Sometimes in order to succeed then you have to make it impossible to fail, or at least very unpleasant. I know that I often fail because my mind will find too many reasons not to try: “Don’t talk to that girl, you will make a fool of yourself”, “Don’t try that business idea, it will fail and you will end up poorer”, “Don’t work out, it is hard. Go do something on the computer it is a lot more fun”. How could you argue? Failure hurts your ego a bit, but other than that then it isn’t too unpleasant. There are always reasons to stay in your safe comfort zone. You might fail if you try, so it is better to not try. What if failure was not an option because it is far worse. If you really don’t want to do something, then you have to make the alternative even worse to do. One example of this would be approaching a stranger. You are out with a friend and you see a stranger. You are scared to death to approach them and start a conversation. The situation is unpleasant, so you write check for $100 dollars and give it to your friend. You tell your friend that if you do not start a conversation with that stranger right now then they can go cash that check and spend it.

Making the alternative more unpleasant

Once you wrote that check then you have successfully made it far worse to not talk to the stranger then to simply go talk to them. You might embarrass yourself, but that isn’t as bad as losing the $100 dollars. The $100 dollars wasn’t the only punishment that was set up either. Now you are accountable to not only yourself, but your friend also. You could wage a war in your head over whether you should talk to the stranger, but if you don’t do it then you only let yourself down. Now if you don’t do it then you let yourself down and your friend. You will embarrass yourself in front of your friend. You might be scared to talk to the stranger, but it is far worse to simply stand back and not do anything.

Ideas to use

1) The easiest idea is to use money. It is simple to write a check and give it to a third party, or to just give them the cash. You have to use enough cash that it will hurt you to lose the money. If $100 dollars isn’t much for you, then use a $1,000. If that isn’t a large sum, then continue going up until it hurts to think of losing that much. If it is an ongoing challenge such as working out three times a week, then make out a check for $100 dollars each week for however long you want to do it, like 20 weeks. If you miss a week then the friend cashes one check. If you miss another, then the friend cashes another. This will keep you going even if you don’t do it once, you still have to continue to do it.

I remember once hearing a story about a multi-millionaire that set up billboards with his face plastered on it around the city he lived in. On the billboard he said that if you saw him smoking then he would give you a million dollars. It seems to be a great way to stop smoking because then anyone he is around could have seen the billboards. If he offered the money to only one person then he might be tempted to lie to them or avoid them to keep the money, but if everyone knows then he is forced to stop if he doesn’t want to lose the money.

A few ways to use money:

• Talking to Strangers
• Working out
• Meditating
• Getting out of your comfort zone
• Being Productive
• Spending time with your kids

Make sure to give the money to someone that you trust and that you would hate to let down. If you give it to a friend that you know you could convince to give you the money back, then it doesn’t work.

2) You have to make it hard for yourself. If I wanted to stop eating some foods that are bad for me then I will simply not buy them. I can have them, but I have to go to the store, buy them, cook them, etc. It makes it hard for me to actually have those foods so I am banking on my laziness to convince me to eat the healthier options that are easily accessible. The same would work for things you want to avoid. Do you want to watch less TV? Just break it. You won’t be able to watch it until you fix it. If breaking it seems a bit too permanent then just get someone to lock the TV so that it needs a pass code. Have the person hide the pass code. Now you have to go searching for the pass code in order to watch TV. It might be worth it for some shows, but the majority of shows you will simply pass up the opportunity. The same thing goes for the internet. Make it hard to access the internet and you won’t use it as much.

A few things you could make it hard to fail at:

• Diets
• Stop watching TV
• Use the Internet less
• Spending Money
• Working on a project
• Spending time with friends

3) Accountability is also great. Just announce, loudly, that you are trying to do something. Don’t just tell your friends, but tell your co-workers, all your friends, family, and even strangers! The embarrassment if you fail has to be great in order to get yourself motivated to do it. I went on my trip to Asia this summer and I was too lazy to print off the pictures. It has been two months since I have gotten back and I still haven’t shown the pictures to my co-workers, but they still ask me for them. If they didn’t ask about them then I would never actually do it because I wouldn’t have the pressure to do it. They force me to do it. Have everyone encourage you also. I know I hate it when people are counting on me, because I would feel horrible if I let them down. Tell people that you respect and wouldn’t want to let down.

Joining a group is also good for accountability, because the group will encourage you and hold you to do something. Join Toastmasters if you want to public speak, because then you are forced to do it. Join a Mastermind group that deals with something you want to do, e.g. a group of entrepreneurs that will get you to become an entrepreneur.

A few ways to use accountability:

• Starting a business
• Reading more
• Writing more
• Studying
• Following through with a course
• Achieving a goal

Make sure to be specific when you use money or accountability, because the person that holds the money for you or makes you accountable will have to determine if you have done your end of the deal or not. Instead of simply saying that you want to be in shape then you want to exercise three times a week to make it specific. If you tell someone that you will clean their whole house if you don’t write more then you must define how much you will write and how often. It is best to use accountability when you want to produce something, such as writing or starting a business. This way you cannot lie to the person that you did your part. You have evidence so that you cannot lie to them.

Think of something that you hate and make that the alternative, because in order to succeed then you have to make it impossible to fail.

Photo by MShades

Don’t wait for a vacation. Don’t wait for a holiday. Don’t wait for tomorrow. If you don’t feel good right now then you need to.

Now

We live our life on the weekends, vacations, in retirement. This isn’t how life is meant to be. I doubt any of us are happy all the time, but the problem is we aren’t happy most of the time. You have to get out of the mindset that you will be happy sometime in the future. That you will be happy once X happens. Guess what, you will still be unhappy once X happens. You can’t base your happiness on events, instead happiness is a mindset. You can be happy anytime . You don’t need a new car to be happy. You don’t need to sit on a beach in a foreign country to be happy. You simply need your mind to be happy at any time. You can still be excited about things, but don’t feel that you need it in order to be happy.

In the movie Click with Adam Sandler, the main character finds a remote that can pause, fast forward, and rewind his life. He is under stress from his job and family. Soon he starts to use the remote to fast forward through fights with his wife, then he starts to use it to fast forward through life. Finally he fast forwards through years until he has finished a huge project for work. He finds that has missed out on a large part of his life. Soon he regrets even fast forwarding a little.

This is the problem, you miss out on life. You have a very limited amount of time, so why would you want to skip parts?

All Play and No Work is the way to go

The biggest thing is work. You spend a huge chunk of your life working, so why not enjoy it? If it is so horrible that cannot enjoy it then put a lot of effort into finding other work. I find myself often bored with my work, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t feel good. I can be more mindful and enjoy the world in general. I can try to make the best out of it. Joke with co-workers, talk to customers, try to achieve something. There are many ways to enjoy work; I just have to find ways to do it. So do you. It is a shame to not enjoy 40 hours out of your week.

The same goes for school. I might sound weird, but I enjoy school. I enjoy homework. I just don’t enjoy the stress. I have to overcome this problem of becoming far too stressed out. This stress starts to overflow into other areas of my life such as work, and my social life. I find myself far too uptight around my friends and I dread working because I can only think of the next essay that I should start the moment I get home. Thanks to procrastination I can safely say I rarely start that essay the moment after work. There have been many times I didn’t enjoy working through an essay, but that doesn’t mean I have to feel totally bad. I can at least enjoy the process. I can enjoy the feeling of getting something productive done. I can enjoy the difficulty because if everything was too easy then it would also be boring. Find ways to make the time more enjoyable, but make sure you do something to make it a good time.

Daily Life should be exciting too

I hope that your daily life is never boring enough that you want to fast forward through it. You don’t need a vacation to have fun. You can do exciting things all the time. Go rock-climbing, slacklining, try a martial art, learn something, start your own business, write. There are endless possibilities, but you have to be willing to take them. Start saying yes to things you wouldn’t normally do. Sign up for all those things you never would do. Sign up for a yoga class, learning Korean, guitar lessons, meditation groups, anything! A simply look around, a college bulletin board will give you endless possibilities for groups to join and things to try. You simply have to take a peek outside your normal routine to find something new and exciting to do.

Hard Times

When something goes wrong then you really want to fast forward. There are ups and downs, but you can’t just have ups. If you only had good things happen then you couldn’t appreciate the good things as much. There will always be disappointing times, but you don’t need to dwell on it. Sometimes it is just too hard to really be happy such as the death of a loved one, but that doesn’t mean you need to continue to be sad about it for a long period of time. Be aware of your thoughts and don’t continue to allow yourself to be sad. Replace them with happy thoughts when you are able to. Don’t feel like you need to skip this, instead just accept it.

Don’t wait for a future moment to be happy. There isn’t a better moment to be happy than now. You are constantly in the state of now, so you can’t make an excuse to be happy tomorrow. You can’t base your emotions on external circumstances, because they are too unpredictable. You must rely on yourself to be happy because you are in control of your emotions. Your emotions are not in control of you.

Photo by Vramak

I have an addiction. It leads to hours of wasted time and confusion. It is a good thing gone badly. Thankfully it doesn’t involve me slowly killing myself slowly with packs of cigarettes or lots of alone time with an alcoholic beverage.

Self-help books are my weakness. Wait wait, don’t laugh or roll your eyes. They can be dangerous! I can’t count the number of times that I have gone into a book store simply to browse. I find all the intriguing book covers. I still have trouble not judging a book by its cover. Soon I find myself drawn to the self-help section. Who could resist the promise of a better life? The fact that there are so many books in the category should suggest to me that not every book will be able to help me as much as it promises to do, but that doesn’t stop me. My mouth still waters at the promises to help me lose weight, attract anyone, speak effortlessly in public, and much more. More than likely I will end up with one of these books. I will read it and enjoy the prospect of improving an area of my life. The high will last for most of the book if I am lucky, but as soon as the book ends then reality sets in. This isn’t as easy as the book made it sound.

I might continue with the suggestions in the book for a few days, perhaps even a week, but sooner or later I give up. I make excuses, but it boils down to the fact that I didn’t follow through with it. Even though I didn’t achieve the result that I wanted, the book still served a purpose. It gave me a momentary high.

The Feel Good High

Just by reading that book it gave me hope that I would be able to magically able to change my life for the better. Normally self-help books make promises that sound great. I could do so many awesome things. These things excite me when I am reading about them and I fantasize about it. It gives me a feeling of happiness that I could be able to do these things. This is my addiction. It makes me feel good, so I desire it again and again. The same book will not work because I now know that it will not work as well as I thought, so I have to find another book. This cycle continues on until I have a whole library that shows that I can help myself but I have nothing to show for it.

Are Self-help books bad?

Each person is different, but I know that self-help books tend to be bad for me. It isn’t their fault, it is my fault. I read them and think that the small act of reading them will make me a better person. Everyone knows that you have to take the action. I think I have read enough self-help books at this point to know that I can help myself without the aid of a book. If I have a weight problem then I no longer need a book to tell me to eat healthier. I know this. If I have a problem with not being a social person then I don’t need a book to tell me to interact with more people. I know this. I think most of us know how to solve our problems, but we waste time by reading about how to solve our problems. I think most of personal development is common sense. Sadly a lot of self-help books are simply saying the same things in different ways. There are some excellent books out there that provide some new and valuable information, but the majority simply tells us the things we know.

If we already know the information, then why do we read them? Because they make us feel like we could achieve our goals. They make us feel that the impossible is possible. I am sure I am not the only person that reads self-help books and doesn’t do anything about them.

What to do instead of read self-help books

1. Dust one of the old self-help books off and give it another try.

This may sound like it is against everything I just said, but the problem isn’t always the book, but the lack of action. This means give it a good effort. Do or do not, there is no try. Make sure it is very important to you or else you aren’t likely to complete it.




2. Figure out your problems for yourself, and fix them.

You don’t need a book to tell you the problems that you have. You are aware of the problems that come up, because you always notice them. I am always aware of my faults the best, but I have to pause and think of my successes. So it shouldn’t be hard to pinpoint your problem. Once you know the problem then fix it. It isn’t likely to be the easiest thing or the most pleasant thing, but do something. This is the difference between reading and doing. Self-help books are great if you do everything they recommend, but the problem often lies in the action part. Skip the reading and just fix it. Right now, not tomorrow, not New Year’s Day.




3. Find someone to help you

A teacher can be a great thing. Perhaps you are having trouble gaining motivation. Find someone to motivate you. If you are having trouble making friends then find someone to help you point out the things that you need to do. A person can motivate you just like the book can, but they will make you be accountable for your actions. So if you aren’t doing your part; instead of letting a book down then you are letting another person down. It keeps you motivated to continue helping yourself.

Admit you have a problem. Self-Help books will not solve every problem you have, so stop being a junky for them. Put the book down and figure out how to help yourself without the help of a book. Self help in the purest form.

From the advertisement that tries to sell you a cleanser for your face to the advertisement for a new pair of shoes. The point is that you need this product or you need to do something to be a better person. You aren’t pretty enough if you don’t use that face cleanser. You won’t look good in your old pair of shoes. The advertisement has to make you unhappy or else it isn’t going to work. If you are happy with your current situation then why would you need another pair of shoes?

You have to be content with yourself now or else you won’t be happy. One quick way to be happier is to ignore these advertisements. Everyone thinks they are ignoring the advertisements if they don’t buy the product, but the advertisement still makes an impact. If I pass by billboard that shows a new electronic gadget then I might not much think about it, yet it still made some impact. The mission to make me want it might not be fulfilled, but I still will feel slightly discontent with my current state because I don’t have it. The best way to ignore advertisements is to avoid them

It seems almost impossible to avoid all ads, because they are so ingrained in our society. We could avoid television, radio, and internet but we will still see an advertisement on the way to work. Sometimes you don’t even have to see an advertisement to be reminded of one. Every time you look at your old mop then you remember the nice new one that was advertised on TV a few weeks ago. So you just have to try to avoid as many advertisements as possible and just accept that you cannot avoid all of them.

Stop watching TV. This will benefit you so much in the long run. You will be less likely to waste time and you will avoid a large amount of advertisements. If you must watch some shows then try TiVo or watching it online to cut out many commercials.

Try a low information diet. Don’t read the newspaper or search out the news. There isn’t anything that is life changing that won’t trickle down to you sometime by word of mouth. If something big happens then you will hear about it sooner or later. Don’t fret about knowing it the second that it happens.

Avoid mindless surfing of the internet. It wastes valuable time and it usually doesn’t serve much of a purpose. I could easily get lost for hours and find that I have nothing to show for it. Being productive on the internet will still make you come in contact with many ads, but it will be less. You could always try to block the ads also.

You must pay attention to what you subjected to or else you risk letting it effect you. You can be strong enough to not pay attention to it, but it is easier and better to simply to avoid it rather than fight it. You waste valuable time and effort to fight it.

Photo By Diego_3336

I spent far too much time in high school worrying about whether I would get into an Ivy League school. I felt horrible the first time I received a B on my report card. I felt I wouldn’t be successful unless I went to a great school. I wouldn’t be able to make the money I wanted to make, I wouldn’t have the opportunities, and I wouldn’t have a great life. By the time I graduated I knew Ivy League was out of reach, so I went to the University of Oregon. I was disappointed to not achieve that dream, so I set my sights on an Ivy League law school. I have recently decided I don’t want to be a lawyer anymore, so I will never attend an Ivy League school. I finally figured out something though. My golden ticket to a wonderful life doesn’t lie in an Ivy League school– it lies in me.

I think that the most important decision is to go to college. Go to any college, because it matters more if you go to college and it matters less which one you go to. You are likely to have a higher earning paycheck and a better life if you attend college. The statistics seem to agree on this, but which college you attend doesn’t make a huge difference in quality of life. The difference it will make in your life most likely will relate to where it is located, if you like the school, the students and other factors. You should find a school that you like, not one that you think will make you the most money. You have to spend four years there, so if you enjoy it then you will do better.

There are some good qualities in an Ivy League school

I will admit that Ivy League schools do have some qualities that make it beneficial to attend them. They provide you with a lot of potential connections that might be useful one day. You will get contacts everywhere though and sometimes they might be better. You are more likely to have a larger amount of special events in an Ivy League school that could benefit you. Top lectures will go to Ivy League schools; you might get to meet some very important people. Who wouldn’t want Steve Jobs to talk at their (Stanford) commencement? The school will have more money, because the school is a business. It has to make money and it does a great job at it. There are a few times that an Ivy League on your resume will give you a foot in the door, but the important part is that your abilities are the thing that gets you the job, not the school. It can give you a small boost, but it is what you make of it.

Where do Nobel Laureates go to school?

The last 10 Nobel laureates in Chemistry attended University of Nebraska, Dartmouth College, Harvard University, Berea College, Augsburg College, University of Massachusetts, Washington State University, University of Florida, University of California, Riverside, and Harvard University. As you can see Harvard appears twice which makes sense since they get to pick from the elite individuals in the country. However, these are not all Ivy League schools. It shows that genius can come from anywhere. It depends on the individual more. Another example the WSJ compares the top CEOs of the biggest corporations. “Most CEOs of the biggest corporations didn’t attend Ivy League or other highly selective colleges. They went to state universities, big and small, or to less-known private colleges.Wal-Mart Stores CEO H. Lee Scott, for example, went to Pittsburg State University in Kansas, Intel CEO Paul Otellini to University of San Francisco and Costco Wholesale CEO James Sinegal to San Diego City College.”

The individual is the one that succeeds

Those that do succeed in Harvard and do make a lot of money did it because they have the ability to succeed. They were selected because they showed they had the drive to succeed. The question is would they have still be successful if they hadn’t gone to Harvard? Some people just have the ability to do great things no matter where they go. You would be able to find extraordinary people in any university, because they choose to succeed. So, if you really want a golden ticket to your life then take advantage of your opportunities and have a drive because that is what will set you apart from the rest. Your ability will be far more important than the school you attend.

Current high school students:

Don’t worry about the school you get into. You can make the best out of any situation. I know people that will try to challenge themselves in a simple class because they want to do the best they can. There was a student in my literature class last term that chose to do an essay on a book because the professor warned us that it would difficult to read. He didn’t try to take the easy way out; instead he did what would challenge him in order to get better. You don’t need Harvard to challenge you; there are many opportunities for you at any university. Go above and beyond the expectations. Don’t take the easy way. Finally, don’t worry about getting into the best school. It caused me tons of stress in high school, but now that I have gone to the University of Oregon those grades really don’t matter. I worked hard for my high GPA, yet it doesn’t matter now that I have gotten into the university. They didn’t get me a scholarship; they didn’t get me into an Ivy League school. The one good thing they did was prepare me for college. I didn’t struggle the first term, instead I earned all ‘A’s. Don’t worry about the college you go to, worry about the challenges you will take in college.

There is an expectation to help everyone

You don’t have to save the world to make a difference. It is hard to accept sometimes that we don’t have to make a difference to a lot of people in order to help. I know that I would love to reach out and help a lot of people, but sometimes this isn’t always possible. It is possible to help one person though. Perhaps even a few people, but it doesn’t have to be everyone.


We lose sight that a few people are still people . They matter, they count, and they should be cared for. It is wonderful to try to help all the starving kids in Africa, but simply helping one child in Africa is a wonderful thing. Don’t forget that you are still helping one person at a time. If you are able to help one person a day for the rest of your life then that begins to make a huge difference soon.

It’s like a friendship, It’s intimate

You have no idea how happy it makes me when someone goes out of their way to help only me. They simply do it from the kindness of their heart. It makes more of a difference to me than someone that helps me simply because I am part of a group of people that they are trying to help.
Think of your friends. You normally don’t try to help all of them by one big action; instead you will help each one that needs it. People are unique and often their problems are unique. You shouldn’t ignore the fact that one solution for one person will not work for the next. My friends are not all the same and I know that I cannot solve each of their problems with one simple solution.

Ways to help someone

Sometimes no one needs help, but they could use a little lift in their day. Try to do something out of the ordinary, such as stopping to help them with something. I don’t mean do something that is very unique, I mean do something that isn’t expected. These are the best gifts you can give to someone.

You might know someone that really needs help. They might be homeless, hungry, depressed, jobless, or something else. You don’t have to solve the homeless problem; instead you should simply help one homeless person or two. It doesn’t matter that you can’t help everyone, it matters that you helped someone. You made a difference to one person.

Together, We make a large difference

It’s the old idea, if everyone contributes then it starts to add up. It is true, but the problem is not everyone will contribute. Ignore that fact and keep helping, because you might just inspire someone to help someone else. Your actions could go farther than you might think. I know if someone helped me I feel more inclined to help someone out later. You never know what kind of difference you really do make.




Photo by Topyti

We live in a world of fast cars, fast food, fast dating, and fast lives. This really isn’t healthy for us in the long run. We can’t just go through our lives on high speed and expect that everything will be great. I think that it is time to get back to slow down or else we are going to burn out from our addition.

What is the Slow Movement

Ideas on how to slow down your life

The easiest way to start is with the physical aspect since you have full control over your body.

• Start to take a walk without distracts such as your MP3 player or cell phone.
• Take your bike or walk instead of taking the car
• Relax. I bet you are not fully relaxed even while reading this. Note your posture and if you are holding stress somewhere such as the shoulders.
• Read a book instead of watching television
• Do one thing at a time, this could improve your productivity as well as allows you to slow down

Once you become comfortable with a few physical ways to slow down then you can tackle your mind. I find this the hardest part because my mind never wants to slow down. Take meditation for example, I find it quite hard to quiet my mind. This is the most influence step though, because it can make the biggest improvement on your health. Here are a few ways to mentally slow down:

• Meditation, even if you can’t fully quiet your mind
• Do one thing at a time.
• Stare out the window. Trust me

These are just of the few things you can do. Try many different things and see what works for you. Meditation would be the best place to start.

Why slow down?

Speed kills us, quickly. Imagine that you are running a marathon at the fastest speed possible. Soon your body isn’t going to be able to handle the quick pace and you will just burn out. I guess the cliché is right, slow and steady wins the race. Life isn’t meant to be a race.

Here is an example from my life. I went to London a couple of years ago. I was only able to stay a week, so I wanted to fill the time with things to see as possible. The common tourist mistake. So, I rushed around. I saw the Tower of London, changing of the guards, Buckingham Palace, British Museum, Big Ben (Which I stumbled upon. I didn’t mean to find it, I came off the Tube and noticed it.) and may other things. I barely remember these sights. The part I remember best is sitting in a little pub near Kew Gardens ordering some food and getting to enjoy a suburb of London. I can recall the feel and the enjoyment. I didn’t get a similar experience with the tourist traps.

You don’t experience life if you are rushing through it. The best memories are often the ones that we stopped and enjoyed something. We didn’t rush through it. Life shouldn’t be a rush, because in the end you don’t want to remember life as a long marathon that you can barely remember the highlights vividly.

We should all slow down for our health. Stress has become quite a big problem. I know many people that suffer from insomnia, headaches, heart attacks, and other stress related illnesses. Speed is literally killing us. The fastest way to reduce stress would be to go slow. Meditation, Yoga, Noticing your breathing, Taking a walk, gardening and many other slow activities. Notice that driving quickly, trying to do many things at once, or eat fast food. Don’t fall into the trap of causing yourself tons of stress. Reduce it slowly.

Start..well slow

There is no reason to quit your job, throw away all your money and move to the middle of nowhere to slow down. Do what feels comfortable. I think that you will begin to see the benefits and it will spread to all the areas of your life. Start with simply eating a meal chewing all 50 bites, reading a book, taking a walk. I find that it is hard in the beginning since a voice in my head continues to nag me that I am wasting precious time. It isn’t wasted if you are enjoying the time. Cut out the things that you don’t have to do in order to do the things that you want to. You don’t need to check your email fifty times a day, use that time meditate. Accept that you can only get so many things done without sacrificing your life.


If you want, make big changes. Take less classes, work less hours for a pay cut, get rid of the car. Find out how slowing down can effect your life.

Photo by lepiaf.geo

Once you have established your behavior, then you must perform the behavior every time the stimulus happens. It is important to always perform the action immediately following the stimulus. As soon as you feel fear as you are about to speak in public then relax or if you start to feel unhappy because work is boring then you start to list off all the happy things in your life. The key is a repetition of the behavior each time. This means that you have to react to the stimulus many times before it will work fully, but it is worth the wait.


If you do not perform the reaction each time then you risk losing the association with the stimulus. If I start to talk to a stranger without giving myself a pep talk each time, then the fear might come back. I might be able to still feel confident a few times, but it will start to fade as I get used to speaking to people without giving myself a confidence boost. Perhaps you will find that you don’t need it. You might feel more comfortable that you don’t require the confidence boost anymore, or you already feel happy. That is great, then you don’t have to keep up the reaction. If you find you start to fall back into the old habit then start practicing the reaction again.

A different approach using the same technique.

It might be easier to associate an action with a reaction in order to apply to multiple situations. An example of this would be continually thinking positively after you think a negative thought. You might think many negative thoughts, but they will be replaced with positive thoughts. Another example would be feeling relaxed every time you put your hand on the back of your neck. You could use this method to easily relax yourself anytime or to feel happier. You can use it for multiple situations such as relaxing before public speaking, talking to strangers, skydiving, etc.

The same techniques apply, but instead the stimulus is an action you perform instead of a feeling. Every time you want to feel relaxed then put your hand on the back of your neck. Once your hand is on your neck then practice relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, muscle relaxation, stress reduction, anything that achieves the desired effect. After repeating this then the mere action will start to produce the reaction you want. If you are stressed then touch the back of your neck. It will trick the mind into doing what you want.



Here are a few situations you can apply this to:

If you have any good uses for these techniques, please leave a comment about it.


Photo By Frotzed2

Reasons to take risks

So, if research shows that you aren’t likely to greatly reduce your happiness level then why not take a few more risks. Millionaires , on average, describe themselves as happy as blue collar workers. You shouldn’t worry about making less money then, because you aren’t likely to be much less happier. There is a possibility you will be happier though. If you dislike your job then you will increase your level of happiness because you will have changed your circumstances. You can have the job you really want.

You can also take more risks in your life. You might fail, but it won’t affect you forever. There will be disappointment for a little while, but research shows that you will return to a normal happiness level. Think about something that you did five years ago, such as something stupid that you regretted at the time. I can’t remember anything as far as five years ago, but I remember making a fool of myself in front of a girl that I liked at the time. At the time it was a big deal for me and I beat myself up over it. Today I have trouble remembering what the big deal was. I messed up, but it wasn’t the end of the world by any means. I returned to my base level of happiness after a week or two. I cannot think of any mistake I have made that has affected my happiness up until now. The embarrassment you feel today will be a memory in months to come. The mistake you make will be forgotten in weeks or months. If you lose money on a gamble, you will earn it back over time. Time heals all wounds.

Why try if you aren’t going to be happier?

This is where I disagree with the research. I do think that some things effect our baseline happiness. These are our daily activities that we enjoy. I might not remember mistakes, but do I remember achievements? You bet. How hard I worked to get good grades in high school still make me smile because I helped myself prepare for college. I remember every bit of my trip to London, and I am happy that the trip happened. I think that some achievements can improve our happiness. A bad job will lower our happiness because it is a reoccurring bad event, so you can’t forget it. Cultivate relationships and experiences because these will make you happier. Quitting your job might make you lose some money, but you will find a job you want sooner or later. You will be happy. Make mistakes because the bad ones will be forgotten. Make mistakes because they will lead to achievements to remember with a smile on your face.

It is the things that we continually do that make a big impact on our happiness level. You have to try to do things that will make you happy every day. Don’t worry about becoming unhappy. It doesn’t last.


Photo By BingBing

I am quite the introverted person. I do like to spend a majority of my time alone and I don’t meet a lot of new people due to this. Relationships are to be valued and I want to try to make many more in the upcoming months. My new habit will be attempting to make conversation with at least one new person a day. It isn’t a large goal, but it is a bit hard for me.

The biggest issue is attempting to find the right place to approach people. I don’t know if I would have success trying to make conversation in a supermarket or a café. I would like to stay away from parties if possible, since I don’t care for them. Although I must admit they do provide a perfect place to meet new people which are one of the draws to them.

First, I have to figure out the type of person I want to meet . I won’t enjoy myself if I am meeting the wrong type of person. I like someone who I can carry on a conversation. I am most likely to find these people in cafés, gyms, and class. I doubt I would have as much success going to a party or a concert. These are good places to meet people, but I wouldn’t share the interest with the person. I might be lucky to find someone with common interests but I rather have a higher chance of success. So, first step is to get a hobby and find a gathering place.

Next is to slowly ease into talking to total strangers. Start with ‘hi’ and work your way up . You can say hi to anyone, this doesn’t take much effort or risk but it provides a place to start. You might get lucky and find a talkative person that will provide the conversation with a mere introduction, other times you will have to work harder to establish a conversation.

If you have taken a step to try to carry on a conversation then the choice of topic might be hard. This is one of the hardest parts for me. It is awesome if you find some unique thing to open with. Perhaps you should start with people that provide some type of conversation opener, such as unique clothing, jewelry, action, and so on. You won’t have to worry as much as what to talk about which will allow you to slowly gain more confidence. As you feel more comfortable you can approach people that are harder to start a conversation with. Major events are always an easy choice as well as their likes and dislikes. Test the waters; throw out a lot of different subjects that interest you, such as talk briefly about traveling, exercising, diet, and so on. When you hit a common interest then go from there. I may approach someone in the supermarket if they are buying a unique product and then ask about their diet. This can easily lead to a conversation to my diet of raw food. Raw food is a great way to have a conversation because many people will be interested how I even survive. Find common ground and go from there.

If you are lucky enough to carry on a conversation then you might want to suggest another meeting if you are really hitting it off or some form of future communication. Thanks to the internet you might find this part easy. Asking if you can connect with them on Facebook or Myspace is an easy non-threatening way to have a future connection with them. If they don’t have these then it is possible to ask for a phone number if you feel comfortable enough. This step isn’t required of course, if you don’t feel there is any reason to continue talking then you can thank them for the chat and be on your way. It’s up to you how to proceed.

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Tips to talking to strangers

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You will be rejected quite a bit. It stings even if you know it will happen, but you miss 100% of the shots you never take. You won’t know that person unless you try to talk to them. If they reject your efforts then you are merely where you would be if you hadn’t even tried. You will have some people that you really connect with and these make the efforts worthwhile.

People are friendly . I don’t know many people that are rude enough to tell you off for even trying to talk to them. Most will engage in a conversation of some sort and won’t insult you.

You won’t be laughed at. The person that you approach will most likely feel more embarrassed about what they say then worrying about what you say. In the end you aren’t likely to meet the person again if it is a random place so there aren’t any lasting effects. If you try to meet people in class then you will still see them regularly but you won’t have to interact with them again unless you choose to. Sooner or later you will go your separate ways. People won’t gossip about you as the weird one that talks to people. If anything you will be admired for taking the effort.

Making new friends open up different ideas and perspectives. You might want to try to meet people you normally wouldn’t talk to. You might be surprised how much you have in common after all. Leave comments on any attempts or suggestions.

Photo by pjmorse