A lot of life is about change, so it should come as no surprise really, when after a new baby, life changes. A lot is different now, to the last year, at least, of our lives. The final months of my pregnancy had rendered me relatively immobile. While we were ‘out and about’ a lot, being at home was a pretty sedentary thing. I’d sit on the sofa and work, work, work. By the time my family arrived here in February, I had blog posts scheduled into April, and all my work that could be scheduled was as far as I could go.  My husband played a much bigger role in parenting a toddler and running a home than I did.

With my family here, a lot was done for me, Ameli was kept busy and after Aviya’s birth, we had meals brought round by friends, so we were taken care of. My mother returned home when Aviya was almost four weeks old and we’ve taken the ensuing three weeks to find our feet, to readjust as a bigger family, and to try to find our way.

It’s not been as hard as I expected. We’ve all just sort of…. melded… into our new roles.

The greatest change has possibly been for me. Finding balance between being a work at home mother, a stay at home mother and simply me. For months my focus has been solely on work, fitting mothering in around my responsibilities. With family here I found it okay because Ameli was being looked after. On our own I’ve had to take a step back from it all. I’ve had to refocus on parenting.

And I’m loving it.

Yes, I worry about the hundreds of emails lying dormant in my inbox, but you know what, if I spend all day answering emails and empty my inbox, at the cost of especially my little girl, then I feel great – until tomorrow, when all those emails are answered and I again have a full inbox. I could fill every day with emails and leave myself and my babies unfulfilled.

But change or not, the life we had three months ago is no longer working for us. January’s reducing aside, there’s still too much clutter. The end of every day leaves our communal areas looking like a bomb hit it – by which time I’ve started working for the day, and don’t have time to clean and tidy – the girls have too many toys for the space we have available, bills are left unpaid, seeds unplanted, due dates come and go, submissions are left half written, with no time to finish them on time. Cooking is a schlep, leading to money spent on food we don’t need with money we don’t have.

No…the way things were wasn’t sustainable.

So – we’ve started making changes. Small changes, but significant. I’ve gone through all the toys and separated them like with like. I’ve gone a step further and put all small items into individual bags – a whole puzzle in one bag, for example, so that when it comes to play time, we can take out one bag rather than tipping out a whole box with a mishmash of puzzles. We’ve put food toys together, musical toys together, art and craft bits together. We’re trying a bit of a Montessori thing with toys and so far, it’s made a huge difference. We put a mat out and most of what Ameli plays with can be played with on the mat. More importantly, it’s one thing at a time – puzzles, put away, crayons, put away, music toys, put away.

We’ve started employing a more ‘playful parenting’ approach. How quickly can we pick up all these toys? Or I’m going to chase you up the stairs, here I come!! It’s harder, sometimes – when I’m tired, stressed out, fed up with other things – but it’s easier. It makes parenting easier .

We’re trying to make nap time shorter and bed time earlier. This doesn’t always work, and we’re not strict on routines, but sometimes it helps.

I’m trying to be more organised around the house – cooking twice as much when I cook, so I can freeze another round for a night when cooking isn’t high on the agenda. Having crafty things ‘ready’ in an activity bag for when we need a quick way of refocusing attention, or calming down. My next step is to make up packets of bread ingredients that can go in the bread machine every morning for our days bread.

We’re in the process of de-wintering our conservatory so that we have a play room again. We don’t have the space or money for a sensory room, so we got a very cheap play tent off a second hand site and are slowly getting things together to make a sensory tent. I’m so excited about that and can’t wait to share it with you. I hate ‘time outs’. Ours just isn’t a child that responds well to it. She seems to experience it as a personal rejection, so rather than forcing tearfully into a time out, which even 60 seconds later leaves her tearful and clingy, we want to try the tent for a sensory calming down. We’ll see how it goes.

I’m going to take Monday night’s ‘off’. I’m not going to work. I’m not going to check emails. I’m not even going to watch T.V. I’m going to lie on my bed and read one of the pile of books and Mother or Juno magazines that I rarely get to.

I don’t know if this is the normal ‘settling in’ stage that comes after a family expands, or whether the Slimpod I’ve been listening to for trying to kick my chocolate habit (which has some mention of being able to control other parts of you life once you’re able to control this one) is affecting this part of me too, but I feel peace, and a desire for peace. I feel the need to be more organised, so that I can be less of a headless chicken and survive in a more orderly fashion.

Not survive.

Live.

And show my girls the beautiful side of motherhood, and of womanhood.

Not a mother who can’t cope with her two children without a family around.

Not a woman who can’t cope with the demands of the housewife side of her role.

Not a woman who is subject to and victim of circumstance, but the strength of a woman who rises above adversary. Whose children are clean and well dressed regardless of financial difficulty, who works to support her family despite the demands of the same.

Woman is so powerful. The rawness of birth has proven that to me, twice over.

That is what I want to teach my girls. Not that they are equal to or better than the opposite sex. There’s no value in that as a lesson. There’s nothing to gain in that comparison.

No. I want to teach my girls that they are powerful, because they have the strength of Mother Earth, they have the power of life within them already, they have the strength to be anything they want to be, they have the Providence of a loving God. They are women. That is all the power and strength they need.

And it starts with me, and a consistent rhythm of change.

My children will know motherhood and womanhood in the example I show them. Pray I lead them well.

Father’s Day is just around the corner now and I wanted something for my hubby that would remind him of his girls, but also be practical and useful. I decided, after ages spent perusing the Your Surprise website on a shoulder bag that he could use as a nappy bag while out and about with Ameli.

It was definitely the right decision.

The ordering process is really simple – just upload a picture, or not, choose a background, or not, and text, or not.

I chose this picture and put it on that bag – and I’m not showing you the end result as I know my husband might pick this up on his feed reader, and if he does I don’t want to totally ruin his surprise!

As it turned out, the picture I sent them wasn’t of high enough quality, so they send me an email asking if I’d be able to send along a picture with better resolution. I did and very soon after received confirmation that my order had been processed.

A few days later a box arrived at my front door and simple as that Father’s day was sorted.

The image is beautifully printed, and the border suits it perfectly.

The bag has a zipped main pocket with a phone pouch, and a hidden internal pocket. There’s also an outer ‘secret’ zipped section and another on top. There’s a zip around three sides too, to extend the capacity which is a brilliant touch. It means the difference between just a couple of nappies and some wipes, or that plus some snacks and a juice.

I think the bag is a perfect size for dads – or at least this dad – who doesn’t like taking a whole nappy bag out with him.

Because only one side has a print on it, I think most men would be okay with carrying it out and about too, as you can just turn the print side inwards if you don’t want to advertise the picture or text on the front.

All in all I think it’s excellent quality and a great present and I think our daddy is going to love it.

Competition

We have been shortlisted in the MADS awards as best pregnancy blog and best new baby blog. I would be so grateful if you would take 1 minute and vote or us to win in those categories.

If you would like to win one of these bags yourself, head over to Your Surprise and have a browse around their Father’s Day gifts. Then come back here and tell me what your favourite is.

For an additional entry, (which is not compulsory, and is not sponsored by Facebook and which has nothing to do with Facebook or its employees) you can like Your Surprise on Facebook, and leave a message on their wall saying I’ve sent you.

This competition finishes at 23:59 on 4 June and the winner will be randomly drawn. Winners will be announced here and on the Diary of a First Child Facebook Page. Please check these to find out who won.

Please read the competition rules.

You do not have to tweet or share this competition to enter, and doing so does not give you additional entries unless otherwise stated, but doing so helps ensure that I can keep bringing you competitions! You can subscribe to Diary of a First Child by RSS  or to our competitions only RSS feed or email. You can also follow us on Facebook or on Twitter. We hope to see you back again soon!

A little something for toddlers for you today – or for adults for that matter – are the Wild ‘n’ Crazy Kids Shampoo by DGJ Organics.

Organic Wild ‘n’ Crazy Kids Detangle Shampoo  comes in two ‘flavours’:  a banana and berry scent, and a watermelon. The scents are really unique and completely un-shampoo-ey. The Watermelon scent was the winner of the 2008 Natural Health Beauty Awards.

These shampoos are formulated for regular everyday use, and they promise that it will clean hair without stripping it of its natural oils. I’ll admit I don’t really know much about shampoos or their ingredients, but retaining natural oils can only be a good thing.

These aren’t the most gentle shampoos on the market, and while they don’t contain SLS  or parabens, they do contain parfum and a bunch of other unpronounceable words, but they’re no better or worse for the average skin than the average organic, free-from shampoo and they have a really fun smell. As I was cuddling with Ameli before she went to bed tonight I could smell the banana and berry aroma, but, that said it isn’t sickly sweet or ‘gross’ in any way. It’s also not like you’ve just walked past a fruit bowl every time you pass your child – it’s a really subtle scent.  Quite lovely, actually.

As a mild detangler, it seems to work well on my hair, and on most of Ameli’s but she has this one clump of hair that tangles every nap time, regardless of what you do. It’s a freak of nature! I will say though, that it leaves her hair soft and springy, even if we don’t use conditioner with it.

We have been shortlisted in the MADS awards as best pregnancy blog and best new baby blog. I would be so grateful if you would take 1 minute and vote or us to win in those categories.

Competition

You can win a set of two shampoos today. To enter the competition, leave a comment below telling me which scent most appeals to you.

For an additional entry, (which is not compulsory, and is not sponsored by Facebook and which has nothing to do with Facebook or its employees) you can like DGJOrganics onFacebook, and leave a message on their wall saying I’ve sent you.

This competition finishes at 23:59 on 4 June and the winner will be randomly drawn. Winners will be announced here and on the Diary of a First Child Facebook Page. Please check these to find out who won.

Please read the competition rules.

You do not have to tweet or share this competition to enter, and doing so does not give you additional entries unless otherwise stated, but doing so helps ensure that I can keep bringing you competitions! You can subscribe to Diary of a First Child by RSS  or to our competitions only RSS feed or email. You can also follow us on Facebook or on Twitter. We hope to see you back again soon!

I’ve never liked chicken livers. I’ve certainly never gone back for seconds – until James Martin made them.

This week Aviya and I went to London for a More To Mushrooms event where chef James Martin did a cooking demo for a small group of bloggers and journalists. The theme of the event was quick and easy mushroom recipes and I learned more about mushroom than I ever thought – like the fact that we totally overcook mushrooms. While he made some fantastic dishes, it was the chicken livers that caught me by surprise. Here’s a newsflash: cooking chicken livers through, ruins them. They need a quick fry and that’s the end of that. And then they are totally palatable!! Here’s the recipe James Martin made for us:

Ingredients:

• 4 slices from a white bloomer
• 30g butter
• 6 rashers bacon cut into lardons
• 400g chicken livers
• 200g chestnut mushrooms, cut in half
• 50ml white wine
• 110ml double cream
• 3 tbsp chopped flat leaf parsley
• salt and black pepper

To make:

1. Toast the bread and set aside
2. Melt half the butter in a frying pan set over a high heat, add the bacon and fry until it starts to crisp. Add the livers and mushrooms, and saute for 1 minute
3. Pour over the wine and cream and stir all the ingredients together for 2-3 minutes, but no more, to ensure the livers stay pink in the middle, then remove the pan from the heat
4. Add the parsley and season with salt and pepper. Serve with slices of toast.

Delicious!

Dear Aviya

When life revolved around just us and Ameli and work, I thought time went by so fast. Now I have you and Ameli and work and well, there just aren’t two empty seconds next to each other in the day. I don’t think I’ve ever worked this hard in all my life. I don’t think the time has moved as far either.

I’m trying to spend my days with you and Ameli, and work mainly at night. When I have a successful day of parenting, I’m so exhausted by night time that my work takes hours. This is the new and current reality of our lives: I’m exhausted, and it has nothing to do with having a baby.

When people talk about ‘good babies’, you are what they have in mind. When they want ‘easy’ babies, it’s you they’re after.  You sleep so well. You wake up once in the night for a feed, and then I normally end up waking you when I get up in the morning. You sleep so much better than Ameli ever has. It’s wonderful. Of course Ameli has regressed to up to six times a night waking, normally all of them after midnight.

You are just such a chilled little girl, a true testament to everthing I believe in… but then I guess I don’t expect anything different from you. You don’t sleep on your own, you’re never separated from me. You don’t like staying in the bouncy chair, the play nest, the bumbo or the play mat for more than maybe five minutes at a time. You like sitting next to me on the sofa, just watching, watching, watching.  You like being on me, and strapped to me in the stretchy wrap Amy sent us, you’ll sleep peacefully for hours. Put you down on your back and you’ll be awake in seconds, crying. On your belly you may still snooze for a bit.

You’re a very spitty baby. I don’t remember Ameli ever throwing up on me, but you do. You don’t fart though – she used to fart like an old man!

You have a simply gorgeous smile, and while you’ve never giggled when you’ve been awake, your dreams are obviously beautiful, because you’ll sometimes giggle in your sleep. I’ve tried to capture it on video a hundred times, but I always miss it. It’s so stunning though.

It’s been two months that we’ve had you with us, and in some ways I can’t remember a time when you weren’t, and in others it’s hardly made any difference. Ameli is amazing with you and we’ve had absolutely no jealousy whatsoever.  It takes me much longer now to do things than it did three months ago, and with you on my lap I can work for hours and achieve half of what I used to… but it’s okay. I know I only have a limited time with you as a completely docile being.

Your little hands are amazing, and you’re already using them to guide the boob to your mouth, or to grab on to things like hair and our fingers. It’s so lovely.

Your birth has challenged us, me. It’s reminded me of principles I sort of gave up on a little during the pregnancy and I’m slowly starting to find my way back. Slowly really being the operative word. You’re just such a treasure – I want to do the best I can by you.  I wish I didn’t have to work as much as I do, so that I could give you more, but for now Daddy and I are working every hour God sends just to keep a roof over your head. For  now that, and my arms,  and my love, will have to be enough.

Things are changing for us though… I seem to have more focus. I know where we are again. I know what I want for my girls. It’s just going to take us time to get there.

I can’t think of anything else to tell you at the moment. I love your smiles, your sighs, your breaths. I love getting in to bed next to you at night, and I love how much you’re growing, and how beautiful you are. You have such an expressive face, and such a full head of hair, you’re properly grown up. An old soul, someone said.

You didn’t have cradle cap, you didn’t have milk spots. You’ve had some thrush, and you’ve had some bad nappy rash, but no where near as bad as your sister before you. I’m grateful for the things we learned with her, that you didn’t have to go through them too. While I’ll never let her be our guinea pig, it’s natural that some things we’ll learn on her and do differently with you. But there are many more things we did with her that we will do with you too.

I love you Squidgy-girl.

This is a wonderful journey and I’m so grateful you chose us to walk it with.

I’m so honoured that you chose us.

Mama.

We have been shortlisted in the MADS awards as best pregnancy blog and best new baby blog. I would be so grateful if you would take 1 minute and vote or us to winin those categories.

I lay on my bed tonight (last night, when you read this) wondering who to feature in my post today. I was browsing through my reader when it dawned on me that there’s someone I truly admire and respect that I’ve never told you about.

Her name is Mama Jorje and she is just the most awesome Mama to know.

Jorje’s youngest two babies are similar in age to my two and when she was pregnant with Spencer, I would keep a close eye on her blog to see her preparations for introducing a new baby.

Jorje’s youngest, Spencer, has Down’s Syndrome and I will as long as I live never forget the day a call was put out to raise money to help as Spencer had to remain in hospital and Jorje’s dedication to breastfeeding him meant she needed to stay near him. The Natural Parenting and other communities raised over $1000 in 48 hours, and a total of over $1500 all together to fund a hotel stay so that Jorje could still nurse her toddler and her new baby.  It was the most amazing experience to be a part of, and while she didn’t blog about it at the time, following Jorje’s Facebook updates about the NICU’s strict feeding and visitation schedule was very emotional. I was, and am, incredibly moved by what Jorje and her family went through in those early days.

Jorje wrote a detailed and honest series on breastfeeding through pregnancy, and Spencer’s birth story is amazing – she went from 7cm dilation to birthing her son in six minutes. Pretty awesome.

A Mamatography participant, Jorje’s life is wonderful to follow as she shares their days in pictures, once a week.

If you want an honest, inspirational read, head over to Momma Jorje. It’ll be one of the best things you do for yourself today.

It’s spring time and while the weather is horrible and Ameli is young, I see no reason why not to get her as involved in nature as possible. We have a garden which is pretty small and currently overgrown, but pretty full of animals – if by animals you’ll accept squirrels, a variety of birds and the neighbourhood cats.

Last summer I planted lavender all around the garden to attract bees and pollination. Also, because I love, love, love crystallized lavender for baking. If you see how overgrown our garden is, it must have worked! (That’s a joke.) This year we decided we needed some bird feeders, but on a budget, so here’s what we did!

You’ll need:

• Two cups bird seed
• A packet of unflavoured gelatine
• Moulds
• String

  
  What to do:

1. Follow the instructions for melting the gelatine
2. Mix in with the seeds
3. We stuffed the mixture tightly into cookie moulds. Half fill the mould, and lay down the two ends of string, then cover with more seed mix.
4. Leave to dry for a good 24 hours
5. Gently pop the shapes out of the moulds
6. Hang around the garden.

We’re laying low at the moment, trying to settle into our new roles in our family, trying to adjust our home to suit our needs and trying to prepare for the coming summer.

124 – Baby Bits

I must confess, there are some baby bits that were Ameli’s and our now Aviya’s that I am just so sad to see them grow out of. It seems ridiculous to feel this way about clothes, when I’m not even that attached to my own clothing, but these are just so gorgeous. I’m just going to have to take photos of them though, cause I certainly can’t keep everything!

125- Boat Docking

The weather’s been rather dismal of late, but sometimes you just need to clear the cobwebs, as we did on this day. A walk down the canal, a play in the park, and watching the narrow boat docking… Ameli was very excited. She wanted to hop on. We’ll have to arrange a narrow boat trip in the summer, I think!

After I had my first son, I knew that I would want to get pregnant in the future but not right this minute and I wanted some assurance that it would not happen. I had been on hormonal birth control prior to having children and I was not happy with what it had done to my body over the 10 plus years I used it and I also did not like the possibility that it might mess with my precious milk supply.

I was much too lazy and forgetful for the charting and NFP that we had learned about through our Pre-Canaan classes before I was a mom. As a new mom I barely remembered to take my prenatal vitamins and I was exclusively breastfeeding, which in itself is a form of birth control called ecological breastfeeding or LAM but I wanted to be sure.

Just look at all the little doo-dads we have used over the years for IUDs

I couldn’t rely on knowing when my cycle would return in order and I wasn’t ready to trust my body to know when a cycle was coming. I don’t like and have never liked condoms and besides I am allergic and need to use only one specific brand. Who has time as a new parent to remember to put one on when you find that one moment of together time? That wasn’t going to work. So what is a newly natural minded mama to do?

I decided on an IUD or intrauterine device. I opted for the non-hormonal copper unit because I hated the hormone birth control and there was still the risk of interfering with milk supply. I was still taking a chance that I might have a reaction to copper since my skin reacts to cheap jewelry and I never really had copper around me before – luckily I didn’t.

I barely felt the insertion and I was only aware of the device being inside me for a few hours after. We weren’t completely positive when we would like to have another child (I was thinking in another year, he was thinking talk to me after we’ve been parents for a bit) so I liked that it could be left in for up to 10 years or it could be removed before that.

It contained no hormones so it was not interfering with my body in that way. It would however physically block sperm from meeting the egg or the egg from implanting.

Paragard packaged prior to use

I chose to use the IUD for around a year. By then I had seen some side affects from it and I really never saw the return of my period because I was using the IUD and breastfeeding. Maybe there is something to LAM after all? But we decided to add another member to our family.

I was expecting to feel some discomfort from the removal but I did not feel anything. That could be attributed to having a vaginal birth prior because some women do complain of discomfort during insertion and removal.

Overall though I was happy. I was not constantly worried that I was going to get pregnant before I wanted to but I also did not feel the way I did on hormonal birth control with the ups and downs of mood swings. After the birth of my second child this will definitely be a consideration for me again because just like every pregnancy is different, every post-natal menstrual cycle is different and I’m not taking bets that breastfeeding will work the same way again.

_________________________

Information About The Author:

AUTHOR BIO: Shannon R writes at The Artful Mama and is Co-editor of Natural Parents Network’s Reviews and Giveaways. She writes about her choices in natural parenting as a working parent to a toddler and soon to be new baby.

I’m sure you’ve been there. You’re busy making dinner, and you need two hands to take the heavy bottomed pot out of the oven. You had baby in a sling, but after tripping over the toddler and scalding yourself on the hot steam coming from the pot on the stove, you realise you just need to be able to cook your dinner, without a baby strapped to you, and a toddler underfoot. (You could of course put the toddler to work and back carry the baby, but that’s not the point right now!)

You just need to be able to put the baby down. But she’s way too squirmy to lay down safely on the kitchen counter. So what do you do? Well, we got a bouncy chair.

With Ameli, we had a slimline, narrow and simple bouncy chair. That was fine till she reached three months and would throw herself out of it, ending up face down with the bouncy chair strapped to her back. I wanted to avoid that this time, so went for a larger, sturdier option.

The Fisher-Price Soothe and Go Bouncy Seat is a lovely chair. It provides comfort, support and entertainment without being overwhelming or over stimulating.

It has useful features, like the fact that it ‘flattens’ (not entirely but to about a quarter of its size) at the push of a button. It has a battery operated music and vibrations box that requires no wires around the chair, and has the options of music, vibration and both.

Initially Aviya quite seemed to like the vibration, and while it was going, she would sleep really soundly. I’m not sure what’s changed, but now it wakes her up, so if she’s sleeping and I need her in a secure place – like if Ameli and I are going to be baking – then I pop her in the bouncy chair, put the music on and let her have a nap.

The music plays around 20 minutes of nursery rhymes before starting again, and as compared to many other examples of musical toys, I don’t find this offensive in any way. In fact, it blends into the background and sometimes I forget to switch it off and it just provides the background to our day anyway, with baby awake or asleep, and in it or not!

We have been shortlisted in the MADS awards as best pregnancy blog and best new baby blog. I would be so grateful if you would take 1 minute and vote or us to winin those categories.

The Soothe and Go Bouncy Seat doesn’t have a toy arch, but instead has a canopy which can be moved above the baby or behind the seat and out the way. This is really useful for outdoor use as you can position it so that baby is protected from the sun – really useful for the summer. And since the bouncy chair folds up and could go on the floor of the car behind the seat you could take it with you for a picnic or camping.

The canopy has two ‘hidden compartments’ wherein hide a fish and a bird which can hang from the canopy or hide within. Aviya is too small yet to show much interest in them, but Ameli loves rattling for her little sister, which is decidedly sweet.

All in all, it’s a lovely bouncy chair, which fulfils its purpose, isn’t over the top and doesn’t over stimulate. Its fabric design is peaceful and playful and while you shouldn’t leave your baby in it for long stretches of time, it’s definitely useful for those times when you need your hands free.

Competition

Fisher-Price have a Soothe and Go Bouncy Chair to offer one reader today. To enter the competition, leave a comment below telling me your favourite feature of this chair.

This competition finishes at 23:59 on 28 May and the winner will be randomly drawn. Winners will be announced here and on the Diary of a First Child Facebook Page. Please check these to find out who won.

Also, we have been shortlisted in the MADS awards as best pregnancy blog and best new baby blog. I would be so grateful if you would take 1 minute and vote or us to win in those categories.

Please read the competition rules.

You do not have to tweet or share this competition to enter, and doing so does not give you additional entries unless otherwise stated, but doing so helps ensure that I can keep bringing you competitions! You can subscribe to Diary of a First Child by RSS  or to our competitions only RSS feed or email. You can also follow us on Facebook or on Twitter. We hope to see you back again soon!