Dirt on the hands

Paper shield of stupidity

2009-01-06T00:09:00.001+08:00

I wonder...am I just self sabotaging with all these bouts of honest to a fault, untactfullness, and all the rest just to have a paper shield in which to hide? I mean, it's easy, blame everything on a trait that I have due to my emotional problems. After that everything I do will be rationalized. I am not to blame, my stupid trait is the one at fault! It's not an excuse. If I know about it, then

My new platonic girlfriend!

2009-01-05T23:57:00.001+08:00

And this time it' a duder...sorta weird for me. All the people that I've had my heart to heart talks to were girls before. When I think about it, I didn't even tried to talk to Slam back when we were close. We just sat and just talked cock. Oh wait, I remember now, back then I had a lot of platonic girlfrens who actually listens to me blab. I guess guy or girl doesn't make a difference. It's just

Can I keep a secret?

2009-01-05T23:46:00.001+08:00

I used to be able to. I used to do it all the time. Now I even have friends telling me to my face that I will never be a reservoir for their secrets coz I can't even keep my own secrets in check. Let alone theirs. Is this just another side effect of my suppression? Am I trying to pin every problem that I have on a stupid bloody sickness? I mean, I can rationalize that due to my suppression,

Misunderstanding

2009-01-05T23:37:00.001+08:00

I'm always misunderstood. Primarily because I don't know myself. I always try to tell the truth about my emotions the way I see it at the time. Truth does has an expiry date for me I suppose. What is considered truth to me at some point in time might change in another. Doesn't necessarily mean that I am lying. I don't understand my emotions at all sometimes. Emotionally retarded remember? If I

moderation in all things

2009-01-05T23:26:00.001+08:00

It's never good to have too much or too less of anything. Even things that are originally considered good. For example, let's take a good trait and what if there is just too much of it. We'll go with a trait is is always considered as good; Honesty. Being honest is as always good. However if you're honest to a fault, you will most probably shoot yourself in the foot. Anything that is even

I'm lost in between the taugeh trees

2009-01-04T23:37:00.001+08:00

4 posts in a day huh? I'm not done yet though. I really appreciate the comments and IM's asking if I'm fine and all. I'm fine. The concern shown really made me happy. <3 One thing going through my mind that makes me somewhat lost is that I've not always been the person I am now. If I show confidence, charm, cool, wit, cocky and most of the other personality traits that I usually show at work

I be lonesome

2009-01-04T19:21:00.001+08:00

I suppose I can say that I'm lonely. Another reason for me to start blogging again. I live alone in the apartment. It's also not really a place that makes me feel all comfy and homely. I just don't feel that it is my place. Which is why I really look forward to the place in Ampang. I've even drafted a document on the renovations and furnishing that I want to put in the place (ask me for it if

I'm a lame duck

2009-01-04T19:10:00.001+08:00

I don't really ever tell my family about my love life. Mostly because there isn't one to tell. It's always been hard for me to like a girl. I've also been a one woman type of guy, meaning if I like a person, I don't really look at any other girls in an attractive way. I still look at girls la, I'm a guy, I look at pretty girls. DURR. I'm just not attracted to them. I've always had these platonic

My suppressed emotions.

2009-01-04T18:36:00.001+08:00

Being emotionally suppressed isn't good. I know from experience. I've had it for a long time. I even sorta knows when it started. I'm not placing the blame on anyone, I'm not trying to make anyone look bad. I don't ever want anyone to feel guilty about it. But I think I need to tell it all the same since if I don't explore the start of a symptom, how can I diagnose the problem? I won't go through

I need to start writing again

2009-01-04T18:14:00.001+08:00

I haven't blogged for a long time. I've read back my blog from the start, and I can't even remember that guy who wrote all those stuff 3 years ago. Was that really me who had all those insights and things that are actually worth thinking? Am I actually getting stupider over the years? Or has my apathy gone to the point of where I don't care anymore? Currently I'm at a place where I don't even

I be discharged!

2008-10-19T12:56:00.003+08:00

Ok so my mum (the torturer) pointed out that in my earlier post I just mentioned the 2 minutes of intense pain that I went through but didn't say a peep about the hours on end she tried to help me. Aww you know I appreciate and love you ma. Thanks for the heals and such <3 eheheheOk so for my first entry into the warded community of sick people, it was pretty uneventful. Other than the fact that

I still feel like an old old man

2008-10-16T18:49:00.001+08:00

Now where was I...oh yea, after the x-ray. So the doc game me some painkillers and said pain should subside after an hour...nope. no diff after an hour. So he gave me a painkiller shot on my ass...nope no diff as well. Didn't even feel the needle jab coz the pain on my leg was distracting me. Oh well, screw painkillers. I'll just hop and limp my way around, not like I'm going to go to a marathon

I feel like an old old man...

2008-10-15T15:20:00.002+08:00

I hurt my back. Nothing major...just a bloody prolapsed disc! ok, it is something that might require surgery if it is really bad (which I hope I won't need). so I guess it is a bit major. Just a bit.I've no idea how I got it specifically, I actually stopped going to the gym for a break since 2 weeks before puasa until now. I've had a slight discomfort on my left leg causing me to have no power

Coming Soon

2008-04-28T18:15:00.000+08:00

I'll be back soon.......

Hiatus

2007-08-25T20:25:00.000+08:00

First of all, I have to express my deepest apologies for being so long absent from this blogging activity. I have been somewhat occupied. Seeing that previously I have always been blogging when I am absolutely dead bored. I currently have no time to be dead bored, especially at work.Work has been somewhat.... different than what I'm used to. I have been taking calls for sometime now. About one

previously on Dirt on the Hands...

2007-05-28T14:33:00.000+08:00

I admit, I haven't been updating lately. I only update when I'm bored and have internet connction. It has been a month and 2 days since my last day at my old work place and I haven't updated about a month before that. So here goes 2 months of updates jajaja. Guess I'll divide em into different posts to make my work easier.Pre Moto ResignationNothing much to say really. My work at moto was always

Weirdie

2007-04-11T15:44:00.000+08:00

I was tagged sometime ago but I was just too lazy to do it lah. Anyways, it goes.Each player of this game starts out by giving 6 weird things/fetish about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names.I don't like to eat fish. I do however love to

I want to sleep!

2007-04-06T11:14:00.000+08:00

I haven't been able to get much sleep a couple days past. Kept waking up in the middle of the night for no reason. So I went to work yesterday feeling very sleepy. I don't know why but it seems like ever since I said that I wanted to leave this job I keep getting swamped by so much stuff to do. I barely had enough time to sit down yesterday so even though I was pretty tired I didn't get to dwell

yaryar

2007-03-21T17:04:00.000+08:00

I went for an interview yesterday for an IT Helpdesk Specialist at IBM regional contact center. I think I pretty much aced it. Well, I do good in interviews, it's just getting the interviews is such a pain sometimes. During the interview, the interviewer told me that they're gonna call in a few other candidates and once that is done it would be about a couple more weeks before I would get a

Madness?! This is Sparta!

2007-03-13T17:26:00.000+08:00

I like to think myself as a patient man. However, sometimes when I want something, I just can't make to make myself wait. I thought I'm sorta pass this since I haven't done it in awhiles, but the other day, I looked at this add int he papers and was interested in the advertised product. Yesterday morning, I opened up a video of the thing and it was so cuuute! I straight away went to OU on my

fraying ropes

2007-02-22T14:37:00.000+08:00

I'm sorta on short temper atm. A coupld of weeks ago one of my friends asked me to join him with this online investment thingy. As soon as I heard it, I told him that I don't think this is halal, it gives out fixed rates. He said all the ustaz etc are doing it and they said it was ok. I told him that i really don't think that it's right so don't talk to me about it. Earlier today he sent out an

Q.Q

2007-02-13T13:39:00.000+08:00

Ok, so I think all those meds my mom gave to me is having an effect on me a bit. Last week, while I was playing WoW, I did this long intricate quest to help this very old orc who was dying, called the greatmother. She was the oldest orc in the village and since a lot of the orcs were orphaned when they were young she was practically the mother of them all.Anyways, the current chief of the orc had

>.>

2007-02-12T17:15:00.000+08:00

I haven't been updating my blog lately. Just don't have anything to say. Well, that's not true really since everyday when I commute to work I think of all the useless crap that I could just put up in my blog but I just haven't been that rajin lar.A few weeks ago, Slam's car broke down when he wanted to go to work. Coincidentally, that day was one of the few days that I got to my workplace before

Release!

2007-01-17T10:58:00.000+08:00

It's a week that good stuff came out! 24 premieres this week with a whopping 4 episode release and world of warcraft's expansion came out also. Both on the same day. Too bad the internet still sucks too much for me to play any WoW tho.24 is pretty daym good as always, skip this paragraph if yah don't want any spoilers. Although I'm usually a critical when it comes to unbelievable stuff in shows,

Rear view

2007-01-11T10:28:00.000+08:00

You know what I'd like to see? Video displays on the dashboard that shows a 120 degree view from the rear side of the car. Would eliminate blind spots as well as the need for a rear view mirror and side mirrors. With the technology we have now tho, to implement something showing real time display with a wide viewing angle like that would take a bit of moolah. It would be a nice thing to have tho.