Diamond Doll's Kitchen

I scream, you scream, we all scream for....

2011-07-09T09:50:00.000-07:00

.....Sorbet?!?!

Uh...really?

No, really. Now, I'm a bit of an ice cream connoisseur (in other words, I eat a lot of it), and I would have serious doubts that anything could rival the rich creaminess or citrussy tang of my favourite homemade ice cream - orange, clotted cream and white chocolate, for those asking. But a couple of Saturdays ago, with the sun beating on my shoulders, the heat making a sun trap of our garden, the butterflies skating about in the air, the larks...erm, larkning about....I couldn't possibly face anything bearing the description 'rich'. Not even a Texan billionaire, and I usually have a terrible soft spot for them.

I also had some slightly overripe strawberries, a full bottle of elderflower cordial, and a burning desire to prove to people that making sorbet is THE EASIEST THING IN THE WORLD, EVER. Actually, I'd say it goes: 1. breathing, 2. making sorbet, and 3. drawing a stick man. (Unless, of course, you're a particularly inept drawer. That's draw-er, as in someone who draws, not drawer as in something you keep your underwear in. At least I hope that's where you keep your underwear, you saucy thing.)

But I digress. Well actually, of course I digress. I mean, you have met me/read my blog, haven't you? You do know that it's entirely impossible for me to get straight to the point and not be distracted by some passing whimsy. Oh look! Some passing whimsy! (This is possibly why I had to stop my driving lessons, but that's another story for another day.)

Yes! So, cooking and that. I'm going to say one more time how MEGA SIMPLE this is, but the hugely pleasing upshot of the whole bally* thing is that every single one of your friends will go 'ooooooooh, sorbet! Gosh, you must be awfully clever to make that. You're ever so clever and talented and beautiful'. I'll just mention here that a) if they don't say this, then don't come back to me for any refunds. Although I could probably give you an elderflower or something, and b) if you're a man just substitute 'beautiful' for 'handsome'. Unless you are a very beautiful man. And if you ARE a very beautiful man and you're also reading my blog, then hello, future husband.

*I need to apologise/explain the use of 'bally' here, for the first time in possibly 50 years. I've been reading much too much P.G. Wodehouse lately, and just spend my days looking for ways to shoehorn funny words into sentences. Next week: Shakespeare funny words; 'zounds', 'p'shaw' and 'god's bodkin'. See you there.

What? Oh, right, right, the recipe. Well, if I must.

Ingredients

250g strawberries
125g caster sugar
75ml elderflower cordial
50ml water
Half a lemon

This recipe is slightly bastardised from one of Nigel Slater's (as the actress said to the bishop. Yes, I'm all about the topical and cutting edge humour today.) But....well, his sounded a bit bloody awful. Sorry Nige. I find you terribly endearing and that. What he was proposing was sorbet and then SYRUP on top. WHAT???? My teeth are already aching at the hideous sweetness of it all. So I actually sort of made this version up.

Method

1. I actually feel like I'm insulting you with this recipe. Just put the sugar, cordial and water in a pan.

2. Bring it to the boil and just let it thicken. Don't go crazy, just let it thicken up a little bit.

3. Rinse and hull the strawbs. Put them in a blender. Blend them.

4. Cut the lemon in half, and squeeze it into the strawberries. Blend them a little bit more.

5. Just combine the strawbs and the syrup. Mix it.

6. Gosh, well this is awkward....that's kind of it. Just put it in a suitable container, pop it in the freezer and stir it every few hours to stop those beastly ice crystals forming.

We're done here. We're so done.

(Add a few sprigs of mint or redcurrants to jazz it up, if you're feeling guilty at how easy it all was)

Sink me! My first brush with a soufflé

2011-06-11T12:08:00.000-07:00

My little iPhone calendar thingy says 'June'. I have a little giggle to myself, because Steve Jobs' technology has clearly gone madly and horrifically wrong. Looked outside recently, little iPhone? No, clearly not. Because anyone with even half a sense of perception can see it's obviously October. So, a Saturday afternoon on a schizophrenic day that is half gorgeous sunshine and half bonfires and drizzle. This presented me with quite a quandary about what to bake, as clearly neither a bright and breezy pavlova OR berry-based spicy confection would fly at all.

I scanned the bookcase groaning under the weight of a myriad cookery books, my eyes flicking along until I saw the woefully underused Green and Black's 'Ultimate Chocolate Recipes - The New Collection'. Now, who am I to argue with something calling itself the 'Ultimate'? I actually very rarely fancy chocolate, but today was one of those rare occasions. It took me a while to locate the recipe I wanted, but once I spotted the right one, I knew. Deep in my heart, I knew that this was the cake I had to make. 'Chocolate and chestnut soufflé cake'. It seemed perfect - a bit of Autumn in there, with that chestnut (not to mention that I've long coveted those little tins of chestnut pureé in Waitrose), but light enough with the soufflé element.

Don't be scared. This was my first ever soufflé, and it went perfectly. It can for you too.

Green & Black's Chocolate and Chestnut Soufflé Cake

Ingredients
25g soft unsalted butter
125g unsalted butter
125g dark (70% cocoa solids) chocolate, broken into pieces
A pinch of salt
250g can Clement Faugier vanilla chestnut spread (Waitrose stocks this!)
100ml semi-skimmed milk
3 large free-range eggs
75g caster sugar
Good-quality cocoa powder, for dusting
Creme fraiche, to serve

1. Preheat the oven to 160 degrees C/gas mark 3. Does anyone actually use the gas mark thingy? I might just stop putting it in. Anyway, smear a 20cm tin with butter (with a removable base if you have that luxury). Line it with parchment paper. I personally put the tin ON the paper, trace a line round it in pencil, then cut to size. If you're super cautious, you can put this tin on a baking tray too.

2. Melt the chopped butter and chocolate in a heatproof bowl, over a pan of simmering water. Add a pinch of salt and stir from time to time. Once smoother and darker than the chest of a Chippendale, take off the heat and set aside.

3. Meanwhile, in a universe far, far away...heat up the chestnut puree with milk in a separate pan. I'd tell you to take it out of the can first, but you're a clever bunny, aren't you? Stir until smooth again...I already used the Chippendale joke didn't I?

4. Separate eggs and yolks, and whisk the yolks and sugar in a bowl.

5. Pour the chestnut mixture into the chocolate, and make sure you stir it well. Stir it until you think you’re done, then stir it one more time. Make a wish if you have to.

6. Stir it into the egg yolks, and mix to make a smooth batter. Yes, this recipe is sponsored by the words ‘stir’ and ‘smooth’.

7. In a new bowl (by this time your kitchen should look like a bomb hit it), whisk the egg whites into stiff peaks. You have to test this in the traditional way – pick the bowl up, turn it upside down, and lift it over your head. If it all goes wrong, egg whites make an amazing hair mask, so don’t worry.

8. Now for the chance-y bit. Use a metal spoon to stir in one spoonful of egg white into the chocolate mixture. Fold in, gently.

9. Bit by bit, stir the rest of the egg whites in, folding lightly. You’ll need to make sure it’s properly mixed, but just don’t stir too vigorously.

10. Pour the mixture into the tin, then pop into the oven for 25 minutes. It’ll rise, go a bit wobbly in the middle, then sink towards the end, as cracks start to appear - like Cheryl Cole’s career.

11. Take it out, leave it to cool, then slide it out of the tin. I left the parchment paper on, to give it a little support, but you can peel this away. It’s very satisfying.

12. Cover with clingfilm for 2 hours, then dust with cocoa powder, and serve with a little cocoa powder.

And, you’ve survived your first ever soufflé. Celebrate by eating it. xoxo Diamond Doll

Backstreet's back....ALRIGHT

2011-01-24T02:09:00.000-08:00

I'm back! I've been terribly lame at actually doing my beloved blog of late, and having just signed in after an EXTREMELY long absence, I've seen you wonderful, beautiful darlings are still reading! Thank you!

So here's the thing. It's my birthday this week, and for the first time ever, I'm going to make my own cake. See below for inspiration/cake porn.

Here's what I'll be making (and subsequently blogging): French Fancies, raspberry swirl meringues (sssh, they're secretly marshmellowy clouds), pink champagne and raspberry jellies, more cupcakes, and of course, a huge and disgustingly creamy, pink and sweet birthday cake.

Later this week, I'll do recipes and pictures for hopefully all of the above, so keep your eyes peeled, and good things will come your way!

Oh, the weather outside is frightful...

2010-11-28T09:17:00.000-08:00

...No, really, it is.

Just a teensy apology to you, my beauties, for being a selfish and terrible blogger. Having started a new job recently means I've had less time to blog, not to mention the fact that I've actually just made the Snowdrift Shortbread three Sundays in a row, so nothing new to add...

Next weekend I'm going to start making Festive fancies, as it's now justifiably Winter. I'll also be sharing with you my latest macaroon tale of woe.

All my love, stay warm! xxx

Munching on a Winter Wonderland

2010-11-14T06:29:00.000-08:00

Oh gosh. I hate to start out by being negative, and I really, truly love the book 'Eat Me!'....but. And it's a big 'but'. (Like the kind you'll get if you eat too many of my cakes.) But, the recipes often just don't work, or are missing vital instructions. It's a shame, and a good example of when style wins out over substance. Sadly, in cooking, substance is what you need. My pledge to you, beautiful readers, is to give you the most accurate recipes I can, so I've tweaked this one. In the next few weeks, I'm going to be making the transition from testing out the recipes of others, to making up my own, so please stay with me!

Shortbread base ingredients
3oz caster sugar
80z plain flour
40z unsalted butter, fridge-cold and cut into pieces

1. Fire up the ol' oven to 170C, and then set to greasing up a baking tin measuring 20 x 30cm. If you really can't handle that, then 8 x 12in. Greasing up. Greeeeeeasing up. Yuck. You'll most likely want to do this, and/or line it with parchment paper, unless you've got the best ever baking tin in the world, that never sticks (private message me if you do. I'll be having that please.)

2. Grab yourself a bowl, and mix together flour and sugar and butter. Yay! You're done!

3. So kidding. You're not back in Kansas yet, Dorothy. Get the butter and rub it in, until the mixture resembles breadcrumbs.

4. Press the mixture into the baking tin, evening it up as you go, making sure it reaches into the corners. Bake in the oven for around 25 minutes, or until golden brown.

For the fudge filling:

1 x 397g can condensed milk

2oz soft light brown sugar

2oz unsalted butter

1. I've never, ever had condensed milk before. I found the experience really rather exciting....

2. So easy peasy - all you have to do is pour the condensed milk, sugar and butter into a pan. Bring it to the boil, then turn the heat down, and cook for around 7-8 minutes, stirring regularly. The Eat Me book by 'Cookie Girl' says something COMPLETELY different. Ignore. Me and Cookie Girl will be on Jeremy Kyle next Wednesday, working out our difficulties.

3. What you're looking for is a slight darkening in colour. Don't worry too much texture-wise. It'll thicken up a bit, but when you leave it to cool, it will thicken even more so.

4. So, um, yeah....leave it to cool.

For the topping
6oz white chocolate
2oz desiccated coconut

1. Melt the chocolate in a bowl over a pan of simmering water. You'll want to do this JUST before you need it, because otherwise, it'll go from solid to liquid, then back to solid again. Kind of like the way Cheryl Cole went from being Pugnacious Chav, to Nation's Sweetheart, to Public Enemy No1 again.

2. Once the shortbread is cooked, cover with the fudge filling, then spread the white chocolate across, with a spatula. This will be tough! In fact, spreading white chocolate over fudge doesn't get much tougher than this, as they always say on Masterchef.

3. While the chocolate's still molten (brilliant word), sprinkle over the desiccated coconut and leave to cool, before cutting into squares.

4. Before you eat, you might want to book in with your local Weightwatchers group. Just a heads up.

All my love, and while my blog may have made you laugh (massive presumption on my part), please don't forget that today is Remembrance Sunday, and take some time to think about what that means to you. Diamond Doll xxx

Curiouser and curiouser....

2010-11-02T05:03:00.000-07:00

Alice in Wonderland Cupcakes from the wonderful 'Crabapple Bakery Cupcake Cookbook'. These are stunners, and they will blow your mind. Even better, they will blow the mind of anyone you give them to. Ok cake fans, time to cook. This is an Aussie recipe, so all in cups...

Coconut and cherry cake ingredients
2 1/4 cups plain flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
3/4 cup desiccated coconut
2/3 cup milk
400g sour cream
200g softened butter
1/2 teaspoon coconut essence
1/2 cups caster sugar
3 eggs
1 cup chopped glace cherries

Makes 24

1. Preheat oven to 160C. Line two 12-hole muffin trays with cupcake cases, as bright as you like. Pink is obviously preferable, as ever.

2. Sift together the flour and baking powder, then add the desiccated coconut and mix, using your hands. Damn girl! You don't need no wooden spoons!

3. In another bowl, mix togther the milk and sour cream until smooth. If your cream isn't sour enough, tell it it's wife cheated on it. That should help. Inappropriate?

4. In yet ANOTHER bowl, cream the butter and coconut essence together for 1-2 minutes - this should really help add a 'heart' of coconut to the recipe, instead of just adding it to the mixture later.

5. Add the castor sugar a third at a time, and beat for 2 minutes between each addition. It may sound labour intensive, but you really won't regret it - when you're using something like desiccated coconut, the rest of the cake needs to be EXTREMELY SMOOTH. As smooth as...no, no, I do that joke every blog entry. After the last addition of sugar, keep beating until you can hardly feel your wrist. You want it to look as though the sugar has almost completely dissolved into the mixture.

6. Add eggs one at a time, beating for 1 minute after each. It's tres tres important that the mixture is light and fluffy, or your friends won't ever speak to you again.

7. Add a third of the flour mixture at a time to the creamed mixture, and beat until just combined. Add half of the sour cream mixture and also beat until just combined. Repeat this until all the ingredients are combined. After the remaining third of the flour is combined, beat until mixed but not 'tough'.

8. Add glace cherries and beat until...until what? Yes! JUST COMBINED.

9. Spoon mixture into your cupcake cases, filling until half full. Bake for between 18-20 minutes, or until a skewer comes out clean.

10. Once removed from the oven, take the cakes out and leave them to cool on a rack for around 30 minutes, otherwise when you ice it you'll get soup instead.

Pink Coconut Ice Frosting

9 egg whites
6 cups dessicated coconut
9 cups icing sugar
pink food colouring

1. Industrial quantities of coconut ice!

2. Beat the egg whites for 15 seconds using a mixer on low speed. The minute it solidifies, you will get a rush of incredible wellbeing. I'd imagine that's how it feels to have a baby - not 15 seconds ago, you were cradling a sloppy mixing bowl of egg whites, and now look! A glorious mountain range, carved out in stiff egg....it's a miracle! Now hold it above your head to prove you've done your job properly.

3. Right campers - add the coconut, sifted icing sugar and 3-4 drops pink food colouring, or however much it takes to satisfy your cravings for pinkness. For me it's a lot more than 3-4 drops, I'll tell you that for free.

4. Listen up and listen well, and listen....good. This will SET. And it will set QUICKLY. So what you have to do is pretend you're in a sequel to 'Speed'. 'Speed 4: Race Against Coconut Ice'. (Apologies if there already has been a Speed 4. Apologies because it was undoubtely crap.) Goddammit you! You're gonna have to work fast! If you don't.....YOU'LL HAVE TO THROW YOUR ICING IN THE BIN.

5. Sorry, might have got a tad carried away. Now, I'm afraid there are no pictures of the following steps, because of Speed 4 syndrome - I couldn't possibly pause to photograph. Take my word for it. Here's what you do: Use your hands to roll a large spoonful of icing into a ball, around the size of a peach. Place it (QUICKLY) on top of your cake, and shape it. Sprinkle with more desiccated coconut and top with half a cherry.

Alternative names I have for 'desiccated coconut':

Decimated coconut

Desegregated coconut

Disingenuous coconut

Disgraced coconut

You may know it by many others. It is a master of disguise.

Call the Doctor! Call the nurse! She's turned into a lunatic!

2010-10-28T04:28:00.000-07:00

....is what you may say when you see what I have in store. I have long since been a fan of the zany, but entirely brilliant Mr Heston Blumenthal, and ever since watching his various tv shows, I have gone to bed dreaming of using one of his recipes. In his 'Historical Feasts' series, I was madly taken with the little edible icebergs that formed his dessert. It turned out my luck was in. Channel 4 has the recipe here: http://www.channel4.com/food/recipes/chefs/heston-blumenthal/heston-s-edible-mini-bergs-recipe_p_1.html

I stopped in my tracks. I gaped at the screen. 'Huzzah!' I shouted. (Quietly. To myself.) It was as though the God of Cooking had sent me a challenge. Yes, there are several thousand components. Yes, it's certainly not beginner stuff, and I am certainly a beginner. BUT, I adore Heston. He's my idol, and I am constantly inspired by him. This is the path I must take. I will fully document my attempt at this recipe, even if it sinks as badly as the Titanic itself. (Like I say, ever topical on this blog).

Tatty bye for now, I'll be keeping you updated on this maaaaad challenge.

All my love, Diamond Doll xxx

Un momento por favor

2010-10-26T09:14:00.000-07:00

I'd just like to pinch a teeny weeny bit of your time, to talk about a wonderous discovery I made whilst (yes, whilst) on holiday in St Ives, Cornwall...As you all know, I am left stupified and gloriously dizzy by pretty, glittery little things, so when I stumbled into this Aladdin's cave of gorgeousness, I was all of a tizzy. It's called 'Birds of a Feather', and has a range of various beautiful practical bits and bobbles, to some stunningly impractical but equally marvellous things. Below you can see some pictures of the cake stand I picked up, which I sat and gawped at for ages the minute I got it home. My pictures don't really do it justice, but it really is the most brilliant little contraption. Wipe clean cardboard, a bargain at £8.99, and just the thing for my tea parties. Equally, I picked up the sparkly birds as a finishing touch, perfectly bargainous at £1.99 each.

I'm not a one to pimp out places, but really - this was something else. Their website can be found at http://birdsofafeatherlifestyle.co.uk/, and I'm sure they'd be amenable to sending things out. If you've noticed the rather fetching measuring jugs I used in my last post, they also came from Birds of a Feather, and, gawd bless them, they have CUP MEASUREMENTS! The holy grail for someone like me, who uses American and Australian recipes which heavily revolve around cups. So, please - check them out, theyre magnificent, and apart from the products, I was served by two of the most gorgeously friendly ladies, who were happy to chat and give me all the advice I needed! If you're in lovely Corners, GO THERE. You will not regret it.

Season of mists and mellow cupcakeness

2010-10-25T02:20:00.000-07:00

I, for one, love Autumn. Cosy jumpers, thick woolly socks, irrationally high boots, huge swishy coats, CAPES, for god’s sake! Capes!! Ahem...but non-sartorially speaking, it’s also lovely foodwise. And this week, I feel we’re finally there. The air has gained that crisp feeling, that hits you at the back of your throat and takes your breath away, and is just cold enough to make your eyes hurt. So, while I sat down in my strawberry print apron and rearranged my rollers, I pondered...what cupcake could I possibly make that would celebrate the autumnal equinox fast approaching us? And of course, it goes without saying, I wanted to avoid anything with spiders, little graves fashioned out of royal icing, or any other such (trick or) treats.

Then, it hit me. A blackberry cupcake. I recently did a rather gorgeous raspberry cake and was delighted with the little pockets of juicy explosion that took one by surprise – almost like a mirage spied while navigating the cakey desert planes. Too fanciful? Go and read one of the other blogs out there, not written by and English and Drama graduate.

I had my base. But what to top it? A cream frosting? No....apples done in a tarte tartin style, with a salted caramel glaze. I’ve been looking for an excuse to shoehorn this, my current favourite flavour, into a cake, and here, it had just landed in my lap. (Metaphorically. Please don’t go around hurling cupcakes at your knees.) By the by, I used half this quantity for my cakes, and came out with 10. It’s up to you, but I’ve put the full measures in, so it’s all in your hands. Just think of the power...

Blackberry cupcake ingredients (in cups)
2 ½ cups plain flour
1 tsp baking powder
¼ tsp salt
½ cup unsalted butter, room temp
1 ½ cups caster sugar
2 eggs
2 tbsps blackberry juice (I’ll explain all later)
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 cups chopped blackberries (unless small...then leave them be)
1/2 cup milk

1.Preheat oven to 170C, and line two cupcake pans of with 24 cupcake cases total (You may, or may not, use all of these. Ooh, how wonderfully vague)

2. In a bowl, sift together flour, salt and baking powder and whisk together.

3. In another bowl, whisk together the butter and sugar until it holds together, and starts looking lighter in colour.

4. Add eggs one at a time to the sugar mixture, whisking after each addition.

5. Add vanilla and blackberry juice...what happened with this, is, I had frozen blackberries. So, I just steeped them in hot water, and used that hot water as my ‘blackberry juice’. Simples? Simples.

6. Get your milk and your dry flour mixture at the ready. Ready? Alternately add them, whisking on a low speed.
7. Gently, veeeeeeery gently, fold the blackberries into the mixture. Try not to bash them too much, poor babies.

8. Oh, go on then. Fill your cases. I’d say probably just over two thirds full – you want them to rise, as there’s no frosting to disguise any TERRIBLE MISTAKES YOU MIGHT MAKE.

Caramelised apples:
65g unsalted butter*, cut into small piees
4 eating apples, peeled, cored and cut into 16 (cut each quarter into four equal pieces, lengthways)
4 tbsps caster sugar
*I actually used salted. I’m a huge fan of salted caramel in chocolates and whatnot, so I thought...why not? But as ever, you may do as you please.

1.Melt the butter in a large saucepan, add the pieces of apple, and turn to cook them on both sides. When they begin to look golden, start singing a la Mika “we are goooolden, we are GOOOOLDEN’, and sprinkle with the sugar, then remove the pan from the heat.

2. Arrange them on top of the cupcakes, four apple sections per cupcake, laid out like a courtesan’s fan. (You have to be poetic about these things)

Caramel glaze
65g unsalted butter
50g soft light brown sugar
225g icing sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tbsp milk

1.Melt the butter in a heavy based saucepan over a low heat. Add the brown sugar and stir until it melts.

2. Remove the pan from the heat, and add the icing sugar, vanilla extract and milk. Beat together until smooth and well mixed, then drizzle around a tablespoon of the glaze over each cupcake.

Apologies for the atrocious picture below. I am not technically minded enough to crop.

Happy baking my darlings! Love Diamond Doll xxx

Lemony Snicket

2010-10-24T05:56:00.000-07:00

Now, I’ll admit, this is from the Hummingbird Bakery cookbook. I held off on buying this book for ages, because everyone has it, and also when I said I liked making cupcakes, the first question I was always asked was “ooh! Do you have the Hummingbird Bakery book???!” Other cupcake books are available. So, I kept my head down and refused to look at it. Anything that widely owned can’t be good, and I’m a great one for avoiding trends until they’ve JUST gone out of style, and then I’ll jump on that bandwagon, goddammit it. I did it with GHDs. I did it with Ugg boots. (Ssh. I threw them away, ok? I am not, and never will be, an Australian surfer, which is the only way wearing them would be ok.) In fact, the times I get swept up on the ol’ bandwagon before it left the station (c.f. Lady Gaga, tops with crazy shoulders a la Rihanna, 80s revivals etc), I get so jealous and annoyed when other people discover MY new thing too, I can’t bear it and I run away crying.

That’s enough about my neuroses. Enough time had elapsed between the HBB madness and now for me to pick it up and scrutinise it with my beady eyes. In the end, it wasn’t the recipes that swayed me, it was the 100 free beeeeautiful cupcakes cases that came with it. Actually, the week before last, I popped into Hummingbird for a red velvet cupcake. It was good. Not mind-blowing, but satisfactory. I was a bit disappointed in the limited flavours they had on offer, but the nice little box they packed my cake in won me over. Fickle, me.

Today I’m road testing their lemon cupcake with lemon icing. ‘BORING’, I hear you cry, slapping your head and gurning in irritation. ‘Where have your weird alcoholic cakes gone? Your ugly meringues? Your floral fruity frippery? You used to be cool, man!’ Well, children. I shall be cool again, but not today. (Nota bene: I read Heston Blumenthal’s Fat Duck cookbook. Prepare yourselves. I have some crazy plans for cakes. That WILL be cool.)

Cupcake ingredients
120g plain flour
150g caster sugar
1 ½ teaspoons baking powder
2 tablespoons grated lemon zest, plus extra to decorate
40g tablespoons unsalted butter, at room temp
120ml whole milk
1 egg

1. Preheat oven to 170C.

2. Put the flour, sugar, baking powder, lemon zest and butter in a bowl and beat on slow speed until you get a ‘sandy consistency’. Sand, eh? Nom nom nom. Actually, Hummingbird suggest you put it in your ‘freestanding electric mixer with a paddle attachment’, which we all know means.....*angelic chorus, drums beating, clapping, cheering* A KITCHENAID MIXER. Rub it in, Hummingbird. You know I don’t have one. You know I want one more than I want a cat. (i.e. REALLY BADLY.)

3. Ahem. Back to life, back to cupcakery: gradually pour in milk and beat until just combined. (HB say: ‘incorporated’, but that sounds like business jargon to me)

4. Add the egg to the flour mixture and continue beating until just “incorporated”. Continue mixing for a few minutes until the mixture is smooth. As smooth as Michael Buble.

5. Spoon mixture into paper cases until two thirds full and bake for 20-25 mins, or as HB says, until the cake ‘bounces back’. Bounces back like Wayne and Colleen post-major cheating allegations...

Ta da!!

Lemon frosting ingredients
250g icing sugar, sifted
80g unsalted butter, at room temperature
2 tbsps grated lemon zest
Couple of drops yellow food colouring (optional)
2 tablespoons whole milk

1.Beat together the sugar, butter, lemon zest and yellow food colouring with your handheld whisk. Or Kitchenaid, yes yes yes, I heard you. Anyway, mix on a medium-high speed.

2. Turn the mixer to a slow speed and slowly pour in the milk. Ha – I just typed ‘milky’. Tired? Or is my language slowly peeling away?

3. Beat for about 5 minutes, while singing my classic whisking anthem, ‘beat it’.

4. Wait till the cupcakes are cold, then spoon lemon frosting on top and decorate with a little zest.

Gosh, what a terribly long blog for what was a terribly short recipe...

Big love, Diamond Doll xxx

Sunday in the park with George...

2010-10-24T04:25:00.000-07:00

...and Sunday in the kitchen with me. Today I will be making three types of cupcakes, because one doesn't quite seem to satisfy. You know how it is...you start out with a fairy cake, maybe a butterfly cake, if you're pushing the boat out. Next come the fancifully decorated cupcakes. And then, one day, they find you, cake wrappers all around you, icing sugar smeared on your face, buttercream icing clinging to your fingers, spacing out on spacedust, all pie-eyed and drunk on ganache.

Um, anyway....on today's pink glittery menu is lemon cupcakes with lemon icing, blackberry cupcakes with a caramelised apple topping and caramel glaze, and vanilla cupcakes with a mystery topping that I haven't decided on yet. I'll be doing an X-Factor style campaign to decide, so the result will be in in a couple of months. Votes in now.

Valentine Warner's Lavender Meringues

2010-10-01T00:49:00.000-07:00

Like the yummy Valentine Warner himself, these are classic but still slightly unusual. Don't be put off by the idea of lavender - it actually comes out as a really subtle flavour, a bit sugary, a bit fragrant. Valentine actually sandwiches these together with cream, but as I was using them as part of afternoon tea, along with two other confections, I decided to keep them pure and simple, just like Valentine...

Ingredients

3-4 fresh unsprayed lavender stems, flowers only

2 large egg whites

3 1/2 oz caster sugar

Purple food colouring (optional)

5 fl oz double cream (optional filling)

1/2 tbsp icing sugar (optional filling)

1. Preheat the oven to 130C and line a large baking sheet with parchment paper.

2. Grind the lavender with a pestle and mortar for between 1 and 2 minutes, or until it becomes fragrant.

3. In a large bowl, whisk the egg whites into stiff peaks. If you're an ultra domestic goddess like me, you'll save the egg yolks to use for a nice lemon or passionfruit curd...

4. Gradually whisk in the caster sugar, a tablespoonful at a time, until all the sugar's in and the mixture looks thick and glossy.

5. Sprinkle a tablespoonful of the lavender into the mixture and whisk until combined, then add your food colouring, if you so choose.

6. Alrighty then - you all know the saga of my poor, broken piping bag, so please excuse the following sorry excuses for what should be beautifully piped meringues. But you should manage better, just pipe away.

7. Look at them. Faces only a mother could love.

7. Pop them in the oven and reduce the temperature down to 100C, and bake your meringues for two hours, until they're crisp but not coloured. Turn your oven off and leave your little beasts in there until it's cooled. Then pop them in an airtight container and don't give them another moment's thought.

8. If they're just not decadent enough, then whip the cream and sift in your icing sugar, then sandwich the meringue halves togther. Hey presto!

Gypsy creams

2010-09-20T03:22:00.000-07:00

Wild, dark, slightly bitter and slightly sweet...this recipe is everything a biscuit (and indeed, a gypsy?) should be. The trick is not to overcook the biscuitty outsides, and to put far more ganache in the centre than you think you actually need...

This yet again comes from 'Eat Me!' And, dear reader, I did.

Biscuit ingredients

50z unsalted butter (room temp)

20z soft dark brown sugar

1 egg, lightly beaten

1 tsp vanilla extract

80z plain flour

1oz cocoa powder

1/2 tsp baking powder

pinch of salt

1. Preheat the oven to 170c, and lightly grease a large baking sheet.

2. Cream together the butter and sugar until pale and fluffy, then add the egg and vanilla extract. Mix VERY well.

3. Sift together the flour, cocoa powder, baking powder and salt, and add to the butter mixture, then stir until combined.

5. Take a heaped teaspoon of the mixture and roll in into a ball, then flatten with the palm of your hand . Looks like a big malteser, doesn't it? Mmm.

6. Repeat until the mixture is used up, and bake for 10-15 minutes until the biscuits look cooked through.

For the Ganache filling:

90z plain chocolate, broken into pieces

Pinch of salt

3 tbsp caster sugar

10floz soured cream

1. Melt the chocolate in a bowl over a pan of boiling water. Then whisk in the salt, sugar and soured cream. Allow the filling to cool until it's thick enough to spread - pop it in the fridge to hurry this process along.

2. Spread the filling over half the biscuits, and top with the others to make sandwiches, then dust with a little icing sugar. Despite my overzealous filling with the ganache, I still only used half of the mixture. So, I'd say you can either halve the quantities, or you can save it for the next day, make up a new batch of the biscuits, and share it with other people!

Happy baking!

Passionfruit and peach layer cake

2010-09-13T07:50:00.000-07:00

This cake is a helluva babe. If it was a woman, it would be Lady Penelope. It would be Grace Kelly after a few cocktails. Or it would be Marilyn, reclining in front of a fan in Tom Ewell's apartment in The Seven Year Itch. All that aside, this is a very yummy cake that is surprisingly easy to make but looks impressive. It's from a beautiful little book called 'The Crabapple Bakery Cupcake Cookbook'. Catchy, eh? http://www.amazon.co.uk/Crabapple-Bakery-Cupcake-Cookbook/dp/0143004948/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1284396561&sr=8-1

It's an Australian book, which I didn't realise, and thought the author was a bit nuts talking about the passionfruit trees growing in her back garden. Anyway, it's an entirely lovely book with the BEST and most successful recipes I've ever made.

Sponge ingredients

6 eggs

4oz caster sugar

2oz cup plain flour

2oz self-raising flour

1oz cup cornflour

1oz custard powder

1. I'll warn you - this mixture will seem a bit weird. That's because it's a whipped sponge, meaning it's light, butter-free, and just perfect for putting with cream and fruit. Preheat your oven to 170 degrees C. Lightly grease three 20cm round cake tins.

2. Get ready for serious arm ache. I'm not kidding; perhaps you might like to do a few limbering up exercises first? You'll need to beat the eggs for 1 minute on medium speed. Don't get too cocky. Now beat that for 15 minutes on high speed. Gradually add the sugar. Still feeling limber? Good. Because once you've added the sugar, please beat for another 10 minutes. It's really worth it, I absolutely promise.

3. You little star! That's your workout done for the week. Now it's time to combine all your different flours and your custard powder, and sift them together THREE TIMES! Yes! Three please. It's like something out of a fairy tale, isn't it! Three wishes. So sift three times....then use a slotted metal spoon and fold the flour mixture into the egg mixture until just combined.

4. Divide the mixture evenly between three tins. Bake for 20 mins, or until the sponges have just started to come away from the sides. Remove from the tins STRAIGHT AWAY and cool on a wire rack for 30 minutes before filling.

Filling and decoration

2 cups whipped cream

peaches (recipe says strawbs, but choose your fave)

lemon curd (see my recipe: http://diamonddollskitchen.blogspot.com/2010/09/lemon-meringue-cupcakes-part1sponge.html)

50g softened butter

1/2 cup fresh passionfruit pulp

4 cups icing sugar

1. Mix the butter, passionfruit pulp - yes, sounds delicious, doesn't it - and icing sugar together to form the icing.

2. Then pop your first sponge on a plate (we'll start you off easy). Spread with cream then put your peaches/fruit of choice on top of the cream.

3. Take the next sponge, and spread lemon curd on the underside (easier than trying to put it on top of the fruit, see?) Then add that layer on top, and do the cream and fruit thing again.

4. Step back and admire. (Compulsory step, do not miss.)

5. Smooth the passionfruit icing over the top.

6. Then decorate to your heart's content! Being a frivolous, fanciful type, I added a rose. But you may do as you please. Whatever that is, have tremendous fun!

(virgin) Margarita cupcakes

2010-09-13T07:30:00.000-07:00

To buck my trend of boozy cakes, I decided to make margarita cupcakes. Virgin style (there is an alcoholic option available, if you really can't help yourself.) This comes again from 'Eat Me!' by Cookie Girl: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Eat-Me-Stupendous-Self-Raising-According/dp/0091925118/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1284395018&sr=8-1
As I mentioned earlier, my stupidly expensive icing kit has given up the ghost, so I'm on my own. Hence these rather messy looking cakes, which I've only allowed you a brief glimpse of at the end. Still, the taste made up for their hideousness. I loved them unconditionally, as I would my future hypothetical socially inept children. (I joke, I joke. It would be social services for them.)

Sponge ingredients
4oz unsalted butter, room temp
4oz sugar
2 large eggs
4oz self raising flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp lemon juice
Makes 12
1. Preheat oven to 180 degrees C. Fill a 12 hole muffin tin with paper cases.

2. You got this down now. Cream butter and sugar together in a large bowl until fluffy. Add the eggs one by one, then sift in the flour and baking powder. Then add your lemon juice and mix until smooth.

3. Put a tablespoon of mixture into each cake case, and bake for 15-20 minutes until as springy as a spring lamb.

Filling ingredients
1oz butter
2 fl oz fresh lime juice
2 large eggs
2 large egg yolks
4oz caster sugar
grated zest of 2 limes
(1-2 tbsp tequila....optional. I don't judge. You total alcoholic)

1. Prepare the filling. Ok, so, you put the lime in the coconut and....not really. Sorry. But that's in your head now, isn't it? What you ACTUALLY do is heat the butter and lime juice in a pan over a medium heat until the butter melts.

2. In a medium bowl, whisk the eggs, egg yolks and sugar together. Then add the hot butter mixture slowly to the egg mixture. Pour all of this back into the pan and continue cooking over a medium heat. Stir with a wooden spoon until it reaches boiling point and thickens

3. Take it off the heat and stir in the lime zest. If you were to opt for tequila, you could stir it in just about now, you old smoothie.

Icing ingredients
4oz unsalted butter, room temp

4oz cream cheese, room temp

1lb icing sugar, sifted (I just make up quantities, but this is your actual proper recipe measurement)

Juice and grated zest of 1 lime

1 tbsp triple sec

Green food colouring

Sea salt flakes, to decorate

Grated lime zest, to decorate

1. Ooh, you lucky thing. It's your favourite bit, isn't it! The bit where you get to keep 'tasting' it to make sure it's ok, and eating half the bowl in the process! Yes, everyone loves icing. Beat together the butter and cream cheese, beat it more than Alex Reid gets beaten in a fight. Yeah! I'm topical (ish). Add the icing sugar and mix well, then add the lime juice and zest, Triple sec and green food colouring.

2. I did something a bit cheaty and bad. Yes, dear reader, I will confess all to you. My hideous secret, you've dredged it out of me....the idea that sparked all this was a £3.99 bottle of margarita mix (sans tequila) in Waitrose. I KNOW! I hate ready mixed, ready made, pre-prepared rubbish. It makes me no better than Delia. I will NEVER do it again. But I used this mix in place of the triple sec and lime. (It's really hard not to type 'triple sex'. Try it)

3. When the cakes are cool, remove the inside with a spoon or a knife. Or a knifey spoony. Fill them with your sweet, sweet, limey filling. Then spread the icing on top, sprinkle with lime zest and add a bit of salt. (I used Jamie Oliver's pink himalayan sea salt. It rocked my world. Get it? Rocked? Salt? Oh, come on.)

Cosmopolitan cupcakes/sexy beasts

2010-09-08T11:10:00.000-07:00

I came across this idea while cruising that inter-web thingy everyone seems so fond of these days. Anyway, it's a blog called 'A cup full of cake'. These took my fancy because they are a)boozy, and b) sugary, which sort of means they're like my two favourite things colliding. A bit like if Russell Brand and Matt Smith collided. You know. Sort of amazing. Enough of this rubbish, now to the cakes! Oh - the ingredients are all in cups, because that's how the Americans roll. I'm into it if you're into it, as Flight of the Conchords once sang.

As a footnote (so I can pretend I'm still at uni) I am not at all a fan of Sex and the City. However, if you do like watching a bunch of facially challenged women discussing the latest bout of chandelier-swinging they've been engaging in, then you might like to make some before watching. No offense. I'm sure it's a great programme. Honest.

Another footnote. The actual cake is pink. Pink sponge. I'm not sure I'd impressed on you quite how cool that is. (Probs time to get out more.)

Sponge ingredients
1/2 cup butter (room temp)
2 cups sugar
2 eggs (room temp)
1/2 tsp salt
2 1/2 tsp baking powder
3 cups plain flour
1/4 cup buttermilk (Waitrose stocks this. True story.)
Zest of 1 lime
Pink food colouring

Makes about 20 million. Or, in non-hyperbolic terms, 24.

1. Preheat oven to 180 degrees c, and line your muffin tin with cases (oooh, that sounded positively RUDE. muffin tin. ha.)

2. Just beat it! Beat it....beat that sugar and butter. Then add your eggs one by one and beat after each. Add your lime zest.

3. Combine your dry ingredients and set aside.

4. Make up a batch of cosmopolitans (can be virgin if you so choose) according to the recipe at the bottom. Set aside. Do not, I repeat, do NOT drink the whole lot. See picture below - that's right, kids - put your alcohol in a mug, it doesn't make you look at all like a tramp.

5. Now take it in turns with the wet and dry ingredients, adding a bit at a time. This stops the mixture from curdling.

6. Add as much or as little food colouring as you like. I found this groovy all natural stuff called 'Queen' in Waitrose, so I went nuts and poured in a fair amount. Then fill your cases, about two thirds up to the top.

7. Into the oven with you! Around 20 minutes should do the trick nicely.

Icing ingredients
1 1/2 cups butter room temp
4 cups confectioners sugar
Pinch salt
1 tsp lime zest
Pink food colouring
3-4 tbsp of Cosmopolitan mix (told you not to drink it, didn't I)

1. Now, icing wise, I am a wild child. I don't conform to ruuuules, man. I tend to just chuck random quantities in the bowl and play it by ear. But I also understand that this does not a good recipe make. So feel free to shake off the shackles of the recipe and do your own thing, or equally follow it to the letter. You are your own person. Don't ever let them take that away from you.

2. My icing bag is broken. Yeah. Life treats me very badly, you're right. As a result, I 'drizzled' (slopped) icing on my cakes. Then grated lime across the top, and added a few dried cranberries on top, you know, just to make it mega healthy.

Have crazy fun, little ones.

Cosmopolitan recipe - makes roughly 15 ounces.
5 (1.5 fluid ounce) jiggers vodka
1/4 cup and 1 tablespoon cointreau
1 tablespoon and 2 teaspoons fresh lime juice
3/4 cup and 3 tablespoons cranberry juice

Lemon meringue cupcakes

2010-09-08T09:52:00.000-07:00

Hello chaps! I had a bit of a tinker in the kitchen today, and have two new recipes to share with you all. First up is lemon meringue cupcakes with homemade lemon curd. I paid a lot of money that I don't have for 'Eat me!' by a lady calling herself 'Cookie Girl'. Apart from the naughty title, it's essentially the book I should have written (damn you). I thought I'd give her a test run, hence these little babies. Don't worry, it's all alarmingly easy. Swear.

So, let's start with our sponge.

Sponge ingredients
4oz cream cheese, room temp
1 tbsp icing sugar
1 tbsp fresh lemon juice
40z unsalted butter
4oz sugar
2 large eggs
40z self-raising flour, sifted
1 tsp baking powder

1. You know the drill by now. Preheat oven to 180 degrees. Line a 12 hole muffin tin with paper cases.

2. Whisk cream cheese, icing sugar and lemon juice together, and leave to one side. Cream butter and sugar together. Light and fluffy, light and fluffy, repeat to yourself. Add eggs, one by one, and whisk after each. Then add the sifted flour and baking powder. Now slowly add your cream cheese mix. It should look vaguely unappetising (see below) but taste delicious.

3. Pop your mixture into the cases, but not more than HALF FULL. Hear that? Hey, hey, you with the spoon - no MORE. It's gonna rise. Rise like Paris Hilton's career after that sex tape 'mishap'. Get them in the oven and leave them alone for 20 minutes, if you can possibly stop yourself from ravaging them, that is. Now take them out and pop them on a wire rack to cool.

Lemon curd
3oz unsalted butter
3 tbsp fresh lemon juice
2 large eggs
2 large egg yolks
4oz caster sugar
grated rind of 2 lemons

4. Lemon curd time! Kind of like Hammer Time, but...less crazy pants. Slide your butter and lemon juice into a pan on a medium heat until the butter melts. In a bowl, whisk the eggs, egg yolks and sugar together until blended.

5. Continue whisking while you add the hot butter mixture in gradually. Pour it all back into the pan. Cook on a medium heat, and stir with a wooden spoon until the mixture thickens. It'll probably take around 5 minutes. Remove from the heat, strain into a bowl, and add the grated lemon rind.
Meringues
2 large egg whites
2-4oz sugar (judge by eye)

6. Now for your meringues. I won't lie to you, folks. I respect you more than that. It took me three attempts to get the meringues right. Firstly I shoved the sugar and the egg whites in a bowl all together and created raw egg soup. Second time, the egg whites took against me and wouldn't co-operate (not very British of them, what what). Finally, it came out right. Much as I enjoyed 'Cookie Girl's recipe, she advised putting 8OZ of sugar in. She either has an unhealthy crack like dependency on sugar, or this was some sort of typo. Just put your sugar in by eye. Do yourself (and your insulin levels) a favour.

7. So, egg whites in a bowl, and whisk them into stiff peaks. Stop laughing. If you want that kind of thrill, go to a different kind of website. Add your sugar a little at a time and gently stir it in, taking care not to disturb the stiff peaks. Now, really. Grow up.

8. Take an apple corer and carve out the centre of your cupcake. What do you mean you don't have an apple corer? You must! How the devil do you eat your apples then, you animal? Oh, fine. Use your finger. Or a knife. Anyway, scoop out a bit of the cake and pour lemon curd into the centre. Also spread a layer on top.

9. Get a spatula and swirl the meringue on top of the cupcake, sealing in the lemon curd. Hey presto!

The icing on the cake. Literally.

2010-09-07T05:03:00.000-07:00

Well, you sexy beast. I bet you're feeling pretty proud of yourself, aren't you? You should be. There's just one teeny tiny thing left to do to crown your cake in glory. I'm going to apologise in advance for my final pictures. It's not a delicate attractive cake like wot I usually make. It's a bit of a hulking brute. My excuse is it was a Monday afternoon extravagance, not a proper weekend cake. Anyway. Bring on the ganache.

Ganache ingredients
150ml double cream
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon unsalted butter
150g dark chocolate

1. You are going to be so, so excited when you see how easy this is.

2. Put it all in a pan.

3. Heat.

Did you just die a bit of excitement? I did. Glorious.

Now, you just spread your creme patissiere thickly on the top of one of the cakes:

My cake looks very flat here. It wasn't. Must be a dodgy angle. Hmm...a camera angle that makes things look smaller than they are....I must experiment with that....

Then just spread your ganache on top. And take a huge slice out:

Honestly, I do apologise for this rather unattractive looking cake. It tastes delicious, I can assure you, and I'll be making up for it this weekend with a Passionfruit and Lemon Curd layer cake, as well as other lovelies. Enjoy!

Putting the 'cream' in 'Boston Cream Pie'

2010-09-07T04:16:00.000-07:00

I promised fun stuff, and here it is. Let's start with our Creme Patissiere. Wait! Don't run away! It's only a fancy sort of way of saying custard. Come back!! It's NICE custard, I promise.

Creme Patissiere Ingredients
125ml milk (I used skimmed. You are master of your domain and may do as you please)
125ml double cream
1 vanilla pod or 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 large egg yolks
50g caster sugar
15g plain flour

1. Pop the milk and cream into a saucepan. (Easy. I PROMISE, the fancy custard is not as scary as it sounds). Now, take your vanilla pod - I'm assuming you're not a corner-cutting lazy person, mentioning no names *DELIA SMITH* - and are indeed using a lovely vanilla pod. If you don't, you won't have the exquisite pleasure of sliding your knife in and gently but firmly scraping all those delicious vanilla-y specks out, creating the most gorgeous looking concoction in the pan. Once you go pod, you never go...well, back.

2. Now. Here is the only tricky part. You are going to bring this mixture to the boil. Sounds easy enough? Hey! You! Step away from that knob! Don't be crazy - you can't just boil this up like a pan of water. Scalded milk and cream with vanilla dots does not a gourmet custard make. You
must be gentle. You must caress this creamy nectar. You must heat it up SLOWLY. So start it on a low heat setting, then gently slide up the heat to medium, and no more. Nigella says none of this by the way - she just says 'heat it up'. But, blessed as she may be in the face department, she doesn't care a jot about actually doing things properly, so I am explaining it all clearly for you. You can thank me later. Preferably with a slice of your delicious cake.

3. Once your mixture has just started to bubble, you must quickly rescue it from the heat. You are the knight in shining armour to your creme patissiere's damsel in distress. Quick! Take if off! And cover it with a lid, and leave to infuse for 10 minutes (just as you'd treat a real damsel in distress.)

4. While it infuses away, turn to the next part, which is your egg base. You need to separate egg and yolk, and drop the yolks into a bowl. Then, beat together with your sugar until it forms a creamy mixture, then add the flour.

5. Now for the old switcheroo. Pour your infused cream into your egg mixture and cream together. Also remove your vanilla pod. Definitely don't leave that hanging around. THEN pour this whole mixture back into the pan and heat and whisk until it forms your custard. It needs to be thick enough to sit nicely in the middle of your cake and not flop. Floppy custard is not an option.

Well done you! You survived posh custard! Next post will be the final component...the chocolate ganache...

Boston Cream Pie a la Nigella

2010-09-07T03:13:00.000-07:00

So, as I'm not really a cake person (apart from tiny cupcakes, which are a whole different kettle of...tea), and also as someone who likes a challenge, I thought I'd have a crack at a Boston cream pie. For those in the know, it's not a pie at all - it's actually a layer cake with creme patissiere in the middle, and a bitter chocolate ganache on top. I'm breaking my blog down into two posts, one for the cakey part, and one for the topping and filling.

Sponge ingredients:
225g unsalted butter
225g caster sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
4 large eggs
200g self-raising flour
25g cornflour
3-4 tablespoons milk
2 x 21cm sandwich tins (about 5cm deep), buttered

The cake is a simple Victoria sponge recipe. Nigella (the charlatan) advocates just shoving everything in a food processor and mixing. Calls herself a domestic goddess...If you have a glorious Kitchenaid mixer, then go for it. If not, use the following method:

1. Pre-heat the oven to 180 degrees C/gas mark 4. I used loose-bottomed tins (laugh it up...baking is joyful). I also lined the bottoms with parchment paper, but you can butter them up to your heart's content if you so wish.

2. This is where dearest Nige shoves it all in a processor, so if you're feeling suitably lazy, do that right now. ALTERNATIVELY, cream the butter and sugar together until very smooth. It MUST be super smooth, a baby-bottomy consistency. Any roughness at this stage will impede the eventual lightness and fluffiness of your sponge, and that simply wouldn't do at all.

3. Now. This is the crucial stage. Add your vanilla, and then one egg. Beat for between 1 and 2 minutes. Add a tablespoon of flour and beat again. Add egg number two and repeat. Same with eggs number three and four. You MUST beat for a considerable amount of time after each egg. This is what will add air to the cake and eliminate any heavy, dry, styrofoam texture that puts you in mind of your lovely but inept grandmother's teatime efforts.

4. You should now have a pale cream mixture that feels slightly stiff. Add as much milk as you think you need. (It shouldn't be a huge amount)

5. Divide your mixture in two and pour into the two tins. Pop in the oven for around 25 minutes. Do keep vigilant. It would be simply criminal for anything to go wrong after all your hard work. Your masterpiece should turn golden brown and start to come very slightly away from the sides of the tin. Other signs of readiness should be a 'springy' texture when you lightly press a finger down on top of the cake. Slip a cake tester in and if it comes out clean, you're in business.

6. Take them out of the oven and leave for 10 minutes. Then turn them out of their tins and leave to cool.

7. Now, on to the fun bit....see the next post!