Digitool Diary

Tears of Yesterday..

2011-10-07T14:11:00.001-07:00

Thank You For Asking..

2011-08-19T06:28:00.000-07:00

He asks me regarding the tarot: "What religion is this from?" Now, as her and I lay in the winds of Deva Premal, prayers and God..it came to me:

"My spirituality is like music. I don't discriminate by genre. scene, structure or art form, I listen to what moves my soul, my feet; to what resonates within me, my heart. Likewise, my practice takes naught a certain religion or region, nor does it judge you if yours does. It flows with the seasons of my evolution, this life. Hence, it will not try flashy advertisements to persuade you to tune into this show. It's structure is that there isn't one, and it doesn't care who you know. It's but a song that borrows its melodies from many places of inspiration, from many respectable traditions, all which have a home within my soul's timeline, and is infinitely my own.."

My channel..

You can turn it if you want..

Photo art by: Dan www.soundcloud.com/kinesthetic

Just The Two of Us

2011-06-06T12:41:00.000-07:00

I’ve finally surrendered. Contended to the fact that I will do most of this alone: all of the important stuff that matters, that she’ll remember when she’s grown and be thankful for. Who could’ve known what the cards were to reveal: a walking contradiction hiding beneath words I wanted to believe were real for so many months - spinning my wheels to nowhere, blindly allowing a dream you never meant to create with me to steal my attention away from the truth. Like watching the news, you’re game of distraction lit my fuses to the point of abuse and now neither one can turn back, there’s no use. For these are times when love’s bond needs to stand strong in the face of adversity and hormone intoxication. But instead you run deeper into work and her bed to feel safe from life’s frustrations. A little boy move, proving you chose your team. Now run along and play a fixed game of responsibility from 3 thousand miles away and claim your fame as Father of the Year in vain. I can’t blame you for not being ready for such a change in the game. Many other men, more so than not, feel the same - what a shame. Smh.. Some adapt, and some cannot. Some can stand and clap when they look back and some fall into the trap of “should haves”. Another stomach knot..
The latter will not be me...

I chose this road with you kid, it’s just you, me…and a dream..

POETRY/PROSE BOOK COMING SOON !!! STAY TUNED !!

Minor Chords of Love

2011-06-03T18:15:00.000-07:00

I miss you..

I don’t know why..

Everything you’ve ever been..

Was but a lie..

I can now see through..

The failure..

Of everytime I tried..

Settling for..

Veils of doubt..

Invading my intuition..

Suspicion..

Clout..

Always proving true..

I suppose I never really knew

The real you..

Because..

You walked in moments..

Of what I wanted you to be..

Allowing it time and again..

You to manipulate me..

Seducing me via security..

Confusing love and money..

For control..

As I sit, vulnerable..

Creating a new soul..

Loving you in those moments..

But a broken violin..

Harmonizing in between..

And only then..

Hoping you could be that person..

24.7..

But a potential in Eternity..

Will never be enough..

For me..

I miss you..

I don’t know why..

Lyrics of Your Face

2011-05-04T07:21:00.000-07:00

I searched countless poems

To find the lyrics of your face

Only to come back

To this place

Pacing

Painfully grieving

That which I cannot see

Deceiving..

In me..

Sensing

Only what used to be..

Your words

Cannot withstand

The weighing secrets

Your actions whisper

In the space in between

To me..

The Truth..

And my heart knows..

You’ve gone somewhere

With her..

To dance

In the amber wishes of tomorrow

My acceptance

Laced in sorrow

Lying in a bed of powerlessness
Lying..
In a bed of powerlessness

I searched countless poems

To find the lyrics of your face

Only to come back

To this peace..

-Kristin de la Renta

Awakening..

2011-05-01T05:09:00.000-07:00

...a song that makes me feel an early morning sunrise in the winter...
L.O.V.E.

"If I only could..Make a Deal with God.."

2011-04-27T12:53:00.000-07:00

Where is this going? I forget..

2011-04-26T06:57:00.000-07:00

Testing feed to DD Twitter http://www.twitter.com/digitooldiary

and

DD Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Digitool-Diary/230946737258

NEW EAR CANDY: R.E.M. 'OH MY HEART'

2011-03-16T05:50:00.000-07:00

Cry Me A River

2011-03-06T06:18:00.000-08:00

10 Date Commandments Remix!

2011-03-01T07:16:00.000-08:00

In searching for the original track/video to put in my Music Video Diary, I found this remix by Trufix! As an electronica baser I'm HOOKED! LALA LOVE the dubbiness (yes, I just made up a word!)...

@am8er: You should drop that shiz @ WMC Girrrl!!
Check it:

And the original:

Check out more Am8er at: twitter.com/am8ersmusic

Gravity

2011-02-28T06:25:00.000-08:00

We Need A Resolution

2011-02-26T16:54:00.000-08:00

Burial 'In Mcdonalds'

2011-02-25T13:16:00.000-08:00

8th Wonder

2011-02-25T07:25:00.000-08:00

Dear Ab,

There once was a time when I admired you, your old school education of charm and chivalry dosing me ever so lightly with the essence of..Light Blue, so new and seeming true when compared to the many who never became the few that almost did but never got...my time. There once was a rhyme called You and I, a mask lasting just long enough to veil an authenticity I didn’t want to see, right in front of me. Oh how the mind makes it all too easy, sleazy even; These Charades of Denial: a nice surprise smiling in my face at the seeming predicament and inside out turn of priorities you said you never would but have, abandoned in fearful ignorance. A dream of unlimited spiritual potential that I am to walk through...alone. Because the stone of you can only be dressed as a caring rose for so long before the role must wilt to factuality.

And so this dream will fade away to a new day. And I will sing and write saddened songs with violins draping my scene, as the beach blows through my hair airing my Tune of Life into reality. And I will find gratitude in what is happening FOR me, because of meeting you. A saddened gratitude…

For our cadenced cue on The Staff of Clichés has melted away like old makeup from yesterday, from last night even. And I sit, breathing in the example I wish to set for my little star and breathing out what turned out to be the unvarnished character of what you stand for and who you are...

Our 72-hour interlude was up..

A long time ago...

Thank you for showing me,

My strength..

'Cause anyone can look good..

On paper..

Strings of Lies

2011-02-21T16:59:00.000-08:00

Mourning the loss of you

Feeling so confused

How did I ever fall

Into your noose?

Excuses excusing existence

Playing all the right songs

On your Strings of Lies

Until I believed I saw

True love in your eyes

Every manipulating melody

Veiling my palette

Showcasing a face

You'll never be

Every dissonant harmony

Unraveling by signs

Braiding truth

Into the

Song of me...

I miss you..

Whoever you are...

Cause You Know..

2011-02-08T11:55:00.000-08:00

Cuz he was nothin' but..

2011-02-07T04:46:00.000-08:00

'He Served'

2011-02-03T20:05:00.000-08:00

So much love, doves lacing my grounding chord, swirling up. The Nine of Chalices wishes coming true, blooming are desires I never actually wished for or knew I needed. Sometimes we fear change. Sometimes our prior judgments take over and we can’t see all that is actually happening FOR our spiritual productivity until we let go of what we think should be. Sometimes I need you to foon speed my strength to me. For I forget. I let him kiss me too soon, I sometimes muse upon and fret, wondering if longer than three months for the mist could’ve been any more proper. Or if falling for his mask of chivalric demeanor was always part of ‘the plan’. Then stronger whispers enhance, dancing across my awareness: We don’t need him, he served his purpose, as I lay in the sand staring at the stars, trading poetry with my family of origin, a telepathic conversation. I’ve always known I wasn’t from this planet. I used to wonder as a girl when they were coming back to get me. And now I have this gorgeous seed in me, changing my perspective into a beautiful tapestry of faith and friendship. Endless love’s dismissing the negativity clouding God’s creativity. No longer caught in the worries of yesterday’s emptiness, or controlled by his mind driven, materialistic missed signs pointing wrong directions. His erection was put to use: He served his purpose.

Thank you.

Close the Door Behind You

2011-01-29T18:15:00.000-08:00

I let him touch me

The pieces that part my flesh

Portions dripping tests

Seizing my judgment

Underneath the Bricks of Carelessness

Caressing places revealed only by

E-motion

Drawing blue velvet curtains back

Closed

Concealing my…

Willful Patterns of Devotion

I lay in Denial’s potion of pain

Growing stains

Remaining

Flushing potential down the drain

I let the crimson flags fade, for

Shit happens

Then change happens

And unless the shift supports the other…

Two hearts apart

One heart beats

The streets inside

The Casting Couch of Fate

2011-01-06T20:33:00.001-08:00

Prayers for rain in this barren land, as I stand in the sand staring into the mirror, The Illusion. Is this heat forming a confusing seduction of verse, a latent cadence of intercourse seething lust, or is this Love? Either way, we’ve been chosen. Something somewhere out there called us and we came, numerous times, into one another. There is a God within me, screaming whispers in mute. Forming acute visualizations my mind circumcises before I can confide and decipher the clues. Who am I, when I’m with you? Peaches preaches to ‘fuck the pain away’ and I fear this comfort zone, where I hone in on hypersensitivities within me, only to react in a passionate playground where I take you into my sandbox. Only then does my filter read ‘Love’. Only then do I understand what I’m truly made of. Only there, is where I let you unravel my truth as you lace my willful control down in your every breath…

…Where you found me.

Bleeding Violin

2010-12-10T19:52:00.000-08:00

You can’t see me

Anymore

Transparent floor

Gives me no reason to believe

Where’s the key?

CLICK

I won’t let you in

Anyone

Or begin to listen

To whispers unforgiven

In my head

Lead pencils piercing plans

Never to be erased

Suspended in mid air

No choice but faith

Where tears douse my fears

And uncertainty plays my sad strings

Bleeding Violin of Life

Less

Conjuring what could not be seen

Before

Scenes of senses

Chordless mic

Wordless script

Thirdeye sight

I pray…

Grenades of Love

2010-11-29T13:32:00.000-08:00

All these nuances in my inbox..
All you..
You have so much space in my life..
I don't know why it's not enough
Evidence
To show me that this is real
And it's ok
To just BE
With you
BREATHE
The two of us in as one unit
I want to believe
I WANT TO..
But I always fall back into
Subconscious sabotage
Throwing a grenade
At a heart I hold so dear
And not seeing it until it's too late
To stop..
Damaging patterns
I hate the drama,
The circus in my head.
I hate always thinking about you
And you not being near me..
Instead
A heart with a necessary torture
I suppose..
Because I care..
Because I'll sacrifice my sanity..

..for you..

Punk Rose

2010-11-20T09:49:00.000-08:00

Came across this poem turned abstract vocal piece during my attempt to organize my files..notice the emphasis on 'attempt'...

The concept was initially called Mindgames. MANY VOICES ONE HEAD.

If you're expecting the typical pop format: TURN THE PAGE NOW.

Comments welcome..

PUNKROSE by Digitool Diary

The Grind

2010-10-21T16:41:00.000-07:00

I miss the safety I never knew I needed when you’re around. Like the sound of yesterday blending into the moment to create a new tomorrow. The sparrow’s song hold’s no measure to the deafening sense encompassing my psychic sphere. An intensity I feel without you physically here, hard angles smoothing out my channel and allowing in that which the Archangel’s speak to me daily. Yet I didn’t know how much you meant to me. Until you were almost gone.. Like a song I didn’t have a chance to sing.. A lesson of gratitude laced in a graceful taste of Love’s reckoning, I place this upon today’s plate and allow The Source to bleed-no sectioning. Thankful, for the soul the heavens have sent me. A blessing: you. I fall for you more each day. More with every crazy episode of fear I walk through.. Each maze.. More with every instance of grace through patience you teach me.. Truth…

On this journey with you ..

Grindin’..