Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Jessica Simpson dumped by Tony Romo–take two!! OK, so we’re not sure how many times we will have to report that Tony dumped Jessica. But I’m guessing it will be a cool baker’s dozen. Eventually it will get so bad that every time a cow rips ass in Montana the papz will report that Tony split from Jessica again. Anyways, according to sources one of Romo’s buddies told the press that while drinking in Chicago Romo dissed Jessica’s mating skills and broke up with her over the phone. Another source elaborated on the night,

Tony Romo was in town, and he was bar hopping with some buddies of his from Chicago. He had the nerve to put Jessica on speakerphone and talk about their sex life with all his guys listening and laughing at her. Not only is this girl dumb, but she is completely self conscious about her bedroom skills. After a few too many drinks, he told everyone he and Jessica are over. They are taking a “break.” He could never see himself being serious and marrying this girl. He’s just having fun with her. It’s funny everyone is talking about them getting married when they are completely over. Sorry Jessica, Tony had his fun with you, and now is on to bigger and better things.

Jessica is so gorgeous that for her to be called out in bed she would literally have lie dormant and snore while having sex. And even then I’d let it go. But that’s why I’m in front of a computer and Tony is preparing for another season with the Cowboys.

BTW, in honor of my Indian-a heritage–GO COLTS!

Darby Gunpowder:
Miley Cyrus took a break from taking racy photos for her boyfriend to take racy photos for the “Got Milk” campaign. After washing my eyes out from staring at the pre-teens crotch area, I noticed the photos in the background…they appeared to be a collection of her most celebrated inappropriate photos -Miley’s Smuttiest Hits”. Upon zooming in, I was correct. That little minx slipped in semi-nude photos of herself (and a nude midget) into the background of the Milk photoshoot. And are those her panties!! Damnit Miley, I just got back from confession!!!

Roll your mouse over the photo above to zoom in.

John:
Maxim magazine kept a hammer lock on Worst Magazine Ever Ever by naming Britney Spears the #19 hottest woman on the planet. By comparison Sarah Marshall’s Mila Kunis is #81 and Emma Watson is #94. Maxim’s Editor said,

“… [Britney] still oozes genuine sexiness, and if anyone can make a comeback, it’s her.”

She oozes something that’s for sure. These photos were taken yesterday. Britney was smuggling watermelons out of a local Ralph’s restaurant when she remembered her cigarette addiction. The watermelons were taken back and cremated.

Darby Gunpowder:
I thought about watching Britney’s return to “How I Met Your Mother” but instead I decided to organize my sandbox. It’s a mess. My bulldozer is totally buried, my buckets are all over the place -I’m missing my plastic rake…like I said, a real mess. I did get a chance to read about the show while searching for unoriginal gossip to post on Derober today, and the critics praised Brit. They want to ask her back again! No shit. Considering the entire world is fascinated by this chick, you could put her on the Sunday closed-circuit church channel and atheists would tune in -with popcorn and a rosary.
I did find a clip from the show, which I did like. Doogie Howser basically tells Britney to “beat it geek”. Enjoy!

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
PussyCat Doll lead singer Nicole Scherzinger loves her pink. And so do I. I just wish she would have her driver turn on the car’s A.C. once in a while. You know, if not for me…do it for the kids. They have their whole life ahead of them.

John:
Tara Reid and a her buddy were spotted at the beach yesterday. Both had an awesome day talking to palm trees and hugging complete strangers.

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Just when I think I finally put ‘the juice’ out of my mind for good some ass clown rehashes the time O.J. admitted to killing his wife while in a drunken stupor. And don’t get me wrong, I am fascinated with the details; however, I really thought I’d heard the last of the O.J Simpson murder gossip years ago. And it was such a relief. A feeling not unlike the last math test I ever took. But I digress. The story according to Mike Gilbert, a former memorabilia dealer and money-laundering partner of O.J.’s, goes that one night O.J. got hammered and confessed to killing his wife. The AP reports,

He said Simpson had smoked pot, took a sleeping pill and was drinking beer when he confided at his Brentwood home weeks after his trial what happened the night of June 12, 1994. Simpson said he went to his ex-wife’s condominium, but did not bring a knife with him. Simpson told him Nicole Brown Simpson had one in her hand when she opened the door.
In a soft mumble, Simpson told him: “If she hadn’t opened that door with a knife in her hand … she’d still be alive.”
“Nothing more needed to be said,” Gilbert writes. “O.J. had confessed to me. There’s no doubt in my mind.”

How does one respond to a confession like that?? I imagine you laugh uncomfortably and try your best at making an empathetic comment which comes out sounding something like, “women huh??” You down another shot and slowly weasel your way out of room. And years later when the nightmares finally subside you decide ‘f%ck it,’ and you write a tell all book about the night O.J. confessed to killing his wife. You sell millions of copies and consider the profits you made severance pay for all the punitive damages you faced the night O.J. Simpson got drunk and stoned at his house and decided you were someone he could confide in.

But that’s just my theory. For more on the juice.