dinglefest {celebrating beauty in brokenness}

I'm humbled by her wisdom.

noreply@blogger.com (Shannon Dingle) — Mon, 20 May 2013 00:06:00 +0000

They've had a mutual crush going on all year, flirting through Sunday school.

My six-year-old daughter and my friend's seven-year-old son, that is.

While I'm not ready for this sort of thing, the kids and I went to his baseball game on Saturday. As we pulled into the lot, we scanned the crowd for neon orange shirts, knowing his team's color. Jocelyn spotted a little boy in yellow, wearing leg braces and moving with the help of a walker.

"Why's he wearing yellow, Mama?"

"That's his team's color, Joss. I bet the yellow team is playing Josiah's orange team."

"Oh," she said, satisfied with my answer.

"Zoe might play here one day," I added.

"Zoe might? Why not me or Robbie or Patience or Philip or Patricia?"

"These baseball teams are for kids with special needs, Jocelyn. That's why Zoe could play here."

Jocelyn's brow fell over her eyes, showing her confusion. I waited, expecting the question to come as soon as she processed her thoughts.

"But, Mom..." She paused.

"Josiah doesn't have special needs. He just has an extra chromosome."

She gets it.

...For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.

{1 Samuel 16:7}

TODAY ONLY: It's our Text-To-Donate Day, thanks to Wish Upon A Hero, to fund our adoption of three siblings from Uganda!

noreply@blogger.com (Shannon Dingle) — Fri, 17 May 2013 15:36:00 +0000

Today, we've partnered with Wish Upon A Hero for donations to be texted in, with our adoption fund benefiting all day today (from 12:00am MST to 11:59pm MST)!

{image removed because our Text-To-Donate day is over}

Here's the fine print:

"$5.00 donation to Wish Upon A Hero. Charges will appear on your wireless bill, or be deducted from your prepaid balance. All purchases must be authorized by account holder. Must be 18 years of age or have parental permission to participate. Message and Data Rates May Apply. Text STOP to 80077 to STOP. Text HELP to 80077 for HELP. Full Terms: mGive.org/T. Privacy Policy"

Think $5 can't make a difference? It can. Every little bit counts.

Feel free to share this to encourage others to text in the cost of a Starbucks drink to bring three precious siblings from Uganda home to our family. (If you don't know our story, read it here.)

Oh, and mGive is the text-to-donate provider for the American Red Cross and American Idol. So this is legit, I promise. We wouldn't be asking for your help this way without checking it out first.

Thanks!

We'll have a couple of in-person events and an online silent auction in June, so other opportunities to support us will be available next month. We have $14,000 so far from what we had in savings and what others have donated, but we'll need another $26,000 to fund this adoption. And if the cell phone thing seems hinky or if you'd like to give more than $5, you can always make a tax-deductible donation using the link below.

One factor making a child more likely to wait? Being a boy.

noreply@blogger.com (Shannon Dingle) — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 12:05:00 +0000

Most of us know that children with special needs and those who are older wait longer for families. Meanwhile, boys – for no reason other than their gender – wait longer too, in almost every country, even our own.

Prospective adoptive parents talk about the need for families for girls in China, because of their one-child policies combined with a preference for boys. In other countries, orphaned girls are at risk for becoming victims of child trafficking, sexual abuse, and forced slavery. I agree – girls matter. Girls in need of families should be adopted.

But boys in need of families should be too.

This time around, our preference was for a boy. We have two girls and one boy, and Robbie badly wants a brother. I wanted a brother for him too.

I knew of the preference for girls in adoption, based on stats I’ve read and the trend I’ve noticed in waiting child listings. It didn’t sink in fully until program after program, agency after agency, said, “Oh, if you want a boy, the process should move more quickly for you.” Right now, many more boys wait in China for families, despite the perception that Chinese girls are the ones who languish in orphanages.

Obviously, our path took a different turn, and we’re adopting a sibling group: two girls and one boy. We didn’t truly pick our children this time around, just like last time. God wove their stories into ours through a Facebook friend, just like He did with Zoe, and all we did was say yes. Nonetheless, this topic is a worthwhile one.

In an article on Adoptive Families,

“If it was just about parents getting a preference, it might not matter so much, but this really affects children,” Mary Ann Curran, director of social services at WACAP, says. “It makes the wait dramatically longer for boys. You see little boys waiting for homes who shouldn’t have to wait, and families cheating themselves out of getting a child sooner.”

In another article, this time in the Minneapolis-St. Paul Star Tribune,

"When it comes to families, we just have more boys [waiting] than girls," said Rochon, senior country relations manager at the St. Paul agency. "We place more girls. It's just what families want."
How many more? In 2006, families expressing a gender preference chose girls over boys 391 to 166. In 2009, the split was 213 girls and 88 boys; in 2010, 121 and 38. Last year, it was 78 girls and 31 boys.

Some hypothesize that girls are easier to raise than boys: less violent, less active, more well-behaved. (Which begs the question: Have they met our girls?) Others point to more single women adopting than single men, many of them feeling that a girl would be easier to relate to or that a boy needs a father figure that they’re unable to provide.

Whatever the reason, boys wait.

an adoption blog/web button to use and/or share

noreply@blogger.com (Shannon Dingle) — Sun, 28 Apr 2013 17:51:00 +0000

When we were adopting Zoe from Taiwan, my token atheist friend Dy-Anne asked if I would make a button for her blog.

Okay, okay, she's not my token atheist friend. But she is a friend of mine who happens to be an atheist and manages to be very vocal about it without being a jerk (a tendency atheists can share with theists, as I know many Christians who can't be vocal about their faith without being a jerk, but that's another post for another day...).

I blogged about that then.

Now, she has asked for another fundraising button, and I figured it might be worthwhile to share here too.

Option 1 is the picture button linking to our adoption page on the blog.

Option 2 is the picture button linking to our adoption page on the blog, with the code for a Paypal button to click for tax-deductible donations.

Option 1 looks like this.

Option 2 looks like this.

To add the code for Option 1 to your website or Blogger blog, copy and paste the following html code:

<center> <center> <a href="http://www.dinglefest.com/p/adoption.html"> </a></center> </center>

To add the code for Option 1 to the sidebar of your Wordpress blog, follow these instructions:

Go to "Widgets"
Drag "Image" to your sidebar
For the "Image URL", enter: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-HL4OVV4nG4s/UXyVZMy2xRI/AAAAAAABQrU/cWyTJK8w4Ps/s1600/adoption+2+button.jpg
For the width field, enter: 176
For the height field, enter: 220
For the link URL when page is clicked, enter: http://www.dinglefest.com/p/adoption.html
For other fields, you can leave them blank or add a little more information.

To add the code for Option 2 to your website or Blogger blog, copy and paste the following html code:

<center> <a href="http://www.dinglefest.com/p/adoption.html"> </a><br /> <form action="https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr" method="post" target="_top"> <input name="cmd" type="hidden" value="_s-xclick" /> <input name="hosted_button_id" type="hidden" value="RUPBDKQCJCXL6" /> <input name="item_number" type="hidden" value="Dingle034290" /><input name="item_name" type="hidden" value="Dingle034290" /> <input alt="PayPal - The safer, easier way to pay online!" border="0" name="submit" src="https://www.paypalobjects.com/en_US/i/btn/btn_donateCC_LG.gif" type="image" /> <br /> </form> </center>

To add the code for Option 2 to the sidebar of your Wordpress blog, use these instructions:

Go to "Widgets"
Drag "Image" to your sidebar
For the "Image URL", enter: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-HL4OVV4nG4s/UXyVZMy2xRI/AAAAAAABQrU/cWyTJK8w4Ps/s1600/adoption+2+button.jpg
For the width field, enter: 176
For the height field, enter: 220
For the link URL when page is clicked, enter: http://www.dinglefest.com/p/adoption.html
For other fields, you can leave them blank or add a little more information.
Now repeat the instructions above (which gave you Option 1), using https://www.paypalobjects.com/en_US/i/btn/btn_donateCC_LG.gif as the Image URL and https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=RUPBDKQCJCXL6&item_number=Dingle034290&item_name=Dingle034290 as the link URL.

These designs will let you join us in sharing our story or in sharing our story and helping us raise funds.

Thanks, friends!

Do you have to be rich to adopt?

noreply@blogger.com (Shannon Dingle) — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 12:30:00 +0000

Nope.

You do have to meet basic criteria. Most countries set a minimum income criteria and a minimum net worth bar, but those vary by country. Some countries - like Uganda - don't have set requirements, and then the criteria is set by the US Citizenship and Immigration Services, which states that your income must exceed 125% of the poverty threshold.

If you choose to adopt domestically through foster care, costs are minimal and, depending on the child, a monthly payments may be available for the family to help subsidize the costs involved with your new child's care; these payments continue until he or she turns 18. For friends of ours in Jacksonville, FL, who adopted their son through foster care, their adoption expenses only included travel costs to and from Tampa, where their son lived until he was legally placed with them.

I might as well put this out there, since NPR already did: we currently make $60,000 a year.

If I pick up freelance writing projects or speaking engagements, that usually goes to ministries we support (or – not gonna lie – the occasional purty area rug).

We’re comfortable with our income, in part because our only debt is our mortgage. Sure, with five of us and three on the way, we have to be creative at times to live within our means.

I detailed our adoption expenses last time in this post. This time the cost is a little higher, in part because of increased travel costs and the use of an agency this time around. We pay the agency to do some steps for us that we did on our own last time, and we’re very pleased with their ethics. Our agency is a non-profit (as I think every adoption agency should be).

Sure, fundraising isn’t fun. Well, it can be, but I haven’t found it to be terribly enjoyable. It’s a necessity, and it provides the opportunity for others to support adoption, as all of us in Christ as called to care for orphans in some way. We have been made rich in a different sense through adoption, as Zoe has certainly enriched our lives.

That’s the best kind of rich.

We know you're not rich either, but if you're willing and able to donate and would like to do so in a tax-deductible way through Project Hopeful, a non-profit we've partnered with, here's how to do that:

Adopting THREE siblings at once? You crazy?!?

noreply@blogger.com (Shannon Dingle) — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 18:52:00 +0000

Lee and I have always discussed sibling adoption as something we’d like to do, going back to our dating days.

Did we ever think it would be a sibling group of THREE after we already had three children, including one who only came home from Taiwan nine months ago?

No.

Nonetheless, we are ecstatic. Our hearts are bonded to these three precious ones much in the same way as we love Jocelyn and Robbie and Zoe. We can’t explain it fully, but this crazy plan to complete our family is so perfectly right for us.

It won’t be easy. We’ve weathered some hard things as a couple, and we expect this to be the hardest.

But?

Sibling groups wait and wait and wait for families, often having to be split up (which is what was going to happen to our three children in Uganda). In the case of our group, two children are younger than five, which is often the magic tragic age at which the odds of getting adopted drop. Even our six-year-old Ugandan princess is gorgeous, so perhaps her odds wouldn’t have dropped yet.

In other words, each child alone would have better odds of being adopted than the group.

That’s without factoring in the HIV+ status of one of them, which – while manageable and not risky for a family – is another dynamic leading to longer wait times to be adopted.

The odds are stacked against the adoption any sibling group, much less one with identified special needs.

Yes, sibling adoption will be hard for us.

Remaining orphans or being split up from your siblings after losing your parents?

That’s harder.

If you're willing and able to help us in a tax-deductible way through Project Hopeful, a non-profit we've partnered with, here's how to do that:

Isn’t asking for adoption donations just like asking people to pay your hospital bills after giving birth?

noreply@blogger.com (Shannon Dingle) — Tue, 23 Apr 2013 12:30:00 +0000

In a word: no.

In cases like our adoptions, our children are waiting. Zoe was waiting.

Primarily, they waited for someone who would love them no matter what. Zoe needed someone who would love her, no matter what her brain injuries would mean for her. (Oh, how we do love her!) Our three Ugandan darlings needed someone who would love them enough to look past the number of children, the diagnosis of HIV for one, and the difficult aspects of adoption in an impoverished country. (Oh, how we already love them!)

Before I say anything else: We are not saints. We are not heroes. We are not angels. We are not amazing.

When you pin any of those descriptors on us, it makes it harder. Because if I’m a saint or angel or hero, I can’t be a jerk or human or ‘fess up that sometimes this sucks. If you put us on a pedestal, then we’re too far off the ground to reach out when we need help. And we often need it.

You know what? All of us who adopt waiting kids – those who are older or have special needs – are ordinary people. And ordinary people rarely have $25,000-40,000 sitting around. (That first figure is the final cost for Zoe’s adoption; the second one is the estimated cost for this one.)

Praise God that between our savings and friends' donations we have $12,000 of our adoption costs covered, which leaves $28,000 left to go!

Grants are available. We’re applying for them.

We may take out a loan this time. That’s hard to admit, given that we’ve been thankful to only have a mortgage payment and nothing else in way of debt… but if you think of the long-term investment, adoption is worth adding a monthly payment to the mix (and my taking on extra freelance writing to pay for it).

Finding families who are willing to adopt waiting children in hard circumstances and afford it all on their own?

That’s rare.

Would it be better for our child who waited or our children who are waiting to keep waiting? Should they have had to play the adoption lottery, hoping that they would end up with the right combo of people who had the desire and the money? Furthermore, the Bible is clear: Christians are called to take on the cause of the orphans: some of us do that by adoption, others by caring for children until they can return to their birth families, and others by supporting all kinds of adoption, fostering, and orphan care.

In other words, fundraising allows other Christians to invest in adoption and thus heed the calling of scripture, even if they aren’t led to adopt. (Keep in mind that the early church was a community, not just a cohort of individually-sufficient people who shared the same God and holidays as the modern church can often be.)

When I gave birth to Jocelyn and Robbie in the hospital, we had a high-deductible health insurance plan. That meant we owed a big chunk of that deductible after their births, given that Jocelyn was a January baby and Robbie came in March, both early in the calendar year before we had accrued many costs toward our deductible.

What did we do? We saved in advance (as we’ve done for each adoption) and then if our savings hadn’t been enough each time, we could have arranged a payment plan. I know because the financial person brought us copies of that paperwork, assuming we’d need it due to such a high bill. (Thanks to our health savings account and Lee’s savvy money management, we were fine both times.)

You can’t get an adoption HSA, though. While our income is sufficient for living and giving to the church and other ministries and causes, we don’t have enough extra each month to come up with the grand total for this adoption or the last one.

We will willingly sacrifice where we can. We’ll continue to do that once our children are home, because really? We’ll have enough for everyone, but it’ll be tight and require a whole lot o’ creativity to live as a family of eight.

When we fundraise, we’re asking others to tangibly join us in saying that these kids matter.

Each dollar, each word of encouragement, each comment, each hug, each gift, each show of support in word or deed or donation… it speaks love to us.

Thank you.

If you are able to tangibly join us by donating toward our adoption expenses, here's the way to give a tax-deductible gift:

Is it wise for you to adopt when your daughter receives government services for early intervention?

noreply@blogger.com (Shannon Dingle) — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 17:22:00 +0000

I blogged a few weeks ago about receiving income-based government services for Zoe’s therapy needs. Given that we can’t afford Zoe’s therapy without financial support via early intervention, is it wise to even consider adopting again? Can we really afford three more children?

Before I tackle those questions, let me explain a bit about how disability services work in the US. Take autism, for example. Medical insurance companies try to classify most treatments as “educational;” meanwhile, public schools say, “no, that’s not covered, talk to your insurance company.” As they go back and forth without getting a “yes” from anyone, parents are spread thin, fundraising at times for their children’s behavioral therapy.

These parents usually would have no financial problems if autism wasn’t part of their world. They would be as solid on that front as you are, if not more so.

The problem isn’t their money. The problem is the gaps in coverage and lack of options.

In many states, parents don’t have the option of buying an insurance plan that would cover their child’s therapy needs. Not even a higher cost plan. They just don’t exist.

For us, if we stay at three children or increase to six, we would need the exact same support for Zoe’s early intervention program. We have enough money to care for three more children, but that’s simply not enough to pay for the portion of Zoe’s therapy costs that fall outside of insurance coverage.

In other words, while our services are income-based, the focal point isn’t our income, in the way that food stamps, WIC, or other welfare programs are. The focal point is our child’s disability.

One of our children in Uganda has HIV. Because that’s a clearly medical need, the care for that child will be completed covered by our private insurance. Easy peasy.

Disability services aren’t treated the same way, largely because of quibbles between insurance companies and educational systems.

So can we really afford three more children in our family?

Yes.

(Our social worker and agency require that, actually. So does the US Citizenship & Immigration Services office. We wouldn’t be approved for adoption if we couldn’t. Money will be tight, but we have a budget and, thankfully, no debt other than our mortgage.)

Is it wise?

Once again, I say yes. Because, really, while early intervention is an income-based program, it’s not the same as some of the other programs out there that support a family’s ability to meet basic needs. Almost every family with a child who has a disability receives some level of government program for support, be it early intervention or special education or Medicaid.

If we were receiving other types of support and were unable to financially (and emotionally) care for three more children, our current adoption would be unwise.

That’s not the case, though.

Finally, is it wise to turn our back on these children when God, the source of all wisdom, “executes justice for the fatherless” (Deuteronomy 10:18) and directs His people to provide for orphans (Deuteronomy 24:19)? When He calls Himself the “Father of the fatherless” (Psalm 68:4-6) and promises to uphold them (Psalm 146:5-9)? When He defines unfaithfulness, in part, as “not bring[ing] justice to the fatherless” (Isaiah 1:23) and defines pure and undefiled religion as “visit[ing] orphans…in their affliction?” And when He reminds us that the concept of adoption isn’t an earthly one but a God-orchestrated one, that of His promise not to leave us as orphans (John 14:18) and of His adopting us as children of God through salvation (Romans 8:14-17, Galatians 4:4-7)?

When we’re called to teach God’s word to our “children, that the next generation might know them… so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God” (Psalm 78), our willingness to not just share scripture but to apply it shows them that our hope is in God and that we trust in His works, even when that application means adding three more children to our family via adoption.

We know God is guiding us in this. And? Early intervention will happen either way for our Zoe, whether we bring home our three Ugandan children or not.

So, yes, it’s wise. It might be the wisest thing we’ve ever done.

(And the craziest.)

If you want to join in on the crazy with us, you can donate any amount toward our adoption account with Project Hopeful, a non-profit advocating for HIV+ adoption. These funds can only be used for verified adoption expenses to bring these three darlings home!

How have your adoptions been so fast? Aren’t you worried about ethics?

noreply@blogger.com (Shannon Dingle) — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 12:30:00 +0000

When we were approached about Zoe’s need for a family, our first questions were about ethics.

Same with these three in Uganda.

Why? Because we only want to adopt a child who needs a family. If anything unethical is happening – like coercion of birth parents or other family members or kidnapping or child trafficking – then the solution should be to reunite the child with his or her family. In that case, the child doesn’t need a family; he needs justice.

Interestingly, most of the Bible verses about earthly adoption talk less about child placement and more about justice. Caring for orphans can include adoption, but sometimes the just outcome is something different. I love supporting ministries that focus on more than just adoption in their efforts to care for children in need.

That said, reunification isn’t always possible. The justice for some orphans is adoption.

We all know stories of people who waited years to adopt a child. Some of my friends are still in the middle – hopefully nearing the end! – of a long wait.

Us? Zoe’s adoption took less than six months, from start to finish. Right now, it looks like this adoption will be fast-paced too. (Just got an estimate from our agency - it's looking like we might travel in August and come home with our precious ones in September!)

Adoption ethicists will tell you about red flags for adoptions. I’m thankful for their guidance, because I’ve learned questions to ask to determine which programs to trust and which ones to avoid.

Adoptions that are quick and easy? That’s considered a major red flag.

And it can be.

But long waits are frequently due to families waiting for a child to be born or made available who meets their criteria. (Or due to something else altogether, like long legal processes and bureaucratic disorganization.)

Adopting child who is waiting for a family, usually an older child, sibling group, or kiddo with special needs? That’s often - though not always - much faster.

In our adoptions, that’s been the factor accelerating the process. (Plus the timing with the country’s courts went in our favor with Zoe.)

Speed and ethics? Yes, they can go hand in hand in adoption.

They have in ours.

And if you're willing/able to donate toward our latest adoption and would like to do so in a tax-deductible way through Project Hopeful, a non-profit we've partnered with, here's how to do that:

How do you do it all? My secret: Lee is awesome.

noreply@blogger.com (Shannon Dingle) — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 12:30:00 +0000

Seriously.

He loves Jesus.

He packs Jocelyn’s lunch every day.

He cooks most of our meals.

He does bedtime routines with the kids in the evening.

He comes home for lunch almost every day.

He makes me laugh.

He stays home with the kids when I have speaking engagements.

He walks the dog every morning and most nights.

He drives whenever we go anywhere as a family. (I abhor driving.)

He leads our church’s special needs ministry with me. (Oh, how it makes me fall in love with him all over again each time he advocates for one of our Access Ministry kids!)

He brings Jocelyn to school once a week so that I don’t have to juggle carpool and Bible study that morning.

He’s savvy with money.

He doesn’t complain when I need some time to myself in the evenings when he gets home from work.

He’s my best friend.

He’s handy around the house and all things technological.

He loves all kids, especially ours.

When I say, “This is crazy, but I was thinking…” he hears me out, knowing that I might be suggesting another adoption or simply considering painting our doors a bright shade of aqua.

I could say sooooooooooooooooo much more, but I’ll stop there.

How do I do it all?

I don’t.

We’re a team. Lee does a whole lot.

I am so in love with him.

It also helps that I have wonderful friends in our in-person and online communities. Many of you have already given, but if you're willing/able to donate toward us bringing these three precious ones home and would like to do so in a tax-deductible way through Project Hopeful, a non-profit we've partnered with, here's how to do that:

how will you fit SIX kids?

noreply@blogger.com (Shannon Dingle) — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 12:30:00 +0000

In the car? I’m not sure right now. If we disable the airbag on the front seat, then one of the kids can be there (which is legal if all other seatbelts are being utilized).

In order for all of us to fit, we’ll need a new vehicle. Some minivans seat eight, but none do it really well, in my opinion. (Lee's term for one or more of those seats is "the be glad you're not walking" seat. That doesn't cut it for a family who loves road trips like we do.)

What I want is the Nissan NV, pictured below, in the blue of the first picture.

It can seat twelve, and all the back seats have head rests. Because the back seats can be moved around and each is a single or double seat, Nissan boasts that seating can be configured in 324 different ways. I don’t care to confirm that, but I do like the options I’ve thought through.

This beast could very comfortably handle us all. That said, we absolutely can’t afford one of those, so unless the Ellen show giveaway or something like that works out, it ain’t happening.

So, let’s move on to how we’ll all fit in the house. I know the answers to that question, and I know how to pay for them. Let’s start with the nursery, where Zoe will be. Patricia might be here too.

Zoe’s crib will stay put, her dresser (which will be shared with Patricia) will be moved to where the rocking chair is above, their changing table will fit snugly but not too snugly on the wall by the window, and Patricia’s crib/toddler bed will go on the wall opposite hers. We have the crib, as the one used by Jocelyn and then Robbie and then our nephew has now made it back to us.

Then the big boys’ room, which is where Robbie and Phillip will live.

Nope, that’s not his room now, and yep, that’s a young Jocelyn sleeping on her first big girl bed. That bed is one of a matching pair that is currently in the attic and will be moved to the boys’ room.

Those two beds – with more manly textiles! – will go in the boys’ room. We’ll sell his current racecar bed to help with adoption expenses or with bedding costs for the new kiddos. The space under the beds will allow for more storage; I'm thinking some bins for books and pajamas.

Finally, the big girls’ room, where Jocelyn and Patience will bunk. (Literally.) Possibly with Patricia too. (We're going to wait and see Patricia's maturity level and dependence on Patience to decide which room she'll be in.)

source

Lee and his dad are handy, so they’ll design and construct the set pictured above, allowing for four beds for the three girls. (No, we’re not planning to fill that bed, unless Zoe ends up moving in there someday!) This room was the original master bedroom before the previous owners added on the sunroom and our current master, so it’s huge and it has its own bathroom: just perfect for three growing girls!

Yep, there’s room in our hearts for three more… and, with some creativity, in our house as well!

As we're making space in our home, would you help us bring these three precious ones to it by making a donation? If so, you can give in a tax-deductible way through Project Hopeful, a non-profit we've partnered with, by clicking here:

“so are you done yet?"

noreply@blogger.com (Shannon Dingle) — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 12:30:00 +0000

We already have three kiddos, two with special needs.

We’re adopting again, a sibling group of three.

As our family grows again, I know some of y’all are wondering if we’re done yet.

YES.

I’m sorry, was that not clear enough for you?

YES!!!

While I was pregnant with Robbie, I had a sense of finality. I cherished each moment, even the rough ones, with a degree of certainty that this was the last go-round for me and my womb.

Likewise, we knew we weren’t done with kids. Our Plan A for building our family always included BOTH birth and adoption. Now? We're done after this. God would have to move drastically to change our perspective {and, boy, do we know He can... but we don't think that will be His direction for us after our Ugandan ones are home...}. Six under seven is plenty for us.

For our family, that is. We’re still committed to advocating for waiting kids and supporting other families who adopt. We’re still passionate about supporting ministries that allow families to stay together, because adoption shouldn’t be our only response to the orphan crisis.

We’re still in this for the long haul… just not for more little Dinglefestlings after this.

Being done also means this is the last time we'll be fundraising to bring home new Dingles! :) If you're willing/able to donate and would like to do so in a tax-deductible way through Project Hopeful, a non-profit we've partnered with, click below:

i just can't stand the cuteness, y'all {zoe's first AFO fitting}

noreply@blogger.com (Shannon Dingle) — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 16:40:00 +0000

Today Zoe was fitted for her first AFOs (ankle foot orthoses, if you don't live in CP-land) to help her feet and ankles cooperate with trying to walk.

She's being held by Kathy, our fabulous physical therapist, while Nazaly (who is also wonderful!) prepares to get to work on her left foot.

In case you're wondering, yes, she did ham it up the whole time. Girlfriend loves attention, and getting focused attention from Mama and two other grown-ups? Zoe was in her element.

the little casts (with a plastic egg half for scale) to be mailed off for her braces to be custom made!

the print that will be on the plastic, with teal foam and pink straps

Oh, my heart.

I just love being her mom!

aren't we concerned about the issues with artificial twinning?

noreply@blogger.com (Shannon Dingle) — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 12:30:00 +0000

I do realize that some of you are thinking, "Hmm, I wonder what Shannon has to say about this?" while most of you are wondering, "What's artificial twinning?" So let's start with some definitions.

(Side note: there's some creepy animal husbandry term "artificial twinning" that has to do with in-vitro cloning or some such tomfoolery. Let's be clear that I'm not talking about that, okay?)

I've seen artificial twinning in adoption described several different ways. One of the most common definitions doesn't match us: adopting two babies who are less than nine months apart. (I do have a friend who did that, though, and all is well.) Another does match us: adopting a child who is within six months of age of another child in the family.

Yep, that's us times three.

(Side note: We are keeping the given names for all three children, but we're not publishing those names to the blog until they are legally ours. All their names begin with P, so we'll refer to them by P1, P2, and P3. In person and on Facebook, we're using their real names.)

Jocelyn is six. P1 is six. Technically, Jocelyn is older... but only by five days. So, yes, we're pseudo-twinning our oldest two.

Robbie is four. P2 is four. Technically, P2 is older... but they'll most likely enter kindergarten together. So, yep, we're twinning again.

Zoe is 18 months. P3 just turned 2. Technically, they meet the criteria for twinning because they're within six months of each other... but Zoe's physical differences, plus their spacing that will put P3 in kindergarten a year before Zoe, make this the least twin-like pairing.

(Side note: please, please, please, please, please don't refer to any of the pairings as "twins." I'm using that word for obvious reasons in this post, but I won't anywhere else. They each have had separate non-twin identities for their entire lives until now, and our adjustment will be smoothest if everyone - including us - keeps in mind that each child is a unique individual and not a packaged pair.)

What's the big deal about creating virtual twins through adoption? Competition is one, as kids are more apt to compete in achieving in school, in sharing friends, and in receiving parental affection and attention. When kids are older when they're "twinned," this can be more acute, because two kids who didn't have a true twin from birth are all of a sudden in that sort of relationship. Experts say this can be more problematic in same-gender artificial twins... which is what all three of our pairs will be.

Why is competition a big deal when non-twinned siblings often compete too? Well, keep in mind that adoption doesn't guarantee an immediate bond between parent and child. That happened within days with us and Zoe, but she had less trauma and was younger than our newest three will be. When P1 and Jocelyn compete in the early days as a family, our bond with Jocelyn will probably be stronger, and we'll have to fight the temptation to side with her.

If you're a mom, you know the feeling when your kid and another kid are fighting and you turn all Mama Bear, protecting your child... when this happens with Jocelyn and P1 early on, my inclination may be to rush to Jocelyn's side because I will have a stronger mother-daughter bond with Jocelyn than I do initially with P1. (Please join us in praying for those bonds to develop quickly and strongly!)

Another concern is comparisons. Kids may compare each other, favorably or unfavorably, while parents and other adults might do so as well. I don't doubt that this will happen. I just don't think it has to be a bad thing... or that comparisons wouldn't happen among kids, no matter their age spread.

We've at times drawn comparisons among Jocelyn, Robbie, and Zoe. It happens.

Overall, I do expect twinning to be a challenging aspect of this adoption. It's one I've discussed with our agency director, our home study social worker, and other families who have twinned before. We're not taking this lightly.

Consider this example, using our two oldest ones: we'll be simultaneously parenting two girls who are nearly the same age (Jocelyn and P1) but who are coming from vastly different experiences in the first 6+ years of life. One has always been in a stable two-parent household and has always had all of her needs met, as well as many wants indulged, while the other... well, hasn't. It won't be easy.

Side note: Okay, I don't really have a side note to insert here, but since I was a little side-note happy at the beginning of this post, I felt like it was time to add another. Moving on...

Obviously, we've decided it's worth the challenge.

Why?

Well, this quote from an article in the New York Times puts it well:

"Adoption should be about finding families for children, not about finding children for families,” [Joyce Maguire Pavao, the chief executive and founder of the Center for Family Connections in Cambridge, Mass.] said. “In many cases parents are doing this without understanding what the ramifications are. I think it’s fine to do it if people are well aware that doing it may be very difficult."

Our aim in adoption isn't about finding children for our family. It's about being a family for a child (or, in this case, for three children).

That's why, when presented with the needs of our three Ps, we said yes, knowing that we'd be venturing into the realm of artificial twinning.

We're a family. They needed a family. That's good enough for me.

Is that good enough for you too? If so, please join us in praying for smooth transitions and early bonding among all of us. If you'd like to financially support our adoption (which will cost $40,000 in all), you can do so by clicking below:

You can also help by writing to The Ellen Degeneres Show about us. All season, Ellen has been giving donations to families with compelling stories, and we're hoping to get her attention. Click here to find out more.

why Uganda?

noreply@blogger.com (Shannon Dingle) — Sun, 14 Apr 2013 12:30:00 +0000

photo from The Archibald Project, a non-profit advocating for adoption

Well, simply put, because our kids are there.

We didn’t plan for Uganda, just like we didn’t plan for Taiwan.

However, just as our hearts were drawn toward the people of Taiwan and their country through Zoe’s adoption, once again our passions are being stirred for a country and people to whom our next three children will always belong, at least in part.

What have I learned about this country we’re now bonded to?

Child trafficking is common for forced labor and sex trades. (source)

More than a third – 38% - of the people live in extreme poverty, making less than $1.25 a day. (source)

In Uganda, 1.4million people – including 190,000 children – have HIV or AIDS. (source)

Young girls are especially at risk for HIV, because they are more likely to have older male partners – through prostitution or early marriage – and those partners are likely to have had several previous partners. (source)

More than 1million children have been orphaned by AIDS in Uganda. (source)

Every day, more than 400 people in Uganda are diagnosed with HIV. This includes 56 children. (source)

Only 32% of the children in Uganda who need HIV treatment actually receive it. (source)

Average life expectancy is 53.45 years. (source)

Those are just the bleak facts, though. The country is rich in natural resources. It is lush and beautiful. I know personally many beautiful people who live and love and serve Christ there.

And?

It is home to three of my children, which means it will always be part of our family and my heart.

Just as I made a list of bleak facts about Uganda (because, sadly, those are the easiest ones to find), I could make a list of depressing statistics from Taiwan or the United States. Those lists wouldn’t change the love I have for this country and Zoe’s country.

And now? I love Uganda too.

Want to join in the love? You can do that by praying for us; we need it! We also are in need of donations to fund all the costs of their adoption (which will be around $40,000 when all is said and done), and tax-deductible gifts can be made online if you click below:

some more resources about HIV, adoption, and disclosure

noreply@blogger.com (Shannon Dingle) — Sat, 13 Apr 2013 14:00:00 +0000

sources for HIV facts I've shared in previous posts

From the New Mexico Department of Health:

Whilst HIV may live for a short while outside of the body, HIV transmission has not been reported as a result of contact with spillages or small traces of blood, semen or other bodily fluids. This is partly because HIV dies quite quickly once exposed to the air, and also because spilled fluids would have to get into a person's bloodstream to infect them.

From UNAIDS, the Joint United Nations Programme on HIV/AIDS, on how HIV is transmitted:

Unprotected sex (vaginal, anal and to a lesser extent oral sex) with an infected person

Sharing contaminated syringes, needles or other sharp instruments

From mother to child during pregnancy, childbirth or breast feeding when the mother is already HIV positive

Blood transfusion with contaminated blood

From UNAIDS on how HIV is not transmitted:

HIV is not transmitted through non-sexual day-to-day contact. You cannot be infected by shaking someone’s hand, by hugging someone, by using the same toilet or by drinking from the same glass as a person living with HIV. HIV is not transmitted through coughing or sneezing like some other diseases. There is no need to fear social interaction with people living with HIV.

From the CDC, on ways you don't get HIV:

You don't get HIV from the air, food, water, insects, animals, dishes, knives, forks, spoons, toilet seats, or anything else that doesn't involve blood, semen, vaginal fluids, or breast milk. You don't get HIV from feces, nasal fluid, saliva, sweat, tears, urine, or vomit, unless these have blood mixed in them. You can help people with HIV eat, dress, even bathe, without becoming infected yourself... You do get other germs from many of the things listed above, so do use common sense.

From the CDC, on children with HIV/AIDS:

Infants and children with HIV infection or AIDS need the same things as other children -- lots of love and affection. Small children need to be held, played with, kissed, hugged, fed, and rocked to sleep. As they grow, they need to play, have friends, and go to school, just like other kids. Kids with HIV are still kids, and need to be treated like any other kids in the family.

From the CDC, on playing sports with HIV:

There are no documented cases of HIV being transmitted during participation in sports.

From the National Institutes of Health, on HIV/AIDS policies in the NFL:

Transmission of HIV infection is likely to be rare in the NFL. This is supported by the fact that in over 10 yr of the AIDS epidemic, the CDC has not attributed one AIDS case to athletic competition... Based on these facts, a player with HIV infection poses virtually no threat to others or himself by further athletic participation in the NFL.

From UNAIDS on HIV+ women having HIV- babies:

In most high income countries the rate of transmission of HIV to babies has been reduced to less than 1% by using a range of medicine and good care for the mother during pregnancy. HIV positive women wanting to get pregnant are advised to do so in consultation with the health care provider to reduce the likelihood of their baby becoming infected.

From AIDS.gov, on the question, "Can I have children if I am HIV+?"

Yes. If you want to be a parent, having HIV shouldn’t stop you. There are several options for HIV-positive women and men who want to be parents.
[Note from Shannon: more options exist than are presented in this article, and I expect that medical advances will offer even more options by the time our children are adults.]

From University of California - San Fransisco, on a new treatment that can allow couples in which one partner is HIV+ and the other is HIV- to conceive a child the old fashioned way with minimal risk of transmission:

Deborah Cohan, MD, MPH, a UCSF obstetrician and gynecologist who specializes in the care of pregnant women with HIV, has been evaluating the use of Truvada in pregnant women in the U.S. who are uninfected, but whose male partners have HIV... Among heterosexual couples, if HIV levels in the HIV-positive partner remain suppressed with antiviral therapy, the risk of HIV transmission to the uninfected partner appears to be especially small, Cohan said. “It’s officially not zero, because we know of at least one case report,” she said. [The rest of the article, and other research, indicates that the risk is expected to be even lower with Truvada treatment for the uninfected partner, though not enough research has been completed to confirm that yet.]

From the National Institutes of Health, in an article by the Research Department of Infection and Population Health in London, on the life-expectancy of people with HIV who are being treated:

With timely diagnosis, access to a variety of current drugs and good lifelong adherence, people with recently acquired infections can expect to have a life expectancy which is nearly the same as that of HIV-negative individuals.

From the NC Bar Association, on the question, "Is HIV status confidential?"

Yes. North Carolina law makes it a misdemeanor to disclose information about HIV infection. However, there are a few exceptions. First, information about your HIV status can be disclosed with your consent. Also, as discussed above, your doctor has to report your HIV infection to the State. The State can inform your spouse.

From the NC Bar Association, on the question, "Do I have to tell the school or daycare if my child has HIV?"

No. You do not have to tell your child’s school or day care provider about your child’s HIV infection. However, if your child has special medical needs, you may choose to disclose in order to make sure those needs are met. Your child cannot be discriminated against in school or day care because of HIV.

From the National Institutes of Health, on the differences in treatment and outcomes for HIV+ individuals in the 1980s vs. today:

In the early 1980s when the HIV/AIDS epidemic began, people with AIDS were not likely to live longer than a few years.

Today, there are 31 antiretroviral drugs (ARVs) approved by the Food and Drug Administration to treat HIV infection. These treatments do not cure people of HIV or AIDS. Rather, they suppress the virus, even to undetectable levels, but they do not completely eliminate HIV from the body. By suppressing the amount of virus in the body, people infected with HIV can now lead longer and healthier lives. However, they can still transmit the virus and must continuously take antiretroviral drugs in order to maintain their health quality.

From the National Institutes of Health, on outcomes for children with HIV in Africa:

More than 95 percent of all HIV-infected people now live in developing countries, which have also suffered 95 percent of all deaths from AIDS. In those countries with the highest prevalence, UNAIDS predicts that, between 2000 and 2020, 68 million people will die prematurely as a result of AIDS. In seven sub-Saharan African countries, mortality due to HIV/AIDS in children under age five has increased by 20 to 40 percent.

From the CDC, on HIV transmission in household settings:

This report details the only documented cases of HIV infection within a family in a household setting. In each case, transmission was not in a typical household setting and no precautions were taken to prevent infection. In one, a mother with open sores left them un-bandaged and then picked at her son's scabs, and he contracted the virus that way. (Side note: ICK!) In the second case, a mother provided unhygienic and unskilled nursing care to her adult son who had AIDS and, in failing to wear gloves in transmission-risky situations, contracted the virus. One other documented transmission case was when two adolescent boys who had hemophilia shared razors, and as both cut themselves, the blood of the one with HIV infected the blood of the one without it. In another case, a mom with two sons with hemophilia used the same needle to infuse both sons, which led to the HIV infection of the previously uninfected one. In three other instances, a caregiver failed to use proper precautions, like gloves and/or bandages, when providing care to relatives with bleeding issues or sores in addition to HIV. All of these cases date back 20 years, and I haven't found records of any more recent cases being reported in household settings.
This is why I and other HIV adoption advocates correctly state "HIV has never been transmitted in typical household settings." It has been transmitted in the home... but with the good hygiene practices most families without HIV use (aka common sense), it isn't.

adoption stories

Project Hopeful: I slept with a girl… and I didn’t catch HIV

But then I realized, that if I KNOW the facts, and 1987 still crept in to my mind for a split second, how would my friends react in the same situation? How would I have reacted a couple of years ago?

Parenting magazine: An HIV Adoption Story

The fact is, science and medicine have come so far that "we would rather treat pediatric HIV than juvenile diabetes," says Kenneth Alexander, M.D., chief of pediatric infectious diseases at the University of Chicago. "If you look at how well our medications work, there's no reason not to expect that Sachi will one day see her grandchildren."

People magazine: Enough Love to Go Around

Carolyn Twietmeyer lay in an Addis Ababa hospital bed in July 2008, holding 11-year-old Selah, who had been her daughter for only a few weeks. Swatting biting insects that swarmed through the window, she listened as doctors said there was little hope for her child: Selah had AIDS, weighed a mere 32 lbs., and had long been denied blood transfusions due to limited supply. With Carolyn's blood now pumping through the girl's body, she prayed Selah would be well enough to board a plane to the Twietmeyer home in the Chicago suburbs. "I realized I wasn't the only mother with a sick child in Ethiopia," says Carolyn. "I am no different, just luckier."

Huffpost: HIV Adoption on the Rise in the US

One of the most difficult challenges, for many families, is deciding whom they will tell about the adoptive child's HIV status. Health care providers must be informed – otherwise, under federal and state confidentiality laws, it's entirely optional whether parents notify school officials, neighbors, or anyone else.

An adoptive family’s blog: HIV: Disclosure

People with HIV are not contagious. HIV is almost impossible to "get." In the last 15 years not one person has contracted HIV by living with another person with HIV. It won't happen. You can contract HIV only through sex, sharing of blood (and I mean a lot of it), or from mother to child during pregnancy, delivery, or breastfeeding.

An adoptive family’s blog: Living with HIV {warning: this blog has music that starts as soon as you open it. side note: I’m not a fan of music on blogs.}

Honestly, our lives are not that much different than any other family. The only real difference is that Victoria has to see her doctor every 3 months and take medication each day.

Project Hopeful: The Disclosure Decision

HIV/AIDS is no one’s dirty little secret. The issue of whether or not a family should hide their child’s leukemia, or diabetes, or down syndrome is a NON issue. I’ve never heard anyone talk about it being that child’s story which only they should share. Kids are born with many diseases yet it seems that HIV/AIDS is the singular chronic disease everyone wants to shame kids for having or at least quiet everyone from talking about. No one bats an eye when a mother blogs about her child’s congenital heart defect. No one condemns her for sharing such personal information about her child without her child’s consent.

informational resources

HIV and Children statistics from AVERT charity

An informational brochure from the NC Bar Association: AIDS/HIV Infection and the Law

A report from the World Health Organization on how to tell a child about his/her HIV: Guideline on HIV Disclosure and Counselling for Children Up to 12 Years of Age

Another report on helping a child understand his/her HIV+ diagnosis: Disclosure of HIV to Perinatally-Infected Children and Adolescents

Project Hopeful: A non-profit with the goal of educating, encouraging, and enabling families adopting children with HIV/AIDS

Speaking of Project Hopeful, they've set up an account for tax-deductible donations to our adoption. Funds will only be released to us for verified adoption expenses. If you're willing and able to donate, any amount will be greatly appreciated! Just click the button below:

why we’re letting the HIV cat out of the bag

noreply@blogger.com (Shannon Dingle) — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 12:30:00 +0000

One of the hardest questions in HIV+ adoption is “who will we tell?”

Legally, we only have to tell medical professionals. As our child with HIV grows up, that child will have to tell sexual partners too. (How I pray that each of our children will only have one, knowing the guidance laid out in the Bible and understanding first-hand how sweet it has been for Lee and me to not know those experiences outside of our marriage!)

If you’ve read this blog long, though, you know that we live our lives out loud. We share about cerebral palsy and epilepsy and autoimmune disorders and depression and more. We might even overshare from time to time.

That doesn’t mean we have to share about HIV, though.

We’re choosing to.

Why? Well, for starters, we don’t think it’s shameful. We don’t want any of our children to grow up thinking that it is.

We know our children will face the ugliness of this world. Jocelyn might get teased for being too tall or too loud. Robbie might get mocked about epilepsy. Zoe could be ridiculed for her body moving differently because of CP. And one of our children might face stigma due to HIV.

Who am I kidding? All those “might”s are probably more like “will”s.

Instead of hiding from the ugliness, we will face it head on. It will hurt at times. Our hearts will break.

We’ve prayed for over a year about whether or not disclosure is the right decision. It is for us, but we understand why other families make a different decision. You can’t go back. Our advice if a family is on the fence about disclosure: don’t do it. You can always tell later, but you can’t untell news like this.

We’ve done research – talking to doctors and our elementary school’s principal and other adoptive parents and friends with HIV. We’re not naïve. We know we’re choosing a rough road. (For several reasons, though, we’re not sharing which one of our three is HIV-positive, so admittedly we’re not fully disclosing.)

We might lose friends. We might get uninvited to birthday parties, like this family did. We might have to stand firm in the face of the world’s ugliness.

One reason we’re doing this? We’ve seen the whole “it takes a village” thing play out in our family, as so many of you have helped us raise our children by serving in children’s ministry and coming alongside us in other ways. We don’t buy the idea that secrets stay secrets; especially with five other young children, details get shared, whether or not we want them to. In other words, we fully expect that our HIV+ child’s status will get shared, whether intentionally or not. By disclosing now, we can face the realities of disclosure proactively. We can allow people to quietly excuse themselves from our lives – from our village – if they are uncomfortable with our child’s HIV status. Our hope is that we can absorb the blows for our child, facing both gentle questions and harsh comments as they come. If ugly reactions or party un-invitations come too, Lee and I want to be on the receiving end, sheltering our darling one from that pain as long as we can.

We are thankful for friends – like you, hopefully – who will stand with us, and we’re willing to answer any questions you might have.

(In fact, I allow anonymous comments on this blog, so feel free to leave a question without giving away your identity, if you'd like.)

If you're able and willing to support us in bringing these three precious ones home and declaring that HIV doesn't make a child unworthy of love or a family, here's a link to do so through Project Hopeful. All donations made in this way are tax-deductible and will only be released for verified adoption expenses.

Think HIV+ adoption is crazy and scary? Don’t feel bad; I used to too.

noreply@blogger.com (Shannon Dingle) — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 11:57:00 +0000

{I’ve written about this topic once before: see this post. Since then, we've announced the adoption of our three precious ones in Uganda and disclosed that one of them is infected with HIV, so I wanted to revisit the subject.}

I know waiting child listings well. After all, I’ve been perusing them for more than a decade, looking forward to the day we’d finally adopt.

(Some little girls plan their weddings or daydream about biological babies. Me? I’ve been an adoption junkie since I was a kid.)

As I looked through listings, I’d pray for these children and their families: both their family of origin, which obviously had broken in some way for them to be available for adoption, and the family I hoped they’d have someday. Sometimes I’d fantasize about having them as my sisters and brothers or, once I was older, as children of mine.

But the ones with those three letters next to their names? HIV? I’d just pray for them… but never, ever, ever consider them as my own.

Because wouldn’t it be dangerous for me and the rest of our family? Wouldn’t our hearts break when they died of AIDS? Wouldn’t we go broke with medical bills? Wouldn’t playing football or any other sport with a risk of bloodshed be out of the question? Could they even have a girlfriend or boyfriend? What about marriage? Grandbabies?

I’d move on.

Someone else could consider those kids.

Not me.

Next.

Now, we’re the “someone else” in that story.

We have three children in our home right now. We have three other children in Uganda, including one with HIV. (We can't show you their faces yet, but see their hands to the right.) We’re learning about ARVs, the meds that can keep viral counts of HIV low, even undetectable, and keep it from ever progressing to AIDS.

We know now, after Zoe’s arrival, that adoption is treated like birth by insurance companies. In other words, no pre-existing conditions are on the table; your new arrival is treated like a brand new baby.

We’ve discovered that we won’t need to worry about shortened lifespans for our kiddo with HIV, because of those fancy schmancy ARVs.

We’ve started peeling back the layers of what dating and marriage and pregnancy and sex looks like for people with HIV, which are all totally feasible and normal, just with an extra layer of knowledge necessary.

We’ve found out how fragile the virus is and how quickly it dies when exposed to air, which is why no HIV transmission has ever occurred from contact with spilled blood.

We’ve realized that HIV isn’t a danger in typical household interactions, because, you know, we’re not down with our kiddos sharing needles or breastfeeding each other or engaging in sexual activity with each other… and those are the primary ways that HIV is spread.

In other words, we’ve realized that the great danger in HIV+ adoption is that these orphans – including one of our children – might never have families. In fact, our group of siblings was going to be broken up because their caregivers in Uganda were certain that no one would adopt the other two because of the one with the virus. Two siblings would not only leave their country after the trauma of losing their family, but they would also have to leave behind one sibling who they love.

That’s scary.

HIV isn’t.

If you'd like to help in a tangible way, tax-deductible donations can be made through Project Hopeful, a non-profit we've partnered with, by clicking the button below:

You can also help by writing to The Ellen Degeneres Show about us. All season, Ellen has been giving donations to families with compelling stories, and we're hoping to get her attention. Click here to find out more.

a FREE way to help us fund this adoption (aka a favor) (aka proof that we really are crazy)

noreply@blogger.com (Shannon Dingle) — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 15:00:00 +0000

Yesterday, I told you I was crazy.

Okay, I didn’t really admit to being crazy. I just announced we are adopting a sibling group of three from Uganda.

Which, I suppose, is kinda crazy.

Well, it’s time to confirm the crazy for you.

I have a wild hair.

No, not this definition of wild hair.

what happens when we remove her pigtails

I’m talking the slang phrase “wild hair” that’s a synonym for crazy whim. (Or is it “wild hare?” Eh, whatev.)

Here goes: The Ellen Degeneres Show has been partnering with folks like Shutterfly and Target all season for giveaways of cash and cars and prizes to people with compelling stories.

Now I’m not sure if our story fits the bill, but we’ve been blown away by the crazy and wild ride God has taken us on in the past couple years, including our recent move forward to adopt again. We’re just an ordinary dad and mom who had two kids the old-fashioned way and then were blessed with one more through special needs adoption from Taiwan. Now are getting the opportunity to adopt again, this time a sibling group of three from Uganda, including one who is HIV+.

Can we ask you a favor?

We are trying to think outside the box to fundraise without hitting up all the friends who gave before. (By the way, I just fund a huge stack of thank you notes I thought I sent… oops. Yours might be on its way now!) We’ve written to Ellen, and we’d like to invite you to do so as well. Maybe if she keeps hearing about this crazy family of ours, then she’ll decide to help us out with our adoption.

So, you can write her at this link, which is to nominate someone deserving who is in need. (Let me add that the deserving people in need aren’t us but rather our children and others in the US and other countries who are waiting for a family.)

Or you could use this link, which is for telling her about an act of kindness. (Really, it’s God who has been exceedingly kind to us, in allowing us to have the children we have and the children who are coming.)

Or you could use this link, telling her about someone who needs a car. (With the addition of our three Ugandan treasures, we’ll need a vehicle that fits us all. I’ve always wanted a minivan, but we’ll have to skip that step. In case you're wondering, I have my eye on a Nissan NV Passenger.)

Or if you’d rather just write to her without a category, here’s the link to send her a “Dear Ellen” note.

{If case you're wondering, just list your info in the name and address fields, and then tell her about us in the field where you can enter more details.}

If we all bombard her – and maybe if some of y’all share this and encourage your friends to bombard her – then they’ll notice, right?

I figure it’s worth a try!

PS – You’ll have the option of attaching a picture to your form to Ellen. Please feel free to use the picture below or the one we posted yesterday – save it, and share it with her!

photo courtesy of Rebecca Keller Photography

And if you're willing/able to donate and would like to do so in a tax-deductible way through Project Hopeful, a non-profit we've partnered with, here's how to do that:

dingle, party of 8

noreply@blogger.com (Shannon Dingle) — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 00:53:00 +0000

Eight?

Yes, you read that right.

No, this isn’t a belated April Fool’s Day joke.

We started looking into adoption programs a couple months ago, expecting to pursue a country in which the process would be long and hard. We’re not gluttons for punishment, but we know a lot of people opt for the easier countries while orphans sit waiting in the harder ones. I can’t explain it, but we were drawn to the hard places. We figured, why not start now if it will take a while?

Then, we found out about a waiting sibling group through a friend on Facebook.

A group of three in Uganda, ages 2, 4, and 6.

After we talked with the agency and prayed and sought counsel from godly friends, we knew our answer was yes. We knew it was crazy, but we knew we were committed to these beautiful children.

Our beautiful children.

photo credit: rebecca keller photography {she's wonderful!}

See those three additional kiddos in Jocelyn's work of art?

They're our other three children, the ones waiting for us in Africa.

I feel like I should offer some logical or reasoned explanation for why we’re adopting again so soon. But I don’t have one. All I have is this:

Pure and undefiled religion before our God and Father is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world. {James 1:27}

Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause. {Isaiah 1:17}

I’ll be sharing more details in the coming weeks, like what our next steps are and how we’ll be rearranging bedrooms and when we think we might travel and if we'll be done after this.

For now, though, please pray for us. We aren’t naïve; we know this is huge.

If you feel led, here’s the link for online, tax-deductible donations through Project Hopeful, an organization advocating for the adoption of orphans with HIV (which is a reality for one of our three waiting children).

Any funds raised through this fund can only be released for verified adoption expenses. Including travel, the total costs for this adoption will be $40,000, but these kids – our kids – are worth it and so much more.

Sweet ones, we love you. Mommy and Daddy are coming.

if you feel like you're on the sidelines

noreply@blogger.com (Shannon Dingle) — Mon, 08 Apr 2013 18:58:00 +0000

This morning was as rough as expected, being the first school day after spring break. First, we slept in. Then Jocelyn whined about wanting to stay home to do all the fun things we didn't do during spring break because of the great stomach bug of 2013.

I went through the motions, packing lunch and motivating Jocelyn to get dressed and making juice cups and heating a bottle of milk and changing a diaper. As I loaded the kiddos in the car, I glanced across the street.

The sweet older gentleman, who brought us flowers the day we moved in, lay crumbled and motionless in his driveway.

My heart stung, every muscle engaged to run across the road to help. But another neighbor was already at his side, and he assured me that he had alerted the in-home nurse. As I pulled out of the driveway, I saw the nurse dial 911 on a cordless phone. Lee returned from walking the dog moments later to offer assistance, but the ambulance arrived just after he did.

I knew my role. I needed to be with my kids.

Still, I felt sidelined from the action.

I continued going through the motions, answering questions like "Is he dead, Mommy?" and "Why do some geckos have to lick their eyes instead of having eyelids?"

We practiced this month's Bible memory passage for the children's church program.

We made afterschool plans, including a promise that we'd go for a long walk in the beautiful spring weather.

The entire time my mind was on the help I wasn't able to provide to our dear neighbor.

As I dropped Jocelyn off and returned to our neighborhood, I glanced back at the neighbor's now-empty driveway. The water someone sprayed on it didn't wash away the bloodstain.

Instead of feeling remiss that I hadn't been there, though, I realized something:

there are no sidelines

I had been in the action the whole time. While another neighbor and a nurse and my husband and a few EMTs were meant to be caring for that man in his time of need, I was meant to be caring for three darling children in theirs.

Moms, your action might look different from the action of those EMTs, but it matters. It matters so much.

{thanks to my beautiful friend Tish for letting me share this moment she captured with her son}

When you're going through the motions of caring for your family, what you're doing is valuable. Eternally valuable.

Why? Because the ones you're teaching and feeding and carpooling and diapering and bandaging, they're valuable. Eternally valuable.

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. {Galatians 6:9}

(In case you're wondering, our neighbor was talking, though disoriented, when he left in the ambulance, and the prognosis sounds good for a man his age. Thanks be to God!)

would you pray for us?

noreply@blogger.com (Shannon Dingle) — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 16:59:00 +0000

I can't offer details right now, but we're making some big decisions this week. Please join us in praying that God would provide clarity, wisdom, and direction and that we would be faithful to follow where He leads.

And, if you're so inclined, pray that I would manage my time wisely so I can get the Easter letters in the mail by tomorrow.

{Yep, the ones I had printed for Christmas. Maybe I should have asked for time management prayers a few months ago...}

258.

noreply@blogger.com (Shannon Dingle) — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 12:00:00 +0000

Zoe spent 257 days without us.

three months old, before we knew her

Today, she has been with us for 258 days.

People say she is blessed.

But really?

the hospital lobby in Taitung, just after our sick girl was discharged into our care {The Archibald Project}

She is the blessing.

We are the blessed.

in our backyard a month and a half ago

My cup? It overflows.

in which I try not to die

noreply@blogger.com (Shannon Dingle) — Thu, 21 Mar 2013 12:30:00 +0000

For those of you following me on Facebook, the title doesn't refer to my tuberculosis exposure. Nope.

Sure, my positive TB skin test paired with the three days we spent last summer with our sick baby girl in a hospital in Taitung, Taiwan, means I was exposed to the bacteria... but thankfully my chest x-ray was all clear, so I'm waiting for my appointment with the health department, which will launch several months of preventative antibiotics and public health monitoring.

Hi, my name is Shannon, and I'm a walking petri dish.

See the joy on our faces as we sprung Zoe from the hospital? Who knew that I was also busting out a few TB germs? {photo credit: The Archibald Project}

So why the concern that I might die?

Today, my friends, marks Day 1 back in the gym.

We tried having an elliptical in our bedroom. It's still there. Lee loves it, as it works the entire body through ~~voodoo~~ clever design. Me? It messes with my knees.

Plus? When I work out at the house, it feels like a chore. As I juggle the kids, the laundry, and whatever else I'm setting aside for the elliptical or a exercise video, the workout ends up feeling anything but refreshing. Knowing the benefit for my physical and mental well-being, though, it's not an option to opt out of exercise, though.

So I rejoined the gym.

It's the same one we used to go to, with the perk of being down the road from Jocelyn's elementary school. We cancelled because we didn't have time to go in the midst of the move, and then we knew Zoe wouldn't be ready for childcare yet for a while after we brought her home. (Plus our new house payment is higher than the old one, so I needed to have the time to devote to my freelance writing gigs which fund my membership, as well as our adoption fund.)

I'm praying that the childcare staff is the same, because they were fantastic.

Though Zoe will be peeved about being left, no matter how wonderful the staff is.

Even if my lungs try to give up on me today, though, the good news is it's just from being in poor shape and not from tuberculosis, right?

The other good news? We'll be returning home from the gym in time for therapy for Zoe... which means someone will realize soon if I don't make it home because I'm passed out on the floor of the locker room.

Where, ironically, I might pick up some bacterial infection.

{Probably not TB, though.}

You’re open to HIV+ adoption? Say what?!?

noreply@blogger.com (Shannon Dingle) — Wed, 20 Mar 2013 16:57:00 +0000

We’ve shared on Facebook a few times about our openness to adopt a child with HIV when we're ready to add to our family again. We’ve talked about it with friends off-line. And, in doing so, we’ve realized a lot of folks just don’t know much about HIV in 2013. Which brought me to write this…

I get it.

I thought the same thing when we first started looking at waiting child listings before we adopted Zoe.

“Oh, that poor thing. He has HIV. It’s so sad he doesn’t have a family.”

And then I moved on to the next listing, because really? Why would anyone put themselves and their families at risk by adopting a child with HIV?

Then, as we read more and learned more, we realized that our understanding of HIV was stuck in the 80s.

You know, with big hair, leg warmers, the Cold War, shoulder pads, and an MTV that actually played music videos.

Now?

HIV is a manageable chronic illness. Meds called ARVs can make the virus undetectable in blood samples. With ARVs, children with HIV can live normal lifespans.

HIV no longer means AIDS is inevitable.

And contracting it? No, if we adopt a child with HIV, we won’t be putting the rest of our family at risk. Why? Well, because we won’t be sharing needles with each other, our next kiddo won’t be breastfeeding us, and none of us will have any sexual activity with our new arrival. Those are the primary ways that the virus is spread.

In fact, in 2009, the CDC removed HIV from their List of Communicable Diseases of Public Health Significance. While adopting a child with HIV or otherwise immigrating with the virus used to require additional paperwork, it doesn’t anymore. Furthermore, HIV has never been transmitted in typical household interactions.

So what will we do if we adopt a child who is HIV+?

We’ll cuddle with all of our kids, and they will take baths together, and we’ll wrestle, and we’ll wipe snotty noses, and we’ll change diapers, and we’ll share the occasional cup or utensil or plate, and we’ll hug, and we’ll share sweat and tears, and we’ll probably cough and sneeze on each other. (Hey, it happens.) If we do adopt a child with HIV, we’ll add him to our health insurance like any other new arrival, because adoption is treated like birth (in other words, pre-existing conditions aren’t a factor).

In other words, we’ll be a family.

{for more on HIV+ adoption, visit Project Hopeful. watch the video below to learn more.}