Dil Ki Nazar

Public Display of Affection in India

2014-01-21T01:04:00.000+05:30

Last week I along with two of my colleague went for lunch. Happily chatting within us we went inside a decent restaurant, and quickly gave our order. Meanwhile we were talking about our office work; suddenly my friend who was sitting opposite to us said, look behind you what is happening? I said, what happened? He said there is guy and a girl who are sitting behind you and they are kissing. I said what happened in that; they must be husband and wife or lovers. Let them do whatever they want. On this my dear friend said that no this is not good, if they want to love each other then they should do it inside their house.

At that moment I was not able to think, what the problem in PDA is. With their act they were not creating any problem for the society in fact I said this to my friend and even pointed that you smoke and create problem for the society but till now have anyone walked to you and complained about it. Then why you are creating so much noise about PDA.

Friends I am very much sorry, may be some of you must be wondering what is PDA. PDA is public display of affection. If anyone wants to give definition to PDA then he can say that PDA is an act of physical intimacy in the view of others. In most of the countries PDA is not an issue of concern, because it is common in those countries. But in India if anyone caught you even holding hands of opposite gender (no matter you are married or unmarried), hugging or otherwise showing affection in public then they are talked abruptly with non-decent language. Here and there we keep on hearing about police and self appointed guardians of the society terrorizing those who dare to ‘indulge’ in such PDA. Now that 14th February (Valentine’s Day) is near you will hear lots of such incidences. I got to thinking why this happens in India.

Don’t in India we want to love each other, or we see Love as a bad thing which should be done only behind the closed doors? I can’t understand how a wall or door can change the meaning of some act, In India behind the closed door if you kiss someone then it is called as love, and the same kiss becomes indecent if the door is open.

Somewhere I read that we are not carrying Indian values, instead we are embracing Victorian values. During the reign of Queen Victoria, showing leg was very much objectionable; it was objectionable to the point that even legs of tables were also required to be covered by tablecloths. Victorians brought this mindset to India which we still embrace. With time Britishers changed their mindset, but we Indians continue to cling to that hypocrisy.

The so called guardians of our society say that kissing or hugging in public is a western concept. I think those people have not seen the temples of Khajuraho, or they don’t know how Rambha tried to disturb the penance of Rishi Vishwamitra, or they don’t know that in Kama sutra also references were made about kissing. I don’t know how much this is true but in one of the website (www.indiadivine.org) even it is mentioned that “When Alexander the Great's army conquered parts of northern India in
326 B.C., they learned about kissing.

But somehow along the way, we Indians started feeling uncomfortable talking about intimacy. Here it is ok to hold hand or hug friends of the same gender. But if the same thing is done between friends of opposite gender then that is shocking or unacceptable. In what kind of hippocratic society we are living. Oh yes I forgot to mention, now even holding or hugging friends of the same gender is a crime in India. If people will catch you doing so in public and if they will say that you guys are homosexuals then the next moment you will be in jail. Anyway I am not here to talk about homosexuality.

As a country with the second largest population in the world, Indians are obviously having a lot of action in bed. But talk about it? Acknowledge it? Oh No! How can we? We are Indian!

But now the scene is changing, we see more couples walking hand in hand, or hugging each other and occasionally they even kiss in public also. This is because, the younger generation is accepting the concept of PDA, I don’t know how but may be because our society is changing and now we see more women walking in public with us, so the male female contact is more compared to earlier time. Apart from this there can be several other reasons such as our Bollywood movies, the TV soaps. Moreover people have a tendency to do what they are asked not to do, which is also changing our society.

So I thing that public display of affection is ok with us. What is your opinion PDA is Indian or un-Indian? I am scared if after reading this article, self proclaimed social police will come and throw stone to my house.

Image Source:-

http://www.newtimes.co.rw/news/index.php?i=14149&a=25115

What do we really want?

2013-09-08T01:04:00.000+05:30

Just ask this simple but important question to some of your friends and I bet that you will get almost similar answers from most of them. Someone will say he wants to build his own house, someone will say he wants to buy SUV, someone will say he wants to start his own business, etc. apart from this regular answer you might also hear something like I want to let go of anything related to materialism!

But do we really want any of these things, or is it what we think we want? Most of us find our self in this confusing situation every day, and we may not even realize it. We are not here to do things which we don’t like. Doing things which we don’t like can keep you engaged for some time, but during that time you will not get your peace of mind. Every day when you will go to bed you will think, why the hell are you doing that work, is it just the money for which you are killing your happiness or something else.

We all go to office, but how many of us really love what we do in office? How many of us have job satisfaction? How many of us are really doing things what we really thought of? I am not saying that you should stop working. I am just saying to do things which make you happy. You need to have money in this world, but you do not need to work with something you do not feel comfortable with.

Just think about a situation where every day you are forced to eat what you don’t like. You may eat it for few days or months, but during those few days or months will you fell happy while eating your food. Obviously no, then why to kill your happiness. Just seat and think what you really want in your life?

Watch this video to get you thinking.

Money is nice, but it isn't the most important thing. Some people learn that way too late in life. Enjoy your life. Find ways to enjoy your life. And do it often. Otherwise, what is the point in living?

Love is Blind? Or it only pretends to be blind?

2013-05-16T05:00:00.000+05:30

Hmmm… it’s an interesting question. First answer which comes to my mind is YES, “Love is blind”. But wait a minute my friends, every time what comes first is not the best. If you guys remember then before the era of mobile phones and Facebook, there was a famous stationary something about the size of small diary with colorful 20-30 pages which was famously called as Slam Books. These slam books were passed among high school students to fill in some answer to the question. And one of the questions you needed to answer was: "What is love?" Most answers I saw were: "Love is blind.

In many of the Shakespeare’s play he has mentioned that Love is blind, and Lovers cannot see. But that was a different era. Maybe few years ago love might be blind, deaf and dumb also, but in today’s world it’s a different story. In today’s time, people before falling in love they see their standard and class. Yes now love also has class, love of high class people, love of middle class and low class people. A high class boy or girl will not fall in love with someone from lower class; after all it’s a prestige issue with his or her friends.

Lovers in today’s time have a clear picture of the person they want to fall in love with. She/he should be good looking, smart, rich, successful, etc and when they meet people of the opposite sex they take out their checklist and try to match as much qualities as possible before loving her/him. If by chance there list of qualities didn’t match then they don’t waste their time with that person, isn’t loved enough? Are these qualities so important that a person’s heart comes second after them? Is it due to modernization of the society or is it that people have become more practical.

It is not wrong to lookout for some qualities in your partner, even animals do so. Before making love they also select their partners. Before making any decision for someone, we should consider how much sacrifice she/he is ready to do for you; to what extent she/he loves you after that we should lookout for the external beauty.

In today’s time people have become more materialistic, they want to fall in love who can fulfill their needs. Young people now a day’s don’t lookout for their life partners, they lookout for someone whom they can show off to their friends, they lookout for someone who can buy a flat and a car for them. Once a friend of mine said that in today’s time “higher is the salary higher will be his chances to get a lover”.

Gone are the days when lovers don’t see each other’s faults. Now a day we don’t wants to compromise with respect to our life partner, so instead of wasting time for someone who’s not up to our standard; we first do shopping for them and then after getting the proper person we fall in love with him. Love and its meaning have changed a lot from the time of Sohni Mahiwal, Laila Majnu & Heer Ranjha. Though it’s not wrong to a certain extent but what about the old-fashioned love when one loved someone for what they are and not for what they have. When love was how you feel when you are with your lover and not how others feel about your being with that person.

In today’s time Love by chance by or is planned, if it is planned then I am sure love can’t be blind. When I was in love in I also felt that Love is blind, but now when she is not with me then I am thinking that love can’t be blind. So for me it is still like a riddle that I hope to solve but I am not very sure if I will be happy with the answer. So I think it won’t be very wrong to say that in today’s world love is not blind and the lovers can clearly see what they want in their partner, and they certainly don’t want to commit any foolishness by falling in love with someone who does not match with their checklist.

Once again in Delhi...

2012-12-19T04:18:00.000+05:30

“We have cancelled the bus license”, is the statement of Sheila Dekshit CM of Delhi on 18th December 2012. Is this what the victim is asking for? Is this what the whole India is asking for? Is this what Rajya Sabha member Jaya Bachchan is asking for? No, miss Sheila Dikshit. We don’t want just the suspension of bus license. We want some permanent solution to this kind of horrible act against our women.

I hate writing about the negative things happening in our state where most of our VVIP live, but I am highly disturbed after knowing the Sunday night’s incidence in Delhi where an innocent helpless 23 year old medical student was gang raped in a moving “whiteline” bus by 6 (don’t know what word I should use for them) *$@#@^. When her male friend protested then they beat him with rods, later after their heinous act they threw them off the moving bus near a flyover in Mahipalpur in south Delhi, which is close to the Indira Gandhi International Airport. All this started at around 11:00 PM and lasted for about 45 minutes but not a single Delhi Police officer stopped that bus even thou it was running after its permitted time. Almost 48 hours have passed but still that lady is fighting for her life in ICU, according to the news on TV her intestine is damaged.

Before the above incidence at around 10:45 PM another crime happened in Delhi and the victim is again a girl. This time a 6 year old little girl who was raped by neighbor in South Delhi. Police said the minor was playing outside her DDA flat when her neighbor, a laborer named Mohammad Rashid 22 years, lured her with a chocolate to his flat, raped her and threatened to kill her if she told anyone about the incident.

Why the females of a state which is governed by a lady feel most unsecure than any other Indian state? It’s simple the law and order in that state is not upto the mark. Hope that everyone knows that the catch line of Delhi Police is “Citizens First”, but do you know that how many police personals are diploid for its citizen’s protection and how many are diploid for the protection of our ministers? I don’t understand why ever other politician needs a security. I think that security is required by the common public who walk alone on the road not the VIPs who are always surrounded by their well wishers. Anyway 3 cops are diploid to protect one VIP compared to one cop to protect 761 ordinary citizens. All this at a time when our country have a vacancy of around 5 lakh in our country. Home ministry statistics show that in Delhi alone 1,186 police post are vacant. So my question is when we have a scarcity of police then why they are being engaged in protecting politicians? Why don’t they try to fill the vacancies? There unfilled vacancies have disturbed police vs. culprits ratio which resulted in increased number of crimes. To increase women faith in police why doesn’t the government include more numbers of female police officers? In Delhi most of the rape cases happen in public vehicles, so why Delhi government is not making it compulsory to install GPS device all the public vehicles so that their movement can be monitored?

In India a rapist's face is covered by a black cloth while the face of a rape victim is made public, this is the irony of our country. I think Indian police should get trained on how to handle criminals. Today night when I was seeing the news about the driver of the bus being caught by the Delhi Police, then I didn’t understood why they covered the face of that ^#%@$ animal. By hiding their faces Delhi Police were supporting their crime, they are not the person for whom we should care, those criminals should be humiliated in public so that others should learn a lesson.

In one of the post in Facebook after this incidence I read a comment from one of my friend who said that “agar in logo ko saja di jyegi to woh bhi kab, jab ye khud marne jaise ho jayenge. . ya to phir ba ijjat bari.. thats law of our nation n that’s why i m not practicing though i m a gold medalist LLB.. OUr nation has long lasting procedures in courts...” This is the reality of our judiciary system. Once I heard from a man saying that our law and order is designed in such a way that without doing work also a man can survive well in this country. When I asked him how? Then he said that, just do a crime and go to jail and stay their happily for years without any tension, because in India it takes years to convict a criminal. People around the world are discussing for abolishing capital punishment. I personally think that it should not be abolished because it is just appropriate and reasonable for those people whose behavior is perilous to other person, so that we can protect another innocent life. All such cases should be handled in fast track court, so that victims should get justice in time.

When anyone is killed he is killed once, but when anyone is raped she die each and every day till her last breath. So my question is why a capital punishment for a murder and not for a rape? According to IPC Section 376; punishment for rape is (1) Whoever, except in the cases provided for by sub-section (2), commits rape shall be punished with imprisonment of either description for a term which shall not be less than seven years but which may be for life or for a term which may extend to ten years and shall also be liable to fine unless the woman raped is his own wife and is not under twelve years of age, in which case, he shall be punished with imprisonment of either description for a term which may extend to two years or with fine or with both. Why we don’t want to hang a rapist, why just a minimum of 7 years of jail for him? Why after every rape case politicians just point their finger towards the CM of that state? Why don’t they do amendment in the IPC law to make it more stringent like the law in Arab countries? Why a rapist doesn’t hanged till death? Just give capital punishment to 4-5 rapists in Delhi and see the change.

Few suggestions to our mothers and sisters travelling after sunset.

Always carry a pepper spray, chilly powder and a knife in your bag; but you should also know how to use it because any "weapon" that could hurt a potential attacker can be used against you if you are not well trained and comfortable with it.
Join some classes and learn self defense techniques.
Don’t hesitate to attack those who attack on you.
Keep your mobile phone fully charged before you go out.
Always be alert in night when you are alone, keep scanning your surroundings.
Don’t use iPod or any other gadgets when you are alone, because attackers always look for unprepared victims.
If you feel someone is following you, pull out your cell phone and start talking to someone and talk like you are meeting-up with someone and they are already here/heading this way very soon. Hearing to your conversation attackers may back off.
We all have 3rd eye and we always carry it. I am talking about mirrors they are all around us, it can be in the form of glass, steel, well polished surface, etc. Use this 3rd eye to see the reflection of who is behind you because attackers always attack from behind.
Save someone’s number whom you trust on Speed Dial, who can come quickly for your help.
If you are in the driver seat and somehow the rapist come inside your car, then just don’t follow their direction, just put on your seat belt and drive into something stationary like lamp post, dust bins, etc. seat belt and air bag in your car will keep you alive and the crash will draw attention of the passer by. It is better to be in a car accident than get raped and possibly killed.
Walk with confidence, pretending as if you are a black belter, because attackers more likely go for them whom they think cannot defend themselves.
If you are coming out of your house alone in the night then always take your pet dog with you.
A large bite mark on their face, punctured eyeball, deeply scratched leg, ripped out piercing etc. is easily identifiable, as are memorable tattoos, etc. Think kill. Go for weak spots like eyes (poke hard), nose (hard upward motion with the lower part of your open hand) genitals (grab really tightly and squeeze or punch hard) etc. to make sure the person's hands aren't free to punch or hold on to you and you can run for it. If you are in a place where you can't run, notice your surroundings and leave a mark on them if you can. Rapists have been caught because their victims left identifiable teeth marks, nail marks, or DNA in the cars or rooms where they were assaulted.
Remember, it’s better to be considered crazy, than to keep quiet to avoid weird looks. So use your loudest voice if you sense anything fishy around you.
Trust your gut instinct, when you can sense that a problem is coming to you then please don’t wait for it to happen.

References:-
- http://www.ndtv.com/article/cities/six-year-old-allegedly-raped-by-neighbour-in-delhi-306499?h_related_also_see
- http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2012-04-02/india/31274675_1_vip-security-protectees-police-personnel
- http://indiankanoon.org/doc/1279834/

Yes or No to Arranged Marriage

2012-11-25T02:47:00.001+05:30

As we all see, in India we follow arranged marriage system, where two or more parties arrange a marriage between two persons. Love before marriage is considered bad in this country. No my friends today I am not going to talk about the negative aspects of our marriage system. I believe like every aspect of life, arranged marriage also has its merits and demerits. Compared to other countries, Indian people are more emotionally attached to their family members; we give more importance to relationships and family customs. In our country ours parents take care of us till their last breath, because in our country family’s safety comes first. To protect their children from any future problem arising due to marriage in other religion or caste parents in our country generally find suitable spouses for them from suitable families within their own religion, caste and social status. Now if the couple says yes for the marriage, then not only the bride and the groom comes close to each other but also two families gets united, and if by chance any problem arises after marriage then both families try together to work out the problem.

When I attend my friends or family’s week long arranged marriage function, then always one question crops up in my mind and that is from where did all this started. The first thing which all of us would normally do to get answers for such questions is to take help from Google. I also did the same thing but I didn’t found any result which could satisfy me. So I started talking to my elders. The answers which I got were different from different people. In a nutshell what I understood is; it originated from the time when the system of child marriage started to spread its wings in India. In those time children get married at an early age of around 9 years, so naturally they were not be enough mature to find mates for them or decide for themselves, and so parents were consenting. At that time parents were scared that if their kids will grow up and marry to someone from lower caste or to someone from another religion then they will not be able to show their face to the society and will get humiliated. So to restrict their children from marrying outside their caste and social status they developed the system of child marriage which eventually transformed to arrange marriage system. In today’s India of 21^st century the system of child marriage is almost abolished but people still believe in arranged marriage culture. From the first arranged marriage till now, this system has survived because we Indians are scared of inter-caste and inter-class marriages.

According to the Indian Government’s law, today we are free to choose our life partner of opposite gender from any religion or culture as long as that individual is above the legal age of marriage. Indian parliament in 1955 has passed the Hindu Marriage Act (1955) as part of the Hindu Code Bills. Three other important acts were also created during this time and they include the Hindu Succession Act (1956), the Hindu Minority and Guardianship Act (1956), and the Hindu Adoptions and Maintenance Act (1956). All of these acts were meant to modernize the then current Hindu legal tradition of marriage. But it is sad to say that there are few communities in India which don’t abide or follow these laws. One such community is in Harayana which is controlled by the Khap Panchayats.

Even educated parents from higher society try to control their children’s life by trying to arrange their marriage within the limits of race, religion, caste and class. In such families if someone by mistake falls in love and want to marry him/her then their parents first try to blackmail them emotionally if that doesn’t work then they would start threatening them in many ways. They threaten them that he/she will not get any share from family property, they even threaten them that if they will go against their wish then he/she will have to leave his home. Even after all these threats if someone marries without their family’s wish, then many a time the newlywed couple is murdered within months. So just to avoid all these problems and tensions; many men and women just accept what their parents decide for them. Many a time it happens that they don’t like the spouse which their parents has searched for them but because of family or social pressure they get married and then suffer for their entire life. In love marriages, the couple knows about each other before marriage, they know each other’s positive and negative sides, they knows each others like and dislikes and more importantly they love each other. Whereas in arranged marriages, parents search their kid’s life partner, and after the marriage they close the door and ask their son/daughter to love their choice, we can see this kind of love in most of our Indian homes. I think marriages are partnership between two opposite sex to share their sorrow and happiness for their whole life, so it should happen only through mutual consent who enter inter into marital union because they are the one who will have to walk through all the pain and joy which may come in their way.

You would be shocked to know that in today’s time arranged marriage is more prevalent in higher caste and class people because they are the one who wants to protect their so called status in the society by marrying their kids in their own caste. They think that if their children will fall in love with someone from lower caste then they will lose their status in the society. Whereas the people from the lower segment of the caste system they are not so much worried about this, because they have nothing to lose.

Dowry system is another devil associated with arranged marriages. In today’s time it has integrated itself as a ritual in arranged marriage system. This dowry system existed before the British rule when Aryans invaded our country. Rich Brahmins during those days started to give land and jewelry to the newlywed couples just because they wanted to help them in starting their new life also they wanted to insure the couple during financial crisis. Actually the bride’s parent used to give a part of their property to their daughter just as sons used to get their share from his father. So till that time everything was fine, but when Britishers made the rule that females will get share in the ancestral property then slowly and slowly the groom’s family started asking for the share in bride’s father property. In today’s time the concept of dowry has changed so much that now before getting the consent of girl and the boy, their parents discuss on the amount of dowry to be given. This system made me to think that whether girls are considered as humans or commodity. Every 3 out of 10 married girls become victim of domestic violence after marriage because her parents are not able to give the promised dowry; many a time this violence takes the life of the bride.

Most of the time, the guy and the girl getting married come from two different cities, so their living style and thought pattern vary from each other. So before getting married it is very much important for the couple to know each other, but our society doesn’t allow the unmarried couple to meet and talk before marriage. If somehow the parents are broad minded then they allow the guy and the girl to meet each other two or three times before marriage, but that meeting mostly happens in the presence of their parents or some family member. So before knowing each other their marriage happens, which results in fight between the couple after few years of marriage.

As I said in the starting, I don’t want to talk only bad things about our marriage system. In arranged system also GOOD marriages happen. Parents who really love their kids and not the false family pride, they seek their children’s consent before arranging marriage. Their parents ask them if they have someone in their life with whom they would like to get married. If the answer comes in yes, they meet with him/her and try to judge if he/she is fit for his son/daughter. If somehow their parents would find their kids choice unfit for them then they sit and try to discuss ways to overcome the obstruction. So I believe that good arranged marriages happen when the parents help their kids to find their own partner.

In one way arranged marriage is good and in other way it’s bad. It is bad when the marriage happens with hatred and prejudice over other religions, castes and creed; it is bad when our Indian parents try to control and over protect their kids to the extent of denying every wish and finally denying their kid in choosing their partner thinking they are not enough mature to decide for themselves. Arranged marriages are wonderful, when freedom is given to kids for final consent to marriage, and before marriage when the would-be-spouses are allowed to meet and know each other; it is good when love is converted to arrange marriages by the parents after meeting their kid’s choice if any.

Just because someone is not able to find his/her partner according to their wish, they should not get married to anyone by compromising their choice. Marriage is a mutual sharing for whole life, each spouse should feel equal and mutual respect for each other, no one should feel superior or inferior, and either the husband or wife no one should feel submissive or aggressive. All these things are not possible when we compromise and get married.

Whether it be arranged or love marriage, we often seek perfect husbands/wives, but my friends I am sorry to say that; a perfect husband/wife is a myth. No such person lives or ever lived in this world. We should not expect anyone to be 100% perfect. We are all called to be perfect, but in reality we are only on the way to be 100% perfect. As there is no perfect wife/husband, there is no perfect marriage either. Success of marriage only depends on mutual understanding and acceptance, and also in mutual love and respect.

Image Source: -

http://9433.in.all.biz/goods_gujarati-marriage-vidhi-articles_47183

Who Am I?

2012-10-27T03:30:00.000+05:30

Birds eat plant eating insects, worms poop inside the ground and make the soil fertile, whale helps in removing carbon traps from the environment, bee helps in pollination of flower, animals help in fertilizing plants, almost all the animals are part of food chain and keep the ecosystem in balance, there are many such examples where we can see how animals not only live for themselves but they do some or the other thing for their environment or society. All living and non living things in this universe exist because the nature wants them to be in that place at that time. This means if we are alive and are doing certain things then there must be some reason behind it. The nature must have assigned some work to all of us, so we are here. Why I am talking about all this today is because for last few days some questions are bothering me.

Who am I? Why I am here? From where I have come and where I am to go? Is there any specific purpose for my birth or I am just an accident in the nature’s evolutionary chains which doesn’t hold any importance, how can I find true happiness and joy in my life?

Every day when I step out my home, I see people running here and there. I see them in mother’s lap as a newborn baby, I see them going to schools, I see them going for job, I see them getting married, I see them setting up their family, I see them becoming old and finally I see them dying. But I guarantee you, if you will ask any of these people, why they came on this earth, what is their purpose to take birth; then certainly you will get a blank face. I am not able to understand how people live their entire life without knowing why they exist, what is their purpose to take birth, etc.

I asked few of these questions to my friends.

Question: Do you know who you are?

Answer: Most of them replied with full confidence that he is Vivek or Rakesh. One of my female friend replied she is Sudhir’s wife. With great pride one friend said that he is an artist.

Question: Then I asked them, do you know why you took birth?

Answer: With little bit of doubt, my friends replied. They took birth to help their parents, to do something for their society or country. Few of them replied that their parents wished so they took birth.

Question: For your county or society what you want to do?

Answer: I didn’t get answer for this, so I said this means you just want to do something for your family or relatives? Happily with little bit of confusion they replied yes.

Question: when you would be the happiest person?

Answer: Most of them said when they will have lots of money then they will be the happiest person, because they want to fulfill their family’s dream. Different friends gave more or less the same answer with their own versions. Few of them said they will be happy when they will own a house or a car, some said they will be happy when they get a nice job with a good salary, on a lighter note one of friend said that when he get a beautiful wife he will be the happiest person.

The above answers which I got didn’t satisfy me, because I was not looking for such answers.

When I asked them who you are? I was not asking for their name, or marital status or job title or their life history. Husband, wife, mother, father, teacher, writer, etc these only reflect who you are. But my purpose to ask this question was to know their true identity I wanted to know about the real human who is trapped underneath all this relationship. I wanted to know that when you close your eye and try to see yourself then apart from your physical appearance what you see deep inside you.

When I asked, when you would be the happiest person?” then I was expecting the answer from the real person walking around in your body who in reality is managing your life. Anyhow the answers which I got proved that today most of the people are self centered towards their family. People have become materialistic; they think that with money happiness will come to their life instead of knowing the fact that with a bag full of money they can’t even buy happiness.

Most of us today don’t know about our true self, reason behind this is the way we have been nurtured in our younger days. All of us have faced a common question during our young age, and that question is “What you want to be when you grow up?” I think if our parents would have replaced the word “WHAT” with “WHO” then all of us would have been a different person, because “what” is just a role played by “who”. Who is our true identity not the work which we do. So if we know the answer for, who we are? Automatically we will know what we are? And why we are?

When I walk in no man’s land and enjoy the wonders of nature then I see the world in two parts. In one part we humans exist and in the other the remaining living things. The plants, animals, and insects they take birth, they do their predefined job for which they take birth and die, but we humans, as always are confused. We also take birth like them but instead of fulfilling the purpose for which we took birth, we spend our whole life in accumulating wealth and money and in the end when our death comes we wonder why we have accumulated all these wealth because we rarely get time to enjoy our life. Paul Gauguin a famous French artist also asked the same question when death came to take his soul away from his rented body. Don’t become like him because it was too late for him to get the answer.

We all love spending time with our loved ones, but to know who you really are and what is the purpose of your birth you will have to spend a little time with yourself. Believe me, the day when you will rediscover yourself with these answers you will be the happiest person.

Ghazal

2012-10-14T02:05:00.000+05:30

दोस्तों की महफ़िल में बैठ कर,
जब तेरी बातें किया करतें थें।
लोग उसे ग़ज़ल समझ कर,
वाह वाह किया करतें थें।

Does Love Really Hurts?

2012-09-24T01:00:00.000+05:30

To understand why love hurts, first of all we have to understand what love really is? If asked, most of us will tell that love is the most wonderful feeling they have gone through, but since I am a science student I have a different understanding of love. For me love is an emotional response due to triggering of neurotransmitters in the brain and the release of neuromodulators, such as oxytocin. Love is a perception, a judgment, an evaluation. Ok now let us find out when we can say that we are in love.

Love is when you like calling your name by the other person. Love is what makes you smile when you are tired. Love is when you tell someone you like his/her dress, and then he/she wears it every day. Love is when your wife gives you the best chicken piece. Love is waking up next to the person every morning with a huge smile on your face. Love is when you disturb your sleep every morning before sunrise just to close the curtain so that the sun rays don’t disturb your partner’s sleeps. Love is happily going to the cricket game with your husband, that awful chick flick with your girlfriend. Love is listening to the stupid stories of your wife after coming from office even thou you are tired. Love is eating your food happily even thou your wife forgot to put salt in it. Experiencing love is out of this world, it is one of those perfect emotions which changes the way a person lives, am I right?

But my friends, for most of us falling in love has not made us experience all these things. For the larger population love is like a whirlpool which attracts all the things towards it and destroys its existence. Reason behind this is very simple, when we depend on others for something (it could be physically, mentally or emotionally), in long run it hurts, because like the other resources on the earth which are limited and gets exhausted after sometime, in the same way we also get the limited stock of happiness or love from others and when it gets exhausted after sometime it becomes the cause for our pain. Many people say, and even I also believed in the past that “love hurts”. In reality it is not the love which hurts, it the over expectation from an unknown person which hurts. When someone falls in love, it is the happiness of being with that person which makes him/her feel special. So it is natural that if emotionally we will be dependent on someone for happiness then after the rosy days it becomes the reason for our pain. So you should love yourself, love the things you do, love your presence because it is you who spends maximum time with you. It is you who knows yourself better than others. Enjoy life as a single person, like a healthy plant in a pot where no one else shares the nutrients present in the pot. Unless we love our self, we cannot expect anyone else to love us.

Love hurts because we choose for it to hurt. We allow ourselves to develop attachment with people, under the assumption that they will always be there for us. Love hurts because we surrender ourselves to it. Love hurts when its foundation is week, when trust is betrayed, when there is no respect from the other person and eventually it is lost. As love is natural and comes suddenly in our life, same happens with the pain. None of us are prepared for it and we don’t want it to happen so it hurts. Love creates a beautiful imaginary world in the heart and mind where it dwells enveloped with protective caring of the opposite sex. Love hurts when the beautiful imaginary world is destroyed because he/she walks away of your life bowing to some unavoidable circumstances from the society.

It is not that love always hurts, there are a number of people who can indulge in hours of argument favoring that love never hurts. Just think in the other way, someone walks into your lonely life, changes your world, and makes you a better person and walks away. Why can’t we just accept that? I can bet, that most of you who have experienced true love must have changed your bad habits, then let us treat that person as a doctor. Instead of cursing that person, you should be grateful to him/her for making you a better person. In the same time I agree that heartbreak is the most undesirable experience which we never want to come across, I also believe that all the people are good, intentionally they will not hurt anyone just for time pass. It is the situations that force us to part away from each other.

All of us are surrounded with lots of friends and family members who will really not thing once before giving you their helping hands, who will love to hug you in your gloomy times, who will be delighted to share your happiness and sorrow. Then why should we get depressed over the loss of one person who really doesn’t care for you? Someone had beautifully said “a bend in the road is not the end of the road, unless you fail to make the turn”. We simply cannot avoid getting hurt, but as the saying goes, ‘it is better to love than to have never loved at all’. Whatever happens it happen for the best. If you loved a person then in return don’t expect the same from the other just think that he doesn’t deserve your caring and move on. Like in our childhood days our dad would say that we would not learn cycling unless we will try for it and get hurt in the same way we will not learn how to love unless we will get the pain. The lucky people who live happily with their loved ones say that they “fell in love” because we don’t force our self to be loved we just fall into it. So my friends don’t find love, let love find you. We lose our love, only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more that we love ourselves.

Mental Patients or Criminals?

2012-08-25T04:51:00.000+05:30

With great interest and enthusiasm, we all have seen the union budget of 2012. We all have noticed all the important points in the budget which directly impacts us. We know about the taxes, we know about the percentage increase in electronic goods, we know about the defense allocations, we know about agricultural subsidy, etc. but with 100% guarantee I can say that not a single person knows, what is the government budgetary allocation for the health disorder which accounts for nearly a sixth of all health related disorders.

I am talking about mental disorders. Believe it or not its 13 Rupee a year, which is only 0.83% of the total health budget. Last week when I was browsing the internet, I came across an article entitled Damned lives and Statistics, which revealed this shocking statistic. Not only we, but all over the world people don’t take this disorder seriously; in most countries only 1% of their health budget is kept for mental health services.

Here are some facts and figures for you:-

In our country with more than a billion people, we have only 43 mental hospitals
Only 3-4 institutes have the facility for research and development
Only 0.83% of our total health budget is used on mental health
We have just 0.4 psychiatrists and 0.02 psychologists per 100,000 people
We have 0.25 mental health beds per 10,000 populations
There are 100 million people in India who suffer from some form of mental illness, of which 10 million needs hospitalization

If we will see the figures of health department, then we will know that the individuals suffering from this disease mainly belong to the age group 14-44, which is the most productive section of any society. If no initiate is taken to stop this disorder then our dream to make India a developed country will be shattered, because we can’t develop any country without taking its youth in the process. Most type of mental illness is curable, but the general public in our country thinks that mental illnesses are not curable. During my research on this topic I found out that:-

50-60% cases with depression is curable with treatment in three to eight months
10-50% cases with schizophrenia, is curable with a combination of regular medication, family education and support
Even adequate prevention & treatment can reduce suicide rates

Here I don’t want to discuss only about the financial crunches which the patients are facing. Irony is not only this, the existing hospitals which deal with such patients; they don’t handle their patients like patients with other disease are handled in specialty hospitals. One reason for this could be the fact that most of the hospitals functioning today are run by the state government. The condition of these hospitals are indescribable, from inside it looks like an asylum where patients are chained with iron chains and are forced to live in dark and hot cells just like you can see in jails. Most of these cells don’t have any facility for doing morning chores, most of the time the poor patients who doesn’t have control on their brain they urinate in the same cell and the caretakers don’t even care to clean it. When the stink becomes unbearable for the staff they just pour a bucket of water to clean it. The food supplied in such hospitals is unpalatable which even animals will deny to eat. Here since demand and supply are not met, more number of patients are packed in one room than its capacity, which results in their injury, because unknowingly they fight with each other. It is not like the government doesn’t takes care of such institutes, they send whatever fund they allocate in their budget, but all the funds that come to the hospital for clothing, food, and maintenance of hospital are siphoned off by the officials. You can even find out the curtains and bedspread which are meant to be for the patients are being used by the doctors and attendants in their home. I didn’t get the chance to visit any such government funded hospital, whatever I mentioned here is based on the images which I saw in Google so I think that the real condition may be scarier.

These patients don’t just need a place to leave rest of their life, they need care, and they need our special attention and understanding towards them and their problem. They don’t just need something to eat and wear, instead they need correct therapy and regular counseling to get rid of their ailment. Not a single soul want to live in an unhealthy body, likewise the soul of mental patients also want to live in a healthy body and since they are mentally ill they can’t take care of themselves, it is our duty to take care of such individuals to give them enabling environment so that they can heal fast and return back to regular life. But it is sad to see today’s world, where they are being treated as an unwanted people waiting in mental asylum for their death.

I don’t understand how the family members of such patients desert them at the time when they need more attention of their loved one. I am not saying that all the mental patients meet the same destiny and die in government hospitals. But at the same time, I am also not happy mentioning the alternative steps which their family takes. We are in the 21^st century but still most of the Indian people believe in faith healers instead of doctors. I accept that family members take their loved once to such place only because they want them to be cured, but also such family members should see the conditions under which they keep these patients. The so called faith healers keep the mental patients chained and smear chili powder or hit them with hot coins or rods to exorcise the demon believed to posses them. In the process they also keep these patients without food for days. Many family members when they come back empty handed from faith healers then they accept that they can’t be healed and the poor souls are dumped in faraway illegal asylum where they are tortured and even used for organ transplant.

Not only the illiterate people give heartless treatment to their mentally disturbed family members, even the high society people also treat badly with such cases. I came across one such story while watching the new channel. A young couple living in Delhi’s posh area kept his mentally disturbed mother hidden from the outside world till she died. When her dead body underwent postmortem the doctors found out rope marks on her feet and wrist, doctors also found out effects of lack of sunlight on her skin and eye. When asked about the old lady from her neighbors they all said that they never know that an old lady lives in that house.

But even those who care deeply for their challenged ones face huge problems. While strolling in the park few months back I bumped with a parent who has an 18 year old autistic son. They were ace parent and have done everything they could and more for their child. Two months back the boy turned 18 and the institution where he studies does not take children after their eighteenth birthday. Now the family knows that the young man cannot spend the rest of his life at home and needs to be in an enabling environment which will allow him to progress. Sadly there are very few options and long waiting lists. She is a working woman and needs to find a solution. With few tears in her eye, she candidly asked whether I would open a day care center for people like her son. I wish I could!

Wish apart from writing this article I could have done something else for my mentally challenged friends. May someone will hear their silent prayers, and they can get back their lost dignity in life before their soul leaves their body.

References:-

http://www.countercurrents.org/sasikumar011208.htm

http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2012-03-31/indore/31266157_1_psychiatric-hospital-mental-hospitals-state-mental-health-authority

http://www.mohfw.nic.in/NRHM/CRM/Kerala_2nd_CRM_Report.pdf

http://indiabudget.nic.in/

http://www.tehelka.com/story_main24.asp?filename=Ne123006Where_the.asp

Image Source:-

http://www.globalpharmasectornews.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/mental-illness-300x198.jpg

http://www.thehindu.com/multimedia/dynamic/00007/MENTAL-RR_7555f.jpg

Crime Capital of India

2012-07-30T00:37:00.000+05:30

One day a kid came running to me and said “do you know which is the crime capital of India?” I was shocked to hear this question from him, I said no baby I don’t know. He smiled and said it’s Delhi. This little question of his made me think about my national capital for an entire day. There was time when Delhi was famous for its Historical heritage, shopping places and eateries. It’s the same place which carries the legacy of Mughal as well as British reign is now blatantly termed the crime capital of India! Certainly there are solid reasons why people have changed their scale with which they used to measure our national capitals popularity. Directly or indirectly our politicians are always involved with the bad things happening in our society. We all know that on the political map on India, Delhi holds a significant position and this is the biggest reason why criminals and terrorist flock like sheep to Delhi. All such criminal minded people come here to disturb the socio-economical stability of our country.

People can think that, those terrorists are also active in other parts of our country then why I am talking only about Delhi. The type of crime about which I want to talk here are not carried out by outsiders, they are our own people who walk with us, who share our seat in bus, from whom we buy food, to whom we sell our products. If you can think a little then, you will come to know that in recent time almost 70% of the crime that took place in Delhi is carried out by the local people staying in and around the capital. The number of rape and murder cases carried out because of personal grudge is increasing day by day. To me it seems like, the graph of crime in Delhi is fighting with the graph of increasing petrol prices to be at the top.

Few years back also these crimes were there but scattered in number, which in today’s time had become a daily activity. Maybe it is because of the city’s deteriorating moral values and loose laws or maybe it is because of the fact that more than 53% of Delhi’s population is under 25 years of age. This is the age where unemployed youth takes the wrong path of sex and violence to vent their energy and aggregation. I even found out that the male comprises the 55% of Delhi’s population, which make the city vulnerable for women.

If you can login to National Crime Records Bureau’s (NCRB) website then you can get to see some really scaring data. Delhi is one of the top four crime affected cities in India. Like a true friend Andhra Pradesh is giving company to our national capital in high crime records. Incidents like kidnapping for ransom, rape, molestation, abduction and attempted murders has seen sharp increase compared to previous years.

Some facts & figures:-

Every 1 ½ hour a car is stolen
Every 13 hour a women is molested
Every 23 hour an attempt to murder a human being is carried out in Delhi
Compared to 2011 a 4% of increase is seen in various crimes (according to statistics released by Delhi Police for the year 2012)
This upward trend in increase crime rate is registered for the 3rd consecutive year
Crime against children has seen a 24% increase compared to 2010
Rate of crime against children is highest in Delhi 25.4%

Only 2 quarters have passed in 2012 till now, but almost innumerable crime incidents have already taken place in Delhi which I think is shocking for any civilized society. Few such cases which I remember are

A minor girl was attending went to attend a birthday party, there she met with a guy, since she was late he offered her a lift to home. Along with that guy 4 more people came in the car. On the way to her home those guys forced her to drink alcohol and they took turns to rape her. That girl was studying in 10th standard so you can understand about his situation. Her trauma didn’t stop here. When she went to file the FIR to Noida police station, they didn’t took it as a sensitive issue and treated in an inhuman way also in such cases police should not reveal the victim’s name but the Noida police revealed it to the media.

A 20 year old girl from Manipur was raped by 30 year old sales executive named Anuj Saini. At around 9:00 PM he was driving his way to his home on January 18 when he saw her victim standing by the roadside. After finishing her work in the mall (in Gurgaon) she was waiting for a public transport. Anuj stopped near the woman, and politely offered her a lift home. She accepted his offer as she had waited a long time for a public transport and the weather was getting too cold. Anuj picked up a casual conversation with the woman and after driving some distance, he went off the highway and took the sub-lanes instead of going towards Mahipalpur Road. Suspecting that something was amiss, the woman told Anuj that he is going in the wrong direction. She tried to open the door to jump out of the running vehicle, but the central lock system had been activated. The accused then took her to an isolated place in Dwarka where he raped her in an open field. He then dumped her and drove away. ATM card’s transaction helped the police to nab the culprit.

We all know that leaving our kids alone with the housemaid is not safe then also we leave them forgetting about the consequences attached to it. A couple in Delhi also did the same mistake, which resulted in the kidnap of his son Ishaan by the housemaid. Later he was rescued from Faridabad area. A mobile recharge coupon helped the police to nab the culprit.

I am sure you all must know about baby Falak. I must say she was a brave angel who fought for approx 2 week with death which eventually she lost. She was brought to AIIMS Delhi with multiple fracture, bone injury and human biting marks. She was just three year old and saw all this horrible things in her little life. She along with two siblings and her mother fell prey to human trafficking racket operating in Delhi.

Not only women and kids are unsafe in Delhi but the adult males are also unsafe in our National capital. In a road rage case, on Thursday evening three judges and there driver were going towards their home. There car was attacked by unidentified motorcyclists.

On May 14, additional chief metropolitan magistrate of Saket court Sanjay Sharma had been attacked allegedly by an SUV driver after the former had stopped his car on one side of the Bus Rapid Transit (BRT) corridor, allegedly obstructing the vehicle's way.

Till now we saw crimes happening only with local Indian, but if you follow the newspapers then you must know about the RCB player Luke Pomersbach. In a one of Delhi’s hotel he was staying with the other players. In the same hotel the victim also took a room. Luke invited Zohal Hamid (from US) along with her fiancé for some drink in his room. Graciously she said and went towards her room with her fiancé Sahil Peerzada but Luke followed her and started misbehaving with her. When her fiancé intervened, Luke allegedly beat him up.

On 2nd July 2012, a 26 year old MBA student snatched a Sony Xperia phone from the daughter of R R Rashmi, joint secretary, ministry of environment and forests. While she was talking on the phone this guy came on his bike and snatched it from her. When asked by the police why he did this crime, he said that his girl friend demanded an expensive mobile phone, and since he did not had that much money he took the easy way.

On 26th July 2012 Hindustan Times I saw an article with heading “can’t prevent every murder: Delhi Police chief”. What I read in that article is not expected from the head of a state police department. I want to give some excerpts from that article “Under pressure after a spate of crimes in the past few days, including the gruesome killing of two senior citizens in Rohini on Monday night, Delhi Police commissioner Neeraj Kumar on Thursday said one cannot expect the police to prevent every murder in the city. Dismissing suggestions that the capital was not a safe place to live in, Kumar said on July 24, there were six murders and not nine as reported by the media. But though Kumar tried to downplay the crime scene, even six murders in 24 hours created a scare in the city. As per police statistics, on an average Delhi witnesses three murders in two days.” Now if the Police Commissioner of a state will give such statement then how R.K. Lakshman’s common people will ride in an auto, walked through the city, or generally leave their house without fear.

While I was compiling the information about Delhi’s crime, few questions came to my mind. Does Delhi Police know the factors which made the women victims of rape, molestation or sexual harassment most vulnerable? If we will try to understand the circumstances under which such crimes are being carried out then I think we can reduce such incidences. Along with this if police can collect some data related to these crimes such as the area of crime; time of crime, criminal’s age sex and social status, type of crime, information about the victims etc. In short if they can compile all the crime related data in one place and analyze them, then I think they can change crime’s exponential graph to a bell shaped curve, and after that day kids will ask us “do you know which is the crime free state of our country?” and that day we would be happy to give the answer, “baby its Delhi our National capital”.

References:-

http://www.indiatoday.intoday.in/story/delhi-registered-4-per-cent-rise-in-crime-in-2011/1/167674.html

http://www.ncrb.nic.in/

http://www.ndtv.com/article/india/crime-against-children-highest-in-delhi-most-rapes-in-mp-243441

http://www.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/topic/Delhi-crime

http://www.shaanhaider.com/2009/06/delhis-rising-crime-rate-haunts.html

Image Source:-

http://www.hindi.oneindia.in/img/2012/04/12-delhi-crime-302.jpg

Angels in Garbage Bins

2012-06-18T04:03:00.000+05:30

Aborted Female infant with Placenta in waste dump

All of us in our life time have studied about our ancestors Homo Erectus, in the same school our teachers have taught us something which is false. They taught us that the day Homo Erectus became Homo Sapiens they became civilized. But keep your hand on your heart and tell us, is it true? Can we call our self as a civilized animal? I will say no, I will say that our friends living in jungle are more civilized than us. They don’t kill there still born babies; before the birth of their babies they don’t decide their faith based of their sex, but we do, we kill our babies in mother’s womb, we tear there hand and leg and crush there head before they even see the real bad world.

First citizen of our country is a lady, the biggest Indian political party is headed by a female, there are many states where the chief minister is lady, and above all this we all fold our hand and pray before female goddesses in temples. And yet India is far from a haven for women.

It is a matter of great concern that today in India we are discussing on an issue like female feticide. This term speaks of a system gone corrupt. In 2011 Census report the female to male child ratio was recorded as 914 females against 1,000 males. This highly skewed statistics doesn’t give us the permission to call our self as a civilized society.

Some Facts & figures:-

According to 2011 Census; under the age of 6, India have 914 girls for every 1,000 boys.
Northwestern region of Haryana has the worst child sex ratio with 830 girls to every 1,000 boys.
Nearly 50,000 female fetuses are aborted every month using illegal test.
Between 4 million and 12 million girls are thought have been aborted from 1980 to 2010
While the overall female to male ratio has improved since the last census, the number of girls under six-years-old has declined for the fifth decade running.

India Sex Ratio (1951-2011)

India Child Sex Ratio (1961-2011)

Now after seeing all these things, one question comes to my mind; why is such a discrimination against girls? I think birth of all the crimes is money. We have become so much materialistic that we treat our women also a commodity and marriage had become like a business alliance. In any couple’s life as soon as a baby girl is born they think her as financial burden, because as dowry they have to pay a huge amount to marry her. In earlier times girl’s parent give some money to the newlywed couple as seed money to start their new life. Which with the passage of time has changed and now groom’s parents ask huge amount of cash or land before marriage as if they wanted to sell their son. This may be the biggest reason why Indians prefer boys because after 20 years they can in cash him.

In today’s time manly two techniques are used to determine the gender of the unborn baby. They are amniocentesis and 3D ultrasound imaging, the later can only be used when the unborn is at least 2 months plus. These techniques were developed to determine any genetic or gestation problems in fetus. For the first time in 1974, amniocentesis started in India by AIIMS to detect fetal abnormalities. In Amritsar, Punjab in 1979 for the first time these test was used to detect the gender. Indian Council of Medical Research stopped these test within months, but till that time it was too late. Till then people started using it as an instrument to kill unborn girl child. These two tests are banned in India, but still under the curtain they are being used by many doctors. Technology has given us a lot of benefits, but this is one aspect of technology which has given us a serious problem.

Do you know that, we humans have developed 6 ways to choose our babies, which doctors call as abortion? Though the methods are different but they give the same result – a dead baby and in India mostly a dead baby girl. Here I want to give brief descriptions about all of them, so that you all come to know what happen behind the curtain when you decide to kill your baby just because she is girl.

RU-486 – used for drug induced abortion, used when female misses her period upto 2nd month of pregnancy. This drug blocks the progesterone hormone, which in turn stops the supply of food, fluid and oxygen to the tiny developing baby. Due to starvation the baby dies. Then another drug is given to the women to contract the uterus to expel a tiny dead human being - her baby. Whole process lasts for a week.
Suction-Aspiration – a suction tube with a sharp cutting edge is inserted into the uterus through the dilated cervix. The knife tears the baby’s body into pieces, and then suction pressure is used to suck out placenta, blood, amniotic fluid, placental tissue and fetal parts into a bottle. Done in first trimester.
Dilation and Curettage (D and C) – done in 4-12 weeks of pregnancy. This is similar to the suction procedure, except a curette (loop like knife) is used for scrapping and scooping out the remaining of the killed baby.
Dilation and Evacuation (D and E) – done after 12 weeks of pregnancy. This is a combination of the above two along with the use of forceps. First the cervix is dilated, and then the forceps are inserted and with twisting and pulling method one by one the abortionist tears the leg, arm and other body parts of the baby. In the end he crushes the skull and pulls it out. The nurse then reassembles the body parts to be sure that all of them were removed.
Prostaglandin Abortion – prostaglandin is hormone that induce labor. It is injected into the women’s body, so that she begins early labor. Then baby is then killed by the strength of the contraction as the baby comes out of the uterus. Sometime the baby comes out alive to prevent that, sometime doctors inject a drug into the baby’s heart guided by ultrasound to kill him first then prostaglandin is injected. Done in late pregnancies.
Dilation and Extraction (D and X) - Done for 4-9 months of pregnancy, also called as partial birth abortion. The abortionist with the help of ultrasound sees the position of the fetus. Then he inserts forceps to pull out the leg and the upper part. Then incision is made at the base of the fetus’ skull to suction out the brain material to collapse the skull, making it small enough to remove.

I searched over the internet and find out this really disturbing video, it shows how the abortionist kills the baby. The intention to post this video on my blog is not to scare you all, I just wanted you all to show the real truth, what happens on the operation table when anyone of us decides to kill an unborn child just because she is a baby girl. Try to feel the pain of the baby when her hands and legs are teared off her body.

Abortion - Dilation & Evacuation

In India with girls, only female feticide is not the issue; at every stage of their life they have to fight with various social stigma and the evils in our society. When she was inside the womb, she was forced to miss the opportunity to come to this world, if by luck she comes of her mother’s protective world after 9 months, then she had to face the demons waiting outside. As soon as her relatives come to know that a girl is born they try to abandon her or kill her and without giving the milk they throw her in garbage cans. I am talking about the people of the country where we treat guest as our God, but why can’t treat newborn girl child as God? If any how due to the good deeds in her past life, she manages to stay with her family then in her childhood she sees the discrimination between her and he brother. Her brother manages to stay in the lime light with room full of new dress, books and toys where as she was gifted with broom and a wiper. Her brother spends his time in school and playground where she stays in home and helps her mother in household work and occasionally she plays with her tears. If somehow with her mother’s and father’s support she manages to go to school for studies, then during her college studies she was forced to get married. This cycle continues again if she gives birth to a baby girl.

We all feel proud of our country because of its cultural heritage. We can increase this feeling if every 1,000 male in our country will have 1,000 female to give them company in their life. I don’t want to see stray dogs staring at our newborn girls in garbage bins, I want to see them playing in our courtyard with her parents.

References:-

http://www.developindiagroup.com/Census%202011.html

http://censusindia.gov.in/2011-prov-results/indiaatglance.html

http://chartsbin.com/view/1194

http://www.alternativespregnancycenter.org/newnavhtm/abortion.htm

http://kalyan.itacumens.com/please-save-a-girl-child-must-read-share

माँ याद मुझे तेरी बहुत आती है

2012-06-14T04:01:00.001+05:30

शाम होने पे परिंदे भी
घर लौट जातें हैं।
वक़्त के अँधियारो में खोयी यादें भी
मन के गलीचों में लौट जातीं हैं।
मेरे गाँव की यादें मुझे याद आतीं हैं
माँ की वो सारी बातें याद आतीं हैं।

सुबह पाठशाला जाता था जब
माँ प्यार से मेरा जबीं चूमतीं थीं तब।
और बक्से में प्यार में डूबी
2-4 रोटियाँ रखतीं थीं तब।
मेरा माथा आज फिर चूम लो माँ
प्यार से 2-4 रोटियाँ अपने हाथों से खिला दो माँ।

अपनी आँचल तले रात में जब
माँ लोरी गा कर सुलाती थी तब।
सो जाता था गहरी नींद में मै
ख़्वाबों की दुनिया में खो जाता था मै।
वो आँचल की छावं फिर दे दो माँ
लोरी गा कर आज फिर सुला दो माँ।

दोस्त होतें नहीं थें आस पास जब
माँ तुम मेरी उलटी सीधी कहानियाँ सुनती थीं तब।
अपनी बातों से तुम्हे परेशान किया करता था मै
तेरी ख़ामोशी को दूर किया करता था मै।
आज माँ खामोशियों ने जकड रखा है मुझे
बातें फिर तुमसे करने को जी चाहता है मुझे।

गाँव अपना छोड़ परदेश जा रहा था जब
नम तेरी आँखों से दुआएं आ रहीं थीं तब।
हर महीने तेरे गीले खतों मे
लिखती थी तू वही बातें।
लौट आ मेरे बेटे तुझे कसम है मेरी
तू जब से गया परदेश बेचैन हैं आँखें मेरी।

माँ में तुझे कैसे बताऊँ
नींद मुझे भी अब आती नहीं
भूख मुझे भी अब लगती नहीं।
बहुत चाहा न रोऊँ मगर
ख़त तेरा मुझे बहुत रुलाती है
माँ याद मुझे तेरी बहुत आती है।

Some of the Urdu words & their meaning:-

गलीचों - Garden
जबीं - Forehead
ख्वाब - Dream

ऐसा होता है क्यूँ?

2012-06-10T13:20:00.000+05:30

है नहीं जो,
वो दिखाई देता है क्यूँ?
मोहब्बत में ऐसा हाल होता है क्यूँ?

है नहीं जो अक्स आईने में,
वो दिखाए देता है क्यूँ?
इश्क ऐसे हालत बना देता है क्यूँ?

ग़ालिब ने भी ऐसा सोचा न होगा,
दर्द-इ-दिल पे इतने ग़ज़ल कभी लिखे जाएंगें,
मोहब्बत में आँसू हज़ारों बहाए जायेंगें।

Honour in Killing!! What a Bullshit??

2012-06-02T05:19:00.000+05:30

I am not at all happy writing an article on “honour killing”. People around me say that I live in a secular country where all its citizens are treated equally regardless of religion/caste; but when I hear about the cases of honour killings then I suspect whether I truly live in a secular country?

Wikipedia defined honor killing as “An honor killing, or honour killingis the homicide of a member of a family or social group by other members, due to the belief of the perpetrators that the victim has brought dishonor upon the family or community. Honor killings are directed mostly against women and girls, but have been extended to men.”

Oxford Dictionary defined honour killing as “in certain cultures, the killing of a relative, especially a girl or woman, who is perceived to have brought dishonor on the family”.

According to my understanding, I can define honour killing as “killing a man or a woman by their family members for marrying against their parent’s wishes, having premarital relationships, marrying within the same gotra or outside one’s caste.”

Not only our country is infected with this kind of psychology, in fact it can be seen in almost all the countries. If we will turn the pages of our history books, then we can come to know that it originated from the ancient civilization days of 1200 B.C from the belief that a woman’s chastity is the property of her family. It existed in ancient Rome, where the family members were punished if they did not take action against the females who used to elope with some other caste males. Here I should mention that not only Rome but ancient Babylonian, Egypt, Chinese, North American Native American tribes and Persian cultures also followed such customs. In Babylonian society, to prove once innocence women were forced to throw them in a river. Egyptians used to mutilate the adulterated women’s body to punishing them. In Chinese culture males have the right to cut off the hair of adulterous women and then were killed by an elephant trained to for such purpose. Native American tribes used to cut limbs and mutilate adulterous women’s body. In Persia women were left to die in a well.

For our Indian society also this is not new; it’s only recently that these incidences are coming to light, thanks to the growing media power. Sohni Mahiwal, Heer Raanjha, Laila Majnu all these and many more unnoticed couples are the victims of this stupid tradition.

Who is right and who is wrong, either the parents or the couple? Who should judge this? According to a research in 73% of the cases couples elope from their home to marry someone whom they loved because their parents did not agree for their marriage. Now who is supposed to be the culprit in such cases? I think parents are matures enough to sense such incidences before they occur; so instead of punishing their kids for going against their wishes they can call their son or daughter and discuss with them on the matter and can chalk out some solution.

Facts about honour killings:-

The UN conservatively estimates that 5,000 women and men are killed each year by members of their own family.
Socially, no marriage alliance is permitted between a man and a woman who belong to the same caste but different gotras.
States such as Haryana, Punjab and western Uttar Pradesh, rural areas in Delhi and some areas in South India continue to witness honour killings.
The Punjab and Haryana High Courts are flooded with applications from young couples, seeking protection from caste panchayats.

The caste system is the biggest culprit for honour killings. According to the families who strongly belief in such custom, they think that if someone from their families disobey and decide to marry someone of their wish from other gotra or outside their caste, it would bring disrespect for them from the society. To save their so called respect from others they go to extreme level and kill their own son/daughter. Now you tell me, if for Prestige/ Honour we are supposed to kill someone, then we Osama Bin laden and other terrorists would be the most prestigious and honorable man, and Nobel Peace laureates like Mother Teresa and Nelson Mandela as the least ones.

Apart from the caste system; honour killings are also taking place because people’s mentalities are not changing; they can’t think that marriages can take place in the same gotra (the gotra is a system which associates a person with his most ancient or root ancestor in an unbroken male lineage) or outside one’s caste. For three days, I have searched the internet extensively, but did not got a single solid evidence in our Hindu scriptures which says anything like "same gotra people can't marry each other". Then from where the hell our society brought this concept? Even on June 2010 the Delhi High Court made Naresh Kadyan withdraw a petition which asked the Union Government to make changes in the Hindu Marriage Act to ban marriages in the same gotra. The petitioner in his argument said that marriage within the same gotra is against Hindu tradition. The Vacation Bench of the Court (which comprises Justice S.N. Dhingra & Justice A.K. Pathak asked him to show proof in any Hindu scripture which bans marriage in the same gotra, Mr. Kadyan failed to do so resulting in withdrawal of his petition.

Along with the caste system our society is also the culprit. When people don’t have work they try to peep in others life and talk about their person matters in public. Many a time it has been noticed that the parents don’t oppose to such inter-caste marriages, but it is the society who pressurizes the entire family to go against it. Please do not let others decide about your kid’s future. And anyhow someone had said that “society suffers from Amnesia. They will soon forget what they said or did”.

Everyone thinks that honour killings are only happening in rural areas, but this is not true our so called educated societies from urban areas are also contributing to this crime. Yes the number is more from the urban area. In India mostly such incidences are reported from the states of Uttarakhand, Punjab, Rajasthan, Haryana and Uttar Pradesh.

Some cases of honour killing:-

Manoj (23), who ran an electronics repair shop at Kaithal, eloped with Babli (19) of Karoran village on May 2007, because their parents did not gave permission for their marriage. They belonged to different gotra so the village elders accused the couple of violating the code of conduct related to marriage. The young couple was murdered in a month. According to the police, the culprits dragged the couple out of a Karnal-bound bus, were brutally murdered and their bodies thrown into an irrigation canal. After three years all the five accused members were sentenced death penalty. All five were relatives of the girl, Babli. They include her brother Suresh, cousins Gurdev and Satish, uncles Baru Ram and Rajender.

Manoj & Babli just after their marriage

Wazirpur, once a rural village overtaken by sprawling suburbs of northern Delhi, was the residence of Monica (24) and Shobha (20). Monica married a local boy, Kuldeep, four years ago. In 400 years, they were the first couple to have married out of caste in their village. On 21^st June 2010 Shobha, Monica and Kuldeep were found murdered. They have been shot twice in the head by two of her own cousins. When the police nabbed the accused he confessed, and said they could not bear the taunts of the villagers after the girls had supposedly “shamed” them, one by marrying out of caste and the other by aspiring to be a model.

Kuldeep and Monica
Reena (16), a Jat, residents of Saimaina village in Fathehabad dared to love Sham Mohammad (18). If they would have known their fate then they would have never came close to each other. On 3^rd July 2010, they were found murdered in the same school where their souls meet each other. Most of the bones in Sham’s body were broken and one of his eye almost came out where as Reena was forced to take poison by her own family member, to show it as a suicide. Within six months the case was closed, and in police’s closing report said that they committed suicide.

Sham Mohammad’s aggrieved family members at Samain village

show the proof of letters sent to the government seeking protection.
Supreme Court a year ago said that, those who commit honour killing deserve death penalty. I think the Saharanpur (UP) DIG Satish Kumar Mathur had not seen that report. Why I am saying this is because, last month on our national new channels everyone saw him telling the father of the allegedly abducted 14 year old Ishrat Jahan, who is suspected to have eloped or been abducted, that had it been his sister, “If your daughter has eloped then you should be ashamed and end your life. I would have killed my sister if she had eloped or else I would have committed suicide”. The news flashed on the TV for 3-4 days but till now no action has been taken on him.
Payal, 18 year old girl from Karnal Haryana would have never thought in her wildest dream, that the hands in which she tied the rakhi for 17 years would be responsible for her death. Payal’s brother Paras stabbed her to death on 20^th May 2012 in Ashok Nagar. Her brother suspected her of relationship with some guy because she used to talk with some unknown person over the phone. Without investigating anything he one day when he and his sister were alone in the home, he went to the kitchen took the knife and stabbed her. Paras then misled her family and police by telling that she committed suicide, but later after interrogation he accepted his crime. He said that for family’s honour he killed his sister. But I ask him a question, what honour he brought for himself & his family after murdering his own sister.
On 2^nd May 2012, in a bid to save family honour, a man strangled his daughter at Gedellanka village of Mummidivaram mandal in East Godavari on Monday night as she insisted on marrying her lover who belongs to another community.
On 3rd May 2012, a minor Dalit girl from Bannirsarige in Chamarajanagar district of Karnataka was forced to leave the village by her family and local people for falling in love with a boy from a different caste and, in their view, bringing ‘ignominy’ to the community.

So in situations when your son/daughter comes to talk to you about someone whom they love; what should be done? Talk, talk and talk; because talking will lead you to sharing each other’s ideas, it will help you to share your emotions and feelings; which ultimately leads to understanding each other’s situations and come to some solution. In today’s fast paced life rarely do parents and children interact with each other on any topic, which leads to assumption, miscommunication and ego leading to satanic effects on any relationship. Also we have to change our mentality, I mean to say that we should accept our children’s wishes for marriage after all they are the one who have to stay with their life partner and if we force them to marry according to our wishes then it can lead to horrible married life which can end in divorce or suicide.

To stop this menace from spreading to other parts of our country, the Government will have to bring a "stand alone" law to punish people involved in such killings. In May 2010 our Union Law Minister Veerappa Moily said that the government is against honour killing. He said that “the bill on honour killing is now with the Home ministry. Five clauses will be added to Section 300. Indian Evidence Act will be amended to shift burden of proof to the accused and we will amend the Special Marriage Act to take away the 30 days notice period to get married”. Exactly one year is over, but we have not heard anything from the union law minister on the bill. Hope the bill, which Mr. Moily said is with Home Ministry will get passed in the parliament soon.

(In this article I have not mentioned about “Khap Panchayat”, because I want to write a separate article on them. These are a special group of people in Jat dominating regions of North Indian states who are primary responsible for such killings.)

Life is beautiful… “Change Minds, Save Lives”

References:-

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/chandigarh/Honour-killing-Brother-kills-sister-held/articleshow/13609660.cms

http://www.youthkiawaaz.com/2012/05/kill-your-daughter-if-she-elopes-insensitive-police-and-the-hypocritical-society/

http://indiatoday.intoday.in/story/honour-killing-kill-daughter-if-she-elopes-saharanpur-dig/1/187897.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honor_killing

http://www.tribuneindia.com/2011/20110421/haryana.htm

http://ibnlive.in.com/news/new-law-soon-on-honour-killing-says-moily/115074-3.html

Murder of Baby Afreen

2012-04-11T03:18:00.000+05:30

Rarely do we see that after birth any baby again goes back to hospital within 3 months and that also in ICU. Neha Afreen would have little known that again he will come to hospital and that also because of her father. Today when I was walking through the reception of my office and looked at the TV, I was shocked to see the news about baby Afreen death due to cardiac arrest. Most of my colleague who saw the new mourned the little one’s death. But the only reason we are talking about this horrific tragedy is because of Reshma Bano, baby Afreen’s 19 year old mother, who went public with the nasty story. Looking at her anyone can say that she would have never got the courage to talk on a National Television if her husband would have not done this heinous act. Someone had said it right that a mother becomes dangerous when someone tries to harm her baby. Reshma was openly saying on the television that she will not leave her husband if anything will happen to her baby.

Reshma her mother was the one who rushed to Vani Vilas Hospital to admit baby Afreen on Thursday night, April 5, with a severe head injury, dislocated neck and bite and burn marks on her body. All this injuries to the little soul was not given by any enemy but was given by the own blood and flesh which was running in her body (her 26 year old father Umar Farooq). Afreen was Umar’s second wife, but she was never ready for this marriage may be because she would have seen the demon behind his face.

I don’t think demons can do such an inhuman act, it would be inappropriate to call him as demon. I think we have to think a new word to define him. I am saying this because the hardcore jail inmates of Agrahara Central jail were also filled with grief and pain when they saw the news of Afreen’s death on TV. The jail inmates who must have carried out several crimes like murder, rape, dacoit there soul was also not able to digest that a human being can torture a helpless infant and they have beaten him up. Even though he faces murder charges under IPC section 302, no punishment is harsh enough for Farooq.

I am wondering what crime a 3 month old baby would have done to receive such a gift from her father. I took my time to at least think about one reason for her death, but have not got any. Then I came to know that the answer to my question is not easy in our wretched society. Only crime baby Afreen did was, she came to our humanized society with two XX chromosomes. If she would have come with XY chromosome then the story would have been different. An enraged man who had desperately wanted his young second wife to deliver a baby boy. The short pain filled 85 days of Afreen on this earth which shook the world is not the only story happened in our society. If closely observed daily we can come across several such stories. We are surrounded with such souls which have not even seen their first birthday. Some of the infants are lucky because they are able to find a pair of caring hands, but most of them lose the battle of surviving among the devils. Babies who lives are crushed by the very people who create them mothers included. The bitter truth is that we live in a nation where boys are worshipped and girls are killed.

I think at the time of birth, when babies come to earth they get scared by seeing the board which reads “Girls not welcome”, and this message is seen in all the society, in poshest home and in jhuggi jhopdi. When we will start putting values on our daughters? I think unless and until there is a change in our heart and minds to stop looking at daughters as liabilities to be palmed off to someone else, there will be n number of battered baby Afreens in future.

Had Reshama Bano would have not rushed to the Government hospital with her baby in her hands she would have died much earlier. Actually she was lucky enough to survive 3 months, because her father has started planning to kill her as soon as he heard her sweet crying voice. She was rejected by her father the moment she emerged from her mother’s womb.

Is Umar alone responsible for this crime, surely not? We stand guilty, along with such criminals. Until and unless our thirst for baby boy will not stop. Boy worship is not a bad thing but hating a girl is also not a good thing.

कैसे भूलें

2011-12-26T00:33:00.000+05:30

आज सोचा
तुमने हमें भूला दिया
तो हम भी तुम्हे भूला दें ,
पर भूलें भी तो कैसे भूलें
जान बुझ कर तुम्हे दिल में बसाया नहीं
तो जान बुझ कर कैसे भूला दें?

शिकायत

2011-12-17T02:30:00.000+05:30

गैरों के पास वक़्त होता है कहाँ

की वो किसी को रुला सकें
अपनों ने ही रुलाया है जब हमें
तो शिकायत किस्से से करें?

कातिल

2011-12-11T19:16:00.000+05:30

अपने कातिल पर भी मुझे प्यार आता है
जब उनकी याद दिल में आती है
हाँ ये सच है की क़त्ल किया है उसने मेरा
पर माफ़ ये सोच कर कर देता हूँ की
क़त्ल करने के लिए ही सही वो मेरे पास तो आयीं.

यकीन आज भी ये है की वो मेरे कब्र
पर आतीं होगीं फूल ले कर
यकीन आज भी ये है की वो रोतीं नहीं होंगीं
मेरे कब्र पर सर रख कर
फिर भी खुश हो लेतें हैं ये सोच कर
की हँसतीं भी तो नहीं होंगीं आ कर मेरे कब्र पर.

GOD Lives With Us

2011-11-14T02:00:00.001+05:30

Two humans are never identical, so they have different dreams and plans in their life. But the thing is since we all have the common ancestor; we have some common dreams also. I think that all of us wish or dream to meet GOD at least once in their life time. Some of us want to meet him to say thanks for whatever he had in his life, someone wants to meet him to ask something more in his life, someone wants to meet him to get some knowledge and someone wants to meet him just for getting some peace in life. But whatever be the reason most of us wants to meet him.

In the same way Ansh, a little boy staying with his parents in a metro also wanted to meet God. His parents were very much religious; from the time Ansh was not able to talk properly they started telling him stories about GOD. Without fail every weekend with Ansh they always tried to go to a temple. In their home also they had a beautiful altar where every morning they performed puja with their son. All these happenings in his life created some sort of fascination and excitement about GOD in his small mind. Many a time Ansh asked his parents, where do GOD live? How he looks? Can u meet him? To these questions his parents would always tell him that if you have a pure heart you can find him someday standing next to you and then you can ask all your questions to him. This answer from his parents doesn’t satisfy him so one fine day he decided to leave his home in search for GOD. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, and his parents would never allow him to go there. So without telling his parents he packed his bag with few potato chips and some juice packets and started his journey.

For his long journey to meet GOD he didn’t had sufficient money in his pocket. So he decided to walk for few miles. Down the lane after crossing few streets when he was about to cross a traffic signal, he saw an old woman. She was sitting on the pavement, just staring at the people with her dry eyes. Ansh looked at her for a second, thought something and then kept his bag on the pavement and sat down next to her. After making himself comfortable he opened his bag and took out the juice which he brought from his home. Just when he was about to drink it he noticed that the old lady looked hungry, so he extended his little hands towards her and offered her the juice packet. Since she was hungry, she gratefully accepted it and smiled at him.

Her smile was so pretty and satisfying that the boy wanted to see it again, so Ansh once again opened his bag and took out the potato chips and offered it to her. In return again she smiled at him and had the chips. The boy was delighted, seeing the small smiling curve on her face. Unknowingly he was experiencing the “happiness of giving” which we grownups have rarely experienced, because we don’t want to share our things with others. Anyhow they sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word to each other. Not because they don’t know each other but because they were busy in enjoying each others smile. Someone had beautifully said that “laughter is the shortest path between two hearts”, so when they were talking to each other by using the simplest language then who would want to make it complicated by using the complications of a language.

As evening approached, Ansh realized that now he should return to his home so he packed his bag and got up to go to his home. He picked up the bag and gave her the cutest and biggest smile as if he was saying good bye to her. Ansh gave a final look to that old woman and started walking towards his home, but before he had gone more than a few steps, suddenly he turned around and ran back to the old woman, and gave her a tight hug. In return she gave him her biggest smile ever.

All the way to his home Ansh was thinking about that woman. After an hour he reached home. Her mother opened the door, she was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked him, "What did you do today that made you so happy?" He replied, “I met with GOD and shared my food with her". Before his mother could respond, he added, "You know Maa? She's got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen”.

Meanwhile, with the sweet memories of the day spend with Ansh, the old woman also returned to her home in shanty town. After a long time her son saw peace and happiness on her mother’s face. He asked, "Maa, what did you do today that made you so happy?" She replied! "Today GOD gave me a hug." However, before her son responded, she added, “You know, he's much younger than I expected."

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. People come into our lives for a reason! Give respect to all of them equally, then only we will be able to meet GOD. Who knows may be you can see GOD in the person sitting next to you.

Love Can Wait Forever

2011-11-08T04:17:00.000+05:30

In the dark moonless night,

I am staring out of window,

down at the lonely street.

which in the daytime,

see many lovers walking over it.

Holding each other’s hand,

they talk & they laugh,

share their happiness & joy,

bringing smile to each other’s face.

Such a beautiful world is this,

full of joy and love.

But nothing matters,

when I wake up from my dream.

The wonderland where there are no tears,

and the loved ones are always near.

I can't keep this hope alive,

simply by memories of what we once were.

I can't wear the pain,

of not having you beside me.

When people doesn't see the reality,

in dark and empty nights.

Thinking of you I stay awake,

wondering whether,

you also think of me.

In the silent dark nights,

nothing else can I do,

but stare of my window,

and keep waiting for you,

because love can wait forever.

Inside My Heart

2011-10-30T23:34:00.000+05:30

Fears are gone

Tears are gone

Now when you are here

My loneliness is gone

The time which I share with you

Makes me strong

The days I spent without you, made it clear

It’s your love which I hold so dear

From deep inside my heart, always it shouts

"Please never ever keep us apart"

I always try to do my best

To show you for sure

That the love I hold for you is pure

No matter what it takes

I don't care for the stakes

I want you & only you.

To Find You

2011-10-26T23:30:00.000+05:30

Compass is not required to search you

Sound of your beating heart is enough to lead my way.

Sun is not required to search you

Beautiful smile of yours is enough to light my way.

Wind is not required to find you

Sweet voice of yours is enough to whisper my way.

Moon is not required to search you

Soulful eyes are enough to shine my way.

If however I would perish without finding you

Then my soul would find its way...

क्यूँ...

2011-10-23T03:04:00.000+05:30

सच्ची वफ़ा लिए हम तो मोहब्बत कर रहें थें,

आपकी नज़रों में शायद खता कर रहें थें.

आप रूठ कर बैठें हैं हम से, मनायें भी तो कैसे,

हमें तो ये भी ख़बर नहीं, क्यूँ रूठें हैं आप हम से.

कैसे बताएं हम आपको,

आपकी फिक्र में दिल मेरा भी रोया है,

रोते दिल से आप के लिए हमेशा दुआ निकला है.

आते जाते जब भी कभी आपसे मुलाकात हुई,

आप ने सिर्फ सिक्बे शिकायतों के दौड़ ही छेडें,

खामोखां गिला आप हमसे क्यूँ कर रहीं हैं?

देखते ही आप हमसे दूर क्यूँ भाग जातीं हैं,

नज़रों को किसी और दिशा में क्यूँ मोड़ लेतीं हैं,

बे बजाह आप हमारे दिल को क्यूँ सता रहीं हैं?

Some of the Urdu words & their meaning:-

वफ़ा - Fulfilling a promise

खता - Mistake

My Little Angel

2011-10-03T04:32:00.000+05:30

It’s was a normal morning which I was seeing for last 32 years. But what happened on that day, I had never imagined in my life. I left my bed at around 6:30, not with my own wish but because of the scare of my wife. Suppose if I will not leave my bed on time then for the whole day I had to hear some kind of loud voice, which is very much scary. So with my half opened eyes I left my sweet cozy bed, with a little bit of anger and scare for my one and only wife. After finishing my daily core activities, my eyes searched for the morning newspaper. I love to turn the pages of my newspaper with a cup of hot coffee. Actually by doing so, I get some kind of manly feeling within me.

With my glasses on my nose I was searching for some interesting news in the newspaper to discuss in the office during lunch hour, just then my ears received a wave of scare voice coming from the dining hall direction. In the morning’s calm atmosphere it sounded as if some vegetable vendor is shouting on the street trying to sell his vegetables. “How long will you be poring over that newspaper? Will you come here right away and make your darling daughter eat her food?”

I have an Angel in my home called as Nilakshi, other people used to call her as my daughter. She is the only gift I got from my wife, for which I will always be thankful to her. Every morning whenever NIlakshi calls me that makes my day. She is like a little bird chirping all over my home. Like other child she never demanded anything from me. Even she didn’t like to wear new dresses. She has just turned eight but all her activities are not usual for a kid of her age.

I tossed the paper away kept the cup on table and rushed to the scene. My only daughter Nilakshi looked frightened. Tears were welling up in her eyes. In front of her was a glass bowl filled to its brim with milk & muesli.
She particularly detested muesli. My mother and my wife are nontraditional or may be called as modern. Both of them carry too much of influence from the TV adds.

I picked up the bowl and sat near my baby. After clearing my throat, I said "Nilakshi, darling, why don't you take a few mouthful of this Muesli? Just for your Dad's sake, dear. And, if you don't, your Mom will beat me and then you will have to protect me.”

After saying this I didn’t looked behind, because I sensed my wife's scowl. Nilakshi smiled and softened a bit, and wiped her small tear drops with the back of her little hands. “OK, Daddy. I will eat not just a few mouthfuls, but will finish the bowl. But, you should...” Nilakshi stopped with some kind of hesitation. When I asked her not to fear from her Mother or grandmother she said that “Daddy, if I eat this entire Muesli, will you give me whatever I ask for?”

“Oh sure, darling.”

“Promise?” she again asked to be sure from her side.

“Promise, my baby”. I covered the pink soft hand extended by my daughter with mine, and clinched the deal.

“Ask Mom also to promise the same”, my daughter insisted to me. Angrily looking at me, my wife slapped her hand on Nilakshi's, muttering “Promise”, without any emotion.

Now I became a bit anxious, thinking don’t know what she is going to demand from us. That was the first time she was behaving like this, that was the reason why I was anxious. I said her “Nilakshi, you shouldn't insist on getting any expensive items. Dad does not have that kind of money right now. OK?” “No, Daddy. Please don’t worry I am not going to ask anything which is expensive from you.” After saying this she slowly and painfully, finished eating the whole quantity. I was silently angry with my wife and my mother for forcing my child to eat something that she dislike intensely.

The fight between my daughter and the bowl of muesli lasted for around 35 minutes. After winning her battle she came to me with her eyes wide open filled with expectation. She came to us as if we were the organizer of the game and she came to us for collecting her prize. She was standing before us, silently asking for her prize. With scared voice I asked her “tell me Nila, what you want from us?” She said “Daddy, I want to have my head shaved off, this Sunday!'

“Atrocious!” shouted my wife looking angrily at her, “a girl child having her head shaved off? Impossible!” My wife, at least she had some words to say to her. I was totally word less after hearing to her demand. She didn’t ask for anything expensive, but then also I was shocked to hear her. After few seconds I pulled her up in my lap and said “Nilakshi, why don't you ask for something else? We will feel bad whenever we will see your head clean-shaved”.

Nilakshi with her soft voice said “No, Daddy. I do not want anything else.”

I tried to plead with her because I don’t want to use force on my baby. I said “Please, Nilakshi, why don't you try to understand our feelings?” With her soft and sweet voice cryingly she said, “Daddy, you saw how difficult it was for me to eat that Muesli”. (Now tears from Nilakshi’s eye started rolling down to her chick) “And you promised to grant me whatever I ask for. Now, you are going back on your words. Was it not you who told me the story of King Harishchandra, and its moral that we should honor our promises no matter what?”

It was time for me to put down the weapons, and said to my wife and mother “Our promise must be kept.”

“Are you out your mind?” chorused my mother and wife. “How can we allow her to depart from her hair, today she is demanding this tomorrow who knows she can demand something more weird. If we will start accepting all her demand then one day she will not listen to us.”

I said “No. try to think in other way, if we will go back on our promises, she will never learn to honor her own. Nilakshi, your wish will be fulfilled.”

Nilakshi had a round-face with her head clean-shaven, and her eyes looked big & beautiful. I don’t about Nila but I missed her hair very much.

On Monday morning, I dropped my baby at her school. I was feeling bad while looking at hairless Nilakshi walking towards her classroom. She turned around and waved her hand to say bye. I waved back with a smile. Just then, a boy alighted from a car, and shouted, “Nilakshi, please wait for me!”

I was shocked what was there in front of my eyes; the boy’s head was also hairless. I thought maybe this is the stuff why she departed from her hair.

A lady got down from the same car came near to me and without any introduction said that “Sir, your daughter Nilakshi is great indeed!”, after looking at both the hairless kids going inside the school, she continued, 'That boy who is walking along with your daughter is my son Talin. He is suffering from ... Leukemia.'

She paused for few seconds to muffle her sobs, and then continued saying “For full last month, Talin could not able to attend his school. Due to the side effect of chemotherapy he lost all his hair. He refused to come back to school fearing the unintentional but cruel teasing of the schoolmates. Last week Nilakshi talked to him, and promised him that she will take care of the teasing issue. But, I never imagined she would go to this extent and sacrifice her lovely hair for the sake of my son! Sir, you and your wife are blessed to have such a noble soul as your daughter.”

I stood transfixed. Then few seconds later, silently a drop of tear rolled down from my eye. “My little Angel, will you grant me a boon? Should there be another birth for me, will you be my mother, and teach me what Love is?”

No beginning or an end

2011-09-18T23:10:00.000+05:30

How special she is

How beautiful she is

How much I love her

No dictionary contains the words to describe it.

It’s good that the words are scarce

To define her beauty

It’s good that the words are scarce

To quantify my love

Since I don’t want to limit them

By defining them, because

No definition can define her

No limitation can limit her

Her beauty & my love has no beginning or an end