the rear view mirror. “Ah, gee officer, I was just remembering a blow job from my mother and got a little inattentive there.” That ought to hold them. Marshall always tried to not let the hard on happen, but it did. It always did. After she was satisfied he would take a long hot bath and then a hot shower, but still, the image of Mother with her lips slightly parted and her eyes watching his face as he mounted her and found the shooting stars that only she could bring was before him.
He liked it when she wanted “doggie style” because then he did not have to look at her. But still when he bucked and drove into her it was her face that was before him. It was mother he had seen with all the whores in Denver and Viet Nam and all points between and beyond. But he had found peace in the eyes of Meg Parker. At least he thought he had. Would. Could. Meg would be his salvation. Their union would be pure. Meg had a good heart. He had watched her with the dogs. He had watched her with a wounded bird. With her son. Alone in her bedroom when nobody was around. She read her Bible.
She listened to Classic Country. He had always preferred Heavy Metal and stuff like that, but he found himself turning to Garth Brooks more often. Willie Nelson. Kenny Rogers. Country guys knew how to rip your heart out. Not the women though. Dolly was a perfect example of what he did not want in a woman. Red lips and bleached hair. Meg did not dye her hair. She only wore a little lipstick and that only some of the time. As Marshall drove he pictured her lying on her cot waiting for him.

When he unlocked the door she would rush to him. Well if the Adavan had worn off, she would.
Maybe she would fall at his feet and cling to his knees. That would be a nice touch. Subservient. He would slowly take her hands and raise her to her feet.
“Oh, darling! Do not worship me so. We are equal, you and I. I need you as much as you need me. Together! Together! Here, lie on the bed. Let me run you a nice bath. I am so sorry I had to leave you here all alone. Let me make it up to you. Oh, I have been bad. Very bad. Do you want to spank me? You can. Oh, yes you can. Here. Let me lower my slacks and you can spank me. Oh, let me bend over. Spank me! Spank your baby boy!…..What the hell!”

Marshall applied the brakes just in time to avoid a dung green helicopter landing on the road in front of him. The was no missing the big Colorado Law Enforcement stenciled across the side. He noted that he was right in front of Meg’s farm. Damn! Seven minutes and he would have been home. But here he sat. He watched as the door opened and a big burly guy that smelled of cop all over the place stepped down to the ground and then turned and held up his hand for Kevin Jackson, Meg’s son. The little queer guy from California. They both ducked and ran across the drive way to the yard. As they cleared the yard, the pilot gunned the rotor, dipped slightly and then the runners began to raise.

Marshall waited a bit as he surveyed the gathering in the yard. Oh, they had made the connection between Meg and Jeffery and the hunt was on. Well, let them look. He was very good at hide and seek. Jeffery was very well hidden as was the cop. Meg was a different story, but soon they would be in the Jeep headed south. A stop in Colorado Springs at the First National Bank to empty his safe deposit box and then Mexico. He had already bought property in Julisco, Mexico, an American retirement community on a lake that was straight out of a picture book. Living was easy down there. Cheap. Meg might resist at first, but when she accepted how much he loved her and how much she needed him, she would come around. As the dust settled he dropped the lever to Drive, released the brake and moved slowly forward. He briefly made eye contact with the guy who seemed to be in charge, so he lifted his hand in a neighborly wave and headed up the hill and home.

Installment #40 Jack

2017-03-04T16:45:00.000-07:00

Installment #40

Jack

Jack hurried to the first sheriff car that pulled on the scene. Leroy! Computer expert and hopefully the man with the answer. Formalities. “Jack, I want you to meet Ferrel Buford. Ferrel has been a very big help. Has all this fancy equipment and lots of info coming over the wire on the way up here.”

Jack shook the proffered hand as he turned toward the house.
“Pleased to meet you, Jack. I think I have what you need.” He pulled a small notebook out of his pocket. “Well, at least it is sure going to help. But first, I got to pee. Some jerk driving like a maniac about ran us off the road. Damn hairpin curves scare the shit out of me anyway.”
Jack indicated the door Ferrel needed and poured coffee in a cup and offered it to Leroy. Ferrel returned very quickly and took the coffee Jack offered him.
“Now. The hacker is in Denver, but he is also around here close. Unless there are two of them, which I can not see, but there are two computers. The first one is in an office complex in downtown Denver. I have my company working on narrowing that one down. Should have an answer on that in about an hour. So the other one is up here on this mountain, but it is wireless and operates on a “hot wire” off of a satellite. Those are really hard to pinpoint.”
Leroy chimed in, “Is there any way we can get information on the people that live up here on this mountain? You know, where and if they work. If they go into Denver regular. Things like that?”
But Leroy and Jack both knew the mountain backwoods code. Live here, do what you want, bother nobody and you become invisible.
“Oh, I got hold of the kid, Kevin. He is flying into Stapleton about right now. George will pick him up and the helicopter will shuttle him down here. Don’t know what good he will be since he lives clear out in California, but he might know something, and it is his mother. Maybe she confided something to him that will give us a clue.”

Jack turned back to Ferrel. “Show me what you have. I sure hope we can get something out of it.” Ferrel opened the note book.
“Red stars are on the Denver computer. Black are on the mountain computer. He started pinging in on her about 5 months ago. Not often. Just occasionally. Goes in, checks her emails, reads them, marks them new, and leaves. Cannot see where he does anything else at all, but he sure is keeping tabs on the redranger.” Jack stared at the dates.

“Do you by any chance have copies of the emails that were sent on these days? Especially….” He stopped as Ferrel stood and went to the car, returning with a folder which he handed to Jack. Quickly he found the one he wanted.

They were to meet at the Sheraton. That was the last communication between the redranger and Meg Parker. Redranger, aka Jeffery Eldon Purcell had arrived in Denver. They knew that much. They knew he had not kept his rendevous with Meg at the Sheraton. He looked back at the dates on the sheet.

There had been no action since the plans were made. Was it possible that the hacker did not need to check on Meg because he knew exactly where both she and Jeffery were now?

“This guy has Meg and Jeffery Purcell!” It was a wild guess and it was also a statement of fact. Jack Farley felt a cold hard knot forming in the pit of his stomach. He hated it when he was right and he knew he was right. And he knew the son was on his way. And he knew he needed answers. No, he needed Meg Parker to be standing in the yard waving when the helicopter landed. That was what he needed, but more than that, he needed to know how to make that happen. He needed computer locations and names on leases and, oh God, this was not looking good at all.

He turned to Ferrel Buford with a pleading look in his eyes. “We need a miracle. We are trying to chase waves in the air that we cannot see. I am afraid if we are not quick enough this woman and the man she was meeting will both die. You are the man that can make it happen.”

As he turned away, he knew that miracles do not always happen just because you want them to. And in the far distance he heard the beating rotor of a helicopter headed towards the little farm on the side of the mountain.