Disjointed Intelligence

The Open Space of Democracy

2008-11-02T21:37:00.002-07:00

After reading The Open Space of Democracy, by Terry Tempest Williams, I am full of hope and anticipation for the future. Her intelligence and knowledge shared have quenched a thirst I did not know I had, and made me thirsty again for more. The thirst is not only for her wise words, but for a knowledge of things as they exist and- in contrast- as I believe they must be.

I can see now how my part in democracy is as important today as were the parts played by our founding fathers years ago. They fought with patience, bravery, and an unending desire to understand and create a democracy for all Americans. They had the foresight and wisdom to create a government for the people, of the people and by the people- a government ever changing with the population that supports it and participates in it's growth.

As an American it is my responsibility to preserve, change and grow our democratic republic as is needed in our current state- to contribute to an ever changing, ever evolving, and hopefully ever improving society.

Without each person as an active member of this democratic republic, it will be flawed, people will fall through the cracks and ultimately, we will fail. This is a civic duty that I have never recognized before. I have felt anything but powerful. I felt microscopic and insignificant when it came to politics and public interest, but I have changed.

If one person does not share or participate in this civic duty, they make a hole in the safety net of our great government. The web of our desire to preserve a functioning democratic republic must reach far and wide to encase the beauty and diversity of mankind.

Politico... Obama vs McCain Dance Off!!

2008-10-28T21:34:00.000-06:00

Pictures with Ryder

2008-08-29T18:25:00.009-06:00

It's been awhile since I've written about my favorite little guy, Ryder. He's my nephew, and I love him more than I ever thought I could love a person - which is what scares me about having kids of my own. The positives heavily out-weigh the negatives though, and maybe someday, I'll have kids. For now, I'll spend as much time as I can with the nephew's and niece that I have. Yesterday Ryder, his mom, and I went out taking pictures in some of the industrial areas of town. I couldn't resist taking bunches of pictures of him, so her are a few that I think are cute and show his wonderful personality.

Ryder just turned 4 and is full of fun. No longer is he a baby, or a toddler. He's a full grown little boy. He goes to pre-school and brings home some really great, creative art projects. Some of them I'd even frame. (Not just because I'm his aunt) He's quite a talker! We have great conversations and I'm always surprised at how perceptive and thoughtful he is. He's got great ideas, and is always directing me in how to help him fulfill these ideas. Even when he gets a little bossy, we always have fun.

He loves all trains, but more specifically Thomas the Tank Engine and his friends. He was totally psyched to see the trains up close and take pictures yesterday, but when it came time to get up on that train all by himself, he was a little scared. He swears we saw Gordon. (one of Thomas' friends) I don't really know what he looks like, so I took his word for it.

He walked all over town with us and didn't complain once. He's the best 4 year old picture taking buddy ever! He even had enough patience to pose for most of these cute pictures. (Quite photogenic, I must say.)

After the picture taking, we went to an outdoor concert. It was a lot of fun, but it was a long day. He was doing front flips and back flips (while his mom and I were holding his hands) when the concert was over and we finally left. Finally he started to crash when he got comfortably into the car for the fairly long ride home.

The picture above is Ryder with his mom- my favorite sister. ; )

The Road of Life...

2008-08-28T10:00:00.001-06:00

I'm all about living life with no regrets. It's hard when life takes you down a path you didn't expect to go down. I compare my feelings about these unplanned detours to a time when I was younger- I always found myself wishing I was a year older. When I was 6 I couldn't wait to be 7, when I was 7 couldn't wait to be 8, and then I realized that if I wasn't enjoying the age that I was, it was like I was missing out on a year of my life. From then on I've tried to enjoy each age, each moment, and each phase in my life for what it is. I'm still really bad at enjoying the hard stuff, but hey- it's part of my life. I guess that's where the phrase "roll with the punches" comes in.

My life has rarely taken me down the road I expected to be on. Sometimes I feel like it's my fault that I'm not where I thought I should be. Then I think back... and really, I have very few regrets. Although I'm nowhere near where I thought I'd be by now, I've learned a lot and met people who have changed my life forever. If I hadn't taken such an unexpected road, I wouldn't be the person I am today. A few years ago, I adopted the saying, “An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered.” by G. K. Chesterton . I've tried to remember that when life presents me with surprises.

For my job, I take inbound Roadside Assistance calls. People call me and they're generally a little grumpy and upset because something happened to their rental car that threw a wrench in their plans. The interesting part about all this is... I like it! I like talking to people all over the US and Canada and I like the challenge of making a bad situation better. I like how by the end of the call I have usually seen a turn around in the whole demeanor of the person I'm talking to. It's a challenging and sometimes stressful job, but to sum things up, it's a perfect fit for me right now, and ironically fits right in with my thoughts today. The sad part is, they're closing down the Roadside department in Salt Lake, so I won't be doing it much longer. It's just another fork in the road of my life. I look forward to whatever comes next.

"Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin."
- Mother Theresa

Virtually Living?

2008-08-27T11:41:00.011-06:00

I've recently decided to explore the online dating scene, and I can honestly say it's a whole new world to me. I find the whole concept and process of meeting someone on a dating site very interesting. I've been on a few dates through these sites, but I'd only give one of those dates a rating of 5 stars- if you know what I mean. Most of the time I get along great with men while we're in the emailing, chatting, and exchanging photos stage, but I've found that nothing replaces the face to face chemistry (or lack thereof) that you feel when you meet. Is it pheromones? I don't know, but there's definitely something to be said for up close and personal physical attraction.

Online, I can be charming and witty and have perfect grammar, but during face to face conversation- I'm not so perfect. So, I understand when I meet someone from a social networking site that it truly is a 1st meeting. I may know this person's favorite hobbies, movies, name, phone # and a million other little things, but I don't know this person. Nothing can replace the moment, the experience, or the feeling of meeting in person.

Throughout my life I've tried not to judge by looks alone, and as a general rule I don't, but I've learned that when dating online I can't judge by words alone either. Saying that sounds a bit stupid in the traditional sense, but it seems relevant and real when the internet and social networking come into play.

I've read books and seen movies about the internet being a detriment to society, satires that predict a population full of fat and stupid people who rarely experience something real. (versus virtual) I'm so happy that I can say that nothing replaces the real thing. Nothing replaces sunshine, the glory and physical effort of hiking in the mountains, and nothing replaces a real human body. I'm thankful for the irreplaceable experience of reality and I'm thankful for the progress and improvements technology provides to society. I'm happy to say technology for me, will always be a supplement to living, not a replacement.

On the subject,

Books I've read and movie I saw :

Enjoying the Scenery

2008-08-26T22:40:00.003-06:00

Summer time, for me, means travel! I've traveled a little this summer and as I've traveled, I've been experimenting with my camera and definitely enjoying the scenery.

Flowers Over a Stream

White Tree Flowers

Christmas Meadows

A Huge House!

Geyser in Soda Springs

Smoking on the Fire Escape

The Bridge

Improving the Quality of Life!

2008-08-12T18:08:00.006-06:00

Every now and then, I find myself with a collection of a lot of things that I think are just plain ol' cool, and what kind of person would I be if I didn't share them? (Wait, don't answer that.)

Here's a bunch of free stuff that has made my life better, easier, or more fun... or all 3 combined!

I'm not much for dating sites, (I'm a little shy) but this one is pretty fun. It's not only a dating site, but a social networking site as well- very laid back. New features are popping up daily and I'm finding things I've never noticed every time I log on. My profile name is Becca, add me as a friend! LuvHappens when you least expect it...

www.LuvHappens.net

YouMail is one of the greatest inventions ever for my cell phone!! I absolutely love it. You can customize greetings for each person who calls, and you can ditch callers that you no longer want to remain in communication with. You can select pre recorded greetings, or record/make your own AND you get each voicemail as an email too- If you want! You can also eliminate phone texts by texting from YouMail online. When your friends have YouMail too, it gets even better!

www.YouMail.com

I may be a little behind the times on this one, but Meebo is one of the greatest gifts to instant messaging ever! You don't have to download any programs and you can instant message and see who's online for all of your IM groups together. I haven't even begun to explore all of their features. I don't know if I'm explaining this very well...

Here's a quote from their site:

"At meebo.com, millions of
people every month keep in touch with friends on an any IM network (AIM, Yahoo!,
MSN, Google Talk and Gmail, ICQ and Jabber) and chat with people in Meebo Rooms.
Meebo also enables live communication integrated into any website with Meebo Rooms, Meebo Community IM (coming soon!),
and Meebo Me. Meebo is the Web's
live communication platform - instant messaging from absolutely anywhere, no
downloads or installs required, and free! "

And Here's my widget: (Add me, I'm WondahWoman!)

All 3 are very cool, check them out- you'll love each one!

Juno this movie??

2008-04-23T18:27:00.003-06:00

It touched my heart. It's sweet and real. I like this song too.

You're a part time lover and a full time friend
The monkey on you’re back is the latest trend
I don’t see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you
Here is the church and here is the steeple
We sure are cute for two ugly people
I don’t see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you
We both have shiny happy fits of rage
I want more fans, You want more stage
I don’t see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you
You are always trying to keep it real
I’m in love with how you feel
I don’t see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you
I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train
I kiss you all starry eyed, my body’s swinging from side to side
I don’t see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you
The pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive me
So why can’t, you forgive me?
I don’t see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you
Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu
I don’t see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Facing Faults & Fears

2008-04-21T19:26:00.003-06:00

"Do not think of your faults; still less of others' faults; look for what is good and strong; and try to imitate it. Your faults will drop off like dead leaves, when their time comes." - John Ruskin

I am learning slowly to apply the principles above to my own life. I strive constantly to see the best in those I come into contact with. I seek diversity and promote having an open mind. I seek balance and fairness, I'm a good listener, and I love to help people. I'm generally not the type that finds and dwells on the faults of others. I have not been so kind to myself.

So much have I assisted friends and loved ones in times of hardship and change, that I've been lovingly labeled, "The Angel of Change." While helping others, I've neglected my own needs and well being.

I've spent much of my life consumed with guilt, remorse, or regret for things that should have been learned from and then forgotten. I learned as I could, but the accumulation of past mistakes (as I've viewed them) quickly overwhelmed me and consumed my life. The guilt made it much easier to ignore my own doubts, troubles, and despair, and to focus on "taking care" of others as I helped them through their times of hardship and change. Only recently have I realized that I have used my knack for helping others to avoid facing my own fears and problems. By focusing on the problems of others, I've stopped my own personal progress in all aspects of life: physical, mental, and spiritual.

When I focused only on the needs of others, I brought some of their problems upon myself and successfully avoided my fears of actually taking a look at myself and dealing with my issues and my problems. I've gotten very good at collecting leaves.

All of this leaf collecting has helped me to develop my interpersonal skills- to the point that dealing with others' problems is, quite often, a pleasure. I delight in the challenges I'm faced with, and I take satisfaction out of the peace and happiness I'm able to pass on to others. My ability to look at a situation objectively, without judging harshly, has helped me greatly in relationships both past and present. Now, fortunately, those skills I've developed help me daily at work and contribute to the overall pleasure I take in my profession.

With these realizations comes the responsibility to face my faults, problems, imperfections with the same compassion I give to others and without judging myself so harshly that I can't move on. In the great words of a song Perry Como sang, "Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative, and latch on to the affirmative. Don't mess with Mr. Inbetween."

Sometimes I'm me.

2008-04-18T23:50:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy, sometimes I feel sane.
Some days I can change the world, and on others I can’t get out of bed.
I love deeply, and fall hard.
I think thoroughly and deeply and once I have, I strive for balance, justice and equality.
I’m fun and outgoing, yet at times I’m reserved and shy.
When I find that something isn’t going as planned, I sometimes feel let down and discouraged.
Sometimes I’d rather give up, than settle.
The people who I look up to the most are the ones that get things done. They know what they want and don’t stop till they get what they want.
Sometimes I don’t know why I can’t be that person. I try.
Am I too hard on myself?
Do I give up too easily?
Do I worry too much?
Do I do enough?
try enough?
work enough?
At the end of the day, there may be more questions than answers, but I’m glad that I’m here and I try.

Mount Olympus... Utah Style

2008-03-23T23:06:00.006-06:00

(Not to be confused with the other Mt. Olympus.)

I always wonder how the snow doesn't slide right off the sheer face of this mountain. I climbed it once... and it was HARD. (although I hiked from the other side) I later found out that the hike has one of the greatest/fastest elevation gains of all the hikes in Utah. YEAH... I'm TOUGH!!!

They knew I was coming!!

2008-03-10T17:38:00.003-06:00

This is one of the first signs of a welcoming committee in my new neighborhood! I already feel right at home.

More Crumbletown

2008-02-28T14:49:00.003-07:00

My New Place

2008-02-22T18:11:00.004-07:00

Just kidding! (about this being my new place) But isn't this building cool? I saw it when I was picking up boxes for my move. I must say, the pigeons have good taste!

Moving On

2008-02-17T19:28:00.003-07:00

Yes, I'm moving. As of March first I will have a new residence. I've absolutely loved the apartment I'm in and I've made some life long friends in this area. The good thing is, once I've moved, I'll still be in Salt Lake City and close to my job & friends. I just won't be in the middle of downtown- which, I have to admit, I'll miss.

The greatest thing in the entire world right now is that this move will be saving me money. That's always a good thing! The stress that comes with moving and the hard work associated with it will all be worth it once I'm in my new place... but for now- it's back to work for me!!

Still Pretty

2008-02-15T13:14:00.000-07:00

In Honor of Love

2008-02-14T12:52:00.004-07:00

A collaboration of wise, wonderful and poetic words from songs that I just love!

Love is the answer at least for most of the questions in my heart like, why we're here, where do we go, and how come it's so hard. All you need is love. I love you, I love you, I love you! I don't care what they say I won't stay in a world without love.

I wanna meet ya. I wanna take you in my arms and squeeze ya! Cuz you amaze me, you really slay me and every kiss just drives me crazy! Don't let them tell you that there's a right way to fall in love. Yo dis is love, I'm not gonna leave it.

There's this love that is burning deep in my soul, constantly yearning to get out of control, wanting to fly higher and higher. I can't abide standing outside the fire. I fell in to a burning ring of fire. I fell down and the flames went higher. But you've got to be tough when consumed by desire cuz it's not enough just to stand outside the fire.

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine. I keep my eyes wide open all the time. I keep the ends out for the tie that binds. Because your mine, I walk the line. Ain't misbehavin' I'm savin' all my love for you. My baby, my baby and of course I'll do anything for you.

There's a someone I'm longing to see, I hope that she turns out to be someone who'll watch over me. You've got a way with me. Somehow you got me to believe in everything that I can be. You gave me faith to find my dreams. You'll never know how much that means.

One love, we get to share it, it leaves you baby if you don't care for it.

Valentine's Day is not a huge deal to me. In fact, I forgot that Valentine's Day was even coming up until someone asked me if I had plans for today. I don't go for the whole, candy & flowers, sex toys & lube side of the day. If you ask me, it's a waste. Love and the people I share it with is however, a worthy celebration in my eyes. So, today I will honor the ones I hold closest to my heart.

My friends and family, you are what keeps me alive. If I didn't have you to keep me on track and keep me going, I'd be hopelessly lost in a world of despair.

Indeterminable

2008-02-12T20:03:00.000-07:00

Finding the people outside of the circles defined by a very fine line

Testing the boundaries and flicking the tension that surprisingly strikes the right chord
Missing connections to jump to conclusions that somehow lead you away
Rocking and swaying and moving quite slowly- the ebb and flow of the tide
Sometimes you're closer and sometimes you're further but still never quite out of sight
Wishing that somehow the latch will start catching and lock in the genuine feel
Impatiently waiting and wishing for something that only time will prove if wrong or if right

2008-01-21T19:02:00.001-07:00

I LOVE my new camera...

2008-01-13T19:06:00.001-07:00

A Bit o' Summer

2008-01-06T21:12:00.001-07:00

Have you seen Max?

2008-01-06T14:16:00.000-07:00

Some friends and I were walking to 7-11 at around 10 pm. This guy approached us and said,
"Hey, have you seen Max?"

Almost in unison we all said no.

So, he said, "Do you even know who Max is?" and none of us did so we all said no.

"Then how do you know if you've seen him?" he said. Then without letting us answer he started talking about posters for the missing Max that are posted around and cats, suddenly we were talking about cats.

He said, "Hey there's these people over there, and they have a cage and it says CATS on it and they put out this water bottle and then some dried food, I think it's not even cat food, I think it's dog food and then they take an expired can of the wet food or tuna fish and they poison it. The cats are like, "No way am I eating that dry food, I don't even want a drink, I'm goin' for the good stuff" and then they die from food poisoning and it's the Vietnamese people over there, they eat the cats. They eat them. And I'm not about to let that happen so I stand up for them, but that's what happens they poison them. Hey, I got food poisoning once- I ate expedition sausage. What happened was this guy gave me sausage from 2002 that was expedition.... we got it out of the dumpster and I think he gave it to me on purpose to poison me, he was hoping I wouldn't see the date on there - the 2002, I think he didn't want me in his dumpster or something... but yeah, you probably saw this coming- or maybe you didn't, do you have any money you can give me? change or anything? Every little bit helps."

Craziness. Yes, absolute insanity. We gave him change and he was on his way again.

You had any expeditioned food lately?

Snowy

2008-01-06T01:43:00.000-07:00

Insane Experiences of a (fairly) Sane Woman

2008-01-05T16:16:00.000-07:00

THE STORY OF THE 3 DAY STALKER

Day after day, I said good morning to the security guard in the lobby of the office building where I work. Day after day, the good looking security guard said good morning right back. Our morning greetings turned to a bit of a flirt and when he finally asked me for my phone number, I felt safe giving it to him (my listed number) because, well, anyone who knows my last name could look it up anyway.

We talked a few times on the phone over the space of 2 days and it was decided that we'd meet that evening- the evening of the 2nd day. It was almost time for us to go out and I got sick. I called to cancel, and he begged me to come anyway. (such disregard for my well being!) His whiny ways were a big turn off. He said he'd call me back. I put my phone on silent and went to sleep. The next day I awoke to find that I'd missed 30 calls from Good Looking Security Guard, and that he'd left me 6 voice mails, and 2 text messages. As I turned the sound on my phone back on, he called again. I ignored the call. Obsessive is the word that comes to mind.

The next call was answered with an explanation that his calling so many times freaked me out- wasn't good etc. He told me not to think that way- like he can dictate how I feel!

Later that night when I was out with friends, he called again and asked if we were still on for our date! STILL ON FOR OUR DATE!

I made it clear that pursuing our relationship further was not an option, even repeated it in a second phone conversation 5 minutes later... and then a friend helped reinforce the statement when the stalker, I mean security guard called again...

You think the story of the 3 day stalker ends here??? I had hoped it would.

CRAFTY PICK UP

It's Christmas time, and lately I find myself working on all sorts of crafty projects that I can give as gifts. I stopped by a craft store the other evening to look at their yarn selection. I was at the rear of the store when the thought occurred to me that someone might be following me. There were a few things that clued me in:

Tall man in a yellow hoody by himself in a craft store.

Tall man in a yellow hoody mysteriously appears by the yarn, paints, glue and other areas of the store at the same moment I happen to be browsing there.

Same man in yellow hoody introduces himself.

It was an weird situation made even weirder when he told me he wanted to talk to me to get to know me better as I was saying goodbye and getting ready to leave the store. His clothes were dirty and he looked cold. I couldn't figure out whether he really wanted to talk to me or if he just wanted to be some place warm. The second would be my guess, but I wasn't much help as he followed me out of the store seconds later.

BARING IT ALL WITHOUT SAYING A WORD

I drive to work early, and by early I mean 4:30 AM. On Sunday I was driving to work at the normal time and I had to do a double take as I drove down one of the main streets on my way. It was snowing and around 30 degrees Fahrenheit outside. I was cozy and warm inside my car and even had a microwavable heater bag in my lap to keep me extra warm. The reason for the double take was a girl in the middle of the road trying to flag down a car. I looked back and could see that she was wearing little or no clothes. I turned around because I thought this girl might be in trouble. When I pulled over and she thanked me and asked for a ride. I told her to get in to the car and out of the cold. She was wearing some rubber boots, a fanny pack and her underwear- oh and a light jacket that she said was her boyfriends. I asked her what was going on. She never got around to giving me a straight answer, but from what I gathered, it had been her birthday, she'd been out partying and was supposed to meet her boyfriend who didn't show, so she was flagging down cars to get to his house. It wasn't far away so, I dropped her off- making sure she got inside safely. Made for a great story once I got to work.

That is all... for now!

We could have died... (9/9/2007)

2008-01-05T00:39:00.000-07:00

I took what was supposed to be a leisurely float down a river this weekend, and ended up tossed and bruised. I was with a group of 13 people, 2 of which were children. It took a turn for the worst when we encountered an area in the river that had huge rocks everywhere. There was no where to go but over/through the rocks. Someone should have done a little more research on the lazy river. They would have found that it wasn't so lazy and a lot rocky. I was so afraid that somebody was going to drown! Fortunately the kids had life jackets on!

We all ended up in the water in one way or another, and I think we all feared or expected the worst at one point or another. My inner tube was punctured by the rocks, and I found myself clinging to a wet, floppy, flat. It was kinda scary- even more scary to look back on.

My sister definitely saved her son when their raft started to sink. I don't think his head went under water once! My brother also saved quite a few people. He was the hero of the day for sure. I remember grabbing someone who almost got sucked down the river. We all saved each other I guess.

When we were all out of the water, we were on two sides of the river. The people by the highway ended up flagging down a trucker and the rest of us walked a mile and a half down some rail road tracks to find the road and a ride back home.

It took me a few days to get that rafting trip out of my mind. It really hit me that the whole outcome could have been a lot worse. I consider myself lucky to be alive.

The weekend get together was planned in honor of my aunt and mom's 50th birthday. It would have been tragic and impossible for me to deal with if anyone had been seriously hurt or killed! I'm fine though. My bruises are going away, but they're my daily reminder of the whole ordeal. We all thank God that no one was seriously hurt. I won't be heading down a river without a guide again.