Diary of Sanjeev Himachali

Shattered Trust

2016-10-01T05:23:00.000-04:00

Since the beginning of 2016, I have had over 40 story hearing sessions; most of them through one to one meeting, and rest over phone or Skype. At least, 50% of those stories are not convincing enough, and hence I won’t be sharing them. So far, I have written and shared EIGHT stories and for remaining the work is in progress. I would like to believe that few people have read all my BLOG posts, at least Tara (not the real name) has, that’s what she told me in her email where she shared her story.

It all began with an email that Tara Asthana had sent to me a few weeks ago. She wants to share her story with the world and at the same time wants to stay anonymous. She believes that her life will turn into a roller coaster ride if ever her loved ones get to know about this experience of her. Her email triggered few questions which resulted in an exchange of few emails between us. She was comfortable communicating through emails. Though she trusted me with her story, as a mediator who will take her story to the final destination, I wanted to meet her or talk to her over the phone. As she is living in Pune, I convinced her to meet me just once. A few days ago, we met at Barista Lavazza, on M.G. Road, Pune. I got clarified on few points with her about her story before I decide to write and share it. And even though I met her, she is still anonymous, I don’t know her real name, don’t know which part of Pune she belongs to, don’t even have her contact number and throughout our conversation, she kept wearing her sunglasses.

Tara is a 38 years old, 5’9” tall, average built, a dusky lady with shoulder length curly hairs and with a long pointed nose. She is married for last 11 years and has two sons – nine and six years of age; though her personality contradicts her motherhood status. Her husband is working as a CFO with one of the leading Auto Component manufacturing organizations in Pune. Tara is an MBA from Christ College, Bangalore. She has worked with few Financial Services organizations before taking a break to raise her kids. A social media enthusiast, FOUR years ago Tara began her second inning as an Image Coach and Personal Branding Consultant. In her role, she helps Business Leaders and Entrepreneurs in creating their online brand. She develops personalized strategy for her clients, manages a consistent personal brand throughout multiple social platforms and ensures that the entire image sends consistent messages socially and professionally.

She said, “When I re-entered into the corporate world in 2011 a lot had changed. The job market wasn’t the same as it used to be in early till mid-years of last decade. I approached some of my friends, acquaintances and seniors to get references and recommendations for work. Initially, I kept my clientele limited to Pune and Mumbai. I used to take 3-4 training sessions in a month, and that was just sufficient for me. Soon I began to accept assignments from Bengaluru, Hyderabad, and Ahmedabad. One day I got a LinkedIn message from Deepak Talwar, Vice President - Marketing based in Bengaluru and working with a leading telecom organization. In his message, he had introduced himself and mentioned how he knew me. He had emphasized on few of our conversations on Yahoo Groups and other forums in 2002-2003. He had asked for my contact details. I remember Deepak as one of my seniors in the corporate world, who is very straight forward, even to the extent of being rude, demanding task master, excellent strategist and subject matter expert. There was a time when he used to share his knowledge and guide youngster, however, for last few years; he was reticent and not very visible on social media. Hesitatingly, I shared my email ID with him. A sequence of emails channeled between us. We shared about our work, experiences, families, hobbies, etc. He would share about his challenging assignments, such as demanding clients, customers, employees, etc. There was a time when we used to exchange 2-3 emails in a day. To keep up with the communication flow, I shared my mobile and WhatsApp number with him. He referred me to his friend circle and other known ones. I conducted 4-5 image management and personal branding training sessions in his organization, which received rave reviews. Soon I began to get a lot of work from Bengaluru, Hyderabad, and Mumbai. I started traveling for 15 days in a month. I was jubilant with my progress.

In one of our conversations, Deepak asked me to help him with the re-creation of his personal brand and re-positioning him in his peer group. Though he was magnificent in what he was doing and he had very innovative and unique ideas about performance management, team management, productivity enhancement, market penetration, etc., his good work was staying within the four corners of his organization and industry. He wanted to break free and reach out to people across industries and geographies. I agreed to help Deepak. That would have been the minimum I could do in return for his favor. I was very thankful to have come across Deepak at that point in time of my life. He turned out to be a perfect mentor and of course, a superb, sincere and honest friend. There are very few people of this breed. After few months of communication and 2-3 meetings with him at his Bengaluru office, Deepak had become a bit flirtatious and would often compliment about my dressing sense, choice of colors, mannerism, fitness, makeup, hair, knowledge and the way I manage my work, etc. I never took his compliments very seriously. I understand that it’s a part of our work culture. Once he told me, “Tara, had I met you 12-13 years ago, I would have married you. You are so contagious and irresistible”. To which I said, “Maybe in next birth, you can find me early” and shred it off.

By then, Vice-Presidents, General Managers, and CEO’s of few mid-sized organizations also began to approach me for Personal Branding and Image Management Consultancy assignments. It was overwhelming. I had to be very selective in choosing my clientele. I was very grateful to be able to contribute to my family income.

Gradually, our friendship extended to our families. During few of my business trips to Bangalore in 2012-13, I met Deepak’s wife, Sandhya and his two children - 8 years old daughter and three years old son, at his house in Jayanagar, 9^th Block. Sandhya was 5’4” tall, very traditional in looks and manners, mostly in Salwar-Kameez, slightly overweighed for her height and personality. A thick layer of Vermillion and a big bindi on the forehead was her trademark. Probably, she too needed few grooming and personality development sessions. In 2012, when we planned a road trip from Bangalore to Ooty, Deepak, and his family also came along. It was great fun. Our children enjoyed a lot. Abhishek, my husband, and Deepak bonded well together. A year later in 2013, when Deepak and family planned a holiday to Mahabaleshwar and Panchgani, they visited us in Pune. In fact, they stayed with us for TWO days. They brought a lot of gifts for us. Abhishek found it difficult to accept such expensive gifts but then we too gave equally expensive return gifts. I had never thought that mere an acquaintance would become such a wonderful friend.

Just like my other clients, Deepak had begun to flourish professionally. We created a very exhaustive Digital Marketing and Branding plan for him. The project encompassed several activities such as creating couple of Blogs for him, increasing followers on his Twitter handle, participating in Twitter chats, re-creating his LinkedIn account and targeted addition of connections (instead of adding everyone), actively participating in relevant national and international online forums, getting published on relevant business magazines and e-magazines and getting invites from several colleges across India for guest lectures as well as for multiple pertinent seminars, debates, and panel discussions. Not only it had increased his visibility, but it had also opened a new avenue for earnings through consulting and speaking assignments. Deepak had begun to make right noises in the corporate world. Everything just appeared like magic, as if the universe was conspiring to make me successful in everything that I was doing. I was very grateful to my clients and friends like Deepak for trusting in my abilities.

In early 2014, when Deepak came to Pune for moderating a panel discussion in one of the events organized by a leading business forum, one evening I met him at the hotel for a cup of coffee. He was amazed by the way things were moving in his life. It was chaotic in the lobby, so we went to his room to discuss his idea of writing a book. It wasn’t the first time that I had gone to his hotel room for discussion. Whenever we had anything confidential to discuss, such as plans for his branding, image management, etc., we would often occupy the hotel room. Relationships are built on trust and honesty and then we shared a bond of friendship. He discussed few ideas about the subject for his book writing, and we zeroed on one theme. Throughout our discussion, he kept appreciating me for helping him out in becoming what he always wanted to. I was reciprocating his appreciation by being grateful to him for referring and recommending me to his organization and helping me get so much of work. When he came to the hotel lobby to drop me off, he said, “Tomorrow, I want to go to Shirdi to express my gratitude and thankfulness to God. I have never been there before. It would be great if you and Abhishek also come along. As it is, tomorrow is Saturday”. “Let me check with Abhishek about his plan. We too want to go to Shirdi. I will get back to you in few hours”, I replied. On my way home, I called Abhishek and shared about Deepak and his proposal of accompanying him to Shirdi temple. Abhishek was in Mumbai, and he would reach Pune after midnight. He said, “Hhhhmm, it’s an excellent idea. Remember, we were discussing it last week, but for tomorrow I have other priority. Hhhhmm, do one thing, Tara, you accompany Deepak and take kids along”. “Are you sure? Won’t it look very odd”, I replied. “Tara, if none of us go, will look weird. He is your good friend and has helped you so much in last 3-4 years, and I think you must go with him”, he countered. “Okay, as you say,” I told. Then I called Deepak and said, “Sir Ji, tomorrow, I will drive you to Shirdi.” “That’s so sweet of you, Tara. Thank you”, he replied.

Next morning, we left for Shirdi. I carried along my youngest son. I was driving my black Honda City. I switched on my collection of favorite songs. Soon we began to talk on random topics. Our chat show started from our choice of music and then we went on to talk about our favorite journeys, Hindi movies, Hollywood, college life, sports we play, aspirations, etc. and then he asked me, “Are you happy with your married life”? “Certainly, I have a caring husband, who has given me freedom to pursue my career and dreams. I have loving and adorable kids (I remember, I gave a flying kiss to my son who was playing in the rear seat). They are my life. My in-laws are simply fantastic. It is the life I always wished for”, I replied to his question. Then, he began to share about his love interest in his college and how he couldn’t get married to her. He shared about his marriage story and how much he doesn’t love his wife, Sandhya. He feels ashamed of being with her. Their bedroom life sucks as Sandhya is not creative and supportive enough. He had told her to reduce her weight, had enrolled her into Gym and for yoga classes, but she was taking everything for granted. He almost gave me all the details of everything going on in his unsatisfied personal life. Sometimes, when he was getting too descriptive about his bedroom life, I had to cut him short, or I abruptly changed the topic. I don’t know how some people feel comfortable sharing their intimate moments with others. If there are issues, then they must consult a sexologist. By the time we returned to Pune, I was feeling exhausted. We had to stand in queue for TWO hours; I did 3/4^th of the driving and on top of that such a serious talk with Deepak. I was feeling the need of a massage. I dropped Deepak to his hotel and reached home. Though he was insisting for dinner, I refused. I shared my entire experience of Shirdi with Abhishek. We gossiped a bit about Deepak and Sandhya and then let it goes, stating that, “It’s their life. Why should we worry”?

By the end of 2014, my assignment with Deepak was drawing to a close. Now, he just needed to reach me in a case of a very peculiar situation or if something got complicated in existing setup. To take care of regular updates of his blogging, publication of articles, and monthly e-mailers, we scheduled a two hours meeting, once in a month. As a friend, we always remained in regular touch through WhatsApp and phone calls. After all, he was the best friend, who helped me in crisis. In the month of October in 2014, once again he came to Pune, to be a guest lecturer in a couple of management colleges and to solicit few consulting assignments with few start-up organizations. He had to stay in Pune for THREE days. I couldn’t meet him on the 1^st day as I was in Ahmedabad, but next day I met him for breakfast in Hotel Marriott on Senapati Bapat Road. After breakfast, we went to his hotel room as he wanted to show me the final draft of his book and to give me a “surprise.” Though I couldn’t understand the technical stuff in his book, however, the presentation was impressive with many graphs, infographics, and data. Then he sat in front of me and gave me a small box. “What is this,” I asked. “It’s a small gesture of gratitude from me for everything that you are doing for me,” he replied. “Can I open this,” I requested. “Certainly, it is yours,” he said. When I opened the box, I was awestruck to see what was inside. It was an iPhone. “I am sorry Deepak, but I cannot take this. It is way too expensive”, I said and returned it to him. He held my hand and said, “I love you, Tara.” “I think I need to leave,” I said. I was about to get up when he pushed me on the bed and placed his lips on mine. For a moment, I didn’t know what to do and how to respond. I tried to push him aside, but he was too strong for me. By that time he had unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans. “What the hell are you doing? Move aside and let me go”, I screamed. He was in no mood to listen. I hit him in the middle of his legs and scratched his neck with my fingernails, but he remained unfazed. In fact, he became more aggressive. He bit my lips and pressed my breast hard. The very next moment I found myself half-naked. He had taken off my jeans and lingerie. I started crying and begged him to let me go. I don’t know if he had become deaf at that moment. I tried one more time and hit him in his stomach. He loosened a bit, and I was about to escape when he grabbed me by my hairs and dragged me down on the bed. By the time I returned to my conscious, I was raped. With whatever energy I was left with, I grabbed my clothes and rushed to the washroom. With my torn soul and tarnished image, I walked out of the hotel. As I walked down the hotel lobby, I felt few stray eyes scanning me, but at that time I just wanted to walk out of that place. I pulled my car into an isolated area towards Aundh and cried for an hour.

Abhishek wasn’t in town. He was in Dubai for two weeks on an official trip. I didn’t know what to do and with whom to share it. Should I go to the police? Should I call Abhishek and tell him? How will he react? Should I call my sister or my best friend? I was in a dilemma. That evening, Deepak sent me a message, “I am sorry. I didn’t want to do this to you. I don’t know what had happened to me. I apologize”. His apology meant nothing to me. I just wanted to kill myself or kill that son of a B*t**. I talked to my mother and shared everything that had happened to me, she cried with me but insisted me to stay quiet and not exchange anything with Abhishek. “We are too old and too weak to stand with you and help you rebuild your life,” she said. Abhishek came after a week, and I was preparing to share it with him. It was Sunday morning, and we were having tea, when I randomly picked a newspaper from the table and read out to Abhishek, “A woman was raped by her colleague. She filed a police complaint. Her husband divorced her and took custody of their children”. “How rude is that instead of supporting her and standing with her. He divorced her. What is happening to our society”, I asked. Abhishek looked at me and said, “Hhhhmm, usually in a corporate world, such relationships exist for mutual gain. Probably, when she didn’t get what he had agreed to, she decided to file a rape case. You will see, this case will be settled out of court, but then our media won’t report that part. “But then why to divorce her and keep her away from her kids. That’s coarse. Something unforeseen happened to her, and instead of supporting her, her husband is penalizing her. What if it wasn’t a consensual sex but was a rape? By the time, this lady will come out of it; she would have lost everything, her reputation, image, family, kids, etc. That’s unfair”, I countered. “Tara, there is nothing unreasonable in it. We live in society, and we follow norms of society. Even Lord Ram left his wife when someone taunted on the character of his wife, Sita. Being a reincarnation of a God and knowing everything, he couldn’t do anything against society. In situations like the one you discussed, it is not only the woman who is suffering, but that entire family might be going through hell. Our society is coarse; probably colleagues of that guy were taunting him for the character of his wife. We don’t know what kind of trauma her kids were going through in school or neighborhood. Standing against society needs a lot of courage”, Abhishek justified. I decided to ask a direct question, “Suppose, if something like this happens to me and I choose to punish that person. What will you do”? “I am also a part of this society. I have earned a reputation and respect with a lot of hard work and sacrifice. I cannot let it go, just like that”, he reaffirmed his stand. That conversation with Abhishek, my husband, was suggestive enough to keep my mouth shut for the rest of my life and suffers silently. Yes, it was my mistake that I got raped. My self-respect was trounced by a friend, my soul was hurt, my trust was murdered, but I didn’t want to lose my kids. They are my life. I am already going through a hell; I just don’t want to increase my sufferings. It will be very easy for people to judge me but I am too weak to lose everything. Maybe I am scared of starting all over again.”

Having heard of her experience, I saw tears rolling down Tara’s eyes.

At the end of this story, let me leave you with few questions to ponder upon.

Do you think Tara was too weak to take a stand and fight for her self-esteem?
Do you think Tara should have filed a case and fought for justice and in the process, if she had to divorce her husband and let go of her children, she shouldn’t have hesitated?
Do you think our society follow double standards? There is a difference between what most of us talk about and what they do at the time of need.

Had I been in place of Abhishek, I would have fought for the self-esteem of my wife. We are the ones who form societies. It is not the other way round. People have short memories, five years down the line it won’t matter what people said and how they treated you. However, you will regret missing the time when you could have taken a stand and be with your loved ones, but you decided otherwise.

I will be keenly waiting for your comments, suggestions, and stories.

Composed By – Sanjeev Himachali

Email - sanjeev.himachali@gmail.com

Blogs/Websites - www.sanjeevhimachali.org; www.hrtales.com; www.thoughtsnwisdom.com

My Life, My Choice

2016-09-22T01:06:00.000-04:00

It was 16^th January, as Shraddha was preparing breakfast I called Jayesh Mistry, my friend and former colleague from Delhi, to wish him on his birthday. In this era of WhatsApp, Facebook, and other mobile applications, it’s only on such special occasions that most of us give a call to the person instead of messaging. I am not different from rest of the crowd. Jayesh and I were colleagues for a brief period in 2006-07. Till Jayesh picked the call, I was entertained by his caller tune, “I am not afraid, to take a stand, everybody, come take my hand, we’ll walk this road together, through the storm, whatever weather, cold or warm…”

“Good Morning Sanjeev Ji, what reminded you of me so early in the morning?” he picked the call and asked.

“Hey, Jayesh, Happy Wala Birthday to you; I wish you great health, wealth and success not only for today but every coming day of your life. So, what’s plan for today”, I said.

“Nothing much, we are spending the weekend in Nainital. Looks like my wife, Savita, is secretly planning a party”, he responded.

We shared a bit about our families and his new job then he asked me, “Sanjeev, did you hear about Dheeraj”?

“Are you referring to Dheeraj Sharma? What happened? Last I spoke to him was in November, on his birthday”, I said.

“Yes, I am talking about our former boss, Dheeraj. He is no more”, he replied.

For a moment I didn’t know what to say.

“He got cardiac arrest and died on the way to the hospital,” Jayesh continued.

“That’s sad. How did you get to know”, I asked.

“As you are aware that Dheeraj started his HR Consultancy in 2010, my new organization was one of his clients. He was helping us with restructuring and succession planning. He was scheduled to have a meeting with our leadership team, but he didn’t come. His mobile phone was switched off. When I called on his office landline, I got to know about his untimely death”, Jayesh explained.

“Yes, indeed it was an untimely death. He was just around 55 years old”, I said.

We talked for some more time before bidding goodbye with a commitment to stay in touch.

Dheeraj was one of my role-models - one of the very few people I admire and hold them in high regards. He lived his life on his terms. He made some bold choices in his life at a time when Indian society wasn’t as open and as brave as it is today. Making those decisions are tough even for the current generation but he did what no one could think of.

Dheeraj, Jayesh and I were working together with a Financial Service Organization in Delhi during 2006-07. Dheeraj was designated as Associate Vice President (AVP) and was working as Head of HR. Once, as a part of our recruitment campaign, I got a chance to travel with Dheeraj to Bangalore, Hyderabad, and Mumbai, a Five-Day schedule. Dheeraj came across as a very simple person, with a crystal clear idea of what he wanted. He never complained about anything. Those were the days when I was struggling with my public speaking abilities; I was shy and very introvert, not as aggressive as I appear today. If someone asked me something, I would respond with limited words. So, in public appearances, my trick was to put a question, before the other could ask me anything. One evening while we had our dinner and drinks, to initiate a conversation, I asked Dheeraj, “Sir, in your career span of 15-18 years, you might have taken several decisions and made many choices, which were your most difficult choices or decisions?”

His answer, which started at 8 PM, continued till 1 AM (even though we had scheduled interviews from 9 AM). Probably, no one had ever asked him this question. His answer, however, increased my respect and admiration for him and a new bond germinated which continued till his last breath. Dheeraj said, “I belong to a very conservative family from Udaipur, Rajasthan. My father is a business person. He is a wholesaler of vegetables and fruits. He is very traditional and religious. I have TWO elder sisters. Being the youngest child in the family, and that too a son, I was pampered a lot. I always got everything that I ever wanted. After completing my 10^th grade, I was sent to Delhi for further studies. Later, I got admission in Delhi College of Engineering, from where I completed Bachelors of Engineering (Mechanical). I was staying in a hostel. While I was still in the first year of engineering, one day while searching for a book in the library, I saw Jennifer Rodrigues, a final year student. She was the prettiest girl in the college. I still remember that afternoon when I saw her for the first time; she was wearing sea-blue color salwar-kameez with a white color dupatta, her big eyes, a broad smile showing her white teeth and shoulder-length curly hair were making her look damsel. For me, it was love at first sight. Neither before nor after that day, I felt such emotions for any female.. I kept thinking only about her, her face, her touches and how I could be with her. Hesitantly I approached her. Soon my cautious talks turned into study talks, casual discussions, and friendship and I realized my life was nothing without her. I was head over heels in love with her. When I proposed to her, she refused, in fact, she stopped talking to me. I apologized, and we got together again. Three months later, I proposed again but this time neither did she accept nor did she refuse and we continued to talk and meet. After her final exams, I proposed her again and this time, she said, “Yes.” She also confessed that she too was in love but wasn’t sure if it was love or just an infatuation.

Not only she was gorgeous but was also intelligent, I realized this after she got final year results. She had topped the college in Mechanical Engineering. She got admission in Delhi College of Engineering for her Master’s in Technology, which means we could continue to meet on the college campus. Over the period, our relationship grew stronger and emotional. By the time I completed my engineering, Jennifer was working with L&T ECC as an Assistant Manager. Ever since she had completed her Masters, her parents had begun to solicit marriage proposals for her, but she had refused all of them. After completing my engineering, I got a job with Maruti Suzuki, as a Management Trainee, in their Gurgaon office. Now was the time for us to break our love story and our decision of getting married to our families. As we had expected, our relationship wasn’t acceptable to our parents. They were opposed to our religion, our social status (Jennifer’s family was economically stronger than ours) and of course, our age difference, she was FOUR years elder to me, and it was in 1988 when such things were seen as a big taboo in our society. When I took Jennifer to meet my parents, she wasn’t accepted inside the house and was asked to return to Delhi, the same day. Both of us returned to Delhi. Later, my parents at first tried to influence me emotionally and then they threatened to get me killed. It was the same in Jennifer’s home. Her father got a cardiac arrest. In the hospital, they asked to promise that she won’t get married to me and instead marry a groom of their choice in their community. She stopped talking and meeting me. A couple of months later, when I was returning from office, I was beaten by few people and till date, I don’t know who they were. When Jennifer got this news, she came to meet me. That day we had a long chat. We cried our heart out because that wasn’t the way we wanted our relationship to end. We loved each other, and the society opposed our love. We had been taught that love knows no religion, no language, and no age but the practicality was different. That day, we made a decision, a decision to be with each other, comes whatever. We got married first in a temple and then in court. Our families got to know about our marriage when we went to seek their blessings; we were not allowed to step inside the house. That day we were disowned by our families. On the foundation of our love, we began to build our world. It was the first major decision of my life. I chose love over societal values.

The manner in which we got married followed by the awry reactions of our families, we couldn’t go anywhere for our honeymoon. Therefore, for our first anniversary, we decided to go for a short vacation to Ooty. Four months before our first wedding anniversary, Jennifer broke that special news to me. We were expecting a new member in our small nest, our first child. It gave us one more reason to celebrate our first anniversary in a grand way. I still remember that night, around three weeks ago from our holiday’s in Ooty, we had returned after having a dinner at our friend’s place when Jennifer began to complain about a bad stomach ache. As the night grew darker, her pain became sharper. We were on our way to All India Institute of Medical Science (AIIMS) when she had a miscarriage. This incident broke us emotionally. She would wake up to disturbing dreams and then start crying. It took us THREE months to accept the truth and become normal in life.

We bought our new house and a car. We could also afford servants and a driver. To enhance my career prospects, I enrolled for Master’s in Business Administration (MBA) in Delhi. In 1993, on the occasion of our 5^th wedding anniversary, we went to Manali. It was our first long holiday in three years. We were there for THREE weeks. Two months after we returned from Manali, one night when we were about to sleep at 11 PM, after a long and hectic day, Jennifer came closer to me and in my ears, she whispered, “You are going to be Papa.” That one line shooed away my sleepiness. As she said this, tears began to roll through her cheeks. I hugged her tight. My eyes also got moist. While she was still crying, she told me that she was already into her 3^rd month of pregnancy. Considering what had happened in 1989, she had kept this news to herself only. She said, “I didn’t want to hurt you the way I did last time.” By this period, our respective parents had a change of heart and had gradually accepted us. We shared this news with them as well. My parents had come to stay with us. Jennifer had left her job as she wanted to prepare for the arrival of our child. From 3^rd month to 9^th month of pregnancy, how time flew, we didn’t even realize. Now, it was a matter of time before we could embrace the bundle of our joy. We had begun the shopping for our child - new clothes, toys, etc. With every passing day, our excitement was multiplying and so was the joy and happiness in the family. As they say, our child had brought our families closer to us.

My brother-in-law was getting married, just a few weeks before the due date of the birth of our child. I didn’t want to give any strain to her. So, it was decided that Jennifer would go and attend the wedding in Church and then return home and later in the evening, we would go together for the reception. She was on her way to the church when at a traffic signal near Connaught Place her car was hit by another vehicle speeding from the left. Both Jennifer and Driver were severely injured. Jennifer had sustained multiple injuries – her head and vagina were bleeding profusely, her right leg got multiple fractures, and her jaw line was broken. Bystanders were kind enough to take them to the nearby, Ram Manohar Lohia Hospital. By the time I reached the hospital, our families were already there, and doctors were operating on Jennifer. Hardly TEN minutes might have passed when a team of FOUR doctors came to us and told us that the situation of both, Jennifer and our kid were severe, “Your wife has suffered multiple injuries and so does the child. We will be able to save ONLY one of them. What should we do”? Both families were looking at me for the decision. That was a most difficult situation. I said, “Doctor, save my wife.” The surgery took more than 18 hours. In the meantime, I had told my parents-in-law's to continue with the wedding reception of my brother-in-law. It wasn’t just about my in-law but also about families of girl side. They must not suffer.

Next morning, after completing the surgery, doctors called us to the cabin, my father and Jennifer’s dad came along, and said, “Mr. Dheeraj, we have sad news for you. Though we could save your wife, we couldn’t save your son”. It was only then when we got to know that Jennifer was pregnant with a baby boy. “Another thing is that,” they continued, “Your wife will never be able to conceive again. We had to remove her uterus”. Listening to this, her father began to cry, while I stood there, numb and speechless. Saving my wife instead of my child was my second most difficult decision.

It took few months to heal external injuries of Jennifer, but she was broken inside into zillions of pieces which weren’t healing. She didn’t sleep for many nights. She cried her heart out for many months. I would try hard to console her and bring her back to normal self, but then something would happen, and she would return to her cocoon. She was getting into deep depression and more than anything else, she had begun to feel worthless. I remember one evening when we were having a cup of tea; she came to me and said, “Dheeraj, can I ask you for one thing”? Divorce me. I am not able to keep you happy. I am so worthless. Cannot make you father”, she continued. “Jennifer, my happiness is with you. As long as I have you in my life, I will remain the happiest person in the world. Please don’t say such things. We will continue to be together, till God part us away”, I said. “But, Dheeraj, I won’t mind if you decide to have a relationship with some other woman, maybe someone else can give you the pleasure of fatherhood,” she said. “That will never happen, Jennifer. You are my first and my last love. I am not going to any other woman”, I said and went closer to her and hugged her tight. We might have cried for a couple of hours. Society played its role in making our life miserable. Someone had told her, “You are a curse, who cannot do what other women can do, conceive babies. Someone else told her “you got married against the wishes of you parents, that’s the reason God is punishing you.” There came a time when people stopped inviting us to their weddings, baby shower, and other happy functions. It had been THREE years, since that traumatized day of our life and it seemed our life got stuck in the middle of an ocean. In early 1997, I took THREE months of unpaid leave and went for a holiday with Jennifer to Himachal Pradesh and Leh-Ladakh. We just wanted to be away from the crowd and negativity of society. We met new people, talked to them, and celebrated their functions, served in old age homes and orphanages.

We were staying in a rented house in Dharamshala, Himachal Pradesh. Near to our house, there was an orphanage where there were around 30 kids in the age group of 6-months to 10 years. We began to go there to spend time with children. We would play with them and eat with them. Some days we would take gifts for them and other days we would sponsor them for an outing. Those were the best days of our life. After a long time, I had seen Jennifer laughing loud and smiling all through the day. She had become a child with so many kids around her. Among those kids, there was a Two-year-old girl, Anjali. She was very fond of Jennifer. All through the day, she would hang around with Jennifer, holding her finger, cuddling her and eating with her. In those 15-20 days, she had become so possessive about Jennifer that she wouldn’t let any other child play with Jennifer. When we were about to return, Jennifer asked me, if we could take her home. I spoke to the guardian of the orphanage, who then explained us the process of adoption. We agreed to it. It took us ONE month to complete the entire process and take Anjali along with us. Anjali was happy as she found a mother. I was happy because Jennifer was happy. For THREE years, she had forgotten to smile and be herself.

When we broke this news to our families, they opposed it strongly. My father said, “You must not have brought an outsider into the household. Don’t know whose genes she is carrying. If you wanted kids, you should have taken from your sisters. Between two of them, they have FIVE sons. I still remorse that moment when I sent you to Delhi for studies and this bitch entered into your life. I don’t know what magic she has done to you; you have forgotten your parents and family and just listen to her. I would have been the happiest person had she died that day in the accident. At least we could have found a bride for you who knows and understands our culture and family values”. It led to a heated argument with my family. When Jennifer wanted to say anything, she was asked to shut-up, as they considered her as an outsider. We came back to Delhi. Even in her family, the environment was as hostile as it was in Udaipur. Her father was regretful about Jennifer marrying a guy who was younger to her, had no maturity and purpose in life. Her mother said, “Instead of seeing this day, it would have better had I killed you the day you were born. Because of you, we feel so humiliated in the society”. When people in our neighbor and office got to know about the adoption, they began to boycott us. Someone told me in the office, “Dheeraj Ji, whose dirt have you brought to your house? It is one thing to feed a homeless child on the street, and it is another thing to bring that child to your home”. In the end, we understood that it is only both of us who are for each other. For the society, we are non-existent, who didn’t follow their norms. Bringing Anjali into our life against the wishes of the community was the third most critical decision of my life”.

With every experience that he shared, my respect for him grew manifold. By the time, Dheeraj Sir finished sharing his experiences, and his eyes had become moist, and voice had become dull. That day I understood the man behind that rough and strict taskmaster. It was incredible to know that person. I still take pride of every moment I had shared with this person. To learn that he is no longer is a big blow. “Wherever you are, may your soul rest in peace, Dheeraj Sir. You have inspired many people and have lit many lives”.

We must not judge people from what they show to the external world. Every person has a story we are not aware of. Inter-religion and inter-caste are still a taboo in our society. Wife being an elder to the husband is still not acceptable. Adopting a child is still frown upon. This man did all of these in his life. Finding such people in today's world is difficult.

After I had spoken to Jayesh, I called Jennifer Ma’am to express my condolence. I was glad that she remembered me. Though I was in regular touch with Dheeraj Sir, I had met her 2-3 times only. Later, in March 2015, I met her in their house in Chanakyapuri. Currently, Anjali is doing her MBBS from AIIMS.

Many people crib about bad circumstances and situations, but few dare to choose and stand by their choice; hats off to such brave people. Two people, who are immensely in love with each other, can face any challenge of life.

How different you would have lived your life, had you been in place of Dheeraj or Jennifer?

Stand with your love, always.

Composed By – Sanjeev Himachali

Email – Sanjeev.himachali@gmail.com

BLOGS – www.sanjeevhimachali.org; www.hrtales.com; www.thoughtsnwisdom.com

Daily Motivation - 31 Inspirational Quotes

2016-09-19T02:56:00.005-04:00

Motivation is neither a surgery nor a construction of monument instead it is a daily dose of vitamin...it is a work of maintenance; you must motivate yourself every day. Usually, one must get motivated by the purpose of their life and their dreams; however, in the absence of it, one can take inspiration from the life of others and their learning’s. They say, “Self-motivation is the best motivation". Here is a collection of my favorite inspirational quotes.

"Love yourself and be proud of everything you do, even your mistakes, because your mistakes mean you are trying"

"A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor"

"If it's meant to be, it will be"

"Life is like a mountain, hard to climb, but once you get to the top the view is beautiful".

"Knowing yourself is the beginning if all wisdom"

"You can do what you want to do. You can be what you want to be"

"We become what we think about most of the time, and that's the strangest secret"

"The same boiling water that softens the potato, hardens the egg. It's about what you're made of, not the circumstances"

"Forgiveness is freedom"

"Mistakes are painful when they happen, but year's later collection of mistakes is called experience which leads to success"

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that"

"No matter how you feel today, get up, dress up and show up".

"Often in life we forget the things we should remember and remember the things we should forget"

"Today is a brand new day. My past does not define me. My future is for mine to create".

"I can is 100 times more important than IQ"

"I will win, not immediately but definitely".

"There is always a light at the end of the tunnel"

"Winning require confidence"

"A good life should always be made, not waited for"

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us"

"Great things never came from comfort zones"

"When it rains on your parade, look up rather than down; without rain there would be no rainbow"

"Don't give-up"

"Everything is going to be alright"

"If you never failed, you never tried anything new"

"We will either find a way or make one..."

"When you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe then you'll be successful"

"I am...I can be everything"

"Set your goals high and don't stop till you get there"

"You are the creator of your own destiny"

"Your life is yours and yours alone, rise up and live it"

Source - Random Google Images

An Affair That Haunts Me

2016-08-18T06:20:00.000-04:00

Last month, my stories, “It wasn’t Rape” and “Parents or Spouse – I made my Choice”, received overwhelming reviews. Thrilled, I was working on my next issue when I received an email from Pankaj Rai, a connection on my LinkedIn, asking me to take him through the process to share his story with me. Currently, he is working with a pharmaceutical company as a Director, Analytics Data Strategy in Hyderabad. I prefer one-one meeting with the people, who want to share their experiences, which they feel is worth sharing with the public. This approach helps me in analysing the validation of the experience by reading their expressions, emotions and body language. I called him on the number provided in the email to know more about him and the experience that he wanted to share and why he thought that his experience was worth enough to be written as a story. Towards the end of the discussion, I asked him if, by any chance, he was planning to travel to Pune. He replied, “I will be in Pune during the weekend of Independence Day to meet my cousin and his family.” “That’s perfectly alright. Let me know where will you put up and we can meet accordingly”, I said. “I will be in Kharadi, Near IT Park,” he responded. “In that case, let’s meet in Radisson, on Sunday, 14th August at 11 AM. You can share your experience over brunch”, I proposed. Pankaj answered, “That’s perfectly alright. Let’s meet. Thanks for your time”.

Pankaj, a native of Chandigarh, is a graduate from IIT-Roorkee, passed out in 1999. He followed it with MBA from the National University of Singapore in 2001. He got married in 2007 to his colleague at that point in time and now they have an 8 years old son. Before moving to Hyderabad in 2014, he was working with another leading pharmaceutical company in Ahmedabad for FOUR years.

On 14th August, when I reached Radisson, Pankaj was waiting for me in the lobby. Wearing blue jeans with black t-shirt, high-power glasses, this fair complexion, 5’10” tall guy with average built was looking very studious and was totally justifying his stressful job. Interestingly, his head had all hair intact, thick and shining black, giving an impression as if he had just walked out from a saloon. After our handshake, we looked for an empty table and made ourselves comfortable on dark-brown colour armchairs. After sharing about our jobs, workplace challenges, family details, etc. he was getting anxious to share his experience, which according to him, was haunting him and giving him nightmares. So, I asked him to proceed with his story.

“It was my 37^th birthday on 21st October 2014; my story starts from this day. We were in Ahmedabad. Facebook, WhatsApp and other social and mobile apps have made it easy for people to remember birthdays. While most of my well-wishers sent their wishes on FB, LinkedIn and WhatsApp, few closed ones took the pain of dialling my number and wishing. My wife had invited all my friends residing in Ahmedabad and few of my colleagues for a dinner party at home. There was one more reason behind throwing this party, I had accepted an offer from my current organization and was getting ready to join them on 03rd November 2014.

As I was responding to birthday wishes on my Facebook and LinkedIn, I received a birthday message from Shamita Mukherjee on FB, ’Happy Birthday Pankaj Sir. On this special day, I am wishing you wealth and success, for today and every day’. It struck my mind immediately. Shamita and I had worked in same organization for THREE years in Gurgaon. It was our first job. She was my junior by two years. Once I moved out of Gurgaon, she tried to reach out to me on few occasions through LinkedIn, Orkut, etc. but I could hardly respond to her. When I checked Facebook details, I realized that we were connected since February 2010, but she never answered or commented on any of my status updates or photos, etc. She never sent any message on my birthday or on any festival in last four years. Getting a birthday message from her actually surprised me. I immediately replied to her message and initiated a conversation with her. A short conversation on FB, made me aware that she was married since 2006 and staying in Hyderabad with her husband, a Software Architect, working with a leading IT organization, and have two daughters, 5 years and 3 years old. On her FB, she had not posted any profile photo. In fact, her photo album on FB comprised only of images of nature and animals.

Shamita was a 5’6” tall, fair complexion, slim and beautiful lady. She would always carry a smile on her face and twinkle in her eyes. Her body type would suggest that she was fitness freak. In our organization, she was popular for her varied hairstyles and the collection of her Churidar Suits and Sarees. She was also active in extracurricular activities in our organization meant for employee engagement. Though we were not on the same team, we had to communicate often due to interdependence of our departments. My other colleagues made an observation that she was having a crush on me or as we say in local language, she was giving me hints and clues of her interest in me, so that I take initiative. I too noticed changes in her behaviour and body language whenever I would be around. On few occasions, she also brought homemade lunch for me, which I never accepted. She would often send jokes on my mobile. Though, her feelings were clear and behaviour was demonstrative enough to be observed by any, I never responded to her.

In our subsequent communication after my birthday, I learned that though she belongs to Bengali ethnicity, her father, now retired from Armed Forces, was posted in Hyderabad when she was working in Gurgaon had decided to get her settled in Hyderabad. She has an elder brother and a sister. I briefed her about my wife and kid and told her about my relocation to Hyderabad. We also exchanged our contact numbers.

In Hyderabad, my organization had made my initial stay arrangements in Green Park Hotel for 30 days. Meanwhile, I had to find a house to move in my family after the completion of my son’s academic year in school. Till then we settled with my visit to Ahmedabad at least once in every two weeks.

Though in last 10-15 days, Shamita remained in touch through WhatsApp, I was trying to find out the reason behind her reconnecting with me after so many years. I did ask her but never got any satisfactory answer. On 15^th November, at around 11 AM, Shamita came to meet me at Green Park Hotel. She was wearing her trademark red and white colour Churidar suit but that sparkle in her eyes were missing. She had gained some weight; I guess that was primarily due to age and the birth of two kids. It looked like as though age was catching up with her fast, but then she was just 35 years old.

She said that after I left my job in Gurgaon; she continued in the organization for 6 – 7 months and then joined an organization in Hyderabad. By then, her brother had moved to Singapore, never to return. Her sister got married to a Vice President – Credit with a leading bank. Currently, they are staying in Mumbai. After she relocated to Hyderabad, her parents began to find a match for her. They found one through matrimony portal. She wasn’t interested in getting married but couldn’t oppose her father. She got married in 2007, to a guy who was 10 years older than her and was working with a leading IT organization. However, that marriage turned vicious from first night itself. He started abusing her from day one. Slapping her every now and then for no reason became his recreation. .He made her quit her job. She wasn’t allowed to talk to her friends or family. She wasn’t allowed to keep a mobile phone. Calls on landline number were re-directed to his mobile number. While going to office, he would lock the house from outside. Soon after marriage, the physical abuse took the form of sexual assault. He would get drunk often and use unnatural ways to have sex with her. He would have sex with her whenever he wanted and as he wanted.

She tried to communicate her trauma with her sister and parents but they expressed their helplessness and asked her to adjust. They told her to shower him with love and care and soon she would notice a change in his behaviour. However, nothing of that sort ever happened. Unfortunately, her both parents died in a road accident in 2010. When she couldn’t conceive after one and a half years of marriage, he made her sleep with one of his friends and shot their video so that she couldn’t tell anyone. She continued to suffer, until early this year, when she managed to run away from the house with her daughters, in February 2014. All this while, she could confide in with her best friend since college days and currently staying in same society where Shamita was staying with her husband. Her friend was able to help Shamita in whatever little way she could, within her limits.

I asked her, “Shamita, why aren’t you filing a police complaint. I am sure they will be able to help you”. She responded, “Pankaj, do you think, it is the first time that I am escaping from the house. Last time, when I did, he managed to convince the police that I was mentally unstable. Police asked me to return with him. After that, he tied me to the bed, assaulted me and didn’t give anything to eat for more than 10 days”. “So, how will you manage this time? I think you must leave this city and go somewhere else. Maybe you can join back our previous organization. They were happy with your work, I am sure they will rehire you”, I tried to console her. By this time, I was in a terrified state. I had no idea how someone could be so cruel. I was getting Goosebumps. “Yes, Pankaj, this time I will not return to his hell. I will try to go beyond his reach”, she said confidently. By the time we finished, it was 5 PM. “I must go now; I need to see my daughters, who are staying with one of my friend. I am so sorry to spoil your Saturday. I don’t know why I shared all this with you but I felt like sharing it with you”, She continued. “Maybe you are still in love with me. Are you?” I asked. She smiled and looked at me with a twinkle in her eyes (probably the only time she had smiled in the entire conversation) and said, “Maybe”.

I got busy with my new assignment, the new organization, and search of my house. The following weekend, I went to Ahmedabad. I told my wife about the conversation I had with Shamita. She was feeling sad for Shamita and asked me, if people like her husband, actually exists? I replied, “There are various kinds of people. We don’t know what goes on in the four walls of houses. We must not judge people by their external appearance”.

Finally, I found a THREE bedroom, a fully-furnished house in Begumpet and moved into it. That week, Shamita asked me to visit her in her paying guest accommodation on 13^th December, and from there we were to go to visit her daughters staying with her friend in Trimulgherry area. I agreed to her proposal. She would visit her kids every weekend. She had recently joined an organization at a meagre salary of 18k INR. When I reached the address given by her, I found her standing near society gate. She apologized and said, “We cannot go to my room as the girl who I am sharing my room with, has some unexpected guests.” “That’s not a problem, get into the car, let’s go to meet your daughters,” I replied. We might have reached Paradise area when Shamita got a call from her friend to inform her that she was taking the girls to her in-law's place as her father-in-law had suddenly taken ill. “Now, what should we do,” I asked her. “If you are comfortable, we can go to my house, but then you will be required to cook,” I continued. She nodded in affirmation. On the way, we bought vegetables and fish, which she said she wanted to cook. After reaching home, I showed her the house. While she was getting accustomed to the house, I prepared coffee for both of us. Having previously spent a day with her, listening to her painful experiences, this time, I didn’t want to make her cry or feel sad about what had happened. So, I started discussing the time when we were working together. I pulled a chair from the dining table to sit near her, while she was marinating fish; I began to chop tomatoes, onions, garlic, etc. as we continued to talk.

After lunch, she came close to me, looked into my eyes and asked, “Will you do me a favour”? I replied, “If it is in my hands, I certainly will.” “Will you help me in raising my daughters? Our world is not kind to girls. Currently, they are staying with my friend, but I don’t know how long I will be able to keep them there? Maybe you can keep them with you. Maybe you can sponsor them. It’s not about me. I can take care of myself, but I am worried about them”, she continued. “Shamita, I certainly can help you, but I also need to check with my wife. My wife is keen to adopt a daughter. Let me speak to her. You don’t need to worry about your daughters. Together we will take care of them and give them good education”. She hugged me tight with tears rolling down from her eyes. I could empathize with her. I could understand the fear of a mother towards her daughters.

While I was getting ready to drop her back at her paying-guest accommodation, she asked me if she could stay with me over the weekend. Thinking that may be the change of atmosphere will make her feel better, I told her, “If you are comfortable, then why not.” Later in the evening, she asked me, “Why you never acknowledged my love for you? Had you accepted my love, I would not have gone through what I did”? She came closer and hugged me. Before I could say something, she put her lips on mine. I didn’t even realise when we crossed our physical limit and began love-making. As I saw her without clothes, I could see bruises all over the body. There were marks of burns and cuts. She was often beaten by belts and shoes. I wasn’t certain if I made a right choice by letting her stay back.

After that we began to meet on weekdays as well, sometimes she would come to my office and from there we would go to my house, but often she would wait for me in Café Coffee Day closer to my house. Staying together overnight became usual. Every time we met, we indulged into the physical expression of love. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I was also feeling guilty for not acknowledging her love for me when I could. Probably, she would have lived a different life. Probably, she was destined to go through everything that she did. I still don’t know when did I make a mistake? Was it at the time when I didn’t acknowledge her love OR was it then when I was physically involved with her? It continued till mid-February 2015. In the meantime, when I visited Ahmedabad, I discussed with my wife about the journey of Shamita and her proposal of adopting her daughters. Initially, she was hesitant but then agreed to adopt one daughter. Shamita was euphoric to know this. Twice or thrice I saw Shamita, talking to her sister and brother. While her brother was coarse towards Shamita, her sister showed sibling compassion. Talking to her sister, Shamita would often start crying. She also gave me the number of her sister and brother, if I needed to contact her family, in the case of any emergency.

On 13^th February, when I called Shamita to ask her about her Valentine’s Day plans, I got a message that her number was “out of reach.” I continued calling her throughout the evening and night but always got “out of reach” message. Worried and tensed, next day I reached the flat where she was staying as a paying guest. I was told that there was no one with this name. By now, my worry and anxiety turned into anger and frustration. I was upset that she lied to me. I continued to call on her mobile number and got the same “out of reach” message. I drove to her friend’s house, where she said she had kept her kids. Her friend opened the door. I saw two children playing there. I asked her friend, “Where is Shamita”? She asked a counter question, “Who are you”? “I am Pankaj. I got your address from Shamita. She told me that her daughters are staying with you. Last month, I was supposed to come to your place with her, but you had called her and told that you all were visiting your in-law's house”, I explained to her. She listened to me and said, “Pankaj, I am Purvi. I don’t know what you are talking about. How could you meet Shamita, a person who had died one year ago”? “Died, Who? Are you out of your mind”, I questioned. “Pankaj, Shamita died on 15^th February 2014. She committed suicide. She jumped from the 10^th floor of that building (she pointed her finger)”, she said. “I don’t like pranks. I met her last weekend. We went for shopping. We watched a movie and had candlelight dinner. If this is a joke, this is in awful taste. I am going to report it to the police”, I told her angrily and left the place.

I reached the Café Coffee Day closer to my house and asked the manager if he had seen the lady, who used to come with me, in last 4-5 days. He gave me a confused look and asked, “Which Lady”? “We used to sit there, that corner table. Last week we came every day, remember”, I questioned him. “No Sir, you never came with any lady. You were always alone, though you always ordered for two coffees”. By this time, I was totally confused. I didn’t know what was happening with me. I was shivering with fear. I reached out to one of my friends, who was working at senior level in the telecom organization in credit and fraud departments, and shared the number of Shamita. I asked him if he could help me locate Shamita. He said that he needed 2-3 days of time. I didn’t know what to do? I was too scared to get into my house. I called Shamita’s sister. After 4-5 attempts, she answered my call. “Hello Didi, I am Pankaj, just want to know if Shamita has come to Mumbai?”, I asked. “How do you know Shamita,” she countered me. “Didi, I met her couple of months ago. We were in touch till last weekend, but now her number is not reachable. Before that we worked together for 3-4 years, around ten years ago”, I explained. “I don’t know what you are talking. Maybe you are drunk”, she said and disconnected the call. I tried calling her number of times, but she didn’t answer my calls. In an attempt to explain the situation, I sent numerous messages to her, but she didn’t reply. Later in the evening, she called back and said, “Pankaj, I don’t know what you are trying to say. You couldn’t have met or spoken to Shamita. It is impossible. She died ONE year ago. And the number that you gave was an old number of Shamita”, she tried explaining to me. When I told it to my wife, knowing about my affair with Shamita, she got furious and upset. The entire weekend I stayed in a hotel.

Over following week, I discovered that the number she used to call me from, was a dead number. It was last active in July 2006, probably until after a couple of months of Shamita’s marriage. The SIM card was destroyed. No new SIM card had been issued to that number. No one knows the whereabouts of Shamita’s husband. I met Purvi and apologized to her for my behaviour. She gave me recount of Shamita. “Shamita was one among my best friends in college. Even after completion of our graduation, we stayed in touch. I always liked to interact with her. She was livewire of our group, full of energy, positivity, motivation and champion of dumb charades. She wanted to do something useful with her life. After her marriage, I lost connection with her. In 2008, I was surprised to see her in our society; she was going somewhere with her husband. I shouted her name from the balcony. However, that time she was looking dull, probably, she was sick. Next day when I went to meet her, her flat was locked from outside. I went 4-5 times but saw her flat locked. One day when I was returning from her flat, I saw her standing near the window. We began to talk in sign language. Then I learned everything about her trauma. I shared it with my husband, but he discouraged me from interfering in her life. Once I went to her flat on a weekend. Her husband didn’t allow me to meet her. When I countered, he abused me. In 2010, I helped her in escaping, but her husband managed to get her back from the police station. Later he came to our place and picked up a fight with my husband and me.

On 15^th February, last year, she sent her daughters to my home and told me to take care of them. She was planning to escape. One hour later, I heard a loud noise of something falling in society corridor. When I reached out, I saw her lying in the pool of blood. In her suicide note, she mentioned that she was fed-up of her life and hence decided to end it. Her husband got arrested but was released after 4-5 days. He knew that his daughters were staying with me, but he never came to take them. My husband is upset with me for keeping them. We are going to give them to the orphanage. We have already spoken to some of them”.

My wife, I am not sure if she had forgiven me or not, but she was certainly concerned about my health and well-being. I took one week leave from office, went to Ahmedabad and consulted a Psychiatrist. My therapist told me that this story was created by me. It was my illusion. He said that a thought of Shamita, on my birthday, let me create this story. According to him, on the day when I was responding to birthday wishes of people, her name might have appeared in my list of friends, which triggered my memories about her and one after another, the subconscious of my mind created story frames.

If I had not met Shamita and it had all been created by my subconscious mind, then how I got her mobile number? How I reached Purvi? How I reached her sister? How did I get to know about her daughters, her husband and his behaviour towards her? Everything that she had told me about her life was real.

After the incident, I moved to another house in Banjara Hills. We have adopted both daughters of Shamita. I am still confused about what has happened to me. A thought of those FOUR months gives me Goosebumps”.

As Pankaj completed sharing his experience, for a moment, I doubted if I was sitting with a real person. It was very scary. By my clock, it was 3 PM. We were finished with our brunch as well as a couple of rounds of coffee. I asked few questions to Pankaj, which he answered to my satisfaction, such as, why Shamita’s husband didn’t go to pick his daughters or why Purvi didn’t help Shamita to move out of that situation? As I believe in occult science, I understand what Pankaj is trying to say. Or maybe it was his illusion. We came out of the hotel and parted ways with a promise of staying in touch.

Few questions remained unanswered, how Pankaj reached kids of Shamita? Pankaj met Shamita in Gurgaon, how he found the address of her Hyderabad residence? How did he know that Shamita’s husband used to lock her from outside? There are so many things in our world that cannot be explained logically or medically. What do you think? To believe or not to believe, is your choice.

Composed By – Sanjeev Himachali

Email - sanjeev.himachali@gmail.com

Website/Blog - www.sanjeevhimachali.org; www.thoughtsnwisdom.com; www.hrtales.com

I am a Proud Indian - India @ 70

2016-08-14T22:39:00.000-04:00

Today, we, the citizens of India, are celebrating the journey that began on 15^th August 1947. We have come 70 years ahead of our start point. The journey so far hadn’t been easy, and the journey ahead will not be easy either. I am proud of our fight for freedom, our history and everything that we have done in last 70 years to protect our independence and grow. We started from ZERO and today we are one among the top-4 economies of the world, all set to be #1 in a couple of decades from now.

Yes, we have made mistakes. Yes, we have our shares of problems. We have achieved things that no other country of our level has ever achieved. Our SCIENTISTS, SCHOLARS, and ECONOMISTS are part of numerous global projects. Brains and Talents of our nation are managing many successful global business houses. We have reached Mars. We are the most diversified and yet most united lot of people.

There is something in our national flag. Whenever I look at it, I get mesmerized. Holding it in my hands revives all the struggle we have gone through to attain this most expensive feeling, called FREEDOM. There cannot be any feeling better than someone announcing your name along with the name of your nation, on a global platform. I am happy to be an Indian. I am proud to be an Indian.

In spite of all problem creators, fault finders, and pessimistic people, we are growing, and we will continue to grow. We wish PROSPERITY, GROWTH, PEACE, HARMONY and COMPASSION for each one of us.

LEARN, ACCEPT, and GROW.

Happy Independence Day to each one of us

HIM and HER – A Unique Friendship

2016-08-06T02:15:00.000-04:00

They say, universally, between HIM and HER there can be no friendship. It is also believed that friendship is possible ONLY between two males or two females. The friendship between a male and a female comes with “strings attached”. We know several relations between HIM and HER that got translated into husband and wife. We also know about relationships between HIM and HER that began as a friendship and then became kaput because one of them proposed, the other rejected, and dejection took criminal angel. What about a relationship between HIM and HER that begins as a friendship and remains as friendship for the rest of their lives? Well, on this friendship day, that’s the kind of story I am searching for.

A friendship between HIM and HER can be classified into following –

Childhood (0 – 12 years) – Friendship at this stage is very raw and innocent. Playing together, exchange of toys and eating together is all that they want. They learn from the environment and try to imitate their parents and other elders in the family.

Teenage (13 to 19 Years) – When they reach teenage, they begin to take note of physical and hormonal changes in their body. It is a phase when SHE is taught by her parents to stay away from HIM. Parent's look at all her male friends suspiciously. At this stage friendship between HIM and HER becomes exploratory and experimenting in nature, with little scope of understanding of emotional and psychological needs of each other. Friendship at this stage is all about physical and biological needs.

Adulthood (20 – 30 Years) – By this time, most of HIM and HER move out from the safe and protected zone of their parents, and get exposed to the cross-gender friendship where they need to make choices and take decisions. Often they find it difficult to handle rejections. They get overwhelmed by fame, success, and appreciation. Not only do they need to churn through peer pressure but also social expectations, such as marriage, etc. The friendship between HIM and HER at this phase either results in heartbreak, crime or marriage.

Matured (Beyond 30 Years) – By the time they reach this stage of life, they have already gone through several rejections, heartbreaks, and experiences. Most of them get married. Either they are working professionals or homemakers. A new friendship between HIM and HER either booms at a workplace or they reconnect with their classmates or old friends. Based on the need of time, their marital status and their relation with their spouses, the friendship between HIM and HER either gives rise to an illicit relationship or a genuine friendship for life.

Spoilers of Friendship between HIM and HER

Peer Pressure – Among friends of the same gender, there is a self-developed interpretation of friendship between HIM and HER, which they believe has to have a romantic angle or else they are wasting their time and using each other for financial, materialistic and social advantages.

When Naveen and Nimisha became friends in their FIRST year of MBA, roommates and other classmates of Naveen began to tease HIM with HER name. They would often ask him – Do you just want to give her pick-drop and spend on her or you have plans to progress your relationship with her? Did you hold her hand? Did you kiss her? When are you going to propose to her? Remember, girls are often shy; she won’t propose to you, you have to propose. Did you sleep with her? Do you even know the size of her clothes? If you don’t want to do anything, then make her your sister. Ask her to tie you a RAKHI and introduce her to us, at least she will be of use to us.

On the other hand, roommates and friends of Nimisha would often tell her that she is a lucky girl to have Naveen in her life. You get pick-drop every day. He takes you to movies and dinner. He takes you for shopping. He is intelligent. He prepares your notes. He is such a handsome and cute guy. He is so adorable. If only we had such a boyfriend. Have you done anything with him? How does he kiss? How is he in bed? Please don’t hurt him, if you don’t want, introduce him to us. We are not staying in the hostel to do prayers.

When they were in the final semester, Naveen proposed to Nimisha. But she replied by saying, “Naveen, I always looked at you as a good friend. Can’t we remain just friends? We can be great friends, always”. Naveen couldn’t take this rejection. He began to stay aloof from her; while Nimisha remained caring till they completed their MBA. Did he want to propose to her? I am not sure.

It is a very tricky situation – to express or not to express. I know about several love stories that got lost in the whirlpool of time because neither HE nor SHE took initiatives to show their love. They were scared of losing a trusted friend. They were fearful of getting rejected. Is it possible to stay friendly with someone who has rejected your romantic proposal? I don’t know. I think it is certainly difficult to stay close with someone who has rejected you but at least we can let it go as just any other experience and not harm that person. That is possible.

Social Norms – Our society, at large, doesn’t approve friendship between HIM and HER. If it is not a blood relation, then it has to be a sexual affair, that’s what we have been taught since childhood.

When Nisha got engaged, she was advised by her mother to stay away from Anil, her college friend. “But Mummy, he is my good friend, you know that,” Nisha said. “I know what kind of friendship these college students have. Listen, it was acceptable when you were in college, not now. If your fiancé gets to know, they will cancel the engagement. At least care about the reputation of your father”, countered her mother.

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The married life of Sumit and Simran, hit the rock when after marriage, Sumit disapproved her friendship with her male office colleagues. He had a problem with all her male friends whether they were from her college or her office.

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The friendship between Sharad and his college friend, Rashmi created havoc in the married life of Sharad. Though they were wonderful friends and tried their best to involve their spouses, while Rashmi’s husband was supportive, they could do nothing to address the suspicious nature of Sharad’s wife. Whenever Sharad got late from office, she would call Rashmi to know her whereabouts. Eventually, a bond of friendship was killed prematurely.

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Shweta and Rishi were working in the same team in an Insurance company in Mumbai. Over a period, they became good friends. The key to their friendship was their origin. Both of them belonged to the same town in Punjab. They were like buddies and had exchanged many of their childhood memories, career aspirations, and preferences in life, such as what they liked to eat, shopping, holidays, as well as craziest and naughtiest things they had done. Sometimes, when one of them visited their native, the other would send gifts to the family. After one year or so, when she was meeting his friends, she was shockingly surprised to know that everything that she had shared with him about herself, he had passed on to his buddies. Not only that, Rishi had told his friends that Shweta had slept with him. Well, as expected, that was an end of their friendship. Shweta felt let down and cheated in her friendship with Rishi. I think trustworthiness is a key in a relationship like friendship whether it is of the same gender or cross gender.

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During their graduation, Sonali and Sameer were studying in same class. Sameer was not only intelligent and innocent but also good looking. Often he was the centre of gossip among his classmates. However, he had only one female friend, Sonali. They would often hang out together, study together and even sat together in the class. All this while Sonali was waiting for Sameer to propose but it didn’t happen. When they were in the final year of graduation, Sonali proposed to him, but he refused. She began to stalk him everywhere. She would send obscenely, threatening emails follow him on social media and write adult content, call him in nights and she would often continue to call until he answered her calls. She became friendly with his sister and began to visit his house. She also harmed his sister on several occasions and at last, he had no other option but to take the help of police.

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Nisha and Vivek were neighbours. Nisha was THREE years younger than Vivek. They became friends during the time when Nisha was seeking career guidance after completing her 12^th Grade. When she joined a college in the city, he would often pick her up from college. Over a period, they began to go out for a cup of coffee and movies. Nisha always considered Vivek as her good friend. One day he proposed to her, and she denied. He apologized for this later on. Things became normal between two of them. Another day, on the pretext of introducing her to his girlfriend, Vivek took her to the flat of his friend. She was raped by Vivek and his friends.

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Finally, I happened to meet Anurag and Anjali. They had met each other during their admission in Mechanical Engineering at IIT-Delhi. Their friendship grew in following FOUR years of engineering and 25 years later; they are still good friends, in fact, great friends. Anjali and Anurag completed their MBA’s from IIM-B and IIM-C. They remained in touch during the time when the usage of the internet was very limited, and there was no Facebook, WhatsApp or other internet and mobile applications to stay in touch. Currently, both of them are married and working in multi-national organizations in leadership roles. Anjali has two kids, and Anurag has one kid. Their family bond well and it's hard to identify who is whose friend. While Anurag is based out in Singapore; Anjali is in Mumbai. Whenever he travels to India, he meets Anjali and her family.

I asked them, “How did you manage to stay friends for so long? Didn’t you face any hurdles”?

“We did,” Anjali said, “but we were very honest and open in our communication. We would often chat and laugh out on comments of our friends about us. I won’t say that we never had arguments, fights, and misunderstandings but we came out of it strongly”.

“Ten years ago, when my father had bypass surgery, Anjali was working in Bangalore,” Anurag continued, “It was a difficult time for my family, I spoke to her, and the next thing she did was, took a flight and reached Delhi to be with my family and me. She has always been my strength”.

As Anurag was still talking, Anjali interrupted, “Anurag was there for my marriage. While my family was busy with shopping and guests, he took care of all other arrangements. Not only that, he sponsored our two-week honeymoon to New Zealand. Anurag has played a significant role in helping my husband in setting up his business”.

“Whichever geographical location we were and howsoever busy we were, we also took time to be part of important events in our lives - be it our marriage, birth of our kids, family emergency, etc. we stood with each other, and that’s what, I think makes our relation so unique”, Anurag said.

“My husband knows this very well,” Anjali continued, “Whenever he wants me to get convinced about any of his new business proposal involving high risk, he asks Anurag to talk to me. Not that I get convinced whenever Anurag discusses the project, but the fact that my husband accepts and appreciates our friendship, makes me feel happy”.

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I have been fortunate enough to have few female friends, in fact, I always had. It will be unfair to say that I didn’t make mistakes in my relationships. Sometimes I too had misinterpreted the communication and body language of my female friends, but I have learned from each of my female friends. The friendship between HIM and HER is a unique relationship, and it certainly has its norms, and to do list. Some of my friendships with HER are as many as 10-12 years old, and I am looking forward to staying friends for life. More than anything else, I am privileged to have TRUST of not only my female friends but also of my wife. This friendship day, and always, I would like to say thanks to my female friends for their affection, care, and trust. It is an honour to share this life with you.

Composed By – Sanjeev Himachali

Email - sanjeev.himachali@gmail.com

BLOG/Website - www.hrtales.com; www.thoughtsnwisdom.com; www.sanjeevhimachali.org

Her Fears and Insecurities

2016-07-26T08:13:00.000-04:00

That evening in 2014, when I returned from the office, I told my wife, “Shraddha, don’t plan anything for this weekend. Sanjeev is coming to our house from Mumbai with his wife”.

She gave me an apprehensive look and asked, “Sanjeev? Do you have another wife in Mumbai?”

“Hold on honey. Don’t jump to any conclusion. Don’t rack your brain”, I told her amusingly

“He is Sanjeev Bhardwaj, my friend. He is coming with his wife”, I clarified

Sanjeev and I not only share a name but we also hail from the same town in Himachal Pradesh. We were neighbours. He is five years younger than me. We got married in the same year with girls we loved respectively and interestingly our wives names Shraddha and Puja have a similar meaning in Hindi. But we couldn’t attend each other’s wedding. He got married in January 2012, and I got married in May 2012. Though we were neighbours and have fond memories of our happy childhood, our bond grew stronger when I helped him in getting his first major break post his MBA. Currently, he is working with a leading financial service organization and Principal Financial Analyst. A few months ago he shifted from Bangalore to Mumbai, so this weekend they will be visiting us in Pune. It is like, “Sanjeev meeting Sanjeev”. I am very excited about it.

They reached our place on Saturday morning at around 11 AM. We were so happy to see each other after such a long time; our wives were meeting for the first time. In fact, I was meeting him after FOUR years.

The entire afternoon was spent in discussing our love stories, challenges we faced in convincing our parents, problems created by our relatives, honeymoon stories, etc. We were so engrossed in our story sharing that we didn’t realise when the clock ticked 5:30 PM. After evening tea we booked a table for FOUR at Barbeque Nations. Even in Barbeque Nations, we were talking non-stop. It was kind of race against time; there was so much to talk and so little time. The warmth we shared was ecstatic

Then he said, “Bhai, tell me one thing, why these ladies are so insecure? Ours is love marriage, and we knew each other before getting married and it’s a relation of trust and honesty. However, Pooja still has issues putting her faith in me”.

Often in relationships, a couple go through a stage of uncertainty”. I supplied

“Okay Bhai, let me explain. We got married in January 2012. Almost after a year, in December 2013, we decided to pay a visit to my parents in Himachal and spend some time with them. We flew by an early morning flight, around 6 am, to Chandigarh and took a cab from there to our house in Himachal. We stopped by a restaurant on the way to sip hot tea. As Pooja is born and brought up in Bangalore, she was doing her best to fight an unaccustomed cold. To make her feel comfortable, I asked the waiter to fix our breakfast and tea in the lawn under bright sunshine while she was in the washroom. When Pooja came out of the washroom, she went berserk not finding me inside of the restaurant, and she came bustling out of the restaurant, screaming my name on a high pitch. Everyone present there got startled by her scream, and I too got scared. I went near her and asked, “What happened.” She replied innocently, “I thought you left me.” Coaxingly, I just told her to stop watching Crime Patrol and Investigation Diaries”.

Now, all of us were looking at Pooja, and she was blushing.

“I will tell you another incident Bhai, usually, when I wake-up at night to go to the washroom, I don’t switch on lights of the bedroom or washroom so that I don’t lose my sleeping momentum, else it becomes difficult for me to go back to sleep again. That night also I did the same. Coincidentally, she also woke up at the same time, and since she didn’t find me next to her, she started screaming my name, asking where I went. I rushed out of the washroom and asked her, “What happened.” She said with tears rolling down her eyes, “I thought you left me.” For a moment, I didn’t know what to say and how to react; it was 1 Am at night”.

Pooja, apparently annoyed by now, gave him ‘stop talking now’ look.

“Then, last year…” he continued as he was unstoppable after THREE pegs of whisky.

“My company sent me to New York for TWO months to visit the client site and gather their project requirements; I was to meet several stakeholders to understand their expectations from the project. For a couple of weeks before my departure, she asked me every day, “Will you come back? How much do you love me? Can I come along with you? Are you sure you will return? I have one relative, who moved to other country and didn’t take his wife, ever. You won’t do that to me, right”? Bhai, I love her. I care for her. I will never leave her. I have assured her so many times, yet, she doesn’t seem to understand. What should I do? I am sure; Shraddha Bhabhi doesn’t behave in this way. When I joined in my new organization in Mumbai, I brought her along with me. We stayed in a hotel for 15 days, till we found a decent house. She didn’t want to stay back in Bangalore for 2-3 weeks while I could find a house in Mumbai”, He narrated another incident.

“Now, you tell me Bhai, what I should do?” he asked

It wasn’t the right moment to answer him, so I just cut out by saying she was only expressing her fears.

After dinner, we decided to walk to our flat. It is just on the other side of Barbeque Nations.

Next day morning, while we were having breakfast at The Flour, I tried explaining it to them.

“Many women live with this fear that their husbands might ditch hem. As you mentioned that Pooja doesn’t have a father and both her brothers were against this marriage, she took a bold step to be with you. She has no place or no one else to fall back on. It is not her fear per se. It is her love for you. Tell your wife every day that

1) You love her

2) You will stand with her through thick and thins of life

3) You will give her safe and secure environment

And Pooja, you need to trust your man. He is doing all he can to keep you happy”. I concluded. What do you think? In relationships, what are the biggest fears of a woman? What do you think are reasons for Pooja to behave in this manner?

Please share your thoughts and experiences.

Composed By - Sanjeev Himachali

Email - Sanjeev.himachali@gmail.com

BLOGS/Websites – www.sanjeevhimachali.org; www.thoughtsnwisdon.com; www.hrtales.com

Reinterpreting – Love and Romance

2016-07-26T07:54:00.000-04:00

To my friend circle, where I have all sorts of people; married, unmarried, young, and old, I asked a question, “if you fall in love then will you confess it or suppress it”? There were a couple of questions embedded in it. Firstly, to know whether people understand “LOVE” as an emotion; and secondly, whether they are courageous to acknowledge their emotion? While many of them said that they would accept their emotion of love and express it; some stated that they would deny it and suppress it. Thanks to our movies, TV serials and media houses to thoroughly misguide and misrepresent love and romance (including dating). Let me make an attempt to exhibit my understanding of love and romance.

“I Love You” has often been interpreted as an invitation to “I want to sleep with you”. However, to add to the complexity of interpretation, love has further been classified into romantic love, parental love, sibling love, brotherly love, love towards the country, humanity, etc. Oh boy, do you need to do this? “I love you,” as I understand, is a statement, “I accept you the way you are. I respect you. I care for you. I will protect you. And no, matter what the situations will be, I will stand with you”. This interpretation broadly covers every type of love, highlighted above.

When you love the nature, not only you appreciate it but also protect it. You don’t harm nature in whatever ways.

When you love your parents and siblings, you care for them, and you stand with them, and you take out time for them.

Same is true for love between husband and wife as well as between two friends.

One can confess one’s love for anything and anyone that one cares for. No one needs to feel shy or think 100 times before conceding it. All it means is, “I am there for you.” Is there anything wrong in it? When you accept and respect selected aspects of someone, you admire that person. You might consider that individual as your role-model but might not love him/her.

“Intimacy,” also called as sex in loose context, is a physical closeness between two people. To get intimate with someone, it's nice to have acceptance and love; however, it is not necessary. Thereby, people can get intimate with someone they love and also with ones they don’t love, such as with sex workers, one night stands, casual sex, and rapes, etc.

In the language of movies, “Romance” is also linked with sex. Other variations of romance are – romantic date, romantic dinner, romancing with self and romancing with nature, etc. Romance, to my understanding, is a way of making the other person feel important, unique, and on top of the world. Romance is not about words but the way you make another person “feel” makes all the difference. Romance is to create that feeling. You can romance anyone, irrespective of their age. Even 80 years old, like to feel special, cared and on top of the world. Even they want to be romanced. Imagine, taking an 80-year-old grandmother out for an evening to her favorite restaurant, ordering things of her choice, amidst the music she likes, giving her flowers, and showering her with numerous gifts, etc. Won’t she like it? She will just love it. So, what was that you just did? You romanced with her. Made her feel special and on top of the world.

“Dating” is a precursor to what one can expect in future. Dating is not limited to a male-female relationship, looking for future together but to every such meeting where participants are looking for a future. Every first meeting between an employer and employee, a service provider with a client, prospective friends, is nothing but a date. How? When you are on a date, you give your best shot. You dress well. You prepare well. You give glimpses of what the other person can expect in future. Not all dates are satisfactory and fruitful. Recently, I watched a short movie about a father taking his five-year-old daughter for a date. The daughter dressed like a princess and the father treated her like one. It certainly set a bar about her value and how she must not accept any lower treatment than this from other men she might meet in future.

This note is my understanding of love, romance, and dating. Many people might not agree with it, but that’s alright. When I say, “I love you,” it means “I have accepted you the way you are and will be there for you.” When I romance, I make that person feel like one of the best person in the world.

Do you agree with this interpretation of love and romance? Share your comments.

Composed By – Sanjeev Himachali

Email – sanjeev.himachali@gmail.com

Blogs/Websites – www.sanjeevhimachali.org; www.hrtales.com; www.thoughtsnwisdom.com;

Story of My Passport

2016-07-26T07:44:00.000-04:00

Passport, as we know, is our international identity. Most of us have this as identity proof. Until mid-2006, I didn’t feel the need to possess a passport. However, to pursue my hobby of traveling the world, I applied and got my passport in December 2006. At that time, I didn’t even go to the passport office. I hired an agent; paid him 2,000/- INR and he took care of everything. I paid another 1,000/- INR to the police officer who came to verify my resident address. From the date of submission of my documents to the agent till the time of passport’s delivery to me, it took more than 90 days.

This year my passport was due for renewal, and I was just delaying it for no particular reason. However, Last week I applied for the renewal of my passport. While going through the process, I realized that from 2006 to 2016, many things have changed.

In May 2010, the Ministry of External Affairs (MEA) launched the Passport Seva Project (PSP) to augment and improve the delivery of passport services to Indian citizens. The project has been implemented in a Public Private Partnership (PPP) mode with Tata Consultancy Services. So, what does it mean? It means that the role of agents has been eliminated from the process, resulting in ZERO corruption in the passport office.

On 16^th July, Saturday, I submitted an online application for the renewal of passport in “regular service” category. I got an appointment for 18^th July to visit Passport Seva Kendra (PSK) in Pune. Compared to my previous passport, I needed to accommodate a couple of changes in my new passport, such as the inclusion of the name of my wife and change of address. While verifying my documents, the officer asked about the original copy of marriage certificate, which I did not carry along. The officer gave me a new appointment for the following day, 19^th July to submit all required documents.

My passport renewal application got accepted on 19^th July at 12:45 PM. By 4 PM, I got a message from the passport office stating that my new passport had been sent for printing.

On 20^th July, I received another message to inform me that my passport had been printed and would be issued to me after quality check, lamination, and signatures of appropriate authorities.

On 22^nd July, I got yet another message from the passport office, informing me that my new passport had been dispatched, and I could track it through the speed post tracker.

I received my passport on 23^rd July.

Wow, what a service. A process that used to take up to 3 months to complete was completed within a week. Other than the application fee, I didn’t pay an extra penny to anyone. As a customer, I am delighted. As a citizen, I feel proud. If we continue the way we are doing, soon we will be able to eliminate corruption from many government offices, a dream that we all have. Some people might still choose to criticize my country for taking too long to develop such robust system, but on a brighter note, it is never too late. I am glad about the improvement. Thank you.

I am happy to go through this experience, one of the best experiences in recent times.

Have you experienced something similar with government offices in India? Please share your experience.

Composed By – Sanjeev Himachali

Email – sanjeev.himachali@gmail.com

Blogs/Websites – www.sanjeevhimachali.org; www.hrtales.com; www.thoughtsnwisdom.com;

Parents or Spouse – “I Made My Choice”

2016-07-21T01:00:00.000-04:00

Two months ago Shraddha and I attended the celebration of the arrival of Baby boy in the family of my friend Karan Singh and his wife, Mrunalini Patil. He was their second child. They had a four-year-old daughter. Among guests, while I saw many of his colleagues, friends, neighbors, and Mrunalini’s relatives, I couldn’t find anyone from Karan’s side, not even his parents. I asked him, “Hey Karan, where are aunt and uncle? When are they coming?” “Sanjeev, they are not coming, ever,” he responded while rushing to attend to other guests. I couldn’t comprehend his statement. I knew that his parents were alive and healthy. He is the only son in the family. He has an elder and a younger sister. Not seeing grandparents at the birth ceremony of their grandson is usually a very non-Indian culture. Though I was sensing a learning lesson hidden behind the reason of that statement, I decided not to follow with him on the well-guarded secret of his life, at least not on the day of celebration

Currently, Karan is working as a Regional Marketing Manager for a leading Bank in Pune; while Mrunalini collaborates as an HR Manager with a prominent 5-Star Hotel. Karan was my junior in University when we were pursuing MBA in Bangalore and Mrunalini was his junior. Though, I know Karan for last 18 years, however, our communication was never consistent. After MBA, we stayed in touch for around TWO years and then lost contact. We reached out to one another after 5-6 years and stayed in touch for 2-3 years. Finally, we got in touch last year, when he moved to Pune. I even met his parents on a couple of occasions. His father took voluntary retirement from Armed Forces and is currently settled in Mohali, Punjab. Both his sisters are married; while one has moved to Canada, another one is settled in Delhi.

Last week, he invited us to dinner at his home. As we were scanning through the photo album of the event and watching the video, unknowingly, Shraddha touched upon this topic. At this moment, Karan and Mrunalini were willing to revisit their past and re-read few chapters from the book of their memory. Part of their journey left us shattered and made us raise a few questions about our culture, tradition, and values.

Eldest among THREE siblings, Mrunalini belongs to a Marathi family, settled in Mumbai.

“My first interaction with Karan was in pursuit to take his first-year study notes,” Mrunalini began the conversation.

“I would often approach Karan to get my doubts clarified from the notes. A stage came when I would simply approach him on the pretext of doubts just to talk to him. During campus interviews, I found myself praying for his placement”, Mrunalini continued.

Karan got placed in a leading Financial Service Company, as a Management Trainee in Hyderabad.

“By the time, Karan passed out from college; I had labeled my love for him ‘one-sided’. He was kind and caring but hadn’t proposed to me. The night before leaving for Hyderabad, he took me out for dinner. Later he began visiting r Bangalore at least once a month, and every time he would meet me. When I was diagnosed with dengue fever and was hospitalized, he came to Bangalore, and stayed with me, till I recovered and got discharged. When I got placed with a leading bank in Bangalore as Management Trainee, he took me out for dinner at a rooftop restaurant in a leading 5-star hotel and proposed to me in front of 50-60 guests. Later on, he confessed that he had fallen in love with me on the day he first saw me but kept his feelings secret as he didn’t want my studies to get hampered. Now that we are married for 12 years and have two kids, he still doesn’t express his love with words. His actions speak louder than words”, Mrunalini narrated her story, with some inputs from Karan.

“What began on such a rosy note wasn’t so fascinating after all,” Karan took over from Mrunalini.

“I was 25 years old, and Mrunalini was just over 23. We wanted to work for 3-4 years before getting married. However, her parents began to invite marriage proposals for her. Although we were dating, yet she met few probable grooms on her parent’s insistence. It was on Diwali when I visited her parents, and together we shared our intent of getting married. At that moment, they didn’t say anything…,” Karan was interrupted by Mrunalini.

“They told me that I was behaving very irresponsibly, in a very selfish way without considering the social reputation of family and future of my siblings. Our community and relatives would not approve my marriage to a north Indian. I would not be able to live a happy life if I got married to Karan by hurting their sentiments. North Indians are very cunning and manipulative. They also told me that they would not help me in any way if I get into post-marriage problems with Karan”, Mrunalini elaborated.

To all their arguments, I had only one thing to say, “I am getting married to Karan. It will be great if I get your blessings; otherwise, even those get married who don’t have a family. Don’t worry; Karan is my choice, I will not return to you if anything goes bad in my relation with him”.

“They agreed to the marriage, with a condition that the function would take place in Mumbai,” Mrunalini concluded her part.

“Then I spoke to my family,” Karan continued. “Unlike her parents, my parents and relatives readily agreed for our marriage,” he said.

“While we were preparing for our wedding, I got transferred to Bangalore. We took a personal loan of 8 lacs. Rented a 2BHK flat in JP Nagar area and began to purchase furniture and other household items. Our plan was to work for following FIVE years before getting into the expansion of our family”, he continued.

“One year after marriage, my parents came to Bangalore to spend a couple of weeks with us. By the time they left, they had made it clear to us that they didn’t like our lifestyle. They didn’t like Mrunalini pursuing her career after marriage; they had expected her to leave the job and focus on family; her wearing western dresses to the office, working for long hours and going out of the station with her colleagues or seniors for office work bothered them. Another thing that they didn’t like was our way of sharing household activities. If she were late from work, I would cook dinner. On weekends, she would do the cleaning, and I would do laundry. Our ways of celebrating functions were very different from the way it’s been done in Punjab or Maharashtra. They left in unhappy mode”, Karan explained further. “I believe that another reason for their unhappiness was the fact that her parents didn’t give any gifts in marriage, also called as dowry. It was because we had told them not to give anything. Her parent’s approval for the wedding was the biggest gift for us”, he continued.

“Once I was on a three-day official visit to Chennai. On last day of my visit, Mrunalini got a call from my younger sister in the morning. During the conversation, Mrunalini mentioned to her about my visit to Chennai. In the evening, she got a call from my mother, who asked about me. Mrunalini said that I was not at home, and she would ask me to call them back once I reached home (here, it is important to mention that my father had stopped talking to Mrunalini, after their Bangalore visit). When I arrived home, she told me about her conversation with my family. Next day morning she received a message from my father, calling her as a lair and hiding things from them. Understanding of entire scenario ascertained that after calling Mrunalini, my sister spoke to my parents and told them that I was in Chennai. So, when my parents called Mrunalini, they were expecting her to say that I was in Chennai. As a matter of fact, when my sister had called her, I was in Chennai, but when my parents called her, I had arrived in Bangalore and was on my way from Airport to home. I clarified the situation to them and told my father that the way he had sent a message to Mrunalini, calling her as a liar, in the same way, he must send another message, accepting that it was an act of misunderstanding and misinterpretation. While they agreed that they had made a mistake, they remained reluctant to apologize, and their argument was that Mrunalini was like their daughter and between parent and child there should not be “Sorry and Thank You.” I don’t know if this is a right way to create a relationship with a daughter-in-law. Everyone who makes a mistake must apologize”, Karan continued while Mrunalini was busy fixing dinner on the dining table.

“After our 2^nd anniversary, every conversation of Mrunalini with my mother and sisters were centered to, “when are you giving the good news.” I tried explaining to them in different ways about our loan and our priorities, but they were not willing to understand. They thought that Mrunalini was focused on her career and her professional growth, and she didn’t want to have kids. Eventually, we learned to live with their taunts related to our family planning. They suggested me to take her for a medical check-up to know if she was fertile enough to get pregnant, etc. A couple of years later, I went to Mohali to attend the wedding of my cousin. Mrunalini couldn’t go as she was busy with her office. After the marriage of my cousin, one evening while I was having a cup of tea with my parents and relatives, my father suggested me to divorce Mrunalini, as she was not able to give an heir to the family. He also said that if I didn’t divorce her, he would exclude me from family property and wealth, worth 3-4 crores then. I played it cool and told him that I didn’t need his property and wealth. He could give it to whomsoever he wanted to. I would create my fortune”, Karan said while we were eating dinner. At this point, the conversation began to take a serious turn.

“We were holidaying in Mohali when Mrunalini missed her periods by more than six days. The pregnancy test at home confirmed that she was pregnant with our first child. Before revealing the news to the family, we reconfirmed it with a doctor. We were delighted to share this news with my family; news they had been waiting to hear for FIVE years. On the way home, we bought sweets to accompany the sweet news of our life. When I broke the news, my father said, “Your wife works long hours and travels a lot, get the DNA test done to be sure that she is carrying your child.” It was 7 PM; we immediately packed our bags and left that home, forever. They called my love liar, and I listened to it. They told me to abandon my love, and I listened to it. They said that they would not give me any share in property and wealth, I accepted it. But when they told my love, cheap and characterless, that was an end of my relationship with them. As her spouse, it is my responsibility to see that she gets due acceptance, love, and respect from my family. I cannot tolerate her humiliation and insult. I decided to stand with my wife, my future, and my kids”, Karan concluded and by this time, he was visibly angry with his eyes turning red, and so was Mrunalini.

“We sent them an invite to attend “name giving function” of our daughter, but they didn’t come,” Mrunalini said.

“You know Sanjeev, I shared this experience with few of my friends, but they lectured me on parenthood. They told me, how much our parents do for us, Parents are like God, we should not hurt them, our mother sacrifices and goes through so much of pain, we cannot be happy by hurting them, etc. That’s the reason; we have stopped sharing it with anyone, and we were reluctant to share it with you. Parents are human beings, and human beings do make mistakes. Just by being a parent does not guarantee you respect, love, and care for life”, Karan explained his stand, while Mrunalini prepared coffee for all of us.

That night I couldn’t sleep. The story of Karan was very painful. It had raised many questions about the parent-child relationship. When something doesn’t happen as per parents wish, should they just ridicule it?

I agree that parents do a lot for their kids, but an expectation to get something in return demeans everything.
It is the responsibility of every couple to ensure that their spouses get acceptance and respect in the family. Parent-in-law cannot expect their daughter-in-law or son-in-law to respect them while they continue to humiliate, insult and degrade them.
Respect and love are two-way streets; one must give to get.
When it comes to a parent-child relationship, it is not appropriate to always put the blame on children for not listening to their parents.
The relationship of parent-child is created by the universe. They don’t get to choose each other.

I am going to become a parent soon and I, for sure, know what I must not do.

What do you think about experiences of Karan and Mrunalini? How could they have avoided this situation? Please share your thoughts and stories.

Composed By - Sanjeev Himachali

Email: sanjeev.himachali@gmail.com

BLOG: www.hrtales.com; www.sanjeevhimachali.org; www.thoughtsnwisdom.com

It Wasn't Rape...

2016-07-09T02:02:00.000-04:00

One Friday morning in the month of October 2014, while having breakfast, I sent a text message to one of my friend Laura Fernandez to inform her about my schedule of visiting Mumbai and to know if she would be in the city. I have few friends in Mumbai and every time I visit the city, I try to meet a couple of them.

“Hello, Laura, next week I will be in Mumbai for THREE days to attend the Annual Strategic Meet of our organization. I am wondering if we can catch-up for a cup of coffee”, I sent a message on her WhatsApp.

She replied immediately.

“Wow, so finally my turn has come to meet you. But what is this about “cup of coffee”? Aren’t you going to take me out for dinner as you promised last time after cancelling our meeting at the last moment?”, she responded.

Her response deserved a phone call, so I rang on her mobile to arrange our meeting. We agreed to schedule our dinner at Saffron, J. W Marriot, Mumbai, on the last day of my meet, which also happened to be Friday.

40 years old, Laura Fernandez is a CEO of Market Research Company that employs 125+ employees. Behind that tough looking, aggressive, data-loving, analytical, and market savvy woman, is a soft and caring heart. I believe she has inherited these traits from her father, who retired after serving a government organization as principal scientist. She is the only child of her parents. Seven years ago, I met her in one of the NHRDN events, where she was invited as a speaker. A casual chat and exchange of business cards led to a professional relationship, as she began to seek my inputs on HR related issues. Most of our conversation was made through WhatsApp, Skype, and emails. It was not until two years ago, when she began to share her stories with me, such as her fears, aspirations, failures, family bonding, kids, emotions, etc. Yes, I didn’t know much about her and nor did she know everything about me. Probably, with time we would share more. I knew that thrice she came close to getting married and last time it was just three months before her father’s death. Unfortunately, it didn’t materialize. Since then she decided to stay single. However, I didn’t know the exact story. I had been requesting her to share it, but she seemed reluctant. I knew she was planning to adopt a couple of female children but not aware of any progress in that direction. I fancied getting lucky with her stories.

When I reached the J.W Marriot, Laura was waiting for me in the lobby. Wearing a violet colour knee-length dress, this 5’7” tall, athletic, fair complexion, slim lady was looking stunning beauty. We shook hands and hugged. Then we walked to The Saffron. As we were walking, she asked me about my strategy meet. After reaching the restaurant, the manager guided us to our table. I asked her about her work and her plans to grow her business before we ordered Akbari Murg Tikka and Bharwan Shahi Paneer Tikka in appetizer and a glass of red wine and Vodka with Coconut water for drinks. Laura is an excellent painter, photographer and she loves traveling. A couple of months ago, she went to Iceland, Dublin, and Ireland. I asked her about her trips and experiences. It was only after her first glass of red wine that she began to open up. She enquired about Shraddha’s wellbeing and our family planning. She joked that she would be pleased to be a surrogacy mother for one of my children, which I laughed off. I enquired about her plans of adopting a kid. She replied that the process of adoption had been initiated, and would take few months before she would be able to bring home a child.

“But then why don’t you get married and have your own,” I further inquired.

“Sanjeev, are you kidding me? I am already 40 years old. Who will marry me at this age when people didn’t marry me when I was younger? Well, neither do I regret my past nor my decision to stay single”, she replied.

“I don’t know the cause of your this decision, but it was SIX years ago. By now you could have found someone and got married”, I said.

“Well, human relations and emotions are not that simple. You know this Sanjeev”, she said.

“But what happened SIX years ago,” I continued to intrude.

“Sanjeev, are you looking for a story for your blog,” she gave a sarcastic smile. “Okay, today I will share my story,” she continued.

Before she could begin her story, we ordered for the main course and asked the waiter to refill our glasses.

Laura began to narrate incidents that changed her life forever.

“It happened in the year 2008. His name was Anand. He belonged to a Tamil Brahmin family and was working with Information Technology organization as a Program Manager in Bangalore. We were introduced by a common friend in the year 2003. He was very polite and sophisticated kind of a person, brilliant, knowledgeable and well-travelled. When in the same city, we would meet for a cup of coffee or dinner. He would often bring flowers and gifts for me. In 2006, his company transferred him to Dallas for a year, which was later extended by six more months. During that time also we stayed in touch. We would talk over Skype or phone at least once in a week or so.

When he returned from Dallas in March 2008, he came to Mumbai, specifically to meet me. He had brought many gifts for me. Over the period of last FIVE years, I indeed had developed a soft corner in my heart for him, but none of us knew how to take this forward, at least I was hesitant to take the initiative. In the month of May, I had to travel to Bangalore to meet a couple of clients. I met Anand in Café Coffee Day for a quick meet, before rushing to catch my flight. While having coffee, he proposed to me in front of 25+ other customers in the café. I was awestruck but didn’t know how to respond. My heart wanted him to propose to me, but when it happened, I was utterly speechless. I asked him to give me time.

During the entire journey from Bangalore to Mumbai, A flashback of our relation to past FIVE years crossed my mind. It was all like a dream. Once I reached Mumbai, he called me to know if I have reached my flat or not. He reiterated everything that he said in the café. He also stated that he had been trying to express his feelings for quite some time but couldn’t as he thought I might have someone and I being an entrepreneur, he assumed, that he was no match for me. It was still like a dream to me, so I asked him to give me a couple of days to think.

I shared it with my parents, and they readily accepted Anand. They wanted to meet him. I shared it with him and asked him to come to Mumbai during the following weekend. He agreed. Since the likely change in relationship status was on the brink, we began talking often to understand each other. Our discussions were usually about our professions, would he be relocating to the USA or elsewhere and what would be the future of my business. At that time I had less than 30 employees, and I was willing to close it down to be with him, but he encouraged me to pursue. He advised that we sleep on it at least for a year to sort things out before getting married. However, he was comfortable getting engaged in 2-3 months.

He reached Mumbai on Friday night. On Saturday morning, I went to pick him from The Lalit, Mumbai. In a quest of giving him a surprise, I went to his room, without calling him from lobby. He was surprised to see me at the door. While he was getting ready, I stood by the window looking outside. He came closer to me, hugged me, put his lips on mine and suddenly I don’t know what happened, and we ended up making love. We were so engrossed into one another that it took a call from my mother, stating that they are waiting for us, to bring us to the real world.

We reached my parents’ house for breakfast; such was his charisma that he was instantly liked by my parents. They asked him about his parents and told him to bring them to Mumbai or else they would go and meet his parents. It was decided that my parents would travel to Chennai to meet his parents after 18 days on 28^th June. After our breakfast, we decided to spend the entire day together. We went for a movie, had lunch at Souk, The Taj Mahal Palace, Colaba and had a long romantic walk on Marine Drive. Before going for dinner, I took him to show my flat in Andheri East. We ended up having another session of love-making; finally, it so happened that we couldn’t go out for dinner and instead ordered pizza. That night he stayed with me.

In the morning, he left for his hotel and invited me there for lunch. His flight was in the evening at 6 PM. We spent the entire afternoon in his hotel room, discussing our plans, marriage, honeymoon, families, cultural challenges, our house, kids, etc. Last two days were most fantastic days of my life. The thought of him leaving for Bangalore in a couple of hours was making me sad, and tears began to roll down through my eyes. He was comforting me. He said that he would start visiting Mumbai often. He kissed me, and we had another passionate session of love making. Then he left for the airport.

From then on, every weekend we would spend together; either he would come to Mumbai, or I would go to Bangalore. As decided, my parents met his parents in Chennai. They liked me, and we got engaged in July 2008. At that time, my father was fighting cancer. His health began to deteriorate drastically. He told me to convince Anand to get married in October. Anand was not ready. He didn’t want to marry before April 2009. His parents also tried to convince, but he didn’t budge. Our communications turned into fights. In September, he stopped coming to Mumbai and would often cite one excuse or the other. We broke-up in the 1^st week of October. If that wasn’t enough, my father died in the 3^rd week on December. At that time, I was infuriated with Anand. I thought that he deprived my dad of his last happiness – seeing us married.

So, that’s my story”. Laura said.

While narrating the entire story, her eyes became moist, and her voice was shaking. Finally, I knew the reason of her “not available, hard look.” It made difficult for people to see her vulnerability through tough expressions.

“I am so sorry to know all this, but then you are a brave lady,” I said, trying to comfort her.

“Well, Sanjeev, there is nothing to be sorry about. We make our choices. Some people stay in our life for a short duration and leave a lasting impact. Anand is one of them. He is my past but in that shorter period, he had given me some wonderful memories”, she replied.

In the meantime, the waiter presented the bill, and I gave my credit card to him.

“Didn’t you try to reach out to him,” I asked her.

“He called me once when he got to know about my father; however, I didn’t answer his call. Later, he sent an apology email, blaming self for all that had happened. I chose not to respond. We have familiar friends, but I decided not to discuss him. I had been informed that he got married in September 2013, to a girl selected by his parents”, she replied calmly.

“Laura, I am not able to understand his obsession with “getting married after April 2009 only.” Why was that”, I asked curiously.

“He was one of the high-performer high-potential employees of the organization. His organization had gone through the process of restructuring, which had classified the entire organization into FOUR verticals based on service lines. Each of the vertical was to be headed by newly appointed Managing Directors. Along with THREE other leaders, he was under consideration for the role of Managing Director for one of the service lines. Starting from April 2008, his performance was under consideration for the period of ONE year. During this period, he was also required to attend several leadership development programs, as well as Coaching and Mentoring sessions, to get equipped with challenges of the new role. He didn’t want to lose his focus. He said that he would have to take at least ONE month leave for our marriage and honeymoon, which wasn’t possible in his current schedule”, Laura explained.

“You know what Laura, you should have sent him to jail for raping you by promising you to get married,” I threw a bouncer.

“What Sanjeev? You are an intelligent person, don’t make me doubt it. He can be anything but certainly not a rapist. Whatever happened between us was our mutual choice. Things didn’t work out the way they should have been, but that doesn’t mean that I will blame him. Anand never said that he didn’t want to get married to me. He needed time. My father didn’t have time. He was racing against time. He is a wonderful person and will always be so. I wish good things for him”, she responded.

“As they rightly say, it is impossible to understand the heart and underlying emotions of a woman,” I quipped.

“I don’t know why men even try to understand,” she laughed out.

We walked out of the hotel, called our drivers to bring in cars, hugged each other and with a promise of meeting again, we took our respective journey.

While coming back to Pune, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about the story of Laura. This lady had very clear thinking. She knew what she wanted. She was independent and didn’t want mercy of others. Also, she seemed to belong to that rare breed of females who believe that what happens between an adult male and female is often mutual and consensual. They are well aware of what they are getting into – challenges and consequences. Blaming one another for the failure is unfair.

What do you think about it? Do you have any similar example to share? Please comment and share your views.

Composed By – Sanjeev Himachali

Email – sanjeev.himachali@gmail.com

Blog/Websites – www.hrtales.com; www.thoughtsnwisdom.com; www.sanjeevhimachali.org;

"I Killed My Father"

2016-07-06T05:23:00.000-04:00

Sachin Sharma is a renowned cardiologist working with one of the leading hospitals in Jaipur. His wife, Radhika, is a gynaecologist. They are living happily with their 15-year-old daughter, Anshita. Sachin belongs to a family of doctors. His father was also a cardiologist, while his mother is an orthopaedic surgeon. Sachin and Radhika are famous for their philanthropist work in the region, just like his parents. In a year, they reach out to thousands of underprivileged people through free medical camps in remote areas of Rajasthan. His parents would live in austerity and would donate a large chunk of their earnings to charity. The picture frame would have been different had Sachin continued to follow his first love, flying. He wanted to be a fighter plane pilot. That was the dream he was nourishing since his childhood. As an 18-year-old, he cracked National Defence Academy (NDA) entrance Exam, cleared all rounds of Services Selection Board (SSB), joined the Academy in Pune, stayed there for 45 days, then something happened, and he left the NDA abruptly, paid plenty to exit the academy. He decided to follow footprints of his father to become a cardiologist. What might have triggered Sachin to let go his dream and do something he was not fascinated about? As a child, he would often faint at the sight of blood. He would often tell his parents that he would become a doctor when hell freezes over.

There was a euphoric environment in the family when Sachin received the call letter from NDA. He immediately called all his friends to inform them about his selection, while his parents were busy ringing their relatives and friends to share their happiness. Sachin was to join in one months’ time. He organized a party for his buddies and got his parents’ permission to indulge in few drinks. It was an emotional as well as a joyous moment for the entire group. While others were still waiting for their engineering and medical entrance results, Sachin was all set to pursue his dreams. He spent few emotional moments with his girlfriend, as they discussed the future course of action and mode to stay connected through letters.

The clock seemed to be ticking fast and soon the week arrived when he had to leave for Pune. Sachin was busy with his shopping and packing. Relatives and friends kept hosting lunch and dinner get-togethers for the family. His parents had taken one month leave from hospital to spend quality time with him; after all, he was the first person in the entire family to join armed forces.

Sachin’s father was a bike lover. He had travelled entire Rajasthan on a motorcycle. Also, a bike made easy access in remote areas. That day they were visiting relatives in Ajmer. The father-son duo decided to travel by bike, while Sachin’s mother and sister chose state-run bus service. When it was the time of their return, it began raining heavily. Sachin was riding the bike while his father was riding pillion. They might have driven for 25 miles on the highway when they saw a bus approaching them from the opposite side followed by three trucks. The second truck driver, having seen the bike and buses on opposite side, yet, went ahead to take over the truck and the bus ahead of him. Sachin lost the balance in sudden commotion. While he fell on his left, his father fell to the right side directly in the direction of the truck. The driver drove straight over his father’s head. He died on the spot. By the time, Sachin pulled himself and turned back to see his dad, all he could see was a head crushed body in a pool of blood. His mother and sister, who were sitting on the bus following their bike, witnessed it all in utter shock. The happiness of the family was shattered in a matter of few seconds.

After the funeral of his father, Sachin left for Pune after much persuasion from his mother and paternal uncles. It was his father’s dream to see him flying. Two weeks later, he got results of All India Medical Entrance Test, which he had written as a backup to NDA. He scored good rank and got admission in Mahatma Gandhi Medical College, Mumbai. He convinced his mother about his decision to drop out from NDA to pursue MBBS and carry forward the legacy of his father.

It took him several years to accept that it was an accident and that he had not killed his father. Probably, he couldn’t have done anything in that situation.

Every year, the happiness of millions of families is crushed by vehicles driven by untrained, law forbidding and reckless drivers. Let’s not confuse irresponsible driving with accidents. Behaviours such as, by-passing traffic rules, over-speeding, and wrong-side takeovers, are signs of careless driving, which are clear suggestions that the driver neither cares about his life nor that of his family or others. On a lighter note, my wife is suggesting a long drive assessment tests for couples before committing to marriage. She thinks that this test will help the couple understand the driving style of each other and how much they care for the family. A responsible person will not drive recklessly.

Drive safely and take care of yourself because someone somewhere is waiting for you.

Share your stories.

Composed By – Sanjeev Himachali

Email - sanjeev.himachali@gmail.com

Blogs/Websites – www.hrtales.com; www.sanjeevhimachali.org; www.thoughtsnwisdom.com;

I am Thankful to the Universe

2016-06-30T02:46:00.000-04:00

I am grateful to my environment and surroundings –

I am grateful to the sky, the sun, the moon, the earth, nature, mountains, oceans, rivers, and animals for teaching me new lessons every day.
I am grateful to my friends for their love, care, affection, inspiration and support.
I am thankful to the nature for bestowing me with beautiful marvels and sights - flowers in different colours, rainbows, deserts, snow, melodious music of the wind, rainfall, waterfalls, and songs of birds and animals.
I am grateful to have a safe environment to live, paths to walk on, people to love.
I am thankful to have healthy food to eat, clothes to wear and a house to stay
I am grateful to have a purpose in life, dreams to follow, discipline to stay focused, determination to continue the journey until I reach the destination, and courage to stand after every fall.
I am thankful to have a physically fit body, healthy mind, emotional stability and spiritually aligned soul. I am thankful to have all my body parts, organs, and senses working efficiently.
I am grateful to have knowledge, intelligence, and wisdom to take right decisions and make good choices.
I am grateful to have the courage to forgive myself and others for unintentional mistakes. I am thankful to be brave to take accountability for my behaviour, actions, choices and decisions.
I am grateful to my critics for helping me find my areas of improvement in becoming a better person.
I am thankful to get the abundance of opportunities for the growth and development of my environment, to serve, to feed, to love, and to protect the weak, old, handicap and poor.
I am thankful to have the abundance of love, success, wealth, popularity, prosperity, and admiration to serve the purpose of my life.

No one can live in isolation. I am thankful for everyone and everything around me for letting me live this life purposefully and making the best use of the time that I have.

Composed By - Sanjeev Himachali

Email - sanjeev.himachali@gmail.com

Blogs/Websites - www.hrtales.com; www.sanjeevhimachali.org; www.thoughtsnwisdom.com

I am Thankful to my Parents

2016-06-30T02:29:00.000-04:00

I am Grateful to my parents for –

Bringing me and giving me an opportunity to see this beautiful world
Giving me unconditional love, care, and affection
Protecting me against evil and giving me safe environment to grow
Being my first teachers; Teaching me the value of life and importance of human relationships
Sending me to school and college, so as to make me aware of my surroundings, learn and become knowledgeable to take decisions of my life and to make right choices
Giving me food to eat, clothes to wear, place to stay, and money to take care of my needs
Standing with me through my choices and decisions
Allowing me to make mistakes and learn from them
Teaching me the difference between right and wrong, good and evil
Installing the value system to withstand difficult and stormy situations in life

Without them by my side, I couldn’t have become whatever I am.

Composed By - Sanjeev Himachali

Email - sanjeev.himachali@gmail.com

Website/Blogs - www.hrtales.com; www.sanjeevhimachali.org; www.thoughtsnwisdom.com

I am Thankful to My Wife

2016-06-30T02:19:00.000-04:00

I am Thankful to my wife for -

Being a part of my life, choosing me as her lifetime companion
Believing in me and making me believe in me
Being my trustworthy friend and an honest critic
Showering me with her love, care and affection
Motivating, inspiring and guiding me
Cooking healthy food for me
Making me look good, confident, and stylish
Encouraging me to take care of my health, fitness and appearance
Inspiring me to think big, motivating me to stay focused and cajoling me not to give up
Giving me the most precious gift of my life – Our kids, and taking care of them

With her by my side, I can think the unthinkable and do the undoable.

Composed By - Sanjeev Himachali

Blogs/Websites - www.sanjeevhimachali.org; www.hrtales.com; www.thoughtsnwisdom/com

E-mail - sanjeev.himachali@gmail.com

Inexplicable Experiences

2016-06-18T06:22:00.001-04:00

Every moment of our lives is an experience. Broadly speaking, experiences can be classified as physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, vicarious and virtual. Experiences can also be classified as our ways of reacting to our external circumstances and the way others respond to us. In my life, I have experienced numerous emotions of which few are still hanging as indecipherable suspense. I still can’t figure out why it happened, or how it happened. I have tried to give different logical reasoning to my mind, but nothing seems to have satisfied its inquisitiveness. Let me share few of them.

The Mysterious Teenager

It was the summer of 1997; I was traveling from Bangalore to my village in Himachal Pradesh for three weeks vacations. For us, going to the native implies carrying gifts for everyone. Back in Himachal, we are a large family and that time we were living in a joint-family structure. I was carrying THREE pieces of LUGGAGE - a large size duffel bag, 26-inch leather suitcase and a medium size backpack.

My village is centrally located. From two sides, it is connected with a National Highway, on third side there is a State Highway and on fourth side there is a river. We got link road connecting our village to highways as early as in 1985. The village is at equidistance from all four sides by a distance of 2-2.5 miles. Though there was a road passing through the village, the bus services were destitute, just three buses plying in a day. If someone missed the bus, there was no other option but to walk because at that point, no auto or taxi services were available.

I reached the nearest bus stop on the highway well in advance to catch the 3 PM bus to my village. I was alone at that bus stop. However, after waiting for 40 minutes, I was informed that the bus service had been canceled for that day as it had collided with a truck in a minor accident. Carrying so much of weight for 2.5 miles was a daunting task, and the thought of walking itself had drained me. In that spread of 2.5 miles, there existed few other small villages and agriculture lands. I might have walked for 100 meters when a boy, in his early teens, approached me.

Boy: “Hello Bhai. Where are you going”?

I: (with a bit of hesitation, remember, we have been taught not to talk to strangers) “Hello, I am going to Naleti.”

Boy: “Which house in Naleti”?

I: (yet not convinced) “I need to go to the house of Dharam Das (my late Grandfather), a house near that Sharma Sweet Shop”.

Boy: (thought for a moment) “Oh, you want to go to Sachin’s house (my cousin). He is a good friend of mine. Give your luggage; I will carry.”

(Still a bit hesitant, I gave my suitcase to him.)

Boy: (pointing towards my duffel bag) “Give that bag as well”.

I looked at him as though trying to say, “Are you sure?”

He took my suitcase and my bag and began walking ahead of me. The weight of the suitcase and the bag were more than 45 KG. For his gesture of kindness, I was thinking to award him with 100 INR. I was walking beside him; however, he was a bit too quick for me to match with his speed. Soon the distance between us began to increase, from 10 meters to 20 meters to 50 meters and finally he disappeared from my sight. In the entire route, I couldn’t spot him even for once.

I reached home and asked my grandmother and aunt if anyone came with my luggage. They nodded with affirmation and pointed towards the room where they had kept my luggage.

“Who is he,” I asked.

“We were about to ask you the same question. Where did you find him”, my aunt reversed my question to me.

“I don’t know. I found him near the bus stop. He said that he belongs to our village, and he is a friend of Sachin”, I responded.

“No, he is not from our village. I have never seen him here. (She looked at my grandmother for her affirmation and grandmother echoed the same). I know all friends of Sachin, he is not one among them”, they replied in unison.

I was there for THREE weeks and not even once did I spot that fellow again. Interestingly, he didn’t ask for money nor did he take anything from my family. He didn’t even ask for a glass of water. He came, gave my luggage to my aunt and walked away. It’s been two decades now, and I haven’t come across that guy again in any of our village events or function. “Who was that guy” is still a mystery.

Beggars at 6 AM

Every day in the morning at 5:15 am, my wife and I go for our morning walk and jogging. After jogging for 40-45 minutes, we step outside of our society gate to have a cup of tea, so I always carry my wallet along. We are pursuing this habit for last 18 months. That day I thought not to take my wallet; instead, I pocketed 20 INR for two cups of tea. After our jogging, as we were walking towards the tea shop, we met an old lady. She was looking very fragile and too weak to walk. She said that she hadn’t eaten anything so if we could give her some money. I looked at Shraddha, and she said, “We will share from one cup. Give her 10 INR”. I gave it to that lady. It might have taken us less than 5 minutes to finish our half cup of tea. When we returned, we didn’t find that woman at that spot. It was very strange and scary. Was she sitting there to take money just from us? I don’t know.

We might have walked few meters when we saw another beggar walking towards us, timeworn and weak. He also asked for money. I apologized for not having anything to give him. That day Shraddha said that we must carry the wallet every day. Now, I do take my wallet, but we don’t see any beggar. It happened only on that particular day. Who were those beggars? Where did that lady go who was not able to walk? I don’t know. These will always be my unanswered questions.

Young woman on a rainy day

In the year 2010, monsoon decided to stay in Pune for a longer period. It continued to rain in the months of October and November. I was new to the city and hence not very well versed with the local transportation system. The distance between my office and my house was around SEVEN miles.

One day we had to work longer hours to complete some urgent and critical work. By the time I left the office, it was 10 PM. It was raining heavily, and there was water-logging in different parts of the town. On top of that, it was a total blackout. It was a very scary view. I walked out of our office building and began to search for auto-rickshaws. No one was willing to drive towards my society in Pashan area. After waiting for 30 minutes, I got one auto-rickshaw which was going in that direction. It was pitch black, and we could hardly see anyone walking or driving. We could only hear the sound of rain and the water flow. After a ride of FIVE miles, we reached a place where it appeared to be a flood like situation. There was water everywhere, with approximately, 3-4 feet of depth. The auto driver refused to go any further and asked me to get down. I didn’t know what to do. I was going through all negative emotions – frustration, irritation, and anger. I felt like crying. The following day, I had to reach the office before 8 am. My mobile battery was dead, and I couldn’t reach anyone for help.

As I was standing there alone, a lady walked towards me. She was holding an umbrella. Her face was covered with a scarf. She asked me, “Why are you standing here”? I told her that I needed to reach Vardayini Society, but didn’t know how to go, its water everywhere. She asked, “Are you new to city”?

I nodded in affirmation. She continued, “Don’t worry. Come with me. I am also going towards that side. The engine of my bike is not working, so I too need to walk. Follow me, if you want to” (As if I had any other choice). We began walking. She shared her umbrella. It wouldn’t have made any difference, as I was already drenched in rain, but it was her kindness. On the way, I tried talking to her, but all her answers were limited to, huh, yes, no, why you are asking this, etc. I couldn’t see her face; however, from her voice, she appeared to be someone in her mid or late 20’s. As we reached the gate of our society, I wanted to stand there for a moment and say thanks to her, but she continued to walk. She didn’t even look at me when I said, “Thanks for your help and God Bless You.”

That incident is still a mystery. I don’t know who she was. What was she doing at that moment of time (it was almost 11 PM)? The fact that she continued to cover her face with the scarf deepens the mystery.

Just 20 rupees

That day, a year ago, we went to send-off one of our friends at the airport at 08:30 AM. We also needed to buy some stuff from the Inorbit Mall in Pune, and we were too lazy to go back to our house and come out again after two hours. So, to kill our time, first, we went to a temple and then decided to have breakfast. Though we were trying to be as slow as possible, yet we reached the shopping mall by 10:30 AM. We were sitting in a small garden in front of the mall. Like us, another 25-30 people were waiting for the mall to open. Suddenly my eyes noticed a scenario of an old, scruffy looking man, talking to a security man while pointing towards us. Not bothering much about it, I continued speaking to Shraddha. Within 5 minutes, that man was standing in front of us. He said, “Sir, I just need 20 rupees. I have money (he took out few currency notes from his pocket), I am short by 20 rupees, please give me”. I took out my wallet and gave him 50 rupees and told him to keep the change. “No Sir, I only need 20 rupees,” he said. He returned 30 rupees to me. I said, “Baba, keep the entire amount and eat something.” “But Sir, I don’t need 50 rupees. I just need 20”. He was persistent to take just 20 rupees, and he just took that amount and returned the balance.

He took 20 rupees and walked away. While going, he said something to the security man. I don’t know what. I saw him disappearing into the crowd. I don’t know who he was? Why he came to me while there were many other people in the garden. He was looking miserable enough to have taken 1000 rupees, but he didn’t take even 50. He just wanted 20 rupees. That man and his behavior remain a mystery to me.

There are many such incidents that I have experienced in life which were mysterious and cryptic. However, I selected these FOUR to share with you. Maybe those people being at that place at that point in time was a coincidence, or maybe it is not. What do you think? Please share your feedback.

Composed By – Sanjeev Himachali

Email – sanjeev.himachali@gmail.com

Websites / Blogs – www.thoughtsnwisdom.com; www.hrtales.com; www.sanjeevhmachali.org

Feeling Nostalgic – My Crazy Moments

2016-06-18T06:10:00.004-04:00

We are growing up in an era of social media technologies, where everything is just a click away. Companies cropped up at a precise moment, be it Google, Facebook, Twitter, Skype, WhatsApp or Instagram, etc. Products, such as Yahoo Messenger, Yahoo Groups, E-Cards, Mobile Phones, Smartphones, etc. were launched at a perfect time as if the entire universe was conspiring against them. These technologies have played a significant role in connecting and constructing human relations. I am not an exception to this contemporary way. Here are THREE crazy incidents that played a major role in my life and hence have registered a space in my inbuilt living memory card.

My attempt to make my First Girlfriend

Late teen’s to mid-20 is an age when boys fall in love with every second girl they see and every time it appears as a “true love” to them. I have studied in a co-ed school. However, my interaction with my female classmates was limited to greetings and exchange of study notes. It never went beyond that. Probably, I was ignorant of the ways of striking a conversation. One year in college and still no female friend. At the beginning of the second year, my friend Sachin and I persuaded our parents and joined APTECH Computer Education to learn something new. Then, Computer Education Institutes were mushrooming in every street of Hyderabad and Bangalore; however, APTECH and NIIT were two national brands. Sachin and I were studying in the same college, though not in the same classroom. The thought of initiating a talk with a girl would make us both anxious; our blood pressure would drop, and both of us would struggle with words. We agreed that the one who initiated a talk with a girl, she would become his girlfriend, and the other would support, provided the girl showed any interest in us.

We were one month old into our computer education and one day in the afternoon we were in computer labs to practice what we had learned in the classroom. Sachin was sitting on my left side, and the computer on my right was only vacant. All other systems in the lab were occupied. A girl walked in in a Bollywood style, tall, attractive looking, wearing black jeans, baby pink color short top, one inch long heels, making bubble from chewing gum and circling key-chains of her bike on her index finger. Since no other system was available; she came and sat on my right.

Sachin pinched me and said, “Talk to her.”

I: “Wait, let her settle down”.

Sachin: “You come to my seat and let me come to yours”.

I: “No way”.

Sachin: “I will count till 10 and if you don’t start a conversation, I will”.

[Sachin and I were talking by scrabbling on our notepads.]

While we were struggling to decide who will tell first, the lady was struggling to start her system.

As the count of Sachin reached 7, I asked her, “Do you need any help”?

[Since it was lunch break, no lab assistant was available to help.]

She: Yeah, I am not able to turn on the system, please give me a hand.

I: Oh, let me see.

As I moved towards her seat, Sachin jumped in and volunteered to help. Finally, we managed to start her system and helped her logged-in to the module she wanted to.

After that, we didn’t do what we were there for. Instead, we were busy introducing ourselves. A brief introduction told us that her name was Vidya. She had recently completed her graduation. She was an MBA enthusiast. And since she had free time, she wanted to learn computers. She had not yet enrolled into any batch. Her cousin, who was a faculty at APTECH, had asked her to come for a demo before enrolling for the course. We might have talked for about half-an-hour. We asked her when she would come next, to which she replied that she was staying nearby and hence could come anytime. We were not sure if we would meet again. [Remember, we were not having mobile phones at that time].

Two days later we found that she had joined our batch, and both of us were thrilled. We agreed to let her decide who she wanted to get friendly with. The following week, I went for a THREE-week internship at “The Acharya N. G. Ranga Agricultural University” (that time, “Andhra Pradesh Agriculture University”) as a part of my curriculum.

After 3-weeks, when I returned and joined the batch, Sachin introduced me to her, “Vidya, he is my best friend, Sanjeev”. It seemed that in my absence they had gone for some outing and also clicked pictures.

Sachin had shared information about Vidya with another friend of ours, Rehman, and he too decided to join our batch to get friendly with this beautiful woman. Later, the scenario became a bit complicated with Vidya showing interest in Sachin, and he was clueless to take any decision. Rehman was interested in Vidya, but she never reciprocated to him whereas I remained neutral friend with all three of them. One year later, in 1996, she got married and moved to Virginia, USA. And the best part is, it’s been 20 years, she is still my friend and Sachin, and Rehman have no idea about it. For last 20 years, we exchanged several letters, later FB and LinkedIn made it easier for us to stay connected and get introduced to our families. We don’t talk about the past. We have moved on, and life has become better.

Guess Who?

In late 90’s, communicating through writing became the primary mode of my communiqué. At that time, my objective was to reach out to people and build relationships, now called as networking. Blogging was unknown to me. Therefore, I used Yahoo Groups, Yahoo Messenger, and Functional Forums to reach people and share my thoughts through articles on topics of common interest, usually picked from our day-to-day life. I would share one or two articles in a week and to those who would respond and give their feedback, I sent e-cards on weekends. All those respondents became part of my E-Cards directory. On some weekends, I would send e-cards to 100-150 people.

Two such people were Michelle Maritz, who was studying Nursing in Manila, Philippines, and Simran Gupta, practicing doctor in London, UK. Both of them shared the common birth date. On one such weekend, I sent e-cards to both of them, giving them birthday wishes, which was on approaching Monday. Both of them responded to my messages, by saying thanks.

On Monday, while I was returning from my office at around 6 PM, I received a call on my mobile phone. “Private Number,” flashed on the mobile screen. As I picked up the call, I heard a female voice, “Hello Sanjeev, Thank you very much for your birthday wishes. It made my day”. I reciprocated to her and informed her that I was traveling, so it would be great if she could call after one hour or so. She agreed and disconnected the call. I was thinking hard to figure out the name of the voice I had just heard. It clocked, 7 PM, 8, PM, 9 PM, 10 PM and I didn’t receive any call. At around 11:30 PM, as I was getting ready to sleep, she called again. As the conversation began, she was asking questions to know more about me, such as my work, my family, my passion, and hobbies, etc. and I was asking questions to figure out who she was. The way she began the conversation, it would have been obscene to ask her straightway, “Who are you”?

I: Hey, how was your day? [Expecting some hint referring to nursing college or hospital]

She: I am good. The day was, a bit busy but excellent.

I: Where are you? [Expecting to get a hint about her location]

She: I am in my car.

I: Where are you going? [I was waiting for a hint about her home, etc.]

She: I am going to have ice-cream.

[I was getting a bit frustrated].

I: What you had for dinner?

She: Dinner? It’s only 6:15 PM here. It’s early.

Since, I had a fair bit of idea about time-zones, after 15 minutes of chat; I could figure out that I was talking to Simran. The Philippines are 2:30 hours ahead of IST and London is 5:30 hours behind IST. So, 6:15 PM in London meant 11:45 PM in India. Then I began to address her by her first name. She found it a bit weird and asked me if I didn’t know who I was talking to or why, suddenly after 15-20 minutes of conversation, I began addressing her by name. I replied, “Since you are elder to me (she was 7-8 years elder to me), I was a bit confused whether to call you by name or address you as Madam. Honestly, today was the first time that I was talking to a foreign national”. She wasn’t convinced, but she accepted my explanation.

That was in 2002, and we remained good friends until her unfortunate death in a road accident in 2013. Until her last time, she didn’t know that on that night I was struggling to figure out her name. We became good friends. She was my first friend from the different soil. She taught me few interesting lessons of life and gave me good advice, which I will share at some other place.

A Unique Relationship

Writing has helped me connect with many people. It has also given me some good friends. In my early days of writing, I used to leave my contact details, my email ID, and mobile number, at the end of a story [Now, I don’t share my contact number]. People used to call as per their convenience. It is not a complaint but many times I received calls at an odd time, like 2 AM or 3 AM.

One day, in the year 2004, I received a call from Shweta Goswami. She was working in Human Resource Function in a Delhi based IT Company and was THREE years junior to me. While interacting with her, I found that we shared the same hometown. In fact, she knew some of my relatives. Not sure if she was already in a mood to flatter or decided so after finding few commonalities between us. She said, “Every week I wait for your articles. They are very motivating. Reading your articles makes me feel as if you are right in front of me and narrating a story. I wish you to win Bookers Prize one day. No matter where I will be, I will feel euphoric for you”. The whole stuff was too hard to digest. I often find it difficult to handle a compliment and those were still my budding days.

That one interaction opened the floodgates for our future communication and friendship. One call led to weekly calls and weekly calls resulted in daily calls and then several calls in a day. It was a different kind of relationship. In our relationship, there was trust, care, affection, flirting, etc.

In 2004, my birthday and Krishna Janamasthami fell on the same day. She sent a beautiful flower bouquet and a fruit cake to my office address. It certainly surprised me. Not only that, she continued to call me every two hours to say something or the other. In the evening, I called her to say thanks for making my birthday special. She said, “You are Krishna. You must be having many muses”. To which I replied, “Does it matter if I have many muses or not. Radha never felt insecure. She was, is and will always remain the love of Krishna”. She said, “You know what, you talk well. No one can win with you in flattering”. Shweta got married in 2006. As on date, we are good friends. In 2011, she moved to Germany. Our priorities changed, we don’t get time to talk often; however, whenever we get time, we communicate, and there is same warmth and affection in our relationship as it was at that time when we got connected.

People may ask why we didn’t take our relationship to next level. Well, no one ever talked about it, and no one ever heard anything. A real friendship need not be translated into a romantic relationship. She once told me and I agree with her in totality, “A good looking girl does not look for a boyfriend or a partner in every man. Like everyone, she also needs a good friend...just a friend to be with her, support her and motivate her”. I think it is an adamant message for all of us to follow. And yes, she is gorgeous, much prettier than many Hollywood actresses.

[Disclaimer: This write-up is based on true incidents. Names of people have been changed to protect their identity].

Composed By – Sanjeev Himachali

Email – sanjeev.himachali@gmail.com

Websites / Blogs – www.thoughtsnwisdom.com; www.hrtales.com; www.sanjeevhmachali.org

The Woman Who Changed the Course of My Life

2016-05-08T00:56:00.000-04:00

The woman who has changed the course of my life and she is not my mother, sister or wife. She is not my relative or colleague. She is not my friend either. I just know her.

Before I proceed further with my story, I would like to emphasise that through this story, I am not promoting any type of Mysticism, called by any name, Angel Reading, Tarot Card Reading, Divine Connectivity, Past Life Regression, Spirituality, etc. This story is the experience, I went through. So, be like an open minded scientist while reading it.

It was in the month of March 2011 when my girlfriend at that point in time, now my wife, Shraddha, asked to help her find a good Tarot Card reader in Pune. In past, Shraddha had got Tarot Card readings done for her, which, according to her, were very apt and accurate. Shraddha was going through certain dilemmas and ambiguous situations and wanted guidance through Tarot reading. We found several tarot card readers through, “Just Dial”, and zeroed on one of them, Anisha Sareen. When Shraddha called Anisha to seek an appointment, she told Shraddha that she had just returned from the United Kingdom (UK) and would be ready for Tarot Card reading in 2-weeks’ time. Shraddha was willing to wait. Though I never believed in Tarot Card reading, however, during that waiting period of 2 weeks, Shraddha convinced me to get my reading. She asked me to pay for it even if I wouldn’t find it helpful or convincing.

After two weeks, we got an appointment with Anisha. We visited her office, which she had set up in her house. While Shraddha was there for Tarot Card reading, I was there for my entertainment. During my reading, within first 10 minutes, Anisha told me few things, which were known only to me, neither Shraddha nor my family members were aware of it. “Wow, that’s amazing”, I whispered to myself. I was shockingly surprised. I went there for an entertainment but after reading, I was astoundingly stumped. Later, when Shraddha and I decided to get married, we again consulted Anisha. She gave us a roadmap to communicate with our families, expected hurdles and solutions to overcome them. Surprisingly, it worked for us.

From January 2012 to March 2014, I tried to reach out to Anisha on several occasions, but she didn’t respond to any of my communication. We attributed her non-responsiveness to several reasons and the one which was a logically valid fact that their professional ethics, like coaches, consultants, and counsellors, do not permit them to stay in touch with their clients because it hampers their unbiased approach, which is a primary factor for success in these professions.

In early 2014, I was going through stormy times. Miscommunication, rumours, below expectation results, and disharmony in my personal and professional life, were leading to irritation, frustration, sulkiness, sense of failure, sleepless nights, low confidence, and fear of rejection. My problem compounded manifold due to a fact that I lived in a nuclear family and wouldn’t share my problems with anyone. And here I was, who never believed in astrology, was trying to find a way out through Tarot Card reading.

I don’t know what made me do that and why I did it, but one evening I sent a message to Anisha. “Hello Anisha, I have been trying to reach you for quite some time. I am going through a difficult phase and need your assistance. Please let me know if you will be able to do my Tarot Card reading”. She responded within a fraction of minutes, “Hey Sanjeev, meet me tomorrow at 10 AM”. I wasn’t sure how to react to her message. I thanked her and the following day, I reached her place at 9:45 AM. I stayed in her office for 75 minutes, of which, she did Tarot reading for 15-20 minutes, we then discussed for rest of the time. She asked me to see a psychiatrist, who was known to her. I remember, I gave her a blank look but I agreed to her suggestion. She gave me his number. She proposed that she would take an appointment for me. I politely refused. She said, “Sanjeev, please promise me that you will meet him. Apprise me once you meet him”. I agreed and promised.

After reaching home, I shared everything in detail with Shraddha. She asked, “So, what have you decided”? “Let’s take an appointment and see what he has to say. No harm in that”, I said.

Having spoken to me for over an hour and analysing symptoms, the psychiatrist concluded that I was going through Anxiety Attacks as an early stage of depression. He gave me medicine and told that though medicine will keep my anxiety attacks in check, however, to recover permanently, I must see a psychotherapist. The psychiatrist spoke to someone and fixed my appointment for the following weekend. Within a week of taking medicines, I began to notice positive changes in me. I went to the psychotherapist and took 12 sessions in a span of THREE months. He taught me some very effective tools, such as –

1. Meditation,

2. Celebrating small successes,

3. Expressing gratitude for smallest of things,

4. Forgiving self and others, and

5. Accepting imperfection

He also re-introduced me to the law of attraction, which I was always aware of and had used it successfully on so many occasions for several years, but I was not aware of its terminology, as the law of attraction. I used to call it as “Magic”. I often told my friends and acquaintances that I could communicate with God and get anything I want.

Medicine and therapy worked as cocktail and helped me in improving my outlook towards life.

1. I have become more forgiving, more grateful for things that I have instead of complaining about what I don’t have;

2. I have accepted a fact that I don’t know everything and I need not know everything and therefore, I must take help whenever required;

3. I have begun to keep myself away from external negative triggers, such as Television, Newspaper, etc. Now I don’t react to rumours and neither do I criticize people, who break traffic rules and signals;

4. I don’t panic, don’t complain about things that I cannot control and I am able to meditate every day;

5. I materialize my planning’s on time

My life has become wonderful. It is positive, happy and highly productive. When I look back at my journey, I realize that all this could happen because of ONE lady, Anisha Sareen, who is no one to me yet she became a catalyst in changing the outlook of my life. I have realized that change is the most beautiful thing if you accept it cheerfully. Unconsciously, we all are changing; let’s make some conscious efforts and change for making ourselves a better human being.

Have you ever met someone who has changed your life forever? Yes, our parents, spouses, siblings, make an everlasting impact on our life but what about strangers. There are people who enter into your life when you need them the most. They do what they are supposed to do and then disappear somewhere in the woods. They are special people.

This story is my tribute to that special lady, Anisha Sareen. Thank you. Thank you for crossing my way at that critical moment of my life. I am grateful.

I will be glad to know about your experiences and thoughts. Thank you for reading.

Composed By – Sanjeev Himachali

Email - Sanjeev.himachali@gmail.com

BLOGS - www.sanjeevhimachali.org ; www.hrtales.com ; www.thoughtsnwisdom.com

A Letter from a Father to his to-be-born Daughter

2016-05-03T08:34:00.000-04:00

Dear Meera,

Welcome to our life and our world.

Let me introduce myself to you. I am your father. You can call me daddy, papa, baba, or any other name you want to call me with.

Let’s begin from the beginning. You wanted to come into our lives for many days. You were telling your mother to get ready and prepare for your arrival but she wasn’t listening. She thought you were playing with her. Then you got angry and said to your mother, “Mamma, I am coming. I am not playing hide-and-seek. Listen to me. Get ready. Start all preparations”. You know Meera…it was 4 AM, the day of your mamma’s and papa’s fourth marriage anniversary when your mother listened to your knock. She was so excited and happy to know about your arrival that she began to cry. Meera, we have been waiting for you for so long.

This world is a very interesting place, Meera. You have not yet come and we have already given you a name. Whether you like or not but your caste and religion have also been decided by our society. But don’t worry, your papa never followed any caste or religion and you too don’t need to follow. You can follow whatever you want to, any religion, any caste, and any belief that might help you become a better person and answer your questions about the universe and the creation of living beings.

I want you to know that you are my daughter. You are not to bear comparison with a son. You are neither an accident nor a shock. You are the one, we are blessed with. You are what we have been praying for. You are our daughter. You are our part. You are our princess and we are proud of you and will always be.

Our world is very beautiful. It’s so awesome. It witnesses miracles and magic shows performed by our creator. Those who believe in themselves can achieve anything and those who are incompetent, keep on blaming the creator. Our world is very colorful and full of treasures. Here, people are very nice, loving and caring. They help each other. Some people might say that I am lying to you to make you feel comfortable and happy but that is not the case. Our world is not perfect. Within one world there are many small worlds. Most of the people are good – loving and caring but some are bad – harmful and dangerous. A few of them are very bad – they try to destroy our nature and mankind. You can choose the world you want to live in or create a beautiful world.

You will find our society is a bit confusing. They pray to the goddess to give them knowledge, strength, and prosperity but many don’t acknowledge their daughters as another creation of the same goddess. Nasty people call her “burden”; some call her “liability”, and many other people call her “paraya dhan”, which means she belongs to someone else and her parents have to keep her until rightful owners claim her. Isn’t it crazy? But don’t worry, that will not be the case with you. You are neither a burden nor a liability or paraya dhan. You are our angel. You will have a place you can call your own. You will be the queen of our small palace.

All our kith and kin will automatically become yours upon your arrival. I am sorry I can’t give you a choice there. However, you can choose who you want to be around. You can also choose your friends and other associations. You can become friends with anyone, irrespective of their gender, origin, and status.

Some people in our society think that a girl is weak and unwise and that’s why she always needs the support of a man, as a father, brother, husband, and son. But you need not worry about that outlook. You will be independent to take your decisions and make your choices. You need not to rely on any male to make decisions for you. Once you come of age, which is 18 years when you become legally independent by our constitutional law, you can make choices and take decisions, you won’t even need inputs from your father. You may make wrong decisions or choices as humans are not error-proof, but you will not be penalized for it. You can make mistakes, make wrong decisions or fail because that’s the way you will learn. Your papa will rectify all your mistakes. You will always find your papa beside you in your turbulent times. Together we will find solutions or creative ways. Trust me.

In our society, it is said that the place of a girl is in her kitchen. You don’t need to go there if you don’t want to. You can find your place beneath the sea if you choose to become an explorer or up in the space if you choose to become an astronaut. It will be your choice.

You won’t be required to follow unexplainable, senseless and rigid customs and rituals of our society. Follow what you want. Your parents have questioned rituals and cultural customs followed by their parents and you will have all the rights to question rituals and cultural customs followed by your parents. If you can’t interpret logic and purpose behind them, don’t follow.

We have a funny notion going on in our world. Children are considered surrogates for parents, which mean they are thrust with the responsibility of chasing after their parent’s unfulfilled dreams or desires. You won’t need to do that. You will follow your dreams. You will eventually find the purpose of your life and together we will fulfill your dreams.

I will be by your side, looking after your every need and want, until you become financially independent.

I just have one request, though, life is a beautiful gift from God, and all life is precious, try not to harm any, including yours, knowingly or unknowingly.

Before I end, I would like you to know that you will be independent in every sense as is mentioned in a beautiful quote of great writer Khalil Gibran “Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself. They come through you, but not from you. And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may house their bodies, but not souls. You may strive to be like them but seek not to make them like you. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

With this, I welcome you to this world. This winter is going to be very colorful. I am waiting for you. I am waiting to hold you in my arms, to hug you, play with you, walk with you, run with you and relive my childhood with you in your way.

Lots of love,

Papa

Composed By - Sanjeev Himachali

Email - sanjeev.himachali@gmail.com

BLOGS - www.sanjeevhimachali.org; www.hrtales.com ;

SIX Tips for a Happy Married Life

2016-04-28T06:17:00.001-04:00

It saddens me to hear about many failed marriages. People try to find similar characteristics of those individuals in their spouses, they are comfortable with. They compare their spouses with their family members and friends and thereby kill the uniqueness of their relation. Here are few suggestions to fuel happiness in your married life till eternity.

1. Uniqueness - As a couple, apprehend that you are special and unique. Your story is unique. Your circumstances and experiences are unique. Opportunities and threats in your relation will be unique too. Your relation is a journey. Live through every moment. Don't try to emulate experiences of your siblings, parents and friends. They have their own journey, which is different from yours.

2. Time - No matter how busy you are, take some time out for each other. Quality time, no matter how long or short span, spent together rejuvenates the relationship.

3. Individuality - As a couple, you will often be considered as a single unit. However, remember that you two are different individuals and have different identities. There can be disagreement. There can be a difference of opinion. Embrace these differences for they are reasons for your exciting life, saves you from monotony. You didn't marry your clone, so you are bound to experience variations. Accept each other’s individuality.

4. Communication - Doesn't matter what medium you choose but communicate as often as possible. Silence is golden but the silence of couples is not gold but the silence that kills relationships. Communicate to destroy gossips. If you will not communicate, others will, not for you but about you. Your spouse must be kept aware of everything about you that might affect the course of your relation.

5. Love & Respect - Love is the strength of your relation. Love each other without reason. Don't look for occasions to express your love. Express it in your small ways, all the time. Your love is a reason for your family (next generation); your family is not a reason for your love. It is sad to hear people saying that they are living together for the sake of future of their kids and not because they are in love with each other.

6. Trust - Trust each other and stay loyal. Trust and loyalty are glues that keep the relation together. If you cannot trust one another your marriage will eventually dissolve, doesn't matter how much you love each other. Love without trust is like music without rhythm.

Long and happy marriage is not a destination. It is work-in-progress. It requires sincere and honest effort from both the individuals involved in it. Living together should not be a social responsibility. It must not be out of fear of societal revolt. It must not be a compulsion or a duty. It must be passion. It must be fun and enjoyment. And more importantly, it must help you grow - together and individually.

Do you think these tips will help you improve the quality of your married life? Is there anything else you like to suggest? We like to hear from you. Share your feedback and stories.

Composed By – Sanjeev Himachali

Edited By - Anju Talmale

Email - sanjeev.himachali@gmail.com

Websites - www.hrtales.com ; www.sanjeevhimachali.org ; www.thoughtsnwisdom.com

Marriage - A Sacred Relationship

2016-04-28T06:12:00.000-04:00

Marriage is sacred. The experience of being married could be divine or it could be frightening. Marriage gives you strength. Your better half compliments your personality and makes you complete. It may also stagnant your growth and make you feel drained. It is important for everyone to figure out the reason for getting married, right time and manner to get married. One must ponder on these three issues before giving the nod for marriage. Here are few tips that will be useful for eligible aspirants who want to get married.

1. Get married when you are ready for it, not when others want you to get married. Be firm about your decision. In India, as soon as a girl crosses the age of 18 and a boy reaches the age of 21 their parents and relatives begin the search for prospective groom. The search becomes intense with every passing year. Over 75% women become a first-time mother before the age of 25 years. It appears as though getting married is the only objective of their existence. Just get married whether you know each other or not or whether you love each other or not. They believe that everything will become alright after marriage. One must remember that for your parents, siblings, relatives and friends, your marriage is just an event to celebrate and enjoy. They will not come to solve your problems.

2. Be certain about your reasons for getting married. If you are getting married because you are running out of age and wants to have kids then think again. People believe that as they get older it will become difficult to get a suitable match for them or they carry the syndrome of a biological clock. Marriage is much more than having sex and kids. If this is your reason for getting married then think again.

3. Keep it simple and sweet. Don't get into debt. Your marriage is not an occasion to flaunt money. India is still in the grip of dowry system. Families spend millions in their marriages. We recently heard of a marriage that costs over 100 million USD. Marriage is not about money. Marriage is about acceptance, respect, love and understanding. Keep it simple.

4. A Select place for your honeymoon diligently and carefully. If you search for a word "Honeymoon Video" on any Search Engine, you will get thousands' of leaked videos. Many hotels and motels are notorious about placing recording camera's in rooms that they lent out to honeymoon couples. Many times couple try to record their personal moment via mobile camera without knowing the risk of it getting leaked. Be careful. Don't make your expression of love turn into a horror.

5. Trust each other. Don't let any third person (be it your family, parents, relatives or friends) influence your relation. In India, siblings and parents of your spouse and sometimes friends try to interfere and influence your relation. They guide you to do or not to do things. They try to take control of your relation. Don't let anyone come between you. Take your own decisions. Make your own mistakes and learn. Always remember that every couple has a different story and no two couples are same. Today, trust each other and give your best to the relation, future will take care of itself.

6. Stand for each other. Protect each other. Avoid arguments and disagreements in public. Do not criticize one another in public. Accept imperfections of each other. People will point out imperfections of each other. People will misinterpret and misrepresent several things. Protect each other and stand together while facing external criticism or disparagement. You might dislike and disagree on few things but don't show it in public. Your disagreements shall not come out from your bedroom.

7. Confide and share everything that might affect the present and future of your relation. While I don't advocate the philosophy of sharing everything with your spouse and sometimes you need to make few decisions. There will be times when you need to keep your personal life different from your profession; however, it is important to share all those events or activities with your spouse that might carry a positive or negative impact on your present or future.

8. Have kids when you want to have not when others want you to have. Your parents, siblings and relatives might be interested in playing with your kids; however, you need to raise your kids. You need to make certain that your kids get a good education and an environment of safety, learning and growth. Therefore, you must have kids when you want to or when you are prepared not when others want you to have.

9. Don't carry forward your arguments and disagreements to next day. Resolve them today before going to sleep. Individuals can have a difference of opinion. Sometimes they do argue and disagree. Don't carry your remorse for a long period of time. Talk to one another. Explain your point of view and agree to make a conclusion. Silence and assumptions have killed many relations. Communicate often. Speak up your mind. Don't let the gap between two of you become enlarge that it becomes difficult to reconcile.

10. Change, if any, let it be slow and natural. Many a time we expect overnight change. We expect spouses to be fully aware of responsibilities from the very first day of marriage. This is not going to happen. Let your spouse remain the person that you have loved. Don't change them. Let the change, if required, be natural and slow.

11. Share your problems; don't let out your professional or external frustration or irritation on your partner. Sharing your problems or concerns with your spouse is a good idea; however, don't let out your workplace frustration or failure on your partner. Don't fight with them if your boss has scolded you in the office or if you have been scolded for something by your superiors. Don't punish your partner for your professional failure where they have no role to play. Don't let anything affect your relation. Your spouse is your strength; don't treat them like a punching bag or a doormat.

12. Love each other without reason and occasion. Show that you care. Love is not sex. Love is acceptance, understanding, and care. Say, "I Love You" to each other as often as possible. Don't wait for a reason or an occasion to acknowledge your love. Care for each other and be with each other when it matters the most.

Marriage is a relation which is constructed on the foundation of love, respect, trust and a passion for being with each other for rest of the life. Believe in yourself and believe in your partner. Don't let the love in your relation die at any stage of your life. In a long run, as you grow old, nothing and no one will matter to you more than your spouse. Being happily married is work-in-progress.

We hope these suggestions will be helpful in strengthening your marriage. Let us if you like us to include something else. Please share your feedback and stories.

Composed By – Sanjeev Himachali

Edited By - Anju Talmale

Email - sanjeev.himachali@gmail.com

Websites - www.hrtales.com ; www.sanjeevhimachali.org ; www.thoughtsnwisdom.com

Photography – Capturing the World

2016-04-27T03:09:00.000-04:00

A photographer is able to see what others are not. He has the capability to make simple things look awesome. Photography is not about the camera, it’s about visualization. A camera clicks a picture, imagined by a photographer. Here is a sample of my photography.

Photos Clicked By - Sanjeev Himachali

Developing Relationships in an Era of Social Media

2016-04-12T23:38:00.001-04:00

I belong to a generation that has seen the transformation of society from real to virtual. While we are not old enough not to learn anything new; we are not young enough to have forgotten the importance of relationship and efforts it takes to develop one. We have seen the time of handwritten letters sent across the globe through Indian Postal Service, which was then taken over by courier services, Short Message Service (SMS), and now, just a status update on social media applications. Let me share a story about how my relationships have evolved with the evolution of social media and information technology.

That day I happened to see a comment of Megha Jaiswal. She had commented something on the Facebook status of one of our common school classmates. “Could she be same Megha”, I was a bit confused. In school, Megha was my classmate for one year later, although we were studying in different colleges, we would often meet as we shared a large group of common friends. Later on, when I moved to another city for my Masters, we stayed in contact through handwritten letters. We lost contact when she moved to The Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania to pursue her MBA. It was in 1998, much before Facebook and WhatsApp. The USP of Megha at that time was her attempt to be different from others, and she wanted to make a difference to the society. In school, she wasn’t one among intellectuals of our class, however, she went on to study in colleges, others couldn’t even think about. So, I was too excited to find her with a probability of getting reconnected. I sent her a “Friend Request”, which she accepted. I was very curious to know about her journey, her learnings and how her life had been, during our no contact period from 1998 to 2012.

It is a great feeling to reconnect with your old friends. My excitement to reconnect with Megha was just obvious and I was all excited to take it from where we had left in 1998. 14 years is a long time. After initial hesitation, we opened up to one another and shared our story.

During our initial interactions that spanned over two months, I got to know that after completing her MBA from The Wharton School, she went to Princeton University to do her research in Political Philosophy. While in The Wharton School, she got married to one of her Indian origin classmates. They are proud parents of a 10-year-old daughter. After completing her research work, she joined UNICEF, while her husband got selected to McKinsey & Company through campus placement. In 2012, she had been deployed by UNICEF to lead certain projects in India.

In few more discussions on WhatsApp and Facebook, she shared with me about the strain in her married life. She is certain that her husband is cheating on her. Both their work involves travelling and hence he uses this as an opportunity to cheat on her. Saddened to know this revelation, I told her, “Divorce him”. “Sanjeev, I cannot leave him. It will affect the growth of our daughter”, she justified. “But her growth is anyways getting affected as both of you keep travelling for 15-20 days in a month”, I clarified. “At least, we are together. In the USA, many kids get into depression and they become aloof when they witness their parents going through separation”, she clarified. I was sad for my friend but couldn’t help her. We decided to stay in contact through WhatsApp and Facebook.

While I was rebuilding my hibernated friendship with Megha, I happened to come across another classmate. Anjali Mathur, during our school days, she was Anjali Malhotra. Looking at her profile picture on Facebook, I could recollect having seen her in my class. Well, that’s what I remember about her. We had studied together for a couple of years but we never interacted with each other then. We might have crossed one another, might have looked at each other but never spoke. 20 years ago, from 1991- 93, we merely existed in the same class for each other. On Facebook, we are sharing few common friends. After a bit of hesitation, I sent her a “Friend Request”. She accepted “my request to be a friend on FB”, wow. Then we began chatting and during that conversation I tried sharing few incidents of our classroom, our classmates, teachers, etc. probably, I was trying to reassure her that we were indeed classmates. I think I tried my level best to cajole her memories. Few days later, I discovered that she was no longer “my friend on Facebook”, she had “unfriended” me. After few weeks, when I commented on the FB status of a common contact between me and Anjali, she sent me a message, telling me that she had no idea how I got “unfriend” from her contact list. I said, “Okay, don’t worry” and sent her new “friend request”.

During next few weeks, we communicated on a regular basis. We had studied together till 10+1. She scored well in 10+2. She did her Graduation from Bangalore and Post-Graduation from Hyderabad. She worked for 7 years, before settling down with a man of her choice. She has TWO kids. Till this stage, everything seemed to be going well. I was reconnecting with my old classmate. Sometimes she said few things which were not related to me but I ignored. Then, one day, she asked me, how is my sister who was school captain and my younger brother who was in school cricket team. But I don’t have an elder sister or younger brother. Incidentally, we were THREE Sanjeev’s in same class – Sanjeev Jain, Sanjeev Tiwari and me and all this while she was referring to Sanjeev Jain. His sister was school captain. I told her, “Anjali, I am not the same Sanjeev that you are thinking of. I don’t have school captain sister and a cricketer brother”. Next day, she shared a school photo and asked me to help her locate myself. I did. Then there was no communication between us for 2-3 weeks. Maybe, she had a crush on him, I don’t know.

Just before the end of the month, she sent a message to me on WhatsApp, “Hai, how are you? It’s been a long time”. I replied to her and then said, “Look, let’s do one thing. Let’s forget that we were classmates or studied together in same class in 1991-93. Let’s begin our interaction as two strangers and try to get to know each other. Let this year of 2012 be the beginning of our friendship. And we actually did that.

Few months later, it was Megha’s birthday. Facebook and WhatsApp have made it easy to send across birthday and festival wishes. To acquaintances, we wish on Facebook and to friends we wish on WhatsApp. I decided to call Megha and wish her. Her response to my call was, “how come you called me to wish on my birthday? I thought only family and close friends call”. For a moment, even I thought, “Why did I call”? In few more discussions with Megha, I realized that in an attempt to be different from others, she has become so different that now she finds fault with everything and anything around her. She believes that only her way is the right way. Maybe, she is right or maybe she is wrong but she cannot find the difference unless she gives others a chance to speak. If you start finding a problem with everything and anything around you, then the psychiatrist says that the problem lies with you. You need to introspect and look within. She is not the Megha, I knew.

On her birthday in 2013, I thought of surprising Anjali by calling her. Social media has made phone-call, a luxury. It was the first time I was talking to my once classmate. I think she was surprised as she said that these days everyone is connected through WhatsApp, it is difficult to find people to talk with. Later that year, I met her along with my wife. I think that was beginning of a new bonding. We are still building a relation…a friendship.

Few days later, Megha shared that she is in love with someone, who is also known to me. “But, isn’t he married”, I asked. “He is married but like me, he is unhappy with his married life”, she responded. “Are you sure it is love”, I continued. “Yes, it is. His wife is mentally unstable. She doubts his character. He doesn’t find freedom in his life. He has to give her explanation about everything he does, people he meets, and places he travels”, she justified. “And do they have kids”, I enquired. “Yes, he has two kids”, she snapped quickly.

After a couple of weeks, she sent a message, “I think I am in love with him”. “I find it difficult to have a life without his presence in it. I need to meet him every week. He makes me feel special and loved. I never got this much of affection and care from my husband’, she continued. “In that case, I think the right thing to do is that both of you divorce your spouses and move in together”, I explained. “No, that is not possible. It will create a lot of social drama in both families”, she justified. I was getting very furious. “Look, you are doing exactly the same as your husband is doing. Both of you are wrong. Kids are likely to suffer more when they are forced to live with these kinds of parents, instead of separated parents. It’s your life. You are the best judge. Do whatever you think is right for you. I am not interested in your relationships. Please keep me out of it”, I said. Once in a while, we still communicate but we don’t talk about her relationships.

Coming back to Anjali, one day Anjali shared with me that she has bought Inline Skating Shoes for herself, to play with her kids. Few weeks later, she shared that finally she has learned skating and she is able to do skate for one hour every day, without falling. I think we share our experiences with innocence and honesty. Learning new things, experiencing new experience, that we feel uncomfortable to confess and share with others because of age and growing up kids, we try to share with each other. She seems to have become a good friend and a very useful critique. She gives me an honest opinion and that’s what I like about her. We are connected on social media, Facebook etc. but we make extra efforts in developing a relation…we fondly call – Friendship. Recently, having seen me commenting and liking FB Statuses and Photos of an actress, Manisha Koirala, she asked me, “Sanjeev, since when did you become a fan of Manisha”. Relationship building is a time taking process. You can still have good friends without having any hidden agenda and without seeking favours.

There was a time when it used to take years to develop a relationship and call someone as a friend. Now, adding a new friend to your circle is a click away. There was a time when the focus was on strengthening family ties and developing community bonding. That’s not the case anymore. We can reach out to people who are beyond our horizon, people who are living in different countries.

Social media has created a platform where you can fall in love and get married to a person living thousands of miles away from you. However, my personal experience says that social media can help you reconnect with your old classmates and friends; it can give you platform to reach out to new people and stand a fair chance to know them but relationship building still needs the old school approach – personal touch, trust building, understanding, empathy, affection, and love. Your relationship needs to withstand the test of time. You must be able to share your thoughts, laugh together, stand together and come together whenever the need arises. It is a step-by-step process and not as simple as pressing “enter” or “delete” from the keyword of your system.

What do you think? Do you think relationship building has become easy in the age of WhatsApp and Facebook? How has social media helped in developing and strengthening the human relationship?

Composed By – Sanjeev Himachali

Edited By - Anju Talmale

Emails - sanjeev.himachali@gmail.com

Websites - www.hrtales.com ; www.sanjeevhimachali.org ; www.thoughtsnwisdom.com

World Health Day - 7th April

2016-04-06T01:22:00.002-04:00

Just 100 minutes a Day

A Healthy body is not just a disease free body.

A Healthy body is a physically fit and strong body.

A Healthy body is a mentally stable body.

A Healthy body is a spiritually enlightened body.

A healthy body is a body that can manage its house without external support. A healthy body is strong. It attracts positive thoughts and positivity from all directions. It has a well-developed mind. It thinks healthy. And most importantly, it effectively aligns all body parts to work efficiently.

Eat healthy food;

Does walking or jogging or running;

Join a Gym or create a gym at home;

Do Yoga and do meditation;

Do whatever you need to do;

Just dedicate 100 minutes from your daily abundance of 1440 minutes;

Stay fit, Stay Healthy;

You are precious. Your life is precious. Take care of it.

Our body is a residence of our soul. Take care of it.

Composed By - Sanjeev Himachali

Email: sanjeev.himachali@gmail.com ; himachali.sanjeev@gmail.com ;

Website: www.sanjeevhimachali.org ; www.hrtales.com ; www.thoughtsnwisdom.com ;

Suicide - Individual Weakness OR Social Failure

2016-04-05T01:00:00.000-04:00

Last week when I heard about the suicide of TV actress Pratyusha Banerjee, it refreshed my memories of an incident which occurred 20 years ago. It was summer of 1995. I was in my village in Himachal Pradesh, enjoying my holidays with my paternal family. One day my uncle asked me to take my grandmother, whom we address as “Amma”, to the house of Rahul in another village, Gopipur, for condolence of his wife, Priyanka. Priyanka has committed suicide, the day before evening.

They are our distant relatives. Grandfather of Rahul is a cousin of Amma (that itself describe the remoteness in our relationship). In that part of India, people still believe in the concept of large extended families and they believe in belongingness (something I am not able to relate you). In an event, like marriage, you might come across 500 guests and they all are known and related to one another at one level or another. As a young child, I have visited that village on few occasions, of course with Amma. It is a very beautiful village on the banks of river Beas. I vaguely remember attending the marriage of Rahul and Priyanka.

Rahul and Priyanka were married for 7 years and they have two kids – 5 years old son and 2-year-old daughter. Rahul is working with Armed Forces and he was posted in Mumbai.

When I told Amma about the suicide of Priyanka, I didn’t notice any kind of sorrow or grief on her face or body language. Instead, she was showing concerns for Rahul and their two kids.

Travelling from my home in Himachal Pradesh to Gopipur, require bus travel for 5 KMS and walking for 3 KMS. As we were walking, my inquisitive mind was feeling very restless. There were so many questions. I asked Amma, “What do you think are reasons for her suicide”. Amma replied, “I don’t know but she was insane and mentality unstable. Sometimes she would behave very normal and then very next moment she would become furious and violent. Her parents spoiled the life of Rahul. They didn’t disclose all these things before marriage”. “On few occasions, she did try to jump into river Beas, however, she was saved by people around that area”, Amma continued.

In last 7 years, this is only the second occasion when she has gone to the place of posting of Rahul. Three years ago, she travelled with Rahul to Bangalore for 30 days. Last month she went to Mumbai and she was supposed to have returned the following week. “But Amma, their kids are staying in Gopipur and she has gone to Mumbai. They could have taken kids along with them as well”, I asked. It appeared that Amma didn’t hear my question. I asked again. She replied, “Kids love to stay with their grandparents and anyways, she doesn’t take care of them. It was dangerous to leave kids with her”.

As we reached their home, the atmosphere there was very gloomy and tensed. Everyone was talking about Rahul, the kids and the future course of actions, including if and when should he get remarried. We get to know that Priyanka set herself ablaze. She died before anyone could notice smoke enveloping from the kitchen. She was preparing for lunch. She had chopped tomato, onions, and capsicum and washed rice and boiled chickpeas. As they cook by using LPG gas, they don’t need to keep kerosene at home. That day she has discovered two bottles of kerosene in the store room. She drenched herself with kerosene oil, sat on a milking stool and put fire on herself. She died on the spot.

Further, I heard the sister of Rahul speaking to someone that they have advised Rahul to not bring her dead body to home. Instead, he must perform her last rites in Mumbai and immerse her ashes into river Ganga in Haridwar on his way to home.

In our society, people love to gossip and backbiting, even if they have come for condolence on the death of someone. If you listen carefully, you can join dots backward and find a story. As we were waiting for Rahul to come, I had plenty of time to hear many gossips and stories. It unfolds like this.

Priyanka was 21 years old when she got married. She lost her mother when she was very young. She has two elder brothers. Her father was a daily wage earner. She was a quick learner, intelligent and hardworking. She was creative. She wasn’t a qualified fashion designer but she could design suits for herself and her friends. She could knit sweater, bed sheets, and table clothes. She was a fantastic cook. She graduated in Arts and wanted to study further. However, her brothers decided to get her married. Before their marriage got fixed, it seems that Rahul has promised her to continue her studies. With eyes full of sky-high dreams of a bright, happy and future, she agreed to the marriage.

Things changed immediately after marriage. 20 days after their wedding date, as Rahul was getting ready to join his duty at Army base in Jodhpur, Priyanka wanted to go along with him but she was asked to stay with her in-laws and take care of them. Rahul promised to take her along after SIX months, by that time he will arrange for the house. She agreed. She was told by her father-in-law to not to study further and instead give them a grandson.

Six months later Rahul returned. Once again, her right to go with her husband was rejected by her father-in-law. One day Rahul and Priyanka went for a shopping in a local market. In the evening, on their way home, Priyanka wanted to sit with Rahul on the banks for Beas River for some time, so that they can spend some romantic moments, talk romantically, and have samosa-chai. When they reached home, mother of Rahul asked, “Hey Rahul, how come you people got so late”. Rahul replied, “Your daughter-in-law wanted to jump into Beas River and I went there to save her. I got her back with great difficulties”. When Priyanka tried to counter Rahul, “he said, I am just joking”. Anyways, in following weeks news was spread across the village that Priyanka is insane and wants to commit suicide.

Few months later, their house was undergoing the renovation work. Priyanka was helping other labourers. While working, Priyanka made some mistake. It seems that her father-in-law went close to her and tried to slap her in front of over 50 labourers but she held his hand and looked into his eyes. He started screaming and shouting that his daughter-in-law is trying to hit him. The News was spread into the village that Priyanka is mentally unstable and get violent and therefore, people should stay away from her. She can harm anyone.

Few years later, when Priyanka was pregnant with her daughter, one day her parents-in-law went to visit some relative and asked her to prepare lunch as they will be back by afternoon. Priyanka had a very bad stomach ache and she just couldn’t move out of her bad, hence, couldn’t cook anything for lunch. When her parents-in-law returned and saw no lunch has been prepared (Of course, they also saw their daughter-in-law in pain but ignored), the mother-in-law started shouting and abusing her. She was screaming and saying that she was spoiled the life of her son by getting him married to lazy dumb like Priyanka, who cannot do anything good.

Priyanka is no more. She committed suicide. There are few questions that I am trying to find answer for

Why people get their son marry? To get a permanent maid for themselves or to find a life-partner for themselves?
Why is a woman abused or called insane if she asks questions or if she refuses to do what you want her to do?
Why a daughter-in-law needs to do all adjustments to get accepted in a family and need to do nothing to create an environment to welcome her and accept her?

Few questions died with Priyanka.

Why she left her kids with her parents-in-law?
I have heard about few cases of people committing suicide by setting themselves ablaze , however, those people were found either in the bathroom or screaming and running across streets. Priyanka was sitting on a stool and remained in that position till she got burned to death, how?
Was she really insane and mentally unstable?

“Men shall not cry. Women shall adjust”. This seems to be a new axiom of our society. Suicide is not a sign of individual weakness but it is a sign of social failure. We, as a society, create scenarios for individuals to commit suicide. We make them helpless. We ask people to do things they don’t want to do. We bully them, humiliate them and abuse them; sometimes in the name of humour and sometimes in the name of social expectations. And if anything needs to change then we must change. We shall create an environment of love and acceptance where people can ask for help. We shall be forgiving. When you see any strange behaviour in a person, don’t close your eyes. Talk to them. Help them. We might not be able to stop cases of suicide but we can certainly reduce them.

What do you think?

Note: This story is based on true incidents.

Composed By – Sanjeev Himachali

Email: sanjeev.himachali@gmail.com ; himachali.sanjeev@gmail.com

Website: www.sanjeevhimachali.org ; www.hrtales.com ; www.thoughtsnwisdom.com ;