Dirty Footprints Studio

Still In Progress

2012-06-01T10:59:00.000-07:00

FEARLESS Painting In Progress. Acrylic on Vellum Bristol. 35" x 23".

Still not finished.

You can see where this painting evolved from last HERE.

FEARLESS, Present, & Unfinished

2012-05-31T06:00:00.000-07:00

FEARLESS Painting In Progress. Acrylic on Vellum Bristol. 35" x 23".

Here is my most recent FEARLESS Painting....it's still a work in progress....unfinished.

What I'm enjoying about this painting is that I'm really listening to it--
really taking my time--
being present with it completely.

Partially because I have to work in chunks of time while Phoenix is sleeping or being cool with snuggling in close.

But I feel really present in this painting---and I started it by asking it a question...and it's been so surprising and fun to see how it's answering.

I tell you---something has really struck a flame inside me---I have so many ideas--so much I suddenly want to express again. I would have never imagined that this would be a by-product of becoming a Mommy!
Though, the beauty of it is that pre-Phoenix if I felt this way--I would have gone off in sky rockets---would have gone on overdrive.
Maybe it's the lack of sleep--or lack of time--but I feel more focused and grounded when I come to the studio. When I pick up the brush.
Funny how life evolves for us--gives us just the medicine we need.

Just as a little reminder....BIG goes on sale this Monday, June 4th!!! This will be my 11th Tribe and I can't wait to paint FEARLESS with a new group of amazing women!!
Maybe one of those women will be you?!?!

I'm Painting Again

2012-05-29T06:00:00.000-07:00

Like I said earlier....I'm painting again.

Seriously, it feels so good. So right. Even so exciting.

Just to be painting again.

Yesterday I stapled a piece of vellum bristol to my painting wall and arranged a few different shades of greens on my palette.
I was feeling the green.
Maybe cause I couldn't get these two trees out of my mind. I walk past them everyday when I juggle Phoenix in his stroller and Nyla on her leash--and I wonder why I never really noticed them before.

It's a little silly, if I can be honest. I get all choked up thinking of those trees--and of Phoenix--and of my palette of greens----because it all seems so alive to me. An aliveness that I never fully experienced before--an aliveness I wish to capture and share and spread through not only my paintbrush and words on this blog---but in my presence in this world.
Things are changing for me. In one of the most beautiful ways:
Completely on their own. Without any help, push, or planning from me.
Every day it unfolds at ease--when I let myself be fully present.

So of course that's why I'm painting again--because there's no better place to paint from--
In the present moment--
With my little guy snuggled close to my heart.

A Little Missing Part

2012-05-25T06:00:00.000-07:00

It was around 10:00 PM.Phoenix was asleep. Laundry in the washer. Dishes sitting in the sink. Food in my belly. And a paintbrush in my hand.
Yes, a paintbrush I said.
I finally had enough. It's been way too long--and ever since my little guy was born my heart has been longing to paint again.
All through my pregnancy all I wanted to do was write. So I did.I wrote a lot--and barely painted.
Well that's not totally true. I played in my sketchbook, made mandalas (that I'm still working on still!), and dove into a little Art Journaling for 21 SECRETS. But that's it.
I just didn't actually paint paint. (You know what I mean.)

That all changed this week when I put a canvas on my easel, paint on a palette, and turned on the lights in my studio. I probably should have went to bed--but screw it.
I need this. I need to paint.
At first one of my usual "faces" started to appear--but it didn't feel right. It felt forced.....trite...expected.
So I stood up, grabbed a bigger brush, and just started slapping paint on it with some freaking boldness and energy.
I painted like I was the last painter alive!
And guess what happened? The ol' pod's came back again!!
Or maybe a part of myself came back again.
Yeah, I think that's it.

Little Snippets

2012-05-22T09:30:00.000-07:00

Being that my hands are quite full lately...my newest form of creativity and fun has been Instagram!
It's a lot of fun to shoot little snippets of my day and of my little sweetie!
But it's also a lot of fun to see what others post as well. I'm not a big Facebook or Twitter person---and maybe it's because I'm a visual person that Instagram draws me in!
You can follow along by joining me over at Instagram---I'm DirtyFootprints.
Plus--many of my little snippets post to my Facebook, Flickr, and Twitter....if you're not interested in joining "another" social networking somethin-somethin!

Nobody Told Me

2012-05-21T06:00:00.000-07:00

When I was 25 years old I backpacked through Italy by myself.

I remember the day I impatiently made my way through the Vatican. Zooming past all the opulence and history--only focused on the little signs with the arrows pointing the way.

Finally when I arrived at my destination, the sign outside said silence was required.

Head down, I walked to the middle of the chapel.

Stopped.

Took a deep breath.

And looked up.

Holy shit.

That's what came out of my mouth--and the young Italian guard came rushing over to yell at me.

I was smack dab in the middle of the Sistine Chapel.

There were no chairs or pews. Just benches with plexiglass backs lined across the walls--

leaning--

so you could spend your time comfortably staring.

And oh. oh. oh.

I was looking up at that amazing masterpiece I've seen over and over again--

in books and Art History 101 films.

Here I was.

In the flesh.

I made it.

So close I could feel Micheangelo's presence still.

Like he was breathing down my neck.

That night I emailed my ol' Italian Renaissance Professor and said You didn't prepare me for this. You didn't do a good job expressing how overwhelmed and moved and filled with absolute awe I would become when I looked up for the first time. You didn't tell me it would be like this.

Now here I am again.

Nobody told me it would be like this.
That this love would overwhelm me. Would soothe me. Would make every cell in my body long to be a better person.
Would heal me.
Nobody ever told me that he would wrap me around his little toes and fingers and every inch of his body. That I would become mesmerized and awestruck.
That the way he stretches his arms above his head and puffs his chest out would turn my heart to goo.
Nobody told me that 4 AM is the magic hour--when we nurse in silence as the sunrises.Just us. Me and him.
Nobody told me that the blue of his eyes would match my favorite color of paint.
Nobody told me that becoming a parent is a process. Is a daily practice. That it would be this easy and this beautifully hard. That it would heighten my spirit like nothing else.

And nobody had to.
Everything I've done in my life has prepared me for his presence. Has sculpted my heart and fine tuned my intuition. Has strengthened my trust in God...in Life...in the way Nature cradles our Souls.
Nobody could tell me this.
It was a secret I kept locked inside me for ages. It traveled with me those weeks in Italy. Sat buried deep inside me the first time I saw a blue morpho in Costa Rica.
A secret that began to sprout and awaken when Hansel and I met almost ten years ago.
A secret we carried with us from Ohio to Arizona.
A secret that fueled my decisions to leave a job that didn't fit. To lead women deeper into their own truth. To follow what I know is my path in this life.
A secret that has only been born.And with each day--Becomes more and more revealed.

FEARLESS Inspiration :: Garth Britzman

2012-05-14T09:55:00.001-07:00

Above is a beautiful piece of Art created by Garth Britzman. It is recycled plastic water bottles filled partially with colored water. He created them into a beautiful car port in his yard!!

What I love about it is first and foremost is that it's genius!!! I love that Britzman took something stale like a water bottle and turned it into something that looks soft and flowing like a blanket.

I also love that it's surprising! Imagine seeing that in person---walking under it!

And last, I love that it's functional--that it has a purpose---that it adds a little beauty and wonder while it's at it too!

Absolutely FEARLESS!!!

One Long Ribbon

2012-05-13T07:50:00.000-07:00

?

No matter what, I "never ever" go to bed without brushing my teeth.
Never ever.
In the last two weeks of being a Mom for the first time--that carnal rule of mine has gone by the wayside. At least once.
(Maybe twice.)
I'm also typing this blog post with one hand.
And sure, none of this will get me an award--and none of this means much to anyone but me. And none of this really says much about living with a newborn.
Until you go through it.
Until all of a sudden you realize that you are no longer the same person you once were. That all of a sudden you do things differently---and not by choice--or even necessity--but simply because your DNA has changed. The molecular structure of your heart has shifted. Your brain has somehow got used to exhaustion and now tolerates the feel of feces on your hand or white spit up running down your neck.
All of a sudden you wake up and know what to do.
Somehow.
At least you think so for awhile.
Then tomorrow comes and what worked yesterday is not doing the trick today.
And I'm relearning the Art of laughing at myself--at not taking things so seriously. I'm relearning the importance of grass under bare feet and sunshine on my shoulders--even if it's only for a few minutes. I'm relearning the science of discovery--the enlightenment of magic--the importance of wonder.
I'm relearning unconditional love and the words to forgotten lullabies.
I'm relearning the ingredients of happiness like memorizing the periodic table.
Or maybe I'm just being clever.
Maybe I'm not doing anything special that hasn't been done before--through my ancestors and yours. Passed down from woman to woman. Never skipping a generation. Never missing a lunar cycle. Never depleting the midnight sky of it's darkness.Or denying the sun it's radiance.
Just simply letting the energy move.
One long ribbon of love--tangled, knotted, and thin in places.
But stronger than any precious metal.
Happy Mother's Day, to every woman.
Happy Mother's Day.

One Year Evolution

2012-05-11T06:00:00.001-07:00

Self Portrait. May 10, 2011.

Self Portrait With Phoenix. May 10, 2012.

My Greatest Labor Of Love

2012-05-09T06:00:00.000-07:00

A couple days before Phoenix was born my dear friend Darrah sent me a text message stating I had everything I needed...that all I had to do was Trust.
Those few little words could not have been more perfect....more timely.
So I find it interesting that on Saturday, April 28th I woke up and laid in bed with my doggie Nyla thinking only two things: Surrender and Trust.
Surrender and Trust.Surrender and Trust.
It was like a loud mantra playing over and over in my head. A record with a skip.The way roller coaster workers say the same thing again and again at amusement parks.
Surrender and Trust.Surrender and Trust.

That same day I had the most incredible burst of energy.
"Nesting" they call it, I do believe.
When I finally crawled out of bed all I wanted to do was clean. The windows, the floors, the carpet, the laundry, even the patio.
I knew he was on his way. I knew it.
And I decided to take one last wabble down to the pond by our home as well--since I was feeling so lively for the first time in awhile.
I sat there watching the ducks, soaking in the sunshine, and praying my mantra again and again.
Surrender and Trust.Surrender and Trust.Surrender and Trust.

Later that evening Hansel and I sat together in the living room watching Forrest Gump. It was exactly half past midnight when I got up to go to the bathroom--and as I walked back to the living room I couldn't understand why I had just peed on myself!
So I went to the closet and changed my pajama pants--not thinking much of it.
I sat back down by Hansel and immediately felt like I had to go to the bathroom again--but this time there was more urgency--and as I ran to the bathroom I yelled to Hansel the whole time "I don't know why I'm peeing all over myself."
You can laugh. I did. Hansel did. We both did!
Hansel so sweetly said "Connie, I don't think you're peeing on yourself."
And yes, it finally occurred to me--he was right. I was not peeing on myself. This was the beginning. My water had broken.
I don't know, I guess I imagined in my head things happening differently. That there would be contractions--I would be laying down--we would use the app Hansel downloaded on his phone to time things. Something.
Something different than this. This caught me by surprise.
Surrender and Trust.Surrender and Trust.
But my water broke and there was nothing. I called my doctor and she said take my time going to the birthing center--and so I took a shower, had something small to eat, called my friend who agreed to be my doula, helped Hansel pack up our stuff to take with us, and together we took Nyla for a small walk.
As we walked Nyla together under the stars that night Hansel pointed out that the night we found out I was pregnant we were also watching Forrest Gump---and then too took Nyla for the same walk.
And here we were again--totally full circle--and this time ready to begin a new part of the journey. This time ready to meet our little guy face to face.

I'm being honest when I say to you that I don't remember a whole lot about the labor.
I know that it lasted 18 hours---I guess you could say 20 hours if you want to begin at that moment when I felt I peed myself!
But it was 18 hours in the birthing center--and nothing I would have ever expected--and nothing that went as I had planned. Though the entire time I kept hearing again and again Surrender and Trust.
Surrender and Trust. Surrender and Trust.
When my contractions finally began: Surrender and Trust.When they got stronger and closer: Surrender and Trust.When they told me my blood pressure was too high, that I was running a fever, that the pain I was trying to experience naturally was making both of these factors worse for me--and for my sweet Phoenix: Surrender and Trust.When I finally agreed to the epidural: Surrender and Trust.When they told me that after 18 hours I was not progressing: Surrender and Trust.When they said his heartbeat was not looking good: Surrender and Trust.When they insisted on getting him out now: Surrender and Trust.When they wheeled me into the surgery room: Surrender and Trust.When I saw the worry on Hansel's face: Surrender and Trust.When the drugs they gave me made me feel like the world was spinning: Surrender and Trust.When I heard his cry for the very first time: Surrender and Trust.When I told Hansel to run to him as I laid there watching: Surrender and Trust.When I kissed his face: Surrender and Trust.When I saw Hansel break into tears: Surrender and Trust.When I knew that Phoenix was safe: Surrender and Trust.

When I finally became a mother the only thing I could do--the only thing that was in my control was to Surrender and Trust.
Nothing happened as I expected it to--nothing happened according to plan.
But as traumatic as it was for both Phoenix and I, I would say it was a great success.
I brought Phoenix into this world surrounded by LOVE. My dear friends Shirlene and Alicia stayed with me and Hansel the whole time in the birthing center--while Shirlene's husband and two sons sat outside in the waiting room. (THE WHOLE TIME.)
I had friends and family members sitting by the phone--up all night praying--and my dear FEARLESS Painters had created a virtual circle around us as well over on Facebook. There was nothing but great, great LOVE that shone through those hours of labor.
It was without a doubt--a great labor of LOVE.
And as each contraction waved through my body I focused on my breathing--but not according to the patterns I learned in birthing class months earlier. Instead I focused on breathing into my heart--and having my heart expand with each inhale and exhale to engulf both Phoenix and I.
I would close my eyes and visualize my heart as this safe, sacred space cradling the two of us. And I would reach for my pulse on my neck and try to match my own heartbeat with his heartbeat that I heard on the monitor.
We were one.
It no longer mattered if he came into this world vaginally or through an incision on my belly. Drugs or no drugs.
I delivered Phoenix into this world through my own Soul.
I delivered him the only way I knew best:Surrender and Trust.Surrender and Trust.

Phoenix Ariel

2012-05-07T12:01:00.000-07:00

Phoenix Ariel
was born Sunday, April 29, 2012 at 7:49 PM.9 pounds 6 ounces / 21 inches long.
Pure LOVE.

I don't know even where to start.
It's been one week since Phoenix was born.
One week filled with ups and downs, laughter, tears, uncertainty, and trust.
One week overflowing with the greatest love I've ever known.
One week of tiny little smiles and dirty diapers.
One week of learning how to breast feed, learning how to sleep with a newborn near by, learning how to be a mother for the very first time.

It's been one week--and it's not as hard as I thought it would be.
Actually I'm surprised how natural it feels.
How I can't remember....(like seriously)...I can't remember life before him.
I barely even remember the labor--even though it was 18 hours long and terribly difficult for the both of us.

It's been one week and each day feels like a renewal of life.
I'm so grateful for this incredible gift I've been granted.This beautiful life I've been entrusted with--to guide, to love, to believe in.

It's been one week.
The first week, of which I'm certain, will be his amazing life.

I Believe In Magic

2012-04-27T10:57:00.001-07:00

Winter Solstice. December 2011. Acrylic on Vellum Bristol. 35" x 23".

Back in early December, two nights before I learned I would have a son, I had a very vivid dream.

One of those dreams that immediately after waking you have to write it down.

One of those dreams that you know is rich and abundant with truth and meaning.

One of those dreams that you never forget.

I dreamt that I was principal of a school. But this school was actually held in a very old, robin's egg blue house that had a huge oak tree growing in the front yard. My vice principal was my friend Andrea, and in my dream she came to me wearing a periwinkle blue pencil skirt and jacket to say that there was an owl flying around the school diving at all the children in the classrooms. I told her to open all the windows facing the tree and to gather everyone outside--that I was going to catch the owl and get rid of it.

Next, in typical Connie dream fashion, I was crawling in a small attic space and out through a window, about to step onto a huge oak tree branch. The owl was tan in color facing me when all of a sudden a little boy grabbed my leg and said No. Don't grab the owl, it is suppose to be here. It lives here too.

I remember looking at him in my dream and knowing so deeply that he was my son. That this little boy was my child. That we were connected.

That's when I woke up and grabbed my journal. After that I looked up owl medicine/totem on the internet and found this:

Owl knows that all apparent manner of death is in fact a liberation into new life. Something must first be cleared away for anything new to be born. When a person moves, leaves a job or relationship, has a baby, adopts a new animal friend, something in the old life had to die for the new to be created. At the time it may seem incredibly painful because we have been taught that death is an ending, not a new beginning, and what is in the process of being born is always more beneficial than the old. (From Owl As Totem)

Yesterday was officially my due date. I spent the morning at my doctor's office with Hansel and my little guy seems to be doing well. I have dilated 2 centimeters and effaced 50%. Go for long walks, my doctor said--and rest.
Friends are calling, texting, and sending emails and gifts.
Life has slowed down and it rained yesterday in the desert.
All this time during my pregnancy I have swam through an ocean of emotions and its my dreams that have been my greatest anchor. It is my dreams that have showed me facets of who I am becoming--who I have been--and who I am here to serve. It's in my dreams that I have learned who walks beside me and how much radiant love exists in this beautiful world.
I have always been devoted to intuition and somewhat skeptical of magic--until now.
For now I see how dreams are seamless like magic. How they effortlessly dance into your waking life when you sincerely choose to be awake.
I see how Earth's creatures, the plants, the weather, the sun, the moon, the stars and every shade of beautiful that the sky can conjure up are all part of this dream. How the people in my life--past, present, and future can move fluidly around me, through me, and disappear without attachment. How I am ageless and wise and foolish and everything and nothing.
I am truly grateful for this life. For what it was--for what it will be--and for what it may never succumb to.
But I am especially grateful for what it is.
An awakened dream.Magic.A blessing.

FEARLESS Inspiration :: Simon Beck

2012-04-26T06:00:00.000-07:00

I promised you yesterday that I'd introduce you to the work of an amazing mandala Artist. His name is Simon Beck and he creates these huge mandalas in SNOW!!! They are absolutely gorgeous and HUGE!!
In the video above you can see photos of many of his works--and in the video below it shows how he creates these magnificent pieces simply by walking!

According to his Facebook information page here is how he does it:
Most of this activity takes place in the ski resort of Les Arcs, where I own an apartment and spend most of the winter.
On average they take about 10 hours to really do it properly, some are a little unfinished, if my feet get cold or hurt too much.
The setting out is done using handheld orienteering compass and distance determination using pace counting or measuring tape. Curves are either judged or arcs of circle using a clothes line attached to an anchor at the centre
Designs are chosen from the world of geometry or "crop circles". Some are named eg Mandelbrot set, Koch curve, Sierpinski triangle are 3 of my favorites.
I have never damaged the ice on the lakes I use AFAIK, when the ice starts melting you seem to get a layer of snow on top of a layer of watery mush on top of the main layer of ice. I often test the ice by jumping on it wearing ski boots and trying to break it (in known shallow areas!) but have not yet succeeded in damaging it other than by dropping a heavy pointed rock.
Inevitably there is a lot of comparison with crop circles. I have never been involved in the creation of crop circles, nor do I condone this sort of activity without permission of the owner. I would like to do some farm art WITH permission.
The setting out is done using handheld orienteering compass and distance determination using pace counting or measuring tape. Curves are either judged or arcs of circle using a clothes line attached to an anchor at the centre

FEARLESS & Fabulous!!!

Mandalas! Mandalas! Mandalas!

2012-04-25T06:00:00.000-07:00

Mandala #2. Ink in sketchbook.

Mandala #3. Ink in sketchbook.

First, thank you so much to everyone that keeps sending us tons of LOVE, light, and blessings as I still wait for the arrival of our little guy. This Friday will mark 40 weeks prego--and the Doctor said "any day now"!!

(She said that. She really, really did!!! I heard her--I know I did!!!)

So basically I've just been patiently waiting around and fully enjoying my new found love of creating mandalas! Above are two of my most recent (& HERE's Mandala #1).

Plus, this past weekend I dove into Dion Dior's Wisdom Circle workshop over at 21 SECRETS. She has such an easier approach to creating mandalas---that I realize I've been making it way, way harder on myself than I think it needs to be! So I look forward to trying her approach sometime soon. You can go HERE to see some of the work that her students are creating.

And, if all this mandala love gives you the itch--be sure to check out my dear friend Heather Plett's mandalas as well. She's been on a daily mandala kick for months now. Take a looksie at some of them over HERE. Plus, she even hosts one-on-one's and group mandala workshops where she guides you to use the mandala as a tool for self discovery. You can learn more about her mandala workshops HERE.

Still craving more mandala inspiration? My beloved FEARLESS Painter Hali Karla makes mandalas too that got me all jazzed. You can see her mandalas HERE.

Last, a friend of mine saw my first mandala and emailed me the work of an amazing Artist that is making mandalas that are way cool. But I'll save that for tomorrow--with a little FEARLESS Inspiration!

Yep, mandalas are a tad addictive! I encourage you to trace a bowl (or a tea kettle--like I do) and try them out for yourself as well!

FEARLESS Inspiration :: Inocente

2012-04-23T05:00:00.000-07:00

If you want your dreams to come true...then you have to make them come true.

A powerful inspiration for all Artists--of all ages.

I'm Ready!

2012-04-20T05:00:00.000-07:00

Mandala. Ink in sketchbook.

I don't think I've ever made my own mandala before. When I used to teach Elementary Art--I always had a lesson on mandalas and would show the kiddos tons of awesome work by other amazing Artists--but I never actually sat down and made my own. (I don't think!)

Until now.

I've been slowly working away at the above mandala in my sketch book for the last week--and absolutely loving it! I love how each element I added would spark an idea for the next.

Such an intuitive, meditative process for sure!

But I'm going to be honest...I've been spending my time deeply inward. Unplugged from the internet and listening to my body, my heart, and the sweet sound of birds chirping outside throughout the day.

I'm 39 weeks prego today and my doctor said that the little guy can arrive any time now.

I'm ready. Ready to meet him and begin this next chapter of my journey. Ready to be a Mom and to share my life with this little soul. Ready to learn and discover and laugh and cry. Ready to be surprised and left in awe.

I'm ready to say good bye to the beautiful life I've lived for so long--to embrace arms wide open the great unknown of a life I know will be full of so much more.

I'm ready.

So, so ready.

FEARLESS Inspiration :: Ian Ruhter

2012-04-18T07:00:00.000-07:00

I was introduced to the above video and the Artist Ian Ruhter through my dear friend Selina.

I'm so happy that Artists like Ian Ruhter exist in the world. I'm even more grateful that I live in a time where I can so easily access the presence of such beautiful souls and be inspired by their work.
I watched the video above like ~~three~~ five times now. And I'm not even into photography that much.
I just adore this man's passion--and curiosity--and FEARLESS approach towards life that he possesses. I also appreciate how honest and vulnerable he comes across in the video as well.
And yes, his work is beautiful. It's innovative. It's magical.
But the best part of it all is that right now, right in this moment in my life, I'm at a crossroads where I need to decide do I take a HUGE risk and move forward--or do I stay comfortable, safe, and secure in where I'm at.
This video above was like an oracle from Heaven. Reminding me that we are called to be Artists because we are different. Because we have visions and ideas that stand out from others.
Seeing the video above reminded me how important it is to take risks--to follow our passion--to listen to our innate wisdom.
Not like I forgot that.
But a little reminding once in awhile certainly doesn't hurt! Hope you receive the same inspiration from today's FEARLESS Inspiration as well!

FEARLESS Inspiration :: Chuck Close

2012-04-16T05:00:00.000-07:00

Chuck Close is certainly an amazing Artist and has been making his mark in the Art world since the 1960's. He's known for painting HUGE--I mean seriously HUGE portrait paintings of friends, family, and fellow Artists. The interesting thing too is that he suffers from prosopagnosia--also known as face blindness--where he has difficulty recognizing faces. But it wasn't until twenty years into painting portraits that he made a connection that maybe his love for painting portraits stems from his challenge in seeing them. Plus, if that wasn't enough--in 1988 Mr. Chuck Close experienced a seizure that left him mostly paralyzed from the neck down.
What I love about him and admire so deeply is that even paralyzed he does not let this deter him from painting--and painting HUGE none the less.
His style has certainly evolved from his early days of painting intensely realistic--but so has he.
The video above is just chocked full of inspiration and wisdom---and a total must see. I hope you enjoy his FEARLESS inspiration!

Ma Durga

2012-04-13T05:00:00.000-07:00

38 Weeks Pregnant Today.

The henna is fading.
The sun is rising earlier.
I've been taking a lavender bath every night--
And barely sleeping.

I make line drawings with ink during the day--
Mandalas, repetitive patterns, and silly intuitive creatures.
And am being visited by frogs, turtles, and ducks in my dreams.

I breathe into my heart center
Imagining the space growing wider, brighter, larger.
Encompassing not just me and him--
But all life that exists.

I forgive. I let go. I surrender.

I do nothing and watch tv.

I've started practicing japa once again.

Ma Durga
Ma Durga
Ma Durga.

Progress

2012-04-10T05:00:00.000-07:00

Photo by Japs-The Gypsy

If you want to know if you are making progress on the so called spiritual path...

See if you're kinder to people.

See if you are a little easier on yourself.

See if you obsess about your own self & all the stuff in your life a little bit less.

See if you are happier during the day--

in a simple way: more content.

And see if you are treating people more like you would like to be treated.

That means it's working.

~Krishna Das

STAY :: A Guest Post By Shauna Meiri

2012-04-09T08:13:00.000-07:00

The eloquent post below was written by my beloved FEARLESS® Painter Shauna over at Sacred Punk. She so kindly agreed to share her wisdom here at DFS.

____________________

While at our painting retreat last year, Connie (beloved FEARLESS painting teacher) taught us something valuable. Sometimes the first sign of new life trying to come through us is our paintings begin taking a turn for the worse. No matter how many times we work or rework or just plain start over, we can't get the painting to look as we imagine it. It becomes frustrating and the temptation is to assume we have lost it (whatever it might be). Instead of tossing our brushes, the trick is to continue to paint and to persevere through the process. She told us it might take getting through 50 ugly paintings before the new thing is revealed. We make an unholy mess on the canvas, we take a deep breath, we begin again on the next one.

Through all of this, we have to remember what we are committed to. As intuitive painters, we don't paint to have a series of beautiful, finished pieces (although we do sometimes get them) but to continue to develop the relationship with our work. Each artist involved in this process will have their own devotion, their own reason for coming to the canvas. This commitment will help hold us steady as we await what is to come.

Lately I find myself up against a 50 ugly painting stage with my writing. I continue to do the work...you name it, I'm writing it...but mostly it is a mess. Even trying to get this post together, frustrating the hell out of me. Even so I keep showing up, building this alliance between me, my pens, and my keyboard, and living in hope that it means something new and good is coming.

As in creative practice, so too in my life. I now stand face to face with the high strung girl who has spent most of her life living with one foot out the back door. More and more I feel how, in this moment, Life is calling me to become more deeply rooted and grounded. To stand still even though outcomes are uncertain. My willingness to live in this vulnerability wavers daily, hourly. Because staying when things are messy or frightening, when every annoying or destructive belief I have ever had about myself and the way love works is being brought up for inspection, it has been an unraveling I never could have imagined.

In that moment when you hear a whisper to drip red paint over your beautiful pristine imagery, it takes courage to trust what you hear and stay true to your devotion, even when it might make a mess of everything. Imperfect essays, wild and unruly prayers masquerading as writing class assignments are still part of the work. In choosing to honor my promise to follow Love, to allow the conforming, I lay down the life I have for the one I was created for. Underneath the voices telling me to run for the border, there comes a deeper call. I imagine it as an underground river, true life-giving water, inviting me to stay. To wait upon the emergence of a new thing.

My Beloved Friend

2012-04-05T14:29:00.000-07:00

A henna belly blessing done this week by Elisha. (37 Weeks Prego)

So it goes that every 500 years the Phoenix dips down to Earth, builds himself a nest, then sets himself on fire--only to be reborn again.

As I go through the chapters of my own life I can list so many pivotal points where I too have set the nest on fire--places where I have been reborn.

Change and I are certainly beloved friends.

Dear, dear beloved friends.

Intended To Be

2012-04-02T15:59:00.000-07:00

An Art Journal spread from my workshop FLOW in 21 SECRETS.

There is nothing else we need.

I've been blessed with two baby showers filled full of amazing women and the greatest of love.

The crib, the changing table, even the stroller are assembled and sitting patiently.

All the teeny tiny clothes have been washed and hung on baby blue hangers or neatly folded away.

There's baby bottles, breast pump accessories, toys that rattle, light up, and meant to teach. There's a diaper bag I'd use as a lap top bag in a second and a fancy grey car seat.

There are books and lotions and cards full of wishes.

There is wonder, anticipation, worry, and excitement.

There is so much love. A love so deep.

I've worked the last nine months so hard to make enough money, to get everything in place. To be as ready as I can be. I've pushed myself at times to ridiculous exhaustion. I've stayed focus, clear, and determined to meet this one little deadline. This one point I knew I could finally let go. Trust. Rest. Be open to watching life miraculously unfold.

I told myself that the launch of 21 SECRETS would be the beginning of my "maternity leave". That from here on out--for the next few months, my focus would no longer be work.

Last night, as I closed my laptop and smiled at how beautifully 21 SECRETS has come together. How hundreds of people from all over the world have gathered in one virtual space. How the teachers' work so beautifully compliments each other and creates a place of sacred creativity, I felt an ending of a sort begin to poke it's face at me.

I've been resisting it. Even throwing little tantrums. Sometimes just ignoring that its here.

But there is an ending to my life, as well as this great new beginning.

There are things that no longer pull me--no longer draw my interest in like they once did before. There is a softening happening. An understanding of life so wider than I'd ever imagine. There is a new connection I feel to the Earth, to the Sky, to the breeze that wakes me up in the morning. There is a new way that I look at people and see their heart centers first before I see anything.

My life is no longer my own. I was foolish to think that it ever was.

Like the delicate strands from a spider's web, we are each connected. Like his heart beating inside my belly. Like how the sand from the shore lines the ocean floor and arrives at the foot of another continent. Like how Hansel and I know each other's thoughts without saying.

I can't ignore where my life is going. How I was meant to be right here, right now, in this place.

It's not about having a baby, or becoming a parent, or any of those things, you see.

It's that moment when you realize--that the person you once were--is now becoming the person the Universe has always intended you to be.

A 21 SECRETS Sneak Peek

2012-03-30T14:39:00.000-07:00

Wanna a little sneak peek into 21 SECRETS?

Here are some teasers for a few of the workshops you will receive.

Remember, at 21 SECRETS you have full access to all the workshops from April 1st through January 1st! Work at your own pace--and visit them as many times as you like!

Now here's a little peek....

JOURNAL QUEST™ :: Tracie Hanson
JournalQuest™ is geared towards the creation of backgrounds and focal points for your pages.The technique also translates into painting on larger canvas or paper. The “journaling” or written parts is left to you . . .
You won’t find any “art school-y” secrets in this class.In fact, the images you create may feel “dream-like” or “random” . . .
As a onetime archaeologist, I’m drawn to discovery and mysteryrather than the “correct way” to paint or make art.
I hope you’ll find it enjoyable and a little different than other techniques you’ve tried.The images are there . . . waiting to be excavated by you!
______________________________

JOURNALING OUR (HE)ART OUT :: Nolwenn Petitbois
In Journaling our (HE)art out, we will be using the symbol of the heart, this shape we know since weʼre little kids, and make it tell what is actually inside ours. Put it out on paper. The fears, the shames, the doubts. And make it something beautiful we can look at afterwards if we want as a reminder that we can always shift the negative thoughts into something awesome that would help us heal.

______________________________

WISDOM CIRCLES :: Dion Dior

The word “Mandala” is a Sanskrit word meaning “Circle”, they are an iconic part of human culture well known for their calming effect on the mind and body. The creative process of making mandalas is an ancient form of meditation and healing that is deeply calming and insightful. In “Wisdom Circles”, we use myth and legend to infuse the art of creating mandalas within the pages of our journals. Through visualization, reﬂection and instruction we create aour own beautiful, deeply personal, and symbolic mandalas.

______________________________

PERSONAL ACTS OF KINDNESS :: Dale Anne Potter

The world around us sometimes tries to take us out of our POSITIVE, HAPPY, JOYFUL place. We can succumb to those contrasts OR we can manifest some POSITIVES from them. One way to do that, is to be kinder to ourselves. In this workshop, we will create ART and send ourselves some of those POSITIVES.

We will make 7 postcards that we can mail to ourselves over a week - on a week that we NEED them. Once home, they can be put into a book ( mini - album) that we construct. The book will be made with pockets for you to pull out your postcards to see and a simple sewn binding.

______________________________

CREDIT CARD FLOWERS :: Martha Lever

In this fun class we will use cut-up credit cards to create ﬂowers! My husband tells me to feel free to cut up any credit card in my wallet— but, of course, any credit car or key card will work! (I donʼt advise you to use your active ones!) I will show you how I cut mine into several shapes to create ﬂowers, leaves and stems. We will also discuss brieﬂy one of the most important concepts in any painting… value. I wonʼt bog you down with a value study but we certainly donʼt want any hokey paintings and a painting without light, medium and dark values will certainly ﬁt into the hokey category. So, get ready to create fun ﬂowers in your journal, on a stretched canvas and for just about anything else you can think of. All from a little credit card.

21 SECRETS opes Sunday!
Go HERE for more info & to register!

The Story Behind FLOW

2012-03-29T05:00:00.003-07:00

Let me share with you how I work.

Kind of demystify the whole online workshop process for you. Or, at least the online workshops that I create.

I love coming up with online workshop ideas--I love putting my ideas together--and forming a lesson plan to work off of--I love shooting the videos--and making the paintings. But there is one little thing I'm not the most fond of.

That's editing.

Editing is ok.
Just ok.

Sometimes I can really get into it--but most of the time--a video that might have taken ten minutes to shoot can take hours and hours to edit.

And usually--it starts to bore the crapola out of me.

That's why I put off all my editing stuff till the last minute. I procrastinate--and wait around until the very last second. Because I need that extra jolt of electricity from a deadline for me to really get into editing.

So, weeks ago I shot all this great video for my 21 SECRETS workshop: FLOW. Some of the videos are simply me sitting on the couch chatting--others are of me painting in my Art Journal.

Well, guess what? Last week when I finally got around to editing them---my video camera must have had a breakdown--because each of the audios on my video was completely messed up. It kept repeating the first five words I said over and over and over again.

There was no other answer but to try again. Shoot the video once more.

So I did.

And still--video camera breakdown.

Up went my white flag and off I went to get a new camera.

Now I'm back in business--but having to try for a third time--and now way past my deadline.

Ok. What is the name of my 21 SECRETS workshop? Yep, that's right:

FLOW.

The whole purpose of my workshop is to embrace our mistakes as possible new directions. To be ok with what is. To be gentle with ourselves and keep moving forward even in adversity. To see what we can discover when we simply trust that our failures--our mistakes--our big forks in the roads are happening for our well being.

And so this is one of those cases where the teacher receives exactly the lesson she is out to teach.

So I made a point to practice what I preach. Even though my ego was yelling at me that since I am in charge of 21 SECRETS--I should be a good example--should be on time, punctual, really on the ball.

And yes, I should be all those things of course. But more than that--I should be kind to myself--compassionate to the creative process--and trusting that everything is happening--yes, for the better good of all involved.

And so you know what I did? I focused on my breathing. I didn't let myself get too stressed about it. And I picked up again.

This time though, FLOW seemed to work better--it seemed to flow.

Finally, last night, I finished editing one of my last videos--and I was so proud. I really love that I had a video camera breakdown. It made FLOW so much more juicier--honest--and meaningful.

I'm so excited for 21 SECRETS to open this Sunday!! I'm excited to share all the amazing work the other 20 Artists have been cooking up--and I'm super excited to launch FLOW into the world as well. It's my hope that other Artists will see that failures, mess ups, and big ol' forks in the roads are just the Universe's way of giving us a much needed do-over. Telling us that something just wasn't right. That we can be better or we simply need to move in a new direction.

But most of all, we can't let it stress us out--because, well, that wouldn't be staying in the FLOW.

And life in the FLOW is where the juice is anyways.

Come join us at 21 SECRETS!!!

Go HERE for more info & to register!

Plus, not only does 21 SECRETS open on Sunday--

but the new Stampington & Company Art Journaling magazine hits the stands!

Be sure to grab a peek at the 21 SECRETS ad in there too!