Target fixation is a phenomenon that happens when the brain is focused so intently on an object that awareness towards any other objects is completely diminished.

The term originated from World War II fighter pilots, who had a tendency to want to fly into targets during training.

A motorcycle or bicycle will tend to go where the rider is looking; if the rider is overly focused on an obstacle, the cycle can collide with that object simply because of the rider’s focus on it, even though the rider is trying to avoid it.

We have always heard that what we focus on becomes our reality.  So if you focus on something negative, you’ll probably get it – even if you don’t want it.

So, how do you train your mind to focus on what you do want and not what you don’t want?

State your goals in the positive

“I don’t want to be overweight”, becomes, “lose 25 lbs and be healthy.”

“Stop fighting with my partner” becomes “Practice acceptance and create harmony.

“Stop worrying about money” becomes “Create abundance and be debt-free.”

“I don’t want to be alone” becomes “I want a loving, passionate relationship.”

You get the idea.

Focus on where you want to go, not on your fear

It’s easy to focus on our fears.  I remember as soon as I found out my son had cancer, all I could think about was the bad.  I had to rewire my brain as fast as possible to focus on the good.  It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but it worked.  He survived with no treatment needed, and he says now that he has only positive memories from that time in his life.  I have God to thank for that!

Feel the fear, focus on the goal and get into action.

Strengthen your focus

Discipline your mind. An out of control mind will cause trouble and play tricks on you.  Practice focusing on what you want.  When your mind wanders, gently bring it back.

Can you be too focused on what you want?

Do you ever get so focused on something that you drive people crazy?  I have a confession here. I use to be a nag and a bit of a control freak. Ok, a big control freak!  I would focus on something my partner “needed” to do, or not do, and then beat him to death with it, hoping he would “get it”.  I realized that my behavior was creating the opposite of what I wanted.  I had to back off and let go of the need to control.  It made life alot easier, and more fun!

Are you are so focused that you mentally disappear off the face of the earth? It’s important to consider how your focus is affecting those you love. Positive, intentional focus can get you what you want, but not at the expense of those you love or your health.  Stay balanced.

It takes time…

When you change your focus, you don’t immediately change your direction.  Often there is a time lag between when you redirect your focus and when your life catches up.  That’s why its important to start now.

Like a camera, your focus only gives you a small portion of the big picture. How many times do we make things bigger than they really are or distort reality with our view?

Focus determines if you see your reality as good or bad, whether you feel happy or sad.  When you think of something that upsets you, redirect your brain and think of something that makes you happy.

You are in charge of your own thoughts.  So choose what you think about very carefully.  Your thoughts become your focus and your focus becomes your reality.

So, keep your eye on the prize, let go of what you cannot control, stay balanced and have an amazing week!

Love and Blessings,

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Eating out is something we usually take for granted.  Looking at this couple, I could tell that simply eating was a challenge.  Tears came to my eyes and I told the waitress to get them whatever they want and put it on my tab.  In that moment, I had such a sense of gratitude for all the blessings in my life.  All the worries, thoughts and “things to do” disappeared and I felt happier.

This is the power of gratitude.

Gratitude can change your mood in an instant.

When gratitude is fully present, fear, anxiety and worry disappear.   Go ahead and try it now.  Think of 3 things you are grateful for in your life …… feels good doesn’t it?

Gratitude is good for your health.

Researchers find that people who express the most gratitude are healthier.  Grateful people have fewer headaches, stomach aches and even less acne.  They are also less stressed, anxious and depressed.  They even have a stronger immune system.

Gratitude makes you 25% happier.

Robert Emmons, author of the book, Thanks! How the New Science of Gratitude can Make You Happier, has been studying gratitude for almost 10 years.  His research determined that practicing gratitude can increase happiness levels by approx 25%.

He found that we all have a basic level of happiness that is set at a predetermined point.  If something bad happens to you during the day, your happiness can drop momentarily but then returns to its set-point.  If something good happens to you, your level of happiness rises  and them returns to it’s set-point again.  A consistent practice of gratitude raises your happiness set-point so you can remain at higher level of happiness regardless of outside circumstances.

Can you be grateful for the difficulties?

Challenges make us grow. Pain is our teacher.  Failure is a necessary part of success.  However, when you are in the middle of a tough situation, it’s not easy to practice gratitude.  “I’m thankful my house is going into foreclosure”  I’m grateful the doctor just found a tumor” or “ I want to give thanks for my marriage that is in shambles” are things we just don’t feel like saying.  Let’s face it. Life is difficult.

Mastin Kipp, author of The Daily Love,  says “If we can accept that life is difficult, then we’ve gotten over a great big inner hurdle where a part of us thinks otherwise. Then, instead of bringing entitlement, arrogance, denial or victimhood to life, we can bring gratitude for the opportunity to change and transform.”

Gratitude Exercise:

Imagine losing some things you take for granted, home, ability to see, hear or walk and something that give you comfort.  Then imagine getting each of these things back, one by one and consider how grateful you would be for each one.  Then notice how you feel.

As I sit here watching my son play baseball,  I am present to the many blessings in my life.  I am thankful for the grace of God, Lord knows I’ve needed it!  I am grateful for my kids and their father, my partner, Matt and my family. I treasure my health and the business I love that gives me the freedom to work from anywhere in the world.  I am thankful for all my mistakes that taught me the greatest lessons and the painful losses that made me stronger.

I am truly thankful for you.  Your support and love allows me to fulfill my life purpose.

On Thanksgiving morning….

Before you start the rush of cooking, traveling and worrying about dealing with difficult relatives, get a cup of coffee, sit down and reflect on what you are thankful for in your own life.  It will elevate your state and bring an extra dose of happiness to your day.

Have a beautiful holiday!

Love,

Carrie

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I noticed that the actual breakup was not keeping her stuck, it was the questions she was asking herself and asking others.

Questions are more powerful than you think. When you ask yourself a question, your brain automatically starts working on the answer.  Not only that, but it will keep working on it in the background, when you’re not even aware of it.  This is why you feel like your mind won’t shut off.  It’s like a computer. It’s processing, looking for the answer you requested.If you think about it, most of what we do every day is think, consider, ask and answer questions.  Then we create meaning.  The meaning we create affects our focus and how we think and feel.  So if we want to change the quality of our lives, we should change the quality of our questions.

One of the most successful business minds I have ever known told me once, “I know how to ask the right questions”.  When I saw him in action, I noticed that in almost every sentence he spoke, there was a question.  He asked questions that empowered him to know exactly what to do in any situation to get the results he desired.

The power in you business is in the questions you ask, not in the monologues you give.  Questions give you valuable information.

Relationships flourish when people ask the right questions about how to fix issues and search for solutions verses defending themselves and being right.

Questioning your limitations is what breaks the barriers in your life and pushes you forward into creating what you want.

The human brain has the ability to produce answers faster than any computer on earth.  You have a wealth of information stored in your brain.  You must understand how to access the data by asking for it with the proper commands.

If you ask yourself, why can’t I ever succeed?  Your mind may answer, because you’re not good enough or don’t deserve it.  Instead, you must ask yourself, “What do I need to do to make this happen?”

Nick Vujicic was born with no arms and no legs.  He could have asked himself “Why me?” or “How could God do this to me?”  Why is life so unfair?”  But intstead, he asked himself, “How can I use this?”  ”How can I contribute to others?”  Nick has a worldwide non profit organization, a bestselling book and makes a difference in the lives of thousands of people.

Think about the questions you ask yourself in the area of money.  If you have issues in this area, fear is present.  Fear that is keeping you from creating a strategy to achieve your financial goals and gain the security you desire.

It is not only the questions you ask, but the questions you DON’T ask that shape your future.  When evaluating a potential risk, people fail to ask “What is the downside?  What is the worst that can happen and can I handle it?”

Tony Robbins said it best, “Your brain is like a genie, It will give you whatever you ask of it.  So with all this power between our ears why aren’t more people happy, healthy, wealthy and wise?  They lack faith that causes the answers to come to them and fail to ask the empowering questions of themselves.”

Unsure about how to ask the right questions?  Model successful people.

Walt Disney refused to answer questions about if his ideas would succeed.  He was a master of asking the right questions.  When they were working on a new project, Walt would ask everyone in the company to write on a big wall answering this question about the project, “How can we improve this?”  He was able to tap into the resources of everyone in the company to achieve his result.

We all have problems.  Challenges in Business, relationships fail, bad news about health, financial issues…. it’s all part of life.  We need a way to deal with problems so they are not a roadblock to our success.

In the box on the right are questions you can use to solve problems and deal with challenges.

Every morning, I ask myself a question that puts me in the right space to have a great day.  The question is, “What do I love about my life”.

Ask this question to yourself right now. It will immediately change your state and bring you to a higher place.

But there comes a point where you need to stop asking questions and get into action.  There may not be a perfect answer.  You may need to make a choice and start doing.  Your actions will bring new questions and your faith will keep you on the right path.  Consistent, certain action opens doors and the doors leads you to what you want.

So let me ask you now, “What is one action you could take that would change the quality of your life?”

Carrie

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The quality of your relationships will determine the quality of your life.   Relationships can be a source of energy or a source of distress.  Problems with your partner can distract you, affecting your performance at work and throwing you off balance.

You may wonder sometimes,  ”Am I with the right person?”

Relationships are not just about finding the right person, it’s about BEING the right person.

We tend to point the finger when things aren’t going well.  It’s not fun to take responsibility and to admit when we’re wrong – especially when we know we are right.

Being right all the time may feel good temporarily, but it will leave you disconnected and alone.  Step into the shoes of your partner and see the world from their eyes.  Understand how they feel.

In my experience, the most unsuccessful relationships are the ones where one partner takes no responsibiltiy for the couple’s issues and sees the other person as the problem.

“If only they would change this or that, then we would be happy”.  The only person you can change or control is yourself.  Hoping another person will change will only leave you frustrated and dissatisfied.

We tend to say, “he is not doing what he should be doing”.  What we don’t say is,  “Maybe I’m not giving him what he needs” or “Maybe she is unhappy because Im not opening up to her or meeting her needs.”  What we should say is,”In what ways are WE failing to make each other happy.”

We get seduced by the green grass on the other side, but the grass is green where we water it.  Everyone has issues.  People leave one relationship only to enter a different one with different problems.

We look at relationships as right or wrong.  Settle or leave.  It doesn’t have to be that way.  There are other options.

My Needs, Your Needs

Many people are confused about their role as a partner.  They don’t understand the needs of their partners or their own nor are they clear on how to meet them.  Many times they know their partner’s needs but won’t invest the time or energy to satisfy them.

Needs such as security, excitement, connection, feeling special, growth and making a difference, all are important for our happiness as human beings.

When needs are not met, it manifests as unhappiness.  We want the people we love to be happy.  When they are unhappy, we feel like a failure.  Ask your partner if you are meeting their needs.  If not, ask for specific feedback on what is missing.

Invest the energy in meeting their needs, because if you don’t, you will find another relationship where you will have the same issues pop up again and again.

It’s unrealistic, however, to think that we will get 100% of our needs met in a relationship.  Christine Meinecke, author of Everybody Marries the Wrong Person,  says that mature love is  where we don’t look to our partner to provide our happiness nor do we blame them for our unhappiness.  We take responsibility for our own negative emotional reactions, our insecurities and our own dark moods.“

You alone are responsible for having the relationship you want.

Accept Me

Acceptance is crucial.  We all have issues.  We accept our kids with unconditional love.  With our partners, we say, this is terrible and intolerable.

Passion

Is it realistic to have passion throughout a relationship?  Yes.  You can have a passionate , extraordinary relationship at anytime, as long as both partners are committed to the same goal. Can you re-ignite passion?  Yes.  So many people wait for passion to come over them in a wave of ecstasy.  Passion can be created… and recreated.  You may have passion for your work one day and then another day, feel exhausted by it.  Passion isn’t a faucet that is turned on 24 hours a day, it is a choice.  It is an opening to step into, together.

See the Good

In the beginning of a relationship, we are wearing rose colored glasses.  We focus on the good.  Then, over time, we begin to notice the bad.  “He is so attentive and really into me”, turns into, “He is so needy and insecure”.  “She is so successful and takes charge” turns into, “She is a control freak”.

When you start focusing on whats wrong with your partner, you start nit-picking and nagging.  Then they want to get away from you.  You complain more.  They retreat more.  It is a vicious cycle.  So, it’s time to shift, look at yourself and ask, why am I unhappy? What do at do I need to do?  They key here is “I”.

Don’t be an Ostrich

Sometimes it seems easier to avoid problems than confront them.  Relationship issues are like landmines.  Eventually you will step on one and it will blow up in your face.  Don’t be fooled.  Issues do not disappear.  Your partner may say, “I’m fine, but they are secretly burying a landmine that may take your arm off in 2 weeks”.  Handle your relationships just like you handle your work, hit the challenges head on when they arise and work toward a solution.  It may not be easy, but it will be worth it.

Expectations

Our expectations cause suffering.  We expect our partners to read our minds.  We have certain expectations about the way things should be in a relationship.  We talk to our friends and they enroll us in their expectations.  Now we are a walking set of expectations, setting our partner up for failure.  They feel that nothing they do is good enough and they shut down.  Choose empowerment over expectations.  Lift them up, tell them what you need, then guide them with acknowledgment when they are making progress.

Speak Up

Stand up for your wants and needs.  If you don’t speak up, then you will build resentment, complain and snap.  When communicating your needs, best to keep it positive and future focused without a demand that your partner change.

Should you Leave?

There are instances where you need to leave a relationship.  Everyone is different, with different values and priorities.  This is an answer that only you will know.  There is a great book about this subject, Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay, by Mira Kirshenbaum.

Kirshenbaum says the solution is to dump the “pros and cons” method and use a diagnostic approach instead. Diagnose the true status of your relationship and get the information you need to make an intelligent decision and to know precisely why you’re making it. If you’re ambivalent, it means your relationship is sick. So discovering the precise nature of the disease seems an intelligent place to begin.

A relationship should enhance your life, not drain it. At the very least, you should be happier in the relationship than outside it.

Time to Grow

Change the way you see things and the way you see things change.  Work on yourself.  Grow.  You will be surprised how much clarity you will gain and how your life will change.

Is it Possible?

Someone asked me recently, is it really possible to have an extraordinary relationship?  Absolutely.  I know people who have been married for 20, 30 and 40 years who still have passion, fun and deep love.  It’s not magic  It’s a process. It’s a choice.

A relationship, however, requires the effort and commitment of both partners. One person can’t carry it alone.  If two people are committed to staying together and willing to look in the mirror to transform themselves, then miracles happen.

Create your own miracle……

Love,

Carrie

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I kept thinking, if they can do this, I can too.  After class, a woman told me she makes yoga a priority, because it balances her life.   On the way home,  that “busy-ness” that kept me away had vanished and all that was left was clarity, focus, control and harmony.  Amazing how taking 1.5 hours out of my day could give me all that.

We need balance in our lives to be happy.  90% of my new clients say they need a more balanced life.  They want more time with family, relationships, more time for themselves.

I saw a book the other day called “Sleeping with Your Smartphone”.  It’s funny, but you may be thinking, “that’s me!”

Signs that your life is unbalanced:

Not sleeping well

Always on

Feel like you can never get it all done

Fluctuating energy levels throughout your day

One worry after another

You vacillate between feeling efficient and unproductive

Fear of not having enough money or security

You find comfort in eating, drinking, shopping, running away, etc.

When your work life and personal life are out of balance, your stress level will soar.

Rabbi Kuschner said, “In all my years of counseling those near death, I’ve yet to hear anyone say they wish they had spent more time at the office”

Brian Dyson, former CEO of Coca Cola says, “We juggle 5 different balls:  a health ball, a family ball, a friends ball, a work ball and spirituality ball.  Four of the five are made of crystal.  If we drop them, they are going to shatter.  Only one ball is made of rubber and bounces back – the work ball”

It’s time to reclaim control and restore harmony to your busy, crazy, overfilled, wonderful life….. yes it is possible.

5 Ways to Restore and Maintain Balance:

1. Define the things that are non-negotiable

Exercise, sleep, prayer, time with spouse, time with kids, time for yourself. Remember, consistency is key.  Focus on quality, not quantity.  Unplug, be present and give your full attention.

2.  Prioritize, Prioritize, Prioritize

I find that busy people, especially entrepreneurs, don’t have a problem with organization.  They have a problem with prioritization.  Put first things first.  The rest, delegate or drop.  This is the magic pill for balance!

3. Give up striving for perfection

Everything will eventually fall perfectly into place –No it won’t!   When a problem is solved, another problem appears.  Each solution brings with it a new challenge.  Life is like making your bed, it is perfect for a few hours, then it gets messed up again.  Learn to have peace in the midst of a mess.

3.  Change your “To Do” List to a “To Be” List

There is a disturbing pattern with people who work through one thing just to get to the next thing. They are exhausted and overwhelmed.  Be engaged in what you are doing and allow it to energize you. (~ From Your To Be List, James McMahon)

4.  Free yourself by knowing that you will never get it all done.

Yes, that’s right, never.  Every time you complete a task there is another task to take it’s place.  Your task list is just a vessel to organize your mind, not something that needs to be conquered.

5.  Race Cars and Gardens

We all work differently.  We all find our balance differently. I have found that there are 2 types of people:  RaceCars and Gardens.  Both can be highly effective in creating a balanced life.

The Race Cars go at a high level of intensity for a period of time, then stop to recharge.  I have found this to be common with entrepreneurs and new parents.  You work in spurts then you plan your R&R.  For this method to be effective, you must enroll your loved ones that you are in an intense period for X amount of days/weeks, then you have some great things planned with them, then stick to it.  Plan dates nights and don’t break them.  With relationships, you must touch them daily to keep the connection alive.   With your health, your workouts may not be as long during this period, but your diet MUST be on track to maintain the energy to produce the results you want.

The Gardens need to feel balanced daily.  You need to water each plant a little each day.  Relationships, exercise, health, work, spirit…. all need to feel right for you to feel good.  I am definitely a garden. I start each day with God,  exercise and good food, connect with my partner, spend quality time with my kids and be productive in my business.  If this doesn’t happen, I am not 100%.  Gardens need attention to grow.  In order for this method to be effective you must take care of yourself and your own needs, without depending on others for your happiness.

Everyone needs to find their own version of balance.  Life is not one size fits all.

You can design your life the way you want it right now.  Don’t wait for some time in the future to relax, to be happy and fulfilled.

You have a limited amount of time on this earth and you never know when your time is up, so create your ideal life right now, with what you have, where you are.

You already know exactly how to create your balance, you know what is missing and what you need.  Now it’s time to take the action.

Remember, you only have one life.  Make every moment about living your values, balancing your priorities and building your dreams.

I’ve worked with people who are wildly successful and also with people who are perpetually stuck.  There seems to be one trait that stands out among the wildly successful – Resilience.

Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity and get stronger as a result.  Rather than letting failure, illness, tragedy and pain overtake you, you find a way to rise from the ashes and soldier on.

Scientific studies have shown that resilient people show lower levels of depression and are more likely to develop personally as a result of adversity than people with low levels of resilience.

Look at many well known, successful and wealthy people with humble or even deprived beginnings and you will see resilience in action.

Companies and schools are favoring resilience training over self-esteem programs. Employees return to work sooner, are more productive on the job, and have less sick leave.

Adversity helps us to succeed.  “We need stress to grow,” explains resilience expert Mary Steinhardt. “It’s like working out: You’re not going to get stronger unless you stress the muscle.  And if you don’t work out, you’ll atrophy.”

The question is, can you become more resilient?  Psychologists say you can.  Studies  have pinpointed certain factors that you can apply in your own life to strengthen your ability to adapt to change.

*Have a Positive Self-Image

Everything starts in the mind – resilient people think well of themselves and see themselves in a positive way.

*Make your Relationships a Priority

Studies have shown that resilient people tend to have strong social networks – family, friends are a great source of support when problems arise.

*Live in gratitude

Being able to focus on the good things in your life and not dwell on problems will keep you in a positive mindset and help you to be more effective.

*Find Good Role Models

Find someone who has been victorious in a similar circumstance and model their behavior and actions.  There is always someone who has been where you are and made it through.  They will inspire you to do the same.

*Be an Optimist

See the glass half full’ – resilient people tend to see stressful events or crises as temporary or even as opportunities to learn and grow, rather than as problems.  Expect a positive outcome.

*Do not be a Victim of Circumstance

Resilient people take responsibility and take effective action to change things.

*Get Fit
Physically fit, healthy people can handle stress easier and recover faster.

*Practice Acceptance

Some things simply cannot be changed and resilient people accept this, not wasting energy on trying to do the impossible.  Remember the serenity prayer.

*Forgive

Holding on to resentment and anger keeps you stuck.  Let it go and set yourself free.

*Have Faith

Resilient people tend to have a strong belief in God and a spiritual practice that gives them peace when times get tough.

The truth is, you are stronger than you think and more powerful than you know.

Look at your life and all you have overcome.  You have come this far for a reason.  You are here for a purpose.

It is natural to feel tired, stressed or overwhelmed by circumstances.  However, you are in control of how you react and how you perceive it.  Do you let it ruin your mood?  Or do you practice the principles above and let the challenges make you a better person?

You can create a life you love, be happy right now in your current circumstances with your current problems.  It’s all in how you see it.

You can have a great relationship, family, business and health…. but it takes work.  No one said it would be easy, but it will be worth it.

Change the way you see things and the things you see change.

Long ago, a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well.  The animal cried out loud for hours as the farmer thought about what to do.  Finally, he decided the animal was old and the well needed to be covered up anyway.  There seemed no point in trying to save the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to help him.  They grabbed shovels and began to put dirt into the well as fast as they could.  Then the donkey became very quiet.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer looked into the well.  He was astonished at what he saw.  With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing.  He would shake it off and step up.

They continued to shovel dirt on top of the donkey and he would just shake it off and step up, over and over again.  Pretty soon, the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you.  The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and step up.

When you step up instead of give up, you will be stronger, smarter and happier than before.

Shake off the dirt and keep going …. your destiny awaits!

Carrie

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I have a client whose mother told her when she wanted to try something new, “ Don’t worry if you don’t make it, it’s alot of pressure and there are kids better than you.  She knows now that her mom was trying to protect her from being disappointed.  Her mom had no idea that she was creating limits that her daughter would carry with her into adulthood.

As parents, we unkowingly make mistakes every day in the name of love.  We are not perfect.  I’m sure my kids will be sitting in therapy someday working out an issue that I created for them.  That’s life.

But the good news is that we have the tools to undo what has been done and remove the limitations, fears and doubts.

The limitation I want to discuss today is the one that makes you think you need to be reasonable about your goals.  That little voice that says, “Set realistic, achievable, doable goals”.  In other words, play small and stay in the box.

It’s time to break free of this way of thinking.  It’s keeping you from being 100% fulfilled in your life.

In Tim Ferriss’ book, 4 Hour Workweek,  he talks about how people are brainwashed into being realistic.  The majority of people are fighting over the same “realistic” jobs.  Believe it or not, there is actually less competition for those who dream big than those who dream small.

99% of the world is convinced they are incapable of achieving extraordinary things, so they aim for the mediocre, middle ground.

The competition is fierce for these realistic goals, making them the most time and energy consuming.  Most people write off their big aspirations because they don’t even think it is possible and then they settle.

I have a friend who is absolutely beautiful and looks like she just stepped off the cover of Vogue magazine.  When she goes out, very few men approach her.  They are afraid of rejection and feel that she is out of their league.  They are being realistic and reasonable, allowing their limitations to dictate their reality.

When someone says, be realistic, they are actually defining what is possible for themselves.  They are describing their own limitations and fears.  Don’t make their view your view.

Another great book is Paul Lemberg’s, Be Unreasonable.  His book is geared for businesses, but we can apply these principles to all areas of life.

5 Ways to be Unreasonable:

1.  Think beyond what is normal, proper and appropriate.

Einstein said, “You cannot solve problems by using the same kind of thinking you used when you created them”.  You must think differently to get to a different place.  Read books, research online, talk to people, get out of your comfort zone and see what is possible.

2.  Get rid of the “whys’

“Whys” keep things the same.  We say, “This is why I cant lose weight.  This is why it won’t work in my business.  This is why my relationship wont work.”   Whys cause excuses.   Change your “Whys” to “What Ifs”.  ”What if ” opens up a new realm of possibility and causes your mind to start producing ideas.

3.  Set unreasonable expectations

Every successful entrepreneur I have known has always placed huge stakes in the ground then found a way to deliver.  When you set your expectations high, don’t be afraid you will not meet them, focus on how you will make it happen.  When given a task, your mind goes to work on the how.   If reality turns out differently than your expectations, don’t see it as a failure, see it as a stepping stone and a lesson.

4.  Make unreasonable requests.

If you don’t ask you won’t receive.  We assume the worst and create objections before we even ask for what we want.   We fear rejection and don’t want to bother anyone.  Other people are asking for what they want and getting it.  Be a bold asker.  Shoot for the moon and if you don’t make it, you will land in the stars.

5.  Make unreasonable plans

We think about the future in terms of the present, with the current limitations and circumstances.  We fail to realize  that when we begin to take action, doors open, things change and we see more possibility than we do right now.  The key is, make a plan and start taking decisive action.

Unreasonable thinking does not mean un-thinking.  It is about thinking outside the box, exploring, being a visionary, taking risks, stepping outside your comfort zone.

There are people right now that are where you want to be.  There are people doing what you want to do.  Why not you?  They also had to face obstacles just like you.  They had limiting beliefs and fears.  They overcame it.  Why not you?

Dreams don’t have an expiration date and it’s never too late to get started.  Make a decision to play big in your life.  Get out of the stands and on to the field.  Create a game plan that excites you and even scares you.  You will be amazed at what you can do when you get past the fear and get focused.

Are you insecure?  Guess what – the rest of the world is too.  Do not underestimate yourself.  You are more powerful than you think!

Carrie

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Aren’t we a bit like this?  We fill up our lives with stuff,  people and things to do.  Some of it makes life better and some of it makes life harder. We keep adding more stuff until our lives feel like an overfilled balloon ready to pop.
This way of living comes with a price.  You sacfirfice time with your spouse, your kids,  time with yourself and prescious brain space to perform at your highest level.  Your start up disc is full.   You need to delete or transfer.    Let’s look at a few ways you can do this….

Detox Your Life:

Friendships:  Beware of energy-sucking friends.  Being a people-pleaser can be toxic to your well-being.  When you get on a plane, you are told to put your mask on first, then assist others.  If you are putting everyone before you, eventually it will end in resentment and frustration.  Helping others is a great source of energy however, there is a point where it becomes toxic for you.  Know how and when to set your boundaries.

Love:  I’m not talking about a marriage that needs work,  all marriages need work.  I’m talking about a relationship that is truly toxic.   Take inventory of your own relationship and choose to work on it,  accept it or leave it.
Many times when you change, your relationship changes.  Focus on your personal growth and you will get clarity.

Home:  Clear the clutter from your home.  Feng Shui teaches us when we organize our space, our minds are clearer.  Clean out your closet. organize your office,  keep your car clean.  It will make a difference in how you feel.

Work:  Do you have a toxic work environment?  A common issue is that people don’t like their jobs or the people they work with.   If you like your work, but have toxic boss or coworkers then it’s time to learn as much as you can about communication and become a master at dealing with difficult people.

I understand that jobs are hard to come by these days, however, many people are living in their comfort zone, afraid to move and find work they love.  You spend more time at work than with your family.  Don’t you want to enjoy it?  I have a client who hated her job and had a dream to start her own business.   She made a plan, faced her fears and made the leap.   One year later she is happier than ever and has a sense of freedom she never had before.  Don’t let your fears get in the way of your dreams.

Body:  A dear friend of mine told me once, “Your health is your wealth”.   This is so true.  Have you ever had a bad case of the flu?  Your life just stops and you lay in bed feeling unproductive and miserable.   Your health allows you the ability to enjoy your life.   How are you treating your body?

Unplug:

Staying plugged into your phone, computer, TV, Ipad, etc. is not good for you or those you love. Why?  It keeps you from being present and fully connecting.   Turn everything off, even if its for 20 minutes a day, and be with the people you love.  Watching TV together is not intimacy.  Looking someone in the eye – your spouse, your kids, your Mom, Dad – this creates a connection.  It’s not about quantity, its about quality.  Time does not equal love, being present does.  People can be a huge source of energy for you but you need to give them attention to create that good energy.

Let it go:

Someone did you wrong.  Holding on to resentment,  holding grudges and plotting your revenge all leak energy from your life.  The only person it’s hurting is you.  The release of anger may feel good initially, but in the long run you are the one holding the bag.  Be a “Nexter”.  When someone hurts you, process it,  then let it go.  Say, “NEXT” and move on to the important things in your life that bring you joy.  Happiness will make you healthy.  Anger will make you sick.

Put First Things First:

This trick will help you make decisions easier.  Take a piece of paper and write down the 5 most important areas of your life.  Mine are God, family, health, work and contribution.  Your priorities will be your guide.   Take a look at all your commitments each week.  Do they line up with your priorities?  The ones that don’t, delete them or delegate them.

Another way to say this is,  take care of your priorities first, then manage the rest.  For example, if I want to go to the beach with my girlfriends, I need to make sure my kids are with their Dad or Grandma.   If I have a big project to complete by Friday, I can’t take off Thursday and go boating.  But I can use boating as a reward when I finish the project which will give me more energy while I’m working.   Managing your life by your priorities will give you a sense of balance and fulfillment.

When you free up space in your life, you have time to think and create.  Most of all you have time to be with your family and enjoy what you have worked so hard to build.   We are not promised a tomorrow and at any moment someone you love could be gone.  I lost my mother, father and both my sisters.  I would give anything to have one hour with them, just to hug them.

What these losses have taught me is that every minute is a gift and the most important things in my life are not work or things.    I look at each moment with my family as if I may never see them again.   This fills me with love and makes me feel balanced and complete.   It forces me to live in the now, which is really where we are the happiest.

Take inventory of your life,  make the necessary changes and then BREATHE.  You are way too smart, talented and powerful to let your life have control of you.  Take control now.

You only have one life, design one you love!

Carrie

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It’s easy to say that we stop ourselves.  The big question is, how do we stop stopping ourselves?  How do we break the barriers and feel free?

Have you ever had a rough day and made it through like a shining star?   The next week, you have a rough day and fall apart?  It’s clear that some days you are stronger than others.  But why?  You can come home to the exact same house every day and one day it needs a ton of work, another day it’s perfect.  Are we all a little nuts?  Probably, but there is a better answer.

The secret is in the way you SEE yourself and your world.   Your perception is creating your reality.  If you are in a grumpy mood, you will notice everything that is wrong.  If you feel great, you will roll with the punches and think clearly.

I had one of those totally stopped moments when I took my son to his high school orientation.  I could not believe it – was I that old already?  My 45th birthday is around the corner and I’m not where I want to be.  Then I went online to see uber successful, younger people in my field, which is the worst thing to do.  The fear and the negative thoughts crept in and I had a fabulous pity party.

Then something interesting happened.   I had a disagreement with my ex  (I tend to argue when I am being a victim)  I had a huge Aha!  I saw that the moment I walked into the school with my son, I had a negative thought.  I fed the thought until it became a belief.  Then the belief affected my emotions and actions.  It was like a weed, taking over my backyard and killing my green grass.

So I had a meeting with myself and dug into my mental toolbox.  I knew that I created the negative belief so therefore I could make a new, positive one.  It’s like taking a picture and putting a new frame around it.

I chose to believe that my age is my strength, due to life experience.  I chose to believe that my business will be a huge success and an inspiration to people who start businesses in their 40′s and beyond.  I chose to believe that anything truly is possible when I have access to my power.  I made up my own meaning and it worked like magic.   Oh,  and the disagreement  turned out to be the access to my breakthrough.

Life is not about getting everything right.  No matter how enlightened we are, we will always have breakdowns.  We are human.  Life is about getting the tools we need to make it through the rough spots and come out the other side a better person.

So, let’s recap.  You get stopped by your perception of the way things are.  Your obstacles may not disappear, but you will be able to climb over them because your view of them has changed.

This is great news.  You don’t need to charge through your life slaying dragons and climbing mountains.  All you have to do is make lemons into lemonade, put it in a glass that’s half full and find the pearl in every oyster.

This is more than thinking positive, it is being present to the meaning you attach to everything in your life and choosing to create one that makes you feel good.   You are still living in reality,  in fact,  when you feel good, you are more equipped to handle rough situations.  You cannot always control what happens, but you can control your reaction.   You get to decide how your day goes, your week and your life.  Let nothing or no one steal your joy.

Here’s a tool you can use right now:  ”Find the Nugget”
When something happens, ask yourself these questions….
1.  How can I see this in a positive way?
2.  What can I learn from this?
3.  How will this experience make me a better person?
4.  Where is the nugget?

It’s time to forget your fears, grab onto your faith and be unstoppable!

Love and Success,

Carrie

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When we make a commitment, we go through 5 phases:

Excitement

First, we get  excited at the idea of our goal and the big result.    Then we start taking action.

Maintenance

This phase is crucial but it can be boring.  We continue to do the action, over and over again.

Poop Out

We get bored, tired of taking the action.  We fall off the wagon a few times and forget why we are doing this in the first place.  Our goal starts to fall out of existence.  During poop out, it’s a good time to step back and evaluate, assess and review.  Remove toxic people from your life, lighten your load, look at what is working and what is not, re-work your plan.

Second Wind

If we keep going through the poop out, we get our second wind.  We make a few adjustments, get re-energized and back on track.   We have learned lessons and start again with new excitement,

Mastery

After your second wind, you get to mastery.  You reached your goal.  You move to a new comfort zone.  Before you get to complacency, it’s time to step it up a notch and start this cycle all over again.  This is called growth.

The moral of the story is…..

When you get to Poop Out Phase, don’t get discouraged and don’t give up.  Know this is a signal for you to take a break and take inventory.  Then get back in the game with your second wind and take it to the next level.

The majority of people give up way too soon – when they feel uncomfortable, they quit.  They never see it through and see it succeed.

Great things don’t come easy.  Great relationships take work.  Successful businesses take work.  Hot, healthy bodies take work.

Do the work, get the rewards.  It won’t always be easy, or fun, but it will be worth it.

To get to the top of a mountain, you have to climb uphill.  So take breaks and reward yourself for how far you have come.  If you just keep going through the rough spots, you will get what you want!