Deliver Us From Swedish Furniture

Marky Ramone Condoms? Rubber Rubber Hey!!

tulip — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 18:11:02 +0000

So, you have just signed up for your acting lessons and headed to Minnesota, what else do you need for your fun night out? Ah yes some protection, and what better protection could you want than condoms that are Too Tough to Die (break!) before you Blitzkreig Bob? That’s right, Ramones Condoms!!! This does also explain one thing – why The Ramones would not want to be a Pinhead no more

Marky Ramone Condoms? Rubber Rubber Hey!!

Still want to smoke in bars? Move to Minnesota and become a luvvie

tulip — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 18:03:24 +0000

So, still annoyed that winter refuses to let go and you are stuck outside, freezing cold to have a smoke? Well there is another way now – move to Minnesota and start acting. You look confused, well from what I read here, if you are in a theater production and you need to act that you are smoking, then you are allowed to smoke inside. So many bars around the Twin Cities are holding ‘Theater Nights’ where everyone in the place is designated an actor and hence they can smoke, which seems to work well -

Lisa Anderson, owner of Mike’s Uptown bar in Hill City, said that last Saturday she staged a “theater night” and packed in four times the usual crowd that has come in since the smoking ban took effect.

Nice! The other thing to remember is that, according to the book The Undercover Economist the best way to spot women that are likely to er, well let’s leave it to Family Guy’s subtle grasp of the English language to get this subtle and sophisticated point across, ‘If she smokes – she pokes’. Just remember your Rubber Rubber Hey?

Still want to smoke in bars? Move to Minnesota and become a luvvie

New Dog – New Tricks

tulip — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 17:42:08 +0000

I was sent this by a friend of mine with the heading ‘bless’….I just read it looking at my dog staring up at me with her tongue lolling out of the side of her mouth and thought ‘you really are no fun are you?’ The only tricks she can manage (beside the aforementioned staring with tongue lolling) is a quick bark to go out and the ability to suddenly hear something in the distance and fly off my lap leaving some large claw marks across my legs….not quite the same thing is it?

New Dog – New Tricks

Now remind me, who is a failure?

tulip — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 04:30:12 +0000

In my earlier post I mentioned the Google Bombs, which are the results that had been manipulated by people linking to pages with terms that some people may not feel are totally relevant to those pages. Famously ‘Miserable Failure’ got George W’s bio as the top result on Google and ‘Dangerous Cult’ gives the top result Scientology. After a new set of revelations about Bush’s administration finally admitting that they did take kidnapped foreign nationals, (sorry extraordinary rendition, my mistake) through Bristish territory without telling them (even though it was a shared base and the need to know was explicitly required) and showing their popularity once again overseas by getting their embassy burned down in Serbia. You cannot believe that one man’s administration managed to turn the goodwill of the world after 9/11 to complete and utter mistrust and hatred in only a few short years. You do get the feeling that the admission of the Rendition was only made to get it out of the way in the last days of the Bush government, but his record of starting off with a budget surplus at the beginning of his first term, he leaves the US with their largest deficit ever, with US popularity abraod as what can only be described as ‘detested’ a third-world currency and a looming recession and inflationary nightmare….and I haven’t even mentioned Iraq yet. I mean you have got to be amazed at the gall of the man standing in Africa having not sent any troops saying ‘It’s easier to tear down than build a country’ after he sent troops in to Iraq against the prevailing opinion in the world after circumnavigating any democratic process. However Darfur turns up and the American troops flood in to quash the violence in a moment of great…oh, no they didnt did they, I mean what would be the point of that? Oh, I see it’s about not wanting to send US troops into another Muslim country….it’s not so much the troops in Muslim countries that is the problem, but which countries they are in….and the reason why. Now he has mentioned the billions ploughed into Africa to fight AIDs, which is all very well, but it comes with strings. Now as we know it’s better to teach a man to fish, but Bush seems to think it’s better to send them fish as this shows. If he really wanted the nations in Africa to thrive and be able to deal with their own problems better you would think he would allow the African Nations the ability to trade in a free market. However much of the economic activity in Africa is based around raw materials like cotton. So does Bush and his administration continue to subsidize cotton farmers in his electoral heartland even though the WTO has ruled this illegal….oh I give up, at least he won’t be around for much longer. Still the ghost of Bush’s Google Bomb still lingers, try typing ‘Who is a failure’ into Google……

Now remind me, who is a failure?

Manchester United – is playing the Swiss that exhausting?

tulip — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 18:27:48 +0000

Are we sure Sir Alex Ferguson is Scottish? After his little tirade about his players being ‘exhausted’ after their international duty I get the feeling that with this little bit of ungracious losing he is really an Australian. Oddly enough though, even they played like a bunch of muppets at Spurs and got a lucky point there, he did not mention the trip to the Middle East the team took to play in a meaningless game over there (sorry did I say meaningless, I meant ‘lucrative’). Teams go through these periods of getting poor results - all it takes is a few of those 50/50s to not quite go your way and then you drop some points, your confidence drops, which mysteriously means more of those 50/50s go against you…. Man U are going through on of these. Admittedly the whole Munich commemorations will not have helped, as much as you try to remain professional, they are still human beings and when confronted with the build up and nearly 80 000 people standing in silence with scarves raised aloft, it is going to affect their focus. However, in reality they were in one of these periodic mini-slumps before that. Spurs could and should have taken full advantage and City did take full advantage and they had a good quantity of their players away on International duty too. Will this be the end of Manchester United’s Premiership bid? Well that depends on what Arsenal get up to tonight, but even if Arsenal win there is still only 5 points between them. Arsenal still have to go to Stanford Bridge and Old Trafford, plus there are always dropped points along the way. However Arsenal are in pole position as I write this, not only in terms of points, but psycologically too.

Arsene Wenger has been hailing his sides mental toughness as he realises as well as Ferguson that winning the title is only partly down to skill and both sides are pretty much inseperable on that front. Winning the title is about getting the job done. Right now, you get the feeling that Arsenal simply believe they can win it more than Manchester United as the comments from the United camp about the International Friendly seem to show. Winning the FA Cup aside, Manchester United will be depserate to win next weekend to close the psycological gap that Arsenal have now opened up and prove to themselves as much as anyone else that they can actually do it again.

Manchester United – is playing the Swiss *that* exhausting?

Mr Men get rude, sorry Mousieur Homme sont grossiers

tulip — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 17:50:39 +0000

So, the Mr Men are getting a 21st Century Makeover to appeal to today’s kids. The computer generated TV show now has Mr Strong looking more like a bodybuilder (although still red and not orange or wearing a thong apparently) and the one that has caused the most comment has been that Mr Rude speaks with a French accent and farts…. You have got to love this political correctness these days haven’t you When asked, a spokesman for the French ambassador to the UK refused to comment but a source at the French Embassy said:

“It is obviously meant in a light-hearted way but it won’t improve Anglo-French relations.”

They really are so rude aren’t they

Mr Men get rude, sorry Mousieur Homme sont grossiers

If weed was legal here, would all websites would be this good…..?

tulip — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 00:23:49 +0000

Utter genius this Hema website….it’s also good to learn a foreign language, so pop quiz -

What is the Dutch for ‘Champagne’?
What is the Dutch for ‘Blender’?
and lastly, what is the Dutch for ‘Ghettoblaster’?

If weed was legal here, would all websites would be this good…..?

How to spend $3 million in a day….

tulip — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 17:07:35 +0000

Follow the guys around as they pick up a few little run-arounds….you can tell things have gone a little strange when you find yourself thinking some of those cars are a little dull…and they are Aston Martins!!

How to spend $3 million in a day….

Thriller of Fulham Broadway (oh and Mind the Gap)

tulip — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 22:48:05 +0000

After I had mentioned the Bhangra Stylee version of Thriller and the Thai jail version of Thriller, we now have the London Tube Version. The thing that made me laugh was the ‘Englishness’ of it all – everyone tried not to look, then gave a polite round of applause at the end…..ah bless!

Thriller of Fulham Broadway (oh and Mind the Gap)

We are perfect for each other – really, who says?

tulip — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 04:54:30 +0000

This article made me chuckle to myself. As someone who has the ability to attract only those women that my friends affectionately call ‘nutters’ the idea of having a ‘grown-up’ sorting things out for me is actually getting to be appealing. I remember a few years ago a friend of mine from university asked his parents to arrange a marriage for him. At the time I was totally amazed as he had spent his entire time running around after blondes and now here he was asking his parents to find him someone from back in Mauritius. When I asked him he confessed “I’m just fed up with all this relationship crap. I just want one that is…you know?” “Ah yeah, yeah, I know” I said in reply, but I must admit that back then I didn’t have a clue what he was on about. However, after another false start of a relationship and another tick added onto my cynicism chart, I am now really getting to understand what he meant.

In the article they mention that the western approach to letting kids get on with sorting out their own relationships as opposed to other cultures where the parents are involved in ‘approving’ the relationship. I must admit, this is still not something I would be too happy with, I mean I can’t even agree with my parents about my choice of car and I know full well they have been less than happy with the girlfriends of mine they have met….although it must be said they probably have a point….about the girlfriends, not the cars!! Still somehow the idea of having a completely data driven approach does appeal to me. The reason? Well firstly, and spoken like a true geek, there have been some phenominal successes in data driven decision systems recently in everything from scouting baseball players to much of the field of genetics. The second is that if you can find one of these systems that you think might work, then the women that go in for it might have a similar outlook on life.

Anyway, in my quest for knowledge on meeting Miss Right (or at least not Miss Borderline-psychotic) I spoke to one of my friends who has used eHarmony. The results of this highly statistically significant survey of one, showed that they did do pretty well in getting her together with people she could talk to, although the X factor was generally missing. She did confide that there was one, a German of all things, she liked until the good-night kiss, which felt more like he was trying to suck her face off….

We are perfect for each other – really, who says?