Diary of Sanjeev Himachali

Human Relationships - Romance and Love

2011-12-07T07:50:00.000-05:00

On The Threshold: Middle-Class Values

2011-11-13T05:23:00.000-05:00

On economic scale and on the basis of purchasing power, our society has broadly been classified into three major categories – lower, middle and upper class. For our convenience and to distinguish ourselves from others, we have created several sub-categories – lower, higher-lower, lower-middle, higher-middle, and lower-upper and super-rich class. Apart from this classification, we have two more categories of people – below poverty line (BPL) and rulers. Although no official data is available but it is no surprise that the entire world of more than 6 billion people is being ruled by less than 100,000 ultra-rich and super-powerful people. Also, more than 30% the total population lives on day-to-day basis. They do not have enough money to even buy three meals per day.

With this background, let me also explain that as I grew and moved from one so called category to another, I realized that many things that I was taught in my school/college and by my family is actually of little use. I was taught about a few (necessary) human qualities such as, Integrity, Honesty, Trustworthiness, Being Faithful, Ethics, Principles, Truthfulness, Loyalty, Caring for Others, Love, Respect, Preferring Happiness Over Money, Shame, Giving, Sharing, etc. However, I realized that these are the traits and qualities that are preached by middle-class families and some other saints of modern era who make their living by preaching such things to others. Those of us, who are struggling to have enough food to eat three times a day, don’t even understand meanings of these personality traits. They do not find these traits necessary for their existence. For them, survival is the key and they will do anything to survive for another day; anything that includes Cheating, Stealing, Killing, Crime, selling their children and even their own bodies. People in upper class, Rulers and those who are directly linked to these two categories use these personality traits for and at their own convenience. They can be unfaithful, dishonest, disloyal, uncaring, demanding love and respect, and shameless as per their own comfort. They play those games that are designed by them, they make rules and yet when they are about to lose, they change rules of the game. So, at the end we are left with only one category of people – middle-class, that values, advocates, preach, and follow these personality traits to a certain extent. Probably, that is one reason as to why these personality traits are called as middle-class value system.

As we move from one social stratum to another, we see that people at the bottom feel exploited and oppressed. The crowd is at the bottom. They stay there for the rest of their life. Even then when they try to move up in a nicer and sincere way, they are pressed down by the high and mighty. They find only one way to move up and that route is through crime. Hence, this is also a social-class that gives birth to crimes, criminals, and goons - powerful as well as notorious. When they are on the threshold of moving from one social stratum to another, they need to decide if they really want to and are prepared for more difficult challenges. Once a criminal, always is a criminal, even if you try not to be and put a mask on your face. And if you try to leave, what has pushed you to the top, you will get killed. Social transition is not an easy thing to do, and then when you are lured by the charm of upper-class and you stand on the threshold of transit, you can rethink and reconsider your decision and may decide to step-back but once you take that step across the line then you cannot move back.

While people in lower-class are pushed down and exploited by those at the top, people in the middle-class are blocked by their own value system. By their knowledge, education, ability to think and decide and their value system, they create so many blocks and hurdles around themselves that they just cannot overcome. They believe too much in their value-system and learn to be happy with whatever they have. They do say that money is not important for their survival and they prefer being content and happy over a spree of wealth creation but the fact is that they have no other choice but to be happy with what they have. They are so busy in competing among themselves and pushing and pulling others down that they don’t even think of taking a leap forward to move to another category or class. If crime and selling their body (being a sex worker or getting into female / male prostitution) are available tools for lower class people to leap forward, middle-class people are required to compromise with their value-system. Once again, when on the threshold of such transition and before taking a leap forward, you can reconsider your decision to take a step forward or move back, because once you decide to compromise with your value-system, you will be asked to do it again and again for the rest of your life, unless you show willingness to lose everything that you have gained.

From the corridors of power and from that height, when you look out and down, you see dirt and dust. You don’t see people, you don’t see what they are going through, but you just see some unwanted creatures. Their existence or non-existence doesn’t really matter to you. You refuse to be empathetic. You refuse to see or feel the emotions of others and the only person that matters to you and the only thing that you see is you and your happiness. You begin to treat others as your servant and exploit them.

In the chronology of social strata, it is not easy to transit from bottom to top. To take that leap, more than hard-work, knowledge and skills, a person must have the courage and willingness to break-free. Let’s also accept that one cannot create his or her destiny or craft create their fate and future, without making a few compromises. If making upward transit is difficult, staying up is even more of a hurricane task. To stay there, you cannot be what you were earlier and you need to adapt to your new place and status. Coming down is easier but only if you are willing to lose everything that you have gained.

In this write-up we have made an attempt to explain, what it takes to change your destiny and move up in society. Once you get what you wished for and arrive at the top, you must not complain about things that you missed or you have lost to be there. Nothing comes free and one must pay the price to grow, create a social status and to be successful. You need to shed a few things to leap forward and fly high. You cannot fly high enough with numerous strings of emotions, values and principles attached to you. Even birds, when they migrate from one country to another, they destroy their homes and nests and create new homes at new places.

I hope we have succeeded in our attempt. Kindly share your thoughts and views.

Have a great day and take good care of yourself.

Composed by: Sanjeev Himachali

LinkedIn Profile: http://www.linkedin.com/in/sanjeevhimachali

Emails: sanjeev.himachali@gmail.com; ss_himachali@yahoo.com

Twitter: sanjeevhimachali

BLOGS: www.sanjeevhimachali.com and http://sanjeevhimachali.blogspot.com/

Complicated Human Relations: Extramarital Affairs

2011-11-13T05:12:00.002-05:00

We are tremendously influenced by our pseudo-status syndrome and conscious attempt to make style statements that “simple” and “simplicity” looks out of fashion. Simple life-style is unwanted. We try to make our life as complicated as we can and with as many things as we find around. Then look up to others to take us out from that mess. An Extra-Marital affair is one such aspect of human relations, which is avoidable and not a necessity for our survival but yet, people get into it to make life more “spicy” and complicated. According to a survey done by one of the Human Relations Research Organization based in New York, it is found that during the study period of 1995-2005; more than 78% of married people have been involved in one or another kind of extra-marital affairs. It is also found that married males (80%) have higher tendency to get involved in such relations as compared to married females (68%). Of all the people involved in extra-marital affairs at any time during life, 83% are in the age group of 27-45 years.

Re-defining the extra-marital affair

Extra-marital affairs can be defined as a need for a person to seek love, care, and acceptance outside wedlock. For an affair to be categorized as extra-marital affair, one or both of the involved people should be married. Extra-marital affair should not be confused with infidelity. Extra-marital affairs may or may not lead to any-kind of physical relation between the two involved people. On the other hand, infidelity is about getting physical and having sex for pleasure and fun, outside the marriage. Infidelity is also a demonstration of power and social status.

Elements that leads to Extra-marital Affairs

It is not human nature to look out for another relation outside their marriage. Some of the factors that force any of the partners to look out for comfort and emotional gratification outside their wedlock are as follows:

1) Disharmony in Married Life: Among numerous human needs a few are: being accepted, cared for and loved. If the relation between a husband and wife is not pleasant and if they are spending too much time in arguing with one another or fighting out rather than working as a team, that will force one or both of them to look out elsewhere. Most of us expect our spouse to exchange these feelings and emotions and if they don’t find it, they begin to look elsewhere. Being ignored, abused, rejected, insulted, and hurt (physically) are a few initiators that forces an individual to look out for their needs. For example, a nagging wife and a husband trying to control the movements of his wife are actually forcing their respective spouses to get into extra-marital affairs.

2) Out of Sight and Out of Reach: We are living in a very competitive world. We all seek emotional interdependence and financial independence. We need career and professional growth. The comforts, status and style that we are exposed to, demands both the spouses to work to meet rising expectations of life. This forces both husband and wife to work and support one another, particularly after last two economic recessions within a span of 10 years. Based on the career orientation and expectation of an individual and the kind of professional and monetary growth that one seeks, travel across the globe for short or long duration has become necessity. Sometimes that forces a couple to live in different cities or countries. Doesn’t matter how advanced we get in our communication technologies but distances disturbs the cords of relation. You can hardly do anything to provide emotional satisfaction to your spouse. You cannot touch, hold-hands, hug or kiss your spouse, can you? Many times, such needs of individual forces him or her to solicit such comfort elsewhere and they find it in their colleagues or friends of the opposite gender.

3) Forced Social Values: Apart from extra-marital affairs, the other social stigma is divorces. We get so much scared of our society and the notion that “what people will say” or “how the society will react” that people decide to hang around with their dead marriage and at the same time look elsewhere to satisfy their emotional needs. They look around to find someone to listen to them, care about them and to provide emotional comfort. As our expectations from our relations have increased tremendously, particularly from marriage, the society has to make a choice between accepting high rates of divorces or accepting extra-marital affairs. Some couples are of the view that though they do not stand each other and find no intimate juice in their relation but yet socially, they will stay together and not opt for separation or divorce “for the sake of children” and to ensure that their kids get “love, care and comfort of both parents”. Isn’t it an unintelligent cause to stay together? What kind of emotional and psychological comfort, future betterment will you be ensuring to your kids when you do not stand each other, argue and fight with one another and worse if any or both of you are involved in extra-marital affairs?

Elements that lead to infidelity: As discussed earlier that contrary to extra-marital affairs, infidelity means getting involved into establishing physical relations with someone else, other than your spouse. An interesting fact about infidelity is that unlike rape, all physical acts involved in infidelity are concessional. There are many factors that contribute to infidelity and some of them are:

1) Pleasure – There is no reason for “infidelity for pleasure”. It’s just like that. It is to drive fun and pleasure. This form of infidelity is to enjoy and celebrate the moment. It is to allow the flow of emotions to control you and decide your movements.

2) Out of sight and out of reach – As discussed above, no advanced mode to communication can provide or ensure the comfort of being together. Physical expression of love or sex is one such biological need and if your spouse is not around to fulfill your need, you are likely to look out and engage others to satisfy you. If not someone close to you or your friends and colleagues of opposite gender then may be gigolo or escorts.

3) Compromising for Professional and Social Growth – People are getting more ambitious and they are willing to go to any extent to be a front-runner in the mad rat-race and most of them do not mind to compromise on a few things, even if it means cheating your partner. Career advancement means higher perks and more avenues for wealth creation. We have seen and are aware of incidents of casting-couch in Entertainment and Media Industry. We are also aware of people getting involved in similar kind of incidents in business and corporate world to get a job, promotions and exponentially high increments, perks and benefits. People don’t mind to make or accept such offers to sleep-around to get cozy in order to put their career on fast-track.

4) Demonstration of Power – We are aware that among all the traits that attract one person to another of the opposite gender is Power. Celebrity status of people and power of a person to take decisions for masses and to control movements of finances adds to their sex-appeal. People tend to get attracted towards them and more than anything else people in general are likely to get physically involved with such rich ambitious tycoons, even if it is for one night.

Conclusion

Each one of us has a right to decide the type of life that we want to live – simple, complicated or ultra-complicated. We are responsible for our own life and choices that we make. When making a choice for self, we must also be willing to face consequences. However, it should not be forgotten that whether extra-marital affairs or infidelity, it is not just an affair between two people - more often, all the people around you get affected. As discussed above, no reason can explain infidelity; it is for fun and pleasure and can either be for one night or longer. On the other hand, if one of the partner is involved in extra-marital affair the societal boundaries in general, either directly or indirectly is responsible for it.

In an Extra-Marital affair that malign the reputation of family, one partner in general, and society at large is responsible for it.

We have one life, let’s live it purposefully in its simplest form and not try to unnecessarily make it complicated. Decide for yourself and be responsible for your life. Believe in the phrase, “Simple Living and High Thinking”.

We welcome your comments and feedback because that’s been very crucial for us. Feel free to contact us for any clarification.

Have a great day and take good care of yourself.

Composed by: Sanjeev Himachali

Emails: sanjeev.himachali@gmail.com; ss_himachali@yahoo.com

Twitter: sanjeevhimachali

BLOGS: www.sanjeevhimachali.com and http://sanjeevhimachali.blogspot.com/

Runaway Groom (Part 4 of 4)

2011-11-10T05:06:00.001-05:00

Relocating to Mauritius was a kind relief from all those idiotic remarks from my relatives for all those tie-ups and break-ups. The communication with my family was also not too frequent for one that my family is not internet savvy and secondly, calling to and from Mauritius is almost double the cost of calling to and from the US or UK. So, for thirty months, I was pretty relaxed. Later, when I was planning to repatriate to India, the wild dragon of getting me married reappeared in the minds of everyone from family to friends to colleagues. En route to New York for my training programs, I came to India for two weeks and that gave an opportunity to my family members to probe into my interest and willingness of getting married. I was informed how worried my relatives, my neighbours and others in the village are about my marriage. One evening as we were sitting together for our evening tea, I asked about the kind of girl that I would be interested it. At once, it appeared to me as if I am asked to write a job and role description for an open vacancy in my company. I thought about it and then said, “Knowledgeable. Doesn’t matter what her qualification is but should have good hold on her subject. Not necessarily very fluent in English language but should be able to understand any communication in English. She must be internet savvy. She should know how to communicate through emails, chats and social media etc. Should not be less than 25 years of age, preferably around 30. She should be healthy (definitely not thin like a stick) but not bulky or fat or overweight. Any other qualification over and above this will be an added advantage.” They were strictly asked to not to involve or even consult in-laws of my sister. In order to give me fair number of options to choose from, they were also advised to get at least 4-5 proposals before starting to bother me. Within five days of giving this description, I left for a two month trip to New York and Pennsylvania.

During the visit to the US, I was more worried about possible challenges that I might repatriate to India, job market, financial concerns and few other tensions too. After getting done with my responsibilities in the US, I took on the return journey, when my father came to pick me up from Delhi airport. Within first half an-hour of journey from Indira Gandhi International (IGI) Airport to Inter-State Bus Terminal (ISBT), it was around 6 AM; my father told me that they have seen a girl, which according to them is a suitable match. I didn’t paid much attention to it, for one, there were many other thoughts running through my mind and secondly, I had requested them to get me at least 4-5 proposal, so just one wasn’t of much interest to me. We reached home in the evening. It was Friday; I was told that we need to go to see this girl on Sunday. I refused. I said that the present priority is not to see a girl for marriage but something else. Moreover, I have made my travel arrangements to Mumbai on coming Saturday. They were upset and furious because they have had made all the plans with the parents of the girl. Maybe they hadn’t expected that I will refuse to go. In that environment, they began to count good qualities of the girl and her family. They said that they saw at least 5-6 girls but none seems to be appropriate as per my criteria. I said, “Mummy, I said that I want to see 4-5 girls, not that you see 4-5.” I was upset and angry. Out of curiosity, I asked, “How did you find this girl”? My father replied, “Referred by sister-in-law of your sister.” My request of not involving in-laws of my sister was also ignored. “What is her age”, I asked another question. “She is 1980 born”, my mother replied, “but we don’t remember the date and month.” “But she is a good girl”, my mother continued, “very educated, working as a teacher in a Government School. She also knows computer.” I said, “OK, let them wait for two more months. We will meet them in May.” In my mind, I was having other plans. I thought, anyways, I won’t be staying for more than few weeks and then I can escape again. “You just see the girl. Say yes or no, whatever you feel like, so that they can look for another options, if they need to”, my father said. “Yeah, they can continue to see other suitable matches and if after two months, she is still available, then we can meet”, I tried to persist. “Why don’t you just meet them and finish it of”, my father replied, this time he was a bit angry and upset. I gave in, “OK, we will meet, however, not this weekend but the following one.” I asked my mother, “You are asking me to meet this girl and have been praising her for last 4-5 hours, by the way, what is her name”? “Vandana Sharma”, my mother replied. After this episode,I travelled to Mumbai to be with my friends and to attend few interviews.

I returned home and on same weekend, we went to meet Vandana and her family. We met in the house of her uncle. She was 5’1 tall, slightly overweight for her height. I asked her few random questions and on the face of it, she appeared OK and I said yes. We began to communicate on regular basis, trying to know more about each other, family members and future aspirations, etc. Soon I got to know that this relation with Vandana was influenced. Just one week before the planned event, my parents and in-laws of my sister had met the girl and her parents and they seemed to have given them some inside information about me, my likes and dislikes and even things that I might ask her. Anyways I gave them the benefit of doubt and two weeks after this forced, secured and monitored date, we got engaged. Our engagement was attended by almost 75 close family members. Our marriage date fixed to be 10^th December 2010. The process of knowing each other continued.

In the mean time, I shifted to Bangalore. I could speak to or interact with her only during her break times. One day she asked me, “Can I ask you one question”? I said, “OK.” Vandana replied, “Our engagement was attended by one of the very close friend of your father.” I said, “Yeah, he is a friend of my father for last more than 15 years, since the time he was in Air Force and together they have faced many retirement challenges.” Next question from Vandana was a beamer for me and not expected from a teacher, she asked, “What is his caste”? Shocked and surprised, with my utmost curiosity, I asked, “Why”? She replied, “If he is not of same caste then after marriage, I am not going to touch his feet to seeking his blessings and that should not create any ripples in the family.” I said, “OK” and disconnected the call. On another occasion, without knowing and without showing any interest in what I do and what is my salary package, she asked me to find a job for myself in Himachal, so as to enable her to keep her job, which, as expected, I refused. Apart from her beamers, during the following months of our engagement I realized that all messages that I sent to her in English were never answered. Accepting her time constraint of 10 AM to 4 PM and also to honour my professional commitments, (obviously, I couldn’t answer her calls or reply to her messages as per her convenience), I suggested her to open an email account. I gave her plenty of reasons to do so but it just didn’t happen. In spite of all these, I was still willing to go ahead with marriage plans. After returning from Mauritius, I was just trying to find a right kind of career opportunity for me and I got one just three months before the scheduled marriage date. I called Vandana and explained to her the entire scenario. I told her that I am going to make this move because it is important for my career and I do not want to screw it after giving it so many years. I said that with the current development, we have no other option but to postpone our marriage by few months. She was reluctant and so was her family. They seem to be in love with 10^th December. I said, “I am not refusing to get married, all I am saying is to postpone it by few months.” Nothing affected them and after two weeks of cajoling and failed attempts to convince them, I walked out of the relation.

Well, these are four incidents of my life wherein I had to withdraw before making commitment for marriage. It will be unfair to put blame on anyone involved in the relation or willing to make commitment, however, I believe that situations of circumstances were such that things couldn’t move forward. I certainly believe in the institution of marriage and do wish to get married some day. I like love simplicity and adore simple things. I don’t like complexities in relation.

Your stories, comments and feedback are invited.

Note: All the names used in this write-up are unreal and imaginary.

Pages from the diary of Sanjeev Himachali

Link to the previous stories (Story 1 of 4): http://diaryofsanjeev.blogspot.com/2011/09/run-away-groom-part-1-of-4.html

(Story 2 of 4): http://diaryofsanjeev.blogspot.com/2011/09/run-away-groom-part-2-of-4.html

(Story 3 of 4): http://diaryofsanjeev.blogspot.com/2011/10/runaway-groom-part-3-of-4.html

Runaway Groom (Part 3 of 4)

2011-10-05T04:51:00.000-04:00

When I was working in Pune, Sophiya Parmar was my colleague for some time and then later on when she resigned to join another company in Bangalore, we stayed in touch and became good friends. While working together, we used to hang-out together and we made sure to visit each other at least once in every quarter when she shifted to Bangalore and other time we would be exchanging emails, chatting on messenger or giving some business to mobile companies. Sophiya was from a business family. In her family, other than her parents, she had one elder brother and one younger sister. Sophiya was of my height, may be shorter by an inch or so, dusky complexion, pointed nose, shoulder level hairs, which she mostly used to tie as a small pony. Had she took it seriously, she could have tried for modeling. An MBA from Narsee Monjee Institute, she always had an interest in management and she wanted to excel in HR management. When together, we could talk about everything under the sun and one amongst our favorite topics was marriages and the kind of matches we were getting. Her parents had shown her at least 25 guys, which all she rejected. On my side, after I broke my engagement with Niharika, my parents had permitted me to find girls for marriage with an obvious clause of “conditions apply.”

In the mean time, I got an opportunity to move to Mauritius for work, which, obviously I couldn’t have let go. So, just one month before my scheduled departure to Mauritius, in the month of August, 2007, I traveled to meet Sophiya in Bangalore. By that time, our friendship was more than two years old. As we were talking, I just casually told her, “Although it seems to be a good opportunity but I don’t know for how long I will be staying in Mauritius. I also don’t know how we will keep in touch. I wish you find a good match for yourself and get settled and maybe after marriage you can plan for your honeymoon in Mauritius.” Sophiya was trying to find fun in it. She said, “Who wants to marry me? You know the kind person I am and guys (with an exception of few, she winked), like dumb and dolls kind of girls and not those who can think.” I said, “Don’t worry. You will surely get, your type, a right kind of guy for you. It is just a matter of time. And if you couldn’t find any till my return from Mauritius, then I am always there and we will get married.” I saw her getting into thinking mode. Soon after we left from McDonald’s, she came to see me off at airport.

She called me up one day and asked, “Is it possible for you to come to Bangalore on coming Saturday”? I inquired, “What happened”? She replied, “I talked to my parents and they have agreed for our marriage. They just want to talk to you before taking it with your parents.” I was like, WHAT? Anyways, in order to honor our relation, I traveled to Bangalore and checked-in to Le Meridian, Sankey Road. Sophiya and her parents came to meet me. Uncle, though he knew me for few years, asked me several questions about my family, career plans and most importantly, about marriage plans with Sophiya. I gave him exact and very appropriate answers and whenever I was finding myself lost, Sophiya was filling in for me. I asked, what is the plan? What you guys are planning to do? Aunty said, “Me and your uncle are thinking of getting you two married before you leave for Mauritius and then Sophiya can also come with you.” My first response was, “It is not possible.” “I am yet to talk to my parents and even if they agree, two weeks is a very short time for them as well as for me to plan for marriage. Secondly, I have just about two weeks to travel to Mauritius. I need to prepare for it. It is a new place, new job, I have no idea how it will be and on top of that I do not need additional tension.” Uncle and aunty said almost at the same time, “We can think about the possibility of getting you guys married in court.” I said, “No.” Sophiya interrupted, “Sanju, at least we can try it.” I said, “Yes, we can but the possibility to making it happen at this notice is very bleak.” After spending another five minutes, they left from the hotel. I had return ticket for the same day. Next few days were a bit hectic and then my brother-in-law got stroke. Family of Sophiya might have approached my family at this time in Himachal, but they didn’t respond. On my scheduled day, I left for Mauritius. After that I couldn’t keep in touch with Sophiya. She sent me few emails but I couldn’t reply. I didn’t really broke this relation and nor did I ran-away but the relation got lost in time. Last I heard that Sophiya got married to IT Project Manager and is based in Los Angeles, California. At last, she found the kind of a guy she was looking for.

Your stories, comments and feedback are invited.

Note: All the names used in this write-up are unreal and imaginary.

Pages from the diary of Sanjeev Himachali

Link to the previous stories (Story 1 of 4): http://diaryofsanjeev.blogspot.com/2011/09/run-away-groom-part-1-of-4.html

(Story 2 of 4): http://diaryofsanjeev.blogspot.com/2011/09/run-away-groom-part-2-of-4.html

Coincidence or Destiny – A Story

2011-09-21T07:48:00.003-04:00

Coincidence or Destiny – A Story

I was very happy when I learned that my friend and classmate, Yogi, as we usually used to call Yogesh Bhardwaj, is shifting to Mumbai. Although we were in touch through emails and other social media, it was for the first time in last five years that we would be living in the same city. During past few years, we never had an opportunity to meet each other as he was busy with his career and traveling across the globe and I was busy with my business and family. I was glad that he would be coming to Mumbai for a long-term assignment and this would give us an opportunity to rejuvenate our memories and spend some quality time together.

Before being sent to Mumbai, Yogi was working in Bangalore for a leading Consulting Group as Senior Management Consultant. He was transferred to Mumbai to start a new service line for the company and cater to the needs of local clients. Among various professional challenges that he was entitled to address, his main concern was to get right kind of people in his team. His Project Manager had allowed him to hire twenty people in his team from varied institutes and background. But, apart from these professional commitments, on personal front, he was also trying hard to save his five year old relation with his Australian-Indian girlfriend, Simran Sharma. Their relation was in doldrums and both of them needed to take out some time from their professional lives to save the relation, if at all they were serious about its future.

He reached Mumbai on Friday, 04^th June and I met him on 06^th June in Hard Rock Cafe. It is such a pleasure to meet a friend after such a longs time. We spent nearly four hours there. Amongst my friends, I am considered as relationship counselor and they do not mind sharing their personal problems because they know that on one side they will get good advice and on other side they will get a patient and empathetic listener. Therefore, taking an advantage of time and opportunity, he shared with me the problems that he was facing in his relationship with Simran. I remember he had told me about her previously, but not in detail. This time he profoundly explained to me about their relationship and associated complexities. He appeared to be very frustrated, disappointed and confused about the future of their relation. I carefully listened to his story and asked him to give it one last chance. I advised him to be patient and not rush to conclusions. It was last chance which needed determination to make it successful, firmness and strength to take tough decisions, if required. I gave him the road-map to follow.

After sharing all our joys and glitches, I had a final duty of helping him out with recruitment. He asked me to help him with few references to facilitate him in his hiring process. He was very fond of creating an independent and reliable team. A good team is a must for the success of any project or assignment.

On following day, I shared few relevant profiles with him from my database of candidates and asked him to speak to them to discuss the role in detail. After few days he called to ask, “Do you know this female by name Shefali Rajput”. I said, “Not really, but what happened?”. Yogi replied, “She is one in the list of candidates that you gave to me. Although she appears to be innocent and very excited for the role but she has been irritating me”. “I called her to explain the role and to know her interest in the job”, he continued, “She told me that she is not in the town. She was smart enough to save my number. After couple of days, she called back to inform me that she has returned to the city and wants to know more about the role and attend the discussion. I explained the role to her. She seemed appropriate and interested, so, I asked her to come for an interview. I gave her interview schedule and venue. Next day she called up to inform that she cannot come for various reasons. I gave her new schedule and then she came for interview without resume but with her boyfriend”. I laughed at the entire story and asked him, “Are you hiring her?” He said, “I don’t know. Maybe I will. She seems to be a good resource. She is from a small town and I believe she will work harder to prove her talent and make it a point. If they have potential, I always prefer to give chance to people from small towns”. I replied, “You are the best judge, so do as you feel appropriate”.

Shefali hails from an upper-middle class family and belongs to a small town in central India, called Gwalior, also known as the city of Forts. She is born and brought-up in Gwalior and this was her first attempt to explore career opportunities outside Gwalior and to choose Mumbai for that purpose, requires lots of courage. At the time when she decided to move to Mumbai, she was in the initial stages of her relationship with her boyfriend, Abhijeet Sarkar, and was trying hard to convert it into a strong bond for life. On the face of it, you would find Shefali to be very cheerful, vivacious and sparkling and a bit conscious about her social status. People’s perception about her makes a lot of difference to her. She is a girl who is fully immersed in our so-called middle class value system and firmly believes in the institution of marriage. She may look very outgoing and fun-loving type, but, in reality, she is not. You can say that she is a bit careless and a bit crazy but always knows her boundaries and limitation. How she might behave with you depends on the kind of comfort you give to her. She can be totally detached or fully involved. She loves to fantasize, and live in a world where there are no problems, no tensions and everything is pretty simple. Life to her is never ending romance. It is difficult to understand the motive behind her move to Mumbai and it is unclear if Abhijeet has played any role in her decision-making process. However, Shefali moved to the city of dreams, Mumbai on the last week of July.

Shefali was one among the first five people to join the team of Yogesh.. Though the level of adjustment was different, however, they all were tolling hard to adjust with demands of new project, assuring team assimilation and inter-department communication to ensure seamless coordination with other departments and clients. Roles and challenges were explained to each one of them and they were also given the list of criteria’s for performance evaluation and growth within the company. On personal front, it took everyone in team a couple of months to open-up to each other, create the environment of trustworthiness and share few things that were personal and private. Other than Shefali and Yogi, all other members of the team were married and some had kids as well. However, these two were not lonely and were working towards the future of their respective relations. On most of the days, they spent their after office hours on personal phone calls and other modes of communication with their partners. If Simran was in Australia, Abhijeet was in Hyderabad, so in that sense both, Shefali and Yogesh, were in long distance relationship.

After initial few weeks of extended comfort levels and adjusting to the company culture as well as creating norms and rules for the team, it was work as usual. As a boss, Yogi is a tough customer. He looks composed but he is aggressive and very difficult to please. Although, he do not do it often but he is a one who can criticize any work or a behavior to the extent of tearing the person into pieces. He always stood for what he believed to be right. A great manipulator and can go to any extent to keep the tide his way. When coming to relaxing the company policies or rules, his team would prefer him to be considerate, empathetic and sensitive to their need, whereas he would always provide logical and financial angles to the discussion. He can measure everything in time and money. Probably, that is why Shefali used to describe him as insensitive, egoistic, stubborn and arrogant. Often she would quietly listen to him without getting into any debate or argument or participating in any brainstorming session. It is difficult to pinpoint factors that attribute to this behavior of her, maybe she was preoccupied with thoughts of Abhijeet and their future or maybe she wasn’t too happy with team norms and working style of her reporting manager or maybe she was taking a bit too long to assimilate with metro environment. In words of Yogi, she was very sensitive, innocent and far from reality.

In October, when Shefali returned from Gwalior after attending the wedding function of her cousin, she was looking very weak and emotionally drained. She didn’t share much of her experiences or thoughts with the team and tried hard to immerse herself in work. She was trying to give her best but one could easily sense that she was lost somewhere. Trying to get into the mode which is not forte, Yogesh tried to talk to her and he realized that she is finding herself torn into pieces and crushed between expectations of family and her love. Her parents had disapproved of her relation with Abhijeet. Shattered dream can be painful for anyone and it was slightly more painful for her. Her dream of being with her lover and be happy thereafter had crashed right in front of her. She wanted to marry Abhijeet but only with the permission and blessings of her parents and family. However, Abhijeet was not willing to let her go. This was just a beginning of her trauma. On one side she wanted to prove to her family that their decision of letting her come to Mumbai wasn’t wrong and that she have not misused their trust and faith and on other side, she had a daunting task to convince Abhijeet that their relation is over because she won’t carry on with relation without the permission of parents. None of the task was easier. More so when Abhijeet was her first love. She was trying to put a brave face. Instead of comforting with Shefali and being matured enough to switch the role, Abhijeet had put the entire blame of the current state on her. Understanding the sensitivity of the issue, Yogesh was trying to help her but she wasn’t very comfortable with him.

In the midst of this tornado, Simran came to India to save her relation with Yogesh. She appeared to be prepared to go to any extent to save the relation and so was Yogi. He began to spend quality time with Simran. On most weekends, they would travel to new places, watch movies, explore new restaurants and do shopping. Often they were seen showing care, love for each other, be empathetic and plan for future. Without getting into their personal space and disturbing personal harmony, I met them once and found them to be very caring and loving, only that I found Simran to be very domineering in nature. Compared to Yogesh, who is very flexible and adjustable in many issues, if they are not about his work, I found Simran to be a bit rigid and overly insecure.

After few days, Yogesh called me to discuss few things and I learned that he had an argument with Simran about their future. He wanted to get married and get settled in life, whereas, Simran wanted couple of more years before marriage. Being the only son of his parents, Yogesh has been under lot of pressure from his parents to get married. He has been handling the family and peer pressure for last 3-4 years and couple of more years would have meant more stress and social boycott for him. The frequency of his arguments and fights with Simran increased and so did the frequency of his phone-calls to me. After battling it out for more than 100 odd days, they gave-up and decided to call it a day and bring down curtain to their five year old relation. Though Yogesh shared and confined about various things regarding Simran and their relation but he was mostly quiet about why she want more time to get married. He never said that she was previously married and that she was elder to him by more than five years. One of the finest manipulator could not manipulate his past.

During the time when Yogesh was busy saving his relation with Simran, the relation of Shefali and Abhijeet was going from bad to worse. With increased regularity of their arguments, blame game and immaturity on the part of Abhijeet to accept the reality and move-on, Shefali was on the verge of getting into depression. Abhijeet was very keen to get married to Shefali in whatever way. Two of the suggestions made by him were to either elope with him or to talk to her parents again. Shefali was willing to do anything except going against her family.

Due to consistent frustration, discouragement in their respective relationships, almost similar situations and circumstances brought Yogesh and Shefali closer and blurred the hierarchical line of boss and sub-ordinate. Slowly they begin to share their problems and draw comforts in the company of one another. More they began to spend time with one another and share personal space, more they started to know about each other. Shefali found that her boss is not as rude and as tough a critique as he appears to be at workplace. He too has a sensitive and emotional side and very few people have access to this area of his personality. She realized that Yogesh is what he is because he is very ambitious and moreover his work profile demands him to behave in a certain way. On the other side, Yogesh learned that Shefali is not a distance aloof personality and she is actually fun to be. She is a family woman and very caring. Last time when Yogesh invited me to his office, I happened to see Shefali at work and to me they seemed to be very different personalities. One is ruled by the sense of logic, reasoning, critique, and perfection, while another one is ruled by creativity, emotions, unrealistic dreams, and shyness. Here is this woman who behaves most of the time like an angelic little girl who is afraid of being scolded and is ever so grateful for the smallest kindness. She does not even have the slightest hidden, neurotic desire to dominate him in any way. All she wants is that he should protect her care for her. In spite of having different personality types, they did not appear to be different but rather complementing one another. Though they never confessed or admitted but they looked very much in love with each other. I was recently informed by Yogesh that he will be getting married to Shefali in the near future.

One can conclude that coming to a same city, , working in a same company,, getting an opportunity to work in a same team , going through similar experiences in their respective relations were all the part of a series of coincidences that brought Shefali and Yogesh closer. Among these coincidences, falling in love and being together in the future wasn’t a coincidence but rather an informed decision. My experience says that all these coincidences were drafted by someone else into their life and this is what a common man call as destiny. Most interesting thing is that they know everything about one another, which forms a strong foundation for their relationship. I am very happy for both of them and wish them good luck.

Kindly share your feedback and comments on this story.

Pages from the Diary of Sanjeev Himachali

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

This work is copyright protected and any use of it in totality or partially either directly or in reference without written permission from the author is prohibited and attracts legal action.

Runaway Groom (Part 2 of 4)

2011-09-16T05:11:00.002-04:00

Our previous experience had taught us many things and even though my parents did find some more matches for me and I turned down many of them without going through the embarrassing situation of meeting the girl and then saying no. I was concentrating more on my career which was going through turmoil. After having exhausted most of their contacts, my parents decided to use matrimonial websites and the matrimonial columns of newspapers to find a match for their son. This time, in March 2005, they found a Trainee School Teacher for me who has had completed her Masters in History and was doing her Bachelors of Education. Her name was Niharika Saxena. She was the second of the four childs of a Bank Manager. When all this discussion was happening, I was on my annual leave of two weeks. The father and the elder sister of Niharika, Minal came to visit our house. We met and talked. They inquired about my job and my responsibility and all that they could understand is that I give jobs to people and pay them salary. They left only after spending three hours in the house and having lunch with us. They were impressed. In India, particularly in North India, being an only son of a well to be family matters a lot. In the evening, Niharika’s father called-up to reconfirm, what we already knew, that they are happy about the match and everything that they saw and like to take it to the next stage. The next stage was a formal engagement. By the way, till that moment I hadn’t seen Niharika, except for her pictures.

Next day Niharika’s father called-up to discuss about the date and venue for the engagement. My father discouraged them to organize any big function and thereby saved the family for few thousands rupees. Date and venue were decided for the engagement. Venue was their house. Date was two days before my departure to Hyderabad. And only close family members were invited. Unfortunately, the list of those close family members excluded the name of my sister, who couldn’t make it due to her ill-health. Niharika was expected to come on the day of engagement. It was the last Sunday of March and I got engaged to Niharika. Going by her appearance, Niharika was 5’3 tall with fair complexion, big eyes and waist length black hairs. She was looking pretty. For engagement, she was dressed in a sky-blue colored salwar-kameez. By the time we returned from the function, our entire village was aware of my engagement. In the following week, both our parents consulted an astrologer and fixed 04^th December 2005 as our wedding date.

After two days, I returned to Hyderabad. It was the beginning of the courtship period for us. We began to interact on regular basis. Incidentally, she never called me and it was only me who used to call her and even then when I called her, most of the time she was surrounded by her friends and thereby making it inconvenient for her to be her normal self and interact freely. On the other hand, my elder sister-in-law, Minal was the most frequent caller. She would often call 2-3 times in a day. After few more weeks, she began to ask me to find a job for her and her husband. As a new would be son-in-law into the family, I cordially asked her to forward their profiles, so that I could check the suitability. From the day she sent her and her husband’s profile, she started to take daily follow-ups. After another month or so, she suggested me to find myself a job in Bangalore. She gave me the reason and logic for it and said, “Our brother is in 12^th grade and next year we are thinking of getting him an admission into BE and B. Tech. He wants to learn Computer Science. He have never been to anyplace outside of Himachal Pradesh, therefore, it would be nice if you and Niharika would be there. Your presence will give him emotional and psychological support. South Indian food is not all that good, if you would be there, he can have homemade food.” I was surprised at her suggestion but yet comforted her by saying, “I will look into it and as soon as I get anything suitable, I will consider it.” With this, probably, I gave her second subject, to follow-up on.

Niharika, as I said, was least interested to talk; whether once in a day or two, it was only me, who called her up. Even then when I was making efforts to call her and initiate a discussion, she never had anything to ask or to say, a shocking surprise from someone who is about to get married in few months. In the mean time, few management institutes decided to include some of my articles into their reference books as well as publish some of them in monthly and quarterly magazines. This was a big thing for me and obviously, I shared it with Niharika as well as Minal but there was no response and no excitement, whatsoever. I thought that because they do not know much about me and my work, therefore, they are not able to empathize and hence I let this remorse pass. In the mean time, Minal continued to irritate me by following-up on the progress of my job search and opportunities and references for her as well as for her husband’s job. Minal could call me at any time during the day, including my office hours, meeting and traveling hours she could continue to call until her call is answered, sometimes, I even saw 10-12 calls in a span of 10-15 minutes. All this was giving me stress and more over, it was irritating me. I thought, if this is the scene now then what will happen after marriage. In this background, in the month of August, I backed-out from marriage. I told it to Minal and to my parents that I cannot continue with this relation. People get married to grow in their life but in my relation with Niharika, I am feeling as if my life is moving in reverse order.

The break-off wasn’t as easy as I am finding it to write and share. However, the life moved on and so does I. Last I heard about Niharika was that she got married to a Software Engineer working with Wipro Technologies in Bangalore in the year 2006.

Your stories, comments and feedback are invited.

Note: All the names used in this write-up are unreal and imaginary.

Pages from the diary of Sanjeev Himachali

Link to the previous story (Story 1 of 4): http://diaryofsanjeev.blogspot.com/2011/09/run-away-groom-part-1-of-4.html

Runaway Groom (Part 1 of 4)

2011-09-12T09:42:00.003-04:00

Runaway Groom (Part 1 of 4)

In college, ours was a group or say a gang of fifteen that included six girls and nine guys. Most of us were on the verge of stepping out of our teens and entering into the third decade of our lives. Ignoring all the incidents and newspaper reports that have portrayed marriage as a responsibility and certain other known cases of disharmony and stress in the lives of married people, for our group, marriage was a lifelong honeymoon, filled only with love, care, support and romance. It was a crazy yet unanimous belief in our group that once someone gets married then either their parents or their in-laws take care of them for rest of the life. Everyone is a part of a big family and everyone takes care of each other.

In my mind, I was certain that my parents would find me a bride. I knew that no girl in her senses would fall in love with me (Why? Well that subject is out of the preview of this story and hence will be shared some another time in another place) and so, I have had ruled out the possibility of falling in love and then getting married, to which my parents breathed a big sigh of relief. Also the thought of going to see a girl at her house and saying no to her, for whatever reasons, didn’t really made me comfortable. Maybe I was scared of doing so or maybe I was too influenced by movies and TV programs of that time and hence those scenes of reputation of family in the society or getting emotionally blackmailed by parents were too awful. For me, if ever my parents find a girl for me and if I decide to go and see her, then I would definitely say yes to the alliance.

Another thing that I learned quite early was the truth that there is no such thing as love in relationship. It is more about sacrifices, compromises and tolerance. If I love a girl, care for her, willingly spend all my time with her for my entire life, it may not be enough for her , if my bank balance is zero or close to it and I am not capable enough to ensure financial stability. So, before even thinking of getting married either love or arranged, it was important to settle down in the professional sense. It is said, “if you have a poor father it’s just unlucky, but if u have a poor father-in law it’s just stupidity.” It sounds really interesting and I do know people who have followed that path to gain wealth. Somehow, this axiom didn’t really incite me. I would rather be a wealth and status creator rather than just have it handed to me as a big favour. So, I decided long ago that I won’t accept anything in dowry or gifts or whatever else they may call it.

It was in the year 2003 that I got my first chance to dress-up like a groom or rather, be a groom. That probably would have been the first marriage in our family in our generations (being the eldest among all my cousins). It was the month of April, Tuesday evening (I don’t remember the date), on my way back to my room after office hours, I received a call on my mobileIt took me just a glance to know that the call was from Pune. A man in his mid-forties was on the other side of the phone introduced himself as some Mr. Nath and said, “We are from the same town of your home city. We have spoken to your parents regarding a possible match between you and our niece. This Saturday we are coming to Hyderabad and would like to meet you in person. Can we schedule a casual breakfast meeting at Hotel Taj Banjara”? For a second, I didn’t even realize what the hell was going on and the entire conversation took me by surprise because before receiving the call from would be in-laws, I should have been informed about this by my family. Immediately after finishing the “surprise call”, I called my parents. They were pretty cool about the entire episode. My mother said, “Oh that one. She is Dipannita Bhardwaj and her family has been referred to us by your sister’s in-laws. They seem to be a very nice family. We have sent you a photograph of the girl. You will receive it in a few days. We didn’t know they would call you. Some time back her father asked for your number, which we gave him and that’s how all this probably happened.” Well, it was then that I requested my parents to refrain from giving anyone my phone number without my consent. In India, if the match-makers are in-laws of your sister , that means that the stakes are high and one must be prepared to experience for real a few scenes from TV soaps; lots of emotional drama and unwanted stress. I was so nervous, I felt like I was preparing for a full scale war.

Anyways, as decided, on the following Saturday morning at 8 AM, I was in Hotel Taj Banjara. I wasn’t too keen to share the complimentary breakfast, however I surely felt a little enthusiastic about seeing how the story unfolds. We made ourselves comfortable around the breakfast table. Uncle was accompanied by aunty and they began to talk about our common relatives. For next 45 minutes, I fielded their pleasant and not so pleasant questions and inquiries. Primarily they asked me about my job, future plans, my salary, and it went on unitl I got a call from my boss.after which i had to rush to office. Later on, during the first tea-break, I appraised my parents about the meeting.

My father enlightened me with some more information about the family of Dipannita, an activity that they should have done before making me meet her uncle. My father said, “Father of Dipannita is a Class-I Officer in the Government of Himachal. Dipannita is a youngest kid in the family. She has two elder sister and both of them are married and so on.” I believe that, in India, more so in cases of arranged marriages, no one really cares to know about the status, happiness, future plans or dreams of prospective bride or groom, however, the social status and reputation of both the families creates lots of interest for everyone. Next Monday, I received the picture of Dipannita. She wasn’t anywhere closer to the girl that I usually see in my dreams. Going by the face value, she was just an average looking girl, even though it appeared to me that the photo was enhanced and morphed by using Photoshop. I called-up my mother and told her, “In picture she is looking good”, which they took it as my affirmative response and willingness to marry Dipannita.

After the month of April, till July no one from Dipannita’s family cared to call me. In between I fell sick and had to face some really stressful and tough weeks in the office, but no one cared to reach me. One day, I called-up my mother to tell that I am backing out from the prospective relation. I explained to her that relations are expected to be caring and concerned and no one from other side felt the need to call me. “Before marriage, I am supposed to talk to Dippanita; I need to know her expectations, her plans for future. How does anyone expect me to marry her without even knowing her? I did allow you to find a match for me but it doesn’t mean that I will jump into the river with my eyes closed. If this is the way relations work then I am not interested in getting into one”, I told my father. That one call sent zillions of ripples and charged-up everyone, right from my parents to in-laws of my sister to parents of Dippanita. In next one houralmost everyone tried to reach me and the emotional drama was set to begin. I was visibly upset and angry and was in no mood to answer any calls. In one hour, I saw 37 missed calls from my sister and 42 from my parents. When I calmed down, I answered their calls and as expected they were all set to use the power of their tears and emotions. I could feel as if I am one of the male characters of Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi. My father dared me to call the father of the girl and inform him about my decision. My sister said, “If you will back out from this relation then my in-laws will get upset and will torture me. My life will become hell.” (At that time my sister was married for less than a year and hence she was scared too). For that moment, I have had become stone hearted and let nothing deter my decision. I told my father, “I didn’t bring this marriage proposal to you. I don’t even know them. All this while no one cared to talk to me, so, why should I call them now? I won’t.” Next day my father called-up again to pacify me and saying that the father of the girl is not in favour of any direct interaction between you and his daughter before engagement. I was shocked. I said, “What is the point of knowing the girl after getting engaged to her? If I don’t like her or if there is no compatibility then I won’t be able to say no after engagement. That time you guys will do more emotional drama. As always, you are more worried about what people will say rather than how I feel or in which direction my life is going.”

I am not very sure about factors that influenced their stand and decision, however, after two days I received call from the father of Dippanita. He said, “I realize that kids of today are very modern and advanced, they do not have values that we used to have and something that is the tradition of culture. Even we are modern and hence I will let you talk to Dipannita”, after saying this he handover the phone to his daughter. As I was about to talk to her and ask her few things about her career, future aspirations etc., I realized that I am on speaker phone. This probably was the biggest blunder that anyone could have done. Probably, he wasn’t aware with whom he has been dealing with. I can be anything but certainly not dumb, unless I consciously try to act like one. I completed the call in two minutes. Nothing really changed after that call and I was very firm on my decision of not taking this relation further. For weeks that followed, there was no discussion on this subject and I assumed this proposal to have died.

On the occasion of Diwali in the year 2003, I took ten days of leave to celebrate the festival with my family, probably our last Diwali together. That time it was out of my budget to travel by flight and therefore ten days of leave meant spending at least four days in travelling. I reached home and the same day I was told that they have arranged for a formal family meeting with Dipannita’s family. My mother said, “Don’t worry. We will just go and see. If you don’t like, you can say NO.” I realized that they have not spoken to Dipannita’s parents about my decision of not getting married and they actually want me to say NO to them. In the evening, when we were having tea, my parents sat with me and tried to explain me the situation that they had put themselves in and obviously wanted me to take them out of it by saying a YES to this proposal. All their concerns and worries were about society, relatives and of course the in-laws of my sister. To them it had already become the issue of social prestige. They said, “People in the town will make fun of us. Your sister is newly married. Her mother-in-law has already begun to make taunts on her and if you will say NO then the situation will become worse. Dipannita is a nice girl. She will adjust with you. You need to give her a chance. Everything will be just fine.” I was confused and obviously tensed. I didn’t know what to do. I had to take a call on this issue and probably one of the biggest decisions of my life at that point of time.

Next day, we went for that social drama. The meeting was organized in a guest house, 20 miles away from our house. Usually and traditionally, the boy’s family gets an invite to the house of the girl,. From our side, it was me, my parents and in the absence of my sister, one of my cousins gave accompanied me. However, from their side the list was pretty long, it was Dipannita, her parents, her both sisters and brother-in-laws and their kids and two of her uncles and their respective wives and two of Dipannita’s cousins. In total, there were 15 people from their side and four from our side. 10 minutes into the function and Dipannita’s father told my father, “Let Sanju talk to Dipu. Let them know more about each other. I was directed to the lawn where Dipannita was waiting along with, to my surprise, with her sisters, cousins and nieces and nephews. Dipannita was 5’2 tall; fair in complexion, shoulder length hairs and bespectacled (something that wasn’t in her picture). She seems to have become slimmer than what she was in her picture. As mostly happens in arranged matches, she was wearing a traditional dress – sky-blue coloured salwar-kameez. One could see that she has put light make-up. So, on the face of it, she wasn’t looking prettier but then not ugly either. I sat there and tried to initiate a discussion. Her sisters were asking me questions on her behalf. She hardly said or asked anything. Most of my questions were answered by her sisters and most of her questions were asked by her cousins. This made me more upset and hence I waived off any kind of consideration that I was thinking of, considering the so-called social reputation of my family and parents. I decided not to commit suicide. Dipannita was MBA and was working in a bank but hardly knew anything about corporate world, or management. I told her, “Dipannita, I am not prepared for this marriage. I am sure you can find better prospects and you will have a happy life. It is just not with me. It is OK if you can say NO or else I have to.”

After having discussions for 40-45 minutes I returned to Guest House. Like one of those reality shows, everyone had played their role to the best of their abilities and now it was time to announce the result. The next thing I saw was Dipannita’s father rushing to my father, with a smile on his face, to inform that his daughter has said YES for the relation. I looked around, a bit shocked as well as surprised and gave a starry look to him father and said, “However, this relation is not acceptable to me. Your daughter will get someone better, more compatible as well as suitable. I am just not prepared to and nor willing to take this forward. I am sorry but this is what it is.” He gave me the scary look, as if, had it been any other place, he would have killed me. He said something to my father which I didn’t care to listen. We returned back to our home after concluding the drama. My cousin told my father, “She doesn’t appear to be suitable enough to become eldest daughter-in-law of our family.” In the evening, the father-in-law of my sister called-up and it appeared that my father was scared to talk to him. After missing his 2-3 calls, my father answered his call and explained to him everything. To this he replied, “Don’t worry. We can find more girls for Sanju. We are not in a hurry to get him married.” So, this is how I managed to escape from my first probable marriage. Last I heard that Dippanita got married to some Government Officer of Himachal Pradesh Government and was living in Manali, Himachal Pradesh.

Your stories, comments and feedbacks are invited.

Note: All the names used in this write-up are unreal and imaginary.

Pages from the diary of Sanjeev Himachali

I knew I would Fail – Introspection Versus Optimism

2011-08-25T20:12:00.003-04:00

I knew I would Fail – Introspection versus Optimism

I have always believed that I am my best judge. Good, bad, average or worse, people may assess me by my attitude or whatever they see and believe, but I know from where I have begun or how far I have come from the initial stage. It is true for everyone. We are often judged from our one act or behavior. How you behaved with an auto-rickshaw driver or with shopkeeper or with your customer or a restaurant manager, etc., make them carry the same impression about you. They will not be around to know or understand your other side. Sometimes you also know that you didn’t give your best. You behave impolitely or uncouthly with someone because your boss had screamed at you or because you were disturbed by your girlfriend or because you weren’t keeping too well or whatever might be the case, should it really matter to that person? Should you feel saddened if that person yells back at you for not understanding you? You shouldn’t because you got what you have given. However, there is no harm in being optimistic or being hopeful and expect that person to be nice to you even if you were bad-mannered and callous. You know what you did, however, you still can be optimistic and hopeful to be treated well and yet if you get it back you shouldn’t feel sad.

Now let’s discuss three situations that are very apparent in our life when it comes to exam, job and relationship.

You are appearing for your graduation exams. You haven’t prepared well for all subjects for various reasons; you were not keeping good health or you had other personal or professional commitments. You know that you could have done it better but you couldn’t. You can still be optimistic and hope that maybe others did worse than you; however, if you still fail in your attempt to pass the exam, it should not bother you because you knew it. Why it should leave you shocked, sad and hurt?

At workplace, you are ill-equipped to do your job properly because you do not possess adequate knowledge or you are not properly trained or perhaps you overstated your past experience. Only you know the real reason of your lackluster performance; even though, you can blame your boss or ambiguous company policies or lack of insufficient infrastructure, etc., for your poor performance. You can also hope that in the shadow of your good and caring behavior and nice attitude, your poor performance will get ignored. However, if it gets highlighted and results into final ultimatum or termination from your job, should you get shattered and find it unacceptable? You knew what you were doing. Others were doing badly too or were doing worse than you is not a good enough justification as why your poor performance shall be ignored or, for that matter, be rewarded.

You were into a relation, where you were not honest to your partner or spouse. You lied for various reasons, primarily for your own selfish interests, such as; you were scared to lose that person or were unprepared to convey the truth. Whatever your reasons being, but you knew the truth. You were optimistic and hopeful that other person won’t be able to find it out before an appropriate time. However, when your partner became aware of the truth and broke-off the relation, should you feel sad, hurt and cheated? You shouldn’t, actually. You knew it was coming. All you could do is delay the inevitable and you did that. Relations that are based on the foundation of dishonesty can never survive the storm of time and will ultimately die. You can only pray for its survival.

Optimism is good as long as you believe in miracles to happen in such situations. You may be able to survive a poor performance or a dishonest relation. However, in case the poor performances of yours get highlighted or if your lie is caught then you are at the mercy of other person to grant or not to grant you another chance. You are not authorized to demand. And, just in case, if you get another chance, use it as an opportunity to improve your performance or to work towards strengthening your relation rather than finding out new and innovative excuses or ways to hide the truth.

I am not pessimistic. However, I am aware that only I know the truth of my life as you know about your life. You can fool the entire world but not yourself.

Your feedback and comments are welcomed.

Have a great day and stay in touch.

Pages from the Diary of Sanjeev Himachali

It was 2nd July

2011-08-19T00:27:00.002-04:00

It was 2^nd July

She had begun to plan her trip to India more than three months before the actual date of journey. The planning part included her visa processing, and shopping for herself and for me. So, among various other things, I was getting my first DSLR Camera, my first I-Phone and Armani shirts and wrist watch. Initially, she said that she will gift me the phone and for other things I need to pay, but then, over the period of time, everything became a part of gift-pack. It is not good to put a price-tag to gifts that you get and often it is not only purchasable gifts but also those priceless emotions that are involved in buying those gifts for you. However, in terms of cost, that gift-hamper would have cost 2,500/- USD plus those zillion dollars of sentiments and emotions.

She is an avid traveler and loves to explore new places. Don’t buy her expensive gifts but take her for a long drive and show her new places and she would be more than happy. Amongst so many hobbies and interests that we had common between us, travelling and exploring new places was the dearest one. We were very used to hectic traveling schedules, like to travel on Friday night, explore places on Saturday and Sunday and then get back to work by Monday. So, considering our prolific hobby of travelling, I have had prepared the list (long enough to keep us busy for another 3-4 months) of all the places that we would explore together.

It was for the first time in last one year that we were planning to spend some time together. Previous year included a short break-up of three months. Even during that period, the communication channel between us was open, though it was to blame one another for not being able to understand and being a reason for break-up. Therefore, I think, somehow, intentionally or unintentionally, we were trying to make it work and hence all this planning. We made numerous promises that we will not do anything, knowingly or unknowingly, to hurt each other. We vowed to make it the best phase of our relationship. Obviously, any sensible person would want to give one last chance of survival to a Five years old relation.

She reached India in the month of January, just few days before her birthday. It was so great to see each other after such a long period. In the beginning, we began to appraise one another with things that we did since our last meeting. We shared and talked about our professional commitments, our families, siblings, friends, etc. She told me about few of her friends, who, she feels, have used her to get their work or who approached her at the time of need and later dumped her. Two such cases were those of her neighbors and her own sister, who didn’t even invite her for their graduation day. Her sister, it seems, had specifically asked her to not to come for her graduation day. To be ignored is one of the painful feelings to go through. I often try to pacify her by saying, “You do what you feel right and people do what they feel appropriate for them. You should not do something to get it back in reciprocation. Just listen to your heart and do what you feel is right”. I could empathize with her but do nothing more.

Once we settled down, our arguments and disagreements began, which, I think, is normal in any relation, particularly when people romantically connected. Like any other girlfriend or a wife, she always felt some other female, irrespective of her age (10 years plus or minus my age), whether single or married, would get attracted to me. I would often say that it is her misconception which needs to be corrected. Since the beginning of our relation, females in my professional circle and those who were friendly with me would worry her. I have had tried to convince her on numerous occasions and in fact, had proved to her so many times, but as usual, nothing could convince her. She would often compare me with most of the Casanova and flirtatious people ever known to her. These arguments had reached the level of annoyance and exasperation. If that wasn’t enough then our timings and places of arguments were very awkward and embarrassing, often at market or other public places. I could handle misconceptions and didn’t mind explaining things or clarifying situations to her thousands of time, but arguing in public was intolerable and excruciating.

When we were not travelling or fighting, she would often say that she feels that I would leave her or dump her. If not now then may be after few years, but she was certain that I will. I denied all those charges because if I had to do so then I would have done before. The fact that we were in relation for so long meant that my intentions were clear. I had accepted everything as a part and parcel of relation. Then, on a sober note, she would say, “If you want to end this relation or dumb me, then do it now when I am here, at least I will be able to see it. If you will do it when I am away via email or phone call or a message then I won’t be able take it”. She would repeat this at least 2-3 times in a week.

After having 10-12 short tours over the period of 4-5 months, some memorable and some not so memorable, she returned to her city with a promise to come back after 3-4 months. I don’t know why, but this time I wasn’t really comfortable in sending her off. There was a kind of emotional feeling and pain that cannot be described in words. My heart was saying, “I don’t want to do it”. However, she left the city and the country.

Another 30-45 days flashed by and we again had yet another fight about same issue of some another women, in her imagination, approaching me. I tried to explain to her but in vain. It was 2^nd July, two days before the US celebrated its Independence Day, as per her country time-zone 8 AM of Saturday morning, when I send her a message to convey her that everything between us is over. We are ending this six year old relationship. I cannot take it more. Her worst fears became reality. She tried to reach me and asked me to give her another chance, but I didn’t budge. Her last message to me was, “I hope you will not know that I'm no longer alive. I have done everything -- beg, plead but you are not listening or giving me a chance. I cannot do anything. Besides cry and find a way to end my life”.

Previously, on one occasion, we went for shopping and I liked one product on the rack. I told her that we should buy it for our house. She stopped me by saying that it is not a priority and we should buy it after 5-6 months. On 4^th July, I received same product as a gift from her. Receiving that parcel from the courier company was a very terrifying moment and too scary. I didn’t know what to do with it. What to say and to whom? Compared to our previous fights, and break-ups when we continued to communicate, even if it was to blame each other, this time there was no communication. Future is uncertain. My yesterday will always be a part of my wonderful memories and so will you.

Writer’s Note: This story is shared with me by one of my friend, Mr. Sanjay Shastri and I promised him that I will share it with other people. I believe that, on his part, he has been honest and sincere in describing the entire scenario. From this story, it is difficult to assess who was wrong and what went wrong. I am sure that there are many others who have gone through the similar situations. This story is just an attempt to share with you the feelings and emotions of people involved.

Kindly share your views and thoughts.

Pages from the diary of Sanjeev Himachali

In The Journey of Life

2011-04-06T02:03:00.000-04:00

In the Journey of Life

When I visualize my life, I find myself in a party with a lot of people around me. Each one of them is enjoying. They are singing, dancing, and playing. From the outlook of it, it is difficult to say if these groups of people are celebrating some occasion or if it is a farewell party. However, at the end of it, one person or a set of people leaves the group and moves in different directions. Who are these people and where are they going? Sometimes I see myself as the one who is leaving the group, moving out of it to continue my journey of life and at other times I see someone else (my friends, family, co-passengers, and acquaintances) moving out and leaving me stagnant at my place. Do they try to stop me or do I try to stop them? Yes, we do try to stop one another, as the case may be, however, there comes a time when moving-on is the only option. In this journey, we come across many people; they all touch our lives.

On one such instance, as I was taking up the journey of my life, I met someone who smiled at me. I responded to that smile. We talked to each other and soon we become friends. Thereafter, we began to move together in the same direction. We stayed together, and enjoyed every bit of our life. The entire day we used to share jokes, laugh, dance, sing, and share our experiences of the journey. I felt accepted and loved. The experience was so unique and different. I felt the completeness of my life. I thought that the phase is permanent and I will live forever with that person. We begin to take things for granted. We thought that everything is so obvious. Life became so effortless. And then one day, as I woke-up in the morning, I found that that person was missing from there. I became restless. I was shattered. I felt as if someone or something has taken a part of my life. I searched for that person in every direction with tears rolling over my cheeks. After several attempts, I found the person walking quietly in one direction, several meters away from me. I called and asked the person to come back but there was no response. I requested him to not to leave me and that I won’t be able to live without his presence in my life. I also told the person about his importance in my life and how my life has changed with his presence. He didn’t stop. All he said was that he needs to go. I asked him again, “Did I make any mistake? Why are you leaving me? I have always cared for you and loved you”. He replied, “You didn’t make any mistake. There are no hard-feelings. I am not upset with you and angry at you. Our togetherness was up to this point only. I appreciate everything that you shared, gave and did for me”. I said, “Then please don’t go. Come back”. He continued to walk away from me. I sat there with sadness looming over my face. I kept on seeing him going, until the time he moved beyond my sight. I didn’t move from my place for several days. I thought he will come back but he didn’t. After several days of grieving, I stood again and began to walk in some unknown direction and then I met someone else, who helped me to overcome that feeling of remorse and sadness.

It doesn’t matter what’s the gender or age of another person is. It also doesn’t matter what relations we two shared, whether they were my family members or just an acquaintance. Sometimes, I moved out of someone’s life and at other times they moved out. Sometimes, I saw them going and tried to stop them; and at times they saw me going and tried to stop me. Nothing in life is permanent, it just moves on; just like wind. Most often, the people that we begin our journey with are not the same people that we end our journey with too. On the way, we find several other people; to some we just wave and smile at and with others we spend some time of our life. Sometimes we become a catalyst for others, giving smiles, love and happiness and at other times they leave an everlasting impact in our life and change the course of our life forever. None of these events are permanent. Even if they leave us or we choose to change the direction of our life, no one stops living.

….time changes and life moves on and so do we.

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I Have FOUR Precious Diamonds

2011-03-31T08:16:00.000-04:00

I Have FOUR Precious Diamonds

We are all surrounded by people. Sometimes we are surrounded by people and other times we become part of someone’s surroundings. People are part of our life and their existence does matter to us (and if you believe that people do not matter then try living one day in isolation). If I am asked to classify all the people that are part of my surroundings into various categories on the basis of their impact in my life, I would place them into FOUR categories and call them as my “FOUR Precious Diamonds”. They complete my life and help me in being what I am. These categories are:

1) Those who are in love with me: Although there are very few people in this category, however, these are people who have seen me growing. They were with me even then when I was nothing and they are with me when I am something. For them my present is not very important. They have accepted me with all my weaknesses, my physical appearances, and my failures. They love my choices, my decisions, my attempts, as well as results of those attempts. They don’t get upset when I lose my temper. They understand when I am sad or in pain. It will be inappropriate to include only parents or family or blood relations into this category because those are the relations that cannot be changed, even if someone wants to. People in this category are not just limited to blood or emotional relations but much beyond that. They are my strength. They are my reasons to come home. They taught me that a tree can flourish and expand its branches in a widest possible area, only if they have strong roots. They also taught me that the form is temporary but the class is permanent.

2) They are in love with my PRESENT: These people love my present and as my present changes people in this category also change. They are seasonal. I found myself surrounded by different sets of people then when I was financially poor; when I was struggling to be successful in my attempts and get favorable outcomes; when I was rejected, ignored, and hurt; when I became successful in my attempts and got rewarded; and even then when I became more visible and approachable. They are least bothered about the type of person that I am. They just love what I am TODAY and tomorrow they may begin to hate me, if my status changes. They are my PRESENT or TODAY’s associates or friends. They are an important part of life and they make me realize that nothing and no relation is stable. People and relations change with time based on the surroundings, and circumstances that you are in.

3) My Critics and criticizers: Doesn’t matter what I do and how I do they always have a reason to just say something. They criticized me then when I was struggling and they criticized me even then when I completed my tasks or achieved my goals. People in this category are right examples of the saying, “When you do something new, at first people laugh at you, then they challenge you, then they watch you succeed and then when you reach there, they wish they were you”. However, the critics and criticizers do not just stop there, they question the means of your success and mode of your journey; they also question your surroundings, people that you interact with, your attitude, what you eat or the way you dress; they just have one thing or another to say about you. I love them. They help me in knowing my weaknesses and areas of importance. To set difficult goals and to realize improbable dreams, I need them in my life. If not for my critics and criticizers, I may become complacent and set equilibrium with my present state.

4) Unknown and Unrelated: I was traveling through a village and lost my way. I asked a stranger and he guided me. The other day when I was feeling hungry and had nothing to eat at home, I went to the nearby restaurant and ordered food to satisfy my hunger. There are many such people in our life that are not related to us, they do not know what or who we are, they do not even know our names, however, they play an important role in our life. They don’t know us but they do look at us when we pass-by. Sometimes they also talk to us. Some of these people are: the man who delivers newspaper at my home; all those auto-drivers who drives me from one place to another across the city; all those chefs and cooks in hotels and restaurants where I take my lunch or dinner; bank officials that keep my money in safety and many more such countless people that are part of my life. I cannot think of my life without their existence in it.

The above listed people are important part of my life and have helped me in being the person that I am. In order to create an analogy, if I assume myself as a tree then the people in the first category are my roots, they are holding me together and it doesn’t really matter to them if I am passing through spring or autumn or winter or summer season; it also makes no difference to them if I am a tree loaded with eatable fruits or just a tree that can provide shadow. Human Beings and Animals are the people that are part of the second category. They love me in spring season or when I am loaded with fruits. They hate me in winter because I cannot give them anything and that I have shed all my leaves, I cannot even give them shelter or shade. My gardener is a member of the third category of people. Whenever I try to expand my branches and reach beyond certain area, he cuts them into multiple pieces. He takes the credit for my usefulness. Sometimes he detaches me from my roots. Wind and rain are not related to me, they do not exist just for me only; however, they are here to help me grow.

All the people in these categories are an important part of my life and I won’t be able to live, if any of them goes missing. They are the priceless diamonds and processions that I have.

Kindly share your thoughts and experiences.

Have a great day and take good care of yourself.

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Cricket World-Cup 2011 – The Game So Far and draw for Quarter-Finals

2011-03-21T02:36:00.004-04:00

Cricket World-Cup 2011 – The Game So Far and draw for Quarter-Finals

It took 42 games and more than one month for International Cricket Council to identify something that the general public and cricket followers knew before 19^th February 2011 – The Quarter-Finalists for on-going cricket world-cup. Top eight teams have managed to play as per their reputation and reached the Quarter Finals (South Africa, India, England, West Indies, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Australia and New Zealand). Let’s analyze the journey of each of these eight teams and probable Semi-Finalists.

1) South Africa V/S New Zealand

South Africa will be playing against New Zealand in the Quarter-Final match. To reach to this stage, South Africa won against West Indies by SEVEN wickets; South Africa won against India by THREE wickets and South Africa lost to England by SIX runs. On the other hand, New Zealand has reached Quarter-Finals by winning against minnows. The mantle of New Zealand has been tested against Sri Lanka, Australia and Pakistan. Although they won against Pakistan (New Zealand won against Pakistan by 110 runs); they lost to Australia and Sri Lanka. In a match between South Africa and New Zealand, the former is likely to win.

2) India V/S Australia

India and Australia have adopted a similar route to reach the Quarter Finals. Australia couldn’t play against Sri Lanka and their match was washed out; Australia won against New Zealand by SEVEN wickets and lost to Pakistan by FOUR wickets. On the other hand, India tied their match against England in a close encounter; India won against West Indies by 80 runs and lost to South Africa by THREE wickets. The Quarter-Final Match between India and Australia will be very close; however, India will win the match.

3) England V/S Sri Lanka

England took a very interesting route to reach the Quarter-Finals, though they lost against minnows such as Ireland and Bangladesh. England has won their matches against West Indies (by EIGHTEEN runs), and South Africa (by SIX runs); and have tied against India in a very close encounter. On the other side, Sri Lanka has won the match against New Zealand by 112 runs; has lost to Pakistan by 11 runs and couldn’t get any result against Australia. In a match between England and Sri Lanka, England will win.

4) West Indies V/S Pakistan

West Indies has reached the Quarter-Finals by winning all their matches against minnows (Bangladesh, Ireland and Netherlands). They lost to India, England and South Africa. The opponent in the Quarter-Finals, Pakistan, has won their matches against Australia (by FOUR wickets) and Sri Lanka (by ELEVEN runs) and has lost only against New Zealand. In a match between Pakistan and West Indies, Pakistan is likely to win.

So, the four Semi-Finalists will be South Africa, India, England and Pakistan. In the semi-final matches South Africa will be playing against England and Pakistan will be playing against India. Interestingly, the world-cup winner will become the champion without playing any match with at least TWO of the top eight teams.

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Women who changed my life

2011-03-08T00:17:00.000-05:00

Women who changed my life

“There are many women who get attracted to men with brains, knowledge and intelligence and I have met a few of them. Some women get attracted to men with unique talent of daring and strength, such as sportsman, goons, artists, etc and I have met some of them too. And then there are very few women who get attracted to men with wealth and power and incidentally, I have met most of them”.

Today is Women’s Day and this note is a tribute to all those women who have impacted my life in one way or another. I have always believed that other than the difference of biological structure and make-up, there is hardly any difference between a man and a woman. It is not natural for a man to ignore her contribution in their life, growth and success and there are very few people who will do so, however they may not really acknowledge or accept it in public. In my case, I ought to have some influence of women in my life. As a kid and a teenager, I studied in schools and colleges, where co-education was allowed. 50% of my class strength was that of females. Later on in my career and my hobbies it allowed me to have more interaction with women. They had a remarkable impact on my life. In this write-up I like to share and acknowledge the contribution of some of these women.

The first woman that I am discussing in this write-up and the most important one in my life is a woman who has just changed my life. She reinforced my belief in myself. She threw me out of my comfort zone. She pushed me to believe and accept that unless I believe in myself and my dreams, no one else will. It is unfair to give any name to my relation with her; however, this relation is nothing less than kismet connection (link of fate). She is a good motivator, inspiration and my personal coach. She only tells me what I can do rather than what I should do. Having her around, I do not find any journey too tiring, any goal too difficult and any dream unachievable. Now, I have begun to realize even those dreams that were unthinkable at one point of time and I have also begun to dream a life that was beyond my imagination. [Move out of your comfort zone to realize your potential. Century ago, not many had imagined the world and kind of comforts that we have access to. Those who imagined and dreamed became part of history and others continued to read the history]. If this woman has let me think the unthinkable and imagine the unimaginable the next one has let me believe in the lyrics of the famous song, “I am not afraid” by Eminem.

She has contributed a lot in defining my outlook towards life and my personality - a change from being shy, frightened, and timid to a strong and daring person. Someone who can rebel and question and even challenge everything and anything that appeared very obvious and natural to many people. She made me realize that it is me who makes the society and not the vice-versa. She also let me believe that I have a journey to take and everybody else and everything else is a part of that journey. Values, Cultural and Social norms, Ethics, and Principles can be redefined. [Just because something has been done in a certain way for centuries does not make it right or wrong. Challenge is the key. Take responsibility for your own life].

Another woman who has had considerable impact on my life is the one who made me realize that many times giving your best is not enough. It doesn’t really matter if you are knowledgeable or intelligent; it also doesn’t matter if you are daring and strong, however, how you present yourself is the most important. She made me realize the importance of style, attitude and presentation. Among all the women that I have interacted with and all those who have been part of my life, I believe that these three women had the deepest and everlasting impact. They have helped in redefining my attitude towards life and creating the personality that I possess. If not for them, I would never have become whatever I am today. Thanks to all of you.

On this day and through this write-up I like to say thanks to all those wonderful and beautiful ladies who ever became part of my life or ever had any kind of communication with me. Thanks to you too.

I would like to wish “Happy Women’s Day” to all of you. Have a great year and take good care of yourself.

From the desk of Sanjeev Himachali

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Easy or Difficult - We Share Our Experiences

2011-03-04T01:52:00.000-05:00

Easy or Difficult - We Share Our Experiences

This incident happened at the time when I was doing my course of Company Secretary (CS) from Institute of Company Secretaries of India (ICSI) and it imprisoned long lasting effect.

CS along with other two courses for Chartered Accountant (CA) and Cost and Works Accountant (CWA) are three premier courses run and managed as Autonomous Statutory Bodies setup under an Act of Parliament of India. Over a period of time the course pattern and eligibility criteria has changed dramatically, however, at the time when I got enrolled for this course, there used to be 16 subjects divided into four groups which were further classified into two segments of Inter and Final. Group I and Group II used to be part of Inter and Group III and Group IV used to be part of Finals. Candidates were free to take exams of two Inter Groups or two Final Groups either in a single sitting or separately. That means candidate can clear his CS (Inter) in one or two sittings. However, candidate was required to pass each group separately and should get a score of more than 50 marks in each paper. If a candidate fails to score 50 or more marks in any subject then they had to rewrite all four papers of that group. It was easy to get enrolled for the course but passing it in one going or within a given time frame was equally difficult. Minimum time required to complete the course was 18 months and students could register themselves for this course for a period of SEVEN years and on the expiry of the registration period, they could re-register themselves.

So, in one of our study classes, I asked one of my faculty, “Sir, this course seems to be very difficult. Usually, for an average student like us, how long does it take to become a Qualified Company Secretary?”. He replied, “two to two and-a-half years”. After a couple of weeks, in another session, another faculty said, “You guys have no idea how complicated this course is. The passing percentage in this course is less than 3%. For you guys, it will take 6-7 years to become a Qualified Company Secretary”. Next day I went back to the previous faculty and asked, “You said that on an average, it takes 2 – 2 ½ years to become a Qualified Company Secretary but our other faculty said that it takes 6-7 years. I am confused. Why there is a difference of 4-5 years”? He replied, “Sanjeev, both of us are correct. We gave the assessment based on our own experiences. I passed my exam in two sittings in two years of time frame. Might be the other faculty had passed his exam in several sittings over the period of 6-7 years. You need to decide, what approach you would like to take”.

Later on, over the period of time, as I grew, I realized that we often end up sharing our own experiences through our behavior in our action, reaction and response. We say things that we have experienced. If we find any task easy, we say it is easy and anybody can do it. On the contrary, if we find any task or assignment difficult, we say it is difficult and somebody needs to try real hard to succeed. Our experiences define our personality, influence our perception and it goes in our way of teaching, learning and living.

Isn’t it true? Look into your own life and remember your own parents, teachers, college faculties, seniors at workplace, whatever they have taught you or advised you has been influenced by their own past experiences. However, by your own experiences, you might have discovered that not everything that they taught you our advised you were correct. You discovered simpler, easier and may be more complicated ways of doing things. Were your parents, teachers, faculties, managers and supervisors wrong? No, they weren’t. They just passed on what they learned, the way they learned and their own experiences.

There are over 6 billion people in this world. Everybody has is unique and special. The probability for an event to occur is based on number of components involved in it. The probability of such event being happening to you is one in six billions. The probability for a similar event to occur in the life of more than one person is based on the numerous random combination, which, in case of human beings is one in a zillion chance.

Live your own life and make your own decisions. Be responsible for what you are doing.

Kindly share your thoughts and views and take good care of yourself.

From the desk of Sanjeev Himachali

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100th International Century by Master Blaster – Sachin Tendulkar

2011-02-28T09:44:00.000-05:00

Stage is all set for the Indian Cricket Icon Master Blaster Sachin Tendulkar to score his 100^th Century in the World-Cup finals to be played on 2^nd April 2011 in Wankhede Stadium, Mumbai.

Cricket is a game of uncertainties. However, on the basis of sequence of events, I believe that the stage is all set for India’s Cricket Icon Sachin Tendulkar to score his 100^th Century in the world-cup finals, in front of his home crowd. In the match played on 27^th February 2011, between India and England, Tendulkar scored his 47^th ODI Century, his 98^th International Century. Before reaching finals, India will play SIX more matches. Assuming that the Master Blaster will appear in all these matches, he will score ONE more century and probably THREE more half-centuries.

Currently, Tendulkar has scored more than 32,000 international runs, which comprises of 51 centuries and 59 half-centuries in the longer version of the game AND 48 Centuries and 93 Half-Centuries in ODI’s. Not considered as an individual who will do something partly, on 2^nd April or before that, Tendulkar is likely to announce his partly or full retirement from International Cricket. He may even consider the option to quit ODI’s and continue to play Test Cricket for a couple of more years.

Not sure about the others, however, irrespective of the opponent that India will be playing against, I am looking forward to Sachin Tendulkar scoring his 100^th Century for a winning cause in the Finals of Cricket World-cup 2011, in Mumbai.

I have not seen Don Bradman playing, and the Little Master Sunil Gavaskar hanged his boots before I could even understand the game. The only player, who has been playing consistently for last more than 20 years, carrying the expectations of billions of people, is Sachin Tendulkar and hence, this special prayer and dream for him, seeing him scoring his 100^th International Century in the finals of Cricket World Cup, 2011.

From the desk of Sanjeev Himachali on 28^th February, 2011

In Search of Perfect Life...

2011-02-16T02:21:00.000-05:00

In Search of Perfect Life

Do you make mistakes? Yes. Do you make all good decisions? No, some has back-fired. Do you make blunders? Yes. Did you score 100% in all your exams, performance reviews and in the games that you played? No. Are you a perfectionist or do you seek perfectionism? No, to err is human. Are you tolerant to others’ mistakes, errors, acts of omissions, blunders, etc? No, if someone’s mistakes or errors have resulted in my loss or harm then I am definitely not. Incidentally, we categorize our mistakes under the head of “Learning Experiences” and that of others as “genuine and purposely done blunders”. We make fun of their “ignorance” and like to “punish them” for their mistakes. Isn’t this behavior defines our character and our attitude towards life? It does. Not only we make mistakes and blunders, we also try to justify our irrational behavior and acts of ignorance by blaming others. We defend our mistakes and foolishness by identifying factors that has led to the decision that we made and forced us to behave in a certain way. Usually, those factors are external and beyond our control. We spend a lot of time and energy in playing the blame-game (an act that I fondly refer as “playing volley-ball”). Nobody can force us to do anything that we do not want to do without our consent.

Evolving as a Person: To a certain extent, I am no different than the person that we are discussing in this write-up. However, irrespective of the outcome, I do owe and accept responsibility and accountability for all my acts, behaviors and decisions. I know that I may not be right all the time and in everything that I do and I am not expected to have godly powers. Although I like to have a perfect life and do not like to make mistakes or ignore facts that are required in decision making, however, just like any other person, I do make “unintentional” mistakes but unlike many others I do not blame others for the negative or unacceptable outcome. Nobody forces me to do anything. I choose to do whatever I did and I accept responsibility and accountability for my family as well as my entire team.

Way ahead: Perfect life is not an illusion, however, the minimum requirement of living a perfect life or a journey towards perfectionism requires a person to take responsibility and accountability for their own life, acts and behaviors. You are not forced to make any commitment or a promise; however, if you make any, then one must stand by their own words, also called as walk-the-talk. Failed commitments or broken promises will not only force others to not to take you seriously but will also affect your productivity, your ability to get the work done and put question marks on your leadership skills. “A person who cannot take responsibility for his own life, career, acts and behavior can never take any responsibility of his team, his business partners, friends and colleagues”. Making mistakes or taking wrong decisions is not a crime, however, making mistakes intentionally and repeating your mistakes is definitely an act that is worth punishing.

Living a perfect life means, owing up the responsibility of your life, your career and your future. It also means craving out your own way, deciding your own destination and be responsible for everything or accept everything that may come along the way and not to blame anybody or anything for the outcome of any event. A perfect life is flowing with the current of the water and keep moving in the direction of your choice and not being stagnant.

It will be really interesting to get your comments and thoughts on this write-up.

Have a great day and take good care of yourself.

Thoughts and Views of: Sanjeev Himachali

Email: sanjeev.himachali@gmail.com; ss_himachali@yahoo.com

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Colors of My Life and Their Probable Significance

2011-02-14T04:23:00.001-05:00

Painting the Wall: Colors of My Life

Colors are an important part of our life and of nature. We like colorful things around us. However, we do have preference for the colors that we like. We find some colors to be very attractive and appealing, while some others are dull. When I look around and see things in my life, I find most of the things are classified into four colors. Not that I don’t like other colors but these four colors are very common and have a predominant presence. Colors I like are: Blue, Black, Red and White. However, in many cultures, Black and White are not considered as natural colors. For quite some time, I have been trying to understand the significance and importance of colors of my life. Let me explain here.

Blue

In my wardrobe, I have significant presence of various shades of blue. Almost everyone likes some shade of the color blue. Blue is one of the seven colors of a rainbow. Nature is generously endowed with this color. The infinite sky, the deep seas, and the vast oceans - all generally appear to be blue to the human eye. Blue is often associated with depth and stability. It symbolizes trust, loyalty, wisdom, confidence, intelligence, faith, truth, and heaven. Blue is a masculine color; according to studies, it is highly accepted among males. Dark blue is associated with depth, expertise, and stability; it is a preferred color for corporate America.

In many diverse cultures blue is significant in religious beliefs, brings peace, or is believed to keep the bad spirits away. In Iran, blue is the color of mourning while in the West the something blue bridal tradition represents love. In the English language, blue often represents the human emotion of sadness. In German, on the other hand, to be "blue" (blau sein) is to be drunk. Blue is commonly used in the Western hemisphere to symbolize the male gender in contrast to pink used for females.

Blue gives a feeling of distance. Artists use it to show perspective. This is a good way to understand the energy of the color blue - it allows us to look beyond and increase our perspective outward. It contains a cool vibration that is helpful to communication.

Black

Black is the most misunderstood color. Black is associated with power, elegance, formality, death, evil, and mystery. It usually has a negative connotation (blacklist, black humor, 'black death'). Black denotes strength and authority; it is considered to be a very formal, elegant, and prestigious color (black tie, black Mercedes).

Black gives the feeling of perspective and depth, but a black background diminishes readability. When designing for a gallery of art or photography, you can use a black or gray background to make the other colors stand out. Black contrasts well with bright colors. Combined with red or orange – other very powerful colors – black gives a very aggressive color scheme.

People wearing black are considered to be strong-willed, opinionated and disciplined. They may be too inflexible and too independent. A black suit or dress can make you look thinner. Black represents renunciation – the ultimate surrender or relinquishment – and those who choose to wear black constantly want to renounce everything out of a stubborn protest. Wearing black on certain occasions shows you have control in yourself in order to communicate an authoritative image.

Black is a symbol of mourning and bereavement in Western societies, especially at funerals and memorial services. In some traditional societies, within for example Greece and Italy, widows wear black for the rest of their lives. In contrast, across much of Africa and parts of Asia, white is a color of mourning and is worn during funerals. In English heraldry, black means darkness, doubt, ignorance, and uncertainty.

In the Maasai tribes of Kenya and Tanzania, the color black is associated with rain clouds, a symbol of life and prosperity. In the Japanese culture, Black is associated with honor, not death with the white color being associated with death.

Red

Until 2005-2006, I believed that red is a famine color. However, of late I have begun to introduce it in my wardrobe. Compare to blue and black, it has very little presence in my house as well as in my wardrobe. A woman with fair skin color looks stunningly beautiful in red colored dress.

Red is a very emotionally intense color. Red is the color of fire and blood, so it is associated with energy, war, danger, strength, power, determination as well as passion, desire, and love. Red is the color most chosen by extroverts and one of the top picks of males. On the negative side red can mean temper or anger. Light red represents joy, sexuality, passion, sensitivity, and love. Dark red is associated with vigor, willpower, rage, anger, leadership, courage, longing, malice, and wrath.

If you wear red, then it means that you are impulsive, excitable and energetic. You are ambitious and like things to happen quickly when you want them to do so. You like to be the best in everything you do. You may be a bit insensitive to the feelings of the other people, since you like to be the center of attraction.

The color red is also associated with lust, passion, love, and beauty as well. The association with love and beauty is possibly related to the use of red roses as a love symbol.Both the Greeks and the Hebrews considered red a symbol of love, as well as sacrifice. Psychological research has shown that men find women who are wearing red more attractive.

In Chinese cultural traditions, red is associated with weddings (where brides traditionally wear red dresses) and red paper is also frequently used to wrap gifts of money or other things. In Japan, red is a traditional color for a heroic figure. In the Indian Sub-continent, red is the traditional color of bridal dresses, and is frequently represented in the media as a symbolic color for married women. The color is associated with purity, sexuality in marriage relationships through its connection to heat and fertility.It is also the color of wealth, and beauty.

Red is power, hence the red power tie for business people and the red carpet for celebrities and VIPs (very important people).

White

White is another color that I love the most. White and black has the biggest visual contrast; this can easily be associated to other opposite concepts such as day and night or good and evil. White symbolizes purity, cleanliness, and innocence. In most Western countries white is the color for brides. In the East, it's the color for mourning and funerals. White is often associated with hospitals, especially doctors, nurses, and dentists. Some cultures viewed white as the color of royalty or of deities. Angels are typically depicted as wearing white.

In China, Vietnam, Korea, India and Japan, white is the color of mourning. The people of ancient Persia used to believe that all Gods wore white. The Egyptian Pharaohs used to wear white crowns. White flag is the universal symbol for truce. The ancient Greeks used to wear white cloths to bed to get pleasant dreams.

Those who wear white are perceived as being positive, well-balanced and optimistic personality. They are highly individualistic and a loner. They seek a simplified lifestyle free from outside pressures. White is associated with light, goodness, innocence, purity, and virginity. It is considered to be the color of perfection.

White clothing can be practically used as camouflage in snowy environments, or for reflecting harsh sunlight. However, most uniforms with white elements are used as a sign of authority - dissociating the wearer from manual labor or a dirty environment. In a highly formal social function, the traditional dress for men attending is white tie, or white tie and tails, a white bow tie and a swallowtail coat. Many traditional sports use white uniforms for players, such as Wimbledon tennis, cricket, and baseball and basketball, where white is the color typically used for uniforms worn by the home team. This may be a result of the sports being played outside exposing players to direct sunlight for prolonged periods of time.

Life looks very beautiful, colorful, purposeful, and satisfying with various colors that nature has filled it with. Our various experiences are nothing less than different colors of nature. We must enjoy every color of it.

Composed and Complied By: Sanjeev Himachali

Email: sanjeev.himachali@gmail.com; ss_himachali@yahoo.com;

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Letter by Stephen Elop, CEO of Nokia, to its Employees

2011-02-10T09:54:00.002-05:00

Hello there,

There is a pertinent story about a man who was working on an oil platform in the North Sea. He woke up one night from a loud explosion, which suddenly set his entire oil platform on fire. In mere moments, he was surrounded by flames. Through the smoke and heat, he barely made his way out of the chaos to the platform's edge. When he looked down over the edge, all he could see were the dark, cold, foreboding Atlantic waters.

As the fire approached him, the man had mere seconds to react. He could stand on the platform, and inevitably be consumed by the burning flames. Or, he could plunge 30 meters in to the freezing waters. The man was standing upon a "burning platform," and he needed to make a choice.

He decided to jump. It was unexpected. In ordinary circumstances, the man would never consider plunging into icy waters. But these were not ordinary times - his platform was on fire. The man survived the fall and the waters. After he was rescued, he noted that a "burning platform" caused a radical change in his behavior.

We too, are standing on a "burning platform," and we must decide how we are going to change our behavior.

Over the past few months, I've shared with you what I've heard from our shareholders, operators, developers, suppliers and from you. Today, I'm going to share what I've learned and what I have come to believe.

I have learned that we are standing on a burning platform.

And, we have more than one explosion - we have multiple points of scorching heat that are fuelling a blazing fire around us.

For example, there is intense heat coming from our competitors, more rapidly than we ever expected. Apple disrupted the market by redefining the smartphone and attracting developers to a closed, but very powerful ecosystem.

In 2008, Apple's market share in the $300+ price range was 25 percent; by 2010 it escalated to 61 percent. They are enjoying a tremendous growth trajectory with a 78 percent earnings growth year over year in Q4 2010. Apple demonstrated that if designed well, consumers would buy a high-priced phone with a great experience and developers would build applications. They changed the game, and today, Apple owns the high-end range.

And then, there is Android. In about two years, Android created a platform that attracts application developers, service providers and hardware manufacturers. Android came in at the high-end, they are now winning the mid-range, and quickly they are going downstream to phones under €100. Google has become a gravitational force, drawing much of the industry's innovation to its core.

Let's not forget about the low-end price range. In 2008, MediaTek supplied complete reference designs for phone chipsets, which enabled manufacturers in the Shenzhen region of China to produce phones at an unbelievable pace. By some accounts, this ecosystem now produces more than one third of the phones sold globally - taking share from us in emerging markets.

While competitors poured flames on our market share, what happened at Nokia? We fell behind, we missed big trends, and we lost time. At that time, we thought we were making the right decisions; but, with the benefit of hindsight, we now find ourselves years behind.

The first iPhone shipped in 2007, and we still don't have a product that is close to their experience. Android came on the scene just over 2 years ago, and this week they took our leadership position in smartphone volumes. Unbelievable.

We have some brilliant sources of innovation inside Nokia, but we are not bringing it to market fast enough. We thought MeeGo would be a platform for winning high-end smartphones. However, at this rate, by the end of 2011, we might have only one MeeGo product in the market.

At the midrange, we have Symbian. It has proven to be non-competitive in leading markets like North America. Additionally, Symbian is proving to be an increasingly difficult environment in which to develop to meet the continuously expanding consumer requirements, leading to slowness in product development and also creating a disadvantage when we seek to take advantage of new hardware platforms. As a result, if we continue like before, we will get further and further behind, while our competitors advance further and further ahead.

At the lower-end price range, Chinese OEMs are cranking out a device much faster than, as one Nokia employee said only partially in jest, "the time that it takes us to polish a PowerPoint presentation." They are fast, they are cheap, and they are challenging us.

And the truly perplexing aspect is that we're not even fighting with the right weapons. We are still too often trying to approach each price range on a device-to-device basis.

The battle of devices has now become a war of ecosystems, where ecosystems include not only the hardware and software of the device, but developers, applications, ecommerce, advertising, search, social applications, location-based services, unified communications and many other things. Our competitors aren't taking our market share with devices; they are taking our market share with an entire ecosystem. This means we're going to have to decide how we either build, catalyze or join an ecosystem.

This is one of the decisions we need to make. In the meantime, we've lost market share, we've lost mind share and we've lost time.

On Tuesday, Standard & Poor's informed that they will put our A long term and A-1 short term ratings on negative credit watch. This is a similar rating action to the one that Moody's took last week. Basically it means that during the next few weeks they will make an analysis of Nokia, and decide on a possible credit rating downgrade. Why are these credit agencies contemplating these changes? Because they are concerned about our competitiveness.

Consumer preference for Nokia declined worldwide. In the UK, our brand preference has slipped to 20 percent, which is 8 percent lower than last year. That means only 1 out of 5 people in the UK prefer Nokia to other brands. It's also down in the other markets, which are traditionally our strongholds: Russia, Germany, Indonesia, UAE, and on and on and on.

How did we get to this point? Why did we fall behind when the world around us evolved?

This is what I have been trying to understand. I believe at least some of it has been due to our attitude inside Nokia. We poured gasoline on our own burning platform. I believe we have lacked accountability and leadership to align and direct the company through these disruptive times. We had a series of misses. We haven't been delivering innovation fast enough. We're not collaborating internally.

Nokia, our platform is burning.

We are working on a path forward -- a path to rebuild our market leadership. When we share the new strategy on February 11, it will be a huge effort to transform our company. But, I believe that together, we can face the challenges ahead of us. Together, we can choose to define our future.

The burning platform, upon which the man found himself, caused the man to shift his behavior, and take a bold and brave step into an uncertain future. He was able to tell his story. Now, we have a great opportunity to do the same.

Stephen.

Source: www.timesofindia.com

BLOGS: www.sanjeevhimachali.com; http://sanjeevhimachali.blogspot.com/ and http://diaryofsanjeev.blogspot.com/

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Test of Virginity - Our Culture Is Holding Us Back

2011-01-25T08:54:00.003-05:00

Test of Virginity - Our Culture Is Holding Us Back

Recently I happen to read one article on the supplement (The Pune Times) of India’s leading newspaper, “The Times of India”. The title of the article was, “Divorced and Happy”- Social Stigma associated with divorces in the middle class is fast disappearing. The content of that article may be true for half-of the population living in metro cities of India; however that does not represent the values and culture of the entire nation. The values and culture in certain segments of the society is so obsolete that it does not hold any significance in today’s world. We crib about being called a third-world nation and yet clinging to cultural norms that are extraneous, archaic, and irrelevant.

Let me share one incident to illustrate the obsoleteness and insignificance of some of our own customs and social culture. This happened in the year 2008, when I was invited to attend a wedding of one of my associates in the western region of India, Maharashtra. In India, marriage customs that are followed by families differ from region to region and from religion to religion. Within one religion, many of the customs remain the same but a few changes. This was a Hindu Marriage and therefore, I was aware of some of the cultural customs and some were unique. For example, in a Hindu Marriage in the northern India, the key event happens in the evening and night, whereas in this marriage, key events were happening in the morning and afternoon. Instead of explaining the whole event, let me highlight a couple of incidents that caught my attention.

1) Like any other marriages, here too the girl was the focus of attention. Her friends, cousins and relatives were helping her to look good. Although a beautician was called but as per the tradition, they have to apply a paste made up of a mix of Turmeric Powder, Chickpea Flour and Mustard Oil. Only those ladies who are married and got a son in their FIRST pregnancy and those who have never been married can apply that paste on to be married girl. They believe that by doing so, the girl will always remain married and that she too will become a mother of a son. Isn’t it strange that a female is doing it to a female so that she get a son? Probably, this is what is called as irony of life.

2) There was another incident that entirely shocked me. After the entire marriage function that includes the event of hosting from the groom side, and giving away dowry by the bride’s side, all in the name of gifts, culture and tradition; once they complete all rudimentary and forced rituals, comes the first night of togetherness for the newly married couple. They are made to spend their night on a bed with a white-color bed-sheet, nicely covered with flowers etc. Next day, the new bride, with her head veiled, stands in front of all the elders of the family, males and females, holding that bed-sheet in her hands and let them see spots and stains on it. This is a test of her virginity. If they doubt her virginity, they have the right to send her back and even disown her. The test of virginity is not only followed by backward or uneducated people but also by ultra-modern, educated and highly qualified couples. All in the name of customs, traditions and culture.

Have we really moved forward to 21^st century or moved backward to 16^th or 17^th Century? Are these values or customs taking us anywhere? I don’t think so.

Kindly share your thoughts and/or experiences.

By: Sanjeev Himachali

Women and Their Sixth Sense

2011-01-19T07:46:00.000-05:00

Women and Their Sixth Sense

Amitabh Bachchan, named as an Actor of the millennium by BBC, a person who redefined the meaning of retirement, in one of his television appearances said, “women have 6^th sense, which at times appears like illogical, senseless and stupid to muscular men but they should not dare to challenge it because most of the time women are right in the assessment of their 6^th sense”. I think, like many sensible males who are not in the grip of their pseudo-ego, I too might agree with it. In fact the power of her 6^th sense is such that it may shock you and make you look very stupid and idiotic. Sixth sense of women is easily explained by two factors. One is that women tend to have better bilateral use of their brains. In other words, they pay more attention to the right side of their brain which is associated with more intuitive perception. Second, women are brought up to be more in touch with their feelings which also allows them to be more intuitive. There have been numerous incidents where I have witnessed the impact of a sixth sense of women; I will share a few of them.

1) At that time I was staying in Chandigarh, Union Territory in Northern India and one of the first planned cities of India. We were getting ready to go out for an early dinner and my girl-friend asked me to carry an umbrella. I looked at her in disapproval and asked why? It had been raining on every evening for last few days but that day the sky was clear; however, to avoid any argument and thereby spoiling my mood, I agreed to her. Children were playing on the street and people were around the market and I was looking very stupid and feeling embarrassed with that umbrella in my hand. We were having our dinner but in my mind I was thinking, “What am I doing with this girl?” After dinner, we came out and we saw that outside it was raining like cats & dogs. I could do nothing but pass a smile to her. By that time she was prepared with her response and she said, “OK, you go home in this rain and give that umbrella to me”.

2) On another occasion, I was in the office and my girl-friend sent me a message on my mobile phone. Honestly speaking, I think I could have replied to it but I didn’t. In fact, I didn’t reply for about 3-4 hours and then she sent me another message. I replied to her in a very empathetic and pacifying manner giving her the reason for not being able to respond to her previous message. I said, “Dear, you know Wednesdays are very crucial and the busiest days as well as lucky days for me to an extent that I keep my all tasks pending for this day. It has been a very hectic day for me. I hope you understand”. Her response was equally empathetic. She said, “I understand Sanjeev; however, I like to let you know that today is not Wednesday. So, tell me, what was keeping you busy”?

3) It seems as if Social networking sites are also helping them in this cause. You never know since how long they have been observing their home page (and internet access on mobile phone is only strengthening their cause) to notice all updates from your end and you must be thinking that they are either sleeping or busy or travelling. So, that day she called me several times and I didn’t answer her calls. She sent me several messages but I didn’t replied. I replied to her messages only after reaching home in the evening; say after 4-5 hours. She replied, “Thanks for remembering me after so many hours and caring to reply to my message. However, this time you cannot say that you were busy because I saw you updating your status on FB and commenting and re-commenting to people’s status and comments”.

Call this as a stupidity of men or extra-alertness of women but many times they had an upper hand on men. As they say that man rules the world but an intelligent woman rules the man. Men have physical strength or the power but then women have their sixth sense. It has been said that women find it easy to understand or assess the intention of men.

What do you think about the power of the sixth sense of women? Kindly share your thoughts and/or experiences.

By: Sanjeev Himachali

Indian Cricket Team for 2011 World-cup

2011-01-14T01:41:00.005-05:00

Indian Cricket Team for 2011 World-Cup

The selectors will be sitting on 17^th January 2011 to select 15-member team for the Cricket World-cup to be held in subcontinent in February – March 2011.

The list of probables already picked by the selectors is as follows: M S Dhoni, Virender Sehwag, Sachin Tendulkar, Gautam Gambhir, Virat Kohli, Yuvraj Singh, Suresh Raina, Harbhajan Singh, Zaheer Khan, Ashish Nehra, S Sreesanth, Munaf Patel, Ishant Sharma, Vinay Kumar, M Vijay, Rohit Sharma, Ravindra Jadeja, Ajinkya Rahane, Sourav Tiwary, Yusuf Pathan, Parthiv Patel, R Ashwin, Wriddhiman Saha, Dinesh Karthik, Shikhar Dhawan, Amit Mishra, Piyush Chawla, Cheteshwar Pujara, Pragyan Ojha, Praveen Kumar.

If I have to select the team, my team will consist of the following:

Virender Sehwag (Opener)
Sachin Tendulkar (Opener)
Gautam Gambhir (Batsman)
Suresh Raina (Batsman)
Yuvraj Singh (Batsman)
M S Dhoni (Captain and Wicket Keeper)
Yusuf Pathan (All-Rounder)
Zaheer Khan (Fast Bowler)
Ashish Nehra (Fast Bowler)
Sreesanth (Fast Bowler)
Harbhajan Singh (Spinner)
Virat Kohli
Ishant Sharma
R. Ashwin
Dinesh Kartik

The World Cup is to be held in India, Sri Lanka and Bangladesh from February 19 to April 2, 2010. In the preliminary phase, India is placed in Group B along with Bangladesh, England, South Africa, West Indies, Ireland and Netherlands.

By: Sanjeev Himachali

Love at First Sight – Attraction or Emotion

2011-01-11T06:43:00.000-05:00

Love at First Sight – Attraction or Emotion

You must have heard those stories of a guy and a girl falling in love at first sight or stories of an eye meeting eye and both of them falling in love. If not in real life, you would have at least seen such stories in movies or TV serials. Do you really think or believe that people or that you can fall in love with someone or something (other than nature) at first sight? No, you cannot. What happens at first sight is attraction or a desire to get that person but not love? An attraction to something or someone may be a first step towards falling in love but it is not a love to begin with.

Let me elaborate. You happen to come across a person through your common friend or in a party or in your college or in your office or in a market place or at any other place that you could imagine. The appearance or the outlook of a person or the presentation of that individual is such that it pulls you towards her or him. All you could do is to expand your eyes in disbelief, open your mouth and exclaim, “Wow, she is hot” or “she is so sexy” or “she is awesomely beautiful”. If she is not of your league or if she is some actress or celebrity, she remains in your fantasy world and becomes a “most desired woman”. However, if she is of your league, your classmate or colleague or friend of a friend or neighbor or someone living in same locality / society or someone that you share same local train with, then you try to woo her.

First you try to get as much information about her as you could. If she is single or married, or if she is having a boyfriend or not, what she likes or dislikes, what are the strings attached or what are the possible challenges attached to get her or “being with her”. If she is available then you will proceed and if she is not then you will tell to yourself, “she is good but not the best”. If it is the former scenario then you make yourself visible, you try to be around her, and you do things to impress her and get her attention by helping her or by making her happy, getting her gifts or even by celebrating your fake birthday. You begin to talk to her, try to know more about her and at the same time share something about yourself and cajole her to come out with you for a date. As you grow in the relation, you begin to comfort each other. Probably, that is the time you begin to fall in love with her. She begins to enjoy your company or having you around and agrees to come for a date. Based on the culture you both are coming from, many times first date leads to bedroom to assess the physical compatibility. In some cultures, you first need to propose to her before getting physical and in some other cultures; you need to get married to her before taking her to bedroom. With generation X, the cross-cultural breed is a possibility, depending on how comfortable you are with one another and more importantly, where you both like to head in that relation. You propose to her and say those three magical words. If she agrees, then you turn around and announce to the world that yours was “love at first sight”. In fact, it actually was because it begins with eyes-meeting-eyes and the desire to get her. If she refuses, then also you run to the terrace of your building, rejected and you whisper to the world that “she is a cheap slut who sleeps around with everyone”.

From the point of the time of eyes-meeting-eyes, shorter the period you take to woo her, propose to her and she takes to accept your proposal, higher will be the probability to label your love-story as “love-at-first-sight” or else it will be a plain love-story. It is not that only guys fall in love-at-first-sight, girls also do but I think it is not this difficult for them to get their guy. However, they are more worried about the involved complexity, consequences and the perception by the society.

It is said that a guy loves a girl or pretends to love her so that he can sleep with her. However, she agrees to sleep with him, (if it is not for money or if it is not her way of making her livelihood), so that she could get his love, care and undivided attention.

So, what are your opinions of falling in love-at-first-sight? Isn’t it a fiction? At-first-sight you only get attraction and a desire to get or hold but not love.

Share your views and thoughts.

By: Sanjeev Himachali

What does LOVE cannot get you?

2011-01-06T08:21:00.001-05:00

What does LOVE cannot get you?

A lot has been said about what money cannot buy, however, there are numerous things that LOVE cannot get but are essential for the survival of a person and live a normal life in today’s world.

1) When you are hungry, LOVE cannot buy you food or get you basic items to prepare your food. If you can live without food, that is commendable.

2) LOVE cannot get you clothes to wear, leave alone fashion or style, etc. Would you be interested in moving around without clothes or manage with leaves?

3) LOVE cannot get you a place to live. Imagine a house-less world, where people live in open space.

4) When you are sick or get hurt, LOVE cannot pay for your healthcare or medical bills.

5) LOVE cannot get you admission to schools let alone pay for your school fees or taking admissions in institutes like Harvard or Wharton, etc.

If you are hungry or sick, it is unlikely that you will be happy. And if you are unhappy, it is very unlikely that you will be at peace with yourself or with your other relations. You can make a home out of house but you need money to buy or get that house. You must be having knowledge or skills or talent but you need a platform to demonstrate or present it. As they say it in Hindi, “Jungle mein more naacha, kisney dekha?” (Talent in isolation is worthless. No one goes to the jungle to see the dancing peacock. Does anyone?) A poor, sick, homeless person is never going to get respect; he can only get sympathy. No one likes to keep any relation with a penniless, ill, hungry person. Will you?

Kindly share your thoughts and views.

By: Sanjeev Himachali

Most Adventurous, Scary, and Terrifying Journey – November, 1984

2011-01-05T05:42:00.000-05:00

Most Memorable Journey – Suspense and Thrill

For India, 1984 had been one of the most eventful year for lot many reasons. On 02^nd April 1984, Rakesh Sharma became the first Indian to travel to space. Operation Blue Star, 3– 6 June 1984 was an Indian military operation ordered by Indira Gandhi, then Prime Minister of India,to remove Sikh separatists from the Golden Temple in Amritsar. Later in the year, Indira Gandhi, then Prime Minister of India, was assassinated on 31 October 1984. Before the end of the year, there was another unfortunate incident of Bhopal Gas Tragedy on the night of 2-3 December. This journey of mine is of one such incident.

In those days, my father was posted at Air Force Station, Kanpur (408 KMS from New Delhi). My paternal uncle was getting married on 16^th November 1984. Due to the death of my Grandfather early that year, my mother and sister had already moved to my hometown in Himachal Pradesh. My father and I were supposed to leave for Himachal Pradesh on 01^st November 1984. Along with us, we had to carry marriage gifts and other related products worth of Rs 125,000 INR (at that point of time 1 USD was equivalent to 11.30 INR (approx)). Assassination of Indira Gandhi had resulted in widespread riots in Northern India. Houses were burned, people were killed. In fact, many were burned alive. Situation in the City of Kanpur wasn’t different from that of other northern cities. We couldn’t leave from Kanpur as per our schedule and we weren’t sure when we will. Under normal circumstances, it takes 18 hours (approx) to travel from Kanpur to my Village in District of Kangra, Himachal Pradesh. Friends and Officers of my father advised him to cancel the trip; however he was hesitant to do so and wanted to carry-on.

On 2^nd November, we managed to leave from Kanpur. However, my father was advised by his seniors to remain in service uniform, until he reaches a safer place. We left from Kanpur on the afternoon of 2^nd November and reached Delhi by night. New Delhi Railway station was in havoc and chaos prevailed. Shopkeepers at the station were charging money at will. On that night, for dinner, we had managed to get two half-burned chapatti with a curry of dry Brinjal’s for Rs 80/- INR. As we were thinking of our next move and finding our way out, there came a train to the station from Jammu carrying more than 100 dead bodies. Those people were killed on their way, as they passed through the state of Punjab. Responding quickly on this incident, the railways cancelled all trains that were supposedly passing through Punjab for infinite time period. For anyone to travel to Himachal Pradesh, they have no other option but to pass through Punjab. So, we got wedged at New Delhi Railway Station, not knowing what to do next. I was too tired and wanted to sleep but in that noise, I couldn’t.

In the morning of 3^rd November, railway authorities made a departure announcement of a train leaving for Dehradun (then the part of Utter Pradesh). I have my maternal uncle in that city. My father said, “Let’s go to Dehradun; at least we will be among our relatives and family”. Same day evening, we reached the Dehradun city. However, because of the curfew in the city, we couldn’t go out and were forced to stay in the railway station. We are discussing about the time when there were no mobile phones, no internet and in fact no phone booths. Having phone at home was a luxury.

Next day morning (on 4^th November), curfew was relaxed for two hours for people to buy necessary things. Within that time we managed to reach my uncle’s place. Till this moment, my father was in Service Uniform but now he could change to normal dress. On reaching my uncle’s home, we discussed the issue with him and he said that although there is no certainty when the situation will become normal, however, he was sending his two trucks to Uttarkashi, a town on the hill-top in the state of Utter Pradesh (Currently part of Uttarakhand). We decided to accept his advice and travelled in an open truck to reach Uttarkashi by around 9 PM. As an Eight Year old Kid, I couldn’t have taken that kind of journey and began to fall sick. I was down with Fever and Vomiting. Among all the problems, stress and tension, my father couldn’t have expected this.

By that time, we knew that it is a matter of time before we reached home. On the morning of 5^th November, we took public bus to travel to Shimla, Capital of Himachal Pradesh. Even then I was sick. The only thing I remembered is the breakfast that we had on our way. It was Allu-Pratha, Curd, and a cup of tea. We reached Shimla on the night of the same day and reached our home on the evening of 06^th November 1984. A journey that couldn’t have taken us more than 24 hours, took us more than 5-days to reach home. Everybody was happy to see us back. We were told that since the day of our original arrival date of 2^nd November to the day we reached home, my mother had refused to eat anything. She was so worried and tensed. She had fear of losing her husband as well as son. At that point of time, she was just 28 years of age. Today, when I think of this, I can’t stop myself from empathizing with her. 25 years later, in the year 2009, this father-son duo was involved in another terrible life-scaring road accident, and managed to be there, with life.

Even today, when I think of this journey, it scares me like hell. I thought of writing down this experience and sharing it with you.

By: Sanjeev Himachali