Diligent Joy Blog

Let's Talk--about parenting teens who may be sexually active

2011-10-31T13:25:00-07:00

Can you make a difference?

How can you help your child make good decisions about his or her relationships?

How can you help them understand what impact their current behavior may have on their future?

For information on these questions and more, click here.

Let's Talk--about delaying sexual activity

2011-10-30T10:30:00-07:00

What should you say about delaying sexual activity to your teen?

Helping Teens Delay Having Sex

Let's Talk--about puberty

2011-10-29T10:25:00-07:00

Need info about what to say about upcoming body and emotional changes?

Puberty 101 for Parents

Let's Talk--about sex and sexuality with kids

2011-10-28T10:22:01-07:00

Here are some great tips for talking wtih children about sex and sexuality:

Talking to Kids About Sex and Sexuality

Let's Talk!

2011-10-17T17:08:59-07:00

It's "Let's Talk" month, as in let's talk about sexuality, parents! Here's a cute video with what NOT to say, and how TO answer those unexpected questions:

Bullying and Bystanders

2011-10-04T12:24:28-07:00

October is National Bullying Prevention Month, and there are a lot of materials, programs, and events happening to stop bullying.

One area that I'd like to call attention to in many bullying situations is the bystander. Bystanders' actions make a significant difference in the outcome of a bullying situation.

More than one-half the time, bullying stops within 10 seconds of a bystander stepping in to help.(Craig, W. M. & Pepler, D. (1997). Observations of bullying and victimization in the school yard. Canadian Journal of School Psychology, 13(2): 41–60.)

Stepping in isn't always safe or practical, and it's not the only way to help. Another way bystanders can be useful is to get help--either by gathering peers for support, or reporting the bullying to an adult who will intervene.

Things that do not help are:

Instigating by teasing or prodding a bully to do something.
Encouraging the bully by laughing, cheering, or teasing the bully to continue.
Joining in on the bullying.
Passively accepting by watching and doing nothing.

Of these, passively accepting is the most common, and contributes to the problem by providing and audience and not doing anything to stop the harmful behavior. http://www.eyesonbullying.org/bystander.html

Talk to your child about how to be a helpful bystander. Sometimes, a comment will do the trick--reminding someone of the class or school rule, or inviting them to come sit by you. Other times, that isn't safe for the bystander, and he or she should go get a trusted adult to help.

Ask your child to think about a time when he or she saw something happening that was hurtful to someone else, either physically or emotionally. What did s/he do? Is there something else s/he wished s/he would have done? Is the situation still going on? If so, what should s/he do now?

If you are concerned for your or another child's safety, call the school to discuss the situation with the teacher, counselor, or principal. Though they often will not be able to tell you about specific disciplinary actions taken against another student, they can share general information about policies and procedures, and you can share information that you have to help them keep a watchful eye out and keep our children safe.

Sometimes, this takes courage. Talk to your child about this, too. According to the Virtues Project, "Courage is bravery in the face of fear. You do the right thing even when it is hard or scary. When you are courageous, you don't give up. You try new things. You admit mistakes. Courage is the strength in your heart."

Be courageous and teach your child to be, too. There are lots of ways to help stop bullying. Being a helpful bystander is one.

2011-09-16T15:11:45-07:00

MamaCon
Weekend sleep-over for smart mommies!

A convention just for mothers. Spa-services, rapid-fire presentations on exactly your own top-of-mind issues, great food, and Paula Poundstone. How can you not be there?

MamaCon is happening - late next spring in Seattle. But you can have a hand in shaping the details. Take this survey right now:

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/TD6F5FH

Advocating for your child at school

2011-09-08T16:31:00-07:00

If your child has special needs, and is part of the special education system, then you are probably familiar with meeting with school team members at least yearly to review your child’s progress and create new goals. Advocate for your child as much as possible. Be sure to share new information from home, the pediatrician, or other professionals working with your child in order to give the educators as complete a picture as possible.

If you need help, consider contacting a parent advocacy agency, such as PAVE (in Washington State—www.wapave.org) Many states have advocacy organizations for parents of children with different disabilities. Some will even attend school meetings with you to make sure your child is getting all the services to which he or she is entitled.

Most of all, trust your intuition. If you believe your child is having trouble learning, continue talking to professionals in order to find out what might be the culprit. Here are some people to consider consulting:

• Your child’s teacher
• Your pediatrician
• The School Counselor or School Social Worker
• The School Nurse
• Other adults who spend time with your child (scoutmaster, dance
instructor, etc)
• Parent advocacy agencies

You know your child, and if something is off, keep looking until you get the
answers you need.

So there you have them: 8 Great Guidelines for a Splendid School Year.
Here’s wishing you a spectacular September!

Visiting Your Child's School

2011-09-07T16:29:00-07:00

Parent involvement in school is one of the key factors in your child’s success. Whether you are able to volunteer in the classroom, chaperone field trips, or offer to make calls or do projects on your own time, get in touch with your child’s teacher and offer to help.

In addition, if at all possible, visit the school and your child’s teacher prior to the first day. This is especially important if it is a new school—either because you’ve moved or been moved, or because your child is transitioning to a new level, such to elementary school from preschool, or to middle school or high school. Simply seeing the school, walking around, and talking to a few friendly people can make a big difference in your child’s transition.

If you are able to meet with the teacher, be as supportive as possible, and also advocate for your child, with some statements like, “I’m sure you will figure this out anyway, but I wanted to let you know my child seems to learn best when she can both see and hear instructions” or “One thing his teacher last year found really worked well with him was to make sure he had a warning before transitioning to a new activity.”

Avoid being negative, demanding, or hovering too much. Remember that the teacher has his or her hands full with a classroom of students, regulations, and other activities.

Join your parent teacher association and attend the meetings. Get involved in any way you can to help make your child’s school a great place for all children.

And finally: Advocating for your child

The Daily Debrief

2011-09-06T16:27:00-07:00

Daily Debrief

Take some time each day to debrief with your child about his or her day. Avoid saying, “So, how was your day?” if you routinely get a one word answer, like “Good” or “OK.”

Instead, try some open ended questions like these:

What was the best thing that happened to you today?
What was the worse thing that happened to you today?
What was the funniest thing that happened to you today?
Who did you sit by at lunch?
With whom did you play at recess? What did you do?
Which subject was the most interesting today? What interested you about it?
What is one way in which you were kind to someone today?
What’s one really great choice you made today?
How were you helpful/respectful/honest/hardworking today?
What’s one thing you did really well?
What’s one thing you wish you would have done differently?
How could you do that differently in the future?

Be willing to answer the question yourself, too, if your child asks. You can also check into some games that are available for conversation starters. Use them in the car or at the dinner table. Give everyone a chance to participate, and watch your connections with each other grow.

Next: Visiting your child's school