Parenting kid with special needs can be overwhelming.
Stressful.
Frustrating.
Enough to give a person high blood pressure.
We all know that. What we don’t always know is how to cope with the demands of care giving.

Resources for When You Feel Overwhelmed

Mary Mazzoni blogs about parenting adult children with special needs at Life Beyond IEPs, Her blog is full of practical tools and tips. Many of them are applicable for young children with special needs, too. Even if your child is still quite young, Mazzoni’s blog is a wonderful place to go when you’re overwhelmed at the though of your child as a young adult. Looking through the resources she offers and reading her advice can have a very calming effect on worried parents.

5 Ways to Move Beyond Overwhelmed

In a recent post, Mazzoni suggested these 5 strategies for moving beyond overwhelmed:

1. Adjust your own oxygen mask. Your first priority is to build wellness into your regular routines – and your child’s.
2. Begin with the end in mind. Having a vision for the future clarifies our perspective and helps us set clear priorities.
3. Grow a support network. You can’t go it alone. No one can. Your child needs a network of relationships – and so do you.
4. Consume information wisely. Discern what information is truly helpful.
5. Start to move. A small step in the right direction creates energy for the next step.

Mazzoni provides an action plan for each strategy which you can examine at 5 Ways to Move Beyond Overwhelmed.

How Do You Lower Your Blood Pressure?

Now that you’ve seen Mazzoni’s suggestions, what would you add to the list? Which of them works for you? How have you learned to lower your blood pressure while raising a child with special needs?

Photo Credit: www.freedigitalphotos.net

Photo Credit: www.freedigitalphotos.net

Special needs parenting often forces us to focus on our kids’ limitations. But Gary Shulman, who has worked with families for 24 years, encourages parents to dwell upon their children’s strengths as well. He explains why in today’s post.

Accentuate the Positives

During my more than 24 years as Program Director of Social Services and Training Coordinator for Resources for Children with Special Needs and now as a private consultant and trainer, I have had the great pleasure of asking thousands of parents of children with disabilities to tell me about their children’s talents, skills, abilities and passions.

Very often that question has been met with astonishment, “Someone is actually asking me to accentuate the positive as the old song says!” What a concept!

My heart has always been warmed and my soul and spirit uplifted by the myriad responses that gleefully utter from the lips of these proud parents:

“Susan is a gifted musician-she hears a song once then sits down and figures it out on the piano.”
“My son swims like a fish!”
“Thomas has memorized the entire subway system-he is passionate about trains.”
“Hector always greets me with a hug and seems to know when I am feeling down-he brightens up my life.”

…and on and on.  My response is to have everyone in the room praise and applaud these positive stories of hope, joy and delight. We of course also move on to discussing the needs, wants, wishes and dreams.

I often tell the story of an “angel” who blessed this world by the name of Matthew. When Matthew was born, the doctor who had obviously not been through any sensitivity training, felt compelled to tell the new parents the bad news that after conducting genetic testing, Matthew was determined to have a very rare condition called I-Cell Disease.

“So what does that mean?-when can we bring Matthew home to enjoy and love him?”

The doctor proceeded to elucidate that Matthew should not be brought home but rather institutionalized! He then felt compelled to share that Matthew’s immunological system would over the course of 5 or 6 years, destroy all organs in Matthews tiny body. “Why put yourself through such misery-he will never grow or develop.”

Needless to say these spiritual, caring, loving dedicated parents took Matthew home and received Medicaid under the Medicaid Waiver program to meet many of his complex medical needs. He was enrolled in Early Intervention where his miraculous and talented occupational therapist Ilaine, only saw the potential skills, talents and strengths. Matthew learned to happily feed himself, walk with a walker, sing, dance and love…oh how this child gave and received love. He was pure love.

This beautiful child positively affected ever human being who was fortunate enough to have the joy of knowing this angel on earth. I made him pancakes during one visit and he stopped eating for a moment, turned his steroid filled, barely moving body, to face me so he could tell me, “Hey Gary!  These are delicious!” Matthew by the way had a photographic memory and could tell you every player in the Yankee dugout, give you directions to Grandma’s house and direct you to all food items in the supermarket.

A vegetable? I think not.

There is no miraculous ending here-Matthew died after 6 glorious years on earth. Six years of love and joy. Six years of enhancing the lives of everyone who was fortunate enough to have known this miraculous child. At his funeral were all the friends, neighbors, family members and admirers whose lives had been touched by this angel of humanity. The doctor who had diagnosed Matthew of course was not present. His memory lives on in every workshop I conduct.

His parents graced me with a gift that I will always cherish. Knowing that Matthew would soon be leaving this world, they had him record anything that he wanted to say to those people in his life whom he cared for. Sitting on my dresser is a small photo book with Matthew’s picture in it. There is a button in that photo-book. When you press that button, Matthew’s sweet voice can be heard saying, “Hello Gary-I love you!”

His spirit helps to motivate all parents of children with disabilities who have been told by “professionals” what their children would never be able to do. Just as the bumblebee should not fly according to scientists, yet does (because nobody has ever told the bumblebee he can’t fly) so too will all children with disabilities continue to FLY as long as we continue to recognize that behind every label of disability there is a human being with abilities, talents, skills and passions…and love to give and receive.  We must never take the hope away!

Behind every child with a label of disability is a child with ability to be cherished, praised and supported.

Special Needs Positives Shout Out

What do you think of Gary’s advice? Does it make you think about your child’s abilities? If so, give a shout out and share some of your child’s positive qualities in the comment box below.

Gary Shulman, MS. Ed. was the Program Director of Social Services, Training Coordinator and Special Camp Fair Coordinator for Resources for Children with Special Needs, Inc. for over 24 years. He recently transitioned from that position to the role of consultant/trainer on a private basis. Gary’s passion is bringing relief to families of children with disabilities as well as to the professionals who support them. His workshops are informational and inspirational. Through an interactive format, participants are taken on a journey of discovery. They learn about programs and services that make life easier when caring for a child with a disability and are motivated to think about their needs, wants, wishes and dreams and to move to realize them.

Post-traumatic stress disorder is a mental illness that can affect our children with special needs. For the last year, I’ve been guest blogging about the topic at Friendship Circle of Michigan. The most recent post in the series describes the risk factors that make PTSD more likely to occur in children.

PTSD Risk Factors

According to Dr. Linda Gantt, executive director at Intensive Trauma Therapy, Inc. (ITT), the following four risk factors increase the likelihood of PTSD developing in children who have experienced a traumatic, scary event, including invasive medical procedures common for many kids with special needs.

1. Unexpected, unpredictable, or emergency situations. Think being a child blindsided by a scary event.
2. The age of the child when trauma occurs. The younger the child, the higher the risk factor.
3. Repeated, significant trauma. What does this mean for kids moved from one foster care placement to another or have repeated medical interventions?
4. Partial awakening during medical procedures. Patients who partially awaken can hear and sometimes feel what’s happening to them, but they are unable to move or speak. They experience a total lack of control.

The four risk factors are fleshed out at the Friendship Circle of Michigan post, PTSD in Kids: What Risk Factors Exist? To read the other posts in the series, here are the links:

• Confessions of a Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Advocate
• 5 Myths and Misconceptions about Children and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
• What Is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder in Kids?
• 10 Causes of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder in Children

What Do You Know About PTSD and Kids?

Do you have a child with special needs who deals with PTSD or do you suspect your child has the condition? How are you and your child coping? Where have you had treatment? What other questions do you have? Leave them in the comment box.

Hidden grace. That’s something parents of kids with special needs can use on a daily basis. Today, guest blogger Stephanie Husted uses a poem to reveal God’s hidden grace in her life.

Hidden

Sometimes having a child with special needs is exhausting. Can I say that without feeling a wave of guilt wash over me? Don’t misunderstand my meaning, I love my son with all that I am. Sometimes I just wish that we could breathe in with a sigh of relief and say…”Well that was hard, but we have gotten through it.” I have learned through the years that having a child who requires so much care is all about learning to live life day by day. It is coming to the realization that letting go means opening yourself up to a life filled with both joys and uncertainties. I often find myself hiding at these crucial moments, like a petulant child sitting at the dinner table refusing to try their lima beans. “But I am tired,” I cry, “God do you even hear me at all?” I hide behind busyness, I hide behind stoicism, and most of all I hide the fact that I am so very afraid of what the future holds. I step out of the shadows eventually, look upward and silently ask, “Are you still there God?” His answer is the softest whisper, so soft…that I must become absolutely still to hear it. “I am here” he says, “And I will never leave you.”

When we were all just little kids,
We would play hide and seek,
One of us would count to ten,
Then yell to the others…”Don’t peek.”
“Come and find me”…we would say,
While doing our best to stay hidden,
With legs and arms all poking out,
I wonder just who were we kidding?


But as the years began to pass,
We went on to new things,
Grew up and had our own kids,
As this is what life brings.
And though I am a grown-up now,
Life finds daily ways to remind me,
That I still seek a hidden place,
In which no one can find me.

When I pursue things as a child,
Engaging in games I once played,
The walls of discontentment,
Begin to slowly fade.
My son took my hand yesterday,
Hoping that I would agree,
To play a game of “hide and seek.”

“Olly-olly-oxen-free,”
I thought of all the tasks at hand,
So much I must get done,
But then I heard him whisper,
“Mom wouldn’t it be fun?”
And so, he covered both his eyes,
And then I looked around,
To find the perfect hiding spot,
(Trying hard not to make any sound.)


My child is so very smart,
(He found me right away)
And managed to teach me a lesson,
(As he teaches me things everyday)
“I think I’m better at this game,”
He said, with unbridled pride.


But practice makes us perfect,
And God says, “we all hide.”
And that is why he sent his son,
To search through every door,
And find where we’ve been hiding,
Cuz…we’re what he’s looking for.”
I smiled at the very thought,
Of God trying hard not to peek,
And calling out, 
”Where are you?”
And, saying, “It’s you that I seek.”

Life hasn’t brought the perfection,
Envisioned in childhood dreams,
Yet, I have grace-filled moments,
More often than it seems.
Freeze tag, jump rope, hide and seek,
Are games that I’ve outgrown,
But it’s nice to think God might come looking,
When I’m hiding, and lost, and alone.
Sometimes I need to hear the words,
“I know what you’ve through
And no matter where you might be hiding,
I’ll always come looking for you.

”

~Stephanie Husted

Where Do You See God’s Hidden Grace?

Do you ever hide from God and sense Him looking for you? When do you hide? How does He find you? Share your experience in the comment box.

Summertime fun gets a little harder to manufacture as the calendar inches toward mid-July. So today’s post is dedicated to two companies that make fantastic, fun toys for kids with special needs. These recommendations come from my friend Katie Wetherbee who blogs about special needs at Diving for Pearls. Kati’s background is in special education, so she’s always on the lookout for products that are both fun and theraputic. Let’s take a look at two of her favorite sources for special needs resources.

Fat Brain Toys

Fat Brain Toys is a family-owned business. Their retail store is based in Elkhorn, Nebraska. But they also do a brisk internet business with quality, open-ended toys, games and gifts that entertain and educate. They choose games from around the world and have the largest selection of American-made toys found anywhere.

They also gather feedback from customers about how their products are used by children with special needs. They maintain a directory where caregivers can find information about appropriate toys for individuals with many different types of special needs such as:

• ADD/ADHD
• Alzheimer’s
• Apraxia
• Aspergers
• Autism
• Blindness
• Cerebral Palsy
• Developmental Delay
• Down Syndrome
• Fetal Alcohol Syndrome
• Hearing Impairment
• Hydrocephalus
• Learning Disabilities
• Multiple Sclerosis
• Muscular Dystrophy
• Paraplegia
• Quadraplegia
• Sensory Integration Disorder
• Speech & Language Delay
• Spina Bifida
• Traumatic Brain Injury
• Vision Impairment

You can explore their very information website at www.fatbraintoys.com.

Therapy Shoppe

The second company Katie recommends is The Therapy Shoppe. It is an occupational therapist owned company that’s been in business for 19 years. Products are selected by pediatric therapists. And they are kid, parent, and/or teacher-tested and approved. They carry:

• Sensory products
• Therapy tools for learning and play
• Self-regulation tools
• Sensory integration products
• Handwriting helps (Um, remember this is summer…wait until school starts for these)
• Motor skill development items
• And much more

Check out their website at www.TherapyShoppe.com.

What Do You Recommend?

Okay, Katie’s given her recommendations. So now it’s your turn. Where do you find toys that are both fun and theraputic for your kids. Leave your recs in the comment box. Thanks!

Summer vacation is here…or right around the corner, depending upon where you live. This spring, guest blogger Kimberly Drew prepared for vacation with her daughter who has special needs by establishing some summer routines. Today, she shares some of her ideas with us.

4 Special Needs Routines for Summer

Everywhere I look, spring is turning into summer! I have an internal countdown to the last day of school. My year never ended with December or started in January. In my mind, it has always revolved around school.

Our daughter Abbey has a short break and then goes back to school to maintain her therapies over the summer months. I always look forward to the weeks she has off because it means I get to snuggle and see her more. But I also feel a tinge of, “ahhhhh!” knowing she is very attached to her routine. I try not to take it personally that she will get her shoes and sign “school” to me at the front door.

This has me thinking about how I can handle those weeks this summer a little differently. For one, like most children, she thrives on a routine. Something about being out of school evokes this great desire to stay in pajamas and live on a diet of spontaneity. This is okay to a degree, but I don’t know why it never occurred to me to have at least one or two parts of her day that can be predictable.

Here are just a few of the things that we will be incorporating into our summer days off routine.

1. A Velcro Board. Abbey uses different manipulatives in school and icons on her iPad to mark a transition of activities. I think she would love it if we had a smaller version of that at home.  I hope to make pictures of some of the things we do every day as well as some of the things we do occasionally for her to pick up and move.
2. More Books!  Abbey loves books, and we usually read a lot over the summer anyway  But I think giving story time a name and set time each day might give her that sense of predictability that she looks forward to.  She would love to move a picture over on a Velcro board to say, “It’s story time!”
3. Snacks Outside.  In addition to easy clean up, moving snacks to the deck will get us out in the sunshine if we aren’t enjoying it already. It doesn’t hurt that it also encourages us to get out of our P.J.’s!
4. Clean up songs. I worked as a preschool teacher for a year or so in college and the school had a “clean up” song for the kids. At a certain point in the day, we would start the music and the kids went crazy cleaning up. They loved it!  Abbey loves music, loves predictability, and I think hearing the same song everyday at a particular time would help all the kids with getting toys put away. We usually clean up toys before my husband comes home from work and I’m about to start dinner anyway, so why not make it fun and an audible transition time with music.

Who knows, maybe some of these ideas will stick for the whole year!

What Are Your Summer Routines?

What summer routines have you established to help your child with special needs? How are they working? Leave a comment to add to Kimberly’s list.

Photo Credit: www.freedigitalphotos.net

Emotions can be an enigma to kids with special needs. They often find it difficult to express their own emotions or to identify what they or others are feeling. A post at Lending Hands Resources gives parents a peek into the whys and hows to connect kids with special needs to their emotions.

How to Help Kids with Special Needs Express Their Emotions

1. Children may know how they feel, but don’t have words to attach to them. To help them, use emoticons–those smiley face-ish icons that express different emotions–to show children which words are attached to which feelings.
2. Some children can draw a picture to depict how they feel. Drawing can help them work process feelings and provides a mental image for attaching to their feelings in the future.
3. Children may need to detach from their emotions and express them through imaginative play. This can be done by allowing them to tell their feelings through a doll.
4. Stories and story books help children learn about different emotions and how to appropriately. This can be especially effective with younger children.
5. Games are another way for children to learn about identifying and expressing emotions. Elementary school-age children  may respond especially well to this technique.

You’ll find more details about each of these tips and information about products designed to be used with kids in the article Tools to Help Children Identify and Express their Emotions.

What Would You Add to the List?

Do you have a child with special needs who has a hard time identifying and expressing emotion? Have you discovered techniques or products to help them grow in this area? Share your story in the comment box below or provide a link to products that work for you…so we can all be happy instead of sad or angry !

Photo Credit: www.freedigitalphotos.net

Summer vacation is almost here. (In this part of the country it’s already begun!) Perhaps you’re already tearing your hair out wondering how to keep your kids with special needs occupied and stimulated while school’s out…all without costing an arm and a leg.

6 Suggestions to Consider Beforehand

Thankfully, a post by Brenda Kosky Deskin at the Friendship Circle of Michigan blog is packed with suggestions for parents just like you! Deskin is the parent of a child with autism. She’s also the founder and editor of AutismBeacon.com. She first offers 6 suggestions to consider beforehand.

1. What does your child like?
2. Keep your eyes and ears open for ideas.
3. Don’t be shy!
4. Don’t be afraid to ask.
5. Explain your child’s special need.
6. Call or email first.

11 Free Places to Visit

With those suggestions in mind, here are Deskin’s 11 top places to visit with a child who has special needs. #1–6 are great for kids who love animals. #7 & 8 are for kids who love vehicles, while #9 is for those who love music. The final two suggestions are for children who love the outdoors.

1. A local animal breeder
2. A farm
3. A dog training school
4. A pet store
5. The race track
6. An animal rescue organization
7. The airport
8. Watching trains
9. A rehearsal of your local orchestra
10. A walk in the woods
11. A greenhouse or community garden

The original post, 11 Fun (and Free!) Places to Take Your Child with Special Needs, contains more details about each item, along with many links to help parents locate resources.

Give a Shout Out about Free Places Where You Live

Deskin’s list made me think of several free ideas for families in Central Iowa: visits to the Chinese Steam Engine Depot in Boone or to view the Kate Shelley High Bridge (with binoculars in hand), a drive through Ledges State Park, a picnic in our beautiful, large city park, and a walk along the extensive bike path in town.

Did the article help you think of ideas around where you live? Now’s your chance to give special needs-friendly, free attractions where you live a shout out in the comment box. Ready? Set? Go!

www.freedigitalphotos.net

The picky eater population among kids with special needs is a large one, and for good reason. Many children with special needs have sensory processing issues associated with their diagnoses. Some of those issues include sensitivity to the texture, taste, and temperature of foods.

Picky Eater Advice from Lynn Jackson

Lynn Jackson of ConnectedFamilies.org addressed this issue in a blog post at her website. She offers several insights concerning picky eaters, including these two tidbits:

• Research shows that attempts to make children eat certain foods are more harmful than helpful.
• Many parents view picky eating as defiance or manipulation and respond by attempting to gain control. However, parents will be more successful if they “create an emotionally safe and fun environment in which kids can learn about and explore their food options – without pressure to eat!”

7 Practical Tips to Encourage Picky Eaters

Jackson goes on to offer these 7 tips for encouraging picky eaters:

1. Keep it light–Have fun at meals.
2. Help children explore and learn about a variety of food, with no expectation to eat it–Talk to younger children about the color, shape, or smell of foods.
3. Use positive language–State rules with positive language and replace commands with “you can” statements.
4. Serve a “safe food” at every meal–Serving at least 1 food your child likes reduces power struggles.
5. Teach kids to have an “exit strategy”–Teach them how to discretely spit something they don’t like into a napkin.
6. Remember the “10 Times Rule.”–It takes 10 tastings for children to decide whether or not they really like or dislike a new food.
7. Gently affirm samplings of new food–Pressuring, manipulating, rewarding, or excessively praising children for eating something implies they wouldn’t naturally want to eat it.

More examples and explanations for these tips can be found at 7 Practical Tips for Picky Eaters. If you’re struggling to get a child to eat at your house, you’ll want to read the whole thing!

Your Picky Eater Tips?

Have you discovered ways to get your picky eater to try new foods? Please, share your strategy in the comment box so we can learn from you an celebrate with you. Thanks!

Photo Credit: www.freedigitalphotos.net

Special needs caregivers, do you have time to do a little happy dance? The dance is my foot-tapping response to some good news here at DifferentDream.com.

…Drum roll please…

Discovery House Publishers (DHP) offered me a contract to create The Caregiver’s Notebook. It’s an easy-to-take-to-everywhere, organizational tool for family members caring for aging parents, adults with health conditions, and children with special needs.

Happy dance! Happy dance! Happy dance! Happy dance! Happy dance! Happy dance! Happy dance!

What Will Be In the Caregiver’s Notebook?

I’m so glad you asked. The notebook is under construction, so a few things may change, but it will include sections for:

• Emergency Information
• Calendar
• Important Contacts
• Notes
• Medical information
• Insurance information
• Legal documents
• School/Caregiver information
• Resources
• Bible reading plan
• Helpful verses
• Prayer guides
• Glossary
• How to create a comprehensive organizational system at home

Each section will begin with an excerpt from one of DHP’s many devotionals for caregivers. It will have pockets on the first and last page where documents needed at appointments and meetings can be tucked or papers received at appointments can be stored during the trip home. The publisher is even looking into the possibility of an accompanying app.

Happy dance! Happy dance! Happy dance! Happy dance! Happy dance! Happy dance! Happy dance!

The Caregiver’s Notebook Needs You!

The completed manuscript is due on September 1, 2013 (the publication date has yet to be determined), and as with my previous books (A Different Dream for My Child and Different Dream Parenting), the expertise of parents and professionals in the special needs community would be most helpful. If you have suggestions about what to include in the sections listed above or want to recommend another care giving, organizational tool worth taking a look at, please leave a comment, and I’ll get in touch with you.

Happy dance! Happy dance! Happy dance! Happy dance! Happy dance! Happy dance! Happy dance!

Photo Credit: www.freedigitalphotos.net