Diaries Of A Broken Heart

Steve Jobs: How to live before you die

2011-10-05T17:33:00.000-07:00

At his Stanford University commencement speech, Steve Jobs, CEO and co-founder of Apple and Pixar, urges us to pursue our dreams and see the opportunities in life's setbacks -- including death itself.

Steve Jobs: How to live before you die

Someone Like You: The video

2011-10-02T22:51:00.001-07:00

Adele's Someone Like You, shot in my hometown of Paris, simply elegant and heartfelt.

Living in the land of the free

2011-10-02T22:50:00.000-07:00

The word freedom kept on coming back in my thoughts this weekend. After a week up in San Fran and Palo Alto, I headed to Vegas to celebrate a close friend's birthday and we had a blast. When in SF, I felt free from the spell onto which I had been under, i.e associating my travels with my former relationship. Being busy really help, it gave me a sense of purpose and pride as I could hold my own in a city I did not call home. In Las Vegas, watching all the couples together made me reminisce of the days I too walked hand in hand with a loved one but it also made me yearn for the day I would celebrate my freedom. Although this might come across as such a strange statement, I really look forward to the day I feel liberated from this feeling of "missing out" and really embrace all the wonderful things and people in my life. Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for the wonderful energy and love my friends shower me with but I also still feel the void left by the break-up. Still shaken at the core, I still struggle to move into the light of the "what will be" versus "what was". The best remedy seem simple: take care of myself, give myself my own undivided care and attention. Sounds a bit selfish in theory but the way I look at it is basic: If I can be my own rock, stand strong and tall, I free myself from the dependency on others for feeling, loving and all around compassion.

Freedom = peace

Mama said there would be days like this...

2011-09-13T23:36:00.000-07:00

What happens when you combine a full moon on the 13th? Not such a good day today.
Started with my car hitting a pole, followed by a not so nice, "wow my job is in jeopardy" call but ended with some good news on a project I have been working on. Time to get some sleep, tomorrow is a new and I hope wonderful day!

Enough is enough is not just a Barbra Streisand, Donna Summer duet

2011-09-11T23:27:00.000-07:00

It's been a truly busy week with lots of great meetings, awesome conversations and good overall feelings. Even in times of crisis, I stayed calm and motored through. Then came Friday. Phone rings, ex checking in, missing L.A he said... "Nice to hear from you and glad you miss the city of angels. It's wonderful here and I would miss it too if I were you" I said. Conversation was light and lovely.
Almost made me regret my wish not to speak nor hang with him till 2012. With the holidays around the corner, the last thing I need, is to hear about his warm and cozy family holiday plans I am not a part of this year. Tis the season not be feel bad about myself. With further chat came that not so good feeling in your stomach as he made comments about not settling like all his friends did (as it turns out his last two single friends are now engaged). "Wow" is all I could say as a feeling of hurt, anger and disappointment took over my body taken back by the statement. "If dating me was settling, I hope you find what makes you happy I said". Silence akwardness ensued as you can imagine.
So just when I needed that extra push to follow my gut instinct and create further distance between us, I got more then I bargained for. It seems the more I hear from him the less I want to. I rather remember what we had and wish for the love and passion I felt to translate into my work, friendships and future relationship when I am ready for that.

Who knew I would feel this way but I am starting to understand and remind myself that I deserve so much more. As Donna & Barbara sung in the 70's, Enough is enough!!

2 weddings down, 2 to go!

2011-09-04T23:28:00.000-07:00

Home sweet home after a fantastic weekend in Palm Beach, FL for my friend Josh and Jenna's wedding at the ever so glamourous Four Seasons Hotel right on the beach. The bride was beautiful, the groom as happy as can be, the food delicious and the setting even more spectacular. Got a chance to reconnect with friends, meet new ones and spend most of Saturday on the beach in the warm Atlantic ocean.

If I were the kind of gal looking to date, this would have not been the wedding to go to... As it turned out, I was the only single person at this wedding... All couples! Some married, some engaged and most living together. Quite the perfect scene to discuss relationships. The married gals spoke of stories of break-ups prior to an ultimate commitment from their guy. The girlfriends spoke of longing to get married after long engagements, 3 years for one girl and 6 for another...!! The boyfriends also had some interesting stories, the most compelling one came from Tim S. who after a break-up with his current girlfriend flew out to Jamaica to a wedding they were both suppose to attend with a ring and a proposal only to be turned down..! WOW, I was floored hearing that story. For the most part, I had a great time speaking with everyone especially with the families of the groom and bride. I heart old people's wisdom.

The only time I felt alone was during dancing. I could not quite pull off dancing by myself. I got sad for a sec and shook it off when Steve, one of the guys at my table came to check on me. Like a sign from the universe not to dwell in sad things that have not manifested but rather enjoy joyous occasions and time with friends. We kept the party going until 2:35 am! Quite painful to wake up at 6 am for an 8 am flight I must admit.

The best words of wisdom came from the rabbi marrying the couple. He said there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, echoing further the stories I had heard all weekend. But rather, love is something you work at in every relationship especially the one you have with yourself. Wise words...

Quote from Pema Chodron

2011-08-31T09:39:00.000-07:00

August 31, 2011

SEEING OUR OWN REJECTED QUALITIES

If we were to make a list of people we don’t like—people we find obnoxious, threatening, or worthy of contempt—we would find out a lot about those aspects of ourselves that we can’t face. If we were to come up with one word about each of the troublemakers in our lives, we would find ourselves with a list of descriptions of our own rejected qualities, which we project onto the outside world. The people who repel us unwittingly show us the aspects of ourselves that we find unacceptable, which otherwise we can’t see. They mirror us and give us the chance to befriend all of that ancient stuff that we carry around like a backpack full of granite boulders.

Learn how to fly again

2011-08-31T00:07:00.000-07:00

In the past few days, most of my thoughts have been focus on further detachment. As I believe thoughts become action and physical manifestation, I am at the point where I feel with every cell in my body a need to further let go. The comfort zone I knew where I dwell ed in the " what could have been" zone is being phased out and replaced by what will be. Instead of being a fallen angel, leaving my paradise of denial and maybes, I am making a genuine effort in picking up my broken wings and getting them back on with some serious superglue! There is a light at the end of this tunnel and although I see the glimpse of it, I need to get closer in order to experience it. And because I never do anything half ass ed, I find some value in being in the abyss of a broken heart as one can truly learn the tenderness and compassion pain brings, especially towards oneself. Happiness gives you this false sense of security while security impermanent and ever so elusive. Such is the paradox of love, brings you up to highs and lows with such extremes that it puts Six Flag's fiercest roller coaster to shame... As I listen to Etta James souful and bluesy voice I find inspiration to see beauty in every and all situations.

Weddings, Flips and personal flops

2011-08-27T20:09:00.000-07:00

There is not much to report lately other then these mixed feelings as wedding season is in full fledge starting next week... Because I need to live my life and learn how to feel and trust again, I am putting my best foot forward and will do my best to enjoy all the love and happiness these weddings are celebrating. At the end of the day, when you are hurting, going outside your own self is the best therapy.

Now... One more thing I am letting go: Ex's flip flops and painting he left here are on their way to him courtesy of the US Postal Service. Not sure why I took so long to do so but the timing felt right.

Letting go more and more because I realized holding on is not serving me. Letting go seems to always be associated with giving up and defeat but in this case, I firmly believe that if you let go, set it all free, you give it a chance to come back to you. Every time I start to focus on what I don't have and feel bad, something comes along to remind me how fortunate I am. I also realized that although no one is in love with me at the moment (unless I have a secret admirer), I have so much love all around. Much to be grateful for.

Daily Quote, the Pema Chodron addition

2011-08-17T21:39:00.001-07:00

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THE PEMA CHÖDRÖN FOUNDATION

August 17, 2011

THE TENDERNESS OF PAIN

It is said that in difficult times it is only bodhichitta that heals. When inspiration has become hidden, when we feel ready to give up, this is the time when healing can be found in the tenderness of pain itself. Based on a deep fear of being hurt, we erect protective walls made out of strategies, opinions, prejudices, and emotions. Yet just as a jewel that has been buried in the earth for a million years is not discolored or harmed, in the same way this noble heart is not affected by all of the ways we try to protect ourselves from it.

Quote of the day

2011-08-16T21:27:00.000-07:00

"Sometimes things falling apart is just how something better comes together."

Wisdom on a full moon

2011-08-12T23:07:00.000-07:00

Wisdom is one of those elusive thing you hear about in your 20's, comes in spurs all thru your 30's, becomes part of your vocabulary in your 40's and apparently you master in your 60's. As much as I would love to make wisdom part of my every move and thought, just like most 30 + years old, I have moments of it where I feel I see the light and all make sense.

This week's moment came as a result of a not so nice phone call that sent me back to planet "you have been dumped and therefore are not my girlfriend anymore"reality. I was getting too comfortable with this "friendship" that lead nowhere other then to hope when I need to stay on track towards moving on" ville. I remembered a whole lot wisdom quotes I have read this past 6 months, pick up my dignity off the floor and decided to put "letting go" on my speed dial just in case I needed to be reminded....

Quotes I love:

Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.

~ Unknown

Sometimes the cards we are dealt are not always fair. However you must keep smiling and moving on.
~ Tom Jackson

By forgiving and choosing to move on, one takes the power back to morph it into positive energy.
~ Eugenia Tripputi

Courage is not the absence of fear, but simply moving on with dignity despite that fear.
~ Coach Pat Riley

Let Those You Love Make Mistakes by the Daily love

2011-08-09T10:38:00.000-07:00

MASTIN'SDAILYDOWNLOAD
My name is Mastin Kipp & I am the Founder of The Daily Love.

Photo by Brent Mullins.

It's okay to let go.

True Love is letting go. Freedom and free will are the by-products of Love.

So many of us lead our lives holding on so tightly that nothing new, nothing miraculous can find us.

We have been taught for a very long time that holding on is what makes us strong, is what Love is made of and is the best answer.

But we are stepping into a new paradigm. We are stepping into a time where growth and Love lead the way. This means we are constantly changing, evolving, dying and being reborn.

What must come first is our own spiritual growth. This means listening to our intuition, trusting our gut and expressing ourselves authentically without hiding.

Holding on to a broken relationship stunts our growth. You don't get points from The Uni-verse for how much you suffer. The Uni-verse wants to deliver to you all that your heart desires.

Our relationships have been sent to teach us, to mold us and to shape us. When we seek Love, The Uni-verse sends us all kinds of relationships that bring to the surface all the blocks we have to Love.

We must learn to identify when the lesson is over. Relationships are containers for growth, not opportunities to suffer so we can prove how much we "love" someone. And a relationship isn't full if both people aren't in self-love and then sharing their love with each other from a place of overflow.

Some people are sent to us for quick lessons, some are sent to us for seasonal lessons and some are sent to us for a lesson we are to be taught over a lifetime.

Let us not try to learn and purify ourselves outside of Love, but instead invoke Love in our lives and recognize that the Love of The Uni-verse IS the purifier and the teacher. The face of Love may change, but the energy of Love of The Uni-verse never changes.

Let us no longer try to prove our Love by how much we can hold on to toxic situations and people, but rather by how much we are willing to let go once the lesson has been learned. There is no rulebook for this principle. This is something we must each learn individually and grow into.

The Uni-verse is setup so that we have free will to choose to connect to Love, or not. We must give ourselves this freedom as well as all the people in our lives.

For Love does not seek to control, but rather gives freedom.

If you gave yourself or those in your life this freedom, what would that look like?

Love,

Mastin

Quote of the day by one of my fav authors

2011-08-07T23:38:00.000-07:00

You don’t have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. ~C.S. Lewis

Redefining What Matters

2011-08-07T23:26:00.000-07:00

Spent the weekend in San Diego celebrating my best friend's bday. A big one, 40! The occasion also served as a family reunion bringing generations together. Every age group from teens to octogenerarians were present. Mingled with all about relationships, life and love while snacking, boogie boarding and checking out the local beach studs. Having not seen most of these people in two years, relationship questions were asked, compassion and advice ensues upon telling my story. The interesting thing is that I did not feel the loss at that time. I was happy, loved and in the moment. Speaking with people that have been part of my journey for the past 15 years, I felt somewhat complete. Hearing about the cousins I have seen grow, get married and speak of kids, I felt inspired. Laughing with the grandmas about wrinkles after 70 I felt grateful. My evening's entertainment was entirely composed of a visit to Walmart scouting for those web famous "People of Walmart". While the rest of my L.A friends were at Lollapalooza rubbing elbows with celebs, I would have not traded this for the world. I was exactly where I needed to be.

Redefining what matters was the theme of my weekend. Good friends, family, laughter and sizing the moment while being myself felt so good. And as I was reminded last weekend at my laws of attraction seminar, joy & purpose stem from doing what feels good. When you do what feels good, you align yourself with your good thoughts, those thoughts manifest and your beautiful life "suddenly" appears.
All this is getting me very excited about the weeks to come. So much good stuff coming up and all I have to do is feel good to stay in this space of manifesting... Seems easy enough :)

Enjoy the people of Walmart!!

Almost 6 month and counting....

2011-08-03T10:47:00.000-07:00

I am not exactly sure what phase of a breakup experts would call this, but as I get close to not celebrating the 6th month anniversary (how ironic to call it an anniversary) of the end of my relationship, certain things have become clear. First, I have changed a lot these past few months. I am a lot more reserved and introspect. I have come to appreciate friends and support in a whole different light. I have started listening in a different way too. Truly focusing on my friend's journeys and understanding a bit more of the process. Nothing is a given in life and there is always room for improvement I have learned. I also have learned that everyday is a new change for a changed perspective and that a changed perspective opens new doors. I have also learned the nuances love can have. Physically, I have worked hard at getting rid of pounds keeping me down (wow that rhymes...!). Overall, this has been a heavy intense experience I did not look for but manage to make the best of. Reminds me of that "when lifes gives you lemons, make lemonade" Saying. My friend Omar declared us to be in the nuclear winter of our dating life. I died laughing and agreed. I have zero desire to see who and what else is out there as this journey of self discovery and appreciation is now just starting to become fun. More me and less of someone's story.

Just when I was ready to declare myself a love pessimist, I came across this post (see below) on JLO and her recent divorce. After 4 marriages, she was quoted saying:

“Sometimes it doesn’t work—and that’s sad. But I remain an eternal optimist about love. I believe in love,”

You go JLO!
---------------------------------------

Jennifer Lopez Gives Vanity Fair Her First Interview Since Announcing Her Divorce from Marc Anthony

by Vanity Fair

August 2, 2011, 12:00 AM

Photo by Mario Testino.

“That was my biggest dream, and I really worked hard at it. We both did,” Jennifer Lopez tells Vanity Fair in her first interview since announcing that she and Marc Anthony are divorcing. “Sometimes it doesn’t work—and that’s sad. But I remain an eternal optimist about love. I believe in love,” Lopez says. “It’s still my biggest dream. I am positive—determined to move forward with my life, bring up my babies, and do the best job I can as a mother, entertainer, and person. I now look forward to new challenges. I feel strong.”

Lopez opens up to contributing editor Lisa Robinson about her life with Anthony and the example she hopes to set for her children; she talks about her relationship with P. Diddy and breaking off her engagement to Ben Affleck; she’s honest about the diva rumors that surround her, and shares her attitudes toward money, fame, and especially love. “I’m a hopeless romantic and passionate person when it comes to love,” Lopez explains, describing the passage that has brought her to her current state of mind. “It’s not that I didn’t love myself before. Sometimes we don’t realize that we are compromising ourselves. To understand that a person is not good for you, or that that person is not treating you in the right way, or that he is not doing the right thing for himself—if I stay, then I am not doing the right thing for me. I love myself enough to walk away from that now.”

“I will always respect Marc as a singer and performer,” Lopez tellsVanity Fair. “We actually work great together, and he was always very supportive. Together we could make magic—and we did. He will always be in our lives. He will always hold a special place in my heart as the father of my children.”

Photo by Mario Testino.

R.I.P Amy

2011-07-23T14:26:00.000-07:00

One of my fav albums about lost love by an amazing artist. Rest in Peace Amy

Quote of the day

2011-07-23T14:23:00.000-07:00

"Don't worry about losing. If it is right, it happens. The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away."

-John Steinbeck

Songs of summer I love!!

2011-07-20T15:35:00.001-07:00

Shift your conscience, change your life

2011-07-16T23:52:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned in my last post,I have had the worst attitude this week. Resisting everything and choosing to look at all with the worst in mind. As a result, I did not enjoy my week and had very little appreciation for my life.

despite all that, I manage to get a lot done professionally. I did stick to my workouts but ate poorly out of need for comfort, stress and overall discomfort on where I was mentally.
The origin of it all is my lack of self esteem, feeling sorry for myself and focusing on all the things I do not have such as a relationship, etc.

Once you know the source of an issue you can fix it. I was fighting all week to get in a better space but it was not until I let go of it all, stopped caring about who, how and what and remembered whatever will be, will be and lastly that I am exactly where I am suppose to be that I finally got my head out of the dark waters I had been swimming. No matter how bad I was feeling, good things kept coming my way in an ease that made me believe if I shifted my focus on what I had I would manifest amazing stuff!!

All of a sudden the day trip I took became an adventure, the invite to my friend Josh's wedding, a chance to see Florida and share his special day. Ironically enough, all of a sudden I got answers to all the projects I was waiting to hear back on. And even when the ex emailed to tell me about his new Job with his professor and trying to get into Cal fire department, instead of worrying about the girls he will meet and the wonderful things he will get to experience without me, I sent him my best wishes for success.

Listening to Pema Chodron's "When things fall apart" helped a lot. Reminding me that
Impermanence is part of life and that security does not exist. Keeping a flexible mind is key. An open heart a must and compassion for oneself and others crucial. No one knows what the future will bring and while one spends time worrying about it, one forgets to live life...

Rocky and other motivational stories

2011-07-14T15:49:00.000-07:00

It's been one of those weeks where motivational, positive thinking and anything funny has fallen off the curbside. Call it summer slump, "omg has it really been 5 months already?" realization or perhaps finding out a guy I dated on and off before my last relationship is now happily married with kids while the best thing I have going today are tickets to Harry Potter's new and last movie. To each his own I suppose. Still... Made me stop in my track for a sec to realize people do move on and live happily ever after. All this leading to a basic realization: Boy I miss the ex... And no I never want to know if he is ever happily married even though I wished him happiness and for all his dreams to come true... Just not that one! LOL

Inspirational clips I love:

Why are we happy? Why aren't we happy?

2011-07-08T15:50:00.000-07:00

A great lecture on why we are happy!!! Please watch!

Remember Your Power, Just what I needed to hear..!

2011-07-07T15:55:00.000-07:00

Remember Your Power

by MASTIN KIPP on JULY 7, 2011

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We must remember our power. We are stronger than our circumstances. We can influence and transcend our environment. Our natural ability to reason plus the intuition we were born with are invaluable tools that can help to bring us out of undesired circumstances.

One major issue that holds a lot of Seekers back is the belief that they are not worthy to receive something better. Before anything of greater value can come into our lives we must begin to believe we are worthy of people, circumstances and a life that has greater value. If we are keeping ourselves stuck in an abusive or toxic relationship, what will begin to change that is our thoughts and belief that we are worthy of happiness within our relationships.

We if we lack the financial abundance we desire, the belief that we are more valuable is core to changing our situation. Once we have the thoughts and beliefs of greater self-esteem, then we can begin to take action.

Action from this place may look like breaking up with a person we are in a toxic relationship with. It may look like continuing our education to learn greater skills that will set us free financially. Or it might look like simply charging more for our products or services because we have come to realize how valuable they truly are.

Action might also look like moving, either to a new part of town, the state or to a whole new city or country.

It is in our thoughts of unworthiness that we create a life that is out of harmony with what we truly desire. Slowly, day by day, as we change our thoughts from thoughts of unworthiness to worthiness, from doubting our dreams and intuition to believing, we will begin to take subtle different actions. These actions will eventually add up one at a time until we don’t even recognize our life anymore.

We all want something to change in our lives. We want to grow. We want to evolve. We want love. We desire abundance.

We must begin by acknowledging our worth. We are not worthy because of a degree, an honor or a grade. We are all equally worthy to live this kind of elevated lifestyle because we are all Loved children of The Uni-verse. We must each realize that we are already worthy and then begin to take action from this place of already being worthy, while at the same time honor the worthiness of everyone else we meet.

We are powerful beings. Let us step into that power today and declare our worthiness as already existing.

Are you feeling worthy today?

Love,

Mastin

Acceptance, not just a state of mind

2011-06-26T23:13:00.000-07:00

Acceptance is a challenging thing because so often it's associated with failure in our society but I find that the more I accept who I am and the situations in my life the more peace accures as a result.
Acceptance does not mean giving up on yourself or letting things be status quo, for me, it means understanding where things currently stand and therefore accessing steps to move forward, heal and overall gain confidence to live, be and ultimately love. I lost my mom and grand parents before my 20th birthday and I can't say that I have ever gotten over it. I just accepted the fact that they had passed on and that I had embraced their legacy and cherish the memories as their energies were not part of the eternal. I don't think it takes the pain or sadness away but it helps put things in perspective because death is not something any of us can control. Death of a relationship although not as harsh as death of a person is also about acceptance that things are not the way they used to be and yet one has to move on with their journey. By accepting, I liberated myself from the burden of doubt and fear and embraced the legacy this relationship has giving me. I am a better person because of it.

Dog days are over!

2011-06-22T20:06:00.000-07:00

There are times in everyone's life where you revelations that are so simple you wonder why it took you so long to figure it out. Mine today came in the form of a thought... I finally realized that despite the emails and phone calls I have been exchanging with the ex, at the core of things, I am not what he wants at the moment.. I know, after 4 months of lamenting over the loss, I finally have enough emotion out of it to realize it in a clear " don't feel sorry for me" sort of way. Not sure if that makes sense but a sense of heavyness lifts once you can admit that to yourself. Of course I still wonder at times how some girls get rings in a year and I get the boot in 3 but that is a discussion for another day and time. Today, I declare the dog days to be over!