Diary of a "Real" Housewife

Potty Training: Day 1

2011-07-15T15:45:00.000-04:00

After my posting on here about potty training, my fears and concerns, I started doing some research. A friend of mine had sent me this pdf file about some three day potty training system. At first I was thinking "Yeah right. Like you can really potty train a kid in three days." Especially a very strong willed little girl like A. Not to mention I've put her in panties before only to have her pee in her panties as soon as she got of the potty. That led to me being frustrated and after a few times of her during that, I'd give up and back on the diaper went. The last week or so, she had been asking to wear big girl panties when we'd get dressed in the morning. I didn't know what her sudden interest was. I didn't know if it had anything with me having to wipe her bottom all the time, (she hates it) and telling her that if she was big girl and went on the potty I wouldn't need to anymore. I didn't know if something had finally clicked in head that it was gross to sit in diaper. I didn't know much of anything except that maybe I should read the pdf that my friend had sent me.
Still being completely skeptical, I sat down one night and started reading. I kept saying "yeah right" to a lot of it but for the most part it made a lot of sense. The only thing I was very concerned with is how she kept mentioning that you basically had to give up 3 whole days of your life and devote them completely to the child and potty training. With going back to school and of course the fact that K needs attention too (not to mention dishes, cooking and all those other things we stay at home moms magically do). There was no way I was going to be able to just sit and play with A all day long.
Fast forward to just a few days ago when I started implementing the "before" steps of this plan such as telling A how gross pooping in a diaper was and how big girls go on the potty. Things I was doing before, but maybe not doing the "correct" way. Then yesterday when we were out, I stopped at the store and let her pick out two new sets of panties. (The plan says to have 20-30 pairs on hand) I also started telling her that we were going to start using her potty tomorrow. I figured since nothing else had worked I might as well try the 3 day thing and do the best I can with it under my circumstances.
Day one, we woke up, came down stairs for breakfast, gave A a great big glass of milk, brushed teeth, yada yada yada. When were getting dressed I let her pick out the pair of panties she wanted to wear, making sure that I impressed upon her that she needed to keep them dry and to let me know when she had to go. When we got down stairs, again I told her "Make sure you tell mommy when you have to pee." The next thing I know she's telling me and trying to pull her panties. I kept thinking "Yeah right" (yes I'm that skeptical), but she sat down and when she stood up and there was pee in the potty I was overcome with joy. Sheer, pure joy. My daughter had just gone on the potty. (If you're not a mom, you probably don't get it.) I heaped so much praise upon her, told her what an awesome job she did and how such a big girl she was now. Then we called Oma and grandma and told them and she got a reward. She was the happiest little girl around.
Through out the morning I kept reminding her to tell me when she had to pee. r
Then came poop time. I knew she was doing but I wasn't quite quick enough getting her to the potty. I kept my calm, told her it was alright, cleaned her up and got her a new pair of panties. The next accident came when we in the tv room. She was sitting reading a book and all of sudden told me about all the water. Ok (see I knew it wasn't going to work), I clean her up again, get her another pair of panties. The whole time I acted like it was no big deal.
When we were back in the play room she was leaning up against the toy box and said "Mommy, Pee!" I noticed a small trickle going down her leg so I snatched up and putting on the potty where she finished going pee. Again I made a big deal of it, gave her more M&M (her reward) and of course a new pair of panties. Since then she's been dry. Every once in a while when she's involved with playing or such, I'll remind her to tell me about going pee. I never ask her if she has to go, just remind her to tell me when she has to go.
She's pee'd in her potty several times now. Ok 3 day system... you're working for the most part. My only complaint is this. She "has" to go potty now every 10 minutes. I'm not joking. She will go running to the potty, pull down her panties and pee. Then get so excited. I'll go and look and there is barely a drop of pee there. Then of course she asks for her M's. This is a flaw in the plan I think and I now that it's almost 4pm here and she hasn't "really" gone pee since lunch time, I don't know how well she's going to be trained. She knows what it feels like to have to pee, but she's doing it every few minutes to get some candy. I've stopped giving her M&M for these few drops, but still telling her she a big girl for using the potty.
My next concern is overnight. With the 3 day plan, you're supposed to keep them in panties overnight. She wakes up dry sometimes, usually when I limit what she's had to drink the night before, but I'm still worried. I tried to get her to take a nap today to see if she would wake when she had to go, but of course she didn't want to nap. Figures! Guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens.

For My Dad

2011-06-16T07:52:00.000-04:00

It's a few days before Father's Day, but since I'm going to be down home during that time, I thought I would create a post real fast for my dad. Perfect father's day present for him and anyone who knows my dad would agree. Happy Father's Day Daddy!

Where Did I Go?

2011-06-01T11:00:00.000-04:00

I lost a small child and I don't want them back either. In my last post I talked about my weight loss and mentioned that I needed to take an updated picture. Well I did. Oh and the child I am referring too, is 61lbs of fat gone from my life. It will NOT be missed.

My Transformation

Mind you, I'm not done. I have a goal of 200lbs. Yes that may seem excessive still to a lot of people, but I was happiest with my body at that weight. Besides, we all have to start somewhere. Oh and for those who are say "Wow! She must have some incredible will power, I could never loose all that weight!" I just want to say that I don't. I still have ice cream some times, I still eat chips every once in a while. In fact over the memorial day weekend, I enjoyed everything that everyone else did. My will power sucks, but I get a TON of support and lots of kicks in the butt from the incredible girls on a FB group that I belong too. So yes, even you can loose the weight too.

Weight Loss

2011-05-25T08:20:00.000-04:00

After getting back on track with a few kicks in the butt from some great girls that I know, I've started losing weight again. I'm down about 4 pounds from 2 weeks ago. It hasn't been easy but I'm sticking to it. I tend to be an emotional eater and when things get rough at home, I look to food for comfort. I wish I could say that I've been doing this all on my own, but I can't. It's been a huge struggle for me. HUGE struggle, Sumo wrestler sized struggle. I've been on a roller coaster this past month with my weight. Up and down, down and up so that when you compare my weight to what it was this time last month, I've really only lost about a pound. Normally, this would be discouraging to me, but some how it's not. A friend asked what my total lost was and since I started weight watchers on Feb 20th, I've lost a total of 14.8lbs. My total weight lost since K was born almost a year ago is about 55 lbs. Another great girl I know told me to look at this way, those 14 pounds make up 56 sticks of butter and the 55 pounds? Well that's 220 sticks of butter. Now that is also sumo wrestler sized HUGE! Can you image carrying around 220 sticks of butter? I can, and trust me, I don't want to ever again.

bad picture, but this is me at
A's frist birthday

I was looking at pictures a couple days ago from A's first birthday party. I was over 300lbs and only 2ish months preggers with K. I look huge, uncomfortable and miserable.

Then I have a picture from the end of February when I started Weight Watchers and I still look huge and uncomfortable, but not so miserable. I really need to get an updating one and maybe I'll do so later today when J gets home from work. It's nice to see the physical difference I can feel. My pants don't fit anymore. I know I've gone down at least a size in them and I really need to get the stupid sewing machine out and take them in. My tops are a different story. I went shopping and grabbed some 2x's and just for shits and giggles grab a few 1x's too. Well guess what... those 1x's fit. I was shocked. That makes two sizes down for my tops.

So needless to say I'm still worried. I don't want to roller coaster anymore, I was to see the 240's by this time next month. I'm getting sick of the 250's. Wish me luck!

Lets Talk Dirty

2011-05-23T09:20:00.000-04:00

Now before you all get your hopes up, I’m referring to dirty pants and floors, and my un-natural fear of potty training A. So before you read any further, if you are grossed out by any sort of bathroom talk, you might want to look away.

A is 2 1/2 and I feel this huge pressure to get her potty trained. Not only are diapers expensive for one, but I have two, both going through several diapers a day. With K it’s not such a big deal, he’s only 11 months. A though, is literally peeing through the diapers. She has shown some interested in the potty and will follow you in there and ask if your peeing or pooping. She likes to flush the potty too, so it should be a pretty easy task to do right?

Then why am I terrified of doing it??? It has nothing to do with the fact that she’s my baby and she’s growing up way to fast for my liking. I really wouldn’t mind skipping the terrible 2’s and all the tantrums, but when it comes to potty training I have some issues that I just don’t know how to overcome. Hence the blog post seeking HELP!!!!!

We spend most of our time in the bottom 1/2 of our house, basically in the kitchen and living areas. We built into a mountain side so 3/4 quarters of our walls are block, and the floor is a concrete pad. Think of it like living in a basement. I can not shampoo the carpets, not unless I want to run the risk of mold. I’m sure I could hire those professional guys to come do it but I still worry about it being steamed cleaned. So that means, when she has an accident, how the heck am I going to clean it???? Problem two, out potty downstairs is out of commission right now. It’s still hooked up and works but we’re renovating the house and that bathroom was next on the list. So that’s in shambles right now which means I have to take her upstairs each time. Normally, this wouldn’t be a big problem, but with K LOVING to climb UP the stairs and not knowing how to go down them, I have a baby gate blocking the stairs. I certainly can’t sit upstairs for 30 minutes, waiting for A to decide what’s she’s going while K is downstairs. Sure I could bring him upstairs but then what is he going to do except distract A and defeat the entire process.

The next issue is how the heck to I clean her panties and pants after accidents? We don’t have hot water hooked up to our washing machine. Up until about a month or so ago we only had a 20 gallon hot water heater. 20 gallons is nothing for a family of 4. Taking a 15 minute shower, used up all the water. We just didn’t have enough at the time to hook it up to washer too. Now we have 50 gallon, but with J working as much as he does and all the other things that NEED to be done around the house, it will be awhile before I see hot water hooked up to my washer, if ever. All I can think about is when I was using cloth diapers for Aurora. No matter how many times I washed them with the cold water, they still ended up stinking. I certainly don’t want A walking around smelling like pee! Which brings me to my last problem. Poop. What the heck do you do with that! Again I guess it wouldn’t be such a big deal if she had normal bowel movements where they were formed and you could just shake them into the potty, but hers are always soft, and always create a mess. Dunking them in the potty to remove the poo is not friendly to my gag reflex.

Now before you all say “Use pull-ups!”, we’ve been that route. I’ve actually tried getting her used to wearing panties and sitting on the potty. She doesn’t realize she’s wet in pull-ups. They’re to much like diapers for her and just defeat the purpose entirely.

So that’s where I am. I want to PT, but scared too. I don’t know how to go about this in the right way. Or in a way that will be sane about having pee stains on the floor.

Oh and be prepared for another one of these posts in about 18 months when I start with K. How the heck do you teach a boy to stand up and pee when you sit down!

A New Me

2011-05-11T12:13:00.000-04:00

Along with the renovations that we’ve been doing on the house, I’ve been doing some on myself. While my mental health will always be an issue I fear, my physical health needs some work too. That being said, there really isn’t anything wrong with me. I have always been a healthy person, even over weight. I do fear that as I get older (30 is looming way to close for me) that my weight will become more of a factor. I’ve been working on loosing ever since K was born. It hasn’t been an easy thing that’s for sure. While I did loose a good deal, just from him being born, I did put back on 10lbs of what I initially lost.

So I joined weight watchers back in February when my dad was ill. I’ve been doing more of a half assed job of loosing weight. I think part of this is that I don’t yet know how to control the emotional eating I tend to do. Really when you’re feeling blue would you rather have a carrot stick or a big juicy cheese burger and fries smothered in cheese? Yeah, I vote cheeseburger too.

That being all said I’ve still done a pretty good job. My weight after A was born ballooned to a whopping 315lbs. (Did I seriously just put my weight out there for all to see????) I maintained this while pregnant with K. I actually lost a few pounds with him if you can believe that. I am now 255lbs. That is a HUGE loss and I am super proud of myself but now I’m stuck.

I’m stuck in the same rut that I always seem to fall into. I’ve been between 255 and 260 the last few weeks. I’m still trying to choose carrots stick over cheeseburgers but there are some emotional things going on and it’s making it hard. I do my best not to bring junk food into the house and that helps, but you can still over do it on seemingly healthier things. Take salad for an example. On Weight Watchers, my garden salad is 0 points, but toss on some dressing, croutons, maybe some cottage cheese or a hard boiled egg for protein and now you can end up with a TON of points. You can forget going out to eat! We have been going out once a week. Friday nights, to the local diner for their fish fry. Fish is healthy right? Not batter and fried and served with sweet potato fries it’s not. I use it as my cheat day, but it ends up being the start of a cheat weekend. When my husband is home, I find it really hard to stick to my diet. I look at what he’s eating and how much he’s eating and I feel jealous. It’s really stupid to think that way, I know, but I want to be able to sit down and enjoy what I’m eating too!

I also need to exercise. Not exercise more, just plain exercise. I really don’t do it, never been a fan of it, probably never will, but I know that it is CRITICIAL if I want to continue to loose this weight. I’ve been doing little things here and there. Taking more trips up and down the stairs during the day. Going for a walk when I take the kids to the park. It’s not much but it’s a start. I would join a gym if there was one available here. No I take that back. I don’t think I would. I feel stupid playing “Just Dance” on my Wii in front of hubby. I do it for exercise once in a blue moon. If I can’t do something simple like that when he’s around, there is no way I would do anything in a gym, in front of total strangers.

The biggest thing is that I need to STOP making excuses. I need to STOP saying, I’ll be better tomorrow. I need to STOP complaining. I need to START doing. There is no reason why I can’t reach my goal weight of 200lbs by this time next year. I know that 200lbs may still seem like a big number for a lot of people out there, but I felt comfortable at that weight. Who knows, maybe once I’m there, I’ll go for more but for now that is my focus, that is my goal. Wish me luck!

Trying to Get Back to Blogging!

2011-05-10T14:30:00.000-04:00

Again, I know, it’s been awhile. Life is crazy! Between the two kids, and taking the back to college plunge, there is a lot on my plate.
I bought a laptop back in February for school. I thought it would be a good idea to have something that can travel with me so when I visit my mom, I can still do school work and such.

It was loaded with window’s 7 and there was this nifty feature called “Window’s Live Writer.” Basically you plug in the info from you blog, then when you open the program your blog comes up and you can type posts without having to sign into blogger/wordpress etc. I think it’s pretty cool because now I really can blog anywhere and have it upload to my blogger account. There is more functions with it too like better picture placements. I’m hoping that this program will get me back to blogging more as it really is something that I love to do. The only thing I haven’t figured out yet, is if you can schedule a blog post like you can when your actually using your blogger acct. If anyone has any info on this let me know, but for now, off to more blogging!

Survived the First Week

2011-02-24T10:15:00.000-05:00

I did it. I made it through my first week of school as the Art Institute of Pittsburgh, Online Division. It wasn't as bad as I thought either. I'm not saying it was a breeze but I think I handled it pretty well. I think the hardest part was trying to navigate the online classroom. There are several little things you need to remember to post assignments in the boards and it's completely different when you need to post the assignment straight to your professor but I did well. So well in fact that on my first assignment to my professor I got an A. I received 40 points out of a possible 40 points. That just made my day. I proved to myself that I can go back to school with two little ones and still do well if I put my mind to it.

My classmates seem really nice too. There is a girl Teri that I've been chatting with pretty often. I was surprised to see a lot of students that are/were in the military. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, quite the opposite actually. Even more surprising is that there are one or two stay at home dad's. I think that is just incredible. It's awesome that they are comfortable enough in their "manhood" to take on a roll that is usually reserved for women. Yes I know, it's an old fashion way of thinking, but a lot of times, when a women does decide to stay at home with their kids, they have the old fashion ways of thinking on the brain, or at least I do.

There are people from all walks of life in this class with me. It's a pretty basic one, sort of like a welcome to online learning and here's how you can be successful type of class. Kind of boring but necessary I guess. There is only 4 weeks left to this session and then next session I'll have two classes. Not looking forward to that because one of them is English. I suck at English. No, let me rephrase that, I really really really suck at English. I will have to spend a ton of time with that class to make sure I pass.

One last thing, K is crawling. Well sort of. He is really shimming across the floor. It's sort of funny to watch him. He can move pretty well but he still gets aggravated when he can't get to me or a toy fast enough. He also has been super cranky and clingy that last few days. He's been running a low fever and does have a top tooth coming in so I'm pretty sure that's why. I've had to give him medicine to knock down his fever. I think he was more sick then his teeth because with his first two he was fussy but no real fever or anything. Who knows. He seems a bit better today so we shall see.

A has been a super pain in the butt. She's so stinking cranky and assertive and demanding. I know she's starting to assert her own personality and trying to control what she can but the amount of tantrums this child is throwing is getting out of control. Everything causes a tantrum and my normal tricks aren't working. I've just resorted to setting her on the time out step and telling her that once she calms down she can go back and play. She comes to me and says all better and gives me kisses and then off she goes. Oh and if she's saying something and you don't answer her, she will keep saying it over and over, louder and louder. And it's silly things too like she'll say "Mooooo, Cow says." and if you don't says yes, or very good or something like that, be prepared to hear Moooo over and over until you do respond. She's gotten into pretend play too. She loves picking up her kitchen phone and talking to Oma and Papa. Oh and when K is napping, and she thinks he should be away, she'll coming and get me and tell me "Brother up", or "Brother awake". When I tell her that he's still sleeping I get a sigh.

Tea Party!

2011-02-14T14:35:00.000-05:00

Friday morning, I woke up and finished cleaning up the house. Got the van packed, started draining the house of water and once J got home we were on our way to Albany. My Aunt was throwing her yearly tea party. One that I've been invited to before but the first one I have attended. I bought a dress, J picked out a pair of shoes for me, (He has good taste in shoes btw) and had butterflies in my stomach the entire time. I sometimes suffer from panic attacks in a room full of people I don't know, so of course I was nervous. I have to say though, I had a great time! The tea party was on Saturday, for a few hours, so we had lots of time to do other things.

A and K both enjoyed a swim in a real pool with hubby. The first time for the kids. They enjoyed it. K sucked up a bit of water, so did A for that matter, but that had more to do with hubby dunking her under.

The tea party was fabulous!!! A was the youngest girl there but that didn't stop her from running around with the big girls. She sipped some tea, ate some food, stole some fudge, laughed the whole time doing so. This was something I hope to be able to travel to each year. It always a great time when I get to see my Aunt and Uncle.

We stayed in the Hilton Garden hotel, near the Albany airport and it was wonderul! I always worry about staying in hotel/motel. You never really know what they're like until you get there and you pray that it's okay. This hotel was fabulous! The rooms were spacious, the bed comfy, the service incredible and even the food was pretty good. We ordered room service Saturday night along with a bottle of wine and hubby and I toasted to valentine's day. This makes our 8th one together, or maybe out 9th, I don't remember! It was the perfect weekend and I'm glad I got to share it with my family.

Sunday morning before going home, we went over to my aunt's house for breakfast. Let me tell you, my uncle makes one heck of a breakfast! Eggs, bagels, sausage, ham, potatoes, coffee, juice.... we didn't leave hungry that's for sure!

We also traveled down to Troy and checked out this children's science place. It was alright. There wasn't much too it. We walked the whole thing in about 20 minutes and that was with A stopping and looking at all the snakes. Did I ever mention how she loves snakes??? Seriously! This little girl picked a black plastic snake out amidst a sea of other toys last summer when we were yard sale-ing. Then she found a 3 feet long stuffed rattle snake in the gift shop yesterday and had to have that too! She played with the thing the whole way home. I might be in trouble when she starts bring pets home.

It's a BIG deal!

2011-02-03T14:46:00.000-05:00

I'm not even going to mention how it's been forever since I've blogged but instead jump right into some big news!

I AM GOING BACK TO SCHOOL!!!!!!!!

I have been toying with the idea for some time now but not really knowing how I was going to do it. Last weekend I was talking it over with J and after a long discussion, I went online and started searching. I know I needed a school where I could do EVERYTHING online. Being a stay at home mom is my number one job and I didn't want to go to a campus and deal with youngsters who think being almost 30 is ancient and have to listen about the latest episode of Jersey Shore, or how wasted they got the previous night at some frat party. Even when I was one of those youngster I didn't want to listen to it!

Part of me has been terrified by this decision. I did the whole school thing 10 years ago and failed. Not once but twice so of course I'm worried about failing again. However, I'm older and wiser and I certainly don't want the debt of school loans hanging over my head with nothing to show for it again. My new mantra: I WILL DO IT, and I mean it too.

I'm only doing 3/4 or half time depending on what part of the year my sessions are in. I'm going to the Art Institute of Pittsburg for a BA in Graphic Design. It will take until both the kids are in school to finish but I won't have to worry about the stress of taking on a full course load while still being there for my kids. It's going to be an adjustment but I'm sure I'll manage. Classes start on the 17th and I think I'm ready. Well, ready mentally. I have a couple placement exams to take and of course I need to head to the store a pick up a notebook or two but other then that I'm set. Wish me luck!

Writers Workshop: 10 Reason I LOVE coffee!

2010-11-18T07:27:00.000-05:00

Joining Mama Kat this week for her awesome Writer's Workshop!!

I am one of those girls who can't get enough coffee.... when I was pregnant it was so hard to give up. I did really well until the day after Koda was born and I ended up with a spinal headache. The treatment? Drink lots and lots of coffee among other things! So here, in totally random order is the top ten reasons why I absolutely LOVE coffee!!

10. I love the smell

9. I love the taste even more

8. It warms me on a cold morning

7. It's one tall dark and handsome that won't make me cry

6. It always treats me right

5. Caffeine wakes me up

4. Caffeine keeps my house clean

3. I'm able to make complete sentences after a cup coffee

2. Those sentences actually make sense too!

and the number one reason I love coffee so much?

1. It keeps me from killing my kids!

Coffee is the best drug ever. Yes I'm addicted, but if you try to stage an intervention, just make sure there's coffee available :)

New Design!

2010-11-12T12:50:00.000-05:00

Hey guys! How do you like the new look??? Isn't it fricken awesome???

I mentioned briefly that I was learning html and css coding in my last post and this is the result of it. I am now joining the ranks of designers every where with a wonderful little site called Genesee Baker Designs. The name just sort of hit me one night not long after I had made the decision to do this. Genesee of course is my town and Baker is the last name of my grandma who passed away when I was about 10. She was my best friend and everything I do in life I do for her and I know she'd be proud of me if she was still around.

So that's that! If you know anyone looking for a great new blogger design send them my way ;)

Hello Dear Friends

2010-10-29T11:13:00.001-04:00

Chunky Monkey co

I know it's been a while since I've posted but life with two under two can be a little hectic. K is 4 months old now and has reached the age where he wants to play and be entertained every waking second. A lot of my time is spent entertaining the kids which, while it is a blast, doesn't give me a ton of time to get stuff done around the house. K's personality is really start to shine through. He's going to be just like his daddy, always laughing and making jokes. His smiles and giggles just melt my heart. He had a well baby visit about two weeks ago and he was just under 18lbs and 24 1/2 inches long already! He's wearing 6-9 month clothing and even those are starting to get to small! I don't know what I'm going to do with the summer I clothes I bought him for next year if he keeps growing so big!!

A is going to be two in less then a month. I'm not ready for this at all. She's growing up way to soon, way to fast. She's been seeing her "teacher" for about two months now and she has made leaps and bounds in speech. She's saying phrases and knows some of her letters now. It's so amazing just how fast she's picked it up. A is also into EVERYTHING! I bought her a stool a month ago for when we start potty training. Well that stool has turned into my worst nightmare! She totes that thing around and uses to get into the sink, and get stuff off the counters. I'm going to have to put things on top of my cabinets soon to keep her out of them! I made these mini chocolate chip muffins for her, for our trip to see my parents tomorrow. I was talking with a friend when I see her come in with one. She was on her third one before I even realized. I am always stopping what I'm doing to check on her. In fact I just caught her going into the burnable trash. She likes to pull out the milk cartons and pretend to drink them. Needless to say the time out chair has become a friend. Most times I don't even need to put her in them. I just tell her what shes done wrong and why she shouldn't do it then tell her she needs to go sit in her chair till the timer goes off. When it does, she gets down and gives me a hug. For the most part the chair works, but I have a feeling that it might not for so much longer!

Showing me her belly button

WOW!

As for me, I've been trying to teach myself HTML and CSS coding. Not to mention GIMP which is a free photo manipulation program. I'm getting pretty good at it. My goal is start a business doing invitations, thank you cards and the like and if I get good enough with the coding maybe I'll even do blog designs. Not that I have a ton of free time with the two kids but I need something that is me. I need to be able to channel my depression into something productive, not to mention bringing in a little extra money would be nice too.

The bathroom reno's are coming along. Jared has most of the plumping work done now. The bathtub is in place and he was starting to connect the plumbing for that when he realized he forgot to pick up a couple pieces of piping that he needs. My washer and dryer are up stairs now too and I absolutely love love love it! I have so much more room and it's always right in my face so I keep up on it, instead of letting it pile high. We should be starting the tile work soon too. I'm just hoping to get the rest of it paid off soon because we're going to have to start on K's room. Not that his room will be to bad, nothing compared to the bathroom but the sheet rock on both of the kids' rooms needs to come off the walls and ceiling and all the old insulation replaced. It's more time consuming then anything else. Once those things are done, the upstairs is pretty much complete. The down stairs is going to take a lot more work and a whole lot of dollars. So it's time to get back to the kids. It'll be lunch time soon and I have to figure out what to make my picky eater!

Kent Farms

2010-10-11T09:08:00.001-04:00

This is one of my favorite times of year. I love the colors of the leaves, the change in temperature, but what I love the most are all the farms that do things for Halloween. Almost every town around here does something, whether it's a haunted house, hay rides or even a "Poker Run" there is always something to do. Not far from where we live is Kent Farms of Andover Ny. Every year they have a Fall Festival with pumpkin picking, hay rides and assorted other activities. I decided last minute that I wanted to take the kids there Friday night.

A had a blast! I was expecting her to walk around with her hand over her eyes so people couldn't "see" her but not once did she do that! She climbed up into a Pirate ship and a train to play, slide down a 40ft enclosed slide with her daddy and took her first hay ride! The only thing she wasn't thrilled about was pumpkin picking. She just walked around the field looking at them. Jared would pick one up to try and get her to take it but she just patted it and moved on.

Me and K

Pirate Ship Fun!

Ringing the bell on the train

Hay Ride Time!

Also this weekend A learned several animal sounds. Last weekend she could do a dog and sometimes a bird. This weekend she learned how to do a dog, bird, cat, duck, and cow. We tried to do a frog too but she can't quite get the rib-bit rib-bit down. I am so proud of her!!! I can't believe how well she's starting to do with her speech. I'm very glad I went ahead and got her in the early intervention program. She tells me "mo" (more) along with signing it, she's saying "banana" and "mama" again, she's learned to say "what's that" and when you tell her she goes "oooo wow!" I swear I love this little girl! She always makes me laugh. I really am a lucky momma to have two great kids. :)

Goody Goody

2010-10-05T13:41:00.001-04:00

We have been remodeling our house for the past couple months. We've emptied out the attic and thrown tons of crap away, we're redoing our upstairs bathroom and making it bigger, and we're putting in all new insulation among other things. Well it's been my job to sort through everything and decide what we should keep and what we need to get rid of or don't need/use anymore. This has been hard for me because I keep coming across things that at one time meant the world to me. It hard to let some things go and I can definitely understand how people become hoarders. I just can't let go. Some things, like a ratty old rat my best friend "accidentally" left behind on his only visit, I just can't part with. However other things like this silly old dancing skunk that played "I want you to want me" went into the trash. Trust me, giving up that skunk wasn't easy. I can't remember if I gave it to Jared or if he gave it to me, but it was a Valentines day gift and played "our" song. Jared, however, didn't have any such emotional ties to it and easily let it go.

I was working on the down stair this morning, trying to finish clearing out a half book case, half drawers "thing" and I found an album that my mom gave me a couple years ago. To be honest, I completely forgot I even had it, though I do remember briefly looking at it once before. This wasn't a photo album. Mom has a shelf at home full of those, though this album did contain a few pictures.

It was an album of my life.

It was an album of my achievements.

Within it's falling apart cardboard walls contained the story of my life during my school age years. It contained every certificate of achievement, every good attendance award, every newspaper clipping, every church program that either my name or image appeared in.

Through the tears and the laughter I realized I was a goody goody.

I hardly ever missed a day of school.
I always got good grades.
I participated in everything.

I came across a Christmas card that I must have written during Kindergarten. The following note to my parents was inside:

Dear Mommy and Daddy,

I love you very much but I want lots

of new toys for Christmas. I love

you mommy and daddy.

Love,

Erica

Now I"m sure this was supposed to be a lesson in how a letter is supposed to look but I couldn't help but laugh out loud.

Something that really surprised me though was all those idea I had as a kid, followed me through to an adult. During school we had to write several papers in order to graduate from certain grades. They were all kept in a file folder that followed you through school and upon graduation, you received back with the collection of said writings.

There were papers about free thinking which is something that I have always felt strongly about.

There were essays on Romeo and Juliet which is still my favorite Shakespearian work.

There were creative short stories that dealt with witches and vampires which today are the books I love to read.

Pretending to be a "fair maiden" in need of rescuing

There were stories of the handsome prince fitting for the love of the fair princess, rescuing her from her evil stepmother or some other fabled creature. I am a Disney movie lover, need I say more?

What really surprised me are the two most important papers I ever had to write. The first was required to graduated from middle or junior high and the second was to graduate high-school. The first was written on the burning times and more specifically the Salem Witch trials. The latter was written on the history of Wicca, again focusing on the burning times. Then it was more of trying to find out who I was. Today, for the most part I know who I am and the ideals of that religion are how I try and live my life.

Along with my short writing career were pictures of my soft ball team and game schedule's.

Name badges from when I was a member of HOSA and VICA. Not to mention the airplane boarding passes from when I went to Nationals for HOSA.

My membership acceptance letter into the local volunteer fire and rescue company.

Finally it ended with my graduation announcement and acceptance letter into college.

All these little things my mom kept. Some of things she kept I remember fondly, like the day I won the Presidential Achievement award. I remember walking into the auditorium and seeing my parents there. I was surprised, this was supposed to be an awards ceremony just like the ones we had each year. They never gave out anything important. Just silly things like perfect attendance awards and music awards. My parents had never been there before. It wasn't until they called my name for the Presidential award that I realized why my parents were really there.

So many great memories. Who cares if I was an over achiever. It was is my life. Looking at those things just shows that I am basically the same girl I was as a kid. I'm still the perfectionist. I don't like to do things half way, I always strive to do my best.

Graduation Day

I think I'm going to take some pictures from my mom and put them, along with the things from this album into one that can contain everything. I haven't decided if I'll then give it to my mom along with a tear jerking letter that would be sure to make her cry, or just hold on to it for me. Maybe I'll show it to A and tell her to reach for the stars because anything she wants in life can be obtained with a little bit of hard work and a lot of love and support from her parents.

Always their little girl

The season's they are a changin'

2010-10-04T14:18:00.001-04:00

I have a love/hate relationship with this time of year. I love it for so many reasons. Fall time means some incredible foods are in season like apples and all sorts of squash, it's pie baking and quick bread making time too. I love it for all the colors, smells, sights and sounds that can't be found any other time of year. I love how the smells incite memories. I even enjoy the cooler weather. We had to start a fire yesterday morning, and while my husband was taking care of that, I was brewing coffee. He came over to me and gave me hug and told me it "smells like hunting season in here". See the house we live in now was used as his family's hunting place for several years. In Pennsylvania, hunting season starts the Monday after Thanksgiving so there was always a fire roaring and coffee brewing while the hunters suited up and went in search for their prey.

Autumn is by far the season I enjoy and love the most.

It's also the season I like the least.

As the day's get shorter, my depression seems to get worse. Yes I know there is a thing called seasonal depression and most people are quick to assume that is what my problem is. However the truth of the matter is that I am reminded of how my family has continued to fall apart over the years. It's a reminder of how the holidays are on the way and things just aren't what they used to be. It's a reminder of how hetic life has become. It's a reminder of how I have a hard time moving on.

I don't want to go into to much detail because I like to bury things and well everyone around me survives to see the spring that way. I will say that family is the most important thing in life and you realize a little to late just how important they are. To many people are to consumed with getting their kids the best and hottest toy out there. They scramble around the stores and malls, pushing people out of the way, being rude and inconsiderate of everyone around them. The population as a whole has forgotten what the holidays are supposed to mean.

So while I love the fall time, I hate that winter and the holidays ride on it's coat tails.

..... And then I panicked

2010-09-30T12:11:00.001-04:00

brought to you by:

I'm sure, some where in the internet world, is the story of when I gave birth to my daughter. Her birthday is just two months away, she'll be two, and I vividly remember every detail of that day. Through out my pregnancy I was one of those women who said things like: I won't be induced, no drugs, I want to breast feed immediately, etc, etc. The reality of it though, was something quite different. I was at my 40 week appointment, miserable because I had thought for sure that A would come early. It was a week before Thanksgiving and now I was worried I'd be in the hospital for it and not be able to cook for my family. (I'm the goddess of cooking, so I am totally serious with that last statement). So what happens? I go in Friday night to be induced. I was excited. Saturday morning they would start Pitocin and I'd have my baby girl in my arms by the end of the day. Things were going great. I had needed very little Pitocin as my contractions started right up and progressively got stronger and stronger. I was just three hours into labor when my wonderful doctor came in to check on how I was doing. I was a whopping 7cm already and she decided to break my water. In my mind I was completely relaxed, yet excited at the same time. Things were going great! I didn't need any pain med's, no epidural, nothing. I was a rock star.

Dealing with a contraction

Two hours later, I had been checked two more times and was still at 7 cm. That's also when this horrible stabbing pain in my pelvic area started. I started getting worried but I forced myself to get and stay upright as much as possible, trying to let gravity do it's job. Thirty minutes after that my doctor came in to talk to me about a c-section, A wasn't coming down the birth canal and my labor wasn't progressing.

And then I panicked.

Proud Daddy

I had never in my life had any sort of surgery. Plus this wasn't how things were supposed to go! I started crying and hyperventilating. I was petrified of what was going to happen. Sure lots of women have c-sections all the time, but when you associate hospitals with death because that's what you always experienced growing up, a lot of things go through your mind. In a rush, I was brought down to the OR, given a spinal, and A was born, all in about 30 minutes. I couldn't hold her, I barely got to see her, this was nothing like I had envisioned. They whisked her and my hubby up to the nursery and me to recovery. It was about an hour later that I finally got to hold A and was told what happened. My wonderful, very active daughter had the cord wrapped around her so many times, there just wasn't enough left for her to make it down the canal. I'm talking wrapped around her neck twice, around an arm, her torso and once around each leg. She didn't take my kindly eviction notices seriously. She had decided she wasn't going anywhere. She was going to stay in that nice warm wet environment for as long as she could.

Our first meeting

My c-section sparked a lot of things. Yes I was thrilled to death that both of us were okay and I had her there in my arms, but it also caused a lot harm in my eyes. While I thought I was prepared for a c-section, the reality was a lot different. I blamed it for my inability to breast feed, why I had a hard time bonding with my daughter, her colic and my horrible postpartum depression. It took me over a year to be okay with how things were, to really be able to talk about it all. I still cry when I think of that day's events but I know it makes me no less of a mother, that I don't love my kids any less then the next mom, that my kids love me no less, just because they were both born by c-section.

When coffee isn't working.....

2010-09-27T15:02:00.001-04:00

..... switch to the hard stuff: Hot chocolate with a big dollop of whipped cream

That's my new motto I think. It is a craptastic Monday and the outside agree's with me. It's rainy and chilly, I have a sore throat which means I'm getting my husband's cold, and A already has it. Yep CRAP-FRICKEN-TASTIC

I have an entire pot of coffee and a cup of hot chocolate in me and I haven't moved my butt from this computer for most of the day. I tried to jump start my productive-ness by doing up the dishes and a load of laundry but that didn't work.

I tried playing with the kids but there is only so much plastic spaghetti you can eat.

Reading almost put me to sleep so now of course I keep yawning. It's to late to take a nap thought because I hear A waking up.

So to stop the bitching I'm doing, I'm going to relish the fact that I've lost 50lbs since June 25 and tell myself that all the work I did last week and over the weekend is more then enough to enjoy a day of sitting on my @ss :)

Sleep Training

2010-09-23T14:13:00.002-04:00

For the past week I've been fighting myself on the issue of sleep training. I know it has got to be done. K needs to be able to sleep on his own, in his crib. Every part of my rational self knows this. My emotional self however, needs a bunch more convincing.
Yes I know co-sleeping is supposedly a dangerous thing and many man infants have died but there are lots of pro's to co sleeping too. There is even research to suggest that it REDUCES the risk of SIDS.
Why I love it so much has to do not only with convenence but the emotional satisfaction I get out of it too.

When A was first born, I swore I wasn't going to co-sleep with her, but I soon found out she was not having the whole sleeping in a crib thing. After the first night of literally no sleep at all I gave in and she slept in bed with my husband and I for quite a while. Even after I got her to sleep in her crib she ended up in bed with me every night. I loved the closeness of it, of watching her sleep, watching her breath. She looked so peaceful and innocent. Everything a child is supposed to be. There came problems with this though. She wouldn't nap, unless I laid down with her and waited until she was sound asleep. There was issues where she wouldn't go back to sleep unless it was in our bed. It took a long time for her to sleep in her own place. I remember a two week period where she would wake around 1 am when I didn't bring her into bed with us she would just scream bloody murder.
In the beginning we did the whole cry it out thing. It worked, within 30 minutes or less she was passed out. Then there came the time where it didn't work and I sat in the room with her until she fell asleep. She sleeps fairly well now. About once or twice a week she'll wake up but she usually falls back asleep without much trouble.
I remember though the tough times and struggles we had with getting her to sleep on her own. I feel it's going to be even harder with K. I want him to sleep in his own crib because I miss being able to move around and sleep in whatever position I want. When he's in bed with us, he sleeps int he crook of my arm and I'm either on my back or on my side. It gets uncomfortable after a while. Not to mention the lack of mommy and daddy time in bed.
Why I am hesitant to give it up is because I know this is it. All of the little things baby's learn in their first year will be lost to me after K. He is my last child and I want to hold onto all those little things. I love the fact that all I have to do is turn to him and pop the boob in his mouth when he's hungry. He drifts back off to sleep and so do I, usually before he does. I love the closeness, the warmth. I love how he tucks my boob under his chin and throws he arm up around it like it's the best teddy bear in the world. I love that he doesn't cry or fuss at night. I wake up when I feel him trying to get my breast to eat. I don't want to give any of that up.
I worry though that if I don't start really sleep training him that I will never get him to sleep in his own place. Not that it's a whole terrible thing. A ended up in bed with me every morning after Jared left. She would wake around 4am and I'd just bring her back in with me. She'd curl up next me and before I knew she'd be right back to sleep. That never bothered me. It's the whole night that I take issue with.
For now I'm stuck. I guess I'll just continue to half heartedly try to get K to sleep in his crib. I fear that won't work much as he's pitching a fit that I"m not paying any attention to him right now. He's in his seat right next to me, giving a yell until I look at him and talk to him. Then he gives me big smiles and coo's, until I look away again. Silly momma's boy!

Life is demanding!

2010-09-18T08:37:00.001-04:00

I know, I know, it's been quite a while since I've blogged. Just give me my slap on the wrist and send me on my merry way. There has been so much going on that I haven't had much time to sit down a relax, let alone write a blog post. I promised myself this morning that I would get on here and get all my thoughts out while eating breakfast. Multi-tasking is a mom's number one skill. So as I enjoy my english muffin with peanut butter and strawberry jam, I'll clue you in to where I've been.

Last Friday, (September 10th) I had my gallbladder removed. Remember that really depressing post I wrote the week prior, the one about being attacked??? When I finally did get out the hospital I had to see the doctor in his office to decide what to do. That was on a Wednesday. I had three options. I could not get my gall bladder out and wait until I was attacked again, I could wait till the end of the month to get it taken out (he's on vacation for two weeks), OR I could get it taken out that Friday. Well I obviously opted for Friday. I wanted that puppy out asap! It really the worse pain I have ever felt. I really do have a high pain tolerance. Most people would have showed up in the ER a day before I did. (Yes I was yelled at by my primary physician for not going sooner)
From Wednesday on I was sort of panicky. Sure I've had surgery before, twice in fact, but both of those were c-sections and they just numb you from the waste down. I was being knocked out this time and in all honesty, I watch WAY TO MANY medical dramas (I'm a Grey's junkie), so I was preparing for the worst. I kept replaying all the possible things that could happen, like waking up in the middle of it, not waking up for days afterwards, or having a bad reaction to it. Obviously none of those things actually happened, but I was worried anyway.

I remember sitting in the "holding area". It where you wait when your pretty much next in line for your surgery. The anesthesia guy comes over and tells you what's going to happen and usually your family member can come and keep you company. So the anesthesia guy puts something into my IV, telling me it well help me to relax and not care much. Well I passed out while talking with my husband. I don't know how long I was asleep but when I woke back up, Jared and K were gone and they were getting ready to take me into the OR. I get in there, and scoot myself onto the way to thin operating table. The last thing I remember is the nurse telling me to pretend I'm going someplace warm. I told her Hawaii sounded good to me. She agreed and said to picture the cute cabana boys in tiny bathing suits, while I breath in the oxygen that she just put over my face. That was the very last thing I remember. The mask went on and I was out.
The next thing I knew, someone was calling my name. I couldn't open my eyes. Well no, that's not exactly true. I don't remember even trying to open my eyes. I remember my throat being so dry and sore and thinking I had tons of cotton in my mouth that I couldn't speak. The nurse asked I was feeling and what my pain level was and I responded with hand movements. Even that seemed like a really hard thing to do at the time. I remember thinking to myself to wake up. I was out of surgery, I needed to wake up so that I could see my son (A was at my moms all week) and get out of the hospital. Didn't happen. I passed right back out again and woke up about 3 hours later. I was wide awake then. I felt okay. A little sore and stiff, but I wanted nothing more then about a gallon of water. My mouth was still horribly dry. They gave me that and some crackers. Saltines of all things. About an hour after I finally woke up, I was heading out the hospital and on my way down to my moms.

Mom met us half way. I was still exhausted, my breast were so engorged from not being able to pump since very early that morning and I was sitting in a car for 4 hours. My husband felt the need to talk to me for most of the way. Don't ask me what we talked about, I don't remember. I just wanted to pump (which I did while waiting for mom) and go back to sleep.

I spent the week down at my mom's. She took care of the kids for me since I wasn't to lift anything for 48 hours. I had felt fine by Sunday but I so milked it for the diaper duty. Not having to change stinky butts was so worth it! I didn't do much down there. My parents had a cook out and I invited a friend from my youth to come over. She has a 14 month old little boy who is such a cutie! I had a pretty good time, even though I was still really sore. I spent most of the week on the couch, reading my book, or rather my kindle. I read 3 books while I was down there. I did help mom with some laundry and dishes and stuff but I was milking it for all I could, knowing that when I got back home I wasn't going to have any time to rest. I even visited my friend and the kids had a "play date". A had a ball playing. She came home so hyped up that my mom thought we fed the kids lots of sugar!

So I got back home late last weekend and it's been non stop here since. We're remodeling the house and while I was away, Jared basically pulled everything out of the attic and took all the old, disgusting, insulation out of half our house. Not to mention he pulled all the sheet rock down from our bedroom ceiling. Basically it looked like I had horrible cathedral ceilings in the upstairs of half my house. I shouldn't complain. It really needed to be done, I just didn't want to clean up the mess. All week I've been going through things, getting rid of tons of junk, finding new homes for the stuff we're keeping, taking old books we no longer wanted and donating them to the library, taking a bunch of other things down the consignment shop and donating that too. The consignment store in town works off of donations because all the proceeds go to the local children's home in the area. Not to mention it saves me a trip to the dump and having a yard sale.

That's where I've been and what I've been doing. I pretty much have the upstairs cleaned up. I have to go through all the kids clothing as fall has arrived here. It hasn't been over 65 all week. A's been wearing jeans and long sleeves because it's just to chilly to wear anything else. Oh! A had her first real speech session last week too. That's another post for another time tho, as my english muffin is done and so is most of my coffee. Off to clean I go!

I was attacked

2010-08-29T20:37:00.002-04:00

Seriously I was attacked. It happened very early Friday morning. I was laying in bed when it hit me. My gallbladder attaked. Before I continue I need to say that I am sitting in the hospital using my kindle to type this so I apologize now for the poor grammer lack of puncuation and even worse spelling. There is only so much I can do with a kidle and spell check is not one of them.
At any rate when I was attacked it felt nothing more like the horrible acid attack I had a month early. Last time I ended up vommiting and felt better. Thats what happened this time too only I didnt feel better till later in the morning after a breif nap. I had called the doctors office but the only appt they had was during A's early intervention appt. I ended up talking to the nurse and she relaid the msg to the doc for me. Doc called in a script for an antiacid and all was fine. Saturday morning the same thing happened yet again. I went and picked up my meds and took the first dose. Nothing happened and the pain had gotten so bad I was laying on the floor crying. I packed up my soon and headed to the ER. I was there for a few hours when they came back and told me I had to be admitted because of advanced gallbladder disease.
I needed to be put on meds that were not good for K which means he is now eating formula from a bottle and I am so depressed about it. I have been pumping and dumping since. It is worse then the physical pain I was in. I miss my babies like crazy. A went home with my mom and I didnt even get to see her and say goodbye. K is home with hubby. I got to see him for all of 10 mins today.
I know they need a healthy momma but sitting here in the hospital with nothing more then my thoughts to keep me company I am pretty damned depressed about it all.
I do not know when my surgery will be. I have to wait for the pancreaitits to calm down before the gall bladder can be removed. I was told that it wont be tomorrow so I am hoping it will be tuesday. I havent had much pain or nausea today so hopefully my labs will be good in the morning and I can get out of here sooner rather then later. Oh and did I mentioned that I have had nothing more then broth and juice for breakfast lunch and supper. Not this girls cup of tea I can tell you that.
So at any rate I hope to be going home by wednesday minus one gallbladder and plus two kids.

Breastfeeding Part 2

2010-08-27T14:45:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I blogged about breastfeeding and how without support and knowledge you're really set up for failure. Today while I'm still blogging about breastfeeding, the topic is a little different. I want to get my thoughts out about breastfeeding in public.
At first I was very nervous about it. What am I kidding, I'm still very nervous about it. I haven't really done it yet, at least not without a cover up. There in lies the problem. K has decided that he doesn't like the cover up and will fight latching on unless he's really hungry. I can't say that I blame him Do you eat with a blanket over your head?
When I went home the other week my parents had a get together, like they often do on Saturday for supper. A friend of theirs had twins about 3 years ago and as far as I know she always pumped for them as they were in the NICU for 3 months. I don't think if I had whipped out a boob to feed K that she would mind. However the twins' father and an older married couple were there as well and I wasn't sure how they would feel so I grabbed my cover up and feed K. I have been breastfeeding in front of family with no cover up this entire time, not really caring if they'd object or not, but around people I don't know well or not sure how they would react, I use the cover up. On this occasion I guess it was a good thing. My father told me the morning after that he was glad I covered up, as the gentleman of the older couple thought that women who breastfed their babies without covering it up was disgusting.
At first I really had no reaction to it. I mean, that was why I used the cover up to begin with, but as I started thinking about it, I became annoyed. Nursing our children is what breast were made for. Yes they are view as a sexual organ and woman gain pleasure from them during the act of intercourse but this is not what they are for!! Since the beginning of time the only way to feed your child was to either do it yourself from the breast or have a wet nurse. Those whose couldn't afford a wet nurse would "dry nurse" they're children. In other words they would use some sort of animal milk. This became a very popular way to feed infants with the invention of the rubber nipple in 1845 and as early as the very next year scientist saw a huge increase in infant mortality due to this "dry nursing." In 1847, the first commercial baby formula was invented which of course sparked competition and soon other baby formula's were available for purchase. In the 20's and 30's evaporated infant formula were produced and it wasn't until the 50's that the commercial formula's we know today even came close to competing with the evaporated milk. Here's the real shocker, it wasn't until 1997 that store brand formula's hit the market. Do the math guys, the formula that we buy for our babies today has only been around for about 60 years.
I just don't understand it. Can anyone explain to me how breastfeeding is obscene? How is it dirty or disgusting? In the past 60 years the clothes that women parade around in have become smaller and smaller and women even walk around with clothes that are literally painted on and that is seen as something gorgeous, yet feeding our own children what they were meant to consume causes outrage.

I'm going home again for Labor Day weekend and I thinking I'm going to "forget" my cover up. I haven't decided yet. I haven't quite figured out how to be completely discreet about it. I do well but I still feel like my nipple is out there for everyone to see before he latches on. It's because of this that I let my husband talk me into using my cover up when we're out. We were out for supper last night when K wanted to eat. I was going to feed him right then and there without garbing the cover up out my bag. Jared told me to use it. He doesn't want anyone to feel uncomfortable or even worse cause a seen. He has to know by now that I'd handle it. I've researched the law in both Pennsylvania and New York and I can breast feed just about where ever I want without it being considered indecent exposure or anything like that. As for now the closest to public breasting I've done is in a parking lot in my van. I had some creepy guy stare at me one time, but I just hit the door lock button and continue on my marry way. I want to remedy that situation but I need to get a little more confidence. The only way to for that to happen is just to do it and with that I leave you to ponder the beauty of breast feeding.

If you would like your breastfeeding picture posted among these, pleases send them to fireraven@zitomedia.net. Make sure to put breastfeeding in the subject line.

Breastfeeding Part 1

2010-08-26T08:40:00.002-04:00

I have been successfully breastfeeding for two months now and couldn't be happier about it. I look back on my issue with A and wonder if I had did things differently, or had the support I did this time around, if things wouldn't have been different with her.

So many women out there have troubles with breastfeeding. They think they don't have enough milk, the baby isn't eating enough, they're breast are too large or too small, or any other number of problems that can occur. They say the truth is that anyone can breastfeed and I've run across a few women, dare I say feminist, that look their noses at anyone who says they couldn't do it. Reality is a whole lot different from their narrow minded aspects. Yes every woman has the potential to breastfeed their infant, I'll give them that, but whether they are successful or not depends on a number of things. The two biggest factors to successful breastfeeding, in my opinion, are knowledge and support, and they have to go hand in hand. You can read everything in the world about breastfeeding and feel you can do it without incident. Then your baby is born and you're teaching them how to latch correctly, things are going well. Then that night the nurse brings you baby from the nursery, you're exhausted beyond belief. The nurse see's this and says "we can supplement if you'd like." Needing sleep, you hesitantly agree and so begins the downward slide. You start doubting that you're making enough as more and more nurses say they'll supplement for you. Then after you get home your family helps that seed of doubt to grow by saying your screaming child is starving and then proves it by giving said baby a bottle of formula to which they gobble down in seconds. Even as determined as you are to breastfeed,n it's taken 7 days for your milk to finally come in and by then you've supplemented so often your child refuse to take the breast. So you try pumping several times a day but get barely enough for a feeding and finally, shortly after a month of trying, you give up on the idea of feeding. Not to mention the fact that post partum depression has set in and you feel like a total failure to your child. You had all the knowledge in the world at your fingertips, read the books, referenced them when you were trying to increase your supply and get your baby to latch again but you didn't have the support needed from day one and that was where the downfall began.

That was pretty much what happened with A. I was exhausted after labor and then having to have a c section. I knew I could breast feed and that it was alright if they supplemented with a cup or dropper, just so I could get a bit more sleep. Then on my last day there, there was a nurse who had been giving my child a pacifier for most of the time I had been there, just never in front of me until that last day. When I said something to her about it she told me there was no such thing as nipple confusion. I brought my daughter home from the hospital and that first night was terrible. She screamed all night long. I'd put her to the breast, she'd suckle for a bit, ten minutes would go by and she would be crying again. My mom finally suggested I give her formula and after a bottle, A passed out. It was obvious that the colostrum wasn't filling her tummy. Still I was determined. My milk didn't come until nine days after A was born and by then she had had so many bottles she wouldn't take the breast anymore. Pumping every couple hours did nothing to increase my supply. I had enough breast milk to make just one feeding a day for A. I finally gave up when I went home for Christmas, just a month after A was born.

This time around with my son, I made a vow to myself that I would do whatever it takes to breastfeed. I knew that I would have to block out everyone saying just give him a bottle and when things weren't going quite right to find the help and support to fix it.

In the hospital I had some great nurses. Supplementation was offered and I found myself agreeing because of the spinal headache. I couldn't sit up to breastfeed with out being in horrible pain. The following day, my nurse happened to be the lactation consultant they have on staff at the hospital. She taught me how to breast feed laying down which was a god send. She spent so much time with me, reassuring me, answer the questions I had. It was great. Then the next day my nurse was the one with A who told me nipple confusions doesn't exist. Thankfully the LC came to check on me that morning too and I told her that I didn't want the nurse asinged to me. I told her what had happened with A and she was pretty upset about it. All the nurses are supposed to have training to help nursing mom's but obviously that nurse just didn't care. So the LC switched her out with another nurse that was learning to become a LC. She had recently had a baby and was back to work and pumping. She was a great help too. By the time I left the hospital, 4 days after K was born, my milk was in, I was an expert at getting him to latch correctly in the football hold and pretty good at breastfeeding laying down. I was confident and knew where to get support if I needed it.

I was home for a while and my nipples became so sore. I had talked to a friend and we pretty determined it was normal but I went to see the LC anyway. She said it was normal too, just my nipple getting used to being used for milk.

The next issue I had was K being gassy. Very gassy! I had cut out dairy and what not and him grunting was a pretty normal thing so I just dealt with it. Then came his first growth spurt where he was eating every hour. My husband, who I told hundreds of time that I needed his support for breastfeeding said to give him a bottle. I agreed, my nipples were still so sore so K had a bottle. He had a bottle again about a week later when I had a glass of wine. That was the last bottle he's ever had.

I had one more issue, and that was our football hold. K decided he didn't like it anymore and I was having a very very hard time with the cradle hold. I read how to do it, looked at pictures of the hold but I just couldn't get it right. So I called up the LC and went to see her. She helped me get it right and things have been great ever since. K turned two months old yesterday and has only had about 3 oz of formula in total since the day he was born. Would I have liked that to be 0? Of course, but I'm not hung up on it. My child is exclusively breastfed and I love it.

I live in "God's Country"

2010-08-23T15:01:00.001-04:00

I grew up about 2 hours from NYC. It was kind of small when I was kid and growing by leaps and bounds when I was a teenager. As an adult it's become a hell hole. Tons of tragic light, stores on every corner and lots and lots of people. Five years ago, my husband moved to Potter County Pa. About 4ish hour from where he and I grew up while I moved closer to NYC and worked even closer. We were apart for about a year when my job changed and I decided to leave. I moved out to Potter County and Jared and I were married a few months later.

Caution: If you are a bible thumper/believer in God, read the rest at your own risk and please, don't try and "save my soul."

It took me a good 6 months to get used to living in tiny place. Grocery stores are 20 minutes away, 45 for a good one and a mall is almost 2 hours from here. Not to mention being almost stranded in the winter time when the snow starts to fall. But I guess that's what you give up to live in quiet, beautiful place known as "God's Country." Seriously, when you enter Potter County there is a big wooden sign that says "Welcome to God's Country." There is a church in every town. It doesn't matter if the town only has about 100 people in it either. The only thing that out numbers the churches are the bars!

What really annoys me though are all the stupid signs that go with the churches. You know, those ones that have spiritual, inspirational messages on them.

"God is the answer"
"There are some questions that can be answered by Google"
"If you want a rainbow you have to put up with the rain"
"Jesus: Gateway to the supernatural"
"Been taken for granted? Image how God feels"
"Down in the mouth? It's time for a faith lift"
"Jesus Christ: the name on everybody's lips"
"Extreme makeover's start here"

And so forth and so on.

The thing is, they kind of annoy the crap out of me! I don't know why. Maybe it's because every where I look they're in my face? I'm not a God girl if you haven't figured that out already. I'm not sure just what I believe, but I do know that's it's not God and the Church. I've gone to church a few different times in my life to see if I was missing something and each time I took issue with the "messages" that were being spread among the congregations. So it's just not for me. Living in "God's Country" though, it's always in my face and hard to ignore. Sometimes I want to scream "Shut up!" or "Stop with the asinine messages already.:" But I am a firm believe that everyone has the right to believe in what they want and so I keep my mouth shut and go about day with love in my heart for everyone and faith that I won't go to hell just because I don't believe.

Trip Home / I have issues

2010-08-20T13:48:00.003-04:00

Last Friday, the hubby and I took the kids home to see my parents. We also had a wedding to go too that Saturday. Visiting my parents was great. I really miss my mom and because of my dad's health he has a hard time making the drive all the way up here to see us. Dad was so happy to have his grandkid there. He bought A a power wheels. She's a little to short yet to reach the petals but she looks darn cute in her truck!

My uncle Rich was up for a visit too. I haven't seen him in almost a year. He's one of the greatest people I know. He's not a blood relative but he might as well be. He was so happy to see the kids too. He kept calling his wife every time he got to hold K or play with A. It was so great! It was a really really good visit with my folks and I can't wait to go back down there for labor weekend. We're having a cook out and I'm really really hoping that my Uncle from Ithaca can make it down. I haven't seen him since I graduation highschool and I would love to see him again.

Anyways Jared's cousin got married on Saturday. I didn't go to the ceremony because of the kids but I did go to the reception. Jared's whole family was there and I got to meet the few great aunts that I hadn't met yet. It was going well except for the fact that I have social anxiety issues. I really never used to, not as bad as I do now at least. I don't even know when or how it started but sometimes I just feel like everyone is looking at me and become disgusted. I know it's all in my head. I'm well aware of that, I just don't know how to control it. I thought I looked nice that day and even thought there was a good 100 people there, it was outside and we were off to the corner where not many people were sitting. Then my husband made a comment about the sweater I was wearing looking like a robe. All of a sudden it was like all eyes were on me, judging me and turning away in disgust. I tried to just ignore it. There were people there I enjoy talking with and I didn't want to miss them. I saw everyone I really wanted to see and then thought of making excuses of why I had to leave. When A started having a fit with everyone clapping during the introductions, it gave me the perfect out. I told everyone she was exhausted, which was true, she only had a 30 minute nap that day, and that I was taking the kids home. I don't know if Jared realized it was me or not, probably, but he didn't say anything. So after only being there for an hour, I was gone.

I really hate that about myself. I wish I could control it better and I don't understand why it happens. I've lost 47lb pounds since K was born and I thought it would help but it hasn't. While I did lose all that weight I still have another 60lbs I want to loose and I hoping the dress sizes will start going down too as I've only gone down 1 size. I want to be comfortable in my own skin. I want to be able to sit at a party and not feel like everyone is looking at me. It's something I guess I should talk to my therapist about but I've been doing so well depression wise that I haven't seen her in a few months and really don't want to go back. I don't know. Just call me issue girl I guess!