DementedSage

Till the holy day..

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 27 Oct 2012 07:36:00 +0000

From you, I had to go away,

Just to protect you from the decay.

The ills, which were causing me to sway,

shouldn’t have made you the prey.

As I live alone today,

Have got only one thing to say.

That, I want your pain to allay,

Will be my prayer, till the holy day.

image courtesy: thetwentyfirstfloor.com

I am so irritated...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 22 Sep 2012 19:14:00 +0000

I am feeling a bit irritated today. I am not able to figure out the reason but I guess it has something to do with my unconscious mind. It happens with me, a lot. I see some disturbing things or things that my mind can’t make sense of, and then I forget them but they get registered in my sub conscious mind. Then they do these little tricks on me. But this time I guess I have to find out.

Let’s see what all disturbing things I saw recently.

Yesterday I saw the Indian Prime Minister actually speaking during his address to the nation over the FDI issue. Now this is something I was telling you about - the things that my mind can’t make sense of. It must have got confused to see this contradiction to the previous beliefs.

Then, I saw the teaser of SRK’s upcoming film ‘Jab tak hai Jaan’. I have had enough of these love-triangle platitudes. Moreover, Those open-arm gestures and gay-ish expressions that SRK is known for, in his romantic movies, yet again, made me sick.

One more thing could have contributed to my irritation. And that is the latest ad campaign by AIRTEL. After the successful ‘har ek friend zaruri hota hai’, they have come up with a similar advertisement except this one sucks. I cannot imagine saying ‘Jo tera hai vo mera hai’ to any friend of mine. Why? Because, it would be utterly disgusting and nauseating, to say that. You know what I mean!

One more thing that I can think of is that the other day I was watching DID (Dance India Dance) on TV. This was the kid’s version and my goodness! Those kids had some moves! I was wondering whether these kids start their dance training in their mother’s womb itself. It may be possible, as the pressure that parents put on their kids to do well in these reality shows is immense so it may be a simple case of starting out a bit early to take the lead. Everything was good but one. What, in this world, was Mithun Chakraborty doing on the show? They have made him a judge, above the judges and they call him ‘The Grandmaster’. The most perplexing thing was that they actually ask for his opinion after each performance. I was totally bewildered. I could not fathom why a person who has nothing to do with dance except that he, once upon a time, danced to the ‘Disco Dancer’ song, is asked to give his opinion on these dancers and that too on national television when all he has to say is ‘kya baat’, raised to the power of 3.

I can’t decide which of these occurrences has resulted in my present state of mind. May be you can help me decide....

image courtesy : http://www.justinwellman.com

Do protesters really protest?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 16:31:00 +0000

The UPA government just can’t catch a break. With all the scams in which its leaders and allies have been found involved in, in this tenure, the popularity of this government is touching a new low. Scam after scam, covering all sorts of industries, all sorts of resources, be it coal (coalgate), spectrum (2G), or the CWG. Above all this, our Prime Minister Manmohan Singh thinks that silence is the best possible answer, no matter how seriously demanding is the question. New addition from the government’s side to the list of things that are irksome to the public has been the approval to allow up to 51% FDI in retail and a steep hike in diesel prices.

The people with financial expertise are divided on the implication of this decision. It means that there is no clear opinion over what’s good and what’s not. People too are free to have any opinion. It is a democracy after all. But the problem with Indian democracy is that the backbone, the people, either make misinformed opinions or have opinions which have been manipulated by the politicians. The current example is the trend of ‘bandhs’.

Showing displeasure over some issue, in a democracy, is totally fine. But why do not people understand that disrupting the public life, vandalism, destruction of public property is definitely not the right way. If you put buses and buildings on fire, whose loss is it? If you disrupt the various modes of communication, whose loss is it? If we just create all sorts of troubles for the common man, do you think that it is going to affect the government? I think what happened at the Ram Lila maidan and at Jantar Mantar are sufficient to see how government responds to the plight of the people. I am here not proposing to find a new method of registering displeasure towards the government policies. I am just saying that this anger should not burn your own homes.

- DementedSage

image courtesy - http://www.mangalorean.com

Why do we have so many engineers in India?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 18 Sep 2012 17:14:00 +0000

Are you one of those, who has almost every other cousin and every other friend of his doing engineering? Are you one those who get pissed off when they get to hear that a particular friend who got 50% marks in his senior secondary exam is also studying engineering? Are you one of those who get a shocker when they come to know that one of their friend, who was studying biology and wanted to become a doctor, is also now studying engineering?

Why do we have engineers all around?

This is how it happens.

As soon as he starts making some sense of this world, every child starts getting bombarded with questions about what he would like to become when he grows up. In fact, this is one of the most common questions that people ask him. And at that moment, the child says – Doctor, Pilot, Engineer and so on. The child grows up a bit. In his secondary schooling days, he is told that he will have to pick a stream to study further. This is the first encounter that this child has with this question which would haunt him again at various points in his life. To make it impossible for the poor thing, he is told that once you pick up a stream, it would become your life and that change won’t be easy. The child is bombarded with advices coming from each direction. He does not have enough time. He must decide and decide fast. At this point of time, if either the family has a background in arts and the child, while growing up has had some sort of exposure to some kind of art, and if he thinks that he likes it, then he will at least think about taking up Arts. Same is true for commerce. But suppose, if he is not able to decide at this point of time, he will go with the flow and he won’t even realize it.

What does going with the flow mean? It means that if you are studying in a school in India and if you do not know what you want to do with your life, then you will definitely try to become an engineer, unless, you are studying in a school where they don’t teach science or you did not clear the cut off. In that case, you always have the option to change the school where you can study PCM, to be eligible to become an engineer. Since all your friends too are in the same miserable condition of cluelessness as you are in and they too are going to become an engineer, you feel better and think that it must be good. Your parents are happy too.

Then you finish your school. Sit for some entrance exams to get into an engineering college. Now here when the preparation actually starts, everybody thinks that he is going to make it to an IIT. But as time goes by and the poor you get some perspective, you give up the idea of making it too IIT. Who needs an IIT to become an engineer these days?

Now the interesting thing about doing engineering is that no matter how screwed up your performance in your senior secondary exam and the entrance exams is, you will find an engineering college, good enough for you. It is somewhat like that crappy line they say in romantic movies and novels – God has made one , for everyone. You know what I mean!

So that’s about it. You get admission to this college and come out as an engineer. (In this article, I am not addressing those 5% of engineers who actually wanted to become engineers. I have utmost respect for them.) Now the process repeats. If your college is a good engineering college, you will get placed in some consultancy or a finance firm. If you are a techie, you will be picked up by the top most tech. companies that visit your campus. But if you are in a mediocre college, (which is the case with 90% of the engineering students) your college probably won’t have these reputed firms waiting for you and you will have to settle for the IT companies. You will become a software engineer . The funny part is that they won't give a damn if you are a mechanical engineer or say a civil engineer. (All these engineers are absorbed easily in the market since India has become an outsourcing hub where all that a professional needs is just enough salary, to be able to meet his ends. So this outsourcing machine actually acts like a suction pump to suck in engineers.)

Even after you accept this and decide to move on, the same old question comes to haunt you again. You see that every other friend of yours is now going for an MBA. And yet again you are as clueless as you always are, about whether you to want to join them or not with no particular idea about whether you want to do an MBA at all or not. (But I have also seen many people who pick up a high paying profession and make it their interest). Anyway, the point is that another rat race starts and probably here also you will go with the flow.

Conclusion

Explore things, try out new things. See what you are good at. There are so many alternate career options available these days. Choose something that you love, choose something that is a bit different from the rest. Do this well before time. And If you don’t, there is a 90 percent chance that soon enough you will realize that you have become a software engineer. Just like I did !

PS: It seems that now nobody wants to remain a software engineer. Everybody wants to be a MBA graduate. I hope someday I will be writing an article on that too and all I will need to do would be replacing engineering with business administration, in this same article and it will suffice!

Read an another post by me on similar theme

Indian marriage functions - My take

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 14 Sep 2012 06:37:00 +0000

Yet another marriage season is over and yet another time it has left me with some extra kilos. It’s like an annual tradition for me. Just like you are left with colours in your hair after holi and smell of gunpowder in your hands after Diwali, each year, I am left with a protruding belly, after the marriage season. Every year!

This is not the end of the story. It brings with it a lot of problems which I detest personally. FYI, I am here not concerned about the “ek kunwara.. fir gaya mara” shit-terratti. I have got reasons, much more catastrophic, much more serious. So here I am telling why going to marriage functions is like sitting on a horse with your piles ridden bottoms.

Imagine a plush wedding ceremony going on in a farmhouse. You have just entered with your family. Now at this moment you look around and spend a minute on observing the settings and the decorations. Yet again they are based on an undecipherable theme which you can’t understand. Or rather you don’t care. While the other members of your family are busy socializing, you observe some totally new faces talking to your parents like they know them for years. And you are just standing there as a fool wondering, how should I address them while greeting? This problem becomes more prominent when you are at a relative’s wedding and you have never seen that cousin of yours who’s getting married. So, after struggling for some minutes, to figure out how you should address the lady talking to your mother, you suddenly come up with - %$&@!^ namastey!!! Now here, the first word is just a meaningless and weird syllable or a group of syllables spoken just to fill that void so that neither the lady understands how you have addressed her, nor you have to feel embarrassed if you call her ‘naniji’ and she actually turns out to be your aunt or something. So basically it serves as an arrow from the ramanand sagar’s Ramayana which after leaving the bow, splits into two.

I look around thinking how is it possible that nobody knows me here? I mean come on! There got to be someone. Well apparently there isn’t. The crowd is going towards the food court and I too decide to go along. I serve some items in my plate and some gulab jamuns. Now, when I say ‘some gulab Jamuns’, it means at least 4, apart from the other bland stuff. Man!! I just love gulab jamuns!!!. As far as I remember, Marriages have been all about gulab jamuns to me since I was a kid. I have a strong opinion that if there should be an allegorical symbol for a marriage, it should be gulab jamun and ya, about the invitation cards, the invitation cards should have a big-spherical-brown-syrup-coated gulab jamun upfront. That would be something I would call an invitation card. I sometimes wonder that how lucky are the mithaiwalas. They can eat as much as they can... I feel like having some of them right now…but I guess then this article won’t get done! So I should probably carry on..

So, I fill my plate and go to a corner to gorge on to the stuff in some peace. After eating a bit, I know that now it’s time for the dessert.. The gulab Jamuns. Now here I don’t know why but I get an epiphany that I should put two of them in my mouth and I do it. And I instantly know that it was a very wrong decision. The cameraman with his assistant just saw me standing in peace and is now covering me eating. Embarrassment may come in unexpected ways. There I was, standing like a fool with two gulab jamuns in my mouth, stupidly looking here and there not knowing what to do with them. I am wondering how many people will actually see me in this state once this video tape gets ready. And this cameraman is a huge moron. I just can’t understand why is he so interested in covering me when there are so many other people around here who would so love to get covered. I bet some of these gleaming ladies must have bought new dresses just for this occasion. They will totally love coming on the tape. But this camera man is hell bent on screwing my evening. At last, he moves. Ohh god!! I now take a sigh of relief. And continue gorging on the stuff.

After finishing I decide to come out of the food court and locate an empty chair. Just as I am moving towards it, my mother calls me. She is talking to a lady and a girl is standing beside her. I join them in apprehension.

“beta! pehchana inhe?”, my mother asks me.

Now, this is just one of the many embarrassing situations that my mother frequently keeps pushing me into, at public places. This one time, her friend was at our home with her family and she somehow managed to leave me abashed, even though the topic of the chit-chat was the ear-rings, her friend was wearing. Before that, I was this, poor clueless fool, who did not know that there even exists a possibility of being left embarrassed even if the topic is as innocuous as 'ear rings'. My mother for sure has got this talent. But let’s not go into that..

Then you will definitely be introduced to an uncle/aunt of yours who after seeing you, will instantly get hit by this epiphany that you have grown up.

“Tyagiji… main to keh raha hu ab shaadi kara do iski bhi.”, this new uncle, says to my father, with a grin. I instantly curse myself for having come to this torture turned wedding function. I am so put off by all this now that I avoid going to these functions now. Though these mishaps may happen anywhere, anytime but the reason why I am so pissed off with wedding functions is that they provide the perfect environment and fuel to these misadventures to propel.

Though when I started writing this piece, I thought I will cover each and every thing that irritates me about Indian weddings but I now I am so not in mood to explain each and every whim of mine and I don’t have just sloth to blame for it. I will just mention the rest of the things I detest in marriage functions and I guess you will have a fair enough idea..

- The girls and ladies with the excessive make-up and I do not understand what’s with the blush on their cheeks. The sheer number of such cases present in the function gives this point, an incredible weight. Man, I so like the girls who look decent and earthly.

- The camera man just doesn’t let you have a break.

- The uncles/aunties/relatives asking about your job and when you tell them your employer’s name, no matter what name you say, they do not understand it as they have not seen ads on tv for your company. Go! Stab yourself.

- An evening of yours gets wasted as well as you get nothing but embarrassment and irritation in return. You could have easily stayed home in your casuals and would have read a book.

- You need to shave every time you need to go to such a function.

- The ostentatious antics that are performed at the weddings these days look so preposterous. The rotating platforms, the flower showers/fountains, the stage performances by skimpily clad hired dancers.

- Man! This cameraman needs some help.

- I always overeat at these functions. Come on! There are so many dishes available, to try. What else am I supposed to do in this situation?

Though I feel a lot sympathy towards the couple who is getting married. I can understand the torture they have to endure that starts some fifteen days prior to the day and goes on till ten days after. Specially, the bride to be, is literally tormented. During this period, her privacy goes fishing, and she finds herself surrounded by giggly girls and teasing aunties, all the time. No time of her own. So many relatives, the usual conflicts among the women of the extended family, that are now all together. Crying and leaking babies that accompany them, the always occupied toilets…….

You can understand.

An Open letter to a rapist

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 31 Mar 2012 07:34:00 +0000

I am starting straightaway, as I could not decide how to address you. I just realized that English language lacks a word that describes you aptly. I am writing this letter to you since I am a Delhiite and I am totally pissed off that due to some god-forsaken animals like you, the city is getting a bad name.

I won’t be writing much since a lot has been already said and written about it. I in fact, would just be saying things that I feel you don’t realize...

If you have figured out after reading the title of this post that this letter is addressed to you, in that case upfront I insist you to, with an open mind, believe that you are just a pathetic creature that the world needs to get rid of.

If you think that you have done something that flaunts your virility, let me tell you that you have done a gross miscalculation. Don’t call yourself a man. You don’t deserve it. Real men don’t snatch something that is not theirs. You are just a genderless psychopath with a dysfunctional moral censor.

May be you don’t care about the life your victims are living now, if at all they are living. Some must have taken their own lives just because they thought it’s not worth living without the dignity that they have lost. So many of them are still struggling to be accepted back into their families. So many of them are still in shock and the thought of ending their lives comes across their mind at least once, each day. Still, they are living. You did all you could have done to make their lives miserable and still you don’t feel a speck of guilt or remorse. Shame on you!

If your justification is that she was not properly dressed or was not in her senses and that is what provoked you then you should point a gun on your crotch and blast it off because the force that drives you in life is there. It’s the force that is dominating your mind and conscience and leaves you at par with wild dogs.

Even if you thought she was not properly dressed, who are you to decide what was needed to be done with her? Who are you to decide that she is a slut? Who the hell are you to think that she would be easy just because she is frank and friendly? You are just a….. forget it! I just again wonder how scarcely resourced our languages are, not having an accurate word to describe you.

Few facts and suggestions for you to get in touch with reality as soon as possible…

-- Women are living things. Show some respect.

-- Harassing someone weaker makes you very small in character.

-- Not everything in this world belongs to you.

-- Sadism is a serious psychological disorder.

-- Realize the magnitude of the disgrace you are, to your family and to the world.

-- Pick up a dictionary and look up for the word – “Self Respect”. Study it!

Those of you who forced yourselves upon minors - I am well short of words to say anything to you. I just hope GOD knows what he intends to do with you. Enough said.

Go.. Die.

Am I angry about corruption?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 18:53:00 +0000

Recently I was watching a debate on a news channel. The topic was – ‘ Are you angry about corruption?’ This discussion made me ponder over this issue and as an interested citizen I have an opinion.

The question asked was whether I am angry about corruption or not? Now to this question, I don’t have an answer. Instead I’ve got two counter questions.

1. Why is this question being asked suddenly now?

Is it because of the recent scams in government which went out of control and came in full public view? Or is it because both the major political parties at our dispense are involved in the depravation more or less equally and we, the common people, are out of options? Or is it because you think that corruption has suddenly grown out of control or is it the scale at which corruption takes place these days? What in this world makes you think that people have become angry suddenly? CWG Or 2G? Come on! tell me what it is? Do you think that Anna Hazare induced this anger amongst us? Or is it the anti-corruption protests that happened throughout the country? Or do you think that this is the first time that people came to know about what goes around in governments? Or is it the corrupt government official or a clerk who takes bribe for doing something for which he gets paid by the government too, who made you think so? Or do you think that people are angry upon themselves only for bribing these public servants? Whatever may be the reason, let me tell you that if at all somebody is angry, it is not sudden.

2) Is it really that simple?

The question is what a common man, like me, can do to alleviate corruption? Is It that simple? The complexity of the entanglement of the corruption with our system is enigmatic. We see people blaming the “SYSTEM” for anything bad that happens or anything bad that they do. Are they really right? Let us see.

Population of India is growing at an unbeatable rate. The educated population knows that it is the quality of life that they give to their children which is more important than the quantity of siblings they may have. Uneducated crowd thinks that their future income directly depends on the number of children they have. For them children are like investments. Each of their children is just an extra pair of earning hands. And since these poor constitute the major part of Indian population we have the population going north at breathtaking rate which leads to poverty and a hungry psyche.

A population of this size (second largest in the world) generates huge revenues for government in the form of income tax which is theoretically supposed to be spent on the welfare of the masses. Sheer stupidity it would be, to even for a second, think of it as actually happening. This money has to come back to the masses.

The real clusterfuck:

Now these politicians generally, either pave their way from the bottom of the social structure to reach the top or they inherit a political career. Both ways, one thing is common - The hungry psyche. Whatever may be the case, they do have some insecurity about their winning the next term. So this hunger-ridden- psyche forces them to make a fortune from themselves out of people’s money and major part of that money gets stashed in foreign banks or is converted into some other convenient form which leaves the hungry common man with a little for himself. Whatever is left, travels through the levels of hungry bureaucracy and is shared-and-shrunk at each level. This hungry psyche is the common thing that exists in all levels of bureaucracy, among the citizens and among our politicians, alike. It is this hunger that is drawing a citizen towards corruption. Damned be the negativism, but it appears to me that those, who can use corruption in their favour, don’t have a problem with it while those who can’t, are actually angry. Not because they hate corruption, but because they can’t use it in their favour.

And to answer your question, I am not angry, Sir!

I am Just hungry.

---- A random citizen

image courtesy - india.growvc.com

That guy....

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 18:39:00 +0000

Addressed to girls:

You meet a lot of guys in your life. You tend to like some of them, be friends with them and prefer to ignore some of the real weird ones. Most of the time we try to keep our relationships with friends and loved ones evenly balanced where both the responsibilities and the pleasures of the relationship , are equally shared. But humans do err. Sometimes, you don't give back in a relationship, what the other person actually deserves and I am here, going to talk about exactly such a guy...

That guy, who in spite of doing his best to make you happy, did not get back what he deserved from you. That guy who was by your side when even your best friends doubted you. That guy who came to pick you up on a chilly night, when you couldn’t find anything to get back home. Do you even know that he lied to, and later got scolded by, his parents for taking their car out at that hour? . For you! and he never even told you about this.

People used to talk filth about him. Things like how he is letting you use him for your benefit and how far he has gone for you. To some extent, they were right. He was the one who always at the receiving end in your friendship. All sacrifices were supposed to be made by him, which he used to do without any regret or whatsoever. He used to be there for you as soon as you called him. But never, for an instance, you even thought about doing something for him. But he never complained. He remained the same smiling and unconditionally caring friend to you. Making adjustments and making you happy, were two things he was very good at. But unfortunately both things, you never realized.

You told him about that new guy you met and how cool and smart you found him. He was worried. He knew the guy and he knew that you are on the wrong path. Tried to make you understand but you, you did not listen. Days passed. You talked to him about your boyfriend. What’s he like? What does he do? What do you like about him? And what irritates you the most about him? And he listened. Trust me on this, being at this position, for a guy is an epic humiliation. Still, he listened. He did not used to talk much on that topic, except of saying some single word phrases here and there sporadically. May be, he loved you.

That day, when you were talking to him about the problems you were having with your boyfriend, he again tried to make you understand about your mistake. But, this time you reacted strongly. You said some sharp words to him. You stopped talking to him. You told your friends that he was trying to create misunderstandings between you and your boyfriend, when they enquired about what happened. You never became normal with him. He was taken aback. He was hurt. He went away from your life. You did not care. Days passed. You slowly and gradually came to know about the reality about your guy. He cheated on you. And you were numb, for weeks.

For years, you did not hear from that friend. He was gone, so far away, that may be you won’t be able to find him again in this life. Let me tell you that wherever he is, he still cares for your well being, though being passive. May God bless you!!

Kasab: Living mockery of Indian Judiciary

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 26 Nov 2010 10:07:00 +0000

A major terrorist attack takes place in Mumbai. The whole world gapes, in bewilderment. Disturbing live telecasts of injured people, hapless, lathi-bearing policemen running around in front of AK-47s keep rolling on channels throughout the day. So many innocent people get murdered. Mourning sessions take place. Politicians visit the injured and call for hefty packages. Political commentators on every news channel discuss the degree of heinousness of the incident, criticize and tell what should have been done, instead. City finally sleeps. People of Mumbai proudly boast off their ability of hitting back to life the very next day. Media starts exalting the spirit of Mumbai, be it the local train tragedy or 1993 blasts or for that matter the 26/11 attack.

There is something inherently wrong in this endure-and-forget approach. Though it sets an example and is an in-your-face reply to the terrorists but the unfortunate ramification is that it makes people forget the incident. Only those, who lost their dear ones, can feel the timeless pain.

The burning example is that of Ajmal Kasab. There cannot be a bigger insult of Indian judicial system. The guy who is distinctly caught on cctv footage with a rifle in hand, so many on-lookers available as witnesses. What else do you want to sentence a terrorist? If you are waiting for Pakistan to come forward and say that yes!! he is in fact a Pakistani and a terrorist involved with the Pakistan originated terror outfits, then that would never happen. Pakistani leaders are the brand-ambassadors of SSO (Society of Shitty obstinacy). For two years, that guy is living as a guest on Indian land, on the money of Indian people. It is in fact very embarrassing for Indian people to watch him making demands of chicken or mutton from jail. He says he came to Mumbai to become an actor or sometimes gives a philosophical what-is-sowed-has-to-be-reaped lesson to a politician. He has fun in the court, manipulating the facts, changing his tone and statements in each hearing much to the discontent of people who lost their kin members. This leaves us with a burning question-- WHY THE HELL INDIAN GOVERNMENT IS TAKING THIS SHIT???

It’s about time that we had something concrete with this case. If you ask the common man about what punishment would suffice for him, they will say, that punishment doesn’t exist. But being a civilized nation, the country of Gandhi, we will do everything under the aegis of law. It’s time that those jawans and police officers who lost their lives had attained salvation. This can happen only if the Indian judiciary listens to the mass emotion of the country and the collective sigh of pain saying—

--- HANG KASAB!!!!

photo courtesy- thelatestnews.in

Soldier's letter to his wife from Kashmir

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 07:53:00 +0000

My love,

I am really sorry, baby, for making you wait, this long. I know you have been awaiting this letter anxiously. But evidently, things have turned out a bit unfavourable for me, up here. I couldn’t write to you in spite of thinking about it all the time. You know, how things work here.

Baby, how have you been? Tell me? You can’t imagine how much I think about you all. You sometimes become my biggest weakness, as I keep worrying about you and your well being when I definitely should not, having a very serious task at hand. Sometimes though, when I am down, lying broken on my bed, of the day’s ordeal, I see your photo and plant kisses on that piece of paper. The kisses, which I feel, deserve the underprivileged skin of yours. This makes me forget all the pain and hardships that I am enduring here. This makes me feel, I have to live, I have to fight and sustain so that once this is over, I can come back to you and my lovely daughter, whom till now, I have seen through your letters only. So badly, I want to see her…touch her and play with her…..This makes me realize that you people are my biggest strengths and you only keep me going.

My love, you are a strong woman. I know these times are not the best we can have; still you have to be stronger; stronger for yourself, for our little one, for us. I believe that you will keep supporting me through this and I promise, I will make it up to you once I come back, with so much love that you can’t even possibly imagine.

Life here is definitely not a bed of roses these days. When things are normal, I come back at 8 while with curfew imposed that can go down to 1 am, nevertheless, I have to wake up at 5 in the morning.

You know all about the infiltrants and militants. Now, apart from them, apparently, we have made some enemies from the inside, the locals. People, with whom we are dealing now, have been confused and misguided by some hardliners and local leaders. You may be aware of ways of protests that these people are adhering to. Stone pelting on us has become the new popular means of showing distrust here. I know, these people have genuine complaints but certainly this is not the way.

All people here do not actually think like that. They have been misguided by the local leaders. Some of the younger breed of protesters doesn’t even listen to these leaders and have started independently carrying out acts of vandalism and hooliganism. They have been made dubious about accession of Kashmir into Indian Territory by Raja Hari Singh at the time of independence. Now some of them want secession from Indian sovereignty and subsequent accession to Pakistan while some of them insist on having independent Kashmir. Both of these ways are not practical for a normal kashmiri denizen. Certainly, the suicide-bomb-esque Pakistan should certainly not be a ray of hope for them while the independent Kashmir would live a bubble’s life. I just don’t have any idea how much longer would it take to get things settled over here.

While the elite talk about Indian secularism, I say, that doesn’t exist here. Religion is the biggest issue here, in this muslim dominated area for politicians and extremists alike. The local muslims call us ‘bloody Hindustani’ while if we show some concern about them the rest of Indians say that you are not an Indian. This is the most unfortunate thing to hear, for an Indian soldier. But we still have hopes and will do our best to ensure a generalized welfare.

Meanwhile, I am trying to apply for leaves. Let’s see what happens. If God permits, I will be with you all very soon. Let’s hope for the best. Convey my share of love to the little doll. You know that I love you for being there always, for reciprocating that love unconditionally and enduring the troubles all alone there. I just love you for that. All this will be over soon baby, and I will fly back to you. Please… hang in there for me.. for just a little bit longer.

I love you….

Your man.

AN OPEN LETTER TO SUNNY DEOL

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 16:27:00 +0000

Hello paaji,

I want to tell you how pissed off I am with the people who keep bickering over how Hollywood has got lots of superheroes and India has got nothing (except a masked long jump athlete in KKrish). I get filled with red hot rage when these sick people adore people like John Travolta, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwargeneggar but on the other hand, ignore you. They forget that all the above mentioned action-heroes use lots of skills and technology to beat the asses of those baddies while you… you just do all of them with raw power.

There is this one thing that I like about your movies, I don’t have to bite my nails during a fight sequence thinking about whether the villain could kill you. I always know that somehow, at the end, you will manage to pound over the villains and guess what, you have never let me down. During those scenes I just pray for those poor fellows who dare to piss you off.

After Rajnikanth, if there is a man who can beat the shit out of those scoundrels, no matter how many in numbers they are, he has to be you. I just get flabbergasted when you swing your hefty limbs and place those crooks in mid air. Plus, I am amazed by your undying spirit, I mean, in spite of having some 10 odd bullets inserted inside you, walking unsteadily, getting off balance, how you chase down the murderer of your kin or in some cases the guys who have pissed off the Indian in you, kill them in one swing of your withered arm, cremate your family, marry your only left sister to a nice guy, give them blessings and when it’s all done, then only, you think of dying. I’d like to urge all the genetic studies scientists to study your genes as those genes might become the key to the immortality or if not, then at least they can be used to place supernatural immunity system in people, after some manipulations.

If you listen to me, I promise we may bring out a revolution in India. Here is what I’ve got to say. You can join the Indian National Army. Our enemies sitting beyond LOC very well know that they are going to shit their pants if this happens. They have still not recovered from the jolts that your deafening roars and your gymnastics over that moving train in their own country gave them in GADAR. They haven’t been still able to fix up that hand pump that you pulled off the ground and as it seems that they are not going to have enough luck in future too. Your joining the army would not only bring their morale down but also they won’t be having sufficient artillery and ammunition to gun you down. In case, they somehow pull this off, then also they know half of their troops are going down anyway as they have seen how bad you can be being wounded, with automatic guns in both hands and hand grenades in your pockets and hollering at a deafening pitch, Not to forget the above described immortal instincts. Man, they’ve got no chances.

Girls who get troubled with eve teasing should wear lockets having your photographs on them. They’d just flash your photograph to these idiots and that alone would leave them paralyzed. That way the scoundrels know that God has sent his man on earth and now the girls are not at their mercy after all. Now this trick can be repeated with all sorts of problems that we face because of criminals.

Now we come to THE THING. The revolution I was talking about can be brought to life only if you think of donating your sperms. I mean, all that India needs to get rid of the problems that it is facing from within or outside the country, is having multiple Sunny Deols. Only your sperms should be used in procedures like artificial insemination so that we can produce more and more Sunny Deols for the welfare of this country. I would say this should be made mandatory. If possible, convince Rajnikanth too , to donate. I am cent percent sure this’ll turn out to be THE WAY OUT.

I hope you may take some time out of your already empty schedule and would consider my suggestions.

Your admirer

DementedSage

CAUTION: Those mothers who are interested in artificial insemination and want their child to have at least ordinary dancing sense then please ..i insist ..ignore Sunny Deol’s sperms. Don’t believe me..have a look…

A day in Delhi Metro

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 16:40:00 +0000

Ask any Delhiite about that one recent change that has affected them most, reply has to be Delhi Metro (except if the guy happens to be a homosexual). With its sprawling wings, Metro is now set to rail over the entire city. Having said that, there are few things that every metro commuter experiences. Here I am, discussing few of them; A jaunt in metro, through my eyes.

Not gasconading about the vivid description of security checks again (last article. Here the only difference is that those hands belong to a constable), here, I would like to, just skip it and move on. After reaching the crowded platform I wait for the train. After a while as it arrives into the station, I can palpate the cumulative leaning-attention of public that it holds. The train stops and doors open. I intend to follow the cliché metro etiquette which expects us to first let out-bound passengers move but as I come to my senses, I realize, I am the only one standing outside the train. Through my gate, no one came out. I enter into the train.

Here is a description of what I see inside. There is a guy beside me boasting a french beard, pony tail , I-pod in hand, beads in ears, eyes closed, often jerking his head trying to match the beats. There is a couple. The guy holds the overhead bar while his girl, to hold on to something, keeps her hands in his jeans pockets. Lost in their own world, often mumbling into each other’s ears, so oblivious are they to the attention they are getting from an uncle who is keenly watching them and trying to eavesdrop. The guy says something funny to his girl, almost instantly the girl responds with a laugh and ‘dilruba-bobby-darling-esque’ slap on his shoulder. Apparently, uncle too manages to get the joke. He is smiling. Then randomly, the couple looks around and becomes aware of this interested companion. They see him and instantly their smiles contract. Now the couple is feeling conscious of people around them.

On the seat behind me, there is a guy who is working on his laptop. He seems busy and tense. May be, he has to meet an imminent deadline. Suddenly, for the third time in the last two minutes, his phone vibrates. It is his girlfriend. Everybody around knows this, thanks to the previous calls. He is irritated now and rudely tells her that he is busy and will call back. He cuts the line. He looks upset. People around are smiling again.

Suddenly, my phone vibrates. It is a friend who wants to know a particular cheat code for GTA. After dealing with him, as I deposit back the phone into the pocket, I hear a hassle coming from the other side. A middle aged aunty is bickering over the famous ladies’ seat.

“This is a laideej seat..don’t you understand??”

A guy in his early twenty is the centre of attention. He tries to ignore auntyji.

“A laideej of your mother’s age is standing in front of you, and you still are not moving??”

The guy still remains silent but rock solid on his seat.

” Today’s kids just don’t have any manners. You don’t care to respect elders. Gharvalo ne kuch sikhaya nahi hai kya?? Sikhayenge kya unhe khud nhi aata hoga kuch, aata hota to tum aise behave nai karte??“

Now the guy looks up. He seems offended. Auntyji’s last blow was nasty. A man who is sitting with the guy tells him that he should have offered her the seat, she is an old woman after all. On this, the guy seems irritated and gives this man a ‘if–you-are-so-concerned-why-the-hell-are-you-still-sitting’ look and then just takes a deep breath and stands up. Auntyji won. Now auntyji is sitting on the controversial seat and look, she is smiling now. Apparently, praising herself for the ‘seat-fetching’ skill she has mastered over the years.

Now I look through the window to know my exact whereabouts. There is still time for my station. I notice a group of friends (4 girls and 3 boys) chirping pretty dissonantly. They seem to be pretty excited. May be, going to hang out somewhere. They are planning what all they are going to do today. Everybody is joyous and giving suggestions. I understand. Friends make you forget your miseries. I start thinking about my friends and life but soon get interrupted as a family enters. They seem to be economically weak, superficially, have around six kids. They appear to demonstrate all the stages in a child’s growth through these kids. The leading man is clad with sunglasses. Though, I do not feel that ambience is that glary inside. He takes his kin to the juncture of two coaches and orders each one of them to sit on the ground. The family follows. But one rebellious but tiny child stands up and goes to the nearest pole. He now, is twisting himself around the pole, and see now he is running around it. He has done almost everything that is possible with a pole. ( no, sorry, not everything!! ) . This happens for around five minutes or so. Now the child is bored. He goes back to his family and sits with them on the floor. He is silent now.

Now it has started getting crowded in here. It will keep getting even more herded till Rajeev Chowk where I am going to de-board the train. Still four stations to go. I wait. I look around to check if something interesting is going on but unlucky this time. So, I take out my phone and start re-reading my messages to kill time.

The train is now going underground. I meanwhile prepare myself for some wrestling. All the people have become biased towards the exit gate side of the train. Everyone wants to leave first. I hate these clusterfuck situations. Train stops. Outside, there is an enormous crowd waiting to barge in. Gates open finally. The clusterfuck is in full swing now. Everybody inside wants to go outside at that very moment and everyone outside wants to make it first inside and grab a seat before it smooches someone else’s ass. It sets an impasse for some time until people self-realize what is needed to be done. Sense prevails at last. People make two lanes out of the gate. Finally things start moving. After coming out of the gate I take some deep breadths in. Feeling relieved, now I check for my phone and wallet. Ohh WTF?? Where is my phone?? My heart skips a beat. Not again…ohh. here it is. Thank God!

Now I am coming out of the station. A peculiar feeling is still lingering around as if my clothes have been scrapped off completely from one side while coming out of the train. Out of friction, may be, I reason.

picture courtesy : http://www.Hotgurgaon.com

Why do I hate shopping ?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 14:56:00 +0000

As such, I am a lazy guy but when it comes to shopping I find myself shackled in extra fetters. I don’t know if I am the only guy who feels like that but this one thing is as clear as Megan Fox’s skin that there are broadly two kinds of shoppers: Men and women. None of the other possible classifications can classify shoppers with such profundity. Whenever a woman gets dumped or is feeling extremely envious of another woman (mostly one of her friends. I believe nothing pinches a girl more, than losing her share of attention to none other than one of her friends. What makes it even worse is that she can’t even talk about it), then the most reliable and time –tested trick she relies on, is hitting the shops and malls. On the other hand, Guys have a different psyche all together. They will either, hit the bar to realize one of their hidden fantasies of getting blitzed and abusing their betrayer girlfriend, or they will arrange some drinks and get their hands on their good-old, always consecrated, Porn stack. This is the ultimate stress-buster. ohhh.. where were we??…yes shopping!

I don’t know about girls but there is one more thing that I hate about shopping. I just get so pissed off when that faggot security guard, at the door, catches hold of me. I just feel like running for my dignity. Nothing is more chagrining than getting a guard’s hand all over your body and getting your nuts caressed by that ugly poof. The only thing that gives me solace is the sight of girls enduring the same procedure on the other side.

After persisting through this mental trauma I enter the mall. ( I am not discussing the experience at a local market as it’s worthy of a dedicated article.) I go straight to the showroom that I trust upon, find some decent looking clothes, no! they needn’t be perfect! Pay for them and come out. That’s it! Shopping done. Thank GOD, I am not a girl and I don’t have to pay a visit to every known brand to search for a kind of dress ( a trashy look-alike) that Katrina wore in a recent movie, I don’t have to hunt for matching accessories for the each piece of clothing that I bought. It just baffles me how do girls handle this. I mean it’s hard for me to pick up just one or two from a pile of some awesome clothing. It just muddles me up and moreover I think it would be a sheer racial discrimination to the other pieces. I’d rather use some akkad –bakkad kind of thing( I hate inkie –pinkie –ponkie) so that I can blame it to the luck of the pieces. Plus unlike girls, I don’t have an option of picking all of them in confusion as I hate being laughed at and being considered stupid.

Other thing that really bothers me is that I can’t remember names of brands or shops. There are all sorts of brands that have come up in India with weird names and then you have to remember which one of them is for gents and which is not. Another potential humiliation-trap for me. I just get devilled when my friends discuss about brands and their respective discounts on sales. Usually, one of these friends assists me while shopping.

One more thing that beats the shit out me is that creepy salesman that just keeps standing by you while you are making your mind to buy something. That’s not all. He will try to influence your choice by giving his personal opinions on which particular shirt will make you the smartest guy on earth. His servility reaches limits when he praises your choice even if you choose something as homo as Terence Lewis would have chosen.

In short, I suck at shopping. Unfortunately, it is something that’s part of life. I just hope someday, somehow an epiphany changes it all for me and finally I too enjoy something that half of this world relishes.

image courtesy: http://achinettevillamor.com

Commonwealth Games: What it means to Delhi?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 07:19:00 +0000

Why is it that without hosting some international sports event, Delhi can’t get its share of development. Earlier, when Delhi hosted 1982 Asian Games, people were gifted with color televisions, the posh south Delhi and The Appu Ghar. And yes, this was the time when people saw furnished roads at places outside the Lutyens Delhi.

Now Delhi is said to be set for Commonwealth Games. Only God knows what will happen, as all the news we are getting, is regarding the work lagging behind. But, this time government intends to gift a lot more to Delhiites. Some big stadiums (which after the games would only be used for marriage parties and ramlilas), many flyovers (alleged to be cracking already), extension of Delhi Metro (the only solace), and the mushrooming Red light areas to sate the carnal desires of tourists among others. Congratulations Delhi!!

INR 80,000 crore is supposed to be spent on CWG. No wonder every other leader is opposing it. WHY?? With that kind of money, these leaders could have done much more important things for the country. For example, Mayawati could've bought herself a cake commensurate with Agra’s size on her birthday, a brand new city named after her or a Dalit leader. While Indian rice and sugar is going wasted in godowns, Sharad Pawar could’ve imported more rice and sugar to meet (his) demands (through commissions) , he could have bought MPs for the constitution of The Third Front and buy himself the directorship of FIFA too, Shashi Tharoor could’ve installed a facility in his toilet so that he can tweet live from there, Mamta Bannerji could have paid for several assistants to look after her ministry so that she doesn’t has to move out of Kolkata, Mr. Laloo could have bought some contraceptive aids and few more buffaloes. Shibu Soren could have effectively utilized this money in bribing the court judges to bring down the number of his cases running in these courts. Vrinda Karat could have imported designer bindis for herself, specially ordered from Milan. This list can go on and on…

The question here is ..Can Sheila Dixit, with help of volunteer citizens, pull off the event while maintaining its dignity, keeping in mind, so many opposition leaders and some jealous party men are cursing the whole CWG approach day and night? If GOD believes in quantity, CWG is in serious trouble.

image courtesy : http://cribb.in

AN OPEN LETTER TO CUPID

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 06:53:00 +0000

Hey Cupid! Listen up dude!

This is weird. Isn't it?? Why, in this world, am I writing a letter to you? The one who is crucified every time a person can't practically justify the eerie, insidious attraction he feels induced for someone. But, the question is why the hell I, instead of watching football or fooling around on facebook or beating life out of my phone on whatsapp, for that matter (things that people of my age are supposed to do and the things which in fact some of my coeval friends might be doing right now as i write this letter), I am adamantly writing a zany letter to you. I mean, How dumb I am?

The fact is that, I have my own reasons which persuade me to do this. These are not my personal problems. I am doing this on behalf of all the libidinous (which covers 95% of them) guys who have been, throughout their life, abashed by the pranks played by CUPID on them. Of course, here I am not talking about any kind of platonic love.

Okay! Let’s get started.

You leave me pissed off when you set me having a crush on my best friend's girlfriend. I agree that we have a high female foeticide rate in India but still there are so many other girls out there whom you can set me up with. But, all you could find for me, was, this sole girl. Come on! India still has a sex ratio of 933. You could have done much better. You don’t know how difficult a situation it is for a guy to cheat on his best friend. (I wonder if you are a guy?)

Let’s move on. I was a kid, and you made me fantasize about my teachers!! Fucking awesome!! Haan !! You had fun?? Having said that i agree that i had some privileges that an adult male would have been denied of but there was so little that i could do at that time.You must understand that this is India and people here can't live in such morally-bankrupt, perversion-inducing environment that you are trying to create here. What you do in western countries may be accepted by those people but certainly this can't go on here. We have shiv-sainiks and Ram sena who will beat the shit out of people, if they do so. So please can you find some relevant matches for me?

Let me tell you that nothing is shittier than having a crush on an aunty next door or some receptionist of an institute (only because of whom we make a decision which coaching institute to join). I urge you not to put me in the moral disgrace when this is disclosed in public. No one except, the other guys, can empathize with us. I know this deserves a bad beating on our asses but people!! Try being a guy for one day and you will know that it’s normal. But still as i said earlier it's all, at a higher level because of you or because of GOD who made us that way.

There is another big problem with me. Every time I go and watch a movie, I end up having a crush on the cosmetics clad heroine. In fact, in that particular song of a shit-throwing movie "OSO" which featured every actress who was jobless at that time and was cringing to come on screen and shake'em with the 'BAD-SHAH' KHAN, I ended up being infatuated by each one of them. I am a human after all but I have limitations. I can’t think about so many women in one go. I am not saying that I don’t like it but man!, keep it slow, give me one at a time. The only aberration however, till now has been Shilpa Shetty. I sometimes wonder who told her that she can be a heroine and now she has done the same thing that every unsuccessful so-called-actress does, id - est marrying a millionaire. If she is called an actress in the first place then what wrong a deed Mallika Sherawat has committed. She also deserves the actress status. Ohhh.. I have gone totally out of context. Why didn’t you stop me??

Now, this one's serious. Never ever make us fall in love with a girl who is a good friend. This situation is a bit complex and is not easy to understand if you haven't experienced it yourself. The goddamn tragedy is most of the time when this happens, the girl is already committed and we are just gonna be pissed off beyond limit. Why?? Girls have this peculiar thing of sharing their love life with their good friends. There is a great possibility that you also get to hear what happened last time she went out with her boyfriend, how much she loves her or how cute he is. Damn it girl! Don’t you understand that I don’t give it a kalmadi how cute your chick-magnet teddy-esque boyfriend is!! Mr Cupid, you may not understand, but every time she talks about this, my heart sinks deeper and I wish I could tell you how much.. Screw her boyfriend!!! If we are lucky and this girl is presently single then there exists a different dilemma. What if she says no? What if she answers in those killer diplomatic lines (which deserves another article), How would I be able to face her again? There will always be that weird sensation floating every time we will be together. Let those be damned, who say that ex-lovers can be friends. No, they can’t!! Sparks always exist between the two. Same will happen here and certainly I don’t want that to happen with our friendship. So please, you better not make me fall in love with a friend.

In the end, just one more thing, as a guy, I have hurt many girls till now. I know there comes a time in a guy’s life when he feels rueful about this. I just want to tell you that when mine comes, give me strength so that I’d be ready to expiate in whatever way possible.

Cheers dude!

Just another guy,

Earth.

image courtesy : http://www.clipartandcrafts.com

What's YOUR facebook status ???

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 10:02:00 +0000

This article is for all of you for whom facebook is a drug .I would like to thank my 192 friends on facebook who inadvertently inspired me to write this article. Here, I try to categorize the kind of people that we have on FB.

Mr/Ms ' NUMERO UNO' :
This person is suffering from the breaking news bug.This guy considers it his biggest failure if he is not the first one to break out a news to his fellow pink-slipped FB friends. Nothing gives him more pleasure than seeing someone commending him thorough 'likes' and comments on his disclosure.If he is sitting on his toilet seat and can't access his lappy then he tells his mom to put an update on FB that he got loosemotions today.

Mr/Ms 'YOU BROKE MY HEART' :
This is the person who portrays himself as the one who has been kicked on ass by his lover.Often, his status updates show how much he misses his lover or for that matter, hates her.Some times he helps himself with a bit of shayari or lyrics of a bewafa-sanam-esque song.

Warning: If you really want to be in good books of this person,don't forget to boast your sympathy for him/her.A simple 'Awwwwww' would suffice.

Ms 'OMG!! THIS IS SO ROMANTIC ':
This class of people (usually girls) possess LBCs (Love Blood Cells) besides the normal RBCs and WBCs running in their every artery and vein.Their status updates consists of the supposedly-romantic stuff and the funnier thing is that they expect lots of likes and comments and if nobody does this then they commit themselves up to the task and 'like' their own status just to give a jolt to the 'insensitive' friends.

Mr 'YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TODAY??' :
This guy doesn't come online throughout the day but just when the day is about to get over (though,the sun never sets on FB), he pops in from somewhere and is adamant to inform people about how was his day, on his wall.

Mr ' I AM SO LONELY, SYMPATHISE WITH ME ' :
This sympathy-famished person is the most irritating of them all.He just picks up a depressive line from net and drops it on his wall.Bhatt camp's roles for kangna ranaut must have been inspired from him, if not, they should definitely give it a try.

Mr 'DICTIONARY' :
This is the guy who is actually preparing for GRE or TOEFL exams where direct vocabulary questions are asked.He considers FB as THE PLATFORM to boast off his command over the most elusive of words.This,in turn frightens his fellow friends over FB,who have to barge in their heads into thesaurus several times just to be somewhere near a position of replying to this guy's posts.

Mr 'THIS LINE IS MINE' :
This guy impudently denies the original creator of his credits by plundering over his quotes or lines on his wall.This act of plagiarism remains obscure untill you find that quote somewhere on the net.

Mr 'I AM SO FUNNY' :
This is the guy who searches youtube and dailymotion for funny videos for hours and as and when he finds one,it is next seen on this guy's wall.Again the underlined motive remains the same.. i.e 'likes' and comments.

Mr 'I dont know what the hell I am posting.I just want likes and comments' :
These are the guys who see a funny link on someone's wall and then in a second, share it on theirs ,for the benefit of their friends.They may not understand why that link is funny but they trust the intelligence of their friends.

Mr 'CRITIC' :
This is the guy who reviews every movie or music album he comes around, on his wall.Sometimes he urges his friends not to watch a particular movie as he found its cinematography and art direction pathetic.

Mr 'SENSIBLE' :
This guy seems to be the most sensible person around. He is not a prolific status updater. His likes and comments on a post are a validation of sense prevailing in that particular post.

Ms 'FARMVILLE' :
These girls think that there is nothing else important in your life than to know which vegetable are they growing, or who is their new (ill fated) neighbour.. or is there a bull or a pig or an anaconda which has got into their farm .Important thing being , whether, is he lonely or not , or.. maybe... if he has been forsaken by his owner.And ofcourse the mysterious eggs,which are certainly as mysterious as is the question of their origin itself.

Mr ' LYRICSWRITER' :
These are the people who like to write lyrics of some random song on their wall to apprise people of their adulation for the song. Ofcourse, their chosen entry for the day varies with the mood swings.

Mr/Ms 'EMOTICON' :
Boredom can make people do weird things.For instance when they have nothing else to post about and their conscience is literally itching them as to how in this world did they not post anything today. Guilt is ineluctable. So ,finally, they decide to put a mysterious emoticon or two on their wall.That's it. Now that's a pretty smart thing to do.

Mr 'OPEN BOOK' :
This guy has no secrets.If you follow his status updates then making out what's going on in his life is no big a puzzle.He writes about almost everything thing. These sensational revealations may be anything about his "radio button" relationship fluctuations or his professional life. He does not even hesitate to reveal which brand of underclothes he bought,the last time he shopped.

The WHOHOOO!! GIRLS :
These are the girls whose status makes you feel life is one big party.They like to revel everything good that happens to them.These girls can be identified with the presence of words like "YAY or YAAY or YAAAY" , YEYE ,HAHAHAHA in their status. You should look forward to them.

PS: Even I qualify for many of these titles.

Daily soaps : What they are all about..

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 16:39:00 +0000

That day, I was free and was scanning the channels on my TV. Suddenly, I paused on a channel showing a daily soap. The show had a funny name. It was something like "godbharai" or "godbharvayi". I watched a scene or two and instantly picked up the gist of the story.There was this male lead who was impotent (namard) and he is portrayed as a super-desperate man to have a baby of his own. Personally, I found it amusing. Soon the show ended and was replaced by another one. This one had a female protagonist who was so meek and gentle that I instantly inferred that no matter what, she is going to face every affliction possible in a joint family.If not, then well.. who will watch the show??

Some of the most common/irritating things that I can point out about these daily soaps are...

THE GAUDY APPEARANCE OF WOMEN : These women roam around in the house clad in those flashy sarees and jwellery.I sometimes wonder if there is some permanent wedding going on in these soaps.Each woman is trying to beat every other in terms of volumes of jwellery and weight of costumes. Don't the producers know, these things can heavily distract their female audience ( 99% ).

SET : These shows have some really expensive sets. All those women keep wandering here and there in haveli like houses.Moreover , they always have a staircase and yes it is damn important to the storyline. Everytime the makers see a dip in the TRPs they can instantly get their female protagonist pregnant and then she can be made to fall on this staircase. This is like sure shot. It always works.

ZOOM IN/ZOOM OUT: You would be grossly lying if you say that you have never noticed this. Situation is like this. A woman says something to other women (and 1 or two men) and then what follows is a zoom in of the woman from different (otherwise redundant) cameras and then follows the reaction of rest of the inmates to what this woman has said.Ofcourse there are zoom ins here too and rightly so. Reactions are also important , afterall. Sometimes these action-reaction combats last for the whole episode.

SHRILL SOUND EFFECTS: Recently Russel Pokutty won an oscar for background music for slumdog.I sometimes feel that his brothers in the TV industry are always denied of any kind of recognition.These sound effects bring life to the twists. I wonder, all those twists can go unnoticed if sound effects won't have been there. They are like an identity to the actors, specially vamps. Each vamp has her own background music that is as shrill and foxy as it can get. remember komolika....

A WORSHIP PLACE : I dont think this is debatable. All of you must agree that each of these houses have temples where the whole family worships. This idolization is a routine as far as the story is concerned. I wonder( again ) if smriti irani had counted , how many times she has done this. If yes, it would had been difficult to keep a record.

THE OLDEST WOMAN: Each one of these shows has a BAA of its own.This creature defies all physical and natural laws of aging.I sometimes doubt if indian TV producers got hold of elixir somehow.This old woman claims that she has just one wish left in her life. The wish being that she wants to see her grandson getting married. She often blackmails her son (the father ) and forces him to take his son to the nuptial bed as soon as possible so that she can have fun with her super grandson.

THE VAMP : This is the character in the plot that indirectly steers the story forward. She is often an unmarried bua or sister of the sasu maa who is staying in the house without any reason. She is sometimes the sexiest and most seductive woman of them all yet, deceptive.Every vamp has her signature background sound effect which is played every time she successfully executes his shrewd manipulations or when she is praising her wit herself.

DIL MIL GAYE : This particular serial deserves a special mention as it has endowed the television industry with a new kind of senti-romantic crap. It goes like this ..Dr Armaan and Dr Riddhima have a fight over something and riddhima is furious and walks away. Suddenly she gets even more furious as Dr armaan has clutched on to her dupatta.She takes an about turn to find that instead ,the dupatta has entangled in the shirtbutton of Dr Armaan.Then what follows is a series of crappy pseudo-romantic stares while the unplugged version of the title song plays in the background and then you notice that they are doing this for previous half an hour. You then , in exasperation ,switch off the TV and decide that you will release your angst on your blog ...

What have I become???

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 16:37:00 +0000

I've always wanted to be different (just like everybody else) but was left incapacitated whenever someone asked " kid , what do you wanna be in life ?? " and this kid had no clue, neither then nor has he now . With no other alternative pick ,I finally decided to grow up (as if i could do something about it) and surrendered to the mighty kismet .Gave my 10th exams but was again confronted by a situation which demanded hell lot of a mind boggling. What stream to choose? I was literally made to understand "the importance of this decision " by every other person who was elder to me or considered himself/herself more mature. But I thought, this whole concept is a fallacy in the first place. Come on fellas!! you are asking a kid ,something that even adults dread of. It was one of those times when i felt Is this whole world crazy or is it just that I am extra intelligent?

Finally, settled with NON - MED science .Couldn't even flirt with idea of choosing Commerce or Arts.Reason: All my friends were taking up Science. It was like Science is cool and if you stray away, you are not a man. Now, how can a guy like me, who never tasted respect anywhere else , be disloyal to his friends.That is the age when you make many friends and suddenly they seem to be the most important thing in your life.

I was in 11th now, friends told me that this isn't going to suffice. One also needs to join a coaching institute (for engg.). By this time, i had understood, life has been playing a river to me and i had no choice but to go with the flow. So i did, indeed ~~going~~ drowning with flow , joined an institute.The same one that my friends had joined. Next two years were like hell. Couldn't do anything. My studies at the fucking institute got messed up. Was equally terrible at school. You know what happens when you try to fool around with two girlfriends simultaneously. (ahh. terrible analogy!! ) A lesson was there to be learnt.

Eventually, ended up with a not-so-good engg. college.Can't express the depression I went through knowing that none of my friends are in my to-be college.

Anyhow,time passed.Presently, I am in year 3 of 4 of my engineering course. By now, i kind of developed a liking for what i am doing...Things have changed. I am no more an immature kid who just don't has a thinking of his own. My friends don't indirectly take decisions for me now. Well, i have figured out what i want to do in life. I want to be a software engineer. The Kid has finally grown up!!!

Yesterday, i had a conversation with one of dad's friends which somewhat went like this..

Uncle: "hey son, how are you doing with your studies??"

me: "I am doing pretty good... I like it finally."

Uncle : "okay! that's good ! . I am so happy for you. My boy is going to be a software geek...haha"

me: "Let's see .."

Uncle: "what ?? "

me: "The thing is that I have joined a coaching institute for MBA exams preparation...."

Uncle : ohh. i see... but I thought you were sure that you wanna be a software engineer??

me : "Ummmm.. now i want to be a manager. MBA is cool. All my friends are doing it... and may be i dont like engineering that much....."