Devilish Bondage

2006-12-30T15:23:00.000-08:00

rebel

2006-12-15T07:54:00.000-08:00

JESSE

She is about to turn 2 years old and this will be her second year hearing fireworks during the holidays, I might need to change the rules since last year. Remember this. She is still acting like a rebel, I wish I could tell to all who said she was going to calm down after the first year to go fuck themselves but I can't, I'm a lady, can't you see? and that picture proves it, she is Satan. Look at her eyes, she is totally up to something. Prevention is the key people. I'm thinking chains or drugs or alcohol, a cat babysitter maybe, that might be hard to find, a cat babysitter that works during the holidays. Anyone?

so far

CAT = 1 / ANA = 0

2006-12-04T07:55:00.000-08:00

I wish I had a river I could skate away on ...

I remember being addicted to this song. I totally felt in love with Robert Downey Jr. when he sang it and I think it's a perfect song for Sarah.

This shows how you never really get over it. That's Music, Love, Fear, Snow and Boston.

Obesity

2006-11-21T15:19:00.000-08:00

GLOBAL VOICES ONLINE

OBESITY

My new article is up at VLEL [Voces Latinas en Linea], I mixed a couple of articles that I've found about the huge hug that yesterday thousands of people gave to the Argentinean Congress. I chose to write about this issue because we really need a law that protects us all, no matter what illness we have, and obesity it's probably the base of many diseases that could end our lives so it's really important that the system considers it as a disease.

I know I'm always complaining about the system and I find this one to be a perfect opportunity to fix it just a little bit, so please I ask to everyone who works in the congress to please vote YES on this issue.

The health system must prevent and protect us from the horrible consequences of Obesity. Be good and say yes or I'll get Andrea Politti and all her gang and we will all kick your ass.

I LOVE YOU

2006-11-15T14:41:00.000-08:00

I CANNOT STOP FEELING THE WAY I FEEL

Everyone says that I should not take things so personal, but I can't deal with death. How can I not take things personal when I see sweet friends die.

I know that I shouldn't probably share so many sad story's with you all but I want to document the way I feel today, cuz I fear that I will forget, and I don't want to forget them, so bear with me and try to understand where I come from, and how I can't keep separating my online life from what I see and feel everyday of my life.

Last Monday a young boy died in surgery. He was the coolest, sweetest person I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. He was so young but so mature. He acted like a kid, I couldn't get him out of bed before rounds, he would always say 'would you please come back later?' and then cover his entire body even his head under his blanket and roll to the opposite side of me. I knew where he was coming from, because I would have probably done the same if I were in his position. At the end of my shifts, even when I had changed to my normal cloth he would ask for me to check on him. Always on the last minute. I found it so funny and to be honest I didn't have a problem with accepting his "times".

He was my youngest patient, he was only 36 years old. I connected with him because he was a rebel and a really cool one, but besides that he was so respectful that it was really easy to like him.

He had been waiting since July for this surgery, and I could tell he was getting really tired, but that didn't keep him from being the one who would cheer the other guys up. He even made his mother bring him a TV so he wouldn't have to pay per hour. He made all the connections, brought an antenna and everything, when you entered his room you had to walk over a million cables. He listened to music, read, and wore the coolest soccer t-shirts from around the globe. He was so smart and well educated. You could tell he just needed his life back. He would walk around the hospital and sit to chat with his roommates in the halls, then he would play really cool music.

The last time I saw him I remember walking by him in the hall and we just stared at each other while I walked to the office to get some papers, I left the hospital without saying goodbye, I didn't know he was going to surgery that night, no one knew, it took everyone by surprise that the surgeons decided to do it that night.

The guys told me that they all wished him the best, and that he was really nervous about it.

The next morning I went back and he was still in surgery, we knew something was wrong, and about 10 am in the morning he left us. We all felt

SO EMPTY

As for the room, there's a new patient in his bed. His TV is still there, untouched, no one seems to be able to turn it back on. Some days ago that was the happiest room in the hospital, everyone would get together to see the soccer matches with him, he invited everyone, and always defended his team (Boca) I would tease him that the current championship was bought by his team, and I told him that even though I was a River fan I understood his passion for his team.

I don't seem to be able to enter his room anymore. Today I stared at his door and at his chair in from of the elevator where he used to sit so he could see the sun and I can tell you I miss you already boy. I know I didn't know you much, but I will never forget you, you deserved more time, the world deserved more time with you.

Marcelo

I'll miss your smile the most. I wish I could go back in time and give you the biggest hug. I'm so sorry I walked pass you and didn't say anything.

Rest in Peace sweet friend.

I just want to say that I hope that Boca fucking wins this championship, and I do hope that you are there to see it happen.

I love you . We all love you so much.

FOR YOU M:

2006-11-10T14:20:00.000-08:00

RIP

We lost a patient today.

He suffered an AMI, we did all we could but he died.

Every patient in the unit is sad and scare.

He was only 50 years old. When he first felt something was wrong, he wanted to make a call to his wife, so before we passed him to the coronary emergency unit, he talked to her for 2 minutes and said:

"I'm so tired."

I wish I could tell him how very sorry I am. Your friends already miss you. Not seeing you in the hall talking the guys will be very sad. Rest in peace Luis wherever you are now.

panic

2006-11-08T14:29:00.000-08:00

IF YOU ARE GOING TO PANIC YOU BETTER HAVE A DAMN GOOD REASON FOR DOING SO.

See today I was removing an IV and I couldn't find the needle. Yes that's right, you've read it well. Seriously I had a panic attack right then and there in front of this sweet 80 year old woman with big puppy eyes who just stared at me in silence while I made every surgeon literally run inside the room and help me. All I could think about was that she was going to die, and it'd be all my fault.

5 minutes later a nurse answered my red alert and saw how we were trying to localize the needle using all sort of different techniques and she was like:

''What happened?'' she asked.

''We have a red needle code kind of situation'' a fellow co worker answered just because I was shaking in a corner in a fetal position pronouncing words that didn't make sense at all.

''Pardon me, but haven't you all seen these new plastic lines before?, you are looking for a needle that doesn't exist. ''

''What?'' in unison everyone of the 10 people inside the room yelled.

''There's no needle!''

''really?''

''R E A L L Y.''

''OK Sorry guys! apparently I didn't get that memo, go back to what you were doing, I'll kill the n u r s e don't worry.''

I nervously smiled to the patient who was praying with her eyes closed, she opened them back as soon as she heard the words that meant that she would be ok. She turned her head 180 degrees searching for me and said with a grandmother angry kind of voice:

''you mother fucking punk, you better run for your life cuss I'll get you, and I promise that when I get you, you will surely find your needles. ''

''I'm so sorry, I'm going to score you two more points onto your cardiac risk number, you will probably get to surgery sooner.''

''You do that.''

''Yes ma'am.''

Listening to:

fuck it

2006-10-26T16:16:00.000-07:00

FUCK IT

So I've been assigned to the cardiology unit. And to be honest this month has been fucking crazy. I've never felt this sad and hopeless. There have been some moments when I thought of hitting the door and getting the fuck out of there.

Yesterday the resident on charge checked on a patient while sending a text message. I couldn't believe it. And all I have to say about it is fuck you!, and i do hope you google my name and find out that I wrote this. Yes fuck you, for being such a fucking asshole. I'll surely be the next person to get dooced.

The patients so far have been really nice, they've all been there for several weeks waiting for all kind of different surgeries. They are mostly man, they have become friends and they get together as soon as they wake up to read the newspaper and talk before breakfast and rounds, you sort of have to drag them back into their own rooms so you can check on them.

On the other side the girls are crying, yelling and asking to go home every five minutes.

There's this woman who lost her son, he got killed right in front of her, so she had a heart attack and doesn't seem to be getting well at all. This other girl who is just 42 years old told me she is really looking forward to not seeing me ever again as I told her I would be there for a month. I guess she just really wants to go home.

Saying no will eventually kill me.

I feel selfish and lonely.

There was this 80 year old man who is not good, and all he did was extend his hand to me after I helped him in a way I wont write cuz it's quite private, but he ended up extending his hand and I didn't get what he wanted, he just shook my hand. He was thanking me. He did remind me of my grandfather and I can tell you I'm still not ok with not having him anymore. When he died a big part of me died with him.

No one will ever get it, but he was my life. And I failed him.

I have to say I'm sorry to everyone who wrote to me this past week, or if I was mean while talking to you, or if I hurt your feelings. But I'm not me if you know what I mean.

2006-10-17T14:39:00.000-07:00

GLOBAL VOICES ONLINE

GOOGLE is the new owner of YOUTUBE.

My new article is up at VLEL [Voces Latinas en Linea] , it's a translation from an article that Jose Murilo Junior wrote for GVO. I chose this article because I think that most of the opinions from bloggers around the globe are damn right. Read it, and wave YouTube as you know it goodbye.

looking for a name

2006-10-06T20:01:00.000-07:00

WHAT SHOULD I CALL HIM / HER?

Before

&

After

Can you believe this???
Right outside the window.
In the middle of the city.
life.
hope.
a future.

Listening to:

2006-10-05T19:04:00.000-07:00

GLOBAL VOICES ONLINE NOW IN SPANISH

My new article is up @ VLEL [Voces Latinas en Linea] , it's actually a translation from an article that Milton Ramirez wrote for GVO, so if you have a blog and if you write in spanish UBH is probably one of the best ways to get your words out there for the world to see.

2006-10-04T13:16:00.000-07:00

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE WORLD?

Such a crazy week, it all started with me stepping on a church as a family favour and it ended with me passed out naked on a bathroom floor. I had many really near death experiences in my life but this one, I could totally affirm that was it. But somehow I survived. And to be honest I'm tired of surviving.

Now it's fucking raining in the city, everything's wet and horrible.

Life is horrible. So many things to do. So many books to read.

Saw a woman die. Saw a man cry.

I so fucking hate religion and church. Even though I respect those who choose to believe in something better. It seems quite selfish to me. There are many things I don't understand therefore I don't accept it as real. For me it's like an imaginary world, people believe in it, I choose not to, I live here in the real world. But seeing all those people praying was quite eye opening. I can't believe that so many people could be part of such a social dementia for so long. There's almost no history without religion, almost no one lived without someone else telling them what to do or what not to do.

I also got a call this morning from a job I left back in 2004 asking if I wanted to go back.

Hell no.

2006-09-28T17:18:00.000-07:00

I'VE BEEN THINKING...

That maybe I should stop walking around in circles, and just do the things I've always wanted to do.

Listening to:

Mr diablo

2006-09-25T06:37:00.000-07:00

MR. DIABLO

THAT'S THE BEST NICKNAME EVER. SO FUNNY. SO CRUEL. SO ACCURATE.

The best way to start a day ...

2006-09-23T17:55:00.000-07:00

The best way to start a horrible day ...

Takeing public transportation at 6.30 am with no coffee running in my blood.

But you know how life works, nothing it's ever perfect when you take public transportation that early in the morning, perfect means that you survived breathing a million different odors for like 30 minutes, anyhow as we were all pretending to be cool with being all so close to each other we suddenly hear this really high annoying voice getting inside the train, we couldn't see who it belonged to but the sound of this voice started to yell so loud that every word made our ears bleed.

Yep, this little boy entered the subway holding his fathers hand, by this point the train is so full of people that I'm stuck against one door surrounded with a bunch of boys my age, I'm trying not to touch anything except my bag, I'm looking down while everyone inside the sub was silent except for little Michael Jackson, and believe me we couldn't all wait for it to close the door and start it's way to our destination. Death.

The first phrase he yelled was (please take a note): "I'm going to pretend this is a house full of bubbles", his father answered him with a really embarrassed "whatever, r you ok?", but the boys around me yelled back at him "yes he is, I want what he's having", which made it worst because he seemed to gain more power and thought that they wanted him to keep talking ( no one could see each other, we were in opposite sides, so there were only voices talking over a million heads), so that's when he started hallucinating more and more crazy things, all the way every time the door opened he would ask "Are we there yet bubble?" or pretend that he was being killed by bubbles "Bubbleeee... you are going to explode if you touch me". And I'm like why didn't I think of that before?.

So the guy that had his hand inside my ear (that's how close he was) he yells back to the kids father: "Do us all a favour and please take him back to the farm" (farm = code for rehab), at this point every bubble was laughing so hard that all of our own gonads died, just to avoid us a future of that kind of pain again.

THE DIFFERENT ONE

2006-09-06T18:19:00.000-07:00

THE DIFFERENT ONE

So yesterday I was hearing a class with a friend of mine, we were sitting right next to each other and it was 8.30 in the morning, picture a class room full with like 300 people, everyone so silent that you could hear a pin falling on the floor. So there I am half sleep and half listening to the professor when my friend's cell phone started ringing this porno sounding song, everyone turned around and looked at me, I was so fucking humiliated, I didn't really care about the song even though it turned my face into fire in just one sec, I was more scared of the teacher yelling at the zone (zone: the area where we were sitting + people around us). I don't know why but I always get into trouble, I wake up day after day knowing that I will get into trouble somehow, no matter what I do.

So there I was sitting looking at her and all I could think was why was she taking so long to react it's her phone the one that's stripping, from my point of view she took like a year to move her hand into the purse and shut the fucker off. Don't worry the story doesn't end there, so you would think she would shut the fucker right off, but she instead decided that it would be better to whisper a sweet Hello!.

She took the call people. Not only is she the kind of person who leaves her phone on when she enters a class room but she is also the type of person who takes calls anywhere and talks while you are trying to hear the professor talk about lung cancer.

So she whispered for like another hour, not only had she embarrassed the entire zone, and we all know you just don't do that. But my brain needed to explain to others who didn't know her why she was acting like a cavern woman. I suddenly became her public speaker, I had to communicate to the zone why she was whispering, I told them that it was her mother the one who called her, and I didn't lie. I admire people who push the limit and don't care about anything, I have like a magnet for weirdos. Freaks love me, I love them back.

So at around 9 am I still couldn't pay attention with the whole whispering thing, my notes look as white as a summer cloud.

Anyway she ends the call, and says I love you mom. And I'm like what the fuck was all that about, except for the fact that the words that came out were, Is everything ok?, she is like yeah, she just wanted to know if I could buy her a bra. I'm like ok thinking to myself, I can take this, it's a classic ( those are the moments were I feel like I'm Truman and the entire world is waiting for my reaction to the word bra), and that's when it hit me, I'm so so so different from the people I hang out with, I would never say the words I love you to my mother, I mean I love her with all my heart but we are not that kind of people, if I were to use the words ''I love you'' while talking to my mother, she would probably think that I'm dying or something.

Listening to:

GLOBAL VOICES ONLINE NOW IN SPANISH

2006-09-02T06:37:00.000-07:00

GLOBAL VOICES ONLINE NOW IN SPANISH

My new article about the cellulose plant conflict between Argentina and Uruguay is up at Voces Latinas en Linea.

Voces Latinas is the Latin American version of Global Voices Online. If you want to read more about it please go here.

2006-08-29T11:41:00.000-07:00

REASON FOR WHY I NEED TO GET SOME SLEEP

ATTENDING DOCTORS

Me: I just came from seeing this patient and he doesn't look good, we've tried everything but he is still not weighing more than 5.2 pounds.
AD: What?
Me: He is a baby.
AD: Oh, ok then I'll be right there.

After they take an hour to check on the patient those simple words 'I'll be right there' mean 'I don't have the time for you'. Then you defend the patients and you get into trouble, you can totally feel the next words the attendings are about to say when I answer with a ''tone'' in my voice to whatever useless question they ask, and here it comes their own defence with a 'What's wrong?' or 'What's the matter with you', and then I answer 'the system' when all I really want to yell it's 'You'.

Someone once told me not to take things personal if I wanted to survive being surrounded with so much pain, but this is not about me, this is about those who trust us and wait because they believe we will do everything possible to help them. And I feel so sorry I'm part of a system that doesn't work. I wish we could all do our best day after day.

Listening to:

Perfect together

2006-08-14T15:21:00.000-07:00

WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO STOP?

Last Saturday I went to this car expo at a local school and was astonished when I found more than pretty cars, right there walking by my side was what may possible be the most perfect couple in the world. They both looked and acted like they deserved to be together.

As you can see in this picture, one of them was violating public signs all over the walk and taking better pictures than myself for the only fact that he was getting so near the cars [ not cool dude, not cool at all ] , he didn't respect the no passing signs and he definitely couldn't restrict himself from touching the shiny exhibition cars and the other one well . . . what can I say, I guess that Uncle Itt now resides in Argentina.

Not only did they look quite reasonable together but they actually matched with each other.

SUCKER

2006-08-10T14:56:00.000-07:00

SUCKER

2006-08-04T10:56:00.000-07:00

PEACE

900 people death in Lebanon

Seriously what the hell is wrong with those from Israel who took the decision to kill civilians, why can't they talk and solve their problems with Hezbollah. The whole thing is wrong. I wonder why do we get to this point of so much hate. Now innocents are dying or getting damaged forever.

Enough already.

Reading: Israel wages war of starvation.

Questionare

2006-08-02T12:32:00.000-07:00

This questionare is used by James Lipton on all the actors he interviews on 'Inside the actors studio'. I think its a rather interesting way to know more about how crazy I am.

1. What is your favourite word? Treasure , that's what my grandma calls me, Hi Treasure! Bye Treasure!

2. What is your least favourite word? War

3. What turns you on? Laughter / kind eyes

4. What turns you off? Rudeness, selfishness, bigotry, ignorance , homophobia, racism and egotism.

5. What sound do you love? Ocean / Piano

6. What sound do you hate? Loud people fighting or when someone yells to a kid or to an animal.

7. What profession would you love to attempt? Photographer / Musician

8. What profession would you never like to attempt? Job Recruiter

9. What's your favourite curse word? Holy fucking shit

10. If God exists, what would you like to hear him/her say at the pearly gates? I would like to hear her say "see I'm real and I'm sorry for taking them away, now go hug them before the concert starts".

new lay out

2006-07-28T19:09:00.000-07:00

NEW LAY OUT

First of all I just designed a new lay out, in like 5 minutes, so please be nice and dig change as nicely as you have done in the past. ok?.ok.

So What I've been up to lately....let's begin with what's on the top of the sucky things to tell, things that happened to me in the last 7 days.

Well I survived an allergic reaction that started last friday, I'm much better now but to be honest I couldn't really breath for two days after suffering an anaphylactic shock. I got some meds at the er and by tuesday every sign was gone, my face came back to a normal human colour.

This past week has been an irony. I'll write about it later, because right now I won't be truly fair to anyone not even to myself. Now what I'm going to do is enjoy what's left of this sucky friday, drinking and hearing the most beautiful and calming voice in the world. Tonight's choices are probably a million Cappuccinos and Sarah's DVD, I'll play it so loud that YOU will hear it, just because I really need to sing, yell and pass out.

cheers.

Listening to: Heather Nova - Heart and Shoulder

sometimes i laugh

2006-07-07T09:49:00.001-07:00

SOMETIMES I LAUGH

True Story

Patient Number 1 (E): 80 years old woman, a healthy and brilliant lady who can not walk sitting in the waiting room.

Patient Number 2 (A): 82 years old man, who needs help of someone else to hold him when he walks.

Patient Number 3 (M): 85 years old woman, schizophrenic, with no memory, a really difficult case of senile dementia, just sitting on a wheel chair.

1 sees that number 2 is standing up without anyone helping him.

1: (yelling) Where are you going A?

2: (really calm) To the bathroom E.

1: be careful A.

3: (SCREAMING) Where is he going?

1: he is going to the bathroom.

3: (SCREAMING) Where?

1: (yelling) TO THE BATHROOM.

3: (looks at him and screams) LIAR!!!!!!!!!!

Listening to:

2006-07-04T18:28:00.000-07:00

ITALY I SO FUCKING LOVE YOU

Being my second nationality, I don't think I've ever yelled a goal so loud. I was driving back home and every car in the city honked their horns while listening to the radio man yelling the longest and sweetest GOOOOOOALLLLLLLLLLLLL and with two minutes before the penalties, a truly Argentinean moment, we couldn't be happier for Italy.

Listening to: