Discover Parenting

Here I Am, A Child Again...

2010-07-22T16:06:00.002+05:30

I love that innocent smile,

That curious look in the eyes…

I love that laughter on even the silliest of pranks,

That gusto and happiness on running simplest errands…

I love that carefree soul with no pretence,

That urgency to play and waving sorrow just as a distant acquaintance…

When I see him hidden behind the curtains, waiting for me to seek,

It brings back the child in me that I lost somewhere in the deep…

I have started believing again in the Alice’s wonderland and Snow white

My little bundle of joy has again shown me the light…

Light to live, forgive and light to let go of pain …

And here I am, a child again…

Cartoons: Harmelss Entertainment Or .... ?

2010-07-06T12:29:00.003+05:30

Whenever I am busy with something and my son gets unruly or don't have anything to do, I switch on the TV and let him watch cartoons. Cartoon channel is probably the only channel which I feel is fine for him to watch even without supervision. And the same view is shared by most of the moms around the world. Harmless entertainment as we may put it, right from our childhood to all the next generations, cartoons have been essential part of our growing up.

But if recent studies are to be believed, these have been the triggers of violence in kids. In my niece's school, a classmate bullied her and when questioned, he said, he saw it happening in his favorite cartoon series. And such incidents are happening all over. With an attempt to make cartoon stripes simulate real life, the creators have forgot that they have kids as their audience and their impressionable minds take everything without understanding the good and the bad of it.

It does not mean that the children should not watch cartoons. Everybody loves cartoons. I am a die hard fan of Tom and Jerry so why completely forbid them from watching. The key lies in being selective in what you should expose them to. For e.g. Exposing them to action figures too early in childhood is dangerous. There are certain cartoons like 'Mickey mouse clubhouse' that teach children in fun way and are very interesting to watch.

So let's just keep Turbo Man and Spider man in closet for a while and pull out Mickey and Friends for a generous dose of laughter. Once they are big enough to understand and you are ready to explain, even Spider Man adventures of taking to task the Evil can be super fun.
What do you say?

Missing Being Me...

2010-06-30T10:37:00.008+05:30

Being a SAHM has its own perks. Even if you wake up early, you can snooze whenever you want once the kids and hubby are off to their respective workplaces. You can laze around the whole day doing nothing and no one will ask you to justify it :). No hassle of filling time sheets or reporting to boss. No deadlines to meet and no rush hour traffic to beat. Wow, that almost rhymes.. :)You can watch your favorite movies and TV programs anytime without waiting for the weekends to come. And the most gratifying of all is NO MONDAY BLUES.

But all this time I play either a wife, a mommy or a homemaker but what about being 'me'? I am someone's honey, someone's mom and someone's didi (that's what my maid calls me) but beneath all this role playing is a part of me that yearns to be myself. The part that wants to do something with her life. At the moment, I am in a tussle with my own responsibilities and desires. I have to soon figure out how to balance and do what I want or else I will be lost in the sea of faces and will never be able to relate to real 'me'.

My hubby clicked this pic of mine for the subject 'Hope'. And hope is what I am holding onto and looking hard for the light at the end of the tunnel.

Do you feel this too? Have you found your calling? Have you mastered the balancing act? Tell me how you are dealing with it... cause I don't want to miss being me.

First Day At School

2010-06-25T11:33:00.005+05:30

Monday was my son's first day at school and it was me who was all jittery and nervous wreck literally. Although he has attended playgroup but the environment of proper school is very different right from the campus to number of students and behavior of teachers. He had to leave at 8:40 AM. I woke up at 6:30 and made bed tea for me and my hubby. And all through the process, I was continuously looking at the clock, ticking its way to 7. One part of me was actually feeling like hanging with the hand of the clock and pulling it downwards so that the time could just freeze. As soon as the clock struck 7, I took over the daunting task of waking my son up. They look so innocent and beautiful when they sleep. That's why it seems so harsh to wake them up and that too so early (otherwise he wakes up at 8:30 or 9). Fortunately, he is not as fussy as I was as a child. So he just rambled in the bed for a while and then opened his tiny eyes and gave me the world's best smile. You can imagine how my heart would have melted then.

It was time to freshen up now. The benefit of having a supportive hubby is that you can transfer some of the responsibility to his shoulders even without thinking twice. And I take full advantage of that ;-). So I handed over the task of brushing, bathing to him and went to the kitchen. Within half an hour, kitchen was sorted; hubby's and my son's lunches were ready and so was the breakfast. May be it was the anxiety that somehow pushed the over-speed button. I went into the room, put on his uniform and shoes, made his hair ... but oh! A major part is still left.

I don't know about others, but my son takes about an hour just to finish his breakfast and you have to continuously pester him to do that. And there I was, running behind him, bribing him and performing all sorts of tactics so that he could finish his breakfast before the bus started honking the horn right below my building.
Since it was the first day, I didn't want to send him with the bus driver alone as this could make him really panicky. So I immediately got dressed and went to the main gate for the bus to pick us up. The driver was nice enough to agree to take me along and drop me back. So there I was, in my son's bus psychologically preparing him that he was going to school and mom would pick him up after a while. He was looking at me trying to make sense of what I was saying and by the way he was holding my hand, so tightly and firmly, I could tell that he had an inkling of the things to come.

As soon as the bus stopped, he had this little fearful expression in his eyes that I didn't want to see. But he had to do it. I want to be with him when he conquers his fears and takes the major steps of his life, for now it is just going to school. He was alright, not crying but the moment I left him at the door of his class and waved bye, he started sobbing looking into my eyes as if saying, "Mom don't leave me." The teacher stopped me from going inside and asked me to leave. And there I was standing at the gate putting up a brave face and shouting to my child, "Mom is here only.. I will be right here for you... Just play around.. Have fun.."

I waited patiently at the school gates for his classes to get over so that I could see him, see how he was taking it. I had all sorts of thoughts pouncing on me like "what if he is still crying? what if his teacher got angry because of his crying and scolded him or hitted him (it is quite common in India although the trends seem to be changing for better these days)". He came out and was all playful :) I was so happy and relieved to see him like that. For a while he ignored me, maybe he was angry with me for leaving him there. But he couldn't do it for longer :). We reached home and he was again leaping in my arms. He is getting better with every passing day. Now he feels very happy when I make him sit in his school bus. I just hope that he keeps on treading every path in his life easily, keeps on taking the challenges head on and keeps coming out as a a better person adorning happiness and success.

The Best Time To Have Kids

2010-06-15T13:01:00.009+05:30

Once a friend asked me intriguingly owing to my experience, "When is the best time to have kids?" And I said without even batting an eyelid, "NEVER". Yes, you heard it right, never. She was aghast. And with her eyes about to pop out of her sockets, very shocked and surprised, she asked me, "what? why?" Here goes my reason for it. They are always crying,throwing fits of tantrums and if not, continuously babbling and seeking your attention, they rob you of your independence,make you a pro at scolding and mind you, no sleep... no sleep at all. The moment you are about to watch your favorite TV program or listen to some good music, they are right into your ears whispering their demands. Your life is literally reduced to bare necessities. And we are never prepared for a life like this. All, well most of us plan the timing when we want to have kids but there are many times later on when we feel like pulling every single strand of hair on our head.

But have you ever noticed that their one smile can take away your every pain, their one giggle can make you content and their one silly imitation of a poem can make you laugh wholeheartedly for the entire day. Who else can do that? The moment your child comes and gives you this wet, slimy kiss and embraces you in a tight hug, all your worries, anger, frustration just vanish somewhere in the air.

The moment you have them, your life is full of unconditional love and warmth. Your life is so complete. Their smile, your sighs, your hard stares, their laughter, your anger, their innocence and a sense of pride seeing them turn into fine human beings is beyond imagination. Its right, there is no best time to have kids...its the moment you are ready to open your arms to such a beautiful and extremely overwhelming experience in life.

Hope And Happiness

2010-06-11T13:01:00.004+05:30

Life brings you surprises one after the other – some pleasant and some not so pleasant. When my son was born, it was the most beautiful gift I could ever think of but when it came to basics of motherhood (that includes feeding, cleaning), I was in for a huge surprise. I couldn’t imagine my life surrounding a little soul and I was doing nothing but spending my time taking care of him. The storyboard changed from the ambitions of a young working independent girl to a brooding mom changing diapers. I had the biggest identity crisis of my life until I took hold of the situation. The real strength of character lies in how you deal with what life dishes out to you. You cannot plan your life except waking up in the morning at 6:00, making breakfast and sending children to school … What if someday, your alarm chooses not to ring (for whatever reason)?

There are people who constantly blame situations, people around them for the bad happenings in their life (Believe me, I was also one of them at one point of life). If they feel so strongly about life being not fair to them, why don’t they do something about it? It is alright to be sad but life is not about gaining sympathy or finding comfort in tears. It is about laughing out loud with the most optimistic thoughts and having the fighting spirit despite all odds.

I have come across many people in life who inspired me but at the same time those too who bogged me down. The art lies in keeping the inspirations close (as I have by marrying him ;-))and pessimists a little away from you. Like everyone else, I want my son to grow as a happy person and for that I have to lead by example. Children are like sponges who absorb everything that comes their way. The first experience of course comes from the parents. So live your life with hope and happiness and pass on the same values to your little ones.

Coming Back To Where I Belong

2010-06-10T11:41:00.002+05:30

Exactly an year back, I wrote my last blog post. Don't know how but lost track of the time and also many friends that I made online. The last year has been rewarding in terms of experiences and allowed me to grow more mature as a parent and here I am back again with a promise to share my views. I am back to where I belong... to my own community of mom bloggers....
Cheers

Meddlesome parenting

2009-06-10T13:42:00.010+05:30

I came across this article yesterday about a mother being killed by her own daughter. Although the case of extreme reaction was an exception but this power struggle in relationships especially for mother daughter duo is very much a reality. Irrespective of culture and community, mothers love to control their children. The intensity may differ but this innate instinct does lie somewhere.

It is more vocal in a country like India because the women folk here are generally not considered equivalent to men and children are not supposed to move out on parents. It is the control and power that some mothers lurch for and end up victimizing their own children in the name of being 'protective'. Mothers monitor their every move and especially when it comes to daughters, the protective nature becomes intrusive. And even without realizing, a normal intriguing parent turns into a meddlesome authority.

A very close friend of mine went through a typical hypocritical phase in her life where she ended up losing her genetic family but found love in those who were never related to her in blood. It was when her mother decided to be her marriage breaker. For the reasons best known to her, mother tried to manipulate the circumstances that brought her and her fiance on the threshold of putting an end to their otherwise very strong and loving relationship. It was my friend's confidence in her fiance and his family that gave her the strength to break all ties and be with the ones who truly loved her. They accepted her despite all the ill treatment they received from her parents and continue to adore her just like a member of their own family. Till date, I am unable to understand what prompted her mother to do that and what did she got by paving the way for her own daughter's misery. Whether it was the desire to control her and her new family, or a hunger for power or money or just an ego issue? Whatever it was, she ended up losing her only daughter, giving her child the pain of lifetime and I can easily bet that she would still be blaming her daughter for the rift.

Indian mentality does not allow children to be treated as grownups even if they are well past their 20s or 30s. Mothers refuse to let go and believe that its right to be preachy about anything and everything. But little do the mothers realize that this tendency pushes teens and adults even far and they burst either by revolting or taking extreme steps like the one that hit the headlines. Parenting is not about possession, control and expectations. It is about giving and understanding the individuality of the little ones whom you have brought into this world but eventually they are going to grow up, make their own decisions and live their own life. Just a little more thought and sensitivity can make life and relationships lot more loving and easier.

Susan Boyle: How are we conditioning our kids?

2009-05-28T10:07:00.003+05:30

Few days back, I came across a news article about the recent British singing sensation Susan Boyle. A broody Scottish woman well past her mid 40's is participating in a show called "Britain's Got Talent". She was introduced as the woman with completely unpolished appearance and her admittance of never been kissed in life made things even worse. A laughing stock for the judges, participants and audience, this britain's got talent star left everyone dazed once she started to sing. Her vocal talent wooed the judges and audience alike.

When I read this story, I couldn't help but wonder the stereotypical mindsets and cynical attitudes we have indicating the obsession of the world with physical appearance. If someone is beautiful, fair and attractive, we presume that the person definitely has some talent even if it is just about average. And on the other side, we mock and don't appreciate people with bad appearances and dismiss them right away. Our judgemental skills are the result of years of conditioning of our minds that fair and attractive is good and ugly is always bad. Even our fairy tails glorify this assumption(remember snow white).

But this story also suggests one more fact that we love sad stories, rags to riches personas and enjoy the kick they give to our emotions. The success of emotional dramas on tv and movies on complete make overs move on to prove this fact. Susan Boyle's video was seen record number of times on Internet with no restriction of age, gender or geographical location. The truth is we talk about it, show symapthy and then move on and choose to do nothing.

Can we change the world? Are we giving our kids the same conditioning we had for years and decades or do we have the courage to break the stereotype? We can change the things, we can outrun the obsession but the point is do we want to? This is the irony of life.

Baby contest

2009-05-17T15:13:00.005+05:30

I haven't for a long time entered my son into any contest but when the offer came knocking at my door, I couldn't resist. It is a contest for the babies of our city. So here it is. I have entered my son for this contest and would like all of you to have a look and vote.

Checkout

Hope to see him emerge as a winner with all your support.

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-10T22:10:00.006+05:30

Just a hug, just a smile
Just a ring across the miles
Unconditional gift of love, care
The warmth of compassion and ability to share
That's all what a mother needs...

Being a mother has taught me what nothing else in the world can... unconditional love. The day I held my son in my arms, tears rolled down my cheeks and i thought to myself,"how can anyone be so innocent, so sweet." It was love at first sight. The nights I spent feeding him showed me that even when I didn't receive a smile in return or even if he couldn't recognize me, how unselfish and giving love can be. Nothing can match the feeling of seeing your own extension moving freely in this world.

Motherhood is a celebration of life,love and all the byproducts that come with it,a little scolding, sometimes rejection but at the end a feeling of completeness.As they say, since God cannot be everywhere, He made mother. Mothers are special. We are strong enough to go through all the pain in the world to endure childbirth and still come out with a feeling of satisfaction and heart full of happiness. We have the courage to carry the weight of entire household on our frail shoulders and do so with a smile on our face. We have the will power to go on even when everyone else loses hope and serve the family in health and in sickness. We have the patience to listen to our children's anxieties and give them the right advice even when it means 'I don't
care' attitude from them. We have the power to love our children in times of happiness, grief, hurt, anger, frustration, success and failure.

Most of all, a mother is a gift from God and all those who have her are the most fortunate and the truly blessed. Ask them who are living their life without the love and support of their mothers and I am not talking about only orphans here.

To all my friends all around the world who are mothers and also those who are about to embrace this special gift of life, Happy Mother's Day. You are the one making a big difference in this material world with the inherent qualities of humanity and compassion.

Swine Flu

2009-05-04T14:52:00.003+05:30

With swine flu being declared the pandemic alert of level 5 by WHO, every nation needs to prepare for this waiting in the lurch epidemic. Every day the newspaper is filled with so many articles about swine flu, and H1N1 virus that were non existent till now. Yesterday only I read that the first human infected with swine flu was a small boy from the city of Mexico who lived closer to large pig farm. For those who don't know, the virus is spread from pigs but is now fast transferring among humans. It made me wonder how secure our children are or as a matter of fact how secure are we?

Already 180 deaths reported in Mexico due to swine flu and Chicago and Texas making the beeline, this H1N1 influenza is commuting real fast. The travel plans are being cancelled and professionals are being cautioned to travel to infected cities. The international airports are on high alert with team of doctors monitoring visitors and quarantining them at the slightest provocation. India is fast buckling up to handle this situation. There are 5 suspect cases in India as of now which are being kept in tight observation and are quarantined to contain the effects of the swine flu virus.

With around 67% jump in the confirmed cases of H1N1 virus or swine flu since Friday,we as individuals also need to be ready when it comes to controlling the spread of a potential epidemic already covering 18 countries. Here are few precautions that we should take to safeguard our kids and ourselves from swine flu:

If you come across symptoms like body ache and fever, do not ignore.
Do visit a physician if the condition stays for more than 24 hours. It can be coughing, sneezing and upper respiratory disorders.
In case of even the slightest doubt, start using a mask while coming in contact with the child and otherwise. Take a test because timely diagnosis is the savior.
Wash your hands frequently and use good hygiene practices with your child.
Keep the kids clean and use sanitizers.
If you see any person or child with the prolonged flu like symptoms, advice him or her to go to doctor or inform the appropriate authorities to conduct the check.

There is no proper medicine for swine flu, it is only the timely care that can help in saving the precious life. This does not mean that you should start panicking and start feeling the heat of the moment but it definitely means that you should be ready to gauge the onset. The government for sure is taking measures but we should also do our bit in taking control of the situation and making world a safer place.

MMR: Is your child vaccinated?

2009-04-28T13:07:00.005+05:30

It is this time of the year in our region when chicken pox, measles and German measles spread their wings. Recently my hubby went down with rubella measles or German measles as they are popularly called. It sent me into tizzy as Maks is yet not vaccinated for measles. I recently got him the shot for chicken pox and doctor suggested we have to wait till next month for another vaccine.

MMR (measles, mumps, rubella) is a vaccine for preventing these diseases. When we were children, there was no vaccine that's why if we hadn't got any of these autoimmune diseases in childhood, we will catch them now as happened with my hubby. Rubella measles is a mild form of normal measles which is characterized by red rash all over the body accompanied by some cold and cough and sometimes conjunctivitis. The lymph nodes can swell and can give you a little pain in your joints.

The most important part is that it is communicable. It spreads through talking, coughing and sneezing. The person carrying the virus may be spreading it even one week before the appearance of any symptoms and one week after the onset of rash. The rash usually disappears in 3 days, that's why these measles are also known as 3-day measles. The rubella virus has incubation period of 2-3 weeks so you never know that you may be carrying the virus and spreading it without your knowledge.

Children are usually vaccinated with MMR from 15-18 months and then another shot at around 2 years of age. I am already running one month late and keeping my fingers crossed. Although I kept Maks and my hubby confined in their separate rooms (believe me it was next to impossible) but you know children. They do not have a body as resistant as adults. So I am now tiptoeing counting the days to get him vaccinated with MMR and praying that he does not catch it meanwhile.

Importance of playschools

2009-04-16T10:51:00.020+05:30

It is always a pleasure to see children achieve milestones whether it is their first laugh, first walk or first ever word (I would like to hear Mama but seems his first word is banana :)). The first step towards independence is when your child first joins a playschool. There is no definitive age to explore this idea but parents like me are usually skeptical. I don't want to send my child to playschool just because everyone else is doing so and moreover people of our generation have turned out quite well even without going to playschools. But the competition is severe in today's world and the kids need to be ready for this. But what sets the ball rolling is the shattering of the myth that playschools have anything to do with academics.

We need to understand the importance of playschools before actually making up our mind. This is just like a social networking place in our lingo where kids can meet their similar age group counterparts and hence they learn to venture socially and of course this puts an end to their around 2 years of jail seeing only the same inmates (read mom, dad and the maid) apart from few paroles. The idea is to develop sensory-motor skills and social skills. Have you ever noticed children imitating others? This is the best way to make a child learn new things and the efforts are optimum at playschools. Nursery rhymes, drawing, coloring, sorting, role playing are some of the ways that let children break their inhibitions.

Benefits of playschools

We more often than not get confused while buying age appropriate toys. Good playschools provide children with the age appropriate toys enhancing their overall development and contributing to their learning process without stressing them out.
Children definitely become much more interactive and aware of their surroundings. Even if we are 24*7 with them, the efforts are not as targetted as in playschools.
Formal schools have more hours of separation as compared to playschools with 2-3 hours of outing so playschools prepare the kids for what is about to come and reduce the separation anxiety.
We all want to give the best to our children through different approaches of parenting. Meeting other parents opens the gateway for such interactions so it is not only the kids that are benefited by playschools.

Choosing a playschool

Playschools these days are open in every nook and corner of the neighborhood you live in. What is important before choosing a playschool is to see whether the school is qualified enough to handle such small babies. The kids need to be treated very tenderly at this age and any bad influence or wrong exposure can seriously affect their growth. So have a detailed check before you leap at the opportunity of registering your child in the nearby school.

Playschools are not a necessity and stay at home moms can work the things out although not at the same pace as in playschools. It is a matter of personal choice and your ideology in upbringing your child. But if you choose to put your child in a playschool, make sure it is the right place and is not just an over the top daycare.

Virtue of happiness

2009-04-07T13:33:00.002+05:30

My son loves to watch cartoons. His favorite are Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck especially when they are dancing and not to forget Richie rich. To my surprise, he likes the dog and not the boy in Richie rich. Nevertheless he enjoys cartoons so much that sometimes he laughs out loudly just by seeing them jumping around (not doing any funny act). And I wonder, what is so funny? It is not only the cartoons, you give a weird expression, cover your face with your hands and start playing hide and seek, these kids giggle so wholeheartedly that the entire day brightens up.

In this fast paced life, how often we take the time out and laugh out loud or do the things that we love to do the most. It can be going on a picnic or just watching the sun rising or playing with the kitten or dog in your porch, the small things that used to give so much of happiness to us as a kid, as a matter of fact even now. With the whole day governed by the the hands of clock, getting up at 6, preparing kids for school, packing hubby's lunch, struggling to make and get them eat breakfast, putting them on bus, picking them up as the clock strikes one, lunch hour, resting for a while, playtime, dinner time, life is so mechanical. We often forget to relax and smile.

I don't want to wake up one day with wrinkles on my face and regret that I could have enjoyed life a little more, I may have done the things other way around. I want to do it now, and live my life to the fullest, i want to start enjoying those small moments again that used to give me so much pleasure. I want to laugh out loud. Do you too want to make the most while the sun shines. I bet you do.

Side effects of Amoxicillin

2009-03-12T11:44:00.007+05:30

As I wrote in my previous post, Maks got heat stroke. I thought he would be fine soon but the things got worse when we came back home. The reason was his denial to milk due to which he was only eating bit by bit and his whole digestion went for a toss. For the next two days, he was only sleeping and sleeping, not having food at all. It was just horrifying for me.

We took him to the doctor. He requested blood and urine investigations. For infant's blood sample, they prick the needle in the upper part of the wrist taking away the blood drop by drop. At that time it was not only my son that was crying but there was no choice. We had to be strong and get over with it. Investigations revealed a minor viral infection and he prescribed Amoxicillin.

I gave him the first dose and within half an hour, he puked. As the evening approached, he started to show signs of diarrhoea. We immediately went to the doctor and he then told us very simply, "it is quite common". I really felt disappointed as he should have mentioned all these things to us beforehand so that we could have taken these reactions or side effects of amoxicillin easily and would not have panicked.

During the five day course of the amoxicillin, although vomiting subsided but diarrhoea remained as usual. The problem was he was not eating or drinking anything apart from little tit bits and was losing so much of fluid. Thankfully things started turning favorable and he started taking little bit of milk, juice and some food as well. As soon as the course finished, his diarrhoea also subsided and he was improving on the eating front.

Just in case, you have to give your child amoxicillin, keep in mind the following side effects so that you do not panic and can handle the things more effectively:

Vomiting
Diarrhoea
Skin rash

These are the most predominant side effects of amoxicillin. Try and give Oral Rehydration solution (ORS) to the child and as much water as possible. If he or she shows reluctance to ORS as my son did then adding a little bit of sugar and salt to juice can work well. Give lots of fluids and specially during illness, don't force the child to have anything that he or she does not want to.

All these things worked for my son. Although he did lost some weight, he is now fine, happy and running as usual. It is always difficult to pass through the time of illness and specially when there is a child involved, you seem to lose all your interest. With him again screaming and taking the whole house by storm, I am happy and back to my normal self. I think I like being a chasing, scolding mom :)

Birthday in Goa

2009-03-04T10:15:00.006+05:30

It was my birthday and my hubby planned a nice surprise. Just two days before my favorite day, he announced we are going to Goa. Oh! My God! was my instant reaction. Anyone who knows my love for beaches can very well read the thoughts and emotions behind this reaction. For those who don't know India well- Goa, a city of beautiful beaches, is a paradise where you will find nature at its very best. With large palm and coconut trees adorning the sand make the place look serene. This is the only tourist spot in India that has more foreigners than the native people.

The next very moment reality sunk in and I hesitated on the thought of handling Maks, my son, away from home. After all it was going to be the first long vacation with him. But the temptation of one of the most wanted holiday spots on my list took the better of me, we packed our bags and we were off to Goa. That was the best birthday ever with candle light dinners by the beach side, attending shack parties and days full of fun and water sports.

Handling Maks was quite a task though. I have always considered him a game for new things. He likes going out and loves water so the least expected reaction was he being scared of a beach. Children always surprise you and so did he. The moment I put his feet in water, he started crying at the top of his voice and was running away. I was shocked and couldn't understand what was happening. Then I realized it was not the water but the typical sound of splashing waves that made him uncomfortable. One incident that I can clearly recall is he looking at the waves while sitting in my lap and then immediately burying his face in the cozy corner formed by my arms. It looked as if he was again trying to get into my womb. Throughout the entire holiday, one of us used to be with him out of water and the other one enjoying alone.

We tried and failed but never stopped trying. And finally just before the day we were about to leave, he was feeling ok. I won't say he started liking the waves but he was getting used to the idea. He threw another big challenge my way. Somehow, he suddenly showed reluctance to take formula milk and that is the only option when you are on move. I really had a hard time making him drink and eat things. May be he was not feeling good from inside. He had lots of water but very little milk. We came to know later that it was a heat stroke.

It was a learning experience in terms of taking care of kids on a holiday. They have to be handled much more carefully and cautiously than adults. We have the endurance but there is still time for them to be that strong. Nevertheless it was a holiday worth remembering both for good and little tough times. And that’s the way it is with kids around.

Dyslexia

2009-02-05T10:51:00.002+05:30

How often do we try to understand our kids?
How often do we acknowledge that they are right?
Kids try to convey things one way or the other but we don't listen. Parents are like that sometimes. When I was in school, there was a cousin of mine notorious to be the naughtiest child around. He used to come home with big zeros in tests and his parents used to fight over him. Cursing him and each other was the order of the day in their home. But what they seemed to ignore was the special talent he had in his hands and ears.

He was very good with music. All the music classes we joined together, he was a topper all the way. But his parents never bothered to groom his talent as for them academics make your life and not so called extra curricular activities. After a while, he was not even allowed to join any extra course other than studies. His all ambitions to make it big in the music industry were nipped in the bud and there he was, still not understanding the gibberish teachers used to teach him at school.

One day a medical drive in school revealed the details to his behavior. He was dyslexic. His parents were called and they were told he was a special child and needs a special school. They couldn't understand. "He was a naughty child with no interest in studies, that's it, there was nothing more to it", they thought. But the problem was deep. The school also didn't understand.

Dyslexia is a disorder that causes learning disabilities. The children often jumble up words, confuse with similar sounding words, wrong spellings every time. This disability is different from any neural problem. These children don't need special schools as they are not physically or mentally challenged. A little extra care and understanding of their problems can make them excel in studies.

As parents, many a times we ignore the activities of our children, not on purpose but by presuming things. Dyslexia demands care and not whipping. If you find your child repeating the same mistakes again and again and a definitive pattern in his study related problems, do consult a doctor. Get him or her analyzed and please don't jump the gun and write off your child by saying he or she is good for nothing. Studies is not the only area of expertise or something your child should excel in. Groom the special talent he or she has and give them the confidence that you understand. And you will see, how your support works wonders for your child.

Age gap in kids

2009-01-23T12:17:00.006+05:30

I was 6 years younger to my brother. When he was 14, I hardly knew what growing up means. We used to fight over petty issues and used to yell at each other. He was a teenager and i was still a kid. I used to hang around him like a baby chimp and he used to avoid me like plague :). He was not really comfortable with the idea of baby sitting his little sister, i think most teenagers aren't. I always remained a kid in his eyes and never experienced a friendly relation with him. When I became a teenager, he was advising me full throttle as if mom, dad were not enough and I used to hate him. I guess it was the raging hormones and rush of the hour.

We always had different issues to ponder on. When I was concerned about what we are going to play, he was looking for seclusion just like many teenagers. When I looked for isolation, he was banging on my door. We were always at loggerheads. It was not that we didn't loved each other, but we were always at different junctures of life to lend a patient ear to one another. We grew up, went our ways, got married and now we both have kids. We now have a much better understanding but we are still not friends.

What didn't let us be friends was the very significant age gap and it created more of a generation gap. Now, when I have my own kid, it makes me wonder what my son will be like with his younger brother or sister. I don't know how much age gap is good enough for the kids to be more pally to each other but I know this for sure that i want them to be friends. I want them to grow with an understanding of each others' priorities. Obviously you cannot stop them from fighting with each other and it is definitely a part of growing up but you can sure do what is in your hands. Do you know what should be the age gap among siblings or have you experienced the age difference? Let me know what you all have to say about it.

I wanna play

2009-01-20T15:44:00.004+05:30

I have become very lazy lately. Its may be because I stay at home. I always try to take my son to park so that he mingles around but I usually fail miserably as I am not at all a regular. I feel so enthusiastic one day and then don't even mumble the word "park" for a week or so.
But guess what, who is now pushing me... my 15 month old son.

Maks is growing more and more independent and cries in the evenings and do all the weird things to signal that he wants to go out. If he could speak, he would have turned the house upside down yelling "I wanna play... I wanna play...". When bell rings, instead of me, he is out there to welcome the guest or rather push the guest away and go out himself. My hubby is now on the job of taking him to park although I too join them once in a while.

The first day my hubby went to the park, he felt really embarrased. He was the only dad there, and was thronged by so many moms... :) he was happy though... :) But nevertheless both of them enjoyed themselves... Maks now has a routine of going to park and take rides... He loves see-saw and sliders... And we love to watch him play and lost in his own world.

When you run out of patience

2009-01-06T15:54:00.004+05:30

In my earlier post on patience, Patience revisited , I mentioned about how you can go about raising a baby with some understandings of the real world. Here I am talking about slightly bigger babies like toddlers, how to deal with them when they drive you crazy. When you run out of patience, you tend to blurt out words that you don’t mean. If an adult is at the receiving end, he or she reciprocates, things heat up mostly ending up in a bad fight, not talking for days but patch up does take place because adults understand this behavior (although I think this is still not a justified reason to yell). If it’s a child on the receiving end, the poor kid takes meanings to his heart and of course even the unintentional things hurt badly and affect the child’s psyche.
A parent should always be very careful with the child because they have very innocent and have very impressionable minds.

Here are some things, which you should never tell your children whatever might be the circumstances:

· Comparison: Never use statements like, why can’t you be like neighbor’s son or your sister/brother. It makes children feel inadequate and also can cause a rift between siblings.

· Passing the buck: Saying statements like “wait until your dad comes home” undermines your authority and can also be a tension. The other parent comes home tired, may not handle the things they way it should be or the way you like. Deal with bad behavior then and there.

· Terrifying kids: Terrifying kids may work temporarily but there is always a danger that they may feel very terrorized and can lead to nightmares. Use a stern body language and tone to make the children realize what they need to do. Tell them calmly what you want them to do and listen what they have to say.

· Exploiting anxiety: We often use phrases like “I will leave you, hurry up” not knowing that the biggest fear children have is that they will get lost. Kids never have a sense of urgency as adults so you need to push them to get ready early.

· Labeling your child: By saying things like, “you are a bad boy” or “you are very naughty”, instead of managing the behavior, you are making sure that the child also starts believing in your words. You need to separate the child from his or her actions.

· Homework: Children are already so bogged down by their homework that they do not need us to sit on their backs and increase the load. When we say, ”why are you not getting it, its so simple”, it makes them nervous and probably deteriorates the condition. Help them learn and make it fun.

I try not to lose my patience and not use words that can be hurting, but there are times when I am driven against the wall. At those times, I shut my mouth and be completely silent, that works best for me. It is not always possible to walk the straight line but by knowing where the straight line is, one can coordinate one’s actions.

Mysterious life

2009-01-05T14:29:00.004+05:30

There is something about weddings,engagements that tend to uplift your mood. I usually become so peppy as if its my own. As usual I was very upbeat because there was a very close friend's brother's engagement few weeks back. They have to go to another city for that. Although I was a bit tied up,so couldn't go, but my hubby did went there and I was so jealous. He had a very good time. Next morning, the phone rang. My hubby picked it up. I don't know what the person on the other side was saying but I found him completely shell shocked. I asked him and he didn't responded for a while. My heart started pounding so heavily that I could hear it in my ears. I shook him and asked him again, he took hold of my hand and told me, that our friend has met with an accident and is in the ICU. I just couldn't speak a word. "How could it happen? Yesterday only,they were all merry making and suddenly.... What could have gone wrong?", I started thinking without blinking an eye.

We went to the hospital,his brother then explained everything.Somehow they decided to leave for their place that night only after engagement. Our friend was driving accompanied by his cousin brother at front seat and at the back seat were his cousin brother's wife,their 6 month old and his own wife. In the dead of the night,a truck came from nowhere,colliding sideways, causing the car to turn and hit from the left side to the rear of the truck. The impact was so high that the cousin's wife who was sitting just behind him, hit her head and went into comma that very moment. They were immediately taken to the hospital. Our friend's jaws got broken,face disfigured but at least he was there with his family and his wife almost escaped unhurt with just few scratches. The fate took a very bad turn for the cousin's family. The cousin found his ball-socket joint of thigh and pelvis completely damaged. The granny tried to take care of the 6 month old ,he was crying endlessly,no one knew what happened to him. No visible injury was there so they thought its just the absence of his mom. But when he started veiling badly,they got him examined and found his two ribs crackled.

Life is just so unexpected. One moment you are happy and enjoying, the other moment fate has some other plans for you. I can't help but think, what the future holds for that 6 month old who even before coming to his senses is seeing his parents in such a state, mom in a deep slumber and dad who cannot pick him up and tell him,that everything is all right. That night everything changed for them,life just went for a roller coaster ride.
Today is only the time you have,this very moment is what is yours. That's why they say,treat everyday in your life as if it is the last day and live it to the fullest. Don't miss a moment. Hold your children,your loved ones close to you and tell them how much you love them. Life experiences make you stronger and this incident made me realize the importance of everyday,every moment.

Christmas holiday

2008-12-26T13:23:00.006+05:30

I don't consider myself a movie buff but once in a while I do like to go to theaters and have a big screen experience. From the last 2 years I wasn't going out for movies.In pregnancy I read somewhere that babies inside may get frightened by so loud sounds and after that was not sure how my son would react in theater. I let go of many good releases in two years because i thought I would be spending more time outside the theater pacifying Maks (my son) than inside. After all being a child never means sitting at one place for 2-3 damn hours.

The Christmas holiday was coming and we were thinking what to do, my hubby then proposed,"lets go a catch up a movie". It was a good time because a very nice movie of my favorite actor was releasing.I was dreaded at first by the suggestion, but the thought of Aamir Khan, my favorite actor, forced me to think twice and finally I agreed to break this 2 year long hiatus and believe me I was not even a bit dissapointed. The movie, Ghajini, a typical bollywood movie was superb and performance of Aamir Khan was simply fabulous. Although his dialogues were so limited, yet he conveyed everything by expressions and that too remarkably. And what added to my happiness was the fact that Maks really did not created any fuss and allowed me to enjoy the movie. I took the advantage and treated myself with not one but two movies,how opportunist I am .... :) ya but other one in the comfort of home. I watched Slumdog Millionaire. Wow! what a movie it was. Very well directed and some exceptional performances by lead actors as well as their child counterparts. A movie made by a foreigner,tapping the right nerves of India.

So this is how I spent my Christmas holiday. Ohh! I forgot to mention a photo session of my lil Santa and a sumptuous Christmas cake... :)

Here is my lil Santa looking out of terrace for probably real Santa :)
How was your Christmas ?

A day of self realization

2008-12-22T11:49:00.005+05:30

When I first quitted my job after my son was born, i wasn't quiet ready for it. Though i was willing to give my complete time to my son but somehow i missed my job very much. Every day i sulked, fought with my husband as he turned my punching bag,sometimes shown my anger to my son too which was not fair at all.What made me do this, i guess the thought of just wasting my time sitting at home and not being a contributor to my family finances.

As my son turned 1 year old, i started seriously thinking about getting back to work. It took me two months to muster the courage to go ahead.I thought I would just survey the day cares in my neighborhood as no potential domestic help I had at home. Yesterday, I went to a day care near my place. The lady was very nice and the way she was handling things, it was quiet professional. I was very impressed. Suddenly I saw an 8 month old who was crying inconsolably. I enquired and she told me that when ever the main door opens,he starts crying. I just couldn't bear the glare of his waiting eyes. He was looking for his mommy. Everytime the door opened,he thought his mommy had come to pick him and on not seeing her,he started crying. I just couldn't take it. Being a mommy has made me very sentimental, not that i was not a emotional person earlier,but now the tears just trickle and the heart melts down at the slightest provocation and when it comes from a child, you can guess my helplessness. I couldn't stop my self,went ahead and took him in my arms and gave him a reassuring hug. I don't know it touched him or not, but for a while he did stopped crying.

I talked to the lady for a while, checked all the toys,cribs and stuff the day care had for my satisfaction and when I was about to leave,the little boy just extended his arms towards me and in his language literally pleaded. If he could speak,he would have said, "Take me to my mommy please". This incident really shook me and I realized, how much may I say I need to get back to work, nothing is compelling enough overcome even the thought of leaving my son behind,let alone actually doing it. This visit to day care actually made me come to terms with what I am doing when I am sitting at home. I am not wasting my time, I am giving my son the nurture,the care he deserves and most importantly which no one else can give. These are his formative years and he needs me by his side.
God has his mysterious ways of sending his voice to you, all you need to do is to listen to it. I never thanked God enough for what he has given me, a wonderful, supporting,loving husband, a lovely son, a life anyone would want. I just can't stop counting my blessings, I thank you God for being there always.

Children and household chores

2008-12-15T16:30:00.004+05:30

As in my previous post (Involving and evolving a child), I mentioned about involving kids in household chores which seems like a difficult job.
What is so good about it?
Well I believe helping others promotes self esteem and boosts a child’s academic and social skills so why not inculcate that habit early on and house hold chores is one way. These chores teach them real world skills, which not even the schools can teach. But when you go about involving kids in these day-to-day activities, you should be clear about few things:

1) Do not expect perfection from them and so you need to curb yourself from constantly correcting them and constantly redoing their work.

2) Do not delay appreciation and do that when job is on going.

3) Do not order them for doing things, take an easier path, and ask them for help.

4) You can set the rewards to make it interesting, it could be letting them watch tv an extra hour or giving one extra scoop of ice cream or may be some allowance according to the age of child.

There is an age appropriate list of chores that I stumbled upon in one of my older cuttings from a newspaper. Here is how it goes:

Age 2 to 3
* Put toys at their place
* Put clothes in basket.
* Dusting
* Piling books

Age 4 to 5
* Make his or her bed
* Empty dustbins
* Bring in the mails
* Clear the table
* Answer phone calls.
* Helping with setting the table

Age 6 to 7
* Sort the laundry
* Help pack lunch
* Set the table alone
* Keep the room tidy

Age 8 to 9
* Put away groceries
* Make own snacks
* Clean table post meals
* Sew buttons

After that, I don’t think one needs a list :)

Although its still one year or so for me to involve my son in such chores but I can at least hope to make a good foundation and turn him into a responsible adult. Hope these tips are helpful for all those who are going through this phase of growing up their little ones.