The truth is that I don’t always feel confident. I experience self-doubt daily. Sometimes the “not good enough” voice is so loud that I’m surprised I get anything done at all!

So how do I project this magnetic confidence and attract what I want in my life and business?

I have a secret to share with you.

First we need to embrace the doubt. It has a purpose is to protect us and keep us safe. But in order to move to the next level, we can’t play it safe.   We must take risks, be unreasonable and be uncomfortable.

What stops us in life is not the doubt. It’s the action we take or the action we avoid.

Do we give up or do we push through? Lose our mojo? Stay in our comfort zone and hide? Ignore our negative thoughts and keep going?

Tina Fey, an actress, comedian, writer and producer, confessed that she sometimes screams in her head, “I’m a fraud! They’re on to me!”

Sheryl Sandberg, bestselling author of Lean In and the COO of Facebook said, “I still face situations that I fear are beyond my qualifications. I still have days when I feel like a fraud.”

Sonia Sotomayor, the first Latina Supreme Court Justice in U.S. history, was too embarrassed to ask questions while at Princeton University and said, “I’m always looking over my shoulder to see if I measure up.”

Kobe Bryant said, “I have self-doubt. I have insecurity. I have fear of failure. I have nights when I show up in the arena and I’m like, ‘My back hurts, my feet hurt, my knees hurt, I don’t have it. I just want to chill.’

Meryl Streep gets cold feet before every performance and says, “I don’t know how to act anyway so why am I doing this?”

When doubt ourselves, we diminish our abilities and decrease our chances of success.

We lose confidence. We lose faith.

The ultimate danger of thinking we are not good enough is that we start believing it. We think that little voice in our head is telling the truth.

So how do we crush our doubts and ignite our confidence?

The answer is easy.

Feel the doubt and take the action anyway

It’s really that simple.

Act in the face of self-doubt.  

Action ignites your confidence.

When you take action, you get results and you build confidence. When you are paralyzed with doubt and fear, you lose confidence.

Doubt is created from old thoughts and limiting beliefs from the past. It has nothing to do with who you are today or where you are going in the future.

The truth is that you are smart, capable and talented. You have something special that no one else has. You have been given a dream for a reason — because it is possible.

Stop second guessing yourself.

Feel the doubt and do it anyway.

Confidence is magnetic. It draws people to you. It makes things happen for you. Studies show that confidence is equally as important competence. We can know everything, be the best and still get passed over.   When we are confident, what we touch turns to gold.

Act with confidence even if you don’t feel like it.   Acting “AS IF” will trick your mind and soon you will start to feel confident.

In other words, don’t wait to “feel like it” before you act. Act first and the feeling will come.

You can create a confident state of mind in an instant. Remember a time when you were on top of your game? See it. Feel it and Go there. This is who you are at your core, without limiting thoughts. You can access that feeling anytime by recalling that memory vividly.

When you take action, you won’t always succeed. Sometimes you will fall flat on your face. When this happens, just get up, dust yourself off and keep moving. Failure is a necessary part of success.

It’s time to be magnetic and bold.

You hold the key that unlocks the door to everything you want.   All you have to do is get into action and unleash the magnetic confidence that is already inside you.

Hurry! Your life waiting for you!!

If you do a Google search on comparing yourself to others, there are thousands of articles that tell you not to do it.

I disagree.  I think that comparison can actually help you to become more powerful and successful, if done right.

When I first started my business, I would constantly compare myself to other people who were farther along and more successful than I was.  The habit ignited my inner critic and sucked the life out of me.

“What does she have that I don’t?  How did she get there so fast? She is so much younger than me -better than me -smarter than me – prettier than me – richer than me.”

The doubt would transform to confusion and hopelessness:  “Will I ever get there?  Am I doing the something wrong?  Should I change what I am doing?  I’m not good at this –I can’t do this!

My thoughts were throwing me completely off track.  It was a distraction and a waste of precious time.

We have all done it before—compared ourselves to someone else.

When we see another person who has what we want or someone who is where we want to be, it is natural to move into comparison.

The problem is that we make that comparison mean something negative about us.

This unhealthy comparison pushes our “not good enough” button and we get smaller and smaller, just like Alice in Wonderland when she ate the cookie.

One healthy way to “do comparison” is to take the advice of NLP experts and model them.

The quickest way to achieve success is to model someone who is already achieving what you want.   Success leaves clues.  If someone has a great relationship, is super successful in business, or they have the body or energy you desire, they are not lucky.  They have specific strategies they used to create those things.  Those strategies can be duplicated.  You don’t need to reinvent the wheel, simply model what is working for someone else and see if it works for you.

In other words, when you start comparing yourself to someone, make it a learning experience. Learning from other people speeds up the creation process.

Instead of thinking, “she has something I don’t have and that means something negative about me.”

Flip it to, “She has something I don’t have.  What can I learn from her so I can create the same thing?”

Every person that comes into my space has a purpose.  “I ask myself, what am I supposed to learn from them or how can I contribute to them?”

Yesterday, a man asked to sit with me at Starbucks.  It was odd because my table was as small as a quarter and had 2 seats.  I hesitated because I was working against a deadline, but I said yes.  Turns out that he was a professional baseball scout and my son and my partner’s son both just so happen to have a desire to play pro baseball!   That information did not reveal itself until deep into the conversation.  I had to approach the conversation, not as a distraction, but as a learning experience and a way to contribute.

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.  Change comparison to curiosity and watch your life transform!

Another strategy to combat toxic comparison is to create an “I Love Me Toolkit”.

Inside your toolkit:

1. Prepare positive affirmations to say to yourself when you fall into the trap of unhealthy comparison.

I am special

I have a unique purpose to fulfill

I honor my own God-given beauty and talent

There is no one like me

2. Make a “What’s Great About Me” List.  Ask your friends and family to give you some ideas.   Put it on your phone and read it often!

3. Watch how much time you spend on social media and be present to your thoughts.  Facebook is the number one platform for comparison.  We can be in a great mood, then start flipping through our news feed and see people who seem to have it all – fancy cars, clothes, vacations, soul-mates, wild success and extreme bliss – and then our energy and mood plummet.

I say this to myself when I start feeling the surge of unhealthy comparison:    “I’m so happy for them! I’m next in line for a blessing.”

The energy we put into to the universe comes back to us, just like a boomerang.  If we exude negative energy, we will get negative energy back.  If we are genuinely happy for someone, then positive energy flows our way — followed by positive experiences.

4. Decide to be Beyond Comparison

To be beyond comparison means that something is so good that nothing can be compared to it.

That’s YOU!!!  Nothing and no one can compare to you.

You care about people.  You are generous, loving and you give yourself wholeheartedly.  You make a difference in the way only you can.

Sometimes you don’t even notice your own greatness.   Your gifts come so naturally that you don’t even realize just how awesome you are.

I am writing this message as a reminder just for you.  Never take yourself for granted.  Always remember that you are more than enough — you are one in a billion.  Seriously!  There are 7.4 billion people on earth and not one of them is like you.

You have all you need right now to live your purpose and realize your dreams.  All you need to do is keep being you and keep taking action!!

You are loved.  You are amazing.

You are beyond comparison!

I got a negative email from someone who was clearly having a bad day!  With over 6000 subscribers, I know that not everyone is going to like what I say or how I say it.   Years ago, I would have obsessed over it and analyzed every word.   I would have allowed it ruin my day and wreck my mood.

But not anymore!

I am a recovered people pleaser, so I know the agony of living my life for approval.   It was a huge roadblock to my growth and success.

It’s normal to be happy when we get a compliment or praise, but it’s not healthy when we worry so much about what people are thinking, saying or doing, that it affects our self-worth.

We are wired to enjoy the approval of others.  As children, there were consequences when the people we loved disapproved of us.

When we did something wrong, we felt like we were bad.   We felt our parents disapproved of us – not just the action.  We decided that it really was about us.  We took it personally.

We made it mean that we did not deserve love if we were not pleasing our parents and other people – -teachers, coaches, friends, etc.  We made it mean that we were not good enough.   If we were good enough, we wouldn’t have been spanked, yelled at, sent to time out, and grounded.   Many of us had it even worse – verbal or physical abuse, insults and abandonment.

We carried these beliefs into adulthood and our self-confidence becomes dependent on other people’s approval.

Life is not a popularity contest.  Some people will like you and some people won’t and some could care less.

Seeking approval is spending precious energy on what you cannot control – -other people’s thoughts and opinions.  We know that we can’t please everyone, but we secretly try anyway.

When you base your worth on other people validating you, you are allowing other people to decide how you feel about yourself.  You are giving your power away.

This is an enormous roadblock in our businesses and careers.  We make stories up about what other people are thinking – – then worry about it.

We create their objections before even having a conversation.  Sometimes the stories we create scare us so bad that we avoid the conversation altogether.

We don’t ask for a raise because we think we know what our boss is thinking.  We don’t ask for that sale because we think the customer is thinking it’s too much money.   We don’t speak up in meetings because we don’t want anyone to think poorly of us.   We don’t ask for what we really want because we think they will say no or we think we don’t even deserve it.

Worrying about what others think stops us everywhere in life.

To stop this madness, you have to strengthen your self-esteem and build your confidence.

My self-esteem was horrible when I was young because of all the abuse and violence in my household.   There was a time when I could not accept myself, trust myself or forgive myself. And the thought of loving myself was impossible.

The strategy that helped me the most was “seeing myself as God sees me”.   My perspective was skewed because of my past, so I could not use positive self-talk or affirmations— I just didn’t believe it.

I believed in God though.  So I focused on God’s love, forgiveness and acceptance.  I knew he created me for a purpose and that gave me the power to be authentic and move forward even when I was full of fear and lacking confidence.

Knowing that I am whole and complete and created for a purpose, helped me to love myself and let go of my need for approval.

When you love yourself and accept yourself (as you are and as you are not), then the approval of others becomes less important.

Make a list of all the things you like (and love) about yourself —  Your strengths, talents, skills, traits, values, etc.   Make another list of all the things you are grateful for in your life.  Read both lists daily.   This will start your day in a space of gratitude and build self-love.

Another thing that I learned is how to sit in the discomfort of others’ disapproval.

When I receive negative feedback or criticism, I look to see if there are parts of it that I can use to gain self-awareness and develop in areas where I may be weak.

In other words, I let go of the parts that don’t fit and I learn from the parts that do.  I do not make it mean that I am not good enough.  I make it mean that I am still learning and growing.  There is always room for improvement.

See your mistakes, failures and embarrassing moments as opportunities for growth and you will be untouchable.

It is one of those inspirational movies that leaves you feeling good for days.

Without giving away too much of the story, Eddie started in his chosen sport late in life and had to work hard to achieve excellence.

I was fighting back the tears because it reminded me of my son who started playing baseball late — at 10 yrs. old.  He had to work extra hard to catch up to everyone else.  Now he is the starting pitcher on his high school team and he is on his way to a Division 1 College to play ball.   His dreams have come true!

So many times, I hear people say, “It’s too late, I should have started earlier or it will take too long to get there.”

I say this — The time will pass anyway, so you might as well use the time creating something that lights you up!

We often feel like we have missed the boat.  We see other people ahead of us and our desires seem like a world away.

But the truth is that time has no meaning when we are talking about our life purpose.  Our dreams have no expiration date.

In case you need a little inspiration, here are 14 people who never had real success until after age 40…

Martha Stewart’s success came after age 41 with the publication of her first book, and the launch of Martha Stewart Living seven years later.

Tim and Nina Zagat gave up their legal careers at 42 to write their first restaurant guides.  Now they are part of Google!

After her 40th birthday, Robin Chase was taking time off work to be with her kids when she and a friend came up with the idea for Zipcar.

Harland Sanders was fired from many jobs and was broke at the age of 65.  He started KFC and the rest is history.  

At age 41, Donald Fisher and his wife founded The Gap, which is now a 16 billion a year company.  

After age 50, Ray Kroc bought the first McDonalds.

Sam Walton opened the first Wal Mart Store at age 44.

Laura Ingalls Wilder published her first “Little House” books at age 65. They soon became children’s literary classics, and the basis for TV show “Little House on the Prairie.”

Anna Mary Robertson Moses, better known as Grandma Moses, began her prolific painting career at 78.  One of her paintings sold for $1.2 million.

Vera Wang was a figure skater and journalist before she entered the fashion industry at age 40.

Samuel Jackson only had small parts before landing his big role in Jungle Fever at age 43.  

Julia Child wrote her first cookbook at age 50 launching her career as a celebrity chef.  Before that she worked in advertising and media.  

Joyce Meyer started her ministry at age 41.  

Joy Behar of The View was a high school English teacher until the age of 40.

If there is something tugging on your heart, don’t ignore it.   It is there because it is possible.

You may have no idea what you want.  You just know you need to make a change.

You may be involved in something now – a new business, career or project – the clock is ticking and you wonder if you will ever get there.

That little voice in your head will get louder when you are changing your life or pursuing a big goal.  You will fight fear, self-doubt, resistance and you may even feel like giving up.

The secret to pushing through is to embrace the struggle.  Learn from your setbacks and keep moving forward.   Don’t let that little voice in your head win.

Keep reminding yourself that other people have done it, so why not you?

It’s never too late to be who you might have been.   Start now, where you are, with what you have.  Keep taking action and doors will open that will show you the next steps on your journey.

You only have one life…. Make it amazing!

This summer, my house will be filled with teenagers (I have 2 of my own and soon I will have 3!).  Call me crazy – but I can’t wait!  I wish I could just freeze time and keep it like this forever.  — Except I would teach them all to do their own laundry! 

We found a huge problem with the plumbing in the new room.  A very expensive problem.

We could leave it the way it is, but we would have issues later – nothing that we can’t live with, but it would be inconvenient.

So the question is —Do we settle for what we have now and deal with the issues later?  Do we bite the bullet and pay thousands of dollars to make it exactly the way we want?

This reminded me of all the choices we have in life.  We want something, but then problems arise.   Do we take the risk and go after what we want?  Pay the price?  Or do we settle for something less and deal with the issues.

We all have a life we were born to live.  We have dreams and desires that were put in our heart – for a reason.

If we are not living that life right now, then we are either moving toward it or settling for something less.

When we settle, we know deep inside that there is something more, but we don’t go after it.

We have logical reasons, valid excuses and stories about why we can’t have what we want.

We usually don’t call it settling, we call it making a choice, but deep inside we feel a yearning and a void.  This is the voice of our desires.

Why do we settle?

We settle because we are afraid of failure. What if we take a risk and it doesn’t work out? What if we end up with less or lose what we have now?

We settle because we don’t feel we deserve what we really want.   We decide what we deserve based on our past experience. Then we allow our past to design our future.

We settle because we lack confidence.  The greatest obstacle we face is self-doubt. We listen to that little voice that tells us we are not enough.

We settle because we are impatient. It’s not easy to wait, especially when you want something really bad. We get tired of waiting and take what we can get.

We settle because we don’t want to do the work.   We don’t want to sacrifice or feel discomfort.   Sometimes it seems easier to stay where we are than to do the work to get to where we want to be.

If you want something you have never had, you have to be willing to do something you have never done.

You have to refuse to settle.

When you refuse to settle, you pursue the deepest desires of your heart, refusing to live another day unfulfilled.

You may need to take a risk and step out of your comfort zone.  You may need to face your deepest fears and fight your strongest demons.

But it will be worth it.

I made an agreement with myself years ago that I will never settle for less than I deserve.  It has been painful and scary to let go of something I thought I needed (and loved), but I am 100% fulfilled.  It has been hard work at times, but I am 100% in love with my life.

Refusing to settle will bring you happiness beyond your wildest dreams.

Is there an area of your life where you are settling?  Where you want something more?

What you allow will continue. You are in charge of your own happiness.

2016 is the year to move forward.  It’s time to feel the fear and do it anyway.   It’s time to act in the face of self-doubt and uncertainty.

It’s time to know your own worth and fight for the love, career, body and life you deserve.

Refuse to accept less.  Raise your standards and have the courage to walk away from something that makes you unhappy.

Move forward with bold confidence and choose to believe you will succeed.

It’s time to stop accepting “good enough” when amazing is possible.

It’s time to break free and tap into the power and strength inside you.

Make the rest of your life the best of your life!

Sooooo…..I got my results and I am cancer free!  I hugged the doctor so tight her glasses almost fell off.   After three months of waiting for the results, I have to say it felt pretty darn good just to have an answer.

It is amazing how the loving support of people can get you through anything.  Too often, we don’t reach out when we have a problem.  We don’t want to bother anyone.  We feel like we can handle it alone.

But the truth is that things get worse when we go inward.   That little voice in our head gets louder and we lose perspective.

When we are struggling with something and we go into hiding,  we are tortured by fear and doubt.

I spoke to a new client yesterday who was in this situation.  Self-doubt was causing her to panic and second-guess her decisions.

She started a new business and her mind has been filled with thoughts like this:

“What if this doesn’t work?   What will I do?  What if I do all this hard work and I don’t get where I want to be?  There is so much to learn and so much I don’t know. What if it fails?”

Doubt is the enemy of growth and success.  It kills dreams and causes worry and anxiety.

But if we look closer, we see that doubt is not the problem.  The real problem is that we allow the doubt to stop us.  We let it prevent us from moving forward in our lives.

We start something, get scared and retreat to a safer place.  Then we see other people who have what we want and feel frustrated.  Part of us knows that it would be possible if we would only get out of our own way.

The trick is to allow the doubt to be there.  Doubt is not a bad thing – it is simply trying to protect you from pain and disappointment.

Feel the doubt and say to yourself….

“I trust my abilities.  I may not know what to do now, but I trust I will figure it out.  I will get the help I need.  I will keep going despite the doubt.”

There are 5 warning signs that doubt is blocking your success.

You slow down

When you get distracted, lose steam or move in a different direction, it is a sign that you are letting doubt stop you.

This is the time to push through the discomfort and keep taking action.

You allow other people’s negativity to affect you.

Sometimes the negativity is coming from those we love.  This can be confusing because we trust and value their opinion.  But remember, many people are afraid of change and they don’t want to see you hurt, so they warn you of potential dangers.

Don’t allow this to derail you.  Thank them for their concern and just keep going.

You don’t ask for help – from the right people.

When we doubt ourselves, we need people to speak positivity into our lives.  Find a mentor, coach, or friend who can pump you up when you feel flat.   Someone who will not let you quit!

The need for approval can kill our motivation.  When our confidence is dependent on another person’s opinion, our mood is unstable and we are inconsistent.

Remember, well-meaning people can throw you off track.

Stay strong and believe in yourself and your mission.  Inhale confidence and exhale doubt.

You think you should be moving faster than you are – or you worry that you won’t get there fast enough

You see other people who are further along than you and it feels like you will never get there.

I have a quote in my office that says,  “Faith in God includes faith in his timing”.  This reminds me to be patient and trust that it will happen… at the perfect time.

Remember…the time will pass anyway, so you might as well stay in the game and get the prize!

You become irritable, depressed or anxious when you face an obstacle

Doubt is annoying!  When you find yourself agitated, sad, lacking energy or motivation, you need to go inside and ask yourself, “What is this feeling trying to tell me?”

You can be moving along at warp speed and then something (or someone) throws you off.

Remember…. Obstacles will be a big part of your journey.  Unfortunately, a necessary part.

Each challenge you face is an opportunity to grow.  Every roadblock contains valuable information that can help you reach your goal.

There is always an opportunity hidden in the problem.  When you find the opportunity, it will lead you to your next step.

Things will always work out— maybe not exactly as you planned, but exactly how they are supposed to be.

Trust your path.  Believe that what is happening is for your greater good.  And most of all –-

Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death!

I wanted to write about it after I got the news, but then I realized that the lesson is not whether it’s negative or positive, it’s about this crazy, yet amazing experience.

On October 30, I had an abnormal mammogram.  On October 31, I unexpectedly lost my health insurance.  I had to scramble to get another plan…. and wait for the effective date.  The new plan was not networked with my hospital, so I had to find one that was.

I found a new hospital and scheduled the needle biopsy.  The day of my appointment, I was lying on the hard table getting mentally ready for the pain, when I found out that I was not a candidate for the procedure.  The next step was surgery.

I scheduled with a top surgeon with a six-week wait for an appointment.  Three days before I was to see him, he had to leave the country for a funeral.  I told the nurse that he would have a funeral here if he didn’t see me!

I decided to schedule with another surgeon.  Success!  I was ready to go when the nurse told me the doctor was out of the country for 3 weeks.  “Of course she is!” I said.

So, for over 3 months now, I’ve been waiting in a sea of uncertainty.

I truly believe that every adversity contains an opportunity.  So while I was waiting, I decided to do an experiment.  I wanted to see if I could be peaceful and happy, while sitting in the middle of the unknown.

The first thing I learned is that it’s all about the story.

What story was I going to create?  One that would make me feel anxiety, fear and panic?  Or one that would bring me peace?

We give meaning to every single event in our lives.  Sometimes the meaning makes us feel good and sometimes it makes us feel bad. The event itself is not good or bad.  Our meaning or story determines how we feel about it.

I decided to write a story that made me happy.

My story went like this:

I would be fine either way.   If I did have cancer, I would survive and have a story that would help other people.  It would make my upcoming book even better!

If I didn’t have it, I would be thrilled AND have a story that would help other people.

Each time my mind wandered to negative thoughts, I brought up an image of me with my kids, helping people and enjoying a long life.   I never allowed the negative thoughts to linger in my mind.  I believed I was going to be okay just as strong as I believed the sun would come up tomorrow.

Once I had my story, then came the magic ingredient — Insane, unexplainable, BOLD FAITH.

I got a lesson in faith years ago when my 11-year old son had cancer.  I was holding his hand before surgery when a girl from my church burst into the pre-op area and started praying with me. Suddenly she stopped, looked me in the eye and said, “This won’t work if you don’t believe”.  In that moment, I chose to believe with all my heart and soul that he would live.  And he did.  He has been cancer free for 6 years now.

BOLD FAITH is believing something when you cannot see it…. Knowing something is going to happen when people are telling you otherwise.

BOLD FAITH is the most powerful tool you have.

Each day, I would remind myself that every pain has a purpose. Every problem has an opportunity.

I trusted that there was a plan working for my greater good and that my father up above was in complete control.

Don’t let the fear of the unknown design your story.  Don’t let your past design your story.   Don’t allow doctors, friends, family or Google design your story.

You have the power at any time to say, “This is not how my story is going to be written.  I will be peaceful and happy no matter what I am going through.”

No one or nothing has the power to steal your joy.

It’s time to write your own story and live with BOLD FAITH…. every day of your life!

It feels so good!

Then your old friend resistance comes to visit and you wonder how you ever thought this change was a good idea.

Anytime we are moving outside our comfy zone, we feel resistance.

Resistance shows up as fear, self-doubt and negative self-talk.

Resistance can also appear as a string of bad luck. Our car breaks down, we get sick, we fight with our spouses, our kids start acting up, we have problems at work, we get an unexpected bill in the mail – we seem to get hit with one challenge after another.

This is just resistance creating chaos in an attempt to self-sabotage and keep everything just the way it is.

Resistance will do anything to stop you from heading into the scary unknown.

When you are working hard to make positive changes, it can get worse before it gets better.

A great example of this is when you are taking on a new exercise program or trying to lose weight. You can’t seem to be consistent. You constantly fall off the wagon and backslide. You start to question yourself.

“Maybe I can’t do this? It’s too hard.   I’ve messed up so many times today that I might as well just throw in the towel and enjoy my night”.

This is the little voice of resistance.

Remember, you have created strong habits and routines that are not happy about being replaced. These habits feel good, even though they may be bad for you.

When resistance comes knocking, don’t take it as a sign to stop, slow down or go in a different direction. Take is as a sign that you are on the right track.

Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again. Keep going no matter what happens.

When you keep moving through resistance, it transforms to power, confidence and strength.

Resistance becomes Resilience

When you keep getting up after life knocks you down, you tap into a limitless power that carries you through to your goals.

You build resilience. Things become easier and you become stronger.

Growth is not easy. It takes something to go after your goals and reach for the stars.

If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten.

Make this year different.

Adopt an attitude of extreme faith and don’t let anything stop you.

Trust that you are on the right path.

YOU GOT THIS!