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2012-01-20T12:55:00.000+05:30

मेष

इस साल आपका विवाह योग बन रहा है मगर ज़्यादा खुश होने की ज़रूरत नहीं है क्योंकि आप पहले से शादीशुदा हैं। गणेशा कहते हैं कि इस आफत के लिए आप खुद ज़िम्मेदार हैं। टाइमपास करने के चक्कर में ऑफिस में जिस लड़की से आपने फ्लर्ट करना शुरू किया था, उसे लेकर आप अब सीरियस होने लगे हैं। आपके प्यार में वो लड़की भी इतना आगे जा चुकी है कि आपका तलाक तक करवा सकती है वैसे भी वो घर उजाड़ने के मिशन पर निकली है।

जब-जब आप ऑफिस में होते हैं तो बीवी को धोखा देने के लिए मन में गिल्ट होता है मगर घर पहुंचते ही बीवी की कर्कश आवाज़ सुन, आप सोचते हैं कि ये यही डिज़र्व करती है।

बावजूद इसके गणेशा सलाह देंगे कि इन चक्करों में मत पड़िए। ये उम्र आपकी सैटिंग करने की नहीं, कन्यादान करने की है। ज़रा नज़र उठाकर देखिए, आपकी बेटी जवान हो गई है।

सलाह-पांच शनिवार छह कौओं को शहद चटाइए, इससे आपकी बीवी की कर्कशता चली जाएगी।

लाल रंग की गिलहरी को बूंदी का रायता खिलाएं

वृष

31 दिसम्बर की शाम पतले होने का जो resolution आपने लिया था, वो दो जनवरी की सुबह आलू के परांठे खाने के साथ टूट जाएगा। तीन जनवरी की शाम दोस्त के साथ टहलते हुए आप उसके कहने पर मोमो खा लेंगे। पहला मोमो मुंह मे लेते ही पतले होने का आपका resolution आपको धिक्कारेगा मगर उसे इग्नोर कर आप एक और प्लेट का ऑर्डर देंगे। दस जनवरी की शाम बीवी आपको बताएगी कि रनिंग के लिए आपने जो नया ट्रैक सूट खरीदा था, बिना एक बार भी पहने उसे चूहा काट गया है।

बीवी पर लापरवाही का इल्ज़ाम लगाते हुए आप उससे झगड़ा करेंगे, जिस पर बीवी के हाथों आपकी उन स्पोर्ट्स शूज़ से पिटाई हो जाएगी जिन्हें आपने ट्रेक सूट के साथ खरीदा था।

सलाह-किसी गरीब आदमी को रा वन और रामगोपाल वर्मा की आग की डीवीडी भेंट करें, उसे देखने के बाद वो आपको इतनी बद्दुआएँ देगा कि आप खुद-ब-खुद पतले हो जाएँगे।

मिथुन

बाकी सालों की तरह इस साल भी आप कुछ ख़ास नहीं उखाड़ पाएंगे। ऑफिस में आपको बॉस से डांट खानी पड़ेगी और घर पर बीवी से। न तो रिश्तेदार आपको भाव देंगे और न ही मांगने पर बच्चे पानी का गिलास। जून आते-आते आपका पालतू कुत्ता भी आपको देखकर पूंछ हिलाना बंद कर देगा। इस सबसे तंग आकर आप आत्महत्या करना चाहेंगे और जान देने के लिए एक दिन टीवी पर ‘मौसम’ की डीवीडी लगाएंगे। मगर प्रिंट ख़राब होने के कारण वो चल नहीं पाएगी। गुस्से में आप अपने हाथ की बनी चाय पिएंगे मगर उससे भी आप मरेंगे नहीं बस मुंह से झाग निकलने के बाद बेहोश होंगे।

सलाह-सात मंगलवार किसी लाल गिलहरी को बूंदी वाला रायता खिलाएं, लाभ मिलेगा।

कर्क

पिछले साल की तरह ये साल भी आप फेसबुक पर बैठ कर बर्बाद कर देंगे। दूसरों की वॉल से अच्छे-अच्छे स्टेटस चोरी करने, उन स्टेटस पर आने वाले लाइक का घंटों इंतज़ार करने, हर फोटो में दोस्तों को टैग करने, स्कूल में साथ पढ़ी लड़कियों के प्रोफाइल ढूंढने और एक्सेप्ट न किए जाने की उम्मीद के बावजूद उन्हें फ्रेंड रिक्वेस्ट भेजने में आप अपनी ज़िंदगी का एक और साल तबाह कर देंगे।

फेसबुक पर बैठे रहने के चक्कर में आप पूरी सर्दी बिना नहाए गुज़ार देंगे। इसी चक्कर में मां-बाप से गालियां खाएंगे मगर आप इतने ढीठ हो चुके हैं कि इन गालियों का आप पर कोई फर्क नहीं पड़ेगा। सारी गालियां एक कान से होते हुए बिना दिमाग में घुसे दूसरे कान से चुपचाप निकल जाएंगी।

सलाह-आप जैसे ढीठ आदमी को सलाह देने का कोई फायदा नहीं है।

सिंह

नौकरीपेशा लोगों के लिए ये साल काफी फलदायक रहेगा। सरकारी नौकरी में हैं तो दो नम्बर का पैसा बनाने का अच्छा मौका मिलेगा। प्राइवेट में हैं तो बॉस की लगातार चमचागिरी करने के चलते आपकी भारी तरक्की होगी। आपकी सैलरी बाकी लोगों से ज़्यादा बढ़ाई जाएगी। आपको ऐसे काम में लगाया जाएगा जिसके लिए न्यूनतम बुद्धि की आवश्यकता होगी। आपका काम बाकी लोगों की बॉस से चुगली करना है और वो आप पूरी ईमानदारी से करते रहें।

गणेशा सलाह देते हैं कि जून के बाद आप थोड़ा सतर्क हो जाएं क्योंकि इस दौरान बॉस का एक और सिफारिशी टट्टू ऑफिस में ज्वॉइन करेगा। तब आपको नए सिरे से खुद को प्रूव करना होगा। मगर घबराएं नहीं, खुद पर विश्वास रखें। हर आदमी के पास गिफ्टिड टेलेंट होता है। बॉस के सामने दूसरों की चुगली करने के लिए नए आदमी को एफर्ट करना होगा जबकि ऐसा करने का आपमें पैदाइशी गुण है।

सलाह- ‘लगाई-बुझाई’ की अपनी प्रतिभा को निखारने के लिए रोज़ाना तीन हिंदी सीरियल देखें।

कन्या

आपकी राशि भले ही कन्या हो मगर आपकी ज़िंदगी में कोई कन्या आती दिखाई नहीं दे रही। मगर इसमें किसी का कोई कसूर नहीं है, सिवाए आपके। करियर सेट करने की उम्र में आप लड़कियां सेट करते रहे और जब बारी लड़की सेट करने की आई तो आप करियर सेट करने में लगे हैं। आपकी अरेंज मैरिज हो सके ऐसी आपकी इमेज नहीं है और आप लव मैरिज कर सकें, ऐसी आपकी शक्ल नहीं। गणेशा कहते हैं कि ये स्थिति अभी कुछ और वक्त तक बनी रहेगी और 2017 के बाद जाकर आपका विवाह होगा मगर तब भी कन्या मनुष्य जाति से होगी या नहीं, इसकी गारंटी गणेशा नहीं लेते।

सलाह-इक्कीस सोमवार सुबह-शाम खुद को दस-दस थप्पड़ लगाएं, इससे उन लड़कियों के मन को शांति मिलेगी जो कभी आपको पीटना चाहती थीं।

तुला

वक्त आ गया है कि तुला राशि वाले अपनेआप को लेकर ग़लतफहमी पालना बंद कर दें और थोड़ा व्यावहारिक हो जाएं। सिर्फ आपके ये मानने से कि मैं बहुत होशियार हूं और ज़िंदगी में बहुत अच्छा डिज़र्व करता हूं, दुनिया को घंटा फर्क नहीं पड़ता। टीवी डिस्कशन्स में आने वाले गेस्ट को मूर्ख मानने से आप खुद होशियार नहीं हो जाते। दसवीं पास दोस्तों को अपने अल्पज्ञान से आतंकित करने से कुछ पल्ले नहीं पड़ने वाला। अब भी वक्त है, संभल जाइए। आपके दोस्तों के दो-दो बच्चे हो गए और आपकी अभी शादी तक नहीं हुई, ये बात अलग है कि बच्चे आपके भी दो हो चुके हैं जिनमें से एक की तो खुद आपको भी जानकारी नहीं है।

सलाह- खुद के कमाए पैसों से एक अंडरवियर खरीदने बाज़ार जाएं, अपनेआप अक्ल ठिकाने आ जाएगी।

दही में तीन चम्मच चाय पत्ती मिलाकर पंडित जी को पिलाएँ

वृश्चिक

वृश्चिक राशि वालों का इस साल भाग्य खूब साथ देगा। खरीदारी करने बाज़ार जाएंगे तो सेल में कुछ सस्ते स्वेटर मिल जाएंगे, बुक करवाने के दो दिन बाद सिलेंडर की डिलिवरी हो जाएगी, फुटपाथ से खरीदी पाइरेटिड सीडी का प्रिंट अच्छा निकलेगा, आटे की थैली में साबुनदानी का मुफ्त स्टैंड निकलेगा, जिस गाड़ी में सफर करेंगे उसमें सुंदर लड़कियां दिखेंगी, पड़ौसी के दसवीं में अच्छे नम्बर आएंगे, उसकी बुआ की लड़की अपने मायके से आपके लिए नया पजामा लाएगी और और तो और आपकी भैंस माया भी इस साल बाकी सालों के मुकाबले ज़्यादा दूध देगी।

सलाह-अपनी गली के आठ आवारा कुत्तों की नसबंदी करवाएं, इससे आपका भाग्य और चमकेगा।

धनु

धनु राशि वालों की किस्मत इस साल बिलुकल साथ नहीं देगी। ऑफिस जाने की जल्दी होगी तो रास्ते में स्कूटर पंचर हो जाएगा, मेहमान आए होंगे तो सिलेंडर ख़त्म हो जाएगा, ज़रूरत पड़ेगी तो नेट काम नहीं करेगा, बीवी बीमार होगी तो कामवाली छुट्टी ले लेगी, सहवाग की बैटिंग के वक्त लाइट चली जाएगी, लाइट आने पर मिमोह चक्रवर्ती की फिल्म चल रही होगी और तो और जब-जब चाय में डुबोकर खाने के लिए ग्लूकोज़ का बिस्किट उसके अंदर डालेंगे, वो उसी में डूब जाएगा!

सलाह- बिस्किट चाय में न डूबे इसके लिए ज़रूरी है कि उसे लाइफ जैकेट पहनाएं।

मकर

टीवी देखने के लिहाज़ से ये साल महिलाओं के लिए काफी अच्छा है। मार्च के आसपास आप सोनी टीवी पर दो नए सीरियल देखने शुरू करेंगी और अपनी दृढ़ इच्छाशक्ति के दम पर बिना नागा उसे पूरा साल देखेंगी। इस दौरान रिमोट के लिए कई दफा आपका अपने पति से झगड़ा होगा मगर सीरियल्स की साजिश रचने वाली बहुओं की तरह आप भी हार नहीं मानेंगी।

वहीं दूसरी ओर रिएलिटी शोज़ के हिसाब से ये साल आपके लिए उतना अच्छा नहीं है। आप जिस-जिस कंटेस्टेंट को सपोर्ट करेंगी वो फाइनल तक तो पहुंचेगा मगर जीत नहीं पाएगा जिसे लेकर आपको भारी दुख होगा। रात-रात भर कमरा बंद कर फूल की कढ़ाई वाला तकिया मुंह में ले रोएंगी और हो सकता है इस बीच डिप्रेशन की शिकार भी हो जाएं।

सलाह- पति के सोते ही उसके मोबाइल से अपने चहेते प्रतिभागी को ढेरों वोट करें। इससे पति भले ही डेंजर ज़ोन में चला जाए, मगर आपका पसंदीदा गवैया बच जाएगा।

कुंभ

कुंभ राशि वाले अपना ये साल पंडितों के चक्कर में बर्बाद कर देंगे। आपके लिए ये समझना बहुत ज़रूरी है कि अगर आपकी ज़िंदगी में कुछ नया नहीं हो रहा तो उसकी वजह आपकी ख़राब किस्मत नहीं, आपका आलस हैं। ऑफिस से घर आने के बाद आपका सारा दिन पड़े रहने में बीतता है और यही वजह है कि आप दस साल से एक ही ऑफिस में पड़े हुए हैं। आपके पड़े-पड़े आपके बच्चे बड़े हो गए मगर आप अपने करियर में कहीं नहीं बढ़े। गणेशा सलाह देते हैं कि यूं दिनभर भेजे के कुकर में ख्याली पुलाव पकाते रहने और बॉस के घर की महिला सदस्यों को याद कर उसे गाली देने का कोई फायदा नहीं है।

लिहाज़ा बिना कुछ किए हालात सुधरने की उम्मीद में चार अख़बारों में राशियां पढ़ने और हाथ की अंगुलियों से लेकर पैर के अंगूठे तक में अंगूठियां पहनने के बजाए रजाई से निकलिए…गैस पर पानी गर्म कर नहाइए, नहीं नहाना तो मुंह-हाथ ही धोइए और स्कूटर स्टार्ट कर कहीं बाहर जाइए।

सलाह- एक पाव दही में तीन चम्मच चाय पत्ती डालने के साथ उसमें रात की बची एक कटोरी दाल डालिए और इसमें आधा गिलास फिनाइल मिक्स कर, उस पंडित को पिलाइए जो खुद आपको अब तक ऐसे उल्टे-सीधे उपाय बताता आ रहा था।

मीन

जहां तक बारगेनिंग या मोलभाव का सवाल है, मीन राशि की महिलाओं के लिए ये साल काफी शुभ हैं। दुकान से सूट का कपड़ा खरीदने से लेकर गली में सब्ज़ी वाले से लड़-झगड़कर पैसे कम करवाने में आपको व्यापक सफलता मिलेगी। आपकी ख्याति मौहल्ले में ही नहीं, देशभर में फैलेगी। और तो और अंतर्राष्ट्रीय स्तर पर हथियार खरीदते समय भारत सरकार दूसरे देशों से मोलभाव के लिए आपको बुलावा भेजेगी। फ्रांस जैसे देशों से मिसाइल खरीद के समय आप ये कहते हुए रेट कम करवाएंगी…जाओ भइया जाओ…पचास में पीछे जापान वाले दे ही रहे थे या फिर ‘हम तो हमेशा आप ही के यहां से खरीदते हैं’, कहकर उन्हें इमोशनली ब्लैकमेल करेंगी।

सलाह- कॉलेज में आप भाव खाती रही हैं और अब मोलभाव कर रही हैं। हमारी गुज़ारिश है कि यही हाव-भाव बनाए रखें।

PEPSI Vs COCACOLA

2012-01-19T13:45:00.003+05:30

What Men Say (And What They Really Mean)

2012-01-19T10:08:00.003+05:30

What Men Say (And What They Really Mean):

I think of you as a sister. (You're ugly.)

There's a slight difference in our ages. (You're ugly.)

I'm not attracted to you in that way. (You're ugly.)

My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly.)

I've got a girlfriend. (You're ugly.)

I don't date women where I work. (You're ugly.)

It's not you, it's me. (You're ugly.)

I'm concentrating on my career. (You're ugly.)

I'm celibate. (You're ugly.)

Let's be friends. (You're ugly.)

World's funniest jokes

2012-01-11T18:19:00.000+05:30

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

THE BUST

2011-12-12T11:40:00.001+05:30

A few years ago, Joseph was finally given an exit permit by the Russians
and allowed to emigrate to Israel to join his family. He was
told that he could only take what he could pack into one suitcase. At
the Moscow airport he was stopped by an enormous customs officer who
glared at him and snarled, "Open the case!"

Joseph opened the case and the Russian rummaged through the meagre
belongings and pulled out a large bundle wrapped in old copies of
Pravda. He unwrapped it to reveal a bust of Stalin.

"What is that?" snarled the customs officer.

"What is that?" said Joseph timidly. "You shouldn't ask 'What is
that?' - you should ask 'Who is that?' That is our glorious leader
Stalin. I'm taking it to my new home to remind me of all the wonderful
things that he did and the marvellous life that I am leaving behind."

"I always knew that you Jews were mad!" said the official, tossing the
bust into the case. "Go!"

A few hours later Joseph arrived at Ben Gurion airport and was
confronted by an Israeli customs officer. "Shalom. Welcome to Israel.
Open the case!"

Once again Joseph's belongings were examined and the customs officer
came upon the bust.

"What is that?" said the customs officer.

"What is that?" said Joseph indignantly. "You shouldn't ask 'What is
that?' - you should ask 'Who is that?' That is the bastard, Stalin.
I'm taking it to my new home to remind me of all the misery and
suffering that he caused me for most of my life. I want to spit on it
every day for the rest of my life."

"I always knew that you Russians were mad!" said the official, tossing
the bust into the case. "Go!"

At last Joseph arrived in his new home and eventually got around to
unpacking, watched by his young nephew. He took out his few clothes
and then carefully unwrapped the bust of Stalin and put it on a table.

"Who is that?" asked his nephew.

"Who is that?" said Joseph with a smile. "You shouldn't ask, 'Who is
that?' - You should ask, 'What is that?' That is five kilos of gold
and a bit of black shoe polish."

why this kolaveri di(Female Version)

2011-11-29T10:28:00.001+05:30

Why this kolaveri di(Male Version)

2011-11-29T10:27:00.001+05:30

Sharad Pawar assaulted

2011-11-25T16:25:00.001+05:30

80 RAJNI FACTS

2011-11-22T13:37:00.001+05:30

1. Rajnikant has counted to infinity-twice.
2. When Rajnikant does pushups, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the earth down.
3. Rajnikant doesn’t wear a watch, he decides what time it is!!
4. Rajnikant’s house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
5. The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajnikant kicked one of the corners off.
6. Rajnikant once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills, they just made him blink.
7. Rajnikant’s every step is a mini whirlwind. Hurricane Katrina was the result of his morning jog!
8. Where there is a will, there’s a way. Where there is Rajnikant, there is no other way!!
9. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Rajnikant lives in Chennai!
10. Rajanikanth can build a snowman…. out of rain.
11. Rajanikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.
12. Rajanikanth can drown a fish.
13. Rajanikanth can play the violin….on a piano.
14. When Rajanikanth enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on ….he turns the dark off.
15. Rajanikanth once had a heart attack…. his heart lost.
16. Rajanikanth makes onions cry.
17. It takes Rajnikant 20 minutes to watch 60 minutes .
18. The only things that run faster and longer than Rajnikant are his films.
19. Ghosts are actually caused by Rajanikanth killing people faster than Death can process them.
20. When Rajanikanth looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajanikanth and Rajanikanth.
21. Rajnikant gave Mona Lisa that smile.
22. Rajanikanth does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
23. Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Rajnikant.
24. Rajnikant is so fast. He can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
25. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Rajanikanth and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
26. Rajanikanth’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajanikanth.
27. Once a cobra bit Rajanikanth’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
28. When Rajanikanth gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
29. Rajanikanth can kill two stones with one bird.
30. Rajanikanth was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
31. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Rajanikanth can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
32. There is no such thing as global warming. Rajanikanth was cold, so he turned the sun up.
33. Rajanikanth can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
34. Rajanikanth has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.
35. Rajanikanth once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
36. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajanikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.
37. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Rajanikanth.
38. Rajanikanth destroyed the periodic table, because Rajanikanth only recognizes the element of surprise.
39. Rajanikanth got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.
40. With the rising cost of gasoline, Rajanikanth is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
41. The square root of Rajanikanth is pain. Do not try to square Rajanikanth, the result is death.
42. When you say “no one’s perfect”, Rajanikanth takes this as a personal insult.
43. Rajinikanth once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are today called giraffes.
44. Rajinikanth killed the Dead Sea.
45.. When Rajinikanth does push-ups, he isn’t lifting himself up. He is pushing the earth down.
46. There is no such thing as evolution, it’s just a list of creatures that Rajinikanth allowed to live.
47. Rajnikanth can divide by zero.
48. Rajinikanth can win at Solitaire with only 18 cards.
49. Rajinikanth did in fact, build Rome in a day.
50. Rajinikanth never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself in fear.
51. Rajinikanth doesn’t breathe. Air hides in his lungs for protection.

52. Words like awesomeness, brilliance, legendary etc. were added to the dictionary in the year 1949. That was the year Rajinikanth was born.
53. Rajinikanth does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.
54. Rajinikanth has already been to Mars, that’s why there are no signs of life there.
55. Rajinikanth doesn’t move at the speed of light. Light moves at the speed of Rajinikanth.
56. Rajinikanth knows Victoria’s secret.
57. Water boils faster when Rajinikanth stares at it.
58. Rajinikanth got small pox when he was a kid. As a result small pox is now eradicated.
59. Rajinikanth leaves messages before the beep.
60. The last time Rajinikanth killed someone, he slapped himself to do it. The other guy just disintegrated. Resonance.
61. Rajinikanth can answer a missed call.
62. Rajinikanth doesn’t need a visa to travel abroad, he just jumps from the tallest building in Chennai and holds himself in the air while the earth rotates.
63. Rajinikanth’s brain works faster than Chacha Chaudhury’s.
64. Rajinikanth doesn’t shower. He only takes blood baths.
65. Rajinikant can give pain to Painkillers and headache to Anacin.
66. Rajinikanth knows what women really want.
67. Time and tide wait for Rajinikanth.
68. Rajinikanth sneezed only once in his entire life, that’s when the tsunami occurred in the Indian ocean.
69. As a child when Rajinikanth had dyslexia, he simply re-scripted the alphabet.
70. The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Rajinikanth’s fist.
71. Rajinikanth puts the ‘laughter’ in manslaughter.
72. Rajinikanth goes to court and sentences the judge.
73. Rajinikanth is a champion in the game “Hide n’ seek”, as no one can hide from Rajinikanth.
74. Rajinikant proves Newton wrong all the time. Every time he performs an action, he simply eliminates anything and everything that can provide the reaction.
75. Rajinikant is a weapon created by God to use on doomsday to end the world.
76. Aliens do indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Rajinikanth is on.
77. We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Rajinikanth.
78. If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Rajinikanth.
79. When Rajinikanth plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
80. Rajinikanth is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

RAJNI RETUNS

2011-11-17T14:30:00.001+05:30

When Rajnikant was studying in 3rd std....some1 stole his rough note....&

Now they call it as .............Wikipedia

Crazy people!!!! ;)

========================================

When Rajnikant was a Student¦!!!

Teachers use to Bunk the classes!!!

========================================

Rajnikant started college. All students were confused while taking admission because name of college is

"Rajnikant's Medical College of Engineering for Commerce".

========================================

THE MOST NEGLECTED FACT OF THE ENTIRE DECADE!!!!

Sachin Tendulkar's mothers name is RAJNI Tendulkar

And his coach's name is ramaKANT

Is there a need to say anything beyond this???

========================================
Rajinikant got 150 questions in exam paper asking - "Solve any 100 questions"

He solved all 150 and wrote, " Rascalla!, CHECK ANY 100!"

========================================

One day Rajani thought to play cricket in monsoon and rain stopped due to play.

========================================

Rajnikanth's next project is the Titanic in Tamil. However, Rajni has twisted the climax. Both the lead actors survive. Rajni swims

across the Atlantic Ocean with the heroine in one hand and... The Titanic in the other

========================================
"Who says the world will be destroyed in Dec 2012..Rajnikant just bought a Laptop with three years warranty"

========================================

Rajni can walk faster than light.
"Rajni cannot be created or destroyed; it can only be changed from one form to another".

========================================

Law of Conservation of Rajni

All scientists failed to answer this but rajnikanth did...
Ques: Which liquid turns solid on heating?
Ans: Dosa... mind it!!!

========================================

Once a photo of Rajnikant was given for Xerox. Don't even try to guess what happened.

We got two copies of the Xerox machine.

========================================

One more:

Once upon a time

Rajnikant used Tooth Powder to get strong teeth

today that powder is known as

"AMBUJA CEMENT"

========================================

Rajni in frustration

2011-11-06T10:08:00.000+05:30

OSAMA IN HEAVEN

2011-10-14T14:00:00.000+05:30

Bill Gates

2011-09-03T13:41:00.000+05:30

I don't think that Bill Gates needs to wait for that long...

THE CHRONICLES OF MR. CHATUKUMAR - I

2011-08-31T17:22:00.001+05:30

PART- I / 31-08-2011

Once on a rainy day in Jaipur my grandfather Mr. Tharkichand passed to me the centuries old family success mantra. The mantra which was the most credited reason of our family's super success. Though we have not remained as rich as i did stress but still owning seven cars including two luxurious one are pretty enough in the country, where most of the population still travel in buses and eat samosas with hari chatni.

He said to me, " Beta, whatever you do in your life always remember one thing that a person cannot make it big without proper guidance. That's why we have made it a tradition of our great great family that before one of younger one goes for higher studies by paying handsome amount as fee and not to forget under the table fee; he should be told the family's mantra for guaranteed success. I'm personally so convinced with the mantra that at the time of your birth I decided that your name should be Chatukumar, means a person who does lots and lots of chamachbaji(flattering). So if you really want to succeed in life don't forget one thing that even in blackest night there is a ray of hope, so whenever you get in some difficult situation in your life just believe in the super mantra of success 'the chatugiri'(flattering). Now go and rule the world!"

(continued...)

All characters and situations in the story are fictitious, if you feel that it is similar to your own story than go FUS ;)

kOthari is nO mOre

2011-05-01T23:12:00.004+05:30

My facebook status with all original comments.

ME: Aaj agar KothariJi jinda hote to kahte, "beta, aj tune mera naam roshan kar iya podar se passout hokar tujhe job mil gyi!!aur sabse bdi baat salary bi mil rhi h."

Bishamber Singh likes this.
Bishamber Singh agar kothari ji jinda hote toh unki baduaa se teri job hi nhi lagti mar gye tabhi job lgi h teri.
Shrikant Kumawat bhai mujhe bda dukh h unke gujar jane ka, bde bhale aadmi the. bhagwan narak ki sari aatmao ko shanti de....
Syed Faiz Ali likes this.
Siddharth Choudhary likes this.
Renu Bansal likes this.
Shilpa Dhiran likes this.

Yogendra Kumar Bairwa likes this.

ME : Pity for Osama, now he has to share a room with Kothari
in the 'Hell'...

Shilpa Dhiran likes this.
Yogendra Kumar Bairwa likes this.
Siddharth Choudhary likes this.
Mamta Koli ye kya ulte seedhe comment jarta rahta hai
Syed Faiz Ali ha ha ha..
Shrikant Kumawat ab ye kothari chahe kitna hi gira hua aadmi kyo na ho, uske kadradano ki kabhi kami nhi rhi....
Syed Faiz Ali tum kya kar rahe ho bhai.. degree nahi chahiye kya
Shrikant Kumawat achaar dalna h degree ka, plane banane k alawa kya kaam ayegi? Us degree ki valve hi kya jo kothari jaise logo ko 25 saal phle mil chuki h...
Syed Faiz Ali ha ha ha .. cant bear it man.. u r so aggressive

glimpses of the past

2011-03-05T19:06:00.002+05:30

"Fate chooses your relations, you choose your friends."

"A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud."

"The only reward of virtue is virtue; the only way to have a friend is to be one."

"True happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, but in their worth and choice."

"It is more shameful to distrust one's friends than to be deceived by them."

"One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives."

"A Friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of Nature."

and I got my 10 Rs. back..

2011-03-04T22:40:00.004+05:30

Guys you all know how telecom companies sucking their customers in India by telemarketing stupid products by calls and messaging. But the most irritating thing is deducting balance without any reason or just starting any value added service without customer's permission.

I also faced the same irritating situation this week. I have a TATA DOCOMO no. for last one month, I purchased this particular company's SIM because they have best internet browsing plans in my knowledge. But from the very first day I'm having so many telemarketing calls and that's not a big thing because you have to activate the DND your new SIM but problem is that it is not activating for last one month.

The problem started when I recharged my no. with a Rs. 65 RC for Internet, but instead giving me 2.5 GB data balance they credited 3600 free local TATA mins to my account.

I talked to customer care about the issue but it didn't helped. By not getting a satisfactory reply I just mailed to the HRM department, informing about my problem.

On 2/27/11, shrikant kumawat <shrikantjaipur@gmail.com> wrote:
Hi,
My No. is 7418086065, I'm living at Chennai. Today I recharged my No.
with RC 65 for GPRS, but instead giving me 2.5 GB data they gave some
3600 local TATA mins to me.
The customer care executive says that they changed the GPRS plan to RC 63
now.

But you are still advertising about RC 65 plan, what is that?
Now tell me what should I do with these free mins, Among all my
friends I'm the only fool who has DOCOMO SIM.

:( :((

For this they didn't reply, but after 4-5 days I got another issue. Without my asking they started a value added service 'personalized horoscope' and deducted 10 Rs. from my account.

I again talked to customer care and got the same reply, and then again mail to HRM department.

Complain/2

Just 4 days ago I lost 65 rupees, and today again they start a
'personalized horoscope' service without my request in any form.

After my complain they dis-activate the service, but what about the
money I lost due to this.

Before DOCOMO I have use Airtel, Reliance and IDEA, but I thing DOCOMO
is worst service provider in among these companies.

Pls reply, don't be so dumb.

This time I got was lucky and got a reply.

Dear Customer,

Thank you for writing to us.

We are in receipt of your mail dated 02-Mar-2011 as regards balance issue
for TATA DOCOMO number 7418086065.

We regret the inconvenience caused to you.

We request you to kindly revert with the deducted amount and date on which
your balance has been deducted to assist you better.

Please feel free to contact us at 121 from your TATA DOCOMO mobile phone or
9043012345 from a Non DOCOMO mobile phone.

Assuring you of our best services at all times.

Warm Regards,
Neha Sharma
TATA DOCOMO

And I replied...

Dear Ma'am,

Its not about the money, but the irritation I got due to all this.

Personalized Horoscope Service (10 Rs.) It started automatically.

RC 65 (It was for Internet browsing but instead they debited some 3600
free tata to tata mins to my account, please cancel this and debit
this much of talk time if possible.)

Regards,
Shrikant Kumawat

Contact No. 7418086065

Next day I got a mail from the HRM with the message

Dear Customer,

Thank you for writing to us.

We are in receipt of your mail dated 03-Mar-2011 as regards balance issue for TATA DOCOMO number 7418086065.

Please be informed that the amount of Rs. 10 has been credited into your account on 04-Mar-2011.

Further we would like to inform you that we are unable to change the plan.

For further assistance, call us at: 121 from TATA DOCOMO number or 9036012345 from a Non TATA DOCOMO mobile phone.

Assuring you of our best services at all times.

Warm Regards,
Neha Sharma
TATA DOCOMO

That's how I got my 10 Rs. back but what about the 65 rupee recharge, well I think I should just forget about that.

I guess I'm changing

2011-02-22T20:56:00.000+05:30

Long ago some idiot said that 'change is the only constant in this world', now this is idiot affirm it. Why I'm affirming is because now I really feel that everything can changes, including me. We don't need to go too back in the timeline to see myself a lazy, unproductive, watching movies and listening songs all the days. After completing my MBA I was at home in Jaipur with 'unemployed tag' for whole seven months and most of time I spent there doing 'nothing'.

Then I got this job and everything changed over night. From Jaipur I moved to Chennai. The days with full rest changed into 10 to 7 working restlessly, 'funny langotiya yaar' replaced by boring bank colleagues. Even language is different here from north India, so is the culture,climate and food habit. I think they call it 'cultural shock'

In short life has changed dramatically with a few days. It took me some days to adapt the conditions though the process will be continue as long as I stay here. But life is not about following a routine in all your life, this is the change in situations which make one strong, mature and more importantly alive.

For a few days I was cursing my luck for all this but now I'm thankful that I got the opportunity, to be alive.

The Almighty Rajnikanth(funny)

2011-01-19T16:08:00.002+05:30

Rajnikanth's fan has been considering him a God for centuries and after recently exposed facts they have more reasons to believe it. According to some Indian Archaeologist who are claiming to unearthed some prehistoric manuscripts which says that in the contrary to general assumptions Adam and Eve were in fact children of Rajnikant who later gave them to God so that the God can understand the social science lessons practically which Rajnikanth taught him.

Courtesy- Corner Jokes

marketing blunders

2010-12-09T20:18:00.000+05:30

1. Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."

2. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.

3. Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into German only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "manure stick."

4. When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the beautiful Caucasian baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside, since most people can't read.

5. Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.

6. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el papa), the shirts read "I saw the potato" (la papa).

7. Pepsi's "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave", in Chinese.

8. Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "it takes a strong man to make a tender chicken" was translated into Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate."

9. The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Ke-kou-ke-la", meaning "Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "ko-kou-ko-le", translating into "happiness in the mouth."

10. When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, "it won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." Instead, the company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."

Funny Facts

2010-12-07T10:29:00.002+05:30

If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry!
Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian. Think about it.

Don't walk as if you rule the world, walk as if you don't care who rules the world! That's called Attitude! Keep on rocking!

Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!

He was a good man. He never smoked, drank & had no affair. When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.

They said, he who never lived, cannot die!

A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles?
He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!

So many options for suicide: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage,
slow & sure!

Only 20 percent girls have brains, rest have boyfriends!

All desirable things in life are either
illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone
else!

Laziness is our biggest enemy- Jawaharlal Nehru
We should learn to love our enemies- Mahatma Gandhi
Ab aap bataaye kiski sune - bapu ji ya chacha ji???

When things go wrong, when sadness fills your heart, when tears flows from your eyes always say these words:
Eh Ganpat, chal daru la.

10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving. Which makes it a logical statement that 90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!
Piyo Sar Utha Ke!

THE PREGNANT GIRL

2010-12-06T16:19:00.002+05:30

Young unmarried girl discovers that she is pregnant.

Scared??..She confides this ' news' to her mother.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did This to you?

I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature And distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably
dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the Girl, and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has
informed me of the Problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family Situation, but I'll take responsibility.

If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account.

If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each.

However, If there is a miscarriage or unsuccessful delivery , what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him,

" You can try again !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Proposed Changes for IPL4 (funny)

2010-11-28T11:13:00.004+05:30

Hi friends, As you know cricket is more than a game in India. In recent years due the IPL, which is one of the most valued game event of the world, it has become more politicized than ever was. Right now IPL is in the process of undergoing a few major changes, so here are some (funny) changes to be made for next IPL.

1. The new Commissioner of the IPL, replacing Lalit Modi, will be an IAS officer, 1989 batch, transferred from the Food Corporation of India.

2. Mayawati will demand, however, that the new Chairman should be her own candidate, Mr Dalit Modi.

3. The name of Mumbai Indians will immediately be changed to Mumbai Manus. It will, naturally, field only Maharashtrians (preferably Maharashtrian Brahmins). All other players will have their legs broken. Zaheer Khan will have his house burned down. So will Irfan Pathan, Yusuf Pathan and Mohd Kaif.

4. The Chennai Super Kings team will be renamed Dravida Cricket Kazhagam. Subsequently one faction will break away and the team will split into DCK (DMK) and AIADCK, owing allegience to Karunanidhi and Jayalalitha respectively.

5. Each political party will have its own team: BJP Bandits, Congress Cobras, CPI Cadres, Samajwadi Strikers, CPM Challengers, Trinamul Tigers etc.

6. Auction of players will be replaced by teams calling for tenders for players. The lowest priced players will be picked.

7. Sonia Gandhi will insist that 30% of each team should be reserved for women.

8. Mayawati will demand that SC/ST players will need to run for only 18 yards instead of 22 yards between the wickets.

9. Third Umpire requests will have to be filled in triplicate and duly notarized.

10. All Third Umpire decisions will be referred to a Joint Parlimentary Commission.

11. IPL tickets will henceforth be available at all post offices and BSNL centers from 10 a.m. to 12.45 p.m. The facility to purchase tickets on your cellphone will immediately be withdrawn.

12. Replacing an injured foreign player can be done only through a Tatkal application submitted 48 hours after a Govt doctor examines him.

13. Cheerleaders will be replaced by retired Air-India flight attendants.

14. These new cheerleaders will perform the folk dances of the states they represent during breaks.

15. IPL matches will be shown only on Doordarshan. They will be telecast the day immediately following the match, from 4 a.m. to 7.30 a.m. and subsequently from 3.30 p.m. to 7p.m, subject to satellite link-up availability.

16. Between each innings break Doordarshan will telecast the news in Hindi, followed by news for the hearing impaired.

17. Agricultural shots can be played only during the phase of the game termed " Krishi Darshan."

18. There will be no matches on weekends or on national / regional holidays.

19. The three stumps will be painted saffron, white and green.

20. Bowlers will have to bowl sarpatti and ghasssarkundi balls (Hindi terms for underhand bowling) to the reserved players.

21. Pakistan will immediately announce its intention to start its own version of the tournament called PPL and Mr Zardari will make a visit to Washington to meet President Obama and seek an additional grant of $1 billion to fund it .

I hope you like it. Thanks to be here..... :)

The Four 'P's of Marketing (funny)

2010-11-27T20:51:00.001+05:30

WAS GOD AN ASTRONAUT?

2010-11-18T10:34:00.002+05:30

‘Reading’ is my hobby. But I’m not a kind of bookworm who keeps reading all the time, putting all other things aside. But a modest reader who reads novels, newspapers, magazines, blogs, reports etc on a regular basis. One day I read a lot and another not at all, but reading is affixed with my life firmly.

But the problem with me is that most of books I start reading never get a fair end and they are left unfinished. Mostly due to the zeal I have at the starting time may evaporate before I could finish the book. Only those books get a happy ending which have either a good story or I have some keen interest in the subject.

Today I finished a book; unfortunately the first reason was not there of reading, since the book has some dubious content. It was ‘Chariots of the gods’ by Erich Van Daniken. Though it is not a great book but the subject of it was so absurd that I could not resist and have to read it.

In the book the author write about a very different theory, a totally different theory developed by himself, based on many natural evidences. It says that the humanity was transferred from some alien creatures to the earth some thousands years ago. To prove the theory he gave numerous examples including Easter Islands, Piri Ries Map, The plain of Nazca, Mahabharata, and a lot of other absurd and dubious examples. I’m stating those ‘dubious’ while the reading the book I was also googling the strange names, places and stories but couldn’t find much relevant content. Though the book was published on 1969 and it is 2010 today, and the level of research and the information available on that day and today have a very big difference.

Still the book provides a totally different angle and after reading the book you must be wondering that whether the theory is right or wrong, since there are so many evidences and examples to support it.

Here I would like to discuss the author’s view about Mahabharata, since I’m very comfortable with this particular topic.

According to the theory in Mahabharata the tale of Kunti who was made pregnant by God Sun and later gave birth to Karan, was in fact a example of how the astronomers from another world passed their genes to human. They were the aliens whom our ancestors later depicted as Gods due to their immeasurable power and inhuman characteristics. They would come from the sky, passed their knowledge to our ancestors, breed some women and returned to their place in the some far planet.

I won’t rate the book as a very good read but still the absurd theory makes it a must read book.

And in last in my opinion we have to accept sooner or later that we are not alone in this universe and the theory by Danikan has definitely a point, it may be wrong might be correct.