After I had my first son, I knew that I would want to get pregnant in the future but not right this minute and I wanted some assurance that it would not happen. I had been on hormonal birth control prior to having children and I was not happy with what it had done to my body over the 10 plus years I used it and I also did not like the possibility that it might mess with my precious milk supply.

I was much too lazy and forgetful for the charting and NFP that we had learned about through our Pre-Canaan classes before I was a mom. As a new mom I barely remembered to take my prenatal vitamins and I was exclusively breastfeeding, which in itself is a form of birth control called ecological breastfeeding or LAM but I wanted to be sure.

Just look at all the little doo-dads we have used over the years for IUDs

I couldn’t rely on knowing when my cycle would return in order and I wasn’t ready to trust my body to know when a cycle was coming. I don’t like and have never liked condoms and besides I am allergic and need to use only one specific brand. Who has time as a new parent to remember to put one on when you find that one moment of together time? That wasn’t going to work. So what is a newly natural minded mama to do?

I decided on an IUD or intrauterine device. I opted for the non-hormonal copper unit because I hated the hormone birth control and there was still the risk of interfering with milk supply. I was still taking a chance that I might have a reaction to copper since my skin reacts to cheap jewelry and I never really had copper around me before – luckily I didn’t.

I barely felt the insertion and I was only aware of the device being inside me for a few hours after. We weren’t completely positive when we would like to have another child (I was thinking in another year, he was thinking talk to me after we’ve been parents for a bit) so I liked that it could be left in for up to 10 years or it could be removed before that.

It contained no hormones so it was not interfering with my body in that way. It would however physically block sperm from meeting the egg or the egg from implanting.

Paragard packaged prior to use

I chose to use the IUD for around a year. By then I had seen some side affects from it and I really never saw the return of my period because I was using the IUD and breastfeeding. Maybe there is something to LAM after all? But we decided to add another member to our family.

I was expecting to feel some discomfort from the removal but I did not feel anything. That could be attributed to having a vaginal birth prior because some women do complain of discomfort during insertion and removal.

Overall though I was happy. I was not constantly worried that I was going to get pregnant before I wanted to but I also did not feel the way I did on hormonal birth control with the ups and downs of mood swings. After the birth of my second child this will definitely be a consideration for me again because just like every pregnancy is different, every post-natal menstrual cycle is different and I’m not taking bets that breastfeeding will work the same way again.

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Information About The Author:

AUTHOR BIO: Shannon R writes at The Artful Mama and is Co-editor of Natural Parents Network’s Reviews and Giveaways. She writes about her choices in natural parenting as a working parent to a toddler and soon to be new baby.

I loved packing my bags and boarding the plane for England. My family weren’t there to see me off, since they were living in Malaysia. When they left Malaysia and eventually immigrated to Australia, via a few years back in South Africa, I was already married and living in England.

 

Welcome to the May 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting With or Without Extended Family

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared how relatives help or hinder their parenting. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

***

 

Our parents met over coffee in a restaurant a 12 hour flight from where we were sitting at our desks working. We were already married, so the pressure was off. We’ve just always been together, now. Together, alone.

It was really only when we started a family that I began to feel the lack of an extended family. It was in doing it alone, together, that I began to understand why the ‘village’ in African culture is so important.  Let me tell you a story:

We had a cleaner for part of my childhood. One day she needed time off because her mother had died. Of course, we said, go home! Except a few months later, she needed time off again. See, her mother had died. We let it slide, but the third time she had to go home because her mother had died, the question was raised.  The answer was beautiful, actually. In African culture, you are raised by a community of mothers and grandmothers. One gives birth to you, but it takes a village to raise a child.

I finally understand the value of that. And I miss my family.

How many great-grandmothers crawl around with their great-grandchildren?

We’ve been exceedingly blessed that my parents, though not well off particularly, do prioritise travel in their expenses.  I spent some time with them when I was pregnant with Ameli. They were there for her birth (as was my sister, who visited every couple of months) and we were with them for her first birthday, when we spent six months with them.

I saw them again last year when I was pregnant, and my mother made it out here for Aviya’s birth eight weeks ago. We also have Skype and I’m quite trigger happy with my camera, and have plenty of video of our time together (which is amazing for keeping the memories of people alive for children. Ameli actually talks to and interacts with people in our home movies!) so while they’re so incredibly far away, Ameli knows her family, and loves them. She talks about them unprompted, and it’s wonderful… but it’s not a village.

My mother is available. My grandmother – the girls’ great grandmother – loves them deeply. She has spent more time with Ameli than most great grandparents get (she went camping with us when Ameli was 8 months old!). She’s always there for support. I can message her at any time of the day or night. But it’s still not a village.

Something I hear repeatedly from AP friends online is the deep sad loneliness that comes from choosing to parent differently. I recognise it, because for two years, I felt like the odd one. “Oh, you’re the one that still breastfeeds?” (When Ameli was 8 months old). “Oh, the one who doesn’t use a pushchair?” (1 year). “The one that sleeps with her baby?”

I can’t emphasise enough, either how isolating choosing to parent consciously can be, or how important it is to find a tribe, build a village.

Having an Attachment Parenting group in our area has been a life saver for me. Or at least a sanity saver. It’s something I’m endlessly grateful for.

I’m grateful for Nadja, who let me sleep on her sofa when I was pregnant and exhausted while she read books to her son and Ameli. I’m grateful that she let me be a part of her son’s birth.  I’m grateful to Nina who didn’t think my fear of not having enough love for two was ridiculous. I’m grateful for Rhiannon who agreed to be my Doula. I’m grateful for Nadja and Mish who filled our freezer with food in the weeks following having a baby. I’m grateful for Sara who has so much energy and enthusiasm despite a sleep-averse son that it can’t help but rub off on me and I love her company.

I’m grateful for Fee who has been a companion and is in many ways a like-minded soul. I’m grateful for Laura who I think epitomises what an ‘earth mother’ is and is such an inspiration to me. I’m grateful to Ellie who is one of the most gentle and peaceful people I’ve ever met, and has such an unbelievable way with Ameli, who adores her. I’m grateful to Emily who is the one person whose children are just a few months older than mine and who has had amazing advice to offer.

Communal Fire, Qwantani, South Africa

And you know what blows me away? I met these ladies six months ago. Not years. Months. There’s a village, and every week we meet up around the camp fire (an indoor playgroup, no flames involved) and there’s always someone on Facebook. We can always pop over and ask a question. There’s always someone to provide an answer a few minutes later. This is my village, and that is our shared pot.

It didn’t always exist either. It took Emily and Nadja deciding to start a group, to put in the effort and to place an ad to start it up a year ago. And the group has grown, more mothers have come, some have left, but we all learn from each other, support each other and grow together.

We turn to each other when we’re in a parenting ‘low’. We turn to each other when we’re happy, excited or just want to share. We can offer advice, information or just a cup of tea. Sometimes a mother just needs to know someone really, truly understands. This is what my ‘village’ offers.

This is what family does.

We all need a village, and in the absence of one formed by blood, one forged by shared experience is a gift.  A blessed, beautiful, wonderful gift.

***

Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon May 8 with all the carnival links.)

• Dealing With Unsupportive Grandparents — In a guest post at Natural Parents Network, The Pistachio Project tells what to do when your child’s grandparents are less than thrilled about your parenting choices.
• Parenting With Extended Family — Jenny at I’m a full-time mummy shares the pros and cons of parenting with extended family…
• Parental Support for an AP Mama — Meegs at A New Day talks about the invaluable support of her parents in her journey to be an AP mama.
• Priceless Grandparents — That Mama Gretchen reflects on her relationship with her priceless Grammy while sharing ways to help children preserve memories of their own special grandparents.
• Routines Are Meant To Be Broken — Olga at Around The Birthing Ball urges us to see Extended Family as a crucial and necessary link between what children are used to at home and the world at large.
• It Helps To Have A Village – Even A Small One — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama discusses how she has flourished as a mother due to the support of her parents.
• The Orange Week — Erika at Cinco de Mommy lets go of some rules when her family finally visits extended family in San Diego.
• One Size Doesn’t Fit All — Kellie at Our Mindful Life realizes that when it comes to family, some like it bigger and some like it smaller.
• It Takes a Family — Alicia at What’s Next can’t imagine raising a child without the help of her family.
• A new foray into family — As someone who never experienced close extended family, Lauren at Hobo Mama wrestles with how to raise her kids — and herself — to restart that type of community.
• My Mama Rocks! — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment is one lucky Mama to have the support and presence of her own awesome Mama.
• Embracing Our Extended Family — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares 7 ideas for nurturing relationships with extended family members.
• Doing Things Differently — Valerie at Momma in Progress shares how parenting her children far away from extended family improved her confidence in her choices.
• Snapshots of love — Caroline at stoneageparent describes the joys of sharing her young son’s life with her own parents.
• Parenting with Relies – A mixed bag — Ursula Ciller shares some of her viewpoints on the pros and cons of parenting with relatives and extended family.
• Tante and Uncles — How a great adult sibling relationship begets a great relationship with aunt and uncles from Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy.
• Tips for Traveling With Twins — Megan at the Boho Mama shares some tips for traveling with infant twins (or two or more babies!).
• Parenting passed through the generations — Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes talks about the incredible parenting resource that is her found family, and how she hopes to continue the trend.
• My Family and My Kids — Jorje of Momma Jorje ponders whether she distrusts her family or if she is simply a control freak.
• Parenting with a Hero — Rachel at Lautaret Bohemiet reminisces about the relationship she shared with her younger brother, and how he now shares that closeness in a relationship with her son.
• Text/ended Family — Kenna of A Million Tiny Things wishes her family was around for the Easter egg hunt… until she remembers what it’s actually like having her family around.
• Two Kinds of Families — Adrienne at Mommying My Way writes about how her extended family is just as valuable to her mommying as her church family.
• My ‘high-needs’ child and ‘strangers’ — With a ‘high-needs’ daughter, aNonyMous at Radical Ramblings has had to manage without the help of family or friends, adapting to her daughter’s extreme shyness and allowing her to socialise on her own terms.
• Our Summer Tribe — Justine at The Lone Home Ranger shares a love of her family’s summer reunion, her secret to getting the wisdom of the “village” even as she lives 1,000 miles away.
• My Life Boat {Well, One of Them} — What good is a life boat if you don’t get it? Grandparents are a life boat MomeeeZen loves!
• Dear Children — In an open letter to her children, Laura at Pug in the Kitchen promises to support them as needed in her early days of parenting.
• Yearning for Tribal Times — Ever had one of those days where everything seems to keep going wrong? Amy at Anktangle recounts one such day and how it inspired her to think about what life must’ve been like when we lived together in large family units.
• I don’t have a village — Jessica Claire at Crunchy-Chewy Mama wishes she had family nearby but appreciates their support and respect.
• Trouble With MILs– Ourselves? — Jaye Anne at Wide Awake Half Asleep explains how her arguments with her mother-in-law may have something to do with herself.
• A Family Apart — Melissa at Vibrant Wanderings writes about the challenges, and the benefits, of building a family apart from relatives.
• First Do No Harm — Zoie at TouchstoneZ asks: How do you write about making different parenting choices than your own family experience without criticizing your parents?
• Military Family Separation — Amy Willa shares her feelings about being separated from extended family during her military family journey.
• Forging A Village In The Absence Of One — Luschka from Diary of a First Child writes about the importance of creating a support network, a village, when family isn’t an option.
• Respecting My Sister’s Parenting Decisions — Dionna at Code Name: Mama‘s sister is guest posting on the many roles she has as an aunt. The most important? She is the named guardian, and she takes that role seriously.
• Multi-Generational Living: An Exercise in Love, Patience, and Co-Parenting — Boomerang Mama at The Other Baby Book shares her experience of moving back in with Mom and Dad for 7 months, and the unexpected connection that followed.
• A Heartfelt Letter to Family: Yes, We’re Weird, but Please Respect Us Anyway — Sheila of A Living Family sincerely expresses ways she would appreciate her extended family’s support for her and her children, despite their “weird” parenting choices.
• The nuclear family is insane! — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle is grateful for family support, wishes her Mum lived closer, and feels an intentional community would be the ideal way to raise her children.

I have a problem with chocolate. Not all sweets, necessarily, but chocolate, definitely. If I know there’s chocolate in the cupboard, I can’t sit still till it’s eaten. I can eat chocolate well past the point of feeling sick.  It’s like an obsession, and it’s one I really don’t understand. See, I used to smoke, and I loved smoking, until one day I decided enough was enough and I no longer wanted to smoke. I gave myself a deadline of that new years eve, which was a few weeks away, and that night I sat in the garden and smoked my last cigarette before going to bed. I said goodbye to it, thanked it for it’s years of ‘friendship’ and buried the butt in the snow. I was on at least 20 a day, and while it wasn’t easy to give up, I did, without drugs or other quitting aids, and haven’t had as much as a drag in five years.

I’ve tried to do that with chocolate, but it’s not been possible. I’ve failed every single time.

I heard about Thinking Slimmer’s Chocoholic Cure for quitting the chocolate addiction and I’d like to try it, so I’ve signed up and they’ve sent me the “pod” as they call it.

I’m sure a side effect of giving up the ‘the girls have gone to sleep and I deserve chocolate’ chocolate addiction, will be weight loss. Despite various people in my life finding it impossible to believe – you know who you are – I am perfectly comfortable in my skin. Sure, if I could wake up tomorrow morning and be a size 14 again I wouldn’t turn it down, even if just because it would make online clothes shopping easier,  but when Ameli was very young, I decided I didn’t want her to see me hating me. I didn’t want her to inherit negative self-image from me.  And most days I do pretty well in that venture.  I do not need to look a certain way to be fulfilled, to be happy or to be confident. I’ve never let what I do or do not weigh affect whether I go for a swim, or get in on a photo, or share images of myself in a nightie with the world.  I am happy with who I am, and comfortable in my skin.

I am undertaking this venture now because I hate being beholden. I don’t like ‘owing’ anyone anything, because for me it comes with feeling like they own me. If someone loans me money, I feel like I have to justify every time I spend money on something ‘frivolous’ like parking undercover so we don’t have to walk in the rain!  In the same way, I hate feeling ‘owned’ by chocolate. I hate knowing that once the girls are asleep, I start fighting the desire for chocolate. I hate knowing that I will be fighting it and I hate knowing that there’s nothing I can do about it.

While I can’t imagine that I’d ever go to a hypnotherapist, really, I know that listening to a self-hypnosis CD helped with the birth of both of my babies, so why not try this. If it works,  great. If it doesn’t…  too bad.

To me, success would be relief from the highs and lows of sugar addiction. It would be my girls growing up with a healthier relationship to food than I have. It would be being a better mother than I am being, and it starts with kicking the habit.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

Continuing on the Contraceptive Options series, today we have Lauren sharing with us why her and hubby, Sam, love using condoms. Lauren writes at Hobo Mama and is co-founder of the Natural Parents Network, and it’s a huge honour for me to be hosting her interesting (and amusing) post.  I hope you enjoy it too!

I would like to present to you … the condom.

Not any particular condoms, either, just male condoms in general.

I’d like to recommend them to you for their consideration as a birth-control method for male-female sexual couples interested in preventing pregnancy, due to their many benefits:

• Economical — in my own comparisons with other birth-control methods, condoms are a frugal choice.
• Compatible — since they’re non-hormonal, you can use them while breastfeeding or in preparation for trying to conceive, and they won’t interfere with tracking your cycle.
• Convenient — less mess. Don’t make me over-explain that.
• Easy — less chance of user error than remembering to take a pill every day at the same time or schedule an appointment for a shot or other procedure. I mean, yes, some prep is needed, but that’s what practice is for.
• Effective — somewhere around 90-98%. More on that later, but suffice it to say — no “oops” babies here so far!
• Reversible — want another baby? You got it.

Now, obviously male condoms are also a great choice for preventing (potential or known) sexually transmitted diseases, so if you know you need to use condoms with your partner, then keep on keeping on. I also cannot guide you if you need to use a particular method of birth control for medical reasons. This article’s more for people in a committed male-female relationship who want to prevent pregnancy, are monogamous, and could or do use a different method of birth control but could consider condoms instead.

OK, so, my back story. This is firmly in the TMI category, but you knew that going in, yes? And using “going in” right there just made me giggle. Ah, writing about sex…

I started out my marriage on the birth control pill. I have severe acne, and one thing dermatologists loved to prescribe me was antibiotics. The antibiotics gave me a recurring yeast infection. And I do mean recurring. It turned out part of the reason was that my husband Sam and I were passing it back and forth to each other. Whoops! So my gynecologist told me we should start using condoms to protect each other.

Now, I have to explain that Sam and I come from a rather conservative religious background, and condoms were just not the done thing. Condoms were for … well, loose people. It took having them “prescribed” to me by a doctor for us to feel comfortable buying and using them. That seems quaintly squeamish in retrospect, but so it was. In fact, I’m kind of embarrassed to even mention this, but maybe it will help someone else also feel comfortable considering them.

It took awhile for Sam to get used to the difference in sensitivity, but once he did there were no problems. In fact, if you want sex to last longer (hint, hint), a condom can slow things down a little if the man’s not used to them. But, seriously, Sam doesn’t really even notice the difference now, and I never felt a difference (yes, even with those “ribbed for her pleasure” varieties), so if you or your man has tried condoms and found them awkward, give it at least several occasions before you rule them out. Think of it as an experiment. For science. Really test it out.

So, anyway, we used condoms off and on when I was having my little flare-ups due to my medication. The turning point, though, was when Sam got laid-off, we had to buy our own health insurance, and I started to reevaluate the cost of all of our medical care. Which brings me to Point #1:

ECONOMICAL

Ed Note: In the UK, health care is free to residents, so doctor’s visits fees for contraceptives don’t apply, nor do the cost of the contraceptives. Condoms can be bought over the counter, and are quite expensive, but if you’re really hard up – no pun intended – you can get them free from your local clinic. I know ours will give you up to 30 free condoms every 90 days. (I just saw the sign on the door. Really.)

I compared birth control pills to condoms and realized even my generic pill on tri-monthly mail order was costing me about $0.50 a pop, plus doctor’s visits every six months for a refill at around $90 a visit. Assuming I would still go to the doctor yearly (or, ahem, every other year … or so) for a checkup if I weren’t on the pill, let’s add only $90 a year to the cost of pills, which makes the per-item cost more like $0.75. You can easily find condoms at drugstores and supermarkets in bigger packs that run about $0.50 a condom. If you don’t mind a little further searching, we were able to find condoms at Big Lots (unexpired, major brands) and on Amazon for more like $0.22 a condom or as low as $0.11 apiece. So, assuming we weren’t having sex multiple times every day (and, true confessions here, we weren’t), condoms were a lot more economical a decision. And just think, if you know the exact cost, you can decide how much sex is worth to you at any given opportunity. “Not tonight, honey. I’d rather save the 11 cents.” (In case you’re wondering, I also switched from dermatologically prescribed acne methods to over-the-counter ones that were cheaper and more effective. Funny how that works.)

If you’re using a different medical type of pregnancy prevention, your costs will vary, depending on how your insurance treats the visit, what the cost is for the procedure, and how often you need to see a health professional. Apparently, for instance, an IUD runs about $175-$400 every five or ten years (depending on the type). Let’s say Sam and I have sex three times a week (yes, let’s say that, since it ain’t happening with a young baby right now) — over the course of five years, with the cheapest condoms, that would be $85.80. Ten years would still be cheaper than an IUD, at $171.60 See? Cheap. Now, if you can get reimbursed or deduct the cost of healthcare, that might mitigate the financial factor, since condoms are not considered a medical purchase. You’ll have to weigh out all the options for yourself and your family’s budget.

COMPATIBLE

When I was trying to decide on a breastfeeding-friendly birth control, going back to condom use was a no-brainer. Since they’re an entirely non-hormonal barrier method, there’s no interference with milk supply and no transference to the baby. If you need a hormonal method, your doctor or midwife can point you toward hormonal methods that work better with breastfeeding, but I personally didn’t want to risk it. There are also other barrier methods, but the benefits of condom usage for me outweigh the other methods.

I also appreciated condoms when we were preparing for conception, which was incidentally around the same time as I stopped using my birth control pills for other reasons. As I weaned off the pills, I was able to see my true cycle emerging and I began to take my morning basal body temperature and chart my fertility symptoms. It was fascinating to me to see what my true fertility cycle was like. That honestly is the biggest factor in my not returning to a hormonal method of birth control. I hate the idea of masking my cycles again. I don’t know if this is simply an emotional reason, because I was happy enough on hormonal birth control before, but since becoming a mother, it’s been brought home to me how delightful and intriguing is the cycle of ovulation and bleeding, and I enjoy seeing it unfold as it’s meant to. I mean, I don’t enjoy every moment, but I don’t feel like interfering with it anymore. This is a personal thing, I do understand!

If you’re on other medications, you might find a barrier method a better fit for you as well. For instance, that combo of antibiotics and birth control pills? Not really a good one, after all. If you’re on any other treatments along with hormonal birth control, be sure to ask about any incompatibilities.

CONVENIENT

I seriously love how condoms make cleanup easy. And, here, just to extend the please-stop-talking-now factor, they can be beneficial when having sex during a period. Just saying.

EASY

Condoms come with instructions printed on the box. Follow the instructions. You’ll be fine. They’re cheap, so you can afford to throw one or two away as you learn.

Follow the warnings, too. Don’t put them on inside out. (Learning the difference between inside out and right side out was our steepest learning curve.) Don’t reuse them. Be cautious when taking them off — let the man grasp the edge before withdrawing and hold it on. And that’s about it.

Somewhat related, I’ve heard the Diva Cup and other menstrual cups can be incompatible with some women’s IUDs, which would be my next choice in birth control if I didn’t heart condoms so much. To me, that’s reason enough to stick with condoms, because making my period easy is worth it to me.

EFFECTIVE

When Sam and I were first comparing birth control effectiveness, condoms were way down our list because of some reported effectiveness rates of 85 percent or so. That’s a huuuuge window of potential failure. Well, it turns out there are two types of birth control statistics: There’s what would happen in a lab, and what happens in the real world. The reason real-world condom effectiveness stats are sometimes laughably low is because people get to self-report their method of birth control. So, a person gets pregnant and is asked, “What’s your method of birth control?” She says, “Condom,” and that gets reported as a condom failure, even if she didn’t use a condom for the act where she got pregnant. So a more reliable effectiveness rating for unexpired condoms that are properly used and used every time would be around 98%. A lot depends on user error, in other words, rather than true condom failure. We’ve never had a condom break; only a few times have we had a slippage moment when withdrawing, and for only one of those times was pregnancy a concern. (This was very recently, just after the birth of our second son, and seemed to be the universe laughing at us for having finally stolen a moment to get it on.) I know you can’t go with what one person’s experience is with condoms as to their effectiveness, but all I can say is we got pregnant right away not using them.

You can add spermicide or use spermicidal condoms to boost the effectiveness factor, though for us that wasn’t an option, as Sam was allergic to the spermicide most commonly available in the US. (Speaking of allergies, if latex is a problem, there are non-latex condoms available.) We had a really tough time finding an alternate spermicide and gave up — with no unforeseen consequences to show for it. Then again, we are in a committed relationship and know we could handle having a baby at an unexpected moment, so remember to follow all condom precautions and consider spermicide if you’re very worried.

REVERSIBLE

Another huge plus to me about condoms is they’re immediately reversible. Some hormonal methods, particularly injections like Depo Provera, can take a loooong time to clear your system and return your fertility. (I once used injections and had major hormonal withdrawal coming off them, with bizarre bleeding patterns.) Whereas, with condoms, if you want to try for another baby, you can do so on the turn of a dime. Which is, incidentally, exactly what we did rather spontaneously for our second baby — once again, we got pregnant our first try.

So there it is. I wanted to speak up for a method Sam and I have found enjoyable and beneficial to us, in case anyone else is in the same “condoms are icky” category we were in when we first married! Or, even if you’re more mature than that, if you’ve just never seriously considered condoms as a feasibility, give them another thought. They’re plenty easy, way cheap, and have low interference with your body other than just catching those determined little swimmers.

Have you used condoms? What do you like and not like about them?

Lauren blogs at Hobo Mama about natural and attachment parenting and is the co-founder of Natural Parents Network. She lives and writes in Seattle with her husband, Sam, four-year-old son, Mikko, and nine-month-old baby, Alrik.

It’s Earth Day today, and while many people might not even realise it, millions of others around the world will be participating in Earth Day activities. In past years we’ve done things like black outs, where everyone is encouraged to turn off their lights for an hour in the evening, or meet at a local park to pick up litter.  While those are all fantastic ideas, and well worth doing, when I think of my children and how I can involve them in Earth Day, I realise that to them, a way of life will be so much more meaningful than simply doing special things on one day.

Equate Earth Day to Valentine’s Day. It’s all fine and well spoiling your partner on 14 February, but the rest of the year treating him like he doesn’t matter, you don’t care about him and he is irrelevant to your way of life. There’s little real or lasting about a relationship that only has effort put into it on one day a year.  Earth Day is the same. While 1,000,000 people doing something special on one day of the year is not to be sniffed at, 10,000 people doing something special every day is already almost four times as effective.

So how can I teach my children to treat every day as Earth Day?

1.       By living it in the visible things
We teach our children much more by our example than we do by our words. If your child sees you recycling, they are much more likely to recycle themselves, and it’s never too early to start. We have a refuse bin, a recycle bin and a food bin in our kitchen, and Ameli is perfectly capable of knowing what goes in where and has been since she was 20 months old. Yes, it takes a little guidance and explanation, but she knows the difference between refuse and recycling.

Recycling doesn’t only apply to rubbish – we recycle printer paper for art projects, toys go to other children or are sold on, most of our toys are wooden as they have longer life spans and less of an environmental impact than plastic. They’re also much hardier and won’t end in the landfill after a bit of bashing about.

Switching off lights, not leaving water running, using cloth nappies, or at least cloth wipes for wet nappies, dirty hands and messy face if you can’t do cloth nappies, reducing food waste; these are all changes we can visibly make to show our children we care about the planet.

2.       By living it in the invisible things

Children may not be involved in the paying of the household bills, but that’s no reason for us not to adjust our lifestyles and habits in those areas anyway.  Most companies, for example, now offer paperless billing. While I’m a bit of a nerd for a neatly filled and ordered filing cabinet, the 10% discount we receive on our gas and electricity bill every month for not receiving a bit of paper makes a big difference over the year to my pocket, and makes a massive difference to the planet. (Just think if 1,000,000 people aren’t receiving them by mail, that’s 3,000,000 pieces of paper saved every month,  as well as 1,000,000 envelopes, stamps and who knows how many mail trucks not driving around couriering paper!)

You can also switch to a renewable energy company such as Good Energy which uses mainly wind, water and the sun to produce green energy.

3.       By getting involved in environmental matters

Earth Day usually presents a plethora of events to get involved with, but it’s not limited to these (remember point one, about Valentine’s Day?).  We’re participating in a beach clean-up later in May, for example. I remember doing events like this as a child, and I’m thrilled to be able to pass similar values on to my own girls – and again, it’s never too young to start! (You can join us if you like – there are beach clean-ups happening all along the coast.)

Showing our children that we’re prepared to give up of our time and energy for the Earth is probably the best way we can lead by example.

4.       By teaching children to love the planet

It’s easy to look after what you love. If a child has a passion for the planet, a love of the outdoors and an awareness, at least, of what there is that’s worth saving, it becomes personal to them too.

Getting a child out in the garden, or growing a windowsill garden, taking them camping, or to the park, foraging for food, eating organic food will help them appreciate nature. Having a pet is a great way of teaching them to care for something other than themselves – we aren’t allowed pets where we live, so we have a small fish tank and even that has been a great way of introducing responsibility to our two year old.

These are just a few of the ways that we try to impart ecological and environmental awareness to our still very young children, but then, if living as though the world matters is a way of life to them, it won’t be something they’ll have to learn later on, and that is well worth making the effort for now.

*This is NOT a sponsored post

If you’re a regular reader, you’ll have seen a few of these pictures already, and if you’re a follower on Facebook they’ve surfaced there a few times already, but now, as my little Aviya uncurls and loses her new born look, I’m finally ready to share some pictures with you from our maternity shoot.  I hope you enjoy them.

These photos were taken by Yuri from Urbanvox, who I’d  highly recommend. He came to our home, worked around our schedule, worked with our toddler, and allowed us to be comfortable and relaxed as he took pictures. His rates are really good – some places charge simply ridiculous fees for one or two prints: we wanted the digital copies only option and we’re so thrilled with the results!

By the way, I’d be thrilled if you’d nominate Diary of a First Child for Best Pregnancy Blog, Best Baby Blog, Best Family Travel Blog or if you have a favourite post I’ve written, you can nominate it for Best Blog Post of the Year.  The top four blogs in each category will be shortlisted and if I make any of those categories, I’ll ask you to vote for me again later in the year!

I’ve been using real nappies on my daughter since she was around 4 weeks old, and I love them, so much so that I’m a now real nappy advisor in my local area!  I often end up chatting to other mums about nappies when they hear what I do, and there are some common misconceptions that seem to crop up again and again.

They are expensive

Real nappies do have a high initial outlay compared to disposables, but once you’ve bought them, that’s it!  A full set of 25 birth-to-potty nappies plus accessories might cost you around £350 – although many people start with 10 nappies and build up a stash over time.  The cost of washing nappies for 2.5 years (by which time your child will hopefully be dry during the day) is estimated at just under £100.  This gives you a total cost of £450.  The cost of using disposable nappies for the same period is estimated to be around £1885.  By using real nappies you will be able to save over £1400 – and if you reuse the same nappies for any subsequent children the savings are even greater! Fill your pants offers a breakdown of the costs.

They are hard work

Not since washing machines were invented!  Most people wash their nappies every 2-3 days, and once you get into a routine you hardly notice it.  It takes a couple of minutes to load the machine, 5 minutes to hang the nappies out to dry, and if you’re using pocket nappies, a further 5 minutes to stuff them all once they’re dry.  That’s pretty much it.  Less than 15 minutes, 2 or 3 times a week, to save £1400 – that’s like paying yourself over £17 an hour!

They are smelly

It might be surprising to read but no, washable nappies are not usually smelly!  Most people ‘dry pail’ these days, which means they just store their dirty nappies in a bucket with a lid, without soaking them.  You may get a slight ‘rabbit hutch’ smell when you put them in the washing machine but that only lasts until you shut the door!  Personally, I actually find this smell preferable to the chemical smell of disposable nappies.  If your nappies do start to smell then it is a sign that they need strip washing.

They cause nappy rash

In actual fact there is no difference in the rates of nappy rash between disposable and washable nappies.  In fact real nappies may be better for babies with sensitive skin as they don’t contain any chemicals – as Luschka has herself written about before, when she found that Ameli had a terrible reaction to one of these chemicals.

They are no better for the environment

There was an old study using data from 2002/3 which stated that the environmental impact of using washable nappies and disposable nappies was about the same.  However this was based on assumptions such as people always washing nappies at 60 degrees and tumble drying.  An updated report based on 2006 figures showed that if nappies are washed at lower temperatures and line dried then the environmental impact of real nappies is much lower than disposable nappies.  And if they are used on a second child then the global warming impact drops by a further 40%.  More details

Zoe Williams is mum to K, born October 2010 and blogs at Mummykins.  She is also a real nappy advisor in East Kent.

We’ve been going through a really hard few months since my husband lost his job last year. Our Christmas was paid for on loyalty card points from local supermarkets. Ameli received review items as Christmas presents from her mama and daddy. Hubby and I bought each other a £10 gift each, both of them practical. January wasn’t much better as the financial realities of two part time employed people came crashing down on  us.  That, with a baby due in February, was a particularly stressful time for us, and I’m not very good at sharing my needs, or showing my weakness. When I reached my breaking point, however, and spilled my fears and stresses to a few people in my support network, the love and generosity that poured out from them was amazing.

I feel a little like an Oscar winner when I say this, and with the friends that I have in my life, I’m better off than an Oscar winner, but here are a few thank you’s from Martin and I to some amazing people.

From the NPN Network, a very big thank you goes to:

• Moorea, Jennifer S, Kelly, Lani, Shannon R, Melissa, Charise, Dionna and Isil for their financial contributions to our Mamablessing.Their gifts kept us in fresh organic veggies for two months, bought a liner for the birthpool, and a new hose and sieve for the birthpool, evening primrose oil capsules, vitamin C for the incessant cold, and 10 gNappies gPants from eBay and all the contents for Ameli’s birth Activity Pack.
• Lauren and Shannon H posted us a whole pack of newborn Prefolds, Nipple Cream and Breastfeeding Tea from Earth Mama Angel Baby (all the way from the US!)
• Amy sent us her gorgeous dark blue home made Moby wrap because I really wanted to be able to keep the baby close to me, but knew I couldn’t afford a new wrap.
• Adrienne sent us 3 gNappies gPants and a whole bag of disposable gInserts
• Lani arranged a review for me to write for her blog for a lovely nursing top.

I had a babyshower, organised by our friend Gloria, and we specifically told people that we didn’t want gifts because we had a cupboard full of babygrows and baby stuff and didn’t want anyone spending money on things we didn’t need or have space for!

Ever generous and awesome, not only did Gloria organise everything for the babyshower, but her and hubby Chris also gave me a £30 Starbucks gift card. Man. Do they know the way to my heart! Do you know how many Hazelnut Latte’s I can get for that? As Chris said when I expressed my gratitude: “Mama needs her treats too!”

Ellie gave us two gorgeous hand made hats which have kept Squidgy’s head warm and regularly attract comment from admirers and Chris, Gloria, Sinead, Jules, Sara, Rich, Nadja and Emma contributed £85 towards a new camera I hope to buy when I have enough saved up to do so.

Local friends Nadja and Mish both spoiled us immensely with frozen meals so that we didn’t have to do any cooking at all for the first week and a bit after Avi’s birth, which was wonderful for all of us.

Naomi gave us a set of size one bamboo nappies, which have been so lovely to use.

My gran sent Ameli a ‘big sister’ card and a beautiful congratulations card for us.

Bloggy readers and friends were great too. Many companies offered us items we needed or wanted or didn’t even dare hope for for review, and you’ve seen them over the last couple of months. But in addition to that, Andrea from Baby Naturals sent us two Tiny gPants for newborns, and 0ne of my lovely readers, Tina, gave us a MamaJewels Breastfeeding necklace.

Romy from GreenPeople sent us a newborn gift set with beautiful organic products which we are loving using on both girls.

Last week I had the most amazing opportunity to assist a friend of mine in the birth of her second son. I was really only meant to be there to keep her first born occupied, but it turned into an absolutely amazing and powerful experience for me too. It was rather incredible, being on the other side of birth, this time. Herewith Nadia’s story, as told by her:

Births don’t start with the first contraction, nor do they finish with the moment you first hold the baby in your arms… Ralph’s birth started with my own – being told my own birth story over and over again crucially shaped my own attitude towards and expectations about giving birth. I was born at home, the second of three children; an unplanned homebirth where total labour lasted an hour and the midwife arrived in the nick of time in spite of recovering from a hip replacement. My brother topped this – he was a planned but unassisted home birth, breech, caught by my Dad after 25 minutes of labour in the middle of a frosty February night. Apparently the GP who arrived just after he was born was so shocked my parents were worried he would pass out on them! Although I didn’t witness my brother’s birth (I was fast asleep), knowing all the details of how we were born gave me a deep confidence that birth is nothing to be scared about and that we mothers together with our babies are well capable of this amazing feat!

Consequently, with my older son Joshua I decided to have a homebirth, and the experience was amazing. Joshua was born in our own nest after a short four-hour labour – one of my first thoughts following the birth was “now I know how women can do this again and again.” Naturally, I opted for a homebirth again with Ralph.

Preparation for the actual birth began when I was six or seven months pregnant, and when all of a sudden a vivid picture of myself in labour with only Joshua in attendance popped into my head. Because there was a real chance of this happening, I started reading everything I could about natural birth and unassisted birthing in order to be prepared (I highly recommend Sheila Kitzinger and Ina May Gaskin). I also wondered what I’d do with Joshua, who had only turned two in February, if I had a daytime labour. At first I didn’t like the idea of having him at the birth with me, mainly because I’d never spoken to anyone who had their children with them at a birth. However, I felt even less comfortable with the idea of having Joshua whisked away by whoever would be at hand at such an emotionally charged time.

Talking to other mums who were preparing for homebirths with older children present helped me to look at my own attitudes and to prepare Joshua for sharing in the birth. Luschka volunteering to be with me for the birth also gave me the confidence that everything would be alright – Joshua adores her, and our parenting styles are quite similar (and frankly, I looked forward to having her with me, not just for his sake, but also for my own).

Two weeks before his due date, a Thursday, Ralph’s head started engaging. Up until then I had walked everywhere, but suddenly I was in a lot of pain as he was sitting right on my pubic bone. By the following Wednesday I was in so much pain I could hardly walk. A midwife appointment that day confirmed that his head was “deeply engaged”. I knew that already, but it was such a relief to know that it wouldn’t be long. I had long conversations with Ralph that night, telling him how everything was ready for him, and I was a bit disappointed that labour didn’t start during the night. The following morning, my husband Peter asked whether it would be alright for him to go to work – his commute to work takes about an hour each way. Not having felt any twinges I thought it would be fine for him to go (he left about 7:30).

However, as Joshua and I were having breakfast around 8:15 I felt the first contraction, and by 8:30 I knew I really was in labour. Contractions were fairly light at that stage, so I told Peter he could have breakfast at work and finish a really urgent task before coming home (I did end up wishing I hadn’t!). I went on to clear up from breakfast, put on a loaf of bread and then found that while I was having contractions, Joshua would get into all sorts of things, so I called a neighbour who’d offered to help, and also let Luschka know I’d need her very soon. My poor neighbour – she’d worked a night shift and had just gotten into bed when I called her! Luschka arrived soon after her, and by 9:15 or 9:30 my midwives were also there. It was a real relief to be “all set” and to know that Joshua was cared for so that I could get on with the birth itself. At this stage, although contractions came every three or four minutes (I think – I never got to time them), they were still fairly easy to cope with by bouncing on my birthing ball and using the TENS machine. When the midwife examined me at about 9:45, she was surprised to find that I was already 8cm dilated. At that point, I decided I’d like to give birth in our bedroom, rather than in the lounge, and that I wanted Joshua and Luschka there with me. Luschka and I prayed together – I’m forever thankful to you for suggesting this, Luschka! It meant so much to me.

Contractions got heavier and by the time Peter arrived at 10, I was in transition. As labour got more intense I needed a different way of handling the energy. I felt that sighing, groaning or crying out weren’t going to help me, and with Joshua’s birth I had roared so much I had a sore throat for days after. Singing turned out to be an amazing way of harnessing the energy and opening up – not singing a melody, but vocalizing, turning my cries of pain into notes and following the lead of the contractions with changes in pitch and volume. It was amazing – as I sang, the pain turned into energy, power, force.

It also showed Joshua that even though I was making a lot of noise it was really ok – at one point at the height of a contraction I sensed that he was getting worried, so as the contraction eased up I smiled at him and he immediately relaxed. After that, he joined in with my singing, or tried to monitor my heartbeat by holding the ultrasound head to my arm! It is amazing how being a mother develops your awareness – even when labour was at its most intense, I was aware of Joshua and whether he needed reassurance from me. This may be what made it harder for me to focus on Ralph and myself during the second stage, compared to Joshua’s birth. For that reason, I had the TENS machine on constant BURST during the last half hour (careful – you get really sore back muscles from that!!! Arnica cream helped later on).

During the first half of the second stage I was crouching over the side of our bed. I found this position quite painful, though, because as in the days before, Ralph was pressing on my pubic bone a lot. I then changed into a low squat with my shoulders resting against the side of our bed and Peter supporting my lower back, which was much better. I can’t really remember the sensation of Ralph moving down the birth canal, all I remember is that as he crowned two thoughts ran through my mind in quick succession: “I’d forgotten how much it stings when they crown” and “it only stung in one place – with Joshua it stung all the way round”. As Ralph’s head was born, the midwife burst the amniotic sac – it was amazing, the twin sensations of pressure disappearing and the waters breaking. I could see his head, tiny, grey from vernix with lots of dark soft hair. As I reached down to stroke him I realized with a start that I was touching his little ear – it is one of the most vivid moments that I remember from the birth. Even as I write this, just looking at his ears and caressing them brings back that moment. With the next contraction the baby slipped out, covered in lots of vernix, and onto my tummy – a boy. I thought throughout my pregnancy that I was having a girl, but as soon as I felt him that didn’t matter at all anymore. At first I was a bit worried because he was so grey but he immediately started to cry, his lower jaw trembling in the most adorable way.

The others helped me onto the bed and Ralph rested on my tummy, at first crying, then looking around and after ten or fifteen minutes he resolutely made his way to my breast, latched on and had a good long drink – his birthday meal. After the placenta was delivered I just stayed in bed with Ralph for several hours, enjoying the closeness of his little body against mine and the elation that only a mother can know immediately after giving birth.

Joshua had done ever so well during the birth, but it was a big experience for him. Shortly after he’d seen Ralph for the first time, and while everyone busied himself with me, he went off by himself and lay on his bed with his dummies. Peter went and sat with him and played with him and he soon came back to join us. All in all, he took the whole experience in his stride and he loves his little brother to bits, forever wanting to give him cuddles and kisses, and happy to watch him nurse – “Baby drink mummy’s milk” is his favourite statement.

How do you end a birth story? In one sense, it never ends, it is only the opening chapter of an unfolding life and every new chapter will be as exciting as the very first one. I enjoy every minute of this little person that God has entrusted us for looking after, and I am filled with deep gratitude towards all the people that made this birth so special – Ralph, the star in the performance as well as the prize, Peter who supported me in an amazing way in this second birth, Joshua who made it a proper family happening, Luschka whose presence and support were amazing throughout and the midwives who really supported rather than directed me. Most of all, I’m overflowing with love and gratitude towards God for the miracle of Life.

“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”

– Psalm 139:14

Today we have Maggie, a friend and reader, who shares her experience of ‘natural family planning’, including Ecological Breastfeeding and Lactational Amenorrhea.

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For about ten years before deciding to become a parent, I made the decision to take hormonal birth control pills. I didn’t personally like to use condoms and it seemed like everyone I knew was on the pill, and so I didn’t do much research. I just decided to take it and that was that. And it worked, we never even once had a pregnancy scare.

When we decided to start a family, I picked up a copy of Toni Weschler’s Taking Charge of Your Fertility and stopped taking hormonal birth control pills. I started charting my basal body temperatures and tracking my cervical fluid, and I found it was easy to determine when I was ovulating. My nerdy side really enjoyed making the graphs, and for three months we decided to abstain while I was fertile and successfully avoided pregnancy. In the fourth month, we decided to make a baby. We were successful right away, and happily became parents 40 weeks later.

We knew that we didn’t want to have another child for at least two years, and so without much thought or discussion I planned to go back on hormonal birth control pills. At my six week check up, I asked my OB for a prescription. I was surprised when he told me that the pill could impact my milk supply and my ability to breastfeed my son. I was bound and determined to breastfeed, and though the OB said that the mini pill would probably be ok, I told him that I’d just have to find something else. I wasn’t about to take any chances when it came to nursing. He looked at me and said “You know that breastfeeding is not birth control.” I said “Of course! We’ll use condoms.”

As it turned out, I had a lot of pain during intercourse when I finally worked up the nerve to try at about eight weeks postpartum. I thought it was because my son was so large (9 lbs. 8 oz.), but in discussion with many other women I found out that was totally normal. The condoms didn’t help with the pain, since I have always found them to be uncomfortable. I began searching for another method of birth control and stumbled on Ecological Breastfeeding and Lactational Amenorrhea. I ordered a copy of Sheila Kippley’s The Seven Standards of Ecological Breastfeeding and read it in a few days. Please check out the links for all the details, but in short what I learned was that breastfeeding is 98 to 99.5% effective as birth control for the first six months after giving birth, providing that menstruation has not returned and that you are breastfeeding on-demand, not supplementing, not using pacifiers or bottles, sleep sharing, nap sharing and that mother and baby were constantly together. I realized that this was already our lifestyle, and so I trusted breastfeeding as birth control until I went back to work when my son was almost six months old. And it worked. My menstrual cycle did not return, and I did not get pregnant.

Once I went back to work, we no longer met the standards of ecological breastfeeding because we were separated, and I was pumping and my son was taking bottles of expressed breast milk while I was at work. Though my cycle had not yet returned, I knew that my son was not at the breast often enough to suppress ovulation and I could no longer trust lactational amenorrhea as birth control. I still didn’t want to go back onto hormonal birth control pills, so I reviewed my options and re-read Weschler’s Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I knew what fertility signs to look out for, so I kept an eye on my cervical fluid and continued to nurse on-demand when my son and I were together. During this time, I did not see any signs of my fertility returning, so I opted not to return to condoms. My husband felt safer using the withdrawal method, and so we practiced that. I should, however, note that withdrawal is not an effective form of birth control. I knew that I was not fertile, and withdrawal made him feel better, so we went with it.

When my son turned a year old, I slowly weaned myself from the pump and began introducing him to cow’s milk instead of expressed breast milk in his bottles, while still continuing to nurse on-demand when we were together. At around 14 months, I noticed a change in my cervical fluid and told my husband that I thought my fertility was returning. Two weeks later, I got my first postpartum period. I was amazed with how predictable my cycle was, and we opted to use condoms or abstain during my fertile times.

Now, my son is two years old and we would like to have another child. I’m so pleased that our combination of fertility awareness, ecological breastfeeding, lactational amenorrhea, condoms and abstinence during fertile times have allowed us to space our children according to our own plans. It has worked well for us, but it is not for everybody.

Please note that if your cycles are not regular or predictable, you will not be able to effectively use the fertility awareness method as birth control. If your menstrual cycle returns prior to six months postpartum, you will not be able to use lactational amenorrhea. If you opt to use pacifiers or bottles, supplement with formula, sleep separate from your baby, or are separated for longer periods due to work, you will not meet the standards of ecological breastfeeding and should not trust that as birth control. Even if just one of these standards are not met, you could become pregnant. And of course, these natural methods of birth control do not prevent sexually transmitted infections.