Our Founding Fathers, whose imperfections often mirror our own, were outstanding role models for men across the ages.  They were political leaders, philosophers, entrepreneurs, patriots and patriarchs of their families.  Most people recognize their individual accomplishments in the Revolution and founding achievements, but how much do you know about their role as family men, husbands and fathers?

Founding Fathers and the Families

George Washington married the widow Martha Dandridge Custis on January 6, 1759.  He was a noble and gracious stepfather to John Parke Custis and Martha Parke Custis.  He was a great example of a man who welcomed the responsibility of fatherhood, regardless of the fact that the children were not his biological heirs.  Later in life, George and Martha also raised two of their grandchildren.  Washington was the ultimate father of America and an outstanding role model for stepfathers around the world.

John Adams married Abigail Smith on October 25, 1764.  This second president was no second-rate father to his five children – Abigail, John Quincy, Susanna, Charles and Thomas Boylston.  Adams lead his family with the same fair-minded reason and rationale as he did the young country, and as he helped our young developing confederation blossom into a nation so too did he help his children find their way from impetuous youth into prosperous adulthood.  His son John Quincy would follow in his father’s footsteps and become the sixth President of the United States.

Benjamin Franklin began a common-law marriage to Deborah Read on September 1, 1730.  Adding to the diversity of our Founding Fathers, Franklin was father to then deemed illegitimate son William.  In spite of the private challenges placed on this prominent family, Franklin never let it get in the way of raising his son to be a leader.  Unfortunately, the Revolution tore this father and son apart, as William remained a loyalist.  Franklin, though, served as mentor and guardian to grandson William Temple throughout the majority of his youth.

Thomas Jefferson married Martha Wayles Skelton in 1772.  The had five children – Martha, Jane, Mary, Lucy and Lucy Elizabeth.  After the birth of Lucy Elizabeth, Jefferson’s wife Martha unfortunately died.  He never remarried, and so he was an early example of a man who achieved amazing success in his career while balancing the responsibilities of being a single father, at least on the surface.  It is widely accepted that Jefferson took Sally Hemmings, enslaved to his family and believed to be half-sister to his late wife, as his companion for the next 40 years.  He fathered six more children with Hemmings, making Jefferson father to one of the largest families among the Founding Fathers.

John Jay married Sarah Livingston in 1774.  This lesser known Founding Father held more posts in more countries than any of his compatriots, and he fathered six children Peter, Susan, Maria, Ann, William and Sarah Louisa born in a variety of countries from America to Spain to France.  While Jay raised his children to have a worldly view, they went on to follow their father in patriotic zeal and commitment to the furtherance of his Republican ideals.  Jay remained close to his children throughout his life, and he was an excellent example of a committed father of both America and his family.

James Madison married Dolley Payne Todd on September 15, 1794, and much the same as Washington, James Madison took on the role of stepfather to a son John Payne.  Madison called young John by the name of “Payne,” but he never acted like being a stepfather was a pain or burden to his prominent political life in early America.  Madison was known as a dutiful and indulgent father, and he remained close to Payne throughout his life.  Even though Payne was known as an irresponsible young adult, Madison sought to provide every opportunity for the boy to prosper in his career and life. Madison tried to impart values, propreity and integrity to Payne, but in the end after Dolley’s death, the spoiled son squandered the family fortune.

Alexander Hamilton married Elizabeth Schuyler on December 14, 1780.  An orphaned and illegitimate son himself, Hamilton vowed to ensure that his 10 children knew their famous father and were provided love and security throughout his life.  Unfortunately, Hamilton’s eldest son Philip died in a duel on the banks of the Hudson River in 1801, which was a sad and prescient precursor to Hamilton’s own death in a duel with Aaron Burr in that same spot three years later on July 11, 1804.  His wife and children lost their father on July 12, 1804, just eight days after the celebration of the birth of the great nation that he helped found.

The Founding Fathers of America represented a diverse mix of traditional and non-traditional husbands and fathers.  Many of them celebrated the birth of a new and great nation alongside their sons and daughters, while some became patriarchs of their own families after shepherding our young country through Revolution and independence.

On July 4, 2009, my family and I will celebrate the birth of America, and I will also give homage to those great Founding Fathers who gave me and my children unprecedented freedom and opportunity.

Happy Birthday America!  Happy 4th of July!

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I usually sprinkle my posts with apologies and disclaimers designed to absolve myself of horrible wrongdoings and complete obliteration of everything that can be remotely considered good parenting. But this time I actually know what I’m talking about.  I make mistakes when parenting.

This particular post, while wrapped loosely around being a dad with a daughter, is more about being a husband who learned how to strengthen my relationship with my wife by finally getting over my insecurities of raising a girl and making some real parenting decisions on my own.

As a man in what I would consider to be the traditional male role in the household, I had a tendency to not only question every decision I made regarding the care of my daughter, but to depend on my wife to provide all of the answers. In doing this, while I thought I was simply minimizing error and doing things correctly by asking questions, I was actually creating a burden for my wife and behaving like a second child.

It took me a good year to figure out that, when she left the house to have her nails done, she didn’t necessarily want to answer three phone calls asking, “Where are the Spaghettios?” or “Is she supposed to have this little soft spot on top of her head?” or “She just threw up.  What outfit should I put her in now?”  I got my “escape” at the office all day, and she needed hers once in a while, too. I was not allowing her any space because I was afraid to make decisions with my daughter.

One day, I had an epiphany. My wife was running errands, and I was standing in the kitchen. My daughter was crying manically from hunger and I was staring, flummoxed, at a package of lean ground beef, a half-eaten Chunky and a can of condensed milk on the counter.  One hand was scratching my head, the other clutching the phone tightly, ready to dial my wife.  Suddenly, a calm fell over me and I thought to myself, “What am I doing? I’m a thirty-something man and all of a sudden I can’t figure out how to prepare a meal? When did this happen?” I lived on my own for years. I can wash and fold laundry, I can cook, I even (shh…don’t tell my wife) know how to clean. Why was I being so dependent?

From that day on I stopped calling. I realized that, even if I get it wrong, its better to give my wife a break and deal with the consequences later. The thing is, there usually aren’t any consequences. The very thing I was concerned about, my wife coming home and suffering a conniption upon finding my daughter wearing pajama shorts, a Dodgers hat and floaties, ended up not happening at all. In fact, she actually seemed more cheerful and appreciative of being able to spend time away free from interruption than she would have been had I asked her which outfit to put on.

The art of making decisions is an important one to learn. As guys, we manage to get ourselves dressed, fed and off to work each and every day. Doing so for a little one is no different. The important thing is just to be confident in your own personal style of parenting and make decisions. Even if you screw it up, your wife will appreciate that she doesn’t have to treat you like a child as well.

Thanks for listening. I’m off to go prepare chicken nuggets with french fries, hash browns and a side of mashed potatoes – it may not be the best meal, but at least I know how to cook it without asking for any help!

Do you rely on your wife to make all decisions about your daughter?  What did it take for you to learn the art of making decisions with your daughter?  Please share your successes and mistakes.

Matt Pfingsten is a Contributing Writer for Discovering Dad. His personal site is The Playpen. You can also connect with Matt via Twitter @mattredsparks.

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Welcome to the June 2009 edition of Discovering Dad Blog Carnival.

The Discovering Dad Blog Carnival is a monthly carnival that includes fun and informative posts about unique experiences, perspectives and challenges of being a dad. It also includes posts that talk about the impact of dads on the lives of children, spouses and family members, as well as some general parenting posts of interest.

Dan presents Flushing Toys Down the Toilet – Punishment Time posted at My Dad Blog, saying, “This article highlights the joys of children flushing objects down toilets and how to administer the consequences of a costly plumbing bill.”

Joshua presents Tips for Learning during Summertime posted at Family and Parenting, saying, “Even though it is summertime, it is a good idea to keep your child’s mind active.”

David presents Garfield the Cat. posted at The Life of a Father of Five, saying, “The story of the night our cat was struck by a car while one of our daughters was watching, and later holding my son in my arms as he said his tearful good-byes…”

Emma presents 7 things new dads do better than moms posted at Baby-Log.

Tisha Tolar presents Set Goals and then Set Them Higher posted at Empowering Mom.

Editor’s Note:  This carnival was created to share the best stories and learnings from parents around the world, but more particularly dads experiences.  The amount of SPAM submissions each month strongly outweighs the good articles.  If you have a great story to share, please submit your best article each month so we can all enjoy discovering new sites, people and ideas.  Thanks for participating!

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of Discovering Dad Blog Carnival using our carnival submission form. Submission deadlines are the 28th of every month.

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Have you ever noticed how easy it is for many women to make friends of other women? Most seem to be innately tuned into the social steps necessary to establish and maintain relationships. Men on the other hand, not so much.

I, for one, can honestly say it is not easy for me to develop friendships with other men. I don’t understand the proper male bonding etiquette, topics of discussion and how to get past that initial awkward moment of meeting. Do I enjoy sports, sure, but do I watch all sports, not on your life, especially with two toddlers running around. So when I start a discussion and other guys start talking about trades between teams, the RBI of this player, the number of sacks in a previous game or who scored the winning goal last night, I sometimes find myself simply nodding and hoping I am affirming in the right spots.  I don’t like this uncomfortable game of just “playing along” though.  It makes me wonder if these men are involved in their kids/family life at all – how do they find the time to watch sports and spend time with the kids?

This is the same when it comes to other male past times. My father was not a do-it-yourselfer. He was more of a hire-it-out kind of guy, and I tend to follow in his footsteps for better or worse. Over the years, I have learned to be slightly more handy than my dad, mostly because my father-in-law is one of those guys who can build, fish, fix cars and repair most things around the house.  I try and learn through osmosis from him, but when someone brings this up as a topic of conversation, I am at a loss for words once again.

So, My question for all of you guys is, how do you do it? We just recently moved back to Michigan from being outside of the State for three years. We moved to a new area where we have never lived, and though I have friends in other parts of the State, I don’t have any guy friends and my wife and I haven’t been able to make many couple friends either.

I can think of a few ideas to meet people where I won’t feel completely at a loss: Join a church group, sports league, singing group, or take up an adult pastime, but I’m not sure I have the time.  Again, what are some things that you do to make new man friends?  And once you do make a new friend, how do you maintain that friendship?

For me, it is making calls, dropping emails or Facebook messages, getting together for a drink or having a cook out.

I believe it is very important to remember that not only are you a husband and father, but also a human being who needs to have real adult friendships.  The problem with men, though, is that this is not second nature to us like it is for our wives.

So, what do you do to make friends like a man?  I look forward to your thoughts on the matter!

Chris Lewis is a Contributing Writer for Discovering Dad.  His personal site is Dad of Divas.  You can also follow Chris on Twitter @dadofdivas. Chris is also working on project called The Great Minivan Trade Up – check it out too.

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This article written by Contributing Writer Tom Bowns.

A lot of parents rob from their children.

I don’t mean they take money or possessions, I mean they take opportunities for growth. And they do it with the best of intentions.

Every time a mom or dad takes on some chore that could just as well be done by one of his or her kids, the child is robbed of an opportunity to grow.

A parent might think, “Well, it’s easier to just do this myself rather than show Billy how to do it,” or “I’d rather it get done right than let Maisy try,” or “I need this done right away,” or “I don’t want to have to fight with Joey; I’ll just do it myself.”

Yes, it’s probably easier, quicker and less emotionally draining to just do it yourself.  But what’s your child learning?

They’re not learning how to do that chore, that’s for sure. But they are learning that they get a free ride through life, and it’s not up to them to see that household operations get done.  Didn’t you have to do chores as a kid?  I know I did!  This is one way I learned to do things for myself, rather than relying on mom or dad to do things for me.

The fact is, kids need this opportunity. It’s necessary for them.  Not only does it help them gain the life skills they need to survive, but also they feel useful, like theirs is an important position in the family.

Many kids may not naturally want to be helpful or responsible; they’d much rather have everything done for them.  So there might be some uphill battles to fight. Getting little kids to stay on task is also very difficult. And getting teenagers to put down the cell phone and listen without rolling their eyes is a monumental feat.

By starting early and sticking with it, you can help overcome this natural inclination toward laziness, and you’ll enjoy the fruit of productive and helpful kids. Responsible behavior has to be encouraged, and more importantly, the opportunity has to be offered. If they aren’t given the means to grow as kids, they will not be able to grow into responsible adults.

My wife and I recently learned this golden rule and have put it into practice. Our five-year-old has regular chores of helping take out garbage, cleaning the dryer’s lint trap and bringing toilet paper into the bathrooms. Our teenage daughters can do dishes, prepare dinner, clean up, vacuum and be mom’s helper when necessary. We found that the more we increased the kids responsibilities, the better they responded.  And the better they felt about themselves.

So the next time you think you’ll just do the dishes or take out the garbage yourself, remember not to rob your kid’s from an opportunity to grow.

Please feel free to share any tips you may have about helping your kids learn and grow into responsible young people.

Tom Bowns is a Contributing Writer for Discovering Dad. His personal site is Being Michael’s Daddy. You can also follow Tom on Twitter @michaelsdaddy.

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