tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68099431451184773532026-09-07T23:40:36.537+08:00this is a blog. this is where I, Big Cow, have mental diarrhea most of the time.Big Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16336534148427302007noreply@blogger.comBlogger963125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6809943145118477353.post-24809831876745647192026-04-06T13:05:00.001+08:002026-04-06T13:05:45.883+08:00

Dear MF,How are you up there? Do you think of me and miss me like i miss you once in awhile?Recently our schoolmates are very hardworking trying to gather everyone to have a grand reunion and STM1 classmates formed another smaller group chat and we have been pretty active in the beginning. Then, as in human nature, we started to discover why are choose to lose contact with each other in the first

Big Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16336534148427302007noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6809943145118477353.post-32356808210997993902026-01-05T13:48:00.002+08:002026-04-06T13:12:03.903+08:00

.... the past that I tried to block away for years....Back story, I think it was in my late 20s and early 30s, I have beginning to see how toxic my Primary & Secondary school friends were. Not only the females (since females tend to be bitchy ma) but also the males - the males are the biggest gossips. I grew up with the toxic them that i thought being gossipy and teasing people in a

Big Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16336534148427302007noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6809943145118477353.post-60550183523910812202025-12-06T13:10:00.001+08:002025-12-06T13:10:29.125+08:00

 ... is very therapeuticThat previous post were typed with blurry tear soaked eyes. My way of coping with all these sadness is to try my very best to be positive and console myself. At least God love me. I shld be grateful that He is always faithful towards me. But... i yearn for physical earthly love too

Big Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16336534148427302007noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6809943145118477353.post-50582787033862240532025-12-06T13:04:00.002+08:002025-12-06T13:06:38.528+08:00

 .... i have noneRelatives.... i have too manyI always try to lie to myself i have an awesome family. Do i? Nope. I have an awesome group of relatives.I am all alone. An orphan. My brother has his own family that i dont belong toMy uncles and aunty have their own family that i dont belong toMy cousins have their own family that i dont belong toDont get me wrong, they are all nice people. But

Big Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16336534148427302007noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6809943145118477353.post-53534637074922323732025-11-27T14:37:00.001+08:002025-11-27T14:37:58.877+08:00

... that Annoying Grouchy BFF (aka AK) said/didSo, AK has been traveling to KL very often for work and I have been meeting him very often to be his driver and leech on his meals (coz he gets to claim USD50 per meal and that is damn alot in Msia!!). Anyways, recently he came at a last min notice and as usual, I went to fetch him from the airport and went makan! After makan whilst i was

Big Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16336534148427302007noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6809943145118477353.post-36104347930906437582025-11-25T23:43:00.000+08:002025-11-25T23:43:01.836+08:00

 So.... I have moved to Damansara Perdana since April this year.Lots of things had happened! When I first decided to move to KL, I gave myself a short list of things to achieve!1. Spiritual JourneyI want to plant myself in a church then join a Cell Group and then get baptised. So before I come here, I had a list of churches that I wanted to check out. DUMC were my priority but I was very

Big Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16336534148427302007noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6809943145118477353.post-29983479014435874612025-03-19T04:02:00.000+08:002025-03-19T04:02:04.054+08:00

 I am seriously shocked and sadden by the news. I know we have not been in contact for years but he will forever be a very dear friend to me. I am very grateful for his friendship. We have been schoolmates since primary school but we were never close. We only became good friends when we have all grown up and reconnected in our late 20s when a few old schoolmates decided to have a small

Big Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16336534148427302007noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6809943145118477353.post-31552019848577015982023-04-19T18:08:00.001+08:002023-04-19T18:08:10.167+08:00

So this morning during breakfast, I was telling Uncle Nam (dad's cousin from Chiangmai) that I am planning to go on a road trip after I buy a new car. and he asked me if I have booked the car yet and I told him no coz I am still waiting for my money to come in. and he advised me to just go pay a booking fee of RM100 to Perodua as right now they are shortage of stock and could wait up to 4 months!

Big Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16336534148427302007noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6809943145118477353.post-69305344357500819702023-04-19T15:33:00.003+08:002023-04-19T15:33:54.170+08:00

My dad's cousins from Chiangmai & Penang came visiting the past 2 days. Wished they can stay longer coz Uncle Nam told me so many of the fun road trips memories he had with my dad and another uncle (FC) who passed away.He told me how my dad decided to take 1 week break and took a bus to KL to meet the other uncle (FC) and they took a bus up to Penang to meet Uncle Nam and stayed 2 nights

Big Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16336534148427302007noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6809943145118477353.post-5912317426766906232023-04-16T22:23:00.001+08:002023-04-16T22:23:10.344+08:00

My currently loop song. 💔💔💔💔

Big Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16336534148427302007noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6809943145118477353.post-65387999871018363382023-04-16T22:14:00.002+08:002023-04-16T22:14:42.446+08:00

 旁观者清páng guān zhě qīngThe person on the spot is baffled, the onlooker sees clear (idiom). The spectator sees more of the game.When I was much younger (in my early teens), my relationship with my mom deteriorated. I don't know why but I was just very angry and disgusted with her. I think that was that time when I suspected she was having affairs. My cousin even told me before

Big Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16336534148427302007noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6809943145118477353.post-74527929157168661852023-04-06T16:56:00.003+08:002023-04-06T16:56:28.728+08:00

Recently I have decided to major spring clean the house once and for all. Been getting rid of damn a lot of stuffs - mostly my mom's stuffs. coz she was a hoarderYesterday, we decided to tackle my childhood room and I found damn a lot of old photos and old old old letters. Which let me to:1. realised we all made damn a lot of effort to keep our friendships back then! most of the letters

Big Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16336534148427302007noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6809943145118477353.post-59262025898339522862023-04-06T12:18:00.001+08:002023-04-06T12:18:07.422+08:00

 ..... already 2023!!So many things happened! As usual! 1st, I am jobless. and my depression is back. together with anxieties. yay. not.2nd, was hospitalised for 34 days and it is really a life and perspective changing experience. don't think I want to go thru that again!anyways..since I am jobless, I should have more time to get back to blogging, right? since I have so many thoughts

Big Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16336534148427302007noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6809943145118477353.post-84016714284691292162020-06-26T23:35:00.001+08:002020-06-26T23:35:19.898+08:00

When I was growing up, just like any young girls, I always fantasized about finding my one true love and I always believed that there is definitely someone out there waiting for me to appear just like I am waiting for him to appear in my life.Every crush (and there are damn a lot) that I had, I always thought that he could be THE ONE - only he doesn’t know it yet. Nope never happenedAfter a few

Big Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16336534148427302007noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6809943145118477353.post-76564476503848157792020-06-26T01:59:00.001+08:002020-06-26T01:59:56.781+08:00

Mummy finally left us on 13 Dec 2019. My only regret was I wasn’t there when she took her last breath coz I was at work. And what sadden me was she died alone without anyone by her side. She was found dead by the owner of the nursing home. We put mom there 8 days prior coz The Maid ran away leaving both the front door and back door wide open and I was away in sg. When I reached home at 4am,

Big Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16336534148427302007noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6809943145118477353.post-17909908545070782952020-06-26T01:24:00.001+08:002020-06-26T01:24:20.124+08:00

So Obelix and I are so damn comfortable with each other that I feel like I can tell him anything. Really stupid things. TMI things such as:Actually sometimes I wonder, how can he put up with me ah? 🤣🤣 Even when we meet, I also will sometimes blurt out these kinda TMI stuffs and he will just layan and his wife will just sit there face palm and shake her head 🤣🤣

Big Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16336534148427302007noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6809943145118477353.post-80317469650042471622019-10-11T11:45:00.001+08:002019-10-11T11:45:31.332+08:00

8yrs ago yesterday, i received a dreaded call from my mom at 3am informing me that kong kong has passed away. i only slept at 1.30am that night. so with only 1.5hrs of sleep, started a frenzy of calling up the karchengs in klang valley to see who wants to tumpang in my small little kancil back to kluang. By the time i round up Belinda, kaima and Jasmine, it was already

Big Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16336534148427302007noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6809943145118477353.post-11248913022668188382018-12-07T01:01:00.001+08:002018-12-07T01:01:33.490+08:00

Big Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16336534148427302007noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6809943145118477353.post-24724387318013056282018-11-19T20:29:00.000+08:002018-11-19T20:29:54.710+08:00

So Obelix suddenly asked me if he has told me before about him being bullied in class when he was 10yrs old.  He read an article about school bullies and memories got triggered.: Obelix: did I ever tell you about me getting bullied when I was 10 years old? Me: 😱 Me: noooo Me: why would ppl bully u? Obelix: so some idiot took my new metal pencil case and twisted it Me: 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 Me:

Big Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16336534148427302007noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6809943145118477353.post-7344453440242320222018-11-12T18:32:00.002+08:002018-11-12T18:32:38.173+08:00

I am feeling depressed today. Just now, driving back to Kluang from Parit Raja, at one of the intersection, I saw a car with words that says "Noordin Family Sdn Bhd" then I started thinking; "Wah! this Noordin guy must really love and trust his family a lot to create a company with his family; for his family." Then i started thinking and I realized that in order to have that kind of love and

Big Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16336534148427302007noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6809943145118477353.post-40836036597494253142016-03-29T18:35:00.000+08:002016-03-29T18:35:11.956+08:00

(Photo taken from my uncle's FB page) Ah Ma (my maternal grandmother) passed away peacefully last night. I got the news when I was out having supper with my colleagues. Halfway eating, i decided to check my handphone and saw a missed call from my aunt. When i saw the missed call, i immediately had a bad feeling. i was imagining the worst - that something happened to my mom. i tried calling

Big Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16336534148427302007noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6809943145118477353.post-53434081615226608702016-03-12T08:53:00.001+08:002016-03-14T12:22:14.642+08:00

Perfect I might never be your knight in shining armour I might never be the one you take home to mother And I might never be the one who brings you flowers But I can be the one, be the one tonight When I first saw you From across the room I could tell that you were curious, Oh, yeah Girl, I hope you’re sure What you're looking for 'Cause I'm not good at making promises But if you like

Big Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16336534148427302007noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6809943145118477353.post-11422653871640401932016-03-11T14:55:00.001+08:002016-03-11T14:55:52.573+08:00

Feeling super sad, jaded and disappointed at the moment. I feel like I m in a fucking rut. Seriously hate the feeling of helplessness. Hate that I am stuck in the predicament that I am in. Sometimes I wish to really take the fucking selfish courage and just pack up and leave. But I know I cannot live with the guilt for the rest of my life. I am increasingly pissed off and bitter as days goes

Big Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16336534148427302007noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6809943145118477353.post-63231501100503637312016-03-09T01:59:00.001+08:002016-03-09T01:59:06.476+08:00

I have been having dreams about MF almost everyday. Some weird, some sweet, some sad. Some sexual. He has been busy for the past week and we haven't chatted for the whole duration. I have to admit, it takes a lot of self control and self discipline not to message him. Coz I really missed him a lot. In the meantime, I stumbled on a good deal from Maxis for iPhone 6s and I did something I am not

Big Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16336534148427302007noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6809943145118477353.post-35848166126344605452016-03-05T09:59:00.001+08:002016-03-05T09:59:35.843+08:00

I did something out of a whim and until now I am not sure if I will regret or am I already regretting. I know I am feeling awfully guilty. I am able to justify the action. But somehow my justification sound more like a feeble excuse to do what I did.

Big Cowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16336534148427302007noreply@blogger.com0