Dear Squidgy

I haven’t written to you in weeks. I can’t believe how quickly the last couple of months have gone. Just a few days ago it was Christmas – and suddenly here we are in February and I’m counting down the days. It’s crazy. You’ll be here within the month, and there still seems to be so much to do.

Actually that’s part of why the time has been going so fast. Every second of my day seems to be accounted for.

I’ve been teaching baby massage classes, and I’ve been doing  training for another class I can teach once you’re born. I feel really bad that I have to go to work straight after you’re born, but things have been a bit tight with what they call ‘the recession’ and Daddy hasn’t been working much, so I have to do what I can to help him out.

Actually, it’s been a really stressful time and I’ve been quite worried and then, on top of the worry, I’ve been worried about what being worried is doing to you. Sounds rough, doesn’t it? But it’s okay. We’ll be fine. And you’ve been so spoiled by the people in this world that love you, even before you’re born. Mama’s been so amazingly touched by friends who’ve come through for you at a time when I was feeling really low.

The love from people around us has been amazing, and while we’ve really not needed much to prepare for your arrival, we’ve been so blessed by the things we have been given.

As for preparations, we’ve slowly but surely been getting on top of things. We’ve done a trial run on the birth pool, and I’ve been drinking the right tea and taking evening primrose oil capsules. I’ve been doing my kegels and we’ve washed the clothes you’ll need for the first while.  We’ve acquired a Moses basket for your day time naps, and I’ve started making some extra meals to put in the freezer.  I seem to be getting on top of the things we need to prepare for your arrival. Slowly, but surely.

What I am not on top of is the house stuff… the tidying, the cleaning, the constant picking up and the suddenly endless amount of laundry – I blame winter. We have to wear so many more clothes in this horrible cold weather.

I don’t know if I mentioned this before, but you were transverse for ages, and on New Year’s Eve you turned, just suddenly. You seem to be head down now, which is great, and you’re moving a lot. Some days I’m pretty sure you’re on the right side, and other days you’re most definitely on the left. In fact, I’m often lopsided. It’s a great look.

Oh – and my belly button finally popped out at 37 weeks.  Just thought I’d make a note of the – it’s rather momentous.

I feel like there’s so much I have to say to you, yet sitting here staring at this page, I can’t think of the right words.

I think you’re the perfect gift for our family. I think we’re so blessed to have you joining us. I can’t wait to count your little fingers and toes. I can’t wait to put your gorgeous newborn nappies on you. I’m terrified, too, of the changes, the new stresses, the new things I’m going to have to learn. Having a baby once was such a learning curve, it changed everything about me. And I realise that you’re a new person, and the knowledge I have gained in this journey of parenthood may be useful, but may also mean nothing. You may be totally different. You will be totally different. There’s no doubt about that. It excites me, and it terrifies me.

I love you Squidgy. I love you already.  (Now I just need to start thinking of potential names for you!)

Mama

(Q6 on my birth plan - positions for labour)
(Q9 I would like to be in the following position to give birth:)

I sat in a hospital waiting room during my first pregnancy, waiting to see someone when a couple came in looking for labour ward. Her waters had broken and they were trying to find out where to go. They waited for the receptionist, and while doing so, were looking at the posters on the wall. The one just beside me had a whole variety of labour positions depicted in pictures. The woman said to her partner, “Hey, look here. You can have the baby in all these positions. You don’t have to lie down.”

My jaw dropped.

I’m sorry if this sounds judgemental, but I struggle to fathom how you can get to that point in one of the biggest occasions in your life and not know something as simple as labour positions.  Especially when your position during labour can have such a huge impact on your experience of childbirth.

Humans are the only mammals that try to give birth lying down. It’s illogical as it defies gravity.

In The Business of Being Born, Michael Odent, the reknown doctor from France, explains why doctors want women on their backs – it makes their job of observing and interfering much easier.  He shows, in the video, the best position for a woman, which has him low down –hard on his back, but better for the labouring woman.

In reality, the best position for a labouring woman is the one she’s comfortable in. I spent most of my pregnancy with Ameli practicing squatting so I could give birth in that position. When it came down to it though, I found having my back out of the water to be excruciating and ended up delivering in the pool, sitting bolt upright. An illogical position, but a perfect one for me. Below are a few suggestions for the best positions to labour in. The links go to videos with detailed instructions on each position. (Some videos are linked more than once.)  I’ve also collaborated with Joni Rae from Kitchen Witch who has drawn up two beautiful printable pages for you to print out and keep with your birth plan to remind yourself of the different positions when the time comes. Feel free to print and share them, but please remember to attribute them to her. There are two of the same of each, with different spellings of labour/labor. Choose whichever you prefer!

First stage/Early Labour

• Side lying – especially with a pillow between your knees, helps  open the pelvis. (After 44 hours of labour and progressing only to 4cm, two hours in this position saw me go from 4 to 8cm and my daughter was born an hour later.)
• Leaning forward – useful for taking the weight of the baby off your back
• Rocking, swaying and rhythmic motion – slow dance with your partner to help you relax and release the birthing hormones. Alternatively, there’s been great things said about gentle belly dancing during labour. Another option is sitting on a birth ball and doing figure of eights with your hips.
• To progress labour, staying active is helpful. For example, climb stairs, go for a walk, do lunges – these are useful to have practiced in late pregnancy so as not to be exhausted with sore muscles! Walking uses gravity and contractions are often less painful. It may speed up labour, reduce backache and encourages descent.

Back labour Back labour generally inspires fear. Everyone accepts widely that it is more painful, although that’s not a given. For me, it was. I couldn’t lie down, and if I wasn’t submerged in water, I found it excruciating. This time I want to be prepared with more back labour defences! (I also have always had back pain during periods, so have always anticipated back labour in childbirth.) The idea with these positions is to keep the baby away from the spine, taking the pressure and weight off the spine. These positions can also help baby move from a posterior position.

• Over the birth ball or bed – helpful if baby stays back to back, and good for pelvic rocking(tilt) which helps with pain relief.
• Pelvic Tilt
• Straddle a chair
• Leaning against a wall is great for rotating a posterior presentation, and the contractions are often more productive.
• Sofa or raised hospital bed
• Lunges

Positions for pushing

• Semi-sitting  – Good for resting, uses gravity – this is how I gave birth, as it was the most comfortable position for me.
• Side-lying – you’ll probably need someone holding your leg up for this one.  This is good for fetal oxygenation. This position may promote progress of labour (I went from 4-8cm in two hours in this position – after 44 hours at 4cm)
• Hands and knees – this is a popular home birth position, also useful because mothers often deliver their own babies in this position.  This position is also good if there’s low heart tones, and takes pressure off of haemorrhoids. This is apparently a good position for delivering a large baby, and excellent for shoulder dystocia.
• Back of hospital bed or sofa – similar to hands and knees, but with support
• Birth ball – again, similar to the above
• Squatting – this one takes strong legs and practice, but is great for shortening the birth canal and also for delivering your baby into your own hands.  Also increases pelvic diameter by up to two centimeters.
• Dangle – is pretty much identical to squatting, with the difference being that someone else (and strong!) supports your weight.  This is similar to a birthing stool, except your centre of support is different. (There has been mention of dangling putting too much pressure on the perineum, so do what’s comfortable.)

Sources: Lavender T and Mlay R. Position in the second stage of labour for women without epidural anaesthesia: RHL commentary (last revised: 15 December 2006). The WHO Reproductive Health Library; Geneva: World Health Organization. Copyright © Paulina G. Perez, RN, BSN, LCCE, FACCE, Lamaze Parents Magazine. Positions for Labor and Birth - Transition to Parenthood Images: Joni Rae from Kitchen Witch

Welcome to week 4 of 2012. Is it just me, or is it really flying by? We’re in FEBRUARY folks. I haven’t even packed away all the Christmas decorations yet! (Yes… I know how bad that sounds!)

Without further ado, here’s our week four for 2012.

19/366 – Lost Day

Ah… the enduring sickness. It seems we lost a day here…

20/366 – Feed the Toddler

Sick, sick, sick sick, sick sick sick, and did I mention, sick? At least with home made yoghurt, I’m pretty sure Ameli’s getting some good stuff in too…

21/366 – Feed the Birds

My inlaws came to visit and after lunch we went for a walk along the canal. I think it’s really important for girls to have a good male influence in their lives, and I treasure that she has a good daddy, Grandpa, Oupa and uncle who love her. Sadly Oupa and Uncle Zee are far away, but daddy and Grandpa are near.

22/366 – Birth Pool Test Run

It’s getting hot in here… well, actually the temperature is dropping, and my belly is getting bigger. We have to start getting things ready for this new baby, so as a first step, we dusted off Ameli’s birthpool to make sure it’s good for round two. She’s way bigger than the day she came out of it, I’ll tell you that!

23/366 – Lego

The sickness bug just won’t leave our house, so we’ve been laying low, doing what we can to keep busy while keeping warm. Here’s Daddy and Ameli building Lego.

24/366 – Fairies and butterflies

When you can’t choose, why not be both at the same time?

25/366 –  Before and After

Trying to sort things out and make space for Squidgy’s arrival. Ameli’s room’s been a bit of a mess from my efforts to tidy, so this is the before and after once I’d sorted clothes she can still wear from clothes she can’t. And then it was back into bed, because if I don’t shake this cold… *sigh*.

Remember to link up your Mamatography posts below, and if you’re just visiting, thanks for stopping by!

(Q4 on the birthplan: During labour, I would like the following pain relief:)

I’m just a few weeks off the birth of my second child right now, and with the birth of my first I was so prepared. I’d spent eight months reading, learning, studying. This time I’ve been less focused on the birth, and more on surviving a relatively rough pregnancy while still being mother to a two year old.  It’s been fun.

But, I’m trying to ‘focus in’ on myself at the moment. I’m trying to set aside all the extras that fill up life, and prepare for the arrival of this baby.

A good place to start, in my opinion, is with a basic birth plan. While many people think a birth plan sets you up for failure and disappointment, I personally view it as a wonderful way of thinking about things you didn’t even know where options in a birth, especially if it’s the first time round for you.

Now, it’s time to start thinking about the pain. It’s the one thing mothers-to-be fear more than anything else, an no wonder, when you see the portrayal of childbirth in the media. Your waters break and two seconds later you’re lying on your back with people all around yelling at you to push, push, push, while you’re screaming. Well, from personal experience (of myself and millions of others), I can assure you that birth doesn’t have to look like that.

And I’m not even talking about drugs.

Understand something: it’s not about getting a medal for natural childbirth. (I get a bit angry when people say ‘you don’t get a medal for going natural’. Actually, you do. It’s just not round and shiny.  Choosing not to go drug-free or not is entirely a personal choice, but belittling someone else’s decision to do so is simply rude. And visa  versa.)

Something very important to remember about fear and pain is how they work together. Fear increases your adrenaline pumping through the body. Adrenaline overrides Dopamine, which is the feel good hormone and Endorphins, which are your natural pain killers, leading to a heightened sensation of pain. The more you fear, the more you feel.

I had a fantastic independent midwife, Sofie Jacobs, who gave us our private antenatal classes before Ameli’s birth, and below is a transcript of my notes from her discussion on Pain Management During Labour:

Natural Methods

• Maternal movement and position changes – otherwise known as active labour, can help managing contractions especially early on. Aids such as a Swiss ball (birth ball) pillows or leaning over a chair can be useful.  I’ve been reading a lot about yoga or belly dancing to help during labour too. It’s very interesting and worth trying.
• Touch, massage and counter pressure – some women find having their lower back pressed or their hips pushed together during contractions can relieve some pressure. Massage can help relax between contractions too. Application of hot cloth or ice pack can also help here.  I didn’t enjoy being touched during contractions and just wanted my body submerged in water.
  
• Breathing and relaxation – hypnobirthing, golden thread breathing and a host of other breathing techniques can be used. They should be practiced during pregnancy so that they are natural and familiar during labour. There’s a large variety of ‘birth relaxation’ CD’s on the market. My favourite is Birth Beyond Fear – Beautiful Birth Relaxation by Lorraine Hale. Definitely become ‘accustomed’ to it during your pregnancy as there’s little more distracting than a grating or irritating voice droning on during labour and not every CD will appeal to every listener.
• Hydrotherapy – whether this is in the bath, shower or a birth pool, water is known to provide pain relief in many conditions, and labour is the same. That said, some women have planned waterbirths, then found they hated being in the water – there’s no way of knowing, but most of us have access to running water. I planned to give birth on my knees, but during labour found I couldn’t bare to be on my back on land, and once in the pool didn’t want to move off my back – being submerged in water was the most incredible relief!
  
• Attention focusing and distraction – being able to focus on something else may help deal with contractions. Alternatively having a mantra or song or affirmations to repeat or have repeated to you. This was invaluable to me during labour. I had music I was listening to and was so focused on singing along during transition that I remember the midwife saying she’d never heard anyone singing while giving birth before. It took my mind totally off the ‘pain’ and made me entirely focused on the baby moving down the birth canal. I also had a list of affirmations stuck up on the fridge (we had a birthpool in the kitchen) and my husband repeated those and others he’d heard me repeat during the pregnancy over and over. One of my overriding memories of our daughter’s birth is my husband kneeling behind me repeating those affirmations quietly in my ear during each contraction. I’ll never forget the sound of his voice during contractions. It was so calming and reassuring to me. Ali from Sunrise Rants baked a cake for their new baby during early labour as a means of distraction.
  
• Self-hypnosis – there are a number of different techniques and options available. I found them all to be too expensive for me to do the proper classes, but CD’s and books are available. I found deep relaxation to be as effective as I have heard hypnosis can be.
  
• TENS (Transcutaneal Electrical Nerve Stimulation) – You have to start using the TENS machine when contractions start, and gradually build up with it. You can not stop and start, and once you’ve stopped you cannot restart. The electrical impulses stimulate the production of endorphins. Apparently the baby is not affected by the nerve stimulation. There are different TYPES of TENS machines. Not all are suitable for labour. Be careful if you buy to buy one intended for use in labour. I found this a great relief until I went into the birthpool. They can be hired or bought.
  
• Reflexology, acupressure, acupuncture and aromatherapy – all can be used during labour and are especially effective when treatment is started during the last trimester of pregnancy.  All should be done with a qualified therapist as they can help with the induction of labour and some essential oils are not recommended in pregnancy.

Pharmacological methods

• Paracetamol – can be taken at home every 4 – 6 hours during labour. While useful in early labour it won’t have much effect later on and dosages MUST be adhered to.
• Entonox (Gas and Air) –  the mother is in control of how much she has, and it has immediate effect. There’s no need for monitoring when on G&A and there’s no effect on the contractions. On the negative side, it can cause light headedness and vomiting. I vomited badly on entonox, and didn’t like it at all. It made me feel light headed and unfocussed. I used it for a while as I was exhausted after 2 days of labour, but I didn’t feel that it did much for the sensation – it just made everything blurry and forced me to focus on my breathing. That part was helpful.
  
• Pethidine (Demerol in the US) – while some midwives can administer Pethidine at a home birth, it is unlikely. It (apparently) works quickly and can be repeated later in labour. Pethidine is generally administered by injection, and it can cause nausea and dizziness – whereas with gas and air that will dissipate in minutes, Pethidine will have to be left to work it’s way out of the body. Pethidine can also cause the baby to have a ‘sleepy heart rate’ which may be misconstrued as the baby’s heart rate dropping, leading to interventions.
• Epidural– this can come in two ways: half and full. Epidurals cannot be administered in a home birth.  A half epidural means you can still move around somewhat, and will be able to feel your body’s urges to push. With a full epidural you will not be able to move and will be constantly monitored. You will also need to be coached to push when the monitor shows you’re having a contraction.  Epidurals carry more risks than the previously mentioned methods of pain relief. These include:
  • 5% risk of hypotension
  • localised lower back ache
  • shivering
  • prolonged labour
  • reduced bladder sensation
  • 1 in 200 risk of dural puncture resulting in headache
  • 1 in 1000 risk of temporal nerve damage
  • 1 in 10000 risk of permanent nerve damage
  • may increase risk of operative delivery (c-section)

I hope you find this as helpful as I did when Sofie gave it to us. It really laid it all out clearly to me, and helped me decide what I would and would not like to use during labour.

Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional – this is a summary of my own research into the birth of my own children. I recommend you do the same and make informed decisions about your own situation. 

For additional reading:

• Effect of Labor Epidural Anesthesia on Breast-Feeding of Healthy Full-Term Newborns Delivered Vaginally – Medscape
• Epidurals and Breastfeeding – La Leche League
• Effects of Pethadine on the Newborn – BMJ
• Does medication administered to a woman in labour affect the unborn child? - an AIMS leaflet
• Belly Dancing as the Dance of Childbirth - Barbara Brandt and Gigi Groth Devitt
• Belly Dance for Birth - a Youtube video
• Breathing techniques for labour and birth – look specifically at Golden Thread Breathing, this focused me so much in transition, it was a beautiful experience.
• Side Effects of Epidural Anesthesia: Research Data

Medicated vs unmedicated births: personal stories

• Sweet Birth Doula Services
• Babycenter - an interesting thread with personal experiences from a range and variety of mothers

I am an absolute lover of Groupon. I think the idea behind it is fantastic, and I love having the opportunity to treat myself to things I really ordinarily wouldn’t justify in my budget. There’s always someone in the family that needs new shoes before I can have a massage. There’s always something that takes priority over something I might like to treat myself on. But with Groupon, there’s actually the option of doing something nice for myself or for people I care about from time to time.

Recently I was given a £100 Groupon voucher to spend on whatever.I.want.  You have no idea how rare that is. Even though I do work and do earn an income, it really isn’t money that goes in my pocket.  I’m sure at least one or two you of you know what that’s like? And the upside is that Groupon doesn’t sell baby stuff, or pay bills, or do grocery shops… so you have no choice but to spend it on something nice.

So what did I do with my £100? I bought dinner for myself and my husband – we’ve not been out to dinner in over a year – and I’ll give him the voucher for that on Valentines day, so we can go two weeks later when my sister is visiting and can look after Ameli for us.  I bought a one-hour massage and facial for two for myself and my sister for after I’ve had Squidgy – nothing like throwing Daddy in the deep end for an hour or two! And I still have £40 left! I’m being very selective about what I’m going to do with that. Buy myself another massage for later in the year? Spoil a friend in need with something?

A few months ago, I even bought a £140 photo shoot for just £29 and it expires when Squidgy will be about two months old, so we have time to have a professional family photoshoot with our new born!

Perhaps a family day out? Or a wine tasting party at home for myself and six friends – maybe for my birthday?  I could even get my living room repainted, although not for £40.

My plan for next Christmas is to put a few treats from Groupon into our Advent activity calendar, so while some days we’ll stay home and bake a cake, other days we might have a family adventure golf day. Some days we might go to the park, other days we might go to a theme park or local attraction, all at massively reduced prices, and because I’m buying packages throughout the year – it won’t all cost at once (although there are date restrictions, so do keep those in mind!)

I’ll let you know how our Groupon days we’ve already bought go in February… I can’t wait for a bit of ‘special’ time.

*Update 1/02/12: Regular readers will know I’m a huge fan of Green People, and today Groupon have a FANTASTIC offer of 60% off Green People products. £12 for £30 of Green People products.

Competition

Groupon have kindly offered readers two chances to win a £50 voucher.  Head on over to Groupon now and see what the offers in your area are today, then come back here and let me know which you would spend the £50 on if you won. (Remember Groupon offers are only available for purchase for one day, so you won’t actually get that offer, but if you win, you’ll get a £50 to spend on any upcoming offers you choose!)

You can also follow Groupon UK on Facebook.

For an additional entry, sign up to receive our Competitions Only RSS feed or the standard RSS  and leave a second comment below to say which one you’ve signed up for.

This competition ends at 23:59 on 13 February 2012 and the winner will be randomly drawn using Random.org

Please read the competition rules.

You do not have to tweet or share this competition to enter, but doing so helps ensure that I can keep bringing you competitions! You can subscribe to Diary of a First Child by RSS or email. You can also follow us on Facebook or on Twitter. We hope to see you back again soon!

Monday Morning Coffee is a simply gorgeous blog. It’s pretty much a photo journal of the kind that makes me want to retake the photography course I did about ten years ago.  Her pictures evoke emotion. They are bits of art, each and every one.  Reading – or watching – Monday Morning Coffee unfold is like reading the pages of someone’s diary, but without guilt, because they’ve handed it to you. It’s beautiful and peaceful. It’s a privilege to be invited in.

Jenni has a large family and step family (five kids from baby to 17 year old!), many of whom have food intolerances and allergies, so when my gluten and dairy free friend comes to visit, you’ll find me perusing MMC for a recipe for our dinner!

Monday Morning Coffee is still quite a young blog, started in August last year, with a small following, but deserving of a larger one. I highly recommend that you visit this website – you’ll leave feeling like you’ve just had coffee with a friend.

—-

Kitchen Witch is an incredible blog that I’ve been a silent reader of for a very long time. Joni Rae is an awesomely talented woman – you can see that in her blog design and creative doodles. She is also a passionate activist in a number of arenas – like breastfeeding – and speaks with a fervour and intensity that makes you sit up and listen.

Joni is also deeply honest about her life, her past, her depression and her battle with body image. She also doesn’t mind standing up for her beliefs in the face of possible criticism. For example, there are many in the AP circles that don’t believe in praising children too much, and many have written on the ‘dangers’ of ‘good job!’ But Joni tells her kids when she thinks they’re doing a good job. (I do too. And I tell my daughter she’s beautiful… daily!)

But once in a while?  A kid just wants to say “Look what I can do!” and stand on their hands before they run off to play again.  That’s when a “that’s fantastic!  Great job!” is all they are asking for.  A quick stamp of approval.  A small bit of praise that conveys “I acknowledge what you are showing me and it is awesome!”  They aren’t looking for a long-winded “I love the way you placed your hands on the floor and the way you are able to hold you body so straight! You are very strong!” because that would cut into whatever game is in play in the backyard.

I agree wholeheartedly. When my child says ‘look mama, at what I can do’, it’s her way of making sure I’m still paying attention to her, still conscious of her and still ‘with’ her, even if I’m busy with something else.

Joni’s husband weighs in on this by saying:

Good job to a five year old is the equivalent of a quick ‘I love you’ to a grown up.  We don’t have to wax poetic about the depth and breadth of our love, we just want to acknowledge that it is there.  Do these same people not want their spouse or partner to say “I love you” before they hang up the phone or turn over to go to sleep at night? ‘Good job’ is a quick snapshot, a verbal thumbs up.

It was a real relief to me, to find someone else in the AP society who doesn’t have a problem with praising her children.

Kitchen Witch is a Pagan blog, so our belief systems are different, but our styles of raising our children, our belief in nature and in doing the best for our families are so similar, that I feel an affinity with Joni Rae, and a little bit of envy at how beautiful she is able to make her corner of the web.

I went to my library recently to find books to use to prepare Ameli, not only for a new sibling, but also for the arrival of a new child. While there were plenty books and stories, there weren’t any that didn’t have the older sister or brother going in to the hospital room to see the baby  who was generally in the crib next to mama’s bed.

While there’s nothing wrong with these stories, in themselves, and they would suit the majority of people, I wanted something more – I wanted to be able to prepare my child for the birth we are planning.

I did a little research and found only three books easily available in the UK. (For a review of books easily available in the US please see Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama.)

• My New Baby illustrated by Rachel Fuller (£3.99 at Amazon UK) (Amazon.com)

My New Baby is a cardboard book, definitely aimed at younger children. There aren’t many words, and it isn’t a story as such, but rather, random sentences, like “This bed is bouncy! Is the baby hungry?” or “I’m getting dressed. Is Baby clean yet?” and so on.

The book opens with mother, father, older sibling  (which could pass as a boy or a girl) and baby in bed. Baby is breastfeeding and daddy is playing with the older sibling.

Later you see baby nursing again while OS eats a plate of finger foods, and on the next page, baby is in a sling while OS walks, with the words ‘I love walking. When will Baby walk like me?’ below it, so there are attachment parenting themes throughout, but it’s not alienating – baby is also carried in a bucket car seat, and cries during a nappy change before being put into a Moses Basket to sleep.

It’s a very simple book, and it doesn’t deal with the birth of the baby at all, but only with there being another baby.

The thing I liked most about the book is that because it is so simple, we can adapt the words and the story to suit our needs. We called the older sibling Ameli, and we talk about each picture. For example when the baby is nursing, we talk about how our baby will nurse from Mama, and Ameli will have to share. She turns to me and points at my breasts saying “Baby will have milk”. So, she gets it – but I’m interested to see how she accepts it when its more than pictures in a book.

I think it can be used as quite a useful tool later on too – reminding Ameli to put her own jumper on, like the girl in the book, while Mama dresses the baby, and so on. I also like the fact that though I think it’s obviously a girl on the cover, which works in our favour, you could get away with it being a brother, I think.

While helpful for preparing to adjust to life with a baby, the My New Baby didn’t help with preparing for birth at all.

• Hello Baby Written by Jenni Overend, Illustrated by Julie Vivas (£5.99 at Amazon UK) (Amazon.com)

Hello Baby is a beautiful book, written for, I’d imagine, a slightly older child – perhaps three or four and up. That said, we’ve had great success with using the story as a tool for discussing birth with my two year old.
It’s a ‘normal’ paper book, and the story is nicely written and stunningly illustrated. The words of the story are descriptive of a home birth at its ideal, attended by a midwife and other family members.

The illustrations in this book are quite graphic, without being intimate. There’s a picture of the mother leaning against the father during transition, with the head of the baby visible between her legs as the older children look on. There’s a side profile of the mother, naked, holding the baby with the umbilical cord attached to both of them, and later the midwife holds a bowl with the placenta in it.

While the book is quite detailed, and this may be off-putting for some, I find it a very good way to open conversation. It’s my hope that Ameli will be present at the birth, and having an understanding and a preconception of it can only be helpful.  The final picture has the whole family of six sleeping on sleeping bags in the living room, with mother cosleeping with baby in her arms. The boy, who is telling the story, crawls in with daddy. He can see the baby lying between ‘Mum and Dad’ and wishes he could be there too. We had a really productive chat – as much as you can with a two year old – about how Ameli would sleep in the other room with Daddy for a while, while Mama and Squidgy would sleep in the big bed. Again, she is okay with it in principle… we’ll see how reality pans out.

The story is lovely and detailed and follows the mother as she is in early labour and goes out for a walk in the woods, it talks about the midwife’s arrival and her equipment, and about how Mum yells and shouts at times. It is too detailed for Ameli, so we follow the basics of the story, but mainly using the pictures I tell her the story in age appropriate chunks.

The only negative in the book, is that the midwife ‘pulls on the cord’ to release the placenta – but we just leave that bit out.

I love this book. And I love that it is adaptable across the ages, and that the pictures are tasteful and beautiful, and yet still honest and true to what the child is likely to see at a homebirth.

I highly recommend Hello Baby when preparing your toddler or young child for childbirth.

(Isil at Smiling Like Sunshine has additional thoughts and images from this book)

• Our Water Baby written by Amy Maclean and Jan Nesbitt  (£9.99 at Amazon UK) (Amazon.com)

Our Water Baby is the most expensive of the three books I was able to find. It is also the only one I could find on waterbirth. It is a whole story in which a birth happens, rather than just being about birth. That said, issues surrounding water birth are very nicely explained in conversation between the parents and their son.

“Will the baby know how to swim?” asked liver.
“When babies are born in water, they know how to hold their breath. The baby will not have to swim on his own,” said Oliver’s daddy.

A common question people ask, answered in a simple way that a child will understand.

Our Water Baby mentions the ‘noises’ of birth, and the quiet of concentration during labour, it mentions daddy supporting mummy in the pool, and the midwife using a dopler to listen to the baby’s heart, mentions the mother’s ‘special milk’ and has a lovely bonding scene between big brother and new baby.

The book is beautifully illustrated too, with toys and children’s characters hanging around in random places forming frames around the page, and the birth scenes are completely covered in water, so all you see is a bit of breast above the water – but that’s pretty true to a water birth.

(I do love the picture of granny and grandpa with the midwife in the kitchen cleaning up while the family bonds on the bed!)

This is a very innocent portrayal of birth, while still being factual. It doesn’t have the gritty reality of Hello Baby, and isn’t as focused or detailed, but does the vague job of explaining a birth to a child who may be waiting upstairs.

• Choosing Waterbirth – Reclaiming  the sacred power of birth by Lakshmi Bertram (Amazon.com)

This isn’t a book for children at all, but I thought I’d throw it in here anyway. It is the best book I’ve ever read on waterbirth. It’s simple, easy to understand, reader-friendly language, without being too technical and is such an easy read it doesn’t take long at all. If your mother, sister, partner or friend is unsure about water birth: this is the book to give them to read.

Bertram discusses the theory of waterbirth, including why water is beneficial, explaining the logistics of waterbirth and looks at the basics of birth. There’s a section on preparation which includes practical demonstrations such as yoga, deep relaxation, breathing techniques and free movement dance.

The real winner for me, however is part 3 of Choosing Waterbirth, where she shares six water birth stories.

It is an empowering read for the mama-to-be and for those supporting her. (I gave it to my mother to read before my daughter’s birth and it answered most of her questions and put her mind at ease too. I highly recommend this book for anyone considering a waterbirth.)

Do you know of other books for children that I’ve missed out? There are plenty available in the US and another I found in Australia, but are there more in the UK?

We’ve been a flu infested family this week, and it’s been pretty low-key. Still going about our business, but with less energy, and a slightly weightier footprint.

 12/266 – Sick Day

We’ve never really been sick around here before. I mean, I’ve been sick, but I don’t think we’ve had colds, all three of us at the same time, ever before. And I don’t think Ameli’s ever been really sick before… nothing beyond the usual congestion that comes with teething. This week Martin got sick, then Amili, then me. It’s been a fun house. Let me tell you.

On the up side, she’s been relatively easily entertained this week with her stones she loves playing with, and plenty of reading. Small mercies, as I’ve had no energy.

13/366 – Baby Sittting

Ameli and I went to babysit for a friend of ours who lives about 50 miles away. It was my first taste of life with two children. Heaven have mercy. If you never hear from me again… two children did it.

14/366 – Frosty

I had an early appointment this morning (9am), and this was the scene that awaited me in the car. It was -3C when I got in. It warmed up to -2.5C by the time I managed to head off, 25 minutes later. I tried water, scraping, heating. The ice wasn’t going anywhere. No wonder I felt even worse this night!

15/366 – Tissues

I had a pile of used tissues I was going to take a picture of. My husband kindly threw them away before I got to it. I’m still sick in bed. I don’t think the 20-something minutes I spent in the car yesterday trying to defrost the windows helped at all. *cough* *splutter*

16/366 – 34 Weeks Pregnant

I love that my belly is bigger than my boobs again. A different kind of balance and a nice change.

17/366 – Wooden Bricks

I’m still sick. I can’t believe how long it’s taking me to get over this cold. I’m trying not to leave the house, so we’re doing a lot of lounge-play. By “we” I mean Ameli. I love how she loves blocks and cars. No Disney Princesses for us (so far!).

18/366 – Homebirth Meeting

Yes, I’m having a home birth. We went to a home birth meeting together, just to help us get our heads into a birthing space, together. There wasn’t much there to take photos of, so I thought I’d take a picture of the books I was returning.

Thanks for joining us for our week in pictures!

Breastfeeding during pregnancy is an interesting experience.  More so with a child that’s able to talk to you. Really, if scientists want to fully understand breastfeeding, the production of milk during pregnancy and the changes in milk during that time, they need a core group of mothers breastfeeding children with communication skills. I don’t think there’s any more reliable evidence.

At around 20 weeks – I don’t remember exactly when, Ameli was nursing away happily one day, when she unlatched, looked at me with an obvious question mark on her face and said ‘that’s not milk, it’s something else’. Then threw herself at my nipple and guzzled away before pulling off again and saying, “what is it?”

Colostrum, I suppose.

It must have turned back to milk again at some point, because she didn’t mention it again. Or maybe she’s just happy with colostrum.

At around 28 weeks, a friend’s son developed an eye infection and she asked if I’d be willing to provide some milk for him. Of course I didn’t mind, so I tried to express. For the first time in my life, I couldn’t. It took almost 15 minutes to produce a teaspoon full of clear, sticky liquid – colostrum. It worked for the eye, but being unable to express really shocked me.

At 31 weeks, Ameli was nursing one day when she pulled off and said “there’s no milk, mama. I hope there’s some in the other one?” Apparently there was, but it does seem that my milk supply is finally running low. Not only does she nurse for as long as she did as a newborn if I let her, but every now and then she’ll say “other one please” as the milk is drained from whichever breast she’s feeding from.

For me, personally, I’m ready to wean – especially at night, and I’m a bit sorry that I won’t have a break at all between nursling babies, but she is definitely not ready to wean, and any refusal on my part is taken as a pretty serious punishment. She’ll cry as if I’ve just shredded her favourite teddy bear or run over her dog. It’s pretty gut wrenching.

The experience of nursing through pregnancy isn’t a great one for me. My breasts are more sensitive than I remember them being during my first pregnancy. And prolonged nursing is actually painful. The only way I can think of explaining it is this:

It’s like being tickled, but when the tickling is no longer fun and is actually physically painful, but the tickler isn’t listening to your pleas for them to stop. You’re still squealing and laughing, because that’s the physiological reaction, but it’s unpleasant, painful and no longer fun.

Perhaps that’s a terrible explanation, because each person will experience that in their own way depending on their level of ticklishness, but then, perhaps that makes it the perfect explanation because each person’s experience of breastfeeding and of breastfeeding in pregnancy, is so different.

At it’s worst, in the first trimester, the hormonal stimulation of breastfeeding through Hyperemesis Gravidarum used to make me throw up.  In much of the second trimester it was simply painful – like blades being sucked through my nipples. But in this, the third, my nipples are constantly sensitive, but the actual act of feeding doesn’t hurt as much anymore.

It’s been an adventure, finding out exactly what the milk is doing in there through the vocalisations of a two year old. I don’t regret feeding my daughter through this pregnancy, despite the fact that it has often been very uncomfortable, and I hope that sharing nursing with her sibling will be something that bonds them, rather than a cause for rivalry, and then, it is my hope that she will decide that this is for babies and at her own pace and time, let go.

The Polar Bear Snow Boogie from Wham-O is a different kind of product for me to write about, but it’s one we couldn’t resist.

In the Autumn, ‘they’ predicted that we would have the coldest winter on record and that we’d have snow in October already. After last winter and the insane amounts of snowfall – all of which we missed by spending the winter in South Africa  – I was really excited. Eight winters I’ve endured the cold and dark and we’ve had a few great snow days, but never really enough to even build a proper snowman!

So, in preparation for this winter full of sledging, we agreed to test the Polar Bear Snow Boogie from Wham-O.  And we’ve had the grand sum-total of about half an hour’s gentle snow fall all Winter so far.  Dandy.

So I’m going to tell you about the snow boogie, and give the opportunity to win one, even though we’ve not had a chance to try it out yet.

The Snow Boogie is made of PVC, and is meant for children aged 4 and over. It doesn’t have steering control, can’t be towed and can gather large speeds down big hills so in those circumstances I think it’s an age limit best stuck to.

That said, if your child is going to be sledging in your back yard, I can’t see any reason why a younger toddler can’t be pushed around the garden in it – assuming you can get down that low! (What great exercise!)

The polar bear, which we have, is really quite sweet. It has two sturdy handles for holding and is a rather cute design.

The guidance says it can take a person up to 54kg, but the actual seating area is quite small, so I’m not sure how comfortable someone towards the top end of that limit would be.

While intended for use with snow, this inflatable polar bear can also be used in water, although always with parental supervision, obviously.  I quite like that it doubles as a summer or winter activity though.

Environmentally speaking, it is a PVC product which isn’t great, but it is what it is.  A bonus of that, however, is that it is inflatable, so it is also deflatable, and fits in an A4 page-sized box for easy storage and transport.

I imagine this will be great fun should we actually get any of that promised snow, but if not I think we’ll have a ball with it in the pool in summer.

Competition

To win a Snow Boogie Air Tube from Wham-O, leave a comment below letting me know whether you prefer the polar bear or the penguin.

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This competition finishes at 23:59 on 6 February 2012 and the winner will be randomly drawn using Random.

Please read the competition rules.

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