tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770027741566499318Mon, 07 Oct 2024 05:30:49 +0000OverheardAntisocialBBCBearsBig Sad EyesBloggingCandyCar KeysCarbon MonoxideChickenConstantineCowsDiapersDonutsFacebookGiantGremlinsHistory LessonsHobbitsHumiliationHumorIce CreamKeanu ReevesLackwitLoveMecha-StreisandMoray EelsMoviesMythical BeastsOther BlogsParentPiratesPissyPoint BreakPony TailRefrigeratorRelationshipsSalty LanguageSarcasmShallownessSpeedTedTelevisionThe MuppetsThe StigImagine if you will...2 people bound to spend the rest of their lives together. They are most certainly different and have almost nothing in common. So, it's like every other relationship ever. But this one has a BLOG!http://derpsnark.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.com (Serge A. Storms)Blogger41125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770027741566499318.post-1470698602799974517Mon, 31 Oct 2011 02:17:00 +00002011-10-30T19:17:54.480-07:00When I was a kid, my mom made awesome costumes. I went as Superman in nursery school. I went as Kermit the Frog when I was 8, so my kid brother wouldn't be alone in his Cookie Monster costume. We went as Ewoks some time around there. She always took the time to sew together something good.  Now, I've been accused of having borderline sociopathic tendencies, mainly due to my mouth and the http://derpsnark.blogspot.com/2011/10/hookerween-or-fuck-you-society.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Serge A. Storms)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770027741566499318.post-8332746519518479073Sun, 30 Oct 2011 00:07:00 +00002011-10-29T18:25:24.716-07:00I may have given the impression that I imbibe large quantities of alcohol. Alas, it is more wishful thinking than anything else. I'm not a teetotaler, I'm just cheap and good liquor is expensive. But last night, the moon was in Venus* and the stars were smiling upon me and so I drank. Kevin, my stepfather was kind enough to play bartender. I even made him brownies this morning as a thank you, http://derpsnark.blogspot.com/2011/10/one-tequila.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Ally)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770027741566499318.post-5975095100265918173Wed, 26 Oct 2011 02:49:00 +00002011-10-25T19:49:57.757-07:00It's been a while since I've contributed, so I figure I'd throw a little something on here. This one's dedicated to my co-workers, the Inglourious Basterds on the front lines of the phone lines. Ladies and gentlemen: Be kind to your tech support representatives on the phone. Know going in that they're not going to know everything about your computer. When they're asking you questions, answer http://derpsnark.blogspot.com/2011/10/tips-for-dealing-with-technical-support.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Serge A. Storms)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770027741566499318.post-4433279865431210239Wed, 26 Oct 2011 01:15:00 +00002011-10-25T19:02:44.246-07:00Having spent far too much time today trolling websites dedicated to outing bad parents, someone better give me a damn trophy. I've never claimed to be June Cleaver and my house will never grace the cover of Better Homes and Gardens but put me up against some of these freakshows I've seen today and I come out looking like Mother Theresa. Except, you know, minus the nun habit. I'm sure that she http://derpsnark.blogspot.com/2011/10/parent-of-year.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Ally)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770027741566499318.post-2856816616353287437Mon, 03 Oct 2011 01:29:00 +00002011-10-02T19:15:30.091-07:00There once was a time when I measured the awesomeness of a birthday by the gifts I recieved. This really shouldnt come as a surprise, as I might have mentioned I was shallow a time or three. Tomorrow I turn 32 and aside from a few gray hairs I'm holding up okay. Much to my dismay, though Chris is older than me, he lacks the silver threads in his locks and when caught off guard has quite a boyish http://derpsnark.blogspot.com/2011/10/birthday-swag.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Ally)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770027741566499318.post-1622115813383949209Mon, 29 Aug 2011 01:30:00 +00002011-08-28T19:05:14.863-07:00CandyCarbon MonoxideCowsIce CreamMecha-Streisand Mecha-Streisand is back and boy howdy. I thought the first one was a doozy but this time it's worse. All the creatures in the house are quivering in fear as I stomp around with unholy glee. I've even managed to drive the insects into hiding which is impressive considering it's breeding time down here in the tropics. I'd rather heal up from my cesarean than go through this every month. At least http://derpsnark.blogspot.com/2011/08/lazy-sunday.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Ally)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770027741566499318.post-3178463840164489302Fri, 19 Aug 2011 13:35:00 +00002011-08-26T18:16:11.371-07:00OverheardI bet you thought I forgot about this, huh? DIDNTJA?! Well I didnt. I just got an eensy bit busy. But I definitely had to find time to share this crap with you. Here goes. In the course of any relationship there are always running arguments. Discussions that can never be solved and lack any real relevancy or rationality. Take us, for instance. Every night when we go to sleep we will read http://derpsnark.blogspot.com/2011/08/cold-feet.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Ally)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770027741566499318.post-1892121081178114943Tue, 09 Aug 2011 03:32:00 +00002011-08-08T20:40:36.686-07:00ConstantineKeanu ReevesMoviesPoint BreakSpeedTedI was talking to my buddy Frank at work about the up coming Bill and Ted 3 which is in development. My end of the conversation naturally progressed in the direction of The "Ted" theory on Keanu Reeves's movies: All characters portrayed by Keanu Reeves is a different stage of Ted "Theodore" Logan. Frank naturally showed skepticism, and I did not have time to go into details, so here it is: The http://derpsnark.blogspot.com/2011/08/strange-life-of-ted-theodore-logan.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Serge A. Storms)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770027741566499318.post-5081325051430930976Sun, 07 Aug 2011 01:50:00 +00002011-08-06T19:27:46.972-07:00BearsBig Sad EyesLackwitOverheardSometimes it just doesnt pay to poke the bear with the stick. Other times, well, other times it's just fun.Him: [Loud belch while exiting the bedroom]Me: "WHAT! You just sounded like a LIVING ORGANISM."Him: [Pokes head back into bedroom and quirks an eyebrow at me]Yeah. I actually said that.After a long ramble about all of the fun things we're going to teach the baby.Me: "You do know how to http://derpsnark.blogspot.com/2011/08/poking-bear-with-stick.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Ally)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770027741566499318.post-987832640755647984Fri, 05 Aug 2011 03:15:00 +00002011-08-04T20:15:32.819-07:00I rarely wax political, but I'm feeling patriotic and want to vent a bit. I again came across this handy soapbox to stand on, but not for too long as this box will need to house a family of 5 in the coming months. Debt deal. Right. So we're going to cut spending, raise the debt ceiling, create absolutely no new jobs, give the minority portion of the Republican Party an overly compromised plan http://derpsnark.blogspot.com/2011/08/worst-tea-party-ever.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Serge A. Storms)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770027741566499318.post-6212893407115266761Mon, 01 Aug 2011 13:55:00 +00002011-08-01T08:48:42.545-07:00In the last blog post I mentioned that Chris was on vacation last week. The purpose was two fold. Aside from giving me a break, there were a few things that needed to be worked on outside the house. The list was short but the headache factor was long. Gutters, edging the weeds around the house and shed, and something else that escapes my feeble brain. However, I know it was 3 things because the http://derpsnark.blogspot.com/2011/08/staycation-vol-2.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Ally)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770027741566499318.post-478593239212391057Sun, 31 Jul 2011 00:15:00 +00002011-07-31T08:38:35.443-07:00***Warning***This post is about our daughter. If you dont like baby humor, turn back now. If you have children that have outgrown puking and pooping on you, be warned this post may cause violent flashbacks to your children's early years.Chris was on vacation this week. One morning last week he woke up and realized I was one dirty diaper away from tottering over to the Skyway Bridge with a rum http://derpsnark.blogspot.com/2011/07/staycation-vol-1.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Ally)3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770027741566499318.post-376075338038392257Fri, 29 Jul 2011 20:32:00 +00002011-07-29T14:52:19.319-07:00Sometimes things from your past can be a good thing. Like last night, when Chris and I were returning from a dinner out with some friends and this came on:Then there are other things, that turn out to be not so good. Like today, when we went out for a walk in a local park. Chris and I had both spent a lot of time there (separately) years ago, and it's the closest park to our current residence. http://derpsnark.blogspot.com/2011/07/reminder-that-there-are-bears-outside.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Ally)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770027741566499318.post-1929115277239739745Mon, 25 Jul 2011 02:26:00 +00002011-07-24T20:32:57.125-07:00FacebookGremlinsPiratesPissyRefrigeratorSalty LanguageI'm eating Charleston Chews for dinner, so this post could be really good or really bad. We'll know by the end. The painful, bitter end. Thursday night I told Chris I had some good news. He asked me if Nila (the cat we pseudo rescued) ran away. Well, no, but we found someone that was traveling to North Carolina on Friday and was willing to take her with him. I met with the nice man the next day. http://derpsnark.blogspot.com/2011/07/updates-rants-and-widgets.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Ally)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770027741566499318.post-3026862960053070780Thu, 21 Jul 2011 03:11:00 +00002011-07-20T20:11:02.159-07:00Warning: As I am incredibly "grumpy" at the moment, this blog will more than likely be loaded with expletives. That being said....FUCK.  While it is all well and good that Christine wants to rescue every fucking cat on the planet, one at a time, it has hit the point where I am about to lose my mind. I was completely against getting the first two, and only after a solid 2 weeks of http://derpsnark.blogspot.com/2011/07/planet-of-cats.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Serge A. Storms)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770027741566499318.post-1119410205175133603Wed, 20 Jul 2011 03:48:00 +00002011-07-19T21:11:01.798-07:00When Chris came home from work this evening, I was in a foul mood. I didnt feel well, and neither did the Gremlin. I was also giving serious thought to burning down my neighbor's house. Before you get your busy little fingers dialing 9-1-1 I've cooled down (marginally) and have decided against lighting their house on fire (for now). Unfortunately, Chris got the brunt of my ranting upon hitting http://derpsnark.blogspot.com/2011/07/war-of-stinky-roses.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Ally)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770027741566499318.post-7521602790739841234Tue, 19 Jul 2011 01:41:00 +00002011-07-18T20:13:56.561-07:00***Warning - Serious Post Ahead******If you are looking for snark, turn back now*****I tried to be funny, but got all serious instead. This is what happens when I watch too much 16 & Pregnant**When Chris and I found out we were having a little girl at our sonogram appointment, a lot of things happened. First, I called the technician a liar, because I wanted a little girl so bad that I knew she http://derpsnark.blogspot.com/2011/07/name-game.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Ally)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770027741566499318.post-3333262555718034541Sun, 17 Jul 2011 02:59:00 +00002011-07-16T20:56:12.872-07:00So if you dont already completely pity Chris for putting up with my deranged ass, here's some more ammunition. The next time you see him, be sure to thank him for keeping me away from the general population because I'm a menace. If you havent heard the story of how we came by the two felines that graciously allow us to live here, I'll give you the short version. Enter me, pregnant and a complete http://derpsnark.blogspot.com/2011/07/sucker-for-strays.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Ally)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770027741566499318.post-1761685481275608245Sat, 16 Jul 2011 16:50:00 +00002011-07-16T11:18:48.910-07:00I may have mentioned that I like to watch Hoarders now and then in a previous blog post. I suppose it should be classified more 'inspirational' than 'educational' as it was suggested. I can look at those houses and say, 'Well, it's not perfect but at least it's not as bad as that'. Most days I try to keep the house clean. Anyone who's ever tried to do this full time can attest to how frustrating http://derpsnark.blogspot.com/2011/07/i-may-have-mentioned-that-i-like-to.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Ally)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770027741566499318.post-2162932965857907430Sat, 16 Jul 2011 12:13:00 +00002011-07-16T05:16:22.937-07:00Out of curiosity I went to check the "Monetize"stats for our humble site yesterday only to find that Google has decided to deactivate our AdSense account for what it feels was "Suspicious or Invalid Impression Activity."  I scanned all through this site and I didn't break out my Sean Connery impression ONCE, so I filed an appeal.  While Google appreciated my giving them more http://derpsnark.blogspot.com/2011/07/scroogle.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Serge A. Storms)7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770027741566499318.post-7158405950255671432Thu, 14 Jul 2011 19:02:00 +00002011-07-14T12:55:45.053-07:00If you read Chris's last blog post, you know that he outed me. Yes, it's true, I read romance novels. All of my adult life when that information was revealed the reactions were almost always mockery and scorn. Since he has decided to share my reading choices with our readers (all 4 of them) I feel obligated to defend myself.Firstly, I would like to think that I'm literate, and somewhat articulatehttp://derpsnark.blogspot.com/2011/07/its-on.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Ally)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770027741566499318.post-8352601853013629429Thu, 14 Jul 2011 16:10:00 +00002011-07-14T09:10:54.804-07:00Small victory for LeVar Burton and myself. I have mentioned previously the reading materials that Christine prefers: Books with titles like Naked in the Nude, The Throbbening, Sausage Night at the Sizzler, The Seduction of Helen Keller, Meat Patrol, The Pirate's Full Mast, etc. In the past I have gotten her to read the collective works of Tim Dorsey (which I highly recommend for their accurate http://derpsnark.blogspot.com/2011/07/reading-rainbow.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Serge A. Storms)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770027741566499318.post-6930708631620718993Wed, 13 Jul 2011 17:38:00 +00002011-07-13T14:13:11.869-07:00DiapersOverheardThe MuppetsI want to write things, really I do. It's just that my life is boring. All I've got is lots of diaper stories and arguments with my almost 3mo baby. Nobody wants to hear that. Heck, I dont want to hear it. I even have a whole bit in my head about socks but it's just not that funny. Chris has started several blog posts but keeps getting interrupted. Since he's awake before anyone, he has morning http://derpsnark.blogspot.com/2011/07/captain-underpants.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Ally)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770027741566499318.post-1656993418588386163Sun, 10 Jul 2011 01:25:00 +00002011-07-10T08:53:36.305-07:00On most days, I'm a very cheerful person. Disgustingly so. I have a constant smile on my face and will show great enthusiasm when in a conversation. It's a part of my personality that I can't seem to control. Even when I'm feeling down, or am pissed off, I still have that half assed smile on my face. Which is why the above avatar for 'Derp' is such an extremely accurate depiction of my person. Dohttp://derpsnark.blogspot.com/2011/07/on-most-days-im-very-cheerful-person.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Ally)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770027741566499318.post-3901752388781638212Thu, 07 Jul 2011 19:18:00 +00002011-07-07T15:48:03.380-07:00BBCTelevisionThe StigChris and I have a dirty little secret. We dont like to broadcast it very often, because we try not to alienate the remaining friends we have. Our dirty secret is that we never fight. Ever. Not once has a voice been raised, a bad name been called, or an item been thrown (with the intent to harm). Before you go getting any crazy ideas about how it's because we're 'meant for each other' or some http://derpsnark.blogspot.com/2011/07/bbc-takeover.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Ally)0