Diary of a Big Band and other Bits

Duck

2010-11-05T16:26:00.002+00:00

So there I am thinking nothing would happen today. My mate comes running in and tells me that there are 2 policemen looking at my car. I went out and sure enough they were giving it the once over. Straight away i am thinking if my Insurance was up to date or I had Tax. But no. They had spotted an old Police Jacket in the back of my car. Now it does not say Police on it, but it does have the blue and white chequered pattern, of which an inch was showing. So would I be done for trying to impersonate a Police Officer?? Did they think I was going around knocking on old ladies door's to do a security check, then nick their pension books.????
Nope. They told me that someone might damage my car if they thought I was a member of the Law? It was a little naughty of me having it in the back window. But do you know what? I have seen loads of people suddenly putting their Mobile Phones down while driving, so just doing my bit for safety on the roads.
Evening All!

Part Two

2009-01-24T15:45:00.003+00:00

Subscribe in a reader
Well, that many people have said that they miss the Blog I have created a new one which can be found at http://themusicalundertaker.blogspot.com if you want to be bored even more.... but be warned this blog is uncensored and contains reference to everyday happenings in the Funeral industry and also music as well. So be afraid, be very afraid!!!

The End

2008-12-22T00:27:00.002+00:00

Well that's it. The party's over. This is the last blog. I would like to say thank you to all those who have followed my drivel over the last year or so. People as far as Brazil and the USA have followed my meanderings about my life and the Band. It's been a great adventure and a great privilege to front the Band over all these years. If people only knew what it has taken...well even I can't explain that, and only my true friends know the real story.
I have written a few predictions for 2009 and they are in a sealed envelope , almost like Old Moore's Almanac
Goodnight. God Bless. And Adios.

Golblum

2008-12-21T10:23:00.003+00:00

People are dropping like fly's with this flu bug that is going around. Lost poor old Roy the Wallet to it this weekend. The only time I have heard him sound so miserable ,was when he dropped a penny out of his pocket and it went down a crevice in a rock This was when he was on holiday in the USA. Some say that is how the Grand Canyon was formed?

Twiggy

2008-12-19T16:15:00.003+00:00

Again, no lunch. I am wasting away. at least I wish some of these chins would disappear, but they are a legacy of the way I blow!! Everything has gone wrong today. The thing that really wound me up was, .....we send out complimentary names on a list who have sent flowers to the Funeral. We had a complaint today that a name was wrong, and could they have another list. Now the person who complained knew the correct name, but wanted us to send a new list. just so they can read it??? They are not charged for it, and some of the handwriting on the tribute cards are just a scrawl. It can take 3 of us to decipher it and then put the name down we think it might be. Some folk Grrrr.

Edmonds

2008-12-18T15:29:00.001+00:00

Today so busy had no time for lunch or a drink. I can't wait for my 2 day's off. Oh joyous Noel!!!

2008-12-17T14:07:00.002+00:00

Not many in audience last night and only one solo. They are saving themselves for the Glenn Miller night next week. The room will be heaving. I don't want to go into to much detail, but it would seem that the winter cough and cold that is going around is taking it's toll on older people and seeing them off. For years I have wrote letters telling people to stay in doors if they feel ill, but no. They go out coughing and sneezing to the shops or whatever spreading germs. these are younger folk who can shake off the flu. Old Mrs Jones who has popped out to get her tin of cat food can't?? and she gets it worse. Allot of managers are to blame by making there work staff come in when ill because of wages etc, but in turn they are causing more problems for the old and infirm. What a selfish world we live in.

Quartet

2008-12-16T16:11:00.002+00:00

We were stood in a graveyard today, when we saw 4 chaps wandering around aimlessly with a Coffin on their shoulders??? I said to my mate " What are they up to?" He said don't worry about them, they have just lost the plot!!!!!
Not many Concerts left now, and ready for a bit of a rest.

Blackpool

2008-12-15T17:09:00.004+00:00

I had to do a burial of ashes this morning. Because the hole was near someone elses plot I had to remove the flowers from it. Now in this graveyard there are numerous plots. So who comes to put flowers on a plot???? Only the wife of the person I had just removed all the flowers from!!! What are the chances of that. Then I had a swift drive up to Crich with the Hearse. We went to the tramway Museum and placed the coffin on a trailer behind a Tram, and the guy went for a final ride. That is a first for me. Now rumour has it that Santa is going to make an appearance at our next Dance. He has taken time off his busy schedule just to come and hand out pressies. Exciting or what!!!

Dawn

2008-12-14T11:07:00.002+00:00

Well that's almost it for 2008. The second Xmas Concert went very well and both nights were full. The management told me that they were over subscribed and had to turn folk away? I think we achieved our aim of putting the audience into a festive spirit. Trouble is, I haven't been to bed before 2am this weekend, as it is very hard to wind down after these types of show. So I am going to do my excellent impression of a zombie this week.

Witchity

2008-12-13T14:40:00.002+00:00

A very pleasant evening for the first night of the Xmas Concerts and the Band were really in top form. The audience were swelled by some of Roy the Wallets work colleagues. In fact I have never seen him move so fast or work so hard as he saved seats and bought them all drinks (The last one is a lie). Usually Saturday is the more atmospheric night, but I doubt that it will beat last night for fun filled frolics?Just had lunch in a well known supermarket. I sat next to a couple who complained about everything. After eating all the food put before them, the woman complained that she had found a grub in her salad. they got a full refund. If they can eat bugs in the jungle then what is wrong with a little extra protein??? and at no extra cost

Bugs

2008-12-12T15:51:00.002+00:00

A member of the Bands work mates are coming tonight and they are all female (lucky git) He has asked me not to do any Rabbit jokes! as one of the girls has just lost a pet....That is like asking Freddy Starr not to mention Hamsters!!!!
It is always a nice feeling when a we get thanked for our work in the Funeral world. I had to make a chap look presentable today even though he had really been through the wars with illness. After the viewing they were really pleased, and that on it's own, is enough thanks.

North Pole

2008-12-11T16:21:00.002+00:00

Cold, Wet, Miserable Fed up...Just another typical week Bah Humbug.

Off Side

2008-12-10T16:13:00.003+00:00

Last night there were more in the Band than in the audience. Could only put this down to the cold weather and football being on the box. Today we did a baby's Funeral. Terrible at the best of time, but at Xmas , this certainly can try your beliefs. I really will be glad when this week is over. Roll on Summer.

tunes

2008-12-09T17:04:00.003+00:00

Just spent the last couple of hours working on some material for our Xmas Concerts. It gets harder each year to find new stuff that is not rude racist or sexist. We are sold out again this year, which makes it all that more important to put on an entertaining show, but you don't know what the audience reaction is going to be until you get there. The Friday night is the most stressful as everyone has rushed from work to be there and it sometimes takes a while to settle. Someone once told me that a certain pro comedian uses 75% of the same material every time he comes into town, which must make things easier?
The flu bug has hit work, and everyone is wondering why I am trying to dodge them? I hate colds and really don't want one this week?

Humbugs

2008-12-08T15:32:00.001+00:00

It was Xmas come early at the Oak last night. A good turn out for the final Concert of 2008. There were prizes and Mince Pie and Tinsel in abundance, and I hope we brought some Christmas cheer to our loyal followers. Even Roy the Wallet manged a smile, but I think someone had bought him a drink???

Magazine

2008-12-07T11:24:00.003+00:00

I am sure Dave the sax had a fuller dance floor than we did last night. The OBB 11 would have been tucked up in a nice warm bed before I had finished playing last night. It was a hard blow in cramped conditions and only a couple of people danced. It was one Trombone against 3 Trumpets but it was good tight sectional work. My lip knows about it though, as there was nowhere to take a break.

Lambretta

2008-12-06T16:16:00.002+00:00

Yet another Xmas Fayre today. I also walked the dog (not mine, but borrowed) then out for lunch. Have a small Band booking tonight, me against 3 trumpets?? Mind you I am standing up with them so I wont be out on a limb. I have managed to collect some prizes for our last Concert at the Oak this year, so hopefully some people will win. My partner won a scooter in the Xmas Fayre raffle today, but immediately gave it away. You should have seen the look on the little girls face who got it. Now there was one happy young lady.

Nelly

2008-12-05T16:06:00.001+00:00

About 3 years ago a chap asked for a particular piece of music to be played at our Xmas Concerts. He will be really pleased to know that at last he will get his wish. I am like an Elephant I never forget!

Grotty

2008-12-04T15:45:00.004+00:00

So good to see the sun today despite warnings of snow (They would be better off using a pine cone). Although not a busy day it went very quickly. We have been asked to do a charity dance in the New Year connected with Bletchley Park, so the committee will be in negotiation soon to see if we can fit it in the Bands busy schedule. I am ducking and diving from those with colds at the moment. It's ok for them as they have never tried playing the 'bone' with a cough and streaming nose lol. I had an attack of the munchies last night so am now 5 days ahead in my Chocolate Advent calender. I have just taken the dust sheet off my Xmas tree where it has stood since last year ;-) and now my living room is grotto land once more. I have to say that it has been extremely hard to motivate myself after the tragic events last year, and which still feels like yesterday. This Xmas is going to be extremely difficult, but I am sure we will get through it together and stay strong for each other, although it has changed my attitude to life completely and probably not in a good way. I really need to get more practice done, and have neglected it in the last few weeks due to other matters. I will now get it sorted and have a good blow.

Badge

2008-12-03T16:44:00.003+00:00

One solo, right at the end of the night and it was jazz...Met a guy last night who is ex RAF and wanted to get back into playing. Hopefully I have sent him in the right direction to play again. Today I had to go to another FD. It was right out of town so i used Doris the Sat Nav.....Of course she was having a bad day and I ended up in the wrong place. I had to fall back on the best sat Nav of all, I asked a postman! Got there with minutes to spare which I suppose is near enough?
Also the boss called me into the office and told me that a lady would like a Treble Clef putting on a coffin plate? Our machine only does letters and numbers. i came up with a cunning plan and etched the sign into a piece of wood then fastened that to the engraver. That's years of watching Blue Peter for you.

Fiesta

2008-12-02T14:58:00.003+00:00

It is said that everyone has a double (or doppelganger for Roy ...spelling?) and once again I have been into a shop where mine has also been. I went to the counter with my newspaper and the lady looked at me and said 'Oh hello ,wait there I have got them?' Fascinated, I waited there, and she produced 2 magazines from under the counter. There you are, she said, I am sorry you have had to wait so long for them.... I stood and looked at her, and said that I would love to know what she was talking about, and when I did, I would join in. She blushed and said 'Oh my god you have a double' A little early in the day for me I replied,..... but no she was adamant that someone else she knew looked like me (poor git). Anyway I was relieved to find that the magazines were not pornography or even Shed's Monthly, but some Film Sci Fi mags.( To baldly go).. so it could have been allot worse I suppose. Strange that I had to go into entertainment mode because the shop was full of people. I did have them laughing, but despite what some people think, I am quite a shy reserved guy!

Over

2008-12-01T12:55:00.001+00:00

Great Rehearsal by Dave the sax last night, the 3 hours flew past. Just heard that Roy was very upset after his last holiday. Apparently he was charged excess baggage? and that was just his wallet.

Bandit

2008-11-30T12:41:00.002+00:00

Ah Sunday, a day of rest...apart from the hoovering, cleaning the bird and fish out and washing. Actually decided to do some practice while the dinner was cooking. I know when to stop as the smoke alarm goes off. It is the perfect cooking aid.

False

2008-11-29T14:27:00.003+00:00

Been to see my Dad today. He is 80 next week, I cant believe it as I still look on him as so young. Actually he feels my age and I feel his lol. I don't really get on with his partner which makes it difficult if I have a problem and need to talk, but I do try to be nice to the people I do not like, but to be honest there are not that many in my life thank goodness. I have been to another Xmas fayre today. Purchased 6 tombola tickets and won 4 prizes. A Comb??? A Brush???? Leg Wax???? and a Woolworths voucher!!!!!!