deus ex humana

Goodbye Blogger. (Bitchy breakup letter)

2010-12-02T21:00:00.000-08:00

I'm dumping you for your much more attractive cousin, Tumblr.

I... just want you to understand that this has nothing to do with your personality. You're a perfectly wonderful person... it's just... you're not pretty. Your CSS is lacking flair, and your prebuilt themes are an eyesore.

Get a makeover.

You can check out me and Tumblr over here. We'll be making out or something, I hope you don't mind.

String instruments (and music in general)

2010-10-25T21:27:00.000-07:00

There's nothing really like a string section. I mean, I play guitar, but I don't really mean guitar. I mean violins, and violas, and cellos, and all that jazz (no pun intended).

I've kind of been thinking about that because me and some totally rad kids are kind of in a band now, which has the tentative title of Soldiers and Sailors. Now, the cool thing about this band si that for the first time I get to fulfill my childhood dream of playing music alongside a string section! Kind of! I mean, it's a violin and a cello, but hell, it sounds good enough.

So anyways, me and Lilah have been practicing (and there are OTHER MEMBERS TOO), and I think we play a pretty mean cover of Casimir Pulaski Day, which is by this totally rad guy called Sufjan Stevens, and if you haven't heard of him then your ears probably hate you. (No really, this man is kind of a god)

This year has been surprisingly slow in regards of new music for me, but I think I'll throw out some suggestions just in case anyone needs some new tunes for their tune-machine (And yes, I know I'm late to the party on lots of these, but DEAL. It's good music)

1. The aforementioned Sufjan Stevens, and most importantly, his ridiculously epic masterwork known as Illinois. Orchestral acoustic, which is hard to find, and absolutely breathtaking.

2. My personal new favorite country band, the Avett Brothers, who, in addition to actually being brothers (at least some of them) play some very good music. Very raucous, twangy, and full of verses about ladies who leave them- my type of thing.

3. Last (for now), the charmingly Scottish Frightened Rabbit. High energy fuzz rock with just enough pacing for me to enjoy it. And don't be a genre-whore about this, I really don't care what you want to call this particular brand of indie electronica nu-orchestral or whatever. I don't know exactly what to call Frightened Rabbit so I took my best guess.

Anyways, listen to this stuff. It's good.

Short Minecraft Picdump

2010-10-25T21:01:00.000-07:00

So I figured I should put these online somewhere, and this is it. MOAR INCOMING.

Comic Books

2010-10-22T09:41:00.000-07:00

So, I just finished reading up to issue 68 of The Walking Dead, a comic by some guys who do other comic stuff, apparently. It's a fantastic comic, but it has the same underlying issues that prevent me from really getting into comic books.

The main issue with comics, for me, has to be the sense of perpetuity. In one of the ending 'letters from fans' sections of the comic, one of the authors (don't know who, can't remember which comic it was from) mentions that the series has "a good few years if not decades" to go.

I guess for the average comic book reader, this isn't a bad thing. But speaking as a much more avid BOOK reader than a COMIC BOOK reader, I find that somewhat irritating. Comics aren't accessible to most of the general public because they go on for FUCKING EVER and no one knows where to start.

Let's say I want to read some Batman comics. Where do I start? The old, golden age Batman comics? The gritty, new Batman comics? Fucking Justice League? There's a billion-odd storylines to consider, plus I'm sure I'd have to have an encyclopedic knowledge of the superhero universe to even understand a majority of the references.

Successful comics (I say 'successful' here because they crossed over to the public mainstream) are typically those that have a set end point, like the fantastic Watchmen. They have a beginning, a chunk of middle, and then an end. No dorky spinoffs, no ridiculously complicated storylines, nothing to stop a reader from just picking up the first episode and reading through it.

Back to The Walking Dead. It's a great comic, and I advise you all to read it. That said, it's still a comic, so it goes on for fucking ever and the only way to really understand it is to start from the beginning. Whatever.

/rant

Senior Year

2010-10-14T22:12:00.001-07:00

I know I haven’t blagged in a while, but I’ve been concerned with other stuff.

So what’s new? Well, I’m a senior.

Which is so cool. How cool? So cool that in a few years, I’m going to think I was the biggest douche in history.

You see, think of my self-esteem as… a butterfly.

Butterflies, in case you don’t know, fly in butterfly patterns. It’s a scientific term, look it up. They go up and then down. (I was going to use a rollercoaster for this metaphor, but that is way too cliche)

So in junior year, I was kind of on the uptick. (following the metaphor, I was reaching for the sky on my beautiful, beautiful butterfly wings) Now, in senior year, I am reaching the apex of this arc, and I am happier than a kid in a Lego store.

Also, I’m writing a musical. And possibly another. Stay tuned.

Do you like wiggling?

2010-09-21T19:52:00.001-07:00

YES I DO I, IN FACT, AM A SEMIPROFESSIONAL WIGGLER

Ask me anything

Do you feel that people take you seriously, or do they always seem to think you're just kidding around? If so, either way, is it beneficial?

2010-09-20T18:19:00.001-07:00

I am a really, really cynical, sarcastic person. So I don't exactly blame people when they rarely take me seriously. It's not their fault, I've set it up that way, whether I want to or not.

That said, it is frustrating sometimes. I'm a funny guy, I kid around, but sometimes stuff is serious and it's times like those that I get a bit annoyed when people don't take me seriously. Typically I try to solve that by being louder, but for some strange reason that doesn't seem to work so much.

Is it beneficial? If I want to be not taken seriously, it's great. But if I do, it's a bit frustrating.

Ask me anything

Wendy and Peter

2010-09-19T22:30:00.000-07:00

Breakup Letter

2010-08-25T22:39:00.001-07:00

Dear Summer.

I know it's been fun. You know it's been fun. I mean, we've had quite a time, what with the trips and the friends and the parties. But maybe it's time we stop... you know, stop seeing each other.

Lately you've been a bit uncomfortable for me. I mean, I'm sure you feel it too. Your time- OUR time- is kind of on the home stretch. We're getting done, Summer, and I think it's time we move on.

Don't feel down, I know you can get over it- you usually bounce back in a couple months. Keep your head up, there's a whole other year in front of us. We can see each other again, it will just... be a while. We need space. You need space, I need space.

Summer, you're changing.

I've changed too, know that I've known you. Now that we've had this.

So I guess, what I'm saying is, let's just have one last adventure. We're almost one with each other, but we can savor what we had. Look forward to the future and laugh about the past, because it's all you have.

Signed,

Dante.

we should be friends...

2010-07-31T21:56:00.001-07:00

Yes. That we should.

Of course, I'd need to know who you were.

Ask me anything

The Internet: A quick Primer for Parents

2010-07-23T21:41:00.001-07:00

The internet is a harmless place, full of wonder and opportunity for your children. Amongst its many alleys and corners, your own little bundle of joy can learn the majesties and beauty of our world.

Right?

WRONG.

Inspired by this saga, I feel that the internet should get a fair, non biased review by me (three time Internet Adventurer awardee, 2007-2009, experienced Tubes Specialist)

1. The internet is full of viruses and dirty communist hackers

Viruses are everywhere. Always keep a guard out for their expanse, as well as the ever-present pestilence of hackers, the perverted and twisted shepherds of the great virus herds.

In order to understand how to stop viruses, you must first know how viruses are created.

--In a cyberlab, the hacker grows a virus to completion, often relying on illegal softwares known as “warez” to accomplish this.

--As soon as the virus has reached maturity, he unleashes it on a web site. As soon as you visit the website, the viewer will be attacked by a virus.

Beware so-called “freeware” or “open-source”, these are key words for dirty communist virus scams.

Hackers often speak in “L33tsp34k” (pronounced “computer language”). Through this “l33tsp34k”, hackers pass along coded messages, often contained in rap music and forums.

In order to defend against hackers and viruses, it is important that you watch your child at all times while he/she is on the computer. At any point they could inadvertently (or advertently) unleash a virus on your home computer.

Sites to watch out for:

lifehacker.org (never ever visit this site ever)

google.com (this site is unsafe, please use yahoo or AOL search instead)

youtube.com (this site is full of hackers and viruses)

2. Persuade your children to use safe alternatives

Now that we know the dangers of the internet, we need to know the ways to prevent harm to your computer or your child.

First, only use trusted websites. Always look over the websites that your children visit. If possible, block anything and everything that you have not scoured with your own eyes for dirty communist hackers and viruses.

Here are some examples of safe sites:

Facebook.com: This site has a really good watch on things. In fact, everything your child posts on Facebook is completely available for you to view, at any time, without even being logged in! Isn’t that wonderful?

AOL.com: For years, AOL has proven to be the safest and most user-friendly internet website on the whole internet. There is no reason to ever use another, ever, for really any reason.

StickyDrama.com: Truly a wonderful site. Just teens talking to teens about teen issues. I’ve never personally seen the site but my 11 year old daughter swears that it is fantastic, and since she swore on GOD, I knew she wasn’t lying.

3. Take control of their life

They’re your kids, not some random person’s children. It’s perfectly normal to take extreme measures to stop them from viewing the internet.

The internet is addictive, pestilence-ridden, and full of evil. Believe me, I’m a doctor.

If your computer has been compromised by a hacker or a virus, unplug the computer. This will trap the virus/hacker inside your computer. Then, taking pains to not open the computer, take it outside and smash it to bits.

This will cause the virus/hacker to become trapped in the dying computer, and eventually starve to death. Just to be safe, you should probably burn the computer.

-Dr. Robert Livingstone, Esq.

what's your view on dating?

2010-07-19T11:19:00.001-07:00

Long and complicated. Okay. I'm down with dating, for the most part. I don't see an issue with it.

I think High School is a time to be stupid and do stupid things, and mainly to LEARN. I'm not seeing an issue with that. What bugs me is when people take dating too far, or insist on being in ridiculous relationships or something. At that point, they're stupid.

You're in HIGH SCHOOL ffs. You're not finding your goddamn soulmate. Just forget about the stupid formalities and do what you want to do. If that's dating, cool. Whatever rocks your trolley. If it's not, that's cool too.

Personally, I don't know if I could date someone for a long period of time. Granted, I'm really only saying that because I HAVEN'T in the past, and there's always a hope for a new experience I guess.

All I really care about is finding someone fun to hang out with, and if I deem it possible/probable, also- how do I put this- fucking them.

Ask me anything

eBooks.

2010-06-22T19:14:00.001-07:00

I never was a huge fan of eBooks. I read them now, yes, but to be honest there’s just something about having a real, physical tome of writing in front of you.

But my issue with eBooks is pretty small, really. I like them as far as portability (one screen vs. 500 individual books or whatever) and they have some fun features that are hard to replicate in paper books (searching, indexing, etc).

My main issue with eBooks is similar to one I have with everything else digital. And it goes like this:
If you made something good, and you put it online, it will be pirated.

I’m tired of people whining about shit getting pirated. Deal with it. It’s gonna happen, you can’t stop it. Adapt or be killed off. I fucking hate whiners about your fucking ‘intellectual property’.

If you want some control over your shit, GPL it. The GPL works for the internet. Traditional copyright does not work in the internet. Too many loopholes, too many people.

Information wants to be free. By that I mean if something is ‘out there’- in the internet- you can’t stop it from circulating. You can make it difficult, but so what. It’ll be cracked eventually, and your million-dollar securities are always going to be cracked by a kid with time on his hands.

tl;dr stop fucking whining about your shit being pirated

Penelope Gets Surgery Part Deux

2010-06-19T17:26:00.001-07:00

I got the screen! EXDEEDEEDEEDEEDEEDEEDEE

I just installed it (there were only two screws involved) to the bezeled portion, it looks all nice and neat now. That’s the hardest part done with.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. So, where I was when I ended the last post was those goddamn bezels.

In retrospect, I probably didn’t need to completely dismantle the body of the netbook to get to the screen. However, at the time, it was the best choice. So I first got all the screws out of the back of the ‘book (pretty easy, just basic screw setups) and remove this

and this

which are the HDD and RAM, respectively. You’ll see that the top of the case is actually off in these pictures, but in reality I took it off later.

Okay, I then turned the netbook back onto the ‘regular’ side and removed the keyboard via some tabs in the board, as well as those silver things on the top right and left of the body.

Then you pull out the keyboard and gently remove the ribbon cable from the mainboard.

then you can just remove the 5 screws on here (marked), unhook the wires (also marked), and pry apart the board from the casing with a flathead screwdriver.

Now here’s some gadget pr0n of the motherboard and blah.

From here you can do whatever with the motherboard.

See, this is where I’m dumb. I didn’t need to dissassemble the entire motherboard… but I did… and then I figured out the bezels thing… So I’m dumb. That’s the main point of this.

On the plus side, I can now take apart a laptop and be pretty sure on how it works. I did get the screen out, all you needed to do is get those bezels out and unscrew the screws, the rest is fairly self-explanatory, there’s one cable and some other blah that you don’t need to mess with.

So yeah, here’s Penny post-operation:

pretty snazzy, eh? The only issue I found is with the brightness, but it’s not a major issue because the brightness with the old screen was wonky too. No biggie. Pretty good for a first dissection.

Dante Goes on a Dumpster Adventure

2010-06-17T19:57:00.001-07:00

I feel bad that this post will have no pictures. Just saying.

So, around this time (the beginning of summer) all of the college kids of U of O are moving out. You know what that means? It means they’re throwing away all their stuff.

Now, most people see that previous sentence and think “yeah, they are, so what?” and, I’ll admit, I was one of that group.

Until today.

My friend K-lub called me up this morning (well, I say morning, but really it was about 2, because I got up at about 1:30 WHAT CAN I SAY) and he casually informed me that he was going to raid some dumpsters.

I’ve always shied away from dumpster diving, not because of any “moral” or “ethical” reason, but rather because I have an aversion to gross things. BUT my thought processes were still kind of delirious on the possible findings of a FREE LAPTOP OMFG OMFG OMFG (spoiler: I didn’t find a free laptop)

So we hop on our man-powered all-terrain automatons (you may know them as ‘bikes’) and hauled ass towards the UO dorms, because, as you obviously know, we were somewhat late to the party. Most people hit up the dumpsters during finals week or even before, as K-lub told me. K-lub knows this sort of thing.

First we stopped by the Lorax, which is this big hippie dorm, where we saw our good buddy and camp counselor Max Smoot (he’s a bro fer sher) and then promptly started to ransack every dumpster we could find.

One of the first things I learned is that dumpsters aren’t actually that gross. I mean, yeah, there’s the occasional dumpster that’s full of like, old food or something, but most of them are just boxes of junk. And bags of food. But hey, at least they’re in BAGS.

So we went from dumpster to dumpster on our MPATAs, throwing the occasional goodie in my backpack or bike saddlebag, and honestly, it was pretty cool. You wouldn’t believe what some kids throw away. A lot of it was big furniture stuff, which was in perfect shape but too big/impractical for me to carry.

MAN I WISH I TOOK PICTURES. I mean, there was a fucking futon just out on the road. For free. A fucking legit futon, with like, varnish and shit. Seriously. I didn’t take it, but then again, I didn’t have a truck.

So we went badenturing for a good couple hours, and it was fun. And kind of addicting. You don’t look at dumpsters in the same way anymore.

Final haul-

* Three binders

* A notebook (empty)

* 5 ft of ethernet cable

* A clean hat

Okay, so it wasn’t THAT much. But still, for free? Pretty good deal. I did pass up some other stuff. Like the bottom half of a g4 PowerBook 17inch. It was missing quite a few peripherals, so it wasn’t really worth it.

According to some random bum-type guys we talked to, the best time to come and grab shit was earlier, because “You can grab TVs and Laptops and shit” just from the dumpsters.

In conclusion A+++ WOULD BUY AGAIN

Penelope Gets Surgery part 1.5

2010-06-14T22:37:00.001-07:00

So, good news is I found a way to get those goddamn bezels off.

Bad news is I made a weird error with my camera reasoning.

See, I got my camera, and took a bunch of pics of the teardown (which I’ll post, but bear with me) but I forgot that I don’t have a cord for my camera (go me) and I normally obtain the pics from my camera’s SD card…

Which is naturally only accessible from my netbook…

Which I’m fixing.

So unless I can get another cardreader between now and when I fix the screen (which will be soon) there won’t be pics. But there will be pics soon. When Penelope is stitched up.

Just an update.

Penelope Gets Surgery, and Dante Fails

2010-06-13T13:30:00.001-07:00

So, I don’t know if everyone knows this, but I got a netbook a while back. It’s bright red and it’s an Acer Aspire One d250 (1.6ghz Atom, 1gb RAM, 160gb HDD) so I named it Penelope thanks to Hannah, who suggested it be called Penny, but I thought that was informal so DUH I named it Penelope.
Anyway, she’s served me well for a good three months or so. But yesterday night I dropped it.
On the screen.
I am sad.
So she looks like this when you turn her on (THATS WHAT SHE SAID LOLOLOL):

Please forgive the shitty quality, I only have a phone right now. I’ll be getting a camera once my sister decides to give it back to me.
I might mention that I don’t HAVE a replacement screen as of yet, but seeing this monstrosity is not good. I also have no dinero to buy a new screen, because I need a job. Or a fountain of money. Whichever comes first, really.
So I first decided to remove all these fuckers from the front of the screen. They hide screws, so I need to get to them.

In this particular pic, I’ve already taken out the screw. Eh.
Also, to update, the camera is now charging. Higher quality pics will come soon.
So now that I have all THOSE FUCKERS out, I’ll begin to crack apart the plastic. I’m using a teeny tiny flathead to go between the screen with this, so that we end up with this effect:

You can see my fingers prying apart the casing in this pic. I think you get the idea.
Aaaaaaaaaand now I’m stuck. The goddamn casing can’t open past these other fuckers right here:

and I have no idea how to take them out.
This is a fail post.

EDIT: Go to here for the rest of the story. And how I get those goddamn bezels off.

Mandatory Bloog Pasta

2010-06-08T18:42:00.001-07:00

Ugh. So school is almost over, thank the gods. I figure that a FUN FILLED RECAP is in order.

CUE THE MUSIC, LARRY

So this is my school day.

Period 1. Chemistry.

Or as I like to call it, ‘Dante Yawns Too Much In The Goddamn Morning Jesus Fucking Christ’.

Yawning kind of pisses me off. I mean, you can’t really control it and all it does is make your eyes water. Which is really bad if you’re trying to learn chemistry at the same time. Really really really annoying, to be precise.

It’s also kind of like drugs, in that the more you do it the more you want to do it. Fuck yawning.

So yeah, that’s period 1. Also, we do chemistry and stuff.

Period 2. Drama.

I like this class, even if half of it is just dicking around. Drama is fun. My teacher is Patrick Avery, who is just a fountain of good knowledge. Case in point- ‘Teamwork is good for you. Like broccoli’.

Period 3. Spanish.

HOO BOY IS THIS A FUN CLASS.

It’s AP spanish, so the first 4/5 of the year was spent preparing for the AP test. For the rest of the year, we had this fun-filled schedule.

Days 1-5: Read a book.

Days 5-7: Salsa Dance.

Days 7-10: Watch a movie.

And then school got out. Honestly, I didn’t like this class. This isn’t the fault of the teacher, because I liked her for the most part, rather it was the subject matter.

Here’s an example. For the AP test, one portion of it involves talking into a recorder and responding to prompts. So every now and then in class, we got out these tape recorders and pretended to pretend to have a conversation.

Good times.

Period 4. Math.

Wow. I left this class like 15 minutes early every day. I never got marked absent. I don’t know why.

I think I’m developing invisibility.

LUNCH BREAK.

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR MORE FUN FILLED ACTION ADVENTURES

Yeah, it’s not mine, I DON’T CARE

2010-05-30T23:25:00.001-07:00

Now this is the story all about how
My life got flipped, turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute just stand there man
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Maar Gan

In northwestern Vvardenfell born and raised
On the Ashlands is where I spent most of my days
Chilling out with some Hack-Lo on a giant toadstool
And all shooting some cliffracers just outside of Khuul
When a couple of Nords who were up to no good
Started runnin round naked in my neighbourhood
I went on one little quest and Mom said "You s'wit!
You're moving with your Auntie Huleen and that's it!"

I started down the foyada when off to the side
Some dude asked me "why walk when you can ride?"
I handed over 27 gold to the man
and said "Stride on, Nerendus, let's go to Maar Gan!"
I pulled up to the town and jumped down the ramp
But when I went inside the hut I got attacked by a Scamp!
Some crazy fool creature from another dimension
Chased me till I called for an Intervention
Got some training and a blade, half a keg of Sujamma
Went back and told that Daedric s'wit "yo mamma"
The Breton guy said he was my biggest fan
And said "the place is all yours, you're the prince of Maar Gan!"

Possibly my favorite Omegle chat ever.

2010-05-30T21:27:00.001-07:00

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hey.
You: Um
Stranger: hey
You: this is gonna sound odd
You: but
You: I've been stalking you
You: I know how to work around Omegle
You: so I contacted you
You: fr srs
You: http://www.facebook.com/profile?=743264506
You: that's you, right?
Stranger: yup sure is
You: So
You: I just wanted to tell you
You: I think I am pregnant
You: uh
You: hard to break this :S
Stranger: o shit... you sure its me
Stranger: ?
You: Yeah.
You: Pretty sure.
You: Because, of, you know, right?
Stranger: o jeez, yes... vaguely though it was such a crazy night
You: Well.
You: Um.
You: You should come to my house tomorrow.
You: Because we need to talk.
You: Hello?
Stranger: ok im free before 2 or after 4 but i have my bands practice ya know... for the big show on thursday and i just can't miss it, sorry if its an inconvience
You: It's fine.
You: Just meet me downtown, like 3ish?
Stranger: ok
Stranger: wait...
Stranger: this is Sarah right?
You: What?
You: Yes.
You: Yeah, that's me.
Stranger: ok thats good then
You: Call me, now, if you can.
You: I have to go.
Stranger: ok i cant phones dead, dogs dead, its all just dead. ill have to meet you tomorrow
You: Okay.
You: 3.
You: Downtown.
Stranger: by the phone booth?
You: Listen, I really have to go, my parent's are getting mad
You: yes
You: there would be fine.
You: Alright, I have to go.
Stranger: ok
Stranger: bye cya tomorrow
You have disconnected.

Fucking fuck

2010-05-26T22:03:00.001-07:00

Recently, in Uganda, a bill has been gaining support that would effectively make it illegal to be a homosexual.

From any rational viewpoint, this is a terrible bill. Not only is it blatantly disriminatory, it is completely and totally a religiously-oriented bill.

That’s fucking terrible enough. I’m going to write a rant about religion pretty soon here but it’s going to be LONG so I think I might actually plan it out first.

So I’m writing a post-apoc thing

2010-05-10T21:03:00.001-07:00

I honestly don’t know how long it’s going to last, because I have a bad habit of ‘losing steam’ on projects really quickly. BUT I adore post-apoc stuff, so here goes nothing, I guess.

EDIT: I changed some stuff. Well, really, a lot of stuff.
---

I leaned back in my seat. I really shouldn't be relaxing, there were more important things to think about. Like, for instance, the 'E' on the gas tank and the flashing 'low power' readouts that swarmed the back of the old Toyota Land Cruiser. Low on gas, mother fucker flashed on the small readout screen. Thank the gods for home modding.

In reality, it probably couldn't be called a 'Land Cruiser' anymore. The bottom of it already had to be reinforced to accommodate the ridiculous amount of circuitry I had crammed on board, as well as the assault rifle on the top, not to mention the hodge-podge of solar panels that covered nearly all of the remaining exterior surface of the four-wheeler. The thing was a beast. If anything, it deserved a name, but I hated naming things on the account of the fact that everything I had named had died.

I reached back with a lazy hand to turn down the brightness on the screen jungle that so enveloped the interior of the vehicle. As the lights dimmed, I flicked on the headlights, and the car came to life with a dull roar. Have to find some gas, I thought, and pulled out onto the battered roadway.

No one drove this early anyway. It was just past morning, and the dirty red of the sun was just piercing through the morning smog over the horizon. There was smog everywhere, now, the cities are always burning somewhere. There wasn't a signal out here, and the Net was bound to have some new news with the factions. Chasing the signal, that's all his life amounted to now. Chase the signal and find some new job to do to get some new food or water or gas. Or ass, really. Whatever you need to get along in New Earth.

That's what they called it, the idealists. 'New Earth', like those fucking neo-christians. Like they know a fucking thing.

I wiped a stray hair from my eye. The road was broken and barren, no one bothered to fix up the roads when most of the cars were defunct. Most travelers preferred to walk anyway, like the one up ahead.

He stuck out a gloved thumb in the dim light, seeing my headlights. The Land Cruiser slowed as I approached the traveler, who was clothed in a ratty poncho and carried nothing but a backpack and a silver cross on a string around his neck.

That cross would have stopped me, had I seen it, but I didn't, so the wheels slowed to a stop in front of the traveler. The traveler jogged up to the passenger side window, and I rolled it down from a switch on the interior. His face was young, but muddied from weeks of walking on the road. Damn road kids and their lack of common sense.

“Hey kid, what the fuck do you think you're doing?”

“I'm just looking for a ride out to Oregon country, man. You willing to help out?”

“Do you know what the fuck could happen to you if you're just walking on the fucking highway? I'm not an asshole, but there are a fuck-ton of them out here.

“What are you waiting for? Get in the car.” Maybe I swear a bit too much. That's what loneliness can do to you.

The traveler cracked a half-smile and opened the door, clambering into the beaten Toyota. The cross off his neck bounced off his chest, catching the early morning light

“Just, uh, just throw your pack in the back. Find a spot.” Nathan said, his eyes back on the road.

“What's your name, kid?”

“It's- it's Alex, Alex Houston,” he extended a gloved hand to me. I took it and we shook. The kid couldn't be that bad.

“So... what's all this stuff back there?” Alex said, gesturing to the forest of towers and screens in the back of my SUV.

“That? That's just, uh, some of my shit. I like to pick stuff up. Why do you ask?”

“I'm just wondering. I can barely find a place to throw my pack. That's a lot of electronics, man. Where did you find all this stuff?”

“I look around. Most people think computers and junk are worthless nowadays, because no one has a use for most of the software. That's not really true, but popular opinion holds. What can you do, you know?”

I swerved on the roadway around a body. There were a lot of those out on the highway nowadays. After the 'poc hit, most people who survived were forced out of their hideaways to roam the badlands. Most couldn't take the pressure, or couldn't find enough food and water to keep walking.

“Hey, I never got your name.”

“It's Nathan. Nathan Kyheart.”

Alex stifled a laugh. This is why I avoid people.

“Really, dude? Kyheart? Shit sounds like it came out of some old fantasy novel.”

“You know, I could just throw you out of the car now if you'd like, or I could wait until we run into a group of shotgun-wielding hicks with a taste for your thighs. Your choice, kid.”

Alex looked away, fiddling with the cross on his neck.

“Sorry.”

“Don't- don't worry about it. Just don't make fun of my name, 'kay?”

A short beep emanated from the center console of the Toyota. Low on gas, mother fucker.

Dante and His Monitor

2010-05-01T11:57:00.001-07:00

So, way back in the 2000s (2002, I think) me and my family lived way the buttfuck out in Junction City, which, if you have never visited, I can save you time by just saying the ‘town’ is one street, and miles and miles of godforsaken farmland. Whoop dee fucking doo.

So, we lived out there, and I was, like, 8 or something, and we decided to get a BRAND SPANKING NEW COMPUTER.

This was to replace our old, Windows 98 computer that we had for… a long time (I don’t know how long exactly) and since I was 8, I didn’t know pretty much anything about computers and my general knowledge of them extended to the point where I could turn them on and play Galaxia (it was this old computer game that I SWEAR exists and it was awesome and it had a claw and lasers).

So naturally, when we got OUR BRAND SPANKING NEW COMPUTER I was overjoyed, because I could upgrade my gaming abilities to include RollerCoaster Tycoon and Zoo Tycoon and ALSO Mall Tycoon. It was like a fucking tycoonphlosion.

Our BRAND SPANKING NEW COMPUTER was a Dell Dimension 4500, which, if anyone has ever seen one, is the epitome of early 2000s computer. It looks like this:

And it runs like a slug. No, I’m joking, slugs don’t have 128mb of RAM.

Now, this computer also came with a monitor, that I presently AM STILL FUCKING USING that has an expansive resolution of 1024x768 pixels, and the pixels are so fucking big that I could probably count every single one. This monitor is SO FUCKING OLD.

And it’s SQUARE and I don’t have any fucking MONEY to buy a new one.

So, the point of this post is, I guess, my monitor is bad and it should feel bad. Fuck you, monitor. Fuck. You.

Fuck.

This happens EVERY NIGHT

2010-04-25T02:14:00.001-07:00

Seriously. It’s happening NOW.

Picdumps suck.

2010-04-24T20:20:00.001-07:00

I don’t hate picdumps as a theory. As a theory, they’re awesome. Find a bunch of funny pictures, throw them in your blag, and everyone can enjoy your digital treasures.

No, my quarrel with picdumps only appears in practice.

Because in practice, these awesome, amazing, ideas full of hilarious pictures and general happiness for all are terrible. Terrible. [repeated for emphasis]

I’m an avid Stumbler (which is to say, I waste countless hours clicking the StumbleUpon button when I should be, well, not clicking the StumbleUpon button). It’s gotten to the point where if I’m using a browser that doesn’t have the StumbleUpon button on the top right, I feel hopelessly lost in the internet.

Back to the point: Most picdumps are terribly designed, terribly implemented, and just a blight on my otherwise blissful stumbling. They tend to fall into one of three categories:

1. Shitty english picdumps.

These are the ones that have some disclaimer at the top that says something along the lines of:

“MAN I DO LOVE PICTURES LOL I GOT ALL THESE PICTURES IN MY YAHOO LOL DO YOU USE YAHOO LOL”

“My friend Susan just sent me all of these HILARIOUS pictures, I thought I should share them LOL. These will have you “ROFL” all day! :)”

“Look at all these hot sexy funny pictures click links they’re so lol”

2. Shitty foreign picdumps

I’m not bashing on foreign countries by any means, but for some reason 90% of the foreign sites I get Stumbled to are shitty picdump sites.

To this end, I have somewhat of a dislike for Russia because according to all of my knowledge, Russia is a country full of people who abuse HTML often and like to talk in broken english.

Both of these picdump types are then followed by 50 or so pictures of stuff that I’ve seen everywhere before, and most of which have no relation at all to the title of the picdump, which is nearly always some dorky almost-funny title like “WTF Pics LOL” or “You should have been fired LOL”.

All of these picdumps contain the abbreviation LOL. Nearly always capitalized, which not only makes it look dumb, it makes the writer of the LOL look like an internet-illiterate 40-year-old, which is what I always imagine them to be.

Somewhat like this:

That’s what you look like if you capitalize ‘lol’. To me. In my head.

That lady makes picdumps. Cat lady. Cat lady makes picdumps.

Don’t be Cat lady.