dickcherryheadspace

Stolnik

cherryunlimited@hotmail.com — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 07:00:00 +0000

Stolnik is here.

the fabulous dickcherryheadspace search box!

cherryunlimited@hotmail.com — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 08:30:00 +0000

Did you know that you can get hours of entertainment by using the dickcherryheadspace search box?

Why sit around waiting for boring new posts on this blog when you can kill time going through all the boring old posts?

Go ahead and try it out. In the search box, enter some search terms. God, death, Baz and shite are bound to get results. Enter your favourite swearword to see how often that's popped up! Try poetry or SS# for a review of Ron's masterpieces. Or enter well-worn phrases such as unhappy things or rare casual moment.

There's your next Saturday evening at home sorted out!

Bulgarian alphabet transliteration

cherryunlimited@hotmail.com — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 20:09:00 +0000

Cyrillic script has a satisfying, 'manly' aesthetic. For Westerners it evokes the mysteries of the proud, ancient and potent realms of the vast (and until recently unknowable) land masses of Eurasia. In fact, there are small differences in the scripts used in Bulgaria, Russia, and Ukraine.

Anyway, it's not too difficult to learn (at least until you start messing with lower case or handwritten Bulgarian). In the Bulgarian language the letters are phonetic, so what you see and what you hear are the same.

Because you asked for it, here's a transliteration of the Bulgarian alphabet. The, simplest, most informative, and prettiest one on the interweb.

Your first piece of homework is to identify these ten English football clubs:

Ливърпул
Арсенал
Астън Вила
Норич Сити
Тотнъм Хотспър
Блекбърн Роувърс
Нюкасъл Юнайтед
Съндърланд
Уест Бромич Албиън
Куинс Парк Рейнджърс

Here's a BG keyboard. Your second homework is to type the name of another English football club in Cyrillic, and paste in comments. Or just go back to Google Translate.

Sofia House Hunt 23 Jan 12

cherryunlimited@hotmail.com — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 10:00:00 +0000

the just-waiting-for-renovation 'atelier' amidships

the view from the fo'c'sle

It's a 'buyers' market', and in my rare casual moments i'm looking at Real Estate again - apartments in Sofia.

It's fun seeing tiny parts of the city that one would never otherwise see. On Monday i looked at four places. One was a groovy attic apartment in a very cool street, see it here. It felt a bit like being aboard a ship, somehow. There was a shut-off 'mystery room' just asking to be turned into a very hip atelier. Perfect for the 25-year-old art student within me, and totally impractical.

the owner of this 'panelka' flat (right) went for a 'Bachelor Pad Royale' look

Another place i looked at was quite nice for an apartment in a panelka. Bang next door to the hideous Serdika Mall, it had been done out 70s-retro style, and actually felt quite cosy.

happy Invasion Day!

cherryunlimited@hotmail.com — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 23:00:00 +0000

White folks from Britain set up shop in Australia 224 years ago today. The aborigines arrived from India about 40,000 years earlier.

Previously on dchs : Sofia Echo rejects my Australia Day interview

enjoying a dump

cherryunlimited@hotmail.com — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 19:47:00 +0000

dick 'i heart big dumps' cherry here - check out my bike under a snowdrift today. i wasn't even too depressed when my rear brake cable snapped on the way home. It's still the same rubbishy bike mentioned in this rather arrogant post from 2008. Weatherman says it's gonna snow more tomorrow, too. Yay! Did you know that snow is just water? That really freaks me out

worst place to eat in Europe located

cherryunlimited@hotmail.com — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 17:00:00 +0000

The Worst Place To Eat In Europe is to be found in Sofia, Bulgaria, in the carpark of the Jumbo megastore on the Botevgradsko Shosse. Just don't go there if you value your sense of self-esteem, your taste buds, or whatever cash is in your wallet.

bad luck comes in threes

cherryunlimited@hotmail.com — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 06:37:00 +0000

Exhibit A

Yesterday sucked. First of all i lost my favourite glasses (Exhibit A) on a bus. Then i cut myself shaving and was bleeding like a stuck pig all morning (this is the least of it, Exhibit B). i got to work finally and a colleague told me to take it easy until the 'inevitable' third piece of bad luck happened. As she spoke, my computer screen turned bright blue, rendering everything almost invisible.

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

excellent source of vitamins

cherryunlimited@hotmail.com — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 21:07:00 +0000

My Bulgarian friends constantly amaze and humble me with their thoughtfulness, their generosity. To my discredit, it's a generosity that it seems i will never, or can't ever learn.

Recently my friend Mirka gave me a jar of honey and nuts, and a jar of strawberry jam. Wild strawberry jam. Strawberries that were hand-picked, from nature. The honey came from Mirka's mother's bee-hives. The bees fed on acacia trees, apparently.

Mirka talks about the origin of natural things - the honey, the bee hives, the acacia trees. Strawberry bushes. She can walk through the mountains and find lunch just by plucking at the plants there. Not me. i was always a child of the supermarket. Strawberries come in styrofoam packets, right? Bulgarian people are just more connected with nature, it seems.

You can pick cranberries right off the mountain here in BG. 'Cranberries are an excellent source of vitamin C,' says my friend.

'i know,' i say. 'It says so on the side of the carton'.

morning cycle 18.01.2012

cherryunlimited@hotmail.com — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 21:55:00 +0000

shows roughly the route taken.

current contents of my wallet

cherryunlimited@hotmail.com — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 21:07:00 +0000

see also my previous 'contents of my fridge' posts - VN May 10 and BG Nov 06).

1. Libya business card
2. bank card (ugh, how i detest Barclays)
3. Bulgarian residency card
4. bank card (these guys lost my life savings for more than a month)
5. emergency funds card i received on evacuation from Libya
6. health insurance instructions
7. three tickets for Sofia trams
8. drinks ticket for Brit Embassy safehouse in Tripoli
9. parking ticket for motorbike in Hanoi (saved because of cool number)
10. Libyan phone top-up card
11. 20 Euro note
12. 5 Aussie dollars (for origami)
13. bank thing
14. health warning from pack of Australian cigarettes
15. various receipts
16. Bulgarian currency

'origami' of Australian $5 note. childish, i know.

space and time in България

cherryunlimited@hotmail.com — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 20:30:00 +0000

Back in the carefree days when i first arrived in Bulgaria, before i attained the dizzy heights of corporate power that i now wield, i lived the happy-go-lucky life of a simple English teacher. In those halcyon days, i found time to trip blithely around this beautiful and singular land as was my whim.

i've spent time in some great places. Sofia, Sandanski, Smolyan, Sozopol, Svoge, Stara Zagora. Plovdiv, Pleven, Pazardzhik, Plochnik, Pernik, Pamidovo. Kozloduy, Kalofer, Koprivshtitsa, Kostenets. Burgas, Breze, Bansko, Balchik, Belogradchik. Melnik, Magura, Montana (to be honest, Montana is a place you could drive through blindfolded without much danger of missing - or hitting - anything terribly interesting. Charming of the Americans to name a whole state after it). Varna, Vratsa, Veliko Tarnovo. Troyan, Triyavna, Teteven. Devin, Dospat, Dupnitsa (Dupnitsa is nicer than most people think). And there are more. The mountains, for a start.

These days i don't get out as much. Being busy simply seems to be something that keeps increasing exponentially as years go by - there has to be a limit to that somewhere. Also, i ain't got a driver's licence anymore (due to my careless packing when fleeing from the Libyan 'counter' Revolution and lack of an Australian Embassy in BG).

But i digress. i want to see not only every town in Bulgaria, but also the villages in between them.

There are some huge gaps in my experience of BG.

i have never set foot in Gabrovo, Haskovo, Lovech, Vidin, Kyustendil, Kardzhali, Yambol, Sliven, Shumen, Dobrich, Silistra, Svishtov, Sinemorets, Kavarna, Blagoevgrad (okay, for 20 minutes), Botevgrad, Targovishte, Petrich, Samokov. Need i go on? i have never been to the Strandzha mountains. i have not yet seen pobitite kamani!

There must and will be time for all of these places and more. As my long term plan unfolds, it's crucial that i get my priorities right - spend less time slaving for The Man, get some wheels, maybe even learn a little more of the Bulgarian language, and indulge the little Balkan devil whispering into my left ear.

the Majestic Department Store

cherryunlimited@hotmail.com — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 18:31:00 +0000

Barbie and Roger work at the customer enquiries counter in the clothing department of the Majestic Department Store. Barbie is responsible for ladies' apparel; Roger is responsible for menswear.

Customer 1: Good morning, I'm looking for ladies' handbags.
Barbie: Just up the escalator to the first floor, on the left. Thankyou.
(pause)
Customer 2: Hello, I can't seem to find the pantyhose...
Barbie: They're just behind the lipstick counter to your left, ma'am.
(pause)
Customer 3: Hello, I'm looking for men's socks.
Roger: Certainly, they're...
Barbie: They're a little further down this aisle, and to the right. Thankyou.
(pause)
Customer 4: Good morning, I'm looking for a tie for my husband's birthday.
Roger: Yes, they're...
Barbie: You'll find them to the left of men's shirts, under that large blue sign. Thankyou.
(pause)
Shop Assistant: Hi Roger, how do I remove the security tag from this blazer?
Roger: You have to...
Barbie: You have to scan the barcode and insert the tag into the demagnetiser. Okay?
(pause)
Barbie: Hey Roger, you know the recent downturn in sales. What do you put that down to?
Roger: I think it's deeper than the Economic Crisis. I think we risk alienating our customer base with our aggressive new marketing strategy.
Barbie: Hmmm. Yes.
(pause)
Boss: Good morning, you two. You know, I've been thinking a lot about the recent downturn in sales. I'd like your opinion. What do you attribute it to?
Barbie: Well, most people think it's the Economic Crisis. But I believe we may be alienating our customer base with our aggressive new marketing strategy.
Boss: Hmmm. Great thinking.

FIN

lame

cherryunlimited@hotmail.com — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 23:34:00 +0000

don't buy these. the taste was okay, but there were nowhere near 365 cookies in this packet...

mediocrity

cherryunlimited@hotmail.com — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 21:04:00 +0000

muck amok

cherryunlimited@hotmail.com — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 21:38:00 +0000

Very occasionally something comes along that really cheers one up. Briefly.

For me, one of these is this gigantic inflatable dog excrement artwork, charmingly entitled 'Complex Shit', from a few years back. i don't know how i missed it. The inflatable poo apparently ran amok in the grounds of an art gallery in Switzerland, breaking windows in nearby buildings. Awesome. You couldn't make this stuff up.

What an utterly brilliant idea for an artwork. It's so hideously pretentious that it's a fabulously clever comment on hideous pretension, thereby being cleverly, fabulously unpretentious. Right?

The artist, Paul McCarthy, has had a colourful career. Take for example

'... his 1976 (performance) piece 'Class Fool', where McCarthy threw himself around a ketchup spattered classroom at the University of California, San Diego until dazed and injured. He then vomited several times and inserted a Barbie doll into his rectum.'

Genius. i wish i'd thought of that.

un chien majestique

cherryunlimited@hotmail.com — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 23:03:00 +0000

i have this recurring nightmare that it's my job is to turn up at Crufts Dog Show every morning and try to convince the world that i have a blue-ribbon Cavalier King Charles Spaniel when all i've really got is a half-dead mongrel that i found scratching its ulcers by the garbage bins behind a kebab shop.

The dog itself is easy to convince. It has an elevated sense of its own worth

New Year

cherryunlimited@hotmail.com — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 02:58:00 +0000

How did you spend your New Year's Eve this time around? i wanted to be alone. i put that down to a solitary thing in the Cherry genes. Definitely my mother has it, and to my knowledge, her father. It's not a problem.

i listened to this song over and over and over again. The video is kind of interesting too. Watch full-screen.

i'm interested how you spent your NYE. Would you change a single moment of your life up until now? i wish you a good 2012.

goodbye 2011

cherryunlimited@hotmail.com — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 10:00:00 +0000

korporate training. almost never a waste of time

xmas staff karaoke party

'teachers room'

Goodbye 2011, the year of Libya.

signs of the times... пластмасови усмивки в България

cherryunlimited@hotmail.com — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 08:00:00 +0000

Weird thing. Recently i went for a meal and to the cinema here in Sofia. Sitting down to chicken and spuds in Happy Bar and Grill, the waitress kept coming around and was like 'Hi, my name is Darina, and if there's anything i can help you with, just let me know, okay?' and 'Is everything just super with your meal?' 'Is your pasta al dente enough?' and like that.

Later, buying a ticket in the cinema. Negotiating which seat i want to sit in for the best possible experience of Мисията невъзможна: Режим Фантом. Without irony, the ticket-selling lady starts saying 'Our new loyalty cards are now available for Gold, Silver and Bronze customers. For more information contact www.kinoarena.com, etc...'

In the restaurant and the cinema, my Bulgarian компания was impressed by all this slick, easy professionalism. But i was irked by the practiced commercial doublespeak and plastic niceness. Call me old-fashioned, but i'd rather a heartfelt sneer than a fake smile on my waitress, any day. And BG always used to be refreshing in this respect.

Besides, if i'd wanted to live in America, i could have stayed in Australia.

at or like

cherryunlimited@hotmail.com — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 11:00:00 +0000

Most people in the world would rather be looking at, or looking like, a twenty-one year old girl. Am i right?

viva jammies

cherryunlimited@hotmail.com — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 21:45:00 +0000

Pyjamas are awesome when you're a kid. Later, they become seriously uncool. i'm pretty confident i speak for most blokes when i say that guys in their 20s and 30s sleep bare-ass whenever feasible, like movie stars do.

Then along come the mid-40s and a man suddenly remembers just how fab-tastic pyjamas actually are.

Dudes in Vietnam understand comfort. They will happily pop down to the pub in their jammies at any time of the day. That's class.

Smoking a pipe in your pyjamas is the look. Just ask Hugh Hefner.

it's xmas! 2011

cherryunlimited@hotmail.com — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 00:58:00 +0000

placement test

cherryunlimited@hotmail.com — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 21:59:00 +0000

New customers for language schools do placement tests to determine which class is right for them.

People tend to trust the professional judgement of the teachers who test them, at least until they have completed one course; after which they often try to cajole, threaten, or otherwise negotiate ways into courses at levels higher than those they are best suited for. But let us not speak of these unhappy things.

A placement test usually includes a spoken interview to confirm the results of a written test. Potential students tend to be reticent, and need to be 'drawn out' to produce utterances that reveal something about their lexical resource, grammatical accuracy, fluency, and pronunciation. Yesterday i was trying to get some language from a lady in her twenties, who had completed a written test at B1 level. She had just explained that she had visited several cities in the United States.

A: What did you think of New York?
B: It was good. It is very beautiful city, the people are very polite.
A: And Las Vegas?
B. Very good, very clean.
A: i'd like to visit New York, but i'm not sure about Las Vegas.
B: Yes. It's more for young people.
A: Yes, of course...

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

cherryunlimited@hotmail.com — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 23:43:00 +0000

Listen, and you'll hear the sound of a thin, empty wind blowing through this blog as the tumbleweeds roll forlornly by